Josh and Stacie Don't Tell the Bride

Five years of Don't Tell The Bride.

48 brave brides.

48 game-on grooms.

-Dozens of dress disasters.

-Don't panic.

And one near-miss.

-Please, just get on the plane.

-I'm not coming. Game over.

Now we're back for a whole new rollercoaster ride.

As 12 more blushing brides leave the biggest day of their lives...

Oh my God...

..In the hands of the men they love.

-The grooms get three weeks...

-Go away!

-..And £12,000.

12 Gs, man!

-Are you ready?

-Born ready, mate!

And their brides get no say in how it's spent.

I don't want to do this any more.

So saddle up for tears...

-Tantrums.

-Why the hell are we at Thorpe Park on my wedding day?!

..And total meltdowns.

I can't do a wedding for her. I can't do anything.

Tonight, the pressure's on for Gloucester rugby lad Josh.

What is wrong with that? It's a dress. It's green.

I hate shopping. I hate shopping!

..Who's desperate to impress his demanding bride-to-be.

I don't want to get married at a hotel.

It's what I want, it's my wedding!

Stacie's used to being in control.

Josh! Can you make me some breakfast, please?

But now she's no control over the biggest day of her life.

It's perfect. What's he thinking though?

Will our groom nail it... under the weight of expectation?

I'm panicking now, Dar.

I dunno! Oh, my God! If I get it wrong...

Or will his good intentions be undone by bad decisions?

There would be no wedding if no guests were there.

We'll get there just before everyone else at this rate.

Will this devoted prince give this demanding princess the most romantic day of her life?

Can we just take a breather and just remember it is all about me?

That's all our 2p's!

Four vodka and Cokes and three pints don't cost £60, and that's why we can't save for a wedding.

23-year-old trainee nurse Stacie is getting ready to move out of the house she shares

with 22-year-old forklift driver Josh, so he can arrange her dream wedding.

-Are you going to miss me?

-Lots and lots.

She makes me laugh, she winds me up.

She does my head in. I can't be without her. Even her annoying side I love!

He sits on me and feeds me doughnuts, that's why I got fat so I don't run away and leave you.

You try and love a woman, they throw it back in your face.

I've been one of those girls that are like, "I don't need a man, I can do it all by myself",

but I think I would actually be really lost without him.

They met five years ago in a nightclub in Gloucester

and last year Josh finally popped the question.

He put candles...

Right where that dog poo is. I put candles...

-Will you marry me?

-And then took her upstairs.

I was in that room there and looked out on him. Aw!

He's set the bar now.

He's shown his romantic streak, so now he's got to improve on it.

They live together with Josh's parents and two younger brothers, while they save for their own place.

Is it too hot for you?

Stacie may be a trainee nurse, but she's a fully-qualified princess.

Stacie can be a nightmare, big time, when she's not getting her own way. Definitely.

The first couple of months we was fighting and I was like, "I'm not having this",

then she just ground me down, ground me down. In the end, I was just underneath the cover,

crying, just snivelling.

In a nice way!

In contrast, devoted Josh will do anything to please his demanding bride-to-be.

Josh! Can you make me some breakfast, please?

In general, Stacie does pretty much get what Stacie wants, definitely!

-Here you go, my love.

-A princess should be treated like a princess.

When buy her something nice, the look on her face, it makes it worth it, really.

When he's not doing everything for Stacie, Josh devotes himself to his other love.

Rugby.

It's a great game, a great sport, it's a really good release.

Something to look forward to. You get to see your mates.

Josh spends whatever free time he has hanging out with his team-mates at the local rugby club.

I think I just enjoy going up there and just being...

the atmosphere, and stuff like that.

They are loud.

They get naked all the time.

It's all testosterone.

Josh is half-Irish, and Stacie's dad is from Jamaica,

but our little princess has her heart set on a very traditional English wedding.

My perfect wedding would be a pamper session downstairs. You know, facials, massages...

So there are a few things Stacie wouldn't mind him knowing.

The horse and carriage is then going to take us to St Leonard's church...

Can Josh possibly give her everything she wants? Well, he'd better!

Oh, and I want people ringing bells. So the whole place knows me and Josh are getting married.

This'll be a time to show it's been done, and it's been done in my time.

You haven't got to worry, you haven't got to stress.

I can't believe you're getting married, Josh! You can't even organise a piss-up!

I feel sick. I really feel sick.

Come on, it'll be OK.

It's time to say goodbye.

The next time they'll see each other will be at the wedding.

Come on, then.

-Love you.

-Me too.

-See you at the wedding.

See you at the wedding.

See you later, babe. Love you. Bye!

All of a mile down the road, and for the first time in two years,

Stacie's moving back in with her mum, Lesley.

I'm home!

Oh, boy!

Josh is moving into a crash pad in the centre of Gloucester

so he can be nearer his best man, 22-year-old Darren.

-This is it, mate.

-Needs a lick of paint or summat.

Darren is a team leader at a care home, so let's hope he'll be using those organisational skills

to help Josh plan the wedding.

We'll have to spruce this place up a bit, I reckon.

Don't worry about it being bare! It's all about "fung shway" and all that, mate.

The success of Stacie's big day lies squarely in the hands of these two.

-That ain't a double.

-It is!

..But between them, they can't even make a bed!

