09/07/1981 The Good Old Days


09/07/1981

Leonard Sachs presents the old-time music hall programme, featuring Bernard Cribbins, The King's Singers, Sheila Steafel, Rita Morris, Jenny Wren and Bertice Reading.


Similar Content

Browse content similar to 09/07/1981. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript


LineFromTo

-ALL:

-Twi-twi-twilight

0:00:060:00:09

# Out in the beautiful twilight

0:00:090:00:12

# They all go out for a walk, walk, walk

0:00:120:00:15

# A quiet spoon and a talk, talk, talk

0:00:150:00:19

# That's the time they long for

0:00:190:00:22

# Just before the night

0:00:220:00:26

# And many a grand little wedding is planned

0:00:260:00:28

# In the twi-twilight! #

0:00:280:00:34

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:00:370:00:39

ALL: # It's nice and warm

0:00:470:00:48

# I think that we shall have a lovely day

0:00:480:00:51

# Neigh, neigh, walk, walk, neigh

0:00:510:00:53

# 80 in the shade, they say

0:00:530:00:55

-GIRLS:

-# That's fancy!

0:00:550:00:56

# It almost looks as though The sun has really come to stay

0:00:560:00:59

# Oh, what very charming weather!

0:00:590:01:04

-BOYS:

-# It's nice and warm

0:01:040:01:05

# I think that we shall have a lovely day

0:01:050:01:07

-# We shall have a lovely day

-# Neigh, neigh, walk, walk, neigh

0:01:070:01:09

-# Neigh, neigh, walk, walk, neigh

-# 80 in the shade, they say

0:01:090:01:11

# Just fancy!

0:01:110:01:12

# It almost looks as though The sun has really come to stay

0:01:120:01:16

# Oh, what very charming weather! #

0:01:160:01:20

# So pack your fancy, pack your fancy

0:01:200:01:22

# Come and have a gamble

0:01:220:01:24

# But look at the prices once or twice

0:01:240:01:26

# Before you join the scramble

0:01:260:01:27

# Wait until your chicks are hatched Before you count them up

0:01:270:01:31

# There's many a slip between the tip

0:01:310:01:33

# And the horse that wins the cup

0:01:330:01:35

# There's many a slip between the tip

0:01:350:01:37

# And the horse that wins the cup. #

0:01:370:01:39

# So, horsey, keep your tail up, keep your tail up, keep your tail up

0:01:410:01:46

# So, horsey, keep your tail up Why don't you make it fly?

0:01:460:01:52

# Tell me how you get that way

0:01:520:01:54

# You mean yes but say, "Neigh, neigh"

0:01:540:01:57

# So, horsey, keep your tail up

0:01:570:01:59

# Keep the sun out of my eyes

0:01:590:02:01

# Keep the sun out of my eyes! #

0:02:010:02:05

# Oh, the horses are out See, there they go

0:02:050:02:10

# The horses are out See, there they go... #

0:02:100:02:14

THEY CHATTER EXCITEDLY

0:02:140:02:16

# Well, they're off, they're off The race begins

0:02:170:02:20

# And everyone grips the rail

0:02:200:02:21

# I hope the favourite wins

0:02:210:02:23

# The chestnut cannot fail!

0:02:230:02:25

# Faster, faster Oh, what a race

0:02:250:02:27

# Now number seven is through

0:02:270:02:28

# I think he will win if he keeps up the pace

0:02:280:02:30

# But look at the jockey in blue!

0:02:300:02:32

# He certainly knows how to ride

0:02:320:02:34

# But he took that corner wide

0:02:340:02:36

# Galloping, galloping, galloping, galloping

0:02:360:02:38

# Galloping on into the straight

0:02:380:02:39

# I can't see Dandy Dick

0:02:390:02:41

# Oh, there he is, he's number eight

0:02:410:02:43

# Galloping, galloping, nearly there

0:02:430:02:45

# The favourite is pulling away

0:02:450:02:47

# He's won by a length from Vanity Fair

0:02:470:02:49

# Hooray, hooray, hooray!

0:02:490:02:50

# He's won by a length from Vanity Fair

0:02:500:02:52

# Hooray, hooray, hooray! #

0:02:520:02:57

# I'll meet you at the bodega

0:02:570:03:01

# We'll spend the cash we've made

0:03:010:03:05

# I'll meet you at the bodega

0:03:050:03:08

# If it's only for a bottle of lemonade

0:03:080:03:12

# I'll meet you at the bodega

0:03:120:03:16

# My own, my heart's delight

0:03:160:03:19

# I'll meet you, treat you Lovingly I'll greet you

0:03:190:03:23

# At the bodega at nine o'clock tonight

0:03:230:03:27

# I'll meet you, treat you Lovingly I'll greet you

0:03:270:03:31

# At the bodega

0:03:310:03:32

# At the bodega!

0:03:320:03:34

# At nine o'clock tonight! #

0:03:340:03:40

CHEERING

0:03:400:03:42

BAND PLAYS FANFARE

0:03:460:03:50

CHEERING

0:03:500:03:52

CHEERING

0:03:580:04:00

Once again...

0:04:010:04:05

..good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

0:04:050:04:11

-AUDIENCE:

-Good evening!

0:04:110:04:14

-Heterogeneities...

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:04:140:04:18

..harmoniously homogenised...

0:04:180:04:21

I'm sorry.

0:04:210:04:22

..a herald harbinger of Highland hilarities...

0:04:240:04:28

Ooh!

0:04:280:04:30

..which, as you all know, means Scottish jokes.

0:04:300:04:32

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Hamish...McGillivray!

0:04:320:04:38

CHEERING

0:04:380:04:41

BAND PLAYS Stop Your Tickling, Jock

0:04:410:04:46

Do you want to hear me sing it again?

0:04:480:04:51

Good evening. And good evening to you, Mr Sachs.

