General Practitioners v Fell Walkers Only Connect

Hello and welcome to Only Connect,

the show that's always extremely difficult.

In fact, it might storm out in a huff at any moment.

But let's hope it doesn't because I'm joined by two new teams

who've been through a rigorous selection process to get here.

We present them with a long, muddy, gruelling assault course

and the ones who ignore it and go back inside with a book have passed!

Many teams don't pass, of course. They're outside the studio now

frantically pulling at a door marked push.

But let's meet the teams who are trying to avoid the door marked exit.

On my right, Jo Durrant,

a graduate of Nottingham Medical School

who enjoys quilting and once pulled a pint for Terry Waite.

Chris David, an amateur tennis player

with an interest in typography and European board games.

And their captain, Mike Crowe,

a Barnsley FC supporter who once won a photography competition

for his picture of a rotting apple.

United by their love of the common cold, they are the General Practitioners.

That's a relief, to know that we've got doctors in the house. What are your team's ailments?

Well, we all have high blood pressure and sweaty palms at the moment,

-but we hope it'll pass in the next half hour.

-Excellent.

Do you have weak points in your general knowledge?

Struggling on the arts and literature side of things, I think,

-and maybe a bit of ancient history.

-OK.

-Well, that's some categories that are almost guaranteed to come up.

-Absolutely.

You'll be facing tonight, on my left, Jim Taylor,

a history graduate who now works as a solutions engineer for a logistics company

and has played a pantomime dame on seven occasions.

Craig Almond, a law graduate with a passion for crime fiction

who used to work as a caterer in a youth hostel.

And their captain, Mike Amberry,

a civil servant with a degree in medieval and Renaissance studies

who's learning to play the hurdy gurdy.

United by a passion for exploring the Lake District,

they are the Fell Walkers.

Those are some interesting talents. How do you think they'll help here?

I think as long as all of the questions are about obscure ancient history

or pantomime, we should be OK.

So your team does like ancient history. What are your weak points?

There are very many. Probably music mainly or...

-I think we've got most things covered, though.

-Music is something

that is guaranteed to come up.

Now, earlier on, I mentioned the exit door. It was a trick!

There is no exit door. Under our new system,

teams have to lose two games to go home,

so tonight's losers could still go on to win and then lose,

while the winners could go on to win or to lose and then win.

Or win and then win, of course. Or lose and then lose.

Got it? Me, neither!

Now, GPs, you won the toss. You'll be going first.

In round one, I just want to know what is the connection

between four apparently random clues?

What are the clues? It's your choice. Which hieroglyph appeals?

-Twisted flax, please.

-Kicking off with the twisted flax!

Interesting choice.

What's the connection between these four clues? Here's the first.

Injun Joe's body. Next, please.

-Roquefort cheese.

-Things that smell?

-Could be.

-Yeah.

Rotting in a cave?

They mature in a cave?

-Shall we go for it?

-Go for the next one.

-Next, please.

-Yeah, found in a cave.

-Yeah, go for it.

BELL Caves.

You could've gambled after two clues. They are found in caves.

Last one would've been a Troglodyte. What's Injun Joe's body?

It was discovered there.

-In a cave. He died.

-In a book. Do you know which book?

-Huckleberry Finn?

-Close. The Adventures Of Tom Sawyer.

-Ah, yes.

-And what about the Roquefort?

Do you, as doctors, recommend eating things found in caves?

-At least three times a day, I think.

-Three times a day, yes.

That French cheese is aged in limestone caves.

Delicious. So well done, coming in after three clues,

you get two points.

-Over to you, Fell Walkers, to pick a question.

-Two reeds, please.

Two reeds. The music question! You were hoping music would come up

and almost immediately your dreams have come true.

What is the connection between these clues? Here's the first.

# A friend in need's a friend indeed

# A friend who'll tease is better

-Placebo. Next.

-Next, please.

# Dancing

-# With tears in my eyes

-Don't know this one.

-Letters, is it?

-Don't know.

-Do you want to try the next one?

-Next, please.

# We skip the light fandango

Procol Harum, Whiter Shade Of Pale.

-OK.

-What was the first one?

-Go for the fourth one.

-Next, please.

-# Down, down, deeper and down

-Status Quo.

# Down, down, deeper and down

-Three seconds.

-Are they all...

-BELL

They all have Latin names.

Wow! I thought you were miles away, but I'll accept that answer.

They're band names derived from Latin.

Not perfect Latin. Placebo we heard first.

Ultravox was the next one.

It would be two words if it was in Latin. Do you have translations?

Status Quo is sort of maintaining how things are now.

Literally, the state in which is the translation.

-I don't know the others.

-Procol Harum,

they spell it a bit wrong,

but Procol Harum would be the Latin for beyond these things. Ultravox,

with a lot of voice.

Placebo. Doctors, you must know what placebo means.

Yes, it's a fake pill that convinces people...

-You treat it with a fake pill.

-That's right.

From the Latin I will please. A placebo, something pleasing.

How much of the time do you give patients little green Smarties?

-That would be telling.

-Yeah.

Fair enough. Your turn to choose a question.

-GPs, which hieroglyph do you fancy now?

-Horned viper, please.

The horned viper. What is the connection between these clues?

Here's the first.

-Heroes and Villains. Beach Boys song.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

Next one, please.

King of Kippax. Oh, that's...

Erm... That's to do with, erm...

-Shall we go next?

-Next, please.

There's Only One F in Fulham.

Are they all songs? Are they all football songs?

-Only One F in Fulham.

-Oh.

-Next, please.

-Songs sung by football supporters?

-We'll have to say that.

-Yeah.

BELL Songs sung by football fans.

Not the answer, I'm afraid. I can tell from your gloomy face

you don't think it is. A possible bonus chance for the Fell Walkers.

-Are they football fanzines?

-That is what they are, fanzines.

Heroes and Villains, Aston Villa. That's a pun.

-King of the Kippax, what's that?

-Man City?

-That's right.

Their old stand, the Kippax stand. The next one is obviously Fulham.

-United We Stand?

-Man United?

-Manchester United.

Very well done for the bonus point. Football fanzines.

-And it's now your turn to pick a question.

-Water, please.

Water. What's the connection? Here's the first clue.

-No idea.

-Next, please.

Encourage?

Something to do with the letters?

Er... Maybe. I don't see...

F is four.

FED.

Encourage. ENC.

U, R...

-Do you want to get the next one?

-U, R, G, E.

Next, please.

-I really don't know.

-Two seconds.

-BELL

-What's your answer?

-They're all words for trying hard.

Ooh, no, they're not. I mean, the first clue isn't.

So I'm going to show the fourth clue to the GPs.

-Chance of a bonus point.

-They... You've got the M and the E.

-You need to give me an answer.

-Yep. You say.

So, erm, they are... The longer words,

there's a shorter word with the same meaning inside them

using the letters of those numbers, if you see what I mean.

I see exactly what you mean because I know this is our question editor

at his evil best. I thought you had it.

The numbers indicate particular letters.

So the fourth, eighth and ninth letters of surfeited spell fed.

Fifth, sixth, eighth and ninth in encourage spell urge.

Tries in strives and me in myself.

Synonyms for those words are hidden within

using that code.

Very well unpicked.

So you get the bonus point and the chance to choose a question.

-Lion, please.

-Lion. OK. What is the connection. Here's the first clue.

-I don't recognise the name.

-Next, please.

Right, next, please.

-Ellis Peters.

-Erm...

-Nothing in the name, is there?

-Let's go last.

They sound like they could be pseudonyms.

-I think next one.

-Next, please.

-George Eliot. They're all women.

-Women who wrote under men's names.

-Yeah.

-Let's go for that.

-Yeah.

BELL

-Women who've written under men's names.

-That's what it is.

They're male pen names for female writers. Do you know the real names?

-Mary Anne Evans.

-That's George Eliot.

Don't know any of the others. Ellis... No, Bronte.

-Ellis Peters wouldn't be Bronte.

-No.

That's the Cadfael stories. Edith Pargeter was her name.

Isak Dinesen, Karen Blixen or Karen von Blixen, the Danish writer.

And James Tiptree Jr was the name used by Alice Sheldon,

the American sci-fi writer. But you found the connection. Well done.

Back to the Fell Walkers for the last question, the Eye of Horus.

I have a feeling these are going to be picture clues,

but I still want to know the connection. Here's the first clue.

-Oh, that's Baby Jake from CBeebies.

-OK.

Next, please.

-That's Alan Davies as...

-Jonathan Creek.

-..Jonathan Creek.

-OK.

-Go next?

-Next, please.

-It's a mouse.

-It's a mouse with clogs on.

-A little mouse with clogs on.

-Keep going?

No, no, it's, erm, people that live in windmills.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Ah.

-It is, yeah.

-BELL

-People who live in windmills.

The last clue would've been Windy Miller.

They are all people who live in windmills.

You recognised Baby Jake, that's a CBBC character.

-And the second one, who's that?

-That's Jonathan Creek.

Jonathan Creek lived in a windmill. The little mouse

and Windy Miller you didn't need. Very well done.

Coming in early, you get two points. At the end of round one, then,

the GPs have got four points, the Fell Walkers also have four points.

Round two is about sequences. There are still four clues

but the teams may see only three of them at the most cos I want to know what comes fourth.

GPs, you'll be going first again. Which hieroglyph would you like?

-We'd like water, please.

-Water, all right.

What would be the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

-Puppet.

-Yep. Next, please.

-Is it a song?

-A puppet, a pauper,

a pirate... That's Life. # That's life

-A puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a...

-I don't know.

-A puppet, a pauper...

-Do you want to get the next one?

-Do you want the next one?

-BELL

-Oh, no!

-And what's your answer?

-Pirate.

-I'm afraid that's not the answer,

so I'm going to show the third in the sequence to the Fell Walkers.

-Prince.

-That's not it, either.

If you'd had more time, GPs, and not buzzed in early,

-do you think you'd have got it?

-Is it poet?

-It is poet!

From, as I think you know, the song That's Life.

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a...

-Pawn and a king.

-A pawn and a king.

-Ohh!

-So close.

-Got myself confused.

-But I'm afraid not.

-Over to you, Fell Walkers, to pick a question.

-Twisted flax, please.

The twisted flax. How twisted will it be?

What's the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

Weather warning systems.

Yellow... Go next and find out.

-I think it's weather warnings.

-Next, please.

Yeah. So it's, erm... Oh, is it amber, be prepared.

Red severe weather? Something like that.

-I can't remember.

-Shall we do severe conditions?

-Yeah.

-It matches with the other one.

-Yeah.

-Let's try it.

-BELL

-Red, severe conditions.

I'm feeling kindly because this is a heat,

so I'm going to let you have another go.

Red, severe weather?

That's just not it. I'm going to have to show the third clue

to the GPs.

Life-threatening conditions?

-Danger to life. Red, danger to life.

-That's not it, either.

You're making the same mistake. It is to do with weather conditions,

but if you look, it's specifically advising people what to do.

So it would be red, take action. It is a severe weather warning,

but it's specifically to tell people you must do something here.

So no points and no bonus points.

-But back to the GPs to pick a question.

-Two reeds, please.

Two reeds. What is the fourth in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Red and green ring. Next, please.

Black and white sectors.

-I still can't see the obvious progression. Next one?

-Next, please.

-Green ring.

-Green ring.

Is it to do with a signal of some sort

or some kind of map?

The television thing with the black and white things in the corner?

-Could be.

-I don't know.

-What's the sequence, though?

No idea. Erm...

-Red ring.

-Say red ring.

-Say gold.

BELL Red ring?

Well, now, I'm going to give you another go, as well.

-Anything?

-No? All right, that's too long.

I think I was harsh on the others. I'll throw it over for a bonus.

-Black and white sectors?

-Well, now, that's not it.

-What are you thinking?

-A dartboard.

-It is a dartboard. Coming inwards.

After the green ring, the outside of the bullseye, a red circle.

But not a ring because it's not around anything.

It's a full central circle. We're looking at a dartboard.

OK, Fell Walkers, your turn to pick.

-Lion, please.

-Lion. What is the fourth in this sequence?

You'll be seeing picture clues. What would you expect in the fourth?

Here's the first.

Spine.

Next, please.

Peas in a pod.

-Pod.

-It's not ringing any bells.

-No, nothing for me.

Next, please.

-Phone.

-Telephone.

Cord? Er...

Shell, cord, spine?

Er....

-Ring? I'm not getting anything. You?

-No.

-Pick some random...

-Three seconds.

-BELL

-Let's hear it.

-Vertebra.

Vertebra? And why would that be?

Erm, cord, spinal cord, spine, something to do with the back.

Yes. If there's a phone there, you really want to consult the GPs.

Not the answer so I'm going to go to the GPs for a possible bonus.

A picture of a pad? A writing pad?

No, it's a picture of a lily pad, but I'm going to give you the point.

-Why is that?

-They're all Apple i devices in chronology.

So iBook, iPod, iPhone, iPad.

That is exactly what it is. Apple products going forwards.

We've taken off the i and shown you the other thing.

So well done, you've got the bonus point.

And there's a question coming up specifically for you. Which is it?

-Eye of Horus, please.

-The Eye of Horus.

What is the fourth in this sequence? Here's the first.

It might be sizes of capital cities.

-Next, please.

-Bogota.

Populous? Cities? Mexico City?

-First Mexico City?

-Let's go next.

-Next, please.

-Quito.

I think South... Shall we go for Mexico City?

-First, Mexico City? Populations?

-Do you think?

Yeah, yeah, population sizes of cities on the equator.

BELL First, Mexico City?

That is not the answer. I can see the sequence you're thinking of,

but that's not a sequence. So, Fell Walkers, a bonus chance for you.

-First, La Paz.

-It is first, La Paz.

-And why is that?

-It's the highest elevation of capital cities.

That's what it is. Capital cities arranged nastily by altitude.

-Very clever.

-And they are the capitals of which places?

-Ethiopia, Colombia, Ecuador and Bolivia.

-Very good!

Good quizzing. I bet you could do flags, as well.

I like your style. So you get the bonus and the final question.

The horned viper. What's the fourth in the sequence?

Here's the first.

-Homo sapien.

-Next, please.

Oh, so we're on orders. Er...

Going backwards?

-Let's ask for the next one.

-Next, please.

That's back. So what comes back from primates?

Erm...

It must be mammals.

-Don't know.

-Shall we try that?

-Go for it.

-I'm at a loss.

-BELL

Mammal. Or Mammalia?

I was going to give it for mammal, but I'm glad to hear mammalia

because that is the right technical term. Mammalia is the answer. Why?

It's going back from species to order

-and I don't know what the words are further back.

-Sort of.

It's genus to class. Homo is the genus, then Hominidae, the family,

Primates is the order, Mammalia the class of, of course...

-Humans.

-Of humans, exactly so. Very well done.

At the end of round two, then,

the GPs have got five points, the Fell Walkers are ahead with seven.

It's the Wall round. Time for our fiendish 16 jumbled clues

that need separating into four connected groups of four.

Fell Walkers, it's your turn to go first, so you may choose lion or water.

-Lion, please.

-OK. The lion wall. You've got two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

-OK.

-OK.

Things you sound, taps, retreat, last post, reveille.

-And then retreat.

-BUZZER

Oh. There's something else there, then. OK.

Er, have we got anything else?

A holt, a warren, a drey, a den.

-Where animals live.

-Yeah.

-BUZZER

-Something else in there, as well.

-Form?

-Let's try.

-OK.

-BUZZER

OK, what have we got? Traffic, system.

Ferdy? Who the hell's Ferdy?

-Traffic lights?

-OK.

Clockwork.

Ooh. OK.

Egg. I think we need to be...

-Try your retreat...

-OK.

Last post, retreat, reveille.

Erm...

Sound system, maybe.

No, they're kind of like trumpets, military kind of calls.

-Clock.

-Yeah.

-BUZZER

Last post... Er...

Let's get the other ones. Miles and Ferdy, are they people's names?

-And Warren?

-BUZZER

Erm...

-Boots and saddles, what could that be?

-Erm...

Oh, that could be a call, couldn't it?

-BUZZER

-OK.

Taps.

-Next one.

-Three strikes and you're out now.

What have we got?

Miles and Ferdy. Warren. They're names. There's no others.

Is there a word that goes with that, like egg cup or egg timer?

-Timer, maybe?

-Yeah. Maybe.

-Traffic timer?

-Let's give it a go. BUZZER

We've got two more. Er...

Oh, Egg, Miles, Ferdy. They were in This Life, weren't they?

-Oh, Warren.

-Warren.

-OK.

And that's it, you've solved the Wall. Very well done.

Four immediate points for the groups. Bonus points for the connections.

-What about the top group?

-They're where animals live.

That's right, animal homes. Do you know which animals?

-A squirrel's a drey.

-Mm-hm.

-Otter's a holt.

-Mm-hm.

-Is the form an ant?

-Actually, a hare.

And then a den, a fox, but there's various things.

OK. And the green group, what about that?

Military bugle calls or trumpet calls.

That's exactly what they are, bugle calls in the military.

Miles, Warren, Egg, Ferdy.

-Characters from This Life.

-You suddenly remembered This Life.

The old one about lawyers. Quite right. And the last one,

clock, retreat, system, traffic.

-They're things that you beat.

-That's it! I didn't know you'd spotted it.

Beat the clock, beat a retreat, beat the system, the traffic.

You've beaten our system. You've got four points for finding the groups, four for the connections,

a bonus of two for getting it all right, that's the maximum of ten points.

Time to bring in the GPs now, see how they fare with the Connecting Wall.

16 new clues jumbled up in a similarly fiendish way.

OK, GPs, it's the water wall for you, that's what remains.

You've got two and a half minutes to solve it starting now.

-Computer games. Asteroids, Scramble.

-Yes. Frogger.

-Farthingale is to do with a horse.

-Centipede.

It's a horse's tack.

So farthingale and pannier.

And, er, basque... Oh.

Trug? Flit? Is it a word, trug?

It's got rug in it, lit in it.

-That's a little carrying device. Trug and punnet.

-Yes.

-Maybe.

-And pannier, as well.

-Yeah.

-OK.

-And creel?

-Yeah.

-BUZZER

-Scuttle?

-Yeah.

-BUZZER

No. A skirt stuff is bustle, isn't it?

Bustle, chemise and basque are all women's...

-BUZZER

-Is that...

-Women's.

-Bassinet?

-BUZZER

No.

-BUZZER

-No.

-Let's do trug...

-Trug is the thing you...

-Yeah.

-Pannier.

-Bassinet.

-BUZZER

-Is it these? Cycle through.

-Is creel...

-OK.

-Cycle through these three.

-OK.

-OK.

-BUZZER

-BUZZER No.

-Scuttle.

-Punnet.

Bustle. Ah, erm, sort of motions. Like, you scuttle.

-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Yeah.

-You're about halfway through the time.

-Yeah. OK.

-Remember, three strikes and you're out now.

-OK.

-Chemise. What's that? Dresses. Basque.

-Underwear.

-If we think about that.

So this'll be clothing and things to carry stuff in.

-It's probably bassinet.

-Punnet, creel, trug and pannier.

-I've tried those.

-Have we definitely?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Erm...

-Should we try it one more time?

-Why not?

-If it's clothing, what would it be? Bassinet...

-Shall we have a go?

-I think that's clothing. I'm not sure.

-We'll try it, then.

-Try bassinet.

-Is pannier a type of skirt?

-I don't know.

Quick, quick. I think we've done this one.

Oh, that's it, you've solved the wall! Four points for the groups.

What about the connections? First group, Centipede, Asteroids, Frogger, Scramble.

-They're arcade, computer games.

-Arcade games from the 70s and 80s.

Scuttle, flit, bustle, dash.

They're all ways of moving quickly.

That's right, ways of moving quickly. What about this next one?

Pannier, farthingale, basque, chemise.

-Underwear?

-Female clothing.

-Underwear.

-That's it. They are historic female undergarments.

I don't mind telling you I'm wearing them all at the moment.

It's the Welsh climate. You just can't be too careful.

And the last group, bassinet, punnet, trug, creel.

-Carrying devices.

-Another way of putting that would be?

-Containers.

-Baskets?

-Baskets.

They are carrying devices, but baskets is what they have in common.

So four points for finding the groups, four points of the connections,

the bonus two for getting it all right, that is a maximum of ten points.

Let's have a look at the scores going into the final round.

The GPs have got 15 points,

the Fell Walkers have 17 points.

And if you think our walls are too easy, why don't you write your own?

You can on our website, where you'll also find plenty of walls to play.

We're going to play round four, the Missing Vowels.

The vowels have been taken out of names, phrases and sayings, consonants squidged up.

What are the disguised clues? Fingers on buzzers, teams.

In the first group, they are all ways of saying life's work.

This one's canon, a literary canon. Next clue.

-Portfolio.

-Correct.

-Oeuvre.

-Correct.

-Filmography.

-Correct.

Next category...

-Water polo.

-Correct.

-Canoeing.

-Correct.

-Powerboat racing.

-Correct.

-Kiteboarding.

-Correct.

Next category...

-Cruella De Vil.

-Correct.

-Gargamel.

-From The Smurfs, correct.

-Lord Farquaad.

-From Shrek, correct.

-Dick Dastardly.

-That is correct.

Next category...

-Tornado.

-Correct.

-Squall.

-Correct.

-Sheet lightning.

-Correct.

-Dust devil.

-Correct.

Next category...

-Near.

-Correct.

-Alongside.

-Correct.

-Outwith.

-Yes, it is.

Well now, that bell means it's the end of the quiz.

Looking at the final scores, GPs, you've got a very good 22 points.

But the winners with 28 points are the Fell Walkers.

Well done, Fell Walkers, you are through!

-And under our new rules, GPs, you are also through!

-Excellent!

Through to where? Nobody knows! All I know is I will look forward to seeing you again.

Join me next time when two fresh-faced and eager teams

will come along, spend half an hour with me,

then crawl away haggard, broken and exhausted.

I miss going on dates. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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