Francophiles v Cartophiles Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect

and what I can honestly describe as a semi-final.

Tonight I can promise you fireworks and drama, though perhaps with

less honesty than when I described this as the semi-final.

It is harder than ever at this stage.

The answers are as elusive as the contents of a Findus lasagne.

And like those contents, our teams are keen to gallop to victory.

Let's meet tonight's runners and riders.

On my right, Ian Clark, a Cambridge law graduate

and practising solicitor who was once locked in a cell with a man

who claimed to be married to the Queen Mother.

Sam Goodyear, a Cambridge history graduate,

who appeared in a credit card advert with Jennifer Saunders.

And their captain, Mark Walton, a sports fanatic

and craft ale connoisseur who enjoys volcano trekking and urban walking.

United by their love of moules and wine, they are the Francophiles.

Mark, you beat the Festival Fans and the Fell Walkers to come

straight to the semi-final with no losses.

Do you have any new tactics, or do you not need them?

Well, my team have been kind enough to remind me

that I buzzed in a little early on a couple of answers

in the previous games, and we know the questions

are going to be a little bit trickier for the semi-final,

so I might be taking a little bit more time

before I start pressing away.

But don't be so down on yourself.

What things do you think you have done right?

We been really good on The Wall and the missing vowels.

So, yes, we're hoping that we go into those with a bit of a lead,

and then pull away.

Tonight, you will be facing, on my left, Colin Kidd,

a chartered accountant and Watford supporter,

who once took 4½ years to play a game of chess.

Mark Cooper, a crime novel enthusiast

and international relations graduate who enjoys taking friends

on walking tours of foreign embassies in London.

And their captain, Josh Mandel, and Oxford English graduate

who has cycled the length of Britain without getting lost,

and will soon be walking the breadth of Britain, without getting lost.

United by their love of maps, they are the Cartophiles.

Josh, you took a meandering route to the semi-final.

You lost to the Celts, then beat the Corpuscles and the Fell Walkers.

What do you think of tonight's opposition?

There are clearly a couple of talented quizzers

among the Francophiles,

but I think we have worked out where their weak spots are.

What tactics will you be employing that you haven't previously?

I don't really want to show our hand, Victoria,

but I think we will be mostly aiming to get the questions right.

Well, let's ask those questions and see if you manage to.

We will be starting with round one.

What's the connection between four apparently random clues?

That is what happens in round one.

Francophiles won the toss, you'll be going first.

Please choose a hieroglyph.

-Horned viper.

-The horned viper. Immediately the music question.

Ask and you shall receive.

What is the connection between these clues? Here is the first.

# Pistol shots ring out in a bar room night

# Enter Patty Valentine from the upper hall. She sees... #

Next.

# No matching bullet.

# No prints on the handle, no proof... #

-Do you know who it is?

-Next.

# There were six men in Birmingham In Guildford there's four... #

-That's the Pogues, isn't it?

-Mm-hmm.

-Shane McGowan...

-Next.

# 21 years in captivity.

# Are you so blind that you cannot see?

# Are you so deaf that you cannot hear? #

Three seconds.

The band names are all derived from slang terms.

I'm just looking at the band names.

No, they are not all derived from slang terms.

A bonus chance for the Cartophiles.

They are all songs about people who have been wrongly imprisoned.

They are protest songs about imprisonment.

What did you hear, what imprisonments are we talking about?

We had the Hurricane first, by Bob Dylan, about Ruben Carter, the boxer.

-The last one was Free Nelson Mandela...

-Yes, that took me back.

The third one was the Pogues, and I recognise the song,

-but I can't think what it is.

-Streets of Sorrow/Birmingham six.

That's what that was. And the second one, Tyler, by UB40.

That's about the Louisiana teenager, Gary Tyler,

not a teenager now, still in prison.

He was imprisoned in 1975, for a shooting,

and there's been various appeals and people saying the ruling was unfair,

but he is still in prison.

Protest songs about imprisonment was the answer.

So you get a bonus point, Cartophiles.

And it is your turn to choose a question.

Twisted flax please, Victoria.

OK, what is the connection between these clues? Here is the first.

WHISPERING

Next.

That was the car, the yellow car... Was the Cadillac yellow?

-No, it was red.

-Was Bessie an ambulance?

Yeah, I know.

Shall we go next? Next, please.

WHISPERING

Next.

Three seconds.

BELL

-Special number plates.

-They all had sort of personalised number plates.

Or special number plates that sort of reflected what they were.

-With a 1 in it.

-What? With a 1 in it?

Yes, that is right.

They had personalised number plates with a 1 in it.

You seem uncertain, but quite right.

Ghostbusters, do you know what the number plate was?

-I know I know it had a 1 in it.

-ECTO 1.

Doctor Who's Bessie, I think it was John Pertwee

that drove that car mostly,

a sort of Edwardian roadster, that was WHO 1.

That's the question that people will be asking after tonight, who won?

Postman Pat's vehicle, PAT 1, of course,

and Lady Penelope's Rolls-Royce, FAB 1. So that is right.

Personalised with a 1. Over to you, Francophiles, to pick a question.

-Lion.

-What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

WHISPERING

Next.

Egokinetic. So that is "I" and energy,

like movement, I and movement.

Rapid eye movement. Next.

-Is Greek any good?

-None of them are real words.

-Unless there is some strange brand.

-Next.

Uniglossal, so that's one... Is it works that have been...?

-Are they half Latin and half Greek rooted words?

-I like it, yes.

-Good.

BELL

-Words that are half Latin and half Greek rooted.

-Keep talking.

Like, ego is "I" and the kinetic bit is from the Greek.

They have been artificially made to describe a modern term.

That is exactly what it is.

They are artificially constructed words, exactly by taking

a word that we know that is Greek and then Latin,

and swapping them round.

This is a question so horrible if it appeared at your window in the night

you would be in therapy for years!

Remotoptic, you see, it is Latin and then Greek.

If you re-translated it to Greek-Latin, you get television.

Oh, yeah.

Egokinetic, if you swap the Latin part for the Greek part,

you get automobile.

Sexadekal would become hexadecimal.

-Can you do it with uniglossal?

-Monolingual.

-Monolingual.

-Exactly, very well done. Are you a linguist, Sam?

-No.

Do you speak any Latin or Greek?

A bit of Latin and no Greek at all basically.

You did extremely well with that question. Well done.

I didn't think anyone would get that.

-Your turn, Cartophiles, to pick a hieroglyph.

-Two reeds, please.

Two reeds. What is the connection between these clues?

Here is the first.

WHISPERING

Next, please.

WHISPERING

-I think we have to go next.

-Next.

-Kris Kristofferson?

-It is something...

-Oh, yes!

-The surname is the same as the first one.

-Shall we go for it?

BELL

-It's people whose first name is part of their surname?

-That is what it is.

The first name starts off the surname.

You didn't need to see the original host of Mastermind,

the man we all revere, Magnus Magnusson. Who did you see?

-We saw Kris Kristofferson...

-The male lead of a Star is born, yes.

We think the king of basal and was Erick Erickson.

Actually, it was Jorgen Jorgensen. But, good guess.

-And the Welsh hymn writer? Come on, he is Welsh, have a guess.

-David...

-David Davidson!

-I don't know!

-It is William Williams, of course.

William Williams is the hymn writer. Well done, Cartophiles.

-Back to you then, Francophiles, for the last choice.

-Eye of Horace.

OK, what is the connection between these clues? Here is the first.

WHISPERING

Next.

She is a female... She is a female Indy 500 or something driver.

-The first females to...

-To play against men?

-Shall we get another one?

-Get another one.

-Next.

She is the first... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

BELL

They are women who have been the first to

compete at their specific disciplines, Charlotte Brew

was the first jockey in the Grand National, Judit Polgar,

the first female chess grandmaster.

And Danica Patrick,

the first woman to compete in the Indy 500? Or the Daytona...?

I'll take it. I mean, the last one, which you didn't see, Michelle Wie.

They are not always the first to compete,

they are the first to compete on equal terms.

First woman to compete on equal terms, you are quite right.

Charlotte Brew was the first woman to ride a Grand National,

Danica Patrick was the first to win an Indy car championship event.

To win, I think, possibly, not to race.

Judit Polgar Played chess,

and Michelle Wie plays in what they call men's events on the PGA Tour.

They are all heroic people.

You are right that they are the first woman to compete equally

in traditionally male competitions.

Cartophiles, the water question remains.

You can guess they're going to be picture clues, here's the first.

Nelson's Column. OK, next. Next.

-Is that the London Olympics swimming pool?

-It could be.

Eagle's nest, bird's nest, is it the Bird's Nest of Beijing?

Next.

-Wales.

-Wales is... Isn't that something to do with the eagle?

I think they were all used as a measure of distance.

-You often say something is the size of Wales.

-Oh, yes.

-OK, shall we go for it?

-Possibly.

