Outdoors Pointless Celebrities

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong,

and welcome to this special outdoors edition of Pointless Celebrities,

the quiz where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

CHEERING

And couple number one.

I'm Jules Hudson, and I present BBC's Escape To The Country

and Countryfile.

I'm Tom Heap, I also present on Countryfile,

as well as reporting on Panorama and Costing The Earth on Radio 4.

CHEERING

Couple number two.

I'm Paul Heiney.

I've been a television person for a very long time,

but I've also been an organic farmer,

and, these days, an ocean sailor.

And I'm Miranda Krestovnikoff,

and I present wildlife pieces for The One Show and for Coast.

CHEERING

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm Bill Oddie, and I'm much older than that lot,

and I'm trying to be an ambassador for all things wild.

And I'm Naomi Wilkinson,

and I present Naomi's Nightmares Of Nature for CBBC.

CHEERING

And finally, couple number four.

I'm Martin Hughes-Games, a chicken fancier, an ex-motorcycle racer,

and sidekick to Chris Packham on Springwatch.

And I am indeed Chris Packham from Springwatch,

naturalist and broadcaster for the BBC.

Thanks very much, all of you.

We'll get to find out more about each of you

throughout the show as it goes along.

So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He's a wise owl, bookworm, and culture vulture -

the big three.

It's my Pointless friend - it's Richard.

-Hiya. Hey, everybody. Good evening.

-CHEERING

Good evening to you.

-Oh, good evening.

-What a lovely bunch.

When I first heard we were doing an outdoors special...

-Yeah.

-..I thought it was now to be like when you were at school,

and on Friday you can go and you work outside,

on a Friday afternoon, by the tree.

-Yeah. By the tree!

-Wouldn't that be lovely?

-We should do Pointless outside.

-We should... In the summer!

That would be really nice, wouldn't it?

We've had a lot of people who've been on before.

-Yes.

-Chris and Bill were on before, and got through to the head-to-head,

which was very impressive, but they've split up this time.

And Chris has taken the unusual step of teaming up with Martin,

who got knocked out in Round One.

-Thank you.

-That's interesting.

Bill, I think, slightly brighter, taking Naomi on board this time,

-but we have a winner, an actual winner...

-We do, yeah.

..a jackpot-winner in our midst,

and that's Miranda, who won with Diarmuid Gavin.

Not just a trophy-winner, but a jackpot-winner as well.

-No...

-Very impressive. No-one's ever won two jackpots.

Thanks, that's great. That makes me feel so good.

We've had people winning two trophies, but not two jackpots.

It's interesting, this outdoor stuff.

People talk about Game Of Thrones and all of these television shows,

but the single biggest television programme on British TV,

ratings-wise, is Countryfile,

and the biggest television show on BBC Two is Springwatch.

What about that?! You just have to say Countryfile,

-and you get a spontaneous round of applause.

-Yeah. Countryfile!

CHEERING

-Oh.

-That's how they start each episode of Countryfile.

-Someone goes, "Welcome to Countryfile!"

-LAUGHTER

And the whole place goes nuts.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-It's a pleasure.

The first question is all about land, as well,

you'll be delighted to hear.

-All about land.

-Look at that.

Fabulous. Well, as usual,

all of today's questions have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants here are looking for

those all-important pointless answers -

these being answers that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those, and we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,

each of our lovely celebrities is playing for a nominated charity.

We are going to start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

There we are.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

CHEERING

I'm sure you don't need to be reminded of this,

but I'm going to say it anyhow.

The pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated. That's how it works.

So just make sure you're not that high-scoring pair, obviously,

and no conferring for the first two rounds.

Best of luck. Our first category this evening is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

and who's going to go second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Countries that are larger than the UK, Richard.

We are looking for any country in the world

that is larger in land area, please, than the UK.

As always, by country,

we mean a sovereign state that's a member of the UN in its own right.

There's about 80-odd countries in the world

that are larger than the UK in land area, so any of those, please.

Thank you very much. Richard.

Jules. Now, obviously, Escape To The Country,

an enormously popular programme.

Have you ever been presenting that

while you've been property-hunting yourself?

-I have.

-See, that's got to be a conflict of interest, hasn't it?

I have, and, in fact, we moved about four years ago

to Herefordshire from Wales,

and everybody assumed when I moved that I'd found it on the show.

Yeah, yeah. Well, they would.

-Yeah.

-But no.

-It was all our own work. All our own work.

-Really?

But did you ever look around a house on the show and think,

"Actually, might just take this one quietly off the..."

Yeah. It's one of those. You are spoilt for riches, really.

-Yeah.

-So you do end up being quite picky,

in order to distinguish those that you would actually buy, but, yeah.

To be honest with you,

when I do find one that I'd like to buy, I will usually say so.

So, Jules, now,

countries larger than the UK.

Yes.

Erm...

Uzbekistan, maybe.

Uzbekistan, says Jules.

Uzbekistan.

Oh, I'm not getting anything from the...

Oh, the inscrutable faces of your rivals!

Nothing being given away.

Let's find out. Uzbekistan.

Is it right, and how many people said it, if it is?

It's not looking good.

-It is right! Look at that.

-Oh!

Uzbekistan.

Oh, down it goes, Jules. Look at that!

-Oh, mate!

-It's 1!

