Episode 2 Total Wipeout


Episode 2

Richard Hammond presents the game show in which 20 Brits tackle an obstacle course in Argentina for a £10,000 first prize. New challenges include a terrifying Wipeout Zone.


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Transcript


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Buenos Aires, to the right of Chile.

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Slightly below Uruguay.

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7,000 miles from home, give or take a mile.

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20 plucky Brits, including a cheerleader, a vet and a children's

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entertainer have all lost their luggage on their way

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to tackling the greatest obstacle course in the world.

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One will be victorious.

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19 just won't. Let the games begin.

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Welcome to Total Wipeout. Today, 20 competitors face a challenge that's

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so difficult, so tough, it would be impossible to put into words,

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although technically, that is my job.

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So I should try.

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Um, yes, it's a stupid obstacle course.

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They have to cross a stupid obstacle course.

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So what will they be facing on this so-called stupid obstacle course?

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That's mine, I thought of that.

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The Qualifier. Tough.

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Crashmantic. Really tough.

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Dizzy Dummies, even tougher than what I said just then.

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And the Wipeout Zone, so tough you can just ignore the other

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times I used the word tough to describe something tough.

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It's time to go to the top of the course and meet the first victim -

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I mean competitor. I'm kidding - victim.

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With them is a woman with the smile of an angel and a heart of a mafia hitman. It's Amanda Byram.

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I'm joined now at the top of the course by Rory from Tiverton whose

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job lends itself to the Total Wipeout course. Rory, what is it you do?

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I build playgrounds for a living.

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My whole life is swings and roundabouts so this should be

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a doddle for me, an absolute easy walk in the park.

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Hi, my name's Rory, and I'm going to roar around this course.

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-Roar!

-Meow.

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So a very confident Rory sets off, but what will he be facing first?

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In the last series, the Walk of Shame proved such a hit,

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and I mean that literally, with the contestants,

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that Eduardo has brought it back and this time he's super-sized it.

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So introducing the Super Walk of Shame.

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It's basically the same, but tall.

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So Rory is the first to try it out.

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One small step for man,

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one giant leap into the swimming pool, I imagine.

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Ooh! Yeah, it's just further to fall, really.

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The Super Walk of Shame does what it says on the tin.

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It's not as easy as it looks.

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It doesn't actually look easy, anyway.

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Can Rory use his skills as a builder of adventure playgrounds

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to get the better of this obstacle the second time around? No.

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No, but he did it more quickly into the water.

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Straightaway. Now on to the Sucker Punch.

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I doubt Rory has ever made one of these for a playground.

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Well, I hope not, anyway. There'd be complaints.

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Ooh! He's doing well, though.

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Riding those punches. No! Not that one. That was a hit.

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Now, that's a face plant if ever I saw one.

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Yeah, you said it, Amanda, classic face plant.

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He turns, oh, that's anticipated, it's perfect.

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That is class.

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Next up, it's the Big Balls.

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He's using the railing, I don't think he can see anything through that mud mask.

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Just as well, because above his head is Mr Motivator himself,

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200 pounds of precision padded foam,

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designed exclusively to "hurry" the more hesitant competitors.

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I like to think of it more as a heat-seeking ditherer destroyer.

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Here we go, he's poised and ready.

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Oh, he blindly leaps onto the first ball, he has no idea where he is.

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Oh, he's balanced.

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Rory could just turn out to be the first person

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to cross the balls this series. I know, Amanda.

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Check out his balance!

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This is looking very good for Rory, what a leap!

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Maybe I should have waited

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until he was on the third ball before hyping him up.

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I anticipated it a bit.

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Well, he may not leave his mark on the Qualifier,

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but he's left a perfect Rory-shaped mark on that ball.

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So Rory climbs the ladder as he faces another new obstacle.

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It's a tightrope.

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But not just a tightrope. Oh, no, there's more to it than that.

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What do you mean - no?

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There isn't...it is just... it is literally...OK.

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Bit cheap. I'll give it to you - it is just a rope.

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Obviously, if we have tightrope walkers on,

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they'll find this bit easy.

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Rory's got vision back now as he gets onto the rope.

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Test of balance and arm strength here.

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He's looking steady. Ridiculous, but steady.

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-Will it be a roaring success?

-Thank you, that'll be a pun.

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He's the first person to try it, but I think he's going to make it.

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And he has!

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-He has.

-He's done it! Come on!

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No surprise, then, it is just a rope.

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Should have spent more money on that.

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Anyway, roaring Rory finishes in 3:50.

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Next on the Qualifier are girlfriend and boyfriend Sarah and Andy

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from Glasgow, who are both cheerleaders.

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-We are ready.

-I like this.

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They're in time and everything.

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I'd book those to to come and do cheerleading for me

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whenever I've got... cheers that need...leading.

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-Oh, yes.

-Who's the boss, then?

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Oh, me. I'm the boss of us, I'm the boss of the squad,

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I just run everything.

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She likes to think she's the boss.

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I let her think that just so she doesn't have a tantrum.

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You tell everyone what to do, then?

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No, my silences and my looks usually do it for me, so...

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Show me the look.

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I'm scared!

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Clear who wears the trousers in that relationship.

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I just don't want the house next to theirs when they're practicing.

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It's Sarah next onto the Super Walk of Shame.

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And, yep...ooh!

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I can do this cheerleading thing.

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Give me an O! Give me a U!

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Do you see where I'm going?

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Ouch. Oh!

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Right, can boyfriend Andy do any better?

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Sarah wears the trousers.

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Andy's got to wear those bad shorts as a result, it would seem.

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Come on, Andy, are you on or off?

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Give me an S for stuck.

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Oh, no, he's not.

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Onto the Sucker Punch now.

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Living with Sarah, probably used to dodging the odd punch, allegedly.

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Oh. No.

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Trouserless Andy isn't doing that well right now.

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That did seem like an extra-hard punch.

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Who's controlling the fist today? Hey.

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Back to trouser-wearing Sarah who's on to the big balls now.

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This competition is heating up. She's off...

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she's really off and avoiding both the Motivator

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and getting any further along the balls.

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-Watch this!

-Trouserless Andy's turn.

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Good jump, might put him ahead of Sarah.

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-Oh!

-Ahrg!

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It was. But then in the water.

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I didn't know he was a contortionist, I thought he was a cheerleader.

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# I hurt myself today... #

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I think his body had stopped,

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but his legs just weren't giving up, were they? They carried on.

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Right, it's neck and neck here,

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but Andy's life won't be worth living if he beats Sarah.

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Think carefully.

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-Here we go.

-The all-important tightrope.

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It's not just pride that hangs in the balance here.

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Or dignity, obviously there's none.

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Trouser-wearing Sarah has slipped

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and gone and wet her metaphorical trousers.

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-Easy peasy!

-Which means if Andy can just get across,

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he's surely got this in the bag.

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If I were him, I think I'd lose this on purpose right now. He has.

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Come on, at least make it look like you were trying!

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You just threw it away!

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You looked like you were too scared to beat her.

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You probably were.

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OK, both of them finished looking pleased with themselves,

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but that's about to change because the results are in.

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Yeah!

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The person who was faster was...

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-Andy.

-Yes!

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Oh, you're gutted! Look at you!

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Oh, well.

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Meet 30-year-old Vestalia who has a heart of gold on her shirt,

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and in her spare time is a bell-ringer.

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Pull the other one. I did a bell pun! I'm sorry.

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I'm going to win this race with an elegant face,

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not a hair out of place, yes!

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Yeah. Now that's what we call

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tempting fate. Good luck!

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Right, Vestalia, down the slope. I can't remember what they're called.

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It is the Superb...the Super Things Walkway...I don't know.

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She's on them, that's the main thing.

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Oh.

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Not so elegant, Vestalia.

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Vestalia moves onto the Big Red Balls

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and hopefully she'll try to be a bit more graceful here.

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Remember the Motivator waiting.

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But I'm sure she'll get a move on.

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For whom the bell tolls.

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Oh, no!

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That is unbelievable!

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The Motivator has struck for the first time.

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Finally! All those pesos blown on red foam and sandbags

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now seem worth it.

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# He touched me He looked at and me and stared

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# As he bumped me... #

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Oh, what a machine!

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I imagine that probably hurts.

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# He knocked me off my feet... #

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Yeah, ha! This is fun!

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# When he nudged me...

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# ..Yes, it hit me Just like a ton of bricks. #

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It does rather beg the question -

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will that be the only time the Motivator strikes today?

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From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely hope not.

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# I can hear the bell... #

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Now it's on to the tightrope, which a bell-ringer should find easy.

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# Everybody says that a girl who looks like me... #

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Come on, you can do...you can't.

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She's dropped a clanger. Another pun. Sorry.

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I would like to apologise for the amount of replays shown when

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The Motivator brutally hit poor innocent unsuspecting Vestalia.

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There'll be no more, honestly. No more replays, it would be too cruel.

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No more. After this one.

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# He knocked me off my feet... #

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God that is just magnificent, it's...

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sorry, where were we? Yes, um let's move on. Sorry.

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Here are two people with a lot to say for themselves.

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First, 26-year-old Mel who's a personal trainer.

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Total Wipeout, are you ready? Because Mel's going to give you hell.

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Then there's 51-year-old Victor

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who is a justice of the peace and today's oldest competitor.

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I took by the throat the circumcised dog.

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Putting Croydon on the map!

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Oh, yeah, he's doing the funky judge. Silence in court.

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A-ha! Right, he's off. This is very quick.

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Oh, my lord, he's the first one to make it across the Super what-you...

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and he's done it again.

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No! Oh! Uh-oh.

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Your bits will have come off, I suspect, there.

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Victor judged it quite poorly. Can motormouth Mel get across as well?

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Here we go. No, she can't.

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She's fallen in.

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It is a long way. Right, the funky judge attempting the Big Red Balls.

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Oh! Oh!

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Order in the court.

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He very nearly brushed the fourth one.

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That was the best so far today, I'd say.

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# I don't care if I die... #

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Points for style. His wig would have come off

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had he chosen to wear it today.

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Who will have the last word between these two?

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Oh, those arm muscles are going to come in handy here, Mel.

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You will need them, but perhaps some coordination as well would be handy.

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Yeah, you can use those arms to swim to the podium.

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Look at her go. Yeah, that strength coming in handy.

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Right, funky judge has retired to his chamber,

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-managing the Qualifier in just under three minutes.

-Yes!

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Motormouth Mel wraps this one up in 2:21

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and takes a well deserved rest, that's a strong time.

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So that blistering run puts Motormouth Mel in first place

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with the funky judge Victor in second.

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Trouserless Andy is in third.

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Vestalia is in fifth. Stop it!

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And trouser-wearing Sarah limps into sixth.

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But with plenty more competitors to come, that can all change.

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It's a little-known fact that Total Wipeout is filmed in Argentina.

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Now, there are three good reasons for that.

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The steaks are excellent, the wine is superb.

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That's two, what's the third?

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Um...oh, yeah, there are no health and safety officers.

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That is, until now.

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So I'm joined now at the top of the Qualifier by Bob from Cornwall who is

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a health and safety officer. Bob, have you spotted anything hazardous out there?

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There seems to be a couple of work at height issues.

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What do you mean, Bob?

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A couple of slips and trips.

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Oh, come on, this is nitpicking.

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The mud, the bio problems with that could be quite large, yeah.

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You've got a point with that one, actually.

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There's no defence.

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Health and safety Bob beginning his inspection.

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We're going to put a railing on this ramp, Bob, don't worry.

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That one's passed, that one's passed,

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that one's - oh, no! That one failed, look.

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We'll attend to that, Bob, don't worry.

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# Highway to the danger zone... #

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That mallet above your head, purely for decoration.

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Onto the first ball now.

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Keep the back straight and lift with the knees, Bob, lift with the knees.

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Oh, yes, not the greatest effort,

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I've got to say, but a very safe fall.

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Well done, Bob, well done.

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Onto the tightrope,

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giving this a rigorous vibration test.

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Really wants to give this a kind mark.

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Sorry it isn't fluorescent, that would have helped, I'm sure.

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# Whole lot of shaking going on... #

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Testing, testing, looking good. Needs a bit more testing.

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Is it the rope wobbling or Bob's legs?

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I don't know. Maybe this is just a safe approach.

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No. It's not worked.

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OK. Bob completes the Qualifier in 4:40,

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making his progression into the next round a very unsafe bet.

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Hey, no bombing!

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Health and safety Bob said we'd get the results

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of his investigation in a couple of months.

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So I doubt there'll be another series.

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Tell John Craven I've changed my mind.

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Countryfile, I'll do it, I've got a coat.

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So while we're still on air - are we still on?

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OK, let's meet the next set of contestants.

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Simon is a friendly scout leader, Kenny works in a museum teaching

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science and Paul is a children's entertainer.

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These guys seem like perfect examples for the next generation.

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Ging gang gooly gooly gooly!

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I blow things up.

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It's just not looking good for the kids. I've never felt so mis-sold.

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Right, Paul the clown is off.

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I should mention one of those pillars is broken.

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That one there, that fellow in the middle.

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Still, for a children's entertainer, Paul is very entertaining.

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I'd book him.

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Watch me explode.

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And he has, so we'll move on.

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Oh, he's back.

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Can exploding Kenny make it across the Super Walk of Shame?

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Can he? No, he can't.

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Scoutmaster Simon is away.

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Good start, this. End of the ramp,

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onto the Super Walk... oh, yes!

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No, no!

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Scoutmaster Simon hoping to get

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his jumping-over-the-Big-Red-Balls badge here.

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And not a chance, no, not with that, no.

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Exploding Kenny has created a formula to help him

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across the balls.

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Weight x mass - velocity squared

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= big muddy patch on the ball.

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Hoping Kenny doesn't also teach swimming,

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because that's not working.

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No time for clowning around here as Paul heads to the Balls.

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One, two, three, this is looking good.

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Paul could be our first competitor this series to cross the balls.

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I hyped up Rory too early last time,

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I'm not going to get excited too soon.

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Nice cup of tea. Oh.

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Wa-hoo!

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Oh, yes, he did!

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He did it! For the first time this series,

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somebody has crossed the Big Red Balls,

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and I've spilt my tea. Oh, God.

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Right, straight on to the rope.

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Surely he's not going to get across here too.

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He's making this look easy. What is this man made of?!

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Well, it's a fantastic performance and the fastest time so far

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-and probably ever, of 2:18.

-Big Red Balls. No problem.

0:16:420:16:46

Let's see how the other two finish.

0:16:460:16:49

-Hot on his heels, exploding Kenny...

-Come on!

0:16:490:16:52

..and then scout leader Simon.

0:16:520:16:54

Remember, kids, the most important lesson of all,

0:16:540:16:57

victory or defeat, always be gracious.

0:16:570:17:00

That's gracious spittle flailing from his mouth.

0:17:000:17:03

This is 33-year-old Yudi, a marketing executive with a point to prove.

0:17:030:17:07

I've just come out of a long relationship and a quite competitive

0:17:070:17:11

relationship and he always said I'd never be able to do it.

0:17:110:17:14

He didn't think you could do it. You're here, he's not.

0:17:140:17:17

Yeah, he's at home on the sofa, I'm in Argentina.

0:17:170:17:21

What is a competitive relationship? I've never had one.

0:17:210:17:24

OK, you go, girl! Newly single Yudi is about to show her

0:17:240:17:27

ex-boyfriend she's so over him

0:17:270:17:28

and over that podium and into the water.

0:17:280:17:31

# I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair... #

0:17:310:17:35

She came here with a broken heart, she leaves with a broken... no, she's fine.

0:17:350:17:38

Right, 23-year-old Sam is also coming to terms with a tough break-up,

0:17:380:17:43

the break-up of S Club 7.

0:17:430:17:45

# S Club...There ain't no party like an S Club party... #

0:17:450:17:49

-You love them.

-Yeah.

-But they're not together anymore.

0:17:490:17:53

They're together in my heart, that's all that matters.

0:17:530:17:55

There ain't no party like a S Club party, and I'm their biggest fan!

0:17:550:17:59

Where do these people come from? And how do I stay away from them?

0:18:000:18:04

So, Sam is hoping to inspire an S Club 7 reunion

0:18:040:18:07

with a successful performance here.

0:18:070:18:09

That's not going to help.

0:18:090:18:11

Come on, Sam, do this for Bradley, Tina and...

0:18:110:18:14

the other ones, whoever they were.

0:18:140:18:15

Roland, Keith...

0:18:150:18:17

-Yeah, that's them Amanda.

-Benny, Bjorn...

0:18:170:18:21

You're just making noises.

0:18:210:18:22

He's on the way, I hope he doesn't get hit.

0:18:220:18:25

I fear he may snap.

0:18:270:18:29

Right in the S Club 7s.

0:18:290:18:32

Back to Yudi again, who's loitering at the Big Balls.

0:18:340:18:38

The Motivator won't like that.

0:18:380:18:39

There it goes, and there she goes as well, a lucky miss.

0:18:390:18:42

# We've got to all stick together

0:18:420:18:45

# Good friends are there for each other

0:18:450:18:48

# Never, ever forget that

0:18:480:18:51

# I got you and you got me... #

0:18:510:18:56

Look he's doing it, he actually did reach for the stars there.

0:18:560:18:59

And then fell in the water.

0:18:590:19:01

S Club Sam goes on to finish in 3:08.

0:19:010:19:04

Might not reunite S Club 7,

0:19:040:19:05

but it's still a good time in the Qualifier. Well done.

0:19:050:19:08

Yudi's still going. Still proving that point to her ex on the sofa.

0:19:080:19:14

Just the rope now between her and total revenge.

0:19:140:19:16

They say revenge is a dish best served cold...

0:19:160:19:21

and maybe a little bit wet.

0:19:210:19:22

Yudi finishes in under three minutes, which is a good time,

0:19:220:19:25

as well as a point proved to the ex.

0:19:250:19:27

# I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair... #

0:19:270:19:29

Next to tackle the Qualifier is Molly who works in a cheese factory.

0:19:290:19:34

I work in a cheese factory and I'm going to cheese you all off by getting the fastest time!

0:19:340:19:40

Does anyone speak cheese, as I have no idea?

0:19:400:19:42

-Oh, my God, oh, my God!

-All right, calm down, dear.

0:19:420:19:45

I'm absolutely not going to fall into the trap

0:19:450:19:47

of making any cheesy puns here. None.

0:19:470:19:50

Cheddar luck next time, Molly.

0:19:500:19:51

Amanda obviously didn't get that bit.

0:19:510:19:53

It is an admirable start to the Super Walk of Shame for Molly

0:19:530:19:56

and then a flamboyant and disastrous finish.

0:19:560:20:00

# She's the one... #

0:20:000:20:01

On to the Big Red Balls, or, to Molly, the giant edams.

0:20:030:20:08

Oh, no, she's gone back for a knife.

0:20:080:20:11

That's what that'll be, I'm pretty sure.

0:20:110:20:13

Oh, my God!

0:20:140:20:15

And Molly finishes in a respectable 3:43, not at all bad.

0:20:150:20:19

I thought I was going to die.

0:20:190:20:21

Did you really think you were going to die?

0:20:210:20:23

Yeah. It is so hard.

0:20:230:20:26

At which point did you think death was the next step?

0:20:260:20:28

Like, as soon as I started.

0:20:280:20:31

Any news from Countryfile? No?

0:20:310:20:33

That's awkward. So we're over halfway through our 20 excitable obstacleers,

0:20:330:20:37

and remember, only 12 of them will make it through.

0:20:370:20:40

Let's take another look at the leaderboard.

0:20:400:20:42

So as it stands, Paul the clown is top of the table,

0:20:420:20:45

with motormouth Mel and Scoutmaster Simon just behind.

0:20:450:20:49

Newly single Yudi and Victor the funky judge came home in just under

0:20:490:20:52

the three-minute mark, which currently puts them fifth and sixth.

0:20:520:20:55

Trouserless Andy finds himself above S Club Sam,

0:20:550:20:59

cheesy Molly and roaring Rory in tenth.

0:20:590:21:02

Vestalia - come on! - is in eleventh,

0:21:020:21:05

leaving Sarah wearing the trousers

0:21:050:21:07

but holding the wooden spoon in twelfth.

0:21:070:21:09

This is 46-year-old chef Melody, from Bury.

0:21:090:21:13

Can she make sweet music on the Super Walk of Shame?

0:21:130:21:17

She steps up. She's...ah...

0:21:180:21:20

Not what I'd call a virtuoso performance, to be honest.

0:21:200:21:24

And her singing is a little off key as well. Slightly sharp.

0:21:260:21:32

Hopefully Melody can conduct herself a bit better on the Balls.

0:21:320:21:36

She's on, and... I had a feeling that might happen.

0:21:360:21:40

She went nowhere, she's further back than when she started it.

0:21:400:21:43

Looks like there'll be no encore for Melody.

0:21:430:21:45

Finishing in over five minutes, it puts her flat last.

0:21:450:21:48

Next to go is 26-year-old lecturer Nix.

0:21:480:21:50

She is 50% human and 50% rubber band.

0:21:500:21:54

Nix practises sports acrobatics,

0:21:550:21:58

which is the ancient art of being very bendy.

0:21:580:22:01

She can actually stretch herself... No! Ooh...

0:22:010:22:05

She can stretch herself from podium to podium.

0:22:050:22:08

She's managed to recover that, you see, I've never seen that before.

0:22:080:22:11

Super stretchy skills in full use.

0:22:110:22:13

Oh, oh, I've cursed it again, I'm sorry.

0:22:130:22:16

It's just not working for her.

0:22:190:22:21

She does stretch to three times her own length.

0:22:210:22:23

Just let it go, Nix. On to the Balls. Stretchy versus bouncy here.

0:22:230:22:27

Who will come out on top?

0:22:270:22:29

Well, stretchy Nix right now by the look of it.

0:22:290:22:32

Ooh, the Motivator was close.

0:22:320:22:34

But she's looking very steady here.

0:22:340:22:37

Could this be another Ball cross here?

0:22:370:22:41

That's number three. I've got a good feeling about this.

0:22:410:22:44

-DOORBELL

-Oh, not now! Hang on.

0:22:440:22:46

It was just some kids.

0:22:510:22:53

Right, what have I missed? Oh.

0:22:530:22:55

Stretchy Nix then springs home in, what, 3:11.

0:22:550:22:58

The next two contestants have something in common.

0:22:580:23:01

This is 34-year-old vet Nina.

0:23:010:23:03

I'm Nina the ninja squirrel.

0:23:030:23:07

And this is 18-year-old student Georgia.

0:23:070:23:10

I'm a fast and nimble ninja monkey.

0:23:100:23:12

They both claim to be ninja versions of animals, which is just...weird.

0:23:120:23:17

Right, Nina, onto the walkway, and she's... Oh.

0:23:180:23:22

I hope ninja squirrels can swim.

0:23:220:23:24

But who is better, ninja monkeys or ninja squirrels?

0:23:240:23:27

It's a question often asked.

0:23:270:23:29

So far there's nothing to choose between them.

0:23:290:23:33

Yeah, none of the ninja skills helped.

0:23:330:23:37

The bigger the claim, the more embarrassing the fall.

0:23:370:23:39

Right, Meg and Jake, let's go.

0:23:390:23:42

Oh, wow. I was expecting those wing things flying squirrels have

0:23:430:23:47

to stretch out, but they didn't.

0:23:470:23:49

Fly mate Georgia onto the Balls.

0:23:490:23:51

There's one and two. Surely we can't have three competitors

0:23:510:23:54

cross the Balls in one show.

0:23:540:23:55

She's onto the third, onto the fourth, and, no, we can't.

0:23:550:23:58

No, there'd be a law against that happening or something.

0:23:580:24:01

I'm beginning to question these girls' ninja credentials.

0:24:010:24:03

Anyway, Nina finishes in 2:43 and Georgia in 3:13,

0:24:030:24:07

proving once and for all that ninja squirrels

0:24:070:24:10

are better than ninja monkeys.

0:24:100:24:11

Ally is a 24-year-old property valuer from Northern Ireland.

0:24:110:24:14

I wonder if she's any good at valuing Argentinian real estate.

0:24:140:24:18

Go on, then, value our course for us.

0:24:180:24:20

I suppose...

0:24:200:24:22

couple of million maybe for the structures and the...

0:24:220:24:26

# Money, money, money... #

0:24:260:24:28

Actually, no.

0:24:280:24:29

You've a few gaps in the wall over there.

0:24:290:24:33

You've got a lot of mud actually, where did that come from?

0:24:350:24:37

Has there been a lot of rain?

0:24:380:24:40

There's a lot of water.

0:24:400:24:42

But the Big Red Balls, they're priceless.

0:24:420:24:45

Brilliant. From two million to two quid to priceless.

0:24:450:24:48

This market moves quickly.

0:24:480:24:50

Stay on your feet. Ally sprints off, which is a very bold strategy.

0:24:500:24:54

-I can't believe the speed, but it's worked.

-Wow!

0:24:540:24:57

Can she do that again? That was... Ah, no.

0:24:570:25:01

Yeah, she crashed harder than the housing market.

0:25:010:25:03

On to the Sucker Punch, or Gappy Wall as Ally calls it.

0:25:030:25:08

This is quick. Priceless stuff from priceless Ally.

0:25:080:25:11

I can't believe the pace.

0:25:110:25:12

Remember, Paul the clown has the quickest time so far

0:25:120:25:15

and he made it across the Balls. Can Ally to the same?

0:25:150:25:18

Oh, no! Really no!

0:25:180:25:20

Onto the Tightrope, which is...just a rope.

0:25:220:25:25

Oh, and off the Tightrope, which is just a rope.

0:25:250:25:29

I think she might get the quickest time here, though.

0:25:290:25:32

2:18 to beat. Come on, Ally, come on.

0:25:320:25:34

Oh, two seconds out, but that great run

0:25:360:25:40

makes her the second fastest today. That was strong.

0:25:400:25:43

Now, while many people think this is simply an obstacle course-based game show,

0:25:430:25:48

I also like to see it as a bit of a dating show.

0:25:480:25:50

It brings people together in a relaxed atmosphere and then covers them in Argentinian slurry.

0:25:500:25:56

Come on, we've all had dates like that. And this next contestant is looking for love.

0:25:560:26:01

Attention all single ladies, we've got a hot one.

0:26:010:26:05

His name is Malcolm, he's 29 years old,

0:26:050:26:08

and, ladies, get this - he's part of the Welsh archery squad.

0:26:080:26:12

The most famous archer is Robin Hood

0:26:140:26:17

but the other well known one is Cupid

0:26:170:26:19

and I have been single for a while now

0:26:190:26:23

and hopefully, fingers crossed, I'll be able to find someone.

0:26:230:26:28

Like Robin Hood, I'm always on target.

0:26:290:26:32

My target is the winner's cup.

0:26:320:26:34

I want Malcolm to win this more than I've wanted anything else ever.

0:26:350:26:38

He sets off on his merry quest.

0:26:380:26:41

I've never supported... Oh, no, no.

0:26:410:26:43

He's an athlete.

0:26:430:26:46

OK, he's on to the Sucker Punch.

0:26:460:26:48

Come on. That's not a fair fight!

0:26:480:26:50

Malcolm normally has a bow and arrow anyway. He'd have killed it.

0:26:500:26:53

Oh, in the bull's-eye.

0:26:530:26:55

Oh, lucky he was wearing those goggles.

0:26:550:26:57

# I'm sorry that I made you cry... #

0:26:570:26:59

OK, come on, Malcolm, dust yourself down now.

0:26:590:27:03

It'll take a lot of dusting, but dust yourself down.

0:27:030:27:06

OK, the muddy look isn't doing Malcolm any favours

0:27:060:27:09

on the dating front but it is a good place to meet girls.

0:27:090:27:12

Sadly they've all gone now, so there's no point looking, Malcolm.

0:27:170:27:20

Looks like Malcolm might be in trouble.

0:27:200:27:22

Who can possibly save him from an embarrassing muddy end?

0:27:220:27:25

Hang on, this music sounds promising.

0:27:250:27:28

This is Des, egg seller by day, but by night he's a maker of bad superhero costumes.

0:27:280:27:33

So what are his special powers?

0:27:330:27:35

Well, firstly, he has amazing memory powers.

0:27:350:27:39

It ain't no yoke, so let's get cracking.

0:27:390:27:42

Oh, what's the last one?

0:27:420:27:43

He also has incredible balance.

0:27:430:27:46

And he has a cape with a large egg on it. That man is kitted out.

0:27:470:27:51

Eggy Des sets off the save his Malcolm in distress.

0:27:510:27:54

Oh. You might have to wait a few more minutes, Malcolm.

0:27:540:27:57

There might be a girl still in there.

0:27:570:28:00

Fear not, Malcolm, because here comes Eggy Des.

0:28:000:28:03

And there goes Eggy Des.

0:28:030:28:05

Des, you forgot Malcolm. No.

0:28:060:28:09

I'm beginning to wonder about

0:28:100:28:12

Eggy Des's amazing memory powers, he's forgotten.

0:28:120:28:14

Eggy Des will literally fly across these Balls.

0:28:140:28:17

Oh, wait, Des, you forgot your cape. That's what went wrong.

0:28:170:28:20

What use is a magical flying cape if you forget to wear it?

0:28:200:28:23

# I'm going down... #

0:28:230:28:26

Eggy Des scrambles to the finish in a cracking time of 3:06.

0:28:260:28:31

EGGS-ellent work, but will he POACH the top prize?

0:28:310:28:35

That, Eggy Des, is how you do egg puns.

0:28:350:28:37

Breaking news, Malcolm Hood is out of the mud,

0:28:370:28:40

aided by his merry men, Friar Eduardo and Little Eduardo.

0:28:400:28:44

Please win. He's a fair way behind.

0:28:480:28:51

Getting over these Balls might just get him back on track.

0:28:510:28:54

Oh.

0:28:560:28:58

On the rope now. Got to be honest, the time isn't looking great.

0:28:580:29:01

You've got one last chance to impress the ladies.

0:29:010:29:04

Oh, no.

0:29:040:29:06

Look, it's working, sort of.

0:29:060:29:08

Malcolm finishes in seven minutes

0:29:080:29:10

and, well, let's just say Malcolm finishes.

0:29:100:29:12

To all the ladies that were watching that wonderful performance,

0:29:120:29:16

what do you think they would have thought of that?

0:29:160:29:18

Well, I hope they noticed that I kept going to the end

0:29:180:29:22

and that I showed good stamina throughout the entire course.

0:29:220:29:27

But I'd like a cup of tea now.

0:29:270:29:29

Malcolm, ladies. Unlucky in the qualifier but perhaps lucky in love.

0:29:290:29:34

Time to see, then, which lucky 12 have qualified for the next round.

0:29:340:29:37

Well, there'll be no tears for Paul the clown as he finishes top,

0:29:370:29:42

with priceless Ally and motormouth Mel finishing just seconds slower.

0:29:420:29:46

Scoutmaster Simon and exploding Kenny come in fourth and fifth.

0:29:460:29:49

Our oldest competitor, 51-year-old Victor, is showing the young 'uns

0:29:490:29:53

how it's done, qualifying in eighth, with Eggy Des poaching ninth.

0:29:530:29:56

Trouserless Andy makes it through without girlfriend Sarah, and

0:29:560:29:59

stretchy Nix manages to just squeeze into the final qualifying place.

0:29:590:30:03

So the day started with 20 contestants and eight have already

0:30:030:30:06

been eliminated, which leaves eight contestants. No.

0:30:060:30:11

20. No, no. 12 contestants.

0:30:110:30:15

So it's time to pay some respect to today's losers, however many of them there are.

0:30:150:30:20

# Never more to sail my ship

0:30:200:30:28

# Where no man has gone before

0:30:280:30:32

# And I will go sailing no more

0:30:390:30:48

# But no, it can't be true

0:30:520:30:55

# I can fly if I wanted to

0:30:550:30:59

# Like a bird in the sky

0:30:590:31:02

# I believe I can fly, why I fly.

0:31:020:31:12

# Clearly I will go sailing no more. #

0:31:150:31:27

So it's goodbye to the unfortunate souls who failed to make the next round.

0:31:310:31:36

Well, unfortunate in one sense,

0:31:360:31:39

actually hugely lucky in another, because they don't have to face this.

0:31:390:31:44

Having already proved to be an unstoppable robotic monster,

0:31:490:31:52

this mechanical beast makes its second outing in its quest to destroy the human race.

0:31:520:31:57

This is Crash Mountain.

0:31:570:31:59

And here's how it works. 12 contestants, one podium and only one way across.

0:32:030:32:11

The contestants must take a leap of faith onto the rotating bridge

0:32:110:32:15

and then dodge the counter-rotating sweeper arm to make their way to the safety of the centre.

0:32:150:32:22

The first five to make it to the middle qualify for the next round.

0:32:220:32:26

The remaining seven are eliminated.

0:32:260:32:27

So let's meet the 12 brave contestants.

0:32:270:32:31

On podiums one, two and three are Paul the clown...

0:32:340:32:38

I'm number one and I'm staying number one. Come on!

0:32:380:32:41

..Eggy Des...

0:32:410:32:43

Let's see who's going to come first, the chicken or the egg? I'm the egg, you're the chickens. Come on!

0:32:430:32:48

..and trouserless Andy.

0:32:480:32:49

This is for you, Sarah, I'm going all the way.

0:32:490:32:52

That was just a noise. On four, five and six are Scoutmaster Simon, motormouth Mel...

0:32:530:33:00

Eggman, you'd better get cracking, otherwise you'd better get packing.

0:33:000:33:03

..and S Club Sam.

0:33:030:33:04

Don't stop moving to the S Club beat. Whoo!

0:33:040:33:09

Well, it's a gimmick, it's a gimmick. Right, we're moving on. They look really fired up.

0:33:090:33:14

On podiums seven and eight it's Nina the ninja squirrel and newly single Yudi.

0:33:140:33:20

On nine and ten it's priceless Ally...

0:33:200:33:23

Blow the whistle, you pansy.

0:33:230:33:26

OK. And the funky judge, Victor.

0:33:260:33:29

On 11 and 12 stand exploding Kenny...

0:33:290:33:32

I ain't going to let gravity pull this Scot down. Come on!

0:33:320:33:36

..and stretchy Nix.

0:33:360:33:37

There'll be no tumbling from this gymnast. Bring it on.

0:33:370:33:41

OK, they're ready, they're clueless, they'll soon be hurting.

0:33:430:33:48

Seven are about to take a dive. Five are about to take a hike all the way to the top of Crash Mountain.

0:33:480:33:55

Three, two, one.

0:33:550:33:58

Off it goes. Who's going to be first to scale Crash Mountain?

0:33:580:34:03

Kenny goes for it but he's straight in the water.

0:34:030:34:06

Paul leaps but it's too fast for him.

0:34:060:34:09

Everyone else is sitting back.

0:34:090:34:11

No, hang on, S Club Sam is on, he's on.

0:34:110:34:14

But only momentarily.

0:34:140:34:16

Mel jumps. Rubbish.

0:34:160:34:19

Oh!

0:34:190:34:21

Trouserless Andy having a go now. He's on. Oh, good ducking work.

0:34:230:34:27

And he's done it, first person on today. Sarah will be very proud.

0:34:270:34:33

He's going through to the next round. Right, Mel's on again.

0:34:330:34:37

Oh, she takes a knock but manages to hold on. She's getting close.

0:34:400:34:43

Oh, so close but yet so far and wet and bruised.

0:34:430:34:47

Big swinging arm meets Mel's little legs, that's what happened there.

0:34:490:34:52

Now, stretchy Nix ducks the first one.

0:34:520:34:55

Tries to jump the second. It was an outrageous attempt,

0:34:560:34:59

but it failed. Mel's on again, straight off again.

0:34:590:35:02

Kenny now. No chance.

0:35:020:35:04

Paul the clown.

0:35:040:35:06

That's just laughable.

0:35:060:35:08

They're all trying it now.

0:35:080:35:10

Victor makes it to the middle but, oh, the funky judge gets so close

0:35:100:35:14

to joining Andy but narrowly misses the stairs. So back to the action.

0:35:140:35:17

S Club Sam again bumped off.

0:35:170:35:18

Come on, lads, it's not that hard.

0:35:200:35:22

That's easy for you to say, Andy. Because it is.

0:35:220:35:25

Des, it's a bit too slippy for him.

0:35:250:35:27

Surely Mel's got to make it this time. She's had a lot of practice.

0:35:270:35:30

Good ducking, good...

0:35:300:35:32

Hang on, Nix's jumped on too. Will that put Mel off?

0:35:320:35:35

The contestants are really desperate to grab those four remaining places in the next round.

0:35:360:35:41

Go on, Kenny! Go on, Kenny!

0:35:430:35:45

That, kids, is why you should always wear a helmet on Crash Mountain.

0:35:470:35:51

Better still, don't get on it. Still only Andy in the centre

0:35:510:35:53

but the funky judge makes a run for it, and he's made it.

0:35:530:35:56

-Yes.

-Finally Andy has company in the middle.

0:35:560:35:59

So that's two through to the next round, three places still up for grabs. Mel's on again.

0:35:590:36:03

Come on, surely this time, surely. Oh, so close.

0:36:030:36:07

# You're once, twice

0:36:070:36:12

# Three times a lady... #

0:36:130:36:17

Let's not try and make it graceful and beautiful, it just hurts.

0:36:170:36:19

Des makes a dash for it

0:36:190:36:21

and then a swim for it. Now Nix has made it on.

0:36:210:36:24

Some good ducking and diving there.

0:36:240:36:27

Kenny joins Nix.

0:36:270:36:29

Ooh, this is drama now.

0:36:290:36:30

Nix makes it and, oh, Kenny fall in, almost at the same moment.

0:36:300:36:35

So far, then, trouserless Andy,

0:36:350:36:37

Victor the funky judge and stretchy Nix are safely into the next round.

0:36:370:36:42

Only two places left in Dizzy Dummies. Who's going to make it?

0:36:420:36:45

Will it be Paul the clown, Eggy Des, Nina the ninja squirrel, S Club Sam, newly singly Yudi,

0:36:450:36:53

exploding Kenny, Scoutmaster Simon, motormouth Mel or priceless Ally?

0:36:530:36:58

Priceless Ally goes for it, taking it nice and easy, nice and...ooh!

0:36:580:37:03

Oh, this is working well.

0:37:040:37:06

Just taking her time. Oh, right in the ribs. A-ha.

0:37:060:37:09

I think that's going to wind her.

0:37:090:37:11

Yeah, she just didn't see that one coming, which is a surprise,

0:37:110:37:14

because it's gone round dozens of times already. I mean, I knew it was there.

0:37:140:37:18

Scoutmaster Simon is the latest onto the big red spoon.

0:37:180:37:23

-Oh, good duck.

-Come on, eggman.

0:37:230:37:26

Oh, good ducking.

0:37:260:37:28

Swan dive.

0:37:280:37:30

Head butting mountains is just... not the best, why would you do that?

0:37:310:37:37

Mel once again with a successful landing.

0:37:380:37:40

Oh, she makes a run for it, she's going, she's on, she's finally on.

0:37:400:37:46

She's earned that place. Des fancies some of that action and he's across.

0:37:460:37:49

Oh, we have five.

0:37:490:37:53

And that brings Crash Mountain to an end for today.

0:37:530:37:58

Did someone tell Yudi it's over? Will they tell her now it's over?

0:37:580:38:02

Words she's heard and used herself recently.

0:38:020:38:04

Mel received a little bunk-up from the giant spinning arm

0:38:040:38:08

whilst Eggy Des just waltzed across the beam without a care in the world apparently. Great news for them.

0:38:080:38:13

Not such great news for the others, because they're out.

0:38:130:38:17

So, while five heroes reached the summit of Crash Mountain without a Sherpa,

0:38:170:38:22

seven unheroes must return to base camp with sunken heads.

0:38:220:38:26

But most of them got their heads sunken during that round anyway.

0:38:260:38:30

Can we check sunken is actually a word?

0:38:300:38:32

Time to say goodbye to those that crashed out of Crash Mountain.

0:38:320:38:36

The fear set in, legs like jelly,

0:38:490:38:52

and then you realise how fast it's spinning round

0:38:520:38:56

and you think, I'm never going to get on that platform.

0:38:560:38:59

I think I got smacked in the face

0:38:590:39:01

and spent the whole time trying to get back up those ladders.

0:39:010:39:05

I gave it my all but better people won.

0:39:070:39:11

Or luckier people more likely.

0:39:110:39:13

Very slippy. Obviously I let too many people jump on that were already wet, slipped straight off.

0:39:130:39:18

But I'm going back with my head held high so now I'm happy.

0:39:180:39:22

I'm really disappointed.

0:39:220:39:24

Every time I hit the thing I just slid straight off.

0:39:240:39:27

But I mean I'm trying to put on a brave face, you know, but I'm absolutely gutted, I really am.

0:39:270:39:33

If it doesn't work getting S Club 7 back together,

0:39:330:39:36

maybe I'll form a Wipeout 7.

0:39:360:39:39

Maybe I'll think of a better name than that.

0:39:390:39:43

It defeated me, it got me.

0:39:450:39:46

It's just the way it went. I couldn't have done any more.

0:39:460:39:50

It was so, so brave.

0:39:520:39:54

This tear's drying up. Bring me more tears.

0:39:550:39:58

I just hope I can pull myself together before the next round.

0:39:580:40:02

There we go. Time for Dizzy Dummies.

0:40:020:40:04

Our five remaining competitors get strapped into that dangerous looking instrument and are then spun around

0:40:090:40:15

at eye-bulging speeds for 40 seconds.

0:40:150:40:18

Once fully dizzified they must stumble up the revolving ramp and through the door.

0:40:180:40:22

From there it's the terrifying, badly named, brand new Tippy Table Maze.

0:40:220:40:26

That's a rubbish name.

0:40:260:40:29

The first four to make it across will line up and do the whole thing

0:40:290:40:32

again, this time going across The Blueberries.

0:40:320:40:36

Yeah I said The Blueberries, don't blame me for the names, they're weak.

0:40:360:40:40

By that time only three competitors will remain.

0:40:400:40:43

To put it bluntly, don't come last.

0:40:430:40:46

Ain't no crash test for these dummies, this is the real thing, it's Dizzy Dummies.

0:40:500:40:56

-Are you all ready?

-No.

-Ready.

0:40:560:40:58

One of them's ready so I say let's go. Three, two, one.

0:40:580:41:01

So it's time I think for a quick reminder of our soon to be nauseous five. First it's trouserless Andy...

0:41:100:41:15

I'm number one on this show.

0:41:150:41:17

..who saw off his girlfriend in the qualifier and defeated Crash Mountain. Next it's stretchy Nix...

0:41:170:41:24

I'm going to flex, I'm going to wiggle...

0:41:240:41:27

..who's so far proved she'll bend over backwards to get to the final.

0:41:270:41:31

Then there's funky judge Victor.

0:41:310:41:33

I took by the throat the circumcised dog.

0:41:330:41:35

Our oldest competitor shows the youngsters how it should be done,

0:41:350:41:39

by closing his eyes.

0:41:390:41:40

-Motormouth Mel looks a bit queasy.

-I'm going to give you hell.

0:41:400:41:44

I'm sure those batterings from Crash Mountain didn't help.

0:41:440:41:47

And finally, Des...

0:41:470:41:48

It ain't no yolk so let's get cracking.

0:41:480:41:50

..who still hopes his egg puns are the secret to success.

0:41:500:41:53

That's a cracking idea, that's... Oh, I'm sorry.

0:41:530:41:56

Right, if we're ready, get set, and stagger.

0:41:560:42:00

So they all charge towards the revolving ramp. Nix is first to the

0:42:000:42:04

door with Mel closely behind. Good start for the girls.

0:42:040:42:08

Nix is first onto the Tippy Table Maze.

0:42:080:42:13

You see it tips, that's what it does, but she leaps just in time.

0:42:150:42:19

That sends poor Mel into the water.

0:42:190:42:22

Eggy Des and Andy onto the first maze now.

0:42:220:42:25

Oh, well they were for a very brief moment.

0:42:250:42:28

Meanwhile, Nix is nearly across.

0:42:280:42:29

She just needs to get to the other side...

0:42:290:42:32

Come on, come on.

0:42:320:42:33

Of that giant foam block because right behind her is the funky judge.

0:42:330:42:38

Nix is across, she's the first to get through. Wily old Victor,

0:42:380:42:41

meanwhile, has waited for his moment and he's also through.

0:42:410:42:45

Three left, only two can progress remember.

0:42:450:42:48

Somebody's got to be leaving.

0:42:480:42:50

Trouserless Andy is on to the second maze but it's another swim

0:42:500:42:54

for Motormouth Mel and Eggy Des.

0:42:540:42:55

Andy doing very well, and he's made it.

0:42:550:42:59

So it's between motormouth Mel

0:42:590:43:01

and Eggy Des for that final place in the next dizzy dummies.

0:43:010:43:04

Poor Mel in the water again.

0:43:040:43:06

Eggy Des making good progress now.

0:43:060:43:08

Only one place left and two people.

0:43:100:43:12

Mel trying desperately to catch up.

0:43:120:43:16

Oh, but she just succeeds in going for another swim.

0:43:160:43:18

Oh.

0:43:180:43:19

Eggy Des makes it across very casually,

0:43:190:43:22

which means motormouth Mel is very clean from all the time

0:43:220:43:26

she's spent in the water but she's also now very eliminated.

0:43:260:43:29

Poor thing.

0:43:290:43:30

-Listen, you're so fit though and he's not as fit as you are, what happened?

-Weight difference.

0:43:300:43:35

-It was about the weight wasn't it?

-How disappointed are you right now?

-Glad it's over.

0:43:350:43:39

-Yeah?

-Yeah, I don't want to spin on that thing again, it's awful.

0:43:390:43:42

So the four remaining competitors go back into the Dizzy Dummy.

0:43:420:43:47

Well, it's legally not safe for humans. It turns out that this could be easily sorted by

0:43:470:43:51

slipping a few pesos to an Argentinian police officer.

0:43:510:43:54

MUSIC: "Magic Roundabout Theme" by Alain Legrand

0:43:540:43:57

The happy music doesn't help. It's still hideous on there.

0:43:590:44:04

OK, they've stopped, they're unbuckling and off they go for one last run.

0:44:060:44:11

Only three of these four will make it to the Wipeout Zone.

0:44:110:44:14

Nix is out again and first through the door.

0:44:140:44:17

She becomes the first mammal to test out The Blueberries.

0:44:170:44:21

Yeah.

0:44:220:44:23

I don't know what to expect either.

0:44:230:44:25

Oh. She's fallen.

0:44:250:44:28

Andy's straight in there and straight off there.

0:44:280:44:32

Victor's assault on The Blueberries begins here.

0:44:320:44:35

# I found my freedom On blueberry hill... #

0:44:350:44:42

I get it, I get the track. Great excuse for a good track.

0:44:420:44:45

Look at him, he's loving it. Now we know what it's about.

0:44:450:44:48

The funky judge must now get to the platform though.

0:44:480:44:51

Oh, I think he's folded in half.

0:44:510:44:54

So close but now it's so far to swim back to the start. That final jump isn't going to be easy.

0:44:540:44:59

Trouserless Andy then will be the next to attempt The Blueberry dismount.

0:44:590:45:04

Balance, balance, oh, he nearly hangs on but it's back to the start for Andy as well.

0:45:040:45:11

Now Nix. She's very wobbly.

0:45:110:45:13

She's going to jump, she's going to jump, she's fallen in the water.

0:45:130:45:16

It's obviously not easy to get leverage from a wobbly inflatable Blueberry. Who'd have thought that?

0:45:160:45:22

Not many people would know it. We could be here a long time.

0:45:220:45:25

Victor now, another attempt.

0:45:250:45:28

Oh. Anyone getting deja vu?

0:45:280:45:30

That's it.

0:45:300:45:32

You've got loads of time.

0:45:320:45:34

Yeah. Andy composing himself. A steady approach might just do the job.

0:45:340:45:38

What's this? Some dirty ball wobbling tricks from Eggy Des?

0:45:380:45:40

-Oh, no.

-He's nudged Andy into the water.

0:45:400:45:42

Not strictly against the rules, but superhero Eggy Des just

0:45:420:45:47

flirted with the dark side to become rotten Eggy Des.

0:45:470:45:53

Sarah's not happy.

0:45:530:45:55

This could be like a superhero fight thing going on.

0:45:550:45:58

So rotten eggy Des attempts to be the first to dismount The Blueberries and he's going to

0:45:580:46:03

make it, he's on, he's done it, he's done it, which just goes to show, it doesn't always pay to be a good guy.

0:46:030:46:09

# Sitting on dock of the bay wasting time... #

0:46:090:46:13

What's funky judge up to? Listen mate, there's no time for a breather.

0:46:130:46:18

It looks as though our judge has adjourned himself out of the game.

0:46:180:46:22

I think he's maybe run out of steam.

0:46:220:46:24

That's good news for Andy and Nix who will join Des in the Wipeout Zone.

0:46:240:46:27

It's also good news for me - desperate for the loo. Too much tea.

0:46:270:46:32

I really feel for you.

0:46:320:46:34

-That is such a tough game.

-I just couldn't swim any more.

0:46:340:46:38

It's been a terrific experience and I really, really enjoyed it, and three good guys have gone through.

0:46:380:46:43

So with Victor retiring the three finalists are selected.

0:46:430:46:46

They've made it one step closer to the £10,000 prize

0:46:460:46:50

and that big, shiny, yet surprisingly inexpensive trophy.

0:46:500:46:54

But what does it mean to a determined and courageous contestant to reach the Wipeout Zone?

0:46:540:47:01

I don't know, I've never done it.

0:47:010:47:03

Let's ask them. I totally could do it, it's just not my thing.

0:47:030:47:06

I'm ready for the Wipeout Zone.

0:47:150:47:16

I'm going to give it everything I've got, every last ounce of energy,

0:47:160:47:20

and I'm going to do it.

0:47:200:47:21

I know I'm excited, really excited. I've always wanted to do this bit.

0:47:210:47:24

This to me was the ultimate bit of the course.

0:47:240:47:27

To get this far, to make it here, is... So many people are back at home so proud, I am so proud.

0:47:270:47:33

I get teased constantly about being a cheerleader,

0:47:330:47:37

but I've come here and I've proven that cheerleading isn't just for girls.

0:47:370:47:40

I think doing sports like acrobatics has really improved my strength.

0:47:420:47:45

The flexibility has been pushed, and the balance has been pushed.

0:47:450:47:48

She can do things with her legs that I've never seen anybody do before.

0:47:480:47:51

She doesn't stop, she doesn't give up, she never wants to stop at anything.

0:47:510:47:54

Des is a big strong guy, but I reckon he's going to get tired.

0:47:540:47:58

That man has got the longest reach possible.

0:47:580:48:02

I think he's going to be the one to watch.

0:48:020:48:04

The egg will see me through. That's the edge I've got.

0:48:040:48:06

I've got the super powers to see me through.

0:48:060:48:09

Honestly, you can't even imagine how much I just want to always win.

0:48:100:48:14

I would really like to wipe the smile off those boys' faces

0:48:140:48:17

and become the second girl to ever win Total Wipeout.

0:48:170:48:20

So let's see what the three brave finalists are about to face.

0:48:370:48:41

Killer Surf - there's danger in those waters.

0:48:410:48:44

The Rapid Climb - there's even more danger in those waters.

0:48:440:48:48

Reach the top in under ten seconds or the floodgates will open.

0:48:480:48:52

The Balance Beam. Danger, slippery when wet.

0:48:520:48:57

The Crazy Sweeper.

0:48:570:48:59

Positively a slip hazard just waiting to happen.

0:48:590:49:02

The Tarzan Swing - fall and you'll probably slip a disc.

0:49:020:49:07

And finally, a jump from the turntable onto the winner's podium

0:49:070:49:12

and the clock is stopped.

0:49:120:49:14

We have a girl, we have a boy, and we have a boyfriend.

0:49:140:49:19

It's the Wipeout Zone and the first to go tonight is the boyfriend. It's Andy.

0:49:190:49:25

So Andy approaches the starting blocks with girlfriend Sarah watching on.

0:49:250:49:30

It's the moment you've all been waiting for. Here we go.

0:49:330:49:35

Yeah well, steady Andy. Not all of us.

0:49:350:49:37

I'm waiting for a curry I ordered an hour ago. Anyway, he's off.

0:49:370:49:41

Andy's ring skids across the water

0:49:440:49:46

and he swims towards the Rapid Climb.

0:49:460:49:49

Can't believe I did that without laughing.

0:49:490:49:51

I think we've lost him.

0:49:510:49:53

Where is he? Where's he gone? Oh, this is a bad start.

0:49:530:49:56

Oh, there we go. Now Andy must begin his slippery ascent.

0:49:560:49:59

He's on his feet and the ten second countdown has started

0:49:590:50:02

before thousands of litres of water are flushed out,

0:50:020:50:05

and that, trust me, is trouble.

0:50:050:50:07

Uh oh, three, two, one, brace yourselves because here it comes.

0:50:070:50:12

Oh. Andy is somewhere in the middle of that torrent.

0:50:120:50:19

Andy does very well not to get swept away there.

0:50:190:50:23

He needs to get a move on if he's going to set a competitive time.

0:50:230:50:27

Come on, come on, keep the pressure on.

0:50:280:50:31

His girlfriend Sarah cheering him on.

0:50:330:50:35

Onto the Balance Beam now, not easy with slippery feet.

0:50:350:50:39

That balance and concentration and effort.

0:50:410:50:45

Trouserless Andy edges his way along.

0:50:450:50:47

Is he allowed to do that?

0:50:470:50:50

Amanda, as co-host you really should know that,

0:50:500:50:52

and when you find out could you tell me because I don't know.

0:50:520:50:56

Now, Crazy Sweeper.

0:50:560:50:58

Andy steadies himself and waits for the perfect moment. And waits.

0:51:010:51:05

And waits. And waits. Oh, come on, Andy.

0:51:050:51:12

Still waiting.

0:51:130:51:16

Now he's off. Oh, manages to miss that, ducks to avoid that.

0:51:170:51:23

Run for your life, Andy, run.

0:51:240:51:27

Yeah, yeah, oh, another tactical duck from Andy but it'll have to be

0:51:270:51:32

quick across these stepping stones now because he needs that time.

0:51:320:51:36

Hurry, come on, come on. He's so nearly made it.

0:51:360:51:40

Here we go. Oh, no, no.

0:51:400:51:42

Andy was one jump away from making it across,

0:51:440:51:48

but that giant arm just catches up with him. So close.

0:51:480:51:53

Now it's a climb up to the Rope Swing.

0:51:530:51:56

Taking a lot of effort now, this has got to be hurting.

0:51:560:52:00

Andy prepares himself, swings, but that is not going to make it

0:52:030:52:09

to the turntable. In the water again.

0:52:090:52:11

No!

0:52:110:52:12

Sarah gutted for him. Another climb.

0:52:120:52:16

Up to the turntable now and just one leap to go.

0:52:160:52:20

And he makes it.

0:52:200:52:21

His time 3 minutes 53, and what a gritty display that was.

0:52:210:52:27

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:52:270:52:30

Andy showed lots of determination to keep going despite his falls,

0:52:310:52:35

and while his time could have been better I'm sure his girlfriend Sarah couldn't be more proud.

0:52:350:52:40

Oh, Sarah. Do you think you've done her proud?

0:52:400:52:43

I know I've done her proud.

0:52:430:52:45

I think you've proved that because your time tonight was a very hard 3 minutes and 53 seconds.

0:52:450:52:50

-Oh, delighted, I'm absolutely delighted.

-Good man, Andy.

0:52:500:52:53

I tell you what, we've got a tough chick coming up next.

0:52:530:52:55

It's our girl, it's Nix.

0:52:550:52:58

Stretchy Nix climbs the stairs to prepare for her assault on the wipeout zone.

0:52:580:53:03

I'm doing it for the girls.

0:53:030:53:05

And the ten grand.

0:53:050:53:07

She's off...and it's a good landing from Nix

0:53:070:53:13

as she swims to the Rapid Climb.

0:53:130:53:15

Probably a good idea to keep your mouth closed here.

0:53:160:53:19

Don't know what's in that water - had it tested, broke the machine.

0:53:190:53:23

Gallons of water now flowing into her mouth. Close it.

0:53:230:53:28

OK, she's up onto the Rapid Climb, she's up and I think on her feet.

0:53:280:53:32

Now she's got ten seconds remember before the waters of hell

0:53:320:53:35

are unleashed, that big tidal wave.

0:53:350:53:37

But this does look quick.

0:53:370:53:39

She might just make it to the top before the tidal wave hits.

0:53:390:53:42

Three, two, one, here it comes. Oh.

0:53:420:53:46

But she's held on and she's onto the Balance Beam now.

0:53:500:53:53

-She'll be good at this.

-Yeah.

0:53:530:53:55

She's certainly looking good at this.

0:53:550:53:57

Yes, balance of course not a problem for Nix. Very confidently done.

0:53:570:54:03

Wow.

0:54:030:54:04

And now Nix must take on the Crazy Sweeper.

0:54:040:54:07

She's adopting the duck and dive technique

0:54:100:54:13

and it's working well for her so far.

0:54:130:54:15

It might not be the quickest way across,

0:54:180:54:20

but she hasn't been knocked in yet. Maybe it's safer.

0:54:200:54:23

Now onto those precarious podiums.

0:54:260:54:28

She's up and walking.

0:54:280:54:30

Oh, and she's in.

0:54:310:54:32

-Oh, no, you're so close.

-That's exactly what happened to you.

-To me.

0:54:320:54:37

Nix thought she could make a dash for it,

0:54:370:54:40

but the Crazy Sweeper had other ideas -

0:54:400:54:42

ideas about knocking her off the podium.

0:54:420:54:44

OK, a big swing is required now.

0:54:460:54:49

That was just a little swing. Oh.

0:54:490:54:51

Oh, that means more effort,

0:54:520:54:53

she's got to climb back up, but she's done that.

0:54:530:54:56

One final jump for Nix now. This is going to be a better time

0:54:560:55:00

than Andy's if she can just land it.

0:55:000:55:02

She lands it, and in the time of 3 minutes 15 seconds.

0:55:020:55:06

She is now ahead of Andy.

0:55:060:55:08

Although Nix swallowed her fair share of water she has come out on top.

0:55:080:55:14

Now only last runner Des can stand between her and the Total Wipeout trophy.

0:55:140:55:18

Amanda's going to give her the good news.

0:55:180:55:21

You've been our bendy, flexible friend all day, but Andy was equally wonderful out here tonight.

0:55:210:55:26

Nix, I've got to tell you, you were faster than Andy.

0:55:260:55:29

I'm sorry you're going to have to join the others.

0:55:290:55:31

Well done, mate, congratulations.

0:55:310:55:34

Oh, yes, you know what this means.

0:55:340:55:36

There is one thing between you and £10,000 and that is a man and his name is Des.

0:55:360:55:42

He'll do anything to win, including nudging people off blueberries.

0:55:420:55:45

It's eggy Des.

0:55:450:55:47

Eat your eggs, kids, and you too could be number one.

0:55:470:55:50

Go on, come on, Des.

0:55:570:56:00

He's in and swimming quickly to the Rapid Climb.

0:56:020:56:05

Looks to be straight up with ease.

0:56:050:56:08

Standing up against those torrents of water.

0:56:080:56:12

This is a controlled climb from Des, he's holding on tight.

0:56:120:56:15

Got just ten seconds to reach the top before the tidal wave hits him.

0:56:150:56:19

Thousands of gallons of cold water are about to try and flush him out.

0:56:190:56:23

But Des has survived it, he's still there.

0:56:290:56:32

Oh, sounding tired already,

0:56:320:56:34

but he must steady himself now for the Balance Beam.

0:56:340:56:37

Des edging his way round, using the wall for support.

0:56:400:56:45

No mistakes yet but that could all change with the Crazy Sweeper.

0:56:450:56:48

It's all about the timing.

0:56:480:56:51

Des picks his moment and he goes for it.

0:56:510:56:54

Oh, but he picked the wrong moment and Des is swept off into the water.

0:56:560:57:00

I think Des tried to dodge the swinging beam but got brushed off into the wet stuff

0:57:000:57:05

which means he's got to swim and climb his way to the Rope Swing.

0:57:050:57:11

CROWD: Dezzie, Dezzie...

0:57:110:57:12

All this off piste activity won't be helping Des's time.

0:57:120:57:15

He'll need all his eggy powers to get up onto the turntable

0:57:150:57:18

because he must be "eggshausted".

0:57:180:57:19

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist it. Not now, it's not the time.

0:57:190:57:22

He needs a good swing now.

0:57:220:57:23

A glance at the clock tells me

0:57:230:57:25

he's actually in with a real chance of snatching the win here.

0:57:250:57:28

He could do it. That won't help.

0:57:280:57:31

Straight back up the ladder.

0:57:310:57:33

If he can make this last leap he will be today's champion.

0:57:330:57:37

He can't afford to hang around. Get on with it.

0:57:370:57:40

Get on with it. And he stopped the clock, but he's lost his balance.

0:57:400:57:44

I'm not too sure he meant to do that.

0:57:450:57:47

Not exactly finishing in style, but it is victory for Eggy Des.

0:57:470:57:51

Like his fellow finalists, Des's run was littered with slip ups,

0:57:510:57:54

but he has done enough to beat the time set by stretchy Nix.

0:57:540:57:58

Remember, he currently has no idea so it's over to Amanda to reveal the result.

0:57:580:58:03

Nix, you were absolutely brilliant.

0:58:030:58:05

Des, the power of the egg has been with you all day and it certainly

0:58:050:58:09

was with you tonight because you are the Total Wipeout champion.

0:58:090:58:13

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:58:130:58:15

Oh, thank you. Thanks. Oh...

0:58:150:58:19

So today's champion is Des, the egg seller from Maidstone.

0:58:190:58:23

He not only wins £10,000, but also the biggest and shiniest egg cup he's ever seen.

0:58:230:58:29

That's all for today but join me next time for some of this.

0:58:290:58:32

What was that?

0:58:340:58:35

Oh, I can hardly wait. From Amanda and me it's goodbye.

0:58:370:58:40

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:58:520:58:55

E-mail [email protected]

0:58:550:58:58

Twenty foolhardy Brits throw their caution and dignity to the wind on the purpose-built obstacle course in Argentina, hoping that their bodies hold out long enough to capture a £10,000 first prize.

Richard Hammond is the master of ceremonies while Amanda Byram stifles a few giggles at the side of the course. There are some new challenges including a terrifying Wipeout Zone.


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