Sally and Colin Don't Tell the Bride

Hold onto your hats. Don't Tell The Bride is back.

LAUGHTER What do you think?

-You look really nice.

-Do I?

Only the bravest of brides...

I'm really scared.

..would let their groom organise the biggest day of their life...

alone.

She's going to love it, but she'll probably kill me.

The grooms get £12,000...

No strippers!

..and the brides get no say in how it's spent.

With a million ways to splash the cash...

I got married on a battleship!

Black for Vegas, baby.

..and a million things to organise...

-I don't know what she wants.

-It's well stressing me out.

..can the guys pull it off in just three weeks?

I can't do it.

And will it be for better or for worse?

-After 10 minutes, I want to get it off.

-You've ripped the whole family apart!

This is hell on earth.

Tonight, joker Colin has got a sweet idea for his wedding to bride Sally.

Hello, everybody! My name is Willy Wonka.

But will he realise it's a wedding, not a kid's birthday party he's planning?

-What party is it you're going to?

-Wedding.

-Your wedding?!

You tripping? You're getting married to the girl!

Will his pranks go too far for his bride?

Is he taking the piss?

This is a disaster.

Will his chocolaty theme ultimately leave a bitter taste?

Oh, my God.

Can this man give this woman the most special day of her life?

Now I've just somehow crossed the line.

Today, 24-year-old hair stylist Sally is leaving the Manchester home

she shares with 25-year-old fiance Colin.

The fun-loving couple met in a club six years ago.

She just looked dolled up, so I thought, "Mint. I want a bit of that."

Basically.

But they're worlds apart.

We're very opposite. It's like peanut butter and jelly. We shouldn't go together but we do.

Sally grew up in the affluent Manchester suburb of Whitefield.

Mine and Colin's upbringings are totally different. Mine was a suburban family, mum and dad,

brothers and sisters, happy, like the Waltons.

It's a million miles away from Colin's childhood on the deprived estates of North Manchester.

When I was 10, my dad died. He borrowed money from the wrong people,

so basically ended up getting murdered.

It was just hard. I felt it was hard.

His life could easily have gone down the wrong path.

Used to have gang wars. Another estate would come over,

we'd cause a bit of mayhem.

But meeting Sally helped Colin turn his life around.

She helped me do my studies, and, you know, helped me finish off me degree, what I've done now.

He now works as a nursery nurse and youth worker.

I grew up on estates and stuff...

Looking at her family has made me feel like that's what I want.

Oh, come on! You can't buy that shot!

-It still looks creased.

-It's them sort of pants.

You've ironed them inside-out. It looks dirty as well.

It's Sally who's the tough guy in this relationship.

Should've put a towel down.

She's very demanding, and she has to get her own way.

Get me a towel.

I'm nodding, I'll just do it.

-A clean towel.

-HE SIGHS

Good boy.

Colin, the nodding dog, isn't allowed to organise anything at home.

I have a book for everything, a file for everything.

When he gets up in the morning, everything is set out for him to take

so he doesn't have to think about anything cos he'll forget it.

But Mr Forgetful has another fatal flaw. He can't take anything seriously.

Colin is a permanent joker. Everything is a laugh.

Everything is funny.

My friends think I'm absolutely crazy, letting Colin organise this wedding,

cos it is so important to me.

They are quite worried.

If only they knew that Colin's already thinking outside the box.

He's come up with an unusual theme for his big day.

Chocolate.

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.

All because she loves chocolates. When we go to these wedding things,

she always talks about chocolate fountains, so I thought, "Aaah!"

And I can do a bit of fun and games over it as well.

He has more affection than I actually do.

If Colin gets this wrong, he will hear about it every day, off me and my mum, for the rest of his life.

He will not live it down.

It's time for the loved-up pair to part.

I'm feeling quite sad, actually,

to go today...

I don't want to go now.

# Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

# It's not warm when she's away

# Ain't no sunshine when she's gone... #

See you in three weeks, OK?

# She's always gone too long, any time she goes away. #

See you in three weeks.

# Any time she goes away. #

The biggest day of Sally's life is now in Colin's hands.

Just going to miss her, really.

That's all.

HE SOBS

I never thought I'd be this emotional. I never really cry.

She was asking if I was going to cry. I was, like, "No."

God, what a soft-arse.

Across town, Sally is welcomed back into the family nest.

Come here.

As Colin's posse arrives, in the shape of his two ushers

and best man Anthony.

He'll be upset this morning, and then when his friends come,

it'll be, "This is quite nice!"

It'll go straight to the back of his head. He'll totally forget I've left.

Right. That's Dean in the middle,

Mark, like my big bro,

and then Juicer. We call him Juicer cos he has a lot of juice.

THEY LAUGH

The prospect of Anthony, or Juice, being Colin's best man

doesn't exactly thrill the bride.

Colin's best man is a big child.

Probably the only way to describe him. When they're together, they're just two big kids.

-Cheers, mate.

-Cheers, mate. Aah!

They've got no clue what goes into the organisation of a wedding,

how long it takes to plan a wedding.

Sally knows what she would like her man to be doing on her first day away.

He should be organising the wedding.

Yeah, he should be getting best man and friends,

and they should be doing the list today.

-Yeah!

-That was our ball!

Basically, it's just us getting together, playing a game, relaxing,

without Sal coming and going "COLIN!"

We should have it done within two weeks.

But they're the only ones who think so.

-People are not confident.

-Not confident, mate.

People are not confident, from mothers to sisters to brothers to cousins.

-They think we're absolutely going to

-BLEEP

-it up, don't they?

They think we'll spend all the money within a week and...

Day two, and Colin and best man Juice finally get stuck into some serious planning.

My perfect wedding would be very traditional, very family-orientated,

nothing over the top, very classic.

See what they're going to put in.

But that's just not Colin. He's determined

to pull off his Charlie And The Chocolate Factory theme.

-You going to have golden tickets and dwarves?

-Yeah. Golden tickets,

the full works.

I want to dress up in this purple suit and walk in

with the Willy Wonka guys and start doing a dance.

I wouldn't like a theme, I find it can turn into a circus,

and it takes away the focus of your wedding, your vows, that it's your day.

So, no, I don't like themes at weddings.

Oompa Loompas aside, with 12 grand burning a hole in his back pocket,

the sky's the limit.

I swear to God, I really want to go in a helicopter.

You want to go in a helicopter. So do I.

When people wait for the bride to get out the car, I'll come like that...

I'll get out like that, like a celeb.

But you're going to need somewhere to land that helicopter, Colin.

First, we need to sort out a venue.

-We was just wondering, did you have the date available?

-'I've got nothing, it's Bank Holiday weekend.'

'We already have one in on that day, and it's confirmed.'

I'm not going to get nowhere.

Keep the faith. Keep the faith.

Sally's always known where she wanted to get married,

ever since she was a bridesmaid for her parents at this church 21 years ago.

-It's beautiful.

-Lovely, isn't it?

Do you remember?

Aww.

I wonder where I'll be going back to in 21 years.

You'll be taking your children back, won't you?

To see where you got married.

Maybe Sally will be bringing her kids back here.

It is quite funky, innit?

Colin's found a venue to fit his Willy Wonka theme.

Quarry Bank Mill may not make chocolate,

but it is a factory.

The venue has two banqueting suites that could accommodate Colin's big idea.

MUSIC: Oompa Loompa theme

I think it fits the theme because obviously you've got the look,

it has the factory, so you could class this as your factory.

By the time the lads have taken in the factory's impressive gardens, Colin is sold.

The factory's amazing. Looking at it, it's amazing, and it fits with everything.

It's absolutely amazing. It's put, like, a little smile on my face.

But he suspects it won't put a smile on Sally's.

She likes the wow factor, the bling, and I know I would let her down by coming here.

I want her to understand that I know her pretty well, and I should do by now,

she would never pick it in a million years.

Sally's idea of wedding venue heaven is rather more classic.

-Aww!

-Oh, wow!

Oh, Sal.

How beautiful is that?

-It's like the perfect setting.

-Yes.

This traditional gal is smitten with Oulton Hall - a stately manor

set in 300 acres of impeccable gardens.

I think the grounds of a venue are as important as the venue.

Somewhere like this, with little paths, fountains, pretty flowers.

Meanwhile, somewhere outside Manchester,

Colin and Juice think they might have found just the ticket.

It's not like a manor or anything, but it's still nice and tidy.

You know? Lot of car parking spaces. People who bring cars.

Outside here, we've got the heated pool.

We've got the play area, and there's also a nice area for photographs.

Don't forget you've got all the leaves that might be on the trees.

All the flowers might be out.

For photos... Photos and stuff like that.

This is like proper warm as well, like, proper like, "Get in!"

Getting my man chest out and stuff!

But Sally isn't planning a pool party.

Ah, there's all confetti on the floor where someone's got married.

Oh! I'd like a church, but if it was somewhere like this

and the whole thing was kind of here, and it was this beautiful,

I don't think I'd mind.

Yeah, it couldn't just be like a conference hall.

It wouldn't feel right getting married in a place like that.

It would have to be somewhere beautiful.

At the moment,

it's split into three because we have conferences in today.

So it's just like this, but times three.

Even so, Juice isn't sure the suite measures up.

I personally think it is too thin that way.

It might be long, but it's too thin that way.

And we've got some big, fat people as well! We need space.

Imagine coming down that hill, you're not thinking,

-"Where am I going?"

-Yeah, I suppose. Keep it in your options, though.

Let's go and have a mooch.

Day four and the boys still haven't decided on a venue.

-This is a proper... wedding planning

-BLEEP!

-On the go.

-On the go, just burn, burn, burn, burn, burn!

We can't put any of our plans into action as such

until we actually get the first key stage out of the way, and we're struggling.

That's God punishing me because I don't go to church!

But maybe the big guy is listening after all.

Any chance we can come down now and have a look?

'Yes, I would be able to see you.'

BOTH: Yeah!

Yo, that is big.

Their perseverance has paid off - Cranage Hall's imposing entrance

should be right up Sally's street.

Oh, my God!

Welcome to Cranage Hall.

-Thank you very much.

-A drink for you both.

-Thank you.

This is one of our main wedding suites.

For the numbers that you're looking at, this would be the best suite.

But what would Sally make of the decor?

It couldn't be just like a conference hall.

Sally will come in through the door,

straight down...

-..and it'll be based...

-In that corner.

No, just in front of the window.

It'll be the dog's bollocks once it's done. I'm liking it.

And we can go off...

And now for the clincher...

-Do you allow a helicopter to land here?

-Yes, we do. That's fine.

I want a helicopter, man!

There's only one more room that Colin wants to see.

-Whoa!

-This is our Executive Suite.

Woo!

Go on it, go on it!

Come on, Sally, wake up now, baby!

Don't go asleep on our wedding night!

And with that, it's down to business.

So you're looking around £6,900.

Lowest one.

I could get it to £5,600.

Let's just go £5,500 and we'll shake.

Or £5,300.

-You said £5,500!

-Go and ask your boss. £5,300 and we'll shake now.

-Right, I will be back.

-I'll shake now.

-No worries.

I'll shake now and give you a kiss!

# Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who? Who? #

THEY LAUGH

I've spoken to my manager

and we would be able to do it at £5,400.

Oh-h-h-h!

-£5,350?

-OK, fantastic.

-Thank you.

-Thank you very much. I'm happy, really happy.

-Do I get one?

-He's just after a little cuddle, him!

-Thanks.

You get one off me as well!

-Buzzin', son, buzzin'!

-We've hit the jackpot.

I'm just amazed that they offered it for the price we got it for.

I think that was some good hussling, weren't it? Good charming.

-So...

-Let's go!

-One down, 120 things to do...

Skippy-dip-dippy-do...!

At the end of the first week, Colin's got...a venue.

His ushers Mark and Dean pop by to check on his progress.

You are behind, you need to step up your game.

You know if it was left to Colin, we'd be playing FIFA now.

Don't get angry, boys, calm down. I'm just nice and chilled.

-I'm the one getting married!

-Colin just puts everything off.

He'll go, "I'll do it, I'll do it tomorrow. I'll do the next day."

His organisation is shocking so we had to come and see where he's up to and make a plan for the week ahead.

Right, get back to this, cos you just go off on a tangent.

-I'm bored already.

-Listen!

-Go on.

This groom certainly needs a bit of ushering.

-Sunday - rings, DJ, cake, yeah?

-Sweet.

Tuesday? Yeah?

-Bridesmaids.

-Ah, yeah.

Wednesday, dress.

Right, OK.

Table settings...

-who's sitting where?

-Colin doesn't want a formal table plan,

he wants his guests to pick their places from a hat.

-Can I just make one comment? The atmosphere will be shocking.

-What?

-People won't know each other.

My family is merging with her family. My close friends are merging with her close friends,

therefore it's entwined as one, so we should do that together.

Are you tripping? You're getting married to the girl! I'm not marrying into the family!

These are formulated plans that have happened over years and years before you was even a twinkle.

I'll break it.

You're proper playing a Willy Wonka card, aren't you?

Thank you! What's on the theme? What's the theme?

-Exactly, but...

-There you go. Who's being Willy Wonka?

-Me.

-Willy Wonka!

-There you go then.

-Don't you think it'd be funny, though?

-No.

No.

It's the beginning of week two and it looks like Colin's reality check came just in time

because today, he's finally tackling the biggie.

We've come looking for a dress for...my bride-to-be.

-Have you got any idea what you're looking for?

-No!

Come and have a look...

So it's a crash course in bridal couture.

An A-line would be probably more for a fuller figure.

We don't know what an A-line is.

-Has she got a...?

-Handful?

-A bust?

-Yes.

-Er... They're a handful, yeah!

-Right, well, that's fine!

Any idea about material?

My head's baffled already cos I've not got a clue.

But he does know one thing -

he'd like his bride to fit in with his theme.

-What are you looking at colour-wise, brown?

-Yeah, brown and ivory.

-Brown and ivory.

-I'm doing a chocolaty sort of theme.

-Oh, right.

-Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.

-Right. So a chocolate colour?

-Yeah.

And the bride wore...brown?! Hmm...

Sally's been dreaming about her wedding dress since she was five.

-What are you looking for?

-Definitely not a coloured dress.

Right, OK.

I want an ivory dress.

Today she's indulging in some fantasy shopping with Mum

and sister Ashley.

This bride may be traditional, but she definitely doesn't do white.

I think of white as being a very crisp...

..white colour, which cos I do go on a sunbed,

I think on me, it just wouldn't look right.

She needn't worry - brown looks great with a tan!

Have you got any unusual dresses, what you think is unusual?

Yo, that is mixing in... with all the colours!

We're doing like a theme which is like...

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory...

That would really go, with your creams.

Check this one. Check, check, check!

-Pow, pow, pow!

-Yeah!

And it's all the fluff thing what I wanted.

Can we keep this one aside? Keep this one.

Damn. We need someone, don't we?

-Are you coming? Come on.

-Need to find some randomer.

Shortlist selected,

-a model is required.

-Hello!

-We need you to try a wedding dress on for me, please.

-Why?

-Because you're beautiful!

-You've got the right figure as my partner.

-I'll try it on!

-Yeah!

I'll carry your shopping for you. I'll bag it for you. There you go.

With one model in the bag, the boys set off to find a second.

-Now that's just greedy!

-So, can you come?

-Yes.

-Sophie can come.

-Thank you.

-And your name is?

-Becky.

Let's go then.

The boys may have found what they're looking for,

-but Sally is still struggling.

-I love the detail on that dress,

but it has straps.

And I don't want straps.

See, I like the lace kind of dresses, the vintage-looking dresses.

-But I just don't like 'em on me.

-What about this,

this fairytale style?

It reminds me of a three-year-old's christening dress.

It is beautiful.

But it's just too big and princessy-girly for me.

-But that's you!

-I know...

She's surprised me with her look

so I've no idea what Colin is going to choose now.

If I had to do that job,

I'd have gone for the princess Cinderella look. Poor Colin!

I hope he chooses well!

He's going to get me a big princess dress, isn't it?

Honestly, Sal, I'm...

I really do think...

that he's going to go for the Cinderella look.

Oh, that is big, that is big!

That is nice.

I like that one, and that is well different.

-It's got the colours.

-And it's got the colours to go with the scheme.

-You're smiling, that means you like it.

-THE BOYS LAUGH

She's not the only lady who's smiling.

Wow.

-Is that the one?

-Yeah.

I want this dress.

Oh, don't!

And you know why I'm getting upset? Because I know it's...

I can hear it in your voice that that's the one.

It just feels really strange because

I love this dress and I would get married in this dress, and I'm not.

We've got to remember he's going to pick it out of love for you, hasn't he?

He's imagining you in that dress on the day.

Is he?

WOLF-WHISTLING

Whoa!

I shouldn't say anything, look at me!

Yeah, look at me! Honest to God, you look really nice, yeah.

Ah, it's love at first sight!

And they quite like the dress, too.

That's fresh, that. That is mint.

God, she looked amazing, didn't she?

That's your first one...

-that's your second one.

-Decisions, decisions.

-What colour is it?

-It's a diamond white one.

I want that because of the colour thing and stuff,

but I like that, but I wanted it in ivory. Right, I've made my mind up.

That one. I love, love the one on the left on that girl.

When she first came out, I was proper choked.

Because she looked stunning, and she does look...

really special in it.

Oh, my head's battered now! Honest to God!

So the bride who wanted an ivory dress

is now the owner of a bright white one.

Still, at least it's not brown.

There's no stopping our boys now.

They sort the rings, flowers and Sally's transport.

Oh, my God!

But over two grand later, Colin's worried he can't afford his.

Need to start saving 800 quid.

I need to get to, like...

To get everything done and have a grand or something saved.

I'm going to get a helicopter.

Now, if he could just find a few corners to cut elsewhere...

You can hire your own cake tier,

and then we'll get some cupcakes from somewhere

and put it all the way around, chocolate coloured stuff.

I'm going to bake a cake to stick on the top.

With a DIY wedding cake on the cards,

it's a good job that Sally, her mum, and bridesmaid Sarah

are still in the dark.

I just don't know how to shake the feeling I've got.

I don't know what it is or what I'm feeling,

so I don't know what'll make it better.

We haven't heard anything yet about anything.

No hen party, no wedding dress, no invitations, nothing.

-I agree...

-It's like over halfway through.

I thought there would be something to keep me going.

Something to keep me going, so there's a wedding at the end of it.

-But I haven't got anything.

-What would make you feel better?

Is there anything at all?

-Colin, just Colin.

-I know.

I thought I would've been very...excited.

Wedding this, wedding that. Missing Colin has overtook everything.

Cos I'm not at home as well, so I miss my whole life.

My life is my house, my home, my dog...

my Colin.

But her Colin isn't the Colin she remembers.

Hello, everybody, my name is Willy Wonka.

HE LAUGHS

-What party are you going to?

-My wedding.

-Your wedding?

-You're dressing up like that for your wedding?

I'm thinking, "She's going to kill me."

I know for a fact she's going to kill me.

HE HUMS TO HIMSELF

In a bid to lift her wedding blues,

Sally's invited over some friends.

-Do you think he'll pick a theme?

-I don't like themed weddings.

I think it cheapens it.

I just want it dead simple and about us getting married.

I don't want themes and cartoons and circuses!

Showman Colin has other ideas.

Would you like to use your cane?

-Yeah.

-OK.

It's a bit more bling than mine!

Dance finale, complete with Oompa Loompas, of course!

We'll go from the top, then.

One, two, three, four,

down, up, down, up, down,

cane, two beats, stop,

and bob and bob...

Can we go through that again one more time?

Down, up, down, up, down, up,

cane...

Not like that, OK.

DANCE TRACK PLAYS

That is going too quick.

Left leg, right leg, left leg, in, out.

Oh, shut up, you!

I'm just nervous, cos I think, can I do it all?

I forget my house keys, I'm dead forgetful.

But I'm good on the dancefloor anyway.

Overall today's been one of my best days, actually.

Yee-aah!

It's the end of the second week and Sally's getting glammed up.

Cos I've been down this week,

my mum's taking me out for a drink tonight. Try and cheer me up!

She's not an invite, or even a hen party yet.

Are you disappointed you've not had a hen night?

Yeah, it's getting closer and closer.

I don't want it two days before the wedding.

So what's your idea of a...?

-I'd want to go to a spa.

-Just go...?

Yeah, for the day.

You don't do things like that every day,

so for a hen party it should be something special.

Sally doesn't know it yet, but it is her hen night.

People always expected something to happen, that's the bottom line.

Cos I'm always up to jokes or pranks.

Surprise!

There's always a twist.

-Surprised?

-What?

Right, read it.

He says, "Your first-class transport awaits you at Prestwich tram stop,

"to whisk you to Manchester city centre for a slap-up meal

"in Yum-Yums and the Printworks. Tram tickets are provided inside."

-Ooh, tram tickets.

-Yeah, tram tickets.

Tram? Eight tram tickets!

Is he taking the piss?

I bet her face touched the floor, she was nearly crying.

But I would've found that funny.

Whoo-oo!

I can't believe I've got to sit in a restaurant. He's taking the piss.

I bet he's not in a restaurant, sat wearing this shit.

That went down like a lead balloon!

I hate you for getting me on the tram!

Absolutely pissed off I have to get the tram.

Sensing mutiny, Sally's mum saves the day.

Yeah, you OK to take us?

-Certainly am available, yeah.

-Four, is that OK? With a squeeze.

They're not walking. I'm not having them walking down.

I'm going to kill Colin.

Across town, the boys aren't waiting for the tram.

No, sirree!

They're heading for Britain's premier stag destination -

Blackpool.

Basically, I organised a limo for him.

Just to have a chill. Just come and let him have a good night out.

Sally's hen night is also heating up.

"Is there a fire. No, just some hot ladies in town.

"So I thought I'd get you a fire brigade to cool you all down."

THEY CHEER

Colin's given Sally a very large hose for the evening.

SHE SQUEALS

Now that's what I call a fireman's lift!

THEY SQUEAL AND CHEER

-He was all right, the stripper.

-Yes.

-Yeah.

-He was fit, wasn't he?

Colin, right now, might know me better than I know myself.

Seeing my mum have a smile on her face for the strippers.

That's worth well more than a spa day!

It's a week before the wedding,

and Colin still doesn't have any suits, decorations or invites.

But he's putting all that on hold,

to sample his wedding breakfast.

I'm not too sure about the food,

so that's why I'm going to come and test.

First up, a choice of two main courses.

That's your chicken,

with the tarragon veloute.

That's the pork chop, mash, pear and Madeira jus.

Look at the size of that bad boy! You don't scrimp and scrape.

It's a big chop now, but I bet on the day it's about that big!

It's half that size!

No what I need? A proper knife to cut this bad boy with.

Shall I use my hand, like I'm at home?

At Sally's house, Mum Debbie's

preparing her daughter for married life,

by teaching her to cook the traditional Sunday roast.

Have you put salt in the carrots?

-Salt? No...

-In the pan.

Just put a little bit of salt in.

Tell me when to stop.

How you going to learn anything if you don't try first?

You can't leave it all to me.

I can Sunday dinners.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

You've only been doing Sunday dinners for the last...

Ten years.

Right, so that's 30. I'll start when I'm 30, that's fine!

-What's this?

-Courgette.

What the hell's a courgette?

Never had a courgette before?

Courgette's gorgeous.

It's good.

-It's not, it's

-BLEEP

-minging.

Oh, don't do that on the wedding day!

At least Sally's first roast isn't minging.

-This is really nice, Sal.

-Thanks.

What sort of food do you think Colin's going to pick for the day?

-I really don't know.

-A Sunday roast!

Yeah, a roast dinner covered in tomato ketchup for everyone.

That's our Sunday dinner.

You could have a Sunday dinner if you wanted one.

What would Sally like? That's one thing you've got to think about.

-Anything with a bit of meat.

-Anything with a bit of meat?

Do you think it'll be a posh menu?

-Don't know. If he can't pronounce it, he's not going to eat it.

-Right.

-What did you say it was?

-Tarragon veloute.

I remember... Tarra-mon ver-oute.

See? We're sorted, aren't we?

And the piece de resistance...

Willy Wonka pudding!

Profiteroles with your popping candy.

That's a chocolate marquise with your popping candy.

My mouth is proper crackling!

Do you hear it?!

-Did that hurt your tooth?

-Yeah.

That's what the wedding's going to be about - fun.

I was going to go for the roast,

cos I'm used to roast dinners on Sunday.

But that's playing dead safe.

So instead, he's plumped for a formal meal he can't pronounce.

There's going to be parts where people will like it or they won't,

and that's like my personality, you either get on with me

cos you like my jokes, or you hate me and want to punch my head in.

That's the bottom line, really.

Let's hope Sally likes his jokes, then.

Five days before the wedding

and Colin's finally arranged to meet up with his busy bridesmaids.

I do not like going shopping, it's very boring and frustrating.

So I've got to buck my ideas up and put a big smile on.

Pretend that I'm really happy that I'm buying dresses.

Nothing is safe from his obsession.

He wants four dresses in different shades of chocolate.

So, like a cream, a chocolate...?

-A chocolate theme, a dark one, a white one?

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Right, OK.

Seriously underwhelmed, the girls get shopping under Wonka's watchful eye.

Colours like that.

-Are you being serious?

-Yes, mate, I'm being serious.

Trust me. I don't care if you don't like it!

Honest to God, if you start being awkward, I'll just put you in any dress. I'm not arsed.

-We won't wear it!

-It's getting Colin really mad.

And I'm quite scared that he's going to slap us!

It's just stressful because of all the colours he wants.

It's supposed to be a fun time, trying things on, and they're just like, "I'm not doing that."

It's not about them, at the end of the day.

-If you're asked to do something, you should be privileged, not be

-BLEEP

-annoying. They've wound me up.

-You not happy to see me?

-We've only seen ugly dresses, so why would be happy?

She's got a point.

With the shopping centre exhausted,

a desperate Colin tries a different tack...

..a specialist bridal store.

This is what I'm talking about, ladies.

-Excuse me, let me get in here, please.

-All right, if you pop in here, we can try them on

and we'll see what the sizes are like.

What do you think?

-Oh, do I look big?!

-I love this one.

You all look big!

-You know what? You genuinely all look really, really nice. Are you smiling now?

-Yes.

-I love this dress...

-But Sally's sister is not convinced.

I'm just worried because she's picky. They're all so different.

I'm not sure what she'll think.

-Are you able to do me for £100 a dress?

-I'll go with that.

-Will you?

-Absolutely fine.

-Thank you very much.

-It's an absolute pleasure.

-Yes, that's done.

Just took a weight off my head, that, as well.

You don't know how hard this is, man! Leave me alone. I'm going to sleep now.

With three days to go, the bride finally receives an invite to her own wedding.

I can't believe I've got my wedding invitation with this crap in me hair. And no make-up on.

Hmmm!

Oh...

I think the invitation's quite cute!

The second...

That's Sunday.

-Sunday?

-Sunday?

11:45am?

Oh, my God.

It gives me no feeling whatsoever of what kind of wedding this is going to be.

Now I know when and what time, it's actually real.

Well, it's more of a fantasy, really.

With two days to go, the boys hit the wholesalers.

Instead of flowers, they're decorating the venue with sweets.

Basically, the plan of action in the corridor is all sweets, toffees, as you walk in,

lollipops, things that people can chew on and suck, kind of stuff.

Then in the actual room, it's going to be chocolate...

He actually IS the kid in the candy store!

Check these!

Sherbet.

Jelly babies.

Let's get those. Two of them bad boys, put them in.

Ah, lovin' it!

Toffees, toffees.

Chocolate, chocolate...chocolate.

Want some Flumps?

Need to have fun.

That is just, like...

ooh!

You can push. That is us. I can't even pull it!

Scared how much it's going to be!

That's £287.89, then, please.

Oh, I've got no money.

Mr Wonka attracts attention wherever he goes.

That's me theme - Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.

No flowers, sweets everywhere. Is that a good idea, or what?

Come here, look. It's like a cake stand.

-Oh, it's lovely.

-Put all them round, and bake me own cake to stick on top.

-Fantastic.

-Clever guy.

-Loving it.

I feel like a kid. I want to start eating all this stuff.

But after a sugar high, there's always a low.

And after their supermarket sweep,

the boys need to tot up their spends.

Wedding band is £500.

Bridesmaids £400.

Yeah.

-£11,690.

-Yeah.

Yeah.

Equals £310 left.

One thing's for sure -

looks like the chopper's getting the chop.

It's hitting home now, that I ain't gettin' me...

me chopper.

Cos I went over £280 on me stag do.

And then I couldn't get anything else for much less. I got her bridesmaids' dresses cheap, her dress cheap.

But if I would have got the helicopter,

I wouldn't have got four or five things which are essential for the wedding.

I'm just a bit gutted on it. And I ain't got a rich ma and da to give me any dough.

It's the day before the wedding.

The bride who didn't want white is about to see the diamond white dress that Colin wants her to wear.

Oh, I'm really scared.

This is the most important thing right now, this.

I don't even care about tomorrow, this is more important than anything.

Unfortunately for Sally, there's no going back now.

It's like being at the dentist.

I think that's why we're whispering!

Really nervous. Really nervous.

I couldn't pick some... It's so personal,

like... Sally's my daughter and I don't think I'd get it right.

I've not heard any screams.

I don't want to open me eyes.

SHE GASPS

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

LAUGHS WEAKLY

It's beautiful.

I really, really like it. Cos it's not too much.

It's not massive. It's just nice.

It says an awful lot to me that he's picked this dress, I mean...

this is just not a dress I'd think Colin would pick, ever.

Oh, my God.

Oh!

-SHE GASPS

-Oh, God!

Oh, my God! It's white...

Sorry, I just thought I'd say it's white, but other than that, it's beautiful on you.

-I love it. I really like it.

-It's very different, isn't it?

Gorgeous, isn't it?

Oh, big C has done well.

I'm happy. Are you happy for her?

Big C has got the dress spot on. But over at Cranage Hall,

will tomorrow bring the sweet smell of success?

Don't you reckon to put them there?

Should have put up a sign, 20p!

With the decorations lit, it's time to make their budget wedding cake.

-Add half a pint of water mix...

-Add it all in, basically put it all in.

Bung it in, son.

It's a foolproof recipe. Just pour...

-'mix...'

-Would you put that in for me, mate?

-Yeah. No worries.

-'..and give it to the head chef.'

-20 minutes?

-That's my big cake - don't burn it!

-'It's midnight, and their cake has risen.'

-Got it.

-'Now they just have to decorate it.'

-That's not bad, that. That is not bad.

-Right.

I bet Willy Wonka didn't get his hands dirty.

No, this is a bad idea, this. Gently.

This is my wedding cake, this.

This is a disaster.

"Place the cake in the middle of the cake board, putting cut side onto the board."

-Colin, what are we doing?

-Come on, we'll pull it off, trust me.

-"Covering the outside of the cake with a thin layer of frosting."

-Yeah, mate. That's what you do.

Oh, my God.

Oh, you're breaking up the top.

-We've got jam in it and everything.

-We should have bought a cake.

The boys even have ready-made icing.

HIGH VOICE: Michael Jackson!

They can't go wrong.

It's broke.

The icing is normally put OVER the cake, Colin.

Nah. Not big enough.

Oh, what!

BLEEP!

The base of Colin's cake is now stuck to his icing.

-It's breaking like

-BLEEP!

Let's give up.

-Let's give up.

-Yaaah!

It's 1am, we're trying to bake a cake. But it doesn't seem to happen.

Da-naaah!

-State of that on the top, mate!

-'Cake, anyone?'

-Yeah!

The big day is finally here.

At midday, Colin will be marrying Sally.

But he's only had five hours' sleep.

Stressing, stressing, stressing...

-I wanted to

-BLEEP

-do it all last night. Fannying around doing the cake.

He still needs to sort out seating, a new cake and table decorations.

Colin's a little bit stressed, I think.

Um...

Obviously, it's a big day, innit? Going to be stressed.

Come on, stick, stick, stick.

Some flowers for Sally.

Ooh, they're gorgeous, thank you!

Colin's asked Sally's boss from her salon to create her wedding hairdo.

How are you?

-Fine. Are you doing my hair?

-Yeah.

-Thank God!

HE CHUCKLES

And thank God that it's Matt doing my hair!

-I trust no-one with my hair!

-I didn't find out till the last minute!

I didn't get a wedding dress till yesterday, so don't worry about it!

Sally's due to arrive in an hour. And the stress is getting to the boys.

-Half a job, you!

-Shut up.

-You're useless, man.

-Useless.

-Says you? Sat on your

-BLEEP

-backside telling names?

-Useless.

-Where do you want 'em?

-Did you pick them silver things up?

-No, they just had them. I'll switch one over.

You are a waste of time!

It's time for Sally to see Colin's pick'n'mix bridesmaids' dresses.

Oh! They're all different colours!

Oh, my God! Why are they all different?

-Um...

-I would have liked you all to be in one dress.

OK.

That kind of threw things up in the air for how my day's going to go!

Back at the venue, while the head chef bakes a new cake,

Colin and Juice add the finishing touches.

Colin, there's your wedding cake.

HE CHUCKLES This has got to be the weirdest wedding cake you've ever seen.

Beautiful, innit, mate?

I think it's funky and different.

Definitely. It's what we're like, mate.

GASPS

Luckily for Sally, Colin didn't try to make her dress.

Oh, Sally, you look beautiful!

It's amazing!

You look amazing, Sal. Princess.

And Sally's prince is not looking too shabby either.

Looks pretty hot, mate.

Lucky girl, isn't she?

I'm looking fresh like this.

Beautiful. I love the style when it's all put together.

Gorgeous.

I'm doing this to show her how much I love her,

and also, how much I know her, as such.

And she's accepted me for the way I am.

I have done a lot of jokey stuff, as such.

And right on cue, Sally's horse and carriage arrives.

Oh, my God.

It's amazing!

It couldn't have been any bigger!

Very Colin, innit?

Very appropriate for Colin!

-Did he go on his stag go in this?

-I would imagine he did, yeah.

You're going to go right near the front.

I don't know where the bloody hell we are.

Dead nervous now. It's kicking in now.

I can't see anything but countryside!

It's like Chester and Knutsford way. He's gone all posh on me in the last three weeks!

I don't know what to expect!

Is that it?

It's gorgeous!

Ooh!

-VICAR:

-Ladies and gentlemen, would you all like to stand, please?

MUSIC: "Heaven" (Candlelight Mix) by DJ Sammy & Yanou

Sally, today I pledge...

Sally, today I pledge...

To spend the rest of my life with you...

To spend the rest of my life with you...

I'll be faithful and honest...

I'll be faithful and honest...

I'll always be there when you need me most...

-TEARING UP:

-I'll always be there when I need you most...

And will respect and support you...

I'll respect and support you...

Will you, Colin, take Sally here present,

to be your lawful wedded wife?

I will.

Will you, Sally, take Colin here present,

to be your lawful wedded husband?

I do.

I give you this ring...

I give you this ring...

As a symbol of my love...

As a symbol of my love...

And for all the years to come.

And for all the years to come.

You're now husband and wife.

MUSIC: "Rule The World" by Take That

I'm mesmerised. I think she looks beautiful.

When I walked in, I could have been stood anywhere.

I didn't know it was anybody who was there or anything around me. Just seen you.

Best day of my life. Really. I'm so happy.

Beautiful ceremony. Sally looked beautiful in the dress we chose.

-Was you crying?

-Yeah, I was!

-Oh, my God, I couldn't hold my tears in!

We were just flabbergasted he actually picked this place.

It's beautiful. It's beautiful.

While the guests tuck into Willy Wonka's treats,

Sally's about to see Colin's labour of love in all its glory.

But is it the finest chocolate factory in Cheshire?

Oh, my God!

What the...?

Oh, my God!

It's like I'm a child.

Are those chocolate centrepieces?

Yeah, chocolate centrepieces. And they're the sweets for people to share.

Come this way...look at the cake...

Oh, this is cool!

-Me and Juice were up t'half-one making cake.

-You didn't make this?

We bought them...

Hand on heart, you made it?

Hand on heart, we bought them!

-That one, we had a go at.

-So this isn't the one you made?

-We couldn't use the one we made.

-You didn't make the cake?

-We had a go!

What do you think the theme is?

Obviously, the theme is Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory.

-And do you like it?

-It could have been worse.

You could have gone over the top, and that would have been way too much.

-Yeah, but we done it just right.

-I didn't say you didn't!

You don't like it.

I didn't say it wasn't nice! It's nice! I like it!

It entertains everybody else. It's not what I would have picked!

We know you like to be different.

-I like to be selfish!

-That's the one.

I don't think she was happy.

Hand on heart, personally, I think she's put a front on.

Obviously I hoped she'd be more enthusiastic, more, "Oh, yeah..."

but she wasn't overwhelmed. It's made me feel a bit gutted, really.

Sally's about to find out just how far Colin's taken his theme.

With his chocolate party in full swing, there's just time for a quick costume change.

Personally with Sally, I don't think she was too eager with the actual theme anyway,

and now, I'm actually going a bit more OTT,

because she went, "I'm glad you didn't go too silly with the theme,"

and now, somehow, I've crossed the line!

So let's go and see.

Will the real Willy Wonka please stand up?

# Oompa Loompa, doompadee doo

# I've got a perfect puzzle for you

# Oompa Loompa, doompadee dee

# If you are wise you will listen to me

# What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?

# Eating as much as an elephant eats?

# What are you at getting terribly fat?

# What do you think will come of that?

# I don't like the look of it

# Oompa Loompa, doompadee dah

# If you're not greedy you will go far

# You will live in happiness too

# Like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do

# Doompadee do! #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you, ladies and gents!

I think it was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life!

She liked it!

It was absolutely hilarious!

I just couldn't stop laughing.

-Good dancing, Colin!

-Yeah, good dancing, Colin!

MUSIC: "Stay With You" by John Legend

I am so proud of what you've done for me today...

it's honestly untrue. I'm in debt for the rest of my life, unfortunately now!

'It's been an emotional roller coaster.'

It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

But it's absolutely been worth it for you.

Really, absolutely been worth it from my heart.

That's been worth it, so...

If I had to do it again for her, I would do it.

In a heartbeat.

Once again, ladies and gents,

please put your hands together,

show your appreciation for your bride and groom, Mr and Mrs Phillips!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Next time, Ian and Riana.

I get it pretty wrong.

It's going to be quite controversial.

We really want a Greek traditional wedding, Ian.

Show us what you can do.

If he doesn't deliver, then he is not the man we thought he was.

We're nowhere.

-No, I feel ridiculous.

-Nightmare. Absolute nightmare.

I'm past caring.

I'm going to do it my way.

-This is so not Greek.

-I don't believe it.

Oh, no!

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