Episode 54 Pointless

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed!

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless,

the quiz show where the aim of the game

is to score as few points as you can, and to do that

you need to come up with answers no-one else can think of.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

Now, first up, we welcome Gemma and James.

Gemma, how do you two know each other?

We met six years ago, and we're a couple,

-and we've been living together for five years.

-Excellent.

What do you do, James?

I'm a journalist. I write stuff for papers, and things like that.

-LAUGHING:

-A journalist?

-Yeah.

-What sort of things do you cover?

-Comedy, mainly.

-Oh, really, do you?

-Yeah.

-You review it?

I write... I preview it, so I only write about it positively.

I don't give out star ratings, and say if people are good or bad.

-I say everything's great.

-Who's your favourite comic of the moment?

I like Stewart Lee, but everyone does.

Obviously, Love the Armstrong & Miller Show.

-Thank you.

-Goes without saying.

-LAUGHTER

-You shall win Pointless.

Gemma, what do you do?

-I'm an English teacher.

-Very good indeed.

-Very brave to state that right upfront of the show.

-Why?

Just in case. Some people like to keep that information back -

what if an English question comes up

and you don't have a brilliant answer?

I only know the five books that are on the GCSE syllabus, so it's fine.

Oh, that's fine?

Of Mice And Men, To Kill A Mockingbird, Romeo And Juliet.

-I don't know any other books.

-Hang on, that's only three.

-Good job you don't teach maths!

-I know the poetry of Carol Ann Duffy, and war poetry.

OK. There we go. Brilliant.

Very good. A warm welcome to Pointless, Gemma and James,

-it's great to have you here. Very best of luck.

-Thank you.

Next, we welcome back Alice and Jeff, who were on the show last time.

Everyone gets two chances to reach the Pointless final.

This is your second and final chance.

-Alice, remind us how you know each other.

-Jeff's my father.

-And Jeff, last time, head-to-head?

-Yes, yes.

-You did very, very well.

-We didn't do too badly.

-But then, once you got the head-to-head...

-We were trumped by the twins.

-You were.

-Anyway, what are you hoping comes up today, Jeff?

-We quite fancy...

-Well, I fancy sport, that'd be good.

-Yeah.

I'm an avid football watcher.

My local town, Dover Athletic,

and I also support the mighty Irons,

now back in the Premier Division, where they belong.

You'll have to explain to Xander who the mighty Irons are, I'm afraid.

-West Ham! West Ham!

-Sorry?

-West Ham!

Someone's just whispered it in my ear.

LAUGHTER

Oh, yeah, I'm down with the mighty... What were they? Irons?

Yes, yes, the mighty Irons!

Yes, the...them.

Up the Hammers.

Um, yeah, good.

Alice, what would you like to add to that?

Music, I think I'd like to have come up

-we're both quite good with music.

-Favourite bands, types of music?

Ellie Goulding I love. A bit of dubstep.

-A broad range.

-Again, you'll have to explain Xander what dubstep is.

-This whole show could take a long time.

-What?!

Actually, yes, you are going to have to explain what dubstep is.

It's kind of dance music with a really heavy bass line in it.

Right, brilliant. Good.

Wow. Have we got any of that in the show today, Richard?

Oh, well, there's a shame.

-Should be great. You did very well last time.

-Thank you.

Surely you'll make it to the head-to-head, at least, again today.

Very, very best of luck to you. Next, we welcome Jerry and Steve.

How do you two know each other? Jerry?

Basically, we went to school together.

Steve's a few years older than me.

Then we happened to bump into each other in rather boozy circumstances

back in the '70s, so, you know, being Welsh,

I think it goes hand in hand...

And he's been a best mate ever since.

And he lives about 50 yards up the road from me now,

-so I can't get away from him!

-Fantastic.

-What you like to get up to in your spare time, Steve?

-I play golf.

And drink with Jerry, I'm guessing?

-Yes, goes hand in hand.

-What, the golf and the drinking?

Yes, but it doesn't work out that way, really.

If I can't find my ball, I go then.

-The 19th!

-Jerry, how about you? What do you do? Or did you?

Well, I'm into motorbiking. I like my sport, stuff like that.

-But bikes is my passion, motorbikes.

-That is good.

Well, listen, a warm welcome to the show.

It's lovely to have you here, Jerry and Steve.

And finally, Sophie and Jessica. How do you two know each other?

We're at Bournemouth University and we live in the same halls.

-Right you are. What are you studying?

-Multimedia journalism.

-And you, as well?

-Yeah, we met on the course.

-Very good indeed.

What do you hope will come up today, Sophie?

I quite like cooking, so maybe...

I work in an Italian restaurant, so maybe something along those lines?

-Italian food?

-Yeah, Italian food, but then if that comes up

and I don't know something, I'm going to look not so great.

-Maybe TV, as well.

-OK. Jess, how about you?

Probably TV, as well. The kind of trashy reality shows,

-like Strictly Come Dancing, The X Factor.

-Good.

Well, best of luck to you, Sophie and Jess. We'll find out more about all of you throughout the show.

There's only one person left for me to introduce.

If something has slipped into obscurity,

he'll drag it back out, dust it off and use it as a question.

-It's my Pointless friend - it's Richard.

-Hiya. Hello.

APPLAUSE

-Good afternoon.

-Good afternoon to you.

Now, what are we going to do about this jackpot of ours?

-I know!

-We're desperately trying to give it away.

-We so nearly have.

Please, SOMEBODY, take this money off our hands. Anybody.

-First person to put their hand up.

-There you go - well done, Jess.

There's a media student for you. Question one,

almost uniquely, it'll be good for everybody who said they like sport,

but will also be good for anyone who's an English teacher.

Very exciting. Look forward to discovering what that is.

All our questions on Pointless have been put to 100 people before the show.

To get the final round and have a chance of winning the jackpot,

our contestants need to find the obscure answers those 100 people didn't get.

The fewer of our 100 people who knew the answer,

the fewer points they will score.

Everyone is trying to find a pointless answer,

an answer none of our 100 people gave,

and each time that happens, we will add 250 quid to the jackpot.

Like the man said, nobody won the jackpot last time,

so we add another £1,000 to that. There it is - £1,000.

So, today's jackpot starts off at £13,000.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, if everybody is ready, let's play Pointless.

OK. Now, in this first round, each of you must give me one answer,

and you cannot confer. Whichever pair has the highest score

at the end of the round will be eliminated,

so try and make sure that's not you. OK, our first category today is...

Can you all decide in your pairs, who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And, whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many words ending in "B-A-L-L" as they could.

Words ending in "B-A-L-L". Richard?

Yeah, we're looking for any word that has its own entry

in the Oxford Dictionary Of English that ends in the letters B-A-L-L.

As always, no hyphenated words or proper nouns,

and we won't accept the word "ball" itself.

-It would be a terrible answer, even if we did, wouldn't it?

-Yeah.

As so often with these word rounds, plenty of pointless answers here.

OK, thanks very much.

Now, then, Gemma and James, you drew lots before this show,

and today, you are going first.

-Gemma, this is just a gift for an English teacher.

-It is.

It might be quite high-scoring, and I'm not even sure if it's right,

but it's a guess, so...

My mind's gone a little bit fuzzy.

I'm going to go for handball.

Handball, says Gemma. Handball. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said handball.

It's completely right.

Still going down... 38!

APPLAUSE

-38 for handball.

-That's good.

Well done, Gemma, it's a good answer.

It's a team game, similar to soccer, but played with the hands.

-Very, very big around the rest of the world, actually. Not big here.

-I knew it was an Olympic sport.

It is an Olympic sport, absolutely right.

Now, then, Alice.

I've got two, but I'm trying to think which one's going to be the most obscure.

I'm going to say...

mirrorball.

Mirrorball. Very good indeed.

Mirrorball - let's see if it's right, and if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said mirrorball.

Absolutely right, Alice.

There we are!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Brilliant answer, a pointless answer,

it adds 250 quid to today's jackpot, takes the total up to £13,250,

and it scores you nothing.

What a brilliant answer, Alice.

-Very well done indeed.

-Excellent, Alice.

A great start to the show. Terrific stuff.

A mirrorball is rotating ball covered in small mirrors.

Very good indeed. Mirrorball.

Steve, what is the most obscure word ending in "ball"

that you can think of?

I can think of two. I'm glad they haven't gone.

-I'm going to go for rollerball.

-Rollerball, says Steve.

Rollerball - let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said rollerball.

It's right.

4 for rollerball.

APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed, Steve.

Yes, well played, Steve. You can relax now.

