31/12/1978 The Good Old Days


31/12/1978

Leonard Sachs chairs the old-time music hall programme. Guests include Roy Castle, Dolores Gray, Robert White, Eira Heath, Russ Stevens, Parkano & Christina, and Michel Arene.


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Transcript


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FANFARE

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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CHEERING

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Once again, good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

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-AUDIENCE:

-Good evening!

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-Phantasmagorically...

-Ooh!

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..felicitous, our festival... Pardon me.

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..our festival,

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festival frivolities effloresce in a pantomime plethora,

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multipotent from The Players Theatre!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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# Oh, we'll all have a jolly good time

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# With the dame in the pantomime

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# For she is the one who will start off the fun

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# And the hero is always our favourite son

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-# Robin Hood

-Aladdin

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-# Prince Charming

-And Jack

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# Tell their stories in song and in rhyme

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# It's the time of the year when the children all cheer

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# For the dame in the pantomime

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# For the dame in the pantomime

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# Let's have a song about the boys

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# About the boys, about the boys

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# Beanstalk Jack

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# And Prince Charming

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# Aladdin and his lantern

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# Dashing Robin Hood

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# Yes! Let's have a song about the boys

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# About the boys

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# Oh, aren't they joys?

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# Altogether let's make the rafters ring

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# And let's have a song about the boys. #

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Woo!

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Jack And The Beanstalk!

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Aladdin!

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APPLAUSE

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Robin Hood!

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APPLAUSE

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Prince Charming!

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APPLAUSE

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# Let's have a song about the boys

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# About the boys

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# Oh, aren't they joys?

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# Altogether let's make the rafters ring

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# As we all join in and sing

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# Yes, we have no bananas

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# We have no bananas today

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# We've string beans and onions, carrots and scallions

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# And all kinds of fruit, and say

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# We have an old-fashioned tomato

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# A nice, juicy potato

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# But, yes, we have no bananas

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# We have no bananas today

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# There ain't no sense sitting on the fence

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# All by yourself in the moonlight

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# There ain't no thriller by the watermill

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# All by yourself in the moonlight

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# There ain't no fun sitting beneath the trees

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# Giving yourself a hug and giving yourself a squeeze

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# Life's a farce sitting on the grass

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# All by yourself in the moonlight... #

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DAMES GIGGLE

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# Horsey, keep your tail up

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# Keep your tail up Keep your tail up

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# Oh, horsey, keep your tail up

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# Why don't you make it rise?

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# All the horses in the fair keep their tails up in the air

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# So, horsey, keep your tail up

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# Keep the sun out of my eyes

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# Keep the sun out of my eyes

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# Give yourself a pat on the back, pat on the back, pat on the back

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# And say to yourselves You've still got your health

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# Have a good day today

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# Yesterday was full of troubles and sorrow

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# But nobody knows what's going to happen tomorrow

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# So, give yourself a pat on the back

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# Pat on the back, pat on the back

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# And say to yourself you've still got your health

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# Have a good day today

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# Have a good day, have a good day

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# Have a good Have a good day today. #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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-Ineffably ineluctable...

-Ooh!

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..that numinous nenuphar of nubility,

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ever adorable, Miss Eira Heath.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:05:190:05:22

# Joshua courted Miss May

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# To be correct, I should say

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# She courted him for he was so shy

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# Dare not say boo although no-one knew why

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# They walked out for months and for months

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# But he never asked her to wed

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# They'd sit hand-in-hand where soft shadows fall

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# He'd sit there for hours and say nothing at all

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# So one night May blushingly said

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# Joshua, Joshua

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# Why don't you call and see Mama?

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# She'll be pleased to know

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# You are my best beau

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# Joshua, Joshua

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# Nicer than lemon squash you are

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# Yes, by gosh you are

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# Joshua, you are. #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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# In the gloaming

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# Oh, my darling

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# When the lights are dim and low

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# And the quiet shadows, falling

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# Softly come and softly go

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# When the winds are sobbing faintly

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# With a gentle, unknown woe

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# Will you think of me and love me

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# As you did once, long ago?

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# In the gloaming

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# Oh, my darling

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# Think not bitterly of me

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# Though I passed away in silence

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# Left you lonely, set you free

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# For my heart was crushed with longing

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# What had been could never be

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# It was best to leave you thus, dear

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# Best for you, and best for me

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# It was best to leave you thus

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# Best for you

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# And best for me. #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Germany contributes to our cosmopolitan charivari...

0:10:030:10:08

Ooh.

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..mishmash.

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The diverting dynamism of devious diaboloese

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Perkano and Christina!

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BANG PLAYS UPBEAT SWING MUSIC

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BAND PLAYS SING SING SING (WITH A SWING)

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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LOUD BANG

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APPLAUSE

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All the way from the United States of America,

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magniloquent in miraculously mellifluous masculinity...

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Ooh!

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..Mr Robert White!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:14:190:14:22

# Sylvia's hair is like the night

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# Touched with glancing starry beams

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# Such a face as drifts through dreams

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# This is Sylvia to the sight

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# And the touch of Sylvia's hand

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# Is as light as milkweed down

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# When the meads are golden brown

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# And the autumn fills the land

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# Sylvia, just the echoing

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# Of her voice brings back to me

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# From the depths of memory

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# All the loveliness of spring

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# Sylvia!

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# Sylvia!

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# Such a face as drifts through dreams

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# This is Sylvia to the sight. #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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# Oh, Danny Boy

0:16:570:17:02

# The pipes, the pipes are calling

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# From glen to glen

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# And down the mountain side

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# The summer's gone

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# And all the roses falling

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# Tis you, tis you, must go

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# And I must bide

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# But come ye back when summer's in the meadow

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# Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow

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# I'll be here

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# In sunshine or in shadow

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# Oh, Danny Boy

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# Oh, Danny Boy

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# I love you so

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# If when you come

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# And all the flowers are dying

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# If I am dead

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# As dead I well may be

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# You'll come and find the place where I am lying

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# And kneel and say an "Ave" for me

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# And I shall hear though soft you tread above me

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# And all my grave will warm and sweeter be

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# For you will bend

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# And tell me that you love me

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# And I shall sleep in peace

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# Until you come to me. #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE AND MUSIC

0:20:390:20:43

Juvenility...

0:20:580:21:00

And nonpareil necromancy...

0:21:000:21:03

WHOOPING

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Magic.

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Our youngest ever magician,

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Mr Russ Stevens!

0:21:080:21:11

INTRODUCTION MUSIC AND APPLAUSE

0:21:110:21:13

CYMBALS CLASH

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GENTLE APPLAUSE

0:21:270:21:29

CYMBALS CLASH

0:21:470:21:49

APPLAUSE

0:21:510:21:54

DRUMROLL

0:22:000:22:02

CYMBALS

0:22:020:22:04

APPLAUSE

0:22:040:22:06

DRUMROLL

0:22:220:22:24

APPLAUSE

0:22:310:22:33

GENTLE APPLAUSE

0:23:070:23:08

DRUMROLL AND CYMBALS

0:23:130:23:15

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:23:150:23:17

DRUMROLL

0:23:450:23:48

CYMBALS AND APPLAUSE

0:23:480:23:50

APPLAUSE CONTINUES

0:23:560:23:59

MUSIC STOPS AND DRUMROLL

0:24:430:24:45

MAGICIAN CRIES OUT

0:24:470:24:48

APPLAUSE AND MUSIC

0:24:510:24:55

MUSIC STOPS AND DRUMROLL

0:25:140:25:16

Ha!

0:25:180:25:19

APPLAUSE

0:25:210:25:22

MUSIC RESUMES

0:25:240:25:26

MUSIC STOPS AND DRUMROLL

0:25:340:25:35

Ha!

0:25:370:25:38

APPLAUSE AND MUSIC RESUMES

0:25:380:25:41

Vital, vibrant, velutinous...

0:25:530:25:57

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:25:570:25:59

Velvety.

0:25:590:26:01

Voluptuous, glorious, gorgeous!

0:26:020:26:06

Miss Dolores Gray!

0:26:060:26:10

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:26:100:26:12

# I've been away

0:26:200:26:22

# For such a long time

0:26:220:26:26

# I never thought I'd miss you so...

0:26:260:26:30

# Somehow I feel

0:26:320:26:35

# Your love is real

0:26:350:26:39

# To Dixie

0:26:390:26:42

# I long to go...

0:26:420:26:45

# I'm Alabamy bound

0:26:450:26:51

# Just see those Pullman porters hanging round

0:26:520:26:58

# Just gave the meanest ticket man on earth

0:26:580:27:02

# All I'm worth

0:27:020:27:05

# To put my tootsies in an upper berth

0:27:050:27:09

# Just hear that choo-choo sound

0:27:090:27:12

# And soon I know we're gonna cover ground

0:27:130:27:17

# And the world will know

0:27:200:27:23

# Here I go

0:27:230:27:25

# I'm Alabamy bound. #

0:27:260:27:30

# Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina

0:27:300:27:34

# In the morning

0:27:340:27:38

# Nothing could be sweeter when my sweetie

0:27:390:27:42

# When I meet him

0:27:420:27:44

# In the morning...

0:27:440:27:48

# When the morning glories

0:27:480:27:52

# Twine around the door

0:27:520:27:57

# Telling me pretty stories

0:27:570:28:01

# I long to hear once more

0:28:010:28:06

# Strolling with your girlie

0:28:060:28:08

# When the dew is pearly early in the morning

0:28:080:28:13

# Butterflies will flutter up

0:28:150:28:17

# And kiss each little buttercup

0:28:170:28:19

# At dawning...

0:28:190:28:24

# If I had Aladdin's lamp for only a day

0:28:240:28:28

# I'd make a wish and here's what I'd say...

0:28:280:28:33

# Nothing could be finer

0:28:330:28:37

# Than to be in Carolina... #

0:28:370:28:42

# Carolina Moon

0:28:440:28:48

# Keep shining...

0:28:480:28:52

# Shining on the one

0:28:520:28:56

# Who waits for me

0:28:560:29:00

# Carolina Moon

0:29:000:29:04

# I'm pining...

0:29:040:29:09

# Pining for the place

0:29:090:29:12

# I long to be

0:29:120:29:15

# How I'm hoping tonight

0:29:150:29:18

# You'll go

0:29:180:29:20

# Go to the right window

0:29:200:29:24

# Scatter your light

0:29:240:29:26

# Say I'm all right

0:29:260:29:28

# Please do...

0:29:280:29:32

# Tell him that I'm blue

0:29:320:29:36

# And lonely...

0:29:360:29:41

# Dreamy Carolina...

0:29:410:29:47

# Moon. #

0:29:470:29:49

I'm going to sing for you now something

0:29:520:29:55

that I learned from my grandmother,

0:29:550:29:58

when I was a very small girl.

0:29:580:30:00

She was from the South.

0:30:000:30:03

And this little lullaby was something she learned

0:30:030:30:06

in her home in Louisville, Kentucky.

0:30:060:30:08

# Lindy...

0:30:100:30:12

# Did you hear the mockingbird

0:30:120:30:15

# Sing last night?

0:30:150:30:18

# Lindy, he was singin' sweet

0:30:190:30:23

# In the pale moonlight

0:30:230:30:27

# 'Neath the old magnolia tree

0:30:290:30:33

# Burstin' his heart

0:30:330:30:35

# With melody

0:30:350:30:38

# Honey, he was singin'

0:30:380:30:42

# Of you...

0:30:420:30:44

# My Lindy Lou

0:30:440:30:47

# Lindy Lou

0:30:470:30:49

# Lord, I'd lay right down and die

0:30:490:30:55

# If I could be

0:30:570:30:59

# That sweet wind

0:30:590:31:02

# Kissing you...

0:31:020:31:05

# My little Lindy

0:31:050:31:10

# Lou... #

0:31:100:31:12

# Rock-a-bye

0:31:200:31:23

# Your baby...

0:31:230:31:26

# With a Dixie...

0:31:260:31:30

# Melody

0:31:300:31:32

# When you croon

0:31:340:31:38

# Croon a tune

0:31:380:31:41

# From the heart

0:31:420:31:44

# Of Dixie

0:31:440:31:48

# Just hang that cradle

0:31:480:31:52

# Mammy mine

0:31:520:31:56

# Right on that Mason-Dixon line...

0:31:560:32:02

# And swing it from Virginia

0:32:020:32:09

# To Tennessee with all the love that's in ya

0:32:090:32:14

# Weep No More My Lady, sing that song again for me

0:32:140:32:22

# Soft and low, just as though you had me on your knee

0:32:240:32:32

# A million baby kisses I'll deliver

0:32:330:32:38

# If you will only play that Swanee River

0:32:380:32:43

# Rock-a-bye your rock-a-bye-baby with a Dixie melody... #

0:32:430:32:50

Everybody!

0:32:500:32:52

# Weep No More My Lady, sing that song again for me

0:32:520:33:00

# Soft and low, just as though you had me on your knee

0:33:010:33:09

# A million baby kisses I'll deliver

0:33:100:33:15

# If you will only sing that Swanee River

0:33:150:33:19

# Rock-a-bye your rock-a-bye-baby with a Dixie melody. #

0:33:190:33:36

Plenitudinously, unpredictable in a proliferation

0:34:110:34:18

of protean propensities,

0:34:180:34:22

the one and only Mr Roy Castle.

0:34:220:34:26

LAUGHTER

0:34:530:34:54

What a start, dummy!

0:34:570:34:58

# It's the biggest candle snuffer in the world... #

0:35:000:35:05

Thank you very much indeed, thank you.

0:35:060:35:09

I hope you've enjoyed it, thank you.

0:35:090:35:11

Something to tide me over the New Year, thank you very much.

0:35:110:35:14

Thank you, thank you very much, wonderful.

0:35:160:35:19

It's an Alpine horn, this, played in the Swiss Alps.

0:35:190:35:22

A good place to hear it from.

0:35:220:35:24

Right, you've got to be careful you don't get a blowback with this.

0:35:250:35:30

Anybody wearing large hats can pick them up at the back of the theatre

0:35:300:35:33

after the show.

0:35:330:35:34

OK, this is it, then.

0:35:360:35:37

Look at this, she's holding on to hers.

0:35:390:35:43

Would you like to draw the raffle?

0:35:430:35:44

HORN TOOTS

0:35:500:35:52

I'm the only person who can, this year,

0:35:540:35:57

start a tune going through this end and next year it will

0:35:570:36:01

start coming out that end.

0:36:010:36:03

In fact, I would like to play a duet.

0:36:130:36:15

This is a very large...

0:36:150:36:16

This is a very long instrument as you can see.

0:36:180:36:22

Few people know that Mr Bernard Herrmann,

0:36:220:36:25

our esteemed conductor here, is a fine musician.

0:36:250:36:28

He doesn't just waggle that stick around, you know.

0:36:280:36:30

He can in fact play one, can't you?

0:36:300:36:33

Look at that, look at that.

0:36:340:36:36

Anybody know what that is?

0:36:360:36:38

A whistle?

0:36:380:36:39

I wish you were a golf ball and this was a mashie.

0:36:400:36:44

He called it a whistle!

0:36:440:36:46

It's a piccolo.

0:36:460:36:49

-Shout it out.

-A piccolo.

-See.

0:36:490:36:51

You're not working him, are you?

0:36:510:36:53

Let's play a duet.

0:36:550:36:56

I think an Alpine horn and piccolo duet should be a record,

0:36:560:36:59

don't you think so?

0:36:590:37:01

OK, I'll have to come down here.

0:37:020:37:04

You don't mind me coming down here, do you?

0:37:050:37:08

I'm going to have to sit down here. You don't mind that, do you?

0:37:080:37:11

Are you all right?

0:37:110:37:12

I'll drive the theatre round.

0:37:180:37:20

BAR TOOTS

0:37:220:37:24

CHEERING

0:37:240:37:26

Come on, Bernard, we're going to have to

0:37:330:37:35

get this thing on the ground.

0:37:350:37:37

OK, here we go now. I'll start you off.

0:37:370:37:40

We're going to play The Long And The Short And The Tall.

0:37:400:37:43

MUSIC: Bless 'Em All by Robert Kewley

0:37:440:37:47

You've got your stick now.

0:38:240:38:25

What I would like to do is a dance challenge with you. OK.

0:38:250:38:28

Can you just remove that please?

0:38:280:38:31

That's it, I'm going to play this next.

0:38:310:38:34

OK, I'll start you off, and then it's up to you.

0:38:340:38:37

Whatever you play, I'll dance to. How about this? Here is the tempo.

0:38:370:38:40

# I could have danced all night

0:38:480:38:50

# I could have danced all night

0:38:500:38:52

# And still have begged for more

0:38:520:38:56

# I could have spread my wings

0:38:560:38:57

# And done a thousand things

0:38:570:39:00

# I've never done before

0:39:000:39:03

# I'll never know what made it so exciting

0:39:030:39:07

# But all at once my heart took flight

0:39:070:39:10

# I only know when she began to dance with me

0:39:110:39:15

# I could have danced, danced, danced

0:39:150:39:17

# Could have danced, danced, danced

0:39:170:39:19

# Could have danced, danced, danced all night. #

0:39:190:39:22

# Happy feet, I've got those happy feet

0:39:490:39:52

# Give them a low-down beat

0:39:520:39:54

# And they begin dancing

0:39:540:39:56

# I've got those ten little tapping toes

0:39:560:39:59

# When they hear a tune I can't control

0:39:590:40:02

# My dancing heels to save my soul

0:40:020:40:04

# Weary blues can't get into my shoes

0:40:040:40:07

# Because my shoes refuse to ever grow weary

0:40:070:40:11

# I'm cheerful with an earful of music sweet

0:40:110:40:15

# Cos I've got hap-hap-happy feet. #

0:40:150:40:17

Ole!

0:40:360:40:37

Hello, can I borrow this?

0:40:380:40:40

Ole! Ha! Ha!

0:40:410:40:43

-FRANK SPENCER VOICE:

-All right, let the bulls in.

0:40:450:40:48

Hey, toro!

0:40:580:41:00

-FALSETTO:

-# I should have danced all night

0:41:270:41:31

# I should have danced all night

0:41:310:41:35

-CROAKILY:

-# And never begged for more

0:41:350:41:42

# I should have spread my wings

0:41:420:41:44

# And done a thousand things

0:41:440:41:46

# I've never done before

0:41:460:41:49

# I'll never know what made it so exciting

0:41:490:41:53

# But all at once my heart took flight

0:41:530:41:57

# I only know when she began to dance with me

0:41:570:42:00

# I could have danced, danced, danced

0:42:000:42:03

# Could have danced, danced, danced

0:42:030:42:04

# Could have danced, danced, danced all night. #

0:42:040:42:10

Celebrating spectacularly with our own, our very own, Players' Theatre.

0:42:360:42:44

APPLAUSE

0:42:440:42:46

# Come with me, come to the ball, music and merriment call

0:42:520:43:00

# Golden and gay are the lamps above, every tune is a song of love

0:43:000:43:08

# All of you come to the ball

0:43:080:43:12

# There will be welcome for all

0:43:120:43:16

# Chance for a dance and romance

0:43:160:43:19

# At the ball, at the ball

0:43:190:43:24

# We'll have oysters and wine at 2am

0:43:240:43:28

# 2am, 2am

0:43:280:43:32

# Oysters and wine at 2am

0:43:320:43:36

# Oysters and wine at 2

0:43:360:43:40

# Oysters and wine at 2. #

0:43:400:43:45

# Champagne Charlie is my name

0:43:470:43:51

# Champagne drinking is my game

0:43:510:43:55

# Let's all have a glass of fizz, fizz, fizz

0:43:550:43:59

# I'll drink anything there is, is, is

0:43:590:44:03

# Champagne Charlie is my name

0:44:030:44:07

# Champagne drinking is my game

0:44:070:44:10

# Good for any game at night, boys

0:44:100:44:14

# Who'll come and join us on a spree?

0:44:140:44:17

# Clicquot, Clicquot

0:44:180:44:20

# That's the stuff to make you jolly

0:44:200:44:22

# Clicquot, Clicquot

0:44:220:44:24

# Soon we'll banish melancholy

0:44:240:44:25

# Clicquot, Clicquot

0:44:250:44:27

# Drinking other wine is folly

0:44:270:44:29

# Clicquot, Clicquot

0:44:290:44:31

# That's the drink for me. #

0:44:310:44:33

# Good wines if you can afford them

0:44:330:44:34

# Tra-la-la-la-la-la

0:44:340:44:36

# Soon do away with boredom

0:44:360:44:38

# Tra-la-la-la-la-la

0:44:380:44:40

# Champagne will make you glad some

0:44:400:44:41

# I know because I've had some

0:44:410:44:43

# A rosy glow inside you

0:44:430:44:45

# The conscience left behind you

0:44:450:44:47

# A toast, a toast

0:44:470:44:49

# Together, glasses raised

0:44:490:44:51

# Join with us in praising the one we love the most

0:44:510:44:54

# A toast, a toast, a toast. #

0:44:540:44:58

# Champagne is the wine that flows and sings

0:44:580:45:00

# King of wine and wine of kings

0:45:000:45:02

# Seek the drink that sparkle brings

0:45:020:45:04

# La-la-la-la, champagne... #

0:45:040:45:05

Direct from Paris, formidable, farouche, frenetique,

0:45:240:45:32

Monsieur Michel Arene and company.

0:45:320:45:36

# It was after all the most exquisite ball

0:50:120:50:15

# The music, the dancing, the hall was divine

0:50:150:50:19

# I could waltz day and night in a world of delight

0:50:190:50:23

# If partners were all like that last one of mine

0:50:230:50:27

# If partners were all like that last one of mine

0:50:270:50:31

# I could waltz day and night in a world of delight

0:50:310:50:35

# If partners were all like that last one of mine

0:50:350:50:39

# If partners were all like that last one of mine. #

0:50:390:50:45

# When you come to the end of a perfect day

0:50:520:50:59

# And you sit alone with your thoughts

0:50:590:51:07

# While the sun goes down with a flaming ray

0:51:070:51:14

# To think what the day has brought

0:51:140:51:21

# Do you think what the end of a perfect day

0:51:210:51:29

# Can mean to a tired heart

0:51:290:51:36

# While the chimes ring out with a carol gay

0:51:360:51:43

# And the dear friends have to part

0:51:430:51:52

# Well, this is the end of a perfect day

0:51:520:52:01

# Near the end of a journey, too

0:52:010:52:07

# But it leaves a thought that is big and strong

0:52:070:52:15

# With a wish that is kind and true

0:52:150:52:22

# For memory has painted this perfect day

0:52:220:52:30

# With colours that never fade

0:52:300:52:38

# And we find at the end of a perfect day

0:52:380:52:46

# The soul of a friend we've made. #

0:52:460:52:54

# Should old acquaintance be forgot

0:53:110:53:14

# And never brought to mind?

0:53:140:53:19

# Should old acquaintance be forgot

0:53:190:53:24

# For the sake of auld lang syne?

0:53:240:53:29

# For auld lang syne, my dear

0:53:290:53:33

# For auld lang syne

0:53:330:53:38

# We'll take a cup of kindness yet

0:53:380:53:43

# For the sake of auld lang syne

0:53:430:53:48

# For auld lang syne, my dear

0:53:480:53:53

# For auld lang syne

0:53:530:53:59

# We'll take a cup of kindness yet

0:53:590:54:04

# For the sake of auld lang syne. #

0:54:040:54:12

Leonard Sachs chairs the old-time music hall programme, originally broadcast 31 December 1978. Guests include Roy Castle, Dolores Gray, Robert White, Eira Heath, Russ Stevens, Parkano and Christina, Michel Arene and Four Lido Can Can Dancers.


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