What a start to the show, Jules!

1 for Uzbekistan. Well done.

That's a terrific answer, Jules. Very well played.

Lovely way to start the show.

It's actually just less than double the size of the UK, Uzbekistan.

We should do Escape To The Country in Uzbekistan.

-What would that be like?

-Yeah. Escape From The... Yeah, yeah.

Thanks very much. Paul, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you very much.

-Great to have you here.

-Thank you.

-You've done a great many things, Paul.

You've sailed single-handedly...

You've sailed, I think, 11,000 miles.

Yes, I recently did a trip on my boat down to Cape Horn,

and that was a round trip of 18,000 miles,

of which I sailed 11,000 of those miles on my tod.

-Wow.

-Yeah, absolutely.

That's amazing.

How many actual days was that, of you...?

Well, the longest I was at sea on my own was 72 days.

-Wow.

-Which is quite a stretch.

-That's a long stretch.

-And that was all the way from South America,

up the South Atlantic,

into the North Atlantic to the Azores.

And there's plenty to keep you going, obviously -

a lot of tasks to do while you're awake.

Actually, one of the biggest problems

-is getting completely and utterly bored.

-I bet.

Because there are times where the boat is just going nicely

and the weather's settled,

and the only thing that is on your mind is,

what is the next meal going to be?

Yeah. Did you do any fishing off the back?

-Whenever I put a fishing line over the side of the boat...

-Yeah?

..the fish gather round and laugh.

-Oh, nothing worse than a fish's laugh!

-"It's him again."

I've never caught anything.

Anyway, now, Paul, what would you like to go for?

I'm going to go for one of the countries that I sailed past,

because I knew how big it was because I knew how long it took me,

and that is Argentina.

Argentina. Let's see where we go with Argentina.

Well, it's right. Our only score at the moment is 1.

Argentina is 25.

Well done. That'll do for us.

Yeah, that's more than 11 times bigger than the UK, Argentina.

-It's big, isn't it?

-It is big, isn't it? Thank you.

-Naomi, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-Great to have you here.

Now, let's just talk about these nightmares, the Natural Nightmares.

-Yeah.

-What is the worst nightmare you have faced so far?

Well, it's probably been swimming with sharks,

because that was a huge fear for me growing up,

but I've now been in the water with them without a cage

-about seven times, around the world.

-What?! Without a cage?!

Yeah, and I've just re-educated my mind,

and learned that actually they're doing a fantastic job in the oceans,

-and I need to respect...

-Aren't they?! No, on effort and attainment,

they get one A, I have to say.

They are doing a brilliant job.

But they're quite good at eating people, when provoked.

-What's...?

-Well, apparently it's always mistaken identity.

-I've been with experts everywhere I've gone.

-Yeah.

So I've always been with people who truly know the species.

Do you think experts are more tasty than you?

-They probably go for them first.

-I swim well behind them.

No, so usually they're with,

you know, species of sharks that are not harmful to people.

-You know?

-I see. OK.

OK, cos I've seen those films of people in cages,

and they get bashed around.

That looks terrifying.

But it's... But the shark is not trying to eat you.

It's a bit itchy-nosed?

It's just going about its business in the ocean.

Yes, but its business at that moment is trying to eat you, surely?

It's fine, we're not making a moral judgment on the shark,

we're just saying it's quite frightening. Yeah.

Yeah, no, so it's been a big re-education of my mind,

-and a lot of fear-facing.

-Fantastic.

And here, now, Naomi, what would you like to go for?

We've got a range of scores so far.

I'm going to go for Kazakhstan.

-Kazakhstan. Sticking with the -stans.

-Yeah.

Let's find out if that's right,

and let's see how many of our 100 people said Kazakhstan.

It's right.

Well, 25 was our high score, until this point,

and it remains our high score. 1 is our low score.

No, it's 7. APPLAUSE

Phew!

Great answer, Naomi, very well played.

Almost exactly the same size as Argentina.

-Is it really?!

-It is, yeah.

Thank you very much. Now, Martin, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-Do you have a favourite season, Martin?

You've got your Springwatch and your Autumnwatch.

Does one thrill you a little more than the other?

It's got to be springtime.

Full of hope, new life - I love it. Yeah, springtime.

That is true. And, Martin, the other thing I want to ask you about is,

-you are a qualified rope technician.

-Yes.

-This is exciting.

-I hang off buildings and things.

Rope access.

Any hairy moments?

Clifton Suspension Bridge.

I hate... I had to work underneath Clifton Suspension Bridge,

and just going along the rope to get into position

to the 72m drop there...

-Yeah?

-I was a bit edgy,

and my fellow rope-access people called me Windy Martin after that.

-Yeah.

-I was just a bit...

-LAUGHTER

But I haven't fallen off yet.

My friend, Arthur,

well, you've got two ropes,

and we were busy chopping down all the undergrowth,

and I said to him, "Arthur, you've just chopped through your rope."

And he said, "Oh, so I have. Yeah."

He chopped through his safety rope, luckily,

-so he didn't fall off.

-I was going to say, was this in a cartoon?

So he tied it back together and carried on chopping.

-Wow.

-It's always exciting.

I'm surprised it's just Windy Martin at times.

Anyway, there we are.

Martin, what would you like to go for?

