Teachers Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to this special

school edition of Pointless Celebrities, the show where

the more obscure your knowledge, the better your chances of winning.

Let's meet today's Pointless Celebrities.

APPLAUSE

-And couple number one.

-Hi, my name's Jonny Mitchell.

I'm the head teacher at Thornhill Community Academy.

And I'm Mike Steer, his deputy head, who does all the work

while he dances round the corridors.

APPLAUSE

-And couple number two.

-I'm Terrence Hardiman.

I used to play the Demon Headmaster.

And I'm Steve Speirs, and I play Gareth Barber in Big School.

APPLAUSE

And couple number three.

Hello. I'm Gwyneth Powell,

and I used to play the headmistress in Grange Hill.

And I'm Michelle Gayle,

and I was one of Gwyneth's pupils on Grange Hill.

APPLAUSE

And finally, couple number four.

I'm Philip Martin Brown,

and I played Grantly Budgen in Waterloo Road.

And I'm Melanie Hill, and I play his missus, Maggie Budgen,

in Waterloo Road.

APPLAUSE

And these, ladies and gentlemen, are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

We will find out more about you throughout the show as it goes along,

so that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He's debonair, he's a bit of a square and he's over there.

-It's my Pointless friend. It's Richard.

-Hiya.

Hi, everybody. Hiya.

-Good evening to you.

-And to you.

-This is fun, isn't it? A school special.

Yeah, school special. I like your desk there.

I turned my desk into a staff room for the occasion.

What do you think about that?

In between rounds, you can pop over for a nice cup of tea.

I tell you what's missing.

-What's missing?

-A big pub ashtray and about half a bottle of Bell's.

It wouldn't be a staff room without massive bottles of whisky

underneath the table, would it?

Wow, look at all that. Did you confiscate that?

Yes, I took that off Michelle and Gwyneth earlier.

Nice. Well, I'll be joining you between the rounds. I'll be there.

So, all sorts of fake teachers here.

-Including the greatest fake teacher of all time, Mrs McCluskey.

-Yes.

-I'm quite scared of Mrs McCluskey.

-Are you?

I know lovely Gwyneth, but there was a moment when... (GULPS)

With all our fake teachers, we've also got Mr Mitchell

-and Mr Steer from Educating Yorkshire.

-Nothing fake about them.

I have to say that that might be the best bit of television of 2013,

Educating Yorkshire. I think anyone who saw it would agree.

An extraordinary portrait of our school system,

and genuinely extraordinary gentlemen,

so an absolute pleasure to have you here, guys.

BOTH: Thank you very much.

APPLAUSE

And I know they would be the first to say they represent teachers

up and down the country who are doing the same job day in, day out

and all that sort of thing. It is an incredible job these people do.

Obviously acting is much harder, but you have to hand it to them, right?

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

All our questions on Pointless were put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants must find the answers those 100 people didn't get.

Of course, everyone's trying to find a pointless answer,

that being an answer that none of our 100 people gave,

and each time that happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special,

and each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity,

we start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

Now, the pair with the highest score at the end of this round

will be eliminated.

And of course there is to be no conferring between the pairs

until we get to the Head To Head Round.

Now, our first category today is Pop Bands.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns bands with food and drink in their names.

Hey!

The last thing you want is a question on pop bands

when you work in an actual school, isn't it?

You'll get hammered if you do badly, guys. You know that, don't you?

On each pass, we are going to give you seven clues to pop groups

who have a food or drink item in their name.

You just need to give us one of those groups, please.

There will be seven on each pass, 14 to have a go at. Good luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

We want bands with food and drink in their names described by the clues,

and here is our first board of seven clues.

I will read all of those one last time.

Mr Mitchell, Mr Steer, you all drew lots before the show,

and today you are going to go first.

Great to have you here. Absolutely fantastic.

How was it having the cameras in the school all that time?

For the first two days, it was absolutely mental.

We didn't know what had hit us.

But then after that, it was just business as usual.

Like the professionals that all the kids and we are.

Good stuff. Now, Jonny, what about these bands?

Are there any of those there that you don't know?

There is one I definitely don't know.

And I've got ideas about two of them. And I know four, I think.

-It's working out which one I think will be the lowest answer.

-OK.

But I'm going to go with the bottom one, and say Bread.

Make It With You, Bread, says Jonny. Was Steve going to go for that?

-That's the only one I know.

-Sorry, pal.

-This is going to be fun.

Jonny has gone for Bread. Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Bread.

It's right.

Oh, it's still going down. Look at that. Down it goes.

13, Jonny!

-A very good score.

-Well played, Mr Mitchell.

They had five top 40 hits in all, Bread, including

Everything I Own, which was covered many times by other people.

-Thanks very much indeed. Steve!

-Hello.

-Welcome.

Of course, Mr Barber in Big School. What a cast.

Yeah, well, it is fantastic, yes.

Frances de la Tour was just a great headmistress,

the sort I'd have liked to have had.

-Or Mrs McCluskey, obviously.

-Definitely.

-Or Mr Mitchell.

-Or Mr Mitchell!

-We've got him in our sights. We just want them down.

Now, what about these bands?

I do know definitely one, but I think it is going to be very high.

But I don't want to start off with a big cross,

so I'm going to go for Paul Weller and the Jam.

Paul Weller and the Jam.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said the Jam.

It's right. 13, our only score so far.

39 for the Jam.

Well played, Steve. Quite a surprisingly low score for the Jam,

but I suppose they were our era.

They are quite a long time ago, if you think about it.

His real name is John Weller. He turned down a CBE from the Queen.

He thought it would be hypocritical of him to accept it.

-You wouldn't turn it down, would you?

-God, no. I'd bite her arm off.

If you're not Lord Armstrong by the time you're 50,

something will have gone very wrong in this country.

You think?

Michelle, welcome to the show. Great to have you.

Now, what a career you've had. You started off in Grange Hill.

Then you were in EastEnders. Then you had a massive singing career.

-Yes.

-How many hit singles did you have?

Maybe eight top 20s or something. Eight or nine.

And as if that weren't enough, you sat down and started writing books.

Yeah, I write novels now for a living, which is hard work but fun.

It means I can be home for the kids, because I have kids now.

Now, what about these bands?

Yes. I know a couple, I think, now. I know three.

I think one is going to be massive.

One I have got that I think is going to be lower,

and that would be the number two hit with The Key The Secret.

And that's Urban Cookie Collective.

Urban Cookie Collective says Michelle.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right. Our high score at the moment is 39, our lowest 13.

You smashed past 39 and past 13

down to 5, Michelle.

That'll be a tough score to beat, Michelle.

-Very well done indeed. 5.

-Brilliant answer, Michelle.

Very well played. I used to love that song.

We had it when Armstrong and Miller did a show in Edinburgh,

we had that playing quite a lot throughout the show.

It'll always take me back.

-Were you in Armstrong and Miller?!

-Briefly, yes.

LAUGHTER

I didn't know that. I know the other guy. I like the other guy.

Miller, he's good. So you were Armstrong briefly, where you?

For a little while, I was, yeah.

-It must be amazing to work with Ben Miller.

-Yes.

Amazing.

-Philip, welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

Grantly Budgen, English teacher.

How many months of the year did you spend filming?

Nine months of the year towards the end, 30 episodes.

-So, longer than an actual teacher?

-That's longer terms, probably.

-Isn't it? Maybe not.

-Steady on, now.

Officially. I know you come in during the holidays, we all know that.

To put up posters and things. But come on.

Very good. Now, Philip, you're the last person to have this board.

So if you fancied it, you could talk us through it

-and fill in all the gaps.

-I love your sense of humour.

What I'm going to take a wild guess at, Alexander,

is that the Voice coach will.i.am is a member of the Black Eyed Peas.

The Black Eyed Peas. Let's find out if that's right,

and if it is, let's find out how many of our 100 people said it.

58. 58, the high score.

Yes, damage limitation, we call that.

Much better than getting 100. Shall we go through the rest of this board?

-I bet you know all three of these. The all-female band?

-Bananaramarama.

Bananaramarama, absolutely. That would've scored 45.

-They came on the show, didn't they?

-They did. Weren't they lovely?

-Now, the hits include Cars And Girls?

-Prefab Sprout.

The wonderful Prefab Sprout.

And Whip It Up was the biggest hit for Orange Juice,

Edwyn Collins' band. And that would have scored 16.

So the best answer, Michelle, was Urban Cookie Collective.

-Very well played.

-Very well done indeed.

Let's take a look at the scores halfway through the round.

5, the best score...

WHISTLE

Just...

-Were they talking? Oh, you should have that on every show!

-I should.

-Every celebrity show, anyway.

-They love to talk.

I'm just going to go through the scores, just because we're

halfway through the round, and put everyone in the picture.

Michelle and Gwyneth looking fantastic at this stage.

As are Jonny and Mike on 13.

Then up to 39 where we see Steve and Terrence, it's all right.

But 58, Philip and Melanie, you are way out in front there.

Melanie, you get first dibs on the next board,

so make sure you use it wisely and find a lovely low-scoring answer,

and maybe it will be enough to keep you in the game.

Best of luck.

Can the second players take their places at the podium.

OK, we're going to put seven more clues up on the board,

and here they come. We have got:

I will read those all one last time.

Now, remember, we are looking for bands with food

and drink in their names that are described by these clues,

and obviously you're trying to find the one

that fewest of our 100 people knew. Now then, Melanie.

What are going to be your best subjects today?

Anything to do with film and TV, I guess,

because I just watch a lot of TV.

-Music, though?

-Yep, not too bad. I know a few of those.

I know which one I am going to go for.

It is the pioneers of rap who had a hit with Rappers Delight.

Is that the Sugarhill Gang?

The Sugarhill Gang, says Melanie.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

You're the high scorers, so there is no red line for you to aim for.

Let's see if it can get you down the column as far as possible.

Keep going, keep going!

Well done, Melanie, that's a great answer.

The second lowest score of the round so far, Melanie. Brilliant.

Very well played, Melanie. That's a great answer.

Helped launch the whole genre of hip-hop.

One of the first songs to use sampling.

An amazingly important record. And I won't do the chorus.

Some people can do it. It's very impressive.

# I said a hip hop, a hippy

# A hippy to the hip hip hoppy

# You can't stop the rocking to the bang bang boogie

# Say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat! #

Well done!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I told you some people could do it.

-And you said it was impressive, as well, and it is.

-That is impressive.

Gwyneth, welcome to Pointless. It's wonderful to have you here.

There's a whole generation of TV viewers, Grange Hill viewers,

who must see you, and their first thought must be... (GULPS).

-Mrs McCluskey.

-Yes, if only I'd known I had that power at the time.

You've still got it. You've still got the power, Gwyneth.

Thank you. If only I had the answers as well. Um...

What are you thinking?

You have to score 59 or less to avoid becoming the new high scorers.

Well, the only one, because it's '60s, is the Eric Clapton,

and I think it might be Cream.

Cream, says Gwyneth. Yes, says Michelle.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Here's our red line. Get below that, you're in Round Two.

You're in round two. Very well done.

-38, your total.

-Well played, Gwyneth. That's a great answer.

Eric Clapton once said there was a lot of vanity

and rivalry in that group.

And he famously said once during one concert,

he simply stopped playing, and the other two just didn't notice.

So involved were they in their own worlds.

Those were the days, weren't they?

I sometimes do that on Pointless. I wonder if you've noticed.

-I just stop.

-Never spotted it.

I wish you'd do it more often, if I'm honest.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Now, Terrence. You're on 39.

You need to be scoring 25 or less to avoid becoming the new high scorers.

I think there is only one that I do believe I know.

-Yes.

-I think it's Hot Chocolate, which is the one up from the bottom.

Hot Chocolate, the one up from the bottom. Let's find out.

That has to score you 25 or less.

How many of our 100 people said it, and is it right?

Oh, 60!

60 for Hot Chocolate takes your total up to 99.

-That's a bit high.

-Richard?

-They were good band, weren't they?

-60 points is tough luck.

-Thank you very much indeed.

Now, Mike. You have 13.

You have to score 85 or less to remain in the game.

Now, how was it once the kids had become stars?

It was all well and good for the staff room,

but the kids have become a bit famous.

They have, some of them.

But they're a lot more grounded and fine with it than the staff.

So celebrity has been nothing but an aid?

Not at all. If anything, it has sort of focused them.

They have seen how the school works.

They get to see things that they otherwise wouldn't know.

OK. There you are. 85 or less is the score you have to get.

Talk us through the board if you fancy it. Fill in all the blanks.

OK. I don't know the bottom one.

But I'm sure Jonny does,

because his formative teenage years were around 1967.

I think I know the other three.

Under The Bridge is the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

Annie I'm Not Your Daddy is Kid Creole and the Coconuts, I believe.

And Don't Fear The Reaper was Blue Oyster Cult.

-I'll go for Blue Oyster Cult.

-Sounds good to me. Here's your red line.

It's right, and you're through.

17, a great answer, takes you up to 30.

The lowest total of the round. Very well done indeed, Mike and Jonny.

That's very good going, isn't it?

I can't look at that teapot any longer. Can I have a brew?

Come to me in my staff room. How's your morning been?

Tell you what, we had a bit of trouble with Michelle and Gwyneth.

I do worry about those two.

-I worry about Michelle. Do you?

-She's a good girl, basically, Mr Osman.

-It's just, you know.

-What do you think about Terrence?

I wasn't happy with his exam results.

No, I've been keeping an eye on him.

But you know, in class, he's very good, he's very alert.

He's good, but then he blurts out Hot Chocolate.

What do you do with someone like that? It's very difficult.

I don't know what you do do, Mr Osman.

Anyway, I've got to head off because I've got to do some cabbying.

OK, well, let's...

We haven't talked about which other teachers we're having affairs with yet.

LAUGHTER

Not yet.

Um...on you go, sorry. I'll... Oh, that is nice.

We should do this more often on the show.

It's quite nice to have a little cup of tea and a biscuit.

Mm! Oh, dear. But, yeah, podium one, very good.

-Shall I go through the rest of the answers?

-Why not?

-How about that?

Mr Steer took us through them very, very well.

You were right about Under The Bridge and Californication,

it was Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Would have scored you more points, scores 42.

You should have gone for Kid Creole And The Coconuts,

would have scored 10 points.

It's a better answer, but you did very well anyway.

Now the bottom one, the German electronic music.

Not Kraftwerk, which people might have thought.

-It is Tangerine Dream.

-Ah, right.

It would have been the best answer there,

6, so very well done if you said that.

Sugarhill Gang, second best answer, so terrific answer, Melanie.

Very good indeed. Thanks very much, Richard.

So at the end of our first round, I'm afraid the pair heading home

with their high score of 99, it's not that high a score.

We've had plenty higher than that.

But I'm sorry to say it's Terrence and Steve. Aw!

We knew, we said before we came on, if pop music comes up,

-it's our worst round.

-And you'd have got Bread.

-We're personally pleased.

It's not about the results it's about the education,

and we think we've had a good experience.

If rugby had come up, we'd have been fine.

And if jam had come up, I could tell you a bit about that.

-We had The Jam.

-Bit late.

Oh, well, it's been lovely having you on the show,

sorry we have to say goodbye. These biscuits and tea are just fabulous.

If you want to pop into the staff room...

Terrence and Steve, thank you so much for playing.

Terrence and Steve.

APPLAUSE

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for round two.

Well, three pairs remain

and that is one house point to Thornhill Community,

Grange Hill and Waterloo Road. Very well done indeed.

Jonny and Mike were our low scorers there, very, very well done.

By quite a way. Evidently the pair to beat.

But best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for round two is...

Chemical elements.

Can you decide in your pairs, who's going to go first and second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name...

..as they could. Chemical symbols containing a vowel, Richard.

We are looking for the name of any chemical element

in the periodic table whose chemical symbol contains a vowel, please.

That's anything in the periodic table up to October 2013.

Very, very best of luck.

Tough for actors, easy for teachers, this one.

Thanks very much indeed. Now then. Jonny.

Chemical symbols containing a vowel.

I know some, but they'll be very high-scoring, I think.

I am going to go for...

silver, Ag.

Ag, silver, says Jonny.

Let's see if silver's right and how many of our 100 people said silver.

It's good.

Down it goes, well done, 31, Jonny. I think that's good.

Well played, Jonny, very tough on that first podium,

much less thinking time than anyone else.

-As you say, Ag, the symbol for silver.

-Thanks, Richard.

Now, Gwyneth. Is this better than pop music?

No, and I know it's going to score really highly, my answer.

-So, Gwyneth, what are you going to say?

-Oxygen.

Oxygen says Gwyneth, let's see if that's right

and how many of our 100 people said oxygen.

It's right.

31 our only score so far.

45 for oxygen, not bad.

Well played, Gwyneth. It's kind of cheating, though, isn't it?

-Because it's all around us.

-She saw it, you mean?

-Yeah, exactly.

She looked and went, "Er... Ooh!"

She's thinking, 21% of everything around me is this,

-so I'm going to say it.

-Oh, nice figure there.

-Thank you, thank you.

-21%?

-Yeah.

Very, very low constituent, isn't it, in all the stuff around us?

But let's not talk too much about it in case we say anything else. OK.

Philip. How are you feeling about chemistry?

Shocking. Taxi!

No. Oh.

Um...

-Gold.

-Gold, says Philip.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said gold.

Well, 45 is our high score, 31 our low.

Passes 45. 41, there you are, right in the middle.

41 for gold.

Yeah, also scored 41 in the category

top 40 singles of Spandau Ballet, that answer.

-Au is gold.

-Au!

-Hey, you!

Gold, thank you very much. We're halfway through the round,

let's look at the scores as they stand.

31, the best score of that pass, Jonny, very well done.

From 31 we travel up to 41 where we find Philip and Melanie.

And then we travel up to 45, not too far ahead, Gwyneth and Michelle.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, so we are looking for any element

whose symbol contains a vowel. Now, Melanie.

-Yes.

-You've been looking around quite a lot.

-I saw you looking up at the ceiling for a bit.

-Inspiration. OK, yeah.

-I'm going to say iron.

-Iron.

-I've got a feeling it might be Fe.

-Iron.

-Philip nodding very hard.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

-Is it? Please.

It's amazing how people suddenly know a lot more

-when they're standing at the back, isn't it?

-Yeah, yeah, iron!

Iron, says Melanie.

You were on 41, the high scorers on 45 are Michelle and Gwyneth

which means if you can score three or less,

you are through to the head-to-head.

There's your red line. Get below that, you're in the head-to-head.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said iron. Is it right?

It is right.

Still going down...

33. Very well done.

74 is your total, Melanie and Philip.

Let's see if that's enough to keep you in the game.

Best of luck with that.

Another good answer from Melanie, well played.

They had a recent poll, you know Iron Man, the film?

There was a poll recently of young engineers at university,

and they were asked who had inspired them to become engineers.

And Iron Man got more votes than Brunel.

LAUGHTER

-Wow.

-Yeah.

There we are. Now then, Michelle. The moment of truth.

The high scorers are now Melanie and Philip on 74.

You have to score 28 or less

because I think these guys over here have probably got it sewn up.

It has to be 28 or less.

I...am not sure.

But I think, argon? Argon.

Argon. OK. There is your red line.

If you get below that with argon, you are through to the next round.

Into the head-to-head. Is it right, how many of our 100 people said it?

It's right.

I have a good feeling about this.

Yes, there we are, through it goes!

16, very, very well done indeed, Michelle.

61, your total.

Very good. Two answers, both been the best answer in the round, Michelle.

-Well played.

-Oh, wow, OK!

-Thanks very much indeed.

-Now then, Mike, moment of truth here.

-OK.

The high scorers still Melanie and Philip on 74, you're on 31,

so 42 or less sees you through. How confident are you feeling?

I'm all right, I think, on this. I think!

I might go for this and a pointless.

That has the ring of famous last words, it really does!

A little bit of risk for you, Jonny. I'm going to go for erbium.

-Erbium.

-Erbium.

-OK. Here's your red line.

Get below that red line, you are into the head-to-head.

Let's see if that's right, erbium.

And if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right!

Sees you into the head-to-head.

And it's pointless, very well done, Mike!

APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed, that's a pointless answer.

It adds £250 to today's jackpot,

takes the total up to £2,750.

It scores you nothing

and it leaves your total at a very impressive low of 31.

-Very well done indeed.

-Brilliant work from Mr Steer there, wasn't it?

That was really good. Erbium, first discovered in 1843.

Very quickly followed by Erbium Rides Again

and then Erbium Goes Bananas. They were about five years after that.

Let's look at some other pointless answers. Erbium amongst them.

You could have had actinium, that's Ac, erbium, Er.

Gallium, that's Ga.

Germanium, Ge, holmium, Ho.

Indium, that's In.

Lutetium, nobelium, and polonium.

There's three others as well that you could have had, you could

have had tellurium, rhenium, and you could have had cerium.

Those were the only pointless answers.

Let's take a look at the biggest answers,

the ones most of our 100 people said.

You may recognise some of these. Iron on 33.

Gold, 41.

And top of the shop, oxygen, on 45.

Thanks very much, Richard. So at the end of our second round,

I'm afraid the pair that will be heading home with

their not bad high score of 74, I'm afraid it's Melanie and Philip.

Not bad at all though, not a bad score.

You happened to be in front at the end.

But it's been brilliant having you on the show.

Melanie and Philip, excellent contestants.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

For the remaining two pairs, it's time for the head-to-head.

Well, congratulations Mr Mitchell, Mr Steer, Gwyneth and Michelle.

You are now one step closer to the final and the chance to play for

our jackpot which currently stands at £2,750.

APPLAUSE

So now we have to decide who's going to go through and play for the money

and to do that you're now going head-to-head.

This time, you are allowed to confer

and the first pair to win two questions

will be playing for that jackpot.

It's a gold star to Mike from Thornhill Community Academy

for the only pointless answer on the show so far.

So very, very well done. This is brilliant, actually.

Because it's the best fictional headteacher

-versus the best actual headteacher.

-That's very kind of you to say.

-Have you met any of us?

-It's true though, isn't it?

Do you think Mr Mitchell's really the best headteacher?

-Educating Yorkshire, a huge hit. But would you say...

-Well, I don't know.

Mr Steer, is Mr Mitchell the best headteacher in the country?

He's certainly one of the best three I've worked with.

That was between ourselves!

-I'm guessing you've worked in three schools.

-No, no.

-Same school, three headteachers.

-You've got through three?

-Yes, I've seen three of them off.

-Really? But you've stayed there.

-Clinging on.

-Yeah. To grim death!

-Very good. Well, listen.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

-OK, here comes the first...

-Would you like a cup of tea?

I thought you'd never ask! Oh, I could kill a cup of tea.

-There you go.

-Look at that, lovely.

-Biscuit?

I'm all right for biscuits, I'm fine.

Are you allowed to drink in class?

-Are we allowed? I do, I don't know if I'm allowed.

-Technically, no.

-That was no, never.

-You can drink tea or coffee.

That's what I'm... I'm not saying are you allowed to drink?

Just come in with a scotch and some ice.

-"Page 21."

-I'm not sure you're supposed to drink tea or coffee in class.

Depends what you're teaching.

-I'm going to drink in class.

-Yeah, you're very lucky.

-I am.

Got a good headmaster there, look at that.

-I like to think I'm the deputy head.

-Who's the head? Me? Oh, maybe.

That's nice. Oh!

You just made me feel 10 feet tall.

It's not often I do that.

Certainly isn't. OK, here comes your first question. And it concerns...

My favourite Duran Duran song.

We're going to show you five stills now from films

which are set mainly in schools.

Can you tell us the title of the most obscure film please?

-Good luck.

-OK, thanks, Richard. Let's reveal our five schools in film.

And here they are. We have got...

There we are. Five schools in film.

Now, Jonny and Mike, because you've played best throughout the show

so far, you get to go first.

(I think B is Michelle Pfeiffer. It's Dangerous Minds.

(That's Patrick whatshisname. Let's go B.)

Dangerous Minds.

OK, we're going to go for B, Dangerous Minds.

B, Dangerous Minds, say Jonny and Mike. B, Dangerous Minds.

Gwyneth and Michelle, do you want to talk us through the rest of the board?

B, we knew was Dangerous Minds.

A is Breakfast Club.

-D we think is Dead Poets Society.

-Yep.

-E we know is Grease.

-C, I don't know.

-We don't know.

-I think B will be the lowest score.

So now it's between Breakfast Club and Dead Poets Society.

-Go with yours.

-Shall we go with A?

-Yeah.

We'll say A, then, Breakfast Club.

A, Breakfast Club, say Gwyneth and Michelle.

So we have Dangerous Minds and Breakfast Club.

Jonny and Mike said Dangerous Minds, let's see how many people said it.

It is right.

12.

12 for Dangerous Minds.

Gwyneth and Michelle have gone for The Breakfast Club.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

Has to beat 12, though.

Ooh, 34.

34, very well done, Jonny and Mike.

After one question, you are up 1-0.

Two good answers there, I think both teams knew Dangerous Minds.

The only one that would have beaten it was C, it's a pointless answer.

-And it's The Browning Version.

-Oh!

-Did you know it?

It's the film of the Terence Rattigan play.

D, you're right, was Dead Poets Society.

Actually scored slightly better than Breakfast Club,

would have scored you 28 points.

And you were very right to avoid E, it is Grease, of course,

but would have scored 88 points.

So here comes your second question.

Now, Gwyneth and Michelle, you will get to answer this one first

but you have to win it to stay in the game, so very best of luck.

It concerns...

The Generation Game conveyor belt. Richard.

We're going to see the names of five items you might commonly have seen

on Generation Game's conveyor belt but we've removed alternate letters.

Can you fill in those gaps and give us the most obscure answer?

OK, let's reveal our five items from The Generation Game conveyor belt

and here they come.

I'll read those all again without the blanks.

OK, so there they are.

Now, Gwyneth and Michelle, you will go first this time.

SIGHING

What could it be? With a K in it.

K, it's got to be an E on the end, or something?

-OK, we're going to go with fondue set.

-Fondue set.

OK, fondue set, say Gwyneth and Michelle. Now then, Jonny and Mike.

-The board is yours.

-Can I go through them?

-You want to go through them?

You got a pointless. Well, cuddly toy. Food mixer.

Karaoke machine. We had fondue set. And travel iron.

But guessing which one is going to be a lower score than fondue set.

-Um...

-You make the choice.

I'll make the choice.

Michael thinks it's karaoke machine, so we'll go with karaoke machine.

Karaoke machine say Jonny and Mike.

So we have fondue set, we have karaoke machine.

Now then. Gwyneth and Michelle went with fondue set,

let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

25.

25 for fondue set. Jonny and Mike have gone for karaoke machine.

Let's see if that is right

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said karaoke machine.

It's right. It has to beat 25.

And it does. Still going down, it's low,

oh, look at that, it's pointless!

Very well done indeed, Jonny and Mike.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

A second pointless answer today which adds another £250

to today's jackpot, takes the total up to £3,000.

Very, very well done indeed.

It scores you nothing, and best of all,

it means you win that point which means after only two questions,

you are through to the final 2-0.

Very well done indeed, Jonny and Mike, fantastic.

Very well played, guys. Not a lot you can do against that.

That's good playing and a perfect example from Jonny

of how to be a modern headmaster.

Before he knew it was a pointless answer, just said,

"Mike is saying karaoke machine."

And the second he knows it's one, he's cheering away, happy as Larry.

I stick by it. Michael said it, I would have gone for travel iron.

But I think had they not said fondue set, we would have gone for that.

Let's take a look through the rest of them.

We've heard all the answers but let's look at the scores.

Travel iron would have beaten fondue set,

would have scored 14 points.

But the other two are much bigger scorers.

The food mixer would have scored you 50.

And the cuddly toy, I think appeared on every single conveyer belt

on every single episode of The Generation Game

-and would have scored you 74 points.

-Thanks very much indeed.

So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm sorry to say it's Gwyneth and Michelle.

-We've loved having you on the show.

-Thank you for having us.

Thank you, it's been really good fun.

Lovely to see each other again after all these years.

She's much nicer in real life, guys!

Thank you so much for joining our school special.

It's been brilliant having you here, Gwyneth and Michelle. Lovely contestants.

APPLAUSE

But, for Jonny and Mike, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Jonny and Mike. You have fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy

so very, very well done.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

for your chosen charities.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £3,000.

Do you know what, I think

that seems somehow appropriate for our Pointless school special.

You know, you've seen off all these acting teachers.

All these pretenders to the throne.

And it's you, the stars of Educating Yorkshire, the real teachers

who are carrying the flag for everyone at the end of the show.

I think that's fantastic, so very well done.

And you've done so well,

two pointless answers as well. Massive congratulations for that.

As always, you kick off this round by choosing a category

and here are your choices of categories.

-TV comedy.

-TV comedy.

-TV comedy.

-Television comedy?

-Television comedy.

-OK, television comedy it is.

-OK, good luck, guys.

We're going to give you three different options now,

you can take your answers from any of these.

We're looking for anyone who has won the Best TV Comedy Actor

in the Comedy Awards since 1990.

We're looking for any TV show, any UK TV show for which Graham Linehan

has received an acting credit, the brilliant Graham Linehan.

Or we are looking for any situation comedy

that has been nominated for a BAFTA.

That category was introduced in the year 2000.

So any Best TV Comedy Actor since 1990, that's at the Comedy Awards.

Any Graham Linehan TV show for which he's credited as a writer,

or any BAFTA situation comedy

that's been nominated for that award since 2000.

Very, very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed. As always,

you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot of £3,000 for your charities

is to find just one pointless answer among them.

Remember, your answers can come from any of these categories.

You can answer any, there can be three answers in one category,

or one in each, it's up to you. Are you ready?

Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

OK. TV comedy actors. Ricky Gervais.

-No, forget the obvious ones.

-It goes back to 1990.

So, the obvious ones, Only Fools And Horses, Dermot Morgan, Father Ted?

-Yeah. Father Ted. Post-1990, it was 1995, '97.

-Dylan Morgan.

Possibly Dylan Morgan. Graham Linehan, he wrote the IT show.

What about Ardal O'Hanlon as well?

Best actor, I think it would be going to Dermot. Um...

Then you've got Graham Linehan TV shows, he wrote Father Ted

and he wrote The IT Crowd. I think he's been credited on Brass Eye.

And I think he's been credited on The Day Today.

There is a possibility, BAFTA sitcoms, nominated,

-this is where you'll get your obscure ones.

-Anything since 1990.

There must have been something absolute garbage on ITV.

Say something terrible that's been nominated.

-What's the TV situation comedy?

-Jamie Theakston!

-What?

Mad About Alice with Jamie Theakston.

That's probably not going to be in there, is it?

-Extras, I think that has done...

-You could try it, you could try it.

OK, that is your time up. I now need your three answers.

What are they going to be and from which categories?

-Well, I think we...

-TV comedy actor.

-Are you taking one from there?

Do you not want to take the two Graham Linehan TV shows?

Because we're going pointless.

If you know one of them, he's on the other.

-I think it might be an outside shot.

-All right, take one from there then.

-We'll go for Dermot Morgan for TV comedy actor.

-OK, Dermot Morgan.

-I think Graham Linehan may have been credited on Brass Eye.

-Brass Eye.

And for the best sitcom, nomination, I'd say, Extras.

Extras.

OK, those are your three.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-If it's right, Brass Eye.

-OK, Brass Eye we'll put last.

Which is your least likely to be pointless? Extras.

Extras we'll put first.

OK, let's pop those answers up in that order and here they are.

-Well, very, very best of luck.

-Thank you.

Your first answer was Extras.

Now, three good answers on the board there.

Any one of those could win that jackpot for you.

What are your nominated charities? Jonny, what's your charity?

We've decided that we'd pool any money that we did win for

the same charity and that's going to be the Teenage Cancer Trust.

Very good indeed, excellent charity. Best of luck.

APPLAUSE

Well, fingers crossed that at least one of those answers is pointless

so you can win that three grand for that charity.

Best of luck with that. Extras you said was your least confident answer.

Only one of those answers needs to be pointless

for you to win that £3,000 jackpot.

So, for £3,000, let's find out, was Extras

a BAFTA-nominated situation comedy?

And how many people said it?

-It's right.

-Oh, right, OK.

The next thing it has to be is pointless,

it has to go all the way down to zero

for you to win that £3,000 jackpot.

It's still going down, down it goes, into single figures,

still going down!

Three!

Wow.

Yeah, wow, that's not bad at all.

That was your least likely to be pointless and it scored only three.

It's all looking very good for your next two answers.

Obviously not a pointless answer.

Two more shots at today's jackpot, very best of luck.

Let's hope nobody said your next answer, Dermot Morgan.

This has to be correct again, then it has to be pointless

for you to win that jackpot.

For £3,000, let's find out,

was Dermot Morgan a winner of a comedy award?

Yes, he was.

Your first answer was Extras, which took us all the way down to 3.

Your second answer, Dermot Morgan from Father Ted,

taking us down through the teens, into the single figures,

passes 3, down it goes...

you've done it!

CHEERING

Very, very well done indeed. That's fantastic.

Absolutely brilliant, well done, you. Superb.

Well...

Hugely deserved, that was fantastic.

In fact you played fantastically the whole way through the show.

Dermot Morgan was a pointless answer.

Which means you go home with that jackpot of £3,000 for your charity.

Brilliant. Great work.

Gents, that could not have gone better, could it?

Well, it could have gone better,

because Brass Eye was also a pointless answer.

APPLAUSE

Which gives you four pointless answers across the show,

terrific performance, guys.

You were unbelievable in Educating Yorkshire, thank you for everything you do.

If you haven't watched it, do yourself a favour and watch it.

It is an extraordinary piece of television.

£3,000 for the Teenage Cancer Trust as well, absolutely wonderful.

Let's look at some of the other pointless answers

in case people have got these at home.

For the Best TV Comedy Actors at the Comedy Awards, Dermot Morgan,

there we go, James Nesbitt for Cold Feet.

Peter Capaldi for The Thick Of It,

Stephen Merchant won one for Extras.

You could also have Darren Boyd for that one.

You could have had Stephen Tompkinson as well.

For Graham Linehan TV shows.

There's Harry Enfield & Chums,

Hippies, that he wrote with Arthur Mathews.

The Armstrong and Miller Show!

-I did say!

-I did say.

We've had some obscure pointless answers on this show before,

but that is quite something.

The Fast Show as well.

BAFTA situation comedies, nominated, you could have had Benidorm,

Friday Night Dinner, a recent nominee.

Gimme Gimme Gimme, Jonathan Harvey's sitcom.

One Foot In The Grave.

You could have Dinnerladies, Victoria Wood's brilliant show.

You could have had Marion And Geoff, Nighty Night, Pulling,

The Trip or The Worst Week Of My Life. All of those were pointless.

-Ben Miller.

-Ben Miller, exactly right.

-He was very good in that.

You got two pointless answers in the final, four overall.

An absolutely perfect performance, couldn't be happier for you.

-Thank you so much.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Well, thanks once again to our winning players, Jonny and Mike,

who go away with today's jackpot of £3,000 for their charity.

Very well done indeed.

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test.

-Meanwhile it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.