Corpuscles v Cartophiles Only Connect

Welcome to Only Connect, where you'll be bamboozled

not just by the questions, but the entire format of the series.

I'm joined by two teams who have already lost heats,

though only by a narrow margin - somehow, here they are again.

I think we're inviting everyone back for another go.

Whoever wins tonight could still go through to the semifinal, though not automatically.

Whoever loses, having had two bites of the cherry, WILL be going home

with faces like they've been sucking lemons.

At least that's two of your five a day.

Let's say hello again to, on my right,

Paul Taylor, a postgraduate research assistant

with an interest in the chemistry of cooking;

Seb Page, a specialist in American Civil War and Revolution

who keeps greyhounds and can speak French, some Latin, Spanish and a bit of Russian;

and their captain, Sam Kay,

a Chelsea supporter who is an accountant and doesn't have a large intestine.

They are all graduates of Corpus Christi College, Oxford.

Sam, Sam of the missing bowels.

You were pipped at the post by the Cat Lovers in the last game.

-How did that go?

-It was pretty close. Hopefully, we'll do better this time.

-Do you know what happens if you win tonight?

-No.

-Marvellous. Let's hope someone does.

You will be meeting, on my left,

Colin Kidd, an accountant

who enjoys Thomas Hardy and playing correspondence chess;

Mark Cooper, a Politics and International Relations graduate

with a collection of over 1,000 vinyl records;

and their captain, Josh Mandel, a keen cyclist

who once lived on a houseboat which was used as a Nazi honey trap in World War II.

United by their passion for maps, they are:

Josh, you lost to the Celts. How did that go?

Well, we started OK, but we let ourselves down on Round Two, on the sequences.

-So we've been practising that.

-Do you know what happens if you win?

-We will be happier than if we lose.

-Marvellous.

One thing we all know is how to play the quiz.

I ask for the connection between four apparently random clues and you tell me!

Cartophiles, you won the toss, so you'll be going first.

-Please choose your Egyptian hieroglyph.

-Twisted Flax, please.

You're going to see some pictures. What is the connection between them?

-Any ideas who that is?

-I have no idea.

-He looks vaguely familiar.

Next, please.

-UNSURE:

-That's a manta ray?

-The first one could be Man Ray.

-Could they all be Rays?

-Shall we go next?

-Yeah.

-Next.

-Billy Ray Cyrus?

-No. That's Ray Davies, the Kinks.

Is he Ray...?

No, we're happy they're all Rays.

BELL

They're all Ray.

You did not need to see the fourth clue, an X-ray.

All Rays. What are you looking at?

-We think the third one is Ray Davies from the Kinks.

-That's right.

The second one is a manta ray or some kind of fish called a ray.

A manta ray also called a devil ray.

-And...

-Man Ray, the first one?

-No.

It IS Man Ray, the surrealist. Very well done.

You get two points. Over to the Corpuscles to pick a hieroglyph.

Two Reeds, please.

What is the connection between these clues?

-Any idea what that is?

-Some kind of embarrassing release?

-I don't know.

Next.

Oh! Are they episodes of Friends? The One With The Prom Video.

The One With The Holiday Armadillo. Do we want the third one?

-That is definitely what they are. Is that...?

-Do you want to?

-Yeah.

BELL

They are mentioned in Friends episode titles.

The One With The Prom Video, The One With The Holiday Armadillo.

They are episodes of Friends.

You didn't need to see The One With The...

You get three points.

After two clues, they are Friends episodes.

-Back to you, Cartophiles.

-Lion, please.

What's the connection between these clues?

"France: Spatio", doesn't mean anything to me.

-No.

-Next, please.

Taiko's a kind of drumming in Japan, but not in China.

It means nothing to me.

Spatio? Taiko? Shall we go next?

-Yeah.

-Is it something language related?

-Next.

-Oh, yes! They're prefixes.

-MARK WHISPERS

BELL

They are prefixes for people who go into space.

Astronauts, cosmonauts, taikonauts, spationauts.

You put "naut" after all of them.

That is what space travellers are called in those countries.

Spationaut in France, taikonaut in China, cosmonaut in Russia.

Time to go to you, Corpuscles.

-Eye of Horus, please.

-OK.

What is the connection between these clues?

Was that Fat Man? Or Little Boy then Fat Man?

Next.

They're fat things. So, Fat Albert.

They're all fat. BELL

They're all fat something.

Another good score.

You are all demonstrating

why it's worth sticking around for another show.

What are we talking about?

The A-bomb dropped over Nagasaki is Fat Boy.

-Fat Man, I think it was.

-Fat Man.

Mardi Gras is Fat Tuesday.

Sir Topham Hatt, the Fat Controller from Thomas the Tank Engine.

And Fat Albert.

Fat Albert. Whose character is that?

Don't know.

It's one of Bill Cosby's comic characters.

He says, "Hey, hey, hey!" Fat Albert. Very well done.

Back to you, Cartophiles.

Water, please.

What is the connection here?

Gnocchi, the squirrel? No idea.

Next, please.

Do they use them crossing the road?

-No.

-Next, please.

-Oh!

-Predicted football.

-Yes.

-They've all predicted football?

-Word Cups, specifically.

-Shall we go for it?

-I don't know.

BELL

They've all predicted sports results.

Have another go.

Football World Cup results.

I'm afraid I can't accept it.

I'm going to show the last clue to the Corpuscles for a bonus.

So, predict the future.

They're all animals that predict the future.

I mean, they don't, but I have to give you a bonus point.

Unfortunately, Gnocchi the squirrel predicted the US Pres...

He didn't, but was said to predict the US Presidential election.

Paul the octopus was to do with the World Cup.

I think the donkey was in the Olympics.

They are animals that trod on squares or ate hay

or something random that was taken to be a prediction

of a range of things from politics to sport.

What about the groundhog?

Whether it's going to be a good spring or not.

-Whether it's afraid of its own shadow?

-Whether it sees its shadow

is meant to tell us whether or not it's a good winter.

But it is, of course, completely random.

That leaves only the Horned Viper for you, Corpuscles.

The music question. You'll hear your clues. Here's the first.

# Build your fire with hickory... #

Joni Mitchell. Next.

# Nothing to lose

# Fire away, fire away

# Ricochet, ricochet... #

-Next.

-# Poor old Uncle Bill

# Went to kick the bucket and he left me in his will

# The other day I popped around to see poor Auntie Jane

# She said, "Your Uncle Bill has left to you a watch and chain"

# I put it on right across me vest

-# Thought I looked as dandy... #

-Next.

-HARMONICA PLAYS

-Dylan, isn't it?

Five seconds.

-Any ideas?

-No.

-BELL

-Fire?

Fire is not the answer.

-Cartophiles, what about a bonus?

-Is it hearts or gold?

-Metals.

Is it all to do with gold?

-Metal, precious metals?

-I'll accept it.

Metal is the connection.

Copper Kettle, Titanium,

Any Old Iron, Stanley Holloway - I wanted to hear the whole of that -

and Heart Of Gold, metals is the connection for the bonus.

At the end of Round One, then...

Round Two, the Sequences round. What is the fourth in a sequence?

You may see up to three clues. Cartophiles, you'll be going first.

-Which would you like?

-Two Reeds.

-Ooh! They've gone with the Reeds!

What would the fourth clue be in this sequence?

That's near here, isn't it?

-Is it?

-Yeah. It's a film and where Shirley Bassey was born.

Next, please.

Road to Tiger Bay. Road to Mandalay?

But "last night I dreamed of Mandalay", Rebecca.

But it's a sequence, isn't it?

-Go next.

-It's going to be they rhyme. Next.

Oh! Reasons To Be Cheerful. What's the last one?

Five seconds.

Think of it. I don't know it.

BELL

Sss...Friday.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

-Corpuscles, you could get a bonus.

-Is it San Jose?

It's not. You're very close and you've got the connection. Sort of.

Not Reasons To Be Cheerful, but it is Ian Dury.

"In the dock of Tiger Bay On the road to Mandalay

"From Bombay to Santa Fe!" Not San Jose.

I think "Last night I dreamed I went to Manderley."

The house, Manderley. Not quite Mandalay in Rebecca.

Together, had you been a team of six, I think you'd have got it.

Over to you, Corpuscles.

Twisted Flax, please.

What would be the fourth in this sequence?

It's BBC1 idents. BBC idents.

Next.

It is a pub?

It's going to be...

Next.

Yes, so what's the colour for BBC4?

I think it's blue, capitalised.

-It's not black?

-Oh, it IS black.

ALL AGREE: It's black.

BELL

I think it's the white word "four" on a black background.

That is exactly what it is - the beautiful sight

of the white capitalised word FOUR on a black background,

-which is, of course...

-They are the BBC idents.

They are. And the fourth is that beacon of good sense

and wonderful quizzing, BBC4. Over to you, Cartophiles.

We'll have the Eye of Horus, please.

What will be the fourth in this sequence?

60 minutes?

OK, so it's going to go 70, 80, 90, association football?

-Shall we see what the next one is?

-Hockey is 70.

80 is rugby league or rugby union. 90 is soccer.

-We don't want to guess it.

-I think we should.

-Shall we guess it?

-Go for it.

-Yeah?

BELL

Association Football = 90.

Coming in after one clue!

I am going to give you five points.

Soccer or football or association football = 90.

I think I heard you filling in the whole question!

Hockey is 70. Rugby is 80.

It is the duration of games in minutes...

..Very well done. Flashy stuff.

It's a gauntlet to you, Corpuscles. Which will you go for?

-Lion, please.

-What would be the fourth in this sequence?

They're a girl band who came off something.

Like S Club 7 Juniors, I don't know.

Next.

Is it the number of arms? How many of the Saturdays are there?

-Five.

-How many arms does Brahma have?

-Next.

-Next.

-Cerberus has three heads.

-Number of heads.

-Two heads.

-So it must be...

Four, three, two...

-No. Five, four, three...

-So Zaphod Beeblebrox. Two heads.

BELL

Something with two heads. Simon and Garfunkel?

Acceptable. We thought Zaphod Beeblebrox, as I think you muttered.

You are right - things with five, four, three and two heads.

-Zaphod Beeblebrox from...?

-The Hitchhiker's Guide.

Would be an example, as would Simon and Garfunkel.

I saw them when they played recently in London.

Their music was so wonderful, they couldn't bear to look at each other.

I mean, the money they were getting must have lured them to Hyde Park,

but you have never seen two people further apart.

I've never seen anything so far apart on stage since Dolly Parton.

The front row was 23 miles away. Nobody looks up-close at Dolly!

-Back to you, Cartophiles.

-The Horned Viper, please.

What would you expect to see in the fourth picture? Here's the first.

A spring.

Next.

-What the hell...?

-Oh, that's the...

That's the forwards.

Spring forwards, fall back. So it's going to be...?

-Spring forwards, fall back?

-It's going to be a back.

-Spring forward.

-Yes.

-Spring forward, fall back.

-Who's a back?

A picture of someone's back.

BELL

A picture of Dennis Irwin, who was a full back.

How very complicated. I'm going to accept it.

As I think you were saying, Colin, it's simply a picture of a back.

-What's the logic?

-Spring forward, fall back.

The clocks going forward in the spring

-and back in the "fall", as our American cousins say.

-Exactly right.

It's that mnemonic. I wish I could give extra points for the detail.

-You can, if you like.

-I'm afraid I can't.

I will give you three points for coming in after two clues.

Corpuscles, that leaves Water.

I would like to know what is going to be the fourth in the sequence.

The Chinese social networking site.

There's no way we could know what the fourth... Next.

Bing? They're search engines in terms of the size, I bet.

-Baidu, Bing, something...

-It's got to be Google.

BELL

-Google.

-It's got to be Google.

They are search engines in terms of size, market share.

Next along would be Yahoo! and the biggest would be Google.

After an extremely high-scoring Round Two...

Time for the Connecting Wall. 16 clues that need sorting into four connected groups of four.

Corpuscles, you'll be going first,

and the first challenge is to decide whether you want Lion or Water.

-Can we have Water please?

-You certainly can.

There'll be 16 clues. There is only one perfect solution. What is it?

You've got two and a half minutes to work that out starting...now.

-Hang about. Point-to-point is a type of race.

-Horses.

Jousting, maybe?

You've got John, Jack.

-There's radio DJs on here.

-John Peel.

-Pandora's box. Rivers as well.

-Right, OK.

Evertons are known as the Toffees. Want to go for more mints?

-Blackburn anything?

-They're a football team.

What else could you do with Blackburn? Rivals? Scotch?

Scotch tape?

Murray, Polo.

-I don't know.

-Horsey things?

Might be a horsey thing.

Polo. Jousting...

No. Let's go for some of these. See if they're radio DJs.

-What else have we got?

-Pandora's box. Is that someone's name?

-Types of jewellery?

-Could Pandora be a charm bracelet?

Rivals, is that a Sheridan thing?

A Sheridan play?

Is that a Jilly Cooper book, Rivals?

I don't know why I know that.

Oh, wow!

-You've got a minute left.

-Polo shirt?

Jousting...? What's Scotch?

-Scotch tape, Scotch whisky.

-Scotch bonnet.

I mean, they're... Scotch mint?

-Will Young?

-Try the names like Peel and Dee.

-Popstars: The Rivals.

-Tent pegging, what's that? Guy ropes?

Point-to-point lines? Tent pegging lines?

Ooh! That's something!

-30 seconds.

-Let's try some mints...

-We've tried all that.

-Everton mints?

No. Try the names. Try the Peel and all that lot.

-Tony Blackburn?

-Ten seconds.

Blackburn!

No, that's...Blackburn.

No!

That's out of time. The wall has frozen, but you've got a group.

I'll give you another point if you can tell me the connection.

Something to do with horses.

Activities that you ride a horse to take part in.

That's absolutely right!

There are more points available.

So let's resolve the wall.

Peel, Young, Blackburn, Dee.

-They're DJs. They were Radio 1 DJs at one stage.

-Absolutely.

-I'm surprised you didn't get those!

-I thought we tried that combination.

I was thinking perhaps you're too young. What about the next one?

Murray, Glacier, Everton, Scotch.

-Types of mint.

-Or they're...?

-Drink?

I can take that answer. You don't know Everton mints?

-No!

-Black and white ones like humbugs. And the last one?

Pandora, Polo, Rivals, Riders.

-I think those are Jilly Cooper books.

-Jilly Cooper books?

-They are novels by Jilly Cooper!

-It was the combinations, wasn't it?

You did know what the groups were, it was just finding them.

You get a point for the group you found and four points for the connections, a total of five.

This has been a very close game so far.

Let's see if the same applies to the Connecting Wall.

A new wall is being brought out. Cartophiles, let's see what you can do with yours.

It's the Lion wall.

You've got two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now.

Right, what have we got?

OK, we've got postcodes.

There's groups of countries.

-BRIC, G20.

-We haven't got postcodes. There's only TW3.

TW3 is That Was The Week That Was.

Corrie, Buzzcocks are nicknames of TV shows, and Strictly.

Also Millionaire.

OK, so let's try it without...

Let's try it without Millionaire.

I can't remember which way I've done it.

-Try it without TW3.

-Quiz shows?

Strictly and Corrie we haven't done.

There we go.

Corrie, Drumlin and Moraine are all geographical striations.

They're geological.

-Three strikes and you're out now.

-Then we've got Mogul,

Tycoon, Fat cat and Magnate are all rich people.

BRIC, G20, E7 and N-11 are all groups of countries.

Shall we just check through?

Nicknames for TV shows. They're not all quiz shows.

-Geological features.

-I don't know about that.

I think they're all glacial.

-Are they all types of glacier?

-All glacial geological features.

-OK, shall we go for it?

-Yeah.

Mogul, Tycoon, Fat Cat, Magnate.

That's it. You solved the wall.

Four points. There are, of course, bonus points available for the connections.

Millionaire, TW3, Buzzcocks, Strictly?

Those are nicknames for television shows.

If you had to watch one of those shows four times a day

for the rest of your life, which one would it be?

-That Was The Week That Was.

-Yes.

-Really? All three of you?

-No. I'd watch Millionaire.

-Really? Nobody goes for Strictly?

-No.

-Not at all.

-Lovely!

-We'd go for satire.

-We don't like dance.

-But I'd rather it were Only Connect.

-That's the right answer!

There may be bonus points. What about this next group?

Striations, Corrie, Drumlin, Moraine?

-Those are all to do with glaciers.

-Glacial geographical features.

That's right, in a glaciated landscape.

Fat cat, Mogul, Magnate, Tycoon?

Ooh, rich businessmen.

Business people, I suppose one should say.

I'm not sure if you'd call a woman a fat cat but I'd like to be one!

Still, one out of two ain't bad! And the last group?

N-11, BRIC, E7, G20?

Those are all groups of countries,

political or economic groupings of countries.

BRIC is Brazil, Russia, India, China,

the leading emerging nations.

G20 is the group of 20 industrialised nations.

N-11, I think, is the non-aligned movement?

And I don't know what E7 is.

I thought they were all boy bands, but you're absolutely right!

N-11 is the Next 11, after BRIC - Indonesia, Mexico, Turkey.

E7 is the seven emerging economies -

that's BRIC plus Indonesia, Mexico and Turkey.

-Ah, I see.

-That is absolutely right.

Four points for the groups you found, four for the connections

plus two for saying Only Connect is better than any of those shows.

Or, depending on how you interpret it, for getting it right.

That is the maximum of ten. Let's have a look at the scores.

What's that? "More walls!" you say? Why not go to our website?

You'll find plenty, plus you can even make your own.

But we will be playing the Missing Vowels round.

This is the point, of course - I say "of course" as if I were even beginning to understand -

but one of the teams may actually go home.

One will stay on and one will be coming to the end of its run.

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

The first group are all resins.

-BELL

-Corpuscles?

-Frankincense.

-BELL

-Cartophiles?

-Mystique.

That's not the answer. You lose a point.

-Bonus possibility for the Corpuscles.

-Mastic.

-BELL

-Cartophiles?

-Gum...

I'm afraid you lose a point. Possible bonus, Corpuscles?

That's too long. It's gamboge. Next clue.

-BELL

-Corpuscles?

-Amber.

Next category:

-BELL

-Cartophiles?

-Catherine Deneuve.

-BELL

-Cartophiles?

-Juliette Binoche.

-BELL

-Corpuscles?

-Audrey Tautou.

-BELL

-Cartophiles?

-Brigitte Bardot.

Next category:

-BELL

-Corpuscles?

-Rhapsody In Blue.

Don't know this one? It's Swanee. Next clue.

This one, Embraceable You. Next clue.

-BELL

-Cartophiles?

-An American In Paris.

Next category:

Come on, teams. Coin tossing. Next clue.

-BELL

-Cartophiles?

-Odds And Evens.

-BELL

-Corpuscles?

-Eeny Meeny Miny Moe.

-BELL

-Corpuscles?

-Scissors-Paper-Stone.

END-OF-QUIZ JINGLE

Well, goodness me!

At the end of the quiz, the Corpuscles have...

Oh!

It's a tie-break!

I don't think we've ever had two such close teams.

I don't know if you remember tie-breaks. This is how it works.

Captains only! Fingers on buzzers.

You are going to get ONE clue of missing vowels.

I am not going to tell you the category. Your team-mates may NOT join in. It's high noon!!

If you buzz in and give me an incorrect answer, the other team will automatically win by default.

So, buzz in with care. One clue only.

Good luck, captains. It is coming up on your screens...now.

-BELL

-Cartophiles?

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

THAT is the correct answer!

And with that buzz, your team stays alive in the competition.

You could still make the semifinal.

Corpuscles, I'm afraid, after one of perhaps the closest contests in Only Connect memory,

we have to say goodbye, but excellent quizzing, thank you very much for coming along.

Exhausting stuff!

Why not join us next time, anyway, for another round of Only Connect,

the quiz so smart that if you solve one of our online walls,

you automatically qualify for one of those internet PhDs.

Print it out, frame it, you've got everything you need to start a reflexology clinic! Goodbye.

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