0:04:510:04:55

And good evening to you!

0:04:550:04:57

Resplendent in that lovely chair. It's so commodious, isn't it?

0:04:570:05:00

Well, it's been a long day. At rehearsals today...

0:05:010:05:04

Rehearsals?! Ha!

0:05:040:05:06

..our producer, Mr Barney "Oh, Is It My Round?" Colehan, said...

0:05:060:05:10

A man of rare gifts. ..said, "What are you doing for us tonight,

0:05:120:05:17

"Waterman?" That's my pen name. He said, "What are you doing?

0:05:170:05:21

"What are you doing for us tonight?

0:05:210:05:22

"Are you showing us your little speciality?"

0:05:220:05:25

And I said, "No, I shall be in poetic mood, Mr Colehan,"

0:05:250:05:28

because today, ladies and gentlemen, is the 99th birthday

0:05:280:05:32

of the legendary but little-known Lowland poet Mungo Plinth.

0:05:320:05:37

He died when he was 32, but today would have been his 99th birthday.

0:05:370:05:42

He was in fact born in 1882.

0:05:420:05:46

Oh, I do like saying that. Would you like to join me in that?

0:05:460:05:48

-One, two, three... ALL, IN SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-1882!

0:05:480:05:51

Thank you for joining me in that number.

0:05:520:05:55

He was born in Auchtermuchty the same year that,

0:05:550:05:57

across the Channel, Dr Louis Pasteur was conducting his experiments

0:05:570:06:01

and discovering a cure for which there was no known disease.

0:06:010:06:04

And his... Nice to hear them again, isn't it?

0:06:040:06:08

His wife used to sit in a bath of milk to help Pasteur

0:06:100:06:14

with his experiments, and she used to shout...

0:06:140:06:17

..she used to shout, "Louis, do you want the milk up to my chest?"

0:06:180:06:21

And he used to say, "No, 'pasteurise'." Now...

0:06:210:06:23

But I digress. And that can be habit-forming.

0:06:250:06:27

APPLAUSE Oh! Thank you.

0:06:270:06:31

God bless you! I thought it was raining in. Anyway, I digress.

0:06:320:06:36

That can be habit-forming. Back to Mungo Plinth. You remember the plot.

0:06:360:06:38

He was born in Auchtermuchty, a well-known watering place.

0:06:380:06:43

YOU try saying it! Sorry, dear, I splashed you.

0:06:430:06:45

And his father was the local doctor, and Mungo used to help him.

0:06:450:06:49

He used to sit outside the surgery and make people sick.

0:06:490:06:51

And from a very early age, he had a poetic bent.

0:06:510:06:56

But...

0:06:570:06:59

..his father treated it,

0:06:590:07:00

and once again he was able to ride his bicycle.

0:07:000:07:04

He had a maiden aunt who lived in Pitlochry.

0:07:040:07:06

He used to call her Auntie Macassar,

0:07:060:07:08

because she was usually spread over the chaise longue.

0:07:080:07:11

And she was a bit of a lady, a bit of a...

0:07:110:07:15

Yeah, well, for the gentlemen. And he wrote this poem dedicated to her.

0:07:150:07:18

There was an old maid of Pitlochry

0:07:180:07:20

Whose morals were truly a mockery

0:07:200:07:23

For under the bed She'd a fella instead

0:07:230:07:25

Of the usual porcelain crockery.

0:07:250:07:27

APPLAUSE

0:07:270:07:29

Now, the surge in that poem... There's enough serge to make a suit.

0:07:330:07:37

It's amazing, that poem.

0:07:370:07:39

He moved to Glasgow and there met the love of his life,

0:07:390:07:41

Flora MacTavish. The love of his life.

0:07:410:07:44

Flora, known to everyone as Marge, because she...

0:07:440:07:46

..she spread easily, inspired Mungo...

0:07:490:07:51

..inspired Mungo to write the following.

0:07:530:07:56

Each time Lady Sutherland swoons

0:07:560:07:59

Her bosoms pop out like balloons

0:07:590:08:02

But her butler stands by With a gleam in his eye

0:08:020:08:05

And lifts them back in with warm spoons.

0:08:050:08:08

DRUM FLOURISH

0:08:080:08:09

APPLAUSE

0:08:090:08:12

A true pioneer!

0:08:120:08:14

Your applause has been recorded and donated to a less fortunate artist.

0:08:180:08:22

Ladies and gentlemen... HE LAUGHS

0:08:220:08:24

..they were beautiful words and beautiful drumming, but not as

0:08:250:08:29

beautiful words as those spoken by our own blessed Queen to her

0:08:290:08:33

gillie, John Brown.

0:08:330:08:36

# Will you stop your ticking, Jock Stop your tickling, Jock?

0:08:360:08:42

# Dinna make me laugh so hearty Or you'll make me choke

0:08:420:08:45

# Oh, I wish you'd stop your nonsense

0:08:450:08:47

# Just look at all the folk

0:08:470:08:49

# Will you stop your tickling, tickle-ickle-ickling

0:08:490:08:50

# Stop your tickling, Jock? #

0:08:500:08:52

Yes!

0:08:520:08:53

CHEERING

0:08:530:08:55

-This orchidaceous assemblage...

-Ooh!

0:09:070:09:12

..will have guessed that under that hoary sporran...

0:09:120:09:17

..was the elegant personage of

0:09:180:09:21

none other than Mr Barry Cryer!

0:09:210:09:24

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:09:240:09:26

-Luminescent...

-Ooh!

0:09:300:09:34

-..in a cosmopolitan coruscation...

-Ooh!

0:09:340:09:39

..of continental cadenzas...

0:09:390:09:42

Italian.

0:09:420:09:44

..your own Miss Rita Morris!

0:09:440:09:49

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:09:490:09:51

# Why ever should it be

0:10:010:10:03

# That men at once make love to me?

0:10:030:10:06

# When they are near me, there they stand

0:10:060:10:08

# Their eyes look deep in mine

0:10:080:10:10

# They always kiss my hand

0:10:100:10:13

# Why ever should it be

0:10:130:10:15

# They speak of magic charms in me

0:10:150:10:18

# That no man can resist?

0:10:180:10:20

# For every time they look at me

0:10:200:10:23

# These charms persist

0:10:230:10:28

# But when the soft lights glint and glance

0:10:280:10:32

# As midnight hour goes by

0:10:320:10:35

# They hear me sing, they see me dance

0:10:350:10:38

# It's then that I know why

0:10:380:10:44

# On my lips, every kiss is like wine

0:10:440:10:51

# In my arms, love is more than divine

0:10:510:10:58

# It's engraved in the stars high above me

0:10:580:11:03

# Men must kiss me, men must love me

0:11:030:11:10

# When my feet haunting rhythms inspire

0:11:100:11:16

# In my eyes gleam the flames of desire

0:11:160:11:22

# When I dance, then I know fate's design

0:11:220:11:30

# On my lips, every kiss is like wine! #

0:11:300:11:42

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:11:420:11:44

Ah!

0:11:480:11:49

# Nous venions de voir le taureau

0:12:000:12:03

# Trois garcons, trois fillettes

0:12:030:12:09

# Sur la pelouse, il faisait beau

0:12:090:12:12

# Et nous dansions un bolero

0:12:120:12:16

# Au son des castagnettes

0:12:160:12:24

# Dites-moi, voisin, si j'ai bonne mine

0:12:240:12:27

# Et si ma basquine va bien ce matin

0:12:270:12:30

# Vous me trouvez la taille fine?

0:12:300:12:32

# Vous me trouvez la taille fine?

0:12:330:12:40

SHE VOCALISES

0:12:400:12:42

# Les filles de Cadiz aiment assez cela

0:12:440:12:49

# Les filles de Cadiz aiment assez cela-la-la la-la-la la-la-la

0:12:560:13:03

# Les filles de Cadiz aiment assez cela

0:13:030:13:06

# Et nous dansions un bolero

0:13:250:13:27

# Un soir - c'etait dimanche

0:13:270:13:34

# Vers nous s'en vint un hidalgo

0:13:340:13:36

# Cousu d'or, la plume au chapeau

0:13:360:13:42

# Et le poing sur la hanche

0:13:420:13:50

# Si tu veux de moi brune au doux sourire

0:13:500:13:53

# Tu n'as qu'a le dire Cet or est a toi

0:13:530:13:56

# Ah! Passez votre chemin, beau sire

0:13:560:13:59

# Passez votre chemin, beau sire

0:13:590:14:05

# Les filles de Cadiz n'entendent pas cela

0:14:100:14:14

# Les filles de Cadiz n'entendent pas cela-la-la la-la-la la-la-la. #

0:14:210:14:28

SHE VOCALISES

0:14:280:14:32

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:14:430:14:45

With the inexhaustibly advancing years, I stray more and more often

0:15:020:15:11

through the murky, gas-lit alleyways of the metropolis...

0:15:110:15:17

Awww!

0:15:170:15:19

..trawling for talent...

0:15:190:15:22

..where my latest discovery displayed to me all her gifts.

0:15:240:15:30

But she is very nervous.

0:15:300:15:32

It is her very first public appearance, and I ask for your

0:15:320:15:38

encouragement, for your delight, ladies and gentlemen,

0:15:380:15:43

for my...

0:15:430:15:45

..niece.

0:15:450:15:46

Miss Popsy Wopsy!

0:15:480:15:52

CHEERING

0:15:520:15:54

LOUD AND OUT OF TUNE: # Popsy was a singer in a little revue

0:16:250:16:30

# Sang the sort of ditties that the people all knew

0:16:300:16:35

# Every night, they used to turn the limelight strong

0:16:350:16:39

# On someone's face as she sang her song

0:16:390:16:43

# Popsy loved her job, but every once in a while

0:16:440:16:48

# She thought it would be such bliss

0:16:480:16:52

# If the limelight would find A man both good and kind

0:16:520:16:56

# And he'd murmur something like this

0:16:560:16:59

# ..sing to me, my little Popsy Wopsy

0:17:010:17:04

# Turn the limelight right on me

0:17:040:17:06

# Will you, little Popsy Wopsy?

0:17:060:17:08

# When on that stage you come

0:17:080:17:11

# My little heart beats just like a drum

0:17:110:17:14

# Ya-ya

0:17:140:17:15

# I shall dream about you all night tonight

0:17:150:17:19

# You're the sweetest girl I've seen

0:17:190:17:22

# I would kiss you, my Popsy

0:17:220:17:24

# But there's one thing stops me

0:17:240:17:26

# Those footli... #

0:17:260:17:27

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:17:290:17:31

More! More!

0:17:370:17:40

BAND CONTINUES

0:17:400:17:42

# Popsy fixed her eye upon an old boy one night

0:17:510:17:56

# Sitting in the stalls with not a lady in sight

0:17:560:18:00

# When she sang her loving song, he looked entranced

0:18:000:18:04

EVEN LOUDER: # She knew it was the way she danced

0:18:040:18:09

# That same evening to the stage door he sent a...note

0:18:100:18:16

# Which read, "Oh, Popsy, my pet

0:18:160:18:19

# "Though I'm 71 We could have lots of fun

0:18:190:18:24

# "There's life in the old mongrel yet"

0:18:240:18:27

# ..sing to me, my little Popsy Wopsy

0:18:290:18:32

# Turn the limelight right on me

0:18:320:18:34

# Will you, Popsy Wopsy?

0:18:340:18:36

# When on...that stage you come

0:18:360:18:39

# My little heart beats just like a drum

0:18:390:18:41

# Ya-ya

0:18:410:18:43

# I shall dream about you all night tonight

0:18:430:18:47

# You're the sweetest girl I've seen

0:18:470:18:50

# I would kiss you, my...Popsy Wopsy

0:18:500:18:53

# The...

0:18:530:18:55

# ..the lights... #

0:18:550:18:56

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:18:570:18:59

More! More!

