Anna and Sian Don't Tell the Bride

THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE

Five years of Don't Tell The Bride. 48 brave brides...

48 game-on grooms.

-Dozens of dress disasters...

-Don't panic!

..and one near miss.

Please just get on the plane.

I'm not coming. Game over.

Now we're back for a whole new roller-coaster ride...

..as 12 more blushing brides leave the biggest day of their lives...

Oh, my God!

..in the hands of the men they love.

-The grooms get three weeks...

-No way!

-..and £12,000...

-12 Gs, man!

-Oh, my God!

-Are you ready, mate?

-All ready!

..and the brides get no say in how it's spent.

I just don't want to do this any more.

-So saddle up for tears...

-Hope he got the right one!

-..tantrums...

-Why the hell are we at Thorpe Park on my wedding day?

..and total meltdowns.

I can't even get the wedding planned. I can't... I can't do anything.

Tonight, the pressure's on for tomboy Anna...

This is the biggest decision I've ever had to make.

-..to give her bride-to-be Sian...

-I'm getting nervous now.

..the classy civil wedding of her dreams.

-Oh, my God!

-We'll be divorced before the day's even over.

But how will Anna's tomboyish brain...

She's got big boobs.

..cope in such a girly world?

How do girls do this?

Can her best woman...

-Come on, kids!

-..keep her in check...

and in one piece?

Basically the poo's hitting the fan.

Will she ever unleash her inner girliness?

Oh, no!

-Can this woman...

-I'm mad.

-..give her woman...

-It's vile.

-..a day she'll never forget?

I want to go home, just grab her.

I feel like not marrying her now.

Today, 24-year-old Sian's moving out of the home she shares in Liverpool

with her 31-year-old girlfriend Anna

and the two men in their lives, Zack and Laurence.

These two Scousers are crazy about each other,

but we need to rewind a little

to see where their love story began.

Neither support worker Anna nor fashion manager Sian

were looking for a relationship when they first set eyes on each other

in a gay bar in Liverpool.

I just thought she was gorgeous. I went on to my friend all the time,

"She's gorgeous." She's the nicest- looking thing I ever saw.

-Just looks like a little doll. Oh!

-THEY LAUGH

Cupid had struck. But Anna wasn't going to have an easy ride

from her future girlfriend.

I could see Anna giving me the eye, but I didn't really want to know.

I was trying to act all cool. But we did bump into each other a few times.

-'Oh, good few times.'

-'A good few times!'

Now, when I look back, you were obviously stalking me,

-and playing hard to get.

-Oh, my God! Dream on!

It wasn't long before they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.

'I think she's absolutely gorgeous, and I love her eyes and smile.'

When she smiles, it lights her whole face up. I love that about her.

I can't explain how I knew she was the one.

I just loved everything about her,

and just thought, "Bloody hell, this is a bit mad."

Being with Sian finally gave Anna the courage she needed

to come out to her parents.

When I met Sian, I thought, "I'm going to have to tell her,"

so I said, "Mum, I know you know I'm gay, but I've never told you. So I'm telling you."

She was crying. "Oh, I just want you to be happy!"

"What's her name? Can I meet her?"

Anna knew Sian was the one, and four months later popped the question.

# Baby, I think I wanna marry you #

Anna's big romantic proposal was in a text.

It wasn't. I knew you were going to say that.

-It was in a text!

-It wasn't, because we spoke about it.

Yeah. No, we'd spoke about it, and then in a text one day,

she said, "Let's just get engaged. Let's just do it."

But Anna's not quite so decisive at home.

You haven't opened a single letter or a single bill, or paid one.

'Anna's just hopeless, really.'

She doesn't sort bills out. She can't open letters.

SHE SIGHS Anna, you drive me mad, you know.

Honest to God.

Even her intended has to agree.

Any mail, even... I don't know what it is. I haven't got a clue.

If it's got my name on, I go... I don't open mail.

I've never...never handled "male" in my life.

I have once, but...

SHE LAUGHS

Excuse the pun. So it's no surprise

that Anna's hopelessly wrapped around Sian's little finger.

Who wears the trousers? Physically it's me,

obviously. But...Sian wears the trousers.

-She gets her own way all the time.

-Oh, glad you said that.

Yeah, I agree with that as well. THEY LAUGH

But that's about to change.

For the next three weeks, it's going to be Anna's way all the way.

Oh, Sian, that's ridiculous!

We'll have to hire a lorry or something to get to your mum's.

Don't be dramatic.

The task ahead is huge, because these girls couldn't be more different.

I'm a real girly girl, really.

'I love all my fashion and clothes-shopping and stuff.'

What do you think of this one?

I'm very tomboyish. That's the only way I can describe me.

I am. I'm a tomboy.

But to give her woman what she wants,

Anna will have to immerse herself in Sian's girly world, so to speak.

I've never bought a dress in my life.

I wouldn't know what was a nice dress and what wasn't.

I'd know if the woman was nice that was in the dress,

but I wouldn't know the dress was nice.

Anna's a fish out of water in the world of weddings,

and Sian won't be happy with anything less

than a very big white one.

I've always dreamt of quite a big day, really.

'I want it quite traditional.'

It doesn't mean that the day's got to be any different to if I was marrying a man.

It's a gay wedding, so I wouldn't want us to do traditional.

I want to do something different, cos we are different.

This lesbian love affair is about to be put to the ultimate test,

when Sian leaves her girly wedding in Anna's not-so-girly hands.

Do you think it's going to be a disaster, me arranging it?

Biggest disaster ever.

I think I should've been the bride!

The time has come to say goodbye.

Oh, I've got to go!

Seriously? It's only three weeks!

Oh! This isn't shutting.

Make it shut.

Love you. See you soon.

# When I see your face

# There's not a thing that I would change

# Cos you're amazing

# Just the way you are #

I feel sick. I feel like I've lost my right hand already.

I'll have a chocolate. Always cheers me up.

Chocolate's the answer to everything.

Sian's moving seven miles away, back to her mum's.

-Her sister Stephanie lives just next door.

-You OK?

Ooh, home, sweet home!

Sian's homecoming has reminded Mum Shirley

of the dreams she once had for her daughter's big day.

I just had in my head that she was going to have this big white wedding

one day, and a man! And marrying a man.

But...

I never imagined she'd...

be gay, and marrying a woman.

Sian settles back into her pretty pink bedroom.

I think she looks gorgeous. Bit more of a girly side to her, as well.

I'm going to talk to these every night, just warn her.

Just...

Please, just get this right for me.

She needn't worry. Anna's just called for backup.

# They wanna know

# Who's that girl #

Introducing rapper MC Stylee -

or Jade, best mate of five years and her best woman.

She's more into beat-boxing than bridal wear,

and no more in touch with her feminine side than Anna.

Anna and Jade together is just unthinkable, really.

People assume two women planning a wedding, it'll all be amazing.

But we both lead each other astray at times,

so I don't know what's going to happen.

Eager to give Sian her dream wedding, Anna reveals her vision

for the reception venue - a warehouse.

Something like an outbuilding, just looks wrecked on the outside.

It's perfect for a girly wedding -

assuming the girl in question drives a fork-lift truck.

Don't do it all up on the outside, just the inside,

so as she's coming down, she's going to be thinking,

"What's going on here? Where am I going?"

-Definitely.

-"This is not my venue."

-We can do it inside, though.

-Dead classy. You know what I mean?

Sounds it!

And how do we achieve "classy"? Over to Jade.

Do a masquerade ball, Anna.

I swear to God, it would be amazing.

It would be dead sexy and cool.

Get, like, burlesque dancers on

and all different entertainment and stuff.

-Is that your mates we're on about?

-Trust me. Don't worry about it.

This is your time to show Sian what you can do.

-My time to shine.

-We'll do it.

-Cheers to that, definitely.

Whoo!

So, the idea for Sian's big day is to stick her in a dodgy warehouse

full of guests she won't recognise because they all have masks on.

They meet at the docks, where Jade's lined up a mass-cabaret night,

keen to convince Anna of her plan.

Just get an idea of the entertainment,

an idea of the style, what they're wearing. Just pick up on stuff.

Yeah, that'll be good. I'll have a look, but I just don't know.

In they go. There's nothing wrong with this as a wedding theme -

well, except her. And him.

And him. And her. Is this really what Jade had in mind?

HARD-DANCE MUSIC POUNDS

CHEERING

Oh, do you know what?

Guess the masquerade-ball theme's definitely out the window.

Them people are insane.

Anna, I'm sorry.

THEY LAUGH

At least we know we can wipe that idea clean off the paper.

It's an experience, but that's a bit too much of an experience.

And with that, Jade's masquerade theme falls firmly on its arse.

Anna's still set on a warehouse for the reception,

but she wants somewhere much grander to say her vows.

Today, P is for positivity.

Let's go.

-Are you nervous?

-Yeah, dead nervous.

Liverpool's town hall is certainly grand enough.

It could be the perfect setting for Sian's girly white wedding.

But Anna doesn't want girly. She wants something

more in touch with her masculine side.

This is the seat of power. This is where all the decisions get made.

I can feel it. That's why I'm so overwhelmed and so excited.

It's powerful, Anna.

It shows a side of you, though.

This is a bit more me than Sian. This is a bit more manly.

That's what I mean. It's...

I'm speechless. Anna, it's amazing. It's absolutely amazing.

You can feel what goes on in here.

It's not Sian, though.

Oh, imagine she hates it!

This is the biggest decision I've ever had to make, ever.

That's why I'm struggling. Yeah, it is about making a statement,

but it could just go wrong.

But Anna's prepared to risk £1,000 on making her manly statement.

I just need to know dates. I need to know the availability.

-It's free, yeah.

-Is it? Oh, Jade!

THEY LAUGH

-ANNA MOANS

-Go on, kid!

Oh, I'm nearly crying! I need to hold it together!

THEY LAUGH

-Oh, my God!

-Oh, I'm made up!

SONG: "Who's That Chick" by David Guetta feat. Rihanna

It's back to reception planning, and there's one more woman

Anna still needs to impress with her warehouse idea -

her sister Louise.

Come on, then! Spill.

You might think I'm mad.

Why?

I think Sian's mad for letting you organise the whole wedding.

Everyone's just going to think, you know,

manor house, country garden. I know Sian would want that,

but I'm doing something totally opposite to that.

What?

A run-down area with a warehouse.

ANNA CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

For your wedding day? Sian's like a little princess, Anna.

With the reception venue still to find,

Anna wants to show sister Louise the kind of rough-and-ready style she's looking for.

Meanwhile, just five miles away, Sian's brought her bridesmaid Hannah along to classic Croxteth Hall,

where she's keen to show off the classy feminine style she wants.

This country estate is set in elegant surroundings,

with exquisite rooms perfect for Sian's classic wedding.

This is, like, red carpet. Imagine me walking up the stairs,

-right down here, and then in.

-The ceiling is just gorgeous.

-Imagine just pictures out there.

-Yeah.

Put some nice flowers around, couldn't you?

-Is this what you'd want?

-Yeah.

-This style?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

This exactly is perfect.

I don't think Anna's got a clue what she wants,

-let alone what she thinks I would want.

-She wouldn't like this.

I can't see her here, no. Really.

I can't picture what she'd even do.

You couldn't even begin to imagine.

# Love is in the air

# Everywhere I look around...

It stinks!

# Love is in the air

# Every sight and every sound...

Somewhere like that. In that building, like that.

-No. You're taking the piss.

-I'm not!

I'm not messing, Louise.

I mean, if they had a big room in there,

a big square room, massive, and it was just for me to go in,

a blank canvas, and do it up and make it look amazing...

It looks awful.

There's just no words.

Outside's just perfect, isn't it?

Just all this space, and just looking at the building itself,

it's absolutely gorgeous.

I can't see this being anything Anna would go for.

What will she get?

I dread to think.

# Love is in the air

# Love is in the air #

-Looks like a tramp's little doorway.

-But this is the effect I want.

If you go somewhere spectacular outside, you'll just expect it,

and you won't appreciate it when you go in.

If that was you on your wedding day, would you get out the car

or would you turn round? Honestly?

-I don't know. I don't know.

-Don't say that.

I just hope she thinks along the same lines as what I think.

If she doesn't get this right,

I think we'll be divorced before the day's even over.

HANNAH LAUGHS

No. It'll be all right, won't it?

What's the worst that could happen, really?

Seriously?

Probably best not to dwell on that.

As the search for a gritty venue continues,

Anna hooks up with Jade for a visit to Liverpool's Contemporary Urban Centre.

Could this have the classy feminine feel

that Sian would wish for her wedding?

-This is the mezzanine.

-No.

But it's exactly what Anna's had her heart set on.

Oh, my God, it's amazing! Isn't it?

-Eh?

-No way!

-God!

-You're not stuck to the furniture that's in the room,

-so you could use that...

-That would be well better.

-A more loungey, cooler kind of space.

-Oh, I love it.

-Can we go and have a look up there?

-Course, yeah.

So it's set up at the moment for quite formal dining,

-but you can just change it.

-I'd have these out.

-I don't want these.

-You could have it out.

-This is perfect.

-Anna's got her blank canvas,

so now she can put all her love into making it what she thinks is girly for Sian.

We've got work to do in here now.

We can't just pick the venue and relax.

We got to come and do it.

-You'll be able to put your heart and soul into it...

-My stamp on it.

-..your love into it.

-It's like the pressure's gone,

but now there's a brand-new stress on our heads now, doing all this up.

And the brand-new stress has just cost her two and a half grand.

Home alone - well, not quite.

And now she's ready to start striking more items

off her to-do list.

I can tick that off. Venue.

That's all I CAN tick!

Oh, my God!

Oh, so much to do.

At least someone appreciates her efforts.

Five days in,

and Anna decides it's time to prettify her warehouse.

She and sister Louise are in search of some decor

that will wow the bride to be... at a car-boot sale?

Oh, I think that would be boss, just like that! I love it!

A scooter! That's perfect!

That'll be the centrepiece.

I think you can call it a day, love. That's the decor sorted.

It's just not going good for me today.

I need to find something ASAP.

Not just any old thing, Anna. Something useful, maybe.

Have you got eight - four of them and four different ones?

That's eight chairs, for 200 guests. Do the maths.

And why not throw a couple of mirrors into the mix?

At least it will look like there are twice as many chairs.

Oblivious to the delights that Anna has so far laid on for her wedding,

Sian and her mum are wondering how her beloved is getting on.

If you was arranging it all, would you have it all done by now,

or...

Yeah. More or less, I would think, yeah.

Probably produce a little list of every single thing

that they can think at the beginning, that they're going to need,

and then tick them all off.

If you haven't got a list with you, you end up buying random things.

And Jade's about to see those random things.

OK. We got eight chairs and a mirror, as well.

-Oh, thank you very much.

-Okey doke.

-You feel like you shouldn't leave me on my own no more?

-Never again.

With things so clearly pear-shaped,

Jade decides it's time to have a quiet word. Well, a word, anyway.

This lady standing before us today

needs to be barred from the car-boot sale.

Do not ever sell her Chinese chairs for her wedding again.

Sian's going to be made up.

This is just a load of shit.

Oh, that's a bit harsh! I'll settle for "a pile of junk".

One week over, and so far Anna's approached the girly world of weddings like...well, a bloke.

But never mind. She's out celebrating her stag do

at Liverpool's Gay Pride.

Ashley! You look gorgeous!

-Don't tell the bride!

-You all right?

-Fine, gorgeous. How are you?

-All right. You look amazing!

But one person isn't feeling quite so gay.

Sian has somewhere else to go - work.

I feel horrible that I can't go with her.

It would have been nice for me to go

and kind of show my support and stuff like that.

-I hope you have a good day at work.

-All right. Thanks, Mum.

See you later.

It looks like it's going to rain, so I hope it rains on them all today.

But no-one's raining on Anna's parade today.

RHYTHMIC MUSIC POUNDS

ANNOUNCER: The Dreams!

# We're your dreamgirls

# Boy, we'll make you happy

# Yeah, yeah, yeah

# We're your dreamgirls

# Boys, we'll always care

# We'll be there #

DANCE MUSIC BLARES

But what's missing from this stag?

I've booked you half an hour at Dreamers, all right?

-You haven't!

-I have, I swear.

-Oh, no!

I don't want to dance there. I'll go. I don't want to dance.

-Is that all right?

-Yeah, that's fine.

SONG: "Like A G6" by Far East Movement

# I'm feelin' so fly

# Like a G6 #

SONG: "Little Bad Girl" by David Guetta

# Go, little bad girl

# Little bad girl

# Go, little bad girl

# Go, little bad girl #

THEY CHATTER

It's week two. Anna's spent four grand,

and still only got two venues and some decor.

But she's still missing the gown, cars,

flowers, cake, rings, bridesmaids' dresses...

The good news is, she's up with the birds -

just not HER bird.

The bad news is, she's got to go back to work.

# Tumble out of bed and I stumble to the kitchen

# Pour myself a cup of ambition...

I'm freezing, and my clothes are wet.

I really shouldn't have to go in, but I do.

Booked my taxi.

# Working nine to five

# What a way to make a living #

Anna's back at her job as a support worker all week,

so she'll have to put her wedding plans on hold...

..and reality's beginning to bite.

Don't know what I'm going to do.

I think it's impossible, isn't it?

# Time goes by

# So slowly #

The next four days slip through her fingers...

just like that.

KNOCK AT DOOR

It's high time for some best-womanly intervention.

-All right?

-Oh!

-THEY LAUGH

I need you!

We haven't got nothing.

-Oh, my God!

-What am I going to do?

Basically, the poo's hitting the fan.

-THEY LAUGH

-Oh, no. It's not even funny.

It's a new day, but the same old obsession.

Anna's back on the hunt for warehouse decor.

At least this time she's brought sensible Jade to keep her in line.

Come on, kids!

Or maybe bringing Jade wasn't such a good idea.

SHE SIGHS

Up!

Agh!

THEY LAUGH

-"Mr Humphries, are you free?"

-"I am free!"

-"Menswear."

That's more random clobber sorted.

And to the front desk, please. And to the front desk.

-Thank you.

-THEY LAUGH

Roger that.

THEY LAUGH

In all the stress, the woman who's in charge of her whole wedding

has forgotten her own birthday. But her future missus hasn't.

Arriving home with her sister Louise,

Anna's in for a surprise.

Oh, my God!

Oh, isn't that lovely? Open it!

Oh!

To my Annie. I can't believe, on your first birthday

we should have been spending together, we're apart.

I'm missing you more than anything.

You truly are the most amazing person ever.

You are beautiful inside and out.

SHE SOBS

I'm proud to know that I'm about to become your wife.

Can't wait to see you and your gorgeous smile.

I hope you're not stressing too much, even though I know you will be.

Whatever happens, I love you and always will. Thank you so much.

Love you the whole world and back. Your Sianie.

-SHE SNIFFS

-God!

Oh, my God.

With just over a week to go,

Sian's touching words have given Anna new focus for the wedding.

If she wants to give her beloved the day of her dreams,

Anna will have to find her the bridal gown of her dreams.

But this is the girl who's never bought a dress in her life,

so she won't be leaving without Jade by her side.

I still haven't got a clue about dresses, to be honest,

but I can go and have a look, can't I?

Not yet, she can't, because Jade's not into dresses either,

and has no intention of trying one on,

even for her best mate.

So she's on the hunt for a model.

# I like them tall girls

# I like them short girls...

Which one of youse want to be Sian? Anyone?

Never get lonely in here, would you? Ever.

# I get all the girls

# I get all the girls #

I think you're going to be perfect for the job.

Jade's found her replacement. But she's a bit legless.

Oh, shit!

Finally the best woman arrives with her newfound friend.

-All right?

-Oh, what's that?

-Sian.

-ANNA LAUGHS

We're not carrying that round with us.

Oh, don't worry. She comes to pieces. Look. Hi, babe!

Anna, Jade, and, er...Sian head off to shop.

Whatever happens, the trio can't return home without a wedding dress.

Oh, Sian, sorry.

But with the dummy in pieces, Anna, the blonde bombshell,

drops - well, a bombshell.

When we go to the next shop, maybe you could try something on.

-Would you do that?

-I'll have to.

I'll get more of an idea of what it looks like on.

Oh, this is going to be funny, isn't it?

Do you know what size she is?

I think she was a ten last time I seen her.

This girl needs help.

I'm a bride and a groom at the same time,

but I'm looking for a dress for, obviously, my wife to be,

-but I don't even know what I'm looking for.

-You don't say!

That's a lovely plain one, but it's not too...

That's a lovely Grecian style what Kylie's got there.

-Oh, I like that.

-And there's that one here, as well.

That's nice, as well. There you are, Jade.

-Totally different.

-It is!

-Are you all right to try that on?

-No, she really isn't.

Not very happy about it, are you?

I'm fine, Anna.

THEY LAUGH

She won't even know how to put it on.

Across town, Sian's also taking mum Shirley and bridesmaid Hannah frock-shopping.

And Shirley picks out the dream dress she thinks Sian would love.

-That is absolutely fabulous.

-I do quite like that.

Mum waits with bated breath.

I would like to see her get married in a real one.

-Wow, Sian!

-Oh, my God!

Oh, my word, Sian!

Oh, it's so beautiful!

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, my, Sian, it's fabulous!

You look like a real princess!

While Sian's feeling like a real princess,

Jade's feeling like a right Charlie.

THEY LAUGH

-Jade! Oh!

-THEY LAUGH

Do you like this dress, Anna? Do you want this one?

No, listen... Yeah, it's nice.

SHE LAUGHS

I feel like I'm looking at my brother in a dress.

You can take a picture if you want.

Oh, man!

THEY LAUGH

Yes, photographic evidence is just what she wants!

Never did I think, as a best man, I would be doing this.

SHE LAUGHS

With half the day gone, the girls are yet to be wowed by anything.

Got to have it done by today. I'm doing it today. I'm on a mission.

Sian's on a mission of her own.

She's got something much sexier than a princess dress in mind.

HANNAH GASPS

-Isn't that just fabulous?

-Oh, my God!

In the name of love, Anna's braved the bridal world.

But eight hours in, she's still empty-handed,

and the shops are closing.

Got no dress, no nothing.

No bird.

Luckily one bridal shop is still open.

This is Anna's last chance to get it right for the girl she loves.

I'm up the wall, so I need help.

This is where I need your help, to tell me what her style is.

She's a very girly girl.

She's not your typical-looking-type lesbian,

if you want me to say it just how it is.

-Feminine, floaty, girly look...

-Yeah.

-..would she?

Sian's found her show-stopper.

-Sian!

-It's absolutely gorgeous.

-It's beautiful.

-Absolutely beautiful.

-Isn't it gorgeous?

Oh, Sian!

This is just me. I want it, and that just fits dead nice.

I just love the style of it, and I love this.

-Yeah, I do.

-It's all just glittery and just...

But not too much, not over the top, is it? Do you know what I mean?

It's dead glamorous.

It's graceful and girly all the way for this Grecian goddess.

-Wowzers!

-That's lovely!

Against all the odds, dress-phobic Anna's thinking along the same lines.

Is Sian, would you say, a size smaller than Jade,

-or body-wise...

-No, she's probably the same. Yeah.

She's got big boobs, as well.

Well, we've got room in there to fit big boobs into.

I really like that. I like that bit there at the top.

It's different, isn't it?

-I don't make decisions, as a rule.

-Buy it.

Never made a decision in my life, never mind a huge one like this.

I am getting quite nervous now,

because I've seen exactly what I want now, more or less.

Unless she bought that, I am going to be disappointed, even if it's nice,

because my heart's set on it now.

-Prepare to be disappointed, then...

-Oh, it's stunning.

..because Anna's gone from Grecian to fitted lacy fishtail.

That's... That's what I like.

But I'm thinking, "What if Sian doesn't like it?"

But I think that's stunning. I've got my dress. That's the one.

-Really? Congratulations.

-Thank you.

Oh, it's so emotional, isn't it?

No going back now. You've said it! No going back.

She's gone sappy.

Not again.

I just think it's the most stunning thing I've ever seen,

but I don't know whether Sian will.

Anna's put 12 hours, £1,000 and every ounce of her love

into finding something special for her Sian.

With less than a week to go,

Sian's about to get her first taste of Anna's planning at her hen do.

Oh, my God!

SHE SCREAMS Oh, my God! Look, look, look!

So excited now, and can't wait to see what it is now.

Hiya! Oh, wow!

"Use the props in the bags, no ifs, buts or maybes."

No! Oh, no! Rollers!

I've never put in a roller in my life.

The unwary hens don't get the significance of the rollers.

-Cheers!

-Do we even know where we're going?

-No.

-We're not going skating.

-She wouldn't send us skating.

But roller skating's exactly where she's sent them.

"The budget - £150"! Not much!

Turns out that's not even enough.

She hasn't even paid the skating, which has just set us back £30.

# Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend...

Best get their skates on.

# Think you need a new one

# Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend

# Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend

# No way, no way, it's not a secret

# Hey, hey, you, you, I want to be your girlfriend

# No way, no way

# No way #

Sian's still banging on about the budget.

She gave us £150. £30 spent on roller skating.

We could've got six bottles of wine with that.

"This is on Anna." Yes. How generous! A portion of chips each.

Enjoy!

Thank you!

Ever romantic, my Annie. Sends me skating with a portion of chips!

THEY CHATTER

Who'd have thought we'd come roller skating?

We thought we'd have been eating a slap-up meal. I can't believe it.

I keep thinking it's funny, and then I think, "No, it's not."

The gloves are off and the heels back on.

But Sian's not skating around the subject.

I was expecting a spa weekend or something for my hen,

not two hours of skating.

Anna's failed her first girly test,

and Sian can't hide her disappointment to sister Stephanie.

I can't do this. If this is how I'm going to feel on the wedding day,

it's not right. I just want to go home now and... I know I can't,

but just grab her.

I'm just scared now what the wedding's going to be.

Four days to go, and Anna's blown half of her budget.

But she needs to find her feminine side

if she's to get this wedding right.

-I don't know how much bridesmaids' dresses are.

-Underwear, shoes,

earrings, makeup, hair...

-Oh, fuck off.

-Oh, Anna!

Time is money. Money is time, isn't it?

They're going to have to step it up a pace.

First up, girly, glamorous bridal shoes.

I don't know if that looks nice or not.

-Try it on.

-Oh, it's not for me! Fuck trying that on.

I can do it myself, ta.

I don't know how these go.

Don't ask her.

Oh, how do girls do this?

Whoa! Feel like I'm on stilts.

Oh, I'm scared in case I fall! What do you think?

Anna, you look amazing.

It's the blind leading the blind.

You just put one foot in front of the other, don't you?

Can't do it.

-Whoo!

-Whoo-hoo!

I couldn't wear something like that for a million pound.

-Can I have them, then, please?

-Yeah, sure.

-Thank you very much.

On a roll, the girls head to women's wear

for blue bridesmaids' dresses.

Hannah and Stephanie can only wait and worry.

Are youse here for bridesmaids' dresses?

-HANNAH SCREAMS

-All right?

Before you've even seen them, you're slagging them off!

Now, you don't mind hot pants, do youse?

-Oh!

-What do you think?

-They're nice.

-What do you think of the colour? Do you like it?

-Yeah.

Are they all right? Really?

I think she's getting the hang of this.

Ooh, very nice. Turn around. Let's see the twirl.

-ANNA LAUGHS

-Yeah, very nice.

Do you like them, Jade? Nice, aren't they?

That's £600 well spent on a very ladylike choice.

After three weeks of wedding planning,

it looks like the tomboy's finally found her inner girl.

Got a feminine side I didn't know I had.

It's the day before the wedding,

and Sian's about to come face-to-face with the only dress

that Anna's ever bought in her life -

the bridal gown that she spent 12 hours lovingly looking for.

THEY CHATTER

THEY LAUGH

Oh, my God!

Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, it can't be anything like that.

-You all nervous?

-Oh, God, yeah.

Do you want me to bring it out and let you see it first?

-You should see it first.

-You were going to blindfold yourself.

No, go on. I'll see it. I'll see it first, please.

-OK.

-Thank you.

-SHE LAUGHS

-It'll be... It'll be lovely.

Oh, God.

Oh, no!

I don't believe it.

Oh, I don't like it. I don't like it.

I just don't see why she'd think I'd like that.

-SHE SOBS

-Go try it on.

It will look different.

Will things look up when she tries the dress on?

They certainly can't get much worse.

You see, sometimes, like you say,

things can look well nicer on than they do off, so...

Wait there.

Look.

-It's gorgeous.

-Oh, my God, Sian.

-It's fabulous.

Oh!

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, I don't know.

-It's not me.

-It's lovely, Sian.

-It's not me.

It looks lovely on you, absolutely beautiful.

-I think it looks gorgeous.

-Oh, I don't know.

I'm not, like, dead happy with it.

I'm not going to lie.

-SHE SIGHS

-Do you think it'll grow on you?

No. I just feel, like, dead frumpy.

It's not me at all.

I don't believe that she'd pick this.

It's not my style. It's not me.

I can't see why she would look at this and go, "That's my Sianie."

No. It's vile.

What are you going to do, then?

Kill her. Absolutely kill her.

Your other option is to go into the shop and pick something else.

Can she do that?

Obviously it's got to be within the same price range,

-or we'll have to ring Anna.

-Which is?

-£949, so...

I'm going to have to have a look for something else and see.

It's because she's had her heart set on that one in the other shop.

Remember the first dress, with the side cut out?

I don't know what she's going to do, then.

Are you ready to come in, ladies?

THEY LAUGH

I love it. It's absolutely beautiful, Sian.

All the detail here, and it's got colour, as well, in it.

It is gorgeous.

I do actually really like it.

I think it's absolutely gorgeous.

I'm going to kill her. I can't believe what she's done to me.

I'm dreading the day tomorrow,

because the hen night was wrong, this was wrong...

What else? It comes in threes.

Do you want me to ring Anna?

I think someone should, yeah.

RINGING TONE

-Hello? Is that you, Hannah?

-Yeah, it is.

-What's up?

-She tried the dress on,

but she just feels like it's not her,

so she's gone for a different dress.

Are you OK?

Anna?

Yeah. Sorry.

Er, hold on.

She just feels like... The dress, it made her feel uncomfortable.

OK. As long as she's comfortable, that's all right.

-SHE SIGHS

-All right, then.

"Is it OK?"

Yeah.

"OK."

Ta-ra.

Oh...

She didn't sound too happy then, did she?

-She sounded a bit disappointed, didn't she?

-She did say that.

Yeah. No. I've got to... It's got to be this one.

Yeah. I'm going for this.

It's the night before the wedding...

..and Anna's trying to put her last bit of love into the venue.

But the earlier call has made her question how well she really knows her woman.

Just today's been the worst day ever.

It's just...

I don't know. Just depressed me, today.

The worst bit was when Hannah phoned me

saying Sian didn't like the dress.

I feel like not marrying her now.

Three weeks of worry, stress and tears,

and it's the day they say "I do".

Anna's girly surprises start to turn up,

as she's splashed out on makeup for her future wife.

Oh, wow! Yay! Come in!

Bring the two bridesmaids in for me, please.

THEY LAUGH

She's even remembered to capture the moment.

SIAN GASPS Hello! Oh, my God!

Ooh!

Oh, my God!

Oh, how gorgeous!

SHE SOBS

I'm crying again.

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, they're gorgeous!

Oh, that must be for our Mad.

SHE SOBS Oh, wow!

-Look at your magic wand.

-She's done us so proud,

honest to God.

SHE SOBS

Why are you crying? Oh, my God!

Even Anna and Jade are getting dolled up.

THEY LAUGH AND SHOUT

That is really lovely.

More surprises. Anna's arranged vintage cars for her traditional bride.

Ooh, Sian!

Oh!

Now everything's kind of fitting into place,

and she's thought of everything. Little angel. Can't wait to see her.

-CHEERING

-All right, baby?

All right? Where's my little brave boy?

Hello, my little man!

That looks boss!

I done it, and with two minutes to spare.

We're going to be so late, aren't we?

That's the bride's prerogative, though, isn't it?

Sian!

Sian!

Oh, my goodness, Madison, look at you!

Oh, you look like a princess, like me!

THEY SCREAM

-THEY LAUGH

-Oh, Sian!

THEY CHATTER AND LAUGH

-Oh, my God, I love them!

-You look like a princess.

-Wow!

Oh, wow!

So far, so feminine.

But what will Sian make of the town hall she'll be taking her vows in?

Bye!

HORN BEEPS

-I just want to know where it is.

-I know.

Maybe it's going to be, like, a hotel.

I know it's going to be the registry office.

-Hasn't he gone too far for it to be the registry office?

-I don't know.

-Oh, my God, it's the town hall.

-Not really.

It is. It's the town hall. Oh, my God, there's Annie!

Oh, my God!

SONG: "At Last" by Ella Fitzgerald

# At last

# My love has come along

# My lonely days are over

# And life is like a song #

-Doesn't she look beautiful?

-Beautiful, yeah.

-Anna, are you going to start us off?

-Yeah.

-I, Anna Marie Mumford...

-I, Anna Marie Mumford...

-..pledge to share my life...

-..pledge to share my life...

-..with Sian Marie Williams.

-..with Sian Marie Williams.

I promise to cherish and care for you...

I promise to cherish and care for you...

-..to honour and encourage you...

-..to honour and encourage you...

-..and this is my promise to you.

-..and this is my promise to you.

-Sian, I give you this ring...

-..as a token of my abiding love...

..as a token of my abiding love...

..and as a sign of the promises we have made here today.

..and as a sign of the promises we have made here today.

-Wear it always...

-Wear it always...

-..as a reminder of my love for you.

-..as a reminder of my love to you.

It is now my great pleasure to pronounce you as partners in love

and partners in law. Shall we give them a big round of applause?

-You look stunning.

-Even though it's not the dress you picked?

Even though it's not the dress.

-I love you.

-I love you.

-It's perfect.

-You might divorce me when you see what's going on.

I'll save judgement on that one. THEY LAUGH

Time to whisk the bride off to her industrial estate.

HORN BEEPS

Don't judge a book by its cover, Sian.

It's going to be like an old building or something, isn't it?

There's nothing round here!

Nothing at all.

Sian, you're worried. You're all worried.

Of course I'm worried. Look where you've brought me!

-You've got to go up in a lift.

-Who the hell comes up in a lift

-on their wedding do?

-Me and you.

-I like this.

-I've got the butterflies.

SHE GASPS

Looks like Anna ditched her junkyard theme...

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

..to display an understated elegance she never knew she had.

Oh, wow!

Wow, wow, wow! Let's go and look at the cake!

SHE GASPS Anna!

Oh, and it's got butterflies on the cake!

Oh, my God, Anna, that is just absolutely gorgeous.

Thank you!

Ah, stop crying!

-SHE SOBS

-You don't have to cry.

I just really... What the hell's that over there?

THEY LAUGH

That's who we took around to try all the dresses on!

THEY LAUGH Oh, my God!

Where did you find her?

Oh, my God, Anna, this is just un-... Like, unreal.

Unreal. When I was thinking I was getting married,

I'd never have thought of anything like this.

Who would have seven Chinese chairs...

Eight. Eight Chinese chairs.

I wouldn't have thought of anything like this.

Thank you.

You're worth it, OK?

Oh, baby, I love who you are!

You're the best! Thank you.

I'm proud of myself. Made up.

It's been a roller coaster. I haven't cried for years,

and I've cried every day doing this. Every day.

Most days. I was in tears yesterday.

But it's worth it.

It's been amazing.

I'd like to announce the newlyweds downstairs.

The newlyweds, Anna and Sian. Congratulations, girls!

-Whoo!

-CHEERING

And a round of applause for Sian and Anna!

Anna put her heart and soul

into making a wedding fit for both of them,

and all in the name of love.

I think today she's pulled it off perfect.

I really do believe that, like. She couldn't have done better.

PARTY MUSIC PLAYS

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, doesn't it?

Especially when you've got this at the end of it.

Amazing. It's fabulous.

I wouldn't have had this day if it weren't for Anna.

I love her more than anything in the world.

I couldn't ask for a better person to be marrying today.

THEY CHEER

I can't even explain how proud I am, cos she'll get a fat head.

-SHE LAUGHS

-We done it, didn't we?

-We pulled it off.

-We pulled it off.

-Done it.

-Civil partnership. Everyone, do it.

SONG: "One Kiss From You" by Raphael Saadiq

# It was that one kiss from you

# That changed my life in just a minute, girl...

Today has just completely blown me away.

Every single thing about today has just been perfect.

'She just outdone anything that anyone could have imagined.'

I'm just so happy. I'm amazed with that.

Obviously I've got to marry someone I can, er...

She's done this for me. I just can't thank her,

and even Jade, enough.

# It was just that kiss from you

# That showed me life could be so beautiful

# Beautiful, beautiful...

-My Sianie!

-Ah, my Annie! Yeah!

# Took the words right out of my mouth #

I couldn't wait to see you,

and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

Ahh!

Next week - the stakes couldn't be any higher.

Here's to having a second chance at life!

We didn't know if she'd die, if she'd end up paralysed.

Will the groom put a smile on her face...

This is my wedding day! It's not a joke!

..and survive the sister-in-law from hell...

Get this sorted, or you'll see my bad attitude!

..before the bride loses control?

Not many women would let a rugby player do the wedding for them.

Definitely buy more than knickers now.

-Tell Monobrow I'll see her on Thursday.

-I don't want to get married now! It's just a sham!

SONG: "Bass Down Low" by Dev

SHE RAPS UNDER POUNDING BASS

# If you want to get with me, there's some things you gotta know

-# Put your hands in the air one time

-# I like my beats fast

# And my bass down low

# Bass down low

# Bass down low

# I like my beats fast

# And my bass down low

# I like my beats fast

# And my bass down low #

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