This is a nightmare, cos last time I got 100 the first time,

so do I take a risk, or do I play safe?

So I'm thinking...

I'm going to take a risk.

Central African Republic - CAR.

Central African Republic.

Yeah.

Oh, look at their... Look at the respect that commands, Martin.

-They like that.

-You have silenced the room.

Currently they like it.

If it's wrong, they'll be booing, you know that, don't you?

Central African Republic.

Let's find out if it's right,

and let's see how far down the column Martin gets.

Good luck.

-It's right!

-Oh, thank God for that.

Now, traditionally, this goes very low,

but we've seen a bit of a change to that trend lately.

Oh, not today. There we are.

4. Very well done indeed, Martin.

That paid off.

A qualified risk technician you are as well, sir.

Beautifully played, Martin.

Thank you for introducing Central African Republic onto the show.

-Yeah, 4 points. It wouldn't have used to get that, would it?

-No.

It's got much more famous. Two and a half times the size of the UK.

Thanks very much. We're halfway through the round,

so let's look at the scores.

1, Jules - hats off to you, sir,

-the best score of the pass is yours.

-Thank you.

Martin, there, with 4,

so Martin and Chris are looking pretty strong as well.

7 is where we find Naomi and Bill.

And then 25.

25, Paul and Miranda.

So, Miranda...

Well, maybe some of the lower-hanging fruit has been taken -

maybe there'll be some higher scores in this next pass.

But a low score from you is what we need, so good luck.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium.

Now, then, Chris, answer me this.

I read somewhere that you have wrestled with a lion.

On more than one occasion. In the old days,

-when we were doing Really Wild Show...

-Yeah.

..meeting captive, allegedly tame animals

was part and parcel of the process,

so people would turn up and say,

"I've hand-reared this tiger, or this lion.

-"It's very, very friendly."

-Yeah.

And for the first five minutes, before it got bored,

it invariably was.

After that, they became as frisky as your domestic cat,

but obviously 20 times the size.

But so strong and so much scarier!

My partner keeps tigers, so I...

-You know...

-OK.

Chosen on that behalf.

-What, under the bed, or...?

-LAUGHTER

No. So, she rescues tigers that have been abused in circuses

and other things, and keeps them on the Isle of Wight, and some of them,

because they've been hand-reared, are very friendly.

And she and I, you know, we...

We get close to them,

and we stroke them and cuddle them and they're very friendly.

-They come up and say hello. It's an enormous privilege.

-Wow.

There's an awful lot of people now on the Isle of Wight going,

"Wait, rewind that for one second!"

Now, then, Chris. We are looking for...

He's going to be good at this, I think, Chris.

OK, I'm going to stick with my colleague, and stick with Africa,

and I'm going to go for Namibia.

Namibia, says Chris.

There is your red line, Chris.

If you can get below that red line with Namibia,

you are through to Round Two.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Namibia.

It's right.

Very well done. Through you go.

Namibia, 1.

Wow. Well done.

You join Jules on the low-scorers' pedestal, there.

5 is your total. Well done, on that far podium.

They are very clever on today's show, aren't they?

That's another terrific answer.

About three and a half times the size of the UK, Namibia.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Now, Bill, welcome back.

Welcome back. You've been a head-to-header before,

-but still not a finalist.

-No.

Got to have our eyes on that final, surely, Bill?

-No, no, no, I just...

-What?!

One thing at a time.

-Now, Bill...

-Yes?

You've been a twitcher, an ornithologist...

I'm not a twitcher, but don't go into it.

OK, we won't go into it. Not a twitcher.

Is there still one bird that you are longing to see, and have not yet?

Oh, I think maybe a kiwi.

A kiwi, yeah.

Why have you...?

-Because I haven't been to New Zealand.

-Oh, I see, fair enough.

And I haven't been taken out in the middle of the night.

Because they go pottering around on the beaches,

with David Attenborough and Chris, probably,

-and people like that, you know.

-And me.

-And you, yeah.

-They've all seen them.

-Oh, yeah, we've seen them.

-Yeah.

I feel so inadequate.

We all went out before the show, didn't we, guys?

We went Kiwi-spotting. It was great fun. That was fun.

Well, Bill, back to the game. You are on 7 points.

Our high-scorers, behind you, are Miranda and Paul on 25,

so, 17 or less is your target.

Erm, Peru.

Peru, says Bill. Peru. Here is your red line.

Another quite low red line.

You want to get below that with Peru.

Let's see if you can. How many people said it?

It's right.

You've done it! Very well done indeed.

Look at that! 8 for Peru. Very nicely done. 15 is your total.

Well played, Bill. Another very good answer.

It's over five times the size of the UK, Peru.

I thought it was a big one.

-Bigger than you'd think, isn't it?

-Isn't it?

-Yeah.

Now, then, Miranda, welcome to Pointless.

-Welcome back to Pointless, I must say.

-Thank you, thank you.

Now, on your wonderful exploratory programmes that you make, Miranda...

-Yeah?

-Do you have any say in what you want to do

or where you want to go?

-Erm...

-Are you able to go to a programme maker

and say, "I would love to go and explore the Titanic wreck,

-"if that's OK?"

-Oh, yeah.

Yes, and then they'd say,

"We probably haven't got enough money, or the facilities."

Not yet. Oh, but they will have at some stage.

-One day it will be explorable.

