Episode 35 Pointless

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome to Pointless,

the game where you're always aiming for the lowest score.

Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hi, I'm Tash. This is my partner, Lina.

We're from Bournemouth and we live in London.

-Couple number two.

-Hi, my name's Wayne.

This is my sister, Lisa, and we're from Middleton in Manchester.

-Couple number three.

-Hi, I'm Adam.

This is my friend, Ste, and we are from Liverpool.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Gary and this is my partner, Hayley.

We're from Linlithgow, just outside Edinburgh.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks very much, all of you. A very warm welcome to Pointless.

Great to have you with us. We'll get a chance to chat to each of you,

of course, throughout the show as it goes along.

So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

There's no flies on him, but that's mainly because he insists on

only wearing wet-look pleather leggings.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Hey, everybody.

Good afternoon.

APPLAUSE

-Good afternoon to you, sir.

-And to you.

-How are you?

-I'm very well.

-Excellent.

We welcome back two returning pairs from the last show.

Both very strong pairs.

Tash and Lina, who got through to the head-to-head.

We've also got Adam and Ste, who got through to Round Two,

although in the last show, they were called Adam and Steve.

Yeah, I know. So, what is it? VE Day back in Liverpool?

LAUGHTER

-You had a VE-ectomy.

-Yes.

-Something's happened. That's weird, isn't it?

-Yeah.

I wonder why. I think it's because I said Adam and Steve sounds like

a misprint in the Bible and

Adam and Ste doesn't quite so much.

Yeah, they've sidestepped that one.

Now then, Sarah and Mike didn't win the jackpot last time,

which means we add another £1,000 to the jackpot.

It's getting bigger all the time, as it does when people don't win it,

so, today's jackpot starts off at £3,000. There we are.

APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

Remember this, the pair with the highest score at the end of

each round will be eliminated, so just make sure

you are not that pair. Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category this afternoon is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please, step up to the podium.

OK. And our question concerns...

-Richard.

-Yeah, we are about to show you nine pictures

of crime-fighting duos. We're looking for the name

of any actor you are about to see.

So it's going to be 18 actors in all.

-Very best of luck, everybody.

-Thanks very much indeed.

So, we're going to put this picture up,

it's going to stay up for the entire round, we won't be changing it.

Don't go expecting a change halfway through the round because we won't be doing that.

Just throw out a name and if it matches with one of these people,

you're quids in.

OK. Let's put the image up on the board, and here it comes.

We have got...

Them.

You just have to name any of these crime-fighting actors.

There we go. Lina, welcome to Pointless again.

Last time, we saw you through to the head-to-head.

You were our golden couple, in fact, in the head-to-head.

-We were.

-But by the very fact that you are back here,

we can glean that you didn't make it through to the final.

-It all went wrong.

-It didn't go terribly wrong.

We had good answers from you.

You were just underscored by your opponents.

So, yes, remind us what you do, Lina.

So, I work in a visa office in the Australian High Commission,

-which is very exciting.

-Which is quite exciting.

Are you actually front of house?

Do you meet the people who come in, who queue up,

-or are you backstage...

-Backstage, that's it, yeah.

..doing all that stamping and paperwork? And your interests,

-when you're not handing out visas?

-Just travelling

and kind of exploring London a bit and just...

-Yeah, that sort of thing.

-Very good.

What is the most exciting thing you've been to visit in London

-since you've been here?

-In London?

OK. This is quite a lot of pressure now.

So, recently went to kind of Shoreditch kind of area.

-That kind of Brixton markets, that sort of area.

-There you are.

Street markets and the like.

Now, Lina, what are you going to go for?

You just have to name one of these crime-fighting people.

OK. This isn't a very good board for me,

but I think I'm just going to play it safe

and say Benedict Cumberbatch.

Benedict Cumberbatch, says Lina.

OK. It's getting you a nod from Tash.

Let's see if it's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Benedict Cumberbatch.

It's right.

42. APPLAUSE

-42, not bad.

-Yes, there he is.

He's Sherlock Holmes in Sherlock.

There we are. Thank you, Richard.

Now then, Lisa, welcome here from Manchester.

-What do you do, Lisa?

-I'm a planning administrator.

I see. What bit of the whole planning process do you administer?

I'm in the operations department for services -

-gas and water and electricity.

-I see. Very good indeed.

Now, what are your interests, Lisa?

I particularly like fitness, is a favourite one.

What sort of thing do you do to keep fit?

Do you just go to the gym or do you have a whole range of activities?

I have a range of activities, but I particularly like going to the gym,

weight training and cycling.

-My two favourites.

-Very good indeed. Good stuff.

Now, Lisa, what do you make of this board of crime-fighting duos?

I'm going to go for Suranne Jones.

Suranne Jones, says Lisa.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Suranne Jones.

42 is our only score at this point.

You pass it.

How you pass it! Look at that.

18. Very well done indeed, Lisa. APPLAUSE

Good scoring skills.

Good answer, Lisa. Bailey from Scott & Bailey, there,

-right in the middle, Suranne Jones.

-Thanks very much, Richard.

Now then, Ste. Ste.

-Not Steve.

-No.

I didn't go anywhere near the "vuh" and the "eh".

Somewhere in your dressing room, there's just a couple of sad letters.

OK. Ste, remind us what you do.

I work in food retail.

In food retail. In a frozen food...

Quite a famous frozen food retail chain.

And what do you do when you take your gloves off?

When I take my gloves off? I like to play badminton,

do a little bit of boxing, just for the cardio side of it.

-That's good. Do you actually... You spar?

-Just sparring, yeah.

But mainly for the fitness?

-Knackering, isn't it?

-It's very tiring.

Yeah. Very, very good for that.

Now, Ste, who are you going to name on this board?

-I am completely lost on this one.

-ALEXANDER GASPS

Completely lost on this one.

I'm going to go with bottom right and I think it's just

his character name, but Terry McCann.

I know it's not his actor's name.

Terry McCann, says Ste.

Terry McCann. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Terry McCann.

Ste, I'm so sorry,

an incorrect answer, scoring you 100 points.

Sorry, Ste. I will give all the correct answers at the end of the pass.

Thanks very much indeed.

Gary, welcome.

Nice to have you here from Linlithgow.

What do you do up in Linlithgow, Gary?

I'm a project manager for the British Council.

That's fun. The British Council,

sort of cultural exchange with the world at large.

Yeah. I work with schools,

I help them find European partners and set up projects so they can...

So they can go out and perform and school groups from overseas can come

and perform over here? Oh, it's a brilliant institution,

-the British Council.

-Yeah.

-How did you get into it?

I fell into it.

They do that. Some people recruit, they just lay traps, don't they?

A lot of the people who work there have a sort of language or

cultural studies background. I've got a history background

and I just tried various jobs after I had graduated and...

-And that was the one that fitted?

-Yeah, I enjoyed the organisation.

I bet. Very good. Now, Gary, who are you going to go for on this board?

Podium four is terrible because I've been staring at it, just panicking.

I know the actors, but I've forgotten half their names.

So I'm going for John Simm.

John Simm. John Simm.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said John Simm.

It's absolutely right.

Well, 18 is our low score at this point and you pass it.

Look at that. Down to 13. APPLAUSE

Excellent actor, excellent score.

-13.

-Well played, Gary.

There he is, playing Sam Tyler in Life On Mars.

Also played the Master in Doctor Who.

Such a good actor. Very, very fine. OK, well, we're halfway through

the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

13, very well done,

Gary and Hayley are on top of it all at the moment.

Then we go up to 18, where we find Lisa and Wayne.

Up to 42, Lina and Tash.

And then, Ste and Adam, 100.

100. We can't be sending you home at the end of this round.

So, Adam, let's hope...

-I'll try.

-..you've got a nice low scoring answer up your sleeve.

We're going to come back down the line now. Can the second players please step up to the podium?

-Hayley, welcome to Pointless.

-Hello.

Lovely to have you here.

What do you do, Hayley?

I work for Historic Environment Scotland,

which is similar to English Heritage.

We look after castles, abbeys, different historical monuments in Scotland.

That's nice. Two nice jobs and both of you with a firm interest in history.

Did you meet through history? How did you meet?

Yes, we did meet sort of through history.

We both worked as tour guides on the Royal Mile in Edinburgh.

We both started off as ghost tour guides.

Oh, I was going to say, please, please tell me you dressed up?

We had big cloaks and...

Big cloaks and a sheet. Ooooh!

That's the way to do it! That's really good fun.

There's no better place for ghosts than the Royal Mile in Edinburgh.

Oh, fantastic. Who is your favourite ghost?

-Oh...

-Putting you on the spot!

-I don't know, actually!

-Forget them, really.

-The most evil ghost is a man called Mr Boots,

-which doesn't sound very evil but...

-It does.

-He's not very nice.

OK. Fair enough.

Hayley, you're on 13.

Really, in an ideal world,

you'd score 86 or less

and that would get you through to the next round. OK.

Well, I'm going to stick with the Life on Mars theme

-and go for Philip Glenister.

-Philip Glenister, says Hayley.

Here is your red line.

Let's see how far down the column you get with Phil Glenister.

It's right and you're through.

Well, if John Simm scored 13...

..Philip Glenister scores 10. There you are. Very well done.

APPLAUSE Takes your total up to 23.

Very well done. A nice matching pair there from Life On Mars

on that final podium. There he is, next to John Simm, Philip Glenister.

Thanks very much indeed.

Now, Adam.

Adam, welcome back. Remind us what you do.

I'm a delivery driver in the frozen retail business.

-In the same frozen retail business...

-Yes.

-..as Ste.

So, Ste prepares the order, you pick it up

-and take it to the customer?

-In my little trendy van, yes.

Very good. Does it run on some fuel other than petrol or diesel?

-No.

-Oh, I'm sorry.

Now, Adam, what are your hobbies?

Football, darts, snooker.

Shove ha'penny. I'm just thinking of all the other pub sports.

No. That was years ago.

That was before I was born.

And I like to do canyoning.

Oh, yes, canyoning! Yes.

So, we go to the Lake District

and we jump off waterfalls into just pools of water...

-All kitted up with...?

-From 35 foot.

Yeah, and you're all kitted up, you've got the wet suit on.

-Yeah.

-And you've got a buoyancy aid as well.

-Yeah.

-So, it's good.

It's quite hard-core though.

-It's dangerous, yeah.

-You're telling me, 35 feet!

Anyway, there we go. You're on a high score there,

talking about dangerous. We need a low score from you, Adam,

-to keep you in the game. Oh, no?

-No.

-No?

-I've got a name, but I think I'm getting confused with someone else.

Remember, you can just throw a name at the board, you don't...

I don't know anyone else, so I'll go the top right.

I don't think it's the right answer, but I'll go for it.

-Timothy Spall.

-I can see...

I can see where the link's being made there.

Timothy Spall. Let's see if it's right.

No red line for you as you're the high-scorers.

Let's see how many people said Timothy Spall.

AUDIENCE GROAN Oh, Adam, I'm so sorry.

Another incorrect answer and that scores 100 points

and that takes your total up to 200.

Yeah, sorry, Adam.

I don't go canyoning, but I go Kanye-ing, which is...

I release rap albums and get married to Kim Kardashian.

-Yeah.

-Which is equally dangerous, I might say.

You get dropped into that marriage from a distance.

-From 35 feet.

-Exactly.

And I have to wear a wet suit.

Not kidding there! Now, Wayne.

-Hi.

-Welcome to Pointless.

Good to have you here. What do you do, Wayne?

I'm a recruitment consultant in Manchester.

I recruit for teachers in...

teachers, lecturers, in colleges across Yorkshire and Newcastle.

Very good. That's exciting.

So, a wide... Yeah, a wide field there.

You travel around the area quite a bit?

I do. It's a really important part, to actually visit your clients

and create rapport with them, so more often than not,

you'll find me on a train zipping across Yorkshire and Newcastle,

-just to sort of keep them sweet.

-I can think of worse places to be zipping across!

Wayne, what do you like doing when you're not doing that?

Very similar to Lisa, in a way.

I absolutely love training, so I train...

seven...six, seven days a week. I do weight training...

-Wow.

-..gymnastics, running, yoga.

I like to keep myself really active.

What have you been doing while we've been keeping you penned up here

at Pointless? Have you been lifting televisions, or, I don't know...?

Count this one as a day off. A well-earned one.

This can be your one in seven.

Now, there you are, you're on 18, doesn't matter what you score.

Lovely low score from Lisa, by the way, in the first pass,

but you're through to the next round anyway.

But why not dazzle us with your crime knowledge?

I'm going to go for it, cos I loved this programme back when I was young.

-Tyne Daly.

-Tyne Daly.

-Yeah.

-Tyne Daly, says Wayne.

No red line, you're already through.

Let's see how many people said it.

Well, our lowest score so far has been 10.

You end up at 12. APPLAUSE

Tyne Daly.

Yeah, very well played. I loved that programme as well.

Plays Lacey.

-There she is.

-Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Tash.

-Hello.

-Welcome back.

Remind us what you do, Tash.

I'm a secretary in a property company.

You're a secretary in a property company.

And do you do any sort of property work as well?

-No.

-You never show anyone around?

No. I think ultimately I want to get into teaching.

-I see.

-So something completely different.

So you'll go back and do a sort of PGCE?

Yeah, hopefully. I worked in a school last year.

What level would you teach at, do you think?

-Primary or...?

-Either primary or secondary maths.

So...

Excellent. But fun, though,

having fun in your property office at the moment?

-Yeah. No, it's really good. I really like it there.

-Good stuff.

Now, Tash, you're on 42. Doesn't matter what you score,

you're through to Round Two anyway.

But I'm going to step out of your way so you can get a better look

at these fine solvers of crime.

The centre image, I think her name's Lesley something,

but I'm not sure, so I'm going to stick, play safe,

and one of my favourite actors, Martin Freeman.

Martin Freeman, says Tash.

No red line for you, you're already through.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Martin Freeman.

It's right.

25 for Martin Freeman... APPLAUSE

..taking your total up to 67.

Let's fill in the rest of this board, shall we?

Next to Lacey there, you've got Cagney, played by Sharon Gless,

she would have scored you 11 points.

Next to them, The Professionals,

that's Martin Shaw and Lewis Collins -

12 points and 11 points.

Then from Lewis, you've got Lewis and Hathaway,

that's Kevin Whateley and Lawrence Fox -

18 points and 10 points.

Now, down onto the next row, some of the best answers here.

Glynis Barber from Dempsey and Makepeace, 6 points.

Best answer on the board, Michael Brandon, from Dempsey and Makepeace,

would have scored you 1. You're right, it is Lesley something,

Lesley Sharp, would have scored you 5 points.

And the bottom row, we've got Starsky and Hutch there.

Paul Michael Glaser, 12 points, and David Soul, 26.

And then in the bottom, there, not Terry McCann.

He did play Terry McCann.

It's Dennis Waterman, would have scored you 29,

and he's next to John Thaw, who would have scored you 32.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our first round, we have to say goodbye to a pair

and the pair we are saying goodbye to... I can't bear it,

those two letters were helping you, Steve.

-Ruined it.

-Ste, Ste, I'm sorry. Oh, dear, oh, dear. Adam and Ste,

it's been such a pleasure having you on both shows.

I'm really sorry to be saying goodbye to you so soon in this show.

-Cheers.

-Thanks so much for coming to play.

-Thank you very much.

Adam and Ste, wonderful people. APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And just like that, we were down to three pairs.

The same, I have to warn you now,

is going to happen at the end of this round, too.

But very well done, Wayne and Hayley, our two low scorers there.

Hayley with Phil Glenister, Wayne with Tyne Daly.

Fabulous low scoring.

And Tash and Lina, good stuff, you got through that round.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second? Whoever's going first,

please, step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

-Richard.

-Yeah, we are going to give you six geographical questions

on each board. The answers to each of them begin with G,

so there are going to be 12 in all to have a go at at home.

Thanks very much indeed.

So, we're looking for these answers that begin with G

and here are the questions. Our first board reads like this...

Let me read those all again.

-There we go. Tash.

-Yes.

All of these answers begin with a G.

Um, I think, I think I know a couple,

but I think they're going to be really high-scorers, so...

I'm just going to take a risk and say...

glacier for the persistent body of dense ice.

OK. Glacier, glacier. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said glacier.

It's right.

57 for glacier. APPLAUSE

Not bad. Yeah, about 75% of the world's freshwater

is stored in glaciers. The largest one in the world

is the Lambert Fisher Glacier in Antarctica.

It's 250 miles long

and 16 miles wide.

Or it was this morning, it's probably smaller by now.

Thanks very much, Richard. Wayne.

Um... I'm going to go for...

Again, I'm a huge fan of this person so I know the birthplace

more than the city, but Gary for city of Indiana.

Gary, says Wayne.

Gary. Let's see how many of our 100 people got Gary.

It's right. 57 is our only score at this point and you pass that,

unsurprisingly. Gary takes us way down

to 8. Very well done indeed, Wayne.

Good knowledge. 8 for Gary.

Yeah, very nicely played, Gary in Indiana. Birthplace of the Jacksons.

Or certainly the hometown of the Jacksons.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Now then, Hayley, you are the last person to have this board of Gs.

-How are you liking it?

-I think I know most of them.

-This is good.

-I think I know all of them, actually,

but I'm not 100% sure. I think the top one is globe.

Then the Scottish city will be Glasgow, which I'm obviously

sure about, but I'm worried that will score quite high.

The second largest city, I think that might be Gothenburg.

And the Swiss city might be Geneva.

I'm going to play it risky

and I'm going to go for Gothenburg for Sweden.

Gothenberg, says Hayley.

It's earning you a nod from Gary, which is good.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Gothenberg.

It's absolutely right, Gothenberg.

57's our highest score, you pass that.

25 is where you end up, Hayley.

Very well done. Good scoring.

Yeah, filled the board in perfectly and chose the lowest scorer,

so very, very well done. The top one, the globe.

Surprisingly low score, actually, for globe.

Would have scored you 46.

You were right to avoid Glasgow -

I don't mean in that way - as an answer,

-would have scored you 80.

-LAUGHTER

And the Swiss city is Geneva and that would have scored you 30.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, we are halfway through the round, let's take a look

at those scores. 8, Wayne, very well done,

lovely low scoring there. 8 is where we find you.

25, Hayley and Gary,

and then 57, Tash and Lina.

So, Lina, we need a low score from you.

Good luck with that. We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, we're going to put six more clues up on the board

and here they come. Remember, all these answers begin with a G.

Our second board looks like this...

I'm going to read those all one last time.

There we go. Gary, we come to you first.

Yes. It's OK, actually.

I'm going to go for the Flemish city,

Ghent.

Ghent, says Gary.

You want to be scoring 31 or less.

There is your red line,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Ghent.

It's right.

You're through. That is a lovely low score,

18, very well done indeed, Gary.

18 for Ghent, takes your total up to 43.

They promote a meat-free Thursday every Thursday in Ghent.

It is called Donderdag Veggiedag.

Amen to that, that's a very good thing.

-You don't have to do it.

-No, well, you don't, you don't.

What happens if you do, though?

Prison. Yes, seven years.

You get a sternly worded letter.

You do. In prison.

In prison. There you go.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, Lisa...

Lisa, what would you like to go for?

Brilliant low score from Wayne.

I'm not great at geography, so this is not a great board for me.

-OK.

-So I'm going to go for the top one.

I'm not 100% sure on it, but I think it might be Gloucester.

OK, you're going to say Gloucester.

OK, the high-scorers are on 57, you need to score 48 or less.

Here is your red line.

If you can get below that red line with Gloucester,

you are through to the next round.

Let's see how we do with Gloucester.

Oh, Lisa, you're going to kick yourself, I'm afraid,

-I think, when you know the answer.

-No, geography is not my strongest.

That scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 108.

However, the round is not over.

Yes, sorry, Lisa, we'll give all the answers at the end of the pass.

Thanks very much indeed.

Now then, Lina.

-Lina.

-So, I think I know a few.

The third one down I think is Guatemala, cos

I can't think of any other country that starts with G in that area.

Hopefully. The fourth one down I think is Germany,

and the next one down, I'm guessing geology or something like that.

I'm going to go with Guatemala for the third one down.

Guatemala. You want to score 50 or less.

That's what it looks like on the column.

Let's see what happens when we say Guatemala.

It's right, well done.

Gets you through.

26 for Guatemala, very well done indeed, 83 is your total.

There are competing claims as to why it's called Guatemala.

One is that it comes from a phrase meaning "the land of trees",

and the other is that it comes from

a phrase meaning "mountain of vomiting water".

-I know which one I prefer.

-That would be better, wouldn't it?

-Yes.

-It's quite cool.

But it's the correct answer anyway.

-Now, it's...

-We couldn't accept Gloucester, I'm afraid,

-but you're in the right place.

-It Gloucestershire. Oh!

That's the county, Gloucester is the city.

Gloucestershire is the county, sorry.

40 points for that. The European country, you're quite right, Lina,

was Germany. Would have scored you 75 points.

Study of the earth is geology.

And that would have scored you 48.

And the town opposite Newcastle?

-Gateshead.

-Gateshead, yeah.

Gateshead would have scored 34, so Ghent,

-best answer on the board.

-There we are, thank you very much indeed.

So we are at the end of our second round and we have to say goodbye

to a pair, and the pair, I'm afraid, is Lisa and Wayne.

Lovely low scoring in the first pass,

very high scoring in the second.

But we know what calibre of players you are, though,

so next time you come back, I'm sure you'll do much, much better.

-But in the meantime, thank you so much.

-Thank you.

Lisa and Wayne, lovely to have you on the show.

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Gary and Haley, Tash and Lina,

you're now one step closer to the final and a chance to play

for our jackpot, which currently stands at £3,000.

APPLAUSE

It's always nice when we get to the head-to-head because

from here on in, you are allowed to confer before you give your answers,

which takes a lot of pressure off.

It means you can start playing properly as teams.

And in this round, the first pair to win two questions will be

playing for that jackpot. Well, Tash and Lina, you've been here before,

but last time, you were our golden couple.

You were up against Mike and Sarah,

and there was just no beating Mike and Sarah,

they were just like a machine, low-scoring machine, they were.

So, this time you are back, not as our golden couple,

so we'll see if that suits you better. And, Gary and Hayley,

well, we've had some lovely low scoring from you,

so we know what Tash and Lina are going to be up against.

Very, very best of luck to both pairs, let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here's your first question, and it concerns...

-Richard.

-We're going to show you five pictures now of percussion

instruments, we need you to tell us what they are, please.

Thanks very much. Let's reveal our five percussion instruments,

and here they come.

We've got...

There we go, five percussion instruments. Gary and Hayley,

you are our low scorers, so you will go first.

Feel free to confer.

Well, we have our answer.

-You have your answer.

-We think we know...

all five of them. The one we're least certain about

-though, I think we're going to take the gamble.

-Yeah.

-On you go.

-So we're going to go for B, timpani.

B, timpani, say Gary and Hayley.

OK, now, Tash and Lina,

those other percussion instruments are all yours, talk us through them.

OK, so we think A is tambourine and C is xylophone,

and E is steel drum.

We are going to take a massive risk

and say D is clowzel.

Clowzel. Clowzel.

So we have timpani and clowzel.

Gary and Hayley said timpani for B.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said timpani.

It's absolutely right.

53. APPLAUSE

Now then, Tash and Lina taking a massive risk,

saying clowzel for D.

Clowzel. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many people said clowzel.

No, I'm afraid not a clowzel.

That scores you 100 points. But it means, Gary and Hayley,

after one question, you are up 1-0.

Yes, not a clowzel, but it's a wonderfully rhyming wrong answer,

because that is a cowbell.

Not a clowzel. A cowbell, that would have scored you 36 points,

it's actually the best answer on the board, cowbell.

Let's take a look at the rest of these.

A is of course tambourine,

would have scored you 85.

-C is...

-A xylophone.

-..our old friend, a xylophone.

81. That's tricky to think what 19 people are looking at that.

I mean, there's only about three words in English language that begin with X,

and they've got a picture of a xylophone next to it.

Interesting, I have to say A and C,

those are very much from the children's toy basket,

-those versions of those instruments.

-Oh, are you saying

we should have a more professional tambourine and xylophone?

No, not at all, I'm just saying that is very much, it's very much a child's tambourine.

I think a professional tambourinist

would possibly turn their nose up at that - I'm saying.

Blimey! You know what, I don't know who made that tambourine.

At the start of this round, someone was probably sitting there going,

"Oh, I like this show...

"Oh, my goodness, that's the tambourine I made.

"That's the tambourine I made.

-"Kids, kids, come in!"

-Yes.

-So everyone's now watching...

-Yes!

-That sturdy tambourine!

-You go,

"Oh, that tambourine is a child's tambourine."

It is! He should be very proud of having made

such a lovely, sturdy tambourine. It just ain't no professional one.

Nor is that a professional xylophone.

How do I know? It's got A, B, C, D, E, F, G written on it in a crayon.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And is that unprofessional? By someone who's never made...

How many tambourines have you made in your life?

-In my life?

-How many?

-None.

-None, exactly.

-There you are.

-You're fully qualified to pooh-pooh someone else's efforts.

-Yep!

You want the best possible response on your jingles.

The jingle jangles on the tambourine,

you want the lightest touch...

-A bit of a rattle, a bit of a "tsss"!

-And what's that going to go?

Clonk!

-I'm sorry.

-I am so sorry.

It's going to go...clonk, you're going to go, "Ow!"

Clonk! "Ow!" Clonk! "Ow!"

-Cos it's heavy.

-I probably wouldn't do it three times.

-Probably the first time would...

-LAUGHTER

Anyway, before the news starts,

let's move on to E, which is steel drum.

There it is. That is sturdy and professional.

-58.

-Beautifully made.

-To add insult to injury to the tambourine guy,

he's going, "And now he's saying how brilliant a drum is.

"Just, like, a steel drum that used to contain olive oil."

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

Here comes your second question.

Now, Tash and Lina, you get to answer it first, but remember,

you have to win this one to stay in the game, so best of luck.

Our second question today is all about...

Yes, five clues now to facts about Angela Merkel,

can you give us the most obscure answer?

-Have you got a problem with her?

-Not at all.

-Fine.

LAUGHTER

Not at all.

Let's reveal our five clues about Angela Merkel.

Let's read those all again.

Tash and Lina, you will go first.

So, we don't really, we don't know many of the answers there.

All I know is that the German word for mother is "mutter", so...

-we'll go for that?

-Yes.

-You're going to go for Mutter.

OK, Mutter.

So, Gary and Hayley.

-Yes.

-Talk us through the board.

Political party, I'm not sure of enough,

I think it's Christian Democrats.

US publication, Time.

Politician she succeeded, I can't remember.

2010, she's not been Prime Minister or President that long.

-OK, we will go for the publication.

-Yeah. Time.

-Time magazine.

Time magazine. So we have mutter, and we have Time magazine.

Now, Tash and Lina said Mutter.

If that's right, let's see how many of our 100 said Mutter.

Oh, bad luck.

I'm sorry, I'm afraid not Mutter.

Gary and Hayley have gone for Time magazine.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said Time magazine.

It only has to be right for you to win this point.

It is right.

Very well done indeed, 24, but most importantly, it was right,

and it means, Gary and Hayley, after only two questions,

you are through to the final 2-0.

Yes, very well played, Gary and Hayley.

It's a good attempt with Mutter, which is mother, but it's not mummy,

I'm afraid. Mummy is clowzel. Clowzel is mummy.

Mummy is very close,

-Mutti.

-Mutti.

-Which is what they call Angela Merkel.

Mutti would have scored you 10 points.

The political party, you were very, very close, yeah,

Christian Democratic Union

is Angela Merkel's party, 9 points for that.

We'll look at the bottom next, the decade.

Well, she was elected in 2005, she's been around a long time,

so it would have been the 2000s.

Would have scored you 17.

And the politician she succeeded.

-Helmut Kohl.

-No.

-No!

-Gerhard Schroder.

Of course it was Gerhard Schroder.

And that was a pointless answer, so very well done it you said that.

Thank you very much indeed.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round, it's Tash and Lina.

Oh, I'm sorry. Two head-to-head rounds

and two times we've had to send you away. I'm so sorry.

It's been brilliant having you on the show and you've done incredibly

well across both of them, but I'm sorry you never got to see

the Pointless trophy. But thanks so much, Tash and Lina.

APPLAUSE

But for Gary and Hayley, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Gary and Hayley, you have seen off

all the competition effortlessly

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £3,000.

APPLAUSE AND WHOOPING

Well, it's pretty impressive, I have to say,

you've come down here like a Linlithgow tornado,

that's what you've been.

You were the lowest scorers in Round One,

you were the lowest scorers in Round Two.

Not just 2-0 in the head-to-head,

your opponents were so thrown and dazzled by your brilliance

that they couldn't even get an answer right. Extraordinary.

I would say you go into this final round with the following wind.

I mean, in a good way. That doesn't sound a good thing, does it?

But you know what I'm saying. You know what happens in this round.

We put four things up on the board, you have to just pick one.

Best of luck. Let's see what today's selection looks like. We've got...

I think it has to be Oscar winners, do you think?

-Oscars.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-BOTH:

-Oscar winners.

OK, you're going to go for male Oscar winners.

-Richard.

-OK, very, very best of luck.

I hope you finish the show as you've started it, terrific stuff so far.

We're looking for any feature film made for cinema release

for which any of the following three gentlemen have received

an acting credit, please.

So, Joe Pesci films, Jeremy Irons films, Geoffrey Rush films.

That's up to the beginning of December 2015, please.

Thank you very much indeed. Now, as always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers, and all you need to do to win

that jackpot is to have just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are, your time starts now.

-OK, do you know any Joe Pesci?

-No, so let's leave him.

-Jeremy Irons, you've got The Man In The Iron Mask.

-Yes.

-Obviously he was Scar in The Lion King.

-Yes.

-Geoffrey Rush, you've got Shine.

-Yes.

I think that's what he got the Oscar for.

But I'm thinking Finding Nemo, he was in that.

-OK.

-That might be a good answer.

-Have you got anything?

-I'm kind of blank and Jeremy Irons was in

a very bad film recently,

that we watched that I can't remember what it was.

Geoffrey Rush is in an Australian film that was phenomenally good.

It's a place name.

I thought I knew more.

Do you know anything about the film?

Is it,

-is it something we've watched together?

-No, you've not seen it.

-It was in Australia. No, I can't remember.

-OK.

I think we'll go for those answers.

I can't think of anything else. I'm having a complete blank.

Jeremy Irons in a knight costume.

-Wearing armour.

-Ten seconds left.

I can't think what...what...

The Templar one, are you thinking?

-Maybe.

-I can't remember the name of it.

-It was too bad.

-Shall we just with it?

-That is your minute up, I'm afraid.

I now need your three answers.

What are you going to go for?

-Finding Nemo.

-Finding Nemo for Geoffrey Rush.

For Geoffrey Rush, Finding Nemo.

And Shine for Geoffrey Rush.

Shine.

Jeremy Irons, we're going to go for...

-The Man In The Iron Mask.

-The Man In The Iron Mask.

OK, of those three answers,

which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

I think we'll go for Finding Nemo.

Finding Nemo goes last. Least likely be pointless?

-Probably Shine.

-Shine goes first.

So we put The Man In The Iron Mask in the middle.

OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board in that order, then,

and here they are. We have got...

Well, very best of luck. Three good answers on the board there,

let's hope one of those at least is pointless and will win you

that jackpot. £3,000, turning into quite a nice jackpot now.

What would you like to do with that?

Gary, I'm going to ask you first.

-Holiday?

-Yes.

-Yes, definitely holiday.

Somewhere... We prefer cold to hot,

so I think Scandinavia.

-I had a friend tell me about the Finnish Lakelands recently.

-That would be nice.

Oh, let's talk about your holiday plans, Gary and Hayley.

The Finnish Lakelands.

I'd like to go there, really pretty.

How nice. Yes, that would be nice.

Hayley, anything you'd like to add to that?

Although Gary is saying we don't like hot places,

we've wanted to travel around Italy for quite a while,

so we'd love to see Rome and Venice.

We've been to Florence before, so we'd like to go back there,

so possibly towards that, but definitely a holiday.

Fingers crossed. Let's hope at least one of those answers is pointless

and will win that jackpot for you and send you off to the north

-or the south, or both.

-Yeah.

Let's have a look. Shine was the very first answer you gave.

In this case, we were looking for Geoffrey Rush films.

This was one you thought was probably least likely to be pointless,

but if it were to be pointless, it would win you £3,000.

Let's see how many people said Shine.

Shine is absolutely right.

That's the first thing it needs to be,

the second thing it has to be is pointless.

Down it goes through the 30s.

Through the 20s and into the teens.

Still going down into single figures.

Yes, still going down through the single figures.

You've done it! CHEERING

Very well done.

There we go. Congratulations.

Shine.

Your first answer.

A pointless answer.

Wow, talk about smash and grab.

What about that? Fantastic.

He won an Oscar for that.

Well, I know, our 100 people maybe didn't know that.

Well, clearly didn't know that. What am I talking about?

But, listen, you have won our jackpot of £3,000.

You'll be going home with that. Very well done indeed, Gary and Hayley.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes, as you say, 1997 Oscars, he won Best Actor for Shine.

Amazing. So very, very well done.

The Man In The Iron Mask would have scored you 6 points.

Finding Nemo, which Geoffrey Rush did a voice for,

also a pointless answer.

-Very well done.

-APPLAUSE

You played about as well as it's possible to play Pointless,

so lovely to have you here.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers for the different questions.

We'll start with Joe Pesci.

You could have had...

So, some big films here.

The Public Eye. Easy Money, as well. Jimmy Hollywood.

Gone Fishing. The Good Shepherd,

so some good pointless answers out there.

Jeremy Irons now.

And another Oscar-winning performance here.

Reversal Of Fortune, which he won his Best Actor Oscar for.

Kingdom Of Heaven as well, David Lynch's Inland Empire,

and Cronenberg's Dead Ringers, all pointless answers,

well done if you said any of those.

Now, Geoffrey Rush.

Again, some big films here.

Elizabeth was a pointless answer.

Mystery Men, Shine, The Tailor Of Panama.

I think the film you were thinking of was Lantana.

-Lantana, yeah.

-And that was a pointless answer as well.

Would have been a terrific one.

Very well done if you said any of those at home.

Thanks very much, Richard. And thanks, once again, to our winning

players, Gary and Hayley, who go away with today's jackpot of £3,000.

Very well done. APPLAUSE

Join us next time when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge

to the test on Pointless. Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.