26/12/1974 The Good Old Days


26/12/1974

Leonard Sachs chairs an edition of the old-time music hall programme. Guests include Edward Woodward, the King's Singers, Sheila Bernette, Wilma Reading and Pierre Brahma.


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Transcript


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# God rest ye merry, gentlemen

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# Let nothing you dismay

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# Remember Christ our Saviour

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# Was born on Christmas day

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# To save us all from Satan's power

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# When we were gone astray

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# O tidings of comfort and joy

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# Comfort and joy

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# O tidings of comfort and joy. #

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# Good King Wenceslas looked out

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# On the feast of Stephen

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# When the snow lay round about

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# Deep and crisp and even

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# Brightly shone the moon that night

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# Though the frost was cruel

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# When a poor man came in sight

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# Gath'ring winter fuel. #

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APPLAUSE

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Hurray!

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Hurray!

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Once again!

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Hurray!

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Good evening...

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ladies and gentlemen!

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Hurray!

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LAUGHTER

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-Promulgatorally...

-Ooh!

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-..the peripherally...

-Ooh!

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-..plenitudinous...

-Ooh!

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..Players Theatre

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propinquitous to that paragon.

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The one and only...

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Mr Edward Woodward!

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APPLAUSE

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# Everybody knows him in his old brown hat

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# That he's got on his pim-pim-pimple

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# It only cost him a tenner down the cut

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# But it looks all right on his little wooden nut

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# Oh, I say, what do you think of that?

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# If he can't get what he orders in a pot

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# He'll have it in his old brown hat Well, why not?

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# Have it in his old brown hat Well, why not?

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# Have it in my old brown hat. #

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# I'm 'Enery the Eighth, I am

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# 'Enery the Eighth I am, I am

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# I'm getting married to the widow next door

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# She's been married seven times before

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# Every one was an 'Enery

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# She wouldn't have a Willie or a Sam

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# I'm her eighth old man called 'Enery

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# 'Enery the Eighth, I am. #

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# What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South

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# Ker-i-key! What a mouth he's got

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# When he was a youngster, Oh, Lord Lovell

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# His poor old mother used to feed him with a shovel

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# What a gap! Poor chap! He's never been known to laugh

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# Cos if he did, it's a penny to a quid

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# His face'd fall in half

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# Da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da # Ba-da, ba-da

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# In half! #

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# There's one day a week when we feel a bit gay

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-# That's Saturday

-# Saturday

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That's what I said, Saturday!

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# When your wages you get, it's all 'Hip-hoo-ray'

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-# On Saturday

-# Saturday

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# You can go through the week p'r'aps not getting a sub

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# But the day dawns at last when your 'oof-tish' you rub

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# And directly you've got it, you're down to the pub

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-# On Saturday

-# Saturday

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# Oh, Saturday! That's the day for me

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It is, too!

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# We have a fair old beano and we spend our L-S-D

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It's a lovely day, Saturday

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# On Monday morning we are always B-R-O-K-E

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Nice to see you, sir. Hello. Good evening.

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-# Oh, Saturday!

-Oh, you're a lovely-looking lot.

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-Beautiful!

-# Lovely, lovely Saturday

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Sprouting hairs there. Lovely. Very nice.

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# Is a day for... #

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# Boiled beef and carrots, Boiled beef and carrots

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# That's the stuff for your darby-kel

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# Keeps you fit and it makes you well

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# Don't live like vegetarians, on food they give to parrots

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# From morn till night, blow out your kite

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# On boiled beef and carrots. #

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# Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron?

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# You look neat, talk about a treat

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# You look dapper from your napper to your feet

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# Dressed in style, lovely tile

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# Your father's old green tie on

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# I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch chain

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# Old iron, old iron

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# Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron?

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# You look neat... #

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MUSIC STOPS Gotcha!

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Ooh, you've got to look alive tonight, my darlings.

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You got to look alive tonight, I tell ya.

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# Ooh, you look neat, talk about a treat

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# You look dapper from your napper to your feet

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# Dressed in style...

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MUSIC STOPS, HE LAUGHS

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I got caught myself then, didn't I? LAUGHTER

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Here we go, then.

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# Dressed in style, brand-new tile

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# Your father's old green tie on

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# I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch chain

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# Old iron, old iron. #

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Gotcha! Oh, no, no, no.

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One, a-two, a-three.

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# Old iron, old iron... #

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Very nice.

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# Oh, I say, what do you think of that?

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# If he can't get what he orders in a pot

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# He'll have it in his old brown hat Oh, why not?

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# Have it in his old brown hat Oh, why not?

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-# Have it in his old brown hat

-# Have it in my old brown hat

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# Have it in his old brown hat! #

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Thank you. Thank you.

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I promise you, ladies and gentlemen, you will have

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Mr Edward Woodward once again later on in the programme.

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CHEERING

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All of him, ladies. LAUGHTER

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The proliferation of paraphernalia

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is held harbinger for a Parisian exhibition.

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Ooh!

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Ladies and gentlemen, Brahma!

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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Well, I'm no lip-reader,

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but I distinctly saw that lady in the middle of the fourth row

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in the pink and lilac...

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or mauve pillbox hat,

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I distinctly saw her turn to her neighbour

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and say what she wouldn't do for diamonds next Christmas.

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A devastating juxtaposition...

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Oh!

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That merely means putting side-by-side.

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..of ingenious and ingenuous juvenilia, for your delight,

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Little Miss Sheila Bernette.

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APPLAUSE

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# When I was born, my Ma and Pa

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# They looked at me and said Oh, pshaw!

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# The doctor said It's a girl, I think

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# And Pa went out and got a drink

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# Then Ma said I looked just like Pa

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# And Pa said I took after Ma

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# Aunt Jane said I looked like a quince

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# And I've been a stepchild ever since

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# They always, always pick on me

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# They never, never let me be

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# I'm so very lonesome, awfully sad

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# It's a long time since I've been glad

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# But I know what I'll do by and by

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# I'll eat some worms and then I'll die

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# And when I'm gone you wait and see

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# They'll all be sorry that they picked on me

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# So there

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# One morning just at four o'clock

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# Somebody tried to pick our lock

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# I knew 'twas Papa sure as sin

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# And opened the door and let him in

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TRUMPET NOTE FALLS DRUM THUMPS

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# My ma said What time is it, Pa?

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# It's 12 o'clock my pa told Ma

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# Just then the cuckoo cuckooed four

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# And Pa made me cuckoo eight times more

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# Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh...

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# They always, always pick on me

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# They never, never let me be

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# I'm so very lonesome, awfully sad

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# It's a long time since I've been glad

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# But I know what I'll do by and by

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# I'll eat some worms

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# Then I'll die

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# And when I'm gone you wait and see

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# They'll all be sorry that they picked on me

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# They always, always pick on me

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# They never, never let me be

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# I'm so very lonesome, awfully sad

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# It's a long time since I've been glad

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# But I know what I'll do by and by

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# I'll eat some worms and then I'll die

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# And when I'm gone you wait and see

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# They'll all be sorry

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# Yes, they'll all be sorry

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# Yes, they'll all be sorry that they picked on

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# Me-e-e-e. #

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APPLAUSE

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Scintillants in a sextuplicity...

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-Ooh!

-AUDIENCE MEMBER:

-Yes, please!

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..of soaring symphonic serendipity.

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Ooh!

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Which merely means six chaps in a musical melange or,

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if you prefer the vulgar, mishmash.

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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The King's Singers.

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CHEERING

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# Where have you been all the day Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

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# Where have you been all the day My Billy Boy?

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# I've been walking all the day with my charming Nancy Gray

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# And me Nancy, tickled me fancy Oh, me charming Billy Boy

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# Billy Boy, Billy Boy Billy Boy, Billy Boy

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# Is she fit to be yer wife Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

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# Is she fit to be yer wife Me Billy Boy?

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# She's as fit to be my wife As the fork is to the knife

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# And me Nancy, tickled me fancy Tickled me fancy, fancy, fancy

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# And me Nancy, tickled me fancy

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# Tickled me fancy, fancy, fancy

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# Diddle-dee-yom Bom-bom

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# Diddle-dee-yom Bom-bom

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# Can she cook a bit of steak Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

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# Can she cook a bit of steak Me Billy Boy?

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# She can cook a bit of steak Aye, and make a girdle cake... #

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HE MIMICS BAGPIPES

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# Me charming Billy Boy

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# Diddle-dee-yom Bom-bom

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# Diddle-dee-yom Bom-bom

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# Diddle-dee-yom Billy, Billy, Billy Boy

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# Billy Boy

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# Can she make an Irish stew Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

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# Can she make an Irish stew Me Billy Boy? #

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-She can make an Irish stew, ha-ha!

-Mmm!

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LAUGHTER

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And I'm able to state most emphatically that her

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culinary attainments are, in many other respects, noteworthy.

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# Oh, me Nancy, tickled me fancy Oh, me charming Billy Boy

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# Ch, boy Ch-ch, Billy Boy, ch. #

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# George Jones had a meeting at his house last night

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# For to name his first-born child

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# To give him a high-tone name and start him off right

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# For George was almost wild

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# Now the day of the Christening Parson Brown inquired

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# What's this child's name going to be?

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# Someone hollered, Ham! Another shouted, Sam!

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# But George said Let's name this one for me

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# Gonna name him

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# George George Washington

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# Christopher Columbus Madison and Douglas Lee

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# Gonna name him Jim Jim Jeffries, Jack Johnson

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# Ring in Booker T

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# Admiral Admiral Dewey, Thomas Jefferson

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# McKinley and Sherlock Holmes

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# Obadiah

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# Hezekiah

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# Abraham-a-Lincoln.

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# Oh, I said I said Abe Lincoln

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# And I mean I mean Abe Lincoln Jones

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# Now, little George's twin sister didn't have no name

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# So George said Let's name this one too

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# He turned to the parson saying, Reverend Brown

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# Now I will tell you what we will do

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# Now it ain't so important as a namin' my son

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# To that I'm sure you will agree

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# When up spoke the wife just as big as holy life

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# And she said You leave this one to me

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# Gonna name her

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# Martha Martha Washington

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# Aimee Semple McPherson

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# Shirley Temple, Gypsy Rose Lee

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# Gonna name her Cleopatra

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# Peggy Hopkins Joyce

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# Ring in a Lidia P

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# Aunt Je- Aunt Jemima, Texas Guinan

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# Victoria and Kate Malone

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# Adeline

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# Gertrude Stein

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# Lindy Lou Eliza

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# Oh, I said I said Eliza

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# And I mean I mean Eliza Jones. #

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APPLAUSE

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# Deck the halls with boughs of holly

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# Fa la la la la la la la la

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# 'Tis the season to be jolly

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# Fa la la la la la la la la

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# Fill the glasses raise the wassail

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# Fa la la, la la la la la la la

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# Sing the ancient Christmas carol

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# Fa la la la la la la la la

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# Do-do do-do do-do-do-do

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# Do, do-do do-do

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# See the flowing bowl before us

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# Fa la la la, la la bee-doo ba!

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# Start the band and join the chorus

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# Fa-la la-la la la la-la-la

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# Follow me in merry measure

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# Fa-la-la-la-la fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la la-la-la

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# While we sing of mirth and pleasure

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# While we sing of mirth and pleasure

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# While we sing of mirth and pleasure

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# Fa la la la la, la la la la

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# Hum da-da-da-da Hum da-da-da-da

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# La la la-la la-la la-la

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# Fa la la la la, la la la la... #

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VERY LOW SINGING LAUGHTER

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# Do-do-bee-do-ba Do-do-bee-do-ba

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# Do-do-bee-do, do-do-bee-do do-do-bee-do-ba

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# Fast the festive season passes... #

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THEY PLAY KAZOOS

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# Join the fun ye lads and lasses

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# Singing gaily all together

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AS A DRUNKEN CHORUS: # Fa la la la la, la la la la... #

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Hiccup!

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# Mindless of the wind and weather

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# Fa la la la Fa la la la

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# Fa la la la La la la la la

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# Very merry Christmas to you. #

0:22:110:22:14

APPLAUSE

0:22:140:22:16

The exultant, ultimate in...

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-..vehement virility...

-Oh!

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CHUCKLING: ..affiliated...

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..affiliated to feminine fallibility.

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Ladies and gentlemen, Hercules hectic with Venus.

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Oh!

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Ted Durante and Hilda.

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APPLAUSE

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HE SPEAKS COD GERMAN

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LAUGHTER

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Danke, danke.

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MUSIC: Over The Waves by Juventino Rosas

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Beautiful.

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HE YELLS

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Ooh!

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HE SINGS ALONG

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HE YELLS

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APPLAUSE

0:24:050:24:07

LAUGHTER

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Ooh!

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HE SPEAKS COD GERMAN

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WOLF WHISTLES

0:24:320:24:34

Ooh!

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LAUGHTER

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HE SHOUTS IN COD GERMAN

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LAUGHTER

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There's a little hole, stick it up!

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HE YELLS

0:26:000:26:03

LAUGHTER

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HE YELLS

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Vash bin Doncaster?

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HE INSTRUCTS HER IN COD GERMAN

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FABRIC TEARS

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LAUGHTER

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AUDIENCE HOWLS

0:27:260:27:29

Arait? Reng bleng splitzee jacksie?

0:27:400:27:43

HE YELLS

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HE INSTRUCTS HER IN COD GERMAN

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Nicht aus, up on the compf.

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On the compf!

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Up on the compf!

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Gut.

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On the compf, up!

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On the compf, up!

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LAUGHTER

0:28:500:28:52

HE YELLS

0:29:010:29:02

APPLAUSE

0:29:070:29:10

HE YELLS

0:29:210:29:23

Oi-oi-oi, oi-oi oi!

0:29:240:29:26

Vat is the ferret?

0:29:270:29:29

On the compf!

0:29:380:29:41

Twit!

0:29:410:29:43

On the compf! HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY

0:29:490:29:52

APPLAUSE

0:30:100:30:14

HE YELLS

0:30:180:30:20

HE YELLS

0:30:230:30:25

LAUGHTER

0:30:280:30:31

HE YELLS IN COD GERMAN

0:30:310:30:32

Get off me!

0:30:330:30:35

APPLAUSE

0:30:400:30:42

My neck!

0:30:530:30:54

I've lost my neck.

0:30:560:30:57

Look for it.

0:30:580:30:59

What are you going to do about the neck?

0:31:010:31:04

Vas is this?

0:31:040:31:05

HE YELPS

0:31:050:31:08

Ja! That's it.

0:31:080:31:10

Voila.

0:31:110:31:13

APPLAUSE

0:31:130:31:15

I am extremely happy to tell you that Ted and Hilda

0:31:360:31:40

are more than just good friends.

0:31:400:31:42

LAUGHTER

0:31:420:31:44

I've just met their lovely little daughter and now,

0:31:440:31:48

ladies and gentlemen, all the way from, believe it or not,

0:31:480:31:52

Polynesia, for our velutinous inveiglement.

0:31:520:31:58

Welcome, thrice welcome, to

0:32:000:32:05

the planturously amplitudinous

0:32:050:32:10

opulences is of Miss Wilma Reading.

0:32:100:32:16

CHEERING

0:32:160:32:17

# Oh, they say some people long ago

0:32:290:32:37

# Were searching for a different tune

0:32:370:32:40

# One that they could croon

0:32:400:32:43

# As only they can

0:32:430:32:48

# They only had the rhythm

0:32:500:32:53

# So they started swaying to and fro

0:32:530:33:02

# They didn't know just what to use

0:33:020:33:05

# This is how the blues really began

0:33:050:33:12

# They heard the breeze in the trees

0:33:140:33:21

# Singing weird melodies

0:33:210:33:26

# And they made that

0:33:260:33:30

# The start of the blues

0:33:300:33:35

# And from a jail came a wail

0:33:350:33:40

# Of a down-hearted frail

0:33:400:33:45

# And they played that

0:33:450:33:48

# As part of the blues

0:33:480:33:54

# From a whippoorwill

0:33:540:33:56

# Way high on a hill

0:33:560:33:59

# They took a new note

0:33:590:34:03

# And they pushed it through a horn

0:34:030:34:06

# Until it was worn

0:34:060:34:09

# Into a blue note

0:34:090:34:11

# And then they nursed it and rehearsed it

0:34:120:34:18

# And they gave out the news

0:34:180:34:22

# That the Southland

0:34:220:34:25

# Gave birth to the blues

0:34:260:34:31

# Oh, they nursed it Rehearsed it

0:34:310:34:35

# And gave out the news

0:34:350:34:37

# That the Southland

0:34:370:34:40

# Gave birth

0:34:400:34:42

# To the blues. #

0:34:420:34:50

APPLAUSE

0:34:500:34:53

Ooh!

0:35:060:35:08

# I'm sitting on top of the world

0:35:080:35:12

# Just rollin' along I'm rollin' along

0:35:140:35:19

# I'm quittin' the blues of the world

0:35:200:35:24

# I'm singin' a song just singin' a song

0:35:250:35:30

# Glory, Hallelujah I just saw the parson

0:35:300:35:34

# Said, Par, get ready to call

0:35:340:35:38

# Just like Humpty Dumpty

0:35:380:35:39

# Oh!

0:35:390:35:41

# I started to fall

0:35:410:35:43

# I'm sitting on top of the world

0:35:430:35:47

# Just rollin' along Just rollin' along. #

0:35:480:35:53

# You made me love you

0:36:040:36:09

# I didn't want to do it

0:36:090:36:12

# I didn't want to do it

0:36:120:36:14

# You made me want you

0:36:160:36:22

# And all the time you knew it

0:36:220:36:25

# I guess you always knew it

0:36:250:36:27

# You made me happy sometimes

0:36:290:36:33

# You made me sad... # LAUGHTER

0:36:350:36:38

# But there were times, dear

0:36:400:36:45

# Oh, you made me feel so bad

0:36:450:36:49

# Ha, whoo!

0:36:490:36:50

# You made me sigh for

0:36:520:36:57

# I didn't wanna tell you

0:36:570:36:59

# I didn't want to tell you

0:36:590:37:03

# I want a love, that's true

0:37:030:37:09

# yes, I do, indeed I do you know I do

0:37:090:37:14

# Give me, give me, give me give me what I sigh for

0:37:140:37:19

# You know ya got the brand o' kisses that I'd die for

0:37:190:37:26

# You know you made me love you.. #

0:37:260:37:33

Here we go now.

0:37:340:37:36

AUDIENCE JOINS IN

0:37:360:37:38

# You made me love you

0:37:380:37:42

# I didn't want to do it

0:37:420:37:45

# I didn't want to do it

0:37:450:37:47

# You made me love you

0:37:480:37:54

# Yes, I do, indeed I do you know I do

0:37:540:37:59

# Give me, give me, give me give me what I sigh for

0:38:000:38:05

# You know ya got the brand o' kisses that I'd die for

0:38:050:38:12

# You know you made me love you. #

0:38:120:38:20

APPLAUSE

0:38:200:38:23

Whoo!

0:38:230:38:26

# Come on and hear Come on and hear

0:38:430:38:46

# Alexander's ragtime band

0:38:460:38:49

# Come on and hear Come on and hear

0:38:490:38:52

# It's the best band in the land

0:38:520:38:54

# They can play a bugle call

0:38:540:38:56

# Like you never heard before

0:38:560:38:58

# So natural that you want to go to war

0:38:580:39:00

# It's just the bestest band

0:39:000:39:03

# What-am, ma-honey lamb

0:39:030:39:05

# Come on along, come on along

0:39:050:39:08

# Let me take you by the hand

0:39:080:39:11

# Up to the man, to the man

0:39:110:39:14

# Who's the leader of the band

0:39:140:39:16

# Now if you care to hear

0:39:160:39:18

# The Suwannee River played in ragtime

0:39:180:39:22

# Come on and hear Come on and hear

0:39:220:39:25

# Alexander's ragtime band. #

0:39:250:39:34

CHEERING

0:39:340:39:37

If this very English audience can bring itself to say

0:39:560:39:59

two words in a foreign language, I will be grateful.

0:39:590:40:01

Can you say buena suerte?

0:40:010:40:04

-Buena suerte.

-That's lovely.

0:40:040:40:06

Because at this time of year we ought

0:40:060:40:10

and we do welcome the strangers in our midst.

0:40:100:40:14

From Mexico, and so we say buena suerte

0:40:150:40:21

to The Orlandos.

0:40:210:40:25

APPLAUSE

0:40:250:40:27

LIGHT APPLAUSE

0:40:540:40:56

DRUM ROLL

0:41:550:41:58

APPLAUSE

0:42:370:42:40

CHEERING

0:42:510:42:53

DRUM ROLL

0:43:180:43:20

APPLAUSE

0:43:470:43:49

Once again, this time, in uncharacteristically,

0:44:160:44:23

uncircumscribed...

0:44:230:44:25

Ooh!

0:44:250:44:27

You really are awful.

0:44:290:44:31

..cachinnatary convocation,

0:44:330:44:36

the always endearing Miss Sheila Bernette.

0:44:360:44:43

APPLAUSE

0:44:430:44:44

# Rosie sitting waiting at the window

0:44:520:44:55

# Rosie's eyes are peeping down the street

0:44:550:44:58

# So nicely she's dressed she's looking her best

0:44:580:45:02

# From head to toe her toilet is complete

0:45:020:45:05

# She scarcely looks at people who are passing

0:45:050:45:09

# For they of no importance seem to be

0:45:090:45:12

# But in a little while

0:45:120:45:14

# She smiles a sunny smile

0:45:140:45:16

# At something interesting she can see

0:45:160:45:19

# Someone's turning round the corner

0:45:200:45:24

# Quickly to the glass she goes

0:45:240:45:27

# Spends a moment there

0:45:270:45:29

# Dabbing at her hair

0:45:290:45:31

# Rubs a little powder on her nose

0:45:310:45:33

# What makes Rosie so excited?

0:45:340:45:37

# Guess that conundrum if you can

0:45:380:45:40

# There's someone ra-ta-ta-ta-tatting at the door

0:45:400:45:44

# It's Rosie's young man

0:45:440:45:47

# Sitting there together in the parlour

0:45:510:45:54

# He and she on one big easy chair

0:45:540:45:58

# I need not tell you

0:45:580:45:59

# What they say and do

0:45:590:46:01

# For judging by your faces you've been there

0:46:010:46:04

# But when they say goodnight it's really painful

0:46:040:46:08

# As if they nevermore are doomed to meet

0:46:080:46:11

# But everything's all right

0:46:110:46:13

# For there tomorrow night

0:46:130:46:15

# You'll find Miss Rosie peeping down the street

0:46:150:46:18

# Someone's turning round the corner

0:46:190:46:22

# Quickly to the glass she goes

0:46:220:46:26

# Spends a moment there

0:46:260:46:27

# Dabbing at her hair

0:46:270:46:29

# Rubs a little powder on her nose Ah-choo!

0:46:290:46:33

# What makes Rosie so excited?

0:46:330:46:36

# Guess that conundrum if you can

0:46:360:46:39

# There's someone ra-ta-ta-ta-tatting at the door

0:46:390:46:42

# It's Rosie's young man

0:46:420:46:46

# Someone's coming round the corner

0:46:460:46:49

# Quickly to the glass she goes

0:46:490:46:52

# Spends a moment there

0:46:520:46:54

# Dabbing at her hair

0:46:540:46:56

# Rubs a little powder on her nose Ah-choo!

0:46:560:46:59

# What makes Rosie so excited?

0:46:590:47:02

# Guess that conundrum if you can

0:47:020:47:06

# There's someone ra-ta-ta-ta-tatting at the door

0:47:060:47:09

# It's Rosie's young man! #

0:47:090:47:12

APPLAUSE

0:47:120:47:15

As promised, and this time, plus, and it's a very big plus,

0:47:280:47:34

a pliability of pool deluxe...

0:47:340:47:37

You can ask your fella what that means.

0:47:370:47:39

Impeccable, imperturbable,

0:47:420:47:47

immaculacy incarnate.

0:47:470:47:52

-Oh!

-Your own, your very, very own Edward Wadsworth.

0:47:520:47:59

CHEERING

0:47:590:48:00

# I've come back through Paris

0:48:080:48:11

# From the sunny southern shore

0:48:110:48:14

# I to Monte Carlo went

0:48:140:48:17

# Just to raise my winter's rent

0:48:170:48:19

# Dame Fortune smiled upon me

0:48:190:48:22

# As she's never smiled before

0:48:220:48:25

# Now I've now such a lot of money I'm a gent

0:48:250:48:28

# Ye-e-e-s... #

0:48:300:48:35

Yes, you're quite right. I'll take that note back in the morning.

0:48:360:48:40

# Now I've now such lots of money I'm a gent

0:48:400:48:43

# As I walk along the Bois de Boulogne

0:48:450:48:51

# With an independent air

0:48:510:48:53

# You can hear the girls declare

0:48:530:48:55

# He must be a millionaire

0:48:550:48:57

# You can hear them sigh and wish to die

0:48:570:49:00

# You can see them wink the other eye

0:49:000:49:02

# At the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo... #

0:49:020:49:06

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's very nice to be here this evening.

0:49:060:49:09

Very, very nice indeed. What a merry lot you are.

0:49:090:49:13

What a lovely moustache you have there, sir!

0:49:130:49:17

What a lovely moustache! Or have you been drinking cocoa?

0:49:170:49:21

Have a word in his ear, darling, will you? Have a word in his ear.

0:49:210:49:24

I don't have to be here tonight, you know, sir.

0:49:240:49:26

I mean, the only reason I'm here tonight is because,

0:49:260:49:28

in my profession in this city,

0:49:280:49:30

it's vastly overcrowded.

0:49:300:49:32

I'm a shepherd.

0:49:320:49:33

Thank you very much. All contributions kindly received.

0:49:340:49:38

Ladies and gentlemen,

0:49:380:49:39

at this juncture in time I would like to ask you to join me

0:49:390:49:41

in a final rousing chorus

0:49:410:49:43

of The Man Who Broke The Bank At Monte Carlo.

0:49:430:49:46

I'm merely asking you, not because I need your help,

0:49:460:49:48

but because I do feel the band need a bit of practice.

0:49:480:49:52

So, sir, if you please and even if you don't please,

0:49:520:49:55

a-one, a-two, a-three.

0:49:550:49:57

# As I walk along the Bois de Boulogne

0:49:570:50:03

# With an independent air

0:50:030:50:05

# You can hear the girls declare

0:50:050:50:07

# He must be a millionaire

0:50:070:50:09

# You can hear them sigh and hope to die

0:50:090:50:12

# You can see them wink the other eye

0:50:120:50:14

# At the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo. #

0:50:140:50:18

Now, of course, having got all that money, what do you do with it?

0:50:180:50:22

I'll tell you what I did.

0:50:220:50:24

# I went down to Maxim's

0:50:250:50:29

# Where fun and frolic beams

0:50:290:50:32

# With all the girls I'd chatter

0:50:320:50:36

# I'd laugh, I'd kiss, I'd flatter

0:50:360:50:39

# Low, low, do-do, shoo-shoo

0:50:410:50:46

# Clo-clo, Margo, fru-fru

0:50:470:50:51

# For surnames do not matter

0:50:530:50:58

# I take the first to hand. #

0:50:580:51:03

# And when they told me

0:51:090:51:15

# How beautiful you are

0:51:150:51:20

# I wouldn't believe them

0:51:200:51:24

# They wouldn't believe me

0:51:240:51:27

# Your face, your eyes your lips, your hair

0:51:280:51:33

# Are in a class beyond compare

0:51:330:51:37

# You're the loveliest girl I've ever seen

0:51:370:51:43

# And when I tell them

0:51:450:51:51

# And I'm certainly going to tell them

0:51:510:51:55

# That I'm the man whose wife one day you'll be

0:51:550:52:02

# They'll never believe me

0:52:030:52:07

# They'll never believe me

0:52:080:52:12

# That from this great big world

0:52:130:52:16

# You've chosen me. #

0:52:160:52:24

# Goodbye, Dolly, I must leave you

0:52:320:52:38

# Though it breaks my heart to go

0:52:380:52:44

# Something tells me I am needed

0:52:440:52:50

# At the front to fight the foe

0:52:500:52:56

# See, the soldier boys are marching

0:52:560:53:01

# And I can no longer stay

0:53:010:53:07

# Hark, I hear the bugle calling

0:53:070:53:13

# Goodbye, Dolly Gray

0:53:130:53:18

# Goodbye, Dolly, I must leave you

0:53:180:53:24

# Though it breaks my heart to go

0:53:240:53:30

# Something tells me I am needed

0:53:300:53:34

# At the front to fight the foe

0:53:340:53:40

# See, the soldier boys are marching

0:53:400:53:45

# And I can no longer stay

0:53:450:53:51

# Hark, I hear the bugle calling

0:53:510:53:56

# Goodbye, Dolly Gray

0:53:560:54:01

# Goodbye, Dolly Gray. #

0:54:010:54:11

APPLAUSE

0:54:110:54:13

CHEERING

0:54:310:54:34

There's only, only,

0:54:390:54:40

only just time for one last chorus - Down At The Old Bull And Bush.

0:54:400:54:45

Ladies and gentlemen, we have Mr Edward Woodward,

0:54:450:54:48

the entire company, the leader of the band,

0:54:480:54:51

Mr Bernard Herrmann, and his entire

0:54:510:54:54

and totally articulated orchestra,

0:54:540:54:59

but this time chiefly...

0:54:590:55:02

-AUDIENCE:

-Yourselves!

0:55:020:55:04

# Come, come, come and make eyes at me down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:55:080:55:14

# Da-da, da-da-da

0:55:140:55:16

# Come, come, drink some port wine with me

0:55:160:55:20

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:55:200:55:24

# Hear the little German Band

0:55:240:55:26

# Da, da, da-da-da-da-da-da-da

0:55:260:55:28

# Just let me hold your hand, dear

0:55:280:55:31

# Do, do come and have a drink or two

0:55:310:55:35

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:55:350:55:39

# Bush, bush. #

0:55:390:55:40

CHEERING

0:55:400:55:43

Leonard Sachs chairs an edition of the old-time music hall programme from the stage of the City Varieties Theatre, Leeds. First broadcast on 26 December 1974, guests include Edward Woodward, the King's Singers, Sheila Bernette, Wilma Reading, Ted Burante & Hilda, and Pierre Brahma.


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