Episode 8 Winter Wipeout

The world today is a serious place today, these days.

It's at times like these we all need to look at funny, wintery things.

Like animals getting lost on the black run,

snowmen on their lunch break,

and Eddie the Eagle practising for the Winter Olympics.

And then, of course, there's Winter Wipeout. 20 everyday Brits,

including a factory worker, a barrister and a fish finger,

are pitting their wits against the most wintery of obstacle courses.

One will win £10,000, and a trophy.

The rest will leave with nothing but frostbite.

Let the flurry of falls begin!

Welcome to Winter Wipeout.

So far this series, there's nothing in here by the way, it's empty,

nearly 150 people have tackled the Winter Wipeout course.

Now that is a lot. In fact, I've calculated that's almost

half the population of Great Britain.

So, to anyone watching who hasn't been yet, find your passport,

pack your suitcase and pay close attention cos you're probably next.

I mean, just tea would be nice.

Today's course runs like this. The Qualifier, chillin' like Bob Dylan.

Ski Lift, snowy, like David Bowie.

Winter Blunderland, icy and dicey like AC/Dicey!

And the Wipeout Zone. Terrifying, like, um, Jedward!

Remember, this is Winter Wipeout, so pack some winter clothing.

I've got this hat and a warming cup of unbranded meat extract drink.

It's still empty to be honest. Over now to Amanda Byram.

I wonder what she's drinking.

It'll be unbranded meat extract drink with an umbrella in it.

Her and her fancy ways!

Now, I've heard that Essex is full of spray tans, fake eyelashes,

-they even have a different language. Lucy, is that right?

-Shu'up!

-Are you a real Essex girl then, Lucy?

-Yeah, nails, bit of fake tan.

-And you look absolutely gorgeous.

-Shu'up!

How are you going to get around this wintery beast?

Well, I do a bit of gym, do a bit of cheerleading,

so hopefully that's going to help me get through it.

Ah, a cheerleader. Impressive. Spinning round and round.

Just like today's first obstacle, the Candy Hoops.

She's off. 18 year-old Lucy

is a gymnastic coach.

Her favourite bit is tumbling.

A-agh!

Ah, handy.

Shu'u-up!

Classic mistake here. Lucy forgot to let go of the Candy Hoop.

Wardrobe malfunction.

OK, second set of hoops.

And she's...

she's sort of doing it.

She has to pass through the hoop.

Or...that's allowed. That is allowed.

Oh, Lucy!

The next obstacle is Granny's House.

Granny's so old, there's a rumour she's Medieval, or maybe just evil!

Lucy's still smiling.

It's the first rule of cheerleading club.

Oh, poor Lucy!

Nothing to cheer about there.

Lucy's refusing to stay down,

but her pants are refusing to stay up.

She's spotted Tevez the dog.

She didn't spot that!

Lucy!

Time to get things going, now.

Give me a B.

Give me an A. Give me an L.

Give me another L. Give me an S...there's no room for the S.

That always happens.

Lucy approaches the Big Red Balls,

still having a few issues with her pants.

Wow!

Quite literally the bounciest thing I've ever seen!

She's really bringing cheerleading razzmatazz to the Big Red Balls.

That looked like fun.

Another quick pants check. All present and correct.

Just one obstacle to go.

The Toast Rack. Beware that marmalade.

Lucy choosing her moment.

OK, it's not dainty, but it's effective.

Second slice of toast now.

Not getting an easy ride there!

But this is looking good.

One last pant adjustment, and she's done it!

Lucy and her troublesome pants

finish in 3 minutes and 30 seconds!

Oh, my word! This is Tony. Yeah, more of him later.

Today's next contestant to take on the Qualifier is Mikey.

He's a barrister. A barista? They charge you a lot for coffee!

This is Phil. Phil's also a "barista," but a posh legal one.

Some pronounce that "barrister."

Now, are you a super-athletic legal eagle, Phil?

-Do I look like a super-athletic legal eagle, Amanda?

-Yes, M'lud(!)

Can he send me to jail?

So, Mikey on the Candy Hoops.

This guy loves disco,

he's been UK dance champion three times.

Oh, fancy footwork!

This guy's actually good.

A lot of Mikey's friends think he's camp.

Can't see it myself, really.

How will cappuccino loving Mikey

fare at Granny's house?

Come on, Mikey, time to man up!

I think he might have got de-manned, there!

Mikey just got served one of Granny's cappuccinos,

with extra froth.

As a barrister,

Phil is used to dealing with unsavoury characters,

which is good cos Granny's as mean as they come.

Oh, ah! Oh!

-Oh, he's hit the bar!

-Quite literally.

Time for Camp-uccino Mikey to man up!

A-a-a-a-agh!

Oh, lord! And he's doing it in style(!)

Now, how will he do on the Big Red Balls?

He's giving it full beans there.

And he gets a little bump and grind.

Some amazing leg work from this coffee grinding dance champion.

Phil, by contrast, is upstanding,

reserved, dignified.

What's he doing here?

Did he not read the form? Here he goes.

Moves straight from Exhibit A to Exhibit B.

And then rests his case.

That's three legal terminology metaphors for you in a row!

Back to Camp-uccino Mikey on the Toast Rack.

He's steaming over this Qualifier.

One more jump and he'll have done it.

Come...wow!

2 minutes and 6 seconds.

he's given the Qualifier a roasting!

