Comedy Pointless Celebrities

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong

and welcome to this special edition of Pointless Celebrities,

the game where the aim is to find obscure answers

and ignore the obvious ones. Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

-And couple number one.

-After you, boss.

-I'm Don Warrington.

I'm an actor.

I'm Ray Burdis.

I'm a writer, director and sometimes an actor, when I'm not signing on.

APPLAUSE

-And couple number two.

-I'm Robert Llewellyn.

I'm occasionally a fairly rubbish actor

and occasionally a TV presenter and I write books and stuff.

And I'm Dom Joly and I'm an alcoholic.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And couple number three.

I'm Rhona Cameron and I'm a comedian and author-writer.

I'm Richard Herring. I'm a stand-up comedian.

APPLAUSE

-And finally, couple number four.

-I'm John Bird. I'm...

I seem to be retired. I was not my idea.

I'm Tim Brooke-Taylor and I'm a comedy-writer-actor-ish.

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much. And these are today's Pointless Celebrities.

Thanks, all of you. We'll get to know more about you throughout the show,

so that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He once got into a staring match with a cat

that lasted for seven months.

He won and he has never let Tiddles forget it.

-It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

Hi, everybody. Hiya.

-Good evening to you.

-Good evening to you.

-Are you well?

-Yeah, I am.

-Excellent. I think this is going to be fun.

-It's definitely going to be fun.

But quite often when you have lots of comedy people on,

you get some people who are very, very, very up for it.

There's a couple of people in our line-up who really want this.

They can taste it. I'll tell you two of them.

-Dom Joly wants it.

-Uh-hm.

-Richard Herring wants it.

-Yeah.

-Both of them do.

In a way, if you'd put them on the same team,

it would just be like heart to heart, it would be crazy.

My son will be very excited cos Dom Joly's got Kryten on his team,

Kryten from Red Dwarf, Robert Llewellyn. My son will be over the moon about that. He really will.

But first round today, we're going to ease you in.

Everybody here remembers the 1980s, right?

-First round, that's where we're headed...

-OK. Good.

-..the 1980s.

Sounds fun. Thanks very much indeed. Now, all of our questions

on Pointless have been put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants need to find the obscure answers

those 100 people didn't get.

Of course, everyone's trying to find a pointless answer,

that being an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Now, as today's show is a celebrity special

and each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity,

we start off with a jackpot of £2,500. There we are.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right. If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK. Now, remember, the pair with the highest score at the end

of this round will be eliminated

and you are not to confer throughout the round itself.

OK. Our first category today is...

There we are. 1980s Pop. John, all your prayers have been answered.

Can you all decide in your pairs who is going to play first,

who's going to play second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name...

as many solo artists who had a UK number one in the 1980s

as they could.

Solo artists who had a UK number one in the 1980s. Richard.

Yes. Simply looking for any solo artist who had a UK number one single

in the UK charts in the 1980s, please. Not duos, anything like that.

Has to be credited to one individual performer, please.

The name of any of those people. Loads of names there.

Loads of pointless ones too. Very best of luck to everyone.

Thanks very much. Now, Don and Ray, you all drew lots before the show

and today you are going to go first. Ray, welcome to Pointless.

Great to have you here.

Of course, you and Don worked together on Manwatch with Nigel...

Manchild, not Manwatch. What am I talking about, Manwatch?!

-That's... That's another show.

-Sounds a bit dodgy, that.

You worked together on Manchild with Nigel Havers,

-Three Up, Two Down, of course.

-Oh, yeah. Long time ago.

But since then, you've produced lots of things.

You've co-written films with Jude Law and Ray Winstone.

You've produced all sorts of music videos. You've directed things.

So, yeah, which did you prefer?

Have you preferred being behind the camera or in front of it?

I don't know. You know, as an actor, work is quite hard to come by,

so I thought I'd better add another string to my bow,

stay in the industry and start writing and directing films.

-And become a writer-producer-director.

-Yeah.

-Why not?

-We've done all right.

-Yeah. Fair enough.

Now, how was the '80s for you, Ray?

It should be really, really good cos I was into making pop promos

around that period, but I guarantee that I muck this one up.

I guarantee it.

Who are you going to go for?

I'll go for Chris Rea.

Chris Rea says Ray. Let's see if that's right and, if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Chris Rea.

Oh, Ray.

I'm sorry. An incorrect answer.

Scores the maximum of 100 points.

Sorry, Ray. Really tough one, that first podium. Road to Hell was

his biggest hit. It was only number ten.

That one didn't get close to number one.

-Thank you, Richard.

-Pleasure.

-Now, Dom, welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

Great to have you here. Known for Trigger Happy TV, obviously,

-but particularly "Splash!" recently.

-Yes. Thank you. It was a real high point.

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

-How did you do in it?

-Very, very badly.

Well, I lived and I can still walk, so it's OK.

What really annoyed me is they can't show the terror that you feel

when you're on the 10m board which I have to say I did do, just to show off,

I fell off the 10m board, but it is insane.

Everything in your body and your mind is saying, "Leave now.

"Push Vernon Kay off. Run away."

And it was terrible. I'd rather not go back there, if that's all right?

-I'm getting quite bad flashbacks.

-OK.

-Dom, what are you going to go for?

-I quite like the '80s.

It's the last decade I can remember properly and I quite like the music,

so I can either go for something really obscure and I'm going to...

Or go safe. I'm going to go safe. I'm going to say Paul Young.

Paul Young says Dom. Paul Young. Let's see how many people said it.

Is it right?

It is right.

7 for Paul Young.

APPLAUSE

Well played, Dom. Very good answer.

Yeah, he's taken care of business, hasn't he, Dom?

Richard pretending to be happy with that. Giving him nice applause.

Absolutely seething there. Just recalibrating his answer right now.

Wherever I Lay My Hat, (That's My Home).

-That was a number one for Paul Young in the '80s. The Marvin Gaye song.

-And others, surely?

-No, it was his only number one in the '80s.

-Love of the Common People didn't make it to number one?

-No.

Whoa. Wow. What were we doing, not buying that?

Well, we were buying lots of other solo artists on this list.

-Hey, hey. I've got it. I've got one.

-Have you got one?

-Yes.

-OK.

In fact, I've probably got the one Richard Herring's going to say.

Rhona, welcome to Pointless. Do you still do stand up, Rhona?

A little bit. I'm doing some more next year.

I've been writing a thing for TV at the moment,

so I'm going to do some more stand up next year, yeah.

But I like to also do some other things.

I like to write, I like to direct, so...I don't know what to say

because I'm worrying about the '80s.

Worry about the '80s. You can do that now. Worry about the '80s.

-But you remember the '80s clearly, Rhona?

-I do, yeah. It was good.

It was a good decade for music.

Not as good as the '70s, but I've got some fond '80s musical memories.

OK. Well, 7 is our lowest score.

I feel like I want to go for something a little obscure

and something a bit safer that I'm worried isn't safe

cos it might be a bit more popular.

So I'm going to say, erm...

..T'Pau.

Solo artist.

-She's a solo artist.

-Now.

-It's a band.

-It's a band.

-It's a band? She was...

-No, it's fine. We'll find out.

We'll find out if it's right. Let's find out if it's right.

-Who knows! T'Pau.

-No, no, no. We'll do another one.

I'm really sorry, Rhona. I have to accept your first answer.

I thought T'Pau was good.

I thought T'Pau were brilliant.

LAUGHTER

-No, I thought it was a good answer.

-Let's find out if it's good.

-Is it right? How many of our 100 people said T'Pau?

-No, it's not.

Oh.

No.

-I'm sorry.

-I know, listen, Richard, I had... I'm very musical.

I had about 20 up my sleeve and I just thought...

-Could you mention two of them?

-..I thought this was good.

LAUGHTER

I'm really sorry, Rhona. T'Pau is an incorrect answer.

Scores you 100 points. But you're in good company.

There may be more joining you there.

You'll soon be in really good company.

I am sorry, Rhona. Yeah, T'Pau not...

Although within the group, there are a number of individuals,

-so that's good.

-I thought she was...

-I just want to go home now.

-You'll be fine.

-No, no, no.

-We're going to see so many...

-This is my strongest area.

That's OK. I tell you what, when we get to the very end,

we'll have a little special game. You can come up with some other ones.

I'm an only child. I'd like that.

At least you've made Dom Joly so happy.

-I can't tell you how happy he looks.

-I am quite strict on the rules.

Thanks very much indeed. Tim, welcome to Pointless.

-Lovely to have you here.

-Lovely to be here, Xander.

People mainly know you, of course, from I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue,

but a lot of people, I'm sure, will remember you from The Goodies.

-Used to be.

-The greatest highlight of your life, of course,

was appearing in a sitcom called TLC.

-With some of the best actors I've ever worked with.

-Yes, yes.

Wait a minute. You were one of them.

I was. You're absolutely right. I was.

And it was, actually, I thought, very good,

but sadly the public didn't.

So, Tim, what are you going to say?

Well, I think... I'm not certain about this, I think I'm going to

stand and deliver and say Adam Ant.

Adam Ant. Adam Ant says Tim.

That's a great answer, surely. Let's see if that's right

and, if it is, let's how many of our 100 people said Adam Ant.

It's absolutely right, Tim. Very well done indeed.

7. Look at that!

APPLAUSE

A superb answer, Tim.

7 it scores.

Well played, Tim. After Adam and the Ants split up, he went solo,

had a number one single with Goody Two Shoes. At one point in 1981,

they had seven singles in the top 40 at the same time, Adam and the Ants.

-Too many. That's too many at once.

-Do you think?

-Isn't it?

-They were great.

-First album I bought, Kings of the Wild Frontier.

I loved Adam and the Ants. Sorry, Dom Joly has got an objection.

It's the only thing I'm going to say, but were they not a band?

-Adam and the Ants?

-Yeah.

-Adam and the Ants were a band, yes.

-Oh, he said Adam Ant.

-Yeah, Adam Ant had a solo number one

-with Goody Two Shoes.

-Did he?

-Yeah. Well, that's what we were just saying.

LAUGHTER

I completely drifted off. I drifted off.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. So, we're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at the scores.

Only two scores between the four teams. 7 and 100.

7 is where we find Tim and John and Dom and Robert

and 100 is where we find Rhona and Richard and Ray and Don.

So, yes, it's between Richard and Don to see who stays.

Very best of luck to the pair of you. We're going to come back down

the line now. Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK. John, it is your moment.

When I was contacted by this show...

..they said, "Are there any things you really don't want to answer

"questions about?" and I said, "Yes, pop music."

So, here it is and my friend here has just sabotaged our game plan

which was to score 200 points and go home early

and I have to feed my cat.

Now my cat will starve.

OK. Well, now, John.

Listen, before that, I hope you won't be upset

if I call you a senior statesman of satire. Is that all right?

-Are you happy with that?

-The surviving, I think.

The surviving senior statesman of satire.

You have worked with everyone from Peter Cook right up to Rory Bremner.

You have been right across, the whole satire boom, you were there.

It boomed, yes. Yes.

And here you still are on 7. The high scorers on 100, John.

You can score 92 or less and still go through.

What are you going to go for, John?

-I'm going to say Paul Simon.

-Paul Simon. That gets a nod from Richard.

-A qualified nod from Richard.

-Might not be the right era.

Let's find out if Paul Simon's right and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Paul Simon.

There's your red line, John.

I'm afraid it's an incorrect answer.

I thought that was a great answer.

We will discover why not in a second. That scores you 100 points,

takes your total up to 107.

-It was certainly a convincing answer, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

His biggest hit in the '80s was You Can Call Me Al

which got to number four.

-Yup.

-Thank you very much indeed. Richard.

-Yes.

-Welcome to the show.

-Thank you very much.

Here's the bit where I give a little potted history of your career.

-I tell you what you've done.

-OK.

Fist of Fun, Lee and Herring, is probably the thing that

I know you best for.

Lee and Herring, I got two points on an edition of Pointless for my name.

-That's good.

-That's good. But you've written for countless comedy shows.

I've written for Al Murray and...

I was I was in a thing you wrote.

-The Pub landlord.

-That's how we get the jobs.

I'm doing lots of podcasting and stand-up.

-Stand-up.

-Doing lots of podcasting and stand-up tours at the moment.

-And you are about to get a pointless answer.

-I'm really not.

This is tactically a very difficult place to be in

because I have to try and get something low. And...

-I'm just so sorry.

-I'm going to take a bit of a punt.

And hope that he did this one on his own.

I'm going to go for Bryan Ferry.

-Bryan Ferry.

-With Jealous Guy, I'm hoping he did it on his own.

He did. Let's find out though if he got to number one with that.

I'm pretty sure.

The high scorers are John and Tim at the moment on 107.

You want to be scoring 6 or less to avoid becoming the new high scorers.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Bryan Ferry.

There is your red line.

-Oh, no.

-Had to take a chance.

-Richard.

That scores you 100 points. Takes your total up to 200.

Jealous Guy was number one but Roxy Music it was credited to,

-not Bryan Ferry. But you had to take a risk.

-I did.

-That's gutting, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-You look furious.

-I just thought...

-I love this game.

It's such a shame to be going home after the first round.

Luckily I don't have low self esteem issues.

Anyway, the round is not over yet.

We want any solo artist who had a UK number one in the '80s.

Robert, we come to you. Red Dwarf, Kryten.

-But you were the second person to play Kryten.

-I was. I'm a fake.

-Newcomer.

-But you made it your own as they say on X Factor.

-I had long enough to do it. About 24, 25 years.

-Yeah.

But of course, also an author. This is becoming quite a pattern.

Dom's an author. Rhona's an author, Richard's an author.

I dare say between them John and Tim must have written countless books.

-Countless.

-Shelf-fulls.

Scrapheap Challenge, you do that.

Anything around our set you've got your eye on?

There's a couple of bits and bobs we could do something with.

I love Scrapheap Challenge

because weirdly they find a huge chassis of something.

"Actually we could use that."

-It's lucky it was there.

-It's extraordinary.

Very, very big scrap yard it was.

Robert, what are you going to go for?

I have got no clue.

It's in an absolutely blind panic but I am going to go for Cher.

Dom likes Cher.

This is the good news, you're through.

Even if you score 100 you're through.

Let's find out is that right and if it is how many people said Cher.

No red line as you're already through.

Not Cher.

That's fine.

Unfortunately another incorrect answer scores you 100 points.

Takes your total up to 107, Robert.

She didn't have her first number one until '91. The Shoop Shoop Song.

Thank you very much indeed. Don, welcome to Pointless.

Great to have you here.

Of course, Manchild is what you and Ray worked together on.

-And more recently Death In Paradise.

-Indeed.

-What's that Ben Miller like?

-He's all right.

-I like him.

-You do, don't you? You are a fan of his.

He can make anyone look good, I think.

LAUGHTER

You know what I mean?

Don doesn't need that sort of help but he can team up with people.

Given that half of the people in it were no good that was

surprisingly watchable.

He's got charisma for two.

LAUGHTER

-Which is fortunate, isn't it?

-Yeah.

He's great, Don, isn't he? Lovely to work with as well, I bet.

-He's wonderful.

-Terrific guy.

-Very nice.

-Very nice.

Don, what are you going to go for? You have to score 99 or less.

-Basically, you have to have a correct answer.

-Well, OK.

I'll go for Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson says Don. Here's your red line nice and high.

If you get below that red line you're through to the next round.

Let's see if Michael Jackson is right.

Let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

25.

Very well done, Don and Ray. Through you go to Round Two.

That's the way to do it.

Everyone mucking about all the way up, all the way back.

Two words, straight into a second round. Very well played.

There's lots and lots of pointless answers

but I'll go through some of the low scorers first.

ALEXANDER COUGHS

Sorry, you've got one. Xander.

-Captain Sensible.

-Captain Sensible would have scored you 1 point.

Good answer though. There's lots of low ones.

Just thinking of things that might have seen you through.

Shakin' Stevens with 5, Diana Ross, Enya, Midge Ure with 3.

Shakin' Stevens. I was a massive fan. I went to all his concerts.

I can't believe that.

-Shakin' Stevens.

-Don't have a go at me.

-What's wrong with me?

It's almost like you think I said T'Pau.

3 for Jennifer Rush and Tiffany.

2 for Belinda Carlisle, Lisa Stansfield,

Billy Joel, Barbra Streisand.

1 for Johnny Logan, Smokey Robinson, Don McLean, Kenny Rogers,

Billy Ocean, Sonia, Joe Dolce.

-Nick Berry would have scored you 1 point.

-Nick Berry.

Falco, Chaka Khan, Eddy Grant, Stevie Wonder would have scored you 1.

Let's take a look at some pointless answers.

Well done if you said any of these.

Ben E King had a number one hit with Stand By Me.

Bonnie Tyler, Total Eclipse Of The Heart. She was a pointless answer.

Chris de Burgh - Lady in Red was a number one single in the '80s.

Glenn Medeiros- Nothing's Going To Change My Love For You.

One of the classic one hit wonders.

Irene Cara who sang the theme from Fame.

Jackie Wilson had a Christmas number one with Reet Petite.

Nicole won Eurovision with A Little Piece.

Paul Hardcastle - 19.

And Phyllis Nelson - Move Closer.

All of those pointless answers.

Let's take a look at the top three answers.

The ones that most of our 100 people said.

Thanks very much indeed.

At the end of our First Round the pair heading home with a high

score of 200, Richard and Rhona.

-I'm really sorry.

-No, I'm really sorry.

-Can't understand how sorry I am. I'm sorry.

-It's fine.

This is one of my strong categories.

-This and Russian cinema is all I know.

-Which is the next round.

Richard and Rhona, you'll have to come back. Come back and play.

-I'm sure I won't be asked back after that.

-I'm sure you will.

In the meantime, thank you for playing.

Richard and Rhona, it's been lovely having you on the show.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs it's now time for Round Two.

So three pairs remain.

At the end of this round we will be saying goodbye to another

pair before our head-to-head round.

Five incorrect answers in that round.

Each of our three remaining pairs had at least one incorrect answer.

-But, Dom, very well done.

-Thank you.

I never thought any knowledge of Paul Young would be useful to me

but there you go.

And actually, Tim, special mention to you.

I thought that was very good

but even the wrong answers were considered wrong answers.

-They were sensible wrong answers.

-Except for T'Pau.

LAUGHTER

But anyway enough to let me

know it's going to be very close is all I'm going to say.

It's going to be very, very close. Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who is going first and who is going to go second?

And whoever's going first please step up to the podium.

And the question concerns...

I think you'll all be fairly good at this.

We're going to show you a couple of boards now

with proverbs from the Oxford Dictionary of Proverbs.

They've all got body parts in them.

But we've blanked out the body part in each one.

Can you fill in the blanks and give us the most obscure body part?

There's going to be six on each board so 12 in all to have a go at home.

-Best of luck.

-Thank you very much indeed.

We're looking for the body parts that complete these proverbs.

And here's our first board of six. We've got.

HE REPEATS CLUES

Six proverbs with body parts missing.

Ray.

I think I better go with the safest one.

-Hand that rocks the cradle.

-OK, the hand that rocks the cradle.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said hand.

It's right. Look at that, 88.

88 for the hand that rocks the cradle, Richard.

It's a big score but it's the fourth best score we've had all show, 88.

It's from the American poet William Ross Wallace.

Wrote that line in the 19th century.

Thanks very much, Richard. Robert.

I know all of them except for the one that's probably the one

that nobody knows and I don't know it either.

Fancy having a punt at it?

It is not spring until you can plant your something upon 12 daisies.

12 daisies, what are you going to plant on that?

I'm going to go for that one and say foot.

-Foot, Dom looking worried.

-I'm always worried.

OK, let's see if foot is right. Your foot upon 12 daisies.

It's right, well done, Robert.

Very well done.

That's the only one I didn't know.

Well played, Robert.

Daisies are found on every continent in the world except Antarctica.

-Or maybe you just can't see them.

-They're underneath the snow.

-No, it's all white. You wouldn't see them.

-You got the yellow bits.

Yeah, but yellow bits in the snow.

Thanks very much indeed. Now, John.

You're the last person to have the board.

-Why not fill in all our blanks.

-I can't. Two legs are better than one.

That is true but whether it's a saying or not I don't know.

Home is where the heart is.

I'm going for the eyes are the window of the soul.

The eye is the window of the soul says John.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 said eyes.

It is, of course, right. Oh, 87.

-I wouldn't have got that one.

-87.

APPLAUSE

Another big scorer but another correct answer.

-Let's fill in the rest of these. Two.

-Heads.

-Yeah.

Depends on context that one. There's many a slip between cup and lip.

-Home is where the heart is. What do you think that scored?

-98.

Thanks very much indeed. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. 22 the best score of that pass.

Then we travel to 87 where we find John and Tim.

Then up a squeak to 88 where we find Ray and Don.

So Tim and Don, it is between you on the next pass,

and, Tim, you will get to go first.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Will the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more proverbs up on the board and here they come.

We have got...

HE REPEATS CLUES

There we are. Six proverbs with body parts missing.

-Tim.

-Hello.

To avoid being the new high scorers you want a pointless answer here.

Yes, several I don't know at all.

And the other ones are easy. So where do we go?

-Walls have ears.

-Walls have ears.

There is a red line but it is invisible

to all but dogs.

Quite low. Take my word for it. It's there but it's on Pointless.

Let's see is walls have ears is right, let's see how many said it.

Wow, 95.

APPLAUSE

95 takes your total up to 182.

That's a big score for two correct answers as well.

-Walls have ears although that has recently been disproven.

-Yeah.

They did a study. Four of our 100 said eyes.

Walls? That's much worse.

-Imagine walls watching you.

-That would be scary.

-I tell you what, walls have noses, couldn't care.

-I think they do.

Walls have guns.

Walls have guns and a grudge, that's the worse kind of wall.

Dom, you're through to the head-to-head. This is great news.

However, I bet you've got a good answer from that board.

There's one who kisses and one who turns the head or the cheek.

I'm going to go for there's always one who kisses

and one who turns the cheek.

One who turns the cheek.

-Robert, you don't like it?

-I'm just worried. I don't know it.

-What would you go for?

-I wouldn't have gone for that one.

I've never heard it before, I have to say.

No red line because you're already through.

But let's see how many of our 100 people said turns the cheek. Is that right?

It is right. Two guesses from the middle podium there.

Well done. Takes your total up to 67.

It's French in origin, that, and it implies that in any

relationship one person is slightly keener than the other.

Only in France.

-Thanks very much indeed. Now, then, Don.

-Yeah.

Now, you are not yet through. You have to score 93 or less.

93 or less. Do you want to talk us through the board, Don?

I don't know the first one. I know the last two.

But it's which one will get us below the required mark.

Something always returns to the sore tooth.

There's a tempting answer to that one.

I'm not sure I want to go for it really.

I have an idea but I'll go don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face says Don.

Let's see if that's right and if it is how many people said it.

You want to score 93 or less. There's your red line.

You've done it.

You needed 93, you got 92. Very well done indeed.

180 is your total.

Well done, Don.

If you had gone for sticks and stones may break my bones you would

have been knocked out because that would have scored 98.

The top one is you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Don, you had an idea on this second one down.

-The what always returns to the sore tooth?

-The dentist.

That's not a body part.

-The what always returns to the sore tooth?

-The tongue.

The tongue is the right answer. It's the best answer on the board.

Very well done if you said tongue at home. It's the best answer up there.

Thanks very much indeed.

At the end of our second round I'm afraid it is

Tim and John who are leaving us with 182.

They were high scores.

All right.

On those boards. I mean, who knew? John, your cat will live. Thank God.

-That is the good news.

-That's why we threw it away.

It's been lovely having you on the show.

Tim and John, thank you so much for playing.

I'm sorry we had to say goodbye to you far too soon.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs it's now time for our head-to-head.

Well, congratulation Dom and Robert, Don and Ray you are now one step

closer to the final

and a chance to play for the jackpot which currently stands at...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So now we have to decide who is going to go through to the final and

play for that money and to do that you are now going to go head-to-head.

This time you're allowed to confer before you give your answers

and the first pair to get two will be playing for that jackpot.

Well done, firstly. Well done.

-Don and Ray, some high scores in there.

-Yeah.

-But you got through.

Dom and Robert, well done. Our low scoring pair.

Two of you took risks there.

Your reward for that is you get to answer first.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question. And it concerns...

We're going to show you five pictures of different villains

from James Bond films.

We just need you to name the Bond villain you're going to see.

Give us the most obscure answer. Best of luck.

Thanks very much. Let's reveal our five Bond villains.

And here they come. We've got...

There we are. Five Bond villains.

Dom and Robert, you've played best throughout the show

so you get to go first.

OK, we're going to go D and it's Goldfinger.

D, Goldfinger, say Dom and Robert. D, Goldfinger.

Don and Ray, do you fancy talking us through the rest of the board?

-There's only one I'm certain of which is B.

-Oddjob.

Obviously I know E.

Jaws.

D is interesting because that's not the response I would have had.

Let's go with B.

-B is Oddjob.

-B, Oddjob. So Goldfinger and Oddjob.

Dom and Robert said Goldfinger. Let's see if that's right

and if it is let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

21 for Goldfinger.

Don and Ray, you have said B is Oddjob.

Let's see if that's right and if it is how many people said it.

It's right.

It has to beat 21...

Oh, 28. Not bad.

Close but Dom and Robert, you have done it after one question

you're up 1-0.

Two good answers there.

Oddjob played by Harold Sakata, who has an Olympic silver medal

in weightlifting from the 1948 London Olympics.

Now, A, two people at home said it was Dr Evil. They are both wrong.

It is Blofeld. He would have scored 30.

E next, I think everybody knows that's Jaws. Big scorer.

Would have scored you 81 points.

More iconic than all of those others. And C is a pointless answer.

He's from Live and Let Die and it's Tee Hee.

Very well done if you said that. It's a terrific answer.

OK, here comes your second question.

Don and Ray, you get to answer this one first.

You have to win it to stay in the game so best of luck. It concerns...

We're going to give you the titles of five George Formby songs now

but we've missed out the last word from each one.

Can you supply that final word please?

Thanks very much. Let's reveal our five George Formby songs.

HE REPEATS CLUES

There we are. Five George Formby songs.

Don and Ray, you will go first.

-Well.

-Go on.

-The ones we know you know are going to be quite high.

-Yeah.

-So I'll let you pick. Governor.

Oh...

-When I'm Cleaning Windows.

-When I'm cleaning Windows.

When I'm Cleaning Windows.

Now, Dom and Robert, do you want to talk us

through as much of the board as you can?

With My Little Ukulele, it would be very odd if it wasn't in his hand.

You think Grandad's Flannelette Pyjamas.

-No.

-You did.

-I did think that. But then shirt.

When I'm Cleaning Windows, we know.

Leaning On A Lamp Post. Or Shade or Lampeter.

Could be Lampeter.

There are two, the Lancashire Hotpot, which is unlikely,

and there was a racehorse called the Lancashire Lad.

But it's too obscure.

When I'm Cleaning Windows is the most popular. Should we go for...

My Little Ukulele In My Hand.

With My Little Ukulele In My Hand is what you're going to say.

So Don and Ray have said, When I'm Cleaning Windows.

Let's see if that's right and if it is how many people said that.

Dom and Robert have said With My Little Ukulele In My Hand.

Let's see if it's right

and if it is let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right. It wins you the point. Very well done indeed.

Which means, Dom and Robert,

after two questions only you are straight through to the final 2-0.

Well played, guys. There have been some big scores on today's show.

I know all of these.

-We got Leaning on a Lamp...

-Post.

-Grandad's Flannelette...

-Nightshirt.

It was written by Bruce Williams, who was also George Formby's

funeral director when he died.

-That is nice.

-How about that?

How about that. For the Lancashire you guessed lad and hotpot.

We'd be here a long, long time before we got it by guessing

because it is...

-Toreador.

-The Lancashire Toreador.

Well done if you got that at home.

I've got the 12-inch.

Thanks very much indeed.

So leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid it's Don and Ray.

Nothing wrong with either of your answers there. It was close.

Oddjob a nice low score there.

I'm afraid this is where we have to say goodbye to you.

It's been great having you on the show. Don and Ray.

APPLAUSE

For Dom and Robert it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Dom and Robert.

You've fought off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy so very well done.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show the jackpot stands at...

APPLAUSE

What a performance. Fantastic. Apart from one answer, Cher,

you haven't put a foot wrong.

In fact, foot was one of your answers, and that wasn't wrong.

You get to choose your category for this last round.

Here are your four options. They are...

I've got to be honest with you straightaway. That's not...

Bizarrely the only tennis player I've ever seen in real life

playing tennis is Martina Navratilova.

You know what? Of those four I quite fancy Martina Navratilova.

-Not literally, well...

-I think she's good for her age.

-Amazing.

-I like tennis.

-Do you like ladies tennis?

-I do. I've watched it.

-Are we agreed?

We're both going for Martina Navratilova. A weird move.

OK, that's what they're going for.

We're going to give you three different options on this.

Take your answers from any of these. As many as you want from any of them.

Anyone who has beaten her in the finals of a Singles Grand Slam event.

Anyone who has ever partnered her at Wimbledon.

Either mixed doubles or ladies doubles.

Anyone who has ever partnered her.

Or anyone who was on her series of...

So anyone who has defeated her in a Singles Grand Slam event in a final.

Anyone who has been part of a doubles pairing with her at Wimbledon,

either mixed doubles or ladies doubles or anyone in her series of

I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here.

As always you're got up to one minute to come up with three

answers and all you need to win that jackpot for your chosen

charities is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

Remember, the answers you provide can come from any of these three categories.

How you spread them across the categories is up to you.

They could all come from one or one from each, two from one

and one from another. It's entirely up to you.

Are you ready?

OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

Who do you think she was defeated by?

I think she was defeated by Chris Evert at some stage.

-I saw her win at doubles and I don't know who it was.

-Jana Novotna.

-Just a woman. She had nice legs.

-Pam Shriver, I've got a feeling.

I'm A Celebrity...

You can't remember the year but I think she was in there with

George Takei and I think Kim Woodbridge the cleaning woman.

George Takei, I'm feeling strong with that.

-George Takei.

-Doubles partner, I have a feeling it's Pam Shriver.

-I'm impressed.

-Defeats, you go for that. Some woman, you're going for.

-Who did you say?

-Chris Evert.

We've got ten seconds so let's throw some names in.

Was she in there with Madonna or T'Pau?

-She could have been.

-OK, that's your time up. I need your three answers.

What are you going to go for?

It's so difficult, I'm A Celebrity, because every series is such genius

it's really difficult to put it together.

I have a funny feeling she was in there with George Takei who

was on Star Trek.

We'll say George Takei for one of your answers.

What else are you going to go for?

Doubles partner, I have a feeling she played with Pam Shriver.

Pam Shriver. Doubles partner.

-You think she was defeated by...

-You have to have one.

-You can't put it all on me.

-I haven't got a clue so Chris Evert.

Defeated by Chris Evert. One in each category.

Of those three which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-I have a feeling Pam Shriver.

-Do you really think so?

-OK, Pam Shriver.

We'll put that last. Least likely to be pointless?

George Takei because we don't know. It could have been another series.

OK, we'll pop that one first.

Let's pop those up on the board in that order. Here they are.

Very best of luck. Your first answer was George Takei.

You have no idea if this is right.

No, it was either him or George Hamilton, actually.

-Someone called George.

-An American called George.

You can usually remember the American they pay a lot more than

everyone else to come in.

Who was the American on yours?

I think we had a Playboy bunny.

Someone pulled out at the last minute.

They heard I was coming in and I literally can't remember her

name so it didn't work out for her.

OK, if one of these answers wins you the jackpot,

what are your charities?

I'm an ambassador for Save The Children and so mine

will go to save the children of the world.

Excellent. Robert, how about you?

Mine is more nationalistic, it's the NSPCC

so it's only to save children in this country.

-But together children are safe with us.

-Very well done.

Two excellent charities there.

APPLAUSE

Now, three perfectly good looking answers up there on the board.

Let's hope at least one of those is pointless.

You can win that jackpot for your charities.

OK, George Takei, your least confident answer.

This has to be correct and it has to be pointless so for £2,500 let's

find out if George Takei was in the jungle with Martina Navratilova.

It's right.

If this goes all the way down to zero you will win

that £2,500 for your charities.

Down it goes.

You've done it!

Fantastic. Very well played.

Well done.

Very well done, Dom and Robert.

George Takei was a pointless answer which means you leave here

with that jackpot of £2,500 for your charities.

Brilliant.

APPLAUSE

Very well played, guys. That's a terrific answer, George Takei.

There's pointless answers in all the different categories.

Very few in the first one.

The second and third are where you're going to get your pointless answers.

Someone who defeated Martina in a final was Conchita Martinez.

1 point for Evonne Cawley and Mandlikova.

Let's take a look at some of the people she's partnered.

Lots of pointless answers.

Emilio Sanchez, Heinz Gunthardt, Leander Paes who

she won the mixed doubles with. He was a pointless answer.

Lisa Raymond, loads of pointless answers there.

Also Brian Paddick, Carly Zucker, Dani Behr, Nicola McLean or

Simon Webb.

If we had to go on both your other answers were correct

but Chris Evert would have scored 24 and Pam Shriver did partner

Martina Navratilova but 7 points.

-The Playboy bunny with you was Kayla Collins, is that right?

-Kayla.

Call me.

Thanks very much.

Thanks once again to our winning players Dom and Robert who go away

with today's jackpot of £2,500 for their charities. Well done.

APPLAUSE

Join us next time

when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.

APPLAUSE