08/01/1976 The Good Old Days


08/01/1976

Leonard Sachs presents the old-time music hall programme. Guests include Arthur Askey, Georgia Brown, Eira Heath, Ray C Davis, Tudor Davies, Sheila Steafel and Arthur Worsley.


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Transcript


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BAND PLAYS IN THE TWI-TWI-TWILIGHT

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# In the twi-twi-twilight

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# Out in the beautiful twilight

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# They all go out for a walk, walk, walk

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# A quiet spoon and a talk, talk, talk

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# That's the time they long for just before the night

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# And many a grand little wedding is planned

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# In the twi-twi-twilight! #

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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CHEERING

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Once again...

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CHEERING

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..good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Good evening!

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For your laudatory, levity,

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launching, sonorous symposium...

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Oh!

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..enshrining the shimmering Miss Sheila Steafel...

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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..and the noncommittal Players' Theatre!

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# Martha spanks the grand pianner

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# Father whacks the drum

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# Mother in a soulful manner blows the tootle-tum

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# Charlie sings the concertina

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# Bob goes fiddle-de-dee

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# But I'm a brick for I waggle my stick with a one, two, three

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# Yes, I'm a brick for I waggle my stick with a one, two, three

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# A big drum, a kettle drum

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# A fiddle, flute and piccolo

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# Piano and harmonium

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# And many more beside

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# A French horn, a saxhorn, a trombone and a double bass

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# Bows, banjo, tambourine

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# Bassoon and ophicleide

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# A big drum, a kettle drum, a fiddle, flute and piccolo

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# Piano and harmonium and many more besides

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# A French horn, a saxhorn, a trombone and a double bass

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# Bows, banjo, tambourine and what about a harp? #

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APPLAUSE

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# I'm so fond of music

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# Do-re-mi-fa-so

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# So...so...so

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# Thank you very much

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# I take my harp with me whenever I go

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# The fellows all call me the Queen of the May

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# But when I start to sing to them swiftly they say

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# Oh...

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# Oh

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# Touch the harp gently, my pretty Louise

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# Pretty Louise Pretty Louise

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# Do what you like but don't sing if you please

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# Touch the harp gently...

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# My pretty Louise... #

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# I was asked out to dinner

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# That's the meal after tea

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# To play some them some music, I took this with me

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# On bar beef and carrot and trotters we fed

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# When they brought on the Limburger cheese someone said

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# Oh...

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# Oh

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# Touch the harp gently, my pretty Louise

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# Pretty Louise Pretty Louise

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# Just to accompany the hum of the cheese

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# Touch the harp gently...

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# My pretty Louise

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# On my wedding night, oh, I did feel so shy

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# I sat in a chair and I cast down my eye

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# It's two in the morning, my Archibald said

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# You can sit up all night, dear

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# But I'm going to bed

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# Oh...

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# So...

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# Touch the harp gently, my pretty Louise

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# Pretty Louise Pretty Louise

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# If I'm asleep don't wake me if you please

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# Touch the harp gently...

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# My pretty Louise. #

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# Yip-i-addy-i-ay-i-ay

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# Yip-i-addy-i-ay

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# I don't care what becomes of me

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# When he plays me that sweet melody

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# Yip-i-addy-i-ay-i-ay

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# My heart wants to shout out hooray!

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# Sing of joy, sing of bliss Home was never like this

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# Yip-i-addy-i-ay-i-ay

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# Sing of joy, sing of bliss Home was never like this

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# Yip-i-addy-i

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# Yip-i-addy-i!

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# Yip-i-addy-i-ay

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# I-ay! #

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APPLAUSE

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-Provocatively... AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..vociferous in verisimilitudinous...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..ventriloquial...

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From the stomach. ..vivification.

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Mr Arthur Worsley!

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APPLAUSE

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Well, what a lovely audience, eh?

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Thank you for the applause as we came on,

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which is more than we'll get when we walk off, isn't it?

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LAUGHTER

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Since we last saw you we have been, me and him, him and me,

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me and him... We have been me and him...

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We have been... Is everybody all right in the ditch?

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We have been all over, not part of, all over the world.

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And he didn't like it.

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He says next year he's going somewhere else.

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LAUGHTER

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You're lucky to see us tonight. What a...

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You're lucky tonight.

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Aren't they lucky tonight? Oh, gosh.

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Look at me when I'm talking, son.

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The trouble we had in London.

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We came on a choo-choo, didn't we?