-Yes.

They are all things that are used

as a sort of comparative distance or size.

That is right. Coming in after three means you get two points.

You didn't need to see a bus, a London bus.

But they are colloquially used as units of measurement.

Somebody will say it's so many Nelson's Columns high,

an Olympic swimming pool, that is all it is,

so many Olympic swimming pools, and of course,

something is always happening that is about the size of Wales.

Well done. Very good. At the end of round one

the Francophiles have got three points,

the Cartophiles are ahead with six.

Time for the sequences round where the teams need to tell me

what comes fourth in a sequence.

Otherwise the principle is just the same, there is

a connection that they have to work out.

Francophiles, you will be going first again.

-Which hieroglyph would you like?

-Two reeds.

OK, what is the fourth in this sequence? Here is the first.

WHISPERING

Next.

-Cities in Wales. So what's...?

-What's the name of the city?

-What's the last city that has become in Wales? In 2012?

-Was it Newport?

No, Newport is the next one.

BELL

-2012, St Asaph.

-Brilliant.

Coming in after two clues, you get three points.

You're absolutely right,

these are cities in a country about the size of Wales, namely, Wales.

There are six cities in Wales and the most recent is St Asaph.

Created as part of the Queens Jubilee. Very well done.

Over to you then, Cartophiles, to pick a question.

-Twisted flax, please.

-OK. What is the fourth in this sequence?

Here is the first.

Shall we go next? Could be anything. Next.

WHISPERING

Shall we have to...? A bully in The Simpsons? Shall we go next? Next.

-He is in SpongeBob SquarePants.

-Right, so, we've got to guess.

-Is it people who have all been married?

-It's a sitcom...

-Shall we just guess?

-Three seconds.

BELL

Montgomery Burns.

And why would that be?

Because he is the first Simpsons character that came to my mind.

I see. Not the right answer.

So it is a possible bonus chance for the Francophiles.

So would Patty and Selma appear in...?

Legs - two, four, six...?

I can't let you chat, even though I know

that if I gave you 14 months you wouldn't get it.

I described a previous question as horrible

but this one the laughs in its face.

Bully, in Bullseye the gameshow, was a cartoon bull.

Patty and Selma from the Simpsons, cartoon twins.

Mr Krabs, from SpongeBob SquarePants, is a crab.

They are cartoons of symbols of the zodiac.

Going forwards, we wanted to hear a cartoon lion for Leo, Simba,

we went for. Cartoons of the zodiac. Oh, it is so twisted.

I am kind of loving it.

So, no bonus points, Francophiles, but you may choose a question.

-Eye of Horus.

-What is the fourth in this sequence? Here is the first.

WHISPERING

-Captain Ahab.

-Captain Ahab, should I go for it?

BELL Captain Ahab.

Coming in after one clue, you get five points.

The answer is Captain Ahab.

Why is that?

They are the officers of the... I forgot the name of the ship now -

The Pequod, yes, in ascending order.

In Moby Dick, that is right.

They were the footprints of an enormous whale.

That's amazingly well calculated.

How did you know it from one clue?

Well, I only know one third mate in fiction called Flask,

so it seemed worth a bet.

But you didn't remember the name of the boat!

And yet you knew the third mate. Brilliant.

That's absolutely fantastic to get five points at the semifinals stage.

Well done.

OK, Cartophiles, the gloves are off, enabling them

to reach the buzzer all the quicker. What would you like?

-The Horned Viper, please.

-The Horned Viper.

These are going to be picture clues.

What would you expect to see in the fourth picture? Here is the first.

-Bars of gold. Is that 925?

-Tells you what...

-Shall we go next? Next.

Mini Cooper.

-So carat, Cooper. Carat, mini. Gold. Gold, Cooper. Shall we go next?

-Yes.

Next.

That's a yard of cloth.

Now, gold, Cooper, cloth... Is it something to do with gift?

-I'm going to have a guess.

-Few seconds.

-Bell.

-Field of cloth of gold. No.

Crown.

-Why would it be crown?

-I don't really know.

I'm afraid it is not crown.

So there is another bonus opportunity for the Francophiles.

Well, it is Mad Men.

Sterling Cooper Draper...

and I can't remember who the English guy is. Clarke?

I am almost in tears.

You have got the connection right, but you haven't got the answer.

The agency in Mad Men is Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce.

-Pryce!

-We had a picture of Jonathan Pryce. How annoying.

If it was round one, you'd have got it but round two, no.

Very close though.

Your chance to choose a question.