-Put it on and just try.

-It ain't gonna fit down here, is it?

What are you doing? Get in the bottom corner!

I'm going to get a drink.

Yes, boys, that'll help(!)

Josh hasn't been gone long, but Stacie's already laying down the law -

this time to long-suffering mum Lesley and her half-sister Zoe.

I want Zoe to hold my train behind me. Zoe's not going first.

It's what I want. It's my wedding!

Can we, like, take a breather and just remember it's all about me?

..And Josh, it's, like, my day.

If you think those aren't any good, what do you want?

A stately home, not a hotel. I don't want to get married or have my venue at a hotel.

Well, no-one's telling you it's the Black Swan, or something.

I don't want to get married at a hotel!

When you have that entrance, I want that entrance at a stately home, huge.

Josh is convinced he's found the perfect venue to impress his beloved bride-to-be for her big day.

-You've got the bars already there.

-Everybody knows where it is.

-Easy to get to.

And the guests could all stay over afterwards, too...

at his local hotel.

-Hiya, all right.

-Hi, I'm Josh, how are you doing?

Gents, this is the Moat Suite. The ideal room for your civil wedding reception.

It looks quite nice in here. She likes all them fairy lights, stuff like that.

Oh, look, it's lush.

Stacie's thinking more stained glass than fairy lights at her more traditional ceremony

at their local church.

-This is very picturesque, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-It makes it a little bit more special, doesn't it, in a church?

-It makes the wedding real.

-Being married...

-Listening to those bells.

-Being married by a priest.

-Vicar.

Or a registrar at a hotel.

Look! It's huge.

So this is where I'd walk, wouldn't I?

-I'd walk in here...

-All your guests would fit.

-Yeah, you'd fit all of them in here.

It's really peaceful here, isn't it?

I like the beams and the high ceiling.

-Very, very traditional.

-Yeah.

It just feels like the only right way to get married is at a church.

It's what you dream of when you're a little girl.

She probably also dreamed of a groom who knows what kind of wedding she wants.

So this is the Hatherley Suite, this is would be the ideal room for your evening reception.

An alternative venue for the civil ceremony as well.

What do you reckon, Dar'?

-It's a nice size room.

-I like it.

The hotel's all-inclusive deal might be a tempting offer, but the boys are finally coming to their senses.

It's just one of those ones that...it's all right.

It's adequate, sort of thing. I'm happy, but not like, overjoyed.

-That's not a bad shout, I think you're right.

-I don't think you should set your heart on this place.

It's the first place you've seen.

That's just hit home, then. You want it to be a wow, don't you?

Wow. Oh my gosh!

Wow! I'm going to get married where lords and ladies lived!

Stacie has found one of the most spectacular country houses in the Cotswolds for her ideal reception.

She's brought Mum and half-sister Zoe for a tour of Tortworth Court.

I want a banner up there saying "Stacie and Josh".

Oh, and I want, on the flag, a picture of my face, and Josh can be in the corner.

Look through there. It's stunning! This is where I want it.

I prefer this than a stately home.

What is a stately home?

-That's, like, one down.

-Yeah, I want this one.

Wow!

Oh, it's got, like, its own bar!

-I don't think it's your OWN bar.

-It is, it's the bar for in here.

So this would be our own little bar. I love it!

Mum!

I want everyone to be waiting outside, stood out here whilst I gallop in on my horse and carriage.

And then we'd go to have our champagne and canapes outside.

-You ever tasted canapes?

-No, what is a canape?

-Like, erm, vol-au-vents!

-What's a vol-au-vent?

We could be here a while.

But speaking of vol-au-vents...

A few miles down the road, our own flaky dish has found a venue much nearer the mark.

Where else would you marry your princess but in a castle?

-First impressions, Darren?

-Yeah, looks nice, doesn't it?

Looks unreal, Dar'.

Hi, good afternoon. Welcome to Thornbury Castle.

-This is nice.

-This is our lovely Tudor Hall.

Some people get married in Tudor costume. Had you thought of that?

Not really my style. Doesn't bring out my eyes enough.

See her coming down the aisle and get your bow and arrow out.

Always got to ruin it, haven't you?

Oh, my gosh.

Wow.

Look, you get a little complimentary basket!

Obviously you've got the views...

Oh, my God!

Mum, look. Now I've seen something I really want,

I'm scared. What if he picks something different?

-It's nice.

-It's perfect.

What's he thinking though?

Josh is thinking he may have found the perfect venue.

But how much does it cost to hire a castle?

-We need to make this dream come true.

-You can make my dream come true by talking about price.

This is Stacie's dream. My dream's the price at the minute.

If you're talking two days over a weekend, you're talking in the region of £22,000 for two days.

£22,000!

Plus food and drink for his 100 guests

means this could set Josh back nearly three times his £12,000 budget.

Let's just hire a castle for a weekend for £22,000!

I know, man!

You know, you're going to have to try and work around it.

# I need a dollar, dollar

# A dollar, that's what I need... #

I'm ringing round trying to find somewhere for my wedding reception.

Our Gloucester lad may be desperate to do right by his bride, but four days in,

he still hasn't even got a venue for the wedding.

Thanks anyway. Bye.

Nope.

But Josh may have figured out how to bag that fairytale castle after all.

Hi, Jonathan.

Basically, can I book the castle for the 18th?

Hiring it for two hours instead of two days means he can get it for a fraction of the cost.

£1,915.

Thanks very much, Jonathan. Thanks very much. Bye-bye.

Problem is, he'll now need a separate venue for the evening reception.

Have you got anything available on that day, possibly to have my reception there?

At short notice, on a Saturday... in June?

I'm getting married on the 18th of this month. I know it's really short notice...

Looks like our eager-to-please groom is all out of luck.

OK, thanks very much.

HE SIGHS

Joking me!

Panicking now.

After six hours of phone calls and over 30 closed doors,

the lads are fast running out of options.

But there's just one place left to try,

and it's always been there for Josh in the past.

If they say no here now, there's no wedding.

..Basically.

Seriously?

Let's go and have a look.

Let's go see if it's available then.

Come on.

You all right?

Mag, I've come to see if you've got the 18th June available for me

to have a venue here, please. My wedding.

-Say no!

-Don't say no.

Which date?

18th, please. Saturday.

Saturday. Yep.

-Is it free? Is it?

-Yep.

-Do you want me to book it in then?

-Yes, please, Mag.

We've got somewhere. Now we've just got to make it amazing.

It's "somewhere", but will Stacie like it?

Do you know what? Now I'm here, I'm nervous now.

-Shut up.

-You shut up!

It's literally going to have to be amazing now. The reality has hit me.

I've got to make it look like it's not the rugby club I come to every week.

I'm a bit worried now.

If you're like this, you're actually, like, "Oh, my God."

So if you're like that, what's she going to be like?

He's got a point. Stacie's going to be "actually, like" livid.

Still, the rugby club is free to members,

which means Josh has spent just over £1,900 on the venues.

If we don't get this bang on, like, spot on,

we are in a world of hurt.

I don't know what he's doing.

Stacie's in her own world of hurt back at her mum's.

I just want to talk to him now.

I knew you were going to find it tough without him.

It's only been one week.

I know.

Maybe once you get going, have a look at your brides' dresses...

..You know...

..You'll be fine.

You'll be fine.

Won't you, eh?

No more tears, Stace. Come and give your mum a hug.

It'll be fine.

It's day five, and so far our Gloucester forklift driver has booked a castle ceremony

with a local rugby club reception that is hardly fit for his princess.

Josh has decided to liven up the place with a theme,

and he wants it to celebrate his Irish and Stacie's Jamaican roots.

"Jamirish", if you will.

I'm excited because I'm creating, like, a party vibe.

Well, hopefully creating one.

I hope it goes well, because Irish people like to have a party,

Jamaican people like to have a party. So it'll be good.

Well, I suppose you can't fault the logic.

Josh has gathered his team-mates to pick their brains.

Shouldn't take too long(!)

Get your hand out your pants.

Basically, we're having, like, an Irish theme and a Jamaican theme...

You're BLEEP, man! I knew you was going to be like this!

Why have you got an Irish and Jamaican theme?

You can't do that. Scrap that.

What are you going to do? Spicy lucky charms?

LAUGHTER

They may all laugh, but Josh has it all figured out.

He won't just transform the hall.

He'll also turn the club's skittle alley into an Irish pub

and the outside patio into a Caribbean beach.

So...any thoughts?

Anyone?

What's an Irish theme?

They've got leprechauns. What else is there?

With his little helpers away in fairyland,

it looks like Josh is on his own with this one.

It's week two and Josh has now spent over £4,000

on venues, catering, photographer and flowers.

But his biggest challenge is yet to come.

Somehow our groom, who's desperate to get everything right,

has to find his demanding bride her perfect wedding dress.

-Do you know her size?

-No.

I've not really bought a bride's dress before, mate.

So you don't know the size, you don't know the style.

Nope.

So what are you actually looking for then in here?

A dress?

Hi, love. All right? How are you doing?

Fine, thank you.

-We're looking for a wedding dress.

-OK.

-Look how many there are.

-There are quite a few!

Have you got any ideas what you want?

-No.

-No?

Something that's strapless. That's as much as I know.

Well, that's a good start!

-And maybe white.

-Maybe white?

I don't know. White or ivory.

Most girls go for ivory. What size is she?

I don't know!

14 or summat. Is she bigger than that?

I don't know.

What about something like that?

-I haven't got a clue.

-What about this one?

This would probably be a nice fit on her.

A bit more interesting, the skirt.

Yeah, that's a bit better.

This is your castle dress, yeah?

Oh, God. I don't even know.

Oh, my God. I've looked at three. And I don't know.

The girls are heading to a boutique bridal dress shop in Cheltenham

to see what, in an ideal world, this princess would like to wear on her big day.

-Hello.

-Hi! Come on in!

-Hiya.

This one's nice.

That's a gorgeous one.

Stacie, I like this one.

I like that one.

Are these all mine?

These are all yours to try.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

OK, in you go, Stacie.

Come on, is she ready yet?

Oh, my God. That is gorgeous.

I know!

I want this one.

It does everything so perfect.

Look how it pulls me in.

It's lovely. No, that's lovely.

My armpit fat's a little bit squidge squidge but not as big as I thought.

Do you want to see it with the veil over?

-Can you do that?

-Yeah.

-Do people do that?

-Yeah.

That's what you're meant to do.

And Josh picks it up.

No, I'm supposed to do that.

No. Josh does...

Wow.

I can't believe I'm in a wedding dress.

I can't believe you're in a wedding dress.

The first dress is a hit but there's one style

that she feels wouldn't be quite right for her special day.

It's really booby.

It makes me feel like I want to go partying and flash off my knockers.

My whammers.

Look at the whammers on it!

We'd have to sort them out.

It's the sweetheart that I didn't want.

My boobs are just, like, screaming, "Let me out!"

So, the boys just have to avoid that booby sweetheart neckline. Simple.

All I can see is white. White, white, white, white, white.

Or it would be if they knew what one was.

-It's called a what?

-Sweetheart.

Sweet Heart? They're all called that?

No, just the ones that are this shape, like a heart.

Oh, right. I can see it now.

I didn't even know the sweetheart bit was there but it's nice, yeah.

Oh, my God. I don't know what to do.

Think of the flowers. The rose looks good.

Neither of them, thanks. I thought it was bad enough in the first shop.

Back in Cheltenham, Stacie's found her dream dress.

An A-line halter neck with ruching,

beautiful lace detailing, a long train.

And best of all, support for those "whammers".

This is the kind of dress Josh needs to find.

It's amazing.

-This is the one.

-This is the one.

-Yeah?

-Yeah. I love it.

-I love it!

-Nice shape.

-Yeah. I love that one.

We have got a nice long train on this one with a bit more detail.

Wow!

And this is what I didn't want, I didn't want lace and stuff on it.

I think this is my favourite one.

I love it. And the boys aren't popping out.

There you go, madam.

Thank you. See this? This is what it should be like.

This is my life.

To the bride!

To the future Mrs Ahern.

Desperate to find Stacie's perfect dress,

Josh is now onto his third shop.

'Eh up. Here we go again.

HE SNEEZES

Bless you.

Surprised he's not coming out in a rash.

-Oh, my God.

-If I get it wrong...

No, but the thing is, right, would you agree to this?

It doesn't matter if you've got it wrong.

The time and effort that you're putting in to pick a dress.

You've been to three different places, put hours and hours in.

If you get it wrong, she should appreciate the time

you put in to try and get it right.

-Have you never met Stacie?

-Yes, I have.

Wow.

I dunno!

I do like it.

Josh is finally tempted by a dress.

But hold on, isn't that the dreaded sweetheart cut?

Right, I'll get that one then.

Congratulations!

Oh, my God. I just bought a wedding dress!

Josh has sweated, strained and finally spent £1,063

on Stacie's dress, veil, tiara and shoes.

Bless him. He did his best.

Never, ever, ever am I coming near a wedding shop again.

What if she don't like it, Darren?

10 days in and over at Stacie's house,

our princess is getting ready for her other big day.

It's time for her hen do.

I hope Joshua's... I hope it's something fun.

Me and my friends have a good night wherever we go,

but Gloucester would be not good.

I'll punish him on the wedding night.

No room for mistakes then.

Josh has arranged a day out for Stacie and her hens.

I got this T-shirt for her that warns lads that she's getting married.

So none of them go near her.

He wants to make sure there's something for everyone,

including Stacie's mum, Lesley.

Shall I wear the orange one?

That's a bit short.

-Do I look like a whale?

-No!

I don't know why I bothered buying that outfit - you can't even see it!

GIGGLING

Yes, ladies, that's a bit more dignified.

Only the driver Josh has organised knows what's in store.

Let's go.

I'm nervous.

I want to know where I'm going.

Let's hope it's nowhere rubbish like, say, bingo.

SQUEALING AND LAUGHING

Yep, it's the bingo.

You might as well turn around cos I'm not getting out!

Oh, Josh, you little shit.

On a street not far away, and watched on by Mum,

Bananaman has come of age.

It's time for Josh's stag do.

They're a good bunch of lads really,

but a bloody nightmare when they've all had a few.

Oh, dear.

Josh is taking the whole team to watch the Barbarians play Wales.

Go on! Come on! Go on!

CHEERING

Four and two, 42.

Eight and five, 85.

(I'm bored!)

Eight and six, 86.

Seven and nine, 79.

Still, it's not all bad.

Is there a hen do in this afternoon?

ALL: Yeah!

Josh has a few surprise treats for the girls.

But first, there's a quick quiz for his wife-to-be.

What is Josh's favourite film?

Rocky IV.

That is correct.

CHEERING

What position does he play in rugby? Forward or back?

-Back.

-That's correct.

And who does the most housework at home?

Me. ..All right, Josh.

Painful to admit it but she gets a bottle of bubbly

and that's not all Josh has lined up.

Your minibus is waiting outside ready to take you for a night out

on the tiles in Birmingham!

SCREAMING AND SQUEALING

Stacie's delighted.

Back in Cardiff, the rugby's over and spirits are high.

One, two, three.

Go on, Josh!

I seriously don't think he'll last the night.

I've got his mum and dad slating me, saying, "Look after him",

and I'm trying to, but it's hard work.

Josh doesn't care. He's busy meeting the good people of Cardiff.

Oi! He's taking me home tonight!

Boss, have a good night, yeah.

Princess Stacie's got her own way in the end

and she's leading the charge to the Birmingham bars.

# Stacie's getting married!

# La la la la La la la la! #

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

She's soon feeling the pace though.

Time for bed I think, Stacie. Sweet dreams, princess.

So, what's the verdict on a Cardiff night out, lads?

BOTH: Fabulous!

Kiss me!

I think I'm dead. Proper dead.

There ain't no plan for today.

All plans have been cancelled. All flights delayed.

I suppose I'd better get up, hadn't I?

Probably.

It's nine days to go until the wedding

and with the half the budget spent, it's time for our forklift driver

to fork out on the bridesmaid dresses.

But in his hour of need, where's best man Darren?

He wasn't around this morning and now he's got work.

So, yeah.

I've had to call in my two brothers.

18-year-old Joe and 15-year-old Ethan will be drawing

on their years of expertise to dig their brother out of this hole.

Josh wants green dresses to fit in with his Irish and Jamaican theme

and he's budgeting at under £30 each,

thanks to demanding Stacie and her eight bridesmaids.

I'm just nervous about the price.

Nervous that not all the girls will like it.

I hate shopping. I hate shopping!

Oh, my God.

All right? How's it going?

Hey.

Right, I've got good news and I've got bad news.

The good news is, I might be able to get you some dresses.

The bad news is, if they're under 30 quid.

Oh, my God!

-Let's go looking for dresses.

-We'd better start looking, then.

-And it's got to be green?

-Yeah.

-Let's go, then.

One's going to like it and the rest are going to hate it

and it's going go like that through the whole day.

Shopping with eight girls to find a green dress that suits them all

and for less than £30? No problem.

Can you imagine walking down the aisle in that?

Stacie will freak out, no.

I like this dress but it doesn't feel very bridesmaidy.

-They're not formal enough.

-That one looks horrible.

-You lot are being too picky.

-It's not quite long enough, I don't think.

-It's out of our price range.

What's wrong with that? It's a dress, it's green, it's white.

We're so confusing and awkward.

Go on, then, say something's wrong with that as well.

I don't think any of us are going to agree on what dress we all want.

Why are there so many of you? There are about nine women saying nine different things.

Eight women saying eight different things even.

Look, what's wrong with this one over here? Honestly!

-It's like something you'd wear down the beach.

-He's scaring me.

-It's getting tiring.

-The first time I've ever come dress shopping and I'm never coming again.

With the shops about to close,

there's still no sign of that perfect dress.

Where is he?

But against the odds,

our bridesmaids have found a dress that they all actually like.

Job done!

Josh, you've got to remember, when we have our hair done

and make-up and jewellery, it's going to look so different.

-Just say yes, Josh.

-I don't think they're that nice.

They're fine. The word you're looking for is "yes".

No, no, no, no. No.

Oh, there's just no helping some people.

You don't like these and you don't like the one Louise has got on. We have no more dresses in green.

BLEEP sake! Right, let's go home now because I'm getting pissed off.

What I've learnt from today is don't ever, ever, ever

try to shop with eight women for bridal stuff.

It's an absolutely nightmare.

The real nightmare is he still has no dresses

for the eight bridesmaids.

And he's ended up at his local rugby club for the reception,

with a questionable theme and the wrong bridal dress.

Our Gloucester groom hasn't had the easiest of rides

but to be fair, every decision has been with his bride in mind.

None more so than now that he's choosing the vows.

Josh, do you take Stacie to be your wife, to love and cherish her,

to have and honour her?

Will you promise to share your life with each other, to trust

and to be honest and faithful to each other, whatever the future may bring?

I like that one.

They do hit home, some of the vows, they're quite sentimental.

Some of them are like real... They get you, they hit home and stuff.

You're spending the rest of your life with the woman that you love.

It makes you realise.

Especially when you haven't seen your fiancee for a week and a half. Get all soppy.

With nine days to go, Josh has sent his younger brother, Ethan,

over to deliver Stacie's invite, along with two flowers

representing his Irish and her Jamaican roots.

-Hello.

-All right?

-Thank you.

-These are the flowers he wants me to give you.

This is the bird of paradise, representing you,

and the shamrock, representing Josh.

-Is this the colours?

-I ain't saying nothing.

-Oh, see you later.

-Bye!

Mum!

-Mum!

-Do you think that's your flowers?

I hope not.

-Is that a flower?

-Mm.

Ooh!

To Stacie Marie, these flowers were just a little hint of our big day.

Miss you lots. See you soon.

Oh!

Joshua Aherne would like to invite you to the wedding

of Stacie Marie and Joshua Aherne.

Is the bird of paradise a hint?

Oh, bird of paradise.

-Oh, my God, are we getting married abroad?

-Not quite.

If anything, Josh's venue is a little too close to home.

That dowdy rugby club hall needs a lot of work.

The skittle alley is no Irish pub

and that back yard is certainly no beach Caribbean paradise.

Stacie's Jamaican grandma can't make it to the wedding.

Baker man, bake me a cake. Bake me a cake as fast as you can!

-But she has invited Josh round to pick up a little surprise.

-Hello, Mrs P.

-Hello, are you OK?

-Yes, I'm good, good.

-That's nice, isn't it?

-You like it?

-Yeah. Thanks.

-Thanks again, Mrs P.

-You're welcome. Take care of my girl.

Thank you very much for the cake. Bye.

He's got the centrepiece for the beach party.

All the rugby club needs now is a remarkable transformation.

And nothing says remarkable transformation like a trip to the local party shop.

I'm getting married next Saturday and I'm looking for some Irish and Jamaican stuff.

I've got an Irish and Jamaican theme of my wedding.

-You've come to the right place.

-Decoration?

Some flags or decorations sort of thing.

We do Irish bunting and Irish flags.

I'm going to get sand and palm trees and stuff.

We've got palm trees. At the front here as well.

We've got wigs, Jamaican wigs to get in the mood of the theme.

No way. Put that on, Dan.

-It'll wreck my hair.

-Stick it on, go on, have a try.

And so the boys deal with their ongoing wedding disaster,

like you do, by sticking silly hats on.

I've got ginger pubes in my mouth.

I beg your pardon!

Ready?

-I can't keep my trousers up!

-Oh, no!

How are you supposed to keep these trousers up?

-I've never seen a Jamaican look like this.

-I've never seen an Irish bloke look like this.

My missus will divorce me before I've had my first dance.

And this stuff's hurting my chin now. Right, I'm done.

Come on, lads, there's work to be done.

I'll do you the lot for 30 quid.

25, come on. I'm getting married. 25, come on.

All right, 25.

-Sweet. Well done, girl.

-You shook her hand.

-That's it, deal.

We've got some decorations, a few Irish flags, like Irish bunting,

inflatable tree, some backdrops, a mixture of Irish and Jamaican.

-We've done quite a good deal.

-Some balloons.

It may be a good deal but that one little bag of decorations

has to transform an entire rugby club into Stacie's dream wedding venue.

We've got to make it a Jamaican theme.

The Jamaican theme in this is what you've bought, is it?

How about something like that?

The back yard is looking more like a prison than a beach paradise.

This looks crap.

Still, an inflatable palm tree should sort that right out.

What's that?!

-I feel like I'm there already.

-You've never been to Jamaica, that's why.

-This is pathetic.

-With just four days to go until the wedding,

Josh has now spent eight and a half grand of his 12 grand budget.

But could this Caribbean and Irish themed reception be a culture clash too far?

And there's another potential disaster that needs dealing with, and it comes in green.

The dresses are the same colour as my cravat.

It's the same colour scheme. It's going to be nice.

Josh has found some bridesmaids' dresses

but they were over twice the £30 budget.

I've gone past caring now. They're wearing this dress.

He's asked Stacie's half-sister Zoe and the other seven bridesmaids

to pay the difference, but they haven't even seen them yet.

-Can I have a look?

-Exactly those dresses!

-Why does he want it there?

-What do you think?

I'll leave them to it!

We've established how we're doing our hair.

Oh! My stomach is killing me.

This is what happens when all these women meet

and I start getting stomach pains.

Right, let's go, then.

Ooh, I'm nervous for him.

That's yours, that's your one. That's yours, Charlotte.

-Eight, eight, eight.

-Cheers, mate.

Oh, my gosh!

Try it on and it might look better.

Oh, my stomach is killing me.

Can you see my armpits?

I can see your hairy armpits!

So far, so good, but surely they're not all going to fit

straight off the peg.

They'll fit. They have to fit.

Why does mine seem shorter than everyone else's?

-Why is mine longer?

-Look at mine, you can see my feet.

Yeah or no?

-ALL:

-Yes!

Thank you very much.

INDISTINCT SPEECH

I think our groom has missed his calling on the high street

as a personal shopper.

And that's clothing done, unless the registrar wants me

to dress her as well, just for the craic, like.

Two days to go before the wedding.

Josh has got all the invites out but he's keeping the locations a secret.

He's arranging for buses to take the day guests to the castle ceremony and back.

-750, the two.

-750.

-Yeah.

-OK, that's a deal.

Shake my hand before you change your mind. It's a deal.

The evening guests will get a last-minute text telling them the reception's at the rugby club.

I've given over a list of people I want at the evening do

but he hasn't rung anyone off of it.

Josh wants to keep it all a surprise

but Stacie's getting worried.

I want you to go round the house and just say to him,

I want the list of the people who were supposed to be invited

so that we can sort it out because I'm getting really annoyed now.

-Right, let's go.

-Give it to him, Zoe.

-I will.

Half-sister Zoe won't be pulling any punches.

SHE KNOCKS ON DOOR

-Hiya, all right? There will be no wedding if no guests are there.

-Course there will.

-That's the main priority.

-No, it's not.

How do people to know to get an outfit, Josh?

-I'll just throw on a black bag!

-I'm not telling nobody, Zoe.

-Now I have to go back and tell Stacie this.

-Yeah, tell Stacie this. I'm not doing it.

There's no way I'm letting it go out.

-Right, I'll see you later. Bye, take care.

-I don't care what anyone says,

I'm not telling anyone till probably after the ceremony.

I don't care if it's 5, 6 o'clock, whatever.

I honestly don't care, because all it does...

All it takes is for me to text someone saying it's at where it's at,

I'll go in, have the ceremony, we come out of the ceremony,

Stacie has a look on her phone, bang, she's going to Matsons.

Like that, that's it ruined.

With the day guests relying on buses and the evening lot

finding out the location by a last-minute text,

this is starting to sound like Don't Tell The Guests.

Still, his heart's in the right place.

I feel a bit unappreciated at the minute, mate.

A bit unloved.

He'll be more than unloved if he can't transform his rugby club

into a reception venue fit for his princess.

Let's try and move it.

But at least the rugby lads are making themselves useful for once.

Well, they're moving stuff around, anyway.

Trying to make it into an Irish bar, so, like, a few flags around,

bit of memorabilia maybe.

Tidy.

The boys are getting into this decorating lark.

We can lift the heavy stuff and we can do the delicate stuff.

It would be nice if he didn't show his ass when he bends over,

but the bow looks good.

There you go.

As you can see, whatever a woman can do,

us rugby men can do just as good.

Lovely, boys, very pretty bows.

It's the day before the wedding.

I'm so scared.

Our buxom bride is about to get

an eyeful of her less than supportive dress.

I'm hyperventilating like I'm going into labour. Hello.

-Hello, you must be Stacie.

-Yeah. Hello.

-Nice to meet you.

Will Josh's sweetheart be satisfied with that sweetheart neckline?

-OK, here we have your dress. Do you want to see it?

-Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I didn't want sweetheart. Can I touch it?

Yeah.

This is original.

I don't know.

I just want to see it on now.

I've got a pain in my tummy. I'm so, like, nervous for her.

It's not like she's just trying on, is it? This is the one.

This is THE dress. What if she doesn't like it?

That's the biggest worry, that she didn't like it.

And possibly still doesn't like it even though it's on.

Oh, my God.

-How do you feel?

-I don't know. I'm still not sure about this bit.

I want my mum.

THEY GASP

-Oh, my God!

-Do you like it?

-Yeah. How do you feel?

-Comfortable.

I feel comfortable. I don't feel like I'm spilling or anything.

-That is gorgeous.

-Is my back fat bad?

-No.

-No.

-Not at all.

-I'm just worried that I look fat in it.

Oh!

-Oh!

-That is...

That's amazing.

How thoughtful is that!

-Do you like the tiara?

-Yeah.

That is so pretty.

Don't cry!

You'll make me cry.

Stacie, you look beautiful.

I didn't like it at first.

But now that it's on and I've got my veil and tiara, I like it now.

It's the big day. The sun is shining, almost,

and finally, a little bit of the Caribbean has arrived in Gloucester.

Proper palm trees.

Josh has spent the last of his budget on those wedding essentials.

Palm trees, coconuts, crab nets and lobster pots.

Come on, Josh, get down there.

And half a ton of sand.

-That's better, isn't it?

-Yeah. That could work.

It's got a white beach as well. Like in the Caribbean.

Back at Stacie's house,

the bride who likes to be in control

has absolutely no idea what her groom has arranged.

How are we all getting to where I'm getting married?

What time are they coming? They could turn up in, like, ten minutes.

Now I'm stressing, and I don't want to stress.

Oh, I don't know!

After a morning's hard labour,

Josh and Darren make do with a quick change in the club's locker room.

Stressed. Unbelievably stressed.

Oooh!

We're going to get there just before everyone else at this rate.

Not that anyone knows where they're going, thanks to Josh's vague invites.

Buses are picking up all the guests from the rugby club car park.

But no-one suspects that they'll be bringing them back in a few hours.

Back at Stacie's house, our bride is oblivious to...

well, everything, really.

So, how will she react to her first surprise of the day?

SHE SQUEALS

Look at you! I love them!

-I love them!

-Do you love it, babe?

-Yeah. Oh, my God! You look gorgeous.

Don't cry cos I'm going to start crying.

I was so frightened!

You look so gorgeous, all of you. I really like those dresses.

They may have nearly caused Josh a hernia,

but I think she likes the bridesmaids' dresses.

And extra points for remembering Stacie's little niece.

You look so pretty!

ALL TALK AT ONCE

According to Josh's master plan, they've got ten minutes until the guests arrive at the castle.

I'll take the two pots, you take the trees, they ain't heavy. That's brilliant. Thanks.

Just time for some finishing touches.

Leave it. As long as it don't fall over, it'll be fine.

He might not realise it,

but at the bride's house, Josh is now scoring point after point.

THEY EXCLAIM

-Oh, my gosh, you look so beautiful.

-Gorgeous.

THEY SCREAM

Oh, my God!

Has Stacie noticed Josh's not-so-subtle hint at the theme to come?

It's like a big double decker bus!

No. No, she hasn't.

Buses for the bridesmaids, but for the bride,

-a vintage Triumph.

-Oh, my God!

-Complete with vintage driver.

-Hi!

-I'll be your driver for today.

-Thank you.

Oh, my God, can you see that?

Oh, my God!

Don't cry, don't cry.

-I don't want to cry.

-Don't cry, don't cry.

A nervous and somewhat bedraggled groom awaits his bride.

Thank you.

Stacie's mum Lesley couldn't be prouder to walk her precious princess down the aisle.

You are here today to witness the joining in marriage

of Joshua Patrick Aherne and Stacie Marie Evans.

-I give you this ring.

-As a symbol of my love and commitment to you.

As a symbol of my love and commitment to you.

-I promise to cherish you.

-I promise to cherish you.

-Comfort you and care for you.

-Comfort you and care for you.

-For the rest of my life.

-For the rest of my life.

-I will always love, cherish and respect you.

-I will always love, cherish and respect you.

It only remains for me to say it gives me great pleasure to tell you

you are now husband and wife.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

When we were coming out all in the hills I was like, oh, my God.

When we pulled in here, I knew it wasn't a church, but I didn't care.

Because, like, we've just got married in a castle.

It's just amazing, baby. So amazing. I'm so proud of you.

The place is amazing, the dresses are amazing, Stacie looks amazing.

I was really surprised. There's been so many rumours going round, it's been unbelievable.

But this has been top notch, to be perfectly honest with you.

It's stunning, absolutely stunning, and I think he's done so well.

I'm really proud of him.

He's done more than I could ever have done myself.

I've always been like, oh, I could plan a wedding in two weeks.

But this... Just look around, it's absolutely beautiful.

And we've had canapes. How posh is that? Canapes and champagne.

I was like, wow!

Our eager-to-please groom nailed it with the castle ceremony.

But time's up.

This must have cost a fortune, so I don't know

whether he's run out of money and we're going off somewhere a bit... I don't know.

See what the after-party's like. See if Stacie's still smiling then!

It's back on the buses for the guests.

Is Stacie ready for what's coming next?

-It's a shame we couldn't stay there longer.

-I think the next bit's better.

I'm intrigued to see what you're doing. Where are we going?

This is exactly the route to Josh's rugby club.

And it's right coming up here, Charles.

Is it really here?

Let me out, then!

I can't get out.

Get out, leg.

Come on.

Are you ready?

Come on, then. I've got a couple of things to show you.

-Hello, darling.

-All right?

Nice day!

-So this is the Irish bar?

-You like it?

It'll be better once there's an Irish band in here and people are in here drinking.

It's small, so they'll be, like, closed in together.

So what can I get you?

Yep! What every girl wants on her wedding day.

A pint down the local, served by a creepy-looking best man Darren in fancy dress.

You like it?

No.

-See you later.

-Bye!

-Enjoy.

Put your dress in - it's wet. SHE SQUEALS

It might be overcast and 16 degrees,

but perhaps the Caribbean vibe out in the back yard will brighten the mood.

Obviously, your grandma couldn't make it, but she made us a cake.

-She made us that?

-She made that herself.

-You like?

-That's amazing.

And speaking of amazing, he's saved the best till last.

-Oh, my gosh!

-You like it?

Josh has spent over a quarter of his budget on professional draping,

lights and flowers in the Irish and Jamaican colours.

And with the help of his rugby team-mates,

he's transformed the rugby club hall into Stacie's dream venue.

You like it?

Oh, my God.

How've you done all of this in here?

-I told you.

-Where did you get the trees from?

I cannot believe you've turned Matson Rugby Club into this.

I'm very impressed, baby.

It looks like our groom's hard work, devotion and eagerness to please has finally paid off.

Our princess has her fairytale wedding after all.

And the guests, who've found themselves back where they started, are impressed too.

Could you all take your seats, please, for the arrival of Mr and Mrs Aherne?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I would like to say that Stacie blossomed into adulthood, but I'm not going to.

It's more like she stamped, cried and demanded her way through to it.

I love you with all my heart, Stace, and you deserve this special day.

Thanks, Mum.

Joshua, I'd like to thank you for making Stacie very happy.

What you have achieved today is absolutely amazing,

and I think you deserve a round of applause.

APPLAUSE

And thank God for taking her off my hands!

That's it from me.

I'd just like everyone to raise their glasses and wish Stacie and Josh all the happiness.

ALL TOAST THE BRIDE AND GROOM

Josh has done a great job recreating an authentic Irish pub.

When we got here, we were just like, oh, my God, but it looks amazing. We're going to party! Whoo!

BAND PLAYS "THE IRISH ROVER"

And ice?

And like any authentic Irish pub,

it's just a short stroll to the sunny shores of a Caribbean beach party.

Amazing. He's just thought of absolutely everything, he's got the Irish, Jamaican. Amazing.

I think it's the wedding of Stacie's dreams.

It's just everything thrown in together.

It's just been really amazing.

I'm so proud of Joshua, my brother-in-law.

Brilliant. Been an absolutely brilliant day. Thoroughly enjoyed every aspect of it.

Even the bumpy ride on the bus. Brilliant.

It was just awful not being in control,

but after today and after everything, it's been completely worth it.

I admit that Josh can make decisions without me overlooking them.

He probably planned this wedding better what I would have done.

I think I was boasting that I could plan a wedding in two weeks.

If you can do it in two, I will take my hat off to you.

I just think that period of not seeing Josh and then seeing him...

I could have collapsed walking down the aisle when I clocked him.

I was just like, "Oh, my God, there he is!"

You looked amazing.

-We're married.

-Babies now!

Next time, can Cameron deliver the traditional wedding his bride is crying out for?

Oh, God!

It's not what I expected at all.

With a bride desperate for a wedding better than her sister's.

Knowing that my sister's having the perfect wedding, and that mine'll just be forgotten.

I feel like just running away and living in the woods somewhere.

Will Cameron manage to please anyone?

I really did think that he wouldn't do that one little thing.

I just don't want to do this any more. I just want to go home.

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