Meanwhile, No Win No Phil

is almost two minutes behind.

Give him his due, he's still composed,

which is good.

All right, the jury's out.

-He's not composed.

-Jury's back in again!

Come on, Phil.

The 12-man jury believes you can do this!

Oh, excellent work!

Jump!

How do I find the defendant? Wet and slow.

This is Mumtaz. She's a fifth dan black belt in jiu-jitsu.

I'm going to show you that the female of the species

is more deadly than the male!

I've got two daughters,

I learned that a long time ago.

Mumtaz has been teaching martial arts

for more than ten years,

and is about to unleash...

er, that's Yahtzee!

Mumtaz got mullered by a Candy Hoop there.

Let's see you sushi roll, Mumtaz!

Time to show these hoops who's...master.

Mumtaz has Candy Hoop Four

in a sophisticated sparring hold.

That's what's going on. Deadly.

Any minute, she could kill it.

Time to show us how deadly

the female of the species really is.

Hang on, Granny's female too. This could turn nasty.

Ouch, oh! Oh!

Who'd have thought Granny would be a match for a jiu-jitsu teacher?

I'd imagine, as a fifth dan black belt,

Deadly Mumtaz spends her time

leaping across rooftops.

She is struggling with the stairs here.

Trying to use some sort

of death grip on the stair.

Let's come back to Deadly Mumtaz. Whoa! Who's this speedy guy?

It's Mark, and he's, well, he's fast.

Mark's an ee-thesist! An-an-an-aneisth...

oh, he puts people to sleep!

That'll wake him up. There you go!

There's Mark in his neethetist gear!

And that's him neethetised!

Mark-o-leptic to the second set of Hoops.

Oh! Bad. Bad!

Ooh, it's going to be numb after this.

The Candy Hoops

are dishing out discomfort today.

That was just plain unlucky.

MUSIC: "Insomnia" by Faithless

With a bit of luck, it's nap time for Granny.

No, wide awake as always.

Mark-o-leptic really did get a large dose of Granny's baked Alaska there.

In the face.

But it's a new dawn, and a new obstacle.

It's time for the Big Red Balls.

Wake up and jump!

He's going to do it!

Aagh!

-Aagh!

-Aagh!

-Aagh!

-Oh!

-Aagh!

-Uh!

-Ow?

-Aagh!

Mark-o-leptic's pushing through.

One more obstacle to go.

Only the fastest 12 qualify

for the next round.

Come on, Mark. Hurry. Yes, scamper!

I'm going to be generous and say "Well done!"

That's it, you can do it.

And he has done it!

Mark-o-leptic sleepwalks his way round.

Time for a nap. Knock yourself out,

you must have something.

It's Deadly Mumtaz again.

Is the female of the species

more deadly than the Toast Rack?

That is the question.

I'm not going to lie,

I did expect more from Deadly Mumtaz,

but the Qualifier has had years of training.

Come on, Mumtaz!

Do a jiu-jitsu... thing.

MUSIC: "Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas

Or you could just fall off.

Let's leave Mumtaz there.

Mr Mop and I have been practising our own martial arts skills,

and I'm pretty handy!

Ready? Watch this. Wax-on, wax-off! Ah, come on!

You can't just attack like that! I wasn't ready!

This is Millie, and like Mumtaz and myself,

Millie is no stranger to the world of martial arts.

I've been kickboxing for six years. Got my black belt in January.

-Did you bring your black belt?

-I didn't. I should have done.

Bring your black belt skills with you, Millie?

-Who-o-oa!

-Whoa!

MUSIC: "I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly

I got it! I got it! Mine! Hmm.

Got your microphone, Amanda! It's here.

-Oh, no!

-Mic-Launcher Millie to the Big Balls.

She's probably the first person

to launch a microphone over the Andes.

Can she succeed where others have failed?

-Oh, oh!

-That's it, Millie.

Looking good. Oh, steady.

I've got that funny feeling.

Could Millie be the first

to make it over the ba...no.

Ohhhh!

Never mind.

She did that microphone kick and no-one can take that away from her.

Onto the Toast Rack.

This is looking like a pretty good time.

Trouble with the second slice. She's over.

Jump the pole!

Here we go. Oh, no!

That was unlucky! Still, pretty good run.

Let's take a look at the leaderboard.

Camp-u-ccino Mikey steams into 1st place with Mic-Launcher Millie

and Lucy and her troublesome pants in 2nd and 3rd.

Mark-o-leptic's in 4th.

No Win No Phil in 5th and Deadly Mumtaz takes 6th.

14 competitors still to come.

Time for a newsflash. This is Liz, a newsreader who can dance.

Just like Angela Rippon.

That's the first hoop hooped!

Second is, oh! Oh, no!

She's not letting go.

Updated breaking news, Liz almost fell off!

She's like Kirsty Wark

in the centre of a story

that's about to break any moment now.

Or any moment now.

Now. Now.

How about now?

How about now?

Now!

OK, now. Oh...!

Look at her go! She's like Huw Edwards

at the BBC Christmas party. You had to see it.

Liz has made it to Granny's House.

With a smile like that,

she should be doing telly.

Maybe not so much any more.

That really is breaking news.

Let's look at that again. And maybe again?

Yeah, maybe just quickly again?

And a quickfire montage?

Possibly just once more. Thank you.

