Episode 25 Pointless

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome to Pointless,

the show where obvious answers mean nothing

and obscure answers mean everything.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

Couple number one.

Hi, my name's Will and this is my friend, Neil.

I'm from Coventry and Neil's from Leamington Spa.

-Couple number two.

-Hi, I'm George. This is my father, Chris.

We're from Tring in Hertfordshire.

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm Kirsty. This is my boyfriend, Glen. We're from Dundee.

And, finally, couple number four.

I'm Ian and this is my best friend, June.

We're from St Albans and South London.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much. We'll get to know more about you throughout the show.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Brainier than three Oxford Professors

and taller than three Oxford Professors,

on each other's shoulders, wearing a long coat.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard!

Hiya! Hi, everybody. Hiya!

APPLAUSE

-Afternoon to you.

-And to you.

We've two returning pairs. Very different shows they had last time.

Glen and Kirsty, who got all the way to the head-to-head.

-Yeah.

-Played very well. They're going to be tough to beat.

On podium two, I think they're smart,

-but they had a very bad Round One, didn't they? Chris and George.

-Yeah.

Joined the 200 Club.

Round Two today is a bit nuts.

-But in a good way.

-That's good.

-Yeah.

-A bit nuts, Round Two.

Thanks very much indeed. All our questions on Pointless

have been asked to 100 people before the show.

The aim of the game is to find a pointless answer.

That being an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Now, Jane and Alan didn't win the jackpot last time,

so we add another £1,000 to that.

So, today's jackpot starts off at £9,000.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless!

APPLAUSE

The pair with the highest score

at the end of each round will be eliminated,

so you have to do everything you can to make sure that that's not you.

Our first category today is...

Could you all decide who's going to go first

and who's going to go second?

Whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

You see, that's what Alphabetical Geography is! Richard.

Simply looking for the normal English name of any country in Europe

that appears between France and Switzerland alphabetically.

So, any member state of the Council of Europe -

that's how we define a European country.

-That's new!

-It is new, isn't it?

One that appears in the alphabet between France and Switzerland.

As always, by country, we mean a sovereign state

that's a member state of the UN. Best of luck.

-This is exciting. Neil, welcome to the show.

-Hello.

-What do you do, Neil?

-We work for a water company in the Midlands.

Excellent. How long for? What bit of the water company do you work for?

Seven-and-a-half years. We work on the network control side of things,

so keeping everyone's water on, if we can.

When bursts are detected and that sort of thing.

OK, now, Neil, how is your alphabet?

-Not too bad, not too bad.

-OK.

What are you going to go for?

I'm going to go for Lichtenstein.

Lichtenstein, says Neil. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Lichtenstein.

It's right.

Ten!

APPLAUSE

-Ten to Lichtenstein.

-Great start. That's an answer that means

business, isn't it? To start Pointless off with Lichtenstein.

-Thanks very much. Now, George, welcome back.

-Hi.

It was Round One last time, what was going on?

I take all the blame. I have to say, I froze up, to some extent.

The second the wrong answer came out of my mouth, I knew the right answer

and all the details about it

and everything that I should have remembered immediately.

Mmm. Anyway, it's lovely to have you back. Remind us what you do.

-I'm a musician.

-A YouTuber!

-Yes.

-So, you're a producer?

-Yeah, yeah.

And a director. You direct videos and things like that.

Lots of little different things.

It's lovely. One of the great joys of it is that I'm self-employed,

nobody tells me what to do, except me, so I can go out and do

whatever feels like a good idea on any given day.

-OK. What are you going to go for, George?

-Well, I've got

a couple of answers in mind that I think are reasonably safe.

I have one risky answer in mind.

But thinking about what happened last time,

I think I might stay reasonably safe.

I'm going to go for Lithuania.

Lithuania, says George. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's absolutely right.

Well, ten is our only score so far.

Where does Lithuania come

in relation to that?

14. A little bit above it.

-I'll take that.

-Not bad at all, though, George. Good answer.

APPLAUSE

Well played. Successfully avoiding

the 400 Club as well, by a mile. Interestingly, Lithuania

has its own national perfume called The Scent Of Lithuania.

-OK, thank you. Now, Kirsty.

-Hi.

-Kirsty, welcome back.

Now, head-to-head last time.

Through, you went, looking very strong indeed.

Then you just let it through your fingers.

-Yeah.

-It was poisonous plants, wasn't it?

-Because you're a pharmacist.

-I work in a pharmacy, yeah.

You have no business with poison.

No. We try to avoid them in the pharmacy. They're not approved of.

That does comfort me a bit to hear you say that.

So, Kirsty, we want any European country

that appears alphabetically between France and Switzerland.

There are so many. I think I'm going to go for

the first one I thought of, which is San Marino.

San Marino, says Kirsty.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said San Marino.

It's right!

Well, 14 is our high score

at the moment. Ten, our low.

Is this going to be a new low score?

It is! Look at that. Three, Kirsty.

APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed.

Great answer, San Marino.

That's a terrific answer.

Well played, starting as you left off last time.

According to FIFA, they are the joint worst team in world football.

Joint with Bhutan and the Turks and Caicos Islands.

They're tiny. It seems a bit unfair for them to have to carry that can.

But it's better to be the absolute worst than the fifth worst,

because then no-one really knows who that is.

That's true. Mind you,

only three people knew who they were anyway, out of our 100!

Thanks very much indeed.

-Ian, welcome to the show.

-Hello.

-It's good to have you here.

-Here from South London.

-Yes.

-What do you do, Ian?

I'm an actor, or trying to be.

What things have you been acting in?

What sort of things do you generally do?

I started off as an extra

and now I'm slowly getting little bits here and there,

but it takes a long time.

I've been in lots of different things.

-I'm in the new One Direction music video.

-That's exciting!

Just tell us, what was Zayn like?

I didn't get to speak to Zayn,

but Liam and Harry were absolutely lovely. Really, really nice.

-I bet Zayn is also lovely.

-I'm sure they're all lovely.

They all came across very well. They were very down-to-earth.

All nice. Good song?

It is a good song. Very catchy.

What was your part?

I had to literally sing the chorus next to them, in a kebab shop.

I felt sorry for Niall because he jumped across

and had to take a bite out of a doner, that's rotating.

Ugh!

I wouldn't advise that to viewers, because you may burn yourself.

Good advice. Sage advice from podium number four there.

Ian, what are you going to go for?

I'm channelling my Eurovision knowledge

and I'm going to go for Georgia.

Georgia, says Ian.

Let's see if Georgia is right and how many of 100 people said it.

It's right.

Three is our low score at the moment.

14, our high. You've passed 14.

Four!

Very well done. Second lowest score of the pass.

APPLAUSE

Georgia.

Terrific answer, Ian. Good round by everybody there.

Thanks there, Rich. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at the scores. Three, the best score,

is yours, Kirsty. Very well done.

Glen and Kirsty once again looking pretty strong.

Four is where we find Ian and June.

Then up to ten, where we find Neil and Will.

And then up to 14,

where we find George and Chris. George and Chris,

hey, no 100s! Boo, high scorers. So, listen, Chris,

massive pressure on you. We cannot be saying goodbye to you

at the end of this first round again. I forbid it.

Find a nice low score, please. We're going to come back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

-June, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

Remember, we're looking for the name of any European country

that appears alphabetically between France and Switzerland.

-What do you do, June?

-I'm an actress, singer, model...

Everything, really.

What sort of things do you sing? Let's do the singing.

I sing in a band called Evil Barbie And The Ken Dolls.

And we do a mixture of covers of things like Scissor Sisters,

The Pretenders, Alanis Morissette,

Blondie, stuff like that, as well as a bit of our own stuff.

-Evil Barbie?

-Yeah.

-Are you Evil Barbie?

-I am.

Well, June, I'm going to ask you for a country that

we would find between France and Switzerland, alphabetically.

Yeah. I'm just trying to think of it

because I'm a bit crazy about the Eurovision Song Contest,

so I'm trying to think of a really obscure one from there.

But I think I'm going to go with Mace...

Is it Macedonia? Yeah.

-You're going to say Macedonia?

-Yeah.

-OK, Macedonia, says June. Let's see...

-Probably rubbish.

..if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

The high scorers are Chris and George, on 14.

You want to score nine or less. There's the red line.

Let's see if Macedonia can get you down there.

It's not in there.

It's right!

It's right. That's a good answer,

I think, June. Macedonia...

You are through to the next round! Four.

Very well done. Takes your total up to eight.

-Good work.

-Well done, June. Macedonia, four points.

That's a terrific answer. Well played.

-Thanks very much. Now, Glen.

-Hello.

-Glen, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Remind us what you do, Glen.

-I'm a croupier in the casino.

-Casino dealer.

-That's just fantastic.

What is the biggest win you've ever pushed over to someone?

I cannot say.

-I cannot say.

-Oh, go on.

Don't like to say? Not allowed to say?

-Not allowed to say.

-OK. Hold on...

-What about the second biggest win?

-Oh, in that case...

I once saw a guy win £70.

-A lot of high rollers coming into Dundee?

-Loads of them.

Yeah. OK. There you are, Glen,

you're on three. The high scorers still

Chris and George.

What are you going to go for?

I'm torn between a few.

I think I'll say...

-Slovenia.

-Slovenia, says Glen.

There is your red line. You must get below that red line

to stay with us. Let's see if you can.

How many people said Slovenia?

It's right.

You're through! Ooh, nine!

You needed ten, you got nine.

12 is your total.

Very well done, Glen.

Great scoring all round here. Yeah, Slovenia.

More than half of the country is forest.

Thanks very much. Now, Chris...

-Hello.

-Chris, welcome back.

-Now, listen, you're still the high scorers.

-Mmm.

-This is worrying.

-It is.

This is worrying on several scores.

Remind us what you do, Chris.

Well, I write about tax for a living.

What are you going to go for, Chris?

Countries between France and Switzerland, based in Europe.

Well, again, I'm not blaming George,

but I'm slightly in a position where I've got to go for something.

You're not blaming him, but it's not...not his fault.

Anyway, I'm going to go for Belarus.

OK. Let's find out where between France and Switzerland...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Too much thinking, too much thinking.

-Oh, Chris.

-Yeah.

George, you've broken your duck!

-Chris, on the other hand, no red line for you...

-Yeah.

..as you are the high scorers.

But let's see how many people said Belarus.

Oh! I'm sorry, Chris.

I'm sorry. An incorrect answer there scores you 100 points

and takes your total up to 114. I'm really sorry.

Yeah, geographically, perfect.

Alphabetically...

-But you're in the 200 Club all by yourself, so that's nice.

-I am.

Thanks there, Rich. Now, Will, you're through, by the way.

HE SIGHS

-Did you meet working for the water company?

-We did, yes.

What are your interest, Will?

Erm, I like to cook. That's my main passion, I suppose, outside of work.

-Specifically, barbecue.

-You take your barbecuing

-very seriously?

-Yeah, I do actually, yeah.

Would you favour just a normal charcoal barbecue,

or would you go for a gas-based barbecue?

I have both. It depends on the weather, really.

-Oh, good answer.

-If it's wet out,

-I'll just stick the gas on.

-What's your best thing to barbecue?

I do a bit good brisket, pulled pork, ribs.

Oh, he DOES take it seriously.

-Brisket, you see?

-A bit of pulled pork.

-Yeah, yeah.

Shin of beef. Wait for him to say that. I'll ask him again,

see if he says shin of beef. What else? Anything else, Will?

-A good shin of beef.

-Oh!

-That's good.

-That is good.

-Very good.

How many tools do you have? Tongues, and...?

-I actually have a utility belt.

-I was going to say, I bet you do!

-I'll bet you do.

-It's got holsters, so I can get at everything.

OK, no red line for you,

as you're already through, but let's have an answer.

You could maybe do some thinking through your answer, if you like.

Um, well, I thought the pressure was on, so this isn't my answer,

but I was going to maybe go for Monaco...

..as a potentially low answer, if that is right. But...

in light of our position, I'm going to play it safe

and just go for Germany.

Germany. OK, Germany. Let's find out

if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many people said it.

It's right. Look at that, 86!

96 is your total there, Will.

That's a huge score, isn't it?

It's 14 better than Belarus, but it's a big score.

Monaco would have scored you 15. It would've been a very good answer.

There are no Pointless answers at all. I have to say well done

to everybody here, because the best answer, er,

three points for San Marino, Kirsty, is the best answer on the board.

And the next best answers - Macedonia, June.

And Georgia, from Ian, both of which scored four.

You also would have got four points for Moldova and Montenegro.

So, amazing stuff from everyone here. Three of the lowest

answers on the board. Let's take a look at the top three.

We've just seen the top one.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. So, at the end of our first round,

I'm sorry to say, for the second time running,

it's Chris and George leaving far too early, on 114.

Oh, guys, I'm sorry. Yeah, Belarus.

-That was, er...

-Too much thinking.

-That was a tough one.

As you say, too much thinking. Anyway, a real shame

not to have seen much, much more of you, Chris and George.

But it's been great having you on the show.

-Thanks very much for playing.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

-But for the remaining three pairs,

-it's now time for Round Two.

-APPLAUSE

And so, only three pairs remain. Obviously, at the end of this round,

we'll have to say could goodbye to another pair.

Ian and June, very well done. Our lowest combined score, there.

Both of you on four. A total of eight.

Very well done. Kirsty, our lowest individual score.

Very well done on podium two, there.

And, Will and Neil, Germany.

Safe, very well played. Good to have you all three in the second round.

Our category for Round Two today is...

History.

Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going to go first and who's going to go second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

..historical figures in haiku.

Historical figures in haiku.

Yes, on each board, we're going to ask you for the names of

six historical figures and all the clues are going to be told in haiku,

which is a lovely form of Japanese poetry

consisting of a line of five syllables,

a line of seven syllables, and a final line of five syllables.

-That's nice, isn't it?

-That is nice.

Can you work out what these clues are

and tell us who the historical figures are, please?

Whilst enjoying the beauty of the poetry.

-Which is where I come in.

-Yeah. I'm looking forward to your reading.

Yeah, so am I. So here are six haikus. Six historical figures.

We have got...

I'll read those all one last time.

-Neill.

-Hello.

-Fun. First time we've done this.

-Yeah.

You're the first person in the history of Pointless to

-answer a haiku historical figure question.

-Right.

Um, I know pretty much all of them.

It's just which one is going to be the least, I think.

Um, I'm going to go for...

poet and playwright married to Anne Hathaway as William Shakespeare.

William Shakespeare says Neil.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said William Shakespeare.

He's right.

44. 44 for William Shakespeare.

I think he would admire the form, wouldn't he?

He would love...I think he would love this. He'd prefer it.

-He'd prefer a pentameter, probably.

-I don't know, so much.

I think if Shakespeare were alive today, which he's not,

he would be watching this, thinking, "That is terrific stuff".

-Oh, I bet he would.

-Yeah. He would have loved that.

-He'd like the whole show, I think.

-Er, thanks very much. Now, Kirsty.

-Kirsty.

-Um, it's really hard.

Out of the ones I would know, I'm struggling to pick the best one.

I'm just going to go for the English physicist as Isaac Newton.

Isaac Newton, says Kirsty. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said Isaac Newton.

It's right. How does Newton do against Shakespeare?

Not quite so well. 57.

APPLAUSE

You'd have heard Tim discovering gravity and all

but it might have gone down a little bit further but there we are.

57 it is. First man ever to be knighted for scientific work,

Sir Isaac Newton.

-See, that's the Enlightenment for you, isn't it?

-Isn't it?

-He'd like this show as well.

-He would. OK, thank you. Now, June.

-Mm-hmm.

-Aren't these nice, these haikus, by the way?

I prefer karaoke, if I have to go anything oriental, to be honest!

LAUGHTER

What's the most frustrating thing is, my grandmother had

a painting by the artist who does the horses and I can't think of his

name and I think he'd be probably quite low and it's driving me crazy.

So, because I can't think of HIS name,

and I'm going to think the other ones will be pretty up there,

I'm going to hope that people are quite ignorant of the Egyptian

queen of the Nile and a lot of young people who did really bad

at history did this survey and I'll go for Cleopatra.

OK, Cleopatra says June.

Let's hope lots of people who did bad at history were in our hundred.

We'll see how many of our 100 people said Cleopatra.

-It's right.

-Oh, nearly. Look at that!

-Oh, no such luck, June.

-Yeah, but loads of people don't know.

-They all did good.

I'm afraid 81. 81 for Cleopatra.

That's a big score, isn't it, for Cleopatra?

Let's take a look through the rest of these.

-Now, the artist - is it George Stubbs?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

It would have been a terrific answer as well.

It would have scored you nine points, George Stubbs.

The World War II PM is Winston Churchill.

He would have scored you 69 and civil rights leader is Martin Luther King.

And he would've scored you 51,

so Cleopatra, the biggest scorer on that board.

Thanks very much. Well, we're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. 44, the best score of that part.

Well done, Neil. Then up to 57, Kirsty and Glen. Then up to 81.

-The tables are turned, June.

-I know.

-Oh, well.

Maybe Ian can do something clever on the next pass.

-Hopefully, hopefully.

-Best of luck.

We're going to come back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more haikus upon the board. Here they come.

We've got...

I'll read those all one last time.

So Ian, we're looking for the names of these historical figures

as described in haiku form.

Yay! Um, I'm going to...

Like, I'm not great with presidents but I have a feeling it's

Martha Washington, so I'm going to go with Washington.

-George Washington.

-OK, George Washington says Ian.

No red line for you as you are the high scorers.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said George Washington.

-Ooh!

-Aw.

I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer. It scores you a 100 points.

181 is your total.

Sorry about that. I've got a little haiku which is poor Ian and June,

you have scored too many points. Goodbye to you both.

LAUGHTER

-Thanks.

-Thanks.

-Glen, you're in the head-to-head again, by the way.

-OK.

-There's your board. You've still got six to answer from.

-Um, all right.

I wish I was clever enough to answer the haiku, but I'm not,

so I'll just go with the ruthless leader, I think is Genghis Khan.

Genghis Khan says Glen, Genghis Khan.

No red line because you're already through.

Let's see how many people said Genghis Khan.

It's right.

35.

-92, your total.

-Yeah, at its peak,

-his empire controlled an area the size of Africa.

-Mm-mm-mm! Will.

-Hi.

Will, the board's all yours. Look, there are five unanswered.

-Do you want to have a punt all of them?

-No.

Um... Have a punt at as many of them as you can.

Er, I'll do one because that's as many as I know. Michelangelo.

-Michelangelo.

-Painted the...

-Sistine Chapel ceiling and David.

Let's see if that's right.

No red line for you, either, because you're through.

How many people said Michelangelo?

It's right.

47.

Your total is 91. Very, very close between the first two podiums.

Yeah, safely through but I don't believe

you don't know any more of those, Will.

-I'm going to test you on a couple.

-Oh, fine.

-A heavyweight boxer who floated like a butterfly?

-Muhammad Ali.

-Muhammad Ali. So you knew that.

-Yeah.

-That would've scored you 76.

-A king of England who married six times?

-Oh, Henry VIII.

-Henry VIII.

You knew that. That would've scored you 55,

and a famous composer who was deaf?

-Can't think.

-Beethoven, that was.

That would have scored 32 and married to Martha -

it was Thomas Jefferson, I'm afraid, Ian. Yeah.

Would've scored three points so it's the best answer up there.

It was a tough one to go for.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard, so at the end of our second round, the

pair heading home with the highest score of 181 is Ian and June.

Sorry to be sending you away so soon but good news -

we'll see you again next time.

Thanks very much, Ian and June.

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.

Well done, Glen and Kirsty, Will and Neil.

You're one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot which currently stands at £9,000.

APPLAUSE

All getting very exciting indeed with that massive jackpot.

This is where we get to decide who gets to play for it in the final.

You're going to go head-to-head,

obviously now we are allowed to confer before you give your answers.

First player to win two questions will be playing for the jackpot.

So best of luck to both players. Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question

and it concerns Premier League line-ups.

Premier League line-ups, Richard.

Going to show you five images now, showing the starting line-ups of

five teams in the 2013-2014 Premier League.

Can you identify the teams, please.

OK, so let's reveal our starting line-ups and here they are.

We have...

OK, there we are. Five Premier League line-ups.

Glen and Kirsty, you will go first.

THEY WHISPER

Um, the good news is, we don't really knew about football at all.

Um, we're going to have to take a stab at D.

-Chelsea.

-Yeah.

-D, Chelsea.

D, Chelsea, say Glen and Kirsty. D, Chelsea.

Will and Neil, talk us through the rest of the board.

This is the polar opposite.

This is the perfect round for us, so we know all of them.

It's just figuring out what's going to be the lowest.

You can talk us through all of them if you like.

A is Tottenham Hotspur, B is Hull City, C is Swansea,

D is Chelsea...

LAUGHTER

Yeah. E is Norwich City.

I think we're going to go for B and Hull City.

OK, B, Hull City, say Will and Neil. Hull City.

Glen and Kirsty went with Chelsea. Let's see if that's right for D

if it is let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

47.

APPLAUSE

Meanwhile, Will and Neil have said Hull City for B.

Let's see if that's right

and if it is let's see how many of our 100 people

said Hull City.

It is right.

It's got to beat 47

and does.

Unsurprisingly I suppose. 17 for Hull City.

Very well done, Will and Neil.

After one question you are up 1-0.

Well done, you got them all right

and you give the one with the lowest score as well, so very impressive.

Tottenham is A. That would have scored you 25 points.

The C was Swansea City.

That would have scored you 21.

E was Norwich City and that would have scored you 22.

Thanks very much, Richard. Here comes your second question.

Glen and Kirsty, you have to win this one to stay in the game.

Good luck. It concerns...

Ernest Hemingway, Richard.

I'm going to show you five titles of works by Ernest Hemingway now,

but we've removed alternate letters. Can you fill in the gaps?

OK, let's reveal our works of Hemingway with bits missing

and here they are.

We have...

I'll read those all again.

There we are. Will and Neil, you loved that first question.

Do you love the second question?

-No, not so much.

-OK, well, you will go first.

-We know two, don't we?

-Yes.

-Um...

THEY CONFER

OK. We're going to go for the top one

and that is For Whom The Bell Tolls.

For Whom The Bell Tolls say Will and Neil. For Whom The Bell Tolls.

Now, Glen and Kirsty, talk us through the rest of the board

if you can.

OK. For Whom The Bell Tolls.

Then A Farewell To Arms.

The third one would be To Have And Have Not.

Do you know any others?

I would only have been guessing at To Have And Have Not.

-But I know Farewell To Arms.

-OK, shall we go?

-I don't know. You pick.

-OK, I think we'll have to.

-Yes.

-OK. We'll go for

To Have And Have Not.

To Have And Have Not.

So, For Whom The Bell Tolls, and To Have And Have Not.

So, Will and Neil went for For Whom The Bell Tolls.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

26.

APPLAUSE

Not bad. Not bad.

Glen and Kirsty have gone for To Have And Have Not.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

Again it's right.

It wins you the points. Well done. You're back in the game. 11.

APPLAUSE

Very well done, Gen and Kirsty. After two questions it's 1-1.

Well played. Good head-to-head.

A Farewell To Arms would have been an even better score actually.

It would have scored you five points.

Very well done if you said that at home.

The one at the bottom there, a famous one from him, Xander.

The Old Man And The Sea.

The Old Man And The Sea would have scored you 15. And the other

one is a pointless answer. You might be able to work it out.

It's Across The Something And Into The Something.

The River And Into The Trees.

Across The River And Into The Trees, pointless answer.

-Very well done if you said that.

-Thanks very much indeed.

Here comes your third question.

Whoever wins this one goes through to the final

and plays for that massive jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. It concerns...

Electricity, Richard.

I'm going to show you five clues now, facts about electricity,

you just have to give as the most obscure answer.

Tough question for people that work in water.

Yeah(!) A bad mix!

Yeah. Thanks very much. Let's reveal our five clues and here they come.

We've got...

I'll do all those one more time.

There we are. Now, Glen and Kirsty, you'll go first.

Um...

THEY CONFER

-Conduction?

-I can't think of it.

Shall we just go for the bottom one?

OK. OK.

We think we'll go for the bottom one

and we do believe that is a Van de Graaff generator.

A Van de Graaff generator.

Van de Graaff generator say Glen and Kirsty.

Will and Neil, do you fancy having a punt at any of the others?

Talk us through as many of them as you like.

I'm struggling, to be honest.

We know the top one.

We'd struggle answer any of the other ones,

so we're going to have to go for the top one which is AC/DC.

AC/DC say Will and Neil.

We have Van de Graaff generator and AC/DC.

Glen and Kirsty, Van de Graaff generator was your answer.

Let's see if that's right and let's see how many people said it.

It is right.

17. Not bad at all.

APPLAUSE

Meanwhile, Will and Neil, you have gone for AC/DC,

the top one there. Let's see if that's right

and if it is let's see how many people said AC/DC.

It's right.

78.

APPLAUSE

Well, Glen and Kirsty, this time you have done it.

Very well done,

-after three questions you're through to the final, 2-1.

-Very well played.

There's only one answer that would have beaten Van de Graaff generator

and it's the second one down. It's Faraday, Michael Faraday.

It would have scored you 16 points, the best answer on the board.

Then you've got electrons, the subatomic particles.

That would have scored you 22 points.

And the green and yellow striped wire is earth and that's 66 points.

Thanks very much indeed. So the pair leaving us at the end

of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid, Will and Neil, it is you.

Pretty strong performance, though.

You've got to be pleased with your Pointless turn today.

But I'm afraid you came up against Glen and Kirsty who just pipped you

there with the Hemingway novel and Van de Graaff generator.

So we will look forward to seeing you again next time,

but meantime thanks very much for playing. Will and Neil.

APPLAUSE

But for Glen and Kirsty it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Glen and Kirsty.

You've fought off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

at the end of today's show. The jackpot stands at £9,000.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You've done it impeccably.

Two appearances in the head-to-head round.

Great answers throughout the show. Really, really good low scoring.

I don't know, it would round it off so well, wouldn't it,

if you carried home the jackpot?

9,000 quid there. Very best of luck.

As always you get to choose your category.

There are four options on the board. Let's find out what they are.

We have got...

-No.

-Well...

-We'll have to have a go. I've said it now.

-I think you've sort of...

-You said last show. You've just started...

But I also said the course has only just started

but I have started a part-time distance learning thing.

Nobody cares that the course has just started. Nobody cares.

-But I only spent like half an hour on it because I had to come here.

-LAUGHTER

Shall we try it?

If you are doing a course on moons

-and you don't go for moons that would be quite something.

-Shall we?

-Let's try it.

-Come on.

-Moons.

-Moons it is.

It does happen sometimes, the right thing comes.

That's been on the board a lot of times, Moons Of The Solar System,

and no-one has picked it yet.

So, very best of luck. Three different questions here.

We are looking for any moon of Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, Neptune or

Uranus that begins with C.

Any moon of Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, Neptune or Uranus that begins

with P, or that begin with T.

So C, P, T, any moon of Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, Neptune and Uranus.

OK, now as always you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot, £9,000,

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-BOTH: Yes.

Let's put 60 seconds on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

-C, Cressida.

-Cressida.

-Cressida.

-Callisto, is that a moon?

-Callisto is I think a Jupiter one. Puck.

-Puck, I'll go for Puck.

-If Cressida is one should we go for Troilus?

-Could be. We could try it.

There was a lot of Shakespearean ones. And Phobos.

Phobos might be a good one. That is more famous. I know Phobos.

So I don't know if that would be...

-Shall we say Puck?

-Puck, Cressida and Troilus.

Should be put Cressida and Troilus in because if somebody got...

I think Cressida and not...

No, let's say both, because we haven't got any more at the moment.

If someone got one of them would they not get both? Titan?

Titan, Titus. I could think of all the other letters.

Puck, Cressida, do you want to say Troilus?

-Ten seconds left.

-It's going to be better than Titan or Titus.

-OK.

-All right. OK, shall we?

-Yes, I'm afraid I haven't got any more.

That's OK. I think we've done quite well.

I think you've done pretty well as well. That's your time up.

I now need your three answers. What are you going to give me?

-We are going to go for Puck.

-Puck.

-Cressida.

-Cressida.

-And Troilus.

And Troilus.

OK, of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-We will go for Puck.

-Puck we will put last.

-Which is least likely?

-Cressida.

Cressida we will put first, and Troilus in the middle.

OK, let's pop those up on the board in that order and here they are.

We have got Cressida, Troilus and Puck. Very best of luck.

Your first answer was Cressida.

This is the one you thought was probably least likely to be

-pointless.

-If it's right.

If it's right. We will discover soon enough, but remember only

one of these has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot.

Now, £9,000, we've really got a decent jackpot to give away today.

What would you do with that? Kirsty, you first.

We've never really had a holiday abroad together,

-so I think we would like to do New Zealand maybe, or Australia.

-Lovely.

Unless Glenn says something different.

Glen, say something different. I dare you.

I might celebrate with maybe going out for a Chinese meal or something.

LAUGHTER

I think you could get an extra couple of courses probably

-with that, couldn't you?

-I like your thinking, I like that.

-Yes, OK.

So there we are. We are looking for moons.

Cressida was your least confident answer.

Let's find out if it's right in the first instance,

then let's find out if it's pointless.

If it's both of those things you will win £9,000.

How many people said Cressida?

It's right.

OK, Cressida is correct.

If this goes all the way down to 0 you leave here immediately

with £9,000 in your back pockets.

Down it goes into single figures, still going down.

Down goes Cressida, still going down.

You've done it! Very well done indeed.

That...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That is brilliant. Very, very well done.

Congratulations, Glen and Kirsty. Cressida was a pointless answer.

That means you leave here with a jackpot of £9,000.

Very well done indeed.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I'd get the prawn crackers as well, if I were you. Brilliant. Rich?

Isn't that wonderful? Delighted for you. Very well done.

No prizes for guessing what planet Cressida is a moon of.

Uranus of course. LAUGHTER

Had to be, didn't it? Troilus is not a moon,

but Puck is a moon, again of Uranus, and was also a pointless answer.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very well done. Let's take a look at some of the other pointless answers.

We'll start with C.

Caliban, Carpo, Chaldene, there's Cressida.

Funnily enough they were the only four pointless answers as well,

so well done to our 100.

Let's move on to P.

Pan, Pandora you could have had there, Prometheus, Prospero.

And let's take a look at T.

Tarvos, Themisto, Telesto and Tarqeq.

Our 100 did rather well on this category funnily enough,

but congratulations.

When the jackpot gets very high we always hope it goes to a lovely

bright couple and you have been that throughout both of your performances.

Absolute pleasure to give you the money. Well played.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, thanks once again to our winning players,

Glen and Kirsty, who go away with today's jackpot of £9,000.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge

to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me.

Goodbye.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE