Episode 3 Total Wipeout


Episode 3

Richard Hammond presents the game show in which 20 Brits tackle an obstacle course in Argentina for a £10,000 prize. New challenges for 2010 include the evil Motivator.


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Transcript


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Buenos Aires, South America.

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Still 7,000 miles from home.

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20 fearless Brits, including a can-can teacher, a play supervisor

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and a magistrate have travelled to Argentina to test their mettle on some rubber and foam.

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19 will fall over a lot and fail,

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but one will fall over a lot and succeed, and walk away with £10,000.

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Let the games begin.

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Welcome once again to the show that some people are calling the greatest TV programme on the planet.

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Though admittedly those people all work for the BBC press department.

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And they've just been fired.

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Today, 20 fresh competitors will boldly go where approximately 400 Britons have gone before.

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Time now to take a look at the course that some other people

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are calling the most entertaining challenge known to mankind.

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Thanks, Mum. Here is how it's going to work.

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The Qualifier. El qualifico.

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Crash Mountain.

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El accidente de montagna.

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Dizzy Dummies. El dummy de seriousio injurio.

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And the grand finale, the Wipeout Zone.

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El rondo de grande tragedea.

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So, the course is ready, the competitors are ready and my co-host Amanda Byram's ready.

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So as soon as I'M ready, we can get started.

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Come on, Hammond. Get in the zone!

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HE EXHALES

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Yep, I'm ready. Let's go.

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I'm joined at the top of the Qualifier by Kirsty from Northampton.

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What do you do for fun?

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For fun? I have a personal trainer and I also volunteer as a jog leader.

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We go round the park, and I motivate everybody to come out jogging.

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Well, on that note, Kirsty - jog on.

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OK, I will do.

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She's a leader. Should I follow her?

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I've got three lions on my shirt, I've got two eyes on the prize and there's only one winner, baby.

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It's England 1, Argentina 0!

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Yeah - so Kirsty kicking off with a brilliant football analogy.

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Let's hope she doesn't get thrashed, as her first obstacle today

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is the brand-new Rake In The Face.

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What does that mean, actually?

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And Kirsty's off.

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Can she make her way across the rakes?

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No. No, she can't.

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What Kirsty doesn't know

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is some of the rakes aren't actually nailed down, and that slightly

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underhand tactic makes the current score England 0, Argentina 1.

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33-year-old Kirsty is a football development manager.

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I think that means she blows up footballs.

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Careful.

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Game of two halves, these rakes. Now here's a chance to equa...lise.

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Argentina 2, and a yellow card for diving.

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She looks happy. I don't know why.

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Bend It Like Kirsty takes the slower, more watery route

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to the next obstacle.

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Yes, it's old faithful, the Sucker Punch.

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Kirsty needs to dodge 22 pneumatic boxing gloves. Here we go.

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Time is of the essence to qualify for the next round.

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Come on, Kirsty.

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Good dodging.

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Oh... Ow! Yeah.

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That was dirty. Not so much the hand of God, more the fist of God.

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That's 3-0.

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That mud proving a tricky customer, as per usual.

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Not as tricky as the next obstacle.

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Yup - it's the Big Balls.

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-DRAMATIC MUSIC

-Yeah... Yeah... Yeah...

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OK, come on, that's enough now.

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Stop that. Just... There we go.

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Up the ramp, and a chance for Kirsty to show off her ball skills.

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Flaming Nora! Oh my gosh...

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Hang around too long, and this might happen.

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Kind of encourages them to get a move on.

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Yeah. Actually quite a good idea.

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Here we go...

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Ooh. She's on the second ball.

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Come on, Kirsty. England might just make a comeback here.

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Yes... Oh!

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Oh - Kirsty so close to scoring, but as it stands,

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it's England 0, Argentina 4.

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Remember, the clock keeps ticking so Kirsty needs to be

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as quick as she can getting over to the final obstacle.

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-BOOMING VOICE:

-'The Cradles of Doom!'

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That's just silly.

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It is just a skip over the cradles

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to the finish podium where the clock stops.

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This would be easy if these were ordinary cradles, but they are...

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'The Cradles of Doom!'

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Who is that? It's just...

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Kirsty's on to the first.

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It's a late charge but can she score a consolation goal?

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Come on, do it for the Three Lions...

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Ooh...

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So near. All she needs now is to jump on to the finish podium.

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Come on, Kirsty...

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Yes - on to the podium. Yes, yes...

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Really no! Ever so no.

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No. Looks like she's entered injury time.

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Oh. That's England 0, Argentina 5.

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After that thrashing, Kirsty climbs to the finish podium

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in a time of 3:27.

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-But will that be enough for her to qualify for the next round?

-Made it!

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-You did.

-Yes!

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The second contestant today is Total Wipeout's first-ever hobbit.

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Playing for you today the air ukulele is Jack Bilbo Clayton.

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# Bilbo Baggins, the bravest little hobbit of 'em all... #

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-Is that really your real name?

-That is my actual name, yes.

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It's on my passport, so it's official. That's my name.

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Well...

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"good luck, Precious".

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I think that was a Gollum impression from Amanda. Yeah.

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Voice was quite close.

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OK, Bilbo's quest has begun.

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Ooh. That is great work from our hairy hobbit friend.

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Second set of rakes now.

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Oh! He's found the loose one.

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It looks like he took that right in the...in the precious.

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Let's hope hobbits can swim.

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Yes, they can.

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The Sucker Punch now.

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This should be nothing compared to fighting all those...elf things.

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The Sucker Punch really warming up.

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That one just missed his goblins.

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Look at his little hobbit face.

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In the mud.

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Right. It's Big Ball time.

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Come on. Live the dream. Come on.

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Yeah, live the dream. Just do it quickly, that motivator's waiting.

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Ooh, yes. Oh...

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Not so much a dream... it's a nightmare.

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Recurring nightmare. Again, and again...

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Hobbits aren't good at that.

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On to the Cradles. Bilbo well ahead of Kirsty at this point.

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On to the first quite smoothly.

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Harder than it looks, this. Must be. Looks quite easy.

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Comfortably on to the second.

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Just one more jump to complete the trilogy...

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Come on Bilbo, this is all about timing.

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-Oh, Bilbo.

-And...saving Middle Earth.

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That's Mordor or something, I don't know.

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Oh... No, that wasn't it.

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Despite that clanger, Bilbo finishes in a time of 3:06,

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which in hobbit time is about...seven days.

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There's the air ukulele briefly again there.

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Right, who's this? It's getting clearer...

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Ah, yes, it's tarot card-reading Helen from Essex.

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What do the cards predict for you today?

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I shouldn't leave behind what is safe and secure

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-in search of an impossible dream.

-Ooh.

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That's just stuff.

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# To dream the impossible dream... #

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Helen ignoring the tarot cards, and she's staying on the rakes.

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Found the loose one but stayed on.

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# To fight the unbeatable foe... #

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Fortune seems to be favouring Helen.

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She's laughing in Fate's face.

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And getting hit in the face with a rake.

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Yeah.

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# This is my quest... #

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Properly in the face. Come on Helen, this is stirring stuff.

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She seems to be making Destiny her own.

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Even if the dream is impossible, it's not going to stop her...

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I can't keep this stuff up.

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On to the Sucker Punch.

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Oh, that's bad luck.

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Seven years' bad luck.

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The impossible dream just got impossibler.

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This man is wearing a mystical headband of illusion.

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Look at my guns.

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-You're allowed to touch.

-I'll pass.

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This is Darren Brown. So, like his nearly-namesake, can Darren produce extraordinary illusions?

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No. Probably not.

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Any special skills you've got going on for out there?

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I can't swim and I'm scared of heights, but...should be OK, I think.

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Do you know what show this is?

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# Illusion... #

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My name's Darren Brown. And be under no illusion I'm going to wipe out this Wipeout course.

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He must have seen a form or something.

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Using his powers of foresight,

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Darren knows exactly what's going to happen next.

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No. He didn't foresee that particular rake.

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Never mind. If, like his nearly namesake,

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Darren can predict lottery numbers,

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he can predict which one of these rakes is going to flip up.

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Oh... Yeah, missed that one.

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Ooh, no, he's lost his headband of illusion.

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Yeah, if you look here, this is the moment of disaster.

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Clean off.

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He'd lost the headband.

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I fear for him now, virtually powerless.

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Without it, Darren returns to being an ordinary mortal like you or me.

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Well - you, obviously.

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He's back up. Let's see how he can do as a normal human being.

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No. It's impossible. It's never going to work.

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-Come on!

-Yes. I think I'll come back to Darren.

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I'm joined now at the top of the Qualifier by Chris, who's an events manager from Essex.

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Chris, how do you feel about taking on the wrath of the Qualifier here today?

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I'm a pro, so it shouldn't take too much problem at all.

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Chris is a professional events manager. Phew -

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there's nothing worse than an amateur events manager.

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So let's see how he manages the Rake In The Face.

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Oh!

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Yeah.

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Well done, Chris. Consider that event managed. Professionally.

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Yeah - you see, an amateur would mess that up,

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that bit where his head bent back and then he fell in the water.

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Right, the Sucker Punch.

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Let's hope Chris manages this as professionally as he did the rakes.

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He's on. Yes....

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Oh.

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If you want your events managed this well,

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I have a business card you can borrow.

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It's a bit muddy, but...you can still read it.

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(LAUGHS)

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Right, back to Darren Brown and his missing headband of illusion.

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-Come on...!

-Come on, man of illusion.

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Can he cross the Big Balls with only his mortal powers? I think he can.

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That's indigestion that face, it's not pain.

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-Come on, Miranda.

-He's got a nickname for himself,

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-I'm not so sure now.

-Come on...!

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Ooh, I can't watch.

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Watch out for the motivator. It's going to... OK, move!

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Yeah. That's half a ball cleared.

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Right, meet 39-year-old David, who is a massive fan of William Shakespeare.

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See?

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I have a passion for Shakespeare.

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The Bard's words lift my heart.

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Aaah... To qualify or not to qualify, David?

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-That is the question.

-Indeed.

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I dance, I run, I fall. I expect.

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Was that The Clash?

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# Boldly brave Sir Dave

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# Rode forth to save the day

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# He was not afraid

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# Brave, brave Sir Dave

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# He wasn't afraid of the scary rakes

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# Or scuffing his elbow or smacking his face... #

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Oh, Lord!

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Oh, David.

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There is a fine line between comedy and tragedy, and he crossed it then.

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# Boldly brave Sir Dave

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# Rode forth to save the day

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# He was not afraid... #

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Verily, brave Sir Dave doth look in need of a chest x-ray.

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# He wasn't afraid of the scary rakes, of bursting his eyeball

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# Or snapping his kneecap or stabbing his nostril

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# Or scratching his finger or burning his... #

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What would Shakespeare do now? Give up, I reckon.

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The rakes are causing havoc today. None of the contestants know

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which of them is loose and which is fixed -

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so what's needed is someone who just goes for it.

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Someone who doesn't think of the consequences. A real animal.

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Could 20-year-old Sarah from Cumbria be that person?

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Yeah. Yeah, she can be. Yeah.

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I'm going to swim like an ostrich and run like a seal!

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Hang on, did she just... Can we rewind that?

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I'm going to swim like an ostrich and run like a seal!

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Yeah, she did say swim like an ostrich and run like a seal.

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That's a shame. She would be better running like an ostrich and...

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OK, let's see what running like a seal looks like.

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Oh. Right. That's why you hardly ever see them do it in the wild.

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Let's go to the leaderboard.

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Six runners have been through the Qualifier, 14 still to come.

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And at the moment, brave, brave Sir Dave is in the lead,

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followed very closely by Bilbo and high priestess Helen.

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Sarah is fourth, Pro Chris is fifth

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and Bend It Like Kirsty in danger of relegation.

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Oh, look who it is. It's Darren Brown - I'd forgotten about him.

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Darren no longer has his headband of illusion. But he's not giving up.

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Come on, Darren!

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Oh, yes. A fine sight.

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To someone.

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DRUM ROLL

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Yes! He's on. He does look tired, though.

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Let's just hope the rocking doesn't send him off to sleep.

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Come on, Darren...

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Come on. Come on...

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No rush. No, opposite of that -

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there's quite a lot of rush. Darren, there's a rush.

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Rush. Come on...

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DRUM ROLL

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Oh.

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I shouldn't have rushed him.

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Darren makes it to the end with a time of 5:56.

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I suspect he may not qualify with that, but he's a winner in my eyes.

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How do you feel after that? Is that a silly question?

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I'm er...ready for the final now, I think.

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A bit of rest and recuperation, and I'll be there.

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You lost your headband early on. I'm thinking that's where your powers lay.

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That's where it went wrong. I need it to keep the hair out of my eyes.

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I feel I should apologise for the poor form of today's competitors.

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I won't, of course, cos it's not my fault, but I feel I should.

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Is there no one who can tame the Qualifier today?

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What's required here is someone incredible.

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Someone amazing.

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My name's Amy. You might spell it A-M-Y,

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but I spell it A-mazing.

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Wow, I love this! I just ask for stuff, and it appears. Brilliant.

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Helicopter made of gold.

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No? Nothing.

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Probably wouldn't have worked anyway.

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Here's Amazing Amy at the balls -

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and by the looks of her, it's not been all that amazing up till now.

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Here we go.

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Oh! And that's more than made up for it.

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It was magnificent.

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A step, a slip, a flying V...and a splash.

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A-mazing.

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-Oh... It was amazing.

-Yeah.

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My time must just have been amazing.

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I was amazingly, er...

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not very quick. That's the amazing part.

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I would love to get to the next round. Amazing.

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Oh, it was just an amazing experience.

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Now, this is Danni from Blackburn. She's a figure skating champion.

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I'm going to skate across this finish line.

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Then there's Hannah from Runcorn.

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She's won at Crufts. Obviously not her - her dog.

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Let this dog...show YOU.

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And this is Jonny from Bury.

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Second place is first LOSER!

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He won a drawing competition - when he was eight years old.

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That's all right, I swam a width once. I got a certificate and everything.

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So the burning question is can these three champions utilise

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their unique skills to conquer the Total Wipeout course?

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Or at least provide an entertaining montage? Let's find out.

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# Oh, I got a sheet for my bed and a pillow for my head

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# I got a pencil full of lead and some water for my throat

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# I got buttons for my coat, sails on my boat

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# So much more than I needed before

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# I got money in the meter and a two-bar heater

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# Now it's getting hotter, oh, it's only getting sweeter

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# I got legs on my chairs and a head full of hair

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# A pot and a pan and some shoes on my feet

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# I got a shelf full of books, and most of my teeth

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# A few pairs of socks and a door with a lock

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# I got food in my belly and a licence for my telly and nothing's going to bring me down

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# Nothing's gonna bring me down. #

0:18:060:18:08

Interesting Total Wipeout fact for you here:

0:18:080:18:11

There are just five man-made structures visible from space.

0:18:110:18:14

One of them is the Great Wall of China.

0:18:140:18:17

The other four are the Big Red Balls. Yup, true.

0:18:170:18:21

# But best of all

0:18:210:18:23

# I've got my baby... #

0:18:230:18:27

So, what else have I learned?

0:18:270:18:29

Crufts winner Hannah isn't Best in Show,

0:18:290:18:31

with a time of 3:02.

0:18:310:18:33

Jonny almost creates a masterpiece in 2:39.

0:18:340:18:37

It's tens all round for Ice Ice Danni -

0:18:380:18:41

the fastest so far today with 2:37.

0:18:410:18:46

50-year-old Dean is a builder from Darlington, and he's got a little secret.

0:18:460:18:50

Quite a big little secret.

0:18:500:18:53

He swore me to secrecy, but don't you worry, Dean -

0:18:530:18:56

my lips are sealed, I won't tell a soul. Not a word.

0:18:560:18:59

# As long as the wheels are turnin'... #

0:18:590:19:02

Amanda - I'm doing this for you!

0:19:020:19:05

Oh, right. Dean's secret isn't very secret any more. He loves Amanda.

0:19:050:19:09

What he needs is a cold dip.

0:19:090:19:11

-# And I would do... #

-That should calm things down.

0:19:110:19:14

I'm not sure Amanda's all that impressed.

0:19:140:19:17

Oh, poor Dean.

0:19:170:19:19

"Dean the Builder - can I jump it?" That speaks for itself.

0:19:190:19:22

Yes, it does.

0:19:220:19:24

What does the back say?

0:19:240:19:26

"Dean the Builder - yes I can!"

0:19:260:19:28

Where did you get that line from?

0:19:280:19:30

Just made it up, really. Just something...

0:19:300:19:33

I just made it up really.

0:19:330:19:34

It's been on the telly for like, 20 years, hasn't it?

0:19:340:19:38

I think he's hoping to wear her down.

0:19:380:19:40

Can Dean the Builder win back Amanda's respect

0:19:400:19:44

by crossing the Cradles of Doom?

0:19:440:19:46

That'd do it if he can.

0:19:460:19:47

He's on to the first. Oh...

0:19:470:19:50

Spectacular reverse head-slap off the second.

0:19:500:19:54

-# Yeah, I'd die for you... #

-He's trying.

0:19:540:19:58

Dean, it's really important to make a girl laugh.

0:19:580:20:01

-And you did that.

-I'm right here waiting for you.

0:20:010:20:04

Love does indeed conquer all, as Dean smashes his way

0:20:040:20:07

to the top of the leaderboard.

0:20:070:20:09

Amanda - I've done that for you.

0:20:090:20:12

Don't forget your wife, Dean.

0:20:120:20:14

Oh, you have. OK.

0:20:140:20:15

That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.

0:20:160:20:19

Thank you.

0:20:190:20:21

I was dying to say that earlier on, but...I never got t'chance.

0:20:210:20:26

I've spent weeks and weeks, learning

0:20:260:20:30

-all these little things all about yourself.

-I'm a bit scared now.

0:20:300:20:33

-"PSYCHO" VIOLINS

-OK, time to move on.

0:20:330:20:36

Next is 36-year-old martial arts enthusiast Lee from Omagh.

0:20:370:20:41

Using performance dance, Lee is saying "Hello, Argentina."

0:20:410:20:45

You may have seen Kung Fu Panda. You ain't seen Kung Fu Lee.

0:20:450:20:48

I'm going to take this on kung fu style-Lee!

0:20:480:20:51

That was actually disappointing. I hope his run is better.

0:20:510:20:55

Wow. And it is!

0:20:590:21:01

Oh - bit of trouble on the second set, but he's holding on...

0:21:020:21:06

and he's across.

0:21:060:21:08

Using the medium of dance, Lee is now claiming that he'll have

0:21:080:21:11

no problems crossing the Cradles of Doom.

0:21:110:21:13

So, can he be true to his word?

0:21:130:21:16

Come on, Lee. The cradles await.

0:21:160:21:19

Oh, he's on to the first one, this is going to be something special...

0:21:190:21:23

Yeah, neither pretty nor special in the end.

0:21:280:21:31

Those cradles!

0:21:310:21:33

Nevertheless, Precise-Lee is the fastest so far

0:21:330:21:36

in an incredible 2:11.

0:21:360:21:38

Let's see who's next.

0:21:380:21:40

There ain't no mountain high enough, there ain't no valley low enough.

0:21:400:21:44

And there ain't no obstacles hard enough to stop ME from winning.

0:21:440:21:47

This is Junior, age 23.

0:21:470:21:50

Unbelievably, he's one of the youngest magistrates in the UK.

0:21:500:21:53

Didn't judge that very well.

0:21:590:22:01

No.

0:22:010:22:03

Junior's got very modest goals.

0:22:030:22:05

For example, when he grows up, he wants to change the world.

0:22:050:22:09

One day I hope to be the Prime Minister of Great Britain. So aiming as high as I can, you know.

0:22:120:22:17

-What's the first thing you would do?

-Probably just drive round and wave at people.

0:22:170:22:22

That's brilliant.

0:22:240:22:25

He's confusing the Prime Minister with the Queen,

0:22:250:22:28

but he has reached the cradles in a very quick time.

0:22:280:22:31

So, he's on to the first. Come on Junior, come on.

0:22:310:22:34

It's in the timing.

0:22:360:22:38

And the second.

0:22:380:22:39

Would YOU vote for Junior?

0:22:390:22:41

No.

0:22:410:22:42

Brilliant stuff from the Junior Minister -

0:22:440:22:47

only one second behind Precise-Lee. That's quite a time.

0:22:470:22:50

Junior is one of the select few to have actually crossed the cradles today.

0:22:520:22:57

There is a knack to crossing these, you know -

0:22:570:23:00

so secret if the contestants found out it would make a mockery of the Qualifier,

0:23:000:23:04

maybe even leading to the show being axed and 40 Argentinians losing their jobs.

0:23:040:23:09

It's about timing your jump, isn't it?

0:23:090:23:11

Oh, did I just... Ooh, I said it. Oops.

0:23:110:23:14

This is Gareth.

0:23:150:23:17

He works for the London Underground,

0:23:170:23:19

as you can tell by how quick, efficient and reliable he is.

0:23:190:23:24

Closely adhering to Underground rules

0:23:250:23:27

by staying away from the edge of the platform.

0:23:270:23:30

-Mind the gap, Gareth.

-Somebody had to.

0:23:300:23:32

Just for Gareth,

0:23:320:23:34

here's a quick lesson in what NOT to do on the Cradles of Doom.

0:23:340:23:39

Lesson one, as demonstrated by Phyona from Forfar, don't tap dance.

0:23:390:23:43

It's a frighteningly far fall for Phyona from Forfar.

0:23:490:23:51

Lesson two - here's forklift driver Jane.

0:23:530:23:57

Come on, Jane!

0:23:570:23:58

However hard you try, you won't rock the cradle.

0:23:580:24:02

But the cradle may well rock you.

0:24:020:24:05

And remember Pro Chris? Here he is with the third and final lesson -

0:24:050:24:09

don't listen to Amanda.

0:24:090:24:11

-It's all about speed, Chris, come on!

-Let's do it, baby.

0:24:130:24:15

Here we go...

0:24:160:24:17

I feel like that was MY fault.

0:24:200:24:22

She doesn't feel guilt, she just looks it occasionally.

0:24:220:24:25

So, let's see if any of these lessons have helped Mind The Gareth.

0:24:250:24:28

Obviously he's listened to my advice and is simply waiting

0:24:280:24:31

for the perfect opportunity to jump...

0:24:310:24:34

Look at that.

0:24:340:24:36

Slow and steady wins the race.

0:24:370:24:40

Well - delays expected.

0:24:410:24:44

Let's have a second look at the leaderboard.

0:24:440:24:46

Precise-Lee has just pipped Junior Minister by one second to the top,

0:24:460:24:50

with Dean the Builder in third.

0:24:500:24:52

Sliding rapidly down the field in sixth is brave, brave Sir Dave.

0:24:520:24:56

Phyona from Forfar is in ninth,

0:24:560:24:58

and Sarah's looking precarious in 12th place.

0:24:580:25:01

This is 30-year-old Clair from Derbyshire, just getting warmed up.

0:25:020:25:07

Total Wipeout, I'm going to conquer your balls! Wooo!

0:25:070:25:13

Crikey.

0:25:130:25:14

By day she is a university lecturer, and by night...

0:25:140:25:17

I teach pole dancing, burlesque dancing and can-can.

0:25:170:25:22

So can Can-Can Clair high-kick her way over the rakes?

0:25:220:25:27

Oh, she is making good progress.

0:25:270:25:29

Come on, Can-Can Clair.

0:25:290:25:31

Wow.

0:25:310:25:33

CLAIR SQUEALS LOUDLY

0:25:330:25:36

Yes, this is looking... There is a lot of noise.

0:25:360:25:38

She has made it. Can Can-Can Clair make it across the sucker punch?

0:25:410:25:47

No. She can't can't.

0:25:500:25:52

Not leaving very much to the imagination with them shorts, Clair.

0:25:570:26:00

OK, she's on the first cradle in great time as well.

0:26:000:26:05

Can she make the second?

0:26:050:26:06

Yep, she can. If she can make this final jump, she will have the fastest time of the day.

0:26:060:26:11

This has been an astonishing time.

0:26:110:26:13

And she has. 1 minute 51.

0:26:130:26:15

You'll be seeing a lot more of her. I mean... You know what I mean.

0:26:150:26:20

Now for the penultimate contestant.

0:26:200:26:23

His friends call him a smoocher.

0:26:230:26:26

Meet today's most eligible bachelor...

0:26:260:26:29

Digging it, digging it, digging it down!

0:26:330:26:36

Uh-huh. Here he goes. Oh, he is off like a speeding bullet.

0:26:360:26:40

Oh, straight off.

0:26:410:26:44

Can Colin the irresistible tame the hearts of the big balls?

0:26:440:26:48

No. He can't. But he did get a goodbye hug.

0:26:550:26:59

What sets this show apart is the sheer heroism demonstrated

0:26:590:27:04

by the contestants because when the going gets tough, do they quit?

0:27:040:27:09

No, they don't. When the chips are down, do they run away crying?

0:27:090:27:13

Well, occasionally. But do they embody the never-say-die spirit

0:27:130:27:17

that saw this country through two world wars?

0:27:170:27:20

No. No, they don't. Time for the last contestant.

0:27:200:27:23

I'm a rocking, rolling, jiving, thriving, nifty 50. Watch me go!

0:27:230:27:28

Reflexologist Jan is the eldest contestant of the day.

0:27:280:27:33

I'm saying that to her face which has been hit by a rake.

0:27:330:27:36

But Jan is a black belt in the art of positive thinking.

0:27:360:27:39

In my mind. I know that I can do it.

0:27:390:27:42

Yes, you can. Probably. Come on, Jan, you can do this. Yes, she can!

0:27:420:27:48

Now, that won't faze Jan because she has analysed this course thoroughly.

0:27:490:27:55

Hey, what's a few puddles?

0:27:550:27:57

-See? What's a few puddles?

-Come on, Jan.

0:27:570:28:00

Come on, you. I'm going to have you.

0:28:030:28:06

OK, that's... Yes.

0:28:060:28:08

Jan will have no problems with the sucker punch.

0:28:100:28:14

Come on, Jan, you can do it. Mind over matter.

0:28:160:28:19

This is more like it. A positive start. Yes.

0:28:190:28:23

Oh, followed by a positive punch.

0:28:260:28:29

I'm probably the oldest bod here,

0:28:300:28:33

but what I lack in stamina and in age I can make up for up here.

0:28:330:28:38

Which means Jan will have no problems with these.

0:28:380:28:43

-Let's do it.

-Yes, let's do it.

0:28:430:28:46

You won't beat me.

0:28:460:28:47

No, it won't beat you. Yeah, let's go!

0:28:470:28:50

Yeah.

0:28:510:28:53

-Let's go.

-Yeah!

0:28:530:28:55

No.

0:28:570:28:59

I'll be honest, I'm not feeling as positive as I was about this.

0:29:030:29:08

She's still going, though. She is digging deep,

0:29:080:29:13

and all that other stuff that people do when they're really trying hard.

0:29:130:29:17

Yes. I'm at the top.

0:29:170:29:21

So close.

0:29:210:29:22

This is moving, actually. Genuinely.

0:29:220:29:25

Talking herself through it.

0:29:250:29:28

Come on, Jan! The first cradle.

0:29:280:29:30

This is too much. I'm on the edge of my seat.

0:29:350:29:37

I've got to admit, I was expecting a bit more than that.

0:29:430:29:47

A cleverer man than me once said, "Victory is a thing of the will,

0:29:530:29:57

"but there are some victories worse than defeat, and some defeats more triumphant than victories."

0:29:570:30:05

I have no idea what any of that means,

0:30:050:30:07

but I'm sure it's really pertinent and important right now.

0:30:070:30:11

I'm exhausted just watching her.

0:30:110:30:14

Positive Jan snatches victory from the jaws of defeat with a positively epic time of 8 minutes 17 seconds.

0:30:140:30:20

-Made it! I made it!

-Yes.

0:30:200:30:23

I made it... Oh...

0:30:230:30:26

I think she's going to cry.

0:30:280:30:30

So, let's have a look at the final leaderboard.

0:30:300:30:33

Can-Can Clair is at the top, with Precise Lee in second and Junior Minister in third.

0:30:330:30:37

Colin the Irresistible is in 6th.

0:30:370:30:40

Amazing Amy is in 9th.

0:30:400:30:42

And Bilbo has just hung in there by the skin of his hobbity little teeth in 12th place.

0:30:420:30:48

That's the Qualifier over, and round about now, I tend to feel a bit sad.

0:30:500:30:55

Just as I was getting to know those brave contestants, eight have gone.

0:30:550:31:00

I wonder what they are doing now.

0:31:000:31:02

I will remember them.

0:31:300:31:33

Actually, I've already forgotten their names.

0:31:330:31:36

Apart from Underwater Cuthbert.

0:31:360:31:37

There wasn't an Underwater Cuthbert, was there?

0:31:370:31:40

But what awaits the 12 lucky souls who have made it this far?

0:31:400:31:44

Well, riddle me this.

0:31:440:31:46

When is a mountain not a mountain?

0:31:460:31:49

When it consists of 12 big podiums wobbling about in stagnant water.

0:31:490:31:53

The 12 remaining contestants have a mountain to climb, and there is only one way to get there.

0:31:580:32:03

It is a sprint to the centre podium over one moving arm, whilst avoiding the other two.

0:32:030:32:07

If they crash out, they'll need to try again.

0:32:070:32:10

The first five to make it are heading for the next round.

0:32:100:32:13

The other seven are heading for the losers' bench.

0:32:130:32:16

And casualty, sometimes.

0:32:160:32:18

On podiums 1, 2 and 3, Phyona from Forfar.

0:32:180:32:22

Oh, God.

0:32:220:32:24

Looking calm.

0:32:240:32:26

-Can-Can Clair.

-I was the first in the Qualifier and I will be first to that centre.

0:32:260:32:31

-And Bilbo.

-Watch Bilbo go.

0:32:310:32:32

-I'll be the Lord of THIS ring!

-Yup.

0:32:320:32:35

On podium four, about to give a rousing speech, Junior Minister.

0:32:350:32:40

What goes up must come down, but you lot are going down first.

0:32:400:32:43

Oh, bravo, yah. On five, it's...

0:32:430:32:47

# Bold and brave Sir Dave, who fought to save the day. #

0:32:470:32:51

Ole, ole, ole, you're all going down today.

0:32:510:32:54

Brilliant, Richard III, my second favourite Shakespeare play(!)

0:32:540:32:57

On podiums 6, 7 and 8 - Amazing Amy,

0:32:570:33:02

Dean the Builder and Just Jonny.

0:33:020:33:06

On 9...

0:33:060:33:08

# Whoa-whoa everybody got kung-fu fighting... #

0:33:080:33:12

Precisely, precise Lee.

0:33:120:33:15

And on podiums 10, 11 and 12, Here Hannah.

0:33:150:33:18

This top dog is going to be centre-stage! Yes!

0:33:180:33:23

He's irresistible.

0:33:230:33:25

It's Colin.

0:33:250:33:27

And Ice Ice Danni.

0:33:280:33:30

All these other guys are going to crash into the water.

0:33:300:33:34

Time now for an uplifting experience with a dash of falling.

0:33:370:33:41

It's Crash Mountain. Are you all ready?

0:33:410:33:44

CHEERING

0:33:440:33:46

Three, two, one!

0:33:460:33:49

And so it begins. The first five to the centre go to the next round.

0:33:490:33:55

Ooh, that is fast. Oh! Jonny is off.

0:33:550:33:57

Bilbo somehow manages to do even worse!

0:33:570:34:01

Never got near it, mistakenly thinking he has huge hobbit feet.

0:34:010:34:05

That's Lee clean off too.

0:34:050:34:08

we could be here a while.

0:34:080:34:11

Ooh, I spoke too soon. Phyona from Forfar is first on, but then off.

0:34:110:34:16

They've got to make it to their feet if they want to get to the centre.

0:34:160:34:22

Oh, that was Ice Ice Danni.

0:34:220:34:25

They all look a little bit drunk.

0:34:250:34:27

That should sober Colin up!

0:34:280:34:30

And Junior Minister...

0:34:300:34:33

And Dean the Builder too...

0:34:330:34:36

What they don't realise is that pool is 40% Argentine rum.

0:34:360:34:41

Bilbo gives it a crack. Probably receives a fracture for his efforts.

0:34:410:34:45

Ooh, what's this from Just Jonny?

0:34:450:34:47

Oh, so close. Glory cruelly snatched by the sweeper arm.

0:34:470:34:51

Can-Can Clair's doing pretty well.

0:34:540:34:56

No-one's made it to the centre yet. She might be the first.

0:34:560:35:00

Could she be the first? No.

0:35:000:35:03

She's down. Clean off her feet.

0:35:030:35:06

Will anyone go through to the next round today? Brave Brave Sir Dave!

0:35:060:35:10

Is it really that hard?

0:35:100:35:12

I'm going to say yes, it is.

0:35:120:35:15

Oh! Junior makes a bid for glory, and he's across.

0:35:150:35:18

And into the next round. Four places remain.

0:35:180:35:22

Make that three! No... Yes, Precise Lee has made it as well.

0:35:220:35:28

All of a sudden.

0:35:280:35:30

Just Jonny making a dash... And he's done it as well.

0:35:310:35:35

They've watched and learned.

0:35:350:35:37

Junior Minister, Precise Lee and Just Jonny are through.

0:35:370:35:39

Two places remain.

0:35:390:35:41

Will it be Hannah, Colin, Can-Can Clair, Amazing Amy, Phyona from Forfar,

0:35:410:35:47

Dean the Builder, Brave Brave Sir Dave, Bilbo or Ice Ice Danni?

0:35:470:35:53

Oh, bless you, Danni.

0:35:540:35:56

Colin takes his turn, ducking...

0:35:560:35:59

and diving.

0:35:590:36:01

This is close. This is... Oh.

0:36:010:36:04

That was very close.

0:36:040:36:05

Will Colin get time for another go?

0:36:050:36:07

Can-Can Clair again.

0:36:090:36:11

Survives one sweep...

0:36:110:36:13

Ooh, that was close!

0:36:150:36:17

But the beam gets its revenge.

0:36:170:36:20

Hannah's on.

0:36:250:36:26

For the first time for Hannah.

0:36:260:36:28

She's hanging on...

0:36:280:36:30

Oh, no, she isn't. It was a bit late for her first attempt, but it hasn't ended well for her.

0:36:300:36:36

Meanwhile Dean's sneaking along the platform.

0:36:360:36:38

This might be his last chance.

0:36:380:36:41

Oh, come on, Dean. He's doing it for me. Get up!

0:36:410:36:43

Yep, almost... Oh!

0:36:450:36:47

Colin in there too.

0:36:470:36:49

Dean's dream might be over now.

0:36:490:36:51

Colin making a run for it.

0:36:510:36:54

Bilbo's off, but Colin's made it. Only one place remains.

0:36:540:36:59

Danni has her eye on that final place.

0:36:590:37:04

So near but so far...

0:37:070:37:09

Amy making a last-ditch attempt at that final spot.

0:37:120:37:16

-Oh, I haven't seen Amy for a while.

-This is it. It's now or nothing.

0:37:160:37:21

And she's done it! She's done it, she's on.

0:37:230:37:26

We have five!

0:37:260:37:28

I'm exhausted.

0:37:280:37:31

So, Crash Mountain has plucked the five mighty mountaineers from...

0:37:330:37:38

the other seven who never made it out of base camp.

0:37:380:37:41

Those seven had their moment to shine, and they blew it.

0:37:410:37:44

So let's give them another moment to...talk about it a bit.

0:37:440:37:48

I came here with a quest, and I failed the hobbits and the elves.

0:37:500:37:54

I failed everyone.

0:37:540:37:57

Absolutely terrifying.

0:37:570:37:59

Even before it started to move and go round, I just wanted to cry.

0:37:590:38:05

I just couldn't get the strength to pick myself up.

0:38:050:38:10

I would put one foot forward,

0:38:100:38:13

hit it and I was in the drink again.

0:38:130:38:14

It was so slippery, I just didn't have the grip to stand and then run.

0:38:160:38:21

It kept coming and knocking me off.

0:38:210:38:23

Absolutely gutted.

0:38:240:38:27

I have never been as devastated in my life.

0:38:270:38:30

I'll just have to find another way to win £10,000.

0:38:300:38:36

So, two rounds down and just five competitors remain.

0:38:360:38:40

You don't need me to tell you what's next.

0:38:400:38:43

Apparently, you do.

0:38:500:38:51

It is Dizzy Dummies!

0:38:510:38:53

The contestants will be spun fast in that poorly-modified tumble dryer

0:38:580:39:04

and released to dart straight-ish over the rotating bungee frame

0:39:040:39:09

and stumble to the pyramid beams.

0:39:090:39:11

The last person to the other side will be eliminated, and the whole rigmarole will then be repeated,

0:39:110:39:16

but this time they'll cross the barrel bridge.

0:39:160:39:19

The last person across will be eliminated,

0:39:190:39:21

leaving three finalists, who will all go through to the Wipeout Zone.

0:39:210:39:25

Five brave souls are about to take on the wrath of the Dizzy Dummy.

0:39:250:39:30

-And they're raring to go. Are you all ready?

-No!

0:39:300:39:33

Oh, well, we're going to go anyway.

0:39:330:39:36

Three, two, one!

0:39:360:39:39

Oh, my God!

0:39:410:39:42

Right, let's take this opportunity to meet today's five Dizzy Dummies.

0:39:450:39:49

He was first across Crash Mountain, and he's Prime Minister in waiting.

0:39:490:39:53

It's Junior Minister.

0:39:530:39:55

He's quick. He's fast. He's precise.

0:39:550:40:00

-# Whoa-whoa... #

-It's Precise Lee.

0:40:000:40:03

He once drew a picture. He...

0:40:050:40:08

Um... It's just Jonny.

0:40:080:40:10

He loves the ladies. The ladies are still undecided.

0:40:120:40:15

Digging it, digging it...

0:40:150:40:17

It's Colin the Irresistible.

0:40:170:40:20

She's amazing.

0:40:200:40:22

-A-mazing.

-It's Amazing Amy.

0:40:220:40:25

The dummies are reaching the end of their gyratory torture session.

0:40:250:40:27

And they're off.

0:40:270:40:30

Amy leading the field towards the bungee frame.

0:40:300:40:33

-Oh, she's quick, straight through.

-Oh, yeah, Amy. Chicks rule!

0:40:330:40:37

The others are floundering as Amy heads to the pyramid beams.

0:40:410:40:44

Junior Minister is through, though.

0:40:440:40:46

Colin isn't.

0:40:460:40:48

Amazing Amy making it over the first pyramid.

0:40:480:40:51

Good girl, Amy!

0:40:510:40:52

And she is over to the second platform... Oh, no!

0:40:520:40:57

No, that's just... Hideously wrong.

0:40:570:41:00

Amy has taken out herself, two pyramids and Junior Minister.

0:41:020:41:05

That really is a-mazing.

0:41:050:41:07

So, they will all need to swim back to the start.

0:41:070:41:10

Precise Lee is making a run for it with Just Jonny close behind.

0:41:110:41:16

Lee then jumping for it.

0:41:160:41:18

He can't hang on in there. It's back to the start for him.

0:41:200:41:25

Jonny is getting himself rather familiar with that obstacle.

0:41:250:41:27

OK.

0:41:270:41:29

Just Jonny diving for it now.

0:41:310:41:34

Nope, can't hang on in there either.

0:41:340:41:37

That second platform is proving impassable so far.

0:41:370:41:41

-Colin... Oh, he's made it!

-Yes!

0:41:410:41:44

-Cos he's only a little fella.

-This is looking good.

0:41:440:41:47

Junior Minister not far behind.

0:41:470:41:51

Suddenly everyone is getting to grips with this. Amazing Amy now.

0:41:540:41:56

Come on, Amy. Come on, come on...

0:41:560:41:59

Oh... No...

0:41:590:42:01

Colin making the final dash... Yes!

0:42:030:42:06

And he's through and safe for now.

0:42:060:42:08

A fantastic jump from Colin the Irresistible.

0:42:080:42:13

Junior Minister going for it now. Just one jump. Come on!

0:42:160:42:19

And Junior Minister is through!

0:42:220:42:24

Using a floater to finish, but it worked.

0:42:250:42:29

It's Precise Lee, Amazing Amy and Just Jonny left.

0:42:300:42:35

The last across will be eliminated.

0:42:350:42:38

Precise Lee makes it.

0:42:380:42:40

So it is now down to the last two.

0:42:400:42:43

Jonny now... Oh! Ooh...

0:42:470:42:50

Amy, come on! Come on, Amy!

0:42:500:42:53

Oh, and this is outrageous! Amy tries to climb over Jonny.

0:42:560:42:59

They are both holding on. This is desperation.

0:42:590:43:02

Amy slips and hands Jonny the win.

0:43:020:43:04

I don't believe it.

0:43:070:43:09

If there is one thing you should have learned about Total Wipeout,

0:43:110:43:15

it is to expect the unexpected.

0:43:150:43:18

Which would, of course, make it the expected.

0:43:180:43:20

So it ceases to be unexpected...

0:43:200:43:23

Anyway, it turns out that the exertion of the game was a little too much for Jonny.

0:43:230:43:28

Despite a spectacular performance all day, Jonny hurt his eye

0:43:300:43:33

and, after medical advice, has had to withdraw from the competition.

0:43:330:43:37

Absolutely gutted. I thought I could go all the way to the final.

0:43:370:43:41

But obviously it's not meant to be.

0:43:410:43:43

Going around in circles is not my forte.

0:43:430:43:46

So, Amazing Amy is, amazingly, back in the game

0:43:460:43:49

and takes Jonny's place in the second round of Dizzy Dummies.

0:43:490:43:53

It's time to go back to the most tranquil and calm place on Earth.

0:43:530:43:58

Oh, this is relaxing.

0:44:000:44:02

SQUEALING

0:44:020:44:04

Time to kick back, take a deep breath and...

0:44:040:44:07

SHOUTING

0:44:070:44:09

..just take it easy. Feel your worries...

0:44:090:44:13

..ebb away as you sense...

0:44:160:44:19

that the thing's finally slowing down.

0:44:190:44:21

It's game on, and Amy is first out of the trap - again.

0:44:210:44:24

Come on, Amy.

0:44:240:44:27

Oh, she's down!

0:44:270:44:30

As is just about everyone else.

0:44:320:44:34

Someone is through, but I have no idea who it is.

0:44:340:44:38

You get a sense that this is actually quite difficult.

0:44:380:44:42

OK, Lee has made it to the barrel bridge.

0:44:450:44:48

He is on it.

0:44:480:44:50

Junior Minister is on as well now.

0:44:500:44:54

-Yes!

-There's Amy.

0:44:540:44:58

Colin waiting for the right time.

0:44:580:45:00

Oh, the right time to fall in.

0:45:000:45:04

Junior is in trouble as well. He'll be joining Colin back at the start.

0:45:040:45:08

Still, not far to swim.

0:45:080:45:11

Lee making good progress, with Amy not far behind.

0:45:110:45:16

-Scratch that. Lee is on his own now.

-Ow!

0:45:160:45:19

And in pain.

0:45:190:45:22

I call that move the spreadeagle. People only do it once.

0:45:220:45:27

Lee has just got two more barrels to go, and he will be into the final.

0:45:270:45:30

Oh, he has done it again!

0:45:300:45:33

People only do that... twice.

0:45:340:45:38

Oh, no. Still, it is working for him.

0:45:380:45:41

Most of him. Can he do it? Come on, Lee.

0:45:410:45:43

For crying out loud! Yes!

0:45:450:45:46

Yes! He is today's first finalist, but at what price?

0:45:460:45:52

-I love it!

-OK, Colin has made a new friend.

0:45:520:45:55

Two spots left in the final.

0:45:550:45:57

It is between Colin, Amy and Junior now. Oh, Colin is in.

0:45:570:46:00

Pas de goal for Colin.

0:46:000:46:03

Completing now for those places in the final. Oh, Amy's gone.

0:46:060:46:10

Junior has got a clear run now.

0:46:100:46:13

The possible future leader of Great Britain.

0:46:180:46:21

Well, when he becomes the leader, he will probably regret doing this, but we can enjoy it for now.

0:46:210:46:27

Hang on, Junior! Hang on!

0:46:270:46:28

OK, having a little rest. I'm not surprised, this is exhausting.

0:46:280:46:33

Yes!

0:46:350:46:38

Colin closing the gap.

0:46:390:46:41

-But Junior is doing well.

-Yes, come on, Junior!

0:46:410:46:46

Just one barrel away from the final.

0:46:460:46:50

Oh, this is getting close!

0:46:500:46:52

-And tense.

-Oh!

0:46:520:46:55

Amy is still falling in. That girl does not give up easily.

0:46:550:46:59

Colin catching Junior up, he's changing lane to try and overtake.

0:46:590:47:02

Oh! It is neck-and-neck now. Junior leaps, and he's through!

0:47:050:47:08

One more spot in today's final.

0:47:080:47:11

Can Colin make it?

0:47:110:47:15

Yes, he can.

0:47:150:47:17

There goes the klaxon, and Amy is out of the competition.

0:47:170:47:21

Genuinely, this time.

0:47:210:47:24

You got a second chance, Amy.

0:47:240:47:27

-What were you doing?

-That was so hard!

0:47:270:47:29

Did you think, because you were being given a second chance,

0:47:290:47:33

that would give you the strength and determination to get through?

0:47:330:47:36

No, I thought it was like torture. They did it to me on purpose!

0:47:360:47:41

Junior Minister from Wales, Precise Lee and Colin the Irresistible, both from Northern Ireland,

0:47:410:47:46

have made it through to today's final round, the Wipeout Zone.

0:47:460:47:50

It's been a bumpy ride for those three Celtic heroes.

0:47:500:47:54

A muddy, slippy, spinny sort of bumpy ride.

0:47:540:47:58

It feels great and very, very surreal.

0:48:020:48:06

Everyone back home will be amazed that I have got this far.

0:48:060:48:09

Winning tonight would definitely mean a lot to me.

0:48:090:48:14

I don't look like a prime athletic specimen.

0:48:140:48:16

People looking at me would think, "Tiny, ginger, Northern Irish."

0:48:160:48:21

I think you've got to have a self-belief.

0:48:210:48:25

If you don't believe in yourself, you lose the first battle already.

0:48:250:48:29

I never do sports. I never go to the gym. I am more of a couch potato.

0:48:290:48:33

I was always the last to be picked for the football team.

0:48:330:48:38

I always mumble to myself, "Do it for your kids. Do it for your kids."

0:48:380:48:42

I hope they are proud of me.

0:48:420:48:45

# I am the one and only. There's no... # What was it?

0:48:450:48:49

I don't know the words. What are the words to the song?

0:48:490:48:52

It won't be We Are The Champions, because it has to be I...

0:48:520:48:57

I've definitely got it in me.

0:48:570:49:00

I hope to be the first politician to win Total Wipeout.

0:49:000:49:03

As long as this Northern Irish man gets one over on the Welsh!

0:49:030:49:07

If I can do as good as Bruce Lee, I'll be OK.

0:49:070:49:10

Hopefully the Welsh will come out on top. We beat the Irish before.

0:49:100:49:14

I don't think there's been a Northern Irish winner, but hopefully tonight there will be.

0:49:140:49:18

# Simply the best...

0:49:180:49:20

# Doo, doo doo Better than... #

0:49:200:49:24

So, with only three competitors left in the race for the £10,000 prize,

0:49:240:49:30

and the Wipeout Zone imminent, crunch time is upon us.

0:49:300:49:34

It's crunch o'clock.

0:49:340:49:35

It's zero-crunch-hundred hours.

0:49:350:49:38

The little hand is pointing to the crunch and the big hand is pointing to the crunch as well.

0:49:380:49:43

Basically, it's time for the Wipeout Zone.

0:49:430:49:47

This is what lies in wait for the three finalists.

0:49:520:49:55

A headlong trip down the killer surf.

0:49:550:50:00

Then a rapid climb up the rapid climb.

0:50:000:50:02

They have got just ten seconds to make it to the top before a tidal wave is unleashed.

0:50:020:50:09

Then balance is everything on the balance beam.

0:50:090:50:12

From there, they will have to try dodge the crazy sweeper.

0:50:120:50:15

Then it's the rope swing on to the turntable and a final leap to the finish podium where the clock stops.

0:50:150:50:22

The fastest will be crowned Total Wipeout champion and walk away with £10,000.

0:50:230:50:29

It's the battle of the Celts in the Wipeout Zone tonight.

0:50:290:50:32

And first to go, from Northern Ireland, it's Colin.

0:50:320:50:36

Archaeologist Colin prepares himself.

0:50:360:50:39

But will he be unearthing £10,000 of treasure tonight? And he's off!

0:50:390:50:44

And he's in.

0:50:500:50:52

Colin sets off with a quick swim to the cascades of the rapid climb.

0:50:520:50:56

That torrent of water doesn't seem to be slowing him down.

0:51:020:51:04

Once on his feet, Colin only has ten seconds before the tidal wave hits.

0:51:040:51:09

He has made it. This is a really strong start.

0:51:130:51:15

Really strong from Colin. The balance beam now.

0:51:150:51:20

Oh, Colin, easy...

0:51:200:51:22

He's looking steady.

0:51:220:51:25

Very steady.

0:51:250:51:26

But things are about to get tougher with the crazy sweeper.

0:51:280:51:33

He's just going for it! This is all in the timing,

0:51:340:51:37

but that sweeper arm is coming back round after him.

0:51:370:51:41

And he's just made...

0:51:410:51:44

That was incredible!

0:51:440:51:46

The rope swing to the turntable now.

0:51:460:51:50

Big swing from Colin.

0:51:540:51:56

He has landed bang in the middle.

0:51:560:51:58

This is amazing. This is going to be a very hard time to beat.

0:51:580:52:01

One final jump...!

0:52:010:52:02

And Colin completes the course in just 1 minute 24 seconds.

0:52:020:52:08

Colin has just given a masterclass

0:52:080:52:11

in how to defeat the Wipeout Zone.

0:52:110:52:15

He made it look easy, but it isn't.

0:52:150:52:17

As I suspect his fellow finalists are about to find out.

0:52:170:52:21

That was absolutely unbelievable. I can tell you, Colin,

0:52:210:52:25

that your time tonight was 1 minute and 24 seconds!

0:52:250:52:30

Oh, my...! I can't believe it.

0:52:300:52:33

It is a fantastic time.

0:52:330:52:35

But you have got two really strong competitors coming up behind.

0:52:350:52:39

Next to go is Junior.

0:52:390:52:41

Junior Minister looking nervous, and he doesn't even know what Colin's time was.

0:52:420:52:47

Come on, this one's for Wales!

0:52:470:52:49

So, only the pressure of an entire country resting on his shoulders now.

0:52:490:52:54

He's in the water.

0:52:560:52:58

And it's another quick swim to the rapid climb.

0:52:580:53:02

Where is he? Where IS he?

0:53:060:53:08

Junior is on his feet. He's got ten seconds to avoid that tidal wave.

0:53:100:53:13

That little delay at the start means this is going to be close.

0:53:130:53:18

Three, two, one...

0:53:180:53:20

He's made that by the skin of his teeth. The balance beam next.

0:53:200:53:24

Junior steps out, very steady so far.

0:53:270:53:29

But remember he is against the clock.

0:53:290:53:32

He has got to do this in less than 1 minute 24.

0:53:320:53:35

He's across. The crazy sweeper next.

0:53:370:53:40

Oh, no! He just froze!

0:53:400:53:43

No ducking, no nothing.

0:53:430:53:46

Well, Junior Minister is going to have to fly around

0:53:490:53:51

the Wipeout Zone now to stand a chance of beating Colin's time.

0:53:510:53:55

He faces a swim and a climb before he can continue with the course.

0:53:550:54:00

Now for the rope swing. No room for error here.

0:54:020:54:05

Junior Minister, here we go...

0:54:080:54:12

He's hit the water. That's... Oh, no.

0:54:120:54:15

Sadly, his challenge is as good as over now.

0:54:170:54:20

Nevertheless, he must now climb up to the turntable before that final leap to the finish.

0:54:230:54:27

He has made it, but that is not enough to win him a big prize.

0:54:270:54:31

2 minutes and 8 seconds would ordinarily be a very good time.

0:54:330:54:38

Unless you are competing with a Wipeout Zone master like Colin.

0:54:380:54:42

It's time for Amanda to break the news.

0:54:420:54:46

Junior, you might be Prime Minister of Britain some day,

0:54:460:54:49

but I'm afraid you're not going to be Total Wipeout champion,

0:54:490:54:53

because Colin was faster. Hard luck.

0:54:530:54:56

-You know what this means.

-Only one to go!

0:54:560:55:00

Yours is the time to beat.

0:55:000:55:02

Let's have a look. Oooooh!

0:55:020:55:05

So it's an all-Irish final now, and Precise Lee has some target to beat.

0:55:050:55:10

I love you, kids!

0:55:100:55:11

The clock starts ticking as he hits the water.

0:55:130:55:16

Now, Lee has to pull out all the stops.

0:55:210:55:25

1 minute 24 is the target.

0:55:250:55:28

Thousands of gallons of ice-cold Argentinian water won't help.

0:55:280:55:32

Lee struggling straight away.

0:55:340:55:36

Come on!

0:55:360:55:39

He is on his feet, and the ten seconds begin.

0:55:390:55:43

Now he's moving, he looks quick.

0:55:430:55:46

He's at the top - no-one's been battered by that tidal wave today.

0:55:480:55:52

The balance beam now. Lee has to make this if he wants the prize.

0:55:540:55:58

Well, he is on the beam and moving fast. Oh, no! Disaster!

0:56:000:56:04

-Oh...

-I hate to say it, but Precise Lee lacked precision there

0:56:040:56:09

and that error could have just cost him the title.

0:56:090:56:13

He's got a mountain to climb now.

0:56:130:56:16

On to the crazy sweeper.

0:56:180:56:20

Come on, Lee. A fast time now is still possible, but only just.

0:56:200:56:23

Come on, Lee!

0:56:230:56:26

Oh... Oh...

0:56:260:56:29

That was so near.

0:56:330:56:34

With that fall, though, it is all over for Lee.

0:56:340:56:36

He doesn't know that, though.

0:56:360:56:38

So he just has to keep trying.

0:56:380:56:40

As far as he knows, he's just got to give it everything.

0:56:400:56:44

Looking exhausted as he climbs to the rope swing. Come on, Lee.

0:56:440:56:49

Oh, no, and he's off again.

0:56:550:56:57

Punishing himself now.

0:56:570:57:00

Lee just didn't get enough momentum there, and in he went.

0:57:000:57:03

He has fallen off everything now.

0:57:030:57:06

But you've got to give it to him, he's not throwing in the towel.

0:57:060:57:07

There's just one jump to go and he's there. No!

0:57:070:57:12

He's fallen off the finish podium.

0:57:120:57:14

Well, Lee has had no luck at all.

0:57:140:57:17

Coming unstuck on that final leap.

0:57:170:57:20

With energy reserves running low, Lee has one more go, and makes it.

0:57:200:57:25

And the clock stops at 4 minutes and 2 seconds.

0:57:250:57:29

Poor Lee fell off everything.

0:57:300:57:34

It's over to Amanda to break the news.

0:57:360:57:39

Oh, come on out to me, my dear.

0:57:420:57:44

You must be exhausted.

0:57:440:57:47

You've got it. No, all I think about is my kids.

0:57:470:57:50

But what can I do?

0:57:500:57:51

Lee, your kids are going to be proud of you no matter what.

0:57:510:57:55

But you weren't fast enough

0:57:550:57:57

because, Colin, you are the Total Wipeout champion!

0:57:570:58:00

So, well done to archaeologist Colin Dunlop from Northern Ireland.

0:58:070:58:11

This is probably the most valuable and significant find of his life.

0:58:110:58:15

£10,000 and a priceless trophy.

0:58:150:58:18

Bringing his total haul to £10,007.

0:58:180:58:22

Join me next time when there will be a portion of this...

0:58:220:58:26

..a piece of this...

0:58:280:58:30

and a big new chunk of this.

0:58:300:58:33

From Amanda and me, goodbye.

0:58:330:58:36

TV's biggest, brashest, daftest game show returns for another episode of bumps, crunches, smashes and splashes.

Once again 20 over-excited Brits throw their caution and dignity to the wind on the purpose-built obstacle course in Argentina, all hoping that their bodies hold out long enough to capture that £10,000 first prize.

Richard Hammond hosts, commenting and commentating on the unfolding carnage, while Amanda Byram fails to keep the giggles at bay at the side of the course.


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