Episode 3 Pointless Celebrities

Thank you very much. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to a celebrity edition of Pointless,

the quiz show that puts obscure knowledge to the test. Every single question was asked to 100 people.

To be in with a chance of winning our final round jackpot,

our celebrities need the answers the fewest could think of. Let's meet our Pointless celebrities.

First up, welcome Rebecca Wilcox and Esther Rantzen!

Well, you're both TV presenters. Esther, you were on That's Life for 21 years, I think.

-And Rebecca, we know you from Watchdog. You specialise in consumer programming.

-Yes.

I'm fearful of saying "specialise" in case there's a question on it. Slight specialism.

-So a mother and daughter team. What'll it be like?

-Wonderful. When in doubt, keep it in the family.

-That's what they say.

-Who'll go first?

-Depends on the subject.

-OK.

-Yes.

-Have you drawn up any tactic?

-Slight strategy here, yes.

-Which I've forgotten!

She'll answer the difficult questions and I'll tick her off on the way home.

Esther, what do you hope comes up?

Er...

I'm quite good on con men we have exposed on That's Life.

Yeah...

And I'm quite good on embarrassing things Rebecca said when she was a toddler.

That's not coming up, though, is it? So that's OK.

Lovely to have you here. Rebecca and Esther, welcome.

And next we welcome John Virgo and Dennis Taylor!

Obviously, two former world snooker players, now commentators.

We can surely assume you know everything about snooker.

Yep. LAUGHTER

He does, I don't. On Question of Sport, I always get the snooker wrong, Alexander.

-But you must have lots of other little areas we don't know about. John?

-Yeah.

Horse racing, Manchester United.

-What are you like as a team? You commentate a lot together.

-We've had a quick word

and it looks like it's up to me.

John is very good on everything, really. Movies, sport, he's excellent.

-He'll be going first.

-And, of course, Dennis, you've sung with Chas and Dave.

Well, if Chas and Dave's worst record comes up, I might get that. Snooker Loopy. Anybody remember?

AUDIENCE: Yes!

-Nothing wrong with Snooker Loopy.

-It got to Number Six.

-Really?

My line was, "Because I wear these goggles." The upside-down glasses.

-And Chas shot a ball into my mouth. I had to catch a white ball in my mouth.

-Brilliant.

-There you go.

-Welcome to the show. Very best of luck.

Next we welcome Edith Bowman and Rick Edwards.

Two of the country's most popular TV and radio presenters.

-And very good friends. How long have you known each other?

-About 8 or 9 years.

-And where did you meet?

-We met working on...

-Very early.

-..a breakfast show

-that wasn't very good.

-It was brilliant!

-We had fun.

-The viewing public disagreed!

-It was a great show.

-We had fun.

-A lot of fun.

-We formed a Scrabble club.

-We did.

-We did form a Scrabble club.

-We made membership cards.

So we bonded over Scrabble and early mornings.

-Between the pair of you, you cover so many different areas. Edith, music, you do Glastonbury now.

-Yeah.

-Radio One.

-I'm still rubbish, though, when you put me on the spot.

You could have said that before we agreed to come on the show!

-Any other strong areas you'd like to nominate?

-I think it's unlikely, but I like maths.

-So any simple maths questions, I'll be into it.

-Star Wars.

-Star Trek.

-You've a degree in Natural Sciences.

-I have.

-Have you?!

-I kept that quiet, Edith.

-LAUGHTER

Yes, I have. So I should be OK on physics and things.

Anything you'd just hate, Rick?

-I don't know where anywhere is. Geography.

-Yeah.

-I'd hate that.

-Edith?

-Em, I dunno. Kind of important stuff like politics

I think I'd be quite rubbish at.

-But give me Madonna's albums of the past and I'm right on it.

-Right on it.

Very, very best of luck.

And, finally, we've got Paul Ross and John Thomson!

Oh, there's a scary-looking team there! You've been on our screens for a long time,

Paul as a presenter, John as a comedian and actor.

-But you're great pals.

-It must be 20 years.

-We worked it out.

-He was at my last wedding, my final wedding, and I was at his.

-My first wedding.

-And final.

-I hope so.

-But, Paul, you've been on so many quizzes

-and walked off with the trophy on nearly all of them.

-I'm pretty good on the team ones.

-I did the Weakest Link and, unlike John, who only came second...

-Don't! It eats me alive!

-..I won my Celebrity Mastermind.

-I was second by a point and it kills me.

-What was your topic, Paul?

-Ezra Pound, the modern poet.

-Ezra Pound. What was yours, John?

-Bond villains!

That's covered all the bases.

-Three decades of movies and 22 films.

-Have you got it there still or did you cram it all in?

If it's random trivia, it's there.

-It can't be added to.

-There's no way to prepare for this show.

You never know what your particular Bond villain is going to spew at us.

-Unless it's biscuits and obscure confectionery.

-Might be.

-It isn't, but might be.

-Obsolete confectionery I'm good on.

-I'll write obsolete confectionery.

-The raisin was removed from the Double Decker in 1983.

-It was actually 1984.

-Was it four?

-That it came off the shelves, yeah.

-Curses!

Very best of luck. We look forward to finding your hidden knowledge.

Only one person left to introduce. If there's a box, he'll think outside it.

-He's my Pointless friend, Richard.

-Hiya.

Hello.

-Wow.

-I know. How about this?

-How about that?

-Quite a line-up.

Should be an absolute cracker. Paul and John, look at them.

Like smiling assassins. They've got it all covered.

Everything they go on, they win. If I was able to, I'd fix it so the show was harder for them.

I'm not able to, although Round 1 is breakfast Scrabble, Round 2 is snooker tournaments of the '80s...

-Go on!

-..and Round 3 is embarrassing things Rebecca said as a toddler.

-LAUGHTER

Thank you very much, Richard. All our questions were put to 100 people,

but we want the obscure answers they didn't get. To stay in the game,

our celebrities must score as few points as possible. Everyone is trying to find a pointless answer

that none of our 100 people gave. Do that and we add £250 to the jackpot.

As today's show is a celebrity special and each celebrity is playing for a charity,

-we start with a jackpot of £2,500.

-AUDIENCE: Oooh!

Right. If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

In the first round, you each give me one answer. You cannot confer.

The pair with the highest score will be eliminated. An incorrect answer scores the maximum 100 points.

Try to avoid those if you can.

Our first category this evening is...Children's Books.

BOTH: You!

Can you all decide who is going first and who's going second?

And whoever's going first please step up to the podium.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many Mr Men and Little Miss characters as they could.

Mr Men and Little Miss characters. Richard?

We want any word that follows Mr or Little Miss in either series of books created by Roger Hargreaves.

Any word that gives one of the titles of a Roger Hargreaves book.

Right, Rebecca and Esther, you all drew lots before the show and today you are going first.

Esther, is this good for you?

Well, I can think of one and it's such an obvious one that all 100 of your respondents

will have said it. So I apologise to my daughter in advance.

I'm extremely sorry to make it so difficult for you

and I'm going to say... Mr Happy.

-LAUGHTER

-Mr Happy.

-It's OK.

Mr Happy. OK, well said, Esther. Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

-52!

-Well, it's not good, is it?

-It's not bad!

52 of our 100 people said Mr Happy, so that scores you 52.

It's not 100. He's big, round and yellow and lives in Happy Land.

-Now, John, we come to you.

-Yes?

Mr Men or Little Miss.

-I'll go... Mr Happy, did Esther say?

-Yeah.

Well, if there's a Mr... I'm going Seven Dwarfs here.

Mr...

Er...

Mr...

Potato! I don't know. Mr Potato!

-Is there a Mr Potato?

-Mr Potato, says John. That IS obscure, isn't it?

-It really is.

-Let's see. Mr Potato, says John Virgo.

Is that a Mr Man or a Little Miss? Let's see if it's right and how many of our 100 people said Mr Potato.

AUDIENCE: Aww!

-Had your chips!

-I'm afraid Mr Potato is an incorrect answer, John.

-I'm sorry.

-You score the maximum of 100 points. Richard?

-Mr Happy's beginning to look like a pretty good answer now.

Rick, please.

Yes. I mean, I'm confused. I'm sure my mum read Mr Potato to me.

I'm going to say... Little Miss Sunshine.

-Little Miss Sunshine.

-Good shout.

Well, we'll see. Is that a good shout or not? Is it right and how many of our 100 people said it?

-It is!

-Yes!

Very well done, Rick. Look! Down it goes... 14!

A great answer.

-Little Miss Sunshine, Richard.

-Also the name of a Hollywood film.

Paul. Remember we are looking for Mr Men or Little Miss characters.

I'm going to go safe on this one and go for one I know is right - Mr Tickle.

Mr Tickle, says Paul. Is that right? How many of our 100 people said it?

It's right.

Very good. 42.

-That'll do the job, Paul. 42 for Mr Tickle.

-Well played, Paul.

You sensed the relief as soon as Mr Potato was raised.

Suddenly no one was having to go too obscure.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at the scores. Fabulous from Rick -

14, Rick and Edith. Then up to 42, where we find Paul and John.

-Up to 52 for Esther and Rebecca. Then 100, where John and Dennis...

-This is a good score in snooker.

Don't worry about that.

Listen, Dennis, as long as you've got a nice, obscure Mr Man or Little Miss...

-It'll be obscure, don't worry!

-..you'll be through to the next round, no problem at all.

We'll come back down the line. Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

Remember, we are looking for Mr Men or Little Miss characters.

John. You're on 42. The high scorers on 100 are Dennis and John.

If you can score 57 or less, you are definitely in the next round.

My two girls are...

They read these books, so I know them.

So I shall go for the slightly obscure Mr Sneeze.

Mr Sneeze. OK, here's your red line, John.

Below that and you'll have fewer points than Dennis and John and you'll be through.

Mr Sneeze. Will he get you down there? How many people said it?

It's right.

And you're through to the next round.

Oh, that's a wonderful score there, John. Mr Sneeze scores you six and takes your total up to 48.

Richard?

Well played, John. Mr Sneeze lives in Shiver Town, capital of Coldland.

With respect, if you're sneezing, move out of Coldland!

Move out of Shiver Town!

Edith, you're on 14.

The high scorers on 100 are Dennis and John. If you score 85 or less, you're in the next round.

My little boy's got a bed cover with them on,

but it's which one to choose.

I think I'm going to go with the Little Miss.

-I'll go with Little Miss Chatterbox.

-Little Miss Chatterbox, says Edith.

Here's your red line. Nice and high. Get below that red line and you are through.

Is it right and how many said it?

It's right...and you're through to the next round. Look at that.

Oh, it's a great score. Very well done, Edith. 16. Takes your total up to 30.

-Well played, Edith. There's a Mr Chatterbox as well.

-Is there?

-Are they related?

Unbelievably, not related. Same surname, but different family.

Mr Chatterbox is more of a bore. Little Miss Chatterbox is just chatty.

-Dennis...

-I have a five and a seven-year-old, but I'm useless on books.

-Ohh... <

-Try another vegetable.

-Hang on, John! That's out of order.

-Sorry.

-Out of order. Mr Potato.

-You know, big head, eyes.

-It's got to be obscure.

-I'm going to go Mr Grumpy.

-Mr Grumpy.

How many people said it? Is it right?

It's right!

I can't believe it!

-37!

-Well, well done.

-37, Dennis.

Very well done. Takes your total to 137.

Well played, Dennis.

-Rebecca.

-Yes.

-We are looking for Mr Men and Little Miss characters.

The high scorers are Dennis and John on 137. 84 or less will see you into the next round.

I've got a few in my head and it's trying to work out...

-You can talk us through your thoughts.

-Nosy, Strong, Messy, Neat...

-Sounds like me.

-Yes.

-Nosy, strong...

-Overbearing, Jewish mother.

-Am I revealing too much?

-Yes.

-Was that one of yours?

I know 'em all now! I know 'em all now! It's...

-I just can't decide which one would be...

-The most obscure.

I'll go with...

-Er, Nosy.

-Let's see if it's right and how many people said Nosy.

There's your red line, Rebecca. Below that, you're through. Nosy.

-Yes!

-It's right and you're through.

17! Really not bad at all. Takes your total up to 69.

-Richard?

-He's green and has an enormous nose.

-That's quite insensitive to call him Mr Nosy.

-With the big nose?

-He's got a massive nose.

-Call him something else.

-Mr Smallface.

-Greeno. Yeah.

One thing you thought of was Neat. That was a pointless answer.

It would have added £250. Let's look at some other pointless answers.

Clever would have won you some money, Impossible, Lucky,

Magic, Nobody... Mr Nobody? And nobody's remembered him.

Oh, it just gets worse.

-LAUGHTER

-Scary also was a pointless answer.

Very well done if you got these at home. Star, Mr Topsy-Turvy was pointless.

And Trouble as well. Unbelievably, Mr Potato not on that board.

-I'm going to say believably, actually. Believably.

-What? Mr Potato?

-He would have sat very oddly in that company.

-Do you think?

-Yes!

-There are no other vegetables in there, are there?

-There's loads. If you'd said Carrot, Leek,

Beetroot, all of those were perfectly good answers.

Turnip, Swede, Sprouts also.

-Mr Sprouts?

-Mr Sprouts. Potato is pretty much the only vegetable that's not...

-that's not in Roger Hargreaves' canon, I'm afraid.

-OK.

Let's look at the top answers.

Mr Tickle at 42 is the third most popular answer, but you were safe with that, Paul.

Mr Bump with 46

and top of the pile, Mr Happy with 52, but you're safely through.

Thanks, Richard. So at the end of Round 1, the losing pair... I'm sorry, John and Dennis.

What can you do? Trick questions.

Listen, Dennis, John, I'm so sorry. Someone had to fall foul of Roger Hargreaves

and I'm afraid it was you two.

-Oh, dear.

-137. That's a pretty good break for us.

-Yeah. Nowadays, yeah.

-We're happy with 137.

-Good.

-Thank you.

-It's been lovely.

-Sorry it was so short, but Dennis and John - fantastic contestants.

-Best of luck, everybody!

Potato(!)

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round 2.

Now there's only room for two celebrity pairs in the head-to-head, so one team leaves after this.

Our category for Round 2 is... the Roman Empire.

The Roman Empire.

-Can you all decide...?

-I'm just going to go now!

Decide who's going to go first and second and whoever's going first please step up to the podium.

OK, so our Round 2 question concerns...Roman cities and their modern names.

-Roman cities and their modern names. Richard?

-We're not usually on Saturday evenings

so I wanted to show we can be quite highbrow as well as doing Mr Men.

It's not all Mr Potato, I promise.

We'll show you six cities on each pass and the modern-day countries in which you'd find them.

You just give us the modern-day name of the city. How is it now known? An obscure one scores fewer points.

A wrong answer scores 100 points. Six on each pass, 12 for you to have a go at at home.

OK. So we are looking for the modern-day names of these Roman cities and we have got...

I'll read those out one more time.

Esther.

Well, I... You want the name of the city?

The modern-day name of the city.

OK.

Neapolis.

New City in Greek.

Strangely, must be Naples.

Neapolis, Naples, says Esther. Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people knew that.

-Sorry.

-It's right.

71.

71 for Neapolis. Naples.

-A big score, but it is New City.

-Worth a few more points?

-You don't want more points.

-No, I mean...

-This is where we're going wrong.

Edith, we are looking for the modern English names of these cities of the Roman Empire.

I have no idea. I don't know anything about the Roman Empire

apart from what looks like similar names to what they refer to now.

So I'm going to go with... Do you say Berytus in Lebanon? Beirut.

Berytus in Lebanon, Beirut, says Edith. Sounds good to me.

Is it right and how many knew Berytus, Beirut?

It's right.

Oh, it's a good one, Edith. 45.

-45 for Beirut. Richard?

-Yeah, Berytus.

-Very good answer. From the Greek for "better score than Naples".

-LAUGHTER

Thanks very much, Richard. Now, John, you can clean up here if you like.

-Take us through all the board and pick what you want.

-I'll play safe.

I'm going for the first one. I think Vindobona is Vienna in Austria.

Ahh!

Vindobona, Austria

is Vienna. Let's see if that's right and how many people knew that.

It's right! Very well done, John.

30! Best score of the round so far.

30 for Vindobona.

Well played, John. Vienna, absolutely right.

Let's go through the rest. Tolosa is Toulouse,

but that was a pretty big score. 55.

-Gades. Can you get that? Gades in Spain?

-No.

-Cadiz.

-Oh, it's Cadiz.

-That would have scored four points.

-And Deva, which is in the UK.

-Dover?

-Chester.

Chester, yeah. That would have scored 10 points.

-Best answer was Gades. Well done if you said that. What's your problem?

-It's a problem with the Romans.

-Calling it Deva?

-Yeah. Why?

-I was always told that Chester came from Castrum or...

-To be fair to the Romans, they didn't know

it was going to be called Chester.

-But I'm sure I was taught that Chester came from the Roman.

-Castrum.

-Exactly.

And it's just lies, Richard.

-That's all I'm saying.

-You want to take that up with your school,

for which I imagine you paid amply.

Think I can get some money back? Do you think?

-I shouldn't have thought so.

-No? I'll look into it and let you know how I get on.

We're halfway through the round.

30 is where John and Paul are. Lovely low score there. Should be looking pretty safe.

Then we go up to 45, Edith and Rick.

Then up to 71, Esther and Rebecca. Rebecca, you have to find a really obscure Roman town

to make sure you make it through.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

Ok, we're going to put six more Roman cities on the board. And we have got...

I'll read those all out one more time.

Remember we are looking for the modern-day names of those cities

and you're trying to find the one the fewest of our 100 people knew.

Paul, you're on 30. The high scorers on 71 are Rebecca and Esther.

If you score 40 or less, you're safely through.

Oh, I'm very tempted to take a real punt on this, but John's done so well, so I'll play it safe.

But it is a guess. I am to Latin what wood rot is to Pinocchio.

I'm going to go for Toletum, Spain, is Toledo.

Toledo is Toletum, says Paul.

Let's see if that's right. Here's your red line.

Below that, you are definitely through.

Is it right and how many people said Toletum was Toledo?

It's right!

And you're through to the Head to Head. 19. Very well done, Paul.

-Takes your total up to 49. Richard?

-Well played, Paul.

Safely through. You can relax.

They had a big old empire, didn't they, the Romans?

Anyway, there we go. Rick, you're on 45. The high scorers are Rebecca and Esther on 71.

That means a score of 25 or less from you will see you through to the head-to-head.

Hmm. The UK one looks familiar, doesn't it?

-I was thinking that.

-But I don't think I'll go with that.

-Will you hate me if I really gamble?

-Gamble?

-Yeah.

-No. Just so long as we don't lose.

-Oh, right. Well...

-I will play it slightly safer...

-No, go for it.

..and say... Yeah, Turicum in Switzerland I guess is Turin.

There's your red line. Below that, head-to-head.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, how many people said Turicum, Turin?

Oh!

-Oh, bad luck, Rick.

-It's in Italy, isn't it?

-An incorrect answer.

You have scored the maximum of 100 points. It takes your total to 145.

Yes, sorry, Rick. If it's any consolation, you made Esther happy.

-You have!

-But, yeah, Turin. The round is still open.

Now then, Rebecca, we come to you. You were the high scorers.

You're no longer the high scorers. 145 is the high score, which means 73 or less

gets you through to the next round. So what is the modern English name for these Roman cities?

-You can talk us through the whole board and think out loud.

-Turicum could be Zurich.

Em, Colonia Agrippina - my wonderful accent(!)

Wasn't Agrippina something to do with the market? I'll go with my gut

and go for Byzantium being Istanbul and I'm really sorry.

Byzantium, Istanbul.

Here's your red line. If you get below that, you're through.

Byzantium, Istanbul. Is it right? How many people said it?

Oh!

Very well done. You're through.

What?!

-25.

-I can't believe that!

-25 for Byzantium being Istanbul. It takes your total up to 96

and sees you into the head-to-head.

Well played, Rebecca. Safely through.

Let's clear up the top one. Turicum. Quite right, it's Zurich.

Colonia Agrippina, simply Cologne in Germany. It would have scored 37 points.

Lutetia in France is the Roman name for Paris. It scored a fairly low 12 points.

Now Londinium in the UK.

When you're out on the street tomorrow, just the first 100 people you pass,

-recognise that 7 of them wouldn't know that Londinium is London.

-LAUGHTER

93 points. They're going, "Londinium? Londinium? And it's in the UK, you say?"

LAUGHTER

Thank you very much, Richard.

-So the losing celebrity pair is Rick and Edith.

-Argh.

-Oh, dear.

-Oh, dear. All I can do is make sounds, I'm so angry.

Ohh!

-Turin?!

-As soon as I said it, I thought, "That's in Italy."

Oh, bad luck.

-And Edith did so well with Beirut.

-Just glad I went with going first, to be honest.

-But thank you so much for coming and playing. Rick and Edith, brilliant contestants.

-Thank you.

But for the remaining celebrity pairs, things get more exciting as we enter the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Paul and John, Rebecca and Esther. You are one round from playing for our jackpot,

which currently stands at £2,500.

Obviously, only one pair can play for that jackpot and so you are now going to go head-to-head.

For each question, you'll be shown five options on the board. Pick one answer and now you can confer.

All you have to do is score less than the other pair to win.

The first pair to win two questions will play for the jackpot. Let's play head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns...

animals beginning with C.

-Animals beginning with C, Richard.

-Yes, we're going to show you five photos of animals that begin with C.

We showed these to 100 people. Which of them is the most obscure? Best of luck.

OK, thanks, Richard. So let's reveal our animals beginning with C.

So there they are. There are our five animals beginning with C.

Paul and John, you've played best so far so you get to go first.

Ooh... We've got lots of animal names beginning with C,

-but I only recognise two of those, John. What do you reckon?

-I'm only sure about two.

I'm really baffled by what D is. Some weird leopard/badger hybrid!

LAUGHTER

-A and C we're pretty clear on.

-Yeah. And E.

-Do you reckon?

-I know E.

-Oh, OK.

-Do you not?

-I do now.

-We'll go for E.

-What are you going to say?

-I'm going to say chipmunk.

-Chipmunk for E, say Paul and John.

-Rebecca and Esther, talk us through the board.

-Well, we also know A, C and E.

We think that B might be this Amazonian rat thing,

but neither of us can remember exactly what it was called.

-I keep thinking of a rude word that it sounds like, so I've got to be careful.

-I reckon we go for A.

-But that's really terrible.

-Yeah, but look.

Apart from the fact that C does look like my beloved, departed mother...

LAUGHTER Sorry, Mum.

-Shall we go for A?

-We have to go for A.

-A is a...?

-Chameleon.

-Or "sham-eleon".

-Chameleon.

-Chameleon.

-Chameleon.

So we have chipmunk and chameleon. Paul and John went for chipmunk.

They were saying E is a chipmunk. Let's see if they're right and how many people said it.

It's right.

57!

57 for chipmunk.

That's quite high, isn't it? 57.

Rebecca and Esther, you have said chameleon.

It has to beat 57.

-It's right. Oh, blimey!

-AUDIENCE GROAN

88 for chameleon! So there we are. Paul and John are up one nil. Richard?

Well played. Rebecca, you were very close with B. It's a river rat with a slightly rude name.

It's called a coypu.

-I almost got it.

-No, you didn't!

You never said coypu!

-I can confirm you didn't say coypu.

-No, I said coopa.

That would have got you nine points.

Guess what camel would have scored. What do you think?

-In the 90s.

-99.

99 points.

-It scored higher than Londinium. What about that?

-It did, yeah.

And D is a civet.

ALL: Ah!

You get coffee that comes through the digestive tract of a civet.

They poo coffee.

But that's an African civet. You want an Asian palm civet, but I don't have to tell you that.

-An Asian palm civet.

-Yeah. And civet would have scored seven. The best answer on the board.

OK, here comes your second question. Rebecca and Esther have to win it.

It concerns... Jack Nicholson films.

-And he's a film critic!

-Richard?

We'll give you a list of five Jack Nicholson films, but the films are in anagram form.

Can you work out the anagram and tell us the most obscure, please.

-Blimey!

-OK, thanks, Richard. Let's reveal our five anagrams.

Here they come. We've got...

I'll read them all again.

There we go. Rebecca and Esther, you go first this time.

We're looking for Jack Nicholson films.

-There was that one...

-Ssh! They can hear us.

ESTHER WHISPERS

Oh!

We can only work out three of them.

And we're hoping that the least obvious is Twelve Conferences Oust Hook,

which we think is One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

Twelve Conferences Oust Hook.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest you're saying.

-Paul and John?

-We think we've worked them all out, being very cocky.

It's a question of which one is lower than One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

We have As Good As It Gets, Adios Stoat Eggs.

Chinatown, Nacho Twin.

-The Shining.

-And Batman, of course, '89.

Adios Stoat Eggs he got the Oscar for.

I'm going to call it that from now on. Fantastic title.

Let's go for the Stoat's Eggs.

-As Good As It Gets.

-As Good As It Gets, Adios Stoat Eggs say Paul and John.

So Rebecca and Esther, Twelve Conferences Oust Hook,

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

Let's see if it's right and how many people said One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

It's right.

35.

-No...

-35.

-What do you think of that, Esther? Is that...?

-Better than we feared,

but I suspect they may have beaten us.

-Paul and John.

-It's tricky. It's a good one, this.

Adios Stoat Eggs. Was that the right one to go for to go straight through to the final?

Adios Stoat Eggs, As Good As It Gets. How many said that?

It's good.

Yes, you've done it!

Oh, blimey! Two!

Well done. Good call. I overthought that. You were good.

Good hymn sheet to sing off. After only two questions, Paul and John are through 2-0.

Well played, gents. Best answer. It's a tough anagram, maybe.

Bantam you'll be shocked to hear is Batman.

That would have scored you 60.

It just goes to show anagrams aren't always as easy as they look.

The other two answers would have also seen you through. The Shining would have scored 16.

And Nacho Twin is Chinatown. That would have scored you nine points.

Adios Stoat Eggs would be a great film. Wouldn't it?

-Yeah.

-I quite fancy seeing Bantam.

-Bantam would be good.

The losing pair is Rebecca and Esther.

-Oh, dear, oh, dear. They were just better.

-They were.

-That's not very nice!

-I sometimes think the people who do really, really well in quizzes

don't get out enough and may have slightly sad lives. LAUGHTER

-I don't think you can accuse them of not getting out enough.

-True.

Rebecca and Esther, thank you so much for playing. Fabulous contestants, thank you.

But for Paul and John it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Paul and John. You fought off all the competition and won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities. The jackpot stands at...

£2,500.

The rules are very simple. All you have to do is find a pointless answer. We haven't had any.

-I know.

-Find one now and you'll go home with that money for your charities.

You can choose a category from these five options.

I know what I'd like to go for. 20th Century Literature.

The Ladykillers might be pin-ups or,

interestingly for a Saturday show, it might be serial killers!

-Which I'd be quite good on!

-So between the top two?

-Yeah.

-Which one do you want to go for?

-I know you're great on literature.

-The Ladykillers is a little bit ambiguous.

-Yes. OK.

-Both agreed?

-Yeah.

-20th Century Literature, please.

-OK, let's find out what the question is. Here goes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many works by Virginia Woolf as they could. Richard?

We're looking for any fiction, drama, biographies or essays

and the titles as they were when she was alive. Not collected letters or letters published after her death.

Fiction, essays, drama and biographies of Virginia Woolf.

OK, you now have up to one minute to come up with three answers, all you need to win that money

is for one answer to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-I think we are ready.

Let's put 60 seconds on the clock. There they are. And your time starts now.

OK, there could be Mrs Dalloway, but that was filmed.

To The Lighthouse is her big work. She also wrote The Waves and A Room Of One's Own,

-a collection of criticism and fiction. I presume we're not allowed her collected letters.

-No.

Em...and there's also Orlando, which was filmed with Tilda Swinton, so that might be too obvious.

-I reckon I would say...

-The Waves?

-The Waves.

To The Lighthouse is too easy.

-Maybe Orlando and maybe A Room Of One's Own.

-I'd say The Waves.

-OK. So The Waves...

-Yeah. Go with that.

-We've got three choices.

-Mrs Dalloway?

-Yeah. And the third one was The Room?

-I'm not absolutely sure of the title.

EM Forster wrote A Room With A View. I think it's A Room Of One's Own.

-A lot of women didn't get that luxury in the early 20th century. Oh, dear me...

-Five seconds left.

-Orlando, The Waves and...

-To The Lighthouse or A Room Of One's Own.

-OK, that's your time up.

We wanted the works of Virginia Woolf. I need your three answers.

-Er, we're going to go for...

-I think it's A Room Of One's Own.

-OK, Orlando and The Waves.

OK, A Room Of One's Own, Orlando and The Waves. Which is your best punt at a pointless?

-I reckon A Room Of One's Own. The Waves?

-I'm thinking The Waves.

-OK, make that our final one.

-OK.

-Orlando first.

-To give you TV tension.

-A Room Of One's Own second.

-It may not be acceptable to the horrible Blofeld of quizzes sitting over there.

-OK.

Let's put them up in that order. And here they are.

We were looking for Virginia Woolf works. Orlando you said was your least confident shot.

-Cos it was made into a film.

-OK. You only need one pointless answer

to win that £2,500 for your charity,

so let's see if Orlando is right and how many people said Orlando.

It's right.

Down it goes. If this goes all the way down to zero, you'll leave here with that £2,500.

Down it goes... Oh, 14!

14.

It was a film.

So you only have two more chances to win today's jackpot.

-What would you do with your £2,500? Who are you giving it to?

-We're splitting it.

-Yeah.

I'm donating it to Francis House Children's Hospice in Didsbury, where I live.

And my half would go to Fight For Life, a fantastic charity fighting childhood leukaemia.

-Very good indeed.

-APPLAUSE

We are looking for works by Virginia Woolf.

Let's hope nobody said A Room Of One's Own.

This has to be correct and pointless and if it is both you will leave here with that £2,500 jackpot.

Let's see how many people said A Room Of One's Own.

It's right.

Orlando went down to 14. A Room Of One's Own. Down it goes into the 30s, 20s.

Down it goes... Oh, 17!

17.

-That's quite surprising.

-I'm just relieved it was up there. I thought it was maybe an essay.

OK, so now we've got The Waves. Everything is riding on The Waves.

This is your third and final answer. John, you nominated this for third.

Yes, because I hadn't heard of it!

This is very good. To win that jackpot of £2,500, The Waves has to be pointless.

Let's see if it is. How many people said it?

I can't look.

It's right. The first answer went down to 14. Your second answer went to 17.

The Waves was your most confident answer,

your best shot at a pointless. 13!

-Sorry, mate.

-It's all right.

-APPLAUSE

Unfortunately, you didn't manage to find that pointless answer so you don't leave here

with that jackpot of £2,500. However, we will donate 500 quid

-to each celebrity pair for their respective charities.

-Fair enough.

So, Richard...

That was amazing Virginia Woolf knowledge from the British public.

-Yeah!

-That's quite impressive.

-Quite surprising.

-Annoyingly impressive.

There's actually only five pointless answers. Let's take a look at them now

and hope you don't recognise them. There's The Common Reader, her essays.

The Common Reader: Second Series.

Flush, her biography of Elizabeth Barrett Browning's cocker spaniel.

-That was pointless.

-Riveting.

Freshwater, her only play, and her biography of art critic Roger Fry.

-Who was in the Bloomsbury group.

-Very well done if you got those.

-How many of those did you know?

-I knew Flush and Roger Fry. Common Reader...

-I wouldn't have got that.

-I just wish we'd picked The Ladykillers.

Unfortunately, we do have to say goodbye, but it's been a pleasure.

-Thank you so much for playing.

-Thank you.

-Brilliant contestants.

It was so hard!

All that remains for me is to say thank you to John and Dennis, Edith and Rick, Rebecca and Esther

and, of course, our excellent finalists Paul and John.

-Join us next time on Pointless. Meanwhile, goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd