And Then There Were Two The Apprentice USA

Previously on The Celebrity Apprentice,

the final five were tasked with creating a print ad campaign

for the new Chi Touch hairdryer.

Good luck.

On Team Forte, project manager Lisa Lampanelli

and Clay Aiken felt confident.

We are so winning this, right, Clay?

-Uh, hello?!

-THEY LAUGH

And at the presentations, they were hot...

World's first touch-screen dryer,

we think that's obviously a huge selling point.

..but Teresa was not.

It's lightweight, helps reduce the risk...

It-It's lightweight and helps reduce the risk

of carpal tunnel...syndrome.

And she paid for it in the boardroom.

Teresa, you were the project manager.

You weren't great with respect to the presentation.

Teresa, you're fired.

But the evening was just getting started.

OK, folks. Mr Trump wants us back in the boardroom immediately.

Are you kidding me?

Congratulations. You've made it to the final four.

In the final four interviews,

Marlee Matlin questioned Arsenio Hall's character.

How did you get along with everybody?

I fought with Aubrey O'Day. I called her a couple of names.

And Lisa's history of emotional outbursts put her at risk.

You can lose your temper, you said.

You've cried in the boardroom. Is there crying in the boardroom?

John Rich thought Clay should've pushed harder.

There's been 13 tasks, but you've been project manager twice.

-Well, I think everyone...

-I was project manager four times.

And he questioned Aubrey's sincerity.

I've never looked at a day of this in a manipulative,

conniving or strategised way.

All right.

Back in the boardroom, Mr Trump made his first tough decision.

Lisa, they felt that you weren't in control of your emotions.

Lisa, you're fired.

Now, after 13 gruelling weeks, three are left awaiting their fate.

Arsenio's subtle but effective leadership has earned him two wins.

I love to hear the executives

sometimes before I start locking in on stuff.

'You can't ask someone to do something for you'

and then shut down their creative input.

'These are people who are here on this show

'because they're successful, creative entertainers.'

I got to let that out.

Clay has shown backbone throughout the competition.

If it can work, then let's work to make it work

instead of working to tear it down.

I think standing up for yourself is important

in this kind of setting.

I'm not a doormat.

And Aubrey has been a creative force week after week.

Opens. She's Donald Trump. She comes out on a horse, grandiose.

Boardroom, Donald Trump style but with the setting of the housewives.

'Whether you love me or hate me, the reality is'

I run circles around most people here.

Now one more celebrity will be fired and the two finalists will face off

to become the next celebrity apprentice.

# Money, money, money, money

# Money!

# Money, money, money, money

# Money!

# Some people got to have it

# Ye-eah

# Some people really need it

# Hey, listen to me, y'all

# Do things, do things, do things Bad things with it

# Dollar bills, y'all Come on

# That mean, oh, mean

# Mean green

# Almighty dollar now

# You know that money

# Give me a nickel, brother Can you spare a dime?

# Money can drive some people out of their minds

# Money, money, money

# No good, no good

# Money!

# Money, money, money, money

# Money! #

There are no losers in this room, that I can tell you.

Started off with 18 truly...

I mean, of the 18, every one of them was terrific.

And I think every one of them comes out terrifically,

but this is what we end up with.

So, Clay, give me a reason why I should have you in the finals?

I think that in addition to being a very hard worker,

every single week since we've been in here,

someone on our team,

whether it be on this team or the other team,

has considered me to be the strongest player on the team,

and in those weeks, I have been a part of the winning team

about 70% of the time.

So, being the strongest player on the team that has won the most,

I think puts me right up there at the top.

Why did John Rich consider you

to be possibly a follower and not a leader?

I really don't understand why he would.

I believe that I was the first male

in the entire show to actually step to someone and tell them

that I was unpleased with what they were doing,

and I did not stand down when Penn and I got into

a little bit of an altercation.

OK.

Why, Aubrey, should I have you and keep you

and bring you into the finals as opposed to Arsenio or Clay?

I feel like I'm the strongest player here.

I'm the ultimate underdog. I've seized every moment.

I have treated every task not as something to subtly get by

but to perform my best at.

I've treated every day like it is my last day here,

and I have made the most and done the most in all of the tasks.

And you have some quick mouthpiece.

-Thank you.

-That we have to say, right, Arsenio?

-Absolutely.

-So, Arsenio, boy, did you take heat for that language of yours.

-Yeah.

You took a lot of heat.

But I did what I think a man has to do,

and that's apologise and own what he's done and try to be forgiven.

Don't you hate it when somebody does something and a sort of say, like,

"Oh, you know, I made a mistake."

I watch these politicians, they make a mistake and then they grovel

and they, "Oh, I'm so sorry."

You know, it is what it is. Does that make sense to you, Clay?

Of course. You know, if you say something, you own up to it,

and I think Arsenio did that.

In this case, it was appropriate you apologised.

Yeah, I'm not running for office.

-I wanted to deal...

-Thank goodness...right?

I think you'd do well, by the way. Go ahead.

You know, a politician sometimes has to apologise

whether he believes it or not because he is in the public eye

and being voted for by people.

I apologised because even though I'll stand by why I was angry,

the language that I chose was inappropriate.

OK. I think you're right. It was inappropriate.

So, tell me, Arsenio, why should you be a finalist?

I should be a finalist because I'm a tireless worker

and I think if I got the Donald Trump stamp of approval,

I would spend the rest of my life trying to make you proud

and let you know that you did the right thing.

So, Aubrey, let me ask you this.

Marlee Matlin and John Rich felt that you are a good chess player

but a very inexperienced chess player and very transparent.

How do you feel about that?

I think that my performance here has shown otherwise.

I think that I'm very honest that I'm not a developed person.

-I don't think anyone here is.

-Well, you're very young.

Absolutely. And I'm comfortable not being developed.

In fact, I hope I die undeveloped

because I think that you never can have a day where you don't learn.

You know the way I look at it?

You have great beauty and great intelligence,

but I do have to listen to them, right?

You understand that, Aubrey.

-I think you should listen to yourself.

-Well, I do.

I mean, I do, but you always take in and you take in,

and you put it up here and then you make your decision, ultimately,

and you are transparent,

but I just think you're going to have a fantastic career.

Aubrey, you're fired.

-Thank you for this opportunity.

-Great job. Great job.

Thank you very much.

-'Whoever called me transparent,

-BLEEP

-them.

'I think of all the words I could be called,'

and many are true - transparent isn't the word.

There's nothing see-through about me.

I'm somebody that stands in your face

and is so bright and shines so big that you're either intimidated,

'you're annoyed or you're...'

in love.

-Congratulations.

-I am so happy.

You're finalists. Can you believe this?

All these weeks, all of this turmoil,

all of this work and you're finalists.

I'm having a little deja vu.

And this is...

I am not that heavy!

And you think this is tougher than American Idol.

It is so much tougher than American Idol, sir.

So much tougher. But I'm going to win this one.

I congratulate the two of you.

Look at this man here. He's very...

-You're happy, aren't you, huh?

-I am so happy.

And you're happy because you have a chance

to win a tremendous amount for your charity.

Now, in addition to what you've already won,

tomorrow for your final task,

we're going to meet at Lincoln Centre

where it all began.

Now, I'm going to give you what I want you to do

and it's going to be tough, but it's going to be amazing.

And the winner is going to be the happiest person in the world,

and you know what?

The loser's got to be very proud,

because there are no losers in this room.

So, I congratulate you, Arsenio.

I congratulate you, Clay.

-Thank you, sir.

-I'll see you tomorrow morning at Lincoln Centre.

Thank you for this experience, no matter what happens. Thank you, sir.

Go ahead.

-THEY LAUGH

-You might want to rephrase that.

-Oh!

Can we come back?

It's a colloquialism that was misunderstood, I think.

Oh, no!

-We're here, man.

-Congratulations. Yes, we are.

-We started in a little corner in a room.

-Right?

-And you said, "Hi."

-THEY LAUGH

Oh, my God!

'There is no feeling like this.'

This is so cool,

and I'm in a competition with someone I respect.

'That's an important part of it too.'

I'd like a low five.

Bam, baby!

-We are here.

-Woo!

-We're here.

'I sort of hoped that'

Arsenio and I would be in the final two together.

I have a lot of respect for him.

'It's going to be a shame to have to beat him.'

You know what? It is a little bit of deja vu for me.

-Yeah.

-And this time I ain't going to lose.

I got news for you, my brother.

'You know, I've been known as Clay Aiken,

'American Idol runner-up, for years now,'

so I'm going to work even harder this time

to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Here's to the people we love,

-Mr Trump and this wonderful journey we've had.

-Yes.

-God bless you.

-You too.

-And have a good task.

'I'm going to give this everything I've got.'

Clay is a tough opponent. I got to beat him.

I got to get that money for the Magic Johnson Foundation,

'and I'm going to leave it on the floor, as the ballplayers say.

'I'm going to leave it out there.'

I'm coming for you, man.

There's something about the way both of us played the game.

Well, smart and respectful to people who we worked with.

'Even though Arsenio and I are friends,

'I'm very serious about winning this competition.'

The adrenaline is pumping now.

We've got one more major task and it is for the whole enchilada,

'so I have no intention of slowing down.'

I will sleep when it's all over. Until then, game on.

Good morning.

Arsenio, Clay, congratulations.

-Thank you very much.

-It's been a long, hard journey.

You started with 18 celebrities.

16 have been fired.

Two remain.

Now, we're at Lincoln Centre.

This is where it all began.

If you remember, three months ago we stood right here

and your journey started.

Who would've thought you would've come so far?

-Did you think so, Clay?

-I think we did, yes, sir.

-You did? Did you think so?

-Deep in my heart, I wanted it bad.

You do nothing without thinking you're going to win, right?

-Absolutely.

-Clay also.

-Agreed.

So, I want to congratulate both of you.

You really beat some tremendous people.

OK, your biggest task is still ahead of you,

one that will help determine who will become

the Celebrity Apprentice.

Ivanka, tell them about it.

Not surprisingly, this will be your hardest task yet.

You will have to produce,

host and sell tickets to a celebrity charity event.

You're going to be responsible for all aspects of your charity event.

You're going to sell tickets to raise money for your charity.

You're going to create a 30-second charity awareness ad

and you're going to produce a variety show

to entertain your guests.

So, if you do a great job with this charity event,

you can make a lot of money for your charities.

Once again, what is your charity?

-The Magic Johnson Foundation, sir.

-And we love it. What's your charity?

I'm playing for the National Inclusion Project.

Very good.

OK, now, the entertainment for the variety shows will be you,

so there's a lot of pressure on you,

but to take off a little of the pressure,

I'm going to let you have a little help.

Celebrities, come on in.

-Deborah!

-Hello!

-Hello!

-Hey. Aubrey, Lisa. Oh, my gosh!

It just keeps coming.

-Uh-oh!

-Wow!

-Penn!

-Hey!

Our two-handed rock star.

Carolla!

Pretty Paulie!

Wow. That's some group.

I have to congratulate all of you. You've done an amazing job.

What do you think, Clay?

I think that is an incredible group of people for a variety show.

What do you think? Good?

-Ditto.

-OK.

Now, Arsenio, as project manager, you won every time, is that right?

-Yes, sir.

-Good.

I'm going to give you the first pick.

-I'll take Adam Corolla.

-Oh, Adam.

Congratulations. That's a great honour.

I'm like, "Stick with what you know. Keep it simple, brah. Go comedy."

'So, I say, "Give me Corolla."'

Clay, you pick.

-I'm going to take Penn.

-OK. Good choice.

'I do think Penn is someone who has a brilliant mind,'

but most importantly, I wanted to take Penn

'because Penn is the one person who I had difficulty working with, and I

'wanted to show Mr Trump'

that I can work with anybody.

Arsenio, go ahead.

I would like the lovely and very talented Lisa Lampanelli.

OK, I'm not surprised.

'I know Clay wants Lisa,

'so I'm like, "There's only one thing to do."'

Best comedy mind and best worker on the show.

-Sister!

-Holla!

-Clay, go ahead.

Debbie Gibson.

Debbie, good.

After picking Penn, I really turned my focus to music.

'We were going to focus on singing, in my mind.'

The resourceful, pretty...

Paulie senior.

-Dee Snider, come on down.

-Good.

'Music is my strength, and I really had my fingers crossed'

that I could get all three of the remaining musicians

to be on my team.

This is going to be a very interesting pick.

Arsenio?

Ladies and gentlemen...

..America's most wonderful housewife...

Teresa.

Whoa, whoa. Look at you.

'Teresa over Aubrey?'

Even a cameraman did this.

'But I wanted to have a pleasant couple of days,

'so I took the person who was nice to be around.'

-I don't think Clay is upset.

-I am not upset at all.

-You shouldn't be upset.

-A great musical theme.

Aubrey, come on down.

'Of course, both of the last two men standing'

had to show their true colours and pick me last,

which means that haters are hating, once again.

'Now I'm going to have to step up and overcompensate

'to really prove to them that clearly

'I should've been picked first.

'Those mofos will think twice about picking me last.'

The celebrity apprentice will earn 250,000 for your charity,

and that's on top of any money you earn from ticket sales

-to the charity event.

-Wow.

The money you earn and you earn you keep for your charity.

Not bad. Good luck. Enjoy yourselves.

Make lots of money for your charities. Thank you.

-Team Clay, that's us.

-Team Clay!

-Woohoo! Nice!

-Ooh, I love what you've done with the place.

-Thank you!

-Beautiful!

'Overall, I think for sure I've got the best team.'

My intention when I found out that we were doing a variety show

was to pick a team of musicians.

Before we start, thank you, all of you.

-Yay!

-Thanks for choosing us.

I want to tell you about my charity cos we don't have a chance

to talk about it too much, so you get an idea.

I took time off after high school,

so I started working with kids with disabilities

and I fell in love with that

and I just had a real passion for it.

National Inclusion Project is an organisation that I helped

to start right after I finished doing American Idol.

Socially, it allows these kids to be part of things

they normally get left out of.

'It helps to include'

kids with disabilities into camps

and afterschool programmes and different extracurricular things

they wouldn't necessarily

normally get a chance to be a part of.

They know they're being left out.

They know they don't get to go to summer camp.

They see their peers walk down the hallway, go to the playground

and they don't get to go with them.

And it's not fair to them,

and it's not really fair to the kids who don't have disabilities

because they don't get to be exposed to a diverse population of people.

'I've always thought Clay was talented as a professional,

'but Clay has always bugged me, as a person.'

And when I hear him talk about his charity,

I actually like him a little more.

I mean, I'm starting to see the appeal of Clay,

and I can't even believe I just said that.

So, I wanted you to know what it is and why it's important to me,

and I wanted to thank you all for helping us win,

-cos I think we're going to do it.

-Yay!

Let me say something I said to Lisa. The percentage of AIDS...

Like, say for instance, the biggest demographic is minority women.

I mean, this was created 20 years ago when...

There's no demographic...

It was created 20 years ago when Magic got it.

I can't even put into words how important it is

to be able to earn things for the Magic Johnson Foundation

'and the continued opportunity to earn even more.'

You come here to help people.

And I've done...

I've done it, and I'm not finished. I'm not finished.

-We're selling tickets and that's how we're raising money.

-Mm-hm.

This is what I'm worried about,

is not having enough tickets because...

-We only have 75 tickets to sell.

-We only have 75.

-Yeah, OK, so...

So, we've all got to make a list of everybody

and the amount to make sure that...

Like, some guy with a grand,

he's not going to get a ticket first.

'I'm happy with my team.'

I'm going to create a comedy event.

'It seems like Clay is doing a music event.

'You can take five great singers, put them together.

'It doesn't mean'

it's going to work,

so I'm saying that could be a choir from hell.

I just think what we should do is as we figure out who's sending what,

we make a full list and those are the people we give tickets to.

In other words, if Leno sends a check for 10,000,

we have not written down, we go, "OK, there's one ticket sold."

'I felt really good being picked by Arsenio'

only because someone who doesn't have a friendship with me,

doesn't even know me, that I've had arguments with, is picking me

'basically because I'm a hard worker, that I'm good.'

I had an overall idea.

-We're selling tickets and that's how we're raising money.

-Mm-hm.

What if we presented it to the people

we're selling the ticket to,

"You're not buying a ticket for you,

"you're buying a ticket for a kid"?

'For me, I didn't want to get fired'

as early as a got fired,

and I certainly then didn't want to come back and prove

'Mr Trump right as to why I got fired, so there was some pressure.'

And as far as being a first overall pick,

'I did have this feeling of, like,'

"I'd like to contribute as much as I can."

We gear are show toward that audience.

Like, we do a kids show for...

But I think the problem is we're not kid-friendly.

I think we could pull off a kids-related thing.

'I thought it was a bad idea 'cause it makes no sense,

'but I think Arsenio has a bit of a people pleaser'

in him which means he wants everybody happy at his own expense.

'But I'm like, "If he's not going to keep us on track,'

"I'm not going to be that chick who's on top of him all the time."

I just didn't feel it was appropriate that day.

But I think with the Magic Johnson Foundation,

it's not just kids.

If it was Make-A-Wish and you said the same thing,

I'd be all over it, but I think this way we're playing away

from the charity's focus and demographic too.

'I think we all make suggestions'

that are bad.

The best of us make more good than bad.

Adam is a comic

'and a writer and he's used to pitch meetings.

'You can't be afraid'

to have somebody say, "Nah,"

-'so I'm Barack in this

-BLEEP.

'I'm the leader,

'and when you're the leader, you can just say no.'

I think we're starting out of our wheelhouse if we do this

and it makes our show less effective as we can be.

There's a whole bunch of stuff we've got to do here.

The event itself, the charity awareness ad and this variety show.

'Our final task is'

to produce and edit together a charity awareness ad.

'We have to plan and host a celebrity charity event.'

-So, we've got to multitask.

-We've got to do everything.

-Yeah.

'At that celebrity charity event,

'we have to direct, produce and star in a variety show,

'and on top of all'

of that we have to sell tickets to our event

and raise as much money as possible.

We might be best to sort of split into some groups.

Aubrey, are you cool with planning and decorating for the event?

Sure.

Penn might be really creative

in helping out with an idea for the PSA.

Yeah.

'There are three big projects going on and we only had two days,'

but I was able to delegate different people to do different things.

'Penn and Dee working on the charity awareness ad,

'Aubrey actually planning and decorating the event'

and Debbie is working on the variety show and the music.

What about Grease? Everyone loves a Grease sing-along, Summer Nights.

-Listen, I like that one. Sure.

-Don't Go Breaking My Heart?

That may be better.

Everybody is really pitching in to make it come together,

'but I need to have some control over things a little bit,

'because there's nobody I can blame but myself.'

We need to come up with a...with our concept

for the event.

So, if it's "Let's All Play",

do we theme the party in kind of a carnivaly-type fun,

to feel like you're walking into an environment

where you can play and be free?

We could easily go with that for a party.

'I came up with the theme of our party'

and the carnival aspect

'of uniting people through fun and activity.'

Maybe even within the event, the party,

we could showcase some of the games,

cos we have a game's manual specifically written...

Oh, you've got some games?

We have a game's manual specifically written to be inclusive.

-They're carnival-type games.

-Actual carnival games, right.

'You want to specifically tailor everything back to the charity,'

and I'm a details girl, so every single element of every single booth

is going to lead our audience back to the National Inclusion Project.

I can do all of that. I mean, I can easily get it done.

Clay's ass is on the line and more importantly for me,

'I really think that Arsenio's dirt,

'so I'm really hoping that Clay wins.'

We want to make it funny, right? I mean, not just respectful.

I wouldn't say funny. I would say at least upbeat, at least positive.

'Arsenio needed to make a charity awareness ad'

for the Magic Johnson Foundation,

and I wanted to come up with something interesting.

The emphasis is kind of that a lot of people have moved on.

Like, they feel like this is yesterday's project.

There's a shelf life for the urgency we had when Magic Johnson came out.

These things are boring, normally,

and they just tug at the heartstrings,

and I felt like we needed some entertainment.

I mean, we could go, like, an '80s vibe.

-You know, Arsenio, big afro.

-Mm-hm.

You know, this '80s outfit,

this representation of all that was...

Basically, your concept is,

-"This is done, but AIDS is still here."

-Right.

And "We're all smart enough to get rid of this..."

-You know?

-Yeah, yeah.

All right, so, do we like the idea

of trying to get Magic to do the spot, right?

Yeah.

I can have guys from my studio just go to where he is

and film him with my equipment.

They could just send it back to us at our facility

and then we can edit it here.

'If I can get Magic to get up early'

and shoot something on the West Coast

and I get it uploaded to the East Coast,

I can make this thing happen,

'but I'm going to need Magic.'

-OVER PHONE:

-'Hello?'

Hey, Lon. This is Arsenio.

I'm wondering where Magic is this weekend.

'Saturday I think he's back in LA. He should be.'

Adam Corolla has a crew on the West Coast. Really simple.

We need, like, Earvin just to make 20 seconds of comment

about the Magic Johnson Foundation.

'I think he'll do it. I think we can probably get it done.'

'Having Magic Johnson'

talk about the Magic Johnson Foundation

for me is a home run...

or three-point shot.

-'We'll get this done for you, Arsenio.'

-Perfect. Perfect.

'Thank you, gentlemen. Have a great afternoon.'

-Thank you.

-Thank you, K-dawg. That's a...

-That's a biggie.

-Yeah.

'We did get Magic Johnson for his charity awareness ad,

'and on one hand I was like, "Oh, thank you, Mr Johnson,"

'and then I realise,'

"Well, it's his charity and it's his money."

'Like, you should be sending over a fruit basket to Arsenio'

in suitcase with, you know, a bunch of weed in it.

So, ten seconds.

-"La-la-la-da, ladies and gentlemen I'll let the man tell you."

-Exactly.

-Right.

-No-look pass to Magic Johnson.

-Right.

'My charity awareness piece is going to start with humour.'

I'm going to figure out this comedy part upfront

'and then I'll have Magic give them the facts

'and the important stuff.'

Oh, could even have a fun thing where you throw a basketball...

-And he catches it on the other end.

-Yeah.

-I love that.

God, you're good, Adam Corolla.

'At first I was a little insecure about Adam, but now he seemed'

to make sense perfectly,

'so I was like, "This guy is all right."'

I've got the end line, which is something like,

"I want to thank Arsenio

"not only for the charity but for paving the way

"for all the great black late-night talk show hosts.

-"Wait a minute."

-THEY LAUGH

Throw the ball back at you.

And while I'm thinking about the joke, bam. It's like, "Hey!"

'I'm going to try to bring humour to everything.'

I have gotten a laugh at a funeral, you know.

'That's just who I am.

'But the message is going to be there.'

I'm just going to use comedy as a flare to get your attention.

We need to discuss what concepts might work.

For the charity awareness ad,

I've always seen a shot of a child with a disability

kind of sitting on his or her own and then giving some sort

of narrative VO that talks about being alone,

left out, being lonely, and then as the camera pulls out

you actually see that the kid's not sitting by themselves.

They're playing with other kids and they're happy.

It is, to my sensibility, a little bit offensive.

OK.

You want to think symbolically at all?

Not quite so literal?

Listen, I'd love to think symbolically,

but I don't have any ideas for it right now.

If anybody else does...

'It felt to me artistically the wrong emotion.'

It was playing on, "Oh, dear, this child has disabilities,"

'where what I love about the charity is that it's having those children'

be seen without their disability.

We have a little bit of...

We don't have too much time.

'In picking Penn, I hope I was not wrong.

'Penn was doing what Penn does.

'He started shooting things down, and instead of adding to things,

'Penn just said, "This will not work."'

"Can you play along with the team here?

"Can you help us instead of just knocking things down?"

Jeez.

Oh, my God. Look at this.

'Teresa and I decided to take off and pick up some '80s'

costumes and we left the other guys

behind in the war room.

-How you doing?

-I'm Adam.

-How you doing? I'm Teresa.

-How are you?

-Nice to meet you.

-Anything we can help you with?

We needed costumes to make

our 30-second public service announcement come to life.

-I'm going to show you something.

-Oh, is this your office?

Yeah, that's where I take all my conjugal visits, right here.

Can you open that?

'The guy who ran the place, much creepier than'

any of the severed heads he had hanging in the window.

What is that? There's a giant penis up there.

I'm curious why you have a huge penis up there.

Those are works of art. I got this from...

I'm trying to get him behind bars and he won't go in there cos...

-I'm not going...

-..because you see that.

'In his office'

was some peni.

Penises. Pretty sure it's peni.

'I was thoroughly creeped out.'

-Ew, look at these things.

-Oh.

Hi. How are you?

Like A Virgin, Madonna.

-Right.

-That's a cool dress.

-Yeah.

-I think that's cool.

-OK.

We also brought out this one.

Oh, Michael Jackson.

'Arsenio gets a sort of '80s'

Thriller kind of a vibe.

Yeah, this is nice.

'We got a new wave romantic look for me.'

And this one is more like Cyndi Lauper.

You can take that and add it to the jacket.

That feels pretty good to me. Wigs. Do you guys do wigs?

I think that one. Yeah.

Continue with your role-playing fantasies, young couple.

Go ahead. We won't get in your way.

Seriously, have you ever been in the penis cage?

No, I haven't.

Where do you eat your lunch? Penis cage?

-No, downstairs in the prop section. I'm a prop's guy.

-Oh, my God.

'I got to work with'

Adam Corolla for the first time, and he was so...

He made me pee my pants.

'He was so funny.'

-PHONE RINGS

-I don't know.

Abracadabra. This is Analyn. How may I help you?

'The best thing about life is to be able to laugh'

and just be happy and enjoy life,

and you know, hanging out with comedians,

'what's better than that?'

Thank you very much, guys. A pleasure meeting you guys.

-Thank you very much for coming.

-See you in hell.

-Take care, guys.

-Thank you.

Clay, this is 30 seconds. See what do you think of this.

'I'm doing a lot of work on the awareness ad,

'and Clay's idea,'

it didn't snap me at all from the beginning

because I thought there was an element of wallowing

in the disability.

What if we had three children in a circle playing a game

and pulled out a little bit to have the wheelchair outside there

without a child in it?

And did our copy in such a way

that said, "You can't tell which one of these children has a disability.

"Neither can they."

That, I think, is great.

I'm just trying to solve this pity thing.

We want compassion without pity.

The difference between "Here's a child with disabilities"

and they're playing with other children

and "Here's a bunch of children playing

"and we don't care about the disability" is enormous.

-Penn, that's awesome.

-That's great. Thank you.

Just came up with your conceptual. Thanks.

'Finally, Penn came through.

'Penn and I clashed several times in the past,'

but I have an incredible amount of respect

for Penn's creativity and mind.

"When no-one sits on the sidelines,

"when everyone plays together, everyone has more fun.

"The National Inclusion Project - let's all play together."

-How do you like that?

-I do like that.

-OK.

'This concept that Penn came up with'

really hit the nail on the head

of what the mission of the organisation is.

If we could figure out something that I could be part of

or you could think that I can get involved in, or any...

You could start calling people for money.

I'll do that. I can do that.

'Paul Senior is going to help me raise money.'

He has friends who are juiced,

'and he'll get on the phone.'

Now, if you just need somebody who will work tirelessly,

'Teresa will.'

'She'll got on that phone, she'll raise money.'

-I got 5,000.

-Teresa, please thank them from me.

'I'm like, "Get your phones,'

"let's start raising some money,"

cos that's going to be an important element of this.

'Let's not let that slip through.'

You can do a sort of Madonna, yeah.

-Like A Virgin.

-Yeah.

-Hello.

-That's all we need.

How you doing?

So, what's a better team name, Unanimous or Arsenio?

-I like Unanimous.

-I like Arsenio better.

'That fine tall glass of water Ivanka walks in.

'Whoever her man is, I'm like,'

"All hail Ivanka's husband."

'Fine and smart.'

Lisa, you said that you were very focused

on the fundraising part, though.

I was so convinced I was going to be in the damn finals

that I raised a ton of money and most of it is at my hotel already,

so that's exciting.

Now it has to be written out to this charity, but it's so great.

-So, yeah. I'm really happy.

-So, how much have you yourself?

She had 50 grand before we walked in here.

-Before we walked in, it was about 50.

-Wow.

I got confirmed so far five just from one person, but...

'Lisa has 50,000 in the bag already.

'Teresa has raised another 5,000,'

so they are early on very actively raising money,

'which I think it's a great start'

to what will be an extremely competitive finale.

We're having fun. It's really cool to have Adam back in the mix.

I've never worked with Lisa before.

Teresa and I are falling in love all over again.

I love it. Good.

So, what is the idea? Obviously, you have sort of the comedian group.

The plan is to do a comedy show.

Probably a lot of stand-up, but a lot of funny.

The Magic Johnson thing is more important

probably to the presentation we're putting together.

And we just got Magic to agree to shoot something on that end,

and Adam has a crew in LA.

They're going to go to Magic's house in the morning

and get his part of it.

We're going to bring it in and edit it to our part.

'From the first day he got here,'

you could just really feel Arsenio's fondness

'and care for the Magic Johnson Foundation.

'So, you can tell'

he's very, very excited

about incorporating Magic into this actual show,

'which is fully appropriate and totally fitting.'

So, what's better - comedy or a musical performance -

in terms of what people like seeing?

You can never lose with comedy. Music plays to who it plays to.

Comedy plays to everyone.

'Arsenio had a strategy'

that comedy and laughter

and fun may be a bit more universal than musical performance,

'which is a bit subjective,'

so I think both teams got what they wanted

and I think both teams, though, as a result

think they have competitive advantage.

That's sort of interesting.

-Let's come up with songs, period, and figure out a duet song.

-Mm-hm.

We're going to have to turn them into medleys somehow, too.

'Clay basically put me in charge of song selection

'musical arrangements and medleys for our variety show.'

That is my forte, so I was very, very happy.

Here's what we're thinking.

We'll start with the two of you doing...

I'm going to come out and do... # Baby love, my baby love... #

# And all you do is treat me bad

# You break my heart and...

-# Make me sad... #

-Something really quick.

# Made me stay away so long. #

'If you told me'

that I'd be singing Baby Love

with Debbie Gibson in the 1980s, I would've punched you in the face.

And then we need a song for you.

Oh, we should do a disco.

-I don't know.

-What about a funk thing? Would that work?

I never sang funk.

Something that you're comfortable doing, obviously.

-I've got to think about that one.

-Think about it for a minute.

I don't think you guys want Highway To Hell, do you?

-Preferably...

-Yeah, no.

-That's a good one, though.

'I've got a good idea where this variety show is going,'

and it's boldly going places I have not gone before

'and I'm not really crazy about going,'

but I've done far worse.

I was wearing a dress earlier.

-Don't Break My Heart, good.

-Mm.

-Hello, sir.

-How are you?

-Hi!

-Hey. Good to see you.

Can you sing? Would you like to sing in our show?

I would make a serious ass of myself if I was to sing.

Don Junior came to visit,

'and it's important to impress the Trumps a lot on this task'

because they are the ones

who are going to be judging at the end of the day.

So, it's going well. Listen, I got the stronger team, no doubt.

Every person on this team is a performer,

so we're all going to be on stage at some point.

We're very music heavy.

We've got Penn, who's also pretty multi-talented.

-Shall I tell Teller to fly out?

-Yes.

-Cos we can do cups and balls.

It's about four minutes.

So, Teller will be in the variety show with me.

Let's do a Penn & Teller hunk.

I will be performing in the variety show and I'm bringing Penn & Teller.

'It's very important to me to do a Penn & Teller thing'

because I am a lot better with Teller that I am alone.

We'll do four-minute cups and balls, OK?

I'll tie it into whatever...

-You're going to cup some balls?

-Cups and balls.

-What?

-Oh, cups AND balls.

-This is very exciting.

-When he says inclusive, he means inclusive.

-Yes, very.

So, listen, everybody, this is, like I said, an incredible team.

Dee and Penn are helping out with the PSA part.

Debbie is working on the music.

Aubrey is doing a lot of work on the event.

'I think they have a very strong team.'

The thing I didn't hear about was raising money.

'In a task like this,

'you'd think he'd be calling in a lot of favours,

'spending a lot of time just doing that.'

It's one of the big criteria for the task,

and I didn't see any focus on that as of yet.

-So, it'll be Baby Love, Heatwave and Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch.

-OK.

If there's any way, Michael,

that you could help me and the Magic Johnson Foundation,

I would owe you big time.

-OVER PHONE:

-'Well, I think we could spring for a 5,000 donation.'

Oh, that's so cool!

I've had some nightmarish fundraising attempts

in the past on this show, so I've got to come through.

'But we only have a limited amount of time.'

Leno is coming again.

I called Eddie Murphy.

'I called Whoopi Goldberg. I called Chris Rock.'

I called George Lopez.

-OVER PHONE:

-'Just happened to speak to Tracy Morgan...'

-Right.

'..and he would love to help you raise money for Magic Johnson.'

Oh, my God.

'You know, I'm not sure how my money is comparing to Clay's money,'

but most of the people I've called are trying to help me

and that feels really good.

I was wondering if it was possible

for someone to get in touch with Seinfeld?

Magic Johnson charity event. If you get Alec Baldwin, call me back.

'Everybody's coming through hard. I chose this team for a reason.'

We're going to be all right.

Yay! Party!

Actually, all of our foundation donors already gave a lot,

so let's take a look at what we might be able to pull in.

As of this point of the day, I haven't really asked anyone

to step aside from their task to go

'and raise money, but I really was going to need'

everyone to bring in some money

if we had any chance at all of raising a large number.

Do you want to check to see if you can be on board and call me back?

I'm calling you to ask you if you would like to donate to charity.

We're putting on a celebrity event,

a celebrity charity event on Sunday evening.

-OVER PHONE:

-'Oh, OK.'

The fundraising for this task is pretty frightening to me.

I have to raise money by Sunday.

'On top of that,'

we're competing against Arsenio Hall and the Magic Johnson Foundation.

'That's two big names already who probably could bring in

'quite a few big donors,'

so I'm a little nervous

that we're not going to come anywhere near

to whatever Arsenio is able to pull in.

I have to raise a lot of money for right here at the end.

-OVER PHONE:

-'Well, listen, this is not a great time.'

OK, thanks.

I thought you'd be friends with Oprah and things like that, no?

My bad.

'We get in the van,'

head down to the event space

and everybody's still making calls trying to raise that money.

Hey, Jeff.

-OVER PHONE:

-'What's up, you guys?'

We need to know if you're friendly

enough with Charlie Sheen

to have him maybe come in on Sunday

and help us with this celebrity gala we're doing for charity.

No, it's to restart Arsenio Hall's career.

Ouch! Ouch!

We don't need Sheen or you, thank you. We're fine.

We'll do it on our own.

Is this the stage in here?

What a piece of real estate.

'We arrive at this warehouse where Clay and I

'will have separate parties going on side-by-side.'

So, this middle area is a performance area.

Our party is from that light there,

that first set of lights, back this way.

'This room I'm looking at,'

I've got to decorate this place.

I mean, it's barren. It's a football field.

'I'm not seeing how it's going to happen quick.'

We should get high boys that people stand and lean on.

-Those big tables.

-Nice high boy tables.

-Do you give a lot of parties? You give a lot of parties, right?

-Yeah.

And any ideas you have, cos you guys are probably better than us at...

And I'll help with the, you know, caterer.

-We can have the appetisers.

-Yeah, totally.

'I don't give parties,'

but that's the reason I chose Teresa,

cos I know she does that, she's a social animal.

She loves that,

'and between her and Lisa,'

I'm going to be all right, I hope.

The stage is there. It's going to be there.

So, I think... Hey, buddy. How are you?

-Hey, dude. What's up, man?

-How are you?

-Yeah, yeah.

Carl's the best!

'Carl from NY Lounge Decor shows up, and Teresa'

and myself and he start looking

through their website because they have a billion

'options there.'

We want something really nice.

Well, we have no windows here this time,

so if we do the up-lighting around the walls, it'll really make it pop.

'Arsenio really didn't worry about decor.'

'I don't think'

he's programmed to think about that stuff.

I don't think he is that into the details.

He's into the bigger picture.

'But since nobody's telling me what to do, I'm like,

'"Let's cover all bases. Why not? It can't hurt."'

-Caterer.

-OK, yeah.

-Yeah, we've got the menus.

-You know all about the food.

-She's a culinary expert.

-I know.

-Yes.

'Arsenio put me in charge of a lot.'

He put me in charge of the catering

'because, you know, I do have my cookbook, you know,'

so I was perfect for the job.

What looks good to you?

This kind of looks good, the pork loin.

And the mini lobster rolls.

-Mm-hm.

-How about steak tartar?

-Yeah, we could go along with that.

-That's great, right?

-Absolutely.

All right, I picked it, Arsenio.

-OK.

-Pork.

-Mm-hm.

I picked two fishes.

There's a heavy Muslim contingency here tomorrow.

-Really?

-SHE LAUGHS

Sorry. Mike.

Assalaamu Alaikum.

-I got chicken or beef...

-Yeah.

-..two fishes and a pork.

I trust you impeccably.

I think if you pick it,

-it's better than anything I could do.

-OK.

'I've entrusted something in Teresa and said,'

"Do it, baby. You have my total trust."

'But who knows, you know?

'When you trust people,'

it can go wrong.

You know, that's why a lot of people micromanage

and do everything themselves because there's a philosophy that,

"If I do it, no-one disappoints me."

'That's not how I want Team Arsenio to run.'

Thank you, Teresa.

Everyone's entering from here.

Then, as we move in, we're going to see something right here,

we're going to see something, like, over here,

and then window here, here, here

So you can move...kind of like snake through.

'I'm probably'

one of the strongest visualisers on this team

'and I think Clay knows that.

'And I'm also very disciplined'

and a perfectionist, and those are qualities that you want

when someone's planning your party.

This is what we're going to do. You walk in, you're going to see...

I'm going to do a black wicker

so I can break up the red and white colours with a white thing.

I might get some cute red throw pillows that are clowny.

So, we have this.

You'll see the seating in this area, which will feel very outdoorsy.

I think we should have two stilt-walkers.

You have a high ceiling. They can fit in here.

I think it's fabulous to feel something big.

I really want us in uniform,

and I could get one of my designer friends

to do custom circus outfits for everyone.

-That could be fabulous.

-For everyone? Like us?

-Yeah.

We won't have much time to change clothes.

Let me just think on it cos I'm good at that stuff

and I have a lot of connections.

'Aubrey is just as much a pistol as Aubrey has ever been.

'She's got a lot of great ideas.'

She goes 100mph with them

and it's a challenge still, sometimes,

to pull her back to a place that is...workable.

I want to do the balloon art

so you're walking in and you feel something magnificent.

Now, hold on. Talk to me about these balloons.

Balloons that we're going to all blow up on our own?

You could just rent a machine.

We could rent a machine for 40 bucks. Or I can do it.

Either way, we need to make sure they have the colouring,

that everything's established.

They had little, like, gift things with popcorn on them.

We can set those on the table.

You don't want just empty tables, nothing on them.

OK, slow down just a bit so we get everything here.

We need...to get the paint.

What we could do is just pick a base blue that's open

that keeps the room feeling like you're outside,

like when you're at The Venetian.

I don't want to paint the whole room.

-So...

-All we need to really do is get dirty-dog deep.

Listen, if we all have to call five people that we know,

-five people could paint that wall in 30 minutes.

-Mm-hm.

So, let's you call five people, I call five people.

-We'll get this done in an hour.

-Wait, wait, wait.

There's no way we're going to paint the whole room.

There's no reason to bring five people in.

There's no point in calling in people to paint these walls.

It's a disaster waiting to happen. We'll all be a mess.

We'll have half a wall not painted and we'll look a mess.

'I felt disrespected'

when Clay tried checking me.

I said "tried" because nobody checks me.

'I do certain things really well and when you ask me to do them,'

I'm going to do them to their fullest potential

and I don't want to be questioned. If you ask me to do something,

I will execute it better than you could have ever dreamed of.

'Let me execute my vision.'

-Five people in? No.

-My cousin is coming.

She's a decorative painter. She's calling everyone on her team.

-She paints murals.

-And she's a mural artist?

-Right.

'Aubrey had a vision of painting the walls,'

and it dawns on me,

"I have a mural painter in my family - my cousin Christine."

'So, I decided to ask her if she would be able'

to come to the table and paint a 77ft wall

in a matter of hours on a day's notice.

If we can get some nice murals...

Yeah, they're going to try to throw down...

..and she can draw something on a piece of paper

before she throws it on the wall to let us know what it'll look like...

-Have her sketch out what it'll look like...

-Yeah.

..cos I don't want her getting here and throwing paint up on the wall

and it doesn't look good at all.

Not that I don't trust your cousin,

but I'd want to see it before it goes on the wall.

Yeah, absolutely.

'My cousin, who's a decorative painter,

'she's coming to do a mural on the wall,'

and he's like, "I need to see a sketch,"

as if, like, she's dying to come do this mural.

'She's hustling to get something together,'

but at some point, he might just have to trust me

because I trust her.

-ON PHONE:

-'Hey, Clay.'

-So, what's going on right now?

'We asked if the caterer was providing plates and things

'and they're not. They're just doing little bar napkins.'

'It's the beginning of day two

'and Dee and Penn and I are in the van'

headed down to a park in New York City

to film our charity awareness ad.

'While we're doing this, there are a lot of errands to be run'

to pick things up for the party tomorrow,

and Debbie and Aubrey are handling that.

'The long story short is the paint thing was an oversight.

'We had to go physically get it.

'They can't send it in a cab and I don't want to wait...'

Listen, the paint is the last thing on my concern list today.

-If we don't have murals on the wall, I could give half a

-BLEEP

-less.

'Well, listen, what the problem was

'is we had to make an executive decision if we went for it.'

'My job right now is to really look at the big picture,

'but I've got to have my hand in everything.'

And it's tough to have different people throwing tiny minutia at me

when I'm stressed out already

'about making sure everything gets done.'

-Yeah, here's a baseball field.

-Oh, good, good, good. Grass. Trees.

'Our plan'

was to shoot everything in one general area.

'We figured, in any field, you've got a space where you could'

shoot the kids, and then you've got another look somewhere

'on the field to shoot Clay.'

Something died right here. Good Lord. Do you smell that?

New York City.

'The park that we're supposed to shoot in

-'smells like complete

-BLEEP.'

-It smelled like every single pile of dog

-BLEEP

-that has ever been

-BLEEP

-in New York City

was loaded up in that one location.

It's...something.

Yeah, it is absolutely that. Good God!

-'The

-BLEEP

-smelling park is the least'

of my problems because

the train that takes people from Manhattan to Brooklyn

'is right overhead, so there is no way

'that we can get any audio in this location.'

This is clearly not going to be good for audio.

Oh, this is fly. This'll work. And what a view.

This is better than Jennifer Beals' apartment

in Flashdance. TERESA LAUGHS

'My focus today is to shoot this'

charity awareness ad for the Magic Johnson Foundation.

So, we have these colours, so I guess... And that.

-That jacket looks like one I used to wear.

-Shocking.

'Here is how my charity awareness ad will go.'

We're going to have all these old school '80s looks,

'and then I've got to get in there and say, "These clothes,

'"these styles are gone, but you know what's still here?

'"AIDS, HIV."'

"Here's someone that knows a lot more about

-"the Magic Johnson Foundation than I do."

-Right. And then boom.

'It's a little tricky because Magic Johnson'

is on the West Coast,

and I'm having video shot of him and sent here.

-I'm sending my crew guys.

-Yeah.

-The crew guys are...pretty good...

-OK.

-..but they're not comedy guys,

so I'm going to try to talk them through what we want.

-And they get it.

-'I've got a great team.'

I've got Adam.

Adam doesn't even have a home in LA. He lives in an editing bay.

'So, I decided that Adam was our director.'

-How you doing, buddy?

-Good, man. I'm Paul. I'm your DP.

-Oh, perfect.

'Our crew comes in and we meet.'

There's a DP, which is a director of photography.

'He knows how to get what I want.'

We're going to all just stand in the same mark.

You're not going to step into frame?

It'll be a set frame that you'll be in already?

'I like that Arsenio'

let me direct the video.

'I've done a lot of that.'

Oh, my God. Look how great Lisa looks.

I love it, Lisa.

'I look just, like, totally idiotic'

and heinous and every adjective in between.

'But it's for a good cause. Everybody's just like,'

"Who cares? It's fun."

ARSENIO LAUGHS That is so cute.

Arsenio, you're doing the script.

Do it, man. Do it. Do it.

'I think Arsenio's doing a great job.

'He's not micromanaging or sort of overproducing.'

He's casual. I like that.

Settle. We're shooting. Action.

I'm Lisa Lampanelli, and this is me in the '80s.

Good. One more a little bit faster.

I'm Lisa Lampanelli, and this was me in the '80s.

-Good.

-OK?

-I think we got it, Lisa.

-Yay!

Penn, we're going to walk down the street.

We were expecting it to go really easy,

'and now we've got no place for these kids to play'

and all we're looking at is blacktop.

-There's a nice play set over there.

-It's locked. It's chained.

'In New York City, there are not'

many places where you can go and find grass,

'and we need grass for this shoot. We have absolutely'

no time to spare when it comes to putting this ad together.

Right now, we're so far behind,

we may have to resort to just going back to the studio,

which is going to suck ass.

I think this, done in a studio with a hardwood floor

with children playing, plays the idea just as well.

-Let's check the grass first.

-OK.

'I pushed'

to actually shoot our awareness ad in a studio

and just be done with it,

'but Clay wanted it outside, and Clay was very uptight.

'He has a wartime personality.'

He appears to me to be happier when there's a little conflict.

-Adam, hello.

-Hey, man.

-How are you? I'm Clay. Nice to meet you.

-Go easy on this hand. I'm Dee.

-Hi.

-How are you?

-I'm Penn.

-Nice to meet you guys.

We ran over here because there's so much noise

over at the other park that doing my,

you know, single to camera

was going to be near impossible to get the audio for.

'While we were walking down the street'

to see if there's any place at all

'that we could use, the director of photography actually showed up

'and we were able to talk to him'

about our problems

and kind of see if he could help us brainstorm some locations.

I'm wondering... Is that a courtyard over there, by that building?

I don't know if it's a courtyard.

There's some trees. Show us what you want to look at.

We're trying to connect Clay to the kids in the park

in an outdoor, park-like environment.

-Right, Clay?

-Yeah.

Let's shoot Paul out.

-Just put it on like a regular wig?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God!

-You look like a poodle.

-SHE LAUGHS

'We're at the studio'

and we're recording our charity awareness ad.

'We're doing a theme from the '80s - how we looked back in the '80s.'

Get my agent on the phone.

And one of you just standing there looking like

you'd rather be anywhere else in the world than here.

'I'm happy to play'

any role to help Arsenio.

'If I have this image as the toughest guy in the world,

'or if I could play'

the dorkiest person in the world and help the team,

'I'm all about it.'

And one where you're looking around like,

"I hope none of my biking buddies see me."

-Good. It's a wrap.

-Thank you, Paul.

All right, Teresa. Settle!

'Back in the day, that's how we looked.'

My hair was high. It was naturally curly and it was huge.