Episode 5 Winter Wipeout

Ernest Shackleton. Scott of the Antarctic.

And Rio, the coach driver from Kent.

All three are intrepid explorers of frozen worlds

but only one is about to tackle the Winter Wipeout course.

Only one stands a chance of winning the £10,000 prize.

And only one will take on 19 other hopefuls on today's show.

No, it's not Scott of the Antarctic. It's Rio.

Let the Wintry Wipeout begin.

Welcome to Winter Wipeout.

I was very excited this morning because I got a fax.

Have you seen one of these? It's very modern. I've got a cassette player, too.

Anyway, this fax says that tonight's show is top secret.

So secret that I've been banned from reading this out.

In fact, I've been banned from reading it at all.

So, how do I know what's in it? I don't.

This is getting confusing.

Here's what's coming up on tonight's show. Am I allowed to say that?

The Qualifier.

Please, let me look.

Ski Lift.

What's going on behind there?

Winter Blunderland.

Oh, this isn't fair.

And the Wipeout Zone.

Looks like it might be really exciting.

Good news.

I have received clearance to reveal two pieces of information

about this secret edition of Winter Wipeout.

One, Amanda Byram's at the top of the course.

Two, she's with today's first contestant.

I didn't see that coming.

With me now is a lady who already has experience of long cold winters,

blizzards, snowdrifts and temperatures of minus 25 degrees.

I did not realise the weather was that bad in Wolverhampton, Maria.

Oh, Amanda, please, don't?

Well, you do have the warm hat and you've obviously got the accent,

can you do any Russian dancing?

SPEAKS RUSSIAN You what?

SINGS IN RUSSIAN

And this how we keep warm in...

I love it. But doesn't it get faster and faster and faster?

Oh, Amanda, please, don't.

Oh, go on. Come on, Maria, ready, ready.

Yeah.

Boys, watch out, game is on.

I'm Maria and I will be rushing through this course in no time.

Maria's 30 and a steel sales executive.

She's made of steel, well that might help her with today's first obstacle.

It's new. It's terrifying. It's an instant classic.

Introducing, the Winter Blob.

The contestants must make their way to the launch position.

There she goes.

OK, I've just been told this isn't the good bit.

Once there, that huge drum, they call it El Gordo, is released and then, well, something happens.

Woooaaahhhhhhhh!

That is brilliant.

Look at that. I can't see enough of this.

There's the BAFTA for Best Entertainment, right there, in the bag.

Coming from Russia, Maria is used to temperatures of minus 25

so the Winter Wipeout ice bath should be a doddle.

Splash down complete, it's a swim to dry land,

which is, sort of that way.

Only the fastest 12 will qualify for the next round so she does need to be quick.

-That's it, Maria.

-Come on, Maria.

Come on, Maria.

Come on, Maria.

Although the next obstacle has a habit of slowing people down, it's Granny's House.

I wonder what treats Granny has in store today?

Come on, Maria.

I wonder if Granny's got a chicken Kiev in the oven?

No, probably not that. It's that.

Ohh.

Now, that is a treat. It's a door in the face.

-A quick swim.

-Oh, Maria.

Now, Maria must climb up the stairs for a second helping of Granny.

Come on, Maria, mind Tevez. Good. No, not good.

Maria enters tough guy competitions.

Unfortunately for her, so does Granny. UK champ over 70s.

Now, Maria needs to wade as quickly as her Muscovite legs can carry her

to the reclaimed Soviet-era Travelator.

Destination? Big Red communist party balls.

Come on Maria, Taking a run up. Oh, this is confidence. And a bounce.

Oh, right in the Gulag.

What is a Gulag? Anyway, that was in it.

The clock is still ticking as Maria Malinka heads to the final obstacle,

the Log Jam.

If you'll excuse the technical jargon,

it's two wobbly bits with a spinny thing in between.

Prepares for launch. Safe landing.

I'm not certain that's helping, anybody.

Oh, no.

So, Maria Malinka adopts the familiar swimming method to the stairs

and the finish podium in a rather good three minutes and six seconds.

That is now the time to beat.

Maria, you certainly were rushing around that course.

That was fantastic.

Took the words right out of my mouth. I understood, I didn't need it written down.

Next to run today's wintry qualifier is 63-year-old Eamonn,

a play development officer from Belfast.

Eamonn, how are you doing?

All the better for seeing you, oh, you're just so gorgeous.

You're more beautiful in real life than I could possibly imagine.

I don't know what to say right now, I'm completely flattered. Luck of the Irish be with you.

Thank you.

The slick old charmer. Works though.

Is this actually safe for a man of Eamonn's age?

No.

I don't think he enjoyed that.

I'm going to call that method the Ulster cartwheel. Spectacular.

-I love watching other people do that.

-Diddley-i-di-i.

Not that.

Granny's house now for Eamonn O'Cartwheel. Here we go.

No. No, really just, no.

Oh, Eamonn is taking a beating.

He's a leaping leprechaun.

That'll cheer him up, Amanda, well done.

Eamonn onto the Log Jam.

-Irish jig.

-Getting jiggled. Onto the second Log.

Here we go, one leap.

Oops.

And Eamonn O'Cartwheel climbs to the finish in a very respectable three minutes 32.

Over to Eamonn for some post-run analysis.

Go on, spit it out.

-I think I need to spit.

-Don't spit it out.

This is 26-year-old floral designer, Rhoxan.

There she is, redesigning some flowers. Well done.

I think she's pleased with that.

Oooh, not so pleased now.

Rhoxan's favourite flowers are peonies and lavender.

I'm more of a gypsophilia man myself. I just like the colour.

Here she is at Granny's house.

The first floral designer ever to visit.

Come on, Rhoxan.

Oh no.

Gathering herself for a final assault on the Log Jam. Here we go.

Lovely knee-slide.

Hard to say for sure, but I think she's enjoying herself.

Yes!

Blooming Rhoxan comes home in three minutes 51.

This is 28-year-old DIY store worker Mark.

No, he's not a massive walking magnet, Mark collects keyrings.

I have no idea how he got through the airport scanner.

There'll be an investigation, I imagine, it must have shown up.

Ahhhh.

-Hi, Mark.

-Hiya, Amanda. How are you?

I'm really good thanks. Mark, I've got to ask you about your attire.

What is going on with this T-shirt?

Keyrings. I've collected them for about 20 years now.

How many have you got?

I've got well over 2,000.

Is this going to be the key to your success, Mark?

I think so, definitely.

I hope to get all the way through, that's what I'm going to do and nobody's going to stop me.

I'm Keyring Mark and I'm going to run rings around this course.

Well, good luck Mark, fingers are crossed for the keyring enthusiast. Here we go. Waiting...

Ooh, he's about to make his mark on the qualifier!

No choice in this next bit. Yes! Look at that!

If you watch carefully, look, he's frozen in midair. You see.

Oh, that's magnificent. If Mark wins Winter Wipeout

he's going to use the prize money to build his own obstacle course. I'd advise against.

-Ow! Ow! Ow!

-Oh!

No, scratch that, he'll need the money to put his leg back on the right way round.

Granny delivering quite a beating to Mark there, keyrings or not.

Log jam now and Mark is looking pretty quick, actually.

Onto the first, good start.

Careful... Steady...

Come on Mark!

Oh... It's getting quite jiggly.

Here we go, onto the second log!

No! He's immediately off the second log! Oh!

# Ring a ling a ling ling, Ring a ling a ling ling... #

Ring a ling a ling ling, indeed.

And Mark earns himself a commemorative keyring as he climbs to the finish in 3:12.

-That is worth a dance.

-Made his mark on the qualifier.

Oh, that's good.

Now that is good roboting.

The look on his face says it all. That's probably the best one yet.

This is Hannah.

She's not a Mathlete because that job does not exist. She's a maths teacher.

Maths is really hard, Hannah. But so is the Winter Wipeout qualifiers.

I've calculated every angle. I've worked out the trajectory of jumping.

Yeah, I'm good at maths, me.

Here we go.

-That was one serious equation!

-Time for a maths-related replay.

There you see, the oil drum fall like that.

This drum's velocity plus mass equals lots of flips and a splash.

You see, maths can be fun! That's a parabola, I don't know. Is that an umbrella?

Hannah Mathematic climbs up to the log jam. What's the square root of shattered?

That's what she is right now. Here we go.

Oh, made that look easy. Hang on...

And... and - no! No! Forgot to carry the two.

But this is fast. 2:44, the quickest so far today.

This is Kent coach driver Rio and he's got a special skill. No clues yet.

It could be that. Is it? No. No.

-# My name is Rio and I'm dancing in the sand... #

-No, it's not that either.

Now Rio, you do look like a fun, happy guy.

-Do you have some fun, happy hobbies?

-Yes. I am secretly a dancer.

-No, like dancing as a hobby.

-What kind of dancer are you?

I can do a face dance, jiggling my belly dance.

-Hang on, a face dance?

-Yeah, it's like a funny random face.

-Let me see.

Like that. Scary face!

-Good luck out there.

-Even though I've only heard of face dancing, I think I'm a fan.

Here we go!

# I'm learning to fly

# But I ain't got wings

# Coming down

# Is the hardest thing... #

Whilst Rio makes his way to granny's house, there is just time for a face dance intermission.

Ah, that's good work. I'm not sure, I think that's a face rumba, is it?

Very classical. Right, face dancer takes on face smasher.

Oh, yeah! A shoulder full of pie followed by a face full of door. Double whammy. Yes.

Well, I do see a few of those face dances going on there.

Yeah, that was good.

-Stop it now.

-Just four of the special moves.

Rio to the log jam. No face dancing here.

Probably saving up for a big facey finish. Here we go.

-Oh, fast. Ow! Oh!

-Drive it on home.

-This is close now.

-Come on Rio!

Oh, yes! Must have a spectacular face move for that.

Oh. Hannah Mathematic tops the first Snowboard,

with Maria Malinka and Ringkeeper Mark in second and third.

Face Dancer Rio is fourth,

Eamonn O'Cartwheel's fifth and Blooming Rhoxan sixth.

But with 14 contestants still to come, that could change.

Michael is next. He's from North London and he's an IT project manager.

And I bet at office Christmas parties he's fun.

Ooh! So what kind of fancy moves do you have in general in life?

Well, I can jerk.

Good for you.

Wooh!

Right, here we go, settle down.

Oh-hoh! For a big chap, Michael has certainly got some air!

What do they put in that barrel? It's... There he is! Aw!

Now Michael's quite a mover, according to Michael.

Can he shimmy past granny's house? Can he? Oh... Oh, double pie!

Ah, you see, there's the dummy.

And then follows up with the real thing! Yeah!

Oh dear. So, a brief splash and up the steps for round two.

Look out for Tevez the dog. Oh, did I mention the door?

I didn't. Look out for the... Too late.

Sweet moves though, looking good, up until that point.

OK, smooth mover Mike to the big red balls.

-He's going for it, he's going for it!

-Oh! Ow!

-Mmm.

-Oh!

-Mm. Eee! Ooh! Yeah.

Launched himself off the Travelator into a midair split on ball two.

You see, that had to have hurt a bit.

Yeah, I think it did.

Sadly, Michael did himself a mischief.

Which is just a nice way of saying it really hurt! He had to withdraw from the competition.

Now I am no doctor. But here's my diagnosis. Jerking strain.

Perhaps the course will be kinder to a trained athlete.

Well, here she is. This is Mica, a star athlete from Wales.

Mica can run 100 metres in 11.8 seconds.

So by that reckoning, this will be a 25-second qualifier.

I'm a sprinter and these are my tracks, all you men better watch your backs.

She is a bit meek, is Mica. But never fear, this human dynamo means business.

Here we go. It says here she doesn't like getting her hair wet.

That's a worry, because she's going to. Look. No choice. Wet hair!

Granny's House now.

I forgot that 100 metre races don't

normally feature people getting smashed in the face with a pie.

Pity. It would have been useful practice.

Mica to the balls now.

11.8 seconds.

Oh, no!

Oh, oh, oh.

She's screaming. Oh no!

Oh! So close!

Log Jam, now.

Amanda, I'm going to die!

No, don't do that.

It's the forms...

Come on, Mica, here we go.

Oh! Oh! Ah!

Poor Mica, she's not having a great time.

So, Meek Mica reaches the finish line in 3:07,

no records broken, and more importantly no jerk-strain.

That's a relief.

This is Kim.

She's a preschool supervisor who likes to laugh.

There you go.

Did you do anything at all to get in shape for this monstrosity out here?

I did do some baked bean can training, yeah.

-How did that go?

-Not very well.

-How many cans of baked beans?

-Two.

-Did you eat them after?

-Of course.

This baked bean workout seems like my kind of exercise.

..1,002...

..1,003...

Prepare for a bean-powered launch.

Oh, impressive!

Straight up... and straight down. Gravity doing all the work.

Beautiful.

Oh, Kim. It's all in the aerodynamic hotpants.

Here's where the bean can training will pay off.

Granny's House won't know what's hit it.

Oh.

Eduardo and Eduardo helping Kim find her bean-fuelled stride again.

Yeehah! yeah!

Yeah!

Time for the Balls.

Oh, oops.

Oh.

Bean power and hotpants now take on the Logs.

She's standing upright!

Oh, Faceplant!

Not any more!

But Kim's still on there.

Go on, Kim! Come on!

Oh, well, looks like baked bean lifting isn't the answer after all.

But look at her go.

You maybe needed a few more hours with the baked beans, spangly pants.

Nevertheless, bean-powered Kim does finish in 6:12.

Well done her.

I'm done!

This is Clare from Bury.

She's a former gymnast, and while she's getting in position

on her Blob, I'm getting in position on mine!

I'm going to be brilliant at this.

How high did I go?

HORN

Whoa!

Whoo-ho-ho!

Clare is leaving the atmosphere.

This is amazing.

Wow.

Clare's not the only highflyer today, of course.

She flew nearly as high as I did.

How high was it, really? Really?

This is Southampton netball enthusiast, Vanessa.

Getting a netball's-eye view of the planet.

Then 18-year-old Exeter student Oscar.

He's got a very high IQ, and an even higher Blob rating.

Look at him go!

And Colchester aviation insurance broker, Tim.

Conducting a high altitude risk assessment. Nice, good work.

There really have been some genuinely amazing aerobatic feats today.

But here's the highest flyer of them all -

Clare is just re-entering the atmosphere.

Oh, that was some landing.

I'm pretty sure that's cheating, actually - anyway,

one small step left and she has done it, here we go.

And that is the fastest so far today.

So, interstellar Clare is joined by Hannah mathematic

and Tim air in second and third.

Meek Mica's in fifth,

Oscar performance and netball 'Nessa are seventh and eighth,

and things are looking precarious for bean-powered Kim.

This is Paul. He whitens people's teeth into Caerphilly.

Wales I am, but see, know where I'm coming from?

What's occurrin'?

You're probably not listening to what I'm saying - hypnotising, isn't he?

It looks like he's on a stag do for one.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Caerphilly does it, Paul.

Yes, how are you? Thank you very much, Amanda.

All the way from sunny Wales, Caerphilly, and I'm a big red ball.

One has to show what one's got.

-I can see exactly what you've got in that outfit, Paul!

-Very nice, isn't it?

Big red Paul is back in the Valley of the Blob.

HORN

Oh, misfire!

Where's his head gone? Where has his head gone? It's gone.

Is it supposed to do that?

After that anticlimactic launch,

Paul's found his head and is on his way.

He's a big red ball.

OK, careful, careful.

Now, Granny doesn't like Welsh people.

Then again, she doesn't really like any people.

It's just people she doesn't really like.

The man in red lycra is back for more.

Oh! Ow!

He's actually under the door.

The big moment has arrived.

Big red Paul takes on the Big Red Balls.

Which is the best ball?

Unsurprisingly, it was the Balls.

Always is.

And big red Paul comes home in a time of 5:22.

Paul, I tell you what, Tom Jones, Anthony Hopkins...

..and now another famous Welshman.

Come on, Dragon!

Aargh, it's the Dragon!

This is 44-year-old John from Sunbury on Thames.

Preparing for lift-off.

Oh-ho, nice! It's a nice one!

John loves cherries.

He runs his own business juicing cherries.

There is nothing this man doesn't know about cherries.

-What's going on?

-I'm the cherry man. I'm the who's the Cherry man?

-I think you're the Cherry man.

-Who's the cherry man?

What's the dealio with all the cherrioes? What's going on?

I'm the who's the cherry man.

-Is that true?

-You could say that.

I'm the cherry man.

You will be the cherry on the top of this course, will you?

I certainly will do, I'm the cherry man.

I think he likes cherries, doesn't he?

John the cherry man to Granny's House now.

I wonder if Granny's got a cherry pie prepared for him.

Maybe. Here goes.

Oh, no, that was a pieing, that's different entirely.

Maybe those cherry-coloured gloves didn't help.

Look at this cherry-fuelled fortysomething go,

he could be about to score the fastest time of the day.

Just one jump away. This is it...

Oh, yes!

John the Cherry man has reached the top of the cherry tree in 2:14.

Now, meet Debbie. She's a fitness instructor.

Then there's Gemma.

She's in dentistry horse dentistry.

And Jo she's in PR.

Together, these three are the in-crowd.

I'm Northern and I'm well hard!

Incorrect - Jo is from Reading.

Here we go.

Yes! Insane!

Here's Gemma - intercontinental ballistic missile.

And Debbie - in A&E, probably.

That's got to hurt. That's fantastic!

To watch, probably not to do.

There they are, all in slow motion.

Now here's Gemma.

Oh! Yeurgh!

In the drink.

And Debbie now - in the face.

And Jo - just in.

Good barefoot action from Jo, well done.

I'm Northern and I'm well hard!

No! Ooh!

Now, what was that? Inglorious, that'll do.

Gemma the horse dentist to the Logs.

Oh, hanging on by the skin of her teeth here.

-What is it you do?

-I'm a horse dentist, Amanda.

It is a quite dangerous job.

I put my hand into the horse's mouth, so I do, and the horse's teeth

go right back to the eye, so I am up to my elbow.

Gemma, that is absolutely disgusting!

Here we go. Oh, hang on! No!

Right in the molars.

Here's Debbie, picking her moment.

That was the wrong moment.

And Jo...

I'm Northern and I'm well hard!

No! In the noggin!

Wow, Debbie wins the in-off with a time of 2:34.

Jo is close behind in 2:50,

but Gemma the horse dentist scores third place in the in-crowd-off.

Just two competitors left, and this is Ross from Ipswich.

Check out the unique hat, scarf, sweatband, Bermuda shorts and leotard combo.

Who would you liken yourself to in life, Ross?

I'm in a very select group, the five foot five club, with Tom Cruise and Alan Sugar.

I'm probably pretty much slap-bang in the middle of the two.

The looks and charm of Tom Cruise, but the business sense of Alan Sugar.

I've got the best of both worlds.

Tom Cruise, Alan Sugar and maybe just a whiff of Timmy Mallet.

Na-na-na, ooh-ahh, dancing bears!

Oh dear, I think he might be fired.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Here we go.

Oh!

He got fired, all right. There you go.

-So, Ross to Granny's House now.

-Oh, there he is.

Past the pie and the door.

Oh, but not the dog.

With that below par performance, Ross is surely heading for the boardroom.

MUSIC: THEME FROM 'THE APPRENTICE'

Just four Balls and two contestants remain.

Although one's still limbering up, so I'll focus on fluorescent Sugar-wannabe, Ross.

Here goes.

Oh, pretty good.

Surely he's redeemed himself in the eyes of Lord sugar with that effort.

Best ball performance of the day.

You're fired.

Ross's Qualifier is almost complete.

He's looking incredibly quick, though.

Oh, here we go.

One more jump.

-Yes!

-Yes.

Ross's search for Qualifier domination has come to an end.

2:08, best of the day.

Ross, you're hired.

Last contestant of the day,

hoping to make some headlines of his own, it's Dorset journalist Tom.

In the words of Dale Winton...

..bring on the balls!

Bring on the balls!

Less bring on the balls - it was more bring on the belly flop.

There will be a headline.

Granny's House now. Time for a bit of doorstepping.

Breaking news - Tom has arrived at Granny's House.

Oh, no, there'll be another headline.

Time to wrap up this story. Tom's on to the Log,

but he needs to beat three minutes 13 to qualify for the next round.

Make the headlines.

Oh, no!

Terrible news - Tom has missed out on qualifying by seven seconds.

Can you really quickly write me the headline

for what's just happened to you right now?

Tom fails to make a splash in Argentina.

I prefer that one.

So, the final snowboard looks like this.

Ross Not Fired sits at the summit.

Interstellar Clare in fourth.

Gemma The Horse Dentist in eighth.

And just scraping through are Meek Mica,

Ring Keeper Mark and Oscar Performance.

So, it's time to say a tearful cheerio to the eight

that didn't make it.

# It's a tragedy for me to see the dream is over

# And I never will forget the day we met

# Girl, I'm going to miss you... #

Like a honeybee, you took the best of me

Now I can't erase those memories

I'm going to miss you

I'm going to miss you

I miss you...

This is a sad moment for Qualifier lovers,

cos that marks the end of the Qualifier.

But it's good news for Ski Lift lovers, cos that's coming up next.

Winter Blunderland lovers should feel excitement starting to grow,

as that'll be happening in a bit.

And lovers of the Wipeout Zone, please hang on in there.

You've got to wait a while yet. But lovers of the little graphics bits

someone's made to herald the arrival of the Ski Lift, your time is now!

Here are some Ski Lift fun facts.

There are precisely 12 contestants, 12 little plinths

and 12 handles to hang from.

The whole apparatus rotates like a merry-go-round.

Things are made less merry by the counter-rotating,

scary ski poles, which get steadily higher and higher.

Fall into the water, and you are out of the game for good.

The last five Ski Lifters left hanging go through

to the next round.

Here on Winter Wipeout,

do you know what the contestants like best about Ski Lift?

Absolutely nothing!

Are you all ready?

Three, two, one!

HORN BLARES

Hitching a Ski Lift today are...

fastest in the Qualifier, Ross Not Fired.

HE IMITATES A CHICKEN

OK, good point, eloquently made. Mmm-hmm. You can stop now.

Then, there's John The Cherry Man.

I'll be the last cherry hanging off this tree.

-I hear he loves cherries.

-I'm The Cherry Man.

Jo In PR.

Hannah Mathematic.

And, Maria.

Watch out, boys, because this Russian rocket is going to lift off!

Mmm-hmm. Gemma In Dentistry.

Oscar Performance.

And, Meek Mica.

I'm going to be running rings around everybody!

Interstellar Clare.

Tim Air.

Debbie In Fitness.

And, Ring Keeper Mark.

Hopefully, all my key rings are going to keep me hanging around

for a little while yet.

The snow is falling, but who'll be first to join it?

Remember, only the final five left hanging can go through

to the next round.

Snowy carousel of joy begins.

And there they go. Mark's in trouble straightaway.

Ooh, no! It's an early bath and an early flight home for Mark.

It got caught in his ring!

Ring Keeper Mark took a massive body blow from the second scary ski pole.

I'm sorry to see him go. Bad luck.

I think my mum and dad will be very pleased with me,

very pleased for giving it a go.

I'm very pleased with myself for giving it a go.

I'm very pleased that you're very pleased, Mark.

OK, next six to topple are out of the competition as well.

There's Jo In PR, off her podium. Oh! And in.

-That's the end of the road for Jo.

-No, no, Jo!

I fell off! Apparently, my dive was perfect, though,

and looked really good, so I'm quite happy about that.

She got sent into a spin and couldn't hold on.

That was tough! Bad luck.

Still, back to the game, and there's Ross Not Fired making it look easy.

Oscar making it look difficult, but he's stayed on, safe for now.

Debbie In Fitness takes a hit.

Ooh, that's Oscar. Wow, he's... Oh, he's in.

Oscar-winning performance from...Oscar.

This manoeuvre rarely seen, the stylish exit from Oscar.

I held on for a bit, but not long enough.

Nine still hanging. Only five can go through.

Oh, Mica!

Meek Mica, making a fuss, but still on.

Debbie In Fitness is in trouble. Hannah as well.

Oh, is that Debbie dunked?

Ooh! Whoever it was, Hannah's joined them.

They are dropping like snowy flies!

Debbie got things started by smashing into Interstellar Clare,

who amazingly managed to stay on. Then, Hannah got an all-in-one back massage and opted for the plunge.

-Oh, dear.

-When the sweeper arm hit me in the stomach,

that was it. I was down.

I was swinging about everywhere. The next thing I knew...

Right, well, if I've kept count correctly,

the next two to fall are out of Winter Wipeout.

-Oh, Maria!

-Maria getting a wallop.

That's good Russian toughness, that's what that is.

Everyone's getting a pasting now. Maria is down and out.

For you, Maria...no.

One more, guys!

Just one more!

Ski poles getting higher now.

-Oh!

-Ooh, Ross!

-Oh, no!

-Ouch.

Oh, this is on a knife edge. It's Clare now.

I can't see a way back for Clare now.

Yeah, Clare is the last to be eliminated.

I am a little bit disappointed, cos I could see myself in the Wipeout Zone.

I could see her in traction after that wallop.

That's the game, isn't it?

Five remain to play for the dubious honour

of being last man hanging.

They are Gemma,

Tim,

Mica,

John

and Ross.

Ski poles up somewhere around ear height now.

They're all through to the next round, but no-one is letting go.

It's for honour, if not glory.

Oh, that's Gemma! And she's staying on! Oh!

Ow!

Ooh, John The Cherry Man's gone.

And Ross, too.

Gemma flying about again.

Mica, you've got a bit of something on your... Oh, never mind.

Gone now. Yeah, sorry.

Just Tim Air and Gemma In Dentistry left.

And they're both in the air now.

But Gemma's finally let go of her bar,

so Tim is today's last man hanging, a superb effort.

Amazing scenes here at Ski Lift!

This is a sad moment for Ski Lift lovers,

because that marks the end of the Ski Lift.

But it's good news for...

Ah, do you know, I'm not going through all that nonsense again.

I am a professional, you know. I've done documentaries on...things.

I wrote a book.

Wasn't all pictures. Not that you'd have read it, Philip-stines.

Right, time now for Winter Blunderland.

No good being nice to me now, it's just... You've already done it.

Winter Blunderland goes something like this - spin, spin, spin.

Then, dash over the knobbly, slidey course,

trying to avoid the giant Ice Cubes thrown by the stroppy skiers.

The game is played twice, and each time, the last contestant to cross is eliminated.

That leaves the three Wipeout Zone finalists.

To me, winter means long walks in the countryside, snuggling up

in front of a log fire and watching contestants get punched in the mush.

Mmm, it's Winter Blunderland!

Are you all ready?

No!

Well, I am. Three, two, one!

Here's a refresher course on who's about to blunder.

He loves cherries - it's John The Cherry Man.

I'm a cherry man.

He's a high flier - it's Tim Air.

She's a meek athlete - it's Meek Mica.

He got hired earlier - it's Ross Not Fired.

And, she's a horse dentist - it's Gemma In Dentistry.

So, the contestants creak to a halt.

-Let the blundering begin.

-Yeah.

And there they go.

Ross - ooh, nice face plant, well done.

The Cherry Man is first to the Frosty Flipper.

Straight on to the Crankshaft.

Those Ice Cubes offering extra niggle

on an already-niggleful course.

Ooh, looking good. Ooh, ooh.

There's Mica. Ooh, straight across. Ice Cubes just bouncing off her.

Ross and Gemma, neck and neck.

Ooh, no, Ross is in, and Gemma's in too.

Synchronised swim back to the start. John making excellent progress.

Just the Ro-terror-tator and Iceberg to go.

Looks like he's struggling here.

He's slipping back. And here's Mica already.

Oh, no, he's in! I think he panicked.

That means Mica has stolen the lead.

Oh, 100 metre sprint - this is easy!

Ooh, leaps onto the Iceberg,

but it's this next jump that really counts.

Hold tight, Mica!

-Take your time!

-The longer she stays, the dizzier she'll get.

Doesn't know where she is? She's in Argentina.

Yeah.

She's done it. Safely through to the next heat.

Popular with the fans now.

Here's Tim, finally.

That was...underwhelming. John now, back onto the Ro-terror-tator.

Oh, what?! That was ambitious!

There is literally nobody on the course right now.

Welcome to Winter No Wipeout. John back on.

There goes Ross as well, and he's looking good,

which is hard to do, crouched on some foam.

Ice Cube incoming.

Seems to have spurred him on. Third time lucky for John.

-That's it, John!

-Ross is nipping at John's heels.

One more jump now for John.

Oh, that's Ross in!

And that's John The Cherry Man through.

Ross back to the start of the Ro-terror-tator.

Come on, Ross!

Ooh! You have to respect the stroppy skier's precision chucking there.

Ooh, there we go, onto the Iceberg. One more jump now.

And he's through. What a crowd pleaser.

That means either Gemma or Tim are about to be eliminated.

Oh, look at this - she has overtaken Tim.

This is Gemma's first go on the Ro-terror-tator.

But she makes it look like a doddle. Desperate times for Tim now.

-Is he about to be eliminated?

-Come on, Tim!

-Oh! It's a two-horse race!

-Yes, he is!

Because Gemma is through, and Tim is out of the competition.

There was a lot of love in that crowd there.

Yeah, maybe a bit too much.

Tim, oh, my goodness.

She was so far behind, you almost won several times.

-What on earth happened?!

-I was just really unlucky, unfortunately.

So, here they go again, heat two, the decider.

One of these four is about to be eliminated

and miss out on today's Wipeout Zone by the tiniest of margins.

Frustrating.

It's sometimes easy to forget they all start this game very dizzy.

Gemma's just beaten that buckle - it's a start.

John and Mica both on to the Flipper.

John, I think, edging ahead, is he?

Oh!

John just accepting those Ice Cubes! Just getting on with it.

Pushing on, his old nemesis, the Ro-terror-tator, now.

Ooh, Mica's in trouble! Oh!

John's obviously learned from his mistakes.

And he's straight through to the Wipeout Zone.

I want some of that cherry juice - it obviously works!

Look at him go.

Gemma bobbing about in the water.

Mica on the Crankshaft.

But she's been overtaken by Ross.

Can he snatch the second spot in the Wipeout Zone?

He can, and very quickly indeed.

Things looking dicey for Gemma now.

Her only hope is that Mica mucks it up. But she's looking comfortable.

Ooh, onto the Iceberg. Just one jump to go. Come on!

Superb! Mica grabs the third and final spot in today's Wipeout Zone.

Which sadly means Gemma The Horse Dentist has fallen

at the final hurdle.

Gemma, you quite literally couldn't get past the first hurdle!

I couldn't get past the first hurdle! That's a little bit hard!

Listen, well done for getting this far, we'll see you later on, OK?

-OK, thank you.

-I've just received

another top-secret fax with some amazing news in it.

I'm not really supposed to say this,

but it's about the three Wipeout Zone finalists.

Apparently, it's John, Mica and Ross.

This is dynamite - where do they get this stuff from?

They must have someone on the inside. A vole.

An Englishman, Scotsman and Welshwoman tackle

the Winter Wipeout Zone - just sounds like the start of a joke.

I've competed for Wales in the 100 meters.

But now, I'm going to be competing for Wales in the Wipeout Zone.

I just can't believe that I'm here, facing the Wipeout Zone.

I really want to win this.

# Gold

# Always believe in your soul... #

John, me and him have been at the top throughout all the courses today.

He's really up for this.

John's weakness is that he's a lot older!

He might find it a bit of a struggle.

It's been a long day, and he's probably ready for bed now.

# Something I could have learned

# You're indestructible... #

Mica, she's a professional athlete. She's so fast. She's a sprinter,

she's very, very determined,

but has she got it to beat me?

I'm The Cherry Man.

Ross and John, first and second in the Qualifier,

and I was, like, tenth.

I think they find it easier to compete against each other.

I'm going to have to catch up and sprint up behind them.

Now, Ross is a great guy. He's got a wicked sense of humour. He's totally tenacious,

like a dog with a bone. He will be totally determined.

Mr Braveheart, I'm going to beat you.

# Gold

# Always believe in your soul... #

I'm pretty much smack bang in the middle of Tom Cruise and Alan Sugar.

Charm and charisma, with a great business mind,

and I'm going to have to use every inch of that tonight, but almost like

Mission: Impossible, there's going to be a lot of spirit and fight

to get through this, but at the end of this, I will be hired.

I'm The Cherry Man.

This is it.

Either John, Mica or Ross are about to become Winter Wipeout champion,

return home with the trophy and £10,000.

It's the battle of Britain on the Winter Wipeout Zone tonight.

We've got a Scot, an Englisher and a Welshie.

It's going to be emotional, and John is the first to go.

John the Cherry Man prepares himself for lift-off.

This is for Cheeky Chocolate Charlie and the Cherries! Come on!

Nice bit of mid-air running there. Tricky. Keen to start.

And he's in.

John must swim as quickly as possible to the slippery North Pole.

Come on, John!

This is a strong start.

Now, John must climb the Icy Stairs. Each one jiggling violently.

Look at him go, already at the third!

-Fuelled by cherries!

-That cherry juice he drinks is clearly helping.

Just the descent now.

He's made it to the Ice Picks. This is a quick run!

Oh, no, that was just ridiculous!

In his quest for a fast run,

John forgot that timing is also very important.

-Oh!

-Come on, John!

Losing valuable seconds and strength. Oh, no.

His energy reserves running low now. John looks to be in trouble.

I cannot bear it.

You cannot underestimate how difficult it must be

to haul yourself up a ladder in those conditions.

Finally, John has made it to the top.

He's got to judge this jump correctly now.

Come on, John. Such a strong start.

-Yeah, he's made it.

-Oh, please don't fall again. I cannot bear it if he falls again.

He just needs to get up.

Oh! Unbelievable.

Awww, bless his cherry-picking socks.

Oh, it's another ladder now.

John must have been destroyed by all this climbing. It's the Snowflakes.

Very, very few people have ever made it over these...

Oh, no!

No!

-Oh!

-Heartbreaking. A final climb to the finish podium for John.

He knows this isn't good.

This has got to hurt.

This is brave.

05:01 is the time to beat.

Oh, John. How are you doing, my darling?

-Can I do it again?

-the determination in you to succeed was next to none.

-Thank you, Amanda.

I can tell you that you did that in a very fruity time of 05:01.

We've got Mica up next, but yours is still the time to beat, John!

-OK, OK, I'll sit down.

-Take a deep breath. Let's watch. Come on.

So Mica is the next to fly.

The finish line's in sight, and I'm sprinting towards it!

Ooh!

And there she goes...

Great dive from this Welsh athlete.

Aah!

Did you hear that little squeak, like a mouse? Eek!

So 05:01 is the target. Mica quickly to the North Pole.

Now, let's see if she can do this in 11.8 seconds, eh, John?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

On to the Icy Stairs.

Now, Mica's athleticism should help her here.

Ooh!

On to the second set...there she goes.

-Come on. You can do this.

-Motivational talk there.

Mica slower than John at this point.

-Come on, Mica!

-Come on, Mica!

Nearly at the Summit.

Well, she's steadily reached the top.

Bit of jiggling. Now for the tricky descent.

-Aah!

-Ooh...

-Squeaker Mica.

Just one more jump to the Ice Picks.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Yes...

-Come on, Mica!

Past the first.

-Screaming...

-Come on, Mica!

And the second.

Oh! She's been hit!

But Mica has stayed on. Now for the all-important jump onto the Frightcicles.

-Oh, Mica!

-Go, Mica!

-What is she doing?

-Aah!

-Picking her moment...

-I can't...

-You can!

-I can't do it!

-Yes, you can! You can do it!

You can do it.

She did it!

Brave. Mica is at The Middle.

Running. And she's made it past the Frightcicles.

And that's brought her some valuable seconds back.

The Impossible Snowflakes now. Oh, no! Living up to their name.

Mica didn't even get a grip on that snow-covered flake.

It's a swim to the finish podium now.

And then a climb.

And if Mica makes it to the top in one go, she will have beaten John.

Come on, Mica!

And she has, in 4:29. Mica's is now the time to beat.

-Mica, my lovely, lovely girl, how are you feeling, darling?

-A bit wet!

-Were you a little bit petrified out there?

-Just a tad, yeah.

Well, listen, you needed a personal best in order to beat John,

-who was absolutely great.

-Yeah.

And you've done it, Mica. You were faster! Sorry, John.

CHEERING

-You weren't expecting that, were you?

-No.

Ross is up next. Let's watch.

He is just about to be fired.

-This is for you, my baby boy. See you soon.

-It's Ross not fired.

Wow! Terrifying start.

This looks quick straight away from Ross.

There he goes with his little legs!

Steadies himself now for the Icy Stairs.

-He's on.

-Hurling himself on the first obstacle.

And he's onto the second.

Now the third. Hold on, Ross, hold on!

Oh, no, he has fallen.

And with that tumble, Ross is going to have to attempt the stairs again.

We're joining Ross at the second attempt now.

Ross was the fastest in the qualifiers

so if anyone can pull this back, it's him.

He's making those look easy now.

Straight onto the Ice Picks.

Suddenly in control again.

Timing.

Oh, no! No! Disaster!

It's that third pick that seems to get them every time.

So it's a climb back up the ladder.

Oh, he's struggling.

Come on, Ross!

-These are the hardest stairs to get up. Get up, get up, get up!

-Come on!

-Oh, no!

-Oh, no!

It looks like Ross just ran out of energy.

ROSS ROARS

This is heartbreaking. Ross keeps falling off.

As the minutes tick by, his challenge is over.

-Come on, Ross!

-No!

-Come on, Ross!

-But you've got to give it to him, he just keeps on going.

-That's some determination right there.

-Wow.

CROWD: Come on, Rossy! Come on, Rossy!

I can hardly watch.

Come on, Ross.

Concentration, it's every ounce of strength he has left.

Look at that! He's made it.

It took nearly four minutes to get up those stairs, but he made it.

Wow.

He's still going. He was not going to give up.

Just stayed on there. Come on, Ross!

Oh, no! No! Poor Ross.

This really hasn't been his day.

Obviously, Ross's challenge has long gone, but he keeps going.

On the Snowflakes.

Off the Snowflakes. He's fallen again.

The steely nerve and determination. How brave is Ross?

One final climb now.

I hope he brings his ordeal to an end with one attempt here.

And he has. 9:13, but he did it and you've got to admire that.

What a hero!

Ross, come on out here, my darling. Oh, my goodness.

Ross, Mica, I said tonight that this was going to be an emotional night

and I'll tell you what, I was not wrong.

That was THE most incredible, the bravest,

the most determined run I have ever seen.

But there can only be one Winter Wipeout champion.

And Ross, I'm afraid you just weren't quick enough.

Mica, you are the Winter Wipeout champion!

So after that epic Wipeout Zone,

Welsh athlete Mica Moore takes the gold.

It's actually not gold, it's kind of silvery in colour.

Nevertheless, it's hers, along with the £10,000 prize.

Some people are going to say,

"Will there ever be another Winter Wipeout champion again?"

And to them I say,

yes, obviously, about this time next week when there'll be a bit of this.

Some of this.

And then this guy will win.

Yeah. So until then, from Amanda and me, it's goodbye.

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