Rollerball is a thinner version of a ballpoint pen.

Also, the ball underneath a mouse for a computer.

There we are. Sophie, we come to you.

I'm literally going to have to hazard a guess.

-I'm going to go for softball.

-OK, softball. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said softball.

It's right.

19.

APPLAUSE

19 for softball.

Well done, Sophie. it's a sport, of course, softball.

Similar to lots of other sports, which I'm not allowed to name,

-because they all end in the word "ball".

-Fair enough.

-It's quite hard on this round.

-It's very hard indeed.

-You did a brilliant job earlier.

-Oh, did you see that?

-I spotted that.

-A little body swerve.

-Deft.

-Thanks.

-Deft.

OK, we're halfway through the round. Let's look at the scores.

0 the best score. Alice, very, very well done.

Consequently, Alice and Jeff looking extremely strong

at this stage of the game.

Then we travel up to 4, where we find Steve and Jerry,

up to 19, where we find Sophie and Jess,

and up to 38, with Gemma and James.

I'm sorry, it's always the penalty of being on that first podium.

You just don't have the time to think about it.

Also, other people give you ideas, which you don't have the benefit of.

But you did brilliantly.

James, I know, will have a brilliant answer for the end of this pass.

Best of luck with that, James.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, we are looking for words ending in B-A...

I'm going to stop being so coy.

Words ending in "ball". Come on.

Words ending in "ball". Jess, you're on 19.

The high scorers on 38 are James and Gemma.

A score of 18 or less will stop you becoming the new high scorers

I have a couple, but they're quite obvious,

so I'm going to go with one, I know it's a film,

and I have played it at school, so I'm going to go with dodgeball.

Dodgeball. Dodgeball, says Jess. Here is your red line.

If you can get below that red line with dodgeball,

you're doing very well indeed,

and you're through to the next round before anyone else has answered.

Dodgeball - is it right? How many people said it?

It's right.

You've done it! Fantastic. 6!

APPLAUSE

6 takes your total up to 25. Very well done, Jess.

-Oh, that was a good answer, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

Again, it's something they play in America far more than over here.

-How do you play dodgeball?

-Have you not seen the film, Dodgeball?

-No.

-You'd love it.

-No, I haven't seen it. I've seen the trailer.

-OK!

-That's a great film, Dodgeball. Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn...

-Yeah.

Essentially, you have to hit your opponents' team with a ball

while avoiding being hit with a ball yourself.

It sounds quite dull.

Well, if you describe any sport, they sound quite dull.

That's true, that's true. You're quite right. You're right.

Although dodgeball is quite dull.

-But the film's good?

-It's a good film.

-I shall...

I need to start writing all these things down that you tell me I have to watch.

What is this dub...dubstep?

LAUGHTER

Hmm, I shall look that up, yes. Oh, yes.

Jerry, you're on 4.

James and Gemma remain the high scorers, on 38.

33 or less will be enough to see you through to the next round.

Well, I'm going to plump

for mothball, I think.

Very good.

Mothball, says Jerry. There is your red line.

Let's see if mothball gets you below that red line.

If it does, you're through to the next round.

Mothball - how many people said it? Is it right?

Absolutely right.

You are through to the next round.

7.

APPLAUSE

Taking your total up to the fabulously low 11.

Very well done indeed, Jerry.

Well played, Jerry. Pretty strong team there, on podium three.

-Do you think they're going to win our jackpot?

-I hope so.

-It'd be nice.

It's just burning a massive hole in our pockets.

And I appreciate that not being a sport, as well, which means I can talk about it.

Mothball - it's a small pellet you put in amongst clothes to stop moths.

-Also a verb, as well, which is fun.

-Yes, to mothball.

Now, then, Jeff,

you're on 0. James and Gemma on 38.

If you can score 37 or less,

you are through to the next round.

It's probably a good job we're on nothing,

cos I can't think of anything particularly good,

-so I'm going to go for baseball.

-Baseball, says Jeff.

Baseball - how many people said it?

It's right.

You've done it. 37!

APPLAUSE

It's exactly what you needed.

Phew!

Well done, Jeff. That takes your total up to 37.

-Jeff, very, very lucky Alice got a pointless answer there.

-Yeah.

Baseball, absolutely right. I can safely say it's a bit like softball,

because we've already had softball.

Now, then, James, I'm sorry to say you are the high scorers,

-even before you've given us your answer.

-I'm sorry about that.

However, as the man said, there are some pointless answers there,

and I just wonder if you mightn't have found one.

You could add it to the jackpot,

and if no-one wins that this time, you can pick it up next time.

I'll give it a punt.

I'll go for racquetball.

Racquetball.

Racquetball.

No red line for you as you're the high scorers.

Let's see, Racquetball - is it right? How many people said it?

Absolutely right.

4! 4 for racquetball,

taking your total up to 42.

-Good answer, though, James.

-It is.

I have to say, well played, all four teams, in that round.

It's a shame someone had to get knocked out.

It's not a million miles away from squash, racquetball.

Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers. Have you got any?

Yeah. Furball.

-Furball? Furball would have scored you one point.

-Oh!

Anything else?

Butterball.

Butterball would have scored you...

2 points.

Oh!

You're getting worse. Shall we look at some pointless ones

and then you can pretend you thought of some of these?

Broomball - that is a sport not unlike ice hockey, but not on ice.

Cornball - meaning trite and sentimental,

-or someone who is trite and sentimental. Goalball.

-What's that?

It's a sport played by blind people, played by teams of three.

They had it at the Paralympics.

Korfball - which is sort of Dutch basketball, with very high baskets.

Mirrorball we've already had, which is a terrific answer.

Puffball - which can be a fungus or a skirt.

You can't say that about many words.

-Sleazeball.

-Wow.

-A good answer.

Scuzzball. Also, you could have had a spitball.

Other words you could have had - fastball would've been a pointless answer.

-Goofball.

-Goofball is a pointless answer. Very well done.

-Yay!

It's way outside the time limit, but very well done.

LAUGHTER

You could've had fastball, punchball, kickball, speedball...

-Lots of pointless balls there.

-There we are.

Shall we take a look at the high-scoring answers,

the ones that most of our 100 people said?

What do you think is top?

Football.

Yeah, which I managed to avoid earlier, by saying "soccer".

-90 points.

-Wow.

-That might be our biggest ever score in a words round.

Yeah, that's impressive.

Very good. Well, thank you very much indeed, Richard.

We are at the end of round one,

and I'm sorry to say that our losing pair is Gemma and James.

I'm so sorry, but you did very well, and 42 is not a bad score at all.

Ridiculous, really, that you should leaving us, with such a low score.

You are the high scorers, but we'll see you again next time.

We'll look forward to that.

Thanks very much for playing, Gemma and James. Great contestants.

Good luck, guys.

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Now, sadly, at the end of this round,

another pair will be leaving us.

I wonder who that pair are going to be.

Alice and Jeff - brilliant, a pointless answer there,

-but then Jeff...

-Close.

-Very, very high score. 37.

But it was good enough to keep you in.

Jerry and Steve, fantastic.

Lovely low scoring from both of you there.

And, Sophie and Jess - admirable, straight, solid performance.

So very, very best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two is...

Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going to go first and who's going to go second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Our question concerns...

-Richard.

-Yes, we'll show you the titles of 12 top 10 singles

produced by Stock, Aitken and Waterman,

along with the year in which they were a top 10 single,

you need to tell us which artist had a hit with them in that year.

Give us a nice, obscure answer, you'll score fewer points,

but a wrong answer is going to score you 100 points.

12 in all to have a go at at home. Good luck.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, we are looking for the acts who released these top 10 singles,

and here's our first board. We've got...

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are. Six singles produced by Stock, Aitken and Waterman.

Jeff, what is the most obscure artist you can think of

who had a UK top 10 hit with one of these singles?

I know the man that sang the top one, but I can't think of...

I'm sure it was a group.

Um... I'm going to have to go for the bottom one,

which is Never Gonna Give You Up. That's Rick Astley.

Rick Astley, says Jeff, for Never Gonna Give You Up.

Let's see if that's right and how many people knew that answer.

43 for that, Jeff.

APPLAUSE

43 for Rick Astley.

Yeah, pretty big score, but safe, Jeff.

We may see 100 in this round.

Won the Best British Single in the 1988 Brit Awards.

Number one in 1987.

-It's the second time it's made an appearance on Pointless.

-Yeah.

We did the question, "Things Rick Astley ain't never gonna do."

That's right.

That was fun, it was a good question.

Probably one of my favourite questions, so far. Very good.

Now then, Steve.

Steve, is this good for you?

There's some classics there, isn't there?

Yeah, I think I'm going to go with Sealed With A Kiss,

and Jason Donovan.

Jason Donovan, says Steve, for Sealed With A Kiss.

Let's see if it's right and how many people knew that answer.

Absolutely right.

18, Steve. Very well done.

APPLAUSE

You could just tell Steve didn't want to give that answer.

He didn't really want to admit that he knew it.

Thanks very much. Sophie, you're the last person to have this board.

Talk us through the board and fill in all the gaps.

Oooh... The only one I think I might know is the top one,

and I'm going to say

Pete Burns - You Spin Me Right Round (Like A Record).

OK, Pete Burns, says Sophie. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said Pete Burns?

Oh, bad luck, Sophie.

I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer

which means you score the maximum of 100 points.

-I'm sorry, Richard.

-Sorry, Sophie.

It's a good wrong answer, though. It was Pete Burns, but it was with his band, Dead Or Alive.

Dead Or Alive was the answer we were looking for.

He did a cover when he came out of Big Brother...

That's right, it wasn't from that year, unfortunately.

It would have scored 11 points, as well.

If it makes you feel better we'll do a thing we do occasionally

to depress ourselves on Pointless.

-You can tell us all what year you were born in.

-1993!

SHE LAUGHS

You see, I think I would trade my age and no points

for 100 points and being born in 1993.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Let's take a look through the rest of them.

-Tears On My Pillow. Xander, do you know any of these?

-Kylie Minogue?

That was Kylie Minogue.

-I'm afraid I do know it.

-20 points.

You'll Never Stop Me Loving You?

Sonia.

Oh... Ahh!

Sonia would have scored you 5 points.

I will give you £100 to the charity of your choice

if you can answer He Ain't No Competition, 1998.

It's a pointless answer. It was Brother Beyond.

I was going to make something up...

No, I would never have made that up, but still, for 100 quid,

the charity of my choice!

It was worth doing!

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

-But, good news to my charity which now gets £100.

-Oh, does it?

-That's pretty much what we said, wasn't it?

-Yeah. What? From me?!

In not giving £100 to my charity, jeez!

-To your charity?

-Yeah.

Brother Beyond.

Well done if you got that as a pointless answer, terrific work.

OK, we're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at the scores as they stand.

18 very much the best score of that pass, Steve. Very well done there.

Once again, Steve and Jerry looking pretty dangerous.

Then up to 43 where we find Jeff and Alice, then I'm sorry to say,

up to 100, where we find Sophie and Jess.

But you never know, anything could happen in the next pass.

Jess, if you can score brilliantly and very, very low,

you'll have first choice on the next board.

It might stand you in good enough stead to keep you in the game.

Best of luck with that. We're going to come back down the line.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

We're going to put six more singles on the board, and here they come.

We have got...

I'll read those all one last time.

Now then, Jess.

Remember, we are looking for the acts who released these singles

and you're going to try and find the one you think

the fewest of our 100 people knew.

OK, well I only actually know one of the songs on there,

-but I don't know who sang it, so...

-OK.

I'm going to guess with maybe a band from that era,

but I don't think they were.

I'm going to go Blame It On The Boogie, and Shalamar.

Blame It On The Boogie and Shalamar, says Jess.

You're already the high scorers so there's no red line for you.

Let's see if Shalamar, Blame It On The Boogie is right.

Oh!

Bad luck, Jess, I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

which means you score the maximum of 100 points.

That takes your total up to 200. Sorry.

I have to say though, for two people born in the '90s,

they're two perfectly acceptable answers.

-It bodes well for the next show.

-Yeah, absolutely right.

That's a very tough category.

Jerry. Good news - you're through to the head-to-head.

Let's have a brilliant answer from you, though.

Well, not my favourite year,

but I'll have a stab in the dark.

I Haven't Stopped Dancing Yet...

Was it Sylvester?

Sylvester, I Haven't Stopped Dancing Yet, says Jerry.

No red line for you, you're already through.

Let's see if it's right, though, Sylvester, and if it is, how many people said it?

Oh! Bad luck.

An incorrect answer which also scores you 100 points,

taking your total up to 118.

Not Sylvester. A big disco star but didn't have a hit with I Haven't Stopped Dancing Yet.

Which means, Alice, we come to you.

You are on 43, the high scorers are Jess and Sophie,

way out of your reach on 200.

-You are through to the head-to-head whatever happens.

-OK.

I've heard of four of them.

I know...

I sing a couple in the band that I'm in.

I'm going to go safe,

because I can't think of the names of some of the bands

and I'm going to say Blame It On The Boogie and Michael Jackson.

Blame It On The Boogie - Michael Jackson, says Alice.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said that.

-Ooh!

-Oh!

Wow! So, in this pass it's been three 100 scores.

There we are, an incorrect answer scores you 100,

takes your total up to 143.

Doesn't matter though, you're through anyway. Richard.

Sorry, Alice. The Jacksons did do a version of Blame It On The Boogie.

It wasn't Michael Jackson,

but it was the Jacksons.

But this was a bigger hit than the Jacksons' version

and it was by Big Fun.

It would have scored you 8 points.

When you look at those years

and the years on the previous board, it is extraordinary

the amount of hits they had with different acts in that period.

That four or five years of the late '80s.

Amazing.

Let's look through the rest of these, cos that was a disastrous pass.

Blame It On The Boogie - Big Fun.

I Haven't Stopped Dancing Yet - not Sylvester.

It was actually a hit... Do you remember this?

For Pat and Mick - Pat Sharp and Mick Brown, the DJs.

It would have scored you 2 points.

-Wow.

-Toy Boy?

Um...

I-I-I do know this.

Simon Cowell's friend, Sinitta.

Sinitta, absolutely right.

It would have scored 21 points.

The bottom two, a bit easier.

Respectable?

-Mel and Kim.

-Absolutely right, would have scored 24.

Love In The First Degree?

-Bananarama.

-Absolutely right - 17.

And there's a pointless answer there - Say I'm Your Number One?

Princess.

Well done if you said that at home.

Anybody who got all 12 of those, um...

seek help.

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much, Richard.

So, we come to the end of our second round

and our losing pair with the highest score is Sophie and Jess.

Oh dear, I'm so sorry.

That was a really tough board for you, wasn't it?

The good news is we get to see you again next time.

We look forward to that very much.

Meantime, thanks very much for playing. Jess and Sophie.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining two pairs, things are about to get even more exciting

as we enter the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Well, congratulations, Jerry and Steve, Alice and Jeff.

You are now only one round away from the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot which currently stands at...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very, very exciting.

You are now going to go head-to-head,

and the first pair to win two questions

will be playing for the jackpot,

but the big news is you are now allowed to confer.

Good luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here comes your first question, and it concerns...

England Cricketers, Richard.

We're about to show you five pictures of cricketers

who've scored more than 5,000 Test runs for England.

-Can you identify the most obscure of these, please?

-OK, thanks very much.

Let's reveal our five cricketers, and here they are.

We have got...

There we are.

Five England cricketers.

Now, Jerry and Steve, you've played

best throughout the show so far

so you go first.

-STEVE:

-(B - Nasser Hussain.)

We'll go with B -

Nasser Hussain.

Nasser Hussain you're saying for B.

Nasser Hussain.

-Alice and Jeff, talk us through the board.

-We're uncertain of A.

C is Ian Botham.

D is David Gower

and E is Kevin Pietersen.

I'm a bit worried that...

I think both C, D and E

are going to be higher

than Nasser Hussain.

This is your... I don't know any of them.

I can't take a chance on A, so I'm going to go for D - David Gower.

Can I ask, before you do that,

if you were going to take a chance on A, who would you say?

-Maybe Len Hutton?

-OK, but you're going to say David Gower - D.

So, Jerry and Steve have Nasser Hussain for B.

Let's see if that's right

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said Nasser Hussain?

Absolutely right.

Brilliant. 10.

APPLAUSE

10 for Nasser Hussain.

Alice and Jeff have said D - David Gower.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

Absolutely right.

Will it go down lower than 10, though?

22.

APPLAUSE

Which means, Jerry and Steve,

after one question you are up 1-0.

Only one answer that would have beaten Nasser Hussain.

As you can imagine, it is A.

And A is...

Sir Len Hutton.

Ooh!

It would have scored 2 points.

It would have been worth the risk cos, as you suspected,

none of the others would have beaten Nasser.

C is Ian Botham.

That would've scored 42.

And E is Kevin Pietersen,

which would have scored you 21.

He's called Kevin Peter Pietersen

and he was born in Pietermaritzburg.

-There you go, KPP.

-There you go.

Ian Botham, still beating Kevin Pietersen.

-He's not going to like that.

-Twice as many.

OK, well, thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Here comes your second question and it concerns...

Richard.

We'll give you five clues to people and places

associated with the US civil rights movement.

Can you give us the most obscure answer up there? Good luck.

Alice and Jeff, you have to win this question to stay in the game.

So, let's reveal our five clues to facts about the civil rights movement,

and here they are. We have got...

I'll read those one last time.

There we are.

Five clues to facts

about the civil rights movement.

Alice and Jeff, you go first this time.

-What do you...?

-Right.

THEY WHISPER

Um... The bottom one -

President Who Signed The 1964 Civil Rights Act...

JF Kennedy.

JF Kennedy - The President Who Signed The 1964 Civil Rights Act.

Jerry and Steve, what are you going to go for?

Yeah, we were going to go for that, as well!

The only one we sort of know is "I Have A Dream" -

Martin Luther King.

OK, Martin Luther King, say Jerry and Steve,

for the "I Have A Dream" Speech.

In the order they were given Alice and Jeff said JFK -

the President Who Signed The Civil Rights Act.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many of our 100 people said it?

Ooh!

Gerry and Steve, all you have to be is correct with Martin Luther King.

Let's see if you are.

Very well done indeed. You've done it.

APPLAUSE

That means after only two questions,

Jerry and Steve are through to the final, 2-0.

Yeah, I'm afraid Kennedy was assassinated in 1963,

so that civil rights act was signed by his successor,

Lyndon B Johnson.

Well done if you said that at home.

That would have scored 15 points.

The Last Name At Birth of Malcolm X?

Another tough one.

Malcolm Little...

would have scored you 3 points.

The city at which marches converged was Washington DC.

That would have scored 12.

The other one was a pointless answer -

Who "Painted Southern Justice And The Problem We All Live With?"

Norman Rockwell is the answer to that one.

Well done if you got all of that board,

that's a very tough one.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Our losing pair at the end of the head-to-head,

I'm afraid it's Alice and Jeff.

-Oh dear, you've been thus far before.

-Yes, yeah.

And once again, you make it to the head-to-head

having performed brilliantly throughout the show

and I'm afraid this is where you have to leave us.

But thank you for playing, you've been brilliant.

-Alice and Jeff, everyone.

-Thank you!

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you. Well done.

But for Jerry and Steve it's now time for our Pointless Final.

APPLAUSE

Well, congratulations, Jerry and Steve.

You've fought off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show the jackpot stands at...

APPLAUSE AND CHEEERING

Wow.

Well, you've done incredibly well.

Your first appearance on Pointless - straight through to the finals.

You did very well on the words round.

Slightly less well on the second round,

but that head-to-head, that fitted very well.

Ooh, you had a lucky escape there!

-You were going to go for JFK, weren't you, had you gone first?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Big fluke.

-Well, you dodged it and here you are.

-Dodgeball.

-Exactly!

Well, through you came 2-0. The rules are very simple.

To win that colossal jackpot, all you have to do is find a pointless answer.

We've had one on the show today, you only have to find one more and you will leave here with the money.

Firstly, you've got to choose a category. This is the tough bit.

You have a choice of five options and they are...

Oh dear. Right. Place Names, what can that be?

-Country Music.

-European Theatre's out, mate.

-Yeah.

-Horse Racing...

-You said about that earlier.

-I know.

-That's out. Cartoons?

I think that's our best bet, mate.

Cartoons, then?

-Cartoons.

-You can tell the level we're at!

-LAUGHING:

-OK, Cartoons it is.

Let's find out what the question is, and here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many

Voice Actors In The Simpsons as they could. Richard.

We're looking for anyone who's received a voice acting credit

in five or more episodes of The Simpsons according to IMDB, please.

It doesn't have to have been the same character they played,

but anyone who has been credited in five or more episodes of The Simpsons.

Very best of luck.

You now have up to one minute to come up with three answers

and all you need to win that £13,250 is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yep.

-Yep.

OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

-Mike Tyson.

-Is it?

-Yeah, Mike Tyson.

-Whoopi Goldberg?

-Ronaldo.

-Yeah.

He's been on there.

JEFF SIGHS

-Was Whoopi Goldberg on there?

-I'm not sure.

I think she might have been. I don't know any of the...

What's-his-name? The actor who's married to what's-her-face?

LAUGHTER

Not a clue!

(Come on, who else was?)

Robert De Niro.

Yeah, go on then. So what have we got? De Niro...

Ronaldo and Tyson.

Yeah? There we are then.

-You're happy with those? Shall we stop the clock?

-Stop the clock.

There we are, we shall stop the clock.

We were looking for voice actors from The Simpsons.

I now need your three answers and they are...

Ronaldo.

Mike Tyson.

And Robert De Niro.

Now, of those three,

which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-I would say Ronaldo, perhaps.

-OK, Ronaldo. We'll put Ronaldo last.

-Which is your least likely to be pointless?

-Mike Tyson?

OK, let's put those up on the board in that order, and here they are.

We've got Mike Tyson, Robert De Niro and Ronaldo.

OK, we were looking for voice actors in The Simpsons.

Mike Tyson, you said, was your least confident shot at a pointless answer.

You only have to find one pointless answer, remember,

to win that jackpot of £13,250.

Let's see, how many people said Mike Tyson? Is it pointless?

Oh!

Bad luck. An incorrect answer, I'm afraid.

So therefore not a pointless answer,

which means you only have two more chances to win today's jackpot.

Now, what would you do with £13,250, Jerry?

Buy my dream motorcycle, Alexander.

And that is what?

A Softail Heritage Harley-Davidson. Anniversary edition.

Wow. Steve, what would you do?

Have a jolly good time.

LAUGHTER

-I bet you would!

-With the family.

Very good.

OK, well, you have two more answers,

two more chances for those dreams to come true.

OK, we are looking for voice actors in The Simpsons.

Let's hope nobody said your next answer, Robert De Niro.

It has to be correct and it has to be pointless.

If it's both of those things you win £13,250.

Robert De Niro - how many people said it? Is it right?

Ooh!

Bad luck. Only one more chance to win today's jackpot.

Everything is now riding on Ronaldo.

We are looking for voice actors in The Simpsons.

Your third and final answer, your most confident answer was Ronaldo.

Let's find out. For £13,250, is it right? How many people said it?

-Oh, bad luck!

-Never mind, bad luck.

Bad luck!

APPLAUSE

I'm afraid that's just a really, really tough, tough category, that one.

Completely wrong tangent, I think.

They always are, these final rounds,

and you either know them or you don't.

Unfortunately, you didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer.

But you do still get to take home a Pointless trophy,

-so very, very well done.

-That's what we're here for.

-Yep.

-Richard.

-Yeah, tough luck, guys.

Ronaldo was in one episode of The Simpsons, he was credited there.

Mike Tyson's never been in it. There is a character who's a bit like Mike Tyson -

Drederick Tatum, but he's played by Hank Azaria

who plays lots of the characters like Moe -

he would have scored you 8 points.

Dan Castellaneta, who plays Homer, would have scored you 9,

and Julie Kavner, who plays Marge, would have scored 5.

De Niro - not in The Simpsons ever, either.

Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers.

Some Simpsons fans would have got these,

especially on the last page, there's a couple of regular voice artists there.

The wonderful actor Albert Brooks has appeared in six episodes.

Greg Berg, who's done lots of minor characters,

but also provided the voice for Huckleberry Hound and other cartoons.

The veteran New York comic Jackie Mason,

who plays Krusty The Clown's father.

He would have been a pointless answer, well done if you said that.

Jan Hooks, Jane Kaczmarek, who's from Malcolm In the Middle -

she plays a judge character.

Jon Lovitz, who plays Artie Ziff, who used to go to school with Marge

and becomes an internet millionaire, is a pointless answer.

Maggie Roswell and Tress MacNeille are both very regular Simpsons character actors.

Tress MacNeille plays Agnes Skinner and Maggie Roswell

plays Helen Lovejoy, so they're always in the credits.

I suspect some people will have got that.

And Maurice LaMarche also a pointless answer.

So very well done if you got any of those at home.

Unlucky, guys, you were terrific throughout and a tough category for you.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you. It's been brilliant having you on the show.

You've been fantastic contestants. Thank you so much for playing.

APPLAUSE

Well, Jerry and Steve didn't win our jackpot today,

which means it rolls over on to the next show

when we will be playing for £14,250.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join us to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media