Episode 3 Winter Wipeout

Glorious, sunny Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Not somewhere you'd normally associate with this...

This... Or especially this. Who is that?

Anyway, in this age of global warming there's one small corner

of South America that looks like this. It's where a group of lucky Britons,

including a bus mechanic, a roller derby girl and a sheep farmer

will shiver and slide their way to becoming Winter Wipeout champion

and ski off with a cool £10,000 prize.

Time to break the ice, let the games begin.

Welcome to Winter Wipeout.

Now, unlike the Arctic conditions down there, things in here are nice and toasty.

I've got my Peruvian mountain climber's bonnet,

my Siberian sheepskin slippersocks

and my vintage British hot air blaster.

Hoh!

I am absolutely boiling.

Actually I'm feeling a bit wobbly, can we turn it off?

Seriously, I think I might be sick.

Here's how the course looks today. I feel funny.

The Qualifier - an icy reception.

Ski Lift - the cold shoulder.

Winter Blunderland - chances of conquering it, way below zero.

And finally, the Wipeout Zone.

Cold, hard... That's it. It's cold and it's hard. And cold.

Which is more than I can say for me right now. Oh, hot!

Cancel my warming Scotch broth and hot toddy. Please.

In fact, quickly, let's go to Amanda before I faint.

I'm losing focus... Things are going blurry, hot...

Joining me now at the top of the almighty, all-powerful,

all-conquering Winter Wipeout Qualifier is the lovely Laura.

-How are you?

-Fantastic, Amanda.

-Though I don't really rate my chances, to be honest.

-Oh. Why not?

Well, I haven't been doing a lot of sport recently but I can do limbo though.

-Oh, brilliant.

-And I've brought you one of these.

Oh, lovely, OK, right. I'm in the zo...

OK, I'm... Waaahh, I'm in the limbo zone. Go for it.

-Ooh!

-SHE LAUGHS

Laura, that was absolutely amazing.

But unfortunately there is nothing to go under on this course,

you pretty much have to go OVER everything.

-Woo hoo, come on, Amanda!

-Well, she's a little bit excitable, isn't she?

HORN BLOWS

Woo hoo!

Well, Limbo Laura is off. Oh, what a way to start!

That's an early friction burn.

Whatever akimbo is, Laura's legs are it.

While she recovers it's time to take a quick peek at today's first obstacle.

Man has conquered Everest.

Another man fluked his way up K2.

And someone took a really brisk walk up Mount Snowdon.

SHEEP BLEATS

But no-one has ever beaten the Icy Hillock of Doom.

Primarily because this is the first time we've ever seen it.

Today's mountaineers will also face these logs made of real wood laminate

on their approach and descent.

23-year-old Limbo Laura taking the first log in her stride.

# Climb every mountain... #

And she's straight onto the Icy Hillock of Doom.

Up she goes...

and down again, yeah. Oh!

And logged on... And she's logged off. Only the fastest

12 will qualify for the next round, so every second counts.

There's one...and there's another. They're all counted.

Granny's House now.

She's a sweet old thing as long as you discount the pie,

the sweeper, the doors and the dog.

Timing is everything when you pay her a visit.

The curtains are twitching as Laura heads to the front porch.

Choosing her moment.

Ooh... Ooh, this is superb!

Dog, done.

Oh, no!

Should've limboed it.

Ooh, I think she just lost her teeth.

Yeah, they'll be collected later. They're worth money.

Laura's a marketing executive from south London.

But will she be able to "executively market" the next obstacle...

No, that didn't work, does it?

It's the Big Red Balls

with a supersonic forward-propelling device, the Travelator.

See? No choice any more.

Here goes, safely on.

Well done. But here is the hard bit now.

Great jump... Oh!

Limbo Laura leapt like a...something beginning with L.

But that's a...lemur? Leopard?

Er, llama?

What's next?

Ah, it's this pair of oversized wonky bookshelves, the Log Jam.

With help from the rotating blade and fiery ring,

they'll be sure to cause havoc. Come on, Laura.

She's setting the time to beat.

Limbo queen. This should be easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

It's a long way down!

I imagine so, actually.

Yes, it's even further to the nearest hospital,

but here she goes... Oh, ooh!

Didn't manage to limbo that but she's hanging on.

This is quite a recovery.

Yep, tactical headbutt and over. Textbook.

Grappling with the fiery ring now.

She must climb through and not under...or over!

Oh, it looks tricky, this.

Hard to say but I think she's done it.

Which leaves one final jump... Oh! No, that wasn't it.

I don't know why she was that close to the edge.

At least she's having a good time. Look, smiling. That's nice.

Limbo Laura limbers to the finish in a respectable 3:45.

Will it be fast enough to send her through to the next round?

I don't know yet.

You smiled all the way round, even when Granny opened her door

and smacked you in the face with it.

I won't deny, I found that quite rude.

I shan't be visiting her again soon.

Well, Granny's not going to be short of visitors today. Who's next?

This is 24-year-old Darren from Canterbury. He's magic.

Hello.

-What's your best trick, then?

-Let me show you.

Hang on a second.

-Sorry, that's a very pants joke. I won't bother with that.

-Uh-huh, yep.

Bit of a sad story, actually. I bought myself a wallet the other day.

I got all the way here and all of my money had completely disappeared.

'He is magic, that's magic!'

That's... That's it. Too windy for that.

My name's Dazzling Darren but most people call me

The Magical Wizard and I'm going to make this course...

look like an illusion. Ha-ha-ha!

OK(!)

Dazzling Darren's out of the starting blocks.

Ooh...ow! His first trick,

escape from that pool without a stomach bug.

Now that IS magic.

# Climb every mount... #

That was easier than I'd hoped, actually.

Making light work of the Logs again.

Right. Well, Granny's House next. Can he pull it out of the hat?

Ducks the Cream Pie... Oh, not the door. No.

Where's he gone? He's disappeared. He's good at this magic thing.

And like magic, he's up and heading towards Tevez...

Dodged. Approaching Granny's back door with caution now,

I don't blame him.

Yes...no, no!

Oh, just clipped him as he tried to escape.

# ..I'm a magic man. #

Darren is flying round the Qualifier. Travelator next.

Can he conjure up something special here for us?

Here we go.

Oh, amazing! Ooh, look at that.

Paul Daniels would be proud of that performance...I imagine.

Great wedge and then a backwards dive into the wintry waters below.

Just the Log Jam to go for the mini-magician.

Ooh! A-grade Hollywood jump there, superb work. Look at that.

Bit of a roll as well.

Can Darren get into the Magic Circle?

Ooh, yes, using his head to break the fall. Clever.

-Now for the final trick.

-Now you see him...

-Argh!

-..Now you don't.

Ah, a magical moment to cherish forever.

# Magic moments... #

Now You See Him, Now You Darren reaches the finish

in three minutes, 53 seconds.

See? Magic.

-# Fruit salad... #

-This is Sophia from Cornwall.

You might think an ordinary cider promo girl, but no.

She leads an amazing double life.

For when Sophia goes near a foam-padded,

-winter themed obstacle course she turns into...

-SONG: "I Just Can't Get Enough"

..a Lycra-clad Cornish superhero. What are the chances? It's amazing.

And she's off.

The start being more rotten apple than superhero, I think.

-She's got good "core" strength.

-She has... Oh, I see. Ow.

# Climb every mountain... #

That song's really starting to grate now.

Are we going to have it every time?

Headed for the Big Balls and this is a big run-up.

Yes! Oh... Bruised apple.

Sophia the Professional Apple breaks the course

but thankfully no bones.

The Log Jam. Not wasting any time.

She's on but getting a rocky ride.

Just the ring and a jump stand between her and a very fast time.

Ow-ooh! Ho-ho!

Apple turnover there from Sophia.

But she climbs to the finish in a very quick 2:13.

She's top banana. What a peach! What an apple!

I would love to be the first apple to make it through to the next round

but I don't know if I did. Hopefully.

Too late, I'm afraid. A cooking apple won the celebrity show in 2003. Pay attention!

And there's a lot of support from Sophia's friends and family here. Well done, Sophia.

-CHEERING

-Yeah, well done, it's an achievement!

Who let you in here?

A fish finger? Get out. Go on, leave.

Three contestants down, a whole lot more to go.

CHEERING

Seriously, you need somebody on the door cos that could happen again. Honestly.

This is sheep farmer Phil from Pembrokeshire.

SHEEP BAA

Come on, come on.

Up against Phil is Chrissy Shepherd from Havant.

You see where this is going?

SHE GRUNTS

PHIL: Get off moy lahhnd!

That wasn't me. This is Shepherd Versus Shepherd.

Who's the shepherdier? Who's the shepherdiest? Is that a word?

This is for all the Preseli Mountain sheep farmers. Baa-ring it on!

-SHEEP BAAS

-Well, there's the starting baa.

And Phil's gone for the power-rock knee slide.

Don't see many of those these days.

-PHIL: Get off moy lahhnd!

-Now the turn of Chrissy.

At 46, she's the younger shepherd by a year. Ow!

Phil's used to chasing sheep across mountains...probably. I don't know what they do.

He's made light work of the Hillock of Doom though, and now the Logs.

Oh.

That was a "baaaaa-d" move, Phil.

Chrissy on the Hillock now.

They're neck and neck. So now for the Logs, here we go.

Ooh, yes, she's made it! Oh, no, she hasn't.

Time for a sheep dip.

Here's Phil at Granny's House.

Hops the dog, good work.

Oh, no, flap in the face. Another one... Oh, and he's off.

Pushing on to the Log Jam.

Makes the first jump but that is really bucking now.

A seasoned rodeo rider would struggle with that.

Probably wouldn't have been doing it, to be fair.

Looks almost graceful. Almost.

So, can Chrissy do any better?

Oooh, cautious...and yes, she has. Headed straight for the Fiery Ring.

I think... Yes, yes! Makes it through...

Oh, and into the water to cool off afterwards.

A bedraggled Chrissy reaches the finish in four minutes, 35 seconds.

But what's this? Phil's finished with 3:10,

which means he's definitely the shepherdiest.

That showed the shepherd! The other shepherd, that is.

Oi, you! Down! Get off my land!

That's no way to treat a lady, Phil. Shame on you, you shepherd, you.

This is bus mechanic Joe from Sutton Coldfield.

He's... Joe? Joe? Is he lost?

There?

Oh, did somebody... It's snow, mate.

There's a spot on the floor.

Oh, this isn't going well. He's scuffed the snow.

Great! That's it. There you go, double thumbs.

Joe, the wheels on my bus have stopped going round.

How do I fix it?

-I don't know.

-Well, you're not a very good bus mechanic, are you?

I never said I was good, I just said I was a bus mechanic.

I've fallen out of a bus. I once drove one into a post.

Pretty clumsy, wherever I am.

Erm, I'm... Yeah...

I don't know what clumsy things I did.

-There's that many of them.

-Good luck!

-Thank you.

Oh, mind the sign, Joe. That can happen.

This should be good.

Right, he's off.

-Ha-ha-ha!

-And here's the first test.

Oh...

Oh, well, he did say he was clumsy.

Come on, let's give Joe a chance.

Granny's House and ample room for clumsiness here, I'd say.

Avoids the Sweeper and the Cream Pie.

Dodges the door as well!

Looking good. Pooch is passed.

And... Oh, no!

The wheels on the bus go... I don't know, squelch, squelch, squelch.

But accident-prone Joe is battling on, shoeless now.

What a hero! Now the Balls. Here we go. Yes! Oh, wow!

I could see that coming.

Hazardous Joe needs neither shoe nor sock now.

This guy's going places. He's determined, isn't he? This is good.

-Great leap there.

-Oh, Joe!

-Great headbutt as well.

-Joe has to go through the Ring before he can head for the finish.

-Careful!

That's what he's doing now.

Yes, he's done it, he's through. Just one final leap.

Where's he going?

Come on, Joe, come on! Clumsy.

SHE LAUGHS

Despite a few mishaps, Hazardous Joe reaches the icy peak

in a very strong two minutes, 31 seconds.

Now, I don't think anyone's ever lost not just their shoe

but their sock as well.

-Only you, Joe.

-I need that back, I'm going out tonight!

Don't, don't let him. Hazardous, pure disaster.

While somebody mends the Qualifier let's have a look at the snowboard.

So top of the tree is Sophia the Professional Apple,

with Hazardous Joe in second.

Now You See Him, Now You Darren has magicked himself into third place.

Shepherdiest Phil is grazing in fourth

with Limbo Laura just behind

-while Chrissy...

-Get off my lahhnd!

..is in sixth.

But there are still 13 competitors to go,

all hoping to make the top 12.

One of those hoping to effect change in the standings

is roller derby player, Steph.

SCREECHING

CRASH!

-Yeah, she's going to need that helmet.

-SHE ROARS

I'm going to attack this course, roller girl style.

Ooh, she's a tough chick.

HORN BLOWS

And Steph is going for it.

Ooh!

Oh!

Oh, yeah. Always good to start an obstacle course

with a bit of whiplash(!)

Roller Steph attempts to skate past Granny's House now.

Pie dodge, door bump. She's OK though.

BARKING

Beware the dog.

Beware the door.

Yes... Oh. Don't be there.

Steph's been very aggressive so far.

-Can she defeat these Balls?

-Check this out.

Here she goes... Oh, hello! Maybe she can.

Oh-ho-ho! Jumps to the second.

Oh, Roller Steph kind of rolls in.

Wah wah waaah!

The Log Jam. It's tough, but Steph's pretty tough too.

Easily onto the first.

Ooh, balancing... Yes, on to the Second Log.

Wrestling with the Ring now.

Ooh...but gets through it, I think. Yes, she is.

Ooh, nearly falls!

But Steph's made it to the finish

and just seven seconds slower than Hazardous Joe,

which means she skates into third place, nice going.

Next to tackle the Qualifier is Dapper Dom from London,

who either didn't read the dress code,

or has a very loose definition of "sportswear".

I'm so excited right now to be joined by Dom

who is a Government policy adviser.

Dom, so what is it exactly that you do?

Well, it's sort of creating a strategy that goes with Government policy to allow...

This sounds like a man with qualifications. Almost as many as me.

..What they need to do with the Government

and just gives it a little bit of this and a bit of that.

From that we would actually start disseminating it down

the business and operationalising it.

Give it a little bit of this, a bit of that.

Oh, look, he can't "operationalise" that umbrella.

Right, he has.

Dom's off, and the bowler hat has stayed on.

Ooh, still on.

Is it glued on, do you think?

Come on, Dom. Operationalise that log. Oh!

Hoo hoo hoo!

And the hat is off... Yeah, it's off.

Fortunately Dom's got a contingency plan, a pink hat.

Time for Dom to strategise the Balls.

Ah... Yeah. Bad strategy. Didn't work out.

So civil servant Dom just has the Logs to go.

And he's onto the first...

and straight off the first.

Yeah, that motion wasn't passed.

And Dom operationalises to the finish in just under four minutes.

But it did tragically cost him his hat.

Look at Eduardo. Finders keepers.

And that's actually a law in Argentina.

What do you think?

I think it makes me look handsome and yet financially astute. Huh?

I suit a hat, me. I've been told.

So to give you a clue as to where the next contestant comes from, I'm going to put on another hat.

Yeah? That's right. Yeah.

She's from the home of berets.

Venezuela.

No, France! I meant France!

C'est Elodie. Elle est Francaise... which means she's French, you know.

To multi-linguistic Amanda.

Bonnet de douche, Elodie, bonnet de douche.

Bonjour!

Nous, I mean "we", join Elodie at Granny's House

Well, that wasn't une obstacle at all.

Oopsie.

Granny's House IS though.

-BARKING

-Elodie hesitates for the dog.

Oh, zut alors! You see, multi-lingual.

# Combien pour ce chien dans la vitrine? #

BARKING

Elodie is a circus performer, so maybe that will help on Les Logs.

Non. It didn't help un petite bit, even.

Elodie ends up in "le poulet".

La Elodie finishes in a time of trois minutes and 47 seconds.

SPEAKING IN FRENCH

Elodie's not the only one that struggled with that pesky Log Jam.

It's caused a few painful finishes so far, like this.

And this.

And... Ow! This.

So far today, only Roller Steph has conquered the Log Jam

but can these three lovely assistants follow her lead?

First of the trio is Rachel, the care assistant.

-Hi, Rachel.

-Hello, you all right?

-I'm all right, how are you?

-You all right?

-Not too bad!

Then there's Tori, the legal assistant.

I'm actually petrified, I'm so scared.

-Don't be scared.

-I don't want to cry.

-Give me a hug.

Give me a Wintery Wipeout hug.

And making up the assistant trinity it's Jo, who's a...choir assistant.

I do a lot of humming.

SHE HUMS A SINGLE NOTE

Mm. So, can Jo Hummer hit the high notes on the Log Jam?

No, no, just a bum note.

Next assistant, please! This one's broken.

It's Tori's go on the Logs.

Makes it onto the second log.

Squeezing through the Fiery Ring.

Nearly there. Come on, Tori!

Yes! She's nearly done it.

This is it, she's almost over.

No. No.

Tori was about 60% on there.

Another Log Jam failure.

Finally, care assistant and Yorkshire lass Rachel

versus the Logs.

Good start.

One leg through. Doesn't look too comfortable.

Now, oh...yes, now she's through.

Come on, Rachel! Do it for the assistants.

For assistants everywhere.

Yes! Rachel didn't need any assistance at all.

Second person over the Logs today

and a time of four minutes 57.

She may not top the leaderboard,

but she certainly stuck it to the Log Jam.

Now, this is 36-year-old Justin, a ker-azy local radio presenter.

That doesn't necessarily mean he's annoying.

I was one as well once, you know, that's where I started. All that time ago.

Boom, boom, shake, shake, shake the room! Wicky, Wicky, Winter Wipeout.

I'll give him one more chance.

Granny's got some Megadeth on the gramophone.

Glad she's out of her Slipknot phase. That was terrible.

Oh, Wet Wet Wet.

These are all records I'm talking....

I suspect the Doors are off his playlist.

But he's back up... Oh, no, he's double teamed by door and dog.

# And they called it puppy love... #

Yes, for local radio presenters everywhere.

Oh, Justin, Justin.

Justin is about to take on the Big Red Balls.

Go on Justin, you can do it. Wow!

Boom boom, shake your cerebral cortex there.

Despite spending a lot of time in the wicky, wicky water

Just In Justin is just in at two minutes 48 seconds.

Next into battle is Zulu!

Yep, that's his actual name.

And with a name like Zulu,

this 20-year-old must be a bloodthirsty, angry,

fearless warrior.

HOLLERS

COUGHS

Sorry.

I'm studying computer science and I'm currently in

the City of Birmingham Symphony Youth Orchestra

playing violin, but I dabble on the piano as well.

How do you think you're going to stand upright on the Big Red Balls?

Run fast, jump really high, but fall really softly.

That shall from here on in be named as the Zulu Method.

It's a Zulu charge!

It's a Zulu slip, as well.

Student Zulu reaches Granny's House. Watch the door! Just about.

Now past Tevez.

Here we go. Yes...no. Bad, ouch.

Like Michael Caine, that door clearly has an issue with Zulus.

Right, prepare to witness

the now famous "Zulu Method".

Run fast, jump really high, but fall really softly.

I've got a bad feeling about this.

Needs work. But, wow, nonetheless...

Well, he DID run fast. He DID jump high.

It's just the whole landing softly bit. That didn't work. No.

Log Jam now. I wonder if Zulu's got a method for this?

Wow...he has, he's flying across!

Look at that! One jump to go.

And he's made it!

Two minutes 12 seconds. And one of Zulu's methods finally worked

because he jumps to the top of the Snowboard.

There's Zulu Method confirming he's top of the pack.

Just In Justin's just in fifth, Shepherdiest Phil's in seventh

and, languishing at the bottom,

are Assister Tori, Operationalise Dom, and Chrissy.

Get off my land!

Right. The next three competitors will surely have a strong chance at making the grade.

They're all experts at running.

First, from Telford, is Art.

He runs marathons.

Then there's PC Luke, who runs after robbers.

And finally, Deborah, who regularly does the school run.

Yeah!

# Keep on running... #

Six foot nine Luke sets off...

Oof! And launches a tidal wave in the pool.

The man mountain hits the Logs and then the water.

Now it's teacher Deborah's go.

The school runner dashes across.

Good work! Yes.

Marathon Man Art now.

Bit of a slip...but he's still on.

And now he's not on. No, he's off.

Art has run 86 marathons.

Presumably not just to get here today.

That would be exhausting.

Now, Mum Deborah is at Granny's house. Ooh! Ow!

Oh, pie to the face,

sweeper to the leg. That's how Granny rolls.

Art's go now. Bit more cautious.

Avoiding the door,

avoiding Granny's dog...

Another door...the door got him.

He tried to dive to safety but found instead a door on his head.

School runner Deborah is way ahead approaching the Balls. Go on, Debs!

Automatic detention for vandalism there, snapped a bit off.

Art's go now.

More vandalism.

These runners are out of control. They're wild.

Big Hand Luke is the fastest of the runners with

a time of four minutes 45.

Marathon Man Art is 40 seconds behind him.

Sadly the Balls proved too much for Deborah

so she decided to call it a day.

But her kids will, I hope, be proud.

They should be.

# I'm a lumber jack and I'm OK... #

This is John and he's a tree botherer.

No, he's a tree surgeon.

Now I've heard John's spent months perfecting his catchphrase

for the show. So get ready for a work of genius. Here it comes.

Hello, my name's John, I'm really happy to be here.

We're really happy you're here too, John, hello.

Catchphrase King John slides off.

OK. Granny's House now,

and John's immediately pied.

Oh, well. At least we know he's happy to be here.

Dodges the dog. Doesn't dodge the door at all.

But remember, he's just happy to be here.

Even then, just as he got hit in the face. There he is.

John's now Travelating towards the balls.

One! Two! Oh, the side of three!

Oh, well.

Final obstacle. Tree surgeon versus log.

That's it... Oh, timber!

On to the second, this is home territory for him.

That's it, John, well done. Oh, no, no! Stay on! Hang tight!

Yes! John gets in at two minutes seven, fastest so far today.

With one contestant left,

they'll have to do something special to beat that.

Today's final competitor is Dan.

# We wear short shorts... #

Those are short shorts. Really short shorts.

They're basically underpants. Has he forgotten his PE kit?

I did that once. Memory's never left me.

Dan from Warrington. How you doing?

-I'm doing really great, thanks.

-Anything that you're a little bit afraid of out there today?

-I'm a bit afraid of getting my hair wet!

-Fine, because it won't be wet, because you won't fall in, Dan.

No, I'm not, I'm going to do it.

Don't worry about your hair, Dan, worry about your shorts shrinking.

I know I am.

You may think I'm a weed, but you won't say that when Dan's in the lead!

That's fighting talk from Short Shorts Dan.

Throws himself into the Qualifier.

Hang on, wow! Dan's flying across that Log.

Up and over the Hillock. This is looking super speedy.

His hair is dry so far.

And his shorts are still functioning.

Oh, not the hair!

Quick... send in some emergency hair fudge.

So the entertainment manager's shorts are still in place.

And they're about to be introduced to the Balls.

Yes...and safely onto the second.

And third! Now fourth...

Go on, Dan. Yes!

The first and only Ball crosser of the day! Magnificent!

A little wobble on the fourth, but he made it.

Amazing! Dan on the Log Jam now.

This is a really quick run so far.

Just hangs on.

Come on, Dan! Makes the second... what a finish this could be.

Through the Ring Of Fire.

One more jump and this could be a record run.

And it is! One minute 25!

The quickest time of the series, let alone today.

And more importantly, no short shrinkage.

Time for the final Snowboard.

Top of the pile and fastest so far this series, is Short Shorts Dan.

Hazardous Joe is fifth.

Now You See Him, Now You Darren takes eighth.

And just squeezing into the top 12 are Limbo Laura,

La Elodie, and Assister Tori.

With that time, Dan has set a new Winter Wipeout course record.

And apparently the BBC thought it would be funny for me

to wear some short shorts like Dan's as a tribute.

Well, clearly, that's not going to happen and I'll tell you for why.

No-one makes Richard Hammond look like a numpty.

But for every winner there are what I call non-winners,

so it's time to say farewell to those eliminated Qualifiers.

# Cheery oh-oh-oh oh-oh

# Cheery oh-oh-oh oh-oh

# Cheery oh-oh-oh-oh

# Oh-oh-oh-oh oh! #

Get off my land!

This is how Ski Lift works. Each competitor has a little podium

to stand on and a bar for balance as they're spun round and round.

And round. And round. The aim is to stay upright,

despite the two scary Ski Poles twirling in the opposite direction at ever-increasing heights.

12 will start but only the last five left hanging can progress to the next round.

Can you feel that chill in the air? That's not snow and ice.

That's fear. It can only be Ski Lift.

Oh, look at their poor little faces!

Whatever! Are you all ready?

Yes!

Three, two, one!

So, who's shaking in the face of the Ski Lift today?

He was speediest in the Qualifier, it's Short Shorts Dan.

Watch these jazz hands hold on tight.

He's followed by Catchphrase King John.

Hurry up, my horse is getting tired.

What? Joining those two are..

Shepherdiest Phil, Roller Steph

and Now You See Him, Now You Darren.

The Magical Wizard's back, and my mind skills will keep me on track.

Magic your way out of this one, Darren!

Spicy talk from Zulu.

Also riding the Ski Lift, Sophia the Professional Apple. Just In Justin.

Bus Mechanic Hazardous Joe.

The only route I'm taking is to the final.

Via Penzance. Then there's Assister Tori.

La Elodie.

And finally, Limbo Laura.

-I love you, Winter Wipeout, so please don't knock my teeth out.

-Can't promise anything.

And that makes 12 Ski Lifters, ready for lift off.

Oh, it's like an icy merry-go-around.

Yes, but this merry-go-round bites

and that snow will make the handles very slippery.

Scary Ski Poles swing into action.

They have to avoid both arms to stay in the game.

What's more, the arms creep higher and higher as the game goes on.

Elodie, non, non, non!

Remember, only the last five left hanging go through.

There's Zulu, and Tori's over.

Here's John. He's made a meal out of that.

Great recovery.

Hazardous Joe looking focused. Laura, just looking terrified.

Assister Tori...

..in need of assistance.

Oh! And I think Laura went down there too.

Tori tickled by the first Scary Ski Pole

and smashed by the second, right over Joe's platform.

And there's Laura getting carried away. Two contestants out.

I'm too light and feathery. I think you need to be a bit more...

Laura bore the full brunt of the Ski Pole there.

It was absolutely petrifying.

Ten competitors still in the game

and the Ski Poles are inching higher.

Sophia the Professional Apple gets bruised. Oh, and she's fallen.

A long way from the tree.

Oh, no, not that apple!

Sophia gets swung out and spun around by the first Ski Pole,

then finished off by the second. Apple sauce.

My family and friends probably will be a bit disappointed but they'll be happy I got that far.

Here's Dan...he's over.

Elodie - ooh!

Catchphrase King John with a giant leap. But not Darren!

He's a goner!

Gut-wrenching stuff and Now You See Him, Now You Darren

is out of Winter Wipeout.

It was like being hit by a door from Granny's House

and that feels like being hit by a truck.

It's crunch time now.

The next three to fall will be eliminated. Joe's twirling. But Dan!

He can't recover from that... surely. Surely not. He has!

Those weight-saving shorts playing a key role there, no doubt.

Steph...safe.

La Elodie...hit! Then walloped!

But she's still hanging on... to the wrong platform.

But no...Elodie's out.

Zulu's gone too! This is carnage.

Elodie was determined to stay on but just couldn't.

SHE SPEAKS IN FRENCH

Uh-huh. I understood all of that.

Zulu took one in the Michael Caines

and got tossed into the water.

This thing is brutal.

Clinging on was all right at first, but then your fingers start to ache

and it got really, really tough.

Down to six now, with only five places available in the next round.

Exhaustion is setting in.

One more, guys, just one more.

That could be John or Phil.

Clings on by the skin of his teeth. Hazardous Joe.

Avoided any accidents so far.

Oh, no! He's gone!

Joe is the last to be eliminated.

Still, he went out in style.

It's good fun. I'll have another go, Eddie.

-Can I have another go, Eddie?

-No, you can't.

These five are definitely going through to the next round.

So now it's all about pride.

Who will be the last man or woman dangling?

It's Short Shorts Dan versus Shepherdiest Phil.

Just In Justin, Roller Steph, and Catchphrase King John.

He's over the Ski Pole nicely.

Phil dodges it.

All looking strong.

Here's Dan... Oof!

Dan's done enough to get through, so takes his shorts for a short dip.

A superb effort from him.

Just In Justin's back around.

And Steph.

Oh, Phil's gone for a big swing, and a long swim.

He was pushed back, then he swung forward.

More trapeze artist than shepherd.

Catchphrase King John getting a battering but holding on tight.

And he's safe, remarkably.

Just In Justin's not had a scratch on him so far today.

Makes it over again. But Steph!

Roller Steph meets steamroller Ski Pole

and gets flipped into the water.

Great stuff from Steph. Safely through to Blunderland.

So now it's between Catchphrase King John and Just In Justin.

Someone is about to be crowned last man hanging.

And there's the answer.

It's not Justin, he fell at the last Scary Ski Pole.

That makes Catchphrase King John king of today's Ski Lift.

Crowning moment there.

I'm looking forward to the next round now.

I don't like looking back.

Partly because I try to maintain a positive outlook and partly

because it really hurts my neck.

Look, I can only get to about there.

No, looking forward is far better,

that way you can see what's coming.

What IS coming?

Winter Blunderland is coming. Here's the long and short of it.

A short spin followed by a long dash over

a variety of wobbly, wonky, foam bits, avoiding snowballs thrown by

Hansel and Gretel from their Alpine lodge.

Last one across gets frozen out of the competition,

which in Winter Wipeout is VERY frozen.

Then it happens again. The contestant who comes last is eliminated,

leaving three weary competitors to take on the Winter Wipeout Zone.

There's an icy wind blowing in from the north,

and it doesn't bode well.

Da-da-dah!

Prepare yourselves for the blizzard that is Winter Blunderland.

Are you all ready?

Yes.

Three, two, one.

So who is about to blunder their way through the ice and snow?

King of the Ski Lift and ever-ready with a well-crafted, timeless soundbite...

Aargh!

..it's Catchphrase King John.

Just missing out on the top spot in the last round, Just In Justin.

Rolling right through the competition, it's Roller Steph.

He's today's speediest shepherd, it's Shepherdiest Phil.

And finally, fastest in today's Qualifier

and shortly to be showing his shrinking shorts once more, it's Short Shorts Dan.

So, as the Winter Whizzy grinds to a halt,

it's every man and woman for themselves. Last one across is out.

KLAXON

That sound means its time to get busy. Whilst dizzy.

John's feeling his way, and there's Dan.

A more leisurely start for Justin and Phil.

But Dan's off like a rocket!

Over the Frosty Flipper and onto the Crank Shaft. Doing superbly.

Straight onto the Ro-terror-tator. Jumps a spike... Oh, no!

Doesn't jump that one.

John, hot on his heels. Handling the Crank Shaft like a pro.

Bit of a tussle there... No, my mistake.

Look at that. That's what I call team spirit.

It was, a rare moment of teamwork.

But John's nipped past Dan and onto the Ro-terror-tator.

One more leap and he's...done it...

No, he's fallen. He fell off instead.

Oh, so close to banking a Blunderland finish

but John will have to swim back to the ladder.

Justin's turn now.

Onto the Iceberg...but slips off!

And what's Dan doing there? No idea.

But here comes John for a second attempt.

Great jumping. Onto the Iceberg with ease...and he's made it!

John is safely into the next round.

Practice makes perfect, and that was a near-flawless run.

Shepherdiest Phil's got his eye on the prize too.

That can't feel good. Got to get off that Iceberg soon.

Here he goes... Yes!

Not as elegant as John, but Phil's through as well.

Just In Justin's not far behind.

Only two spots remain in the next heat. Good jump...

Oh, bad fall. That Iceberg's more slippery than it looks.

Short Shorts Dan.

No!

At last, Steph's assault on Blunderland is under way.

Can she come from behind to bag a spot in the next heat?

Oh... hang on, Steph. Hang on to that iceberg.

She's done it...she's up. Just one jump to go.

Hard enough to walk straight when you're dizzy, let alone leap.

But she makes it with ease.

One place remaining.

It's now between Justin and Dan. It's very even.

That was Dan's chance. He's gone in as well!

This is getting very tense.

Justin's just got the edge going into the Ro-terror-tator.

Got to pick his moment...

-Oh!

-Seizes that moment.

Can he grab that one final spot in the next heat?

I don't believe it! He's off!

This leaves the door wide open for Dan.

This is nail-biting stuff.

Looking good for Short Shorts Dan.

And he's home and dry!

And so happy. I think that's happiness.

News just in, Just In Justin is out of Winter Wipeout.

You were just in, you were just round, you were just off,

you were just on, but I'm afraid it just wasn't good enough.

Just wasn't my day.

The four remaining contestants climb back into the Winter Wizzy

for another spizzy din.

Dizzy pin. Spin! It's a spin! I'm getting dizzy!

KLAXON

There goes the klaxon. John and Dan are first out again.

Phil struggling to keep his lunch down, by the looks of it.

John bolting forwards, over the Frosty Flipper

and straight onto the Crankshaft.

Looking good. Dan, close behind.

But John just powering through.

This is where it can all go wrong.

The business end of things.

Just one more jump.

And he's through to today's Winter Wipeout Zone.

Just two places remain.

Short Shorts Dan wrestling with the Crank. He's a little behind,

but where's Roller Steph? She's back at the start!

This is no time for nerves. Good jump onto the Flipper.

Overcooked her exit!

Head first into the icy crevasse.

Bad time to fall. Dan, looking strong.

Just the Ro-terror-tator and Iceberg to go. Ooh, that's a three-pointer!

Good shot, Hansel!

Dan, onto the Iceberg.

Can he follow in John's footsteps?

Where's Phil? There he is.

Come on, Phil!

Dan's still spinning round. And round.

And he's going for it... He's through!

And really happy this time!

Phil's not far from the finish now.

Could it all be over for Steph?

Phil just one jump away from the final place in the Wipeout Zone.

He needs to get this right.

No! That's wasn't right, Phil!

That was wrong, wrong, wrong!

Shepherdiest Phil was within touching distance

of a spot in the Wipeout Zone.

A real chance for Steph now.

Ooh, one in the helmet from Hansel again.

Looking distinctly un-terrified of the Ro-terror-tator. Come on, Steph.

Onto the Iceberg. Steady now. One jump to go.

Can she? Yes!

Steph grabs the final place in the Wipeout Zone.

And poor Phil is left stranded and out of the competition.

That was baa-d, baa-d luck. You were almost there.

I know, I know, I know, it was so close.

You've got this far, Mrs Phil and the little Phils will be really, really proud of you.

-I hope so, yeah.

-We are.

-Thank you very much.

So it's goodbye to Phil and Justin.

They're definitely out of the competition.

Or are they?

Wait. I don't know why I said, "Or are they?" just there.

It confused the issue, didn't it?

Or did it? Yes, it did.

But it also added some intrigue.

It's time to find out what reaching the Winter Wipeout Zone means to the finalists.

Or is it? It is. Is it?

I'm in the Wipeout Zone!

I'm really thrilled that I get a chance to have a go at this new course.

I honestly don't know how I've got to the Wipeout Zone.

I'm quite relieved that Granny's House isn't there.

I think John's going to be a very serious rival.

He's very lean, he's got explosive power.

I do think hanging from branches as a tree surgeon has given me

a bit of an unfair advantage.

Everyone thinks I'm a weed!

All my friends and family's faces will just be...

Dan's not a weed at all, I think he's just putting on an act.

I'm baffled with Steph. She seems to have quietly got through everything

and appeared at the end.

Steph on her skates, I thought from the start, was going to be the winner of the show.

I want to win Winter Wipeout very badly.

I'd really like to go home with £10,000.

First place would mean more than the actual money.

Just for the proudness, to go, "I came first place."

To be the winner and to get the money would be out of this world,

it would be a dream.

It's certainly not over yet!

Today's Winter Wipeout Zone starts with the finalists being

catapulted into the water by the Flingymajig.

Then it's a clamber up the North Pole to the Icy Stairs.

Next it's a dash past the Ice Picks to those frightening icicles,

the Frightcicles.

Finally, traverse the Impossible Snowflakes

and fastest across wins a cool £10,000.

And a less cool Winter Wipeout novelty goblet.

What a night! The snow is falling, the pool is icing over,

and my nose is cold.

It can only be the Winter Wipeout Zone

and Dan is the first to brave it.

Dan waits anxiously,

presumably with short shorts under that wetsuit.

And there he goes.

He'll hit the icy water at 30 miles an hour.

Bit of mid-air running from Dan. Difficult to do that.

Ooh, look at those jazz hands go!

He pulls himself together after that high impact splash,

and Dan's on to the slippery North Pole.

He was the quickest over the Qualifier so far this series

but can he translate that into a Winter Wipeout Zone win?

Icy Stairs now.

Dan makes the first step. Carefully does it...

those things do jerk about a lot.

Moves from the second to the third step,

nearly at the summit.

Top creaky step!

And it's giving him a bumpy ride.

You'd think getting down would be easier. It's not.

That step's giving him a serious bucking. But Dan hangs on!

Aargh!

Final step now. Yes!

He's safely onto the platform.

Too quick for the Ice Picks. Now the Frightcicles.

Quick feet from Dan, he's at the middle. Picks his moment.

Here it comes...

Ooh, yes!

No errors yet, now the Impossible Snowflakes.

He's manoeuvred nicely onto the first one.

Now the tricky transfer onto the second.

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

And, as the name suggests, those things are pretty much impossible.

So Dan drains his energy reserves to haul himself up the ladder to

the finish.

Nearly there. Got to hit that button.

He's up...and hits that button.

And stops the clock on two minutes 18!

An amazingly quick time from Short Shorts Dan.

Look at your little face!

I can't believe it. I honestly cannot believe I got this far.

If I just come third, I'll be happy.

I have to tell you, Mr Jazz Hands, you've just entertained us

-in a time of two minutes and 18 seconds.

-Wow!

-The fun doesn't stop here, because Steph is up next. Let's watch.

-Yeah.

Roller Steph looks relaxed.

Has anyone told her she's about to get flung?

Now she knows, cos there she goes!

Arms flailing like an A-Team stuntman!

Takes me back. Oh, that's going to be cold.

And with that splash, Steph's challenge is under way.

Two minutes 18 seconds is

the time to beat.

Steph swims up to the North Pole.

Very slippery, that thing.

But she seems to be happily creeping up it towards the Icy Stairs.

-She's doing all right without her roller blades.

-Yes, she is.

Steph leaps.

Onto the first step. It's trying to bump her off.

Second step. Bit bouncier.

She's taking a real buffeting.

Oh, staying on.

Jumps to the third.

Look at that thing shake! It's horrible!

Yes! Top step!

Now the tricky bit,

getting down again.

Not sure you're going to be able to stand on that, Steph.

She steps out... and keeps going!

Speedy stuff from Steph

and that will have helped her time.

Wow! Look at that!

She weighs up the Ice Picks.

Carefully does it.

She's passed them.

Now Steph takes on the Frightcicles.

She waits for that slippery platform to come round... Belly slide!

And she's into the middle. And now it's all about timing.

Wait for the platform, avoid the massive icicles.

Oh, wow!

What a technique!

It's a safe landing! Just.

Amazing! Dan must be worried now.

Steph's made no mistakes yet and she is flying round.

Could she be the first to beat the Impossible Snowflakes?

No! Steph's first error.

She never really got a grip on that giant flake.

And she's too slow to win now, but she doesn't know that yet.

She's still giving it everything she's got.

It's been a terrific effort,

but it won't be enough. Nearly there.

Two minutes 40 seconds. 22 seconds slower than Dan,

he remains in the lead.

You are one hell of a determined woman,

I'll tell you that for nothing!

I was so scared at those steps.

I took my time and went for it on the way down.

I'm pretty happy with my performance.

OK, Steph, you really had your skates on out there tonight.

But they weren't quite fast enough, I'm afraid, because, Dan,

you were quicker.

Steph, hard luck. Great effort. Go join the others.

And Dan, you know what this means, my man.

Yours is the time to beat!

-Oh...

-Let's watch John.

Finally, his name's Catchphrase King John and he's really happy to be here.

But can he beat Dan?

Now we find out. Off he flies.

Crikey!

That was one almighty flinging, flanging fly through the air.

So, this humble tree surgeon is now the only person

standing between Short Shorts Dan and the Winter Wipeout Trophy.

Two minutes 18 the time to beat. Icy Stairs now.

Onto the first step. Edges his way along.

Onto the second set.

Leaping and landing like a cat here!

Wow, John!

This is looking very, very good.

Safely to the top. Now the descent.

Ooh, hold on!

Disaster...he's down!

That stair wobbled and then nobbled John.

It's a long climb to the Ice Picks.

After that slip up, John can't afford any more mistakes

if he's to win that £10,000 prize.

John steps out. Past the first.

Oh, no!

-Oh, no!

-Oh, no!

That was so innocuous, so unexpected.

John got impatient and slipped in as he tried to slip past.

So it's another ladder climb.

Then he must take on the Frightcicles.

There's no time to lose now.

He has to get everything right and still go faster.

Feeling the pressure, must be exhausted.

Onto the platform.

Dodges a massive icicle,

and into the middle!

It looks like he's going straight for it. He runs and leaps across.

He could still do this! Giant Snowflakes. Dan and Steph fell here.

John cannot afford to.

But he has!

And that is game over for John. He couldn't get a grip.

That's a £10,000 fall right there.

But John doesn't know that so he's just going

as fast as he can.

The crowd urge him on. But sadly for John,

he's going to fall short here.

Two minutes 31.

That's not enough to beat Dan. But what a run!

Over to Amanda to announce today's winner.

How you feeling?

I'm really happy to be here.

I can't feel my legs!

Listen, you're still smiling, you have been a happy camper all day long.

But I bet you're both dying to know who the winner tonight is.

Grab this, with your jazz hands, Dan,

because you are the Winter Wipeout champion!

Congratulations.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, Dan Costello, an entertainments manager from Warrington with extremely short shorts

is today's Winter Wipeout Champion.

I hope he spends his £10,000 prize money on some trousers.

Or, at the very least, some thermal underpants.

Now, I feel, is an appropriate time to reflect on all the great things that have gone.

The thrills, the spills, the memories.

Brilliant! Till next time, from Amanda and me, it's goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]