This being the BBC,

I can't mention the station Liz reads the news on,

but she loves it with all her "heart."

OK, OK, it's, it's Heart FM!

And Liz FM's stopped smiling. I think we may have broken the news.

And finally, a snowboarding tortoise.

And that's the news.

Remember Tony? Well, there'll be even more of him later on.

I can't wait(!)

I'm not exactly sure how to handle the next three contestants

at the Winter Wipeout Qualifier.

Asad, Moh and Zee. I take it you three actually know each other?

-Pals.

-We love each other.

-Yeah, br-rap!

-We're like brothers.

Oh, that is beautiful. Look. I want to be in their gang!

What are you, brothers? Are you a boy band?

Are you in some kind of cult?

We're like one better than Jedward, yeah.

Moh, Asad and Zee met at university and formed the Don Squad.

I don't really know what that is.

I'm going to impress that guy from Top Gear.

He's going to be like, "Hey, Don Asad, come here!

"Cos I want to kiss your rear!" Pow!

I've gone off them, badly.

Look at Moh go!

The Don Squad have come on Winter Wipeout

to show the world how awesome they are.

Pretty impressive so far.

Ooh, hello. Moh is quick.

Zee now. Oh...

-Oh, dear.

-Oh!

Poor old Zee got harassed by a hoop.

Zee!

Don Moh's an accountant.

He didn't count on that though!

Don Asad's turn.

Time to be awesome. Oh, going for a ride

on the spinner.

Don Zee picked a perfect time

to do his shoelaces up.

Big Balls. Don Moh.

An awesome opportunity

for awesomeness. Oh, yes!

Oh, yeah, inhaling water, flailing arms, it's all very, very awesome.

Don Zee seems to have forgotten

this is a race.

Letting the Don Squad down a bit.

Oh-ho-ho!

Yeah.

Granny really doesn't like timewasters.

Back to Don Moh now, on the Toast Rack. Oh!

Don Asad's getting thrown about.

Can Don Moh make the final jump?

Oh, no. No. That didn't work.

Mmm, less awesome, more awful!

Zee's struggling with the Travellator.

How's he going to find the Big Balls?

Oh, pretty tricky.

Don Asad now. Just one leap to...oh!

Well Don Moh finishes with an awesome time

and appears to have lost half his shorts.

Medium Don Asad finishes

in 3 minutes 44.

And Over-Don Zee hasn't finished.

You all right, Zee?

I love you, Amanda.

I love you, too.

I love you more.

Is dinner ready? All right.

I love you, Amanda. I'm coming to marry you!

Um, Zee...apart from being the cutest,

-you were actually the slowest so far!

-Natural Born Winner(!)

I want to thank everybody at home for supporting me!

Believe it or not,

this lady is called Dawn French.

So, can she be as funny...

Oh, Dawn!

..as the real Dawn French?

Oh yeah. Yeah, she can.

It appears everyone who's called Dawn French is funny.

Not every Dawn French used to be a body builder like this Dawn French.

Oh, well Dawn! Well Dawn!

Dawn French 2 may be 51,

but she's muscling over the Toast Rack.

One little bit to go, Dawn. You can do it!

Yeah, come on Dawn French 2.

She's getting bounced about a bit.

But she's still there.

This is nail biting.

She's up on her feet. She's on her feet.

Yes, what a classy finish!

Oh, no! Ooh!

Just like Dawn French 1, Dawn French 2 can't resist

throwing in a little bit of slapstick. Maybe that was it.

MUSIC: "Three Steps To Heaven" by Eddie Cochran

Technically I make that nine steps to heaven.

I live in a bungalow. We don't have any stairs. Just not used to them.

Oh, hello! This is our most height...ily challenged competitor.

It's Edward.

I might be small but I'm going to go through them all,

because I am the Pocket Rocket! Come on!

Anyway, off he rockets, powerfully.

44 year-old Edward is 5 foot 1,

and those hoops are the size of Polo mints,

so this is good stuff. He's onto the third.

He's not giving up, he's hanging on.

Still hanging on in there.

Look at him go!

Yeah, still hanging in there.

This is amazing determin...ah!

Ed's from Skelmersdale, and does his talking with his fists.

Little Ed to the Big Red Balls.

He's over the first, onto the second.

He's made it to the third,

I love it when this happens.

Calm down, calm down, calm down!

Can he do it? Come on, Ed! Come on! Yes!

There is nothing small about this man,

heightily-challenged folk of the world,

we have a new champion.

Just the Toast Rack to go.

The Pocket Rocket is getting knocked about,

but he's still standing, is he? Yes he is.

Onto the second. Ohh! And...oh!

That means Ed must undertake

a heightily-challenged swim to the stairs.

Heightily Challenged Ed

finishes in a fantastic

two minutes 32, and that is quick!

You were not wrong when you said you were a little pocket rocket.

That was absolutely brilliant!

Oh! Gave it a blast. That's what we're here for.

-Got the Balls, didn't I, so...

-You got the Big Red Balls!

Well done, you!

Yorkshire grit! Yorkshire! Yorkshire! Yorkshire! Yorkshire!

Yorkshire! Yorkshire!

-Is he from Yorkshire?

-Err, yeah.

Tony's a factory worker,

from Yorkshire, like he said.

There's some Yorkshire grit

in that Argentinian water now.

That'll hurt somebody's feet if they tread on it.

Gritty Tony's back for the second set.

AMANDA LAUGHS

Come on, Tony.

Granny is partial to a Yorkshire pudding.

Not sure where she stands

on Yorkshire grit.

That's cleared it up. She doesn't like it.

Oh, no!

But Tony's not whingeing.

You all right, Tony?

He's all right, Amanda. He's just lost his grit.

Oh, that is a glorious sight. I mean the humanity on display, obviously.

I'm not even looking. My eyes are now shut.

I'm right here with you, Tony.

Yeah, right here. As in,

miles away from that rabid dog

just in front of you.

Come on. Be careful of the dog.

-Aww, Tony wins.

-That's it. Well done.

Prepares for Granny's Back Door.

Oh, I hope that didn't connect with his nose.

Oh, it did. Nasty.

Let's come back to Tony.

Now, this is Tracy from Surrey, and this is Rebecca from Carrickfergus.

Unfortunately Tracy and Rebecca have made one enormous faux-pas.

They've both turned up in Argentina wearing the same outfit!

Embarrassing or what? So this is war!

Rebecca's out to show that she pulls off

the satsuma top and black cycling shorts

better than Tracy.

Stylish(!)

Tracy's turn to show that this ensemble

looks more stylish on the more mature lady.

Yeah, she just got pushed off by a pie.

The fashion war moves onto the Toast Rack.

Rebecca is rocking that look,

and just...rocking.

Yeah. Oh...

..leaps to the second.

Come on, Rebecca. Nearly there.

Oh, yes!

The fashion war may still be underway,

but Rebecca's won the time battle.

Tracy is a little slower,

but she's looking classy.

Those black cycling shorts

suit her eye colour.

I declare this fashion war a draw,

cos I don't know what I'm talking about.

Ah, remember this guy?

Professor Spiegel-HALT!

It's Professor Spiegelhalter OBE, from the first episode

of Winter Wipeout. And this is his daughter, Kate.

Your dad was really good at adding stuff up.

What is it that you studied that's going to help you out there today?

I'm doing a PhD in Happiness.

Wow, a PhD in Happiness?

That sounds amazing! You study being happy?

And there she is being happy!

Basically, I'm going to show you what it's made of today.

Dr Happiness begins.

Hoop One, first of all.

Is she really doing a PhD in Happiness?

Improve people's happiness

through behavioural economics.

Let's just run with happy.

It's a PhD in Happiness.

She'll be less happy now. She won't be happy with that.

But even while subjected to mild peril, she is still smiling.

That's what doctors of happiness are trained to do.

Will some of her happiness rub off on Granny?

The old lady's not for turning.

Kate's from Brighton and has been

running on the beach to make sure she's fit

to take on the Big Red Balls. Here she goes.

Oh-ho! That made everyone happy!

It works. She's good at this.

Kate's dad finished the in 3 minutes 17.

Can Kate beat his time? Looking good so far.

If she does, it'll prove that being happy

is more important than being ridiculously brainy.

Over the first slice.

-Come on, Kate!

-Onto the second slice.

She's over.

This is a fantastic day for happiness.

They do say that happiness

is the most important thing in life.

Come on, Kate! Come on! Yes! Come on, Kate!

Oh! I'm so happy(!)

Dr Happiness completes the Qualifier

40 seconds quicker than her dad.

Happy days! I'm all glowy inside.

It's time for our happy leaderboard.

Ecstatic in 1st place is Camp-uccino Mikey.

Overjoyed in 4th is Dr Happiness herself.

And flushed with endorphins in 7th is Lucy

and her troublesome pants.

Mildly merry in 10th is Mark-o-leptic,

with Dawn French II hanging on in 12th.

Seriously, I've never been so happy.

Happiness gets you a long way in life.

But if you want to get noticed in life you'll need to invent

something momentous and then name it after yourself.

Thank you Mr Corby, and your trouser flattening device.

Or, alternatively, you can apply for Winter Wipeout

and do something utterly ridiculous. That'll get you noticed.

Paul from Brighton works in finance.

Sally from Edinburgh's a ballet teacher.

And Katie's a fish finger from Grimsby.

See, you've certainly noticed them!

You've not met a fish finger before, then?

No! I have never met a fish finger before!

I have. Long story.

Battered Katie on the hoops.

Fish finger and spaghetti hoops. Yum.

Wow! Katie's amazing!

When Sally's not gathering nectar or teaching ballet,

she's a student in human biology.

Granny won't be amused by the bee costume,

but then, she hasn't smiled since 1935,

which is the year she was born.

Sally, past Tevez the dog.

The door's got her! So often the way. Oh!

Here comes Battered Katie.

Whoa!

Right in the deep fat fryer!

Fish fingers and pie for a dessert. Mmm.

Paul's demonstrated how flexible he is.

Can he dodge Granny's man traps?

No. No, clearly not.

This could be difficult.

Tevez loves fish fingers.

-No, he couldn't resist.

-Oh, no!

Busy Bee Sally braces herself

for the Big Balls.

Ah, no. Wet wings!

Here's Bendable Paul on the Toast Rack.

Some involuntary contortion going on.

Jumps over the windmill.

Careful, careful!

Still on for a good time, though.

Katie's in the middle of the Toast Rack.

-Mmm, fish finger toasty!

-You all right, Katie?

That Toast Rack is having fun with Katie,

showing real backbone. She's staying.

Oh, careful! Stand up!

I've never seen a fish finger

with so much determination.

Or a backbone. That'd be terrible.

Getting yourself noticed works.

Bendable Paul's 3 minutes 8,

Battered Katie's 3 minutes 21,

and Busy Bee Sally's 3 minutes 29,

means they're all through to the next round.

Today's next contestant is somewhat magical.

The only way to greet a wizard is to summon him with a wand.

So here goes. Winter Wipeout-iamus!

-What makes you so magical?

-If I could use that, behind your ear.

Have I used that coin, is that OK, if I use this?

I keep a spare one up my nose. There you go.

Urgh, what dark arts were at work there?

Anyway, 19 year-old Dan sets off!

I'm a fan of magic. This should be good.

Magic!

Oh! Oooh, wow!

What a trick.

Did he really go in the water, though?

Haven't got a clue how he did that!

Alaka-Dan's lost his shoes.

That's going to be tricky.

Oh, hello! He's made them reappear again.

Now that is magic! That bit isn't.

Alaka-Dan took a real hit there, and look, he's lost another shoe.

I wonder if he'll magic that one back?

Yep, he can! He's good!

I don't know how he's doing that.

I've seen David Blaine stand in a box

but that's boring. This is better.

Look, there they are, on his feet.

Keep your eyes on them.

Here we go. Yep, they're both gone!

There they are, both of them falling off straight into the water.

Now, keep your eyes on his hands. And he'll magic them back again.

Oh, that is good!

He must have some sort of magic pocket.

Or he's using mirrors.

He's onto the second slice

of the Toast Rack. Can he make it across?

Come on Magic Dan! One more jump.

One final trick and you are there!

Yes! What a performance.

Just magic, and a weird shoe thing

going on the whole time.

I love magic so much now, I'm giving it a go myself.

Are you ready, Monkey? OK, when I say, go.

Three, this is a serious trick, two, it's very gritty!

One, stop! Stop! Wait.

I forgot about Gritty Tony from Yorkshire, didn't I?

Let's pause the trick until he's finished, OK?

Don't worry! You'll get your moment.

There he is, at t't Balls!

Oh, come on, Tony!

(YORKSHIRE ACCENT) When I were a lad,

them balls were twice the size,

and t't water was made of poison!

Anyway, here comes Gritty Tony!

Ouch!

Gritty stuff! I love this guy!

Tony hauls himself to the final obstacle.

He's been training for months

so he can show his mates

that he can do this,

and clearly he can, cos he is!

Come on, Tony! You can do this!

Get onto the Toast Rack!

Come on, come on!

Yes! He may not be the quickest,

but who cares? This is about more

than just times and trophies.

This is about pride. Yorkshire pride.

And that is why you are Gritty Tony.

Come on, Tony!

Channel that Yorkshire grit!

Do it for Sheffield! Do it for Leeds!

Do it for Halifax!

Do it for Pateley Bridge!

He's on the last obstacle. Come on!

Oh, no, no! You're all right!

Come on, Gritty Tone! Finish it, man!

One more jump,

and you won't just be gritty,

you will be legendary...

and gritty.

Nearly there.

It's been a long road. He's trained hard.

Travelled halfway round the world.

But time now

for the biggest journey of all.

Yes!

That'll do, Tony! That'll do!

I've only gone and done it!

He's only gone and done it!

Yorkshire! Yorkshire!

He may not have made the Ski Lift.

But there are 12 contestants who have.

Alaka-Dan pulls it out of the hat

and takes pole position with Camp-uccino Mikey in 2nd.

Heightily Challenged Ed is in 4th,

Mic-Launcher Millie's high-kicked it into 7th,

whilst Medium Don Asad just scrapes through in 12th.

Hello. Monkey's gone for his tea break

and I can't reach the latch from the inside.

No, there's no way. I'll just try the magic words. Boxus openus!

No. Nothing. It's time for the Ski Lift now,

but first let's say goodbye to the losers. Hello, anyone?

MUSIC: "When Will I See You Again" by the Three Degrees

I love you, Amanda! I'm coming to marry you.

Ski Lift is a simple game on paper.

12 competitors, 12 wobbly platforms, 12 handles.

Two giant sweeping ski poles, and thousands of troublesome snowflakes.

Fall in the icy water, you're out.

Be one of the last five hanging and you're through to the next round.

-That's it. Rules done.

-Now, I'm often told that Ski Lift is too hard

and scary for the contestants. I get that. But I don't care!

Spin 'em faster, I say!

Are you all ready?

ALL: Yes!

Three, two, one!

A quick reminder of who'll be holding on for dear life

on the Ski Lift today. There's Alaka-Dan,

Camp-uccino Mikey,

Well Don Moh

and Heightily Challenged Ed.

I know I'm not tall, but I'm not the smallest of all,

and hopefully I'll beat them all! Come on!

Then Dr Happiness.

I was top of the girls. Now I'm going to be on top of the world!

Next, Fashion Clash Rebecca,

Mic-Launcher Millie,

Bendable Paul

and Battered Katie.

The breadcrumbs are off, I'm ready to get battered again! Come on!

And finally, Busy Bee Sally,

Lucy and her troublesome pants,

and Medium Don Asad.

Last time I got through by the skin of my teeth.

Now I want to re-establish I'm the Don to beat! Get in there!

There's no turning back now!

That's because the Ski Lift has only got one working gear,

and that's top!

And the sweeping ski poles begin!

And they're off!

Here comes Katie. She's hanging on with her fish fingers.

Oh, that's a bit fishy!

The last five hanging will progress to the next round.

No fallers yet.

Katie's coming back round. Oh, and she's down!

The fish in me wanted to get back in the water. It's where we belong!

One down, 11 still hanging.

Frostbite probably setting in round about now!

Those giant ski poles are getting ever higher.

Here's Moh! Whoa!

I'm hoping Asad does it for the Don Squad. He deserves to.

I'm hoping that he'll bring it back for us.

Oh, that's a shocker! The fastest Don's gone!

So, just ten now.

Oh, and Rebecca's down too!

Fashion Clash Rebecca's just had a clash with the Sweeper...and lost.

You have to have upper body strength. Just didn't have it.

That's a real whack!

The Ski Lift has already claimed three victims.

Those ski poles are above waist height

and the blizzard's getting pretty thick out there now.

-Magic! Make it rain!

-I think you'll find that's actually snow, Dan.

Not the easiest of conditions, but they're all faring pretty well.

It's amazing what £10,000 will do for motivation.

So, who's going to be next to join the fallen?

Oh, blimey. Who was that?

Oh!

Oh no, it's Lucy and her troublesome pants!

I just got absolutely...gone!

Like...gone!

Probably a good job she changed out of those pants,

cos I doubt they would have stayed on with a whack like that.

That would have been awkward.

Back to the action. Bendable Paul keeping his bendable legs

out of the way of those ski poles. Busy Bee Sally in a spin.

And she's out! Ohh!

If I can find a man that can wipe me off my feet like that can,

I'll be one happy girl!

Me too! No, not a...no, I meant I'd be happy for you!

Um...there are still seven hanging on.

Camp-uccino Mikey, Dr Happiness, Alaka-Dan,

Medium Don Asad,

Heightily Challenged Ed,

Mic-Launcher Millie and Bendable Paul.

Now remember, only five can go through to Winter Blunderland.

Oh, and Dr Happiness is out! She is not going through.

It's chaos up there! Came out of nowhere. Got me in the chest.

Smacked in.

Five guys and one girl left up there.

No-one wants to be the next faller.

A-a-agh! Ohh!

Oh, no! It's Millie!

Mic-Launcher Millie with a last hurrah for the girls!

I went out in the second round!

Oh, Millie!

Oh, and Asad has gone! What a hit! Another Don bites the dust,

but this Don's still in the competition

as he's scraped into the final five.

Which means it's now Dan, Paul, Edward

and Mikey vying for the title of Last Man Hanging.

It's all for pride now.

Oh, Camp-uccino Mikey's out. Just couldn't hold onto that handle.

Three left. Alaka-Dan swinging out a long way, watch out for that! Oh!

Nothing magical about that!

Here's Edward! Ooh! He's landed on the next podium!

Incredible scenes on the Ski Lift. That was a new approach.

Didn't quite work. But Heightily Challenged Ed finishes second.

Terrific stuff.

Which means today's Last Man Hanging is Bendable Paul.

Who would've thought it? Being bendy is actually good for something.

You won't believe this,

but I managed to escape from the saw-in-half box,

and then got accidentally stuck in this straitjacket.

Just my luck! Well, I'll try and wriggle out of this

in the time it takes for Winter Blunderland. Here I go.

Wish I was a bit more bendy.

It all starts getting spinny in the Winter Whizzy.

Then in the middle there's lots of hitty, slappy and fally.

They're on the mountain top today, where these psychotic skiers

will be chucking massive ice cubes at their heads.

Last one to complete the course is out of the game.

They then do it all again, and the first three across

qualify for the Winter Wipeout Zone. Then shout "Hooray!" Then throw up.

The most joyful thing about this time of year

is trying to catch snowflakes with your tongue.

Ahhh. The second most joyful thing is watching dizzy contestants

getting pummelled with giant ice cubes. It's Winter Blunderland.

-Are you all ready?

-Yes!

-No!

Three, two, one!

So, time to unleash the mayhem!

Here's a quick reminder of who is being dizzied on the Winter Whizzy!

There's Bendable Paul.

Alaka-Dan.

Heightily Challenged Ed.

Camp-uccino Mikey.

-And Medium Don Asad.

-Get in there!

The Winter Whizzy powers down.

The seatbelt sign goes off, and they are off.

Well, Mikey's off.

Oh, and Mikey's...off!

An elaborate display of butch and camp all at the same time.

-Alaka-Dan now.

-That is magic!

Yeah, I think it is. Using magic to get to the crankshaft!

Ooh, the Don Squad is off!

Or Medium Don Asad, as he's known to everyone else.

Dan's magic Blunderland spell working well. Onto the Iceberg.

Oh dear. Ohhh!

Probably used eye of newt rather than toad in his potion.

Common magic mistake.

Oh, no, Paul's in!

He can get his leg over his head,

but can't quite get is leg over a foam-covered box thing.

That's Heightily Challenged Edward there. Nearly finished. Come on!

Come on, Edward.

And Edward is first through to the next round. Ha-ha!

-Well done!

-Will Mikey be joining him? Oh, no! Not yet, anyway.

Good technique.

Makes the jump onto the Iceberg.

And with a dramatic flourish, he is through. That did the trick.

D'oh, direct hit!

And again, on Asad. He's on the Ro-terror-tator!

Bendable Paul just got it again.

Those ice cube gentlemen really are on form today.

-Don Squad!

-Don Squad indeed! Oh!

His beard just got in the way!

I think it was his nose that got in the way there, Amanda, technically.

Ooh, Paul slips.

And Mikey takes the third spot, just one place remaining.

Will it be Paul or Asad?

Asad struggling behind. Paul's got the advantage.

Can he make it off the Ro-terror-tator to the Iceberg?

No, he can't!

Can Asad grab that final place?

He succeeds where Paul's failed, just one leap left.

And Asad and the Don Squad are still in this. Paul is out.

Paul, my man. I mean, the strength of an ox. You almost did it!

Yeah, I had half my body on the platform

but the legs went and back in the water again.

Let's talk about those legs,

the legs you're able to put behind your head!

What happened to that trick?

Oh, I needed it absolutely at that point in time, so...

All right, my darling. Go get rested. We'll see you later.

Time for another leisurely spin in the Winter Whizzy.

Ooh, this icy air really does clear the sinuses.

The perfect way to start another Winter Blunderland.

And Camp-uccino Mikey's straight out and over to the Frosty Flipper.

Edward and Asad, not so quickly.

Dan versus Mikey.

He's had 'em.

Ow! Mikey on the Crankshaft.

Mikey off the Crankshaft onto the Ro-terror-tator.

This is looking good.

He's just onto the Iceberg, now. Just, oh no! No! Not anymore.

But Alaka-Dan is showing that slow and steady could win this race!

Oh, yes!

Dan has done it. Dan is the first competitor into the Wipeout Zone.

Magic! Mikey, though, not far behind.

The next two across that finish line will be joining Dan

in the final Round.

That's it, Mikey! Come on!

Mikey could do with getting off there. Edward isn't far behind.

All right, Mikey's done it. Onto the Iceberg. Losing his grip. Oh, no!

Well, that could be it for Mikey. Edward and Asad are not far away.

And here comes Edward. Just one more leap.

And Edward is joining Dan in the Winter Wipeout Zone.

Asad's close, but having problems.

Oh, no! Don down!

Mikey really needs to seize this chance now.

That's it, Mikey! Give it one more push.

He's got to jump soon.

Asad is getting up that ladder, and looking strong still.

Mikey, onto the Iceberg. Asad's reduced to just watching.

He can only hope Mikey falls on this leap. It's his only chance.

He's done it! Mikey is through to the Wipeout Zone,

and sadly Medium Don Asad isn't.

Aw, one by one today, the Dons have dropped out. It was not meant to be

that a Don was going to make it to the Final.

I'm just glad that I'm Don Number One, who's your number one Don?

-Say it, say it.

-You're my number one Don!

-Brrrrap!

Yes, brrrrap indeed. I couldn't have put it better myself.

Now, I haven't managed to escape the straitjacket, but fear not.

Mr Monkey says he's come up with a sure fire way of getting it off.

Time to salute some of today's other heroes. This will work, won't it?

I'm in the Winter Wipeout Final! It's hilarious.

Can you describe it? No.

I'm buzzing! I'm over the moon. I can't tell you how much it feels!

I genuinely didn't anticipate this whatsoever.

-Never ever thought I would get this far.

-It's just madness.

In my 19 years of existence, this is definitely

one of the greatest experiences I've had.

Right up there at the top.

To go home and say, "I've done the Red Balls."

I'm a legend now, aren't I?

The fastest time on the Qualifier, that's a victory in itself.

I'm glad I haven't screamed...

..as much as I thought I would.

I can cope with the pressure of the Wipeout Zone. I can bring my game.

I can step it up.

I might be small in size but I bring a lot of strength and power.

Just cos I don't look like the biggest guy

doesn't mean I can't win this.

I am doing this for myself, but I'm doing it for my mum, my dad,

just so they know that I'm stronger than they thought I was.

I joke about me oldest daughter being embarrassed.

I think she'd be made up to go to school now and say

"Did everyone see me dad on telly?"

To be able to say "I won Winter Wipeout,"

it would be a tagline for life.

Second best is not an option for me tonight.

Been knocked down many times, but I'm going to try me best.

Pressing that button. That's when the magic's going to happen.

This will be the best performance of my life.

Just bring it on, see what happens and may the best man win.

Alakazam!

It just means that I can prove to people

I'm not just Michael from Birmingham that makes coffee.

Icy thrills, icy spills, icy chills. That's a lot of ice.

It must be the Winter Wipeout Zone, and Mikey is the first to brave it.

I'm going to need a coffee after this. Amanda, get one ready!

Yeah, and me. Two sugars, please.

Superb nose-holding in tremendously difficult circumstances there.

I'd have forgotten. Could have come off or anything!

Camp-uccino Mikey begins

his Winter Wipeout Zone,

with no water up his nose.

Come on, Mikey!

First obstacle is

the Slippery North Pole.

Although his wetsuit appears to be shrinking,

the North Pole seems to present no problem!

Next, the Icy Stairs, and...wow! Wow!

-What?!

-That was incredible!

Ohhh, my goodness.

Mikey is refusing to get jolted off.

He has cruised across the Icy Stairs.

Ice Picks next. Past one, past...no, no!

Mikey's in! Oh, Mikey's in! That looked so strong!

Picked off by Pick Two, but this is still a very fast time so far.

He's straight back up

and ready for the Fright-cicles.

Come on, Mikey!

Yes, yes! Come on!

Ye-e-es, timed that perfectly.

Waits for the gangway to line up.

And he's done it.

Just the Impossible Snowflakes.

This is impressive.

Mikey clambers onto

the first Impossible Snowflake.

He jumps. Oh, this is incredible!

Can he do the impossible?

Wow, just wow!

That is the fastest time this series!

And probably ever!

Well, Mikey had set a hugely impressive benchmark,

lightning fast on the stairs and he beat the Snowflakes.

Oh, my goodness! That was amazing!

I'm just so happy!

That...was amazing! Amazing!

You might be over the moon, you were also over that course

in a very, very fast one minute and 48 seconds.

Listen, it was fantastic. Yours is the time to beat.

-But Edward is up next. Ready?

-I'm ready.

-Let's watch.

To me wife and kids, I love ya and I'll try my best for ya.

Oh, sweet! And us. Try for us as well.

And the Pocket Rocket gets launched!

Heightily Challenged Ed

breaks the water with his face,

and heads for the North Pole.

Unfortunately, he has to beat

Mikey's incredible one minute 48,

and that is no mean feat.

The crowd are right behind him.

At the Pole, can't afford

to hang around long.

-All right, come on.

-Come on, Eddie!

Onto the second, keep moving.

That shaking does not make it easy

but having no problems so far.

Onto the highest. Oh, no!

Yes, onto the highest step.

It's all downhill from here.

But for your slow descent,

another rapid one into that water.

Oh, that step is buffeting him around.

This is tough.

Made it onto the final one.

Come on, Ed! Come on!

Oh, not good, not good!

Oh, this is amazing!

He really needs to storm across these.

Ohhhh!

ALL: Ohhhhh!

The seconds continually ticking away,

but if anyone's proved he's fast today, it is this Pocket Rocket.

He might just do it yet.

Fright-cicles, next.

He could do without the wait here.

Come on, Edward. Come on.

Go, go, go, go!

Yes, he's in the centre.

Yes, great. Come on, Ed! Move!

Look at the clock, it's all too late.

But he's onto the Impossible Snowflakes.

Oh, no!

Heightily Challenged Ed has really gone for it all day.

He's done his family proud.

It's the final climb

for Heightily Challenged Ed.

The crowd want him to win

almost as much as he wants to himself.

And there we are.

Time for Amanda to break the news.

Look at the steely determination on your face. How are you feeling, Ed?

Absolutely done in!

Brilliant experience.

Absolutely fantastic.

Oh, listen. You were absolutely fantastic, Eddie.

That was a mighty performance from you out there.

But I've got to tell you, it wasn't big enough I'm afraid.

Mikey was faster. Eddie, I'm sorry. But well done you, good job.

Mikey, you know what this means!

Oh, here we go.

Dan is next to go, let's watch.

It's time to sprinkle some magic on this bad boy.

He'll have to pull something special out of his magic hat

to beat Mikey's 1 minute 48 Winter Wipeout record.

Here we go.

Straight in.

Could this be magic?

Alaka-Dan didn't drown

so maybe he's a witch? I don't know.

No, a duck. Don't know how it works.

Dan knows nothing

about Mikey's spectacular time.

Needs to go as quickly as he can.

Comfortably conquers the North Pole.

Icy Stairs now. Mikey sprinted up these,

so Dan cannot afford to hang around.

This is a technique. And it's working.

Never seen this done.

Getting bumped a bit on his way down.

It's...oh! Oooh! Hanging on!

He jumps and makes it!

Icy Picks. Trying to outwit them.

This is where Mikey fell in.

Ooh, it worked, it worked.

Onto the Fright-cicle gangway.

Amazing. Great skills here.

Dan waits for the gangway to come back.

Timing it. He's across.

Mikey needs to be worried now.

This is a fantastic run!

Impossible Snowflakes.

If Dan can get across these,

he will beat Mikey's time.

Onto the first. Leaps...oh, no!

Dan's first mistake. But he's still in with a chance.

This is a breathtaking final. Staggering stuff.

He can still do this.

Look at the clock. I think he is.

Dan looks like he's going to do this!

-1 minute 34. Now that...

-Wow!

..is magic!

So, Alaka-Dan beats Camp-uccino Mikey's incredible time

by 14 seconds. Over to Amanda.

Dan, Dan, the Magic Man! Come on out, my darling.

That was pretty magical, Dan.

Thank you so much. It was a magical experience for me.

Good. I have to tell you that Mikey was equal

in the amazingness stakes here tonight.

Absolutely brilliant, both of you.

But you know that there is but one trophy to give away.

And I'm going to give it to...

Dan!

Oh, congratulations, my man!

Hard luck, Mikey!

So Alaka-Dan has conjured up victory

and is today's Winter Wipeout champion.

But more impressive than that, I escaped from the straitjacket.

How did I get out of it? Well, a great magician

never gives away his tricks.

So that's it for this week. Join me next time

when the champions and runners-up throughout the series

compete in Winter Wipeout, The Final.

Until then, and from Amanda and me...and the fire brigade,

it's goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd