Medical Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong

and welcome to a special medical edition of Pointless Celebrities,

the show that makes big winners out of low scorers.

Let's meet today's Pointless Celebrities.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one...

Hello, my name is George Layton, I played a doctor, Dr Paul Collier,

in Doctor In The House, many years ago.

I created the two Dr Latimers in a comedy series called Don't Wait Up

and my partner today is Dr Sarah Jarvis.

And unlike everyone else here, I have never pretended to be a doctor.

APPLAUSE

And couple number two.

Hello, I'm Sunetra Sarker. I play Dr Zoe Hanna in Casualty.

I'm here to give moral support to the very clever

Mr Ian Bleasdale, who plays our most loved paramedic, Josh.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And couple number three.

My name is Duncan Preston, I've been acting for God knows how long

and in the late '80s and '90s, I did a show called Surgical Spirit

with my partner today, who is Nichola McAuliffe!

APPLAUSE

And, finally, couple number four...

I'm Paul Bradley, I play a cardiothoracic surgeon,

Professor Elliot Hope, in Holby City.

And I'm Ian Kelsey. I'm the practice manager on Doctors

at Letherbridge.

APPLAUSE

And these, ladies and gentlemen, are today's contestants.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thanks, all of you. We'll find out more about you throughout the show,

as it goes along. That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

His intellectual property is Mayfair.

He's got a hotel on it and you just rolled a six.

-It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hi, everyone.

-Good evening.

-Good evening to you.

-How are you?

-I'm very well.

-This will be fun, won't it?

-I think it will.

I was thinking of a slightly different plan for this evening.

As we've so many doctors, we could spend the first half hour sitting on uncomfortable chairs

and flicking through copies of Yachting Weekly. What do you reckon?

-Yeah, we can do that.

-If you were actually ill...

-Yes.

..which of these doctors would you trust most? Who would you go to?

Erm...

Well, I know Sarah's a real doctor.

-She'd be the obvious choice, wouldn't she?

-She would.

I think Duncan's got quite a good doctorly manner.

-Don't you think he's got a good bedside manner?

-He does.

Basically, I'm just a hypochondriac so all I really want is

someone to say in a nice reassuring voice, "It'll all be fine.

"You just need a good night's sleep..."

Who's good at saying, "It'll all be fine"?

-It'll all be fine.

-Ian's good. He's good.

-A good classic old school Pointless round in Round One today.

-Very good.

It'll all be fine.

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much, indeed.

We've asked every question to 100 people before the show.

As ever, the aim of the game is to find a pointless answer,

or score as few points as you possibly can.

A pointless answer is the real Holy Grail.

That's an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

As today's show is a celebrity special, and each of our celebrities

is playing for a nominated charity,

we start off with a jackpot of £2,500.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

Now the pair with the highest score at the end of the round will be eliminated.

Also, there is to be no conferring during this round.

Our first category today is...

..UK Cities. UK Cities.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is, here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many

cities in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, as they could.

Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, Richard?

We are looking for the name of any city in Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland.

That's anywhere that has official city status in any of those three places, please.

-Very, very best of luck.

-Thanks very much, Richard.

Now then, Sarah and George, you all drew lots before the show and today you're going first.

Now, Sarah, I suppose most people probably know you from the One Show

but also Jeremy Vine, you do as well.

Now, I come from a long line of doctors.

Seriously, a long, long, long, long, long line of doctors.

I know that people are always longing to take a doctor to one side

-and say, "Doctor...".

-They don't bother to take you to one side, they do it completely shamelessly.

-In fact, it's already happened today.

-Has it?

-Yes.

How often do you go to the supermarket not in disguise?

I do shop in a supermarket well outside the patch where I'm a GP.

-Right.

-You'll be going through the supermarket and patients will come up

and go through your shopping trolley.

So then, Sarah, there we are. What are you going to go for?

-I'm going to go with Dundee.

-Dundee, says Sarah.

Dundee, is that a correct answer and if it is, how many people said it?

It is right, very well done, Sarah.

-28.

-APPLAUSE

I guess that's a good answer. I guess that's a good score.

Who knows, we'll discover when other people give their answers but, for now, I think that's great.

Well played, it's a very good answer. It's lucky we didn't take your blood pressure just before that answer.

Thanks very much, indeed. Now, Sunetra.

Sunetra.

You don't want to hear my heartbeat right now.

Zoe Hanna on Casualty.

-How long have you been on Casualty?

-Nearly six years.

Nearly six years. And Ian, your partner,

you're no longer on Casualty, are you? You flew that.

I left when she came.

Now, Sunetra, you were plucked from the street by a casting agent.

-Yes, I was.

-To appear in Brookside.

I wasn't meant to be an actress.

I was just on my way home from school and a casting director

saw my face and they needed a character on Brookside

and I fitted it.

That's one way of putting it!

That's what everyone does.

When I was 15, that's what I was basically waiting for.

And look where you are now.

Yeah, but I didn't get on Brookside, did I?

Now, Sunetra, any city in Scotland, Northern Ireland or Wales.

I'm using a little theory of my own and I might be really wrong.

I'm not going to tell you what it is but I think Wrexham is a city.

-Wrexham in north Wales?

-Yeah.

Let's find out.

Wrexham, is it a city?

No!

That would have been such a brilliant pointless answer

-if it had been.

-I'm devastated.

-Oh, I'm sorry, Sunetra.

-That's OK.

I'm afraid that is incorrect, it scores you the maximum of 100 points, I'm sorry.

-What a gutsy thing to say.

-Yes, it's a town.

It did apply to be a city in the Diamond Jubilee year but,

-unfortunately...

-That'll be why.

-..it's still a town.

I would very, very much like to hear your theory, though. It might help Ian, as well.

No, you don't want to hear my theory because they might steal it.

Even though I know it's wrong...

Good tactics, don't let them hear the theory!

LAUGHTER

-Now, Nichola!

-Hello.

-Aw, Nichola.

-Of course, you were in Surgical Spirit with Duncan.

-I was.

But far more exciting than that, this is fabulous,

Nichola was the voice of the BMW,

James Bond's BMW in Tomorrow Never Dies.

Yes, it is true, I was that car, yes.

How many super sleuths' sports cars have you voiced?

-I've done two on Bond movies.

-Have you really?

I was also T-20, or whatever it is.

-On what?

-The same film as... I said, "All four wheels have left the ground"

was one of my lines but I think they cut that one.

LAUGHTER

-That's just fantastic.

-Yes, it was great fun.

-Did you get along to the premiere?

-No, I mean...

I'd forgotten I'd done it.

So did Eon, clearly, that's monstrous, they should have...

No, because they produced Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

that I did a year in with Brian Blessed as the Baron and Baroness

and they produced that.

They let me come to the filming of the next one

-and I saw the Ice Palace blown up, which was great!

-Excellent!

-How long were you with Brian Blessed in that?

-A year.

You must, therefore, have heard nearly a 32nd of all his stories.

LAUGHTER

I cannot tell you how much I love that man, he made me laugh.

He used to stop the show every night

and just do something completely different.

I'd go off and get my phone and phone my agent and, you know...

Do you think, Nichola, you would be a good judge of a Brian Blessed impression?

-I would, can you do it?

-I can't but I know a man who can.

He can't do one!

I can!

It's one of my specialities.

APPLAUSE

-Anyway, so, Nichola, what are you going to go for?

-Armagh.

Armagh.

By your theory, Sunetra, does that sound like a good answer?

Erm, yes.

Bad luck, Nichola...

LAUGHTER

Let's find out, Armagh, is that a correct answer?

If it is, how many of our 100 people said Armagh?

It's right!

Down it goes,

passes 28...

to three!

That is a fabulous answer, Nichola, very, very well done, indeed.

APPLAUSE

That's a brilliant answer, a great start to your Pointless career. It was granted city status in 1994.

-Now then, Ian.

-Hello.

You were in Casualty for a number of years as a doctor.

-Mmm, yes, with Bleasy...

-Indeed, and then you jumped ship

-and cropped up in Doctors as a practice manager.

-Yeah.

Do you look on that as a promotion,

going from doctor to practice manager, I mean?

Well, I'm still living in this one.

Who has the easy job? I mean, only fictitiously.

According to your scripts, which is the job you'd prefer to do?

You'd think Howard would be an easier part to play

but the script writers tend to write him

quite a lot of managerial speak which is almost as impossible

as the medical speak,

which, I'm sure, everybody else here appreciates.

Yeah, you can't really write most of your lines on people's legs

and plaster casts,

which I used to be able to get away with on Casualty.

I do, probably, hold the record on Casualty for having 27 takes.

-Seriously, 27?

-For one medical word, yes.

-What was the word?

-You now know what the word is, don't you?

I can say it now!

Which was homonymous hemianopia.

Sarah?

-Perfect.

-I've had a lot of practice.

-Now, tell me what it is.

-I haven't got a clue.

Ian, what are you going to go for?

I'm going to have to go for,

I'm going to have to go for Cardiff.

OK, Cardiff, says Ian. Cardiff.

Let's see if that's right and let's see how many of our 100 people said Cardiff.

It's right.

93.

Do you know what, it's a sensible thing to do.

Someone's already scored 100.

You know, go safe. You're seven better.

-93 for Cardiff.

-That was pretty safe, wasn't it?

-It was very safe.

-That really was.

That is sort of a practice manager's answer, that was, I would say.

-True, yes.

-Capital city of Wales, of course.

We're halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

Three, Nichola, what a great score,

Armagh, fabulous, very well done, that puts you and Duncan

in a very commanding position at this point in the round.

Then we travel up to 28 where we find Sarah and George.

Up to 93 where we find Ian and Paul

and then up to 100 where we find Sunetra and Ian.

Ian, it could all be fine.

It's not like you're alone right at the front, there.

It is going to be between you and Paul in this next pass.

Best of luck to both of you. We are coming back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium.

Now then, Paul, we are looking for cities in Scotland, Wales

-and Northern Ireland.

-No pressure whatsoever.

You're going to find the one you think the fewest of our 100 people knew.

-Paul, of course, you have been on Pointless before.

-I have.

-You were here with Tina Hobley.

-Yes, we got to the head-to-head.

-Yeah.

Now I've watched it ever since and I want the silverware

even though it's made of glass.

You've got it, you've got to go for it.

If I do win it, I shall run naked down Borehamwood High Street.

LAUGHTER

I have got my fingers crossed.

You did that yesterday, as well...

I know!

-Still, OK, this time with the Pointless trophy.

-It is expected of me now.

Anyway, Paul, there you are on 93.

The high scorers are Ian and Sunetra.

-You want to be scoring six or less.

-Yes.

-To avoid becoming the new high scorers.

-Right.

Well, that's scuppered my first thought.

My second thought is going to be St Andrews.

-St Andrews.

-Good work.

That sounds like a brilliant...

On one criteria, it should be

but, probably, on the other 99, it isn't.

OK, we will find out soon enough. Here's your red line.

It's quite low.

If you get below it with St Andrews, you are definitely in the next round.

Let's find out if St Andrews is right and, if it is, how many people said it.

Oh, no! I'm sorry, Paul.

That's an incorrect answer, scores you the maximum of 100 points

-and takes your total up to 193.

-So sorry, Paul.

The good news is you've really cheered Sunetra up.

No, you haven't.

Oh, dear. Right, now, Duncan.

Yes, sir.

Duncan, this puts you very comfortably into the next round,

which is lovely, a nice position to be in.

Duncan, obviously Surgical Spirit, but most people, I'm sure, will know

-you through your long association with Victoria Wood.

-Yeah.

-Victoria Wood, Dinner Ladies...

-Mm.

Acorn Antiques: The Musical!

Yeah, those little specials and things, yeah.

I did do other things.

You were a very respected Shakespearean actor before that.

Oh, no, no, no. I mean, I was there but not respected.

Very respected.

-So, Duncan...

-Yes, sir.

What are you going to go for?

It's sort of immaterial, really, because you're through anyway.

-I'm going to have a punt because I can say what I like, can't I?

-Mm.

I know it's a football team and it's got "City" on the end

but they are not always...

I'm not sure, Brechin.

Brechin.

-Brechin, and they have a team, Brechin City.

-Brechin City.

Sunetra, that's the kind of theory I like.

That was the theory I was using! Wrexham City is a football...

-I think it's Wrexham Town.

-Wrexham Town...

He didn't tell you that, he didn't say that!

I knew there was something wrong with his theory,

it was because it says "Town".

Duncan says Brechin. No red line for the good reason you're already through,

but let's see how many of our 100 people said Brechin, if it's right?

-Oh, no!

-ALEXANDER LAUGHS

Oh, dear. So, Brechin City.

-Do they have inverted commas around the "City"?

-I don't know.

-But I knew I could have a go.

-Well, you could, exactly.

It couldn't matter less.

It scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 103,

but you're easily through, so there we are.

Yeah, it's a very good one to go for because of Brechin City but,

yes, it's an anomaly.

It's not actually an official city, I'm afraid.

Thanks very much indeed. Now then, Ian.

Oh, what a lifeline you've been thrown. 92 points of lifeline.

-So, Ian.

-Yeah.

-18 years as Josh.

-Was it?

-Yes, 18.

-Blimey.

-18 years in a green overall.

-In a jumpsuit, yeah.

-Yeah. Wow.

Now, I imagine you must have picked up a lot of skills.

I've got the dangerous knowledge. I've got half knowledge.

-You know what it is.

-Yeah, yeah.

-You know what to do, but you never try it.

-No!

-Ever!

I don't know, if I was on an aeroplane

and there were absolutely no doctors, I think

the next best thing would be someone who'd played a doctor.

I think that's the most dangerous thing in the world!

Oh, no, at least in my hazy consciousness, I'd think, "Oh,

"good, good, good."

So remember,

we're looking for cities in Scotland, Northern Ireland or Wales.

-I'll go for Aberdeen.

-Aberdeen. Well, Dundee did well.

Let's see if Aberdeen can do.

There's a nice high red line for you.

If you get below that, you're through.

Let's see - Aberdeen, is it right and if so how many people said it?

It is and you're through. Well done, Ian.

-54.

-APPLAUSE

Ooh.

-54 takes your total up to 154.

-Well played, Ian. A good answer.

Do you want to know a fact about Aberdeen?

I would love to know a fact.

In the late 19th century,

it was the British centre of envelope production.

LAUGHTER

Yeah, I bet you didn't know that.

-George.

-Yes.

Welcome. You've been so patient. Thank you.

You've written lots of doctor parts. Is there medicine in your family?

There is, my grandfather was a doctor in Vienna,

rather an eccentric doctor. He had a sanatorium for tuberculosis

and he had his patients out in the snow

pretty well naked, or near naked, saying...

Paul won't be later tonight. Yeah!

It was mind over matter and I think he saved King Farouk's life.

He had appendicitis.

I don't know whether we should thank him for that.

But he was quite a famous doctor in Vienna and a contemporary of Freud.

That was my grandad,

from Vienna, and that's about the end of the doctors in our family

except for Duncan and I, we're honorary doctors from Bradford.

-Well, I have good news, George.

-Yeah.

You and Sarah are comfortably through to the next round

courtesy of Ian and Paul's high score over there,

but I think you've probably got a good answer.

Well, I was going to say Aberdeen, so that's stumped me a bit.

But I think I'm still going for the city theory,

but I thought I'd say Swansea city.

Swansea, OK, George is saying Swansea.

No red line for you, you're already through

but let's see how many of our 100 people said Swansea.

Is it not?

Too near Cardiff, probably.

-It's right.

-Ah!

-63. There you are.

-APPLAUSE

63 takes your total up to 91, the lowest total score of the round.

-Very well done indeed.

-Very well played there on podium one.

It's Britain's wettest city, according to the Met Office, Swansea.

-Is it?

-Yeah. Not just because it's next to the sea either.

They don't measure that.

-Ah - it could be the spray.

-It's rain.

-It's rain?

-Really?

-Now, let's take a look at the best answers.

No pointless answers.

Actually, the best answer you could have given, there's two of them

and one of them is Armagh, Nichola.

Armagh and Lisburn, both in Northern Ireland.

Both of them would have scored you three points.

Newry, also Northern Ireland, would have scored you five.

I'll go through the answers. I know people at home will have guessed one.

You would have got ten points for Bangor, ten points for St Asaph,

which is a new city in Wales, 12 points for Newport, 15 for Perth.

And we've heard... Well, 73 for Belfast.

Let's take a look at the top three. One of these will be familiar.

In third, it was Edinburgh, with 92. And there's joint winners.

Cardiff, 93, and Glasgow, 93.

So that really was a spectacularly safe answer.

Thanks very much, Richard. At the end of our first round, the pair who'll be heading home

with our high score of 193, I'm afraid it's Paul and Ian.

Yes, that's for two. Straightaway, please.

LAUGHTER

I'm so sorry. Head-to-head last time.

I thought you were a shoe-in for the final.

But it's been lovely having you on the show. Come back again, please.

-Paul and Ian, lovely contestants. Thanks for playing.

-APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

APPLAUSE

And so three pairs remain. At the end of this round,

we'll be saying goodbye to another pair before our head-to-head.

-Sunetra...

-It's funny how you said that and looked at me!

I was just going to say, when Wrexham came up,

I did think it was going to be you leaving us, that round.

But here you are. You made it through.

Nichola, a special mention for Armagh. That was wonderful.

And George and Sarah, our class swots. Well done.

Lovely low scores from you. Well done.

Best of luck to all three pairs. Our category for Round Two is:

-LAUGHTER

-Body Parts.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going first and second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns:

Oh!

LAUGHTER

That's so mean!

-Why is that so mean?

-I got all excited!

I thought there might be one I could do!

You'll be able to do this, Sarah.

It'll be fine. Richard.

A real doctor would be better at actual parts of the body.

This couldn't be less medical if we tried.

We're going to show you the names of six hit singles on each pass

which have parts of the body in their title.

You need to tell us the name of the act who had a hit with that song in the year shown.

So which acts had hits with these songs?

-12 in all to have a go at at home. Best of luck.

-Thanks, Richard.

So we are looking for the bands or artists who had hits with

these songs featuring parts of the body. I'm sorry, Sarah.

Here's our first board of six. It reads like this.

I'll read those all one last time.

-George.

-I'm going to take a wild guess here.

I can't remember the Shaddap You Face guy. I'm going to say...

Tongue, to me, sounds like a Madonna song.

-All I can say is Madonna. It's a wild guess.

-OK.

Tongue - Madonna. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Madonna.

Bad luck, George. I'm sorry.

An incorrect answer scores you the maximum of 100.

It looks like that might not be the last 100 points of this round.

-Richard.

-It does sound like a Madonna song, though.

-Yeah.

-Tongue.

Ian.

-Now, how do you feel about this?

-Ooh...

-Heart Of Glass - Blondie.

-Blondie, says Ian.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said Blondie for Heart Of Glass.

Absolutely right.

71.

APPLAUSE

-That's not a bad score.

-That may be a winning score, Ian.

-71.

-Yeah, not a bad score at all. Big number one single for Blondie.

It's one of the first songs they ever wrote, but didn't record it for many years.

Thanks. Now, Duncan, you are the last person to have this board.

-If you fancied it, you could talk us through it.

-I know one.

And it's...

I Want To Hold Your Hand - The Beatles.

The Beatles, says Duncan, I Want To Hold Your Hand.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

-84.

-APPLAUSE

-84 for The Beatles.

-It's better than 100, Duncan.

That's damage limitation.

Do you know half of your bones are in your hands and feet?

-Half of mine, or everyone's?

-LAUGHTER

-Both.

-Oh, I see. Good.

-That's about right, isn't it, Sarah?

-More than half.

-There you go.

-Let's go through the rest of this. Do you know Shaddap You Face?

-Joe Dolce.

Yeah, the Joe Dolce Music Theatre. We'd have taken Joe Dolce.

Would have scored 22.

-Do you know Wear My Ring Around Your Neck?

-No.

-That is Elvis.

-I got it right!

Elvis Presley and the Jordanaires, to be precise. Two points for that.

-Wrapped Around Your Finger.

-This I do know. Godley and Creme.

Absolutely wrong!

LAUGHTER

It was...The Police.

-I'm afraid it would have scored you six points.

-Oh, no! Under Your...

Sorry. That was the Godley and Creme song, sorry.

I was singing it to myself and I was thinking... Oh, Lordy!

-I thought that was quite random.

-You looked so pleased with yourself as well.

-I really was.

-You see?

-It's not so easy, is it?

-LAUGHTER

Now, Tongue, do you know that one? That's a tough one. It's by REM.

-Ah.

-And that would have scored you four points.

Thank you. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. Some quite big scores.

71, our best score of that pass. Ian and Sunetra, that's you.

Then up to 84, where we find Duncan and Nichola. Then up to 100, George and Sarah.

But you're in quite good company up there.

Sometimes if you score 100, everyone else is really low down,

but they're within touching distance.

So, anything could happen in the next pass. Best of luck. We're going to come back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more songs with body parts in them

up on the board, and here they come. We have got:

I'll read those all one last time.

Remember, we are looking for the bands or artists who had hits

with these songs, all of them featuring body parts.

Nichola, you're going to try and find the one you think the fewest of our 100 people knew.

Never heard of any of them, I'm afraid. No.

I wouldn't even have a clue.

I got three on the last one, but not one on this one.

I shall go for... Ooh, I don't know.

Can't Get You Out Of My Head - Westlife. Who knows?

Can't Get You Out Of My Head - Westlife, says Nichola. Well, there is your red line.

Get below that and you're in the head-to-head.

Hmm.

Are we going to get below that red line with Westlife?

No, I'm sorry.

Another 100 points there. That takes your total up to 184. Sorry.

Not Westlife, I'm afraid, but you're still in it mathematically.

-So you never know.

-Thanks, Richard. Sunetra.

-Hello.

You're through to the head-to-head.

This is fantastic, thanks to Ian's wonderful low-scoring 71(!)

Really? So you're saying that even if I gamble...

Even if you score 100 points, you are still in the head-to-head.

I think you might be good at this. How's that board to you?

-Three, I know three.

-That's OK.

-But I'm not 100% sure about one.

I should just go with the solid answer of Kylie Minogue - Can't Get You Out Of My Head.

Can't Get You Out Of My Head - Kylie Minogue.

No red line for you, you're already through.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Kylie Minogue.

It's right.

70 people.

APPLAUSE

141 is your total.

Well played. Kylie Minogue has had hit albums in four separate decades.

-Already?

-Yeah, how about that?

-Wow!

That's good. Now, then.

-This is where we have a game on our hands. Sarah...

-No, we don't.

Oh, we must! Sarah, do you want to talk us through the board?

Do you fancy maybe telling us who all the people are?

OK, Hips Don't Lie...after 1983, so I don't know that one.

Cold Shoulder, also after 1983, so I don't know that one.

-Did your radio break in 1983?

-Yes!

Yes. No, I became a junior doctor and I didn't have time.

And that's kind of it, really.

I can't even think of anyone who was around then.

Legs, um...Spandau Ballet.

Legs - Spandau Ballet, says Sarah.

Here's your red line, Sarah.

Get below that with Spandau Ballet and you're in the head-to-head.

Let's find out. Legs, is that by Spandau Ballet?

I'm afraid it's not. But it is a good guess.

But that scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 200. Sorry.

Yes, sorry, Sarah. Absolutely right era.

In fact, Spandau Ballet and Madonna, it's a tough way to get 200 points, to be fair.

-Both plausible guesses. Now, there's lots to fill in here.

-Yes.

Sunetra, anything you fancy going for?

I was going to go for Shakira with Hips Don't Lie.

Yeah, absolutely right. Would have scored you 47 points.

And the risky one was Julian Cope - World Shut Your Mouth.

Yes, exactly right. Would have been a terrific answer as well.

-Would have scored you seven points.

-See?

-Have I recovered from Wrexham yet?

-Yeah.

-Very good.

APPLAUSE

-Now, let's take a look at the rest of these. Legs. Do you remember?

-ZZ Top.

It is ZZ Top, yeah. And that would have scored you 16.

-Five Colours In Her Hair?

-Is the wonderful McFly.

It is the wonderful McFly. That would have scored you 17.

And the best answer up there is Cold Shoulder.

One of the lesser-known hits of a very successful female

-singer-songwriter.

-It's Adele.

-Adele, yup.

And that would have scored you four points.

Very well done if you got that one at home. Terrific answer.

Thanks. So at the end of our second round... I'm so sorry.

They were the class act of the first round and here they are,

-our newest members of the 200 Club. I'm lost for words.

-That was mean!

And we said body parts and it turned out to be pop music, really.

You'll just have to come back and do it again

and I hope you'll get a better subject matter then.

-Thanks so much for playing, Sarah and George. Wonderful contestants.

-APPLAUSE

-But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

-APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Duncan and Nichola, Ian and Sunetra.

You're now one step closer to the final and a chance to

play for our jackpot, which currently stands at £2,500.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

Now, we have to decide who's going to play for that money

and to do that, you're now going to go head-to-head. You're now allowed to confer.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here comes your first question. It concerns:

Yes, more fun that in sounds, I promise.

We're about to show you five visual clues now to the

surnames of various members of the Cabinet or the Shadow Cabinet.

Can you tell us who these clues refer to?

We'll also show you some letters underneath to help you along the way.

Thanks, Richard. Let's reveal our five visual clues, and here they come. We have got:

There we are.

Five visual clues to members of the Shadow Cabinet and the Cabinet.

Now, Duncan and Nichola, you played best throughout the show

so far, so you get to go first.

The top one, I don't know what it is.

THEY CONFER

Caroline Flint, C.

C, Caroline Flint.

C, Caroline Flint.

Now, Ian and Sunetra, do you fancy talking us through all

the other ones and see if you can come up with some answers?

-Yeah, we'll give it a go.

-William Hague.

-Ed Balls.

-Jeremy Hunt. Vince Cable.

-Vince Cable.

Which one do you think people who saw that wouldn't know?

-Shall we go for William Hague?

-William Hague, A.

A, William Hague.

So we have C, Caroline Flint, and A, William Hague.

Duncan and Nichola said C, Caroline Flint.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right, of course.

That's a great answer!

Look at it! Down it goes to three!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Another three.

Another three, exactly, for the Duncan and Nichola partnership.

Now, Ian and Sunetra have gone for William Hague.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

Obviously, it's right.

Is it going to beat three, though? 23 for William Hague.

APPLAUSE

Which means, Duncan and Nichola, an early lead for you.

-After one question, you're up 1-nil.

-Very well played, both teams.

Caroline Flint was the best answer. Nothing you could have done.

William Hague is actually the next best answer there.

Ed Balls is a big scorer. You can imagine. He scored 91 points.

D, you're absolutely right, is Jeremy Hunt.

Would have scored you 29 points.

And you're right about the last one as well. Vince Cable.

And he's another big scorer. He would have scored you 59.

Wow!

Thanks very much, Richard. So here comes your second question.

Ian and Sunetra, you'll get to answer this one first.

But you have to win it to stay in the game.

So best of luck. It concerns:

A Christmas Carol, Richard.

We're going to show you five clues now to facts about Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol.

Can you give us the most obscure answer up there?

OK, thank you. Let's reveal our five facts, and here they come.

We have got:

I'll read those all one final time.

There we are. Five clues to facts about A Christmas Carol.

-Ian and Sunetra, you will go first.

-Yeah.

The problem is we're so sketchy on the four that if we get it wrong, we

may as well go for the one that we know will definitely not be wrong.

That's the problem we have. Do you want to risk...?

No. Bah, humbug.

One.

Bah, humbug, you're going to say. Bah, humbug.

OK, now, Duncan and Nichola, do you think you can talk us

-through the board?

-So the second one is...

..God bless us, every one.

The final thing we think is his own gravestone.

And Scrooge's former partner was Jacob Marley.

But I don't know the names of the children.

It's something like Poverty, Starvation and...something.

-Jacob Marley?

-Jacob Marley.

-Jacob Marley.

You're going to go for Jacob Marley. OK, the ghost who visits him.

So, Ian and Sunetra have gone for bah, humbug.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said bah, humbug.

It's right, of course.

-Ooh, 70.

-APPLAUSE

Wow! That is high.

70 for bah, humbug.

Now, Duncan and Nichola have gone for Jacob Marley,

the former partner who visits him as a ghost.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Jacob Marley.

It's right.

There we go. You've done it. Very well done. 46 for Jacob Marley.

APPLAUSE

It wins you the point and it sees you through to the final, 2-nil.

-Very well done, Duncan and Nichola.

-Very well played.

Jacob Marley, the ex-business partner of Scrooge

and the godfather of reggae as well, of course. LAUGHTER

Now, Nichola and Duncan proved very good on this board as well.

-The last five words of the story?

-God bless us, every one.

God bless us, every one, said by Tiny Tim, yeah.

Would have scored you ten points. And the final thing that the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come shows Scrooge?

-The gravestone?

-Scrooge's own gravestone, yes.

That would have scored you 26.

And you had a little go at the names of the starved children.

-There's two names and they are Ignorance and Want.

-Yes!

Ignorance and Want. That would have scored you seven points.

That's the best answer up there. Very well done if you went through the whole board. Terrific.

Thanks very much, Richard. So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid to say, it's Ian and Sunetra. You played so well throughout the show.

We'll draw a veil over Wrexham.

But it's been such a treat having you on the show. Thank you so much.

Wonderful performance. Promise you'll come back and play again.

Absolutely.

Excellent. Ian and Sunetra, everyone.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

-But for Duncan and Nichola, it's now time for our Pointless final.

-APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Duncan and Nichola. You fought off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless

jackpot for your charities. And that currently stands at £2,500.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

I think we knew the cut of your jib from the first round.

Absolutely fantastic performance from start to finish and here you are, in the final.

You've seen off five pretend doctors and one real one.

That's fantastic going. As always, you kick this round off by choosing the category you

want to answer questions under and here are your choices:

-Shall we go home now?

-LAUGHTER

I certainly don't know anything about sporting awards.

1980s popular culture, I don't even know what that is.

-And Andrew Lloyd Webber's musicals...

-You know about those.

-I certainly do not!

-Do you not?

LAUGHTER

I can't imagine I'll know any of the answers, so it's over to you.

-Yes, 1980s Popular Culture.

-1980s Popular Culture, it is. Richard.

-OK.

We're going to give you three separate choices.

Take your answers from any of these. We are looking for:

Any actor who appeared in 100 or more episodes of the original Dallas.

Any actor who appeared in 100 or more episodes of the original series of Dallas.

We're looking for any Steve Martin film that was released in the '80s.

So any Steve Martin film made for cinema release that came

out in the '80s, according to IMDB.

Or we are looking for any Bruce Springsteen single that was

released in the 1980s. Any Bruce Springsteen top 40 hit in the 1980s.

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

As always, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot for your charities is for just

one of those answers to be pointless.

Remember, the answers can come from any of these categories.

They can all be from one category, or one from each,

two from one, one from another, it's up to you.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

-Charlene Tilton.

-Yeah.

-Steve Martin films, didn't he do a film about Cyrano?

-He did.

-Was it called Cyrano?

-He did Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

With Michael Caine, yes.

Which is about to open as a musical.

-And...

-Who is Bruce Springsteen?

-Now...

-Seriously! Who is he?

-LAUGHTER

-I don't know any of his records.

-Right. Forget him, then.

Steve Martin films, come on.

I've never seen a Steve Martin film because Don is allergic to him.

He throws his teeth at the television if he's on.

It's very unpleasant. They're usually still in the glass.

Um... Charlene Tilton.

Um... Sue Ellen, I can't remember her name.

Anyway, she'd be too famous. Larry Hagman.

The guy who played Bobby Ewing was...

Can't remember.

-No, I can't remember.

-Ten seconds left.

Steve Martin films... Cyrano. Was it actually called Cyrano?

Or was it called something else? The chap with the big nose.

-That's your time up.

-Right.

-It wasn't really long enough, was it?

But I now need three answers from you.

-Charlene Tilton.

-Charlene Tilton.

-Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

-Was it called Cyrano?

-Cyrano.

And Cyrano.

OK, of those three answers,

which do you think is your best crack at a pointless answer?

They're all a bit dodgy, I think. Um...

-Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

-OK, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, we'll put last.

Which is your least likely to be pointless?

-Charlene Tilton, I should think.

-Charlene Tilton.

OK, we'll put that first.

Let's put those answers up on the board in that order and here they are.

We have got Charlene Tilton, Cyrano and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

Well, very best of luck. Your first answer was Charlene Tilton.

Now, if that is pointless and you win that jackpot of £2,500,

who will that money be going to? What are your charities?

Well, mine is the Lymphoma Association.

They looked after my brother when his wife died

and they're not a huge charity, but they're absolutely brilliant

people who are dealing with people with lymphoma.

Excellent. Nichola? How about you?

Age UK, because animals and children get a lot of attention,

quite rightly, but the elderly aren't quite as fashionable.

-So... And we'll all need them one day!

-We certainly will.

-Well done. Two excellent charities there. Brilliant.

-APPLAUSE

Very best of luck.

Let's hope one of your answers up there is pointless,

so we can give that jackpot towards those charities.

Now, your first answer, as I said, was Charlene Tilton.

You're hoping she was an actress in the original Dallas

series for 100 or more episodes. If it's right, if it's pointless,

you will win that jackpot for your charities.

So for £2,500, let's see how many people said Charlene Tilton.

Well, it's right. That was the key thing it had to be first of all.

If this goes all the way down to zero, you leave here with £2,500.

Down it goes. Into single figures.

Down it goes. Still going down. Oh!

-Two!

-APPLAUSE

It's better than three.

You've gone one better. Exactly.

Three has become your recurring team score.

You've gone down to two. Maybe this is a good sign.

Maybe your subsequent answers are going to do even better.

Only two more chances to win today's jackpot of £2,500.

This time, we are looking for Steve Martin films from the 1980s.

And you have gone for Cyrano. Are you sure that's the right answer?

Let's find out. For £2,500, is it correct

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said it?

Cyrano.

No.

-I couldn't think what it was called.

-I've just remembered.

-What is it?

-We'll discover in a second.

-All right.

-It's a song by Godley and Creme!

-LAUGHTER

You only have one more chance to win today's jackpot.

Everything is now riding on Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

Another Steve Martin film from the 1980s.

This was your most confident punt at the pointless answer,

so let's hope it is pointless and wins you that £2,500.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, how many people said it?

Well, it's right. Your first answer,

the one you thought was least likely to be pointless, went down to two.

Your second answer, Cyrano, was incorrect,

but this is your third answer.

Taking us down into single figures. Still going down.

-Still going down. Oh, no!

-APPLAUSE

Oh! I'm so sorry.

-You've had two threes and two twos.

-Yes.

Brilliant low scoring, but I'm afraid in this round, we are

only interested in pointless answers.

You didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer.

So you don't win today's jackpot of £2,500.

However, as it is a celebrity special, we are going to

donate £500 to each celebrity pair for their respective charities.

We have loved having you on the show. You've just been brilliant.

-Please come back and do it again.

-We can come back as actors.

What a good idea!

Anyway, thank you so much, Duncan and Nichola. Fabulous.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

You've been so brilliant throughout. Great answers from start to finish. Been an absolute pleasure.

-The Cyrano film you're thinking of was Roxanne.

-Roxanne!

-Would have scored you 14 points though,

so wouldn't have been a pointless answer.

Let's take a look at some of the Dallas actors.

There's some big names, if you know your Dallas, on this list.

Howard Keel would have been a pointless answer.

Priscilla Presley was a pointless answer.

Steve Kanaly was a pointless answer. Susan Howard, who played his wife.

Ken Kercheval, who played Cliff Barnes,

he was a pointless answer as well. Very well done if you said that, would have won the money.

Let's take a look at some Steve Martin films from the '80s.

Little Shop Of Horrors would have been a pointless answer.

Movers And Shakers. Pennies From Heaven. I just watched this the other day, The Lonely Guy.

A very unusual, rather good film. Would have been a pointless answer.

-And have you really never heard of Bruce Springsteen?

-Seriously.

-I've heard his name, but I don't know what he does.

-He's a singer.

-Oh.

-He's the Boss.

-Sounds like a cleaner.

LAUGHTER

I'm just going to Springsteen my carpet.

Well, he's not a cleaner. LAUGHTER

The biggest scorers here by a mile, Born In The USA was a very big

scorer, Born To Run, Dancing In The Dark, The River. They were the big scorers.

There's a couple of ones that people will know though.

Cover Me was a pointless answer. I'm On Fire was a pointless answer.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town would have won the jackpot as well.

His version of that. And Spare Parts as well.

Also on that, you could have had Brilliant Disguise, My Hometown

and Tougher Than The Rest. Very well done if you got a pointless answer on today's show. Terrific.

Thanks, Richard. Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you,

but it's been wonderful having you on the show. Thank you both so much for playing. Brilliant.

-CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

-Thank you so much.

-Thank you.

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE