31/12/1977 The Good Old Days


31/12/1977

Leonard Sachs presents the old-time music hall programme, from 31 December 1977. With Larry Grayson, Vince Hill, Billy Dainty and members of the Players' Theatre, London.


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Transcript


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# Landlord, fill the flowing bowl

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# Till it doth run over

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# Landlord, fill the flowing bowl

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# Till it doth run over

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# For tonight we'll merry-merry be

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# For tonight we'll merry-merry be

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# For tonight we'll merry-merry be

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# Tomorrow we'll be sober. #

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# Ha-ha-ha hee-hee-hee

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# Little brown jug, don't I love thee

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# Ha-ha-ha hee-hee-hee

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# Little brown jug, don't I love thee

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# Ha-ha-ha hee-hee-hee

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# Little brown jug, don't I love thee

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# Ha-ha-ha hee-hee-hee

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# Little brown jug, don't I love thee

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# Ha-ha-ha hee-hee-hee

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# Little brown jug, don't I love thee

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# Ha-ha-ha hee-hee-hee

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# Little brown jug, don't I love thee! #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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CHEERING

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Once again!

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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

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-AUDIENCE:

-Good evening.

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Oh, once again.

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Good evening!

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That's splendid.

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Prognosticatorally,

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primarily, pre-eminently resplendent,

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the Players Theatre!

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# Why do the boys run after the girls

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# And why do the girls love boys?

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# Why do they stroll down green, shady lanes

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# While sharing each other's joys?

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# Ever since Eve made poor old Adam grieve

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# Together they're always found

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# No matter the weather, you'll find them together

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# Just as long as the world goes round

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# Just as long as the world goes round. #

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# And every evening I am seen

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# Walking home with Angeline

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# She's a girl I idolise

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# And she has such gleaming eyes

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# So I'm just as happy as I can be

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# When I'm in her company

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# Troubles while away

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# And the world seems gay

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# When I'm walking home with Angeline

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# When I'm walking home with Angeline. #

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# Keep off the grass

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# Keep off the grass

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# Conduct like this I won't pardon

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# Lay at your ease

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# But if you please

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# Keep off the grass in the garden

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# We will keep off the grass, dear

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-# Keep off the grass

-Keep off the grass in the garden

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# I beg your pardon

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-# Lay at your ease

-Lay at your ease

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-# But if you please

-But if you please

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# Keep off the grass in the garden. #

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# But every little while

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# I feel so lonely

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# Every little while

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# I feel so blue

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# I'm always dreaming

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# I'm always scheming

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# Because I want you

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# And only you

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# My darling

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# Every little while

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# Every little while

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# My heart is aching

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# My heart is aching

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-# Every little while

-Every little while

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# I miss your smile

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# I miss your smile

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# And all the time I seem to miss you

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# I want to, want to kiss you

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# Every, every Every little while

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# Darling, every, every

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# Every little while. #

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Their hats are almost as orchidaceous as yours, aren't they?

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I promise you you will have the Players once again later on

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in the programme, but now...

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hilarious harbinger of cantillatory,

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Caledonian cajolery

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and concomitant conviviality!

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-AUDIENCE:

-Oooh!

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Scottish fun.

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Welcome to Miss Janet Brown.

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APPLAUSE

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Oh!

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Oh, dear, so.

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Oh, stop it, Jock!

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# I'm courting a farmer's laddie

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# He's one of the nicest ever seen

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# His cheeks are rosy, rosy red

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# And his age is just sweet 17

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# But he throws his arms around my neck

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# And tries to steal a kiss

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# Oh, I wriggle and giggle and twist and twiggle

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# And then you hear me shouting this

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# Will you stop yer tickling, Jock?

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# Stop yer tickling, Jock

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# Dinna mak' me laugh so hearty

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# Or you'll mak' me choke

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# Oh, I wish you'd stop yer nonsense

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# Just look at all the folk

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# Will yer stop yer tickling? Ickle-ickle-ickling

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# Stop yer tickling, Jock. #

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Oh, he's terrible, is my Jock.

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Oh, he really is, but he's a lovely boy.

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I just wish he was here tonight.

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I do, I do.

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And I must tell you a wee bit about him.

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He's very particular, you know. Oh, yes.

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Always takes a bath once a month whether he needs it or not.

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Yes.

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Mind you, there is only one thing worries me.

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I think he's a wee bit mean.

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I do. Yes, I do. I'll tell you why, I'll tell you why.

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I went round to his house the other day

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and he was sitting there with a bag of crisps -

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not eating them, counting them.

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Mind you, I...

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I think he takes his meanness from his father, because he's terrible.

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Ssh, is anybody listening?

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Cos I'll tell you why. Do you know,

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he never sends a suit to the cleaners without putting

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a pair of socks in the pocket.

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Is that not just...?

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I said, "Jock, I think this is awful."

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Fancy having a father like that. But that's not all.

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You'll never guess what he did to him when he was a wee boy.

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Tore December out of the calendar

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and said that they'd cancelled Christmas.

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Is that not off? I said to him, "Jock..."

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APPLAUSE

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# Oh, will you stop yer tickling, Jock?

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# Stop yer tickling, Jock

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# Dinna mak' me laugh so hearty

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# Or you'll mak' me choke

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# Oh, I wish you'd stop yer nonsense

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# Just look at all the folk

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# Will yer stop yer tickling? Ickle-ickle-ickling

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# Stop yer tickling, Jock

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# Stop yer tickling, Jock

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# Stop yer tickling, Jock

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# Dinna mak' me laugh so hearty

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# Or you'll mak' me choke

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# Oh, I wish you'd stop yer nonsense

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# Just look at all the folk

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# Will yer stop yer tickling? Ickle-ickle-ickling

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# Stop yer tickling, Jock! #

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Oh, cheerio!

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APPLAUSE

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Continentally contributory to culture.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Oooh!

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And I see you're all connoisseurs.

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Impeccable in Iberian immaculacy,

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the Pompoff Thedy Family.

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BELL CLATTERS

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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

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Now the bell is going to play by itself.

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Play!

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BELL RINGS

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Stop.

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Now watch, because this is very important for the gentlemen.

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BELL CLATTERS

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Well, as you can see, no springs, no strings,

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no batteries, no vitamins, nothing.

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We're going to try once more so watch very carefully.

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BELL CLATTERS

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Are you ready?

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Play.

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BELL RINGS

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No, no, no.

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No!

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THEY SHOUT INDISTINCTLY

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APPLAUSE

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I try to play the clarinet!

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And now, what do you want?

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We're going to play a real concert.

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-A real concert.

-Piano and violin.

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I'm playing the piano and he the violin.

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Come on, take care of him.

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Play.

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Ah!

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THEY ALL SHOUT INDISTINCTLY

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GUNSHOT

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I am going to play another clarinet.

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I'm going to play Benny Goodman solo.

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Sandro, Benny Goodman solo.

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-This is pure jazz.

-OK.

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RHYTHMIC HONKING

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That's no good.

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Stop. Stop it!

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HONKING CONTINUES

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APPLAUSE

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THEY PLAY JAUNTY MELODY

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APPLAUSE

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CHEERING

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Ineffably ineluctable.

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Welcome back to that numinous nenuphar of nubility,

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our own, your own, Miss Eira Heath!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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# Two drummers sat at dinner

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# In a grand hotel one day

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# While dining they were chatting

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# In a jolly sort of way

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# And when a pretty waitress

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# Brought them a tray of food

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# They spoke to her familiarly

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# In manner rather rude

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# At first she did not notice them

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# Or make the least reply

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# But one remark was passed

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# Which brought the teardrops to her eye

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# And facing her tormentor

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# With cheeks now burning red

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# She looked a perfect picture

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# As appealingly she said

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# My mother was a lady

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# Like yours, you will allow

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# And you may have a sister

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# Who needs protection now

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# I've come to this great city

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# To find a brother dear

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# And you wouldn't dare insult me, sir

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# If Jack were only here

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# No, you wouldn't dare insult me, sir

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# If Jack were only here. #

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APPLAUSE

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# 'Mid pleasures and palaces

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# Though we may roam

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# Be it ever so humble

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# There's no place like home

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# A charm from the sky

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# Seems to hallow us there

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# Which seek through the world

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# Is ne'er met with elsewhere

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# Home, home

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# Sweet, sweet home

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# There's no place like home

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# There's no place like home

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# An exile from home

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# Splendour dazzles in vain

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# Oh, give me my lowly

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# Thatched cottage again

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# The birds singing gaily

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# That came at my call

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# Give me them with the peace of mind

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# Dearer than all

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# Home, home

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# Sweet, sweet home

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# There's no place like home

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# There's no place

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# Like home. #

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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In a manic miscellany

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of multifaceted mountebankery

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and ebullient buffoonery...

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Mr Billy Dainty.

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CHEERING

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JAUNTY MUSIC

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AUDIENCE CLAP ALONG

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MUSIC STOPS, CLAPPING CONTINUES

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In the street of a thousand lanterns

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By the sign of the swinging till

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There's a barmaid known as Nelly And her sister, Cockeyed Lil.

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Oh, take me back to the frozen north

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Where the men are glad to look on

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And the only thing you get when you dance

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Is frostbite on the Yukon.

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I would like to do something perhaps unprecedented for you tonight,

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I'd like to sing.

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AUDIENCE: Oh.

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What do you mean, oh, oh, oh?

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Where did you get this lot from?

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Well, you can get another lot in, I tell you,

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I've gone off them for a start.

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I'd like to sing for you tonight.

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A SMALL CHEER

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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as I say, I've had at least four requests...

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LAUGHTER

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..and three of them were physically impossible to do.

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LAUGHTER

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What a lovely audience now. They've warmed up, they've warmed up!

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-DRUMBEAT

-What was that

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APPLAUSE

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Somebody keeps coming on here.

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DRUMBEAT

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Well, we've only rehearsed all day, he's very new.

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Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to take you back

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a few years to the pop singer of grandma's day.

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You know, he was always a baritone.

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MUSIC BEGINS

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# Boots, boots, boots, boots

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# Marching up and down

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# Boots, boots, boots, boots

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# Tramping along again

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# Boots, boots, boots, boots

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# And they're off to Africa

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# Believe in the war

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# Boots, boots, boots, boots

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# Marching up and down again

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# Boots, boots, boots, boots

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# Tramping down the road again

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# Boots, boots, boots, boots

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# And they're all to Timothy Whites for sure

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# Believe in the war. #

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Boots!

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CHEERING

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APPLAUSE

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It's very dangerous throwing things like that, you know.

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It could have hit me on the head.

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I could have grown up silly.

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What a good job I never sing The Fishermen Of England.

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They've gone off the boil over there, they've gone, they've gone.

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Here we are, Wally, take those back.

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That's tuppence on the rates.

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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I'd like to come a little farther along

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to the pop singer who really made the girls swoon,

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the musical comedy star.

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Now, of course he was always a handsome,

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very dashing and a very virile tenor.

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MUSIC BEGINS

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# Drink! Drink! Drink!

0:23:330:23:36

# To eyes that are bright as stars that are shining on me

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# Drink! Drink! Drink!

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# To lips that are red and sweet as the fruit on the tree

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# Here's a hope that those bright eyes will shine

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# Lovingly, longingly

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# Soon into mine

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# Well, drink! Drink!

0:24:120:24:16

# Let the toast start

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# May young love never part

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# Drink! Drink! Drink!

0:24:200:24:23

# Let every true lover salute his sweetheart

0:24:230:24:27

APPLAUSE

0:24:300:24:33

# Here's a hope that those bright eyes will shine

0:24:500:24:56

# Lovingly

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# Longingly...

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AUDIENCE: Ooh!

0:25:040:25:07

# Let the toast start

0:25:200:25:23

# May young love never part

0:25:230:25:26

# Drink! Drink! Drink!

0:25:260:25:29

HE SLURS

0:25:290:25:32

Come on, everybody.

0:25:330:25:35

APPLAUSE

0:25:380:25:40

Thank you.

0:25:400:25:42

Thank you.

0:25:440:25:45

Thank you. Please, please, please.

0:25:470:25:49

You might regret it at the end.

0:25:490:25:51

Now...

0:25:510:25:53

we come right up-to-date with a singer perhaps you know so well.

0:25:530:25:57

He won the finals in the wirework and social at the

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British Legion Club,

0:26:010:26:03

Eddie Cruikshanks, comedian.

0:26:030:26:06

MUSIC STARTS

0:26:060:26:08

# No, I've never, never, never

0:26:140:26:18

# I've never seen a straight banana

0:26:180:26:20

# I looked around all over town

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# I've seen bananas standing up I've seen them lying down

0:26:210:26:24

# I've tried very hard to find one

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# I've been to Jamaica and Havana

0:26:250:26:27

# I've never, never, never

0:26:270:26:29

# I've never seen a straight banana

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All together now!

0:26:310:26:32

# I've never, never, never

0:26:410:26:43

# I've never seen a straight banana

0:26:430:26:44

# Doodle-oodle-doo-doo Doodle-oodle-doo-doo

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# Doodle-oodle-doo-doo Bing bong. #

0:26:470:26:49

APPLAUSE

0:26:490:26:52

The acme, the epitome, the zenith

0:27:070:27:11

of exotic Oriental esotericism...

0:27:110:27:16

Chinese tricks.

0:27:180:27:20

Chey-Fu-Dey!

0:27:200:27:24

CHEERING

0:27:240:27:27

APPLAUSE

0:30:210:30:23

APPLAUSE

0:30:430:30:45

APPLAUSE

0:30:570:30:59

Reverberant resonances

0:31:180:31:22

in a reminiscent rendition of mellifluous Jolson

0:31:220:31:28

melodies, Mr Vince Hill!