-Yeah.

With the fantastic advances with things like satellite imagery,

I should think, must mean that

there'll be good ideas of new places to explore

and things you might find.

For me, I'm a diver, so I just want to do

more underwater explanation...

-Explanation? Exploration.

-LAUGHTER

But that is again very, very expensive.

-Yeah.

-But there's some amazing technology out there.

-Yeah. It's only going to get better. And cheaper.

-Yeah.

-Watch this space.

-Watch this space, indeed. Now, Miranda,

-you have an impossible task ahead of you.

-I know.

Unless you think Tom is somebody who might score 100 points.

Does he look like a geographer, though?

He looks like he might know his geography.

-He has that bearing, doesn't he?

-I know, it's that shirt.

So... Yeah, so, we're thinking...

Well, I'm thinking Liberia.

You're going to go for Liberia.

Now, you want to be scoring minus 11 or less.

-Yeah, which is obviously possible(!)

-LAUGHTER

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Liberia.

-No!

-Oh, no.

Oh, I see, you're going to go to minus 11 that way - that way round.

I see. I'm afraid, Miranda, that scores you 100 points,

and that takes you up to 125.

-I'm sorry.

-So sorry, Miranda.

A worthy guess, and a perfect answer in countries smaller than the UK.

-It would have been terrific.

-LAUGHTER

-How much smaller is it than the UK?

-It's about half the size -

just under half the size of the UK, Liberia.

-There we go.

-Thanks, Richard.

-Bad luck.

Now, Tom, Countryfile.

We have discussed what a sort of behemoth it is.

It's just this enormous programme.

It continues to be massively popular.

What do you put that down to?

Cos it's not just watched by farmers, is it?

Far from it. In fact, half the audience is urban, and half rural.

No, I think, in some ways, it's terribly simple.

As we live more of our lives on, you know,

computer screens and phones,

and the digital world -

if you like, the Matrix world,

if you remember the movie -

I think people actually hanker after a bit of the natural,

-a bit of the real.

-Yeah.

You know, something that they can see and smell

and taste and understand,

and also the careers of people involved in that - people like that.

Now, talking of things you can see and smell and taste,

I read that when you were in Iceland,

you were so hungry that you had to catch a seagull and eat it.

It is true that I have eaten a seagull, yeah,

-and it was in Iceland.

-Good eating?

-No, pretty horrid, actually.

-No. Yeah.

If you can imagine a kind of chicken

that had been crossbred with a salmon, I'd say,

something like that.

-It sounds delicious so far, I have to say(!)

-Yeah.

But, I mean, it did sustain you, though? I mean, it kept...

Yeah, I kept some of it down,

-and that bit probably helped.

-LAUGHTER

Tom, the good news is you're already through,

so it doesn't matter what you score here.

I'm very grateful to them for it.

However, I wouldn't be at all surprised

if there are a few pointless answers out there.

We've had two 1s, so far, from your team-mate,

and Chris over there.

Shall we see if we can find a pointless answer?

I'll stick with the one I was going to say anyway,

and I'll say Madagascar.

Madagascar, says Tom.

Madagascar. No red line - you're already through.

How many of our 100 people said Madagascar?

It's right.

-Oh!

-1! 1! CHEERING

-Well done!

-1 score. Never better.

It takes your total up to 2.

Great work, Tom, and 2 points on that first podium -

very, very impressive.

But let's take a look at some of the pointless answers.

Bolivia. Burkina Faso.

Cameroon, a pointless answer.

Oman. Papua New Guinea is a pointless answer.

Philippines.

South Sudan, the newest of the pointless answers there.

Turkmenistan would have been a good one. Vietnam.

Four others - Cote d'Ivoire, Gabon, Zambia and Guinea.

Guinea is the country in the world

that is almost identical size to the UK.

Let's take a look at the three largest scorers, shall we?

All big countries, as you'd imagine.

Russia, 79.

Our friends in France, on 81.

And the United States would have scored you 90.

There we are. Thank you very much, Richard.

So, at the end of first round, the pair we have to say goodbye to,

with their high score of 125 -

-I'm sorry, Miranda and Paul, it is you.

-That's OK.

Thank you so much for coming to play.

Please come and play again.

Brilliant to have you on. Miranda and Paul.

CHEERING

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Well, we are suddenly down to three pairs.

At the end of this round, we will have to say goodbye to another pair.

We won't like that, but that's just the way the game goes.

You've seen off our only winner.

So, kind of, congratulations, I suppose.

But particular congratulations, Tom and Jules, very well done.

Lovely low scoring on that first podium.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this evening...

Fictional Animals.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

-and who's going to go second.

-Shall I go first?

And, whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

And the question concerns...

LAUGHTER

-Famous swine, Richard.

-Famous swine, yeah.

We are going to show you six clues on each board.

The answers to each of those are famous fictional pigs or boars.

Can you give us the most obscure answer, please?

There's going to be 12 in all to have a go at at home.

OK, so who are these famous fictional pigs or boars?

We have got, on our first board...

I'm going to read those all again.

Tom.

I'm going to go for...

the animated piggy bank,

one of my favourite characters, Hamm.

Hamm, says Tom. Hamm. Let's see if that's right,

and let's see how many of our 100 said Hamm.

It's right.

Well done, mate.

Oh, go on. Go on.

-Very well done indeed.

-Well done.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Another single-figure score on podium one there, from Tom.

-8 for Hamm.

-Another great answer, Tom. Well played.

Yeah, he's voiced by John Ratzenberger,

who is Cliffy from Cheers,

who is the only person to have been a voice

in every single Pixar movie to date.

Excellent. Thank you, Richard.

Naomi.

Erm, I think I'm going to risk a little bit

and try Pinky and Perky for the bottom one.

That's the one I would probably risk, I think.

Yes. Stands to reason, doesn't it?

Pinky and Perky. Let's see if it's right.

How many of our 100 people said that?

And it is. SHE EXHALES

Well, our only score at this stage is 8.

We'll be... Oh! Oh.

APPLAUSE

40.

Yeah, they released 16 albums,

Pinky and Perky.

The day their first album came out and sold, they must have...

The people who made it must have just gone,

-"Ha-ha-ha-ha!"

-Yeah.

"This should be pretty easy.

-"Just record some songs and speed 'em up."

-Yeah.

Thanks very much. Now, Martin, this board is all yours.

If you wanted to go through them all and fill in the blanks,

you'd be very welcome.

This is looking really bad.

Because the only ones I know are the really obvious ones.

Sorry about this. I'm going to have to go for Piglet. I'm sorry.

Winnie the Pooh's close friend was Piglet.

OK, Piglet says Martin.

Let's see how far down the column we get with Piglet.

It's right.

Oh, look at that!

-61.

-Ugh.

-Not bad.

-Sorry, mate. It's better than 100, though.

It's much better than 100.

You're not far ahead of your nearest rivals.

Yeah, it could have been a lot worse, that.

It's not a bad score at all. Funnily enough,

if you'd gone for the central character in The Muppet Show,

that would have been far worse, cos it's Miss Piggy,

which is the biggest score up there and would have scored 78.

The pig adopted by homer in The Simpsons Movie...

-Oh, I can't remember.

-There's a song all about him.

-Yes...

-Spider-Pig.

-Spider-Pig. Yeah, of course.

That would have scored you 29.

And the pig in Charlotte's Web is Wilbur.

Wilbur is that answer, for 6 points,

It's the best answer on the board, so well done if you said that.

Thanks. We're halfway through the round, so let's look at the scores.

8, the best score of the pass, once again, Tom and Jules.

Very well done. Then up to 40, where we find Naomi and Bill.

And then up to 61, but actually,

the gap between you and Naomi and Bill

is much closer than the gap between the others,

so, you know, you're within touching distance.

But, Chris, we need a low score from you

at the beginning of the next pass.

Good luck with that. We'll come back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's put six more clues up on the board, and here they are.

I will read all of those again.

Chris.

Lots of fripperous pigs there.

I'm going to go for the more serious pig

in the form of George Orwell's.

I'm going to say Napoleon.

-Napoleon.

-The boar in animal farm.

Napoleon, says Chris. Let's see if that's right.

There's no red line for you, because you are the high-scorers.

Let's hope that's a nice low score for you, and keeps you in the game.

How many people said Napoleon?

It's right.

Well, 8 is our lowest score in the round so far,

and Napoleon takes you to 18.

You might have kept yourself in, there.

79 is your total.

Well played, Chris, and there's all sorts of people at home, now,

who did animal farm for GCSE going, "Finally, it's come to some use!"

Thanks very much, Richard.

Now, Bill, you have a target now of 38.

One of those is Babe...

..but I don't know which one it is!

I know some of them that it isn't, that's for sure.

Erm...

Is it the pig who was a sheepdog?

You're going to say the pig who thinks he's a sheepdog, Babe?

-Yeah.

-Here's your red line. If you get below that with Babe,

you are through to the next round. Is it right, though?

-It is right.

-Oh!

Oh, but 61 is its score,

taking your total up to 101.

Still in the game, at this stage.

It's based on The Sheep-Pig by Dick King-Smith.

Obviously, it makes the sheep do what it wants by asking politely,

-which is rather sweet.

-It's sweet.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Jules...

Jules, you're on 8.

92 or less.

92 or less gets you through,

which takes a bit of pressure off.

But if you wanted,

you could go through that board

and do some thinking out loud

and fill in all our blanks.

Name of the fairy tale -

that's got to be Three Little Pigs.

Star of a 1995 film who embarks on a journey

to save his family from the slaughterhouse...

No idea.

Comical warthog...

No idea.

Animated pig...

Is that Peppa? Peppa the Pig?

That's probably quite obvious, though, isn't it?

But I think Three Little Pigs is more obvious,

so I'm going to go for the last one, and Peppa.

You're going to say Peppa

-for the last one?

-Yeah, yeah.

OK, here is your red line.

Get below that with Peppa,

and you are into the head-to-head.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Peppa.

It's right, and you're through.

Very well done. HE EXHALES

49, it's good enough.

Takes your total up to 57.

Very well played.

Yeah, it's now shown in

170 countries, Peppa Pig.

Amazing. 105 of which are larger than the UK.

Yeah!

Let's fill in these, shall we?

The fairy tale, it was Three Little Pigs.

-It also would have seen you through, would have scored you 61.

-Really?!

Same as Babe, yeah.

Now, the other 1995 film,

a slightly less successful pig, it's called Gordy.

-Gordy was the pig there. 1 point.

-Oh, yes.

And the warthog is Pumbaa.

22 points.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our second round, I'm very sorry...

Oh, Bill! I was convinced you were carrying off a trophy today.

I'm sorry that you haven't.

-But...

-Your faith is touching.

-Well, yeah...

-Yeah.

You will just have to return, Bill, but it's been lovely having you,

-and Naomi, thank you so much for coming to play.

-Thank you.

-Brilliant, brilliant contestants.

-It's been a pleasure.

-I'm sorry.

But, for Chris and Martin,

Tom and Jules, it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Tom and Jules, Chris and Martin,

you are now one step closer to the final,

and a chance to play for our jackpot,

which currently stands at £2,500.

CHEERING

So, to decide who goes on to play for that jackpot,

you now go head-to-head.

Basically, the deal is you can now play as teams.

You can chat, you can confer, before you give your answers.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for the jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

Here is your first question.

Our first question concerns...

LAUGHTER

Breeds Of Sheep - an old Pointless favourite.

Absolutely. We're going to show you five pictures now

of different sheep, and we need you to name the sheep,

and we just need their first names. We don't need surnames.

-It was a long time ago.

-We need the breed, please.

We're going to give you alternate letters of the breeds as well.

There we are. That's not so bad.

OK, so here are our five breeds of sheep, and we have got...

Aw... CHUCKLING

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Aw. Aw, look.

There we are - five breeds of sheep.

Now, Tom and Jules, you've been our low-scorers so far,

so you will go first.

Feel free to confer.

We are going to go for E, please.

Herdwick.

Herdwick, say Tom and Jules. Herdwick.

Now then, Chris and Martin,

do you want to talk us through the other sheep?

Well, A is Suffolk, I would say.

We were going to go for E.

Well, did they get it right? They said Herdwick.

Is it Hardwick?

Hardwick sounds...harder.

LAUGHTER

Have you ever heard of

a Herdwick sheep?

No, but Hardwick sounds

a bit more north...

Have you heard of a Hardwick sheep?

-No.

-No.

LAUGHTER

I mean, they could... If they get it wrong,

then we win anyway with Hebridean, which, as we know, is right.

That's true. Brilliant. Yeah, no, OK. He's right, yeah.

-So, strategically, let's go D, Hebridean.

-Good strategy. Nice.

OK, you're going to go Hebridean.

So, we have Herdwick and we have Hebridean.

Tom and Jules said Herdwick for E.

Let's see if that's right,

and let's see how many people said Herdwick.

Look at that.

Well done, Countryfile.

Oh!

10 for Herdwick.

Now, Chris and Martin, meanwhile, have gone for Hebridean for D.

-Oh, that's a cross sheep, isn't it? Look at that!

-Isn't it just?

-Look at that!

-Let's see how many of our 100 people said Hebridean.

It's right.

Oh, 20. 20.

Well done, Countryfilers.

Tom and Jules, after one question you are up 1-0.

Yeah, very well played.

-A is Suffolk.

-Yeah.

Suffolk would have scored you

76 points.

-B.

-B, Cheviot.

Yeah, from the Cheviot Hills.

That would have scored you

5 points. I mean, they...

You would not mess with

those three, would you?

I wouldn't mess with the lambs!

C...

Ryeland.

Oh, he was great...

-On X Factor, yeah.

-Wasn't he? Yes.

LAUGHTER

And that was a pointless answer,

-so very well done if you said that.

-Look at that.

Thank you very much indeed. Well, here comes your second question.

Now, Chris and Martin, you get to answer first,

-but you have to win this to stay in the game, so best of luck.

-OK.

Our second question this evening is all about...

Annoying Pop Songs, Richard.

We're going to play you five clips now of songs,

all of which appeared on a BBC Three list

of the most annoying pop songs of all time.

Can you identify the artist behind any of these songs, please?

OK. So, let's listen to our five annoying pop songs -

and here they are...

We have got A.

# Red, red wine

# Goes to my head

# Makes me forget that I

# Still need her so... #

Here's B.

# Dancin' in the moonlight

# Everybody's feeling warm and bright

# It's such a fine and natural sight

# Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight... #

Here is C.

# You're beautiful

# You're beautiful, it's true

# I saw your face

# In a crowded place

# And I don't know what to do... #

Here's D.

INCOMPREHENSIBLE BABBLING

# Wha-wha-what's going on?

# Bing bing

# This is the Crazy Frog... #

And here's E.

# And I take a deep breath and I get real high

# And I scream from the top of my lungs

# What's going on?

# And I say

# Hey, yeah, yeah

# Hey, yeah, yeah

# I said, hey

# What's going on? #

OK, there we are.

Chris and Martin.

Well, I... I've got an inkling that I know D, which is the most...

Presumably the most obscure.

I actually rather liked that one,

whilst I disliked all of the others intensely.

-LAUGHTER

-Because once it gets into it,

there's a real techno beat - it's good for driving.

But it's a real gamble, because we only heard a snatch of it,

and it never really got into its full swing,

so I think maybe we shouldn't gamble on it.

-Go for C, then?

-Mm-hmm, yeah.

We think that's James Blunt.

James Blunt, say Chris and Martin.

James Blunt.

Now then, Tom and Jules.

