Episode 2 Pointless Celebrities

TARDIS NOISES

It's BBC One, it's teatime,

which means it can only be time for Pointless Celebrities.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Thank you. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong. A very warm welcome to this

Doctor Who edition of Pointless, the quiz show that puts obscure knowledge to the test.

Let's meet today's Pointless celebrities.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

I'm Bernard Cribbins and in Doctor Who I played Wilfred Mott.

-This lovely lady Jacqueline King played my daughter.

-Sylvia Noble.

Thank you very much.

And couple number two.

Hello, I'm Nicola Bryant and I played Peri in Doctor Who with the Fifth and Sixth Doctors.

I'm Andrew Hayden-Smith, I battled the Cybermen and the Daleks as freedom fighter Jake Simmonds.

Wooh!

APPLAUSE

Couple number three.

My name is Sylvester McCoy and I played Doctor Who number seven.

And I'm Sophie Aldred. I played his assistant Ace and tried to keep him out of trouble.

She failed.

APPLAUSE

And our fourth and final couple.

Hello, I'm Louise Jameson and I played Leela,

one of the assistants, way back in 1977.

My name's Frazer, I played Jamie McCrimmon to the Second Doctor and Sixth Doctor.

And we were once voted the sexiest legs on television.

Wow!

APPLAUSE

And these, ladies and gentlemen, are our contestants.

We'll find out more throughout the show.

There's one person left to introduce. So much for Doctor Who,

I'd like you to meet Professor Which When How and Why.

-It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

APPLAUSE

This is fun, isn't it? Did you really come out of the TARDIS earlier?

-Yeah.

-That's pretty cool.

-Yeah.

I wasn't invited.

-I noticed you weren't there. What happened?

-It's a bit weird.

-A bit.

-Yeah.

-Is it really massive? Was it the real TARDIS?

It is massive in there. I only went to the first...

I was in the ground floor bit and downstairs. But it is big, yeah.

LAUGHTER

If only there was something I had that you didn't have.

Huh...

-Oh, Richard, what have you got under your desk?

-Oh, nothing.

Yeah, that's what you said last time and Ruth Madoc crawled out.

LAUGHTER

-Seriously, what have you got?

-I've got a little friend.

'I am here. I am K-9.'

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Wow! Wow!

K-9.

'And you are Master Alexander.'

Hello, how are you, K-9? We've appeared together, K-9, haven't we?

-'Affirmative.'

-Yeah, we have, We did

The Sarah Jane Adventures. Many, many, many episodes.

'I think I was better than you.'

LAUGHTER

Thought you'd say that. Well, actually, yes, nice to see you back.

Can I just say, am I the only person here,

including the dog, that's never been in the TARDIS?

You've all been in it, right?

-I haven't.

-Yep.

-Ah, good.

High five.

-K-9's going to sit with me during the show and keep me company.

-Very good.

That's nice. Thank you very much indeed, K-9.

Thank you, Richard. All questions have been put

to 100 people. Our contestants must find the obscure answers those 100 people didn't get.

Everyone wants to find a pointless answer none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

As today's edition is a special celebrity Doctor Who version of the show,

we are going to start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless

OK, in this first round, I will take an answer from each of you.

No conferring. The pair with the highest score at the end of the round will be eliminated,

so try hard to make sure that is not you.

OK. Our first category today is...

Spanish words.

Decide who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

Whoever's first, please step up to the podium.

OK, our question concerns...

..animals in Spanish.

Animals in Spanish.

-Richard.

-On each pass, we'll show you a board with the names of seven animals in Spanish.

You need to tell us their names in English, their common names in English.

A nice obscure answer will score fewer points.

Give us an incorrect answer and you will score 100 points.

Best of luck. There will be 14 in all to have a go at at home.

Fantastic. We are looking for the English translations of these Spanish animals. And we have got...

-I'll read those again. It was like a Spaniard was here, wasn't it?

-Very good.

That's fun.

APPLAUSE

-There we go. Now, Bernard.

-Yes.

-A warm welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-What are you up to at the moment, Bernard?

-I've just finished

recording 25 little shows for CBeebies

with a lovely dog, a Hungarian wirehaired vizsla.

She's called Salty in the show but she's called Scuzz and she is a proper hunting dog, she's great.

-Wow!

-Wow!

-A dog called Scuzz.

-Scuzz, yeah.

-How is your Spanish?

-I think I know one of those, that's all.

Caballo

-is horse.

-Caballo.

Horse, says Bernard.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said horse for caballo.

It's right.

Down it goes, Bernard.

Oh, 15!

Thank you.

An excellent score, if I may say. If I may say, Bernard.

Well played. A good score on the first podium.

A lot of pressure. Well played.

-It's so lovely having the little fellow here.

-'Thank you.'

-'That is most satisfactory.'

-Look at that. Isn't he cute?

See what happens if you scratch him down there. His back wheel goes, oing, oing, oing!

-Look at his little tail wagging there.

-Where?

-Oh, look at that.

-Yeah.

-'I am multifunctional.'

Yeah, you and me both, brother.

Thank you very much. Now then, Nicola.

You were companion to Colin Baker.

-Colin Baker and Peter Davison.

-And Peter Davison.

-I did get to film a special with Patrick Troughton as well.

-Wow!

-Three of them.

-I was going to say you straddled three doctors.

-I did.

-I'm not sure that's right.

I'll ask you to translate one of these Spanish animals. I think you'll be good at this.

There are two obviously easy ones

and I don't know whether to take a gamble.

So I'm going to go with

leon,

-which is lion.

-Leon!

-Lion, says Nicola.

-It will be very obvious.

-Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many people said lion for leon.

-It's right. Ooh, that is high.

-Terrible.

-80.

APPLAUSE

-80 for lion.

-Yeah, it's a big score. You did what you had to do.

It's better than getting 100 points.

Who are the 20 people who are looking at that going...

LAUGHTER

I don't know. I'm going to say anteater for leon.

Now then, Sophie.

-You were Ace, of course, to Sylvester.

-Yes.

Do you appear together often? Do you go to conventions?

-We do.

-They must go nuts when you appear together.

-No, we do.

-Oh, really?

Well, it's nice. I still like to think that I look after Sylvester.

-She does.

-I beat up a Dalek with a baseball bat. That was my great claim to fame.

So, yeah. I was like his minder.

How is your Spanish, Sophie?

-Rubbish.

-Really.

However, I'm going to take a little bit of a gamble, is that all right?

And I think I'm going to go for gato.

And I think it's cat.

Gato - cat, says Sophie. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many said that. Cat for gato.

It's right.

Wow! Ooh, look at that. 18.

-Yes. Well done.

-Great!

Very well done, Sophie. 18, great score.

Great answer. Almost as good as Bernard. Almost as good.

What do you think about cats, K-9?

'They are extremely useful creatures.'

'"Harmless necessary cat," quote Shakespeare.'

That's very balanced, I think, from K-9.

-Very good.

-I assume you have an enormous brain, K-9.

-'Affirmative.'

-For a dog.

-'I am not a dog. I am a robot.'

-I'm so sorry.

-Now then, Louise.

-Hello.

-You were my vintage

of Doctor Who. Tom Baker.

Leela of the Sevateem, the warrior.

Yeah. Leather-clad warrior!

When I left, as a leaving present, they gave me a chamois leather.

LAUGHTER

-Now, how is your Spanish?

-Non-existent.

I'm just wondering if oso is bird. L'oiseau in French.

It's very similar.

Or whether I should...

-I'm going to go kangaroo, please, for the second one.

-OK.

The second one canguro you think is kangaroo.

Let's see if that's right and if it is

how many of our 100 people said kangaroo for canguro.

54.

Well done.

54. Very well done, Louise. A great answer.

Well played. Very well played. Your logic with oso

was perfect as well. It does sound like l'oiseau but it's not a bird,

-You did well to avoid it.

-Ostrich.

-No, it's a bear.

-Ah!

-It's a bear. Would have scored 6 points.

You did well to avoid it. You had me convinced and I know the answer.

That would have been very unlucky.

Mono. Do you want to guess at mono?

-No.

-The same first three letters as its answer.

-Monkey.

Monkey. Absolutely right. Would have scored 5.

Now, I think we've all worked out that tigre is tiger.

We saw that leon scored 80 for lion.

-How many do you think tigre scored?

-96.

It scored 100.

GASPS

-Which is very rare on Pointless. Everybody worked that out.

-Wow!

Including the 20 people who couldn't work out leon.

Wow!

Thank you, Richard. We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at the scores.

By far the best score of the round so far was yours, Bernard.

Very well done. We travel up to 18, where we find Sophie and Sylvester.

Then up to 54 for Louise and Frazer.

And then all the way up to 80 where we find Nicola and Andrew.

-Andrew, you'll have your work cut out on this next pass.

-I'm ready.

Can the second players please take their place at the podium?

APPLAUSE

We'll now put seven more Spanish animals on the board. Here they are.

We have got...

SPEAKS WITH EXAGGERATED SPANISH ACCENT

It's getting ridiculous, isn't it?

Thank you.

APPLAUSE

I've got to do it again. Don't encourage me.

If you're Spanish, I can only apologise. I'm sorry for what I've just done to your language.

We're looking for the English translations of these words.

Frazer, try to find the one you think the fewest people knew.

-You were Jamie McCrimmon.

-Yes.

-Companion to the Second Doctor.

-Yeah.

-That was Patrick Troughton.

-Then 16 years later,

I went back and joined Nicola and Colin Baker, the Sixth Doctor,

-in The Two Doctors.

-Fantastic.

-We shot at Seville.

-We should have learned some of these Spanish words.

-Si, si, si.

-You didn't come across zorro of elefante while you were there?

-No.

-We went across a zebra crossing, I think. Built I don't know.

-OK.

The highest scorers are Andrew and Nicola on 80. You're on 54.

If you can possibly score 25 or less,

you are through to the next round.

They all look so... Well, three or four look like the English.

So I'm going to try a guess on raton being rat.

Raton. Here is your red line.

Get below that red line with raton, you're through to the next round.

Let's see if raton is right and how many people said rat for that.

Oh!

-Shavings!

-Wow!

-Shavings! I thought...

I thought you were scampering in with raton. Turns out it's not.

That scores you 100 points. Takes your total up to 154.

-Bad luck, Frazer. Sorry.

-Sorry, Frazer.

-Obviously wasn't what you ate in the restaurant in Seville.

-No.

We'll find out what it was at the end of the pass.

OK. Now, Sylvester. We have an actual Doctor here.

-What's your enduring memory of playing the Doctor?

-What fun it was, really.

How many episodes did you film in a year?

I was quite lucky really. 15.

Which meant, I had six months to do other acting roles.

-Which, as an actor, was great.

-Yeah.

Did you ever go to Spain for these acting roles?

-No, not Spain.

-Ah, more's the pity.

Let me put you in the picture. The high scorers are Frazer and Louis on 154.

You're on 18, which means you're through to the next round.

Even if you score 100, you are still through.

That takes the pressure off.

I'm going for the cebra.

-Easy.

-You're going to go for cebra.

-What animal is a cebra, do you think?

-Zebra?

-OK, Zebra,

says Sylvester. Let's see if that's right. No red line, you're through.

Cebra - zebra. Is that right? How many people said it if it is?

It is.

43.

Takes your total up to 61.

-You are through to the next round. Richard.

-Yeah.

Zebra. Every zebra's stripes are unique. They're like a fingerprint.

-Useful.

-It's very hard to be a zebra burglar.

LAUGHTER

-Now then, Andrew.

-Yes.

-You played Jake Simmonds.

How many episodes did you do as Jake?

I was in three episodes. I was a Cybermen two-parter.

And then I returned in the finale. Sort of saved the day, no biggie.

OK. Saved the day. Anyone else managed to do that?

-Oh, yeah.

-And the night.

-Cybermen, nothing to me.

Catapults I did. What did you do?

-I had a massive gun.

-Ah!

LAUGHTER

So, Andrew, how are your Spanish animals?

I'm not great on Spanish, I've got to say.

But I'm going to go for zorro and say it's

rhino.

-Zorro.

-Yes.

-Rhino.

Yep. OK, well, the high scorers on 154 are Frazer and Louise.

You're on 80. Score 73 or less, you're through to the next round.

That's what the red line means there. Zorro.

You are saying rhino. Is that right? If it is, how many people said it?

Oh, no. Not a rhino, Andrew.

Which means you score 100 points. That takes your total up to 180.

-Richard.

-Yeah.

Sorry. I'll give you the correct answer at the end.

Now then, Jax. You were Catherine Tate's mum.

-I was. And Bernard's daughter.

-Wow!

-I had a great family tree, didn't it?

-Fabulous. Absolutely.

-That must've been huge fun.

-It was a giggle all the time.

The great news is, you're through to the next round.

The high scorers are way out of your reach, even if you score 100.

-I have a feeling you're going to be good on this.

-I didn't study Spanish at all.

I know a tiny bit of French.

I'm going for the connection vache and hope that that's cow.

You're going to say vaca - cow.

Let's see if it's right and how many of our 100 people said it.

It's absolutely right.

Very well done. 16. Look at that, Jax.

A fantastic score. Takes your total up to 31.

The lowest score by quite a margin of the round. Well done.

That's a very good answer. A force to be reckoned with, Bernard and Jax, during this programme.

Let's fill in some of the ones people got wrong.

I might get K-9 to play along here. So, K-9,

what do you think perro is?

-'It might be a dog.'

-It is a dog.

-It is a dog. Would have scored you 9 points.

-Well done.

APPLAUSE

-OK, K-9, what is a jirafa?

-'A giraffe.'

-It is a giraffe.

Well done. That would have scored 88.

APPLAUSE

-These are going to get harder.

-'Good.'

-Elefante?

-'Must be an elephant.'

-How many points? There you go, 98.

98. Again, there's two people out there going, "Elefante? Elefante?"

Raton is not a rat. It's a mouse.

It would have scored you 3 points.

And Zorro was the last one. Now, Zorro,

we know the character Zorro. When you hear what animal... K-9 is answering.

-OK, OK.

-'The answer is a fox.'

-Absolutely right. Very well done.

Scored 6 points.

APPLAUSE

That's even better, because Xander thought it was a hippo.

That's what he whispered to me.

Thank you, Richard and K-9. Fantastic job.

So at the end of the first round, the couple who will be leaving with their high score of 180,

I'm so sorry, Andrew and Nicola. Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Had to be someone.

Anyway, it's been lovely having you on the show. Thank you for playing.

-Sorry we have to say goodbye so soon.

-Bye.

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's time for Round Two.

There's only going to be room for two pairs in our head-to-head.

Sadly, one of the pairs will be leaving us at the end of this round.

Bernard and Jax, that was exemplary.

Then come Sylvester and Sophie. Very well done. Frazer and Louise,

-ooh, you were lucky there.

-Skin of our teeth.

-The skin of her teeth. Not my teeth. Skin of her teeth.

Anyway, best of luck to all three of you.

The category for Round Two is...

It's elements. Decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

And whoever's going first please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is, here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many elements with names that do not contain the letter "I" as they could.

Richard. Any element in the periodic table that doesn't contain the letter "I", please.

Any element in the periodic table not containing the letter "I".

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks, Richard. Now, Bernard,

you are up first. Anything on the periodic table?

Yes, I'm just thinking of plumbum.

I was always a fan. I used to love polumbo.

-Is it on there? I think it's lead.

-Lead.

-Lead.

-Lead.

-I'm going for the Latin, or trying to.

-Plumbum.

-Plumbum.

-Yes, yes.

-Lead, says Bernard.

Lead. Shall we see if lead is right and if it is how many of our 100 people said lead?

Absolutely right.

13. You've done it again, Bernard.

APPLAUSE

Very, very well done.

Very well played again, Bernard. Absolutely. 13 points. Yes, plumbum.

-Plumbum in Latin. Which is where we get plumber from.

-Yes.

-They used to work in lead.

-Thanks very much indeed. Sophie.

-Yes.

-Elements whose names do not contain the letter "I".

-Mercury.

-Mercury,

says Sophie. Very good. Let's see if it's right and how many said mercury.

It's right.

Very well done, Sophie.

10, the best score so far.

APPLAUSE

-Very well done.

-Good answer. The only metal that's liquid under standard conditions.

Which is why there's a little puddle under K-9 even as we speak.

Anyway, thank you very much indeed.

-Now then, Louise.

-Hello.

-Louise,

we're looking for elements whose names do not contain the letter "I".

-I think I'm going to play safe - copper.

-Copper.

Copper, says Louise. Let's see if it's right and how many people said copper.

Absolutely right.

16. Very well done.

APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed.

-Copper.

-Very good answer, Louise.

Good answers from everyone. Low-scoring pass.

Copper we use in wiring a lot. We're going to have to stop.

If everyone in China used the same amount of copper we do,

we'd run out in two years, there'd be no copper left in the world.

-What will we use instead?

-I've got enough 1 and 2ps to keep China going for some while, I think.

Thanks, Richard. We're halfway through the round. Let's look at the scores.

10, the best score of that pass. Sophie, very well done indeed.

Then up to 13, where we find Bernard and Jax.

Then up to 16, where we find Louise and Frazer.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

So, Frazer.

I'm going to say, as we've had lead and copper, I'm going to say gold.

-Gold.

-Yep.

-Gold, says Frazer.

You're the highest scorers on 16.

There's no red line. You must hope it goes down as far as possible.

Let's see how many of our 100 said gold. Is it right?

I think we know it's right.

25.

You've taken your total up to 41.

APPLAUSE

Good answer. Might have kept yourself in the game.

There's an awful lot of gold in space they reckon.

Awful lot of gold. They looked on an asteroid and found 1,000 billion worth in one asteroid.

-Really?

-It's quite hard to get to.

Now then, Sylvester.

Now then, the margins are widening here.

Frazer and Louise are on 41. You're on 10.

If you score 30 or less, you are through to the head-to-head.

Elements without an "I" in them.

-Sulfur.

-OK. Sulfur,

says Sylvester. Here is your red line. Get below that line, you're through to the head-to-head.

Let's see if it's right and if it is how many people said it - sulfur.

It is right.

Will it get you through?

Yes, it will. 6 for sulfur. Best score so far.

That takes your total up to 16.

Well played. Sulfur's a good answer.

They spell it sulfur now. It's not "ph" any more.

-Really? What even here?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Not sure I like that.

-Doesn't have "I" in it.

-Does it?

-Nope.

-That's the main thing.

-Now then, Jax.

You're on 13. High scorers on 41 are Frazer and Louise.

If you can score 27 or less, you are through to the head-to-head.

-Yeah.

-You've had time to think. Have you had your best answers stolen?

I'm just nervous that the one I'm thinking of isn't an element.

I'm thinking of xenon.

-Xenon, says Jax.

-Yeah.

-There is your red line. Get below that, you're through to the head-to-head.

Let's see how many people said xenon.

It's right.

And you are through. Very well done. Look at that. 7 for xenon.

Brilliant answer. Takes your total up to 20.

Brilliant, Jax. Very well played. The heaviest of the noble gases.

If you filled a balloon with xenon it would sink.

I'm so glad she didn't use her first choice, which was frogspawn.

Now there's a couple of pointless answers here.

We haven't asked the person who's the expert, K-9, who is made out of metal. K-9, any answers?

-'Tantalum.'

-Tantalum.

He's very good.

That's a pointless answer.

CHEERING

That's very good. What are you made out of, K-9?

-'Lanthanum.'

-I think K-9 is cheating. Another pointless answer.

APPLAUSE

Lanthanum and tantalum are the two pointless answers.

Cobalt would have scored 2. Tungsten 2. Phosphorous 4, Manganese 4.

Let's take a look at the most popular answers, the ones that most of our 100 people said.

Oxygen would have scored 23.

Hydrogen 25.

And we've already heard the joint winner.

Gold - 25 - was top of the shop, Frazer.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

At the end of Round Two, our pair with the highest score who leave us,

it's Frazer and Louise. Hardly a high score - 41.

It's a great score.

We're up against a Doctor for a start.

Yeah. Frazer and Louise, it's been lovely having you on the show.

-Thank you so much for playing. Great contestants.

-Thank you.

But for the two remaining pairs, they're getting one step closer to the final

and the chance to win the jackpot for their charities as we enter the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Bernard, Jax, Sylvester and Sophie.

You're one round from the final and a chance to play for the jackpot,

which currently stands at £2,500.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Only one pair can play for the money.

To decide which pair it will be,

you will now go head-to-head. But the great news is,

from now on, you are allowed to confer.

The first pair to win two questions, will be playing for the jackpot.

Now then, Bernard and Jax, you've been exemplary.

It's been quite old school. We've had chemical elements, Spanish.

-This is proper.

-It's proper subjects I was useless at at school.

No evidence of that.

I left school at 13, so most of this is totally foreign to me.

Including the Spanish.

-Very funny.

-Well, you've sailed right through.

And, Sylvester, lovely to have a proper Doctor.

An actual Doctor here in the house. And Sophie too, as well.

Sylvester, what did you have when you were the Doctor? What were your accoutrements?

Straw hat. The question-mark umbrella.

-Yes.

-And also the spoons.

-Yes.

-In the very first show I did for Doctor Who,

I found some spoons in the machine.

These are the very spoons that came out of the machine

that drove the spaceship. I was with Kate O'Mara

and I took them out and I played them on her front.

You play them, so well. Look at that. Fantastic.

APPLAUSE

Yes!

I thank you. I thank you.

OK. Very best luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

Here comes your first question and it concerns...

Movie villains. Richard.

We're going to show you pictures of iconic movie villains.

Can you identify the most obscure of these, please?

We want the character names rather than the actors' names.

-So the character names of these movie villains.

-OK.

Five movie villains. Let's reveal them. Here they are. We have got...

There we are. Five movie villains. Now, Bernard and Jax

you played best so far, so you get to go first.

We're going to go for B, Nurse Cratchit.

B - Nurse Cratchit.

Now then, Sylvester and Sophie, the board is yours.

We kind of know the names of the actors, some of them.

-But it's really hard to get the character, isn't it?

-It is.

-Are we going to go for C?

-Yeah, go for C. I think we'll go for C.

-OK.

I think it's Norman. Norman Bates.

-Well, is it? I don't know.

-Yes.

-Is that your answer?

-Yes.

-You're going to go Norman Bates.

Bernard and Jax are saying B is Nurse Cratchit.

Let's see if that's right and if it is how many of our 100 people said Nurse Cratchit

-Oh, no.

-Oh, no, not Nurse Cratchit.

Not Nurse Cratchit. Which means, Sylvester and Sophie,

you merely have to be correct when you say that Norman Bates is C.

C - Norman Bates. Let's see if it's right.

It is right. You win the question.

21. very well done.

APPLAUSE

After one question, Sylvester and Sophie, you are up 1-0. Richard.

-That's tough luck, Bernard and Jax. You were one letter away, it's Nurse Ratched.

-Oh!

-You see?

I did tell her.

-What can you do?

-One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

-Yes, absolutely right.

Let's take a look at all the answers. A is Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko.

That would have scored 20 points.

D is Glenn Close but what's the name of the character in Fatal Attraction?

It's Alex Forrest. Well done if you said that. 2 points if you got that.

Margaret Hamilton the last one.

Yes, Margaret Hamilton as the Wicked Witch of the West.

Which would have scored 31 points.

Thank you, Richard. Here's your second question.

Bernard and Jax, you have to win this to stay in the game. Good luck.

It concerns...

-Good night.

-Torchwood.

LAUGHTER

Richard.

We'll show you five clues to facts about the BBC TV series Torchwood.

A spin-off of Doctor Who, of course.

Which is the most obscure of these facts. Good luck.

Thanks, Richard. Let's reveal five clues to facts about Torchwood.

We have got...

I'll read those again.

There we are. Sylvester and Sophie,

you go first this time.

I think I know two of them. Do you know?

Yeah.

SOPHIE WHISPERS

Number two, can we? You don't want to?

Everyone knows that one.

OK. But do they know the surname as well?

-Do they?

-I don't know.

-We've got to give the first and the surname.

-All right. OK.

-I think they will.

-OK.

-Shall we go for the Welsh city?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Is...

-Cardiff.

-Cardiff.

Now then, Bernard and Jax.

Sylvester and Sophie have gone for Cardiff.

-How much of the board can you fill in?

-We really can't.

We're going to take a punt on the BBC TV channel.

It's either BBC Three or Four. Shall we go for...?

Up to you, ladies first, go on.

-It's a punt. BBC Three.

-BBC Three.

-I don't know.

Bernard and Jax say BBC Three. OK, now, Sylvester and Sophie.

You said the Welsh city in which the show's branch of the Torchwood Institute is based is Cardiff.

Let's see if that's right and how many many people said it.

It's right.

65.

APPLAUSE

65.

Now, Bernard and Jax, you must win this one or we say goodbye to you.

You have said BBC Three.

BBC Three. The channel on which the series originally aired.

Let's see if it's right and how many people said BBC Three.

It's right.

And it wins you the question. Very well done.

20.

APPLAUSE

Very, very well done.

BBC Three, absolutely right.

20 wins the question. After two questions, it's 1-1. Richard.

Very well played, Jax. A very good answer. Absolutely.

-K-9, do you want to fill in he board?

-'Affirmative.'

Good. The banner title of the show's third series?

'The title was Children Of Earth.'

Right for 8 points. First and surname of the character played by John Barrowman?

-'Jack Harkness.'

-Yeah, Captain Jack Harkness.

Sophie knew that. Sylvester, if you listened to Sophie, you'd be in the final right now.

Bernard and Jax would have gone for Cardiff.

Captain Jack Harkness - 21 points.

The sketch show that had a parody called Driftwood?

'The answer is Dead Ringers.'

Absolutely right. The best answer. 2 points you would have scored.

APPLAUSE

Very exciting indeed.

Here comes the third question. The decider. Whoever wins goes through to the final.

It concerns...

-I don't know.

-Richard.

-We'll show you five anagrams now.

They're anagrams of Michael Jackson top-40 hits.

Can you unscramble them and pick the most obscure? Good luck.

Thanks. Let's reveal our five anagrams of Michael Jackson hits. We have got.

I'll read those again without the dates.

There we are. Five anagrams of Michael Jackson hits.

Bernard and Jax, you go first again this time.

The only one I can think of is Bad.

The top one.

-It'll be the highest.

-I can't work out any of the others at all.

-So that's your answer?

-I'm afraid it is because

we're non-anagrammatical.

OK. Bernard and Jax are going to go for Bad.

Sylvester and Sophie, the rest of the board is yours.

You can even have Bad. Have another go at Bad if you think they're wrong.

LAUGHTER

-That would be...

-That would be the only one.

The only ones I can think of, which are not anagrams that are there,

are Thriller, Beat It. Can you see anything in there?

No. Can't see a thing really.

Gosh! What fell foe.

No.

-That was the Welsh version.

-Yeah.

-Um...

-What O' Leaf.

-It's an Irish...

-What O' Leaf? The bottom one in 1979?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER

OK. Bernard and Jax have gone for Bad. Let's see how many said it. Is it right?

89.

APPLAUSE

Sylvester and Sophie have gone for What O' Leaf.

LAUGHTER

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many said it.

-No one will have got that one.

-They might have.

-Zero.

-Oh, bad luck.

-I can't believe no one got that.

I'm so sorry.

Bernard and Jax are through 2-1. Very well done indeed.

Yes, sorry, What O' Leaf wasn't a top-40 hit for Michael Jackson.

-It peaked at 47.

-Ah!

-Oh!

-Unfortunately.

Let's put everyone out of their misery. You know the songs.

Slim Motor Chain is Smooth Criminal. Smooth Criminal would have scored 7.

-Do you know Workable Itch?

-Black Or White.

Absolutely right. Would have scored 3.

Billie Jean. Would have scored 36.

-And Tow Half Elf.

-What O' Leaf.

LAUGHTER

It's not What O' Leaf. It is however Off The Wall.

Off The Wall for 2 points.

-Very hard.

-The best answer on that board.

Thank you, Richard.

Our losing pair at the end of that very tricky head-to-head

is Sylvester and Sophie.

What a shame. I mean, really, really hard.

But very, very good head-to-head. Very close fought.

-Sylvester and Sophie, lovely having you on the show. Thank you for playing.

-Pleasure.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But, for Bernard and Jax, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Bernard and Jax, you fought off the competition and you've won our Pointless trophy.

Very well done. You now have a chance to win our jackpot for your charities.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £2,500.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

What would you like to see come up in this final round?

Chocolate.

-Yeah, chocolate. That'd be good.

-A lot of it.

-Yeah.

-Fishing.

-Fishing.

-Fishing.

Yes. Um...

-Birds. You're good at birds.

-Not bad at birds, yes.

-There we are.

The rules are very simple. To win the money all you have to do

is find a pointless answer.

Do that and you'll win money for your charities. First, choose a category.

Your five options are...

-What do you think?

-I know nothing about pop divas. Nothing about boxers.

Australian actresses, maybe I could name two.

That might do it. Two could be good.

UK politicians, the present I'm a bit shaky.

-20th-century dramatists.

-Probably have to go for 20th-century dramatists. How are you?

-I'll go with you on 20th-century dramatists.

-20th-century dramatists it is.

Let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as Terence Rattigan plays as they could.

-Richard.

-We're looking for any play for which Sir Terence Rattigan is credited as writer, please.

We won't accept In Praise Of Love or Playbill

as they are umbrellas of other plays. Very, very best of luck.

You have up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win the £2,500 for your charity

is for one of the answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Let's put 60 seconds

on the clock. There they are. Your time starts now.

-Deep Blue Sea.

-Did he write Admiral Crichton?

-Admirable Crichton?

-Did he write that?

-I'm not sure.

-Did he write Separate Tables?

-Flare Path.

-Well done. They've just done that recently.

Um... Er... Rattigan. Rattigan. We've got Deep Blue Sea.

And Flare Path. And... Did he do Separate Tables? My mind's blank.

-Separate Tables.

-He did do Separate Tables?

LAUGHTER

She just whispered in my ear. Did you notice?

They just had a renaissance of Rattigan.

They've been doing loads in the West End. I can't think of one.

I'm sorry it wasn't chocolate. You'd have been happier.

-Did he write a play about chocolate?

-Separate Tables.

-Deep Blue Sea. Flare Path.

-Flare Path is a definite. Rattigan, Rattigan.

-Rattigan plays.

-I can't think of any others.

I've probably been in one and I can't think of it.

-Have you been in one?

-10 seconds left.

-Deep Blue Sea

-I've done.

-That won't be pointless, will it?

-Well, you never know.

-I don't know.

-I hope they're all pointless.

-My brain's gone.

-OK.

Your time is up. We were looking for Terence Rattigan plays.

I now need your three answers.

Deep Blue Sea. Flare Path.

-Yep.

-Separate Tables.

-Separate Tables.

-Separate Tables.

Of those, which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer.

-Flare Path.

-Flare Path we'll put last.

-Which is your least likely?

-Separate Tables.

-Separate Tables.

-Separate tables we'll put first.

-And Deep Blue Sea.

-Deep Blue Sea we'll put in the middle. Perfect.

Let's put them up on the board in that order. We have got...

We were looking for Terence Rattigan plays.

Your first answer, the one least likely to be pointless,

is Separate Tables.

You have to find one pointless answer to win the jackpot for your charity.

For £2,500, let's see how many people said Separate Tables.

-Well, he's right.

-Oh, it's right.

It's right. Down it goes.

Falling down through the 40s and the 30s, the 20s and the teens.

If this goes down to zero, you leave with 2,500.

APPLAUSE

-5 people.

-Close.

-Really very close.

-But no cigar.

-No cigar this time but a very good indication

of how much our 100 people know about Terence Rattigan.

You put that as your least likely. There you are. 5 people.

Very good. What are the charities you're playing for? Bernard?

Mine is Sparks, which is sport aiding medical research for kids.

And the aim is to produce good medicines that make sure

-that children are born healthy and remain healthy basically.

-Excellent charity.

APPLAUSE

Jax, what's your charity?

I thought that I'd keep with our communality on being from Northumberland

and my father was a supporter of the Northumbrian lifeboats.

-So there we are. I was also rescued by the lifeboats once.

-Were you?

-Not in Northumberland.

Northumbrian lifeboats. Very well done. Great charity.

APPLAUSE

We are looking for Terence Rattigan plays. Let's hope no one said

The Deep Blue Sea.

This has to be pointless if you're to win that jackpot of £2,500.

How many people said The Deep Blue Sea?

It too is correct.

Separate Tables took us all the way down to 5.

If the Deep Blue Sea can take us down to zero, you leave with £2,500.

Down it goes. Ooh. 5 again.

APPLAUSE

Two great scores. 5. You'd be happy with that in normal game play.

Only one more chance to win today's jackpot.

We're looking for Terence Rattigan plays.

-Your final answer was Flare Path.

-Yes.

You said this is your most confident shot at a pointless answer.

-So this...

-Least-known play I do think.

-Yeah.

-Recently revived.

-Yes.

-But will people know it's Terence Rattigan?

I don't know. We'll find out.

Best of luck. This has to be correct, it has to be pointless.

Let's find out if it is. Is Flare Path a pointless answer?

Separate Tables took us down to 5.

The Deep Blue Sea then also took us down to 5.

Flare Path. The one you thought was your best shot still going down.

You've done it!

Absolutely brilliant.

Well done.

-That is fantastic. Well done.

-Isn't that a beaut?

That is superb!

APPLAUSE

You are the cleverest man in the world.

WHISTLES

-Wow!

-Congratulations. Flare Path

was a pointless answer, which means you win the jackpot of £2,500 for your charities.

Very, very well done indeed.

Well done. Unbelievable.

Talk about leaving it to the last minute. Wow! That's amazing.

-Richard.

-I'm delighted. Well played. You played well throughout.

-It's lovely to see you win the money.

-Xenon.

-It's all about the xenon.

Yeah, it was revived in 2011 with Sienna Miller, James Purefoy and Sheridan Smith in the West End.

There are other pointless answers, you may recognise some, it doesn't matter, you won.

Let's take a look through a few of them. A Tale Of Two Cities,

After The Dance, there's Flare Path.

All of these would have won. Harlequinade, Joie De Vivre,

Ross: A Dramatic Portrait,

Follow My Leader, Variation On A Theme and Who Is Sylvia?

-All of those were pointless answers.

-Amazing.

-But Flare Path the most important. Congratulations.

-Thank you very much.

APPLAUSE

Thanks once again to our winning players Bernard and Jax

who go away with our jackpot of £2,500 for their charities.

Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Join us next time for more obscure knowledge on Pointless.

-It's goodbye from Richard and K-9.

-Goodbye.

-'Goodbye.'

-And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd