International Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong,

and a very warm welcome to this special international edition

of Pointless Celebrities, the show where the aim of the game is

to score as few points as you can. You do that by coming up

with the answers no-one else could think of.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

And couple number one.

I am Nancy Lam, I cook,

but I don't spoil the cook.

And I'm Sam Simmons, I'm an Australian idiot.

APPLAUSE

Couple number two.

I am Guillem Balague, a member of Sky Sports coverage

of the Spanish football for 19 years.

And I write some books.

I'm Ossie Ardiles, football player. Well, I used to be one.

APPLAUSE

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm Kym Mazelle, I'm the First Lady of House Music.

# House music all night long! #

Yeah. And I'm Jimmy Osmond, I'm the youngest member of a pop band

that's been around a while called The Osmonds.

APPLAUSE

And finally, couple number four.

He's Johnny from Jedward, I'm Edward

-and I'm in the group Jedward.

-We're best friends,

and we're here on Pointless for the third time.

And the theme was Hollywood, so we've got some bling-bling.

She's got her bling. You've got your red, you've got your suits.

-We're all ready.

-Let's go.

-APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed, all of you,

a very warm welcome to Pointless. We'll get to chat to each of you

throughout the show as it goes along.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

A man with a brain the size of the Central African Republic,

and by brain, we mean a cranial organ that's recognised

by the United Nations board of surgeons.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Hey, everybody. Good evening.

-Good evening to you.

-Good evening.

This is like the most surreal dinner party anyone has ever had.

-Don't you think? Lovely, though.

-We haven't even had the food yet.

Wonderful to have John and Edward back again.

One of my life's ambitions is to get Jedward past Round One on the show.

-Yes.

-Never...

-It's my ambition as well cos I feel like...

It's like the sequel to movies, there's one, two and three,

but I don't think we're going to come back for four.

Maybe when we get really, really older, but...

-Yes, thanks for having us back.

-It's such a pleasure.

-Now...

-Yeah.

Also on the show, I think I was just talking to him, Jimmy Osmond.

Now, my entire life, people have spelt my surname wrong,

because I'm an Osman. The Osmonds are Osmonds.

-But we think somehow we must be related.

-We've got to be related.

He does look like some of my relatives.

-You're a bit taller than we are.

-Yes, but there's more of you,

so stand one of you on the other one's shoulders.

And suddenly... Stick Donny on your shoulders, put glasses on him.

-Suddenly you're thinking, "Hold on a minute."

-I do that sometimes.

But, yeah, listen, it's going to be a long evening,

-but a fun evening, I suspect.

-Lovely. Well, thank you very much.

As usual, all of today's questions have been put to 100 people

before the show. Our contestants here are looking for

those all-important pointless answers,

these are answers that none of our 100 people gave.

Find one of those and we'll add £250 to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,

and each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity,

we're going to start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

There we are.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

So, remember this, the pair with the highest score

at the end of each round will be eliminated,

so keep those scores down, if you can.

No conferring till we get to the third round.

Best of luck to all four pairs, our first category this evening...

Film Romance.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second? And whoever's going first,

please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

On-screen Kisses. Richard.

On each board we're going to show you some pairs of actors

who've shared famous on-screen kisses on film.

We just need you to tell us the name of the film

in which these actors kissed, please.

There's going to be 14 in all to have a go at at home,

-so very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

So, we want the name of the film in which these pairs of actors kissed.

And here is our first board of seven. We've got...

I'll read those all again.

-Sam, welcome.

-OK.

-Good to have you here on Pointless.

-Thank you for having me.

-Now, Sam, before we get into that...

-Yeah.

Just tell me...tell me about...

Cos you're a comedian now, but you started off,

-you were a zookeeper.

-Yes, I used to pick up poo professionally.

-That was my thing.

-What about that? Where did you do that?

I was at Melbourne Zoo, and Taronga Zoo in Sydney.

-And... Yeah, I lived the dream.

-You went from zoo to zoo.

-Yeah, I got around.

-And how do you then cross over into comedy,

or were you doing comedy all the while?

They used to stick me out in the paddock

when, say, the elephant was off getting some footwork done,

cos they've got bad feet, elephants get bad feet,

that's what happens. They'd be off display,

they'd stick me out there with a headset microphone on,

and then I'd pull apart elephant poos

and do little displays for the general public and go,

"Hey, look in here, kids, I found my car keys."

Anyway, so then someone offered me a job in radio, like an idiot,

and now I don't know what I'm doing, and where are we?

-What's going on here?

-I don't know.

-Pointless, the best show in the world.

-Pointless.

-Now, Sam.

-Yes.

-On-screen Kisses. What would you like to go for?

Remember, a nice, obscure low-scoring answer

is what you're after.

I think it's going to be Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara.

I think it was called...

Bridget?

The film was called Bridget or Margaret.

Or Molly.

One woman's name. Margaret.

I don't know. I don't know, Nancy.

I don't know Nancy. Nancy doesn't understand a word I'm saying.

Do you have to take the first answer?

-I have to take your first answer, I'm afraid.

-All right, OK.

I'm sorry. So, Bridget. Sam is saying Bridget...

-I've got it wrong.

-..for Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara.

Let's see if it's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Bridget.

Oh, I'm sorry, Sam.

I'm sorry, not Bridget.

-Scores you 100 points.

-I'll tell you what, Sam,

if we were going to have trouble with someone,

I did not predict it was going to be you.

Not Bridget, I'm afraid, I'll give all the correct answers

-at the end of the pass.

-Thank you very much.

Guillem, great to have you here. Welcome to Pointless.

And you're a football pundit extraordinaire.

I mean, you've written books, haven't you?

You've written huge numbers of books.

-Biographies. Who have you written?

-That's right.

Lionel Messi.

Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo,

Pep Guardiola...

Rafa Benitez, in a way. A book about Liverpool, so...

-Only the best.

-Only the best.

I also read that you've got your coaching certificate B.

-Yes, B licence.

-You've got your B licence.

-Always need a B licence.

-Oh, well, absolutely.

If you've got an apiary, you're going to need a B licence.

-Yeah.

-Allows you to enter a lot of bars.

But then you're going for the A licence.

What's the difference between the two?

It's just more hours of coaching, more understanding.

It's just really an excuse to understand the...

the game I'm involved with as a writer or a pundit.

Is this because you want to understand it better,

or is it because you're going to start a new career as a manager?

I will be coaching or run...

-or help run a club called Biggleswade United.

-That's right.

We've got under 14s, under 16s, under 12s,

so I might get involved in that side a little bit.

Which is, I think, the most fascinating thing I've ever done,

-get involved with a football club.

-Wonderful.

Now, Guillem, how are you finding this board of on-screen kisses?

It will be all right as long as I can say the name

of the films in Spanish - is that OK?

-Er...

-No?

All right, well, then I have to just go for Tony Curtis

and Marilyn Monroe...

Oh, no, that's the one I was going for.

-Some Like It Hot.

-Some Like It Hot, says Guillem.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people

went for that, Some Like It Hot.

It's right.

Well, 100's our high score,

and you've passed that very comfortably.

-40 for Some Like It Hot. Excellent film.

-All right.

-APPLAUSE

-Very well played, Guillem.

Other than upsetting Jedward, yeah, terrific answer.

I actually had that movie, Some Like It Hot.

I actually got the Marilyn Monroe boxset.

I was about to ask whether you had that movie, if you had a boxset...

Thanks very much. Kym, welcome to Pointless.

Thank you. It's great to be here. Hello, everybody.

-The First Lady of House.

-The First Lady of House Music.

Now, when did you get to become the First Lady of House?

-When was that proclaimed?

-Well, that was proclaimed here

by being signed as one of the first house artists,

females, to a major label deal, worldwide, in the UK,

EMI Records, for about 1 million, something like this.

-Fantastic.

-Yeah.

-Now, you grew up in the same street as the Jacksons.

I grew up... Yeah, two doors down from Michael, Tito,

-Jermaine, La Toya, the Jacksons. Yeah.

-That is incredible.

So you grew up alongside them. What was that street like?

The street was full of music.

-I mean, you come outside and start to play...

-Yeah.

..soon as you hear the guitars cranked up.

-Yeah.

-So that was really, really good.

And it influenced me to go into music.

I saw him leave down the street and go into the TV.

So as a little kid, I thought,

"I want to leave from the house and go into the TV."

So now I'm in the TV.

Now you're in the TV. Now, Kym,

what would you like to go for on this board?

Well, they did pick the one that I had my eye on,

which was Some Like It Hot.

But, erm...

Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey.

-Dirty Dancing.

-Dirty Dancing, says Kim.

Let's see if it's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said

Dirty Dancing.

-It's right.

-OK.

Now, 100's the high score...

65 is what you get for Dirty Dancing.

-Not bad.

-Definitely not.

-Not bad at all.

Yeah, well played, Kim. Baby and Johnny Castle.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, John. Welcome back to Pointless.

-Thanks for having me, Al. I love the way you talk to me.

-Listen...

You're just like, "Hey, John. Welcome back to Pointless."

-I love the way you call me Al, I like that.

-Al.

Now, John, you've been in China.

OK, we got to go to China. It was unreal.

-What were you doing in China?

-The shows over there,

basically, cos they always play our music,

the songs that we write and produce ourselves,

they play them on MTV and all the different TV shows.

They love songs with meanings, deep meanings

because they translate them into Chinese.

And we write really deep, meaningful songs.

I know to the English public that might come as a shock,

some of you are still stuck back seven years ago,

we were on the other TV shows. We don't mention that show.

-Anyway, we're on Pointless now.

-I tell you what...

-It's going great,

they're going to have us back to do more TV shows

and we're going to do...

These shows are watched by 90 million people.

That's like back in the '60s, people were watching, like,

-when you were on TV, people were watching...

-He's still on TV!

He still is, but I mean, like, way, way back when nobody had Twitter,

-no-one had social media.

-JIMMY:

-I'm not that old.

OK, he's not that old.

But he hasn't... Look, he's totally fresh, you're so fresh.

-John.

-Yes.

This board's all yours. Do you want to go through it?

-There's some very obvious ones.

-OK, well, go through them all

-and then say which one you want to be your answer.

-OK.

