24/12/1983 The Good Old Days

# Let nothing you dismay

# Remember Christ our Saviour was born on Christmas Day

# To save us all from Satan's power When we were gone astray

# O tidings of comfort and joy Comfort and joy

# O tidings of comfort and joy. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Goodbye, summer So long, fall

# Hello, wintertime

# Let's take a moonlight sleigh ride Come along

# Hear the sleigh bells jingle and chime

# Every Joe and Jessie is comfy and cosy

# Their hearts are melting

# And so it's goodbye, summer So long, fall

# Hello wintertime

# Winter, winter

# When the snow is softly falling

# That's the time to squeeze When it starts to freeze

# In October and November And December, just remember

# Winter, winter

# When your sweetheart comes a calling

# By the fireside so bright You'll sit and tease her

# That's the time to squeeze her When it's winter... #

# ..So give me a little cosy corner

# And an armchair for two

# Somewhere with somebody there

# Anywhere will do

# Give me an evening in the twilight

# With the pale moon above

# And I'll find a cosy little corner

# In the heart of the one I love

# Just give me a little cosy corner

# And an armchair for two

# Somewhere with somebody there

# Anywhere will do

# Give me an evening in the twilight

# With the pale moon above

# And I'll find a cosy little corner

# In the heart of the one I love

# Oh, I must go home tonight I must go home tonight

# I don't care if it's snowing Blowing, I'm going

# I only got married this morning And it fills me with delight

# I'll stay out as long as you like

# But I must go home tonight

# Yes, I must go home tonight. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

CHEERING

Once again,

good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

-ALL:

-Good evening!

The phantasmagorically...

-ALL:

-Ooh!

..the androgynous apogee, the apotheosis of the epicene,

emulating Miss Marie Lloyd, we give you Mr Danny La Rue!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Since Mother Eve in the garden long ago

# Started a fashion

# Fashion's been a passion

# She wore a fig leaf You might describe as brief

# Now every season brings a change of leaf... #

LAUGHTER

# ..She'd smile if she would come to town

# What would Mother Eve think of my new Parisian gown?

# When I take my morning promenade

# Quite a fashion card on the promenade

# Oh, I don't mind my nice boys staring hard

# If it satisfies their desire

# Oh, do you like my...mm! Just a little bit?

# Just a little bit Not too much of it

# And when I show my legs just a little bit

# That's the little bit the boys admire

# I show my legs just a little bit... #

All together! # ..That's the little bit

# The boys admire. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

There we are!

How are we all, all right?

-ALL:

-Yes.

Now, it wouldn't be Marie Lloyd without the favourite song of all,

Don't Dilly Dally On The Way, and big breasts. Big BREATHS!

-LAUGHTER

-Thank you, Maestro.

# My old man said foller the van

# And don't dilly dally on the way

# Off went the van wiv me 'ome packed in it

# I followed on wiv me old cock linnet

# And I dillied and dallied Dallied and I dillied

# Lost me way and I don't know where to roam

# Oh, you can't trust a special like the old-time coppers

# When you can't find your way home... #

All together now!

# My old man said foller the van

# And don't dilly-dally on the way

# Off went the van with me 'ome packed in it

# I followed on with me old cock linnet

# I dillied, I dallied Dallied and I dillied

# Lost me way and don't know where to roam

# Oh, you can't trust a special like the old-time coppers

# When you can't find your way home. #

-Your way home! There!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And now a seasonal serenade

from that rapscallion rhapsodist

Mr Bernard Cribbins!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Good evening.

-AUDIENCE:

-Good evening!

Good evening, good evening. Good heavens!

What a lovely lot, Mr Chairman.

If I may take a leaf out of your book, Mr Chairman, and say that

never have I seen such a fine, fabulous,

-fantastic farrago of fashion.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

Such fine feathers, farthingales and furbelows.

Verily, VERILY,

verily...

the ultimate in fine flighty,

flipperty-flopperty, fun-filled festive frolickers!

CHEERING

Yes, thank you.

-Is it all right if I say that?

-No.

-Oh, there you are, then.

-I should give them a little ditty, Mr Chairman.

-Good.

That's full of pith and moment. Yes, it's about Christmas, you see.

LAUGHTER

-Yes, you can get out for a start.

-LAUGHTER

Thank you, Mr Herrmann, thank you.

# Now young Jimmy Greene was a shy young man

# He was as shy as could be

# He wanted to marry his sweetheart May

# He just couldn't think of the right words to say

# Till one night while owning her near

# He whispered these words in her ear

# Who's stuffing your turkey this Christmas?

# Oh, darling, I like to know now

# Who's going to give you a Christmas kiss

# Under the mistletoe bough?

# And who will be getting a present

# From under your very own tree?

# Who's stuffing your turkey this Christmas?

# Darling, please let it be me... #

# Now, if you're a bit on the lonely side,

# Whether a man or a miss

# And you take quite a fancy to someone who

# Appears unattached and as lonely as you

# Go up to the one of your choice

# And say in a nice quiet voice... # Altogether now, come on.

# ..Who's stuffing your turkey this Christmas?

# Darling, I'd like to know now

# Who's going to give you a Christmas kiss

# Under your mistletoe bough? #

Who'll be getting the present... # Who will be getting the present

# From under your very own tree?

# Who's stuffing your turkey this Christmas?

# Darling, please let it be me. #

Right, I'll tell you what,

since it's the festive season, the season of peace

on Earth and good to all women,

what I'd like, everybody stand up. Just stand up, come on.

Everybody up. Come on, on your feet. On your feet.

Now turn to the person next to you, hold their hands

and sing into their faces the final chorus.

Right, thank you.

# Who's stuffing your turkey this Christmas? # Come on!

# Darling, I'd like to know now

# Who's going to give you a Christmas kiss

# Under the mistletoe bough? # Who'll be getting the present.

# Who will be getting the present

# From under your very own tree? # All together!

# Who's stuffing your turkey this Christmas?

# Darling, please let it be me. #

Thank you!

-Thank you very much.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I wish you could've seen... LAUGHTER

-Pedal pyrotechnics... AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

..dancing -

in frenetic terpsichorean...

..fusillade of simultaneities...

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

..from the Clark Brothers! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Also from the United States of America,

miraculously mellifluous in magisterial minstrelsy,

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

Mr Robert White!

APPLAUSE

# I wander today to the hill, Maggie

# To watch the scene below

# The creek and the creaking old mill, Maggie

# As we used to, long ago

# The green growth is gone from the hill, Maggie

# Where first the daisies sprung

# That creaking old mill is still, Maggie

# Since you and I were young

# They say that I am feeble with age, Maggie

# My steps are less sprightly than then

# My face is a well-written page, Maggie

# But time all along was the pen

# They say we are aged and grey, Maggie

# As spray by the white breakers flung

# But to me, you're as fair as you were, Maggie

# When you and I were young

# And now we are aged and grey, Maggie

# The trials of life, nearly done

# Let us sing of the days that are gone, Maggie

# When you and I were young. #

# Lonely I wander through scenes of my childhood

# They call back to memory those happy days of yore

# Gone are the old folk, the house stands deserted

# No light in the window, no welcome at the door

# Here's where the children played games on the heather

# Here's where they sailed their wee boats on the burn

# Where are they now?

# Some are dead, some have wandered

# No more to their homes shall those children return

# Lonely is the house now, and lonely the moorland

# The children are scattered, the old folk are gone

# Why stand I here, like a ghost and a shadow?

# 'Tis time I were moving, 'tis time I passed on. #

Orchidaceous audacity!

CHEERING

Transvestite tit...

CATCALLS

Titillation!

CHEERING

Every other inch, a woman!

Mr Danny La Rue!

CHEERING

Now, girls...

..seeing that it's a festive occasion, drink is available.

Watch him, dear, he's got a nasty look in his eye.

So, I'm going to tell you a very sad story. Have the kerchiefs ready.

It'll bring a tear to all your eyes. The horrors of drink.

-Are you ready, Maestro? Thank you.

-PIANO FLOURISH

# Here is a picture, a man and a girl

# Strolling along in the shade

# He is a marquess, the son of an earl

# And she, but a pure village maid

# He tells her he loves her again and again

# She thinks he is loyal and true

# And then comes the night when he gave her champagne

# And does what he ought not to do

# Only a glass of champagne

# But it led that poor girl into sin

# Only a glass of champagne

# 'Twas the door where the Devil crept in

# It's just an old story

# It's always the same

# Just like a poor moth

# She flew too near the flame

# She opened her...wings

# And lost her good name

# All for a glass of champagne... #

LAUGHTER

# Think of her future

# The sorrow, the shame

# Neither a maid nor a wife

# Think of those parents who gave her the name

# She has dishonoured for life

# What's to become of her, spurned and reviled

# Into oblivion hurled?

# And what can she offer her fatherless child? #

Poor little...

# She has brought into the world? #

-LOW-PITCHED:

-Altogether now.

# Only a glass of champagne

# But it led a poor girl into sin

# Only a glass of champagne

# 'Twas the door where the Devil crept in

# She lost her honour with heartache and pain

# To her false lover, she pleaded in vain

# But by the next morning, she'd lost it again! #

LAUGHTER

# All for a glass of champagne

# So, all you young maidens take warning from her

# If you're taken out by a lord or a sir

# Be careful you don't do the same thing as her

# Well, not for a glass of champagne! #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

ORCHESTRA PLAYS INTRO

AUDIENCE WHOOPS

ALL: Woo!

AUDIENCE CLAPS IN TIME TO MUSIC

CLAPPING REDUCES

# Down the road there lives a man I'd like you all to know

# He grew a great big marrow for the local flower show

# When the news got round of it, they came from far and wide

# But when then saw the size of it

# Everybody cried

# Oooh, what a beauty

# I've never seen one as big as that before

# Oh, what a beauty

# It must be two foot long or maybe more

# It's such a lovely colour

# Nice and round and fat

# I've never seen a marrow quite as big as that

# Oh, what a beauty,

# I've never seen one as big as that before

# Now, he was leaning on his garden gate the other day

# And beckoned to a lady who lived across the way

# He took her down the garden path and showed it to her with pride

# When she saw the size of it... #

LAUGHTER

# Everybody cried

# Oooh, what a beauty

# I've never seen one as big as that before

# Oh, what a beauty

# It must be two foot long or maybe more

# And it's such a lovely colour

# Nice and round and fat

# Never seen a marrow quite as big as that

# Oh, what a beauty

# I've never seen one as big as that before

# Oh, what a marrow!

# I've never seen one as big as that before. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

SONG REPRISE

MUSIC CRESCENDOS

From Paris...

WHOOPING

No.

LAUGHTER

-We've had enough of that. ALL:

-Aww.

Enthrallingly...

..thaumaturgic

for your AMAZEMENT -

Mr Gaetan Bloom!

CHEERING

HIGH-PITCHED: Hello!

Lovely! Ohh...

-It's for me? ALL:

-Yes.

Thank you so much.

I love that.

Except I can't put this on the table now.

HE MURMURS

Oh, "From Barney to Gaetan". Thank you, Barney.

It's lovely.

HE SNIFFS

Achoo!

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

the quickest trick in the world,

The Vanishing Shoe!

HE GRUNTS

Three!

ORCHESTRA STRIKES UP

APPLAUSE

Well, for the next trick,

I need the assistance from someone from the audience.

So, if there is...

Oh, I see just in the front row, a wonderful young lady.

Can you assist me, please?

Yes! Yes, you!

Yeah, you give her... Nice and... APPLAUSE

CHEERING

-Hi there, have you ever done magic before?

-Never!

-First experience?

-Yes.

-Wonderful! I like that!

Stay there.

Now, I need some paraphernalia.

Here is the paraphernalia.

Wow! Doing-doing!

First, you have an eggcup.

You can examine, have a look.

Yes.

-Good.

-Eggcup.

-Eggcup, yes.

Here you have a few balls in a glass. You can examine.

I don't mind.

-You can shuffle them.

-Yes.

Good, now... OK.

Now, you choose one colour.

Any one.

Which one?

-Can I tell you?

-Yes!

-Pink.

You are...? Oh, the ball! OK, OK.

You take it off.

And now here you have a tray.

You can examine. Not too much, OK, like that.

LAUGHTER

OK, OK, no. I, er...

You have not taken the ball away from the glass!

You have to take them away.

Yeah, all of them.

Take them all. All of them...!

There's still one.

HE BURBLES

OK.

Now, watch carefully. I cover the eggcup, there.

You put your balls there also.

OK.

And now it's a big mystery.

LAUGHTER

I cover everything, and please, you repeat after me.

Because it's a Chinese trick.

Are you ready? Here we go.

Hon-dai-hup!

LAUGHTER

Hon-dai-hup!

CHEERING

Wonderful!

Lift the first one. Not the tray, just the hanky.

And watch! Inside the glass,

only one ball, the pink one! Ya!

CHEERING

Very good! Very good!

APPLAUSE

-You want me to do it again?

-Indeed!

-Indeed!

It gets more difficult.

Without the hanky.

You can change the colour of the ball if you want.

First, the ball. No.

It's very difficult.

Ready?

Here we go!

Hon-dai-hup!

Hon-dai-hup!

Wa-ni-da-pra-te-gi-hup!

Wa-ni-ga-ja-da-hi-hup!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

HE SPEAKS GIBBERISH

SHE LAUGHS

HE SPEAKS GIBBERISH

DRUM ROLL

Oh-h!

MUSIC CRESCENDOS

APPLAUSE

And now...

I want to finish with some French card...manipulation.

PIANO PLAYS LOUNGE MUSIC

APPLAUSE

APPLAUSE

MUSIC CRESCENDOS

MUSIC HALL REPRISE

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ineluctable...

..in lucent deliquescence.

A lark ascending,

ever-adorable -

Miss Valerie Masterson!

CHEERING

# My heart's debonair

# There's love in the air

# Life is carefree

# Our waltz will invite

# Bright midsummer night

# Dreams of romance

# So, on with the dance

# Night brings gay dreams

# Gone are daydreams

# As we dance

# All the world becomes

# A garden of romance and moonlight

# On this June night

# Love sends an invitation to the dance

# Music playing

# Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ahh

# While we're swaying

# Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ahh

# Youth has a gay time

# When life is playtime

# Then comes a day

# When it fades away... #

SHE VOCALISES

# Now's a chance for sweet romance

# At last! #

APPLAUSE

ORCHESTRA PLAYS INTRO

# Oh, Danny boy

# The pipes, the pipes are calling

# From glen to glen

# And down the mountainside

# The summer's gone

# And all the roses dying

# 'Tis you, 'tis you

# Must go and I must bide

# But come ye back

# When summer's in the meadow

# Or when the valley's hushed

# And white with snow

# For I'll be here

# In sunshine or in shadow

# Oh, Danny boy

# Oh, Danny boy, I love you so

# But when ye come

# And all the roses dying

# If I am dead

# As dead I well may be

# Then you will find

# The place where I am lying

# And kneel and say an ave there for me

# For I shall hear

# How soft ye tread above me

# And all my grave

# Will warmer, sweeter be

# For you will bend

# And tell me that you love me

# And I shall sleep in peace

# Until you come to me. #

APPLAUSE

MUSIC HALL REPRISE

APPLAUSE

Paroxismal...

AUDIENCE OOHS

..purveyers of pyromanic

pandemonium.

LAUGHTER

Fire-eaters!

Les Flambeaux!

MUSIC: Sabre Dance by Khachaturian

AUDIENCE WHOOPS AND CHEERS

LAUGHTER

You laughing?

Go on, go on, go on, light them!

How can I light them? These matches, they're all dead.

They won't be alone if you don't get on with it!

It's not my fault, Barry, I got these from the digs.

You see, it's Mrs Buckroyd,

she puts them back in the box when she's struck 'em!

May I remind you, we are a fire-eating act?

I know that! I'm in it!

You're RIGHT in it!

Can't have a fire-eating act without fire,

it's like having a singer who can't sing.

-There's a few of them about, Barry.

-AUDIENCE OOHS

I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, I must apologise.

I'm saddled with an incompetent.

-Hey, my Uncle Arthur, he was like that.

-So, instead...

LAUGHTER

-Like what?

-Well, my Uncle Arthur, he was like what you said.

-Incompetent.

-Oh, incompetent. Yes.

-Incompetent.

LAUGHTER

Well, it's this earring. I can hear too well on this side, you see!

I'm fed up with the flaming thing. Get it off.

So, we have got no act.

Well, we never did really have an act at all.

He knows that. Mr Sachs knows that. You know that, don't you, Leonard?

He's introduced us a few times, haven't you?

I don't know why, because we know each other!

-It's silly, really, isn't it?

-Mr Sachs, may I apologise?

-You do a splendid job.

-Think nothing of it!

Well, we don't think anything of it other than it's all right.

I think you're terrific. All them long words!

I love the long words like marmalade and suppository.

It's a good act.

Terrific that, Leonard. Playing a blinder, Leonard.

-I can do that Welsh name, the long one.

-You can't!

-Want to bet?

-Never.

-Right, here we go.

Rhyl.

LAUGHTER

I thought you were going to say

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgog- erychwyrndrobwll-llantysiliogogogoch.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-I know a Welsh joke, you know, Barry.

-Do you really?

Don't underestimate Welsh jokes,

they could go on to become Party leaders.

LAUGHTER AND GROANS

-You mean, Lloyd George?

-On this show, yes.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-Oh, dear me!

-I suppose Lloyd George knew your father.

Lloyd George WAS my father!

LAUGHTER

-I don't want to know about that.

-That's what me mother said.

-Just a little bit of Welsh.

-Yeah, that's what he said.

-No, no!

-Anyway, the Welsh joke...

-Get on with it!

-Yes, I will.

Right, now, please...

Now, there was this fella, you see, and he was going down to Llanelli.

-"Chlanechli."

-Bless you.

-You all right?

-"Chlanechli."

-What?

Double-L in Welsh is...ch - "Chlanechli".

Don't do that, Barry, you're splashing me when you do that.

-"Chlanechli."

-What is? Like that? "Chlan..."

-"Chlan..."

-All right.

Well, this fell...this fechla...

LAUGHTER

-..was going down to Llanelli.

-Jolly good.

-Oh, you mean "jochly good".

-Get on with it!

-Anyway, this fella was going down to Llanelli

and he found his watch had stopped.

So, he goes in this field

and he sees a farmer who's in the field with a buchlock.

-A what?

-A buchlock.

LAUGHTER

-A buchlock.

-"Book lock"?

-Buchlock.

-It's a bullock, you see, a bullock!

-Oh, yes!

-It's a bullock.

And he goes up to this farmer who's with this buchlock,

and he says, "Can you techl me the time?"

And the farmer, he shifts the buchlock's tail

and he says, "It's half past echleven."

-Don't overdo it!

-All right, 9.30.

Anyway, he said, "How can you tell the time

"by shifting that buchlock's tail like that?" He said,

"Every time I move the buchlock's tail, I can see the town clock."

LAUGHTER

-Listen, shall we do a song?

-I was going to sing

My Old Man Said Follow The Van but Dan's done that, hasn't he?

-Hey, listen, we could do it in Welsh.

-We could do it in Welsh!

Listen, can you rewrite the song sheet, please? Do it in Welsh?

Look at that, his quill pen's got sparks coming off it!

Yes, are you ready?

Yes, drop it in, then, come on! Let's have it!

There we are! This is the song in Welsh.

This is in Welsh, can you see it?

LAUGHTER

Have you got it?

All right, now, quiet please.

-Let's do it, then.

-Let's do it.

-One, two...

-Yaki da.

# My old man said fochlow the van

# And don't dichly-dachly on the way

# Off went the van with the home packed in it

# I fochlowed on with my old cock linnet

# And I dichlied and dachlied

# Dachlied and dachlied

# Lost my way and don't know where to roam

# Oh, you can't trust the specials like the old-time coppers.

# When you come home again

# To Wales! #

SONG REPRISE

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And now Ave Atque Vale from the...

IMPRESSED MURMURS

..exemplary and omnipresent Players Theatre,

from the entire company,

from Mr Bernard Herrmann and his entire and indefatigable orchestra!

CHEERING

-But this time, chiefly... ALL:

-Yourselves!

ORCHESTRA PLAYS INTRO

# Beer, beer, glorious beer

# Fill yourselves right up to here

# Drink a good deal of it

# Make a good meal of it

# Stick to your old-fashioned beer

# Don't be afraid of it, drink till you're made of it

-# Now, all together, a cheer!

-Hooray!

# Up with the sale of it, down with a pail of it

# Glorious, glorious beer. #

# Bella is a barmaid! Ah-ha-ha!

# Bella s a barmaid at The Rising Star

# Before I pull another pint, you gentlemen haven't paid!

# Bella is a bar-bar-bar-barmaid. #

Oh, you cheeky...! Come on!

Oh, crikey! Look who's here! It's Matilda Buggins!

Oh, my Gawd...

MUTTERING

You tell me now, tell me all about it.

Yeah.

# Matilda Buggins was the name of a girl I did admire

# When first I set my eyes on her, she set my heart on fire

# I used to go and see her, every evening, for a spoon

# And spend me wages on her on a Saturday afternoon

# But, oh, alas, alack-a-day

# It was an evil hour

# He took her into the music hall to get away from the shower

# She never looked at the stage at all, to him, it seemed so rum

# She never took her eyes away from the fella who played the drum...

# She wouldn't go into the balcony or into the circle stalls

# She wouldn't go into the gallery for fear that she would fall

# She wouldn't go into the boxes, it made her feel so glum

# She wanted to sit in the front of the pit

# Where the fella was playing the drum

# And then she heard the dreadful news that he had got a wife

# It nearly knocked the stuffing out of poor Matilda's life

# She tried her tricks on me again, no sympathy I had

# And the latest news concerning her

# Is that she is going mad! Oh! #

-Oh!

-Oh, cripes!

-COMMOTION

-Sit her down, quick!

-MATILDA YELLS

# For the Army of Salvation she has joined to ease her mind

# And playing cymbals in the band, Matilda, you can find

# She shouts out

# Alleluia! There's a glorious time to come!

# So, join the throng and come with me

# And my fella who plays the drum... #

# I wouldn't go into the balcony or into the circle stalls

# I wouldn't go into the gallery for fear that I should fall

# I wouldn't go into the boxes, it made me feel so glum

# I wanted to sit in the front of the pit

# With the fella who played the drum

# She wouldn't go into the balcony or into the circle stalls

# She wouldn't go into the gallery for fear that she would fall

# She wouldn't go into the boxes, it made me feel so glum

# She wanted to sit in the front of the pit

# With the fella who played the drum

-# She wanted to sit!

-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM

-# In the front of the pit!

-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM

# With the fella who played the drum. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

SONG REPRISE

EXCITED CHATTERING

Come over here, I've got a lovely table for you.

Would anyone like to offer? Just one coin would be enough.

Would you like to offer, sir?

Where did you get that lovely hat?

# I'm very glad you asked me that question.

# Now, how I came to get this hat is very strange and funny

# Grandfather died and left to me his property and money

# And when the will, it was read out

# They told me straight and flat

# If I would have his money

# I must always wear his hat

# And now everywhere I go

# People shout out

# Where did you get that hat?

# Where did you get that tile?

# Oh, isn't it a nobby one, in just the proper style?

# I should like to have one

# Just the same as that!

# Where'er I go, they shout

# Hello! Where did you get that hat? #

It's true, you know. Everywhere I go, people laugh at my hat.

I don't know why. It's a beautiful hat, that.

Beautiful piece of material.

You feel that, Mr White, feel it.

It's felt.

LAUGHTER AND GROANS

# Grandfather served with Nelson

# Upon the briny sea

# And braced upon the quarterdeck were none so brave as he

# When Nelson got his fatal wound and on the deck did swoon

# Instead of kissing Hardy

# He began to croon this tune

# Where did you get that hat? Where did you get that tile?

# Oh, isn't it a nobby one And just the proper style?

# I should like to have one Just the same as that!

# Where'er I go, they shout, Hello! Where did you get that hat?

# La-la-la-la

# La-la-la-la

-# La-la-la-la...

-Oh...

# Now, following in Father's footsteps

# I got married just last week

# And, naturally, I wore this hat

# Tradition so to keep

# But halfway through the service when I came to say, I do

# The vicar said, but first there is one thing I'll ask of you

# Where did you get that hat? Where did you get that tile?

# Isn't it a nobby one And just the proper style?

# I should like to have one Just the same as that!

# Where'er I go, they shout, Hello! Where did you get that hat?

-# Oh!

-Where did you get that hat? Where did you get that tile?

# Isn't it a nobby one And just the proper style?

# I should like to have one Just the same as that!

# Where'er I go, they shout

# Hello! Where did you get that hat? #

How's that?!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Come on, let's have another drink!

Oh!

ORCHESTRA PLAYS INTRO

# When you come to the end of a perfect day

# And you sit alone with your thought

# As the chimes ring out with a carol gay

# For the joy that the day has brought

# Do you think what the end of a perfect day

# Can mean to a tired heart?

# When the sun goes down with a flaming ray

# And the dear friends have to part?

# Well, this is the end of a perfect day

# It's the end of a journey, too

# But it leaves a thought that is big and strong

# With a wish that is kind and true

# For memory has painted this perfect day

# With colours that never fade

# For we find at the end of a perfect day

# The soul of a friend we've made

# So we find at the end of a perfect day

# The soul

# Of a friend

# We've made. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

ORCHESTRA PLAYS INTRO

EXCITED CHATTERING

CHEERING

# Champagne Charlie is his name Champagne Charlie is his name

# There's no better drink than fizz, fizz, fizz

# I'll drink every little drop there is

# Champagne Charlie is his name

# Champagne-drinking is his game

# I'm the idol of the barmaids

# Champagne Charlie is my name

# He's the idol of the barmaids

# Champagne Charlie is his name. #

APPLAUSE

Well, here we are, Christmas Eve, family, dear ones,

and some of our dear friends away from us,

but they're always close to us.

And, here tonight, we have 30 years of family,

it's a little sad, but also very happy.

And there's just one thing for me to say. Thank you.

BAND PLAYS INTRO

# We'll meet again

# Don't know where

# Don't know when

# But I know we'll meet again some sunny day

# Keep smiling through

# Just like you always do

# Till the blue skies drive those dark clouds right away

# And won't you please say hello

# To the folks that I know?

# Tell them I won't be long

# They'll be happy to know

# That as you saw me go

# I was singing this song

# We'll meet again

# Don't know where

# Don't know when

# But I know we'll meet again some sunny day

# We'll meet again

# Don't know where

# Don't know when

# But I know we'll meet again

# Some sunny day

# Keep smiling through

# Just like you always do

# Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away

# And won't you please say hello

# To the folks that I know?

# Tell them it won't be long

# They'll be happy to know

# That as you saw me go

# I was singin' this song

# We'll meet again

# Don't know where

# Don't know when

# But I know we'll meet again some sunny day. #