21/02/1975 The Good Old Days


21/02/1975

Leonard Sachs presents the old-time music hall programme. Guests include Nick Moll, Bernard Cribbins, Valerie Masterson, Bill Pertwee, Terence Alexander, Des Lane and Ray C Davis.


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Transcript


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CHEERING

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Once again!

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BOOING

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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

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CHEERING AND BOOING

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Prefiguratively... CHEERING

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..our postprandial... CHEERING

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..peroration... CHEERING

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.."penidarises" primarily

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the Polyphonic Players Theatre

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and the prestigious prowess

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of Mr Bernard Cribbins!

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APPLAUSE

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# London, London

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# Good old London city

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# Good for those who coif nice clothes

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# And lots of LSD

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# But London, London

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# Don't show me much pity

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# It must have been built for people with cash

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# It never was built for me... #

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Oh, here we go!

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# Come with me down Regent Street

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# Come with me down Regent Street

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# No more strolling down the Strand

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# Strolling down the Strand is not so grand

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# So come with me down Regent Street

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# And everyone you'll meet

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# With a right too-roo-rah, right too-roo-rah, right too-roo-rah-day

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# If you come down Regent Street

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# With a right too-roo-rah, right too-roo-rah, right too-roo-rah-day

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# If you come down Regent Street

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# I'm Silk Hat Tony I'm down and I'm stony

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# I'm not only broke but I'm bent

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# The fringe round my trousers keeps lashing the houses

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# But, dammit, I'm gay and content

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# I stroll the West gaily

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# You'll find me there daily

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# From Burlington Arcade up to Old Bailey

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# I'm Tony, I'm stony

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# But that makes no difference, you see

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# If I haven't a fraction I've one satisfaction

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# They built Piccadilly for me

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# Jane, Jane, Jane from Maiden Lane

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# She always looked so diffident and shy

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# But although demure and tidy

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# And perhaps a trifle sidy

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# She'd a naughty little twinkle Such a wicked little winkle

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# Such a naughty little twinkle in her eye

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# I live in Trafalgar Square

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# With four lions to guard me

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# Fountains and statues all over the place

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# And the Metropol' staring me right in the face

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# I own it's a trifle drafty

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# But I looks at it this way, you see

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# If it's good enough for Nelson... #

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DRUMBEATS Oh, God!

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# ..It's quite good enough for me

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# Let's all go down the Strand Have a banana!

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# Let's all go down the Strand

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# I'll be leader You can march behind

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# Come with me and see what we can find

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# Let's all go down the Strand

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# Oh, what a happy land

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# That's the place for fun and noise All amongst the girls and boys

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# So let's all go down the Strand

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# We like London

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# We like town

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# We cannot understand why people put it down

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# We know it well and all agree

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# There's no place we would rather be

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# We're very, very fond of

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# London! #

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CHEERING

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And now an unparalleled opportunity...

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AUDIENCE WHOOPS

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..for the orchidaceous ladies

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and their attendant and auxiliary gentlemen

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in a prodigality of participatory...

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AUDIENCE WHOOPS

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..reciprocity.

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Joining in with the Pied Piper,

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Mr Des Lane!

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APPLAUSE

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Thank you.

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HE PLAYS Yellow Rose Of Texas

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AUDIENCE WHISTLES NEXT LINE

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Not yet!

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LAUGHTER

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Right, now this is where all of you join in.

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HE PLAYS A Life On The Ocean Wave

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AUDIENCE WHISTLES NEXT LINE

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HE PLAYS It's A Long Way To Tipperary

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-AUDIENCE:

-# It's a long way to go

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# It's a long way to Tipperary

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# To the sweetest girl I know

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# Goodbye, Piccadilly. #

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I'm not going to play!

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# Farewell, Leicester Square

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# It's a long, long way to Tipperary

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# But my heart's right there. #

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All right, if you know the words, everybody sing!

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# It's a long way to Tipperary

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# It's a long way to go

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# It's a long way to Tipperary

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# To the sweetest girl I know

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# Goodbye, Piccadilly

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# Farewell, Leicester Square

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# It's a long, long way to Tipperary

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# But my heart's right there. #

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That's fine. Two to go.

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HE PLAYS POP GOES THE WEASEL

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-AUDIENCE:

-# La la la la la la. #

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-# Pop goes the weasel! #

-Last one.

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PLAYS MILITARY MARCH

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And don't you dare!

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LAUGHTER

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Hey?

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AUDIENCE CHEERS

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Ah, you're marvellous. Can you still hear me?

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-AUDIENCE:

-Yes.

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I'm sure now you'll remember this really great song that was

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written all about the blues.

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HE PLAYS Birth Of The Blues

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-AUDIENCE:

-# The birth of the blues. #

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-AUDIENCE:

-# The birth of the blues. #

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-AUDIENCE:

-# The birth of the blues. #

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# And then from a whippoorwill up high on a hill

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# They took a new note

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# And then they pushed it through a horn until it was worn

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# Into a blue note. #

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Now, really go!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Jauntily jubilant

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in a vertiginous germination

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juxtaposing joint laryngeal

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and saltatorial propensities,

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two lads singing and dancing together.

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Mr Ray C Davis and Mr Tudor Davies!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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# A song to every mother

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# A song to every Dad

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# You're both so happy with your babies

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# But someday you may be sad

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# When these little boys grow up and fall in love

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# When you find there's someone else they're dreaming of

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# You dream of bygone years when you rocked them on your knee

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# How long you shed your tears

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# But you know it had to be

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# When your little boys grow up and buy a ring

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# When they fall a victim to that certain thing

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# Your dream of childhood joys with just a few forgotten toys

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# When these little boys grow up

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# And fall in love

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# Well, Mama, we're both of age

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# For we've both reached that certain stage

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# Where, to us, girls mean more than anything

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# Tell them all we're on our way and we're setting out today

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# It's the reason why we feel inclined to sing

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# To-o-o sing

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# Put me amongst the girls

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# Put me amongst the girls

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# Do me a favour do

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# You know I'd do the same for you

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# Put me amongst the girls

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# Those with the curly curls

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# And they'll enjoy themselves and so will I

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# If you put me amongst the girls

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# I've a positive itch to get down in a ditch

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# Or again in a lane that is shady

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# With a million patters of filly-like matters

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# As long as the fillies are ladies

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# She'll try to look shy and we'll both wonder why

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# As we're sitting alone in the moonlight

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# And it's perfectly clear my dear partner here's

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# Having trouble in getting the tune right

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# I'll flatter and chat her might even carry on just like a boxer

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# If she tries to resist she'll end up getting kissed

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# Those with the curly curls

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# They'll enjoy themselves and so will I

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# If you put me amongst the girls. #

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Dance?

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Oh!

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Ooh!

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Oi!

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What about me then?

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Well, what about you?

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Well...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Awww!

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Oi!

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DRUMROLL

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It's a double act...son.

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-Terribly sorry about this, Mr Chairman.

-That's all right.

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Could have got Danny La Rue for another 30 bob.

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LAUGHTER

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DRUMROLL

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LAUGHTER

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A-one, two, three, four.

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# Put me amongst the girls

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# Those with the curly curls

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# They'll enjoy themselves and so will I

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# If you put me

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# Put me

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# Put me...

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-# Amongst the girls

-# Amongst the girls

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# Amongst the girls

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-# Amongst the girls

-Amongst the girls. #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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No, madam, no, they are NOT officially related.

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Resplendent from the superbities

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of Strauss,

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illimitably liquescent,

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Ilayha's lilting legato...

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Miss Valerie Masterson!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:17:130:17:16

# There once lived a Vilia

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# A witch of a wood

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# A hunter beheld her

0:17:300:17:34

# Alone as she stood

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# The spell of her beauty

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# Upon him was laid

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# He looked and he longed for

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# The magical maid

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# For a sudden tremor ran

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# Right through the love-bewildered man

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# And he cried

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# As a hapless lover can

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# Vilia, O Vilia

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# My maid of delight

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# Haunting the woodland

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# Enchanting the light

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# Vilia, O Vilia

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# Be tender and true

0:18:520:18:57

# Love me and I'll die for you

0:18:590:19:06

# Vilia, O Vilia

0:19:300:19:36

# Be tender and true

0:19:380:19:43

# Love me and I'll die for you

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# Sadly he cried

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# Vilia... #

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APPLAUSE

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# Romance, a play boy who is born each spring

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# To teach the nightingale to sing a very pretty song

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# I love you

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# Romance, a legend on an old brocade

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# A prince who tells a country maid

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# I love you

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# Now where this whimsy comes from I don't know

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# For when it comes it's just about to go

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# Romance, a flower that will bloom awhile

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# With sunshine from a lover's smile

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# That lover's tears bedew

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# Ah-ah, ah-ah!

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# Yet, when I seek this beauty

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# Flower of youth's first dawning

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# I find a prosy work-a-day world

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# Stretching and yawning

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# Love is locked up in cages

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# Kept for a poet's pages

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# Life and adventure don't seem to be

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# Paying attention to me

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# And so I dream of fair romance and let my fancies

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# Weave pretty stories

0:22:330:22:38

# And though I know they are not so

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# I long to go wandering

0:22:400:22:45

# Amid their wistful glories

0:22:450:22:51

# My princes become what I mould them

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# And they stay for the breath of a sigh

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# I open my arms to enfold them

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# But they're gone like a breeze rushing by

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# Ah, this is a humdrum world

0:23:160:23:20

# Yet when I dream

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# I set it dancing

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# When life is grey, I have a way to make it gay

0:23:290:23:34

# I grab a day

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# And dream of love. #

0:23:400:23:48

APPLAUSE

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Peri... Peripatetic

0:24:070:24:12

perpetrators of facetious flippancies...

0:24:120:24:17

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..and fatuous persiflage,

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Mr Bill Pertwee and Mr Terence Alexander!

0:24:230:24:27

APPLAUSE

0:24:270:24:29

Ah, all right?

0:24:340:24:36

Sit down.

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Stay there, Gladstone, and behave yourself.

0:24:380:24:41

Oh, my word, what a journey!

0:24:410:24:43

Came all the wrong way.

0:24:430:24:44

Just outside of the town somebody let off a firecracker

0:24:440:24:47

and the horse bolted!

0:24:470:24:48

LAUGHTER

0:24:480:24:50

My man Hampton and I, we've just been spending

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a couple of days at Oakham in the county of Rutland

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trite-nulling.

0:24:550:24:57

Yes, fascinating sport, trite-nulling.

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Yes, funny little animals, trites.

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Smallish, they are, with reddish-brown fur, a pointed face,

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three legs and a wheel.

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LAUGHTER

0:25:080:25:10

Hampton, Hampton, where are you?

0:25:100:25:12

-Here we are, sir.

-Ah, there you are.

0:25:120:25:17

It's Hampton.

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APPLAUSE

0:25:180:25:21

-Park the chap all right?

-Oh, yes, thank you, sir, yes.

0:25:230:25:26

Oh, good, good, yes. What's all this then?

0:25:260:25:28

-The music stand and the hamper, sir.

-Oh, good, good.

0:25:280:25:31

-What's this here?

-The steering wheel.

0:25:310:25:33

-Steering wheel?

-Yes, I thought we might use it to drive home, sir.

0:25:330:25:37

You can't drive a horse and trap with a steering wheel!

0:25:370:25:40

Get rid of it!

0:25:400:25:41

What shall I do with it?

0:25:410:25:43

LAUGHTER

0:25:430:25:46

Ignore him, Gladstone.

0:25:460:25:48

Give it to him! Give it to him!

0:25:480:25:51

Oh, I'll do it.

0:25:510:25:53

Do you mind holding that? Thank you very much.

0:25:530:25:56

That's it. Did you bring the lunch?

0:25:580:26:02

-It's in here, sir.

-Oh, what have we got today, smoked salmon?

0:26:020:26:05

-Toad in the hole.

-Oh, that's near enough.

0:26:050:26:07

Let's get on with the music, shall we?

0:26:070:26:09

-I think perhaps we'd better, sir, yes.

-Where is the music?

0:26:090:26:12

-In the hamper, sir.

-In the hamper?

0:26:120:26:14

Yes, I had to wrap up the toad in it.

0:26:140:26:17

Wrap up the toad in it?!

0:26:170:26:19

I'm afraid the batter was still a bit runny, you see, sir.

0:26:190:26:23

There we are, sir, yes.

0:26:230:26:25

What do we need for this?

0:26:250:26:27

Three flugelhorns, bagpipes and a Jew's harp.

0:26:270:26:30

Oh, have you got that sort of thing down there?

0:26:300:26:34

-No!

-Oh.

0:26:340:26:36

This won't upset the dog at all, will it?

0:26:360:26:38

Good heavens, no, sir. He's very deaf is poor old Gladstone.

0:26:380:26:42

You know last week we had a bit of trouble with that German band.

0:26:420:26:46

Got a bit excited, he did.

0:26:460:26:48

I think he took a bit of a dislike to the bassoonist, you know.

0:26:480:26:51

-Bassoonist?

-Bassoonist, yeah. Took a bit of a dislike to him.

0:26:510:26:54

-I thought you were going to say trombonist.

-Trombonist, no, no, no.

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LAUGHTER

0:26:560:26:59

If I hadn't been able to say bassoonist,

0:27:040:27:07

I'd probably would have said trombonist.

0:27:070:27:09

LAUGHTER

0:27:090:27:12

Tell me, what have you got down there?

0:27:120:27:14

-He's got percussion.

-Has he? Oh.

0:27:140:27:18

That's a bit nasty. You want to see a doctor about that, you know.

0:27:180:27:21

He's probably had a bit of a tap on the head.

0:27:210:27:23

Never mind, we'll just have to do the best we can, that's all.

0:27:230:27:26

I tell you what, sir, perhaps I could hum it.

0:27:260:27:29

I didn't know you were a hummer, Hampton?

0:27:290:27:31

Oh, yes, I have a number of proclivities unknown to you, sir.

0:27:310:27:35

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:27:350:27:38

You getting those dizzy spells again, Hampton?

0:27:380:27:40

I think possibly I am, sir, yes.

0:27:400:27:42

-I think you'd better go and see a doctor.

-No, sir, please, no, no.

0:27:420:27:45

Not again. Not after my last dreadful experience.

0:27:450:27:47

What are you talking about?

0:27:470:27:49

-When I went to see the doctor, it was most embarrassing.

-What was?

0:27:490:27:51

Having to take off all my clothes.

0:27:510:27:53

-What, the lot?

-Yes, sir, right down too my gaiters.

-Ooh, dear.

0:27:530:27:56

-What was wrong?

-He said I was susceptible to...

0:27:560:28:00

Ooh, did he?

0:28:020:28:03

Did he ask you to...

0:28:030:28:05

COUGHS

0:28:050:28:07

I beg your pardon?

0:28:070:28:08

LAUGHTER

0:28:080:28:10

Cough!

0:28:100:28:12

HE COUGHS

0:28:120:28:13

Not now! I mean, did the doctor ask you to cough? Oh, dear, oh, dear.

0:28:130:28:16

No, he didn't, no.

0:28:160:28:18

But he said I must never ride a bike or wear a kilt in a high wind.

0:28:180:28:23

Yes, unusual. Did he say why?

0:28:230:28:26

Yes, he said I was suffering from some vitamin deficiency, sir.

0:28:260:28:29

He told me to eat a lot of stewed rhubarb.

0:28:290:28:31

Ooh. Will that cure it?

0:28:310:28:34

Well, he wasn't sure

0:28:340:28:35

but he said it would give me something else to think about.

0:28:350:28:37

LAUGHTER

0:28:370:28:39

We can't go on like this. We'll never get home at this rate.

0:28:390:28:42

-How are we going to get home, sir?

-You leave it to me, Hampton.

0:28:420:28:45

BAND STRIKES UP

0:28:450:28:47

Oh, that's nice. Very nice.

0:28:470:28:50

# Strolling. #

0:28:530:28:55

Strolling?

0:28:550:28:56

# Just strolling. #

0:28:560:28:59

-Oh, strolling?

-Yes.

0:28:590:29:01

# In the cool of the evening air. #

0:29:010:29:06

-Very nice indeed, sir.

-Thank you.

0:29:060:29:08

# I don't envy the rich

0:29:080:29:12

# In their automobiles

0:29:120:29:15

# For a motor car is phoney

0:29:170:29:21

# I'd rather have Shanks's pony

0:29:210:29:24

# When I'm strolling

0:29:240:29:27

-Come on, sir.

-Thank you.

0:29:270:29:28

# Just strolling

0:29:280:29:31

# By the light of the moon above. #

0:29:330:29:38

The moon above!

0:29:380:29:41

# Every night I go out strolling

0:29:410:29:45

# And I know my luck is rolling

0:29:450:29:49

# When I'm strolling with the one I love. #

0:29:490:29:54

Everybody now.

0:29:540:29:57

# Strolling. #

0:29:580:30:00

Lovely.

0:30:000:30:01

# Just strolling

0:30:010:30:05

# In the cool of the evening air

0:30:050:30:11

# I don't envy the rich

0:30:130:30:17

# In their automobiles

0:30:170:30:21

# The motor car is phoney

0:30:220:30:27

# I'd rather have Shanks's pony

0:30:270:30:30

# When I'm strolling

0:30:300:30:33

# Just strolling

0:30:350:30:38

# By the light of the moon above

0:30:390:30:45

# Every night I go out strolling

0:30:470:30:52

# And I know my luck is rolling

0:30:520:30:55

# When I'm strolling with the one I

0:30:550:31:01

# Strolling with the one I

0:31:010:31:04

# Strolling with the one I love. #

0:31:040:31:12

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:31:120:31:16

From Spain...

0:31:280:31:30

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:31:300:31:32

Paroxysmal in a precocity

0:31:320:31:36

of percussive permutations,

0:31:360:31:40

El Senor Nick Moll!

0:31:400:31:43

APPLAUSE

0:31:430:31:47

APPLAUSE

0:32:220:32:25

APPLAUSE

0:32:580:33:02

Now, important.

0:33:080:33:10

Sexy.

0:33:270:33:28

APPLAUSE

0:34:470:34:51

Once again for your rapturous approbation...

0:35:190:35:23

..the one and only Mr Bernard Cribbins.

0:35:250:35:29

APPLAUSE

0:35:290:35:32

# When I got home last Wednesday I was feeling rather queer

0:35:360:35:39

# A little out of sorts you'll understand

0:35:390:35:42

# I found a little drinking house conveniently near

0:35:420:35:45

# And I went in with me thruppence in me hand

0:35:450:35:49

# The barmaid she was six foot two and every inch an gent

0:35:490:35:53

# With a figure like a well-made double bed

0:35:530:35:56

# "What can I do for you?" she says and on the counter leant

0:35:570:36:01

# And I gazed into her feather boa and said

0:36:010:36:05

# They tell me there's a lot of it about

0:36:070:36:10

# They tell me there's a lot of it about

0:36:100:36:12

# Some get it here some get it there

0:36:120:36:15

# Others seem to pick it up any old where

0:36:150:36:18

# It's definitely on the increase

0:36:180:36:21

# Of that there is no doubt

0:36:210:36:23

# It's not a thing that you can put your finger on

0:36:230:36:26

# But there's certainly a lot of it about

0:36:260:36:28

# On looking round my property imagine my dismay

0:36:350:36:39

# To find the fence all broken by the door

0:36:390:36:42

# So I popped round to the carpenter

0:36:420:36:45

# And told him right away my perimeters had fallen to the floor

0:36:450:36:49

# He brought some wood all full of holes

0:36:510:36:53

# "They're not holes," he explained

0:36:530:36:56

# "If they're not holes what are they then?" I cried

0:36:560:36:58

# "Of course they're holes, they're knotholes!"

0:36:590:37:03

# He replied in accent strange

0:37:030:37:05

# "The hole's there but the knot is not inside"

0:37:050:37:08

# Well, they tell me there's a lot of it about

0:37:100:37:13

# They tell me there's a lot of it about

0:37:130:37:16

# Some get it here some get it there

0:37:160:37:18

# Others seem to pick it up any old where

0:37:180:37:21

# It's definitely on the increase

0:37:210:37:23

# Of that there is no doubt

0:37:230:37:26

# It's not a thing that you can put your finger on

0:37:260:37:29

# But there's certainly a lot of it about. #

0:37:290:37:31

It is true. It's true Mr Sax, isn't it?

0:37:310:37:33

-A lot of it about these days.

-Oh, I'm sure.

-Have you...?

0:37:330:37:35

No, well, I won't ask that question, no.

0:37:350:37:38

Never mind. Yes. Oh, my lord.

0:37:380:37:40

You see that?

0:37:440:37:45

That's that Mr Pertwee dog's been up there again.

0:37:450:37:48

-Dreadful.

-There's a lot of it about.

0:37:480:37:50

There's a lot of it about, you're right.

0:37:500:37:52

I went to a wedding the other day.

0:38:010:38:02

Oh, there was a lot of it there, there was.

0:38:020:38:04

Oh, my God. The place was overflowing with it. Yes.

0:38:040:38:07

-Can I tell them about it?

-Yes, please.

-They are safe, aren't they?

0:38:070:38:10

-Yes, don't want to get too close, you see.

-Not too close.

0:38:100:38:12

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:38:120:38:14

The clock in the steeple had struck 13

0:38:150:38:17

the day that this wedding was fixed.

0:38:170:38:19

The couple had gone on their honeymoon first

0:38:190:38:21

so things had got a bit mixed.

0:38:210:38:22

The bridesmaids' dresses had gone astray

0:38:230:38:25

and they only had half their clothes on.

0:38:250:38:27

And a cabbie who dared to ask for his fare

0:38:270:38:29

-had only got half his nose on.

-DRUMBEATS

0:38:290:38:31

Hello, are you starting that again?

0:38:310:38:33

All right, just be careful, though.

0:38:330:38:35

Keep it in check. Where was I? Oh, yes.

0:38:350:38:37

In the crowd was the bride's dear mother

0:38:370:38:39

and when asked would we have long to wait,

0:38:390:38:42

she said she didn't know cos the dirty dog

0:38:420:38:44

was already six months late.

0:38:440:38:45

But, hark, there's a police whistle blowing.

0:38:450:38:48

And up goes a rousing cheer as a barrow rolls up with a bride groom

0:38:480:38:52

-and a lorry rolls up with a beer.

-DRUMBEATS

0:38:520:38:54

That's a nice one that. I like that, very good. Yes.

0:38:540:38:57

Do you have to stand up and sit down every time you do it? Oh, I see.

0:38:570:39:00

I tell you what.

0:39:060:39:07

You won't half be fit by the end of this number, I tell you.

0:39:070:39:10

Ho-ho!

0:39:100:39:12

Yes. Where was it? Oh, it's the brideman...the beer...

0:39:120:39:14

HE MUMBLES

0:39:140:39:16

You got it, remembered it, have you? Yes.

0:39:160:39:18

And he should have been tall and handsome

0:39:180:39:20

but he suffers from duck's disease.

0:39:200:39:22

The seat of his pants is too near the ground

0:39:250:39:27

and his dicky hangs down to his knees.

0:39:270:39:28

-DRUMBEATS

-That's the one!

0:39:280:39:30

That's the one.

0:39:310:39:32

Please, it gets worse.

0:39:350:39:36

But there wasn't a stain on his character,

0:39:390:39:41

except where he sat in the mud.

0:39:410:39:43

He had two gold teeth and a wart on his neck

0:39:440:39:46

-he could use for a back collar stud.

-DRUMBEATS

0:39:460:39:48

I wasn't going to have one there but since you've done it.

0:39:480:39:51

No, it's all right. Doesn't matter.

0:39:510:39:52

But all eyes are turned to the beautiful bride,

0:39:520:39:55

her golden hair simply adorning.

0:39:550:39:57

It's her own, you can tell,

0:39:570:39:58

she had whiskers as well but she shaved them all of this morning.

0:39:580:40:01

She had a wedding cake too that comes to but few.

0:40:010:40:04

It was a bread pudding shot with sultanas.

0:40:040:40:07

And the wedding bouquet had been pawned for the day

0:40:070:40:09

so she carried a bunch of bananas.

0:40:090:40:10

Do you want to go out before I continue?

0:40:160:40:18

The theatre's been reupholstered lately, you know.

0:40:220:40:24

We do what any of that. Right, where was I? I've forgotten.

0:40:240:40:27

The bunch of bananas, thank you, Mr Chairman.

0:40:270:40:30

I don't know what I would have done without you tonight.

0:40:300:40:32

I really don't. There's a lot of it about, I'll never forget that.

0:40:320:40:36

Very nice.

0:40:360:40:37

Well, as they walk down the aisle with a fly on his dial

0:40:380:40:41

by the side of the girl he is cherishing,

0:40:410:40:43

the choir sang What Will The Harvest Be

0:40:430:40:45

and organ played Rescue The Perishing.

0:40:450:40:47

Then a woman with twins in her apron...

0:40:480:40:51

I knew that would confuse all of you.

0:40:530:40:55

Then a woman with twins in her apron

0:40:570:40:59

and a breath like a fog, only stronger,

0:40:590:41:02

rushed up to the bride and bitterly cried,

0:41:020:41:03

"I can't keep it in any longer."

0:41:030:41:05

"The wedding bells shall not ring out," she cried, all agitated.

0:41:080:41:12

"For she is not Dick Whittington and she hasn't been vaccinated."

0:41:120:41:15

But imagine the poor lonely bride that night

0:41:170:41:19

as she toys with her beautiful trousseau.

0:41:190:41:22

And the bridegroom sitting alone on the floor

0:41:220:41:24

pretending he's Robinson Crusoe.

0:41:240:41:27

Well, the tears rolled down her pullover

0:41:270:41:29

and she turned to her darling Jack

0:41:290:41:32

and shoving her hand in her vanity bag she gave in his fourpence back.

0:41:320:41:35

And, then, like a woman, she left him.

0:41:370:41:40

Him, what had staked his life.

0:41:400:41:43

Left him, went back to her husband.

0:41:430:41:45

And him, he went back to his wife.

0:41:450:41:47

But, you see, it doesn't always end like that.

0:41:470:41:50

Sometimes they do get on the honeymoon, don't they?

0:41:500:41:52

Thank you, sir.

0:41:520:41:53

# Two honeymooners rather tired preparing to retire

0:41:530:41:57

# Began to kiss and cuddle on the bed

0:41:570:42:00

# His love it was so ardent that the bed clothes caught on fire

0:42:000:42:03

# "Quick, dearest, through the window, jump!" he said

0:42:030:42:05

# Her nightdress caught upon a nail she nearly fell right through it

0:42:060:42:10

# She hung there with her arms flung open wide

0:42:100:42:13

# The lady in the flat below said "Kindly pass the cruet,"

0:42:130:42:18

# And the firemen down below as one man cried

0:42:180:42:20

# They tell me there's a lot of it about... #

0:42:220:42:24

Come on, then

0:42:240:42:25

# They tell me there's a lot of it about

0:42:250:42:28

# Some get it here some get it there

0:42:280:42:30

# Others seem to pick it up any old where

0:42:300:42:33

# It's definitely on the increase

0:42:330:42:35

# Of that there is no doubt

0:42:350:42:37

# It's not a thing that you can put your finger on

0:42:370:42:40

# But there's certainly a lot of it about

0:42:400:42:43

# They tell me there's a lot of it about

0:42:430:42:45

# They tell me there's a lot of it about

0:42:450:42:47

# Some get it here some get it there

0:42:470:42:49

# Others seem to pick it up any old where

0:42:490:42:51

# It is definitely on the increase of that there is no doubt

0:42:510:42:55

# It's not a thing that you can put your finger on

0:42:550:42:57

# There's certainly a lot of it about. #

0:42:570:42:59

Thank you.

0:43:020:43:04

Thank you.

0:43:080:43:10

There's just, just, just time now for the last chorus,

0:43:170:43:19

Down At The Old Bull And Bush.

0:43:190:43:21

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Bernard Cribbins and the entire company,

0:43:210:43:25

the indispensable Mr Bernard Hermann

0:43:250:43:27

and his inestimable orchestra.

0:43:270:43:31

And this time chiefly yourselves.

0:43:330:43:39

# Come, come, come and make eyes at me

0:43:430:43:47

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:43:470:43:50

# Da, da, da, da, da

0:43:500:43:51

# Come, come, drink some port wine with me

0:43:510:43:55

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:43:550:43:57

# La la la la la la la

0:43:590:44:03

# Come, let me hold your hand, dear

0:44:030:44:07

# Come, come, come and have a drink or two

0:44:070:44:10

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:44:100:44:13

# Bush Bush. #

0:44:130:44:15

Leonard Sachs presents an edition of the old-time music hall programme from the stage of the City Varieties Theatre, Leeds. Guests include Nick Moll, Bernard Cribbins, Valerie Masterson, Bill Pertwee, Terence Alexander, Des Lane and Ray C Davis.


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