-Lion, please.

-Lion.

What is the fourth in this sequence? Here is the first.

-Kings of England?

-But the way it's in capitals.

Next, please. "Here the French do battle." What is this?

Oh it could be things inscribed...

-Like the four corners of the Arctic Triomphe or something.

-Yeah, yeah.

Next.

Oh, no. It's Bayeux Tapestry. It's Bayeux Tapestry.

It's...Harold the King is killed.

-Harold the King is killed.

-BELL

Harold the King is killed.

"Hic Harold Rex Interfectus Est."

Here Harold the King is killed. Very well done.

-What is the connection?

-The Bayeux Tapestry.

-The motifs across the top.

-That is right.

It's translations of the Latin inscriptions on the Bayeux Tapestry.

What is the picture with Hic Harold Rex Interfectus Est?

Is that where he's got the arrow in his eye?

Yes, but then there is another chap being hit with

a sword off a horse,

so nobody really knows if Harold was hit in the eye.

Some say the arrow was added later anyway

and some saying he was just hit by a sword,

but certainly Harold the King's death is what the caption says.

Very well done. Back to you, Cartophiles, for the Water question.

What is the fourth in this sequence? Here is the first.

Any idea?

-That mean anything to you?

-No. Keep going.

-Next.

-The eardrum. The follicle is the last bit.

-What is it?

They are working outwards in the year. This is called the auricle.

-It has got other names.

-Shall we go for that? The auricle? Are you sure?

-Do you want to go next?

-Go for it.

-You reckon?

-Go for it.

BELL

The auricle.

I'm afraid that is not the answer,

so I am going to show the next

in the sequence to the Francophiles for a possible bonus point.

Stirrup?

-Stirrup.

-Not it, I'm afraid.

You could get to stirrup,

you'd need a different sequence.

I think you know that

this is the ear.

It is sound travelling through the ear going inwards

and after the ossicles the cochlea. You could split up the ossicles

by name and call it something else,

but after the ossicles, the cochlea

would be the next thing.

Nearly an anagram of auricle

but even if it were,

I still could not give you the point.

At the end of round two the Cartophiles have got six points,

but the Francophiles are ahead with 13.

I know what you are thinking. It is all a bit too easy.

Why don't they multiply the clues by four? It's all right, we have.

It's the Connecting Wall.

Cartophiles, your turn to go first and you have the choice,

-Lion or Water.

-Lion, please.

-OK.

You have got two and a half minutes to unjumble this wall, starting now.

Right. We have got some fish.

-We've got battles.

-Let's go fish first.

Dab, shark, flounder, brill. BUZZ

Dab, shark, flounder, sole. BUZZ

BUZZ

Have we got another fish that I am not seeing?

BUZZ

I don't know. Can we do battles?

Flodden, Crecy, Bosworth and Hastings.

BUZZ It's Clontarf.

-Let's do the fish again.

-Leave shark out.

Flounder, dab, brill.

-I've tried all these ones.

-What is a maven? What is a Megrim?

-Got some famous...

-Billy Whiz...

-Old comic.

-It's got to be a fish.

-Hold on. Oh, a maestro, a maven, a whiz,

and some who is brill? BUZZ

No. A dab hand... BUZZ

-No.

-Megrim?

-I don't know what that is.

-Is that rugby players?

BUZZ

Who is the fourth one?

Three strikes and you are out now.

-Slow down.

-What nationality of the rugby players?

Slow down. Let's do this...

-Scottish.

-OK. So we have got fish.

Brill, dab, shark, flounder and we don't know what else.

A maestro, maven... People that are good at things.

I guess a megrim is as well.

I think...can we try these four as people who are...

-We could, yes.

-Oh, shark is also someone who is good at...

-Could it be shark, maestro...

-Try shark, maestro, and whiz.

Shark, maven, maestro and whiz?

-Yes.

-That is it. You have solved the wall. Very well done.

Four points immediately for the groups.

And let's go through looking for connections.

Clontarf, Bosworth, Crecy, Flodden.

They are all battles.

I am going to need more than that.

They are battles in which kings

were killed.

They are all battles in which a monarch was killed. Quite right.

Paterson, Irvine, Hastings, Sole.

Scottish international Rugby Union players.

Scottish Rugby Union internationals. Exactly.

Now this one. Whiz, shark, maestro, maven.

-They are all people who are good at something, they are experts.

-Experts.

Exactly right. And the last group,

dab, flounder, brill, megrim.

They are all fish and we think specifically they are all flat fish.

They are all flat fish.

You didn't know the megrim.

No, not at all.

Another name for a smooth sole.

I wish I had a smooth soul.

I'm sure I was born with one.

So four points for the groups that you found.

Four more points for the connections,

plus you get the bonus two

for getting it all right. That is a brilliant ten points.

Let's bring in the Francophiles now and give them a Connecting Wall.

16 new clues still need sorting out in the same meticulous way.

Francophiles, you are going to get the Water wall

because Lion has already gone.

You have two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

Luca Cumani is a racehorse trainer. Michael Stoute,

Paul Nicholls is a racehorse trainer and Martin Pipe.

-BUZZ

-No? Any more?

-No.

-Hills. Barry Hills. So I'll just do these.

-OK.

BUZZ Meissen, Limoges,

-Dartford...

-Porcelain.

OK. So, Meissen, Limoges, Willow and Coalport?

BUZZ

-Dartford.

-It's kind of organs as well, I've got.

BUZZ

BUZZ

-Shall I try organs?

-Try the organs. BUZZ

-BUZZ

-Mouth organ, pipe, Hammond, reed.

BUZZ No.

-Mouth, Hammond, chord, reed.

-BUZZ

-What is Cetti's?

-You've got a warblers in here.

Cetti's warbler, Dartford warbler, reed warbler, and willow warbler.

Three strikes and you are out now.

This is mouth organ, pipe organ, Hammond organ

and... What are your other things here?

So, Limoges... What is Doccia?

-Doccia, could that be an organ?

-It could be an organ.

-Have I tried it with chord?

-I can't remember. Try... Shall I try it?

Try it.

That's it. You have solved the wall.

Four points immediately for the groups.

Let's look for the connecting points.

Stoute, Cumani, Nicholls, Hills.

They are all race horse trainers.

I'm suddenly remembering,

aren't you the fellow who had to

-translate 3,000 horse racing terms into French?

-The one and only.

I see. So quite the expert on trainers. Very well found.

What about this? Reed, Cetti's, Dartford, Willow.

They are all birds, kinds of warbler.

They are warblers. Exactly so.

Chord, Hammond, pipe, mouth.

-Organs.

-They are all organs.

And the last one, Limoges, Meissen, Doccia, Coalport.

-Varieties of porcelain.

-Yes, do you want to tell me a little bit more?

-Porcelain factories.

-They are porcelain factories.

European porcelain factories. Well done.

Four points for finding the groups, four more for the connections.

You get the bonus two points for getting it all right.

That is the maximum ten. Very impressive.

Let's see what it does to the scores going into the final round.

The Cartophiles have got 16 points. The Francophiles have got 23.

And you can play Connecting Walls on our website where you can

also write your own, but we are going to decide

who grows through to the final and who goes home by Missing Vowels.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

The first disguised group are all film crew professions.

-BELL

-Cartophiles.

-Horse wrangler.

-Correct.

Don't know this one? It's boom operator. Next clue.

Not this either. It's unit publicist. Next clue.

-BELL

-Francophiles.

-Body double.

-That's the one. Next category. Political factions.

-BELL

-Cartophiles.

-Militant tendency.

-Correct.

-BELL

-Cartophiles.

-Eurosceptics.

-Correct.

No? These are out right libertarians. Next clue.

-BELL

-Francophiles.

-The Tea Party.

-Correct.

Next category, Scottish inventors and their inventions.

-BELL

-Francophiles.

-John Logie Baird and television.

-Correct.

-BELL

-Cartophiles.

-James Dewar and Thermos flask.

-I'm afraid that is not it,

you lose a point. Francophiles, do you know it?

-James Dewar and vacuum flask.

-That is correct. Next clue.

-BELL

-Francophiles.

-John Napier and logarithms.

-Correct.

-BELL

-Francophiles.

-Robert Watson-Watt and radar.

-Correct.

Next category. Opposites in German.

-BELL

-Cartophiles.

-Ja und nein.

-Correct.

That one was, of course, as people will be shouting at home,

Heiss und kalt.

But the bell means it is the end of the quiz and going home after

a brilliant performance with 19 points, it is the Cartophiles.

But going through to the final with an impressive 29, it is

the Francophiles. Very well done.

Cartophiles, you have been a great team.

Thank you very much for playing. Excellent.

Francophiles, we will be seeing you again

in an even more difficult episode.

Join me next time when we'll have two teams

so bright, we won't be bothering with studio lights,

and lateral thinking you'll need a widescreen TV to appreciate.

Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd