Browse content similar to 31/01/1975. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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# Daisy, Daisy Give me your answer, do | 0:00:02 | 0:00:10 | |
# I'm half crazy All for the love of you | 0:00:10 | 0:00:18 | |
# It won't be a stylish marriage | 0:00:18 | 0:00:23 | |
# I can't afford a carriage | 0:00:23 | 0:00:27 | |
# But you'd look sweet upon the seat | 0:00:27 | 0:00:31 | |
# Of a bicycle made for two. # | 0:00:31 | 0:00:38 | |
FANFARE | 0:00:42 | 0:00:45 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:00:48 | 0:00:51 | |
Once again... | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
good evening... | 0:00:58 | 0:01:01 | |
-ALL: -Good evening! | 0:01:01 | 0:01:02 | |
..ladies and gentlemen! | 0:01:02 | 0:01:06 | |
Kaleidoscopically... | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Ooh! | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
..a c... | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
a carivaria... | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
conflates... | 0:01:19 | 0:01:22 | |
a cornucopic... | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
Ooh! | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
..terpsichorealism. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
CHEERING | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
With the ubiquitously - | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
also from the Latin - | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
unimpeachable Players' Theatre | 0:01:36 | 0:01:40 | |
and the unquenchable Miss Sheila Steafel! | 0:01:40 | 0:01:46 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:01:46 | 0:01:50 | |
# Come with me, come to the ball | 0:01:54 | 0:01:57 | |
# Music and merriment call | 0:01:57 | 0:02:01 | |
# Golden and gay are the lamps above | 0:02:01 | 0:02:07 | |
# Every tune is a song of love | 0:02:07 | 0:02:11 | |
# All of you come to the ball | 0:02:11 | 0:02:15 | |
# There will be welcome for all | 0:02:15 | 0:02:19 | |
# Chance for a dance and romance | 0:02:19 | 0:02:26 | |
# At the ball, at the ball! | 0:02:26 | 0:02:31 | |
# Casey would waltz with a strawberry blonde | 0:02:31 | 0:02:35 | |
# And the band played on | 0:02:35 | 0:02:38 | |
# He'd glide cross the floor with the girl he adored | 0:02:38 | 0:02:43 | |
# And the band played on | 0:02:43 | 0:02:47 | |
# His brain was so loaded It nearly exploded | 0:02:47 | 0:02:51 | |
# The poor girl would shake with alarm | 0:02:51 | 0:02:54 | |
# He'd ne'er leave the girl with the strawberry curls | 0:02:54 | 0:02:58 | |
# And the band played on | 0:02:58 | 0:03:02 | |
# I've seen many beauties while wandering around | 0:03:05 | 0:03:09 | |
# The world, but in Spain there my fancy I found | 0:03:09 | 0:03:13 | |
# She'd hair black as coal Eyes bright as a star | 0:03:13 | 0:03:16 | |
# And I felt fairly gone when she twanged her guitar | 0:03:16 | 0:03:22 | |
# She sang like a nightingale Twanged her guitar | 0:03:22 | 0:03:26 | |
# Danced the cachucha, smoked a cigar | 0:03:26 | 0:03:30 | |
# Oh, what a form Oh, what a face | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
# And she did the fandango all over the place | 0:03:33 | 0:03:37 | |
# She sang like a nightingale Twanged her guitar | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
# Danced the cachucha, smoked a cigar | 0:03:40 | 0:03:44 | |
# Oh, what a form Oh, what a face | 0:03:44 | 0:03:47 | |
# And she did the fandango all over the place | 0:03:47 | 0:03:50 | |
# In the twi-twi-twi-light | 0:03:57 | 0:04:03 | |
# Out in the beautiful twilight | 0:04:03 | 0:04:08 | |
# They all go out for a walk, walk, walk | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
# A quiet spoon and a talk, talk, talk | 0:04:11 | 0:04:16 | |
# That's the time they long for | 0:04:16 | 0:04:20 | |
# Just before the night | 0:04:20 | 0:04:24 | |
# And many a grand little wedding is planned | 0:04:24 | 0:04:28 | |
# In the twi-twi-light | 0:04:28 | 0:04:32 | |
# And many a grand little wedding is planned | 0:04:32 | 0:04:36 | |
# In the twi-twi-light | 0:04:36 | 0:04:42 | |
# You should see me dance the polka | 0:04:42 | 0:04:47 | |
# You should see me cover the ground | 0:04:47 | 0:04:50 | |
# You should see his coat-tails flying | 0:04:50 | 0:04:53 | |
# As I jump my partner round | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
# When the band commences playing | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
# My feet begin to go | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
# For a rollicking, frolicking polka | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
# Is the jolliest dance I know | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
# You should see me dance the polka | 0:05:05 | 0:05:08 | |
# You should see me cover the ground | 0:05:08 | 0:05:11 | |
# You should see my coat-tails flying | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
# As I jump my partner round | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
# When the band commences playing | 0:05:15 | 0:05:17 | |
# My feet begin to go | 0:05:17 | 0:05:19 | |
# For a rollicking, frolicking polka is the jolliest dance I know | 0:05:19 | 0:05:23 | |
# After the ball is over | 0:05:29 | 0:05:33 | |
# After the break of morn | 0:05:33 | 0:05:39 | |
# After the dancers' leaving | 0:05:39 | 0:05:43 | |
# After the stars are gone | 0:05:43 | 0:05:48 | |
# Many a heart is aching | 0:05:48 | 0:05:52 | |
# If you could read them all | 0:05:52 | 0:05:57 | |
# Many the hopes that have vanished | 0:05:57 | 0:06:01 | |
# After the ball | 0:06:01 | 0:06:06 | |
# Many a heart is aching | 0:06:06 | 0:06:10 | |
# If you could read them all | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
# Many the hopes that have vanished | 0:06:13 | 0:06:19 | |
# After the ball. # | 0:06:19 | 0:06:30 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:06:30 | 0:06:34 | |
-AUDIENCE: -More! More! | 0:06:37 | 0:06:42 | |
I promise you, ladies and gentlemen... | 0:06:46 | 0:06:50 | |
..you will see Miss Sheila Steafel | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
once again later on in the programme, | 0:06:54 | 0:06:57 | |
perhaps not quite so frustrated. | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
But now...from Rotherham... | 0:06:59 | 0:07:02 | |
CHEERING | 0:07:02 | 0:07:05 | |
..the irrepressibly risible ribaldries... | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
-ALL: -Oooh! | 0:07:11 | 0:07:12 | |
..of that Yorkshire relish, | 0:07:12 | 0:07:16 | |
Mr Dougie Brown! | 0:07:16 | 0:07:19 | |
Thank you, thank you. Halt. Halt. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:30 | |
Good evening. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:31 | |
I'll tell you what I'm going to do, | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
because tonight is a very, very suspicious occasion. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:36 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
Tonight, actually, I'm very proud to announce, | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
is the grand opening of Mr Chairman's wallet. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:44 | |
CHEERING | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
So I thought, no jokes tonight. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:51 | |
I'm going to dedicate some poetry, right? | 0:07:51 | 0:07:55 | |
They strolled through the meadow... | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
Hey, aren't drunks daft? | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
My brother-in-law, he was walking past the fairground | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
and this man shouted, "Anybody want to have a go on the rifles? It's three shillings, five shots." | 0:08:07 | 0:08:12 | |
He said, "Yes, please. I'd like to have a go on the rifles, if I can, please. Thank you very much." | 0:08:12 | 0:08:16 | |
So he paid his money, got a gun, and he went, bang, bang, bang, bang. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:19 | |
And he shot all these five things down. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:21 | |
The fella gave him the first prize, a baby tortoise. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
And he went away and came back an hour later. "I'll have another go, please. Thank you very much." | 0:08:23 | 0:08:27 | |
And he went, bang, bang, bang, bang. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:29 | |
And he shot them all down again, and he gave him a beautiful tea set. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:32 | |
He says, "I don't want that. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:34 | |
"I want another one of those pies with the hard crust!" | 0:08:34 | 0:08:37 | |
HE WARBLES | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
He walked into this bar. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:44 | |
He said to the barman, he said, "Excuse, excuse, excuse... | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
"Excuse me, barman, please. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
"Do you sell that draught... draught bitter here?" | 0:08:49 | 0:08:52 | |
The barman said, "We sell everything here, sir. We're very, very proud of that." | 0:08:52 | 0:08:56 | |
He said, "Well, give me one, two, three, four, five... one, two, three, four, five... | 0:08:56 | 0:09:00 | |
"one, two, three, four, five... | 0:09:00 | 0:09:01 | |
"12 pints of that nice draught bitter, please." | 0:09:01 | 0:09:06 | |
The barman said, "12 pints? Are they just for yourself?" | 0:09:06 | 0:09:09 | |
He said, "Yes, they're just for meself. Be a good chap. Thank you." | 0:09:09 | 0:09:13 | |
So he got these 12 pints. He went glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
He drank the lot. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
He said... | 0:09:18 | 0:09:19 | |
"Barman?" | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
The man said, "Me, sir?" | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
He said, "Any of the three of you. Come here. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
"What's...? What's...? | 0:09:34 | 0:09:35 | |
"What about that...? | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
"Do you sell mixed as well?" | 0:09:39 | 0:09:42 | |
The barman said, "We sell everything here." | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
He said, "Well, would you give me...?" | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
The barman said, "Can't you count any higher than that? | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
He said, "Of course I can." "One, two, three..." | 0:09:50 | 0:09:53 | |
No jokes, no jokes. | 0:10:01 | 0:10:02 | |
"Would you...? | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
"Would you give me 12 pints of mixed, please?" | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
And he said, "For yourself?" He says, "Yes, they're just for meself. There's a chap, good." | 0:10:07 | 0:10:11 | |
And he drank the lot | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
and he's just disappearing below the level of the bar. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:16 | |
He says... | 0:10:16 | 0:10:17 | |
He said, "Barman, what about shorts? | 0:10:21 | 0:10:25 | |
"Do you sell shorts as well?" | 0:10:25 | 0:10:26 | |
He said, "We sell everything, sir." | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
He says, "Well, would you sell me a pair? I've just wet these!" | 0:10:28 | 0:10:32 | |
HE WARBLES | 0:10:40 | 0:10:42 | |
Hey, what about poor old Fred? | 0:10:45 | 0:10:47 | |
Aaaah! | 0:10:47 | 0:10:50 | |
Aaaah? Try that again. What about poor old Fred? | 0:10:50 | 0:10:53 | |
AAAAH! | 0:10:53 | 0:10:56 | |
There's a woman gargling at the back there. Look! | 0:10:56 | 0:11:01 | |
Poor old Fred - everything went wrong for Fred. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:04 | |
All through his life, nothing ever went right. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:06 | |
And then one day, he thought he'd cracked it. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:08 | |
He married this beauty queen. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:10 | |
Ooh! | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
And they were going to Blackpool to have a nice holiday | 0:11:12 | 0:11:15 | |
and they had a terrible accident and poor Fred got killed. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:18 | |
Aaaah! | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
AAAAAH! | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
And he finished up in heaven, you see, and he said to Peter, he said, | 0:11:25 | 0:11:28 | |
"Peter," he said, "everything's gone wrong for me. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:31 | |
-"All through my life." -Aaah! | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
And he said, "I finally thought I'd made it, I married this beauty queen. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:37 | |
-"She was a lovely girl and I've never even seen her body." -Aaah! | 0:11:37 | 0:11:41 | |
He said, "Do you think I could possibly go back and just have a look at her body just once?" | 0:11:41 | 0:11:46 | |
And Peter said, "No, I can't do that." Cos he's from Rotherham as well. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:50 | |
He said, "No, no." He said, I can't do that. No chance of that, no." | 0:11:53 | 0:11:57 | |
He said, "Please, just let me look once." He said, "All right. | 0:11:57 | 0:12:00 | |
"I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll send you back as a bird." | 0:12:00 | 0:12:03 | |
So he sent him back as a little sparrow. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
And the sparrow found its way to Blackpool... | 0:12:05 | 0:12:10 | |
It's true, this! | 0:12:11 | 0:12:12 | |
He found his way back to Blackpool, where his wife was in the hotel, | 0:12:14 | 0:12:17 | |
and the sparrow got perched, which was poor Fred. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:20 | |
And he's on the windowsill like that, and his wife's in there, | 0:12:20 | 0:12:23 | |
and she's just getting over her grief, and she took her dress off. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
And you know how sparrows' eyes go when they're excited? | 0:12:26 | 0:12:30 | |
Look, I'll show you. Watch. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
You've seen it now. I'll show these. Look. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:37 | |
And then she just took her underskirt off and that was it. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:45 | |
And then the cat got him. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:46 | |
They strolled through the meadow... | 0:13:02 | 0:13:06 | |
The sky... Sorry. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
The sky...was an azure blue. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:13 | |
He opened the gate and she slowly passed through. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:20 | |
She did not thank him, for she did not know how, | 0:13:22 | 0:13:27 | |
for he was only a farmer's boy, and she was a big brown cow! | 0:13:27 | 0:13:31 | |
All the way from Ireland, ineluctable, Iberian ecstasy. | 0:13:47 | 0:13:55 | |
The lique...the liquescent... | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
..limpidity | 0:14:03 | 0:14:05 | |
of a late lark ascending. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:09 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Miss Patricia Cahill. | 0:14:09 | 0:14:15 | |
# Can't help singing | 0:14:27 | 0:14:31 | |
# Of the promise that April is bringing | 0:14:31 | 0:14:35 | |
# I am floating along on the crest of a song | 0:14:35 | 0:14:39 | |
# There are bells in my heart and they're ringing | 0:14:39 | 0:14:43 | |
# Can't help crowing | 0:14:43 | 0:14:47 | |
# Folks don't like if they think I am glowing | 0:14:47 | 0:14:51 | |
# I don't care what they say | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
# Spring affects me this way | 0:14:53 | 0:14:58 | |
# And I've gotta keep singing all day | 0:14:58 | 0:15:05 | |
# Hummingbird, mockingbird | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
# Listen to me | 0:15:10 | 0:15:14 | |
# I've got no nest | 0:15:14 | 0:15:17 | |
# I've got no tree | 0:15:17 | 0:15:20 | |
# Oh, but I'm happy | 0:15:20 | 0:15:23 | |
# As heaven is high | 0:15:23 | 0:15:28 | |
# I've got a song... | 0:15:28 | 0:15:32 | |
# Bubbling inside | 0:15:32 | 0:15:37 | |
# Can't help singing | 0:15:37 | 0:15:41 | |
# Of the promise that April is bringing | 0:15:41 | 0:15:45 | |
# I am floating along on the crest of a song | 0:15:45 | 0:15:50 | |
# There are bells in my heart and they're ringing | 0:15:50 | 0:15:55 | |
# Can't help crowing | 0:15:55 | 0:15:58 | |
# Folks don't like if they think I am glowing | 0:15:58 | 0:16:02 | |
# I don't care what they say | 0:16:02 | 0:16:05 | |
# Spring affects me this way | 0:16:05 | 0:16:10 | |
# And the lovebirds I rescued sing along | 0:16:10 | 0:16:15 | |
# And I'm up to my neck in sun and charm | 0:16:15 | 0:16:20 | |
# With a hey-ho and I'm living | 0:16:20 | 0:16:25 | |
# And hey-ho | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
# And I'm loving | 0:16:27 | 0:16:30 | |
# I've gotta, I've gotta, I've gotta | 0:16:30 | 0:16:34 | |
# Keep singing | 0:16:34 | 0:16:36 | |
# Gotta, I've gotta | 0:16:36 | 0:16:37 | |
# I've gotta keep singing | 0:16:37 | 0:16:42 | |
# All-ll-ll da-a-ay. # | 0:16:42 | 0:16:53 | |
BAND PLAYS | 0:17:01 | 0:17:03 | |
# 'Tis the last rose of summer | 0:17:11 | 0:17:21 | |
# Left blooming alone | 0:17:21 | 0:17:30 | |
# All her lovely companions | 0:17:30 | 0:17:41 | |
# Are faded and gone | 0:17:41 | 0:17:51 | |
# No flower of her kindred | 0:17:51 | 0:18:00 | |
# No rosebud is ni-i-igh | 0:18:00 | 0:18:17 | |
# To reflect back her blushes | 0:18:17 | 0:18:27 | |
# Or give sigh for sigh | 0:18:27 | 0:18:37 | |
# To reflect | 0:18:37 | 0:18:46 | |
# Back her blushes | 0:18:46 | 0:18:55 | |
# Or give sigh... | 0:18:55 | 0:19:05 | |
# For sigh. # | 0:19:05 | 0:19:14 | |
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
BAND PLAYS | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
# What'll I do | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
# When you are far away... # AUDIENCE JOINS IN | 0:19:33 | 0:19:38 | |
# And I am blue? | 0:19:38 | 0:19:41 | |
# What'll I do? | 0:19:41 | 0:19:44 | |
# What'll I do | 0:19:45 | 0:19:47 | |
# When I am wondering who | 0:19:47 | 0:19:53 | |
# Is kissing you? | 0:19:53 | 0:19:57 | |
# What'll I do? | 0:19:57 | 0:20:00 | |
# What'll I do | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
# With just a photograph | 0:20:03 | 0:20:08 | |
# To tell my troubles to? | 0:20:08 | 0:20:14 | |
# When I'm alone | 0:20:16 | 0:20:19 | |
# With just a dream of you | 0:20:19 | 0:20:25 | |
# That won't come true | 0:20:25 | 0:20:28 | |
# What'll I do? | 0:20:28 | 0:20:32 | |
# I'll be loving you | 0:20:35 | 0:20:38 | |
# Always | 0:20:38 | 0:20:41 | |
# With a love that's true | 0:20:41 | 0:20:45 | |
# Always | 0:20:45 | 0:20:49 | |
# When the things you planned | 0:20:49 | 0:20:53 | |
# Need a helping hand | 0:20:53 | 0:20:56 | |
# I will understand | 0:20:56 | 0:21:00 | |
# Always | 0:21:00 | 0:21:03 | |
# Always | 0:21:03 | 0:21:05 | |
# Things may not be fair | 0:21:05 | 0:21:09 | |
# Always | 0:21:09 | 0:21:13 | |
# That's when I'll be there | 0:21:13 | 0:21:17 | |
# Always | 0:21:17 | 0:21:21 | |
# Not for just an hour | 0:21:21 | 0:21:24 | |
# Not for just a day | 0:21:24 | 0:21:29 | |
# Not for just a year | 0:21:29 | 0:21:35 | |
# But always. # | 0:21:35 | 0:21:40 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:21:42 | 0:21:50 | |
Indubitably... | 0:22:09 | 0:22:12 | |
Endearing... | 0:22:13 | 0:22:16 | |
Enduring... | 0:22:16 | 0:22:17 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Oh! | 0:22:19 | 0:22:20 | |
Diminutive... | 0:22:20 | 0:22:21 | |
-Audience: -Oh! | 0:22:21 | 0:22:23 | |
Infectious delight! | 0:22:23 | 0:22:26 | |
Your own, my own, everybody's own, | 0:22:26 | 0:22:32 | |
dear Arthur Askey! | 0:22:32 | 0:22:36 | |
CYMBALS CRASH | 0:22:50 | 0:22:52 | |
BAND PLAYS INTRO | 0:22:55 | 0:22:58 | |
AUDIENCE LAUGHS | 0:23:05 | 0:23:09 | |
# I think... # | 0:23:09 | 0:23:11 | |
HAMMER BANGS | 0:23:11 | 0:23:12 | |
AUDIENCE LAUGHS | 0:23:14 | 0:23:15 | |
I think you'd better come down here | 0:23:16 | 0:23:20 | |
because they can't see you behind that protuberance. | 0:23:20 | 0:23:23 | |
Innit blooming marvellous?! That's tantamount to a rebuff! | 0:23:26 | 0:23:30 | |
All right, come and do it yourself. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:32 | |
Twirl! | 0:23:39 | 0:23:40 | |
Curtsy. | 0:23:41 | 0:23:42 | |
# I'm a stranger in paradise... # | 0:23:42 | 0:23:44 | |
Thank you. | 0:23:47 | 0:23:49 | |
Penny change. | 0:23:51 | 0:23:53 | |
# I rode to blow the candle out at half past nine. # | 0:23:53 | 0:23:56 | |
Off we go! You must join in this. | 0:23:58 | 0:24:00 | |
JAUNTY MUSIC STARTS | 0:24:00 | 0:24:03 | |
# In our little village there has been a tragedy | 0:24:03 | 0:24:07 | |
# Deary, deary me Such a terrible tragedy | 0:24:07 | 0:24:11 | |
# Mary Ellen Bottomley today should have been wed | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
# It's a good job that she didn't now, so everybody said | 0:24:15 | 0:24:19 | |
# Mary Ellen at the church turned up | 0:24:19 | 0:24:24 | |
# Her ma turned up and her pa turned up | 0:24:24 | 0:24:28 | |
# Her sister Gert Her rich Uncle Bert | 0:24:28 | 0:24:32 | |
# And the parson in his long white shirt turned up | 0:24:32 | 0:24:37 | |
# But no bridegroom with the ring turned up | 0:24:37 | 0:24:41 | |
# But a telegraph boy with his nose turned up | 0:24:41 | 0:24:45 | |
# Brought a telegram that said he didn't want to wed | 0:24:45 | 0:24:49 | |
# And they'd find him in the river with his toes turned up. # | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
All together! | 0:24:52 | 0:24:54 | |
# Mary Ellen at the church turned up | 0:24:54 | 0:24:58 | |
# Her ma turned up and her pa turned up | 0:24:58 | 0:25:02 | |
# Her sister Gert Her rich Uncle Bert | 0:25:02 | 0:25:06 | |
# And the parson in his long white shirt turned up | 0:25:06 | 0:25:10 | |
# But no bridegroom with the ring turned up | 0:25:10 | 0:25:14 | |
# But a telegraph boy with his nose turned up | 0:25:14 | 0:25:18 | |
# Brought a telegram that said he didn't want to wed | 0:25:18 | 0:25:23 | |
# And they'd find him in the river with his toes turned up. # | 0:25:23 | 0:25:29 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:25:29 | 0:25:30 | |
Thank you. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:34 | |
Last time. You won't be bothered again! | 0:25:40 | 0:25:42 | |
How do you like it so far? What a load of rubbish. | 0:25:46 | 0:25:49 | |
Now, I'm going to sing you another song. I wrote this myself. | 0:25:49 | 0:25:53 | |
This one has got a monologue. I'm very good at monologues. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
As a matter of fact, I get a lot of little monologues sent to me | 0:25:56 | 0:25:59 | |
by different people, you know. | 0:25:59 | 0:26:00 | |
I got one sent today. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:02 | |
They stroll through the meadow... | 0:26:02 | 0:26:04 | |
Oh, no, that's the wrong one, isn't it? | 0:26:04 | 0:26:07 | |
What fun we have, but... | 0:26:07 | 0:26:10 | |
This one says... | 0:26:10 | 0:26:11 | |
The prisoner sat in his lonely cell. He committed a deadly sin. | 0:26:11 | 0:26:17 | |
The warder said, "You've one hour of grace." | 0:26:17 | 0:26:20 | |
He said, "Marvellous, send her in." | 0:26:20 | 0:26:23 | |
Are you there, Albert? Come here, Albert. | 0:26:23 | 0:26:26 | |
Come here, love, give us me Foreign Legion hat. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:29 | |
Dear old Albert. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:30 | |
Isn't he lovely? What sort of a woman was Victoria, Albert? | 0:26:30 | 0:26:33 | |
Isn't she lovely? OK, let's go. Foreign Legion. | 0:26:35 | 0:26:38 | |
Atmosphere. | 0:26:48 | 0:26:50 | |
# See the gang of ruffians come marching all ascend | 0:26:50 | 0:26:53 | |
# Out of line and out of step They haven't got a bend | 0:26:53 | 0:26:58 | |
# Fighting with the Arabs and our friends from la belle France | 0:26:58 | 0:27:02 | |
# If you dared to lag behind You get kicked in the ponce | 0:27:02 | 0:27:05 | |
# Marching off to death or glory | 0:27:05 | 0:27:09 | |
# Knowing there are long to care | 0:27:09 | 0:27:13 | |
# Just a real Beau Geste with whiskers on your chest | 0:27:13 | 0:27:17 | |
# That's the life of the legionnaire... # | 0:27:17 | 0:27:20 | |
Recitation. | 0:27:21 | 0:27:24 | |
It's a hell of a life in the Legion | 0:27:24 | 0:27:26 | |
when you're out in the desert, I mean. | 0:27:26 | 0:27:29 | |
This story I'll tell you is clever. It's not only clever, it's clean. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:33 | |
Our captain we hated like poison, he had a moustache like a bed sock, | 0:27:34 | 0:27:38 | |
and what the men called him led me to believe | 0:27:38 | 0:27:41 | |
that he had been born out of wedlock. | 0:27:41 | 0:27:43 | |
He took us a route march and lost us, | 0:27:47 | 0:27:49 | |
an obsolete map they had sold him. | 0:27:49 | 0:27:52 | |
He said, "Listen, men, I don't know where to go." | 0:27:52 | 0:27:54 | |
So everyone of us told him. | 0:27:54 | 0:27:55 | |
Now here I am back entertaining, singing songs ancient and new. | 0:27:58 | 0:28:03 | |
Striving and straining to get a good laugh out of boss-eyed | 0:28:03 | 0:28:06 | |
polluters like you. | 0:28:06 | 0:28:08 | |
# Marching with the Foreign Legion | 0:28:10 | 0:28:14 | |
# Marching on to who knows where | 0:28:14 | 0:28:18 | |
# Just a real Beau Geste with whiskers on your chest | 0:28:18 | 0:28:21 | |
# That's the life of the Legionnaire. # | 0:28:21 | 0:28:23 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:28:29 | 0:28:34 | |
Thank you. | 0:28:34 | 0:28:36 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to depart now from my usual procedure. | 0:28:43 | 0:28:49 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Oh! | 0:28:49 | 0:28:52 | |
I have asked if I might bring an artiste in who I think | 0:28:52 | 0:28:58 | |
has very great potential. | 0:28:58 | 0:29:00 | |
I am sponsoring her. She's very nervous. | 0:29:00 | 0:29:03 | |
It's her very first professional appearance ever | 0:29:03 | 0:29:07 | |
and I do hope you'll take her to your hearts. | 0:29:07 | 0:29:10 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, from my heart, I introduce, | 0:29:10 | 0:29:14 | |
for your very warm welcome, for a very new performer, | 0:29:14 | 0:29:18 | |
Miss Porphyria De Lille Brown. | 0:29:18 | 0:29:22 | |
# Popsy was a singer in a little revue | 0:30:00 | 0:30:05 | |
# Sang the sort of ditties that the people all knew | 0:30:05 | 0:30:10 | |
# Every night they used to turn the limelight strong | 0:30:10 | 0:30:14 | |
# On someone's face as she sang her song | 0:30:14 | 0:30:19 | |
# Popsy loved her job but every once in a while | 0:30:19 | 0:30:23 | |
# She thought it would be such bliss | 0:30:23 | 0:30:28 | |
# If the limelight would find a man both good and kind | 0:30:28 | 0:30:32 | |
# And he'd murmur something like this | 0:30:32 | 0:30:36 | |
# Sing to me, my little Popsy Wopsy | 0:30:37 | 0:30:41 | |
# Turn the limelight right on me | 0:30:41 | 0:30:44 | |
# When on that stage you come | 0:30:44 | 0:30:48 | |
# My little heart beats just like a drum | 0:30:48 | 0:30:52 | |
# I shall dream about you all night tonight | 0:30:52 | 0:30:55 | |
# You're the sweetest girl I've seen | 0:30:55 | 0:30:58 | |
# I would kiss you, my Popsy | 0:30:58 | 0:31:00 | |
# But there's one thing stops me | 0:31:00 | 0:31:02 | |
# Those footlights in between... # | 0:31:02 | 0:31:07 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:31:07 | 0:31:09 | |
# Popsy fixed her eye upon an old boy one night | 0:31:21 | 0:31:25 | |
# Sitting in the stalls with not a lady in sight | 0:31:25 | 0:31:30 | |
# When she sang her loving song He looked entranced | 0:31:30 | 0:31:34 | |
# She knew it wasn't the way she danced | 0:31:34 | 0:31:38 | |
# That same evening to the stage door he sent a note | 0:31:38 | 0:31:42 | |
# Which read, "Oh, Popsy, my pet | 0:31:42 | 0:31:46 | |
# "Though I'm 71 | 0:31:46 | 0:31:48 | |
# "We could have lots of fun | 0:31:48 | 0:31:52 | |
# "There's life in the old mongrel yet!" | 0:31:52 | 0:31:54 | |
# Sing to me, my little Popsy Wopsy | 0:31:56 | 0:32:00 | |
# Turn the limelight right on me | 0:32:00 | 0:32:03 | |
# When on that stage you come | 0:32:03 | 0:32:07 | |
# My little heart beats just like a drum | 0:32:07 | 0:32:10 | |
# I shall dream about you all night tonight | 0:32:10 | 0:32:15 | |
# You're the sweetest girl I've seen | 0:32:15 | 0:32:18 | |
# I would kiss you, my Popsy But there's one thing stops me | 0:32:18 | 0:32:22 | |
# Those footlights in between... # | 0:32:22 | 0:32:24 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:32:24 | 0:32:26 | |
# Popsy still sings ditties on that stage every night | 0:32:41 | 0:32:45 | |
# Though she may not be a star She's doing all right | 0:32:45 | 0:32:50 | |
# And when Johnnies think that they are sure to score | 0:32:50 | 0:32:55 | |
# And wait for her at the backstage door | 0:32:55 | 0:33:00 | |
# She appears in furs to keep her safe from the cold | 0:33:00 | 0:33:04 | |
# And if some masher should shout | 0:33:04 | 0:33:08 | |
# "I've some champagne on ice" | 0:33:08 | 0:33:11 | |
# She'll say, "Well, ain't that nice? | 0:33:11 | 0:33:13 | |
# "But Daddy won't let me go out!" | 0:33:13 | 0:33:17 | |
# Sing to me, my little Popsy Wopsy | 0:33:18 | 0:33:22 | |
# Turn the limelight right on me | 0:33:22 | 0:33:25 | |
# When on that stage you come | 0:33:25 | 0:33:29 | |
# My little heart beats just like a drum | 0:33:29 | 0:33:33 | |
# I shall dream about you all night tonight | 0:33:33 | 0:33:36 | |
# You're the sweetest girl I've seen | 0:33:36 | 0:33:39 | |
# I would kiss you, my Popsy | 0:33:39 | 0:33:41 | |
# But there's one thing stops me | 0:33:41 | 0:33:43 | |
# Those footlights in between. # | 0:33:43 | 0:33:45 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:34:17 | 0:34:18 | |
That was, of course, Sheila Steafel, | 0:34:24 | 0:34:30 | |
and may heaven and my wife forgive me. | 0:34:30 | 0:34:33 | |
And now, ladies and gentlemen, from Hungary, transcendent | 0:34:35 | 0:34:43 | |
in high altitude-iness, inch-apidity, the Duo Violins. | 0:34:43 | 0:34:51 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:38:25 | 0:38:26 | |
-And now, jubilantly... AUDIENCE: -Oh! | 0:38:30 | 0:38:36 | |
Ebullience... | 0:38:36 | 0:38:39 | |
..in-juvenescent jockularity... | 0:38:39 | 0:38:44 | |
The one and only Terry Scott. | 0:38:44 | 0:38:47 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:38:49 | 0:38:51 | |
A-ha. | 0:38:51 | 0:38:53 | |
Ah! Ah! | 0:38:58 | 0:38:59 | |
I'll be your surprise. I'll be your surprise. | 0:39:01 | 0:39:03 | |
Shut up, coughing. | 0:39:03 | 0:39:05 | |
I bet you were surprised because I come on the stage, | 0:39:06 | 0:39:09 | |
because, you know, you know, you just can't walk on the stage. | 0:39:09 | 0:39:12 | |
You can't, because...because before you come on the stage, | 0:39:12 | 0:39:15 | |
you have to do something. Yeah. And I just done something. | 0:39:15 | 0:39:18 | |
No, I seen something. Well, you don't know my mother. | 0:39:19 | 0:39:22 | |
My mum has had another baby. Yeah. She has. Another one. | 0:39:22 | 0:39:27 | |
And my dad, he don't know anything about it, | 0:39:27 | 0:39:29 | |
because he's away at work. Yeah. | 0:39:29 | 0:39:32 | |
I hate it when he comes in, because I get the blame for everything | 0:39:32 | 0:39:35 | |
that happens in our house. | 0:39:35 | 0:39:37 | |
Yeah, my auntie came to see the baby. She come. | 0:39:37 | 0:39:40 | |
My Auntie Nora actually come. And she lives... Shut up. | 0:39:40 | 0:39:46 | |
My Auntie Nora, she lives a long way away. | 0:39:46 | 0:39:48 | |
And she had to sleep in the same room as me and my brother all night. | 0:39:50 | 0:39:53 | |
And she got undressed in the same place. Not at the same time. | 0:39:53 | 0:39:57 | |
Well, she couldn't, because she ain't half fat. | 0:39:58 | 0:40:01 | |
Do you know, she's got things to hold her up and things to | 0:40:01 | 0:40:03 | |
hold her down and things to hold her in and out and all over the place. | 0:40:03 | 0:40:07 | |
My brother says, when she gets undressed, | 0:40:07 | 0:40:09 | |
she has to go to bed, otherwise she'd fall down. | 0:40:09 | 0:40:12 | |
And the vicar come. The vicar come! A-ha. | 0:40:12 | 0:40:16 | |
He came round, nosy old... He come round. | 0:40:16 | 0:40:19 | |
He come round because he wanted to fix a christening | 0:40:19 | 0:40:22 | |
and he wanted to know the name, I expect. | 0:40:22 | 0:40:24 | |
My mum has got a funny name for it, because I think I heard her say, | 0:40:24 | 0:40:27 | |
"I think I'm going to call it quits." But... | 0:40:27 | 0:40:29 | |
There was a vicar there and my auntie, so I thought, right, | 0:40:32 | 0:40:36 | |
I'm going to stand in the middle of the floor | 0:40:36 | 0:40:38 | |
and do something which will give a very big surprise, because... | 0:40:38 | 0:40:41 | |
Yes, because it was like a party, you see. So I told them a joke. | 0:40:41 | 0:40:46 | |
Yeah, and my mum laughed, my auntie left and the vicar cried. | 0:40:46 | 0:40:50 | |
Because it was about a bull. | 0:40:50 | 0:40:52 | |
It was a daddy bull, and he was in a field, and he got three baby boy | 0:40:52 | 0:40:55 | |
bulls in the field, and the daddy said to the first baby boy bull, | 0:40:55 | 0:40:58 | |
he said, "Here, what are you going to be when you grow up? | 0:40:58 | 0:41:01 | |
The first one said, "I'm going to be a bull in a china shop." | 0:41:01 | 0:41:04 | |
He said to the second one, "What are you going to be when you grow up?" | 0:41:04 | 0:41:06 | |
The second one said, "I'm going to be a bull in the Army." | 0:41:06 | 0:41:09 | |
He said to the third one, "What are you going to be when you grow up?" | 0:41:09 | 0:41:12 | |
And the third one said, "I want to stay in the field with you | 0:41:12 | 0:41:14 | |
"for heifer and heifer." | 0:41:14 | 0:41:17 | |
And now, ladies and gentlemen. My solo song sung. Thank you. | 0:41:17 | 0:41:20 | |
# For many years before the war We used to go away | 0:41:24 | 0:41:27 | |
# And spend a jolly time beside the sea | 0:41:27 | 0:41:30 | |
# But when the railway fares went up back home, we had to stay | 0:41:30 | 0:41:34 | |
# Because we haven't got the LSD | 0:41:34 | 0:41:37 | |
# But Father had a good idea to make the house look gay | 0:41:37 | 0:41:41 | |
# We've railway posters posted on the wall | 0:41:41 | 0:41:44 | |
# In every room there's lovely places like Deal and Douglas Bay | 0:41:44 | 0:41:48 | |
# So now we never want to go at all | 0:41:48 | 0:41:51 | |
# Oh, the seaside posters around the home | 0:41:51 | 0:41:55 | |
# We never want to journey by the foam | 0:41:55 | 0:41:58 | |
# There's Brighton in the bathroom and Papa feels quite a swell | 0:41:58 | 0:42:02 | |
# Because he cuts his corns outside the Metropole Hotel | 0:42:02 | 0:42:05 | |
# We've got Yarmouth in the home and there's Yarmouth in the yard | 0:42:05 | 0:42:09 | |
# And Bournemouth we put somewhere out the back | 0:42:09 | 0:42:13 | |
# And in the little parlour where the ladies sit and chat | 0:42:13 | 0:42:16 | |
#We've got Clacton with the accent on the clack | 0:42:16 | 0:42:20 | |
# Oh, seaside posters round the home | 0:42:20 | 0:42:23 | |
# We never from our doorstep want to roam | 0:42:23 | 0:42:27 | |
# There's Worthing in the cellar where we keep the bottled stout | 0:42:27 | 0:42:30 | |
# And Father goes in there sometimes to see the tide go out | 0:42:30 | 0:42:34 | |
# We've pictures of the Isle of Wight along the garden path | 0:42:34 | 0:42:37 | |
# From Tottenham Bay to the golden shore | 0:42:37 | 0:42:41 | |
# And when the milkman comes and leaves his cans upon the step | 0:42:41 | 0:42:44 | |
# You can almost fancy Cowes was at the door. # | 0:42:44 | 0:42:47 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:42:49 | 0:42:52 | |
And now, ladies and gentlemen, there is really only just time now | 0:43:04 | 0:43:08 | |
for the last chorus of all, which you all know. | 0:43:08 | 0:43:10 | |
Down At The Old Bull And Bush. | 0:43:10 | 0:43:12 | |
We give you, ladies and gentlemen, | 0:43:12 | 0:43:14 | |
Mr Terry Scott, Mr Arthur Askey and the entire company. | 0:43:14 | 0:43:18 | |
We give you Mr Bernard Hammond and his entire orchestra of exemplary... | 0:43:18 | 0:43:26 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Oh! -..auxiliaries. | 0:43:26 | 0:43:30 | |
But this time, chiefly yourselves. | 0:43:34 | 0:43:38 | |
# Come, come, come and make eyes at me | 0:43:43 | 0:43:47 | |
# Down at the old Bull and Bush Da-da-da-da-da | 0:43:47 | 0:43:51 | |
# Come, come, drink some port wine with me | 0:43:51 | 0:43:55 | |
# Down at the old Bull and Bush | 0:43:55 | 0:43:57 | |
# Hear the little German band | 0:43:59 | 0:44:01 | |
# Da-da-da-da-da-da-da | 0:44:01 | 0:44:02 | |
# Just let me hold your hand, dear | 0:44:02 | 0:44:06 | |
# Do, do, come and have a drink or two | 0:44:06 | 0:44:10 | |
# Down at the old Bull and Bush. | 0:44:10 | 0:44:13 | |
# Bush-Bush. # | 0:44:13 | 0:44:16 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:44:16 | 0:44:18 |