Sandi Toksvig The TV That Made Me


Sandi Toksvig

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Telly - that magic box in the corner.

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It gives us access to a million different worlds,

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all from the comfort of our sofa.

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In this series, I'm going on a journey

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through the fantastic world of TV

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with some of our favourite celebrities.

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Good evening!

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They've chosen the precious TV moments that shed light...

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Oh, I love this!

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-BOTH:

-Crackerjack!

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..on the stories of their lives.

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Ooh! Listen, this looks smashing, Johnny.

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-BOTH:

-Right on time.

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-Some are funny...

-THEY LAUGH

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I loved him!

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-BOTH:

-# Delicious ice cream! #

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..some...

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Just like that.

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..are surprising.

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I'll let you into a secret I've never told anyone before.

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Some are inspiring...

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I've always wanted to be a Miss Something.

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The best TV transports you.

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..and many...

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Did George Orwell get his predictions right?

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It's all so dramatic!

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..are deeply moving.

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The death of John F Kennedy...

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It just takes me back.

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VOICE BREAKS: Oh, it makes me want to cry.

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-Oh, you can have a cry if you want.

-Oh!

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So come watch with us as we hand-pick the vintage telly

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that helped turn our much-loved stars

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into the people they are today.

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Welcome to The TV That Made Me.

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My guest today is a national institution -

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a one-woman comedy powerhouse.

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Sandi Toksvig has fizzed through the radio waves

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as presenter of the Radio 4 News Quiz for nine years,

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and sparkled on TV in shows as diverse as Food & Drink,

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Call My Bluff and the sitcom Up The Women.

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The TV that made her

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includes an anarchic Saturday morning kids' show....

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Oh, morning. Did you see who that was?

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..and the Apollo 11 manned space exploration to the moon.

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Lift-off on Apollo 11.

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There's no doubt a strong spirit of adventure and an appetite for fun

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has helped Sandi rocket into the stratosphere of radio and TV comedy.

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Apollo 11...

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And she is now best known as the host of the quiz show

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Fifteen to One.

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It's with great pleasure that I introduce Sandi Toksvig.

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-Sandi...

-Hello, lovely.

-Hello, darling.

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-Hello, fellow thespian.

-SHE LAUGHS

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I want to ask, what was your relationship with telly?

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It's been in my life always,

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because my father was THE most famous broadcaster

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-that Danish television had ever produced.

-Mm-hm.

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In fact, he was the FIRST broadcaster that Danish television ever produced.

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Sandi Toksvig was born in Copenhagen in 1958 -

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a time when Danish TV only broadcast two programmes each day,

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and one of these was a daily news bulletin

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presented by the incredibly famous Claus Toksvig -

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or, as Sandi knew him, Dad.

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Claus Toksvig's broadcasting career began in 1951 in London,

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where he worked for the BBC World Service.

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Here, he met Sandi's mum, Julie Anne,

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who was one of the very first female studio managers.

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With two high-flying TV pioneers as parents,

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Sandi was surely destined

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for her own incredible career on the airwaves.

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Although there wasn't a lot of telly around in her early years.

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So when I was a child, television started at seven.

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-Do you remember you had to turn the telly on five minutes before, for it to warm up?

-Yeah.

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So you'd turn it on at it on at five to seven,

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and then at seven o'clock my dad would read the news.

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They couldn't afford to have any filmed reports,

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so it was just Dad reading the news - although there was a phone on his desk,

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and occasionally that would ring, and he'd do an interview.

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-And that lasted for an hour.

-OK.

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And then at eight o'clock there'd be a half-hour documentary

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about something gripping like the Queen's silver spoon collection...

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-Oh, yes.

-..and then at 8.30 the whole service closed down.

-Yeah.

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So I thought that's what dads did.

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I thought that they just were on in the corner of the room,

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and then you went to bed.

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In 1967,

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Claus became Danish television's first foreign correspondent ever,

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and the family jetted off to the United States.

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We moved to New York, because the idea was the UN was there,

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so you could cover the whole world.

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Because if something happened in the world,

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he could talk to a person at the UN about it.

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So we lived most of my childhood in New York.

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Now, your first TV memory... it's enormous, really, you know?

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It's something that 600 million people got to watch.

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This, of course, was the rocket launch.

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Yeah, Apollo 11, which was 1969. The first manned mission to the moon.

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I knew that we were in the presence of history,

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and my dad couldn't have been clearer about it.

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Let me press the clicker. Just... Here we are.

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Leading up to the ignition sequence at 8.9 seconds.

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Back in Britain, we watched this through the night,

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thanks to the BBC and ITV's first ever

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all-night transmission.

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All around the world, man's greatest adventure was being watched

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on one of man's greatest inventions.

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But Claus Toksvig was actually there reporting live to Denmark,

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and he took 11-year-old daughter Sandi along with him.

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40 seconds away...

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-Can you see this crowd?

-Mm-hm.

-That's where I was standing.

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So I am somewhere in that crowd.

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Astronauts report it feels good. T minus 25 seconds.

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And this countdown...

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20 seconds and counting.

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..the thrill of it was unbelievable.

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What's extraordinary, as you stood in the crowd, was the tremor.

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Ten, nine - ignition sequence starts.

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It felt like your whole heart was going to come out of your chest.

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Six, five, four, three, two, one, zero.

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All engine running.

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Lift-off! We have a lift-off!

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32 minutes past the hour.

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People started clapping and crying -

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it was incredibly moving.

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Apollo 11, Houston. You're good at one minute.

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And as it disappeared up into the clouds,

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we absolutely knew we were seeing something extraordinary.

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You're good at one minute.

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And then of course we moved to Mission Control,

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-which was in Houston.

-Mm-hm.

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And so I was standing next to a woman who was watching,

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and she looked rather nervous, and I said, "Are you all right?"

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And she said, "Actually, I'm a little nervous,

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"because that's my boss about to step out on to the moon."

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And I said, "Oh, don't worry, I'll hold your hand."

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And so, Neil Armstrong, as he stepped out on to the moon,

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I was holding his secretary's hand.

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That's one small step for man...

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..one giant leap for mankind.

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-"One giant leap."

-Yes.

-That's it.

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Great sentence, terrible grammar.

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Erm...but it was an extraordinary...

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Was it you who told the secretary that?

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I said, "Look, I don't who wrote that for him, but seriously..."

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The excitement in that room - I mean,

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watching grown men sobbing with the relief and excitement and so on.

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They've got the flag up now,

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and you can see the Stars and Stripes on the lunar surface.

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Beautiful. Just beautiful.

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-Now, we have a surprise for you.

-Oh, Lord.

-Yeah.

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-Because you've been talking about your father...

-Yeah.

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..and, er...

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Well, have a little look at this.

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HE SPEAKS IN DANISH

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SHE GASPS: There he is!

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I can translate - he says, "I am sitting in the captain's seat

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"in the Apollo space capsule..."

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But look - that's how they controlled...

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That's extraordinary, isn't it?

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-Left, right!

-Don't you think that's unbelievable?

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When we think about computers today -

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they're literally going "left" and "right"

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in the command module, it is sort of unbelievable.

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HE CONTINUES IN DANISH

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-And...

-Have you seen this, Sandi?

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VOICE BREAKS: Oh, it makes me want to cry.

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-Oh, you can have a cry if you want.

-Oh!

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He was the best live broadcaster. He...

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He brought the world to Denmark.

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That's what's really hard to imagine - he was it,

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and he became the idol for anybody who wanted to work in television.

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He was a very special guy.

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Moving on a few years, and that sweet little Danish child

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had turned into a rebellious American teenager.

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To save their 14-year-old daughter from herself,

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Mum and Dad sent Sandi to school in England,

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and two years later the whole family followed.

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I came... When I was 14, I came to boarding school,

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so I came two years before the rest of my family.

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I got thrown out of three American schools in a row.

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-Can I just say, the last one was a misunderstanding?

-OK.

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I had no idea you were supposed to be there every day.

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And so, in order to contain me,

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-because I found school very boring...

-Mm-hm.

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..my parents sent me to boarding school.

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So I came when I was 14, and my parents then...

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My dad got the posting to London when I was 16.

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So we didn't move here until quite late in my life.

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As the Toksvig family first gathered around a British TV in 1974,

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they were just in time to see Tom Baker become Doctor Who,

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a show called Angels rewrite the rules on television hospital drama,

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and a man called Norman Stanley Fletcher get porridge.

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There'd never been so much great TV to choose from,

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so what did the Toksvigs choose?

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So Family Favourites - what did the whole family sit down and watch?

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-Well, when we were in the UK?

-Yes.

-My dad loved That's Life.

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-That did make us cry with laughter.

-Shall we have a look?

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-Yeah! Yeah, absolutely.

-Let's have a look.

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Let's have a look. This is the opening of That's Life.

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THAT'S LIFE THEME

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They certainly don't make shows like That's Life any more.

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It was the hard-hitting campaigns

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mixed with the light-hearted slices of life

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that made it so ground-breaking and so popular.

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For 21 years it made us laugh and cry in equal measure,

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and it remains one of the very few shows in the history of TV

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that has truly changed the way we live.

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Thank you very much indeed. Welcome once again to That's Life,

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and thank you...

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For me, watching as a young person, I watched Esther be in charge,

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and I suddenly thought, cos I had never really seen that before,-

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and I thought, "Oh, wow, you can be a woman

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"and be in control of the show."

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While Esther held court, her jester,

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the brilliant Cyril Fletcher, kept us in stitches,

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especially with those clippings sent in by viewers.

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-Do you remember Cyril Fletcher?

-Of course.

-In the armchair.

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We loved Cyril Fletcher.

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LAUGHTER

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For anyone who might be thinking unchristian thoughts

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about our vicar, readers learned on Tuesday...

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LAUGHTER

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However, on Wednesday...

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"The Reverend AJ Agland has one television set for sale cheap.

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"Telephone 626 1313 after 7pm,

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"And ask for Mrs Jordan who loves with him."

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LAUGHTER

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How can you laugh?

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This blooming reverend is getting very annoyed.

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On Thursday, the Reverend AJ Agland comes out fighting.

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LAUGHTER

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Dear old Rev Agland doesn't give up easily.

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In Friday's paper, his advertisement read...

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LAUGHTER

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Let me press pause.

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Isn't he a legend?

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He was just wonderful. He had great delivery. And do you know what?

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I don't think you'd get somebody who looks like that on television today.

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It's absolutely fantastic.

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And I remember, because Dad had a wonderful sense of humour,

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I remember Cyril Fletcher reading one out, and I have never forgotten,

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and it said, "Messenger wanted.

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"Must have own bike and messages."

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And...

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And Dad couldn't stop laughing, and it was a nightmare.

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You couldn't pause the television in those days,

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and you couldn't record it, and we couldn't hear what the next bit was,

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-cos Dad was laughing so much.

-Yeah!

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How television has changed. Absolutely fantastic.

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I loved the programme, I loved the variety of it,

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I loved the fact that it appealed to everybody - we could watch it

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from a young age, to the parents watching it and enjoying it.

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I thought it was a wonderful programme,

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and I think Esther as a campaigning journalist is an inspiration...

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-Yes.

-..and I would pay tribute to her, absolutely.

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Right, we're moving on to TV Taboos.

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Now, this is stuff that... Well, you can explain it. Top Of The Pops.

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OK, so, when I was at boarding school,

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-we pretty much were not allowed to watch television.

-Right.

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We pretty much weren't allowed to do anything,

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but we were, on a Thursday night, allowed to watch Top Of The Pops.

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-Right.

-And a parent, grateful for having their daughter locked up

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for so very long, donated a colour television to the school.

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So, the very first time we watched it -

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-it was glam rock in those days.

-Yes.

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It was thrilling, and we were all highly overexcited,

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and the next morning, the headmistress, bless her,

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called an engineer to the school,

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and the television was retuned to black and white,

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because it had been too exciting.

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And we never saw the colour television in colour again.

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That was the end of it - from then on, for the rest of my schooldays,

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television appeared in black and white.

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Oh, well, let me give you a little catch-up of glam rock.

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-Is it in colour?

-Of course it is.

-Thank goodness.

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Top Of The Pops. Can you cope?

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MUSIC: Block Buster! by The Sweet

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Top Of The Pops arrived on our screens on New Year's Day 1964,

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and stayed for 42 years.

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In the process, it became the biggest music show in the world.

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At its height, the show was screened in over 100 different countries.

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Luckily, they didn't stick to the original title -

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I don't think Teen & 20 Record Club would have done quite so well.

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The hair is fantastic.

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# Does anyone know the way?

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# Did we hear someone say

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# We just haven't got a clue what to do!

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# Does anyone know the way?

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# There's got to be a way

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# To Block Buster! #

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So is it making you feel wild and racy?

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Yeah. I'm crazy now, I'm completely crazy now.

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That's it - I'm going to go completely bonkers

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-and have an extra sugar in my tea.

-I know!

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Quick, get it back to black and white.

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We're freaking out here.

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So what were the other rules for television?

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We were occasionally allowed to watch on a Saturday night,

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if Matron decided,

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but we were allowed to watch something on BBC One,

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because it was the family channel, possibly something on BBC Two,

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but that was really for people who'd read a book.

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And nothing on ITV, because that was cheap and tawdry.

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So it pleased me, usually, when I started on television,

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that I worked for ITV, cos I knew it would have upset Matron.

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Parents' Choice.

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This, I believe, is Tomorrow's World.

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Yeah. My dad was obsessed with new technology.

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We've already seen that he was obsessed with Saturn V rockets,

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and Apollo and so on, so anything that was an advance,

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technologically, my dad was fascinated by.

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TOMORROW'S WORLD THEME

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The BBC introduced us to Tomorrow's World in 1965,

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and for 38 years

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we were totally amazed, and often confused,

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by the inventions that were seemingly just around the corner.

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In 1972, ten million people tuned in

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to hear about a barely believable prospect

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of something called the Channel Tunnel...

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A large area of western

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and central Europe will come within a comfortable day's

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driving from London, and that mighty ditch, the Channel,

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will have been reduced to an average day's journey to work.

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..and to watch demonstrations of the first water bikes

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and helicopter cars.

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Mine still hasn't been delivered.

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Telecommunications have intruded into our lives,

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but not for political purposes, like Orwell's telescreen.

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And ironically,

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the ingredients aren't futuristic technological wonders,

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they're basically just our old friends

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the telephone and the television linking with a computer database.

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Even the way she speaks, nobody talks like that.

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CLIPPED ACCENT: They talk like this.

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There's the telephone, and things you're entirely used to.

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This is a breakthrough that will affect all our everyday lives.

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You can already use it to do your shopping.

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Now, a list of wines to stock up again after Christmas.

0:18:060:18:09

Now, I can put in a credit card to pay for it,

0:18:090:18:13

and the orders are on the way.

0:18:130:18:14

That was incredible - the idea that you could order something

0:18:140:18:17

-through your television was unbelievable.

-Mm.

0:18:170:18:20

computers join the mass communication market

0:18:200:18:22

for the first time.

0:18:220:18:23

This is a sign of how fast we've come along.

0:18:230:18:26

My dad died - where are we now? -

0:18:260:18:28

26 years ago, and he never saw a mobile phone.

0:18:280:18:32

-Really?

-And he would have loved it!

-Yeah, yeah.

0:18:320:18:34

All that computerised stuff.

0:18:340:18:36

I sometimes have some trouble with my hands,

0:18:370:18:38

-and I dictate to my computers, I have a voice recognition programme.

-Mm-hm.

0:18:380:18:42

And I remember my son coming in, and I was dictating a book.

0:18:420:18:44

He said, "What are you doing?" I said, "I'm talking to my computer."

0:18:440:18:47

He went, "Oh, yeah." And you just think,

0:18:470:18:49

"Oh, you don't think it's extraordinary and amazing."

0:18:490:18:52

We've got a clip from a show that I think you'll really enjoy.

0:18:560:19:01

Dan...da-da!

0:19:010:19:02

Good God!

0:19:020:19:04

Yes, none of your shop-bought rubbish.

0:19:040:19:06

Now, there's a trick with these, all right?

0:19:060:19:08

They're perfectly all right, they're perfectly sound,

0:19:080:19:10

except they do not go bang. So...

0:19:100:19:12

-And...

-BOTH: Bang!

0:19:120:19:14

-Richard Briers...

-Yeah, I know, what a legend.

0:19:140:19:16

And Felicity Kendal, but, for me, the show was about Penny Keith.

0:19:160:19:20

The show was about the timing of that genius comic woman.

0:19:200:19:25

One, two, three...

0:19:250:19:26

Crack.

0:19:260:19:28

LAUGHTER

0:19:280:19:30

Not "bang"?

0:19:300:19:31

No, I see "crack" as a more pertinent word.

0:19:310:19:34

It is, after all, the stem of "cracker", isn't it?

0:19:340:19:37

You can't argue with that.

0:19:370:19:38

Of course, because I'd been brought up so far in Denmark, and in America,

0:19:380:19:45

I didn't know about the class system in Britain.

0:19:450:19:47

We don't really have a class system in Denmark at all.

0:19:470:19:51

And it seemed extraordinary to me

0:19:510:19:53

that these two women could not get on, couldn't understand each other.

0:19:530:19:56

Oh, look at her!

0:19:560:19:58

Come on, Margot, get your hat on!

0:19:580:20:00

This is the Daily Mirror.

0:20:000:20:01

I am terribly sorry, Margot. Please, have the Telegraph.

0:20:030:20:08

-So, of course, he's got the Financial Times on...

-Yes!

0:20:120:20:14

..and she's got the Daily Telegraph on,

0:20:140:20:16

and that tells you so much about British society, doesn't it?

0:20:160:20:19

-Yes.

-But I didn't know it at the time.

0:20:190:20:20

But look at it - it's all happening in one room...

0:20:200:20:23

There's no great fantastic television thing happening here,

0:20:230:20:27

-apart from people sitting, chatting and being funny.

-Yeah.

0:20:270:20:29

Bit like us.

0:20:290:20:30

SHE CHUCKLES

0:20:300:20:32

We should have had hats. We should have had hats!

0:20:320:20:35

Now, then, my motto.

0:20:350:20:37

"The 'ooh-aah' bird is so called because it lays square eggs."

0:20:380:20:42

I don't understand that.

0:20:520:20:53

So you'd watch that at home, with your family?

0:20:530:20:55

Yeah. Yeah, that was a good one for the family.

0:20:550:20:58

And I miss it. It always used to be on at half past seven,

0:20:580:21:01

we'll all sit together at half past seven.

0:21:010:21:03

-Of course, it doesn't work that way now.

-No.

0:21:030:21:05

You would have 12 million people might watch one thing,

0:21:050:21:07

and the chances are somebody else at work had seen the same thing.

0:21:070:21:10

-It doesn't happen any more.

-12 million people watched one thing,

0:21:100:21:13

because there was only what, three channels?

0:21:130:21:15

Yeah, and one of them was cheap and tawdry, so...

0:21:150:21:17

-Yeah, which you never watched.

-No.

0:21:170:21:18

Watching Penelope, watching The Good Life,

0:21:180:21:20

did it influence your comedy?

0:21:200:21:22

Yeah, there's no question

0:21:220:21:24

that there's a lot of very strong women that I've watched

0:21:240:21:26

-over the years, and admired their timing.

-Mm.

0:21:260:21:28

I mean, what do you think of people that say that,

0:21:280:21:30

"Oh, women can't be funny"?

0:21:300:21:34

-Ridiculous, isn't it?

-Here's a little test I would do for you, OK?

0:21:340:21:36

Try and do this without getting arrested.

0:21:360:21:38

-If you're ever at a big function, OK?

-Mm.

0:21:380:21:40

Go and stand outside the gents' toilets -

0:21:400:21:42

you don't need to go in, just stand outside -

0:21:420:21:44

the door will open and close, and all you'll hear is...

0:21:440:21:46

SHE MURMURS ..and water running.

0:21:460:21:49

Stand outside the ladies'. As the door opens and closes,

0:21:490:21:51

you will hear nothing but laughter.

0:21:510:21:53

Women are funny all the time.

0:21:530:21:55

We still have a problem in this country -

0:21:550:21:58

if there's a show on, you hardly ever have more than one woman on the show.

0:21:580:22:02

If there's four panellists, it'll be three boys and a girl.

0:22:020:22:05

-And they'll say, "Ooh, women - we've already got one of those."

-Mm.

0:22:050:22:08

So, we still have work to do. There's stuff to do.

0:22:080:22:10

But Sandi's big TV break came in 1982,

0:22:140:22:18

when ITV started making a brand-new, completely live

0:22:180:22:22

Saturday morning kids' TV show, No. 73.

0:22:220:22:26

It was to be bigger and messier than anything on the BBC,

0:22:260:22:29

but she got started on the road to stardom

0:22:290:22:32

not because of what she did right, but what she did wrong.

0:22:320:22:35

-So, you know The Stage newspaper...

-Yes.

0:22:350:22:37

..the newspaper for the profession.

0:22:370:22:39

I was reading it, and there was an advert in the back,

0:22:390:22:41

"Would you like to have breakfast with a gorilla?"

0:22:410:22:44

And I though, "Well, I don't mind."

0:22:440:22:45

So it said to send off your CV and a photograph of yourself,

0:22:450:22:49

and I didn't realise, because I didn't know much about show

0:22:490:22:51

business, that they meant one of those posh photographs.

0:22:510:22:54

I went to Victoria Station in London to a photo booth,

0:22:540:22:57

and I couldn't get the chair to go all the way up,

0:22:570:22:59

so I sent a photo that, honestly, it was three-quarters of my head

0:22:590:23:02

in a little tiny picture like this,

0:23:020:23:04

and the producers thought it was a joke.

0:23:040:23:06

Oh, right! Oh, right.

0:23:060:23:07

It was the only photo that I had of myself, and I auditioned,

0:23:070:23:12

and I got the job.

0:23:120:23:14

So here we are. This is No. 73, with Sandi Toksvig.

0:23:140:23:19

Morning. Did you see who that was?

0:23:220:23:25

I bet it was the milkman.

0:23:250:23:27

-That's not you!

-It is me!

0:23:270:23:29

No, that's you!

0:23:290:23:30

-Have you seen this before?

-No. Cos it was live!

0:23:310:23:34

Well, let's have a look.

0:23:340:23:35

That's how the day started. What does the horoscope say?

0:23:350:23:38

Er...Taurus.

0:23:380:23:40

It was live telly, hour and three-quarters.

0:23:400:23:43

Still only three channels.

0:23:430:23:45

Millions of people watching,

0:23:450:23:47

and you knew there was a lot of work ahead of you.

0:23:470:23:50

Your heart would be absolutely coming out of your chest.

0:23:500:23:53

So the first six years of my television career.

0:23:530:23:55

-So wonderful TV training, surely?

-Oh, it's the best.

0:23:550:23:58

There's nothing that went wrong that couldn't have gone wrong.

0:23:580:24:00

First he had the whole house rewired, then he had me wired for sound.

0:24:000:24:04

It's wonderful.

0:24:040:24:05

KNOCK AT DOOR

0:24:050:24:06

Oh, it can't be the milkman, can it?

0:24:080:24:09

-I can't tell you...

-A lot of acting.

-There was a lot of acting,

0:24:090:24:12

and I can't tell you how many things went wrong.

0:24:120:24:14

We did a whole show with Spike Milligan, hour and three-quarters.

0:24:140:24:18

The last five minutes,

0:24:180:24:19

Spike and me are meant to do the whole big scene

0:24:190:24:22

to wrap up everything.

0:24:220:24:23

I go into that bit of the set,

0:24:230:24:26

and the floor manager's behind the camera going, "Spike's gone home."

0:24:260:24:29

To do the last five minutes, I played both parts.

0:24:300:24:33

HONKY TONK MUSIC So the daring, dazzling,

0:24:330:24:35

death-defyingly dull, devastatingly dangerous,

0:24:350:24:37

delectable, divinely decadent Sandwich Quiz!

0:24:370:24:40

-ALL:

-Heeeeeere's Ethel!

0:24:400:24:42

The reason we did the Sandwich Quiz was, because the show was live,

0:24:420:24:45

sometimes at the end we had two minutes left,

0:24:450:24:47

and sometimes we had 22 minutes left,

0:24:470:24:48

and we could never work out how to time it exactly,

0:24:480:24:51

and the Sandwich Quiz, and my job,

0:24:510:24:53

was to make sure we came out exactly on time.

0:24:530:24:55

Prince Charles has saved a 59-year-old man

0:24:550:24:57

who was in a car crash this morning.

0:24:570:24:59

-Quite a hero, old Charles.

-Is he? Going to make your sandwich?

0:24:590:25:01

-Here's your currants.

-Thanks.

-Piece of bread. How are we doing?

0:25:010:25:04

That's very nice.

0:25:040:25:05

Pour them down here, and make them disappear or turn into sugar.

0:25:050:25:08

-Talking of the Sandwich Quiz, I've got something...

-Oh, no.

0:25:080:25:12

..in the hall, that I'm just about to get.

0:25:120:25:16

-I've got here...

-Oh, for goodness' sake.

-..the very item.

0:25:170:25:20

SHE CHUCKLES

0:25:200:25:21

Ladies and gentlemen, we are presenting, for the first time...

0:25:210:25:24

Oh, we had currants! It was for current affairs, we had currants.

0:25:240:25:27

..in many years, we are going to perform the Sandwich Quiz.

0:25:270:25:31

-These are your questions.

-OK.

0:25:310:25:33

-Cos we're going to play. I haven't seen them.

-So, the idea was...

0:25:330:25:36

Well, first up, can you do the tongue twister?

0:25:360:25:39

Oh, my goodness, it must be 30 years.

0:25:390:25:41

-I've got it here.

-No, no, let me try.

0:25:410:25:43

So I used to bang the table, and the music would start.

0:25:430:25:45

HONKY-TONK MUSIC And I would say...

0:25:450:25:47

So, the daring, dazzling, death-defyingly dull,

0:25:470:25:49

devastatingly dangerous, delectable,

0:25:490:25:51

divinely decadent Sandwich Quiz.

0:25:510:25:53

In the bag, ladies and gentlemen. A Blue Peter badge.

0:25:530:25:55

So I'm going to ask you a question.

0:25:550:25:57

-Right.

-If you get it right, you make a sandwich.

0:25:570:25:59

You've got to do this quickly, we have a lot of people to feed.

0:25:590:26:02

-Mm-hm.

-OK, are you ready? KLAXON

0:26:020:26:04

Sandwiches were invented by a famous earl, the Earl of...?

0:26:040:26:06

-Of Sandwich.

-Absolutely right. Make a sandwich.

0:26:060:26:08

-So I make a sandwich.

-I'll ask you the next question -

0:26:080:26:11

you've got to be quick.

0:26:110:26:12

-Which country has a nut named after it?

-Oh, gawd.

0:26:120:26:14

-Um...

-What is that?

-I don't know what sandwich it is.

0:26:140:26:17

Looks like salad cream.

0:26:170:26:18

-No, don't do jam with it! It looks horrible.

-I'm sorry.

0:26:180:26:20

-Have I got to eat it?

-Yes. Is it coronation chicken?

0:26:200:26:23

-It is...brazil nuts.

-Brazil nuts! Make another sandwich.

0:26:230:26:25

Do you drink fizzy pop from a can or a cannot?

0:26:250:26:28

-Er...from a can.

-Oh, you're good. You're good!

-Ah!

0:26:280:26:31

-But you're not fast at the sandwiches.

-No, I'm not.

0:26:310:26:33

Normally there would have been two people.

0:26:330:26:35

We'd have Elton John against Suzi Quatro.

0:26:350:26:36

Oh, where's Elton when you need him?

0:26:360:26:38

If you put bread in a bread bin, what do you put in a toaster?

0:26:380:26:41

-Er... Oh, good - bread, bread.

-Hey!

-That was good!

0:26:410:26:44

-I see where you were going there.

-Another sandwich, please.

0:26:440:26:46

Thank you very much.

0:26:460:26:47

-Why did the chicken cross the road?

-Er...

0:26:470:26:49

To get to the other side.

0:26:490:26:51

Ah, you see, a comic.

0:26:510:26:52

We should ask some currant ones.

0:26:520:26:54

Why did the tomato blush?

0:26:540:26:55

Er, because it was...

0:26:550:26:58

-sun-dried?

-Because it saw the salad dressing.

0:26:580:27:00

KLAXON Oh, you were doing so well!

0:27:000:27:02

You should come on Fifteen To One.

0:27:020:27:04

I'm telling you, the physics questions were next.

0:27:040:27:06

Would have been great.

0:27:060:27:07

Do you think that this would work well on Fifteen To One,

0:27:070:27:09

-making sandwiches?

-Yeah, why not?

0:27:090:27:11

I love the fact that this is your idea.

0:27:110:27:13

This is something that you thought of.

0:27:130:27:15

Well, it's a long time ago, but maybe it's ripe for a comeback.

0:27:150:27:18

Shall we see what we can do?

0:27:180:27:19

-You said we should work together.

-I'm ready.

0:27:190:27:22

-Ready when you are.

-Yeah?

-Mm.

0:27:220:27:23

Does it seem weird, watching yourself?

0:27:230:27:25

Yeah, it is very strange.

0:27:250:27:26

Because it was live, I never really watched it.

0:27:260:27:28

So it is very odd and dear Lord, I look young.

0:27:280:27:31

-Mm, you still do, though.

-You are gorgeous.

0:27:310:27:34

I may be on the turn, Brian, I'm just saying. I really like you.

0:27:340:27:36

God bless you.

0:27:360:27:38

So, Sandi, to bring us up to date,

0:27:380:27:39

what do you enjoy watching now on TV?

0:27:390:27:41

I've loved all the Danish dramas that have done so well -

0:27:410:27:43

The Killing, Borgen, The Legacy - I love the international element.

0:27:430:27:46

So, as a guest on the show, you get a choice, now,

0:27:460:27:48

to pick a theme tune...

0:27:480:27:50

-OK.

-..that we're going to play out on.

0:27:500:27:53

-There's only one.

-Mm-hm.

0:27:530:27:54

It's got to be Cagney & Lacey. I love those feisty ladies.

0:27:540:27:58

I dreamt of striding down a street like that.

0:27:580:28:01

-It reminds me of my American childhood.

-Mm-hm.

0:28:010:28:04

Ladies and gentlemen, this wonderful lady,

0:28:040:28:06

Sandi Toksvig, God bless you.

0:28:060:28:08

And here is Cagney & Lacey to play us out.

0:28:080:28:11

We'll see you soon. Bye-bye.

0:28:110:28:13

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