-Shall I go for it?

-Yeah.

I think D is Crazy Frog.

Crazy Frog, say Tom and Jules,

so we have James Blunt versus Crazy Frog.

Chris and Martin, you have gone for James Blunt.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said James Blunt, for C.

It's right.

49 for James Blunt!

Now, Tom and Jules, meanwhile, have gone for Crazy Frog, for D.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said Crazy Frog.

It is Crazy Frog.

Is it going to beat 49?

Yes, it is - look at that! Very well done.

-By quite a margin, at 30.

-Well done, mate. Well done.

Which means, Tom and Jules,

after only two questions, you are straight through to the final, 2-0.

-Very well done.

-Yeah, I also quite like that Crazy Frog song,

-it's genuinely quite good.

-Yeah.

Axel F. It was number two on the list -

the second most annoying pop song of all time, that was.

And Celine Dion, My Heart Will Go On,

was the most annoying, apparently.

There you go. It wasn't my list.

Now, A was...

Let's have a listen.

# Red, red wine... #

Red Red Wine by UB40.

I think everyone knew that.

Would have scored 33 points.

I'm also going to say not an annoying song.

Not annoying.

B...

# Dancin' in the moonlight... #

Dancing In The Moonlight by Toploader, you're quite right,

would have been the best answer on the board as well -

10 points for that. Again, that's not an annoying song.

It's not an annoying song.

-It became annoying because it was so ubiquitous.

-That was the trouble.

-It literally didn't stop for about a year.

-No fault of theirs.

-Oh, no, absolutely.

-No.

-It's a lovely song.

And the final one, E.

Oh, I know this one.

# Take a deep breath and I get real high... #

-Which is...

-4 Non Blondes.

4 Non Blondes, yeah, and that would have scored you 11 points.

Oh, God, they're not lying.

-Yeah, they were not lying.

-LAUGHTER

Thank you very much, Richard.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round -

I'm so sorry, Chris and Martin.

Nothing wrong with either of your answers, there.

You were just... You were just pipped by Tom and Jules -

they knew Crazy Frog. LAUGHTER

This is where we have to say goodbye.

Chris and Martin, it's been great having you on.

Thank you for coming to play.

-Come and play again, soon. Chris and Martin.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH

But, for Tom and Jules, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Tom and Jules,

you have fought off all of the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophies.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

for your nominated charities.

And at the end of today's show,

the jackpot is standing at £2,500.

So, there we are.

CHEERING

Well, what, I mean, a barnstorming performance that has been.

Lowest scorers in the first round, with 2.

Lowest scorers in the second round, I can't remember what with,

but Peppa Pig was the one that sticks in my mind.

But you made it into the head-to-head -

2-0 in the head-to-head.

Absolutely no arguing with that,

and some very good sheep knowledge as well, on top of that. LAUGHTER

Anything you would particularly like to see come up in this last round?

History, for me, I think, probably. Yeah.

I think possibly movies,

although actually identifying individual characters

and Oscar dates is always tricky,

but I watch a few films, so maybe that one.

Very, very best of luck.

-They're very specific, these things in the last round.

-Yeah.

Four of them on the board.

Let's hope there's something you like the look of up there.

Today's selection reads like this...

For me, it has to be straight for the top.

Yeah. I'm not going to argue with that, actually.

I'm very happy to join Tom in his deliberations on Bond films.

OK, Bond films it is.

OK, you've played brilliantly so far during the show, gents.

Hopefully we can see a jackpot here.

We're looking for the cast of any of the following films, please.

So, anyone credited with appearing in the 1962 Bond film Dr No,

the 1995 Bond film Goldeneye,

or the 2015 Bond film Spectre, please.

So, anyone, according to IMDB,

credited with appearing in any of those three films.

Very, very best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed.

OK, you now have up to one minute to come up with three answers,

and all you need to win that jackpot

is for just one of your answers to be pointless.

Are you ready?

No.

Go on.

Let's put 60 seconds

up on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

For the cast of Dr No,

I'm struggling apart from

the main ones, that's the problem.

Ursula Andress was in Dr No.

-Yeah.

-Who played...

Who was the guy who played Dr No?

-That's what I can't remember.

-Erm...

Dr Yes.

Goldeneye, I remember that Robbie Coltrane was in Goldeneye,

-and that might be quite a...

-That's a nice thought.

But also that actress who was...

-Grace Jones?

-No, no, who was in Grosse Pointe Blank.

-Do you know her name?

-No.

-She was in it.

As a singer, quite a small part.

Oh, was it... Goldie in it?

No, but I'll definitely go for Robbie Coltrane.

-Cast of Spectre, even though I've seen it very recently...

-Yes.

-Oh, who's the guy, who's the guy? Who's the kind of...

-Christoph...

There's Christoph Waltz.

-Ralph Fiennes.

-Yeah.

Christoph Waltz.

Andrew... That was the other M.

Who was the Q guy? The...

-The genius.

-Ben Whishaw.

OK. Whishaw...

Coltrane and...

-Christoph Waltz would be...

-What's her name?

OK, that is your time up, I'm afraid.

-Monica Bellucci.

-I now need your three...answers!

What about that?! What are your three answers going to be?

For Spectre, Monica Bellucci.

Monica Bellucci.

For Goldeneye, Robbie Coltrane.

-Robbie Coltrane.

-Shall we go for...

-Ben...

-Ben Whishaw.

And Ben Whishaw for Spectre.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-I think Robbie Coltrane.

-Robbie Coltrane will put last.

Least likely to be pointless?

I'm not expecting a zero out of any of these, actually.

Erm... Probably Ben Whishaw.

Ben Whishaw we'll put first, then Monica Bellucci in the middle.

And here they are.

We've got Ben Whishaw, we've got Monica Bellucci,

and we have got Robbie Coltrane.

Well, very, very best of luck.

Three excellent answers there.

Now, to win the jackpot, obviously, one of these has to be pointless.

If you were to win the jackpot - any of these could do it for you -

it would be £2,500 for your charities.

Who are you playing for? Tom.

I'm playing for the Whitley Fund For Nature,

which is an organisation that sponsors

conservation projects around the world.

Always very much kind of locally led,

but some really, really good work.

I've met some of those involved - great people, great project.

Excellent. Jules, how about you?

Well, last year I became president

of the Campaign For The Protection Of Rural Wales, CPRW.

It's quite an old charity, been going since 1928,

representing the landscapes of Wales

and, perhaps more importantly, the communities that live within it,

so that's who I'm doing it for.

Fantastic. Two brilliant charities there.

APPLAUSE

Fingers crossed one of these brilliant answers

will win that jackpot for you to share between those charities.

Now, your first answer was Ben Whishaw.

In this case, we were looking for cast members

from the Bond film Spectre.

If this is pointless, it will win you £2,500 for your charities.

How many of our 100 people said Ben Whishaw?

Nobody, by the looks of it!

Well, it is right. Phew.

It now just has to go all the way down to zero,

and then will win that jackpot for your charities.

Down Ben Whishaw goes, through the teens!

Into single figures, still going down.

Down it goes to 4. 4 for Ben Whishaw.

APPLAUSE

That's a good score.

In any other round of Pointless, you'd be thrilled with four.

Annoyingly, in this last round, we only take pointless answers.

So we move onto your next answer, which is Monica Bellucci.

Again, in this case, we were looking for cast members

from the film Spectre.

Monica Bellucci - if this is right, and if it is pointless,

it will win you £2,500 for your charities.

How many people said Monica Bellucci?

It's right.

Now, Ben Whishaw, your first answer,

a regular character in Bond, took us all the way down to four.

Monica Bellucci, at the last minute you remembered her -

down we go, through the teens...

Single figures, down it goes...

We're down to 2.

APPLAUSE

In sequence - sequentially,

4, 2...

We know what the next number should be in that sequence, don't we?

Yeah, 1

LAUGHTER

Oh, yes, I see what you mean.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes...

Well, fingers crossed.

LAUGHTER

Your last answer is Robbie Coltrane.

In this case, we were looking for cast members

from the James Bond film Goldeneye.

Has to be right, which we're pretty sure it will be.

If it is pointless, you will win £2,500 for your charities.

Very, very best of luck. How many people said Robbie Coltrane?

OK, there we are. It's right.

Ben Whishaw took us down to 4.

Monica Bellucci took us down to 2.

Robbie Coltrane taking us through the teens, into single figures,

-Down it goes, still going...

-Down, down, down!

CHEERING

-Absolutely superb.

-Thank you very much.

-Very, very well done.

-Unbelievable!

-Thanks, mate. Superb!

-Fantastic.

Well, that, I have to say, is a fitting end to the show.

You've been astonishingly good the whole way through,

and there you are, rounding it all off - and very sweetly as well.

You made it your last answer - just perfect!

Robbie Coltrane was a pointless answer,

which means you win that jackpot of £2,500 for your charities.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you.

-Very, very well done indeed.

APPLAUSE

Unbelievable.

Well, that's a lovely end to a lovely show, gents -

very well played. Thank you so much.

The actress you were talking about

-and trying to bring to mind was Minnie Driver.

-Minnie Driver!

-Who was also a pointless answer.

-Ah...

That would have been a lovely score.

Now, let's take a look at some of these.

Cast of Dr No, we'll start with that.

Anthony Dawson was a pointless answer.

Jack Lord, who of course went on to Hawaii Five-O, was pointless.

Lois Maxwell, who plays Miss Moneypenny in many films,

was a pointless answer.

Peter Burton, who played the Quartermaster,

the character who went on to be Q.

Dr No was played by Joseph Wiseman.

Would have scored you one point.

In fact, only four actors would have scored you points -

Sean Connery, Ursula Andress, Bernard Lee and Joseph Wiseman.

Everyone else pointless.

Now, the cast of Goldeneye.

Again, some famous names here. Joe Don Baker, the American actor.

Minnie Driver. Samantha Bond, a pointless answer -

another Moneypenny. And Robbie Coltrane.

Now, Spectre was the hardest one to get pointless answers on, actually.

None of the big actors would have been pointless.

Brigitte Millar, Ian Bonar, Jesper Christensen and Marc Zinga -

all of those pointless answers.

Very well done if you got any of those at home,

and congratulations in the studio. What a performance.

APPLAUSE

Well, thanks once again to our winning players, Tom and Jules,

who go away with today's jackpot of £2,500 for their charities.

-Very well done, gents.

-Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

..and it's goodbye from me.

Goodbye.