Everyone knows Titanic, cos everyone loves Leonardo DiCaprio.

I'm going to go for Renee and Colin Firth,

-Bridget Jones' Diary.

-Bridget Jones' Diary, says John.

Let's see if it's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

-Now then, there we go.

-Oh...

45. APPLAUSE

45 for Bridget Jones' Diary.

-Very well done indeed.

-That is a good answer

and a lot of danger of Jedward being in Round Two...

-I know.

-..if this carries on.

-Guys, do you have a diary?

Honestly, OK?

Thank you so much, OK, for, like, the 2015 Cate Blanchett one, OK?

I was going to go for that one. That was probably the most pointless one.

-Which one was it?

-I don't know.

I don't know which one I was talking about.

-It was the war one, was it?

-No.

I cannot believe all of this is happening in front of Ossie Ardiles.

I can't believe this is happening.

These guys are great. I met Pele. I met Pele.

-Look, this is it, this is it...

-I met David Beckham!

David Beckham was cool.

-EDWARD:

-We were clubbing with Wayne Rooney.

-Yeah!

-SAM:

-I'm out of here.

No, honestly. Guys!

APPLAUSE

What are we doing? What's going on here?

-NANCY:

-Come back, behave yourself. Come back.

-OK.

-Come back.

-Oh, dear. We're only halfway through the first round.

-Yeah.

Sam, it was a woman's name, the name of the film.

-It's Carol.

-Damn it. And it would've been the most pointless, you wait.

Yes, the best answer on the board. Six points for that.

Audrey Hepburn and George Peppard.

-Breakfast At Tiffany's.

-It was Breakfast At Tiffany's.

25 points for that. Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio.

It was Titanic.

Big scorer, though, 85 points,

so you were right to go for Bridget Jones' Diary.

-And Dev Patel and Freida Pinto?

-Slumdog Millionaire.

Slumdog Millionaire. Would've scored you 15,

very well done if you said that at home.

-Very well done if you said Carol.

-Thank you.

OK, halfway through the round, let's take a look at the scores.

40 the best score of that pass, well done, Guillem.

40 for you. Puts you, I think, pretty comfortably

at the head of the table.

And 45, Jedward.

-Look at that. 45.

-It's been a while.

Yeah, the Titanic one was a very obvious one that...

Well, there we are, 45, not bad.

65 is where we find Kym and Jimmy,

and then 100, Sam and Nancy.

Nancy, a nice low score from you will keep you in the game,

so good luck with that. We're going to come back down the line,

can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put seven more pairs of actors up on the board,

and here they are.

We have got...

I'll read those again.

-Edward.

-Hi.

Everything John said kind of goes for me,

-so we can get on with this game.

-Oh, let's get on with it.

Right, Edward. Edward...

I'm Edward, I get the full name of Jedward, he only gets a J,

-but it's all good. We worked it out.

-I did wonder about that.

-Yes.

So everyone knows, we can be very, very intellectual.

I actually write contracts at home. We write songs.

-We do very, very grown-up things.

-You write contracts?

We book our own concerts, do shows.

I'm here today giving it my all for all of you.

We're all here to have some fun. I know you're a soccer player.

I appreciate everything you do, I really respect it.

You look very great. Jimmy Osmond,

I have so much respect for everyone here.

-OK.

-I'm in a red suit, I'm wearing a sparkly...

-So, Edward...

It's all good.

Edward, everything he says goes for you as well.

You're on 45.

The high-scorers at the moment are Nancy and Sam.

So, 54 or less keeps you in the game, Round Two.

OK.

Julia Roberts... Erm...

-OK, I'm going to go...

-OK.

-..for Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal,

-Brokeback Mountain.

-Brokeback Mountain, says Edward.

Here is your red line.

If you can get below that red line with Brokeback Mountain,

you are into Round Two.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Brokeback Mountain.

It's right.

Look at that, you're in Round Two.

History is made, 42 is what you score, 87 is your total.

Very well done indeed. APPLAUSE

-And Jedward are in Round Two.

-Yeah.

I will inform the BBC's schedulers, get them to put Casualty back.

Well played. It won the MTV award for Best Screen Kiss as well.

Thank you very much, Richard. Now, Jimmy.

-Yes, sir.

-Jimmy, you are in your 50th year in show business.

-Who's counting?

-What about that? That's just amazing.

-I started when I was three on The Andy Williams Show...

-Yeah.

..and haven't stopped, you know?

It's been wild, it's been a wild ride.

And what are you up to these days, Jimmy? What keeps you busy?

I'm still touring, I own a theatre

which used to be Andy Williams' theatre. And before he passed away,

he asked me to keep his music and legacy alive,

so I produce shows there and I actually tour,

I'm touring a show called Moon River And Me,

which celebrates not only our music, but Andy's music,

that we used to sing. It's kind of part of our...

We're kind of an extension of his legacy,

so it's great fun to bring all the footage and all the music back.

-He touched so many people's lives.

-Wonderful. Wonderful.

Jimmy, you're on 65.

Our high-scorers at the moment are Nancy and Sam on 100,

so 34 or less keeps you in the game.

OK, I'm rubbish at this, sorry.

But I think the one that's obvious is Julia Roberts and Richard Gere

in Pretty Woman, is what I'd pick.

OK, you're going to go for Pretty Woman.

Now, let's see. Here is your red line. If you get below that

with Pretty Woman, you're through to the next round.

How many people said it?

Oh, look at that, 73.

-Not great.

-APPLAUSE

There's a lifeline for Nancy and Sam there,

138 is your total.

Yeah, good answer, though. Much better than 100, Pretty Woman.

-Mm.

-Mm.

-Thank you very much.

-Pleasure.

-Thank you.

-Ossie, a very warm welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

Great to have you here.

A World Cup winner, Ossie, playing for Argentina.

Now, your career at Argentina, you just...

Did you and Maradona cross over at all?

Yes, we played seven years together.

I start playing with him and I was a superstar,

-he was a little boy.

-Yeah.

-He was incredible...

in the way that he was improving all the time.

So I will say I teach him one or two things, and after that,

he improved too much and he become the player that he was.

-Yeah, he learnt it all at your knee.

-Exactly. Not only from me.

Ossie, tell me about the Ossie Ardiles...

There's the soccer school, isn't there?

-There's a football school?

-Yes, in the south of London.

It's a friend of mine, a very young guy that runs the school

and he's doing a tremendous, tremendous job,

so I'm very happy to put my name into it.

OK, now, Ossie, you are as good as through.

97 or less keeps you in the game.

-Yep.

-97 or less.

So that's some indication of what you need to score.

I go for Vivien Leigh and Clark Gable, Gone With The Wind.

Gone With The Wind, says Ossie. Here is your...

That shows my age probably.

Here is your red line, it's nice and high.

If you can get below that with Gone With The Wind,

you are through to Round Two.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Gone With The Wind.

It's right and you are through, very well done.

50.

Taking your total up to 90.

Very well played, Ossie, safe and sound.

Yeah, it was the first-ever colour film to win Best Picture Oscar.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Nancy.

-Yes.

-A very, very warm welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-Lovely to have you here.

-Now, you made a great name for yourself as a chef.

-Yes.

-And Enak Enak, that was your restaurant.

-Yes.

It means delicious, delicious.

But you then, you crossed over into television.

-Yes.

-How did that happen? When and how?

Er, these two men came and had dinner.

And they said, "That woman is strange.

"I don't know where she come from.

"Why don't we try her on television?"

That's where I turn up.

And you never looked back.

Never. Never look back on anything.

Good or bad thing in your life, never look back, go forward.

Quite right.

Now, Nancy, you are not the high-scorers, you're on 100.

138's where Jimmy and Kym are.

If you can score 37 or less,

you and Sam will go through to the next round.

Do you feel like talking us through this board?

I only know one, that's all I know.

I'm going for Burt Lancaster.

And what film is that?

I forgot... What did you say?

On The Beach.

On The Lake. What do you think?

-We can't do it...

-OK, On The Beach.

-You're going for On The Beach.

-Don't laugh, you can't help it.

-Here is your red line.

-Yeah.

If you can get below that red line with On The Beach,

-you're into the next round.

-Yeah.

Let's see what happens, On The Beach.

Come on, baby.

No, I'm sorry.

-Sorry. It's a long day.

-I'm sorry.

I'm afraid that scores 100 points,

-takes your total up to 200.

-I am sorry.

-It's From Here To Eternity.

-Oh, come off it.

Have we got to go?

And would've scored you 15 points.

Now, Andie MacDowell and Hugh Grant would have seen you through,

-funnily enough.

-Four Weddings And A Funeral.

Yeah, 36 points for that.

Gwyneth Paltrow and Joseph Fiennes.

-Shakespeare In Love.

-Shakespeare In Love.

That would've got 17.

And Natalie Wood and Richard Beymer...

is West Side Story.

-Yes.

-And it's the best answer on the board, 4 points.

Very well done if you said that.

She's saying yes now, like, "Yes, I know that."

And it was the lowest one.

Well, listen, at the end of our first round,

I'm afraid the pair we've got to send home...

-This is not fair.

-It's Nancy!

-..is Nancy and Sam.

-Oh, it's been lovely having you here.

-It's OK.

-We're going to miss you.

-No, you're not.

-Yeah, we are.

-JOHN:

-It's fine...

-People over there now.

-Seriously.

There's always hope. We've been in your position twice.

-Yeah, OK.

-And we're still here, OK?

You'll be back, Nancy. You'll be back, Sam.

-Always have hope, OK?

-Yeah, all right.

-He's right.

Everything he said goes for me.

I'm here to meet you two old men.

Nancy and Sam, you're wonderful, please come and play again.

Nancy and Sam, superb. APPLAUSE

I can't believe it. Can't believe it.

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And look at that, we're suddenly down to three pairs.

-Jedward, you're still in.

-I know, we're in the Olympics.

-We might get to make a remix with Kym.

-First, second, third.

Guillem, congratulations, our lowest scorer in that round,

so very well done. The very best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this evening is...

It's a Words round.

Can you all decide in your pairs, who's going to go first,

who's going to go second? And whoever is going first,

please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Words ending in AP, Richard.

Yeah, we're looking for any words in the English dictionary,

please, that ends AP,

any word in the British & World section of oxforddictionaries.com

that ends AP.

As always, no proper nouns, no hyphenated words, very best of luck.

-Ossie.

-Oh!

Words ending AP, in a nice, obscure word.

So I have to say one or...?

-Any... Yes, any word you can think of.

-Only one?

-Just one, yeah.

-Only one.

-But think of a nice one

that you think the fewest of our 100 people would have thought of.

-Map.

-Map.

Map, says Ossie. Let's see how many of our 100 people went for map.

59.

59 for map. APPLAUSE

Map. As in a map.

-Or to map.

-Or to map. Yeah.

-Yeah.

Thank you. Jimmy.

How about trap?

Trap, says Jimmy.

OK, let's see how many of our 100 people went for trap.

It's right,

59 is our only score at this point.

52 for trap.

-Trap.

-Trap.

-Like a trap, or to trap.

Thank you very much, Richard.

John, a word ending AP.

So it has to end AP.

There can't be like a silent E at the end?

-No.

-OK. All right. So I had a really good one there

but then I wasn't really sure if there was an E at the end,

so I was like, "Mm, spelling bee."

So I'm just going to go for slap.

Slap, says John.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for slap.

It's right.

Well, 59 was our high score, then 52, down it goes...

36, John.

APPLAUSE I tell you what,

the head-to-head maybe beckons.

Yes, slap. Can mean to strike, say, or make-up.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

We're halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

36, the best score of the pass, Jedward.

-Lord preserve us.

-What? I can't believe it...

-You are the low-scorers...

-What?

-..halfway through the round.

Then we go up to 52 where we find Jimmy and Kym.

Then up to 59 where we find Guillem and Ossie.

So, Guillem, we need a nice low score from you.

Good luck with that. We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK. Now, Edward, remember,

we're looking for words ending with the letters AP.

You're on 36. Listen, if you can score 22 or less,

you're definitely in the next round.

OK. I'm going to go for wrap, as in food,

but not the rap like, yo, what's up?

-Just the wrap like, "Mm, chicken."

-Wrap.

-Mm, chicken wrap.

-Chicken wrap.

Or, no! Veggie wrap for all the vegetarians.

Oh, I'm glad we spelt that out, good. OK, there we are.

There's your red line. If you can get below that with wrap...

-But veggie wrap.

-..you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for wrap.

It's right.

Look at that, you're through. 18!

You are in the head-to-head round, Jedward.

54 is your total.

Yeah, there you go. Wrap. To wrap.

Or a wrap.

No, the wrap, like W-R-A-P.

Oh, no, I know. Yeah, yeah, I meant wrap.

-I had a silent W on mine.

-Nancy's going to make us food after this.

She's cooking it up right now backstage.

It's thanks to Nancy we actually got that answer

cos she was talking about cooking us food,

so some subliminal message went into his head and he got wrap.

-Certainly something is going on.

-Yeah.

Guys, I feel like a genius now,

I feel like I'm on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

-I'm going to win all the money for the charity.

-Kym.

-Yes.

-Now then, Kym.

-Uh-huh.

The high-scorers at the moment, Guillem and Ossie, are on 59,

-so ideally you'd score 6 or less...

-Oh...

-..with your answer.

Lap.

-Lap.

-Sit on my lap.

-Lap, says Kym.

-Yes.

-Here is your...

-Not a lap dance, but sit on my lap.

-Santa Claus, sit on my lap.

-That's a sort of Nancy-like comment.

Now, Kym, there is your red line coming in there,

-quite low.

-Oh, boo.

-Let's see how far down we get with lap.

How many of our 100 people said lap?

It's right.

55 for lap, taking your total up to 107.

All we need now is a professional journalist to be on the show,

that's all we need on our final podium.

Here's hoping. Now, Guillem, what would you like to go for?

You're on 59. 47 or less gets you through.

All right, I'll go for a football term, which is close to that one -

-overlap.

-Overlap, says Guillem.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said overlap.

Here is your red line.

Get below this red line, you are home and dry.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said overlap.

It's right.

And you're through, very, very well done indeed.

Overlap, look at that, down it goes.

1! APPLAUSE

1, taking your total up to 60, very good indeed.

# Ooh-ooh! Ooh-ooh! #

Oh, thank you so much, Guillem,

it's almost like a regular episode of Pointless there, just briefly.

Thank you for bringing us back to that.

There's lots and lots of pointless answers here.

-Have you got a good...?

-Dewlap.

-Dewlap.

-Yeah.

-What, the people that make the paint?

-Parent Trap the movie?

-2 points.

-Oh, no.

-2 points.

Thunderclap was probably better, maybe.

-Thunderclap?

-Yeah.

-Thunderclap would've scored you 1 point.

-Oh, very annoying.

-Now, there's some good pointless answers, though,

take a look at these. Lots of words that people could've got here.

Deathtrap, pointless answer.

-Nightcap.

-JIMMY:

-Nightcap.

Remap, rather than map, would've been a pointless answer.

-Would've added money to that jackpot.

-KYM:

-Skullcap?

-Why didn't I think of a skullcap?

-Scrapheap. Skullcap. Stopgap.

Stopgap.

Toecap.

Unwrap would've been a pointless answer, so wrap scored 18, unwrap.

Wiretap you also could've had.

Docusoap, that's a nice one.

Dungheap, dustheap, handclap,

honeytrap, madcap, outleap,

-snowcap, all of those were pointless answers.

-A dance going on.

Let's take a look at the top three,

the ones most of our 100 people said.

And they were...

-Top answers.

-There we are. Thank you, Richard.

So we are at the end of our second round,

the pair we have to say goodbye to with their high score of 107,

Kym and Jimmy, I'm afraid it's you.

-Hey, this has been a blast.

-We had a great time.

-It's been lovely having you here. JOHN:

-Can I make a sacrifice?

Can I like...? Who do you want?

Do you want to replace me with anyone, Edward?

-Yeah, I'll take Jimmy.

-I sacrifice myself, I'm gone.

I am hearing, yes, we can do that.

-I'm just going to...

-APPLAUSE

All right, Kym and Jimmy, it's been lovely having you.

Jimmy, I know you're going to sing us out at the end,

I'm really looking forward to that.

-I will.

-But thank you so much for playing, Kym and Jimmy.

-Thank you so much.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

But, for John and Edward, Ossie and Guillem,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Well, congratulations, John and Edward, Ossie and Guillem.

You're now one step closer to the final,

and a chance to play for our jackpot,

which currently stands at £2,500. There we are.

APPLAUSE

But this is where we decide who gets to play for that jackpot,

and we do it by making you go head-to-head.

But the big difference is, you are now allowed to confer.

First pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both players, let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here is your first question, and it concerns...

-Funny Americans, Richard.

-We will show you five pictures now

of Americans associated with the world of comedy.

Can you name the most obscure of these, please?

OK, let's reveal our five funny Americans, and here they come.

We have got...

There we are. Now, John and Edward, you will go first.

Well, OK, we have...

We've met her.

OK, don't say the names. OK, we are going to go for that babe, see her,

number D, Tina Fey.

Tina Fey, say John and Edward.

For D, Tina Fey.

Now then, Ossie and Guillem.

Well, I kind of recognise one, E.

I may not say it properly, but Ellen DeGeneres.

-Is that the one you want to go for?

-Yes.

Ellen DeGeneres, E.

So we have Tina Fey and we have Ellen DeGeneres.

Now, Tina Fey, say Jedward.

For D. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Tina Fey.

It's right.

10.

APPLAUSE 10 for Tina Fey.

Ossie and Guillem, meanwhile, have gone for Ellen DeGeneres for E.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many

of our 100 people said Ellen DeGeneres.

It's right.

47.

APPLAUSE Which means well done, Jedward.

After only one question, you are up 1-0.

Tina Fey there.

Star of the greatest sitcom of all time, I think, 30 Rock.

A is Melissa McCarthy.

Would have scored you 13 points.

B, star of Seinfeld and now Veep,

Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

Best answer on the board, two points, well done if you said that.

And Joan Rivers is the highest scorer.

Joan Rivers would have scored you 55.

Thank you, Richard. Here is your second question.

Ossie and Guillem, you get to answer it first,

but you have to win this one to stay in the game, so very best of luck.

Our second question is all about...

Confused Fruit.

Yes, we're simply going to show you five descriptions of different types

of fruit which are often confused, often used as vegetables.

But they are really fruit.

We will describe them, but what are these fruit?

Oh. So what are these fruit?

Let's reveal our five confused fruit.

I will read those all one last time.

There we are. Now then, Ossie and Guillem, it's over to you.

We will go for the only one we know,

the Spanish one, tomatoes.

The tomato. The tomato at the bottom there.

Now then, John and Edward.

It's over to you.

-I don't know it. Just go for it.

-Can we just think about it?

The first one, a courgette.

-A courgette.

-A courgette.

-A courgette.

For eggplant, courgette, say Jedward.

-So we have tomato, courgette.

-Am I right, guys?

-Ossie and Guillem went for tomato...

-Oh, God, just give me the no.

..let's just see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said tomato.

It's right.

75 for tomato.

APPLAUSE

John and Edward, meanwhile, have gone for courgette for the eggplant.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many

of our 100 people said courgette.

No, not a courgette, I'm afraid.

Not a courgette. Very well done, Ossie and Guillem.

After two questions, 1-1.

Yes, it's not a courgette,

it's aubergine was the answer you were looking for.

Something like that.

It was something like that. It was something very like that.

Yes, 72 points if you said aubergine.

The best answer is the winter fruit, in fact it's a pointless answer.

Very well done if you said butternut squash.

Did you know that? Who's getting that?

Very well played if you got it.

The long skinned fruit is a cucumber.

38 points. And the plant of the mallow family?

-Okra.

-Okra, yes.

And that would have scored you 43.

Thank you very much indeed. OK, so here is your third question.

This is the decider, whoever wins this goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot. Best of luck to both pairs.

Our third question is all about...

-Richard.

-Yes, we are simply going to show you five clues now

to facts about the Spice Girls. Whoever gives us

the most obscure answers is going to play for that jackpot,

so very, very best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed. OK, let's reveal our five clues,

and here they come. We have got...

I'll read those again.

Now, Jedward, you will go first.

-Are you going to go for it, John?

-I hope it's the right answer, OK.

Used as a term of female empowerment,

the two word phrase which they popularised, girl power!

I know I'm not a girl. I hope it's girl power, I hope so.

OK, girl power. Jedward are saying girl power.

Now, Ossie and Guillem, it's over to you.

Do you want to talk us through that board?

I cannot use the same one, we cannot use the same one?

You can't use the same one, sadly.

So, the next one will have to be a guess at the single,

let's say 2003, just to say something.

2003 for Best British Single.

2003. So we have girl power versus 2003.

Jedward have gone for girl power, let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

61 for girl power.

APPLAUSE

Ossie and Guillem, meanwhile,

have gone for 2003 for the year they won Best British Single.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said 2003.

No.

Bad luck. Which means, Jedward, after three questions,

-you are through to the final 2-1.

-We won!

# I'll tell you what I want What I really, really want

# So tell me what you want What you really, really want... #

Let's fill in the rest of this board, shall we?

The B stands for Brown.

Melanie Brown. Would have scored 29 points.

The name of the musical, written by Jennifer Saunders, was Viva Forever.

Would have scored you 10.

The year they won the best single was actually 1997,

they won it for Wannabe, their first single.

-Close.

-Nine points for that.

And the title of the 2007 song was Headlines.

And that would have scored you one point,

very well done if you said that.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our head-to-head round,

we have to say goodbye to Ossie and Guillem.

I am so sorry that we didn't get you into the final,

but it's been great having you on.

-Thank you so much, please come and play again.

-Thank you very much.

Ossie and Guillem, wonderful to have you, thank you so much.

APPLAUSE

But, for Jedward, it is now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Jedward,

you have fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

for your charities.

And at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

Well, very, very well done indeed.

What a turn-up that is!

You've come through to the final.

I actually feel so... it's so rewarding.

It's just good being here to spread awareness for the charity,

and our charity is Princess Diana anti-bullying programme,

and that's the whole thing.

Live on television, everyone get behind it.

And they do a lot of work in schools, anti-bullying ambassadors,

-it all makes...

-All the kids who are going through stuff like that,

and we love just being part of that and being involved.

Yes, because we are survivors as well.

All the stuff people have said about us and we're still here.

We're still here rocking sequinned tops, spiky hair, still doing it.

-Yeah, you've got to be yourself.

-Got to be yourself.

See, that is fantastic. Well done, that's a great charity, isn't it?

Very well done.

APPLAUSE

Now, as always, you get to choose your category in this last round.

Four things on the board, let's see what today's selection looks like.

OK. We have, like, six dogs at home, shout out.

-We look after all our dogs.

-Our dogs, some of them have, like,

10,000 and 20,000 followers on Twitter.

We literally have a zoo. We live in an estate,

I'm surprised the neighbours haven't reported us or anything,

but they're all really good dogs.

-OK. I think it's going to be Dogs, Richard.

-OK.

OK, good luck, gents.

Very best of luck, a great charity.

We are looking for any distinct named breed

that took part in Crufts 2016

in any of the following categories, please.

The toy breeds,

the hound breeds

or the working breeds.

So any distinct named breed that was in competition in 2016 at Crufts

in any of those three categories, please.

-Very best of luck.

-OK, now, as always,

you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot for your brilliant charity

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock, there they are.

Your time starts now.

59, 8, 7...

-We have time.

-So, a toy breed,

they are kind of like all Paris Hilton dogs.

Yes, I think everyone owns a Chihuahua.

Yeah, they are too technical now, we don't really know that category.

Hound breed, they are always howling.

I just think of wolves.

I know working breeds because our grandad, you know,

the type of dogs you always have.

Is it a German Shepherd or an Alsatian?

-There's two different names...

-Alsatian, Doberman,

all of them, Beagle out hunting.

-Dalamatian.

-No, that's not working.

But it's working in film. 101 Dalamatians.

Stop talking!

Every dog could be a working breed.

Oh, no, it's judged at Crufts.

Yes, but they would have been there, they would have been there.

Let's forget about the Crufts in 2016,

they obviously were there, come on.

-A Dalamatian.

-It's Dalmatian.

-10 seconds left.

-How do you pronounce Dalmatian?

-Focus.

-10 seconds left.

You have to do the questions right after, so what are you going for?

OK, that is your minute up.

Jedward, I now need your three answers.

-A Miniature Pug.

-A Miniature Pug.

-A Chihuahua.

-A Chihuahua.

-They're for the toy breeds.

-Yeah.

And then I'm going for working breeds, I'm going for Doberman.

OK, of those three, which do you think is your best shot

at a pointless answer? Which do you think is the most obscure?

We have a Chinese Crested and no-one has that dog,

so we should have gone for that answer, John,

because no-one really knows that dog.

Sadly that's not one of your three answers.

Of the three answers you've given,

which do you think is your best shot at a pointless?

It's just so we put them in the right order.

-Which is the best one?

-Doberman.

-OK, Doberman we'll put last.

Least likely to be pointless?

The least likely is Chihuahua.

OK, Chihuahua, and then mini pug in the middle.

OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board in that order, then,

and here they are. We have got...

Well, very, very best of luck. If you win that jackpot,

it goes straight to your charities,

-so wouldn't that be a nice end to this?

-Yes.

OK, well, best of luck, your first answer was Chihuahua.

In this case, we were looking for toy breeds judged at Crufts in 2016.

Only one of these has to be pointless

for you to win that jackpot.

So, for £2,500, let's see how many people said Chihuahua.

It's right.

All it has to be now is pointless

and you can go away with that jackpot for your charity.

Down Chihuahua goes.

Oh, 38.

APPLAUSE 38 for Chihuahua.

Not a pointless answer.

Which means we move on to your next answer.

What's pointless, literally zero?

Literally, literally zero.

So well down there. I should have gone for

-the most obscure make ever breed.

-Yeah, that's the...

LAUGHTER

-That's the game.

-OK.

OK, but still, you've got two.

Well, Doberman...

Let's find out. Miniature Pug.

Again, we were looking for toy breeds from Crufts 2016.

Let's find out. For £2,500,

how many people named miniature pug as one of those breeds?

No, bad luck.

I don't mind spreading money to all your charities,

they all deserve a bit of money for their charity.

Well, listen, you only have one more shot at today's jackpot.

Let's find out what's going to happen with Doberman.

In this case, you've gone for working breeds

judged at Crufts in 2016.

If nobody said it, you will win £2,500 for your charity.

Let's find out how many people said Doberman.

It's right. Well, now, your first answer, Chihuahua, went down to 38.

Your second answer, miniature pug, was incorrect.

Doberman, though, passes 38, down it goes, through the teens,

into single figures, still going down, still going down.

Three. Not bad!

APPLAUSE That's a good answer.

Sadly not a pointless answer,

which means you don't win today's jackpot of £2,500.

However, as today's show is a celebrity special,

we are going to donate £500 to each celebrity pair to give

-to their respective charities, so there you are.

-Perfect.

It's been fabulous having you on,

and you get to take home a Pointless trophy.

-We get a trophy?

-Yeah!

-Guys. Guys, guys, guys!

-APPLAUSE

We were on the Eurovision, we didn't win the Eurovision,

we didn't win that other talent show, but come on,

we kind of won the show, so...

You won it.

You won it fair and square, very well played.

I think you were going to change your answer

right at the last minute

to one of the types of dogs you have, is that right?

-A Chinese Crested.

-Chinese Crested would have been a pointless answer.

Fiji, you're the best.

-That's my dog's name.

-Let's go through the pointless answers,

we'll start with toy breeds.

Affenpinscher is a pointless answer.

Italian Greyhound, beautiful dog.

Australian Silky Terrier,

King Charles Spaniel is a pointless answer.

Very well done if you said that at home.

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel also a pointless answer.

Japanese Chin, Lowchen, a Miniature Pinscher,

all of those were pointless answers.

Let's take a look now at the hound breeds.

All of these pointless answers.

Basenji. The Finnish Spitz.

I'd like a Finnish Spitz, beautiful dogs.

Ibizan Hound. The Pharaoh Hound.

You also could have had

the Norwegian Elk Hound, the Otter Hound,

the Rhodesian Ridgeback, all of those pointless answers as well.

Now, let's take a look at the working breeds.

The Bernese Mountain Dog.

Giant Schnauzer. Newfoundland.

Rottweiler. Rottweiler was a pointless answer, amazingly.

You also could have had Bull Mastiff.

You could have had German Pinscher, Greenland Dog.

So, very, very well done if you got any of those at home.

Terrific answers there in that final round, good category for you,

and I'm really, really sorry about Chinese Crested,

that would have been such a lovely answer for Fiji and the charity.

But everyone shared in the money.

Should have let Edward answer the question.

Are you going to have us back? Because we'll come back.

-We'll be back for a sequel, we're like James Bond.

-Let me just check.

Can we be like James Bond and come back every year?

-Yeah.

-Let's say yes.

Yeah, you can. It's been lovely having you on.

John and Edward, thank you so much for playing. Jedward!

APPLAUSE

So, join us next time when we'll be putting

more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me.

But before we go, singing us out

with Long Haired Lover From Liverpool, it's Jimmy Osmond!

APPLAUSE

Come on, everybody, sing this song loud and proud.

Some people think this was the pointless song of the Osmonds.

It's Long Haired Lover From Liverpool, do you know it?

Here we go. Christmas number one!

# I'll be your long haired lover from Liverpool

# And I'll do anything you say

# I'll be your clown or your puppet or your April Fool

# If you'll be my sunshine daisy from LA

# I'll be your leprechaun and sit upon an old toad stool

# I'll serenade you till I'm old and grey... #

Sing it loud!

# I'll be your long haired lover from Liverpool

# You'll be my sunshine daisy from LA... #

Yeah, you got it!

Here we go!

# You'll be my lovely daisy on a mountainside

# There were lots of other flowers too

# But all the other flowers hung their heads and they cried

# Cos the loveliest of all of them was you

# Since you were evidently the exception to the rule... #

You know this.

# I picked you quickly then I ran away... #

Sing it loud!

# Cos I was your long haired lover from Liverpool

# You were my sunshine daisy from LA

# Yeah! That's right, yeah!

# Yeah

# That's right! #

APPLAUSE