Comedy edition of the quiz, with Andi Osho, Holly Walsh, Kevin Eldon, Dave Jones, Barry Cryer, Omid Djalili, Stephen Frost and Helen Atkinson-Wood.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thank you very much indeed.
Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and a very warm welcome to this
special comedy edition of Pointless Celebrities,
the game where we aim for the obscure and we ignore the obvious.
Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.
And couple number one.
Hi, I'm Andi Osho, I'm a comedian and actor.
Hi, I'm Holly Walsh.
-I'm a comedienne!
Wow. What about that?
-She went there.
-It's a lady comedian.
Look at that.
Couple number two.
Hello, I am Kevin Eldon,
-I am an ACTOR and comedian.
I'm Dave Johns.
I'm a lady comedian and a gentleman actor.
Couple number three.
My name's Barry Cryer and they told me I was going to
be with Omar Sharif,
but I get a lot of work as a Brad Pitt lookalike.
My name is Omid Djalili. I'm very honoured to be Mr Cryer's partner,
and he thought I was Omar Sharif but then he actually said that he was
He actually thought I was Stavros Flatley. That's the...
I didn't think that would get a laugh.
And you were right.
Just clap and let's move on as if that never happened.
And, finally, couple number four.
Hello, I'm Rick Stein,
-a fish chef...
..or Sean Connery.
Stephen Frost, comic improviser and actor.
And I'm Helen Atkinson-Wood, and I am an actress,
and I'm probably best known for doing comedy.
Thank you very much, all of you. A very warm welcome to Pointless,
and we'll get to chat to each of you
throughout the show as it goes along.
So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.
He gave up doing the Fringe years ago.
He prefers a side parting these days. LAUGHTER
It's my Pointless friend - it's Richard.
Hiya. Hey, Everybody.
Good evening to you.
Good evening. You did actually have a fringe once upon a time.
-I did, yes.
-Yeah, I remember you had a fringe.
Blimey, that's a big spoiler.
-Yeah, a long time ago.
But enough of me. How are you?
-Do you know what? I mustn't grumble.
-This should be fun.
I always think when you get comics on, I always think the same thing,
"This is going to be a very, very long recording."
That's what I always think.
Now, we've had some legends on this show before.
We have had H from Steps,
we have had the Cheeky Girls,
we have had that guy from Made In Chelsea...
-Do you remember that time?
But Barry Cryer! What a joy to have Barry Cryer on the show, isn't it?
-But it should be fun, right?
-I think it should be.
-What's the worst that can happen?
Thank you very much indeed. Now, as always,
all of today's questions have been put to 100 people before the show.
Our contestants are looking for those
all-important pointless answers.
These are answers that none of our 100 people gave.
Find one of those and we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.
Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,
and each of our celebrities is playing for a charity,
we are going to start off with a jackpot of £2,500,
and there it is.
Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.
Now, remember this - the pair with the highest score at the end of each
round will be eliminated.
Very, very best of luck. No conferring, of course,
for the first two rounds.
Our first category this evening is...
Compass Points. Can you all decide in your pairs
who's going to go first, who's going to go second,
and whoever goes first please step up to the podium.
OK, and the question concerns...
Ah... Yeah, we're going to give you a series of clues on each board,
seven clues on each board, and all of the answers have
a compass point somewhere in their name.
They have the north, south, east or west somewhere in their name.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
OK, let's reveal our first board of
things with directions in their names.
Here come the clues...
I'll quickly read those again.
There we are.
Seven clues, seven answers containing points of the compass.
Andi, welcome to Pointless again.
-Now, Andi, you've been directing a film,
-you've been directing a film called Amber.
-That's right. I did.
-When did that happen?
-Well, it's still happening, actually.
We're just still in the process of finishing it.
-Is this your directorial debut?
-Yes, it is. Yeah.
Are you good, do you think, behind the camera?
Are you very patient?
Yes, I think I am.
I was quite nice to the actors sometimes -
you know, I let them go home and sleep and things like that.
Did you overrun every day?
-Not at all?
-Yeah, overrunning would have involved having set hours.
I see. So it was that kind of nice, relaxed schedule?
-Yeah, we work until it's finished. Yeah.
Very nice. And still going well?
-You're enjoying it?
-Yeah, I am.
-Very, very, very best of luck.
Now, Andi, the questions.
I know some of them. I know...
Yeah, I know some of them.
OK, I'm going to go for the second one,
the 12 Years A Slave one.
I think Solomon North.
..says Andi, with a little bit of hesitation.
-Yeah, I swallowed it a bit, didn't I?
It's got a point of the compass in it.
Let's see if it's right, Solomon North.
How many of our 100 people said it, if it is right?
Bad luck, Andi.
That's an incorrect answer - scores you 100 points.
Sorry, Andi. I'll give all the correct answers
-at the end of the pass.
Thank you very much indeed.
-Nice to be back.
-I brought my dad this time.
Actually, Dave gave you your first stand-up job.
-Is that true?
-His big break.
-Is that really true?
-Where was it?
In the early '90s, he had me on, paid £5...
It was a lot in those days.
-And in Newcastle, it was.
I'm still very grateful to him. That's why I've had him back.
That's why you've brought him along.
-It wasn't a club, it was just a skip.
-In a back lane.
-Yeah, there were three people in there.
It was an anoraky character, a sort of...
He was, sort of, scrunched up.
I often used to be waiting in the wings, about to go onstage,
and security would come along and try and get me of the building.
Cos I was in character, you know. But that was...
Yeah, Kevin Boyle was that character's name
that I did for a little bit.
You see, stand-up, I could almost do stand-up in character.
It's just terrifying otherwise.
-Have you ever done it at all, stand-up?
I've done after dinner speaking, which is a posh stand-up.
It's very posh stand-up, yes.
Posh stand-up with a lectern.
I would love to watch that.
-There's a challenge, Xander.
-There you go.
I would enjoy that.
I would see him at the Glasgow Empire, or something like that.
-That'd be nice.
Just tales of the Oxfordshire countryside.
Xander Armstrong's Tales Of The Cotswolds.
Let's just also talk about Horace Batchelor, as well,
your blues band...
-My blues band...
-And the Zeebra Kittens.
And the Zeebra Kittens. We've been together for 32 years now,
and we once supported BB King.
We did... We quite...
That's the only thing I'll ever boast about, BB King and...
Yeah, we can play a bit of blues.
-Excellent. Now, Kevin.
-To the question.
We've had one incorrect answer,
-which takes a little bit of pressure off you.
-Yes, well, I'm...
There are some that I think are just too easy, and the others are very,
very difficult, but I seem to remember
that it was West Ham who took over the Olympic Stadium,
so I think that that first one there is probably West Ham...
-West Ham, says Kevin.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said West Ham.
Look at that. 50.
-Exactly halfway down, there, Kevin.
-Very good indeed.
Well played, Kevin. Yeah, now called the London Stadium.
They were at Upton Park for 112 years before that.
It seemed longer, to me.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Omid, a warm welcome to Pointless.
-Nice to have you.
-Nice to be here. Thank you.
There are various comedians who also have acting careers
that have, kind of, splintered off from their comedy,
and I would say your acting career is of
an altogether different calibre.
I mean, your CV in acting terms...
You've been part of huge films like The Mummy and Gladiator.
You did that lovely TV adaptation of My Family And Other Animals.
And what are you up to at the moment?
Have you got any exciting projects?
Yes, I'm touring a show called Schmuck For A Night,
a stand-up show,
and I'm also promoting my documentary We Are Many,
which Andi very kindly saw and appreciated, so...
See, that's right. There's a new departure for you there
in serious documentary-making.
-Do you enjoy it?
-Yeah, it's about the anti-war demonstrations of 2003,
which were 800-strong in 800 different cities,
and it's basically one of those non-political films
about people power.
Right you are. Omid, what would you like to go for on our board here?
I would like to go for the TV drama broadcast from '99 to 2006
created by Aaron Sorkin, which I think is The West Wing.
The West Wing, says Omid.
Let's see how many of our 100 people agree with Omid, The West Wing.
It's right. 100 was our high score - you've passed that.
50's our low score, and you've passed that.
Down it goes. Good stuff. 37 for West Wing.
-That's all right.
I'll have that, I'll have that.
-Very well played, Omid.
Now, if you put Pointless and The West Wing together,
between us we've won 26 Emmys.
Wow. We are doing some of the heavy lifting there, aren't we?
-Isn't that amazing?
That is... When you think... God, I mean, it's crazy.
-God, it's quite humbling, isn't it?
-Yeah, between us.
RICHARD WHISTLES Very good.
Helen, welcome to Pointless.
-Very good to have you here.
Known to many, I should think, for Mrs Miggins.
I guess so, but I...
But also, let's just talk a bit about Radio Active -
hugely popular in the 1980s,
and then it went on to be KYTV,
and then I suppose everyone just did so well they, sort of,
went off and did their own things.
Well, I'd like to think so, yeah.
We certainly had our own individual careers for a while.
It's probably because of the fact that we're, you know, great friends
and we've all been on holiday together, and we're all, you know,
each other's godparents, and we all spend Christmas together,
that we just thought we would...
-SHE BLOWS AIR
-..you know, dust off Radio Active
and run it up the flagpole, and we took it up to
the Edinburgh Festival, and people seemed to like it quite a lot.
That's such lovely news. So, how...? It went well?
-Yes, yes, yes.
-And what is going to be happening next?
Well, we're going to have a meeting on Thursday,
so I'll have to come back another time
-and tell you what happened.
-But I think...
I've just been speaking to Steve about the wonderment of
even performing at the Glastonbury Festival,
and I think we might, you know,
go to some festivals or something like that.
-That's fabulous news.
Now, Helen, this board is all yours,
if you wanted to talk us through it and fill in all the blanks...
Right. The one that's leaping off the board in my direction,
probably because I love the Tube map as, you know,
as a fabulous piece of artwork, and I also live on the...
On the Northern line, which is the London Underground line
coloured black on the standard Tube map.
That's my answer.
The Northern line, says Helen.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said the Northern line.
Well, you've beaten our high score.
The low score is still 37.
Oh, and you join them. Look at that.
-Very cosy there...
on number 37.
-Very well done, Helen.
-Well played, Helen.
Now, let's clear up the rest of this board.
Andi, incredibly unlucky.
You went for a risk and you were two letters away from
a correct answer there.
-Is it North...?
-Yeah, I'm so sorry.
It would have scored you 1 point as well -
far and away the best answer on the board.
That's really, really unlucky.
The BBC soap opera is, of course...
That would have scored you 79.
The first name of Kanye and Kim's daughter?
Yep. That would have scored 27.
And so you've got the faces of the four presidents.
Now, this is a low-scorer, simply because...
South Dakota is the answer.
South Dakota is the right answer, yep,
and that would have scored you 7 points.
There we are. Thank you very much indeed.
We're halfway through the round.
Let's take a quick recap of those scores.
37 was the lowest score of the pass.
Very well done, Helen and Omid.
It puts both your pairs right at the top of the table, there.
Then we travel up to 50, where we find Kevin and Dave.
And then 100, Andi and Holly -
-In a parallel universe, we're winning.
OK, right, we're going to come back down the line now.
Can the second players please step up to the podium?
OK. Shall we put seven more points of the compass up on the board?
Here they are. Seven more clues.
Let me read those all one last time.
-Welcome to you.
I'd never spotted the Rick Stein before.
-Yeah, I get it all the time.
-Yeah, of course.
Yeah, I've... My parents used to live down in Cornwall...
-..near Mousehole, and I've been to a restaurant there
three times, and when I ask for the bill they say,
"You don't have to pay, Mr Stein.
"How were the prawns?"
And I always say, "Well, give me another bottle of white wine
"and I'll tell you exactly how the prawns are."
It happens all the time.
-Which is exactly what Rick Stein would say.
Now, you compere Bestival.
Well, I just... Rob Da Bank used to live round the corner from me.
-He's the guy who sets it up.
I have a VW camper van and he has a VW camper van,
so we started talking about that,
but the great thing is I get to introduce heavy metal bands,
Major Lazer, Hot Chip,
Stevie Wonder, but the best gig I ever did was
Bestival on the Isle of Wight -
I had to introduce the Chuckle Brothers.
And they were brilliant.
And the reason why me and Mark started in comedy
all those years ago was to get rid of people like that.
It didn't work, and I'm glad it didn't,
cos they did 20 minutes of "To you, to me, to me, to you" -
20 minutes, big laughs, 14,000 people.
I learnt so much.
-That is amazing.
-Anyway, Stephen, there you are. You're on 37.
If you can possibly score 62 or less,
-you won't even become high scorers after a second answer.
Well, I know quite a few of those answers,
but those will be the obvious ones, so I'm going to go...
The bottom one I know, so I'm going to go for...
And it's the 1959 film,
the Hitchcock one about, I think it's Cary Grant on the run,
it's called North By Northwest.
-North By Northwest, says Stephen.
Let's see if it's right and how many of our 100 people said it.
There is your red line. Get below that, you're into the next round.
Yup, very well done.
APPLAUSE ..takes your total up to 66.
Well played. Yeah, Cary Grant, as you say.
That's packing an awful lot of compass points
-into one answer, that, isn't it?
-Welcome to Pointless.
-Lovely to have you here.
Now, Barry, you have been involved closely involved in comedy
right the way through so many different periods of it -
the satire boom in the '60s,
the sketch comedy in the '70s...
Kenny Everett, The Two Ronnies...
Right the way through.
Do you have a favourite era of comedy?
Is there any era you would say was the golden era? Maybe now?
My favourite comedy era is now.
-I like talking about the past. I don't want to live there.
I think there's so much talent around now.
I've just been up doing the Fringe again, at my advanced age,
and there's so much talent around.
I had a marvellous time back in the '60s and '70s, and it was great,
but I refuse to go,
"Golden age, oh, those were the days,"
as if there's nothing around now.
There's more good comedy around now than there ever was.
-Well said, fantastic.
Now, Barry, you're on 37.
Our high scorers are still Holly and Andi on 100,
so 62 or less gets you through.
The complex on the River Thames that includes the Royal Festival Hall
and Hayward Gallery.
Southbank, says Barry.
OK, here is your red line.
If you can get below this red line with Southbank,
you are through to the next round.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Southbank.
Through you go to Round Two.
..taking your total up to 66.
There you are, again, exactly the same score as Stephen and Helen.
Well played, Barry. Built in 1951 for the Festival of Britain.
If there was a monologue in the opening ceremony,
I imagine you wrote it.
Thanks very much indeed, Richard.
Now then, Dave...
-Dave, there you are on 50.
Now, Dave, you've had an extraordinary
and extremely successful career.
You've been a compere, you've been a club compere...
You've also... You adapted The Shawshank Redemption.
Yeah, me and another comic, Owen O'Neill,
we adapted the stage adaptation of it, yeah.
And that's been touring... Is it still touring?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it tours every autumn,
-so that's quite nice.
-So it started in Dublin,
and then it came into the West End...
Yeah, and now it's out on tour, so it's... Yeah...
Have you heard, Dave? The cast have escaped.
But, also, you've been part of this brilliant revival
up at the Edinburgh Festival where 12 Angry Men
-and One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest were done.
But then, now, you've been doing this Ken Loach film.
Yeah, I just starred in the new Ken Loach film, yeah, which was amazing.
-It's been garlanded with praise everywhere it goes.
-It has, yes.
-It's won all sorts of awards.
-It won the Palme d'Or in Cannes.
-It did. Yeah, it did.
That was pretty much a shock, you know?
I mean, Cannes was just crazy.
I'd never been to any place like that before.
It's all, sort of, you know, motorcades
and, sort of, darked-out limousines and red carpets.
-It was crazy.
-Very exciting indeed.
Anyway, now Dave, we have a game on our hands here.
You are on 50. If you can score 49 or less,
you are definitely through to the next round.
Well, there's a couple of high ones there, I think.
I'll go for the Jake Gyllenhaal film...
which is Southpaw.
Southpaw, says Dave. Here is your red line.
If you get below that with Southpaw,
you're through to the next round.
How many of our 100 people said Southpaw?
Gets you through.
And it's a lovely low score.
Look at that, lowest score of the round. 12 for Southpaw,
taking your total up to 62.
Very well played, Dave.
Yeah, he's incredibly fit in that film and he plays a boxer.
The role was originally meant for Eminem, unbelievably,
and he had to pull out, so it went to Jake Gyllenhaal.
Wouldn't think the two of them would share any roles.
No. Interchangeable? Not really.
-That's interesting, Holly.
-Now, you went into comedy having worked in an art gallery.
-Well-worn path, obviously(!)
-Yeah, the traditional way(!)
What was the lure?
What called you into comedy?
I was just fed up with working with artists
who got to say and do whatever they wanted,
and I thought, "I want to do that,"
so I became a comedian,
and it, sort of, worked out.
I tell you what hasn't worked out, though, I'm afraid,
is your Pointless debut.
-I'm afraid your score...
-But that wasn't...
That was entirely down to my, erm...
-I made this.
Now then, you are...
Yes, I'm afraid we'll have to say goodbye to you
at the end of this round, but you have this board.
If you wanted to, you could fill in all those blanks
and leave in a blaze of glory.
-Yeah, I could do that...
-..but I can't...
-..because I don't know the answers to most of them.
Any ones you want to have... Volunteer an answer?
I'll do the old... The bottom one, cos that's my era.
Well, it was...
-East 17 is the answer.
East 17, says Holly.
No red line for you, as I'm afraid you're already our high-scorers.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said East 17.
Oh, look at that. Look at what you could have won.
takes your total up to 138.
Oh, so you would have scored 39.
It would have been the lowest score of the whole round if you'd just got
those two extra letters on there.
Oh, well, there we are.
Two letters away from the second round. I am sorry.
Let's take a look at the rest of these, shall we?
The common name for aurora borealis?
That would have scored you 59 points.
Now, I bet you don't know this duo.
I loved them. I like it when they have duos on X Factor.
-Journey South, there you go.
-Four points. They had a number-one album, Journey South.
How about that? And the US actor and director...
and that would have scored you 56 points.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
So, at the end of our first round,
I'm afraid the pair we have to say goodbye to,
with our high score of 138,
Holly and Andi, it is you.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
You'll just have to come back and win next time.
-Come back without me.
-Come back together.
Come back together and win.
I mean, nothing wrong with your answers apart from two letters,
as Richard says. Lovely having you here.
I'm afraid it's far too soon to be sending you away,
-but send you away we must.
But come back, as I say. Thanks so much, Holly and Andi.
But, for the remaining three pairs, it is now time for Round Two.
And so, suddenly, we are down to three pairs
and at the end of this round, we will have to be down to two pairs
in time for our head-to-head round.
This is very close indeed.
Omid and Barry, Helen and Stephen,
you were absolutely drawn at the halfway point of the last round,
and absolutely drawn at the end, as well. Spooky!
And, Dave and Kevin, only four points ahead of them.
But, Dave, very well done -
Southpaw, the best score of the whole round, so that was fantastic.
Best of luck to all three pairs.
Our category for Round Two this evening is...
Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,
who's going to go second, and whoever's going first,
please step up to the podium.
And the question concerns...
Companions in the TV series Doctor Who. Richard...
Yeah, we're about to show you a board with 16 pictures on it,
all of whom are actors who have been a companion
to Doctor Who at some point.
We just need you to name the most obscure actor
you can see up here, please.
So, we're looking for the name of the actors you're about to see.
OK, thank you very much indeed.
So we're going to put up this image, as Richard said,
that has 16 companions of Doctor Who.
We just need to know the names of the actors,
and there are those actors.
There we go.
That's quite tricky, isn't it?
You've got to be a Whovian.
Is that what they're called?
-A Whovian to know some of those.
I... OK, I'm going to go for one.
I think, probably, third along,
second down, Elisabeth Sladen.
Elisabeth Sladen, says Kevin.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Elisabeth Sladen.
and I think that's going to be a very good score.
Down it goes. Elisabeth Sladen taking you down into single figures.
7. Very well done indeed, Kevin. What a start to the round.
7 for Elisabeth Sladen.
Well played, Kevin. Yeah, she played Sarah Jane Smith.
Of course, you worked alongside...
I did, yeah. Thank you very much, Richard.
Now, then, Barry. Barry, if you like,
you don't have to identify which of
the companions you're talking about.
You can just throw a name out there,
if it makes it any easier.
-Carole Ann Ford.
Carole Ann Ford.
Carole Ann Ford. Let's see if that's right,
and let's see how many of our 100 people said Carole Ann Ford.
APPLAUSE One for Carole Ann Ford!
Very well done indeed, Barry.
Well, that was quite impressive, wasn't it?
-That was impressive.
-Yeah, she's in the very first episode.
Played William Hartnell's granddaughter, Susan Foreman.
Thanks very much. Now, Helen...
If only I'd watched more Doctor Who.
And I know that obscurity
is the way forward...
..but I'm really struggling with this round.
OK, but I'm going to nominate, obviously, Catherine Tate,
because she is such a fantastic comedy actress,
and this is a comedy show,
and she was fabulous with David Tennant
as his sidekick on Doctor Who, so Catherine Tate.
Catherine Tate is your answer. Helen says Catherine Tate.
How many of our 100 people said Catherine Tate?
-I like 39.
-39 for Catherine Tate.
Well played. Yeah, she played Donna Noble -
as you say, was a companion to David Tennant.
Thanks very much. We're halfway through the round.
Let's look at those scores, starting with the lowest score
of the pass, Barry, which is yours. Very well done.
Carole Ann Ford, great answer. 1 point.
7 is where we find Kevin and Dave.
39, Helen and Stephen -
a little bit ahead there.
Stephen, let's have a nice low-scoring answer from you.
Good luck with that. We'll come back down the line.
Can the second players please step up to the podium?
I hid behind the sofa when all
the ones in black and white were on,
so I didn't see the credits.
I'm going to go for
Sue Jameson, says Stephen.
No red line, as you're the high-scorers at the moment.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Sue Jameson.
I'm lost for words.
I'm afraid Sue Jameson is an incorrect answer,
so I'm afraid it takes your total up to 139.
Yeah, sorry, Stephen. Not Sue Jameson, I'm afraid.
Even though Barry Cryer definitely went, "Oh, yes," when you said it.
Thanks very much indeed.
I recognise a lot of them
but only by the character names.
and I'm going to go easy -
I'll just go Billie Piper.
Billie Piper, says Omid.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Billie Piper.
No red line - you're already through.
APPLAUSE 62 takes your total up to 63.
Yeah, safe and sound. Like so many people who appear in Doctor Who,
a genuinely wonderful actor, Billie Piper.
A big scorer as well. Played Rose Tyler.
-Thank you very much. Now, Dave...
I stopped watching Doctor Who in about the late '60s,
but I'd say...
Peter Purves, says Dave.
No red line - you're already through.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Peter Purves.
Look at that, down to 6!
Very well done indeed.
Takes your total up to 13.
He's quite difficult to recognise there, isn't he?
I wonder if people got him just from the picture.
Now, let's fill in the rest of these, shall we?
The top row, you've got Jenna Coleman,
who would have scored you 14.
Next to Jenna Coleman, it's Louise Jameson.
-Louise Jameson, not Sue Jameson.
-Oh, that's it...
She would have scored you 10.
Nicola Bryant, she would have scored you 1.
Next row, Freema Agyeman.
Freema Agyeman would have scored 4 points.
Next to Elisabeth Sladen, there, is Katy Manning,
who would have scored you 1.
Very good answer if you'd have said that.
Next to Catherine Tate,
you've got Bonnie Langford -
she would have scored 38.
John Barrowman, he would have scored you 30.
I would've thought he'd scored more than that,
but the picture maybe doesn't quite look like him.
Sarah Sutton would have scored you 1.
The bottom row, Lalla Ward -
she would've scored you 3 points.
Arthur Darvill would have scored 3 points,
and Mary Tamm would have scored you 1.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
So, at the end of our second round,
the pair we have to say goodbye to - high score of 139 -
Stephen and Helen, I am afraid it is you.
It's been lovely having you on the show.
Thank you for coming to play. Please come and play again.
But, in the meantime, thank you so much, Stephen and Helen.
But, for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.
Well, congratulations, Dave and Kevin, Omid and Barry.
You are now one step closer to the final
and a chance to play for that jackpot,
which currently stands at £2,500.
This is where we decide who goes through and plays for that jackpot.
We do it by making you go head-to-head.
The difference is, you can now start playing as pairs.
You can chat, you can confer before you give your answers.
It takes a bit of pressure off, I think, does it not, Omid?
-This is good. The first players to win
two questions will play for the jackpot.
I think this will be very close.
Two fantastic pairs, so best of luck to both pairs.
Let's play the head-to-head.
Here is your first question, and it concerns...
We are now going to play you five extracts from songs,
all of which have an item of food in their title.
We need you to tell us the artist behind each of the songs, please.
OK, yes, who are the artists behind each of these songs?
Let's have a listen, here is song A.
# Jambalaya and crawfish pie and file gumbo
# For tonight I'm gonna see my ma cher amio
# Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gay-o
# Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou... #
Here's song B.
# I started singin'
# Bye-bye, Miss American Pie
# Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
# And good ol' boys were drinking whiskey and rye
# Singin' this'll be the day that I die
# This'll be the day that I die... #
Here is song C.
# The DJ that he knows well on the spot always around 12
# Plays the mix that Diego mezcla con la salsa, y la baila
# And he dances y la canta
# Asereje ja de je de jebe
# Tu de jebere seibiunouva, majavi an de bugui an de buididipi... #
# All I need is for you to come home
# You're sweet like chocolate, boy
# You're sweet like chocolate
# You bring me so much joy
# You're sweet like chocolate, boy... #
And here is E.
# Vindaloo, vindaloo
# And we all like vindaloo
# We're England
# We're gonna score one more than you
# England! #
OK, there we are. Dave and Kevin, you're our low scorers,
so you will go first - feel free to confer.
Yeah, we'll go for...
-The first one, was it?
The Carpenters for A.
A, The Carpenters. Now, Omid and Barry.
Over to you.
I think C is a girl group.
I think their name was Ketchup, I'm not 100% sure.
-We do know that E is Keith Allen's football...England song.
I can't think who... I mean, B was the cover of Don McLean's song.
Yeah, we couldn't get the cover of American Pie.
-And D, I can't think who that was.
-OK, they've gone for A, shall we go for Keith Allen?
Fat Les, Keith Allen. I know Keith Allen, that was his song.
-Keith Allen, Fat Les.
-Let's go Keith Allen, Fat Les.
-I'll go with you on that.
So, Dave and Kevin have gone for The Carpenters for A.
Let's see if that's right.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said The Carpenters.
Omid and Barry, meanwhile, have gone for Keith Allen and Fat Les.
Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of
our 100 people said that.
14, which means, Omid and Barry, after one question, you are up 1-0.
Yeah, Fat Les, Keith Allen was their singer.
There was also Alex James and Damien Hirst in that band.
Now, let's fill in the rest of these, shall we?
B, have a little listen to that.
# I started singin'... #
As you say, it's a cover of American Pie.
The biggest score on the board, actually, because it's by Madonna.
Madonna's cover of American Pie would have scored you 33.
JC, not a million miles away -
it's got Ketchup in the name. It's Las Ketchup.
Spanish band, Las Ketchup.
Would have scored you 7 points.
And let's listen to a little bit of D.
# All I need is for you to come home... #
-Now, it's Sweet Like Chocolate.
-Sweet Like Chocolate.
And it's a band named after our nicknames,
it's Shanks and Bigfoot.
It's a pointless answer, so very well done if you said that.
-You all right, Shanks?
-Yeah, not so bad, BF.
There we are.
Thanks very much indeed. So, here comes your second question.
Dave and Kevin, you have to win this one to stay in the game.
Our second question is all about...
Yes, we're going to show you five tabloid-style headlines now
which outline plots from different soap operas.
Can you tell us which soap operas these plots were taken from, please?
Thank you very much indeed.
OK, let's reveal our five tabloid soap-opera plots,
and we have got...
OK, so there we are, five tabloid soap plots there.
Omid and Barry will go first.
OK. I did not know 1955, that one, but you did.
I think that's pretty obscure.
Farmer's son's wife in tragic attempt to rescue horse!
-Do you want to go for that?
-What do you think it is?
If I say it, we are committed, aren't we?
-Farmer's son's wife in tragic attempt to rescue horse is the...
Is The Archers, it's Grace Archer.
OK, The Archers, say Omid and Barry for B.
Now then, Dave and Kevin, talk us through the rest of the board.
Oil baron thought dead found alive in shower is...
That's Dallas. Yorkshire village pub floods during siege -
Emmerdale. Melbourne Labrador dreams of marriage to bog next...
BOG next door?!
-That's Neighbours, is it?
And, Merseyside patio excavation reveals grisly secret - Brookside.
-We're going to go for C...
OK, Brookside, C, say Dave and Kevin.
So we have The Archers and we have Brookside.
Omid and Barry went for The Archers for B. Let's see if that's right,
let's see how many of our 100 people said it.
Look at that - 10 for The Archers. Good answer, there.
Dave and Kevin, meanwhile, have gone for Brookside for C.
Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Brookside.
38...for Brookside. APPLAUSE
Which means, very well done, Omid and Barry, after only two questions,
you're through to the final 2-0.
Yes, well played, Barry, it's a terrific answer. Grace Archer.
In fact, it was on the same night as ITV launched -
it was designed to spoil the launch of ITV, the death of Grace Archer.
You went for the best answer of the other ones you could have
gone for, gents. You knew them all, I think.
Dallas is A, Dallas would have scored you...
You'd have got 41 for when Bouncer dreamt of marriage
to the dog next door in Neighbours, Joe Mangel's dog.
41. And 55 for Emmerdale.
Thanks very much indeed.
So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,
I'm afraid, Dave and Kevin.
I'm so sorry. Fantastic play the whole way through the game.
-It's been good fun, really good fun.
-It's been lovely having you on.
-Thanks very much. Cheers.
Brilliant, impressive low scoring. Come and play again, please.
Dave and Kevin, fantastic.
But, for Omid and Barry, it's now time for our Pointless final.
Congratulations, Omid and Barry, you have fought off
all the competition and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.
You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot
for your charities. And at the end of today's show,
the jackpot is standing at £2,500. There it is.
Well, very well done - your first appearance on the show,
-straight through to the final.
-2-0 in the head-to-head.
-No arguing with that at all.
You know what happens in this last round,
four categories will appear on the board.
Is there anything you badly would like to appear up there?
-I like my sport.
-I hope there's nothing with history.
-History is not my strong...
-I'll be a weak link on sport with you,
-OK. What do you like?
Boring, I suppose.
Comedy and television.
-That would be nice.
-Yeah, that would be great, wouldn't it?
OK, well, let's see what's going to be on the board today.
What do you... The Letter N?
-I don't know.
-The Letter N might be interesting.
-Shall we do that? I wouldn't do Irish Pop.
-Run out of steam.
-The Letter N?
-Let's go on Letter N.
-Letter N it is, Richard.
Yes, not a bad choice, I think, cos three very different categories
here, so hopefully one of these will suit you,
or maybe more than one of them will suit you.
We are looking for the name of any chemical element which contains
the letter N, as of June 2016.
We are looking for any Best Picture winner at the Oscars
that contains the letter N.
Or we are looking for any countries of the world
beginning or ending with the letter N. As always by country,
we mean a sovereign state that is a member of the UN in its own right.
So any chemical elements containing the letter N,
Best Picture winners at the Oscars containing the letter N,
or countries beginning or ending with the letter N.
-Very best of luck.
-Thank you very much indeed.
Now, as always, you've got up to one minute to come up with
three answers, and all you need to win that jackpot for your charities
is for just one of those answers to be pointless.
-Are you ready?
Good, OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.
There they are. Your time starts now.
-Countries, countries where...
..it finishes with the letter N.
-Beginning or ending.
-Countries beginning or ending? OK.
Yes. Right in now? Can I go right in with one?
I think we have to consult about which one we're going to choose.
-Where is that?
-Is that a country?
-Nyasaland? Where is it?
Well, it's just south of...
-The other place.
-Where? I've never heard of Nyasaland.
-It doesn't matter,
it's a country beginning or ending with the letter N.
OK, that's one question, all right.
What about Best Picture winners containing the letter N?
-Oh, just containing?
Wow. Well, the last Best Picture was...
-We have to think of some quickly.
-Ten seconds left.
And chemical elements containing the letter N.
-Yes, but they're...
OK, you've got the three questions.
OK, there we are. Your time is up.
If you could give your three answers and say which category
-you're answering in...
-You're saying the questions are Nyasaland...
-Nyasaland is one of your answers.
Schindler's List might be good.
And then, we can think of another Best Picture winner...
How about Niagara? Didn't Niagara win something?
-Niagara. You're going to go for Niagara?
-Let's go for Niagara.
So, we have got...
Nyasaland, we have got Schindler's List and we've got Niagara.
Yes. Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?
I would say Nyasaland, because I've never heard of it.
Nyasaland we'll put last. Least likely to be pointless?
So, Niagara, Schindler's List, Nyasaland.
OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board in that order, then,
and here they are. We've got...
Well, very best of luck. If you were to win this jackpot,
you'd be sharing it between your charities.
What charities are you playing for? Omid?
Mine would be the Chain Of Hope charity,
which is for children with heart problems.
-St Luke's Hospice, Harrow.
Two lovely charities there.
Let's hope one of these answers is pointless so we can split
that jackpot between them. Your first answer was Niagara.
In this case, we are looking for any Best Picture award at the Oscars
containing the letter N.
Let's find out if Niagara is right.
If it is pointless, it will win you £2,500 for your charities.
Let's see how many people said Niagara.
I'm afraid not Niagara.
So let's move quickly on to your next answer, which was Schindler's List.
Again, we were looking for Best Picture Oscar winners
containing the letter N.
Schindler's List, if it is pointless, will win you £2,500.
How many people said it?
It's right. Niagara, your first answer, was incorrect,
but Schindler's List is absolutely on the money.
Down it goes, through the 30s.
Into the 20s. We're still going down.
Through the teens. We are into single figures.
Down we go to 5.
GROANING AND APPLAUSE
-5 for Schindler's List.
You're moving in the right direction, but everything
is now riding on your third and final answer, which was Nyasaland,
which you thought was probably your best shot at a pointless answer.
If this is pointless, it will win you £2,500 for your charities.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Nyasaland.
Your third answer, Nyasaland, was also incorrect, I'm afraid,
so you didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer,
so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £2,500.
However, as it is a celebrity special
and all of our celebrities are playing for nominated charities,
we are going to donate £500 to each celebrity pair,
to split between their charities.
So there we are. It's been wonderful having you on the show.
Thank you so much for playing and playing so well, Omid and Barry.
Remember, you get a Pointless trophy to take home as well.
-Fantastic, Omid and Barry.
-Close. Nyasaland...I believe...
Yeah, sorry about Nyasaland. Nyasaland is now Malawi.
Oh, yes, it changed.
It changed its name in 1964.
To be fair, it is only 52 years ago,
so it's... We're all getting used to it.
-I think that's the thing.
-No wonder my letters never arrive!
Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the different categories.
We'll start with chemical elements - lots of pointless answers here.
You could have had coppernicium, dubnium, you could have had indium,
tantalum, all sorts of pointless answers there. Scandium as well.
Now, Best Picture winners, it's so hard in 60 seconds,
cos there's going to be so many of these names that you know,
but the time runs out so quickly.
Lawrence Of Arabia, Midnight Cowboy...
You could have had A Beautiful Mind. Annie Hall was a pointless answer,
would have been a lovely one, Around The World In 80 Days,
From Here To Eternity, Gandhi was a pointless answer,
How Green Was My Valley, In The Heat Of The Night, No Country For Old Men,
On The Waterfront, Ordinary People, Shakespeare In Love - a pointless answer.
The Bridge On The River Kwai, The English Patient,
The French Connection, The Sting, Unforgiven.
Lots of pointless answers out there.
Well done if you got one of those at home.
Now, these countries beginning or ending with the letter N.
There is a lot of the "-stans".
There is also Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan and Uzbekistan.
All of those were pointless answers.
Very well done if you got one of those at home.
You've been terrific entertainment all the way through, gents.
I'm sorry it wasn't quite the right final category for you.
Thanks very much, Richard, and thank you so much, Omid and Barry.
It's been lovely to have you here. Join us next time, when we will be
putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.
-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.
And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.
A special celebrity comedy edition of the general knowledge quiz in which four teams try to come up with the answers that no-one else could think of. Presented by Alexander Armstrong and co-host Richard Osman. Featuring Andi Osho and Holly Walsh, Kevin Eldon and Dave Jones, Barry Cryer and Omid Djalili, and Stephen Frost and Helen Atkinson-Wood.