Episode 6 The Celebrity Apprentice USA

Previously on The Celebrity Apprentice...

Mr Trump tasked the teams with running a hotel.

You are going to take over five rooms at the Loews hotel.

You are going to have guests. They are going to rate each team.

Athena was one woman down.

Ladies, Khloe won't be with you today.

But she'll be back tomorrow. So, fellas, you have a better chance.

Tionne Watkins stepped up as project manager for Athena.

Turndown service.

And Dennis Rodman took charge of the men on Kotu.

Let me be the front man. We're going to win this task.

After a good morning, Dennis started to drink.

-This is for you, I believe, right?

-When he starts drinking,

-he changes into something else.

-In...New...York!

-And eventually, Dennis walked out on his team.

-I'm out of here.

Working with Dennis

went from being funny and entertaining

to now it's just kind of sad.

When the results came in, it was no surprise that Athena scored

higher in the customer surveys.

-Wow, so the women win.

-Thank you.

-Very good. What is the charity?

My charity is Sickle Cell Foundation Of Georgia.

That is very nice, Tionne.

Later, Dennis' team expressed concern for him.

I think Dennis has obviously got a drinking problem.

-Do you see that, Brian?

-Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And with all the celebrities looking on,

the boardroom turned into an intervention.

Beyond the task and beyond the hotel

and everything else, there is a bigger issue at hand.

Is this about Dennis' issues or this damn game? If I am such a bad integral part

of anything that I do,

how did I win five championships?

What you are doing today is what counts.

To see Dennis Rodman defending himself

and defending that he was a great athlete, that killed me,

absolutely killed me.

You let yourself down, you let your team down. Dennis, you're fired.

That was brutal.

-That was kind of sad, huh?

-Yeah.

So, congratulations once again.

-It's not a happy win.

-No, it's not happy win.

It doesn't feel good. Oh, that was not fun.

I have seen drinking problems up close and you get angry at booze.

It was hard because it was like there was only one person

who did not help their team and disrupted another team. And I love Dennis.

When I talked to him when he was sober, I really liked him.

But it's just so sad for him not to see that everybody

was just concerned.

I think that losing the last task... There was a bigger issue at hand.

Dennis obviously needs some help and needs to get a grip on things.

We all saw a sad person walk out, pissed off and in denial

about their problem.

You know, I understand the whole drinking... I did the same thing.

I used it as a Band-Aid for years.

I mean, we wanted an opportunity to try our best to kick your butts,

but there really were only four of us that could do anything.

This was a bittersweet loss because of our situation with Dennis.

My thing is there have been four men always,

with Clint, Jesse, Brian and myself.

Maybe now since we don't have that sort of anchor around our neck,

now Kotu can start running.

# Money, money, money, money

# Money!

# Money, money, money, money

# Money!

# Some people got to have it

# Ye-eah

# Some people really need it

# Hey, listen to me, y'all

# Do things, do things, do things Bad things with it

# Dollar bills, y'all Come on

# That mean, oh, mean

# Mean green

# Almighty dollar

# You know that money...

# Give me a nickel, brother Can you spare a dime?

# Money can drive some people out of their minds

# No good, no good Money!

# Money, money, money, money

# Money! #

-How are you doing?

-Good.

-Good to see you.

My charity is Sickle Cell Foundation Of Georgia.

I am the national spokesperson for sickle cell

and I actually have the disease myself.

-How are you feeling?

-I feel good.

Phil Oliver is very important in my life

because I had got really sick and my organs were failing.

He diagnosed me correctly. I chose his foundation because he helped me, so I want to help them.

While I have been out here working, I actually won.

-Oh, really?

-Yes. I won. 20,000.

Oh, this is great!

I'm very proud of her. I look at her like my little daughter.

She has done a great thing.

She never gave up. This is great. Our own home-grown Tionne.

I think it is very important to raise awareness and fight for a cure

because I want to see my daughter grow old.

I want to be a grandma. I want to live.

If I could be the Celebrity Apprentice,

do you know how much that would do for my charity?

It would be crazy!

-Yeah, I like that!

-Thank you.

-Good morning.

-ALL: Good morning.

-Jesse, do you miss the fact that Dennis isn't here?

-A little bit.

Well, you'll be happy to know, I've spoken with him and he's going to get some help.

I hope he's going to be OK.

-I know, Joan, you kissed him goodbye last night.

-I loved him.

Alcohol abuse is a terrible thing, it ruins lives,

and I just can't stand it.

-OK, Melissa, what happened to your foot?

-At the Loews Regency, I...

I tripped and tore two of the ligaments out of three in my ankle.

-Are you going to sue the Loews Regency Hotel?

-No, I am not.

-Good.

I am going to mix up the teams.

It's time. Do we agree?

Brande, do we agree? Are you a little nervous?

-I am a little nervous about that.

-All right, so Kotu.

The new Kotu is Herschel, Clint, Joan, Natalie and Khloe.

Athena, your team is Jesse, Melissa,

Annie, Tionne and Brandon.

Hey!

I think in Kotu,

we spent a lot of time arguing rather than getting stuff done.

These girls are hard workers.

You know, male or female, it really doesn't make any difference to me

if you are a team player and willing to work.

Natalie!

Natalie? What about mommy? Natalie!

Joan, I have cut the cord, your daughter is now your opponent.

It was great in the beginning to be working together.

Now, I love that it becomes mother versus daughter.

It's going to be interesting because we're both very competitive.

And you know what? If you get fired, if she gets fired,

I don't give a damn, but you're going to be fighting Melissa.

People perceive me to be simply an appendage of my mother

and not a hard worker, but I want to win Celebrity Apprentice because

I have something to prove.

Brian is away at a concert.

And he'll be back. And I'll make a determination

next week where Brian is going.

We're standing in the Paley Center for Media.

It's documented over the years television,

radio and now the internet.

Now, we're going to have an amazing task today,

because with me are two executives for All, the detergent.

My mother loved All. It's been around a long time.

My mother has been around a long time.

This is Kevin and Shannon from All. Kevin, the task.

Each team is responsible for producing a video

up to 60 seconds long

for All Small And Mighty 3X Concentrated laundry detergent

that you think will be a viral hit on the Internet.

Each video can be funny, dramatic, musical or even off-the-wall,

but remember, it must contain a product message.

This is a video you want people to want to pass on

to their family and their friends.

We'll judge it based on three criteria -

originality, buzz worthiness and branding.

And joining us to lend his expertise, will be

world-renowned blogger Perez Hilton.

OK, right now I want you each to pick a project manager.

-You can produce stuff.

-I'll do it.

-Does it speak to you?

-It doesn't speak to me,

-but I can make it work.

-She's very smart and very efficient.

-You are very smart and very efficient.

-OK, I'll do it.

-OK.

-Athena, who is your project manager?

-Melissa.

-Melissa, good luck.

I stepped up as project manager

because I have 15 years of experience in producing,

live and taped shows.

For me to have to create a video, I come in with a lot of knowledge

and a lot of tools.

-Kotu, who is your project manager?

-Clint!

-OK, Clint. How do you feel about that, Clint?

I feel very confident.

I have a fair amount of experience. I have directed 12 or 15 music videos

and I've written two full screen plays.

None of them sold, if anyone is interested.

Don and Ivanka will be my eyes and ears.

They'll be following you, they'll be watching, they'll be reporting back.

So, the project manager of the winning team

will receive 20,000 for his or her charity.

The losing team will come to the boardroom,

somebody will be fired. OK?

Go to it. Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

I think the most important thing is that we immediately settle

on our thoughts for our creative.

Our task this week is to create a viral video

for All Small And Mighty detergent.

We'll use one of my Hells Angels friends on his bike.

Brande is his wife.

And then we do a bunch of scenes with him,

like get a bar, spilling beer on himself,

then going to her, talking about how hard it is to be a biker's mama.

Jesse comes up with this idea for bikers. And I didn't like that idea.

And the reason why wasn't so much that you can't make bikers funny

but that bikers have been used in that particular space a lot.

I'm just going to throw out there, Jesse James being bathed by midgets.

There's nobody on earth who won't open that video.

I'm not doing that.

I can tell you that would be a video that would be sent around

and every single person would want to see.

-That's not what has to be.

-That would be funny.

-That is funny.

-- I'm never doing that. - Come on, Jesse.

-It's funny!

'I'm annoyed right now, there's a really good idea floating around,'

which is Jesse James getting bathed by little people.

-Who the

-BLEEP

-isn't going to look at that and watch it?

He's refusing to do it.

I thought Jesse was going to be really strong, I was happy

he was on our team, and now I feel like he's being a hindrance today.

I just don't like people who won't step up.

-What is it called, Small and Mighty?

-Yeah.

I would get a washing machine and have midgets just coming out

and coming out and coming out and coming out...

We got into the van and the fun began.

-And we started brainstorming very quickly.

-Hello, Hersch.

-It doesn't matter.

-Herschel has an idea.

Soon after the task presentation,

Herschel had a prior engagement.

So, he went off and was to reconnect with us later.

-Let's listen to Herschel's idea.

-OK.

Hang them out to dry?

I don't know, I'm trying to envision how we hang them.

I have a terrace, we can hang them out on my terrace.

There's a joke that goes...

They use code language to talk about sex around the kids

and they call it doing the wash.

-Doing the wash?

-Do you want to do the wash later?

So, now you cut to later on in bed.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, we can if we you want to."

He says, "No, I'm sorry, it was a small load I did it by hand."

Clint came up with this video idea in the van.

It was kind of a dirty joke and we were all into it.

We decided, let's go with it.

You know, hire, you know,

a lingerie model or something with the midget.

We haven't washed in six weeks.

Yeah, we haven't done the wash in quite a while.

But you wash with your secretary.

It's viral, guys!

-Hi.

-How are you guys doing? I'm Brande. Nice to meet you.

The executives came to visit us

and explained more about what they were looking for in the product.

Do you have a certain age range that your consumer is, for the women?

-25 and older.

-Do they tend to have children?

-They are women first. Women with children, not moms.

-OK.

That really hit home with me because that meant

that these are women who are internet savvy,

not necessarily as traditional.

So, we wanted to push the edge a little bit.

What's the edge of how outrageous you are willing

to have this viral video be?

Exactly. How far can we push the envelope?

We'd like to leave that up to you, but I think it's really about

what she will accept.

- Is there anything you would consider completely taboo?

- Anything you think she would feel offensive.

-- OK.

-When someone sends you a viral video,

do you automatically click on it or do you read the title

of it first?

Mmm. Title is important.

-The title of the viral video is important.

-Title is important.

-Good luck. Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Thank you so much.

-Good luck.

-Yeah, thank you.

- OK!

- Why don't we write down our ideas that we like so far?

The joke, I love the joke.

I came up with the idea to play out a joke where the man calls

the woman and uses a code for, you know,

having sex and she says, "OK, we could do the laundry if you still want to."

He says, "That's OK, it was a small load, I did it by hand."

And, of course, there's some innuendo in there.

-He shuts the door and he's got this.

-He uses it as lube.

-Yeah.

You see him, maybe he is all, "That's OK, it was a small load,

"I did it by hand."

- Oh, my God! I love it!

So do I.

-Hello.

-Hi, how are you?

-Hi, hi.

-- Hi. Shannon, nice to see you.

-Nice to see you.

After we had settled on our idea, the executives came

into the boardroom and we met with them, asked them our questions.

- How entertaining do you want it?

- We want it as entertaining as she will let us go.

If we offend her, we've gone too far.

-- So, I guess saying

-BEEP

-is out of the question?

- Yes.

- Then why are you doing...? The word viral, for me,

is always will like watching Liza Minnelli drunk.

- No.

Do you have any bias for or against little people?

-As in toddlers?

-As in little grown-ups.

- It's yours to decide. - Yeah.

- Can it be used to wash yourself with?

- No.

Wash yourself? Your body?

- Yeah. - No.

Do you feel that your target demo

would be offended by a sexual innuendo?

- I think it's... We'll leave that up to you. - Yeah.

I think that these executives, they're more conservative.

They want to push the envelope, but not be distasteful.

Our idea is definitely distasteful.

So, I just don't know what we're going to do any more.

-- Well, thank you guys very much. That's great.

-Good luck.

-Thank you.

I think were going to really have to clean this up.

I think we're going to have to get a suburban woman,

that's stressed and has a lot of kids and somehow she needs something.

It might not be funny and it might not be viral,

but this company wants something clean.

This week's task is to create a viral video for All.

A lot of the team didn't feel as comfortable with our original idea

after meeting with the All executives.

I personally thought that we should have scrapped everything.

You are depending on one joke and I think a lot of women

-would be very offended that he

-BLEEP

-off.

I think it would be hilarious if we are fighting among ourselves,

Clint walks away, I spit on his hamburger.

-What?

-Listen to me. He comes back, he sits and he eats it.

That we get on YouTube.

- OK, but what does it have to do with laundry?

- I don't know. Let me think again.

With viral video, you are getting the dancing baby, remember that?

That was one of the first virals that was sent around.

You're getting Liza Minnelli laughing hysterically on Larry King.

That's what viral videos are about.

We need to make this silly, outrageous, funny and sophomoric.

I see it as a well-produced spot.

Beauty-look for our actress, visually appealing.

You are such a man!

I'm begging you to get me a big, fat, blowsy drag queen.

This is very much my element.

And I began to argue, saying, "Why don't we try this?

"Here are my ideas." They're balloons.

I'm throwing 1,000 balloons up, take what you want.

What if we have two sexy women mud-wrestling?

That always sells.

The two of you mud-wrestling. I'm telling you!

I want to caution everyone against letting that meeting

frighten you away from my ideas.

Joan had some ideas and parts of them were really good.

If there had been a middle and an end, I think we might have considered them.

But in the end, she really didn't have a complete idea.

If you want to use a drag queen, it makes me very happy.

I'm on my knees to you. It will be funny.

I am on my knees to you, you will not regret this.

Joan Rivers is on her knees, people.

- Listen, I think it's counterproductive that we agreed that

we were going to go this direction and now are rerouting the whole spot.

I really can't imagine that a 25-year-old woman of today is going to go,

"That offends me." I just can't imagine it.

We are producing a fantasy of Clint's,

a hot girl and she'll be saying, "Come on in."

-And then, ha, ha, ha, the guy

-BLEEP

-off. It's just...

He heard nothing. Clint, there's no listening.

Let's just do a quick brainstorming creative

and keep it under control so we can lock down a decision.

The one thing that needs to be really for sure

is that it has got to be funny.

To pass it on, they've got to be, "Oh, my God, this is hilarious."

I think the whole point of viral video is you have to have

the WOW factor, you have to have a little bit of the "Oh, my God,

"you have to see this."

Can I show you the most popular viral videos?

Can I show you them?

So, they want someone to create something that has a good brand image for them.

Except the specifically said they want something viral.

First, I showed Jesse how many hits

anything with the word "midget" in the title gets, which is a lot.

In order for something to be viral, it has to be passed around.

All wanted viral,

and under demographic of who buys their product.

And I get my viral videos off Perez Hilton.

So, it needs to be outrageous.

I still like Jesse being scrubbed

by a bunch of little people in wet suits.

Would you be willing to be in a video if it's something

you are comfortable with? You know, Jesse, you'll be in a suit.

I'll be in it, I just don't want to be bathed by midgets, sorry.

-People would watch it cos it's hilarious.

-That is hilarious.

'I love little people, but I was against it just because'

I don't want to embarrass the company that's paying

for this ad.

Is the woman who their target audience is going to be offended

by little people?

I can tell you I would be offended.

As long as you're wearing Small And Mighty bottle-looking outfits,

with a little sparkle on it.

Bling!

I'm not one to, like, put myself in a video,

but the girls were so enthusiastic about it,

I had to just jump on board.

We were wondering, in terms of casting,

if you have little people available?

-Do you want to go to get the stuff?

-Absolutely.

-Great.

OK, you ready, Ti? See you all in a few.

We sent off Tionne and Annie to go pick up what we needed as props

and our costumes.

I specifically sent Annie because she can be very, very intense,

so I wanted Jesse to have a little breathing room away from her.

-See you, guys.

-Bye.

-Hi, I'm Joe Foley.

-Hi, Joe, Clint Black. How are you?

What I want to do is get a shot from this POV.

'The director of photography arrives and Clint just goes in'

and starts talking to him without talking to the rest of his team.

- The ship has sailed. - I agree.

-So that's our set-up.

-All right.

-- You know, I'll drop

-BLEEP

-dead here.

- Right?

- I am having such a stomach-ache.

I am so unhappy because I fight and I get a stomach-ache.

It was very upsetting. It was very upsetting to everybody.

It's not funny! We're doing scenes?

This is viral, guys!

- I just think it's too late to change something.

-He loves it.

-I know, but...

- I don't know, like, it's just making me nervous.

'We were weary of doing this idea,'

but Clint is really adamant about it and he seems to love it.

We're here to follow our leader and in the end,

he's project manager and we're...he's our boss.

I want to see his facial expressions,

going, "Hey, honey, want to do the wash later?"

-This is freaking me out.

-It's kind of weird, isn't it?

- You've got to say something. - Yeah, I know, but I also feel bad.

- Then you're going to lose. - Yeah.

The most upsetting thing to me is the girls are whispering to me,

"This is terrible, this is wrong."

And they won't stand up to him.

And that makes me very sad

because I walked with Gloria Steinem,

I burned my bra not to have these ladies cave in.

It makes no... Clint!

Are you sure that they're going to understand what

he means by dirty laundry?

I think they will when she comes in in her lingerie and says,

"If you still want to do the dirty laundry..."

- Are they going to do it in the laundry room? - No. He's in here by himself.

See, that would be funny. May I make a suggestion also?

This is supposed to go on the internet. It's supposed to be funny.

It's not...serious.

But I'm not the director.

I am very disappointed in Clint.

I thought he would be smart and clever, a collaborative artist.

All I could do was shake my head in amazement.

I know you want to do the dirty laundry with me tonight.

- We'll do all the laundromat stuff first,

then establishing shots in the garage.

- Yeah. Isn't it weird to have a room full of people working quietly?

-What's going on?

-Hi.

-How's it going?

-- Not bad. Yourselves?

-It's good.

-It's so quiet.

-Is this better than working with the men, Jesse?

-It way more organised.

-I hope I wasn't interrupting anything.

-Everybody's doing something.

-I think Jesse is

a really lucky guy, he gets moved over with the women.

I think it fits really well with his demeanour.

It's probably a really good move and good fit for him.

You guys seem almost bored, like you're almost kind of done?

-No, just sitting and writing.

-What is your concept?

- Our concept is we're doing sort of... - Midgets.

Little people.

You think women with children are big viewers of little people?

I think they'll appreciate the humour of it,

the edginess of it, more than showing a soccer mom.

I definitely think they got some of it right.

The real question is, is the demographic for All

going to be downloading videos of little people

and is that going to help sales?

Something tells me the average mother

who is probably their target demographic isn't doing that.

Beyond that, I think using the word midget could be offensive to some

of the executives.

I think the appropriate phraseology would be "little people" these days.

And that in and of itself could be a big swing factor.

You don't get it? The whole midget thing? Like little people?

Yeah.

- That's like the number-one search. - Really?

OK. That's interesting.

It definitely worried me when Donald Junior was hesitant of our idea.

Because it made me think, "Wow, maybe we're going down

"the wrong path, maybe this isn't really funny."

And maybe it's not, I don't know.

-Hi, how are you guys doing?

-Hi.

-Hi, I'm Brande.

-I'm Israel.

Israel? Nice to meet you. Nic? Nice to meet you.

- Hi, I'm Melissa.

'While we were in our meeting with Don Junior, the actors showed up.'

So, I think he was kind of like, "What the heck is going on here?"

The tag line is Small And Mighty, that's where you guys come in.

-Oh, OK.

-This will be totally fun and animated

and you guys can yell and scream and have fun and have a great time.

-- Make fun of them...

-What do you guys think of the concept?

It's better than being an Oompa Loompa.

Anything is better than being an Oompa Loompa probably.

-Exactly.

-Are you game?

Let's do it.

- Awesome.

He is going to be in a Speedo while you're scrubbing him down, OK?

Oh! Yeah, that'll be neat. Slap that!

THEY LAUGH

I think you like that, right?

Oh, thank God! The cast has arrived!

-Hello, I'm Joan Rivers, and you are?

-Daniel.

-Hello, Daniel.

Daniel has arrived.

We did hire a little person to be the masturbator,

I guess you would say.

The product was Small And Mighty, so that was going to be, like, the punch line.

Um...I guess.

So, we have a shot in mind for you later on in a night-time bedroom scene,

do you have any aversion to being shot in boxer shorts?

-No problem.

-Just boxer shorts?

-Yeah, why not? Naked.

I don't care.

-We won't go that far.

-OK.

- You've done a little acting, I assume. - Of course.

- So it's acting and modelling, OK.

-Let's go ahead and see him in there.

-OK.

- OK, Daniel, get ready.

Daniel, you're coming home to your wife and you're feeling sexy.

Your line is, "Hey, sweetie,

"do you want to do the dirty laundry with me tonight?"

-Good, thank you.

-And action.

Hey, sweetie, do you want to do the dirty laundry with me tonight?

OK, one more time, just a little slower.

Hey, sweetie, do you want to do the dirty laundry with me tonight?

If you can give me just a knowing smile at the end.

Take two.

- Hey, sweetie, do you want to do some...

do you want to do the dirty laundry with me tonight?

OK.

That was much better.

This poor little...little person.

He did really know. He wasn't tremendously good.

That made me sad because he had come all the way and it was his first job or second job.

He was very nervous.

Clint's idea is a total disaster.

What do we do for plan B or C?

Or D? Whatever plan we're on at this point.

-We have to get rid of our little person.

-Joan's going to make us mud wrestle.

I, at this point, will mud wrestle.

This project has been going downhill since our executive meeting.

It just kind of crumbled.

The little person was kind of like the icing on the cake.

We can't use this and present this in front of All.

Do you think maybe we should let them go?

- Yeah.

'We had decided that he was really'

just unable to deliver the lines to the level of quality that we thought

the advertisers would be looking for.

This is awkward. It's awkward.

So, I had to make a new call.

And so there was some anxiety on my part.

-All right, Daniel, we're all good. Thanks a lot.

-That's it?

-I thought I'd be here all day.

-Yeah.

-We're going to check it out here. Thanks a lot.

-Good. Bye.

-Take care.

Oh, my gosh!

If you are really smart, you can oftentimes go with your gut.

Some of the best deals you make are when you're betting

against everyone else, but it's a risky proposition.

Clint and Melissa are working on a viral video, that's all about gut.

If they push too far, it could be really big trouble.

It's going to be a tough task, let's see what happens.

PHONE RINGS Can you answer that?

Hello?

-It's Annie, she wants to talk to you...only.

-Hi.

I want to see if we can get some more of the All bottles

because in the laundromat it'd be great to have them,

from a branding standpoint.

Of course, we've got 23 bottles here.

When you're talking about virals that are passed along,

making something really obviously a commercial

makes it very much less viral.

I definitely was really glad that Annie went to go get the costumes

with Tionne because Annie feels that even if she is not the leader,

she at least tries to position herself as the puppet master.

Annie. Annie. Annie, we're... Annie. Wait.

-Something that is strung together into one big piece.

-Annie.

She's been calling, calling, calling, hammering the message

and you want to say, "We got it. We've got it, we've got it."

OK, we got it, you're right,

we appreciate it and thank you for pulling us back.

We will see you guys at the laundromat.

All right, good, I stopped that from happening.

We get to the location

and immediately I start working to concentrate on what we needed

to get done between Jesse and the little people in the laundromat.

You should be like... HE SCREAMS

I'm getting you clean!

-Like you're crazy.

-Yeah, yeah!

I think the little people did have a blast.

They know the people point and laugh at them

and they're totally comfortable within themselves and they have fun right back.

Yeah!

THEY LAUGH

I just treat them like they're any other one of my friends.

You know, they're exactly the same as us, they're just that big.

-Jesse, take five, man.

-Yeah!

-Yeah, get out here.

-See you guys! Thanks!

Perfect. That's hilarious.

How about if the individual that saves the day is a male model?

It would be somebody.

I don't know if we should start over...

We had issues with Daniel, our small individual.

So, we had to let him go.

I wanted to have a team meeting, as did Khloe and Joan, to say,

"It's just not working out."

OK, Clint, what do you think? What should we do?

What if we can get another little person?

Don't you think we should have something else?

Maybe we should get me doing it just to have as back up.

Hey, Joe, right now,

while we're waiting, we'll get me doing this.

-OK. Great.

-All right.

He fired one of the actors

because he wasn't good before yet a replacement!

Unforgivable!

And then Clint sat in on it?

Well, now your joke about little is kind of gone,

even though Clint is small.

And rolling.

Hey, sweetie, you want to do some dirty laundry tonight?

Hey, sweetie, you want to do some dirty laundry tonight?

Hey, sweetie, do want to do some dirty laundry tonight?

What the hell...? We started off with a little person then the little person turned into Clint.

I have no idea how this has anything to do with laundry detergent.

I have no idea what the method to Clint's madness is.

I don't even know if he had a method,

I think it was just madness going on.

I don't understand. Like, come on!

I just don't get it. This is embarrassing.

It really is.

-OK, do you want to just look at that?

-Yeah. Cut.

What are we doing?

Now, what are we doing?

-Clint, you're now going to be the hero?

-I have no idea.

- hat are we doing here? - I don't know.

-Yeah, let's regroup.

-What are we doing here?

Well, if Clint is doing it for the Small and Mighty thing...

-It doesn't make sense.

-No.

-I think we should all...

-Mud wrestle.

What is...? All right, I'm going to take a stand here.

What is the story?

If Clint is doing it, then we don't have little person to say...

-Tell us what we're doing.

-Settle down.

-Yeah, but, Clint, don't keep it in your head.

-Joan!

No, I'm not going to settle down, let's figure out what we're doing.

-Wait just a second.

-You and the GP are doing shots and breaking down...

Wait one second and I'll explain. If you would wait one second...

Don't explain, discuss. Discuss! You have no right to explain.

We haven't okayed anything here.

A model was fired, does that mean that you are going to be the star?

Don't you think you should talk to us?

Maybe we should get another person in. Let's discuss!

It makes no sense! What are you planning to do?

'I don't know what's going on with Joan.'

Throughout the day, she was very resistant to my leadership.

It didn't feel to me like she thought I was the boss.

It's well beyond insolence, it's insubordinate.

There are two things that I believe our cause for immediate termination,

and that's dishonesty and insubordination.

Just tell me what the hell we're doing.

And silence doesn't work with me.

I'm really not interested in silence and sneering and superiority.

Because I will match you in superiority.

We have three ladies here that want to talk to you

about what the hell the script is. Yes or no?

Yeah, we should know what to do next.

I want to hear more than anyone what you have to say.

I'm even taking my earrings off so I won't miss anything.

By the way, these are J406802 QVC,

29.95. Fabulous! Go ahead.

So, the plan was we go with me doing the role

and then one of you guys play the role of the female.

THEY LAUGH

- OK. Khloe, would you like to get in the lingerie?

No. Joan?

Oh, yeah, right.

- This was not a good day.

I don't know how are going to finish this.

- I'm not putting my name on this.

THEY LAUGH

-OK, our model, I believe, has arrived. Ashley.

-Hi, how are you?

Hi, Ashley. How are you doing?

We hired a woman to be the wife or girlfriend.

I still don't really know who these people are to each other.

I have never been more confused, I think,

than I have been today or have felt more useless.

I don't even know what our commercial is at this point.

-Tell me what you want me to do.

-Right now, there's nothing.

-As long as you know we're here for you.

-Yep, we're ready.

- Excuse me. Hello.

Clint dismissed the women...

Ring, ring.

..which was just as well, because I will not work with him again.

Life is too short. I'm so mad I'm going to knock his damn hat off.

HE LAUGHS

We could do it tomorrow night, I promise.

Clint had his model, he was directing,

and it felt really awkward because we didn't have anything to do.

We really didn't. We could only eat lunch and hang around for so long.

We were pretty bored.

Hello. Hi. When are you coming here?

Hersch had a prior engagement, but he's been texting me,

asking what ideas we come up with and I'm just, "I don't know."

I have no idea what's going on.

She's asleep right now because we have nothing else to do

but lay here. You will die.

No, I'm not joking.

I think we're going to lose. And if we do end up losing,

I personally think Clint should be fired.

But honestly, if any one of us gets fired, fine.

This day has been so weird I wouldn't put it past anybody.

I don't even... I have no idea.

-Did you see what we did to their sneakers?

-Yes, it looks awesome.

-These wigs couldn't be more perfect.

-You're going to look great.

Tionne and Annie handled the wardrobe,

which to me, was probably the most important part.

It's cool to have them running around, but they look like little All detergent bottles...

Now that's funny.

So, let me ask you a question, is it really "little people"?

Seriously, is "midget" offensive?

All right, here we go, this is it. Oh, that's amazing!

That's fantastic!

-You're happy?

-I'm very happy.

-- You guys did a good job.

-Thank you.

'I really don't like this outfit.'

It really looks like one of those Oompa-Loompa creepy little things.

I don't like it. I look like a Village guy.

Can I hear the branding line? I just want to hear them, because I'm in charge of the branding.

-We're going to do this more in post.

-OK, great.

I gave Annie tasks she's great at,

the brand message to make sure it's in there.

-We just have to make sure we're really going over the top.

-Annie...

-No, I believe you, I'm just...

-I know.

I just need to immediately get her focused and so far so good.

Ready and scrub!

THEY SCREAM

THEY LAUGH

Jesse was fantastic. Like, Jesse took that concept

and just was so funny.

After the initial blow up Jesse being, like, "No."

He compromised well and he is clearly really creative.

And he knows what he's doing.

So, I think is a really good addition to the team.

THEY SCREAM

-So, you want us up here?

-Yes.

-OK. In you go.

The second location was to be my hotel room at the Trump International Hotel

to shoot our actress upstairs in the hotel room.

I'm thinking I could be over there.

I had a previous engagement

and I lost a couple of hours

but I finally got to the hotel to meet with the team,

so maybe I can see it and maybe try to put my two cents in it

and I was there when Ivanka came to visit.

Why don't we tell them the story of the purpose regarding what we're shooting?

The husband - "You want to do some dirty laundry tonight?"

The wife says, "I can't do it tonight, I promise you tomorrow."

'Ivanka came in at a very bad time

'when it was totally too late to be saved. Too late to be saved.'

And he goes, "Oh, it was a small load, I already took care of it."

OK...

LAUGHTER

-That is...that's an interesting approach.

-It's just not shocking

and now we're implying using laundry detergent with masturbation...

What?

Yes. That's what he's implying!

I picked that up!

Originally, she was going to hook up with a little person.

But how do you do this without a little person?

It's time to think of a new strategy.

'Ivanka did not think it was funny. She thought it was offensive.'

'I can't sell it, and I'm dying to hear

'Clint argue this in the boardroom.

'I'm dying to hear this.'

-Joan's like a world-famous comedian. Her input on this...

-Oh, my God!

Joan's ideas were great, but we weren't allowed to change it,

we tried to change it

-before we even started filming.

-We're going to sit while he directs the other thing totally,

and then we're going to go to editing and do nothing, and this is madness.

I can imagine people being offended by it.

'I never knew if I left, it was going to be like this.'

People are like, they're upset!

'And it's like, what's going on here?'

-We've got to move a lot faster, Joe.

-What would you like me to do?

You want me to wait down there, you need me up here?

I don't know there's a lot you can do up here.

You sure? You OK?

-Just calm down.

-I'm just in a hurry, I'm rushing.

He's rushing around like a house on fire.

He is just so hyper.

You guys see Donald Trump's book around here anywhere?

'He's running around, I try to talk to him, he's not listening'

so I knew then, he didn't want my input.

Action.

Honey, the housework was a little easier than I thought.

We could still do the dirty laundry if you want to.

That's OK, honey. Just a small load, I did it myself.

-Go again?

-Right away. Yup.

You're doing great. It's working great.

'This scene we're going to shoot in the bedroom,'

I didn't get it.

The lady's walking in and takes off her housecoat,

in her skimpies.

Clint is in bed holding Mr Trump's book,

with tissues on the side.

So I'm like, "What in the world is this scene here?"

OK, ready, stay right there. Yeah, right there.

Like, that's why I said, I think Clint just misses his wife.

And like, he just couldn't get over it

because I'm like, "What has this got to do with all?"

-I don't get how it's funny, or, like...

-It is not funny.

It is not well acted. It is not brilliantly shot.

'I think it's a disgrace

'that five talented people came up with this piece of garbage.'

That's OK, sweetie. It was a small load. I did it by hand.

'I find it so offensive. I don't know what he was thinking.'

I think the hat which he wears constantly must be just too tight.

'When your brain is squeezed all these years,

'that's the result, you sit in bed with a Donald Trump book'

and a box of Kleenex.

-We are committed to this direction in the joke...

-No.

You did it, so you're committed.

I'm committed to this direction

and I just need to make decisions about the final edit.

'This morning we got in the van'

and came over to the edit bay to do the last steps

of our viral video. This is Clint's project,

so he did it, he set it up,

did not let us do anything,

so this is on Clint.

Can you put captions over someone's head after you edit?

-Yes.

-Oh, yeah.

-You can?

I'm just throwing this out, I'm throwing it out.

When you call her,

you're talking about this, she's talking about something else.

He would call her up and say, "Let's do some dirty laundry."

"I need it and I need it bad."

Right. That's it.

I thought of this idea

to come up with these pop-ups that add to what someone may be thinking,

like, you say something to someone

and you're thinking, "He's a jerk,"

but you're nice to him, but still you're thinking he's an idiot.

I was thinking, if we can add that in, we're going to win this.

It would grab people's attention.

And that would take away all the seriousness of it, which is great.

-OK.

-OK.

-Are we ready to watch?

-Finally.

-Let's rock and roll.

-Notepad.

Lois is great as a project manager.

She's organised and on top of things

and she's a pretty sharp lady. I got a lot of respect for her.

-That's it!

-That's it, but we need to time it better.

Since All's main demographic is women,

it's good to see the women watching the video

and totally cackling out loud.

-Yeah!

-'As a team, if you give it 100%'

and do the absolute best you can

and everybody agrees and everybody works together, you can't lose.

I don't feel very good about what we have here,

and I was the project manager, so...

DEEP BREATH

He locked the door.

What the hell are we supposed to do here, then?

We're locked out? We're locked out!

We were not even allowed to go into the editing room. This was madness.

I really do not think the ladies could have brought anything

to the editing process.

I told the girls they could be most help by staying behind and relaxing

and hopefully, they take that as a nice gesture for them to enjoy.

It looks like it was done quickly.

If we could just put captions on,

we could say with each of our names, "Hi, this is Joan Rivers.

"I do not endorse what is coming..."

Each of us would do that.

That would be very funny.

'BLEEP! BLEEP!'

LAUGHTER

BLEEP!

If we lose, it is because the executives were

looking for something a little bit more wholesome.

BLEEP! BLEEP!

Melissa and Annie and Jesse have a good idea of what really sells.

I am going by their judgment because that is not my expertise.

We will see what happens.

We are done!

You have to title it. That's all we have left.

Jesse James Dirty With Midgets or Getting Dirty With Midgets?

I think Jesse James Dirty With Midgets.

We finished off our video. We came up with a title.

-Everyone happy?

-Yes.

If we lose and I get taken to the boardroom,

'I will ask my team who wants to go. The truth is that, if we lose, I have no choice but to take the bullet.'

I was the leader and there is not one person who did not do their job.

We are done. Jesse James Dirty With Midgets.

Let me call them in.

Kotu, we are ready.

We are going to a world premiere.

We are going to watch this from the top.

Please hold your comments until it is over.

I will go round and give each of you the chance to give your input

and we will try to make it better.

OK?

-'Hello.

-Hey, sweetie.'

'Shortly, Mr Trump will sit down with all the executives

'and Perez Hilton will give his opinion on the viral videos.'

'We can do it tomorrow, I promise.'

The executives said the demographic is women 25 and older.

I am that demographic and I had no idea

what the product was about.

'We are insulting the product.'

You are talking about masturbating with a laundry detergent.

-So, Herschel?

-I think you have to put captions on. That is my opinion.

-Anything else?

-I am trying to understand the video here.

I do not get it.

Everyone thinks their baby is the prettiest, no matter how ugly

the child may be.

I see so much that can be done to try to pep this up.

-Joan?

-It is very slick.

I don't know what it tells me.

I would not have a clue what to do with it unless we made it funny.

-I think it is cheesy.

-Do you want to leave it here?

Do you want to try to make it better?

We have an hour and a half.

-How do you feel?

-I think that is a mistake.

Why don't you let us do the pop-ups without you?

-You can make the decision.

-The time is too short.

-Here is what I would like to do.

-You say no to everything.

That is not true. Let's not waste time arguing.

-I am wasting time sitting here.

-If you want to waste your time

sitting here, I have important things to work on.

Tell me what the team is supposed to do.

-Why don't you...?

-What does the team do?

-I want to know.

-Wait a moment.

-Tell me what this team does.

-Am I the project manager?

-I don't care.

If you stop talking, I'll tell you what the team does.

Let's hear what the team does.

If you were the project manager, I would shut up

-as soon as you asked me to.

-That's not what project managers do.

I'm the driving force behind this task

and if we end up losing this task

and I'm brought back into the boardroom,

there's really only one person I could bring into the boardroom

with me and that's Joan.

If it weren't for Joan, we would've been a well-oiled machine.

We would have moved quickly.

Clint, you're a smart man, you're a bright man

and I hope we never see each other again when this is over.

So, Kevin, Shannon, let's look at these videos.

-Hello.

-Hey, sweetie.

I can't wait to see you when I get home.

-Want to do dirty laundry tonight?

-No, not tonight.

-All right.

His wife is going to love this.

My housework was easier than I thought.

-We could do the dirty laundry, if you want.

-Whoa!

No, that's OK, sweetie,

it was a small load, I did it by hand.

-Interesting.

-Very.

-Your constituents are going to find that racy.

-Yes.

-Absolutely.

Let's see the second one.

Am I on TV now?

Hi, I'm Jesse James.

I'm a car mechanic.

Sometimes when I work, I get really dirty, so I use All.

All, is three times concentrated.

That means it's three times as strong.

Ahh!

Stay fresh in your clothes all day long with All Small and Mighty.

-This is

-BLEEP!

Yo, what's wrong with you?

Yeah!

-Why don't we see what Perez Hilton thought?

-Fine, let's go.

Hello.

-Hi, it's Donald Trump, how are you?

-I'm quite well.

I just saw these two videos

and I have a lot of opinions on them.

Let's start with the Kotu one. I was very disappointed in it.

I think that they were short-sighted with making a video

that they thought was buzz-worthy.

I think they were going for humour,

but I didn't find it very funny at all.

Jesse James' video, I thought that one was excellent, actually.

I started laughing since the very beginning of the video.

If I didn't have to,

I wouldn't have watched the Kotu video all the way through.

With the Jesse James video,

who do you think the consumer that's going to pass it along would be?

The thing with the Jesse James video,

I found the video that his group made very appealing.

However, I am a gay man.

Perez, I had no idea. Is that true?

-It's very true.

-I had no idea. Go ahead.

I also think the video appeals to a younger, demographic straight man.

So one audience Perez has left out is women with children

and whether or not it would appeal to that group,

the group we really want to be talking to and connecting with.

That's where we think there's a disconnect.

Absolutely, I don't think either of those videos appeal to women

with children.

Perez, keep up the good work, you're terrific.

Thanks for thinking of me, I had fun.

-Thank you very much.

-Bye-bye.

Bye.

OK, so, what did you like about Athena?

I think the use of Jesse was interesting.

The brand message in it was really well done,

but I think that the title of it, using "midget" in there,

and also having the little people, go off and curse...

Which could also be very insulting to some people.

I don't know if they've used those folks in the right way.

It was a poor choice, to go in that direction, towards the end.

-What did you like about Kotu?

-Kotu's video,

I really liked the relaxing music.

I also liked the use of the thought bubbles

to keep the story going and tell the story.

I don't know if All wants to be the brand for cheating men.

We're not really about a closed-door activity. The laundry room's usually an open door.

-This could alienate our consumer.

-Definitely.

Due to the risque-ness and the cheating factor.

So, who did better? Who's the winner?

Hello.

Clint, how did you do?

We did OK, under the circumstances.

-What does that mean?

-Not great.

You didn't like it?

I think it ended up turning out better than I had expected.

Do you think your wife will be upset? She's an amazing woman.

-Will she be upset? That girl was beautiful.

-She has a sense of humour.

-She'd better!

Joan, what did you think of the video your team did?

-I am ashamed to be any part of it.

-Why?

-Because...

-Because it didn't do what we were supposed to do.

I thought it was dirty.

I thought it was stupid.

I don't think it handled the product in any way.

A woman washes her clothes and her husband says, "I don't need you now, cos I've masturbated"?

I'm sorry. I found it very offensive.

Joan was actually very verbal about this from the get-go.

-You let them know you didn't like it?

-I let them know I didn't like it

and, at the same time, I said, "I am here to do anything.

"I know I'm a good editor. I know I'm a good writer.

"I'm here to help you." I got down on my knees to you.

-On my knees.

-No!

-Yes.

You?! I've known you so many years,

you've never dropped to your knees for anyone, that I know of.

-My career could've been bigger.

-It would've been much bigger!

LAUGHTER

It's true. Joan had several ideas. They were incomplete.

-Why were they incomplete?

-They had a middle, not a beginning or end,

-or they had a beginning, not a middle or end.

-Joan?

-I'm a writer.

You start every sentence in a writing meeting with "what if?" -

of course they're not complete! This is called a brainstorm.

I was throwing a million ideas up and I said, "Take what you want,

"see if it works, if it doesn't work, throw it away."

He had the joke and we were doing the joke

and the joke didn't even work with the product.

Nobody even used the product for a happy ending.

Joan, do you like Clint?

I liked Clint. I hope I never see Clint again.

If he comes down a red carpet, I will turn my back.

-Would you like to see him perform?

-Never. I'm taking every CD and throwing it out of my house.

-Tell us how you really feel(!)

-I've taken this very personally.

How about our great golf champion? What do you think, Natalie?

We all talked about the idea, we brainstormed, thought it was funny,

we met with the executives. I thought we were all on the same page,

but we were way off. Our demographic was a she, she was a pretty conservative woman.

This was a very conservative brand.

And I was hoping we would start from ground zero.

Did you not know some of those things going into it?

If I'm thinking of detergent, I'd say it's a woman, a mother,

it's a little conservative. It's not exactly avant-garde.

But they wanted viral video.

Correct. But you can do viral with a message and it can still deliver. It's just a bit more difficult.

Herschel, what do you think?

I thought it was kind of silly. Then I thought Clint just missed his wife,

so that's the reason it was there.

And I'm not being mean. I wouldn't send that to anyone.

That's not something I'll send to a friend...

-You didn't really like the video very much?

-No.

Was it too late to choose another direction?

We're talking about half-formulated ideas that could counter Clint's suggestion. At some point,

you say, "While we're not happy, this is the only direction we have."

We didn't have any other ideas that I thought were better.

It's a lot easier to do your job when there's not dissent.

-Once your leader makes his decision, you carry it out as if it were your own.

-Which I did!

-That's not true.

-I did everything you asked me to do, Clint!

-Why are you so upset?

I am so personal about things being the best I can make them.

It's my whole life.

Clint, do they have women like Joan in the country?

Not too many!

Probably castrating bulls!

I'm not going to engage in any personal attacks.

Her idea was that we sit around the table talking about what we're going to do with the product

then we get into a big fight, I walk away and she spits in my hamburger...

Oh, she did not spit in your hamburger!

-That was her idea, Melissa.

-That was a joke!

Melissa, you don't like hearing this about your mother?

No, it's very hard to sit here...

I think it's great that you don't like it. You mind this?

I mind it terribly and also...

That's why you love your daughter, Joan. She couldn't stand it.

I was watching her, waiting. I was talking to you, cos I looked at her. She's ready to explode.

And now you have exploded. Go ahead, Melissa.

Well, also... Can I just talk for one sec, please?

-You'll be the first woman he'll allow that with...

-Wait, wait. You weren't there.

No, but can I address one thing?

That... That is what drives people a little batty. So...

-About what?

-Sometimes my mom doesn't let you get a full thought out.

Joan...you're fired.

OK!

MELISSA: And I understand that about her.

-Because of your daughter, right.

-I understand that.

-You mean she's basically a pain in the ass and somewhat obnoxious.

-No.

-Is your mother obnoxious?

-No.

-Do you think you're obnoxious?

-No.

-Not even a little bit?

-No!

I think I'm sarcastic. And I was offended...

But you love your mother and don't like to hear Clint talk about her that way.

Well, no. I also understand, kind of, the dynamic.

And how their personalities could clash.

I think a lot of the problem was Clint was trying to tell my mother what's funny.

And that's where I think...

That is hard to do.

She's one of the greatest in the world, maybe ever,

and you're trying to tell her what's funny. Not that you don't have a right to do that...

You would've thought you'd have spoken to Joan Rivers and asked for her idea.

All right.

Let's get to Melissa.

How do you think your video did?

It was funny and silly to the point where you can't believe

what your watching, but it never offends the product.

-I want to play both videos.

-OK.

-Let's see 'em. Go ahead, Kotu.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Hey, sweetie. I can't wait to see you when I get home.

-Going to do some dirty laundry tonight?

-No, not tonight.

-All right.

-We can do it tomorrow night, I promise.

All right. Tomorrow night.

My housework was a little easier than I thought it would be. We could still do the dirty laundry if you want?

That's OK, sweetie, it was a small load. I did it by hand.

-Is that all?

-Yes, it was All. Small and Mighty.

All Small and Mighty. Time-release freshness

while wearing your clothes. With fresh release essentials.

Visit all-laundry.com

Annie, what did you think of Kotu's video?

I thought it was terrible! I didn't understand it, it wasn't viral, it wasn't pushing the edge.

It was pushing the edge in one way.

But in a way that wasn't...

-It was more porn than viral.

-I was offended by it.

Do you agree the girl had an amazing body?

I think you should bring her in immediately, because I'd like to have her walk up and down.

And then fire her.

Don't know if I have the authority, but I'd be happy to help you out.

OK, very good.

Brande, you're one of the queens of bodies. She was great, right?

-In the sense of physical?

-She didn't look like the mom of four kids.

-I would say she didn't have lots of children.

-I don't want to see that. I think I'm the demographic of all.

In fact, I use it. And I have four children...

-You have four children?

-I do, yes. 13, 10, 8 and 6.

-And I do a lot of laundry.

-You didn't adopt?

-They came out of my body.

-Wow, you look great, congratulations!

-Thank you!

OK, let's go. The other one.

Am I on TV now?

Hi, I'm Jesse James. I'm a car mechanic.

Sometimes when I work, I get really dirty,

so I use All Small and Mighty,

with...with fresh release essentials.

It gets my clothes...

..clean.

All is three times concentrated. That means...

it's three times as strong.

THEY YELL

DING!

Stay fresh in your clothes all day long with All Small and Mighty.

GONG CHIMES

-That's a

-BLEEP!

Yo, what's wrong with you?! What happened?

-I'm outta here too.

-BLEEP!

Yeah!

I like that.

So, that's where all the little people were working yesterday!

Natalie was laughing!

I mean, that's not very good for your team.

-Even if you like it, you shouldn't be laughing.

-I'm sorry!

-I've seen Jesse act much better than that.

-What's interesting

is that your team was really cracking up. They really liked it.

-You know who else liked it? Perez Hilton.

-Thank you.

Joan, what did you think of Athena's video?

I thought it was hilarious. I would send that on. I loved Jesse.

Do you think they're going into the right demographic with Jesse?

Absolutely. Women will laugh.

OK.

- Women like Jesse. - A lot.

That's a proven fact. That's a proven fact, Jesse, huh?

Did you like working with the women and what was the difference between working with the men?

You know what, these are four super smart, strong, amazing ladies.

It was by far the best team experience I've had to date on this show.

Oh! We love you, Jesse!

Melissa, why did you make the little people curse at the end?

-We just thought...

-Whose idea was it?

That was everybody's idea.

- And that, again, pushed it... - It's pretty aggressive.

-..out of bad commercial, again, into the viral category.

-Do you think using the little people

and using the word "midget" - do you think that was offensive

to a large group in our population?

One thing we did was we searched the internet for the most used keywords

when searching viral videos.

And "midget" is one of the top five words.

Tionne, do you think you won?

-I feel like we did.

-You really stepped up last week.

-Thank you.

-I was very proud of you. That was great.

-I appreciate it.

OK. I think it's time to find out...

Ultimately, the executives from all made the decision.

And their decision was that...

they hated both videos.

There's no winner here tonight.

Melissa, they didn't like yours.

They didn't like the demeaning of the little people.

They didn't like the foul language. You know, it is All detergent.

With yours, they hated that you had a woman on

and it was like a porn deal and they're catering to woman from all over the country, the world,

that want to buy detergent.

They don't need a beautiful woman in a bikini, and you're getting crazy.

And...

I agree with them.

I'm going to ask Clint to pick two people to come back into the boardroom.

I'm going to ask Melissa to pick two people

and come back into the boardroom.

You're going to come back together and I'm going to fire two people. OK?