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Didn't we come on a little choo-choo?

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He got the ticket on the last minute.

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He ran on the platform, didn't you?

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I was in a suitcase and he ran on the platform,

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jumped in the train and the inspector said,

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"You're in the wrong train." What did he say?

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"Get out," didn't he?

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He ran to the other platform,

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jumped on the train, the inspector came again.

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What did he say? "You're on the wrong train," didn't he?

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I could hypnotise you, do you know that?

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It wouldn't take long, you're half gone all ready.

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He said, "Get out!" Didn't he?

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We got on another... A-n-n-other. We got on a-n-n...

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We got on another train.

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That drink you had has gone to my tongue, you know that?

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We got on another train and what did you do?

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You started swearing, didn't you?

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Who was a naughty boy?

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Who started swearing?

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Because you'd been messed about, eh?

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And who was sitting opposite you on the train?

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A parson.

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And he heard you, didn't he? He heard you swearing, didn't he?

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Didn't he?

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And he said, "Young man..."

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He said, "Young man," didn't he?

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"You're on the road to hell."

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And he said, "Dammit, I'm on the wrong train again!"

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Bernard, I'm not going to do the song. Understand? There's no song.

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I'm cutting it out.

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I was going to do The Merry Widow. I'm not going to do it.

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Now, you've been a wonderful audience.

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I would like to wish you goodnight and always remember that it

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wasn't the apple on the tree that caused all the trouble

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in the Garden of Eden, it was the pear on the ground.

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Goodnight! That's it.

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Scintillant...

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Scintillant from resplendent transatlantic triumphs...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..ineluctably incandescent,

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Miss Georgia Brown!

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# I'm a young girl and I just came over

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# Over from the country where they do things big

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# And amongst the boys I've got me a lover

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# And now I've got a lover why I don't give a fig

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# The boy I love is up in the gallery

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# The boy I love is looking down at me

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# Why there he is can't you see

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# Waving his handkerchief

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# As merry as a robin what sits on the tree

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# Now if I was a duchess and I had a lot of money

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# I'd give it to the boy who's going to marry me

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# But I haven't got a penny so we'll live on love and kisses

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# And we'll be just as happy as the birds on the trees

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# The boy I love is up in the gallery

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# The boy I love is looking down at me

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# Why there he is can't you see

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# Waving his handkerchief

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# As merry as a robin what sits on the tree

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# Yes, there he is can't you see

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# He's waving his handkerchief

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# As merry as a robin

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# That sits on a tree. #

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APPLAUSE

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A devastatingly debonair duplicity...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..in a spectacular synthesis

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of incantatory and saltatory...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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-..simultaneity. AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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Two lads singing and dancing together.

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Ladies and gentlemen, Ray C Davis and Tudor Davies.

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# Tell me, have you seen the latest dance that's come along?

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# Why don't you go and get your Sunday hat and jacket on?

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# There's going to be some jollity

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# Come along, join the song Help us sing a soppy song

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# I tell you it's the greatest thing creation's ever known

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# Take a tip or two and see

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# Hold tight You're all right

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# When you do the H-O-P

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# Hop, hop, come and do the kangaroo hop

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# Hop, hop, it's the dance for me and you

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# All the ones you did before they didn't mean a jot

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# While huffing and puffing and knocking the stuffing

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# Right out of the pot

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# Hop, hop, hear the music going pop

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# You'll never, never want to stop

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# There's no other kind of dance at all

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# So come along, my honey make the others look small

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# Come and do the kangaroo

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# Come and do the kangaroo. #

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One, two, three, four.

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THEY WHISTLE

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LAUGHTER

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Oh, brother dear, brother dear.

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Do you not find the atmosphere in this fine old theatre

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-decidedly bucolic?

-Pardon?

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-Bucolic, bucolic!

-All right, all right!

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It's that kipper he had at breakfast.

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I feel like doing something forwards as well as backwards.

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No, forwards, and very daring.

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-I know.

-Yes?

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Why don't we invite some of these lovely ladies in the audience

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to join with us in a little...

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LAUGHTER

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-A terpsichorean display.

-We'll get arrested.

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-BOTH:

-You take the left, I'll take the right.

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Right, now, who's going to come and dance with me?

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-Who's going to dance with me?

-I think there's one there.

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Come on, come and have a dance.

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-Up you come.

-What's your name, my darling?

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-Deborah.

-I've got the Deborah.

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APPLAUSE

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That's one. Come on, my darling.

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What's your name? You're not with anyone you shouldn't be, are you?

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-No!

-Here we go. Whoa!

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Here we go. Well, I've got two.

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Pop up...

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That's one. Where's another one?

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-Sandra I've got.

-Never mind, you can get some ointment for it.

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-Round you go.

-Right, follow me, ladies.

-Here we go.

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# La-da-dya

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# Ya-ta-ta-ta... #

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What do you think they're going to do?

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-You stand to my right.

-Here we go.

-You stand to my left.

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-Right.

-I think I'll take this one.

-Are you ready? Oi!

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LAUGHTER

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THEY WHISTLE

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# Ladies, won't you let us whisper something in your ear?

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# We've got some information that we're sure you'd like to hear

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# Come on and throw yourselves about

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# Give a shout, there's no doubt everything's is popping out

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# Ladies, if we saw those frilly knickers in the air

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# That all the cowboys come and see

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# It's a scream, one long dream

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# When you do the H-O-P

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-# Come on and hop

-Come on, hop!

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# Hop, come and do the kangaroo hop

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That's right...

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She's going up but she could be going down.

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Oh! Oh!

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Round in a circle. Come on, girls...

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# You'll never, never want to stop

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# Come and do the kangaroo

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# Come and do the kangaroo

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# Come and do the kangaroo

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# K-A-N-G-A-R-OO... #

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Here we go. Follow me.

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There we go, my darling.

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And the next one. Can you make it?

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Thank you very much, ladies.

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-Here we go. Weren't they wonderful?

-APPLAUSE

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# Come and do the kangaroo

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# Come and do the kangaroo

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# Come and do the kangaroo

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# K-A-N-G-A-R-OO... #

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As you see above, floating infatuatingly...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..effervescent, that ineffably numinous...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..nenuphar nubility.

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The one and only, Miss Eira Heath!

0:18:510:18:55

# Swing me just a little bit higher

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# Obadiah, do

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# Swing me just a little bit higher

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# And I'll love you

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# Tie me on and I'll never fall

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# Swing me over the garden wall

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# Just a little bit higher

0:19:290:19:33

# Obadiah, do

0:19:330:19:38

# Swing me just a little bit higher

0:19:380:19:42

# Obadiah, do

0:19:420:19:44

# Swing me just a little bit higher

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# And I'll love you

0:19:500:19:54

# Tie me on and I'll never fall

0:19:540:19:59

# Swing me over the garden wall

0:19:590:20:03

# Just a little bit higher

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# Obadiah, do. #

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APPLAUSE

0:20:150:20:17

Now, Albert and his auxiliaries, having eliminated

0:20:340:20:39

-the impedimenta of illusion... AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:20:390:20:43

Once again vociferous transformation,

0:20:430:20:47

ever adorable, Miss Eira Heath.

0:20:470:20:52

APPLAUSE

0:20:520:20:54

# Tommy met Kitty in the subway one day

0:21:010:21:05

# Vowed she was sweeter than the flowers in May

0:21:050:21:09

# He soon found out that pretty Kitty went every day up to the city

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# She was engaged to answer telephone calls

0:21:160:21:20

# And when rung up one day

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# As she cried, "Hello!" through the telephone

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# She heard her new boy say

0:21:280:21:32

# Kitty, Kitty, isn't it a pity in the city you work so hard

0:21:340:21:41

# With your one, two, three, four, five

0:21:410:21:46

# Or six, seven, eight...

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# Kitty, Kitty, isn't it a pity that you're wasting so much time

0:21:500:21:57

# With your lips close to the telephone

0:21:580:22:02

# When they might be close to mine?

0:22:020:22:07

# Kitty said you are far too forward I fear

0:22:070:22:11

# You must remember I'm on business here

0:22:110:22:16

# And I'm afraid your conversation

0:22:160:22:19

# Sounds like a naughty boy's flirtation

0:22:190:22:23

# People will think that we're too long engaged

0:22:230:22:28

# How can that be? said he

0:22:280:22:32

# I'm not engaged, dear, to anyone but I should like to be

0:22:320:22:40

# Kitty, Kitty, isn't it a pity in the city you work so hard

0:22:410:22:49

# With your one, two, three, four, five

0:22:490:22:53

# Or six, seven, eight...

0:22:530:22:58

# Kitty, Kitty, isn't it a pity that you're wasting so much time

0:22:580:23:05

# With your lips close to the telephone

0:23:050:23:09

# When they might be close to mine?

0:23:090:23:14

# With your lips close to the telephone

0:23:140:23:19

# When they might be close to mine? #

0:23:190:23:27

APPLAUSE

0:23:270:23:30

-Ingratiating.... AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:23:430:23:46

-In gregarious garrulity... AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:23:460:23:49

Endearing and diminutive dronery,

0:23:490:23:53

your own, my own, everybody's own,

0:23:530:23:56

Mr Arthur Askey! APPLAUSE

0:23:560:23:59

-Hello, playmates!

-AUDIENCE:

-Hello!

0:24:130:24:17

Ay-thang-yaw!

0:24:170:24:19

# The girl I love is up in the gallery...

0:24:190:24:25

# The girl I love has gone to have...

0:24:250:24:28

# Have her tea. #

0:24:280:24:30

Well, anyway, this is where the programme bucks up now, playmates.

0:24:320:24:36

I...

0:24:360:24:39

-Here and now...

-AUDIENCE:

-Before your very eyes.

0:24:390:24:44

Go and find your own catchphrase.

0:24:470:24:49

Anyway, I'm going to sing a little song I haven't sung for a long time

0:24:490:24:52

and it is called The Worm.

0:24:520:24:54

# I am a sweet little wriggling worm

0:25:020:25:06

# Covered in mud from head to stern

0:25:060:25:10

# Passing the time from night till morn

0:25:100:25:14

# Leaving little casts in the middle of the lawn

0:25:140:25:18

# Just an ordinary little worm

0:25:180:25:22

# Squiggy, squiggy, squiggy, squiggy

0:25:220:25:24

# Squirm, squirm, squirm

0:25:240:25:28

# I am a sweet little wriggling worm

0:25:340:25:37

# One of the sort that rarely turn

0:25:380:25:42

# I'd rather be out in a storm or a blizzard

0:25:420:25:45

# Than filling empty spaces in the blackbird's gizzard

0:25:450:25:50

# Just an ordinary little worm

0:25:500:25:54

# Squiggy, squiggy, squiggy, squiggy

0:25:540:25:56

# Squirm, squirm, squirm. #

0:25:560:25:59

I told you it was all right. He said, "It's rubbish!"

0:25:590:26:02

# I am a sweet little wriggling worm

0:26:060:26:10

# Haven't any hair so I don't need a perm

0:26:100:26:14

# But one day it will be my fate

0:26:140:26:16

# Sitting on the pin as a small boy's bait

0:26:160:26:22

# That's the end of every little worm

0:26:220:26:26

# Squiggy, squiggy, squiggy, squiggy

0:26:260:26:28

# Squirm, squirm, squirm

0:26:280:26:31

# Squirm! #

0:26:310:26:33

Thank you. See?

0:26:450:26:47

Thank you.

0:26:470:26:51

That's it, start the silver collection!

0:26:510:26:54

Anyway, that's lovely, playmates.

0:26:540:26:57

-Do you like the suit?

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

0:26:570:26:59

Smart, isn't it?

0:26:590:27:00

Well, I was recommended, you see, by a friend of mine.

0:27:000:27:03

I went to this tailors and it was a lady.

0:27:030:27:06

A lady tailor, yes!

0:27:060:27:07

So I started walking out of the shop, she said,

0:27:070:27:10

"Oh, don't be silly, come back." I've done a lot of men."

0:27:100:27:15

What did you do then? Did you move?

0:27:150:27:18

So, anyway, she said, "I'll measure you for your trousers first."

0:27:180:27:22

So she got an inch tape and she went round my waist. She said, "32."

0:27:220:27:27

Then round the hips. "34"

0:27:270:27:30

Then she said, "I'll take the inside leg now. 28."

0:27:300:27:34

She said, "I'll measure you for your jacket now."

0:27:360:27:38

I said, "To hell with the jacket, I'll have another pair of trousers!"

0:27:380:27:42

To conclude this rather amazing and versatile act of mine, I...

0:27:450:27:48

I'm going to sing you another of my little songs.

0:27:480:27:51

This one I wrote this myself years ago, and it's called The Seagull.

0:27:510:27:55

# I'm a silly seagull flying in the sky

0:28:000:28:02

# Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever so high

0:28:020:28:05

# Two big wings and a large yellow beak

0:28:050:28:07

# Feathers on my chassis oh, I do look chic

0:28:070:28:10

# Flying very high, flying very low

0:28:100:28:12

# You can never catch me Oh, dear, no!

0:28:120:28:15

# Happy at the seaside never having words

0:28:150:28:18

# Happier in Chelsea with the other birds

0:28:180:28:20

# Just a silly seagull, that's all

0:28:200:28:22

# Fly away Peter, fly away Paul

0:28:220:28:25

# I'm a silly seagull flying in the sky

0:28:290:28:31

# Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever so high

0:28:310:28:35

# Though I cannot sing like the birdies in the park,

0:28:350:28:37

# Don't think I'm a sissy cos I often have a lark

0:28:370:28:40

# Flying very high, flying very low,

0:28:400:28:42

# You can never catch me Oh, dear, no!

0:28:420:28:44

# When the weather's stormy, we have got your skin

0:28:440:28:47

# You'll never find a seagull suffer from the wind

0:28:470:28:49

# Just a silly seagull, that's all

0:28:490:28:52

# Fly away Peter, fly away Fred...

0:28:520:28:54

# Paul!

0:28:540:28:57

# Just a silly seagull, that's all

0:28:570:28:59

# Fly away Peter, fly away Paul. #

0:28:590:29:05

I shan't apologise for introducing my next performer,

0:29:240:29:28

although by the time she's finished you might think I should have.

0:29:280:29:32

I have been persuaded by her mother, Lady Wellington Boot...

0:29:320:29:37

LAUGHTER

0:29:370:29:39

Suffice to say, ladies and gentleman,

0:29:390:29:41

I am going to introduce a performer

0:29:410:29:43

who has never before appeared in public,

0:29:430:29:45

given a performance in public, and I give you...

0:29:450:29:47

For your astonishment, ladies and gentlemen,

0:29:470:29:50

I give you the Honourable E...

0:29:500:29:53

Miss E Wellington Boot.

0:29:530:29:55

# My name's Emmeline

0:30:560:30:58

# And I've a great surprise for you

0:30:590:31:03

# I bet you think I'm 31

0:31:080:31:11

# I'm not, I'm 32

0:31:130:31:16

# And yesterday I said, "Mamma...

0:31:270:31:30

# "Why can't I have a beau?"

0:31:310:31:33

# She said, "My pet Oh, no, not yet

0:31:330:31:38

# "Cos you're too young, you know"

0:31:390:31:41

# I'm a little too young to know, you know

0:31:470:31:50

# I'm a little too young to know

0:31:540:31:56

# Some day I'll be older when I'm a bit bolder

0:31:590:32:03

# But now I'm too young to know

0:32:030:32:05

# The other day I asked Mamma because Mamma knows best

0:32:080:32:12

# Why other girls have bosoms and I've only got a chest

0:32:120:32:16

# "Some girls develop fast," she said

0:32:290:32:33

# "And some develop slow"

0:32:330:32:35

# But cousin Dan says great oaks can from little acorns grow

0:32:350:32:40

# I hope so

0:32:420:32:44

# I'm a little too young to know, you know

0:32:470:32:50

# I'm a little too young to know

0:32:530:32:55

# Some day I'll be bolder when I'm a bit older

0:32:580:33:02

# But now I'm too young to know

0:33:020:33:04

Come here!

0:33:120:33:14

LAUGHTER

0:33:150:33:17

# Mamma says that although I'm plain my hands and feet are nice

0:33:430:33:49

# To use them to advantage I asked Uncle Bill's advice

0:33:490:33:55

# "Keep both your hands above your waist

0:33:550:33:58

# "And both your feet below

0:33:580:34:01

# "And when you can, do use your fan

0:34:060:34:10

# "And let your assets show"

0:34:100:34:14

# I'm a little too young to know, you know

0:34:160:34:19

# I'm a little too young to know

0:34:210:34:24

# Someday I'll be bolder when I'm a bit older

0:34:300:34:33

# But now I'm too young to know

0:34:330:34:36

# I'm a little too young to know, you know

0:34:360:34:39

# I'm a little too young to know

0:34:420:34:44

# You wait till I'm 40

0:34:520:34:55

# I'm going to be naughty. #

0:34:570:34:59

APPLAUSE

0:35:010:35:03

Well, I do hope I haven't started something.

0:35:200:35:24

That was of course Miss Sheila Steafel.

0:35:240:35:26

-And, now, corybantically coordinating... AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:35:260:35:30

..in a Cockney Cantata,

0:35:310:35:35

we give you the Players' Theatre and gorgeous Georgia Brown!

0:35:350:35:41

APPLAUSE

0:35:410:35:43

# Wotcha!

0:35:450:35:47

# "Wotcha!" All the neighbours cried

0:35:470:35:50

# "Who're you goin' to meet, Bill? Have yer bought the street, Bill?"

0:35:500:35:54

# Laugh, I thought I should 'ave died

0:35:540:35:56

# Knocked 'em in the Old Kent Road

0:35:560:36:00

# Last night down our alley comes a toff

0:36:000:36:03

# Nice old geezer with a nasty cough

0:36:030:36:06

# Sees me and he takes his topper off

0:36:060:36:09

# In a very gentlemanly way

0:36:090:36:12

# "Ma'am," says he, "I've got some news to tell

0:36:120:36:16

# "Your old Uncle Tom from Camberwell

0:36:160:36:19

# "Popped off recent," which is sad to tell

0:36:190:36:21

# "Leaving you his little donkey shay."

0:36:210:36:23

# Horse and cart

0:36:230:36:25

# "Wotcha!" all the neighbours cried "Who're goin' to meet, Bill?

0:36:250:36:29

# "Think you've bought the street, Bill?"

0:36:290:36:31

# Laugh, I thought I should 'ave died

0:36:310:36:34

# Knocked 'em in the Old Kent Road

0:36:340:36:36

# I'm a...

0:36:400:36:44

# Chickaleary bloke with me one, two, three

0:36:440:36:47

# Whitechapel is the village I was born in

0:36:470:36:50

# And to catch me on the 'op All my little games will stop

0:36:500:36:53

# You'll have to get up very early in the morning

0:36:530:36:56

# You'll have to get up very early

0:36:560:37:00

# In the morning

0:37:000:37:03

# Underneath the gas light's glitter

0:37:130:37:17

# Sits a little, mournful girl

0:37:190:37:23

# Heedless of the night winds bitter

0:37:250:37:29

# That around about her whirl

0:37:310:37:35

# Though the hundreds pass unheeded

0:37:370:37:42

# In the evening's waning hours

0:37:430:37:48

# Still she cries with voice so pleading

0:37:500:37:54

# Won't you buy my pretty flowers

0:37:560:38:01

# There are hundreds sad and weary

0:38:030:38:08

# In this precious land of ours

0:38:090:38:15

# Crying every night so dreary

0:38:170:38:22

# Won't you buy my pretty flowers?

0:38:250:38:28

# Won't you buy my flowers?

0:38:300:38:32

# My lovely flowers

0:38:340:38:36

# Won't you buy my lovely flowers?

0:38:380:38:40

# I never was a one to go and stint myself

0:38:430:38:48

# Now if I likes a thing I likes it That's enough

0:38:480:38:53

# And there's lots of people say that when you likes a thing a lot

0:38:530:38:57

# It'll grow on you and all that sort of stuff

0:38:570:39:01

# Well, I likes my drop of beer as well as anyone

0:39:010:39:06

# But a drop of beer's supposed to make you fat

0:39:060:39:10

# And there's many a la-dee-da-dee madam doesn't dare to touch it

0:39:100:39:16

# Cos she mustn't spoil her figure Silly cat

0:39:160:39:23

# I always hold with having it if you fancies it

0:39:230:39:29

# If you fancies it That's understood

0:39:290:39:32

# And suppose it makes you fat?

0:39:320:39:34

# I don't worry over that

0:39:340:39:37

# Cos a little of what you fancy does you good... #

0:39:370:39:40

Altogether!

0:39:400:39:42

# I always hold with having it if you fancies it

0:39:420:39:45

# If you fancies it That's understood

0:39:450:39:49

# Now suppose it makes you fat? I don't worry over that

0:39:490:39:52

# Cos a little of what you fancy does you good. #

0:39:520:39:56

Here's my favourite. Here we go, darling.

0:39:560:39:58

I got to tell you about this little adventure... Do you like my birdie?

0:39:580:40:00

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes.

-Don't eat much and half sing!

0:40:000:40:04

Here we go.

0:40:040:40:07

# I had to move away Cos the rent we couldn't pay

0:40:070:40:10

# The moving van came round just after dark

0:40:100:40:13

# There was me and my old man Shoving things inside a van

0:40:130:40:16

# Which we'd often done before, let me remark

0:40:160:40:19

# We packed all that could be packed On the van and that's a fact

0:40:190:40:22

# And we got inside all we could get inside

0:40:220:40:26

# Then we packed what could be packed

0:40:260:40:27

# On the tail board at the back

0:40:270:40:29

# Till there wasn't any room for me to ride

0:40:290:40:33

# And my old man said "Follow the van

0:40:330:40:37

# "And don't dilly-dally on the way"

0:40:370:40:40

# Off went the van with my home in it

0:40:400:40:43

# I followed on with me old cock linnet

0:40:430:40:46

# I dillied, I dallied Dallied and I dillied

0:40:460:40:49

# Lost me way, don't know where to go

0:40:490:40:52

# Now, who's going to put up the old iron bedstead

0:40:520:40:56

# If I can't find my way home? #

0:40:560:40:59

'Ere. The story gets sadder.

0:40:590:41:01

And I've lost me breath and I've got to sit down.

0:41:010:41:04

Oh, it's my back, you see.

0:41:040:41:06

It gives me something terrible.

0:41:060:41:08

# Now, I thought I'd give a hand With the marble washing stand

0:41:080:41:14

# And straight we wasn't getting on so bad

0:41:140:41:18

# But all at once the driver bloke has an accident and broke

0:41:180:41:23

# The nicest bit of china that we had

0:41:230:41:26

# Well, I got really mad

0:41:280:41:31

# And I come over really bad

0:41:310:41:33

# Just as any other human woman would

0:41:340:41:37

# But I soon got over that

0:41:370:41:40

# What with two-out and a chat

0:41:400:41:42

# Cos it's little things like that what does you good

0:41:420:41:47

# My old man says "Follow the van

0:41:470:41:50

# "And don't dilly-dally on the way"

0:41:500:41:53

# Off went the van with my home in it

0:41:530:41:57

# I followed on with my old cock linnet

0:41:570:42:00

# I dillied, I dallied Dallied and I dillied

0:42:000:42:03

# Lost the way and don't know where to go

0:42:030:42:06

# Well, you can't trust a special when you've got a reputation

0:42:060:42:09

# And you can't find your way home. #

0:42:090:42:11

One more time!

0:42:110:42:13

# My old man says follow the van

0:42:130:42:15

# And don't dilly-dally on the way Yes, he did!

0:42:150:42:19

# Off went the van with my home in it

0:42:190:42:22

# I followed on with my old cock linnet

0:42:220:42:25

-# I dillied and I dallied

-I dillied, I dallied

0:42:250:42:27

-# I dallied and I dillied

-I dallied and I dillied

0:42:270:42:28

# Lost they way and don't know where to roam

0:42:280:42:31

# You can't trust a special like the old time coppers

0:42:310:42:34

# When you can't find your way home

0:42:340:42:37

# No, you can't trust a special when you've got a reputation

0:42:370:42:41

# And you can't find your way

0:42:410:42:43

# Going my way

0:42:430:42:44

# Can't find my way home. #

0:42:440:42:50

APPLAUSE

0:42:510:42:54

Now, ladies and gentlemen, there's only just time

0:43:030:43:05

for the last chorus, Down At The Old Bull And Bush.

0:43:050:43:07

We give you Miss Georgia Brown, Mr Arthur Askey, the entire company.

0:43:070:43:11

We give you Mr Herrmann Berman... LAUGHTER

0:43:110:43:14

..and his inexhaustible orchestra. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:43:160:43:18

-But, this time, chiefly... ALL:

-..yourselves!

0:43:220:43:28

# Come, come, come and make eyes at me

0:43:310:43:35

# Down at the old Bull and Bush La-la-la-la-la

0:43:350:43:39

# Come, come, drink some port wine with me

0:43:390:43:43

# Down at the old Bull and Bush

0:43:430:43:45

# Hear the little piano band La-la-la-la-la-la-la

0:43:470:43:50

# Down at the old Bull and Bush

0:43:500:43:53

# Come, come, come and have a drink or two

0:43:530:43:57

# Down at the old Bull and Bush

0:43:570:44:01

# Bush-bush. #

0:44:010:44:03

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:44:030:44:05

Leonard Sachs presents an edition of the old-time music hall programme, first broadcast on 8 January 1976. Guests include Arthur Askey, Georgia Brown, Eira Heath, Ray C Davis, Tudor Davies, Sheila Steafel and Arthur Worsley.


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