0:19:020:19:05

# Popsy still sings ditties on that stage every night

0:19:150:19:20

# Though she may not be a star, she's doing...all right

0:19:200:19:24

# And when johnnies think that they are sure to score

0:19:240:19:28

# And wait for her at the backstage door

0:19:280:19:32

# She appears in furs to keep her safe from the cold

0:19:330:19:38

# And if some masher should shout

0:19:380:19:42

# "I've some champagne on ice"

0:19:420:19:44

# She'll say, "Well, ain't that nice?

0:19:440:19:46

# "But Daddy won't let me go out"

0:19:460:19:49

# ..sing to me, my little Popsy Wopsy

0:19:510:19:54

# Turn the limelight right on...

0:19:540:19:57

# When...

0:19:570:19:58

# When...on...that stage you come

0:19:580:20:01

# My little heart beats just like a drum

0:20:010:20:03

# Ya...

0:20:030:20:05

# I shall dream about you all night tonight

0:20:050:20:08

# You're the sweetest girl I've seen

0:20:080:20:11

# I would kiss you, my Popsy

0:20:110:20:13

# But there's one thing stops me

0:20:130:20:16

# Those footlights in-between... #

0:20:160:20:18

SHE SCREAMS DELIGHTEDLY

0:20:180:20:19

# Sing to me, my little Popsy Wopsy

0:20:190:20:22

# Shine the limelight right on me

0:20:220:20:23

# Yeah!

0:20:230:20:25

# ..on that...stage you come

0:20:250:20:27

# My little heart beats just like a drum!

0:20:270:20:29

# Ya-ya-whoo!

0:20:290:20:32

# ..all night tonight

0:20:320:20:34

# You're the sweetest girl I've seen

0:20:340:20:36

# I would kiss you, my Popsy

0:20:360:20:38

# ..thing stops me

0:20:380:20:39

# Thefootlightsinbetwween!

0:20:390:20:42

# Footlights in-between...

0:20:420:20:44

# Footlights in-be...

0:20:440:20:45

BAND STOPS # ..tween. #

0:20:450:20:48

SHE SQUEALS

0:20:490:20:50

CHEERING

0:20:500:20:52

That was, of course, giving her all...

0:21:030:21:06

..Miss Sheila Steafel. And now...

0:21:070:21:09

CHEERING

0:21:090:21:11

-And now, scintillant...

-Ooh!

0:21:150:21:18

..in a synthesis...

0:21:180:21:20

S-Y-N-T-H-E-S-I-S.

0:21:200:21:24

Greek.

0:21:240:21:26

-..of symphonic simultaneities...

-Oooooohhh!

0:21:260:21:31

That means all together, like you.

0:21:310:21:34

..in short, ladies and gentlemen,

0:21:340:21:36

the King's Singers!

0:21:360:21:39

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:21:390:21:41

# For those of you who like to study genealogy

0:21:480:21:55

# There's something funny going on up in my family tree

0:21:550:22:01

THEY HARMONISE

0:22:010:22:05

# I'm my own grandpa

0:22:060:22:08

# I really mean it, brother

0:22:080:22:09

# I'm my own grandpa

0:22:090:22:12

# It sounds funny, I know

0:22:120:22:14

# But it really is so

0:22:140:22:16

# Oh, I'm my own grandpa

0:22:160:22:20

# Oh, many, many years ago When I was 23

0:22:200:22:23

# I was married to a widow Who was pretty as could be

0:22:230:22:27

# The widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red

0:22:270:22:30

# My father fell in love with her And soon they too were wed

0:22:300:22:33

# This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life

0:22:330:22:37

# For my daughter was my mother Cos she was my father's wife

0:22:370:22:40

# To complicate the matter Even though it brought me joy

0:22:400:22:43

# I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy

0:22:430:22:47

# I'm my own grandpa

0:22:470:22:49

# I really mean it, brother

0:22:490:22:51

# I'm my own grandpa

0:22:510:22:54

# It sounds funny, I know

0:22:540:22:55

# But it really is so

0:22:550:22:57

# Oh, I'm my own grandpa

0:22:570:23:01

# My father's wife then had a son Who kept them on the run

0:23:010:23:05

# And he became my grandchild For he was my daughter's son

0:23:050:23:08

# Why wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue

0:23:080:23:12

# Because although she is my wife She's my grandmother, too

0:23:120:23:16

-# I'm my own grandpa

-Grandpa

0:23:180:23:21

-# I'm my own grandpa

-Grandpa

0:23:210:23:25

# It sounds funny, I know

0:23:250:23:26

# But it really is so

0:23:260:23:28

# Oh, I'm my own grandpa

0:23:280:23:34

# Oh, if my wife is my grandmother Then I'm her grandchild

0:23:340:23:40

# And every time I think of it It really drives me wild

0:23:400:23:43

# For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw

0:23:430:23:47

# As husband of my grandmother I am my own grandpaw

0:23:470:23:51

# Oh, I'm my own grandpa

0:23:510:23:54

# I really mean it, Granny

0:23:540:23:56

# I'm my own grandpa

0:23:560:23:58

# It sounds funny, I know

0:23:580:24:00

# But it really is so

0:24:000:24:02

# Oh, I'm my own grandpa

0:24:020:24:05

# Father, daughter, uncle, brother

0:24:050:24:07

# Wife and mother-in-law

0:24:070:24:08

# Oh, I'm my own grandpa! #

0:24:080:24:16

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:24:160:24:18

THEY VOCALISE IN HARMONY

0:24:300:24:32

# 'Mid pleasures and palaces

0:24:460:24:53

# Though I may roam

0:24:530:24:58

# Be it ever so humble

0:25:100:25:16

# There's no place like home

0:25:160:25:23

# No more from that cottage

0:25:300:25:37

# Again will I roam

0:25:370:25:43

# Be it ever so humble

0:25:500:25:57

# There's no place like home

0:25:570:26:02

# Home, sweet home, sweet home

0:26:110:26:17

# There's no place like home

0:26:170:26:26

# There's no place like...

0:26:270:26:32

# ..home. #

0:26:320:26:40

APPLAUSE

0:26:450:26:47

-Inordinately overwhelming orotundities...

-Ooh!

0:27:030:27:10

..of optimism from sartorially soigne...

0:27:100:27:16

Ooh!

0:27:160:27:17

French for "well groomed".

0:27:170:27:19

..Mr Bernard Cribbins!

0:27:190:27:22

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:27:220:27:24

-Ladies and gentlemen, good evening.

-Good evening!

0:27:320:27:35

How I envy you this evening.

0:27:350:27:37

Oh! I mean, I'm so envious of you. You know why?

0:27:370:27:42

I'm going to sing for you this evening. I am! What?

0:27:420:27:45

CATCALLS FROM ORCHESTRA

0:27:450:27:46

Shaddap! HE WHISTLES

0:27:460:27:48

Keep them under control. What have you been doing,

0:27:480:27:50

giving them meat again?

0:27:500:27:52

I shall go down there. I'm not going to be talked to like that by...

0:27:520:27:55

Every time, I do that. Every single time!

0:27:560:27:59

They should have it fixed by now.

0:27:590:28:01

Cheers. And so, with the aid of Mr Bernard Herrmann

0:28:010:28:04

and his sons of suction...

0:28:040:28:06

..I shall endeavour to tell you something which I think might

0:28:070:28:10

be of interest to you. Thank you.

0:28:100:28:11

PIANO INTRO

0:28:110:28:13

# I've found a new expression

0:28:130:28:15

# And when things are going wrong

0:28:150:28:17

# It takes away depression

0:28:170:28:19

# If you sing it like a song

0:28:190:28:21

# Cheerio, cheerio, chin-chin

0:28:210:28:25

# Cheerio, cheerio, chin-chin

0:28:260:28:30

# When the skies above are grey

0:28:300:28:32

# Just look up at 'em and say

0:28:320:28:34

# Cheerio, cheerio, chin-chin... #

0:28:340:28:38

Thank you very much.

0:28:380:28:40

# Well, a friend of mine was summoned

0:28:400:28:42

# By his tailor, Mr Thread

0:28:420:28:44

# And as they sentenced him to prison

0:28:440:28:46

# Here's what the fella said

0:28:460:28:48

AUDIENCE JOINS IN: # Cheerio, cheerio, chin-chin

0:28:480:28:53

# Cheerio, cheerio, chin-chin

0:28:540:28:57

# When I'm busy sewing sacks

0:28:570:28:59

# They'll remind me of your slacks

0:28:590:29:01

# Cheerio, cheerio, chin-chin... #

0:29:010:29:05

Much better. Much, much better, but I think we need a bit more practice

0:29:050:29:08

with the ch-ch sort of noises. You know.

0:29:080:29:10

Can we try saying, "Choo-choo-choo"? Would you do that for me, please?

0:29:100:29:14

Choo-choo-choo. All together, come on.

0:29:140:29:16

-Choo-choo-choo.

-"Choo-choo-choo till your jaws drop." Try that.

0:29:160:29:19

-Choo-choo-choo till your jaws drop.

-Now faster.

0:29:190:29:23

Choo-choo-choo till your jaws...

0:29:230:29:25

No, JAWS drop, dear. Jaws, dear!

0:29:250:29:28

Thank you. The next one, please.

0:29:310:29:33

# Now, a girl with nothing on

0:29:330:29:35

# Upon a big white horse was led

0:29:350:29:37

# I cried, "Why, that's Godiva"

0:29:370:29:39

# And my ignorant brother said...

0:29:390:29:42

# Cheerio, cheerio, chin-chin... #

0:29:420:29:45

Come on, then.

0:29:450:29:46

# Cheerio, cheerio, chin-chin

0:29:460:29:50

# He said, "Dear, oh, dear, O Lor

0:29:500:29:52

# I've never seen a horse before."

0:29:520:29:54

# Cheerio, cheerio, chin-chin... #

0:29:540:29:58

Now, you've tried very hard.

0:29:580:29:59

We've got the last verse and a reprise of the chorus.

0:29:590:30:01

I want you to raise the roof of this lovely establishment.

0:30:010:30:05

I mean, treat the theatre as if it were your very own.

0:30:050:30:08

I said that last week. A fella went out and sold it!

0:30:080:30:12

What did you get for it, Mr Chairman? Tell us.

0:30:120:30:14

Never mind, we'll do the last one. Thank you!

0:30:140:30:17

# I once went to the funeral

0:30:170:30:19

# Of a golfer, Mr Dodd

0:30:190:30:21

# And I said as they buried him

0:30:210:30:23

# And the diggers turned the sod

0:30:230:30:26

# Cheerio, cheerio, chin-chin

0:30:260:30:29

# Cheerio, cheerio, chin-chin

0:30:300:30:34

# I said, "I'm one up on you, old soul"

0:30:340:30:37

# He said, "Yes, but it's my hole"

0:30:370:30:38

# Cheerio, cheerio, chin-chin! #

0:30:380:30:44

Thank you! Thank you! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:30:440:30:47

-Palpitant...

-Ooh!

0:30:590:31:02

..from the United States of America...

0:31:020:31:06

-..outstandingly gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous...

-Oooohh!

0:31:060:31:12

..Miss Bertice Reading!

0:31:120:31:15

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:31:150:31:17

# Oh-oh...

0:31:290:31:32

# They said some people long ago

0:31:320:31:36

# Were searching for a different tune

0:31:380:31:42

# One that they could croon

0:31:420:31:45

# As only they can

0:31:450:31:50

# They only had the rhythm, so

0:31:510:31:56

# They started swaying to and fro

0:31:560:32:00

# They didn't know just what to use

0:32:020:32:06

# And that is how the blues

0:32:060:32:09

# Really began

0:32:090:32:16

# They heard the breeze in the trees

0:32:190:32:24

# Singing weird melodies

0:32:240:32:28

# And they made that as part of the blues

0:32:280:32:34

# Now, from a jail came the wail

0:32:350:32:40

# Of a downhearted frail

0:32:400:32:44

# And they played that as part of the blues

0:32:440:32:50

# Now, from a whippoorwill

0:32:510:32:53

# Out on a hill

0:32:530:32:55

# They took a new note

0:32:550:32:58

# Pushed it through a horn

0:32:590:33:01

# Till it was born

0:33:010:33:03

# Into a blue note

0:33:030:33:05

# And then they nursed it, rehearsed it

0:33:060:33:11

# And gave out the news

0:33:110:33:14

# That the Southland gave birth to the blues

0:33:140:33:21

# Yeah! Then they nursed it, rehearsed it

0:33:210:33:25

# They gave out the news

0:33:250:33:26

# That the Southland...

0:33:260:33:29

# ..gave birth to the blues! #

0:33:290:33:34

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:33:380:33:41

Thank you!

0:33:540:33:56

# Won't you come home, Bill Bailey?

0:33:570:34:00

# Won't you come home?

0:34:000:34:02

# I cried and cried the whole night long

0:34:020:34:06

# I'll do the washing, honey

0:34:060:34:08

# And I'll pay the rent

0:34:080:34:10

# You know, I must have done you wrong, yeah

0:34:100:34:15

# Remember that rainy morning when I threw you out

0:34:150:34:18

# With nothing but a little piece of card about that size, yeah?

0:34:180:34:23

# Well, remember the day

0:34:230:34:25

# I'm telling you, say

0:34:250:34:27

# Bill Bailey, won't you please come on home? #

0:34:270:34:31

All ready? Is everybody here ready?

0:34:350:34:39

I want to know if you're ready.

0:34:390:34:40

AUDIENCE CHEERS Let's hear it.

0:34:400:34:42

Now!

0:34:500:34:51

# When them saints go marching in

0:34:510:34:55

# Now, when them saints go marching in

0:34:550:34:59

# Oh, Lord, I want to be in that number

0:34:590:35:03

# Now, when the saints go marching in! #

0:35:030:35:12

CHEERING

0:35:120:35:15

Ooh!

0:35:220:35:23

-Therapeutically thaumaturgic...

-Ooh!

0:35:350:35:39

-..thespianism...

-HE LAUGHS

0:35:390:35:41

-Ooh!

-Once again,

0:35:410:35:43

Mr Barry Cryer!

0:35:430:35:46

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:35:460:35:48

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. With your kind permission,

0:35:530:35:56

I should like to recreate

0:35:560:35:57

a scene from Charles Dickens' immortal Oliver Twist.

0:35:570:36:02

In this, I shall be playing not only the parts

0:36:020:36:04

of Bill Sikes, Nancy, Fagin...

0:36:040:36:08

..the Artful Dodger, but also that of the dog.

0:36:080:36:12

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. The scene in which Bill Sikes,

0:36:140:36:18

having discovered Nancy has betrayed him, wreaks a terrible revenge.

0:36:180:36:22

Nancy! Nancy, where are ya, Nancy?

0:36:230:36:26

I'm here, darling.

0:36:260:36:28

I'm here, darl... What?!

0:36:280:36:30

Who are you?

0:36:310:36:32

-Well, Nancy was a scrubber, wasn't she?

-Yes.

-Yes, well, I'm a sweeper.

0:36:320:36:36

-That's near enough.

-Oh, really!

-Innit?

0:36:360:36:37

-I repeat, who are you?

-I'm Walter Wall.

-Walter Wall?

0:36:370:36:40

I work here. I do all the cleaning. I specialise in the carpets.

0:36:400:36:44

Well, I mean, you must have heard of

0:36:440:36:45

-Walter Wall carpets.

-Walter Wall carpets. Look...

0:36:450:36:47

-He must have!

-You've got a nerve, coming on here.

0:36:470:36:49

I don't know how you dare show your face in here.

0:36:490:36:51

-Funny, we were just saying the same thing about you.

-Never mind!

0:36:510:36:54

Never mind all that. What do you want to do?

0:36:540:36:56

Well, y'see, I play the spoons, y'see.

0:36:560:36:58

-Y'see, Mr Colehole...

-Colehan!

0:36:580:37:00

Yeah, if you like, yes.

0:37:000:37:01

Yes. Anyway, he said I could come on, y'see, and have a quick burst.

0:37:010:37:04

-You play the spoons?!

-That's right, yes.

-What do you play?

0:37:040:37:07

Well, given a following wind,

0:37:070:37:08

I might knock hell out of The Flight Of The Bumblebee.

0:37:080:37:12

-And if you haven't got a following wind?

-It's The Bells Of St Mary's.

0:37:120:37:15

I see. I'm sorry about this, ladies and gentlemen.

0:37:150:37:17

I shall be back with you in one moment. Oliver Twist!

0:37:170:37:20

-I'll, er, do it now, shall I?

-Yes, do it now.

0:37:200:37:22

One, two, three, four, five, seven...eight. Never mind.

0:37:220:37:26

WALTER HUMS ALONG

0:37:260:37:29

Ooh!

0:37:330:37:35

HE CONTINUES HUMMING

0:37:350:37:37

-Yes, fair enough. Well, don't just stand there...

-What?

-..get off.

0:37:370:37:40

-Ladies and gentlemen, Oliver Twist.

-Listen, why don't you do one of them

0:37:400:37:44

other things that he wrote, that Dickens fella?

0:37:440:37:47

-Like what?

-Well, David Huddersfield.

-Copperfield!

-Copperfield, yes.

0:37:470:37:51

-You could do that famous one.

-What's that?

0:37:510:37:53

-The Sale Of Two...

-Stop that.

-Oh!

-Stop that.

-Yes.

0:37:530:37:55

-You can't join me in this.

-Oh, let me.

-You can't help me, I'm sorry.

0:37:550:37:58

-Please, let me!

-No.

-I... I could play something in this.

0:37:580:38:01

-Oh, no, you couldn't.

-Yes, I could. I could play the dog.

0:38:010:38:03

-No, you couldn't.

-Yes. Please! Mr Chairman, have a word.

0:38:030:38:06

-I'd like to play something in this sketch.

-Let him play!

0:38:060:38:08

-I could play in this sketch!

-Oh, no, you couldn't!

0:38:080:38:10

-ALL:

-Oh, yes, he could!

0:38:100:38:12

Oh, no, he couldn't!

0:38:120:38:14

Oh, yes, he could!

0:38:140:38:15

-Your turn.

-I can't go on!

-I tell you what we can do.

0:38:150:38:19

-What's that?

-We can do the community singing. They love that tonight.

0:38:190:38:22

Wouldn't you like to do My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean with us?

0:38:220:38:25

-A FEW PEOPLE:

-Yes!

-Well, that's three of 'em, anyway. Yes.

0:38:250:38:28

-Tell you what, tell 'em what you do on it.

-The modus operandi.

0:38:280:38:30

-Well, yes.

-The way we sing it. The first word beginning with

0:38:300:38:33

the letter B, ladies and gentlemen, you all stand up.

0:38:330:38:37

Stay there, and on the next word beginning with the letter B,

0:38:370:38:40

sit down. The first word, stand up, stay there. Next word...

0:38:400:38:43

And so on through the song. Words beginning with the letter B.

0:38:430:38:46

Is that all right? Thank you, Mr Herrmann!

0:38:460:38:50

BAND STRIKES UP

0:38:500:38:51

# My bonnie lies over the ocean

0:38:510:38:55

# My bonnie lies over the sea

0:38:550:38:59

# My bonnie lies over the ocean

0:38:590:39:03

# Oh, bring back my bonnie to me... #

0:39:030:39:06

Come on!

0:39:060:39:07

# Bring back, bring back

0:39:070:39:11

-# Oh, bring back my bonnie to me... #

-Stop this!

0:39:110:39:13

HE WHISTLES

0:39:130:39:15

MUSIC STOPS Sorry.

0:39:150:39:16

-Cool down, please.

-Rubbish!

0:39:160:39:18

Rubbish!

0:39:190:39:21

-Look at 'em!

-I know!

-It looks like overtime in a yo-yo factory.

0:39:210:39:25

-I've never seen anything like it.

-Gentleman there's got to stand up

0:39:260:39:29

and sit down about three times to catch up!

0:39:290:39:31

-Could we do that? Could you do it?

-He's been lapped!

0:39:310:39:34

Excuse me, madam, do you normally wear them round your ankles?

0:39:340:39:37

-Let's try again.

-We'll do it again. Ready?

0:39:370:39:39

From "bring back". Thank you, Mr Herrmann.

0:39:390:39:41

# Bring back, bring back

0:39:410:39:44

# Oh, bring back my bonnie to me, to me

0:39:440:39:49

# Bring back, bring back

0:39:490:39:52

# Oh, bring back my bonnie to me!

0:39:520:39:56

# Boom-boom! #

0:39:560:39:58

-Thank you!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:39:580:40:01

CHEERING

0:40:090:40:11

It's crippling for the lumbar regions!

0:40:150:40:19

Absolutely indispensable,

0:40:190:40:22

the Players Theatre co-ordinates an emulatory accolade for the songs

0:40:220:40:29

of Miss Clarice Mayne, supporting none other

0:40:290:40:34

than Miss Jenny Wren!

0:40:340:40:38

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:40:380:40:40

# Put on your tatter, little girlie You do what I want you to

0:40:450:40:52

# Far from the busy hurly-burly

0:40:520:40:55

# I've got lots to say to you

0:40:550:40:59

# My head's completely twirly-whirly

0:40:590:41:02

# My girl I want you to be

0:41:020:41:05

# So put on your tatter, your pretty little tatter

0:41:050:41:08

# And come out and tatter with me!

0:41:080:41:11

# Yes, put on your tatter, your pretty little tatter

0:41:110:41:15

# And come out and tatter with me! #

0:41:150:41:23

# Josh-u-ah, Josh-u-ah

0:41:240:41:28

# Why don't you call and see Mama?

0:41:280:41:31

# She'll be pleased to know

0:41:310:41:34

# You are my best beau

0:41:340:41:38

# Josh-u-ah, Josh-u-ah

0:41:380:41:42

# Nicer than lemon squash you are

0:41:420:41:45

# Yes, by gosh you are

0:41:450:41:49

# Josh-u-osh-u-ah. #

0:41:490:41:53

# He was a dear little boy

0:41:540:41:57

# She was a dear little girl

0:41:570:41:59

# She had no brothers No more had he

0:41:590:42:03

# He had no sisters No more had she

0:42:030:42:06

# She lived the house next to him

0:42:060:42:08

# He in the house next to her

0:42:080:42:11

# Once he looked over the garden wall

0:42:110:42:15

# She smiled at him, so he said

0:42:150:42:23

# Come on over the garden wall Little girl, to me

0:42:230:42:31

# I've been lonely a long, long time

0:42:310:42:35

# And the wall's not hard to climb

0:42:350:42:38

# So just jump up and then just jump down

0:42:380:42:43

# I won't let you fall

0:42:430:42:46

# We'll play at sweethearts We're going to be married

0:42:460:42:50

# Come over the garden wall. #

0:42:500:42:54

# I've got my eye on you I've got my eye on you

0:42:540:43:01

# I'd like to be Where I can see

0:43:010:43:05

# Everything you do

0:43:050:43:09

# I've got my eye on you

0:43:090:43:12

# Jolly good scenery, too

0:43:120:43:16

# But I'd like to see Your eye on me

0:43:160:43:19

# When I've got my eye on you

0:43:190:43:23

# I've got my eye on you I've got my eye on you

0:43:230:43:29

# I'd like to be Where I can see

0:43:300:43:33

# Everything you do

0:43:330:43:35

# I've got my eye on you

0:43:360:43:40

# Jolly good scenery, too

0:43:400:43:43

# But I'd like to see Your eye on me

0:43:430:43:46

# When I've got my eye, I've got my eye

0:43:460:43:49

# I've got my eye on you

0:43:490:43:54

# And you and you and you and you

0:43:540:43:58

# And you! #

0:43:580:43:59

CHEERING

0:43:590:44:04

# When I was young and innocent

0:44:130:44:17

# You stole into my heart

0:44:170:44:20

# You taught me things I now repent

0:44:200:44:24

# Whenever we're apart

0:44:240:44:26

# You taught me that the world was wide

0:44:260:44:30

# A bit too wide for me

0:44:300:44:33

# And now I am not satisfied

0:44:330:44:37

# With just a cup of tea

0:44:370:44:42

# I was a good little girl

0:44:420:44:49

# Till I met you

0:44:490:44:53

# You sent my head in a whirl

0:44:530:44:57

# My poor heart, too

0:44:570:45:01

# Oh, how you told me the tale

0:45:010:45:05

# You always do

0:45:050:45:09

# I was a good little girl

0:45:090:45:15

# Till I met you

0:45:150:45:20

# You called me baby doll a year ago

0:45:200:45:26

# A year ago

0:45:260:45:29

# You told me I was very nice to know

0:45:290:45:34

# Very nice to know

0:45:340:45:37

# I soon learned what love was

0:45:370:45:42

# I thought I knew

0:45:420:45:46

# But all I've learned has only taught me

0:45:460:45:51

# How to love you

0:45:510:45:54

# You made me think you loved me in return

0:45:540:46:00

# Loved you in return

0:46:000:46:02

# Don't tell me you were fooling after all

0:46:020:46:08

# Were fooling after all

0:46:080:46:10

# For if you go away

0:46:100:46:14

# You'll be sorry someday

0:46:140:46:19

# You left behind a broken doll

0:46:190:46:27

# You left behind...

0:46:270:46:30

# ..a broken doll. #

0:46:300:46:35

# Put on your tatter, little girlie... #

0:46:350:46:39

# Come on over the garden wall... #

0:46:390:46:43

# I've got my eye on you

0:46:430:46:46

# I've got my eye on you

0:46:460:46:50

# I've got my eye on... #

0:46:500:46:55

-Jeremiah! Oh!

-Jeremiah?!

0:46:550:46:59

# Jerry, Jeremiah

0:47:030:47:06

# My heart's on fire

0:47:060:47:10

# Play again That sweet refrain

0:47:100:47:13

# On ta-ra-ra, on ta-ra-ra

0:47:130:47:17

# Jerry, Jeremiah

0:47:170:47:20

# It's the finest tune I know

0:47:200:47:23

# Rag it, drag it, sing-sing-sag it

0:47:230:47:26

# On your ragtime trombone

0:47:260:47:30

# Jerry, Jeremiah

0:47:300:47:33

# It's the finest tune I know

0:47:330:47:36

# Rag it, drag it, sing-sing-sag it

0:47:360:47:40

# On your ragtime trombone

0:47:400:47:43

-# Rag it

-Rag it

-Drag it

-Drag it

0:47:430:47:45

# Sing-sing-sing-sing-sag it

0:47:450:47:47

# On your ragtime Doo doo-doo-doo

0:47:470:47:50

# Ragtime Doo doo-doo-doo

0:47:500:47:54

# R-A-G-T-I-M-E

0:47:540:47:57

# Ragtime trombone! #

0:47:570:48:05

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:48:050:48:08

And now, there's just time to ask Mr Bernard Cribbins

0:48:160:48:20

and Miss Bertice Reading to lead you in the last chorus for tonight,

0:48:200:48:23

Down At The Old Bull And Bush.

0:48:230:48:25

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Bernard Cribbins, Miss Bertice Reading,

0:48:250:48:29

the entire company, Mr Bernard Herrmann and his entire

0:48:290:48:33

and absolutely indefatigable orchestra...

0:48:330:48:36

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:48:360:48:38

..but this time, chiefly...

0:48:400:48:43

..yourselves!

0:48:430:48:46

# Come, come, come and make eyes at me

0:48:490:48:52

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush Da-da da-da-da

0:48:520:48:56

# Come, come, drink some port wine with me

0:48:560:48:59

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:48:590:49:03

# Hear the little German band Dah da-da da-da-da-da

0:49:030:49:06

# Come, let me hold your hand, dear

0:49:060:49:09

# Do, do, come and have a drink or two

0:49:090:49:13

# Down at the old Bull and Bush

0:49:130:49:16

# Bush, Bush! #

0:49:160:49:18

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:49:180:49:20

AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG

0:49:230:49:26

Leonard Sachs presents the old-time music hall programme, first broadcast on 09 July 1981. Featuring Bernard Cribbins, The King's Singers, Sheila Steafel, Rita Morris, Jenny Wren, Bertice Reading and members of the Players' Theatre, London.


Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS