Ian and Reanna Don't Tell the Bride

Hold on to your hats.

Don't Tell The Bride is back.

-What do you think?

-You look really nice.

-Do I?

Only the bravest of brides...

Oh, I'm really scared.

..would let their groom organise the biggest day of their life...

-alone.

-She's going to love it, I know she is. She'll probably kill me.

The grooms get £12,000.

No strippers.

And the brides get no say in how it's spent.

With a million ways to splash the cash...

I got married on a battleship.

Black to Vegas, baby.

..and a million things to organise...

-I don't know what she wants.

-This is well stressing me out.

..can the guys pull it off in just three weeks?

I can't do it.

And will it be for better?

-SQUEALS

-Or for worse?

After 10 minutes, I want to get it off.

-You've ripped the whole family apart.

-GROWLS

This is hell on earth.

Tonight the pressure is on for sailor, Ian, to deliver

a big fat Greek wedding for his bride Reanna.

It'll be quite controversial.

Will he make all the wrong decisions?

-It's risky.

-It is risky.

This wedding seems to be turning out a bit different anyway.

-Can he rely on his best man?

-Yeah, I don't really care.

Am I bothered? I just like seeing it get done.

And will he remember he has to please not only his bride

but her large Greek family too.

If he doesn't deliver then he's not the man we thought he was.

Can this man give this woman the wedding of her dreams?

No, I feel ridiculous.

-This isn't, so not Greek.

-I can't believe it.

Oh no!

Today, 27-year-old Ian

is moving out of the house that he shares

with 26 year old fiancee Reanna

in Coulsdon, Surrey.

Yes! Closed.

The couple met at university and have been inseparable ever since.

'We just hit it off straightaway'

and from there, you know, we just loved each other from the start, really.

After they graduated, Reanna decided to study fashion while Ian worked as a bar manager.

I was working 70/80 hours a week I think it was.

He used to fall asleep on the tube home and it was a Circle Line

so he just used to go round and round and round.

So he decided to retrain for a career in the Merchant Navy.

'When I'm trained and got all my qualifications,'

I should be the one in charge, sailing the ship, eventually.

And the prospect of being apart for long periods propelled Ian to pop the question.

He got down on one knee

-and got out a little Tiffany box and got the ring out.

-I didn't get down on one knee.

-You did.

-Didn't.

-Did.

Ian retraining for a new career

means that Reanna's dream wedding is pie-in-the-sky.

We'd love to get married but we just haven't got the money at the minute.

So they're currently living with Reanna's parents.

Reanna's dad Theo is Greek Cypriot and wants a big Greek wedding for his only daughter.

Poor Ian's lived with us now for a while and he knows what we expect.

We expect high standards and we expect some good Greek parts in the wedding.

So when it comes to the big day, Ian has more than just his bride to please.

'In Greek Cypriot culture, the wedding isn't just about the couple'

it's about a huge party where everyone has an amazing time, not just the couple.

Difficult enough pleasing Reanna, let alone the huge Greek family as well.

Reanna now works for a shoe brand and with her fashion expertise

Ian will have to be on his mettle when he chooses her dress.

'This is a risk I'm taking'

because there's a chance he'll get it wrong and it won't be perfect.

Because Reanna works in fashion it's going to be pretty tricky choosing her wedding dress I reckon.

'But if it really is something'

I'm not comfortable in it'll ruin the day.

But when it comes to fashion sense the only thing Ian has is a distinct lack of it.

-It's a bit Essex.

-There's nothing wrong with that.

-That is just Essex chav.

-I love that.

Do you know what else you'd have with that? "I want to be like David Beckham" headband. That's not good.

I've tried buying things for Reanna in the past and, er...

I get it pretty wrong.

I think his brain just goes into overdrive and like a fuse goes in it

and he can't decide what to do, so he just chooses anything in the end.

It's time for the couple to say goodbye.

-I love you so much.

-I love you too.

See you in three weeks, yeah? OK?

I'll just go otherwise I'll get upset.

-Love you.

-I love you.

The next time they see each other will be at the altar.

It seems really real now.

For the next three weeks,

Ian will be staying on the Kent coast with his dad, Pete.

-How are you doing? Are you all right?

-Yeah, I'm fine.

-Reanna was a bit emotional.

-Was she?

-Well she was all right but you know what she's like.

-She must be getting used to it now,

-with the ships and stuff.

-I know, I know.

It'll be all right I think.

Bit nervous, you know, but I reckon it'll be all right.

Fortunately Ian's not going to be steering this wedding ship alone.

Helping him stay on course will be first mate and childhood chum, Neil.

-Hello, pal.

-But Neil's a builder, not a wedding planner.

-Yeah, one of them.

-Busy day.

Ian gets a bit stressed out but I can't imagine getting stressed out, get a few beers in me,

I'll be nice and happy as Larry, really.

The first thing we need is a venue, don't we? Have a look on the Internet.

-I don't even know what we're looking at, what is this?

-A fishing shack.

-Do they actually do the wedding in the barn as well?

-Ian's already thinking left-field.

-Also used for regular events.

-A very British backdrop.

Brilliant for a Greek wedding(!)

Do you know what, I'm bored already.

-I've got to tell ya. I can't be bothered.

-Well, someone's got to be bothered.

Captain Ian's got lots to do if he's to fulfil the expectations of Reanna's relatives.

It's going to be a nightmare.

At Auntie Anne's house in Croydon...

Some bowls.

..the bride-to-be is at a barbecue with her Greek Cypriot family.

What have we got for main course?

This is the way to a Greek's heart, food.

My baby.

Yes, I love you.

The head of the family is Grandpa George.

-I wanted Greek music. Where is the music?

-In there.

-Where?

GREEK MUSIC PLAYS

There have been several weddings in the family recently, including two of Reanna's cousins and her brother.

A good Greek wedding is like a great song, you have to hit the notes.

So the pressure is on Ian to give the family the wedding they want.

He's going to have to remember very importantly, first of all, the music.

The music to a Greek wedding is very important.

'If there's no Greek band, if there's no Greek music'

we'll be very disappointed, because that's what Greek culture is all about.

I hope Ian is on a mission here.

We really want a Greek traditional wedding, Ian.

You claim you're a Greek husband to be, show us what you can do.

-Oh, my God.

-Here's the rain coming.

After living with his in-laws for a year Ian's been well briefed

and knows he needs to book a Greek band.

Do you want to hear their music?

GREEK MUSIC PLAYS This is the music.

-Can you hear that?

-Yeah, fantastic.

IAN CHUCKLES

I'm really looking forward to it.

-Lovely, isn't it?

-You can turn it off now.

I don't know if it's good or bad. It just sounds the same to me, to be honest.

-Is it essential that we have a Greek band?

-If we don't have a Greek band, it's not a Greek wedding.

If there's no Greek dancing, we haven't got the money pinning.

As Ian knows from cousin George's wedding, a Greek band is essential

for the bride and groom's traditional money-pinning dance.

'The money-pinning dance is an old Greek custom.'

Instead of giving presents, families would give money.

'When you look at the groom and the bride and there's money pinned from head to toe,

'and you can't see the wedding dress or the suit,'

it's a good way of giving someone a start in married life.

But this family only trusts ONE band.

'Traditionally we've used the same Greek band and they were very good,'

so they're tried and tested. There's a fear of having a poor Greek band and it'll be a letdown.

He'll have to try and track them down or it'll break with tradition and it'll be quite controversial.

I think the family band are really unreliable and if they don't turn up I'm screwed, really.

I want someone reliable.

I'm just going to try and find a few others.

Ian risks the wrath of Reanna's family and calls a different Greek band.

All right, brilliant. OK. Cheers, mate.

One of the Greek bands, apparently, is free.

Well, just book them.

-Do you think I should also ring the family band as well?

-Oh, yeah, definitely ring the family one

because you might upset people if you don't.

Answer your phones! God!

At the end of day three, the boys don't have a venue and they can't get hold of the elusive family band.

No answer.

Nice work, lads(!)

-Next day, and the boys are finally on the venue hunt.

-It's just up there. Look.

They're in London to check out a medieval crypt below a pub.

-Good news or bad news?

-Crypt is gone.

-Crypt is gone?

-Yeah.

-Oh.

-We've got the restaurant as an option. Let me show you.

-Can I have a look?

-Yeah.

So they take a look at what IS available.

But it's not ideal.

-That's quite nice.

-We need space for all the Greek dancing.

Not much room for high kicks in here.

GREEK MUSIC PLAYS

Yie-yie!

There's probably other places to get married but I can't think of any off the top of my head.

The boys venue plans may have been scuttled

but the bride knows exactly where she'd like to tie the knot.

# Zadok the priest... #

Reanna accompanied by chief bridesmaid Lynsey is visiting her local church in Surrey -

-St Margaret's.

-Oh, wow.

-This is really nice.

-It's beautiful, isn't it?

-It's really beautiful.

-It's special because me and Ian walk past here every day.

-Yeah.

-It's cute. We always comment on it.

-# ..Anointed Solomon king... #

-So what are the chances

of Ian booking a church for your wedding?

He's going to be so stressed that I think a church is going to be far from his mind, to be honest.

-Do you reckon it'd make it more meaningful?

-It would seal the deal a bit more.

I think it would strike the fear of God into Ian, we're married now - forever.

Mm, forever is a very long time.

The boys have come up with another possible venue. But it's not in the country

and it's not a church.

-It'll be a right surprise.

-It'll be a surprise.

The boys have an appointment at an unusual venue on the Thames.

-AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:

-Can you guess what it is yet?

-Even just walking down here.

-She wouldn't have a clue, would she?

-She wouldn't realise that's the place...

-The last place she'd look.

-..she's getting married on.

Could Ian be on to something?

Reanna is in Brighton, dreaming of a reception by the water.

Oh, my God, it's so nice.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

It's just like a dream nautical setting.

Do you really want a nautical theme?

Yeah. And Ian's a sailor so it's perfect, you know what I mean?

Do you reckon he'll pick somewhere by the sea?

I just don't think we can predict what Ian and Neil are going to choose.

Yeah, I got married on a battleship.

She'd never suspect that.

-It's crazy, actually.

-It is a crazy idea.

Nautical it may be but an 11,500 tonne battleship isn't exactly what the bride had in mind.

'The thing is with Ian, is he's likely just to go the opposite'

of what I like and go really weird.

We can have a little teaser and show you the sick bay.

-Yeah, please.

-So bit of a macabre scene.

HMS Belfast boasts an exhibition of mannequins showing life on board during wartime.

It's more house of horrors than seaside chic.

At least it'll be a surprise, whatever it is.

So, welcome to the ship's company dining hall.

-Wow.

-It's pretty big, isn't it?

Have you any colour theme in mind?

Blue.

It is going to be blue. That's what it will be.

Reanna wants her reception in a stylish seaside hotel.

This is the Dome ballroom. As you can see, it's a really gorgeous,

-light room.

-It's absolutely stunning.

-That's pretty amazing.

-What do you think about the high ceiling?

That sense of light coming through those windows is amazing.

There's not much natural light in the bowels of the ship.

We've got all the lights on.

It can be much more ambient than this, you want to create that drama, that presence

for your bride to come up the aisle with.

It got like all the nice like fireplaces as well.

Yeah, original features. Look at that chandelier. I love it, I love that it's made up of wine glasses.

It's incredible. So quirky but really still elegant.

You'll notice we've got the rivets feature in the walls, the pipe work,

this was pretty much exactly how it looked.

Industrial type look.

The flooring is great because it's wooden. I hate carpets, they remind me of gyms and sports club.

-Or maybe an officer's mess?

-This is quite nice, isn't it?

-Like an old gentleman's club.

-This is the old officer's mess.

We'd have the drinks here?

-Yes, absolutely.

-That made Neil's ears prick up.

Reanna imagines her guests gathering in the hotel bistro.

It will be so nice for welcome drinks because it's got that kind of rustic vintagey 1950s feel to it.

-Yeah, I like it.

-I like it.

I like it because it's so unusual.

It's not really the normal thing to do, is it?

It's just got soul. It's just my ideal place.

I just wish he'd pick it and we could have the wedding here. But...

-It's a bit out there.

-It's a bit weird.

No, yeah.

-Best one so far.

-Definite maybe.

The boys only have one more place to see on their random list of possible venues.

-An eco-lodge in Kent.

-It's lovely.

So this is the reception bit.

-Yes.

-I love this roof.

-I like that.

-Beautiful views of the garden.

-Ah, brilliant.

-That is great.

I like the floor.

Really bright as well. It's really bright in here.

So different to other venues because every venue is dark.

-And this is so light, it's so different.

-Yeah.

It's got a high ceilings, wooden floors and natural light that Reanna loves.

So what do you think so far?

It's so different.

It is. I actually really, really like it.

-I'm impressed.

-I am. I am impressed.

Very impressed.

Any closer to choosing the venue, what do you think about today?

Ian has to choose between a pub, a battleship and an eco-lodge.

So what will it be?

Out of the three.

-HMS Belfast...

-Yep.

-It's the maddest place I've ever looked at.

I wouldn't mind it, having it on the ship. That's what I love.

Done, relief.

Jesus, man.

Finally got over that first hurdle, man. It's all easy from now on, you know?

So Ian spends £6,000, half his budget, on HMS Belfast.

Here's hoping the bride's a fan of the mark 23 gun turret.

Lynsey and Reanna are catching up with Reanna's Auntie Anne.

I hope he's got a decent venue.

But what would happen if it was absolutely awful when you walked into it? What would you do?

Well and just have to have a really large drink and

have a shot of tequila and get so drunk I'll pretend like I'm not there.

How important is the Greek band to you?

I really hope he gets the normal band that all the family use.

Do you think Ian knows how important this band is?

-No.

-God, no, I don't think so.

I hope so. I don't know.

It's all right, I'm just going to book a Greek band now, I'm past caring about the blooming Greek band.

I'm doing the Greek thing and I'm happy to do the Greek thing but I'm going to do it my way.

So I'm going to go with the band I've found.

So if he doesn't get the band he's out.

It's a bit of a risk, but I've decided I'm going to take that risk.

It'll just cause such controversy.

Brilliant. OK, cheers, thank you. See you.

Nightmare. Absolute nightmare.

Greek band booked.

So, at the end of week one Ian's made some brave decisions.

He's spent a total of £7,500 on a battleship and the wrong Greek band.

The boys head off to Canterbury to hit the shops.

No one's going to come to this strange wedding on a battleship unless they get an invitation.

-That is boring.

-It's just an invitation, mate.

You don't need to worry about it too much, do you?

-This sort of stuff.

-Oh, wicked, Banksy stuff.

Is a bit mad isn't it?

I think it's a good idea, go for it.

All right. Let's get a selection.

It's a bizarre choice of invite, but the best man's not bothered.

It's done now, we've made a decision, I like it.

I like that. Let's just get them.

Don't even look any more.

They're different. This wedding seems to be turning out different anyway.

-We're getting married on a weird and different...

-I like it getting done.

In blissful ignorance of Ian's decisions so far,

Reanna, with her mum and Auntie Anne, is on a mission to find her dream dress.

What about that one with the nice buttons at the back?

No.

But this fashion savvy bride isn't going to be happy with just any old frock.

That's quite nice. No?

What about them, they're lovely.

I know what I don't want, I really know what I do want.

What about this one, it's halter-neck.

-That's nothing I'd normally go for.

-This one?

-It's so big. I don't think I could wear it.

There you go.

I like the whole feel of it but it's not me.

Can we see you try one on. They look different once you've got them on.

Stunning. Turn around.

I could never, ever wear anything like this.

-What about if it was shorter?

-No, I'd feel ridiculous.

Is that the one that was in the window?

Yeah, I couldn't handle that train.

I'd just fall over.

I'm getting really worried now.

Beyond difficult, I don't know how he will do it.

-Beautiful.

-I don't think I really like wedding dresses. I just feel like a bit of a dickhead.

Oh, dear.

I look too wide.

-That is beautiful.

-Lovely.

-I look dumpy and short in it.

-Oh, for God's sake.

-You don't.

-Like a dumpy, little, short toilet roll.

I don't really know what type of wedding dress I want so I don't know how he's going to know.

Let's try that one.

I don't know, actually. That one, that one. What d'you think?

Can Ian do it? I really don't know.

If I had a dress that was wrong and I hate it and I felt uncomfortable in, I'd be so pissed off,

I wouldn't even want go to my own wedding.

Sounds like a mission impossible for Ian and Neil.

As they set out to buy a gown for the bride who hates wedding dresses.

Hello.

-Oh, hello.

-Hello. Are you all right?

-Do you need a wedding dress?

-Yeah, please.

Where do we start? I mean what do you think she should be in?

I, I, this is really difficult.

OK, let's start with what do you imagine her wearing?

God. What I really don't want is too much bling.

-Um.

-No bling?

That's not going to be easy in here.

-Is that too much in the way of...

-A little bit too much bling.

Again.

-Too blingy.

-Yeah, too blingy.

-Comes with or without this.

I don't know if it's just too much of a risk.

-She's going to wear it one day. Then she's going to put it in a box.

-It's a special day!

Oh, you're sick!

If she doesn't like it she's not going to be too happy.

-I actually like that top half.

-Like the top half.

Kind of the theme, you know.

-A little bit Titanic.

-So tell me about Titanic.

He's getting married on a battleship.

-Oh.

-I know, yeah, it's a bit random.

Boutique owner, Jean, picks up on Ian's nautical theme.

That would look very good on the deck.

-Would you be actually interested in something that's sort of like an oyster colour at all?

-Yeah.

I didn't even know they really go...

I'm just like... I'm so new to it I haven't a clue.

What's the colour scheme of your wedding?

For instance have you picked colours...

-Oh, no.

-For bridesmaids?

I don't know, I'm not sure yet.

Ian's struggling to make a decision and the bride has a bad feeling about what he's up to.

So how worried are you about the dress?

I don't know what I want from a dress myself so, like I haven't found a dream wedding dress.

-That's what scares me.

-You don't like wedding dresses.

-You know what she's like, she's so particular.

-Yeah.

If I really hate it...

I couldn't wear it, to be honest.

-You couldn't, or you wouldn't?

-Wouldn't.

-Are you feeling confident?

-It's all new to me.

-They all look the same to me.

We'll see.

I'm a bit worried.

I like the shape.

I think it's too much at the bottom.

I don't like the bottom, the bling either, in the middle.

-How about that?

-The bling.

-The bling.

I like the fit.

I just don't like the top.

You don't like the top?

Why?

I don't know why.

No.

-Just keep it easy. No.

-Yeah. OK.

I don't know about the lace.

No. I don't think the lace.

I actually like that. I do, do you?

Yeah, I do, yeah.

-It sort of fits in.

-Purely because of the venue.

On a battleship.

D'you know what I mean, it seems like a bit of a Titanic dress.

My horrific dress is something really low-cut and a bit slutty and it's got a lot of breast on show.

I think that will look really nice.

I mean there will be a bit of cleavage.

I think the top half will look awesome.

And kind of meringue-y, just going really out.

-The bottom, I think, would bother her, being so kind of...

-Odd.

My worst nightmare.

Perhaps a Conservative satin dress will float Reanna's boat.

I can just imagine him and Neil getting dress blur and going insane.

You can do this sort of thing where it's one strap.

I like that, now.

It's nice. It's safe. I like it with the strap on.

You'd like you with a strap on?

After over two hours of dress shopping it comes down to the low-cut fishtail Titanic dress.

Or the safe one shouldered satin number.

This is where it's getting difficult.

Let's choose. It's so hard.

Have you ever known Ian to make the wrong decision or not get it right?

If he takes too long to choose something he won't listen to anyone, he'll go a bit interior

and then deciding on something he thinks I love when it might be hideous.

-It's risky.

-It is risky but I actually really love it.

I just want to look amazing, and if I don't and it's like a really chavy dress.

I'm just going to throw a massive mood.

I like it, I like it.

-Yeah. Yeah.

-Yeah.

It's a sexier dress. It's a prettier dress.

It's sexier, yeah.

It's another bold decision by Captain Ian.

# You're here... #

But when Reanna sees he's gone for the Titanic dress will she get that sinking feeling?

I'm well chuffed now.

Thank God for that, eh?

At Reanna's house the invites have arrived.

It's a picture of a monkey.

"Reanna, you're invited to the wedding of Reanna Philippa

"and Ian Bowman on Saturday 22nd May at..."

I don't think I can tell anything from the wedding for this,

because obviously it's not going to be in a zoo.

But what will Mum and Dad think when they find out the wedding's on HMS Belfast?

-Oh, my God.

-Oh, my God!

-Is this real?

-I can't believe it.

I'm gobsmacked. I didn't expect this.

I've not been to a wedding on a ship before.

This is so not Greek, isn't it?

Back in Broadstairs, the boys are on a mission to get their suits.

Well, Ian's on a mission. And his first mate?

Am I bothered? I'm not bothered, no.

Not at the moment.

Maybe later on when we've done another four hours of buying a suit

-I might have the arse.

-Curb your enthusiasm.

-How can I help you guys?

-We're after suits for a wedding.

-Ah, OK.

-Very slim fitting suits.

Ian get's stuck in while Mr Enthusiastic takes a back seat.

-Skinny tie.

-Don't really care.

Just get it over and done with.

I don't care, whatever you think, we'll go with it.

Cheer up!

It looks like Pulp Fiction to me, that's all I can think of.

Neil reckons he's got what it takes to pull off the look.

Can you put some trousers on?

He asks for a pair with a 32 inch waist.

Maybe I'm a 34.

Shit, you are a 34, aren't you.

-Shit.

-It's going to burst.

-Yeah, we'll get you a size up.

Next he tries on a 34.

I think you are actually a 36.

-Try a 36.

-Keep going, mate.

-It's them takeaways, Neil.

-36.

I think you should try 38.

This is going to be embarrassing. I can't bend.

Could you assume the drinking position?

Here I'll rest it on my belly.

-Happy?

-Yeah, I like it a lot.

We'll have it.

I make this shit look good.

They've got the suits but Neil's worked up an appetite.

Two sausage rolls and two pasties, I'll have you know.

At this rate he'll be needing a 38-inch waist come the wedding.

Captain Ian needs to buy bridesmaids' dresses to go with his nautical theme.

But will bridesmaids Lynsey and Carly get on board with his colour scheme?

As long as they don't take a long time because I haven't got much patience for clothes shopping.

I'll be like, I like this and I like that.

He'll be like, "Just bloody pick something."

-All right, girls?

-Hi.

All right then. Brief.

I just want them to look really nice, sophisticated, blue, navy blue.

All nice and sort of plain.

They hit the rails but navy is not floating their boat.

-Ian.

-It isn't navy, don't waste your time. Blue.

That's not navy blue.

-What about...?

-No.

You definitely don't want to change colour? You definitely want to be navy?

The colour scheme is sort of white and blue.

Oh, no!

I think it's more of a problem for them.

They seem to be making it a bit of an issue. But it's all right.

-The girls are ignoring Ian's brief.

-What do you think about this one?

It's really pretty.

I think this one is gorgeous, yeah?

-Definitely.

-I know it's not navy blue...

-I'm warming to it.

-Love it!

-And they're getting away with it.

-That one.

-Bring them along.

-What about that one there?

-Bring it along.

Yeah, yeah. That's nice. Just add it to the pile.

Ian's a defeated man.

-It's a bit nightdressy.

-Yeah, I know.

Ian...?

-Bad.

-I've actually got Mary in it.

-Ah, man...!

-Who chose this?

-What do you think?

-If you like them and that...

-I'm not in love with them.

-You're not in love with them?

-Out of all of them, they feel the most...

-Out of all of them, they're best by far.

If you want to go and have a look, see if there's any other ones, by all means do.

I suppose we could do. Right.

Unable to agree on a dress, the bridesmaids hit the rails one last time.

There's two of them, so they're always going to have different opinions.

-Do you like that?

-Mm, a bit too spangly.

Maybe it's a bit too girlie-girlie.

It's a bit...puffy, though, isn't it?

For BLEEP sake.

That's why I never come shopping.

It is really tight.

I quite like them.

-I feel a bit too sexy, rather than...

-Oh, dear!

They're quite nice.

I feel like I'm in a nightie.

We've been here for about three hours.

This is a bit too casual, isn't it?

Too casual. Would have been better if Neil was here, I think.

These are quite cute, though.

How's it looking?

These are quite cute.

They might be the right colour, but they're not exactly bridesmaidy.

I like them.

It goes with the nautical, if you got some really nice court shoes and some flowers.

-I think they'd fit in quite well. Go for that.

-Yeah?

-Cool.

-Decision made.

What will Ian's fashionista bride make of his random choice of a smock dress with zip front?

They're girls, aren't they? And when you've got two girls, together, it's going to take a long time.

But I'm actually quite happy with it. It's not weddingy at all.

On a roll, Ian spends £385 on a registrar...

I'm glad I'm not getting married there.

-..750 on flowers...

-Tell us, Fowley, what is it?

Mate, I'm not... I'm just letting you go with this one.

..and 800 on a photographer.

It's not a fake wedding, I promise.

It's a normal wedding. It's just quick.

So, with a week to go, Ian's spent £11,500 of his budget.

He's booked the wrong band, bought a risky wedding dress,

and chosen a very British battleship for a big Greek wedding.

The menu's a bit expensive.

And it's causing a lot of problems, logistically.

I might have gone a little too far with the money on that.

But I'll work with it.

It'll be all right. I'll make some cutbacks in other places.

He's got just £500 left, and still needs to pay for the hen night, stag do and rings.

But there's one thing he's not prepared to skimp on, even though he's strapped.

Shoes.

Reanna's shoes.

-I don't care.

-For a change!

You decide. They don't have to be expensive, do they?

Kitten heels or high-heeled, four-inch - I don't care.

You've got something in mind?

Are they over £300?

You're a mug.

I'm getting a hired suit and she's getting £300 shoes?

All right, move on.

What have you got set for the hen do?

Make-up lessons for the big day!

In a cunning move, Ian is giving the girls a makeover for their hen do.

Start in the centre of the face, and then take it out.

He's run out of money for a make-up artist on the day, so they've got to learn how to do it themselves.

So just apply it to the apple of your cheek. It gives you that really nice, fresh-faced look.

I just feel like...ah, ah!

There's no budget left for a stag, so the boys are staying in.

Aah...

Is that your stomach?

Huh? You're hearing my stomach? Yeah.

I need that Indian.

Hi there. Can I order a takeaway, please?

At Auntie Anne's, Reanna and the girls are ready for their hen night.

-Quickest I've ever got ready.

-Are you ready?

-Has he arranged transport?

-Nope.

We're going to drive.

Some of us are going to drive.

And your dad's kindly stayed behind to give some of the girls a lift.

-So it's not a problem.

-Quick thinking, Auntie.

With the budget spent and Dad playing cabbie, the girls make their own way into town.

Bit annoyed that we had to get our own transport, but...

I think he might have just had too much on his mind. I'm not sure.

I just thought taxis but maybe Reanna was thinking, "Oh, it's a really swish car."

But hopefully he would have organised some transport for the wedding.

Not only did Ian not book any transport...

He's paying for a round of drinks.

..but he's not paying for dinner, either.

The budget's obviously a bit tight.

I wonder why the budget's tight!

Perhaps he shouldn't have spent half of it on a battleship.

As Ian is paying for a round of drinks,

I think it'll have to be bottles of champagne all round.

Ian would choke on his curry if he knew one round of drinks was costing him 164 quid.

-Look at her! How much has she had to drink?

-Oh, yeah.

Looks like the girls have got the last laugh.

Reanna's off to check out wedding rings.

I'd like something platinum, quiet luxury-ish, and just

timeless, yeah.

-The boys are shopping, too. But they're not headed to Cartier.

-We haven't got a lot of budget left.

-That's why we're at Argos.

-That's why we're at Argos.

Do you realise how cheap you look?

That platinum band is nice.

It's one of the most meaningful symbols you can have in a wedding,

so I think Ian should dedicate...a grand for two rings.

I think that's quite reasonable.

£27.98 later...

-Ready for this?

-What is that?

I don't think it's tight. I think it's...managing your money.

If he got something really, really cheap, I'm not going to wear it.

-This does the job. It's fine.

-It doesn't say Argos on it anywhere.

I know. It's a nice box as well, isn't it?

It's the day before the wedding, and the moment that the bride who hates wedding dresses has been dreading.

-Hi!

-Hi, I'm Reanna.

Nice to meet you.

Come on in, then. So do you want to try the dress on today?

Yeah. Very scared.

Come on, let's go downstairs.

If there's one thing Reanna didn't want, it was a low-cut neckline and a big skirt.

So will Ian's fishtail Titanic dress float her boat, or send her overboard?

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-OK. I'll just find it.

Ah...

I think it's gorgeous! What do you reckon?

Would you like to see the back?

I just want to see what the thing in the middle looks like.

I don't know what these straps are going to look like, on.

-Sorry, I can't wait...

-She's going!

-Oh!

-Oh! It's gorgeous!

I love it so much.

-It's lovely.

-I love it.

-It is absolutely beautiful.

-Do you like it?

-Amazing.

-Do I look thin?

-Very.

-You look super skinny. You look a size zero.

It's beautiful.

Perfect. Made to order. You look so beautiful in it.

When I saw it at first I was a bit worried, because I was like...

It was just something I'd never go for, because it's quite ruffley, but on, it's just...

It's absolutely amazing! It's incredible!

-And it's a wedding dress!

-I know, yeah!

I couldn't do this, so Ian did it.

-I couldn't find it. I couldn't.

-No.

He's better than me.

He's the fashionista.

I'm going to cry!

-Can I take this off and see what it looks like somewhere else?

-Yeah.

-I can't believe he chose this.

-It's glamorous.

-It's so romantic.

-It's beautiful.

I feel like I can just relax now. I feel like I've just been...

Oh, God!

I love how I can move and I'll be able to dance in it,

and, like, party the night away, but it's still so bridal.

God, it's just the biggest...nicest, happiest moment ever.

Against all the odds, Ian's Titanic dress is a massive hit.

I love Ian so much for doing this.

And Neil! Both of them. Bless them.

-Beautiful.

-I'd better take it off until tomorrow.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Ooh, hello dress!

But there's one thing missing from the outfit.

I've got Reanna's shoes here.

For the bride who sells designer shoes, let's hope Ian's final £385 is money well spent.

Better had be the right ones.

It's the night before the wedding.

I'm going to marry Ian tomorrow.

I feel really excited and I feel sick with nerves.

I just want it to be special.

I mean, it's your wedding day, and we're only going to do this once, so...

I hope it's memorable.

She's not the only one who's anxious about what Ian's planned.

I'm feeling a bit nervous, actually.

I'd like to think it's all going to come together and Ian's remembered everything.

I hope he hasn't forgotten the Greek contingent.

I think the family, they're expecting something Greek to

come up, and we'll be looking for it, and hopefully it'll be there.

If it isn't there, we'll be harbouring a little bit of disappointment.

It's the morning of the wedding and the bride is feeling upbeat.

I'm just so excited to see him.

I've missed him so much.

I just hope I don't cry too much when I walk down the aisle.

She might well shed a tear when she sees her bargain basement wedding ring.

The really nice expensive rings!

If you lose them don't worry about it.

I'll guard them with my life, mate.

Not to mention the fact that she's about to get married on that battleship.

Oh, man, she wouldn't want to be falling in that dirty water!

That dress wouldn't look very white, would it?

Back at Auntie's Anne's,

the girls are putting their make-up training to good use.

Last bit for the dress - what else do you need?

Oh, my god!

Shoesies!

Oh, they are gorgeous!

SHE GASPS

I think she likes them.

They're beautiful, aren't they?

Look, it's got a little heart in!

-Beautiful.

-They're

-BLEEP

-awesome!

Oh, my God, they're amazing.

They are awesome.

He knows me too well, doesn't he?

This is amazing. They're just the most beautiful shoes I've seen in my life.

Did the Krispy Kreme doughnut delivery come?

-It has.

-That's my wedding cake.

Of course, this groom wouldn't go for a normal wedding cake.

Any thoughts as to what you're going to stack your doughnuts on?

Just one small problem...

I wish I had a large enough plate for you.

So, I think you're going to need to come up with a plan B.

We're just going to trek to the Hilton...

..and see if they've got a spare sort of plate, really.

-Like a platter.

-For the base of this doughnut tower.

And we'll see if we can borrow it for a few hours.

Things aren't exactly shipshape with the girls, either.

-Just absolutely awful.

-They're really creased.

It's just been in a bag, it looks like, for days. Stupid men.

The race is on to get the creases out of the bridesmaids' dresses.

Yeah, no, that's fine.

This bit's not fine.

Yeah, it's definitely come out loads.

Not enough, though.

-Well, just leave it.

-No, you can't leave that. It's awful.

-What do you reckon?

-I reckon you will get away with that.

-Yeah. Perfect, thank you so much.

-Right. One done, one to go.

We've borrowed a tray from the Hilton for a small deposit, so that's brilliant.

Thank God for that.

It's a bit manic. Do you know what?

At this point I'm not bothered.

The creases are out but what will Reanna make of the navy smocks?

-Oh! You look wicked!

-Do you like them?

You both look stunning. I like the shoes.

-Yeah. We chose them.

-The shoes are wicked.

We thought, you know, it would really blend.

-And we've got the same material, silk.

-Yeah.

I like the zip details. They're very modern, they're very cool.

-And your hair both goes with it really well.

-Yeah.

We all going in the same car?

The clock's ticking, and the girls have got to get going to London.

Oooh, it's a people carrier.

There's no limo for this bride.

I can't really sit down in it.

-Where are we going?

-We could be heading for an airport.

Do you know if anyone's ever got married on an open-top bus before?

It's London Bridge.

It could be any of the bridges, really.

Look, we're in the left hand lane. What does this mean, then? Yeah, no.

You OK? You're going to have a good day.

Talking to your shoe? I think it's really got to you now.

SHE SQUEALS

The guests are arriving, but there's no registrar.

Have you got a contact for Macy, your registrar?

-I'm aware that she's now about 15 minutes late.

-Right.

-We have to work out where she is.

-You got the number for the registrar?

I'm going to go and phone her. She's late.

You haven't got it, have you?

If the registrar doesn't make it soon, there's not going to be a wedding.

But the bride is already at Westminster Pier.

Where we going?

What are you thinking?

We're going in a boat. We're going in a boat.

We're getting married on the river. No!

Didn't you say nautical?

Reanna's going to make her entrance by motor launch.

SHE SQUEALS

This is mental!

I can't believe it! I'm just... This doesn't happen to people like me.

Hi, it's Neil from Ian's wedding.

-We're going to London Bridge!

-They're just at London Bridge now. OK, fantastic. OK, sure.

-Is that Tower Bridge?

-Tower Bridge.

Oh no, there's too many bridges, I'm going to get confused!

-All right, thank you.

-The registrar is three minutes away.

But so is Reanna.

-She's late.

-Oh, really?

-She's coming now.

As long as she makes it before Reanna does.

I can't see if that's them or not.

No, that's not coming this way, is it?

Oh, my God, you're not getting married on HMS Victory.

No, what is it? What's the boat called?

Oh, my God.

-Don't start crying.

-They're all on it!

All my people!

I thought we were going to a registry office! We're on HMS Belfast!

I want to go get married!

The registrar has made it on time.

Ladies and gentleman, can I ask you all to stand for entrance of the bride.

The moment's now come for these two persons to contract their marriage before you, their witnesses,

their family and friends.

-I call upon...

-These persons who are present...

-To witness....

-That I, Reanna Georgina Rita Phillippou...

-Ian Bowman....

-Take Ian Bowman...

-Take Reanna Rita Georgina

-Phillippou...

To be my lawful wedded husband...

-To be my lawful wedded wife.

-A wedding ring is the outward sign

of the lifelong promise you've just made to one another.

It's time for the 15 quid wedding ring.

It will get on!

It's on. I give you this ring as a token of my love.

I give you this ring as a token of my love.

You are now lawfully husband and wife.

I've got the most amazing husband in the world.

-I'm overjoyed that you've done this. It's so quirky and incredible, and I love you so much.

-Oh, thank you.

She's so happy. She so happy.

I've never seen her that happy since she was a little girl.

The wedding dress is probably proof that he's done a bit of a blinding job,

because Reanna loved it, and I know she's not a pushover when it comes to clothes.

I know Ian was sweating over how she would feel when she saw the dress, and she looked,

well, I wouldn't like to say, but I would.

So how is the unusual venue going down with the guests?

I must admit, it was a huge surprise.

I know Reanna and always thought North Corby, but this is taking it to a full-on extreme.

Krispy Kreme, oh my God!

Oh my God!

That's the most amazing wedding cake I've ever seen.

-Yeah, a lot of planning went into that.

-It looks like a mound.

-Let me show you.

-The floral decorations are amazing.

They're gorgeous. Did you do that?

-Yeah, of course.

-Look at all this stuff in the back.

Look at this. Look at this.

It actually opens, look.

It's like modern, but nautical. You look up and you've got this crazy ceiling. I love it.

It's cool, it's like industrial and weird.

I love it. It's so cute, it's like a little ship's cabin. It's wicked.

-Like the 1940s.

-Yeah. It's like The Shining.

Talking of horror movies, what will she make of those mannequins?

It turns out she's a fan.

This is my beautiful wife Reanna. I love her to bits. Absolutely love her to bits.

Let me say something about Neil, he hasn't made a single decision, yeah...

LAUGHTER

but he's really, really helped me.

I've known him for nearly 20 years, and in the last three weeks I found out I don't even like him.

-He's so selfish, but he's only here to please Reanna, and I think that is ultimate love.

-Cheers, darling!

Aunty Anne's sharp ears tell her all is not right with the entertainment.

It's not our usual band we have. It's a different band. It could be thumbs-up or thumbs-down.

So will the newcomers be able to win the Greek family over?

When we can tell is when people are happy, they are clapping, they are dancing, and they join together.

That is a Greek band.

GREEK MUSIC PLAYS

SINGING

-The Greek band actually are brilliant.

-They are very, very good.

Everybody's happy, everybody's clappy, everybody's dancing. It's wonderful.

I don't think we actually know what we were doing, but it's been brilliant.

Absolutely brilliant. The end result is this.

Look around, everybody's happy.

The band's got the crowd going, and now it's the moment

everyone's been waiting for - the money-pinning dance.

I have to say, Ian's more than the man I thought he was, because he's delivered. He's done it.

With all that cash, Reanna will be able to afford her dream platinum wedding ring after all.

Well, thank you, really.

I love you so much and I appreciate you so much and I never even dreamed

-that our wedding could be like this.

-There's no need to thank me.

-I do.

You're the most amazing person in the world.

-I'm the luckiest girl in the whole wide world.

-You know I'd do it anyway.

-Oh, shut up.

-I don't deserve you.

-Shut up.

-Thank you.

Next time, Tom and Lottie.

They are Mongolian tents, basically.

I want a dress that goes "Waaah!".

If she wants to put her chav bling on it, fine.

-I'm like that, get it off me.

-I think I'm losing the will to live.

It's way too plain, sunshine.

Ahh!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! He really doesn't know me at all, does he?

Please, I don't want to do it.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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