22/01/1976 The Good Old Days


22/01/1976

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AUDIENCE SINGING

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Once again, good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

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How about polysyllabic...

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in plethoric prolixity...

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extolling inaugurally.

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The exquisite Miss Jacquie Tuoys,

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plus the exemplary expertise of the Players Theatre.

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# Where the boys and girls are found

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# A hop and a skip and round and round.

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# When they started dancing, they never know when to stop.

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# It's aye, aye, up in the legs And, ah, hippety-hop

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# Where the boys and girls are found

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# A hop and a skip and you're round and round

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# When they started dancing, they never know when to stop

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# It's aye, aye, up with the legs and, ah, hippety-hop

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# Aye, aye, up with the legs, up with the legs, up with the legs

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# Casey would waltz with a strawberry blonde

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# And the band played on

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# He'd glide 'cross the floor with the girl he adored

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# And the band played on

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# His brain was so loaded it nearly exploded

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# The poor girl would shake with alarm

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# He'd ne'er leave the girl with the strawberry curl

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# And the band played on

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# Folks in Georgia's 'bout to go insane

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# Since that new dance down in Georgia came

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# I'm the only person who's to blame

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# I'm the party introduced it there

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# So give me credit to know a thing or two

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# Give me credit for springing something new

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# I will show this little dance to you

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# When I do you'll say that it's a bear!

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# First you put your two knees close up tight

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# Then you sway 'em to the left, and you sway 'em to the right

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# Step around the floor kind of nice and light

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# Then you twist around

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# And twist around with all of your might

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# Spread your lovin' arms way out in space

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# Then you do the Eagle Rock with style and grace

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# Swing your foot way 'round then bring it back

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# And that's what I call Ballin' the Jack

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# And that's what I call the Ballin' the Jack

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# And that's what we call the Wibbley Wobbley walk

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# And we all walk the Wibbley Wobbley walk

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# All talk the Wibbley Wobbley talk

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# All wear Wibbley Wobbley ties

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# And wink at the pretty girls with Wibbley Wobbley thighs

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# And we all smile the Wibbley Wobbley smile

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# When the day is dawning

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# And all through the Wibbley Wobbley walk

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# We get a Wibbley Wobbley feeling in the morning

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# And we all walk the Wibbley Wobbley walk

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# All talk the Wibbley Wobbley talk

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# All wear Wibbley Wobbley ties

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# And wink at the pretty girls with Wibbley Wobbley thighs

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# And we all smile the Wibbley Wobbley smile

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# When the day is dawning

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# And all through the Wibbley Wobbley walk

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# We get a Wibbley Wobbley feeling

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# A Wibbley Wobbley feeling

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# And that's what we call the Wibbley Wobbley walk! #

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Whoo!

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APPLAUSE

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We leave...

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We leave, as you know, no stone unturned

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for your entertainment,

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and tonight, we have unearthed

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two gentleman

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overrehearsed to the perilous peak

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of unpredictability.

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Ladies and gentlemen, aiming for perfection for your delight,

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Mr Harry Towb and Mr Joe Melia.

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Ladies and gentlemen, a recitation...

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a recitation entitled Don't Go Down The Mine, Daddy,

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Somebody's Nicked All The Coal.

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A bunch of the boys were whooping it up in the Malamute saloon;

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The kid that handles the music-box was hitting a rag-time tune;

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Back of the bar, in a solo game, sat Dangerous Dan McGrew,

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And watching his luck was his light-o'-love, the lad that's known as Lou.

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-You've got it wrong.

-I beg your pardon?

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You've got it wrong.

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It's lady.

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That's no lady, that's Mr Herman.

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-Lou.

-Who?

-Lou.

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You should have gone before you came on.

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The lady that's known as Lou.

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No, you have to go to the other one, unless my eyes deceive me.

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Please forgive this crass ignoramus.

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You're very kind.

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Ladies and gentleman...

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Dear old Joe, he was one of the best,

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and everyone's pal without doubt.

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The sort of chap that would give you his boots and swear he's want better.

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Get out.

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I beg your pardon?

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How dare you come on in the middle of my act.

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-Can't you see what I'm trying to do?

-No.

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I thought maybe you'd forgotten your lines.

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Me? Me forgotten my lines?

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I've been in this business eight months.

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I never forget my lines, never.

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Ladies and gentlemen, a little recitation entitled...

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Um...called...

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A little recitation called...

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Shall we do the song now?

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Shall we do the song now?

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It's not. It's a little recitation called... Should we do the song now?

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If you please, Mrs Herman.

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# I'd give the world to start all over

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# Back in the old routine

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# To live my life with hills of clover back in the old routine... #

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I say, I say, I say, I say

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My wife's gone to the West Indies.

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Your wife's gone to the West Indies?

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That's absolutely correct, my wife's gone to the West Indies.

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-The Bahamas?

-No, she went of her own accord.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Oooh!

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I know a man who only eats Chinese food.

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You know a man who only eats Chinese food?

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That's absolutely correct, I know a man who only eats Chinese food.

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-A Chinaman, is he?

-No, he's a Chinaman.

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# Give me my old straw hat and a-double-truckin'

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# Down the avenue we'll go

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# Folks passing by us will stop to eye us

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# And soon there'll be more all callin' "Encore!"

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# We'll walk in a wonderful glow... #

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I say, I say, I say, I say...

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My washing didn't come back from the laundry this week.

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Your washing didn't come back from the laundry this week?

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That's absolutely correct, my washing didn't come back from the laundry this week.

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-Why, didn't you send any?

-No, I didn't send any...

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My wife, once again, has gone to the West Indies.

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Your wife, once again, has gone to the West Indies?

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That's right, my wife, once again, has gone to the West Indies.

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Did she go of her own accord?

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No, Jamaica!

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# Oh, gee, the joy to be there flogging

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# Back in the old routine

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# You're up, you're down, you're in there slugging

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# Back in the old routine... #

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I say, I say, I say, I say...

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My brother's very clever, he works in Fleet Street.

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Your brother works in Fleet Street?

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That's absolutely correct, he's very clever and he works in Fleet Street.

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-What does he do there?

-He goes around hitting people on the head.

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-Why, is he an editor?

-No, he's an ed...

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# Oh, give me the jazz, the razzamatazz

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# And we'll tread on Heaven's scene

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# Back in the old routine... #

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I say, I say, I say, I say...

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My wife...

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..has gone to the West Indies.

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Your wife has gone to the West Indies?

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That's right. My wife has gone to the West Indies.

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Jamaica?

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APPLAUSE

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BOTH: No, she went of her own accord!

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# Oh, gee, the joy to be there flogging

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# Back in the old routine

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# You're up, you're down, you're in there slugging

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# Back in the old routine

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# Give me the jazz, the razzamatazz

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# And we'll tread on Heaven's scene

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# Back in the old routine

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# That's where the corn is green

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# Back in the old routine. #

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Mellifluous...

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..masculinity...

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..rhapsodically resplendant in Stuart regalia.

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Yes, ladies,

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ravishing in a kilt,

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Mr Stuart Gillies.

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# Step we gaily on we go

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# Heel for heel and toe for toe

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# Arm and arm and row and row

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# All for Marie's wedding

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# Bright her cheeks as Rowan's are Bright her eye as any star

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# Fairest of them all by far is our darling Marie

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# Step we gaily on we go

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# Heel for heel and toe for toe

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# Arm and arm and row and row

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# All for Marie's wedding

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# I sing of a river I'm happy beside

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# The song that I sing is the song of the Clyde

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# Of all Scottish rivers it's dearest tae me

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# It flows from Leadhills all the way to the sea

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# It borders the orchards of Lanark so fair

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# Meanders through meadows with sheep grazing there

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# But from Glasgow to Greenock - that's towns on each side -

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# The hammers ding-dong It's the song of the Clyde

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# Oh the river Clyde the wonderful Clyde

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# The name of it thrills me and fills me with pride

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# And I'm satisfied whate'er may betide

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# The sweetest of songs is the song of the Clyde

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# The sweetest of songs

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# Is the song of the Clyde. #

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's just great for me to be here singing for you

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for the first time at the City Varieties, here in Leeds.

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That last song, as you know, was called The Song of the Clyde,

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and of course who better to sing it than me,

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coming from Clydebank in Scotland?

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Anyway, another little song for you now, one of my favourites.

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I hope you like it, it's called The Heather On The Hill.

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# Can't we two go walking together

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# Out beyond the valley of trees?

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# Out where there's a hillside of heather

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# Gently swaying in the breeze

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# That's what I'd like to do

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# See the heather but with you

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# The mist of May is in the gloaming

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# And all the clouds are holding still

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# If you're not there I won't go roaming

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# Through the heather on the hill

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# The morning dew is blinking yonder

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# There's lazy music in the rill

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# Yet all I want to do is wander

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# Through the heather on the hill

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# There may be other days as rich and rare

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# There may be other springs as full and fair

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# But they won't be the same

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# They'll come and go

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# For this I know

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# That when the mist is in the gloaming

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# And all the clouds are holding still

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# If you're not there I won't go roaming

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# Through the heather on the hill

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# The heather on the hill

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Thank you.

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Are you ready?

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# Well, I love a lassie, a bonnie, bonnie lassie,

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# She's as pure as the lily in the dell

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# She's as sweet the heather, the bonnie blooming heather

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# Mary, my Scots bluebell... #

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Come on, let me hear you this time.

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# I love a lassie A bonnie, bonnie lassie

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# She's as pure as the lily in the dell,

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# She's as sweet the heather

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# The bonnie blooming heather

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# Mary, my Scots bluebell

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# By yon bonnie banks And by yon bonnie braes

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# Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond

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# Where me and my true love will never want again

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# On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond

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# Oh, ye'll tak' the high road and I'll tak' the low road

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# And I'll be in Scotland afore ye

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# But me and my true love will never meet again

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# On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond

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# Oh, ye'll tak' the high road and I'll tak' the low road

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# And I'll be in Scotland afore ye

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# But me and my true love will never meet again

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# On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond. #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Now you know, my dears in the front rows...

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..why your seats are so much more expensive.

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Egregiously, ingratiating...

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..gratuitously engaging in facetious fatuities...

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a friendly funnyman,

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Mr Ken Goodwin.

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Hello, hello.

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How are you doing?

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Thank you very much, ha!

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I bet you thought I was going to dance then, didn't you?

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Well, it's nice to see you.

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-How are you, all right?

-Yes.

-That's it. How about that, all right?

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Have you come on your own?

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I don't want you to shout too loud up there cos the plaster's crumbling!

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Hey, I've got super digs.

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I don't know where I'm stopping but it's someplace up at

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the Park Road in Leeds, and I knocked on the door

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and I walked in and...

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I said, "I've come to stop with you."

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She said, "You'll have to make your own bed."

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I said, "That's all right." She said, "Here's a hammer and nails."

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Do you get it?

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I just come right out with that one, didn't I?

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I went upstairs and...

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I went upstairs and as I was going upstairs she came with me,

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and... Ha-ha!

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..and she said, "Have you got a good memory for faces?"

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I said, "Yes." She said, "There's no mirror in the bathroom."

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I said, "I say, I can't stand all those mice."

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She said, "Well, sort out the ones

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"you don't like and we'll get rid of them, then!"

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This is the first time I've wore one of these, you know.

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I don't know.

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And I've had trouble with it because I went to the doctors and I said,

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I keep hearing music.

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So he said, give us your hat, so I gave it him.

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He said, now try it on.

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I said, that's smashing, it's stopped.

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He said, I've took the band out.

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Took the band out!

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Got them all written down on here.

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Bailiffs went to this house on this estate and pushed the summons under

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the door and this fellow was stood at the other side with a pair of

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bellows blowing it back.

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When they went back to court the judge said,

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"Did they pay their summons?"

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He said "No, and I wouldn't in a draughty house like that!"

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I don't think I'll stick it out here in these digs, because I stopped there last time I came.

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We had fish Monday, fish Tuesday and fish Wednesday,

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and Thursday she was setting the table and she dropped a knife.

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And she said "A stranger's coming to tea."

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I said, "I hope it's the butcher."

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Anyway, I'm not stopping any longer, cos I get fed up after a bit.

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No, I don't, really, cos I think you're rotten smashing, I do.

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And I'm going to sing a song now and I don't know why because you haven't

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done anything to upset me.

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And this is a request from someone that's just gone out.

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There's a woman down there, she just went like...

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HE TUTS

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I'm not scared of her.

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I tell you what, lads, give us something they can clap their hands to, eh? Here we go.

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# Begorrah me heart is all of a dither

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# Whenever she passes by

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# Begorrah there's always somebody with her

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# But let 'em all go to the devil says I

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# Skipping along as light as a feather

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# And leading the boys a dance

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# And all of the while I'm wondering whether

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# I'm gonna be given the ghost of a chance

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# Night to day I wouldn't be letting her

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# Far away from out of me sight

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# All the other follows are getting

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# As mad as a hatter but what does it matter?

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# Begorrah at last I've managed to get her

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# The sun has begun to shine

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# She's made up her mind there's nobody better

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# Begorrah tomorrow she's gonna be mine

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# Heigh ho, tomorrow is me wedding day

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# So tonight I'm proud to say I'm having a party

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# Heigh ho, you'll find me just across the way

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# Singing and making a heck of a noise

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# Drowning me sorrows with all of the boys

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# Heigh ho, we're off to paint the town tonight

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# Turn it upside down tonight

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# Oh, boy, what a party

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# Heigh ho, get everybody around tonight

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# Beat the drum, and get all the people to come

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# Begorrah at last I've managed to get her

0:26:340:26:36

# The sun has begun to shine

0:26:360:26:38

# She's made up her mind there's nobody better

0:26:380:26:40

# Begorrah tomorrow she's gonna be mine... #

0:26:400:26:42

Last time.

0:26:420:26:44

# Oh, tomorrow she's gonna be mine. #

0:26:460:26:53

CHEERING

0:26:530:26:57

That, of course, was Ken Goodwin.

0:27:100:27:13

And now...

0:27:140:27:16

ineluctably entrancing,

0:27:160:27:19

in crystalline translucencies...

0:27:190:27:22

..singing like a lark.

0:27:240:27:26

The one and only Ms Moira Anderson.

0:27:270:27:31

# For, tonight

0:27:380:27:40

# For, tonight

0:27:400:27:41

# Let me dream of my dream of delight

0:27:410:27:44

# Tra-la-la-la-la-la

0:27:440:27:46

# La-la-la-la-la

0:27:460:27:48

# And purchase of sorrow a moment's respite

0:27:480:27:54

# I am dazed

0:27:540:27:58

# Like a lark that has gazed On the sun, in his flight

0:27:580:28:04

# Let me sing!

0:28:040:28:08

# Let me sing!

0:28:080:28:10

# For I waver and swing Between madness and gladness tonight

0:28:100:28:16

# Let me sing!

0:28:160:28:18

# For I swing between madness and gladness tonight

0:28:180:28:26

# My eyes are gazing at days

0:28:260:28:31

# With a strange delight

0:28:310:28:36

# I am dazed

0:28:360:28:41

# Like a lark that has gazed on the sun, in his flight. #

0:28:410:28:47

SHE VOCALISES

0:28:470:28:50

# For tonight, for tonight

0:29:120:29:16

# Let me dream of my dream of delight

0:29:160:29:19

# Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la

0:29:190:29:21

# La-la-la-la-la

0:29:210:29:24

# And purchase of sorrow a moment's respite

0:29:240:29:30

# I am dazed

0:29:300:29:34

# Like a lark that has gazed on the sun, in his flight

0:29:340:29:40

# I waver and swing between madness and gladness tonight

0:29:440:29:49

# Let me sing! #

0:29:490:29:51

SHE VOCALISES

0:29:510:29:54

# 'Twixt madness and gladness tonight

0:29:590:30:02

SHE VOCALISES

0:30:020:30:05

CHEERING

0:30:210:30:23

# One day when we were young

0:30:450:30:51

# One wonderful morning in May

0:30:510:30:57

# You told me you loved me

0:30:570:31:04

# When we were young one day

0:31:040:31:12

# Sweet songs of spring were sung

0:31:120:31:18

# And music was never so gay

0:31:180:31:24

# You told me you loved me

0:31:240:31:31

# When we were young one day

0:31:310:31:38

# You told me you loved me

0:31:380:31:43

# And held me close to your heart

0:31:430:31:50

# We laughed then, we cried then

0:31:500:31:56

# Then came the time to part

0:31:560:32:04

# When songs of spring are sung

0:32:080:32:12

# Remember that morning in May

0:32:120:32:18

# Remember you loved me

0:32:180:32:25

# When we were young one day

0:32:250:32:33

# You told me you loved me

0:32:440:32:51

# When we were young one day

0:32:510:32:58

# You told me you loved me

0:32:580:33:04

# And held me close to your heart

0:33:040:33:11

# We laughed then, we cried then

0:33:110:33:18

# Then came the time to part

0:33:180:33:26

# When songs of spring were sung

0:33:270:33:33

# Remember that morning in May

0:33:330:33:40

# Remember you loved me

0:33:400:33:49

# When we were young one day. #

0:33:490:34:01

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:34:010:34:04

Amplitudinous...

0:34:260:34:29

plenipotentiary of pachydermatous,

0:34:290:34:32

percussiveness...

0:34:320:34:34

Who but your own - your very, very own - Miss Tessie O'Shea.

0:34:340:34:40

# Come on and say hello to my old banjo

0:34:470:34:51

# Say howdy-do to my pal

0:34:510:34:54

# We've been together since Lord knows when

0:34:540:34:58

# All the way to Sydney Bay and all the way right back again

0:34:580:35:02

# Get ready, get set There the band go

0:35:020:35:05

# Get on the downbeat and then

0:35:050:35:08

# Come on and say hello to my old banjo

0:35:080:35:12

# Say howdy-do to my pal

0:35:120:35:15

# Now, when first your little Tessie came to roam the world around

0:35:150:35:20

# To give me consolation, sure, a darling friend I found

0:35:200:35:24

# And though its only recipe is wood and skin and strings

0:35:240:35:28

# If you tickle him a little bit

0:35:280:35:32

# Oh, boy, this baby swings

0:35:320:35:36

SHE VOCALISES

0:35:360:35:39

# Come on and say hello to my old banjo

0:35:390:35:43

# Say howdy-do to my pal

0:35:430:35:46

# We've been together since Lord knows when

0:35:470:35:51

# All the way to Sydney Bay and all the way right back again

0:35:510:35:55

# Get ready, get set There the band go

0:35:550:35:58

# Get on the downbeat and then

0:35:580:36:01

# Come on and say hello to my old banjo

0:36:010:36:05

# Say howdy-do to my pal

0:36:050:36:15

# Howdy-do to my pal! #

0:36:150:36:17

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:36:170:36:19

# By the light of the silvery moon

0:36:240:36:29

# I want to spoon

0:36:310:36:35

# With my honey I'll croon love's tune

0:36:350:36:41

# Honeymoon

0:36:410:36:43

# Keep a-shining in June

0:36:430:36:48

# Your silvery beams will bring love dreams

0:36:480:36:52

# We'll be hurrying soon

0:36:520:36:56

# By the silvery moon

0:36:560:37:00

# Yes, when you're strolling along in the sunshine

0:37:010:37:05

# By the side of the silvery sea

0:37:050:37:08

# That's where a girl and boy

0:37:080:37:11

# With a heart of joy

0:37:110:37:13

# Are holding hands on the golden sands

0:37:130:37:16

# And that's where romance blossoms and life is sweet

0:37:160:37:20

# It's like a melody

0:37:200:37:23

# When the sun goes down

0:37:230:37:26

# The moon comes up

0:37:260:37:28

# Get a bit of loving with a bit of luck

0:37:280:37:31

# Strolling along in the sunshine

0:37:310:37:34

# By the side of the silvery sea

0:37:340:37:38

# Now, you can take your wife

0:37:380:37:41

# But if that's too tame

0:37:410:37:43

# Take somebody else's cos it's all the same

0:37:430:37:46

# When you're strolling along in the sunshine

0:37:460:37:50

# By the side of the silvery sea

0:37:500:37:53

# Oh, a little mouse in a...

0:37:530:37:55

SHE SINGS NONSENSE

0:37:550:37:58

# A little mouse in a...

0:37:580:38:00

SHE SINGS NONSENSE

0:38:000:38:03

# Oh, won't you come home, Bill Bailey? Won't you come home?

0:38:130:38:17

# Because the whole day long

0:38:170:38:21

# I'll do the cookin', honey I'll pay the rent

0:38:210:38:24

# You know you got me wrong

0:38:240:38:28

# Remember, the rainy evening

0:38:280:38:31

# With nothing but a fine-tooth comb

0:38:310:38:35

# I'm to blame Ain't it a shame?

0:38:350:38:39

# Bill Bailey, won't you please come on... #

0:38:390:38:42

Everybody now!

0:38:420:38:44

# Won't you come home, Bill Bailey? Won't you come home?

0:38:440:38:48

# Because the whole day long

0:38:480:38:50

# I'll do the cookin', honey I'll pay the rent

0:38:500:38:55

# You know you got me wrong

0:38:550:38:58

# Back on that rainy evening I flung you out

0:38:590:39:02

# With nothing but a fine-tooth comb

0:39:020:39:05

# I'm to blame Ain't it a shame?

0:39:050:39:10

# Bill Bailey, won't you please come home?

0:39:100:39:15

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:39:180:39:21

Love you, boys.

0:39:230:39:26

Love you. Oh.

0:39:260:39:29

Is that beautiful?

0:39:290:39:32

I've had my eye on him.

0:39:320:39:34

Is he with you, love?

0:39:360:39:38

Yes, he is.

0:39:380:39:40

Can I have him just for a minute, like?

0:39:400:39:43

All right. Don't worry, love. I've got enough for the lot of you.

0:39:430:39:46

You're all right.

0:39:460:39:49

If you give me a little lead in there, baby.

0:39:490:39:51

I'll tell them all about it.

0:39:510:39:53

# Cuddle closer

0:39:550:39:57

# Just like lovers do, dear

0:39:570:40:01

# Do, dear

0:40:010:40:04

# There's nobody half as sweet as you, dear

0:40:040:40:10

# You, dear

0:40:100:40:12

# When I gaze into your eyes

0:40:120:40:17

# They look at me with such surprise

0:40:170:40:21

# Because they know I idolise just you

0:40:210:40:26

-# Do-do-do-do

-That's true

0:40:260:40:29

# And as around the ballroom

0:40:290:40:33

# We go gently

0:40:330:40:36

# Glidin', slidin'

0:40:360:40:39

# I'm in paradise just made for two

0:40:390:40:45

# Me and you and in my arms

0:40:450:40:49

# I need to hold you

0:40:490:40:52

# Tell our secrets

0:40:520:40:54

# I have told you that I love you

0:40:540:40:59

# I love you the way I do. #

0:40:590:41:04

Ahhh, pretty! Is that a pretty one?

0:41:060:41:11

Ahh!

0:41:120:41:15

# Because I'm ready, I'm willing... #

0:41:180:41:22

Anybody looking for a wife?

0:41:220:41:24

# I'm ready, I'm willing to cherish him for life

0:41:240:41:27

# I'm not too bad to look at Got plenty on me

0:41:270:41:30

# Very nice thing on a winter's night to warm your cold feet on

0:41:300:41:34

# I'm ready, I'm willing Have been months and months

0:41:340:41:37

# Don't all shout at once!

0:41:390:41:41

# Come on and say hello to my old banjo

0:41:440:41:48

# Say howdy-do to my pal

0:41:480:41:51

# We've been together since Lord knows when

0:41:510:41:55

# All the way to Sydney Bay All the way right back again

0:41:550:41:58

# Get ready, get set Let the band go

0:41:580:42:02

# Get on the downbeat and then

0:42:020:42:05

# Come on and say hello to my old banjo

0:42:050:42:09

# Say howdy-do to my pal

0:42:090:42:18

# Howdy-do to my pal - hoy! #

0:42:180:42:22

Love you. Bye, my baby.

0:42:220:42:24

Bye, loves.

0:42:400:42:42

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

0:42:420:42:44

there is just time to ask Miss Tessie O'Shea

0:42:440:42:45

to lead the company and yourselves in the last chorus for tonight,

0:42:450:42:48

Down At The Old Bull And Bush.

0:42:480:42:50

Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Tessie O'Shea and the entire company,

0:42:500:42:53

the indispensable Mr Bernard Herrmann

0:42:530:42:56

and his incomparable orchestra.

0:42:560:42:59

But this time, chiefly, yourself.

0:43:010:43:06

# Come, come, come and make eyes at me down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:43:100:43:15

# Da, da, da, da, da

0:43:150:43:18

# Come, come, drink some port wine with me

0:43:180:43:21

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:43:210:43:25

# Hear the little German Band Da, da, da, da, da,

0:43:250:43:28

# Just let me hold your hand dear

0:43:280:43:32

# Do, do come and have a drink or two

0:43:320:43:36

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush Bush-bush! #

0:43:360:43:42

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:43:420:43:44

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