Episode 9 Total Wipeout

The Battle of Hastings.

The Battle of Trafalgar.

The Battle of the Bulge.

These are all titanic struggles, but none compare to the biggest, bravest, baddest battle of all.

This is the final.

Eight champions have returned to conquer the course once again, but they are not alone

because some of the best runners-up are back too. They're all hungry for success and quite hungry too.

Who will be crowned series champion? Let battle commence!

Hang on. Who said you could present the show?

Really?

Huh!

Hold on. Who at the BBC?

Get your hairy carcass off my stool!

Out!

Today's course is designed for champions.

Starting with the Qualifier, it's tougher.

Double Cross, it's rougher.

Terror-Go-Round, it's tougher and rougher than the "abover".

Then the Wipeout Zone and that's another.

So everything is lined up for a great show.

The competitors are in tip-top shape. I'm...fair to middling.

And the Total Wipeout course is... Well, it is just about standing. Don't lean on it.

Over to champ-baiter Amanda who is at the top of the course.

Joining me now is one of them "championes".

It's the ever-delightful, the ever-smiling, cute as a button Adam.

I'll cut to the chase. Is it going to be a repeat performance today?

I won last time, so I hope to do everything exactly the same.

So this is Amateur Adam.

Last time, he turned out to be not so amateur. He was a champion.

Save the drama for your mama. I'm in it to win it!

OK!

What, no klaxon? Yeah, let me introduce you to a brand-new obstacle.

It's the Blob.

It's big, round and, well, blobby, and completely filled with blubber.

Nice!

# Beware of the blob, it creeps and leaps... #

Above the blubbery Blob is that massive barrel and that's all you need to know for now.

On goes Adam. The game hasn't started yet. He's just getting into position.

Amateur Adam looking a bit anxious there. I can't wait though. It looks brilliant. What happens?

-He's only ickle. He's going to go flying.

-Oh, I really hope so!

-Here we go.

-KLAXON SOUNDS

Oh, ho-ho! And there goes Adam.

Wow! I'm more impressed by that than anything I've ever seen in my life!

-That is how far I want to go!

-Ohhh!

-Not now though.

The clock's started. Adam is acting like he's fine.

But he is a drama student. Acting is his thing.

On to the next obstacle.

It's the Flap Trap. 11 flaps. Some pop open, some don't.

What could possibly go wrong?

Adam's up and he's legging it.

Oh, flap-trapped!

Yeah, the flap just catches his leg which is enough to send him tumbling

and a face plant into the steps.

He's up. Here we go again.

Oh, short-lived! Oh! No!

It's just not fair, is it?

Remember, you have to be in it to win it. Who said it? Me.

Adam now faces the classic Sucker Punch.

If you don't know what the Sucker Punch is, it's a bunch of fists. Classic!

At least this is an obstacle that Adam is familiar with.

A face full of green, but he's holding on. Oh, low blow!

Oh, one to the mug as well!

Oh, that was thorough.

OK, the Big Red Balls. He knows the drill.

Four big balls.

Cross them. Don't fall in the water.

Easy-peasy, balls are squeezy!

-OK, here he is.

-Come on!

He's off. Oh, that's good.

-And again.

-Agh!

-Oh, what was that?

He's squealing like a little girl.

Let's see what was better, the scream or the fall.

Aaaagh!

Definitely the scream.

Just one final climb before Amateur Adam has to face the Shapeshifter.

A circle fits through a circular hole, a square through a square hole,

a triangle through a triangular hole, but it's not easy to get a person through any hole,

especially with a boingy launch pad. I'm selling it! It's not my problem. It's Adam's.

The other problem Adam has is he doesn't know how boingy that trampoline is.

-Agh!

-Oh, not as boingy as he expected.

Adam completes the Qualifier in 2 minutes 49. Not bad.

But is it a champion's time?

-I think this one is all about fitness.

-Yeah, I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot of that today.

Right, own up. Who's been feeding Amanda jelly babies?

You know she's not allowed them when she's working. Look at the state of her!

I've learnt a lot of stuff from a lot of gymnasts on Total Wipeout,

-but none have impressed me as much as Jade from South London. Welcome back, Jade.

-Thank you very much.

You've inspired me, Jade. Tell me about your experiences on Wipeout.

First, I was pulled out by a doctor.

-First, it was a knee injury.

-She's hurt her knee.

-The second time, I pulled myself out.

-Yeah.

Then at the Last Chance Saloon, she swallowed most of the pool.

Fingers crossed, I get to the Wipeout Zone and do it right this time.

Ours are crossed too, Jade, so here we go.

KLAXON SOUNDS

Oh, cripes!

No, it's all right. She's OK.

Look, we have lift-off. Well, Jade has lift-off.

Thankfully, a soft-ish landing.

Genius, that.

Jade With One Sock got her original name for having just one sock.

Now she has two, it's a pointless nickname. She's been flap-trapped!

Can we have a sock check? Yeah, still two and still in the game.

-Right in the gob. And again!

-It really doesn't like her.

-No!

Still amazingly injury-free, let's hope she can clear the Sucker Punch.

There's the spray... No, not good. She won't be happy with that.

-GROWLS

-Yeah, I told you.

Jade is an ex-gymnast, so she'll be amazing on that little trampoline.

-Get ready for the magic.

-Aagh!

-Oh, can't look. Can't look!

She's normally great on a trampoline. Just lacking a sense of direction and a face now!

Ow!

Still, 2 minutes 30. She's got to be happy with that.

That was the worst I've ever done.

-Oh, clearly I know nothing.

-Wow!

Joining me now once again at the top of the Qualifier is, in his own words, Deadly But Skinny.

It is little Ben from Fordingbridge in Hampshire.

-Welcome back, Benny Boy.

-Yeah, it's good to be back. About time.

Remember runner-up Crocodile Ben-Dee, five foot seven of raging man beast?

He got his name for being a courageous conservationist and because his name is Ben.

Last time, he did take quite a beating, but he's back and looking cooler than ever.

Yeah, oh! One for the ladies!

The flyweight is here. Be ready!

I don't think you could ever be ready for this.

KLAXON SOUNDS

I'll never tire of watching this.

It's just... What a dude!

Check out that 360 helipop, whatever that is. Look at that!

Crocodile Ben-Dee takes on the Flap Trap.

Oh, Flap Trap wins!

Time for Crocodile Ben-Dee to regain that credibility he deserves

on the Big Balls.

Oh, promising. Pretty good. No chance...at all.

And Ben makes it home in 2 minutes 33.

Ow!

Wow! Who's this fella?

The Boy Basher? Odd name for a geezer!

Oh, it's runner-up Chaz Van Damme.

She's not a man. Sorry. Last time she beat all the boys and made it through to an all-girl Wipeout Zone.

The Boy Basher is back to beat the Balls and bash in those blokes!

Steady there, Chazzer.

Here we go. I love this bit.

-KLAXON

-This is my new favourite thing in the world!

Wow! Ha-ha!

-It just never becomes not funny.

-No.

It's true, it's not much fun for Chaz Van Damme though, but look at that!

Not one person has made it through the Flap Traps unscathed today.

Oh! And no change there.

Oh, the Boy Basher's got bashed!

On to the Big Balls. Let's remind ourselves of how good Chaz was last time.

The answer is not very at all, really.

And this time, yes, yes...

Ye-e-es.

Oh, still, yes... No!

Chaz Van Damme does some pretty impressive flipping in the air, but all in vain. Still gets wet.

Last time, she mastered the Shapeshifter, but can she repeat her success?

Let's find out. Here we go.

Disaster!

Someone's going to be walking funny for months.

I am, just from watching it!

Oh!

2 minutes 18 - the Boy Basher completes the course full of energy.

Yeah!

I know how those guys must feel.

I've never run the Total Wipeout course, but last year I entered the Ketford Paint-A-Gnome competition.

And I came second... to Nigel Cumberdale!

Anyway, today, the Total Wipeout runners-up have the chance to wreak their revenge

on those who beat them before.

Unlike me. I can't believe they banned me. There was no evidence that I broke Nigel's gnome.

Although I did.

I hate Nigel Cumberdale!

Welcome back returning champ and brilliant Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator, Arnie-ish Ashley.

Get to the chopper now. These men are trying to kill us.

It's like he's here(!)

Ashley beat his rival Alan and he was very modest about it.

I won! Oh, yeah!

The competition was tough last time, but the competition today is going to be even fiercer.

-What have you been doing to make yourself fierce?

-I've been doing cage-fighting.

Wow! Rock-hard!

Oh, yeah, not quite what I pictured. If you were a budgie maybe...

# Thanks for making me a fighter... #

-But that's just for Alan.

-What, to impress Alan?

No, just in case he wants to start something. I know he's on my back, hunting me down on the course.

And this is that Alan, the prison manager who lost out to Ashley.

Ashley, you're going down, son! I'm going to lock you up and throw away the key!

Are they allowed to do that? Probably not. No, there's laws.

I'm getting old. And I'm warm.

Arnie-ish Ashley heads to the Flap Traps.

Come on, Mr Cool.

I can't say I wasn't expecting that to happen.

But it is a quick recovery and that counts here. Oh, he's slipped!

I wonder if he'll get hit by... Yeah, he did. Fell in.

How does that compare to Bendy Alan? He doesn't quite have the speed.

-Agh!

-But he's got a lot further than Ashley.

He just needs to get out now.

Ah! I think he's having a senior moment.

Compose yourself, man. Come on.

It's Ashley against the Sucker Punch for a second time.

No, he hasn't got any better at it. No.

Alan eventually found his way out.

Time now to show Ash what he's made of.

Covered in mud! It doesn't matter what you're made of when you get a blow like that to the "shawshanks"!

Here's Ashley and making pretty good time. The Big Red Balls.

One, two, three...and four?

Oh, is this today's first Ball Crossing?

Yes, he's done it!

-That is cool.

-That is very cool.

Now to end this run in style on the Shapeshifter, takes his time,

on to the trampoline, steadies himself...

Going for the leap. He's made it into the circle.

-And straight out to the finish.

-Yes!

-2 minutes 9 seconds.

-Yes!

-What a champ!

Whoo!

They do say revenge is sweet and here's Alan's chance to prove it.

Yeah! Come on!

Oh... Oh! Oh, not so sweet.

More sour and bruising. Never mind.

# Why did you do that thing to me? #

-Bad luck, Bendy. Beaten again.

-Yeah!

Time for the first champions' leaderboard.

That puts Arnie-ish Ashley at the top of the board

with Chaz Van Damme and Bendy Alan catching up behind.

There's not much between Just Jade and Crocodile Ben-Dee

and Amateur Adam is currently at the bottom of the list.

Whoever this is, they've lost their horse. Clearly.

Wait a minute, all that tweed, it can only be Non Toff William.

Not only was William champion at his show,

but he also had a blistering Qualifier run

and set the fastest time this series.

A spiffing 1 minute 2 seconds and he didn't even get his tweed wet!

This shouldn't take too long. See you in a minute.

DOGS BARKING

Let's see if he can break another record here.

Like last time, Non Toff William looking good on the Sucker Punch

and flying across it.

Yes, he's doing it. I'm going to run.

Yeah, he's across. This could be another flawless Qualifier.

I'll put money on it.

I didn't have a chance to get my wallet out.

He's made one mistake, but that'll be it.

He is a record-holder, so he'll live up to that.

There you go. Oh, perfect landing! Oh!

Oh!

This isn't turning out so well.

No. Oh...

-Ohhh!

-Ooh!

Non Toff William finishes in 2 minutes 4 seconds

which, sadly, isn't a record. All bets are off.

A bit slower that time.

That should make this girl happy.

Runner-up to William last time round, it's Freya, a night-club bouncer and an expert in capoeira.

-Hi, Freya.

-Hello.

-Freya, I know you love winning,

-but victory was not yours the last time. What went wrong?

-Will was on my show.

You are William, the Total Wipeout Champion.

Freya, I'm sorry, my love.

What are you going to do to beat William who was a record-breaker the last time?

I think I've got to not fall off things this time.

-That is generally the idea.

-I'm a bouncer and I'm back to beat the boy.

By "boy", I think she means William.

-OK, here she goes.

-KLAXON

And the bouncer gets bounced!

Oh, must be some sort of capoeira move thing going on there without wires or anything. Brilliant!

Freya is out of the water and heading for the Flap Traps. Here we go.

Oh, no, flapped! Into the mud!

Bouncing to the Big Balls...

Oh, a stumble. Oh, surprisingly little bouncing there.

-Unusual.

-So close.

But Freya is on for a quick time. Just the Shapeshifter to go.

She didn't even try to bounce there. Just fell in!

What was that?

It doesn't matter. She finishes in 1 minute 54. She beat William

and has the fastest time so far.

Next, it's Champion Bunny Boy Daniel, a boy with some moves.

I think these are some of them.

The people's B-Boy Thugs Bunny. If you don't know, now you know.

How could I forget? Last time, Daniel danced his way to victory

in the Wipeout Zone, but it won't be as easy this time

because this is the final, isn't it?

He's running.

He's clearing... Oh, he's down on the Flap Traps.

Can Daniel bust some more sweet moves on the Balls?

Right... Oh! I don't know what you'd call that move.

# Dance while the record spins... #

I'd say rubber burn with a mouthful of water to finish.

-LOUD BURP

-Ever the gent(!)

Here are Jolly Hockey Nix and High Kia, two very tough ladies.

Jolly Hockey Nix was one of the rare lady champions.

-It's Nix!

-Well done.

-And so was High Kia.

The Total Wipeout Champion tonight is Kia!

So two champion champettes.

Who will be the champettist... I wish I hadn't started that.

Let's get on with this. Nix preparing for departure. Here we go.

-Aaaagh!

-Oh, face first!

Nix begins with a bit of air cycling. Look at that, yeah.

And then rounds it off with an aquatic face plant.

Apparently, it's like hitting concrete at that speed. Now Kia...

-The Total Wipeout Queen is back and I'm going to bring my pow-power attack!

-I don't know what that is.

-KLAXON

-It doesn't matter.

Maybe that's it. Brilliant whatever.

Legs a-flailing.

Some more first-class mid-air cycling.

I think there's a kind of salute in there as well.

Right, on to the Sucker Punch.

Nix didn't get far last time.

Surely she can improve on what happened then. Yes... No.

Same place, in fact. Yeah, there it is.

There it was. Now for the Big Balls.

Look what Nix did last time!

Yes, and what a dive!

What will she do for us this time?

Yeah, what a dive!

She's nothing if not consistent.

Yeah, look at that.

Anyway, here comes trampoline coach Kia.

Up the steps, she charges the Balls.

-Aagh!

-And cannons straight off them.

Nevertheless, High Kia is quick here.

On to the Shapeshifter.

And she jumps... into the bit between the shapes.

She's the trampoline coach. There's no hope for the rest of them!

Nix is having fun on the trampoline and she's in the square.

Just about managing to stay in and upright. Full rotation complete.

Yeah, she leaps...

And she's in. How did that happen?

Oh, like that. She missed the landing.

High Kia finishes in bang on 2 minutes.

Whilst Jolly Hockey Nix is 29 seconds slower

and loses the battle of the champettes. Still a good time.

Now, as this is the climax of the whole series,

I decided to order in a brand-new, special champions' trophy.

Here it is. I'll bring it closer.

Yeah, I know, it is small, but it's made of solid gold.

Oh, I've dropped it. Nobody move. Hold on.

-LOUD CRUNCH

-Ah, trodden on it!

I'm not sure that was solid gold, anyway. Let's go back to using the normal one. I preferred it.

It cost nearly ten quid!

Remember Dunking Clare, the former runner-up? She's about to get properly dunked.

Yeah, here we go. Yes, there you are.

Check out that air dancing. Yeah!

I'm going to slam-dunk myself round this course!

Last time, Clare did do some slamming and then some dunking, so what about this time?

-Aaagh!

-Wham!

-# Why don't you use it? #

-What a whammer!

-# Try not to bruise it... #

Look, it's Full House Chris.

And he's about to go on the Big Red Balls.

Head first. Wham again!

Another massive whammer!

# Buy time, don't lose it... #

Now runner-up Ma-Gonna Cheryl, as flexible as Madonna, see?

Last time, Cheryl face-planted the Shapeshifter, so she'll want to avoid doing that again.

# Every little thing the reflex does... #

Wham, right on the face!

She's taking whamming to a whole new level.

And then there's teacher Daniel. Sweet moves.

Last time, he got through the Shapeshifter. Right through it.

This time...let's see.

Oh, another whammer! Yeah.

I could just watch people whamming all day.

There you go!

Well done to the whammers. You did whamming proud.

Full house!

So let's see how that changes this champions' leaderboard.

# The reflex, flex-flex-flex... #

Amazingly, 15 runners have now run

and they're all within a minute of one another.

Daniel the teacher tops the board.

Cheryl sits in fourth, followed by Will and Ashley.

Only seconds between Full House Chris, Daniel and Chaz Van Damme.

With only 12 qualifying,

Clare, Alan and Nicola are all looking vulnerable.

Now look who it is!

-Ciao, bella!

-Yeah, bonjour.

It's Last Chance Saloon champ Riccardo Charlardo.

Got his name from being joined at the hip to girlfriend Charlotte.

Not any more though. She's not here.

My name is Riccardo, not Charlardo!

Riccardo, the Italiano! How about a little international competition?

P-P-Polish power is back!

Great timing. This snazzy dresser is Tomasz the Tank Top, so called

because of his penchant for sleeveless tops.

He's another champ and ten grand buys a lot of tank tops.

The two nations are about to go head-to-head - Italia versus Polski.

Spiky and crazy, Tomasz from Poland is back!

Speaking his native Dutch, I presume(!) Here we go.

-Aaaaagh!

-Oh!

That wasn't elegant, really.

Although croupier Tomasz does look a bit more elegant in slow motion. See, almost!

There's a kind of "dance-ly" quality to it.

The Pole's out of the water and about to meet the flaps.

Oh!

Well held. Oh, less so that time.

And that's ruined the hair.

Riccardo representing Italy, though he's a fire-fighter from Essex.

Oh, taking the Sucker Punch in his stride.

Come on, Riccardo.

-Oh!

-Yes!

-Yes!

On to the Big-a Red-a Ball-as.

Last time, uno, due, "tres".

I've no idea what "four" is.

Can he make it across this time?

Oh, oh, encore! That means "same again" in Italian(!)

# I've just made

# The same mistake

# Again... #

But how will the Pole fare on the Balls? For Poland, Tomasz.

For Queen and country. Do they have a queen?

# With a rebel yell, she cried "more, more, more"... #

Wow!

There is nothing to choose between these two right now.

To the Shapeshifter then. Oh, he's making a good time.

Oh! I think he might have cracked his Krakow there.

You see, it's an international joke.

So Riccardo brings Italy home in 1 minute 53.

Yeah, bad luck, Poland.

Know what it goes to show you? You don't need a girlfriend to be quick.

You don't need girls, you don't need girls. You need girls a little bit.

Yeah, well rescued.

This is runner-up Rock God Jon. You remember him, right? Yeah, can't forget him.

# Rock'n'ro-o-o-oll! #

Joining me now is the lovely Jon from Liverpool.

Or should I say... # Joining me now is Jon from Liverpool, he's gonna rock'n'roll today! #

-Hi, Jon.

-No reason for me to be here now. You've taken my bit.

Some things have changed. You're not screaming. You're wearing hot pants.

Yeah, Jon there putting the hot in hot pants.

He's rocking that look. Yes, some long socks would have finished it off.

Time to take this course seriously. Yeah, right!

Yeow!

So the noisy, leathered-up Jon approaches the Flap Traps.

-Aagh!

-Oh, ho-ho-ho!

Jon now rocking on to the Sucker Punch.

Knock-knock-knocking on heaven's door. Well, Jon's face.

He's across though. Nearly.

Jon rocked and rolled with the punches. Pretty good effort and he made it across.

Nearly. This is looking quick as Jon heads to the final obstacle.

Not even the sodden pants are holding him back.

Wow!

He barely touched the sides. Look at that!

He did touch the water a bit though.

Rock God Jon makes it to the finish

in a lightning-fast 1 minute 49 seconds.

-Rock'n'roll!

-Fastest so far today.

# We are the champions No time... #

Not yet, Jon. There's still another contestant.

-# I am the champion... #

-Jon... Will somebody tell him?

Anyone? All right, I'll do it.

As I was trying to say to Jon, there is still one contestant left.

It's not often I resort to being physical,

but there was a real danger that he'd launch into Bohemian Rhapsody next and that lasts for hours.

And to be honest, Jon's singing is a bit painful.

Oh, that's disgusting!

The rock shorts... No!

This is one fella I'm pleased to see back. Remember runner-up Leo the leader?

In his last outing to Argentina, Leo was fastest in the Qualifier

and first across Double Cross and Terror-GoRound, but was pipped at the post in the Wipeout Zone.

Leo from London joins me now and, you remember, Leo is deaf,

so Phil, who didn't make the final the last time, has come back to help me out.

Now, are you feeling lucky, Leo?

Fingers crossed, hopefully, yes.

Last time, Leo came second and now he wants to be number one.

-He's the bookies' favourite.

-Carer Leo is up and on to the pontoons

and this 30-year-old is looking like he means business today.

He's fast, but not fast enough to outfox the flaps.

He runs fast, he falls fast, but he gets back up again really, really fast.

Second attempt.

Oh, flapped again!

That's not stopping him. Leo attacks the Sucker Punch.

Oh, great dive! Really making the most of the mud.

Big Balls now and only one finalist has made it across so far today.

Can Leo double the stats?

No. No, he can't, but a very enthusiastic sideways dive. Neat.

Yes. Hello! Goodbye.

Still, Leo's looking very quick as he approaches the Shapeshifter.

He's going in one...

and he's gone into the water. Ah.

Risky tactic. Current fastest John got one minute 49.

Looks like Leo might beat him. Come on. Come on!

He's done it! Leo tops the qualifier leaderboard again!

So Leo the Leader is leading from the start with Jon and Riccardo hot on his heels.

Remarkably, with a time of just two minutes, High Kia is down in sixth!

Record-breaking Will is eighth and tied at the bottom are Bunny Boy Daniel and Chris.

Incredibly, just 34 seconds separate the top 12. Everyone is going for it today.

Now today's competition has been especially tough,

so even people with incredibly fast times weren't fast enough to make it through to the next round.

That was sincere. I'm quite good at doing sincere.

-BURP

-Sorry. Time to say goodbye.

# Every time you go away

# You take a piece of me with you

# Every time you go away

# You take a piece of me with you... #

As this is the final and a very special occasion,

it's a good time to introduce the limited-edition Total Wipeout Sticker Album.

It's so limited, there's only one because I made it myself.

You can make one at home, too... cos I'm not making any more.

It's good, though. I made the stickers. Here's how you make it.

You get all the bits together, be really enthusiastic for a few minutes and then give up.

Anyway, it's now time for Double Cross. Wait a minute. Who am I going to do swapsies with?

They've all been here before, so they know what they're facing. It doesn't make it easier.

Four gangways. Three green, one red. Get to the centre by a green one,

exit and finish by the red gangway. Make it over without slipping, tripping or being knocked off.

Only the first six over will make it through and be closer to victory.

In qualifying order first, it's Leo the Leader.

# That's when she fell for... #

"I beat all the young ones last time and I will beat them all again."

Second fastest was Rock God Jon.

You may be a king or the old Grim Reaper, but sooner or later you're hit by the sweeper!

Put it in a song, Jon. Then it's Riccardo the Italiano.

And Teacher Dan. Followed by Freya in fifth.

Leo, you're going down!

Yeah, Leo doesn't think so.

Sixth fastest in the qualifier, it's High Kia.

-Make way for the Queen!

-Very regal.

Next it's Cheryl and Non-Toff Will.

This toff won't be falling off!

Classy rhyming there. A cut above.

Ninth, tenth and eleventh fastest, it's Arnie-ish Ashley,

Tomasz from Poland

and...

-Woo-hoo!

-Bunny Boy Daniel.

-Lastly, it's Full House Chris.

-Who said you could eat MY cookies?

-Silly, silly man.

That's the final 12, all of whom are soaking wet already because it is chucking it down.

12 desperate contestants plus one mahoosive machine

divided by lots of people splashing equals a Double Cross they'll never forget.

Plus a fraction of giggling from me.

-Are you all ready?

-YES!

-You do the maths. Three...

two...one!

So this final edition of Double Cross begins. Who will be the first to take that leap of faith?

It's Freya! And Riccardo! Both down, double drop.

Cheryl. No, no.

Arnie-ish Ashley...mind the sweeper! Who's that?

-It's Leo and he's in the middle!

-Come on!

-Needs to wait for an exit.

And he's joined by William. Careful...! He's on.

Riccardo - can he?

Yes, he can. Three on the middle now.

Ash wants to join, too. No, not this time.

Got knocked by that giant sweeper again. Painful. It is wet up there.

Tomasz goes... and he's down already.

This is not easy today.

See? Leo's taking a chance. He's jumping.

And...oh, no! Followed by William.

Oh! He's down as well and badly bruised, I imagine.

Leo, brave enough to take a chance, but got clipped by the sweeper. William was so close!

Riccardo on his own. He goes for it and jumps...

off. This game is anybody's. Maybe it's Freya's.

She's onto the middle. Nice and steady. Jon staggers...

Oh, he grabs the sweeper. He manages to stay on. Kia - no.

Crashes hard into the side.

Jon makes a run for it and jumps...

too soon. Cheryl and Chris join Freya in the middle,

but she's now on the red gangway and in the water. Hang on, Kia's out.

Oh, no. Kia is hurt. I think she's hurt her leg.

She'll be unable to continue now. A sad end to Kia's challenge.

That means there are now only 11 contestants left in the game, four of whom are in the middle.

Make that five.

No, because off goes Chris... and faceplants the podium. May have broken it, and his face.

Thank goodness it's foam-padded.

Oh!

Still, he has left a space in that centre,

which is quickly filled by Bunny Boy Daniel.

Jon now takes a chance. Runs, leaps and lands it!

Jon is through.

-Rock on, dude!

-Yeah! Jon rocks into the next round.

Right, who's next?

Not you. Maybe Arnie-ish Ashley. No!

Another podium faceplant! Here's Riccardo.

Will he or won't he? Oh...

Yes, he will!

-Yes!

-Yes! Get in... to the next round.

Well done. Two places gone, four to go.

Everything at stake here.

Bunny Boy Daniel determined to make it across,

but slips...! No grip.

The rain really not helping those finalists. But that doesn't stop Chris. He's in the middle.

Come on. Somebody help him!

-He can't keep that up.

-Legs 11.

He's just being spun around helplessly by the sweeper arm.

Not any more, though. It had to end.

Here's Leo! Great finish! Stylish slide.

That is three through to the next round. And they're all drenched!

-Here's Daniel.

-Oh, no!

No! He saw that one coming, but clearly wasn't prepared for it.

Probably worse when you know what's about to happen. Cheryl is back and joining the boys.

And so is Dan again, looking a bit damp.

Ashley's turn. Can he stay out of the...water?

No.

-There goes Non-Toff William. Oh! That was quick!

-Yes!

Will is through.

And a very skiddy dismount.

Will did very well to control that slide onto the podium.

Could have gone wrong. Just two places left for the next round.

Who will it be? Freya or Tomasz from Poland?

Full-House Chris or Bunny Boy Daniel?

Arnie-ish Ashley?

Ma-Gonna Cheryl or Teacher Dan who is preparing for a charge, I think. Yeah.

That didn't work out so well. Bunny Boy Dan is going for it...!

And he is across Double Cross. That is five through.

Brrrip! Brrrip! Brrrup!

So now the pressure's really on. Only one place left.

-Freya is running for it. She's down!

-Oh!

Clipped at the last second.

Ow!

Daniel trying to get to the middle again and this time he's done it.

Hang on, he's just kept going. No!

Brave try. Tension is high now.

Cheryl's dashing and down! And here comes Tomasz...

-Could it be Poland?!

-Yes! That's the final six Double Crossers.

And Tomasz joins Jon, Riccardo, Leo, Will and Dan in the next round.

And we have a Terror-Go-Round!

But for the other finalists, their chance of becoming series champion has gone.

I did a leap and it all went wrong. I fell off.

I'm glad I went out through an injury rather than giving up.

I had a prime opportunity to get the sixth place.

Obviously it would be great to get further,

but I leave with my head held high.

I came pretty close, I think, but not close enough. I think the boys just got the better of me.

Sorry to let the side down, especially us 40-year-old women.

But I just had the best time, so I don't care!

I can't believe it. Well disappointed. It was harsh.

Flopped it. Gutting.

I'm absolutely devastated. I actually thought I'd get through this round. It wasn't to be.

Gutted.

Well, this is getting very tense now. It's the penultimate round of the final,

which means it's time for Terror-Go-Round! I haven't got that.

Most annoying. I've also lost my Amanda sticker and I keep sticking them in the wrong places.

This collection is not going well. I hope yours is going better.

But on with Terror-Go-Round.

Terror-Go-Round! Part merry-go-round and part terrifying obstacle.

Contestants must run on that fast, revolving turntable, avoiding the projectiles chucked down at them

and the spinning fingers of fate.

There are three heats. The last person still on their feet after each one goes through to the final.

Six start, but only three will progress. Which three will they be?

The stakes have been raised. There's so much to lose and I don't mean an arm or a leg.

It's Terror-Go-Round. Are you all ready?

UNENTHUSIASTIC: Yeah.

Silence is golden. Three! Two! One!

KLAXON SOUNDS

The Terror Twins are looking mean and moody.

They're ready to chuck some suitcases at the finalists below.

Champions to the slaughter.

What a line-up it is.

There's Non-Toff William, a champion and a record holder.

-Ciao, bella!

-Then there's Riccardo. He won the last-chance saloon.

Bunny Boy Daniel has body-popped his way to victory before.

-Woo-hoo!

-Can he do it again?

Rock God Jon was a runner-up last time, but was first over Double Cross today.

Leo the Leader, fastest in today's qualifier and he'll need to be fast to go one better than last time.

-Polish Power is back!

-And Tomasz from Poland comes from Poland and is also a champ.

OK, so Heat One begins. Unleash the luggage!

The competitors already taking a pelting from above. The Terror Twins lobbing gear with some vigour.

HORN SOUNDS

That noise means the Fickle Fingers of Fate are now spinning.

And Riccardo is out already!

Just couldn't get over that finger.

Which means five left in.

Oh, Will took a knock there. He's back up.

Devastating accuracy there. A sombrero perfectly placed on Tomasz's head. Well done!

The Fingers come round again, but everyone's getting over them.

A wobble from Jon, but all survive.

Looking pretty chaotic...

Oh, Leo's fallen, but he gets back to his feet.

This is getting messy.

Brrrip! Brrrip!

Hold on. That's two out. Who were they?

Tomasz slides under the punch bags and then Jon ends up in the water.

Now Leo is struggling, too.

Ah...no, he's out. Just Bunny Boy Daniel and Non-Toff William left standing.

Well dodged. Will clipped by the Finger,

but gets back up.

Both taken out now, but they are being very resilient. Both down!

Dan's under the punch bags, as is Will!

So who was the last man standing? That's close. Over to Amanda to reveal the result.

You know the rules. It's the last man standing who gets through.

And the last man standing...

was...

William!

Well, they both fell at the same time, but Dan hit the deck first, making Will the winner.

Heat Two and the Terror Twins have restocked on travel paraphernalia.

Oh! A big, black case hits Tomasz.

A little green case misses Riccardo.

-There's a lot at stake.

-And in a moment those Fickle Fingers will spin once again.

Here they come. Jon's tripped before the Fingers got close.

And he's out! So, too, is Riccardo.

Absolute chaos. Riccardo was out first in Heat One and he's out early again.

Leo's down and Tomasz is still running, just about. Dan's up.

And down again.

Bunny Boy Daniel hops off the Terror-Go-Round.

Aaargh!

So it's Leo versus Tomasz for a place in the Wipeout Zone.

-They're really got it in for Tomasz.

-They certainly have.

Tomasz is over. So is Leo.

They've both gone!

-I don't believe it!

-That was another ridiculously close finish. Over to Amanda for the final verdict.

Well, boys, another incredible round. The second contestant in the Wipeout Zone is...

Leo!

# The leader of the pack! #

Good luck.

By staying on his feet that moment longer than Tomasz,

Leo is now through to the Wipeout Zone.

Final heat. Final chance for Riccardo, Jon, Tomasz and Dan to land a place in the final.

Because these challengers are a bit too good, the Terror Twins have put some bricks in those cases.

The Fickle Fingers are imminent.

Who's this an impression of?

That'd be Tomasz.

And now they're spinning. Competitors stumbling.

The left luggage flying, but all four contestants still in.

Nothing's getting these boys down.

Jon and Dan stumble, but both get back up.

Dan is down again! And he won't be getting up from that. It's bye-bye to a very upset Bunny Boy.

His bid to become series champion is over.

Riccardo versus Tomasz versus Jon. And Jon's down again...

but back up again.

-Oh! He IS gone!

-The Rock God is finally rocked by a family-sized case and a big Fickle Finger!

Now Tomasz is hit. Riccardo swept away. Both through the punch bags!

Another close finish.

Yes!

Yes!

Riccardo finally realises that it's him who's completing the line-up.

Riccardo, Leo and Will are going to do battle in the Wipeout Zone,

-which sadly means Rock God Jon has played his final encore.

-Rock and ro-o-o-o-oll!

It's goodbye in Polish to Tomasz from Poland.

And Bunny Boy Dan has busted his last move.

Across the course of this series, there have been eight shows, each with 20 contestants.

That means in all there have been... Hang on, I'm doing the maths here.

Computing...computing... Actually, that's quite a hard sum.

Roughly, there have been somewhere between 20 contestants

and 36,000 contestants. And out of all of those, it's now down to the best three.

They are literally the best of the best, the cream of the crop.

Well, not literally. They're people, not cream. Or a crop.

But they are very, very good.

The Total Wipeout course is like nothing else.

To find myself in the last three, it hasn't kicked in yet.

Being a firefighter can be scary, but Total Wipeout is terrifying.

The pressure in these games is just immense.

He's more nervous than last time, but it's such an amazing experience.

-Leo!

-He's so pleased he's got to the final. He's over the moon.

It's so intense. Emotionally, mentally and physically.

I'm broken, I'm knackered...!

He's enjoyed all of it. He'd love to do it all again and again and never stop.

Leo, yeah, what a guy. I mean, he's incredible. He's definitely the athlete of the pack.

He doesn't give up. He gets knocked down, he gets back up again. He'll be good. You can see it in his eyes.

He's here to show the world what deaf and disabled people can do.

The pressure's definitely on. I'm not sure I coped too well in the qualifier.

-Will is so determined.

-Last time he broke all the records.

Yeah, Riccardo is a great guy. He's brilliant. He'd be a very worthy winner.

It would nice to be champion of champions. That's a good title to have.

I have so much respect for the other two competitors. They'll have to get past me. I'll give it everything.

That's his dream - to lift the trophy.

The others have, so it's your turn.

It's here. It's big. It's the final Wipeout Zone.

What a series final this is set to be. We've got William, a Wipeout record holder.

Leo, one of the most remarkable contestants to grace this course.

And Riccardo, who rode his luck in the last-chance saloon and won.

Riccardo is the first to brave it.

Doing it for Italy, Essex and girlfriend Charlotte, it's Riccardo.

Get my ten grand ready!

Riccardo's double or quits Wipeout Zone begins.

If you think about it, it's double or just not double.

Riccardo is off.

Off and swimming. First stop, the rapid climb. As a firefighter,

Riccardo is used to handling water. Maybe not like this, but he's on.

He's got 10 seconds before a tidal wave is unleashed. Not a problem.

He just flew up that ramp. Moves across

to the see-saw of truth now. Again, swift progress.

Slight hesitation at the tipping point, but safely over.

Come on, Riccardo! You know what to do.

He certainly does. Last time around, he did this in two, with a duck.

Deja vu. There's the duck.

Not sure if that was a slip or intentional. He's getting up.

He is up and onto the podiums now.

And comfortably-ish across. The final obstacle now.

Go, Riccardo, go!

He's doing it. This is so fast. Just one more jump...

He's on! Press the button!

One minute ten. That is very fast.

-Get in!

-Yes!

Riccardo gave a Wipeout Zone masterclass there. The fastest time we've seen this series.

Superb.

I tell you what, the Essex boy done good! That was brilliant.

-Was it quick?

-Listen, for a living, you put out fires,

-but you've just extinguished that course in one minute and 10 seconds!

-Yeah!

Listen, yours is a brilliant time and the time to beat, but Leo's up next. Let's watch.

Leo the Leader now with his attempt to become Leo the Winner.

That's, "Good luck, me!"

Before even hitting the water, Leo had that next obstacle locked in his sights.

That's one almighty exit.

Yeah, this is one almighty final. The Rapid Climb - getting on is hard enough,

but that's actually the easy bit.

10-second countdown starts now.

And Leo's beaten it easily.

Fast.

OK, see-saw, then.

Taking a sideways approach to the tip.

It works and he's over.

Neck and neck right now, not that Leo knows how Riccardo did.

The Crazy Sweeper. An early duck.

Quickly back up and running. Oh, ducks again!

Now for the final push. A fall here could be disastrous.

-Come on, Leo! Yes!

-Ohhh!

This is too close to call. Leo's made the pillars.

One jump left...!

Nearly there. Whoa! One second faster than Riccardo!

Leo's run was almost a carbon copy of Riccardo's, but crucially one second faster.

My goodness! My man, that was absolutely amazing.

Guys, I knew that tonight was going to be a really close final,

but I didn't even realise how close.

There is one second between you two.

One.

Leo, you were faster!

Yes!

I'm sorry, my man.

Hard luck.

Well done, mate. One second!

You were quick, man.

Absolutely unbelievable. How are you feeling?

Yeah? One second.

Amazing performance, Leo, but William is up next. Let's watch.

So Will's got one heck of a challenge on his hands now, not that he knows it. What a final!

-Fingers crossed!

-You'll need more than that, Will.

Game on!

And this is it. The final Wipeout Zone run of the series and what a contestant to be doing it.

And he's out.

I love this guy. Rapid Climb. The other two beat the tidal wave.

Can Will make it three now?

Oh... He's up. Taking it in his stride.

Looking strong... and he's made it.

Wow! Moving across to the See-saw of Truth.

Balance. Steady. Tip. Once again, safely across.

He's good, he's good.

This is Will's chance to gain a second or two on Leo's time.

Can he do it in one now? Looks like he's going for it. A big risk!

Oh! Very close!

Turntable one, turntable two, turntable three!

This is unbelievable! 58 seconds!

That equals the all-time record.

I am speechless! Wow!

Non-Toff William has broken the mythical one-minute barrier on the Wipeout Zone,

equalling the all-time best. No minutes and 58 seconds. What a man!

Well, well, well. How are you feeling, my man?

-Fantastic. Unbelievable.

-You're not even out of breath.

-I got lucky.

-OK, William, I have got to tell you Leo was amazingly fast here tonight.

But as you both know, this is the series final.

And it was always going to be a close one. I am so proud to announce

that the Total Wipeout Series Champion...

is William!

Hard luck, Leo.

Well done. Well done.

So William Parry, the 21-year-old Oxford graduate from Hampshire,

adds the title of Total Wipeout Champion to Sir, Baron, Captain and lots of other ones he probably has.

But Leo and Riccardo don't go home empty-handed. I'm proud to present them with one of these

limited-edition Richard Hammond clock plates.

That's something they can cherish for the rest of their lives. Though the battery will need changing.

And don't eat off it. Anyway, it's ten past three.

Well done to all of our finalists. We'll see you next time for something different, but familiar.

Until then, from Amanda and me and all of the finalists, goodbye.

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