20/07/1973 The Good Old Days


20/07/1973

Leonard Sachs presents a 1973 edition of the old-time music hall show from the City Varieties Theatre, Leeds. With Charlie Drake, Wilfred Pickles, Lorne Lesley and Hugh Paddick.


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Transcript


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SINGING

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FANFARE PLAYS

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Once again...

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BOOING

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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

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-ALL:

-Good evening!

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My own...

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LAUGHTER

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..prognosticatory...

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BOOING

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..predilection... BOOING

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..forplethorical...

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BOOING ..polysyllabification.

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BOOING AND JEERING

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Far too many long words...

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BOOING

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..normally precludes oversimplification, but TONIGHT...

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(The devil...) ..it's just Charlie...Drake!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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HE TUTS

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Hello, my darlings.

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-ALL:

-Hello.

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Say it once more. Say it back to me. You ready? One, two, three.

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Hello, my darlings.

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-ALL:

-Hello, Charlie.

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Beautiful.

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# When you're feeling sad and blue

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# And the job's too much for you

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# This is what you've got to do... Sing!

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-ALL:

-# Hello, my darling!

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# Happiness is on its way

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# This is what you've gotta say

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# It's a happy day today...

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Sing!

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# Hello, my darling!

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# Wear a grin upon your sleeve

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# Smile and wink your eyes

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# You will find to your surprise

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# Happiness will multiply

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# Let it rain, let it shine

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# Everything will turn out fine

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# The whole darn world is yours and mine... Sing!

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# Hello

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# Hello

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# Hello

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# Hello

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# Hello

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# My darling! #

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Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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One, two, three.

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# I gets up in the morning about a half past eight

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# I'm always punctual

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# Never, never late

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# With a nice cup of tea

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# A little round of toast

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# The Sporting Life and the Winning Post

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# I gets all nice and tidy

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# Then I toddles off to work

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# I do the best I can

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# Still I'm only a-doin' what a bloke should do

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-ALL:

-# Cos I'm only a workin' man!

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# Yes, I'm only a-doin' what a bloke should do

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# Cos I'm only a-workin' man. #

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Thank you, thank you.

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-Good evening, sir.

-You are late.

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LAUGHTER

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-Pardon?

-You are late.

-Yeah...

-HE MUMBLES

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-What happened?

-I got the sack.

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I know that, but why?

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Considering that you come from a long line of plumbers,

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I should've thought you would've made a very good job

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-of being a plumber's mate.

-I know.

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I was doing very well as the plumber's mate, you see,

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-until Fanny Pankhurst...

-GIGGLING

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She was having a bath and she got her big toe stuck up the bath tap.

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LAUGHTER What happened?

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Well, the guv'nor said to me, "Get round to Fanny Pankhurst's house,"

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he said. "There's something wrong with her tap," he said.

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LAUGHTER

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-But he didn't mention that she had her big toe stuck up it?

-No.

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Not a word, he just gave me a ball cock and a spanner...

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LAUGHTER

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..and said, "Get round there."

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Howsomever, I got round there and there's Fanny Pankhurst,

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lady in a bath, with her big toe stuck up a tap.

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-What was she doing?

-Smiling.

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LAUGHTER

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Fanny Pankhurst was lying in a bath with her toe stuck up the tap

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and she was smiling?

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Yeah. And she said to me, "Do not be embarrassed, young man.

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"I keep on a-doin' it and innit a good job I like a lot of water?"

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-Then she screamed.

-Why did she scream?

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I dropped me ball cock.

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LAUGHTER

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And it got tangled in the chain, pulled the tug out

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and all the water started going down.

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So, I turned the taps on to try and keep the water a decent level,

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then I trod on the soap and fell in.

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You fell in the bath with Fanny Pankhurst?

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Well, not exactly.

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Cos as I fell in, her big toe popped out

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and she rushed off hollering and screaming.

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-And then the phone rang.

-The phone by the bath?

-Mm-hm.

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Well, who was it?

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Her husband.

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"Who's that?" he said. Yeah.

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"Who's there?" he said.

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-"Charles Drake, casual labourer..."

-HE TRAILS OFF

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LAUGHTER

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"What are you doing in my house?" He said, "What are you doing there?"

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I said, "I'm having a bath at the moment."

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-"Where's my wife?" he said.

-LAUGHTER

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I said, "She was in here with me a minute ago."

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He thereupon let out a long string of expletives.

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Then he swore.

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And 20 minutes later, he come round and punch me in the eye.

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-20 minutes later he punched you in the eye?

-Yeah.

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Well, tell me, when you hung up the phone,

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why didn't you get to blazes out of there?

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-I couldn't, couldn't.

-Why not?

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-I had me big toe stuck up...

-LAUGHTER

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Shall we sing?

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Well, I can't, but let's.

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# He gets up in the morning when the clock strikes eight

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# I'm always punctual

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# Never, never late

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# With a nice cup of tea and a little piece of toast

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# The Sporting Life and the Winning Post

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# He gets all nice and tidy

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# Then he toddles off to work

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# I do the best I can

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# Still he's only doing what a man should do

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-ALL:

-# Cos I'm only a workin' man

-Take it, Leonard.

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# Yes, he's doing what a man should do

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Beautiful.

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# Cos he's only a working man. #

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And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have youth at the helm

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and beauty at the prow.

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We give you for your agilitory accolade...

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We hope you will give a very, very warm welcome

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to a very young newcomer.

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An adolescent lark ascendant.

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Ms Cheryl Taylor.

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# Life is sweet and gay

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# All the world's a play

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# There are blossoms of sunbeams that glorify the day

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# And a gentle breeze wafting through the trees

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# Serenades me with music of tender melodies

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# Ah-ah-ah

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# Ah-ah-ah

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# Ah! Ha-ah-ha-ah

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# Life is sweet to me

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# So sweet and heavenly

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# Today, I'm falling in love with life

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# This is May time

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# Flowers in bloom

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# Banish the gloom

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# This is play time

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# Joy fills the air in the May time

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# Ha-ah-ah-ah

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# La-ha-ah

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# La-ah-ah-ah-ha-ha-ah

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# La-ah-ah-ah

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# La-ah-ah-ah

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# And my heart is so light and gay

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# Spring in my heart

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# Is forever and ever to be

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# And I'll sing to the birds

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# As they sing to me

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# Ha-ah-ah

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# Ha-ah-ha-ah

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# La-ah, la-ah, la-ah-ah-ha

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# Spring with its song

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# Will forevermore be part of my heart

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# Ah...

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# Spring in my heart

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# Is forever and ever to be

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# And I'll sing to the birds

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# As the birds sing to me

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# Ha-ah-ah

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# Ha-ah-ah

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# Ha-ha-ah-ha-ha

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# Springtime and I will never part

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# Spring is in my heart, ah-ah-ah

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# Every day

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# I'll adore...

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# For evermore

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# Spring in my heart. #

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Wasn't...

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It wasn't very long ago that an American poet wrote,

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"Your youth is like a water-wetted stone,

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"bright with a beauty not its own."

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And now, ladies and gentlemen, in a paroxysmically...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

-..percussive...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

-..perpetration...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..that assiduously sanctimonious sorority.

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I bet that's not your sister. LAUGHTER

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Ms Doreen Hermitage

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and Ms Stella Moray!

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-BOTH:

-# I am saved, I am

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# I am saved, I am

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# I am S-A-V-E-D

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What's your hurry?

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# I am saved, I am

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-# I am saved...

-You know I've got bad feet.

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# I am S-A-V-E-D

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# Behold in us two pious girls

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# We're very sanctified

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# La-la-la-la...

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LAUGHTER

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# Since 12 months from this very day

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# We've never sinned

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# Nor lied

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# The path of goodness now we tread

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# And think it mighty grand

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# For we have joined the noble lot -

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# The hallelujah band

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# La-la-la-la

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SHE BEATS TAMBOURINE

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# They call me Happy Eliza

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# And me, Converted Jane

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# We've been so wicked in our time

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# We'll never be so again

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# So, won't you come and join us?

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# It's easily understood

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# We're hallelujah sisters

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# And we're bound to do you good

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# Yes, we're hallelujah sisters

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# And we're bound to do you good. #

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CYMBALS CRASH

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I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

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# We...

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# Know that very good we are

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# But strangely to relate

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# Ah...

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# Although we're often deep in thought

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Oh, my head.

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# We don't forget the plate

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# For money, we can't do without

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# For nice things, we all crave

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# We tell you all we have such fun

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# As through the streets, we rave

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CYMBALS CRASH

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# They call me Happy Eliza

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# And me, Pervert...Converted Jane

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# We've been so wicked in our time... Psst!

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# Never to again

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# So, won't you come and join us?

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# It's easily understood

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# We're hallelujah sisters

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# And we're bound to do you good

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-Go, girl, go!

-# We're hallelujah sisters

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# And we're bound to do you good

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# Do you good... # I'm on the wrong foot.

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APPLAUSE

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You always are!

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# So, come my...

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Oh.

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-# So, come my...

-Oh.

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After you.

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# So come, my noble brethren, come

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# And join our noble flock...

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# La-la-la

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Naughty, naughty.

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# It's not so bad as you may think

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# For we've a right good stock

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# Of buxom lassies

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# Young and fair

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Eh...

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# Not like big chumps of wood

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# But all are truly beautiful

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# And bound to do you good

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# They call me Happy Eliza

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# And me, Converted Jane

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# We've been so wicked in our time

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# We'll never be so again

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-# So won't you come and join us?

-I can't do it.

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# It's easily understood

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# We're hallelujah sisters and we're bound to do you good... #

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It's funny I can't do it.

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Mine are bigger than hers and I just can't do it.

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Anyway, we'll see you on Sunday.

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God bless you.

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Very nice to see you. Thank you so much.

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Oh, dear.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Epitomising the acme,

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the zenith, the apogee,

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the apotheosis of empathetic philosophising,

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who but your own Wilfred Pickles?

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APPLAUSE AND FANFARE

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-Now, don't laugh at my suit.

-LAUGHTER

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You want to see what you look like down there.

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LAUGHTER

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-Leonard, I think you'd agree with me that...

-I always agree with you.

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..one of the most popular forms of entertainment today

0:17:350:17:38

-is the musical monologue...

-Yes.

-..or recitation.

-Yes.

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First of all, I'm going to do one, a short one,

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that I hope you've never heard.

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-Now we're a nation of dog lovers. I know you are.

-Yeah.

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And this woman, Winifred Letts,

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she wrote this about her favourite dog.

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She really did love him. And he is Tim, an Irish terrier.

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And she says...

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Oh, it's wonderful dogs they're breeding now

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Small as a flea and as large as a cow

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But me old lad Tim, he'll never be bet

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By any dog that ever he met

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"Come on," says he, "For I'm not kilt yet"

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Do you notice the scars at the side of his ear

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The like of a Dublin fusilier?

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He's a massacree dog that knows no fear

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But he'd stick with me till his latest breath

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And he'd go with me to the gates of death

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And wait for a thousand years maybe

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Scratching the door and whining for me

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If myself were inside in purgatory

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So, I laugh when I hear men make it plain

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That dogs and men never meet again

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For all their talk, who'd listen to them?

0:18:480:18:51

With the soul in the shining eyes of him

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Would God be wasting a dog like Tim?

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APPLAUSE

0:18:590:19:03

Well, now, Leonard, the monologue. I bet you know it.

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Philosophy, as I said.

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And I think if we all took notice of the words of this,

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written by Tom Bracken,

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the world would be a better place to live in,

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and it's called Not Understood.

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Not understood, we move along asunder

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Our path grows wider as the seasons creep along the years

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We marvel and we wonder why life is life

0:19:380:19:43

And then we fall asleep not understood

0:19:430:19:48

Not understood, we gather false impressions

0:19:480:19:52

And hug them closer as the years go by

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Till virtues often seem to us transgressions

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And thus men rise and fall and live and die

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Not understood

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Not understood

0:20:080:20:10

Poor souls with stunted vision

0:20:100:20:13

Oft measure giants by their narrow gauge

0:20:130:20:18

The poisoned shafts of falsehood and derision

0:20:180:20:22

Is oft impelled on those who mould the age

0:20:220:20:26

Not understood

0:20:270:20:30

Not understood

0:20:300:20:31

The secret springs of action

0:20:310:20:33

That lie between the surface and the show are disregarded

0:20:330:20:37

With self-satisfaction we judge our neighbours

0:20:370:20:42

And they often go

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Not understood.

0:20:440:20:46

Not understood.

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How trifles often change us

0:20:480:20:50

The thoughtless question or the fancied slight

0:20:500:20:54

Destroy long years of friendship and estrange us

0:20:540:20:58

And on our souls there falls a freezing blight

0:20:580:21:03

Not understood

0:21:030:21:05

Not understood

0:21:060:21:07

How many souls are aching for lack of sympathy

0:21:070:21:12

Aye, day by day

0:21:120:21:14

How many cheerless, lonely hearts are breaking

0:21:140:21:18

How many noble spirits pass away

0:21:180:21:21

Not understood.

0:21:210:21:23

Oh, God

0:21:240:21:25

That men would see a little clearer

0:21:250:21:28

Or judge less harshly where they cannot see

0:21:280:21:33

Oh, God

0:21:330:21:34

That men would draw a little nearer to one another

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They'd be nearer Thee

0:21:380:21:40

And understood.

0:21:400:21:43

APPLAUSE

0:21:430:21:46

FANFARE

0:21:490:21:52

A fan faranade...

0:22:040:22:07

-AUDIENCE:

-Oh!

0:22:070:22:09

French.

0:22:090:22:10

..from Mr Bernard Herrmann and his frenzied affiliates.

0:22:100:22:15

APPLAUSE

0:22:150:22:18

For mellifluousness made ineffably manifest,

0:22:180:22:23

ladies and gentlemen,

0:22:230:22:25

yet another final farewell performance

0:22:250:22:29

from those final farewell performers ad infinitum.

0:22:290:22:33

Once again, the Bancrofts!

0:22:330:22:37

FANFARE AND APPLAUSE

0:22:370:22:41

# Arcady, Arcady

0:22:430:22:47

# Is ever... #

0:22:470:22:50

LAUGHTER

0:22:500:22:53

-Desiree! If...

-LAUGHTER

0:22:550:22:59

Would you mind...? Desiree! Ethel!

0:22:590:23:03

You're off! Where the hell are you?

0:23:030:23:06

# Arcady

0:23:060:23:08

-BOTH:

-# Arcady is ever young

0:23:080:23:15

APPLAUSE

0:23:150:23:18

# In Arcady life flows along as careless as the shepherd's song

0:23:180:23:23

# That Strephon pipes along the lea In Arcady, in Arcady!

0:23:230:23:29

# In Arcady life trips along as lightsome as a pixy throng

0:23:290:23:34

# Who sport beneath the greenwood tree

0:23:340:23:37

# In Arcady, in Arcady

0:23:370:23:41

# In Arcady

0:23:410:23:44

# In Arcady

0:23:440:23:48

# Drone of bees amid the flowers

0:23:520:23:55

# Heralding the summer noon

0:23:550:23:57

# Songs of birds amid the bowers

0:23:570:24:00

# Litany of joyous June

0:24:000:24:03

-# Hush

-Hush?

0:24:030:24:05

# And murmur of the leaves

0:24:050:24:07

# As the zephyr comes and goes

0:24:070:24:09

# Green and gold of ripening sheaves

0:24:090:24:11

# Sailing clouds of pearl and rose

0:24:110:24:16

# The heart to love

0:24:160:24:18

# The eye to see

0:24:180:24:20

# These are the joys of Arcady!

0:24:200:24:26

-LAUGHTER

-# Crimson splendour of the west

0:24:260:24:30

# Glamour of the twilight-tide

0:24:300:24:32

-It's caught! It's caught!

-# Evening...

0:24:320:24:34

-Pardon?

-That's my bag! Oh!

0:24:340:24:37

# In Arcady life flows along as careless as the shepherd's song

0:24:370:24:41

# That Strephon pipes along the lea

0:24:410:24:43

# In Arcady

0:24:430:24:45

-# In Ar

-# Ca

0:24:450:24:46

# Dy

0:24:460:24:48

# In Arcady life trips along as lightsome as a pixy throng

0:24:480:24:51

# Who sport beneath the greenwood tree

0:24:510:24:53

# In Arcady, in Arcady

0:24:530:24:56

# In Arcady

0:24:560:24:57

# In Arcady. #

0:24:570:25:04

APPLAUSE

0:25:040:25:06

# Moon, Moon, mischief-making Moon

0:25:120:25:18

# What are you doing there?

0:25:180:25:23

# You seem like a fairy dream

0:25:230:25:28

# Up in the midnight air

0:25:280:25:33

# When I look at you I always know

0:25:330:25:38

# You will shoot me with your silver bow

0:25:380:25:44

# Just as soon as the daylight's gone

0:25:440:25:49

# Well, it's then I feel a foolish sort of feeling coming on

0:25:490:25:57

# I'm such a silly when the moon comes out

0:25:590:26:02

# I hardly seem to know what I'm about

0:26:020:26:05

-# Skipping

-# Hopping

0:26:050:26:07

# Never, never stopping

0:26:070:26:08

# I can't keep still, although I try

0:26:080:26:11

# I'm all a-quiver when the moonbeams glance

0:26:110:26:14

# That is the moment when I long to dance

0:26:140:26:17

-# I can

-# Never

0:26:170:26:19

# Close a sleepy eye

0:26:190:26:20

# When the moon comes creeping up the sky

0:26:200:26:24

# I'm such a silly when the moon comes out

0:26:240:26:28

# She hardly seems to know what she's about

0:26:280:26:33

-# Skipping

-Ah!

0:26:330:26:34

-# Hopping

-Ah!

0:26:340:26:35

-# Never, never stopping

-Achoo!

0:26:350:26:37

# I can't keep still, although I try

0:26:370:26:38

# She tries hard but can't

0:26:380:26:40

# I'm all a-quiver when the moonbeams glance

0:26:400:26:42

# That is the moment when I long to dance

0:26:420:26:45

# I can never close a sleepy eye

0:26:450:26:48

# When the moon comes creeping up

0:26:480:26:50

# The moon comes creeping up

0:26:500:26:51

# The moon comes creeping up the sky. #

0:26:510:26:54

APPLAUSE

0:26:540:26:56

I used to have a bigger handkerchief but it shrunk.

0:27:130:27:16

From Cardiff, the colic conviviality

0:27:160:27:21

and the longitudenaly...

0:27:210:27:24

-AUDIENCE:

-Oh!

0:27:240:27:26

..libidinous...

0:27:260:27:29

luminosity of Miss Lorne Lesley.

0:27:290:27:34

APPLAUSE AND FANFARE

0:27:340:27:37

# There's a boy I'm mad about

0:27:470:27:51

# And he always takes me out

0:27:510:27:54

# I hug him

0:27:540:27:56

# I squeeze him

0:27:560:27:58

# I tease him so

0:27:580:28:03

# And we always can be found

0:28:030:28:06

# When there's no-one else around

0:28:060:28:09

# Do we cuddle?

0:28:090:28:11

# Do we pet?

0:28:110:28:13

# You ain't seen nothing yet

0:28:130:28:16

# I love him

0:28:190:28:21

# In the morning

0:28:210:28:23

# And I love him at night

0:28:230:28:27

# I love him

0:28:270:28:29

# Yes, I love him

0:28:290:28:31

# When the stars are shining bright

0:28:310:28:35

# I love him in the springtime

0:28:350:28:38

# And I love him in the fall

0:28:380:28:42

# But last night on the back porch

0:28:420:28:46

# I loved him best of all

0:28:460:28:50

# Every time that we're alone

0:29:030:29:06

# I just call him on the phone

0:29:060:29:10

# I hurry

0:29:100:29:12

# I scurry

0:29:120:29:13

# I worry so

0:29:130:29:16

# I'm afraid that I might see

0:29:180:29:21

# Someone there in place of me

0:29:210:29:24

# If I lost him, what a blow

0:29:240:29:28

-# I love him, oh, oh, oh!

-LAUGHTER

0:29:280:29:35

# I love him in the morning

0:29:350:29:39

# And I love him at night

0:29:390:29:43

# I love him

0:29:430:29:45

# Yes, I love him

0:29:450:29:47

# When the stars are shining bright

0:29:470:29:50

# I love him in the springtime

0:29:500:29:54

# And I love him in the fall

0:29:540:29:58

# But last night on the back porch

0:29:580:30:02

# I loved him best of all

0:30:020:30:06

# I love him in the morning

0:30:060:30:10

# I love him at night

0:30:100:30:13

# I love him

0:30:130:30:15

# Yes, I love him

0:30:150:30:17

# When the stars are shining bright

0:30:170:30:21

# I love him in the springtime

0:30:210:30:24

# And I love him in the fall

0:30:240:30:28

# But last night on the back porch

0:30:280:30:32

# I loved him

0:30:320:30:34

# Best of all. #

0:30:340:30:42

# I'm a typically English rosebud

0:30:560:30:59

# Born of typically English stock

0:30:590:31:02

# With a typically Anglo-Saxon family tree

0:31:020:31:07

# I received my education in a typically English way

0:31:070:31:13

# At a typically English girls' academy

0:31:130:31:19

# I play typically English tennis

0:31:220:31:25

# At my typically English club

0:31:250:31:27

# With a typically English feeling for fair play

0:31:270:31:33

# I eat typically English crumpet

0:31:330:31:37

# For my typically English tea

0:31:370:31:40

# At the end of every typically English day

0:31:400:31:46

# Mummy and Daddy are typically English people

0:31:460:31:51

# Love to sing the songs of yesterday

0:31:510:31:59

# I'm Burlington Bertie I rise at 10.30

0:31:590:32:03

# And saunter along like a toff

0:32:030:32:07

# I walk down the Strand with my gloves in my hand

0:32:070:32:10

# Then I walk up again with them off

0:32:100:32:14

# I'm Bert, Bert, I haven't a shirt

0:32:140:32:18

# But my people are well off you know?

0:32:180:32:22

# Nearly everyone knows me from Smith to Lord Roseberry

0:32:220:32:26

# I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow. #

0:32:260:32:29

# And then he'd row, row, row

0:32:310:32:34

# Way up the river he would row, row, row

0:32:340:32:37

# A hug he'd give her

0:32:370:32:39

# Then he'd kiss her now and then

0:32:390:32:40

# She would tell him when

0:32:400:32:41

# They'd fool around and fool around

0:32:410:32:43

# And then he'd kiss again

0:32:430:32:45

# And then they'd row, row, row

0:32:450:32:47

# A little further he would row Oh-oh-oh

0:32:470:32:52

# Then he'd drop both his oars

0:32:520:32:53

# And take a few more encores

0:32:530:32:56

# And then he'd row, row, row. #

0:32:560:33:03

# When I go to typically English dances

0:33:060:33:12

# So, if anyone cares to ask me

0:33:170:33:22

# How I like this typically English life

0:33:220:33:25

# I will tell them I've never been so... #

0:33:250:33:31

Vertiginously extrapolate.

0:33:310:33:34

-Vertiginously eh-eh...excraplanate.

-Extrapolate, yes.

0:33:340:33:39

# ..in my life. #

0:33:390:33:40

# I know a millionaire

0:34:000:34:03

# Who's burdened with a care

0:34:030:34:07

# A load is on his mind

0:34:070:34:13

# He's thinking of the day

0:34:130:34:16

# When he must pass away

0:34:160:34:20

# And leave his wealth behind

0:34:200:34:27

# I haven't any gold

0:34:270:34:30

# To leave when I grow old

0:34:300:34:33

# Somehow it passed me by

0:34:330:34:39

# I know I'm poor, but still I'll leave a precious will

0:34:390:34:46

# When I must say goodbye

0:34:460:34:52

# I'll leave the sunshine to the flowers

0:34:530:35:01

# I'll leave the springtime to the trees

0:35:010:35:07

# And to the old folks I'll leave the memories

0:35:070:35:13

# Of a baby upon their knee

0:35:130:35:19

# I'll leave the night-time to the dreamers

0:35:190:35:25

# I'll leave the songbirds to the blind

0:35:250:35:31

# I'll leave the moon above

0:35:310:35:35

# To those in love

0:35:350:35:38

# When I leave the world behind

0:35:380:35:44

# When I leave the world behind

0:35:440:35:51

# I'll leave the night-time to the dreamers

0:35:510:35:58

# I'll leave the songbirds to the blind

0:35:580:36:03

# I'll leave the moon above

0:36:030:36:07

# To those in love

0:36:070:36:11

# When I leave the world behind

0:36:110:36:18

# When I leave the world behind. #

0:36:180:36:33

And now for the irrefutably,

0:36:480:36:52

frenetic phantasmagoria...

0:36:520:36:56

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:36:560:36:58

..which is things moving across a screen of your own Charlie Drake!

0:36:580:37:05

APPLAUSE

0:37:050:37:08

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

0:37:190:37:22

BELL DINGS

0:37:220:37:23

-BELL RINGS

-'Right. One bell jar - fragile.'

0:37:270:37:31

GLASS SHATTERS

0:37:310:37:33

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

0:37:330:37:36

GLASS CLATTERS

0:37:520:37:55

GLASS CLATTERS

0:37:570:37:58

FALLING WHISTLE

0:37:580:38:00

OBJECTS CRASH AND CLATTER

0:38:020:38:04

-CUCKOO CLOCK CHIMES

-'One table lamp - fragile.'

0:38:070:38:11

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

0:38:140:38:16

AUDIENCE LAUGHS LOUDLY

0:38:200:38:23

FALLING WHISTLE

0:38:370:38:39

OBJECTS CRASH AND CLATTER

0:38:410:38:43

-OK.

-'One object more - fragile.'

0:38:450:38:49

-AUDIENCE:

-Ohhh.

0:38:510:38:54

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

0:39:010:39:03

METALLIC CLATTER

0:39:190:39:22

CRASHING

0:39:220:39:26

WOMAN SCREAMS SHRILLY

0:39:260:39:28

-OK.

-'Tea set - fragile.'

0:39:300:39:32

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:39:360:39:39

'Box of bricks.'

0:39:500:39:52

AUDIENCE SHRIEKS AND LAUGHS

0:39:530:39:56

-And next.

-'Half a tea service.'

0:40:060:40:10

Send any other off.

0:40:170:40:19

Classic time here tonight...

0:40:270:40:29

WARE CLATTERS

0:40:290:40:32

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:40:520:40:54

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

0:41:120:41:14

FALLING WHISTLE

0:41:140:41:17

CLATTER

0:41:170:41:19

Drake, what are you doing here?

0:41:210:41:24

-I'm just leaving, sir.

-Just leaving?

0:41:260:41:28

-Oh, my God, this is the end!

-CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYS

0:41:280:41:32

APPLAUSE

0:41:320:41:35

And, now, ladies and gentlemen, there's just time

0:41:490:41:51

to ask Mr Charlie Drake and Mr Wilfred Pickles

0:41:510:41:53

to lead the company and yourselves in the last chorus for tonight -

0:41:530:41:56

Down At The Old Bull And Bush.

0:41:560:41:58

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Charlie Drake, Mr Wilfred Pickles,

0:41:580:42:02

Mr Bernard Herrmann, the entire orchestra.

0:42:020:42:05

AUDIENCE CHEERS

0:42:050:42:08

-But this time, chiefly... ALL:

-Yourselves.

0:42:080:42:13

# Come, come, come and make eyes at me

0:42:160:42:19

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:42:190:42:22

# Da-da-da-da-da

0:42:220:42:23

# Come, come drink some port wine with me

0:42:230:42:27

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:42:270:42:29

# Hear the little German Band Da-da-da-da-da

0:42:310:42:35

# Just let me hold your hand, dear

0:42:350:42:38

# Come, come, come and have a drink or two

0:42:380:42:42

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush Bush-bush. #

0:42:420:42:47

CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYS

0:42:470:42:50

Leonard Sachs presents an edition of the old-time music hall programme, filmed in 1973 from the stage of the City Varieties Theatre, Leeds. Guests include Charlie Drake, Wilfred Pickles, Lorne Lesley and Hugh Paddick.


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