Episode 44 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless,

the show that makes big winners out of the lowest scorers.

Let's meet today's players.

-And couple number one.

-Hi, I'm Mark, this is my girlfriend, Katie,

and we're from Chelmsford in Essex.

-Couple number two.

-Hi, I'm Steph,

this is Charlie, and we're students from the University of Birmingham.

-Couple number three.

-Hi.

My name is Derek, this is Kyle, and we're from Bolton.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Mel, this is my husband Martin,

and we're from Honeybourne in Worcestershire.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks very much, all of you. We'll get to chat to each you

throughout the show as it goes along.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Here to put his foot down, then his other foot, shuffle, hop-step,

pirouette, and then finish with the splits -

-it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

Hi, everybody. Afternoon.

-Good afternoon to you.

-Good afternoon.

-Lovely to see you.

-Lovely to see you, too.

-It's been a long time, been too long.

-It... Hey.

-Been too long.

-It has.

We should do some sort of morning show as well,

so that we don't leave it so long between seeing each other.

I mean, we should do that. A morning Pointless.

Or a completely different show.

-Like guest-host Homes Under The Hammer or something.

-Oh!

-They don't have enough hosts on that already(!)

-No.

-LAUGHTER

-But if Martin and Lucy want to take the summer off...

-We could stand in, do the morning.

-Dion... Dion would still be there.

-That would be nice, wouldn't it?

-It would be fun.

-Maybe do Bargain Hunt.

-Yeah. Wouldn't that be fun?

-That would be a load of fun.

-That would be.

-You could be in Doctors.

LAUGHTER

-But let's do Pointless now.

-OK.

Mel and Martin, back from the last show,

got through to the head-to-head.

Back, of course, from the most beautifully named place in Britain -

-Honeybourne.

-Honeybourne.

Since the last show, I've sold our detective drama set in Honeybourne

with you as the local cop and Kate Humble as the mayor...

-Lovely.

-..who's always getting on your back

-about the Honeybourne crime statistics.

-Yeah.

Too low. LAUGHTER

-Too low. Far too low.

-Too low.

-She needs to justify her salary.

-She's got the DA on her back.

-Yeah.

-That's true.

-You know, which is the local Duck Authority...

LAUGHTER

..who are furious, because a duck has gone missing.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, listen to this, Julie and Alice didn't win the jackpot last time,

which means we add another £1,000 to that, so today's jackpot

starts off at what is actually a bit of a recent record - £3,000.

There we are.

Right, if everyone is ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, remember this.

The pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated so your job is to make sure you are not that pair.

Best of luck. Our first category this afternoon is...

Words. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could.

E-A-T. Richard?

We are looking for any word that has its own entry

in the British and World English section of oxforddictionaries.com,

please, that ends E-A-T.

As always, no proper nouns, no hyphenated words,

-anything like that. Also we won't accept the word "eat".

-Hm.

But as I... I always have to say that,

but it would be a terrible, terrible answer, I think.

I'll have a little predictor of the word... This is quite hard.

-It is quite hard. Yeah.

-I'll have a little think about

-what you're going to say.

-I'll keep thinking.

Yep, thank you very much indeed. Now, Katie, welcome to Pointless.

-Hello.

-Lovely to have you here. Katie, what do you do?

-I am a support worker.

-Very good.

-How long have you been doing that for?

-Just over a year now.

-Enjoying it?

-Yeah, love it. It's great.

-Very rewarding, I should think.

-Very, yeah.

And I get to go to the cinema a lot.

-Oh, what about that?!

-Always good.

-Win-win.

And what else do you like getting up to, Katie?

I like to go with Mark and look at castles and aquariums and...

-just do nice weekend stuff.

-Lovely. Very nice.

-Yeah.

Now, Katie... Words. Always tough going first when it's a Words round.

-Yes.

-Always tough.

I haven't thought of one yet.

-Take a little moment to yourself.

-Well, I've got one.

Oh, take a moment back. Give a moment.

-I'm just trying to work out the spelling.

-OK.

And I think I'm going to go for caveat.

FAINT MURMUR Oh, that is a murmur of pure appreciation.

That's what that is. Caveat, says Katie. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said caveat.

-Oh, yes.

-Yes.

2!

Katie, that is fabulous!

What a great start to the round

and a great start to the show!

That's a terrific start.

So tough on that first podium.

It's the most expensive pet food in the world. It's caviar for cats.

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much, Richard.

Charlie, welcome to the show. Great to have you here. From Birmingham?

-Yes.

-What do you do, Charlie, at Birmingham?

I am a student at the University of Birmingham.

-And what are you studying?

-I am studying micro-palaeontology.

-Wow.

Oh, he's my favourite of all the Pythons!

LAUGHTER

What sort of things are you studying?

I'm basically studying, like, mini-fossils, micro-fossils,

-so I spend my life looking down a microscope.

-Micro-fossils.

-Yeah.

Wow. So what sort of things are you looking for on micro-fossils?

So we look at like really, like, millions-of-years-old rocks

and try and... I, like, try and reconstruct past environments.

Just working where they've come from, I suppose?

Yeah, so we can find out, like, what...

We can, like, look at the species that we find and, like, work out

what temperature ranges they liked and work out how hot or cold it was,

-things like that.

-I see.

So this must be quite a relatively recent science, then, I suppose?

-Relatively, yeah.

-Yeah.

Fascinating. So, Charlie...

Words ending in E-A-T.

I was struggling at first, but then I've got a vaguely good one, I hope,

-so I'm going to go with overheat.

-Overheat, says Charlie.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said overheat.

4.

APPLAUSE

4 for overheat.

-Very well done.

-Well played. Good round so far.

Overheat means to overheat.

LAUGHTER

Thank you very much. Now, Kyle, welcome. Here from Bolton?

-That's right.

-Kyle, what keeps you busy in Bolton?

Um, not much. I'm actually...

I work in Warrington, so...

Ah, what keeps you busy in Warrington?

-The Royal Mail.

-Ah. It...

-Actually in the Post Office or is it...?

-It's in the mail centre.

Right, the mail centre there. And what do you like doing

-when you're not doing that?

-Music.

-Music.

-I'm a musician, yes.

-Are you?

-What do you play?

-I play the euphonium.

-Oh, right.

-Yes.

-Euphonium is...

-You didn't expect that, did you?

-I wasn't really expecting that.

-People normally say guitar, piano...

-Yeah! Euphonium...

-Euphonium - that's a big call.

-It is.

-I bet you know about it, though.

-Yeah.

-A little bit smaller than a tuba.

-That's right.

-That's...the thing.

-Do you play...? Are you in a band, then?

-I am. I am in a brass band.

Lovely.

Right, Kyle... Words ending E-A-T.

OK. I had overheat

but I will have a go at underheat.

Underheat! You see?

Underheat, says Kyle.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said underheat.

AUDIENCE GROANS

Oh, bad luck, Kyle. I'm sorry.

Underheat not quite such a word.

-I think that's unlucky.

-It is.

-Do you?

-Yeah.

I thought that was going to be there, Kyle...

Especially after overheat.

-Yeah.

-It's like they haven't even given it any consideration

-that might be a thing.

-LAUGHTER

No.

-Now then, Martin.

-Hello.

-Martin, welcome back.

Our only returning pair from last time.

Ah, that was a show, wasn't it?

You guys, you missed a great show!

Ah! Martin, remind us what you do.

I'm an engineer, and I work mainly...

mainly work in labs working on scientific equipment.

So you make the scientific equipment or...?

-No, we maintain and service and...

-Repair?

-Repair, yeah.

So, what particular kind?

Is it any particular field of science

that this equipment works on?

-It's the pharmaceutical industry.

-Right.

There's a few places in the food industry as well

so anywhere that's got a lab, we'll try and get in there and...

-So you get in there and maintain?

-Yep, yep.

I see. OK. Now, Martin...

Um, I've been trying to think of some obscure ones,

but I'm just going to play it safe now and just go with cheat.

Cheat, says Martin. Cheat. Let's see if it is right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said cheat.

It's right.

Well, 100 was our high score, and you've already passed that.

Then we get down to the fours and the twos.

You come down to 20 for cheat.

APPLAUSE Not bad at all.

To act dishonestly, what no-one ever does on Pointless,

-but everyone always does on Pointless Celebrities.

-Exactly.

Do you remember, we once had Keith Harris and Orville?

Orville didn't cheat.

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah, he was very well behaved.

-He was very well behaved.

-I think that's the only one.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

Well, 2, Katie - very well done. 2, the best score of the pass.

Then up to 4. Charlie, well done, you.

Charlie and Steph looking pretty strong there on 4.

Then up to 20, Martin and Mel.

Then up to 100, I'm afraid,

Kyle and Derek. So, Derek...

XANDER SIGHS

..we need a low score from you.

Good luck. We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Now, then, Mel, welcome back to Pointless. Remind us what you do.

I am a HR manager working for a marketing agency in Cheltenham.

That's right. We discovered last time

-that you are going to be having a baby later this year.

-Yes.

-Many congratulations.

-Thank you.

Have you found out what sort of baby it's going to be?

-We have, actually, last week. So we're having a baby boy.

-Lovely.

-Very nice. Have you got all the kit yet?

-No. Really nothing.

It all starts to take shape, I think, once the kit's arrived.

-Until then, it's a sort of slightly nebulous idea...

-Mm-hm.

..having a baby. And then - a-ha! - it becomes real.

Oh, how exciting! You've got all that ahead of you.

Wonderful. Now, there you are on 20.

-79 or less keeps you in the game for sure.

-Yeah.

I think because of that, I'm probably going to play it safe

and I'll say repeat.

Repeat. Repeat, says Mel.

Here comes your red line. If you can get below that red line there

with repeat, you're through to the next round.

Let's see how many people said repeat.

Very well done indeed.

13. Look at that.

Very well done. 33 is your total.

Yeah. To say or do something again.

There will be one showing of this where that's not an ironic answer

and one showing where it is an ironic answer.

-Thanks very much, Richard. Now, Derek.

-Yeah.

-Welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

-Lovely to have you here.

-What do you do, Derek?

-I work in local government.

-I work in environmental health.

-Very good.

So what area of environmental health is your particular...?

I manage a couple of teams - dog warden, pest control -

look after the environmental health database

and anything else that comes my way.

So quite varied, actually? Quite a lot of different stuff...

-Yes, it's very interesting.

-..to keep you amused. Yeah.

And what pleases you when you're not working?

I like to paint - watercolours. Um...

-Do you go out and set yourself up on an easel?

-No.

No, I-I'm not that good. No, I normally...

I normally get the...the Lancashire Life and find a nice landscape

and then take a page out of that and just copy that and paint that.

That's nice.

It's not much of a leap from that, is it, to being out in the open air?

Or is it?

I've never tried, but... I suppose, you know, when I retire,

I might just... If I've got enough time, I'll probably be out.

Yeah. Very nice.

Now, Derek, you're the high-scorers. We need a low score from you.

What are you going to go for?

I don't think I've got anything that could match the first answer.

Um... I'll go for...

Being an ex-military person, I'll go for retreat.

-Retreat.

-Yeah.

-Retreat, says Derek.

No red line for you, as you're the high-scorers.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said retreat.

It's right.

15. Not bad.

APPLAUSE

115 is your total.

Yeah, retreat.

That's a nicer name for repeat, actually.

Re-treat, to treat oneself again.

Yeah. Again. Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Steph, welcome to Pointless.

Also here from Birmingham. What are you studying?

-Music.

-Wonderful!

-And are you an instrumentalist as well?

-Yes, I am.

I play... It's a bit of a list, so...

I play the violin, the clarinet, the saxophone, the piano and the flute.

Wow. What about that?!

So, yes, the fingering...

Saxophone and clarinet - kind of the same thing.

But clarinet and flute, that's...

I mean, it's basically the same, but quite a lot of variation,

I'd have thought.

Yeah, sax and flute are actually almost the same fingering.

-Oh, are they?

-Well, very similar fingering, yeah.

-So that kind of helps.

-But similar must throw you, surely? Anyway...

-Sometimes.

-Sometimes.

-And do you... Are you in an orchestra?

-Yes, I am.

Me and Charlie are both in the philharmonic orchestra

-at our university.

-Fantastic.

-Do you tour and things like that?

-Yes.

Me and the orchestral coordinator member of staff,

we've actually organised a tour to Amsterdam this summer.

-That'll be fun. How long are you there?

-Just for a week.

-Under a week, with travelling.

-Very nice indeed. What fun.

So, there you are on 4. It doesn't matter what you score,

you're still through to the next round - takes a bit of pressure off.

What would you like to go for?

Seeing as we are already through,

-I'm going to go for a slightly risky one...

-Good.

..and go for baccalaureate?

FAINT MURMUR

Ooh! LAUGHTER

That murmur is exciting, isn't it?

Baccalaureate, says Steph.

No red line for you, you're already through.

Let's see how many people said it.

Oh!

Ah... Well, listen, that was a good punt to take, though. Fun.

It scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 104,

but you're already through, so there we are.

A nice one to go for. That's what people should do when they're through - go for a punt.

-It actually ends E-A-T-E, baccalaureate.

-I wasn't sure.

-It's what a lot students do instead of their A levels.

-There we are.

Thank you very much indeed.

Now, Mark, a warm welcome to Pointless.

Good to have you here. What do you do, Mark?

So, I work for one of the big four

professional services firms.

-And what's the department you're in?

-It's within corporate finance.

-Right.

-I work within a department

that does sort of financial publications and presentations.

-I see. And what are your hobbies, Mark?

-I love playing sport.

I play a lot of football, cricket.

I run. I ran a marathon.

And how far in advance do you plan a marathon?

Have you got any coming up? Have you decided to do any this year?

-Not this year, but I spent about six months training for...

-Yeah.

-..the other one, so...

-Yeah.

-I managed to get under four hours, so...

-Good for you. Not bad at all.

I've got great news, Mark.

Partly thanks to Katie's fabulous answer in the first pass

and the high score of Derek and Kyle,

you are through to the next round.

-So the pressure is off.

-Yeah.

-But have some fun with it.

What can you come up with?

I was going to have retreat and then repeat

but they've both gone so I'll go for unseat.

Unseat. That's a good answer.

Let us see how many of our 100 people said unseat.

No red line for you, as you're already through.

Oh, it's good, Mark, look at that.

10 for unseat. Very well done indeed,

taking your total up to 12 -

the lowest total, by some margin, of the round.

Great start to the round. Great finish to the round there on podium one. Very well played.

-Now, do you have an answer?

-I have.

-Exeat.

-Oh, exeat.

That's not what I thought you were going to say at all.

It's Shakespearean, right?

It's a pointless answer.

-Oh!

-Very nicely done.

-I don't know...

-Brilliant.

What did you have for me?

I thought you were going to say...

"Mincemeat. No, no, sweetmeat."

-Oh, no, I should have done both of those!

-Yeah, you didn't.

Mincemeat... Sweetmeat was a pointless answer.

-That's good.

-There you go. So I was...

-Thank you.

I knew you were going to get a pointless answer,

just completely the wrong one.

There's some really nice pointless answers here, actually.

Let's take a look at them, shall we?

Any hip-hop fans... Breakbeat is a pointless answer.

Browbeat as well - to browbeat somebody.

Cyberthreat. That's quite cool, isn't it?

It's a good word.

Deadbeat.

Escheat, which is... That's a kind of thing to do with property,

a slightly kind of archaic property term.

Exeat...

that a certain Alexander Armstrong said.

Floreat. Forcemeat.

-Ooh, my favourite kind.

-Do you think?

-Mm.

Forcemeat is the only word in the English language

to rhyme with horse meat.

There you go. And preheat, Kyle, is a pointless answer.

Underheat is not there at all. Preheat was a pointless answer.

Reheat would have scored you 2, as well.

So there's some good words there.

Let's take a look at the top three answers.

Pretty much what you'd expect.

Beat, 71.

Seat, 83.

And meat at the top on 91.

There we are. Thank you very much, Richard,

so we are at the end of our first round

and we have to say goodbye to one of our pairs.

I'm afraid, Derek and Kyle, you are that pair.

However, we'll see you again next time

and I am sure you'll get much further.

In the meantime, thanks very much, Derek and Kyle!

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

APPLAUSE

And so we are down to three pairs.

Well, very well done, everybody.

We've made it through the Words round.

Katie in particular, hats off to you for the lowest score of the round.

That was fabulous. Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today...

is Radio. Radio.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Radio Personalities.

Radio Personalities, Richard.

On each board, we're going to show you the names of six BBC radio

programmes and the initials of the star or presenter of that programme.

You just need to tell us who that person is, please.

We're also going to show the year that person first appeared on

the show, so there's 12 in all to have a go at at home. Good luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

OK, so we are looking for the personalities on these radio shows,

and here is our first board of six.

We have got...

I'll read them again...

Katie.

-Yeah.

-Katie... Are you a radio listener?

I am, but not any of those shows.

So I'm going to do a guess and say Just A Minute,

Nicholas Parsons?

Surely. Nicholas Parsons.

-Nicholas Parsons, let's just look at that date again, 1967.

-'67.

-Isn't that amazing?

-Nearly 50 years.

-I know. Still going strong.

Nicholas Parsons, is it right? How many of our 100 people said it?

It is right. There we are.

Not bad, 45.

APPLAUSE

45 for the wonderful Nicholas Parsons.

It is extraordinary, isn't it? He's been on the show, as well.

He's over 90, still sprightly.

-I saw him up at the Edinburgh Festival, as well...

-Extraordinary.

-Sharp as a tack.

-Yeah, amazing, isn't it?

-Yeah, very impressive.

Er, Steph.

-Yes.

-Steph.

Erm, I think,

I'm not 100% sure, but I think that

Radio 1 Breakfast Show is Nick Grimshaw?

Nick Grimshaw, says Steph.

Let's see how many of our 100 people got Nick Grimshaw.

Well, it's right.

45 is our only score so far,

and you've passed it. Look at that.

28 for Nick Grimshaw.

APPLAUSE AND INDISTINCT SPEECH

You see, that's impressive -

Nicholas Parsons outscoring the presenter of Radio 1 Breakfast Show.

I mean that's...

-Not bad going, is it?

-Not bad going.

He was first spotted DJ-ing in a pub in Camden, Nicholas Parsons.

LAUGHTER

-Nick Grimshaw was.

-In a DJ.

In a DJ, yeah. No, that's where they found Nick Grimshaw.

-He's good, Nick Grimshaw. I like him.

-He is good.

He is good. Martin.

-Hello.

-Martin, this board's all yours.

-I don't know any.

-No!

-No.

I had you down as a radio listener, as I was picturing you,

in the lab, repairing, servicing stuff,

with your radio, immaculate, no splatters of paint on that.

-MARTIN LAUGHS

-Erm...

No, I don't know. Front Row, Kevin Logan? I don't know...

Oh, I'm not sure Kevin Logan's right for those dates, though.

That's the trouble. Front Row, Kevin Logan, says Martin.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Kevin Logan.

I'm afraid not Kevin Logan. That, I'm afraid, scores you 100 points.

-Sorry, Martin.

-Yeah, it's a low-scorer, that one.

Do you know that one?

-Kirsty Lang.

-It is Kirsty Lang.

Would've scored you two points, though.

Sports Report, this is the best answer on the board. Er...

Er...Mark Pougatch...

Mark Pougatch, who has done lots and lots of telly now as well.

One point for that.

Dead Ringers, which is the impressionist show, and that is...

-Jon Culshaw.

-Jon Culshaw.

-19 for that.

-And In Our Time, Melvyn Bragg.

-Melvyn Bragg.

And that would've scored you ten.

Thank you very much indeed.

OK, well, let's take a look at the scores.

We're halfway through the round. 28 the best score of the pass,

Steph, very well done indeed to you.

45, not bad, for Katie and Mark.

And then 100 is where we find Martin and Mel.

Now, Mel, anything could happen on the next board.

There might be some other 100s being scored here and there,

but we need a low score from you. Best of luck.

We're going to come back down the line now. Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more radio programmes up on the board,

and here they are. We've got...

I'll read those all one last time...

There we are. Now, Mel...

You're the high-scorers, we need a low score from you.

Yeah, that might be a bit tricky, actually.

I don't think I've actually listened to any of those radio shows. Um...

Let's go for The Official Chart,

cos it's the only one I think I know, and that's Greg James.

Greg James, says Mel, for The Official Chart.

No red line for you, as you're the highest scorers.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Greg James.

It's right.

Ooh, look at that. Six for Greg James.

APPLAUSE

106 is your total.

You might have kept yourself in the game there, Mel.

You've certainly done everything you could.

Yes, he's been on the show as well, hasn't he? He's a lovely fella.

-Yeah.

-I think that GJ must be the hardest initials to say.

-GJ.

-It's quite hard, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-GJ.

And also, you slightly doubt yourself,

-you think you're going to say the wrong one first.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. There you go. What can you do?

-What can you do? Nothing.

-Can't do nothing.

-Nothing. Nothing to be done. Charlie.

-28 is your score, which means 77 or less keeps you in the game.

-Yes.

The only one I knew was Greg James.

Erm, well, I knew for certain.

I have a name on the back of my mind for Desert Island Discs,

I'm going to have to go with that, cos I don't know any others.

-I'm going to say Kirsty Young?

-Kirsty Young, says Charlie.

Let's see whether that's right, here is your red line,

get below that, you're through.

How many of our 100 people said Kirsty Young?

It's right and you're through. Look at that, Charlie. Well done.

44 is your total.

APPLAUSE

72 is your total, I should say.

-44 was your score.

-Well played, Charlie.

If I was on Desert Island Discs, I would literally just take

your album. I would just have all the tracks from that.

-Ah.

-One after the other.

And every time she asked me about one of them, I'd say,

"It's because it's done by a really, really good friend of mine.

"And he's a terrific guy,

"his name is Alexander Armstrong and this is another of his songs."

And then I would name one of the songs from your record. Like...

Uh... Well, exactly. I mean, which... But which one?

-Which one would I pick?

-Maybe...

-What would you pick if you were me?

LAUGHTER

-I think, I think for you...

-Yeah.

-I bet you're going to say the one I'm thinking of.

-Yeah.

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

I would go for Londonderry Air.

Yeah, Londonderry Air I would definitely do,

because it's about men in London and their backsides.

I would, er... That's my favourite.

-Yeah, that's the one I would go for.

-That's the one.

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

Thanks very much. Now, Mark...

Mark, that board is all yours. Do you want to talk us through it?

Erm...

It's gone blank. I knew Mark Pougatch off the first board. But...

MARK LAUGHS

I can't think of one. Erm...

-No, I'll just guess at Carole Malone for On The Hour.

-Carole Malone.

Let's see that's right. Here is your red line,

Carole Malone would have to be right to get you below it.

Let's see if it is.

No, I'm sorry. I'm afraid not Carole Malone.

Bad luck, that scores you 100 points, take your total up to 145.

On The Hour, actually the best answer on the board.

That's the show... Armando Iannucci, and introduced the world

-to Alan Partridge and all that kind of stuff and...

-Chris Morris.

Chris Morris. Would've scored you two points.

-Woman's Hour?

-Jenni Murray.

-Jenni Murray.

Dame Jenni Murray, I think, isn't it? 22 points.

-I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue?

-Humphrey Lyttelton.

The wonderful Humphrey Lyttelton. 13 points for that.

-And The News Quiz?

-Sandi Toksvig.

-Sandi Toksvig.

Would've scored 19.

Now presented by Miles Jupp, that show.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our second round, the pair who are heading home with

their high score of 145, Mark and Katie, I'm afraid it is you.

However, we will see you again next time, and I'm sure you'll go even further.

But in the meantime, thanks very much for playing, Mark and Katie.

APPLAUSE

But for Steph and Charlie and Mel and Martin,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Mel and Martin, Steph and Charlie,

you're now one step closer to the final and a chance to play

for our jackpot, which currently stands at £3,000.

APPLAUSE

I always think it's a bit of a relief when you get to the

head-to-head, cos from here on in, you can confer

before you give your answers, which is very nice indeed.

First pair in this case to win two questions will be going

through to that final to play for the jackpot.

Well, we've had great answers from both teams.

Mind you, we've also had Kevin Logan,

we've also had baccalaureate,

so we've had some incorrect answers too.

But I think you're quite well matched and I think this will be very hard-fought.

But best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here comes your first question. And it concerns...

Walruses. LAUGHTER

-Walruses, Richard.

-Yeah.

-What else do you expect, right?

-Yeah.

Five clues now, to facts, about walruses.

Give us the most obscure answer you can, please.

OK, let's reveal our five clues, and here they come. We've got...

I'll read those all one last time...

There we are.

Now then, Mel and Martin, you're our low scorers.

You will go first.

THEY CONFER

I think it's Yellow Submarine, but I'm not 100%.

INDISTINCT SPEECH

I think we'll go for the Beatles TV film is, er, Yellow Submarine.

Yellow Submarine, say Mel and Martin. Yellow Submarine.

Now, Steph and Charlie,

that board's all yours. Do you want to talk us through it?

-It's a toughie.

-I think we only know two.

So blubber for the subdermal fat, and tusks for the teeth.

-Which one do you want to go for?

-Maybe tusks?

-Yeah, OK.

-We'll go for elongated teeth, tusks.

-Tusks.

So we have Yellow Submarine and we have tusks.

Mel and Martin went for Yellow Submarine.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Ah.

Ah. Interesting. Not Yellow Submarine, as it turns out.

Steph and Charlie have gone for tusks.

Let's see if that's right.

All it has to be is right for you to win the point.

It is right.

57. APPLAUSE

But the key thing is it was right,

which means after one question, you are up 1-0.

When you hear "Beatles film" and "walrus" and "the sea",

you immediately think of Yellow Submarine,

it's actually Magical Mystery Tour.

12 points for that if you said that at home. The US soul singer?

-Barry White.

-It is Barry White.

Would've scored 41.

You can actually get a stuffed toy which is a Walrus Of Love,

it's a walrus with a red rose,

and it sings Barry White's Can't Get Enough Of Your Love.

-LAUGHTER

-That's quite cool, isn't it?

I'd like one of those.

The layer of subdermal fat, you were quite right, is blubber,

actually a slightly better scorer than tusks, but no matter.

51 for that.

-And do you know the London museum? It's a lovely museum.

-No.

It's the Horniman.

And that would've scored four, so very well done if you said that.

Thanks very much, Richard.

So, here comes your second question, Mel and Martin,

you have to win this one to stay in the game, but remember,

Steph and Charlie get to answer it first, so...

good luck with that.

Our second question today is all about...

-Richard?

-Going to show you the names, now,

of five of those seven wonders of the ancient world.

But we've missed one word out of each of them.

Can you fill in that word, please?

OK, let's reveal our five wonders with bits missing,

and here they are.

We have...

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are.

Now, Steph and Charlie, you will go first. Feel free to confer.

WHISPERING

-SHE LAUGHS

-Erm...

I think I know all the first four, not the bottom one,

and I'm going to go for the second one which I believe is the...

Mausoleum of Halicarnassus.

OK, the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus.

Now, then, Mel and Martin, it's over to you.

Can you talk us through that board?

We only know a couple of them, actually.

And they're probably the two obvious ones, so obviously...

-Pyramids of Giza and...

-Gardens...

But the ones we're going to go for, I think,

is the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

OK, so, we have Mausoleum versus Gardens.

Steph and Charlie went for Mausoleum,

let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people went for it.

Mausoleum of Halicarnassus.

SHE SIGHS

Oh, that's a good answer!

Down it goes. The Mausoleum...

XANDER LAUGHS

Five, for Mausoleum of Halicarnassus.

APPLAUSE

Very well done.

Mel and Martin, meanwhile, have gone for the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

It's ri... Ooh! Look at that!

89! My goodness me.

Very well done, indeed, Steph and Charlie.

That means after only two questions,

you are straight through to the final, 2-0.

One of our 100 on that one said the Hanging Baskets of Babylon,

-which I...

-LAUGHTER

I suspect was absentmindedness rather than ignorance...

You can imagine just going, "Hanging... Yep, got that

"Yeah, Baskets, that's fine... Let's look at these others."

Nice answer, though. The Statue at Olympia was of...

Zeus.

That would have scored you 34 points.

The Pyramids of Giza, you're right.

65 points for that, and the Temple at Ephesus...?

-Artemis.

-It is Artemis.

And that would have scored you 14,

so the best answer on the board there,

the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus. Very well played.

Thanks very much.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

-I'm afraid, it's Mel and Martin. Twice in the head-to-head!

-I know!

Last time you were the slightly higher scorers,

this time, you're the low scorers.

HE SIGHS

Still, I'm afraid you've been thwarted at every turn.

I'm so sorry. It's been great having you on the show

but I'm sorry you didn't get your hands on the trophy.

But brilliant, brilliant play, Mel and Martin. Very well done.

APPLAUSE

But, for Steph and Charlie, it's now time for our Pointless final.

APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Steph and Charlie,

you've seen off all the competition,

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £3,000.

APPLAUSE

Well, I mean, this is a wonderful thing.

-You've done very well, but it's all just been on one show.

-I know!

-Yeah.

I wanted to ask you all about your orchestra.

Charlie, what do you play in the orchestra?

I play trombone in the orchestra.

-All right, and how big is the orchestra?

-Pretty big.

-Like 80...

-80 people.

-80, 90 people.

-That's colossal.

-A proper symphony orchestra.

-Yeah.

-Have you got contrabassoons?

Talk amongst yourselves. LAUGHTER

-We have to hire them in, don't we?

-We have.

-I had contrabassoons once.

-Oh, boy!

-Oof!

-LAUGHTER

You know what? Antibiotics cleared it up,

-two weeks...

-LAUGHTER

-..absolutely fine.

-Fair enough.

Now, in this round, anything you'd particularly like to see come up?

-Well, classical music.

-Classical music, yeah.

Would be a gift, wouldn't it?

-What else?

-Geography.

I'm pretty good at football, so long as it's relatively recent.

Bad for me!

-And then...

-Films, maybe, depending what it was.

Maybe like modern pop music, as well.

OK, well, as always, you know how it works,

you get to choose your category from the four we throw up on the board.

Let's see what today's selection looks like. We've got...

Soul singers?

I think... I think...Davis Cup might be better, might be able to...

-Hopefully there'll be some players that I can...say.

-Sure?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Yeah, we'll go 2015 Davis Cup.

OK, Davis Cup it is.

OK, very best of luck.

We're looking for the name of anyone beaten by Andy Murray during...

our winning campaign, anyone beaten in singles or doubles

between March and November in the world group ties.

We are looking for any team

who played in the world group and play-off stages,

that's the top 24 teams in the world apart from the GB team,

so any team who played in the world group and play-off stages.

Or we're looking for any places that hosted a tie

during those stages as well, please, so the name of any town or city

listed on the official Davis cup website

that hosted one of those ties,

so anyone beaten by Andy Murray, any teams in those...

final world group and play-off stages,

and any town or city that hosted one of the ties. Very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

Now, as always, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers

and all you need to win that jackpot is for just one of those answers

to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-As we'll ever be.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

-Right.

-Talk at me.

I wouldn't be able to name any...

places.

And I wouldn't be confident on a...

-You could guess a team.

-Yeah.

-Maybe.

-Well, the teams...

The teams are just countries, so...

-Yeah, OK.

-We could just guess three countries.

-But do you know any one...?

-I know, like, certain teams are like...

Oh, I didn't follow it that much, but, like...

Belgium... Argentina were definitely in it.

I mean, like, all the obvious ones are going to be

-like Spain, Switzerland...

-Take a punt at a country.

Yeah, I just trying to think of like if there's any, like,

-slightly more obscure...

-Do you know any...

Like any obscure tennis players that are from, like,

more obscure countries that will have, like...

OK. Do you know anyone that...

-Andy Murray beat? Like, any obscure people?

-Not for certain.

-OK, right. OK.

-So...

-we're just going to guess three countries?

-Yep.

-So...

-Argentina?

Shall we go Argentina...?

Somewhere in Africa?

-No, shall we go for some of the Eastern European ones?

-OK, quick.

Shall we go...

-We could say Serbia...

-Yes, and...?

SHE GIGGLES

-You can make one up.

-Just guess one.

OK, that is your time up.

I now need your three answers.

Right.

Going to have to take a bit of a guess,

-we're just going to go for three teams and hope one of them is...

-OK.

-..correct. So we're going to go Argentina.

-Argentina.

-Serbia.

-Serbia.

And...let's go for Croatia.

-And Croatia.

-Hopefully.

-OK.

Argentina, Serbia and Croatia.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer,

do you think?

I'm pretty sure Argentina's correct, so put that last.

Argentina goes last. Least likely to be pointless?

-Croatia, cos I'm not 100% sure.

-Croatia. Serbia in the middle.

OK, well, let's pop those up on the board in that order, then,

and here they are. We've got...

Croatia, Serbia, Argentina.

Well, very, very best of luck.

Three answers on the board, there.

One of those could easily be pointless,

and could win that jackpot for you.

If that were the case, what would you do with your 3,000 quid, Steph?

I would probably spend it on a well-deserved holiday

-at the end of my degree.

-Excellent.

-City break, maybe, somewhere in Spain.

-Very nice.

Charlie, how about you?

Well, I also play piano so I really want to buy another cool keyboard,

like a little synthesiser thing, so that'll be nice.

Very good. OK, well, very best of luck.

Three answers, as I say, up on the board that, all of them,

stand a chance of winning something for you.

Croatia was your least confident answer. The first one.

In all three instances, we were looking for

any team in the final world group and play-off stages.

If it's pointless, it'll win you £3,000.

How many of our 100 people said it? Croatia?

Well, it's right.

All it has to do now is go down to zero,

and you will leave here with £3,000.

Croatia, taking us down through the teens into single figures.

Down it goes, still going down...

Three! AUDIENCE GROANS

APPLAUSE Three...

for Croatia.

That's a great score.

Think how thrilled you'd be with that, normally, in Pointless.

Sadly, in this round, we only accept pointless answers.

Only two more shots at today's jackpot.

Serbia was your next answer.

Again, it has to be pointless for you to win.

So, for £3,000, let's see how many of our 100 people named Serbia.

Again, it's right.

Your first answer, Croatia, was right,

took us all the way down to three.

Serbia now takes us down through the teens...

into single figures again,

down it goes, still going down...

There's... Ooh, three again.

AUDIENCE GROANS

APPLAUSE

-I wonder if it's the same people...

-Probably.

-..that put down Croatia.

Oh, Serbia, too!

LAUGHTER

OK, another great answer, another great score.

Again, not pointless.

Your third and final answer is the one that everything is riding on.

-Argentina. This was the one that you knew was right.

-Yes.

THEY LAUGH

Will it be pointless, I wonder?

If it is, it wins you £3,000.

How many of our 100 people said Argentina?

It's right.

Your first answer, Croatia, took us down to three.

Your second answer, Serbia, took us down to three again.

Argentina now takes us down into single figures,

down it goes, still going down,

still going... Oh, four! AUDIENCE GROANS

APPLAUSE

Well, three exceptionally low scores there.

Wonderful answers, in any other context.

Sadly, though, you didn't manage to find

that all-important pointless answer,

so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £3,000.

That will roll over onto the next show, but...

A brilliant performance right across the show.

Lots to be proud of there and you get to take home

a Pointless trophy each, so very, very well done indeed.

Fabulous. APPLAUSE

Yeah, that's unlucky. That's a tough question as well,

and I have to say the one that you went for, which is the countries,

probably the toughest of all when you see the pointless answers.

We'll start with the people that Andy Murray beat, though.

Here are your pointless answers.

Ruben Bemelmans,

Nicolas Mahut of France,

Sam Groth of Australia,

and Gilles Simon, whom Andy Murray beat

in the singles against France.

Here are the countries. Only four countries were pointless answers.

You've got a long time before you've got those.

Columbia, Dominican Republic.

Kazakhstan were in the quarterfinals against Australia, so, you know,

some people at home would have got that. Uzbekistan as well.

-I know you said maybe what about one of the Stans.

-One of the Stans!

There's a lot of them, but two of them were up there.

And maybe the countries, if you'd thought about Argentina,

Buenos Aires was a pointless answer.

Funnily enough, that's where Argentina beat Serbia as well.

Liege, where the Belgians...

all the Belgian matches were at home.

Vancouver, Canada.

Darwin, as well, Australia.

That's where Australia beat Kazakhstan, funnily enough.

Also could have had Astana, Irkutsk, New Delhi, Ostrava,

Santo Domingo, Tashkent... So lots of pointless answers out there.

But, yeah, unless you were going to take a punt on a Stan, I think...

-That's a nice catchphrase.

-LAUGHTER

..I think it was a very, very tough round. Unlucky.

Thanks very much indeed.

Thanks so much, Steph and Charlie.

Great to have you on the show.

Sadly, though, they didn't win our jackpot today,

which means it rolls over on to the next show,

when we will be playing for £4,000.

APPLAUSE

Join us, then, to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me.

Goodbye.

APPLAUSE