0:31:280:31:32

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:31:320:31:34

# Rock-a-bye your baby

0:31:420:31:45

# With a Dixie melody

0:31:450:31:48

# When you croon

0:31:490:31:52

# Croon a tune

0:31:520:31:54

# From the heart of Dixie

0:31:540:31:58

# Just hang that cradle, mammy mine

0:31:580:32:02

# Right on that Mason-Dixon Line

0:32:020:32:07

# And swing it from Virginia

0:32:070:32:11

# To Tennessee with all the soul that's in ya!

0:32:110:32:15

# Go to the east, go to the west

0:32:150:32:19

# Some day you'll come

0:32:190:32:23

# Weary at heart

0:32:230:32:25

# Back where you started from. #

0:32:250:32:31

# I've been away from you a long time

0:32:310:32:34

# Some day I know I'll love you so

0:32:340:32:38

# My love is real

0:32:380:32:39

# Somehow I feel

0:32:390:32:41

# Near you I long to be

0:32:410:32:44

# Oh, Swanee

0:32:440:32:46

# How I love you, how I love you

0:32:460:32:48

# My dear old Swanee

0:32:480:32:51

# I'd give the world to be

0:32:510:32:54

# Among the folks in D-I-X-I- Even though my mammy's

0:32:540:33:00

# Waiting for me, praying for me

0:33:000:33:02

# Down by the Swanee

0:33:020:33:05

# The folks up north will see me no more

0:33:050:33:09

# When I get to that Swanee shore

0:33:090:33:12

# Swanee, Swanee

0:33:120:33:15

# I'm coming back to Swanee

0:33:150:33:19

# Swanee, Swanee. #

0:33:190:33:22

# I love the old folks at home

0:33:220:33:27

# Where happiness lies

0:33:270:33:32

# Right under your eyes

0:33:320:33:38

# Back in your old back yard. #

0:33:380:33:46

# Though April showers

0:33:460:33:54

# May come your way

0:33:540:33:59

# They bring the flowers

0:33:590:34:03

# That bloom in May

0:34:030:34:08

# So when it's raining

0:34:080:34:12

# Have no regrets

0:34:120:34:16

# Because it isn't raining rain, you know

0:34:170:34:23

# It's raining violets. #

0:34:230:34:26

# And you know you made me love you

0:34:260:34:32

# I didn't want to do it

0:34:320:34:35

# I didn't want to do it

0:34:350:34:37

# You made me want you

0:34:370:34:42

# And all the time you knew it

0:34:420:34:44

# Ah, I guess you always knew it

0:34:440:34:47

# You made me happy sometimes

0:34:470:34:52

# You made me glad

0:34:520:34:56

# But there were times, dear

0:34:560:35:00

# You made me feel so sad. #

0:35:000:35:02

# Ah, something's gotta happen to me

0:35:020:35:04

# Goodbye, Tootsie, goodbye

0:35:040:35:08

# Toot, toot, Tootsie, don't cry

0:35:080:35:11

# Watch for the mail

0:35:110:35:12

# I'll never fail

0:35:120:35:14

# If you don't get a letter then you'll know I'm in jail

0:35:140:35:17

# Oh-ho-ho, toot, toot, Tootsie, goodbye

0:35:170:35:21

# Toot, toot, Tootsie, don't cry. #

0:35:210:35:24

# And California, here I come That's it!

0:35:240:35:28

# Right back where I started from

0:35:280:35:31

# Where bowers of flowers bloom in the sun

0:35:310:35:35

# Each morning at dawning Birdies sing and everything

0:35:350:35:38

# A sun-kissed miss said, "Don't be late"

0:35:380:35:42

# That's why I can hardly wait

0:35:420:35:45

# Open up that Golden Gate

0:35:450:35:48

# California

0:35:480:35:51

# California

0:35:510:35:55

# California. #

0:35:550:35:59

# I'm feeling weary at heart

0:35:590:36:04

# Got to get back where I started from

0:36:040:36:10

# To see my mammy

0:36:130:36:18

# My little mammy

0:36:190:36:23

# The sun shines east

0:36:240:36:27

# The sun shines west

0:36:270:36:29

# But I know where the sun shines best

0:36:300:36:35

# Mammy

0:36:350:36:39

# My little mammy

0:36:390:36:45

# My heartstrings are tangled around

0:36:450:36:49

# Alabammy

0:36:490:36:55

# I'm comin'

0:36:550:36:59

# Sorry if I've made you wait

0:37:000:37:05

# I'm comin'

0:37:050:37:09

# And I'm hopin' that I'm not too late

0:37:090:37:13

# To see my mammy

0:37:130:37:19

# My little mammy

0:37:190:37:24

# I'd walk a million miles

0:37:240:37:27

# For one of your smiles

0:37:270:37:30

# My mammy. #

0:37:300:37:36

# Rock-a-bye your rock-a-bye baby

0:37:360:37:41

# With a Dixie

0:37:410:37:46

# Melody. #

0:37:460:37:57

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:37:590:38:01

Outrageously epicene exploitation

0:38:190:38:24

of idiosyncratic egocentricity!

0:38:240:38:27

AUDIENCE GASPS Who?

0:38:270:38:30

Who but Mr Larry Grayson?!

0:38:300:38:35

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:38:350:38:37

How are you? All right?

0:38:460:38:47

Oh, the agony I'm going through!

0:38:530:38:55

LAUGHTER

0:38:550:38:57

If I could only lie down for a minute. How are you?

0:38:570:39:00

Are you all right? From Bridlington?

0:39:000:39:03

Hull? Hull? I thought so. You always get the common lot on this side.

0:39:030:39:08

LAUGHTER

0:39:080:39:10

Do you know, honestly, I was just saying to the, er...

0:39:100:39:12

I hate this band. I was just saying...

0:39:120:39:15

The drummer's anybody's for a doughnut. I can tell you this...

0:39:150:39:19

LAUGHTER

0:39:190:39:20

Eh?

0:39:200:39:21

What a gay day! I tell you...

0:39:220:39:25

I've got the worms. I tell you this...

0:39:250:39:27

LAUGHTER

0:39:270:39:29

I have just been...

0:39:290:39:31

Oh, hello!

0:39:310:39:32

-I have just been...

-LAUGHTER

0:39:340:39:37

I've just been... Listen, you'll laugh at this, you will.

0:39:390:39:42

-MAN HECKLES

-You will!

0:39:420:39:44

-I've got to!

-LARRY LAUGHS

0:39:440:39:45

Seems like a nice man. Listen, listen...

0:39:450:39:48

But I tell you this, I can tell you,

0:39:510:39:53

I'm very lucky to be sitting here tonight.

0:39:530:39:55

I'm very lucky because, ooh, I've been in agony.

0:39:550:39:58

I mean, you know, the weather. I mean the damp.

0:39:580:40:00

It took me five minutes to get out of bed this morning.

0:40:000:40:02

And to think I used to get out of the hammock in two seconds.

0:40:020:40:06

It's the truth. Mind you, today...

0:40:060:40:09

I'm a bit brighter tonight, but what was I like this morning, Leonard?

0:40:090:40:12

I was as limp as a vicar's handshake. I was like this...

0:40:120:40:15

LAUGHTER

0:40:150:40:16

But, you see, recently... No, listen!

0:40:160:40:19

My hair wants washing. No, recently...

0:40:200:40:23

I had the kiss of life. Well, now, what happened...

0:40:230:40:26

Don't be so lucky, you!

0:40:260:40:28

LAUGHTER

0:40:280:40:30

Look, I was sitting at home the other morning,

0:40:300:40:33

and Everard came round to see me,

0:40:330:40:36

with his friend, Michael Bonaventure.

0:40:360:40:38

He came in, he said, "Are you prepared?"

0:40:380:40:41

I said, "What for?" He said... He said, "Tonight."

0:40:410:40:45

He said, "It's the grand dance,"

0:40:450:40:46

he said, "tonight at the Corn Exchange.

0:40:460:40:49

"And they want you to take part in the tableau in the cabaret."

0:40:490:40:52

I said, "Everard," I said, "I haven't taken part in the tableau

0:40:520:40:55

"for a long time, you see, with, you know, me trouble."

0:40:550:41:00

But he said, "It's the Christmas dance, you must be there!"

0:41:000:41:04

So I said, well, I thought, you've got to give a little.

0:41:040:41:07

I thought, you know, put your troubles behind you.

0:41:070:41:10

You have, haven't you? Love that dress. So...

0:41:100:41:13

He said... Oh, it's got Hull all over it. But anyway...

0:41:130:41:16

LAUGHTER

0:41:160:41:18

Have you come on a trawler? Anyway...

0:41:180:41:21

So, listen...

0:41:210:41:23

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:41:230:41:25

So, listen, no, listen.

0:41:290:41:30

So, you see, they wanted me to get on the top with

0:41:300:41:33

a Union Jack and wave it, see?

0:41:330:41:36

Well, of course, I'm game for anything, as you know.

0:41:360:41:38

Well...

0:41:380:41:39

Don't tell 'em I'm six. Well...

0:41:410:41:44

Anyway, we got in the middle of the floor, you see, and it was

0:41:440:41:48

all lovely, and then I climbed up to the top to wave the banner.

0:41:480:41:52

Well, it was all very lovely,

0:41:530:41:55

and then I think someone must have coughed.

0:41:550:41:58

LAUGHTER

0:41:580:42:00

Cos the next thing I remember...

0:42:040:42:06

..I was under the lot of them.

0:42:080:42:10

I felt a hand in me pocket,

0:42:100:42:11

I thought somebody was after me loose change, and I was...

0:42:110:42:15

And I lost me dickie, but I was...

0:42:150:42:17

And I haven't really been right since.

0:42:190:42:21

You know, I haven't been right at all. And I went...

0:42:210:42:24

-AUDIENCE: Aww...!

-No, don't, please, no, you mustn't.

0:42:240:42:27

Oh, you're a policeman over there!

0:42:270:42:28

Did you know Crippen? Well, I tell you what...

0:42:280:42:31

LAUGHTER

0:42:310:42:33

I was going to do a little song here

0:42:330:42:35

entitled Come Back To Sorrento And We'll Go Straight On To Bradford,

0:42:350:42:38

but what I'm going to do...

0:42:380:42:40

It's a love song, this, it's a love...

0:42:400:42:43

The heat from that candle!

0:42:430:42:44

I'm going to... Love your hat.

0:42:440:42:46

Is it a dove, or...?

0:42:480:42:49

Is it? A bird of paradise? Lovely. Is that your husband?

0:42:500:42:54

Soon to be.

0:42:540:42:55

Oh, how lovely, oh, soon to be! Lovely, in the new year?

0:42:550:43:00

In April, oh, how lovely.

0:43:000:43:02

I could almost cry.

0:43:030:43:04

LAUGHTER

0:43:040:43:06

Did you know Mary Pickford very well?

0:43:090:43:11

LAUGHTER

0:43:110:43:13

# Lovers, sitting, looking shy

0:43:130:43:19

# As lovers sometimes will

0:43:190:43:24

# Waiting for that hour of bliss

0:43:250:43:31

# When all the house was still

0:43:310:43:35

# Then her mama went out

0:43:370:43:41

# Dee-da, dee-da, dee-da, dee-dee

0:43:410:43:45

# Then her papa went out

0:43:450:43:49

# Dee-da, dee-da, dee-da, dee-dee

0:43:490:43:53

# There they were on their own

0:43:530:43:56

# The two of them all alone

0:43:560:43:59

# Waiting to be, longing to be

0:43:590:44:03

# Hoping to be alone

0:44:030:44:07

# Nobody else about

0:44:070:44:10

# Dee-da, dee-da, dee-da, dee-dee

0:44:100:44:14

# Then his cigar went out

0:44:140:44:18

# Dee-da, dee-da, dee-da, dee-dee

0:44:180:44:22

# Even the fire went out

0:44:220:44:26

# But when the lights went out

0:44:260:44:29

# La-da-da

0:44:310:44:34

# Dee-da, dee-da

0:44:340:44:36

# Dee-da, da-dee. #

0:44:360:44:41

OK, what we'll do, Bernard,

0:44:410:44:42

as it's the last time we shall have a chance to sing Dee-Da, Dee-Da

0:44:420:44:46

in 1977 before we go into 1978,

0:44:460:44:47

I think we ought to do it just once more.

0:44:470:44:50

Would you like to do it once more again?

0:44:500:44:52

-Do you think so, Leonard?

-Oh, I'm sure.

0:44:520:44:54

Would you like to do it up there? Would you like to do it? You would?

0:44:540:44:58

Well, we're going to do it anyway, so please yourselves!

0:45:000:45:03

# Then her mama went out

0:45:060:45:10

AUDIENCE: # Dee-da, dee-da, dee-da, dee-dee

0:45:100:45:14

# Then her papa, he went out

0:45:140:45:17

# Dee-da, dee-da, dee-da, dee-dee

0:45:170:45:22

# There they were on their own

0:45:220:45:25

# The two of 'em all alone

0:45:250:45:28

# They were waiting to be, hoping to be

0:45:280:45:32

# Longing to be alone

0:45:320:45:36

# Nobody else about

0:45:360:45:39

# Dee-da, dee-da, dee-da, dee-dee

0:45:390:45:43

# Then his cigar went out

0:45:430:45:46

# Dee-da, dee-da, dee-da, dee-dee

0:45:460:45:51

# Even the fire went out

0:45:510:45:54

# But when the lights went out... #

0:45:550:45:59

Breath.

0:45:590:46:00

# Dee-da, dee-da

0:46:020:46:05

# Dee-da, dee-da

0:46:050:46:07

# Dee-da, da-dee! #

0:46:070:46:13

-APPLAUSE

-# Even the fire went out

0:46:130:46:16

# But when the lights went out

0:46:160:46:20

# Dee-da, dee-da

0:46:200:46:23

# Dee-da, dee-da

0:46:230:46:26

# Dee-da, da-dee! #

0:46:260:46:31

APPLAUSE

0:46:320:46:34

To usher in the new year,

0:46:430:46:45

the Players Theatre, the entire company,

0:46:450:46:48

Mr Bernard Herrmann, the entire and incomparable orchestra...!

0:46:480:46:53

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:46:530:46:56

But this time, chiefly, yourselves!

0:46:560:47:02

# Beer, beer, glorious beer

0:47:080:47:11

# Fill yourselves right up to here

0:47:110:47:14

# Drink a good deal of it Make a good meal of it

0:47:140:47:17

# Stick to your old-fashioned beer

0:47:170:47:21

# Don't be afraid of it Drink till you're made of it

0:47:210:47:24

# Now, all together, a cheer Hooray!

0:47:240:47:27

# Up with the sale of it Down with a pail of it

0:47:270:47:31

# Glorious, glorious beer

0:47:310:47:34

# Bella is the barmaid, ah-ha-ha

0:47:340:47:38

# Bella is the barmaid at the Rising Star... #

0:47:380:47:41

'Ere! Before I pull another pint, you gentlemen haven't paid!

0:47:410:47:45

# Oh, Bella is the bar-bar-bar-barmaid

0:47:450:47:49

# Bella is the barmaid, ah-ha-ha

0:47:490:47:53

# Bella is the barmaid at the Rising Star... #

0:47:530:47:56

Now all fill up your glasses but remember what I say!

0:47:560:48:00

# Bella is the bar-bar-bar-barmaid! #

0:48:000:48:04

MUSIC COVERS CHATTER

0:48:040:48:06

Come and give us a good song!

0:48:060:48:08

All right, if you say so, OK.

0:48:080:48:09

# I saw the old homestead and faces I love

0:48:130:48:19

# I saw England's valleys and dells And dells

0:48:190:48:25

# And I listened with joy As I did when a boy

0:48:250:48:30

# To the sound of the old village bells

0:48:300:48:36

# The log was burning brightly

0:48:360:48:41

# 'Twas a light that would banish all sin

0:48:410:48:46

# For the bells were ringing the old year out

0:48:460:48:51

# And the new year in

0:48:510:48:57

# The log was burning brightly

0:48:570:49:02

# 'Twas a night that would banish all sin

0:49:020:49:07

# For the bells were ringing the old year out

0:49:070:49:12

# And the new year in! #

0:49:120:49:19

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:49:190:49:21

ONSTAGE LAUGHTER AND CHATTER

0:49:240:49:26

# Matilda Buggins is the name

0:49:320:49:35

# Of the girl I did admire

0:49:350:49:37

# When first I set my eyes on her

0:49:370:49:39

# She set my heart on fire

0:49:390:49:42

# I used to go and see her

0:49:420:49:44

# Every evening for a spoon

0:49:440:49:46

# And spend my wages on her On a Saturday afternoon

0:49:460:49:50

# But, oh, alas, alack a day

0:49:530:49:55

# It was an evil hour

0:49:550:49:57

# I took her to the music hall

0:49:570:49:59

# To get away from the shower

0:49:590:50:02

# She never looked at the stage at all

0:50:020:50:04

# To me it seemed so rum

0:50:040:50:06

# She never took her eyes away

0:50:060:50:09

# From the fella what played the drum

0:50:090:50:13

# She wouldn't go into the balcony

0:50:130:50:16

# Or into the circle stall

0:50:160:50:18

# She wouldn't go into the gallery

0:50:180:50:20

# For fear that she would fall

0:50:200:50:22

# She wouldn't go into the boxes

0:50:220:50:24

# It made her feel so glum

0:50:240:50:25

# She wanted to sit in the front of the pit

0:50:250:50:27

# With the fella who played the drum!

0:50:270:50:29

# But soon she learned the dreadful news

0:50:310:50:33

# That he had got a wife

0:50:330:50:34

# It near...!

0:50:340:50:36

# It nearly knocked the stuffing Out of poor Matilda's life

0:50:370:50:42

# She tried her tricks on me again

0:50:430:50:46

# No sympathy I had

0:50:460:50:47

# And the latest news concerning her

0:50:470:50:50

# Is that she is going mad! #

0:50:500:50:52

MATILDA AND THE CAST SHRIEK

0:50:520:50:54

# Well, the Army of Salvation

0:50:560:50:58

# She has joined to ease her mind

0:50:580:51:00

# And with her tambourine in hand

0:51:000:51:02

# Matilda you can find

0:51:020:51:05

-# She shouts out...

-Hallelujah!

0:51:050:51:07

# There's a glorious time to come

0:51:070:51:10

# So come and join the mighty throng

0:51:100:51:12

# And my fella who plays the drum!

0:51:120:51:15

HE THUMPS THE DRUM

0:51:150:51:18

# I wouldn't go into the balcony

0:51:190:51:21

# I wouldn't go into the stall

0:51:210:51:23

# I wouldn't go into the gallery

0:51:230:51:25

# For fear that I should fall

0:51:250:51:27

# I wouldn't go into the boxes

0:51:270:51:29

# They made me feel so glum

0:51:290:51:30

# I wanted to sit in the front of the pit

0:51:300:51:32

# With my fella who plays the drum

0:51:320:51:34

# She wouldn't go into the balcony

0:51:340:51:36

# Or into the central stall

0:51:360:51:38

# She wouldn't go into the gallery

0:51:380:51:40

# For fear that she should fall

0:51:400:51:42

# She wouldn't go into the boxes

0:51:420:51:44

# They made her feel so glum

0:51:440:51:45

# She wanted to sit in the front of the pit

0:51:450:51:47

# With the fella who plays the drum

0:51:470:51:49

# She wanted to sit

0:51:490:51:51

# In the front of the pit

0:51:510:51:53

# With the fella who plays the drum! #

0:51:530:51:59

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:51:590:52:01

Ooh, that's a nifty titfer you've got there!

0:52:100:52:13

Where did that come from?

0:52:130:52:14

I'm very glad you asked me that.

0:52:140:52:16

# Now, how I came to get this hat Is very strange and funny

0:52:160:52:21

# Grandfather died and left to me His property and money

0:52:210:52:25

# And when the will it was read out They told me straight and flat

0:52:250:52:29

# If I would have his money I must always wear his hat

0:52:290:52:33

# And now everywhere I go

0:52:330:52:36

# People shout out...

0:52:360:52:37

# Where did you get that hat?

0:52:370:52:39

# Where did you get that tile?

0:52:390:52:41

# Oh, isn't it a nobby one

0:52:410:52:42

# And just the proper style?

0:52:420:52:44

# I should like to have one

0:52:440:52:46

# Just the same as that

0:52:460:52:47

# Where e'er I go, they shout hello Where did you get that hat? #

0:52:470:52:51

You know, everywhere I go people laugh at me and my hat!

0:52:520:52:56

Yeah, they do. I don't know why.

0:52:560:52:57

It's a beautiful hat and that, a beautiful piece of material.

0:52:570:53:00

Feel that, Norman, feel it.

0:53:000:53:02

It's felt.

0:53:020:53:03

# Grandfather served with Nelson Upon the briny sea

0:53:050:53:09

# And braced upon the quarterdeck There were none so brave as he

0:53:090:53:13

# When Nelson got his fatal wound And on the deck did swoon

0:53:130:53:18

# Instead of kissing Hardy He began to croon this tune!

0:53:180:53:22

# Where did you get that hat?

0:53:220:53:24

# Where did you get that tile?

0:53:240:53:25

# Oh, isn't it a nobby one

0:53:250:53:27

# And just the proper style?

0:53:270:53:29

# I should like to have one

0:53:290:53:31

# Just the same as that

0:53:310:53:32

# Where e'er I go, they shout hello Where did you get that hat?

0:53:320:53:36

# La-di-da... #

0:53:360:53:37

ONSTAGE CHATTERING

0:53:370:53:39

Now, following in Father's footsteps,

0:53:420:53:45

I got married just last week.

0:53:450:53:47

# And naturally I wore this hat

0:53:470:53:50

# Tradition so to keep

0:53:500:53:52

# But halfway through the service

0:53:520:53:54

# When I came to say, "I do"

0:53:540:53:56

# The vicar said, "But first There is one thing I'll ask of you"

0:53:560:54:00

# Where did you get that hat?

0:54:000:54:02

# Where did you get that tile?

0:54:020:54:04

# Oh, isn't it a nobby one

0:54:040:54:06

# And just the proper style?

0:54:060:54:07

# I should like to have one

0:54:070:54:09

# Just the same as that

0:54:090:54:11

# Where e'er I go they shout hello

0:54:110:54:13

# Where did you get that hat?

0:54:130:54:14

# Oh, where did you get that hat?

0:54:140:54:16

# Where did you get that tile?

0:54:160:54:18

# Oh, isn't it a nobby one

0:54:180:54:19

# And just the proper style?

0:54:190:54:21

# I should like to have one

0:54:210:54:23

# Just the same as that

0:54:230:54:24

# Where e'er I go they shout hello

0:54:240:54:26

# Where did you get that hat? #

0:54:260:54:31

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:54:320:54:34

# Rum-tiddley-um-tum-tay

0:54:370:54:38

# Out for the day today

0:54:380:54:40

# Nobody cares what people think or say

0:54:400:54:43

# Our little lot's OK

0:54:430:54:45

# In our little tin-pot way

0:54:450:54:47

# Rum-tiddley-um-tum Tee-i-ee-i-ay

0:54:470:54:50

# The ladies, of us three

0:54:500:54:51

# Ooh, that's including me!

0:54:510:54:53

# We've just had a beano

0:54:530:54:55

# A grand one, well, you know!

0:54:550:54:56

# We've enjoyed it too

0:54:560:54:58

# Just as much as you

0:54:580:55:00

# What a celebration

0:55:000:55:01

# Throughout all the nation

0:55:010:55:03

# Started off a treat

0:55:030:55:05

# Crowds were in the street

0:55:050:55:06

# People stand and whisper when we're on our beat

0:55:060:55:09

# What a time we had

0:55:090:55:11

# There ain't time for sad

0:55:110:55:13

# You will hear the bells a-ringing

0:55:130:55:16

# Specially when they all start singing

0:55:160:55:20

# Rum-tiddley-um-tum-tay

0:55:200:55:22

# Out for the day today

0:55:220:55:24

# Nobody cares what people think or say

0:55:240:55:27

# Our little lot's OK

0:55:270:55:29

# In our little tin-pot way

0:55:290:55:30

# Rum-tiddly-um-tum Tee-i-ee-i-ay

0:55:300:55:33

# Wahey!

0:55:330:55:34

# Rum-tiddley-um-tum-tay

0:55:340:55:35

# Our for the day today

0:55:350:55:37

# Nobody cares what people think or say

0:55:370:55:40

# Our little lot's OK

0:55:400:55:42

# In our little tin-pot way

0:55:420:55:43

# Rum-tiddley-um-tum Tee-i-ee-i

0:55:430:55:45

# Rum-tiddley-um-tum Tee-i-ee-i

0:55:450:55:47

# Rum-tiddley-um-tum Tee-i-ee-i-ay

0:55:470:55:49

# Hooray! #

0:55:490:55:50

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:55:500:55:52

# Land of hope and glory... #

0:56:020:56:07

We don't sing that one, not on New Year's Eve!

0:56:070:56:10

You leave him alone. Go on, have a go, mate!

0:56:100:56:13

Yeah, go on, it's lovely!

0:56:130:56:15

# Who are born of thee

0:56:170:56:23

# Wider still and wider

0:56:230:56:28

# Shall thy bounds be set

0:56:280:56:34

# God, who made thee mighty

0:56:340:56:39

# Make thee mightier yet

0:56:390:56:45

# God, who made thee mighty

0:56:450:56:50

# Make thee mightier yet

0:56:500:56:56

# Land of hope and glory

0:56:560:57:02

# Mother of the free

0:57:020:57:07

# How shall we extol thee

0:57:070:57:12

# Who are born of thee?

0:57:120:57:18

# Wider still and wider

0:57:180:57:23

# Shall thy bounds be set

0:57:230:57:29

# God, who made thee mighty

0:57:290:57:34

# Make thee mightier yet

0:57:340:57:41

# God, who made thee mighty

0:57:410:57:48

# Make thee mightier

0:57:480:57:55

# Yet. #

0:57:550:58:01

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:58:060:58:08

# Should auld acquaintance be forgot

0:58:080:58:13

# And never brought to mind?

0:58:130:58:18

# Should auld acquaintance be forgot

0:58:180:58:23

# For the sake of auld lang syne?

0:58:230:58:28

# For auld lang syne, my dear

0:58:280:58:33

# For auld lang syne

0:58:330:58:38

# We'll take a cup of kindness yet

0:58:380:58:43

# For the sake of auld lang syne

0:58:430:58:49

# For auld lang syne, my dear

0:58:490:58:54

# For auld lang syne

0:58:540:58:59

# We'll take a cup of kindness yet

0:58:590:59:05

# For the sake of auld lang syne. #

0:59:050:59:13

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:59:130:59:16

Leonard Sachs presents the old-time music hall programme, first broadcast on 31 December 1977. With Larry Grayson, Vince Hill, Billy Dainty and members of the Players' Theatre, London.