Steven and Kaleigh Don't Tell the Bride

Five years of Don't Tell The Bride.

48 brave brides.

SHE SOBS

48 game-on grooms.

Dozens of dress disasters.

Don't panic.

And one near miss.

Please, just get on the plane.

I'm not coming. Game over.

Now we're back for a whole new rollercoaster ride,

as 12 more blushing brides leave

the biggest day of their lives...

Oh, my God.

..in the hands of the men they love.

The grooms get three weeks...

No way!

-..and £12,000.

-12 Gs, man.

-Oh, God!

-Are you ready?

-Born ready, mate.

And the brides get no say in how it's spent.

I just don't want to do this anymore.

So saddle up for tears...

He's got to get the right one.

-..tantrums...

-Why the hell are we at Thorpe Park on my wedding day?

..and total meltdowns.

I can't even pull off the wedding. I can't do anything.

Tonight, ex-footballer Steve wants to give his wannabe WAG bride...

Shut up!

Shut up! Proper, proper. Shut up.

..the ride of her life.

As soon as we say "I do", then it does the countdown

and then, boom!

What happens when this controlling bride...

If he's not spending at least a thousand on my dress, I want to know why.

..loses all control?

Why has he done this to me?

-And will his romantic idea...

-Why the hell are we at Thorpe Park on my wedding day?

..derail the entire wedding?

-I'm a bit annoyed I've upset my wife on our wedding day.

-Will this ex-footballer...

Whatever I pick will be wrong.

..give this wannabe WAG...

Vajazzle? Yes! What a ledge!

..the wedding of her nightmares?

SHE SOBS I just want to go home.

This programme contains strong language.

26-year-old Steve Dark

spent his life dreaming of playing football for his country,

and seven years ago, as captain of the Surrey squad,

his goal was in sight.

I reckon I could really easily have turned professional.

I personally thought I was really good.

I was happiest on the football pitch

and that's all I wanted to do, since a young age.

But a month before national trials,

a back injury changed things forever.

That just completely crushed me.

That was my whole hopes and dreams just gone.

I kind of lost my way a bit.

But he was awakened from the nightmare of losing his football career,

when he met 23-year-old wannabe WAG Kayleigh,

in a local nightclub.

I was having a little drink and a dance

and I saw Steve and he was in a suit and he looked amazing.

And Steve knew instantly that Kayleigh was Premier League.

I went over the her and asked her to teach me

how to dance the Macarena song.

-So I made the first move.

-You didn't.

-But she thinks she made the first move.

Steve couldn't keep his eyes off Kayleigh's Macarenas,

and she saw through to the deeper, sensitive side of Steve.

He's REALLY fit.

THEY LAUGH

So where would a fit footballer

without a fit wage take a glamorous girl for a date?

We went for a date at Thorpe Park.

Things didn't get off to a good start,

when Steve's favourite ride broke down for two hours.

We were going on this ride. What was it - Stealth?

-Oh, God.

-Wasn't it?

-Yeah.

-Then the ride broke down.

-It did.

-And Kayleigh's not very good on rides anyway.

-No.

We couldn't go anywhere. We had to stand there and talk,

but I'm not a very big talker, but I had to talk,

and we really got to know each other, I think,

and just everything about her I just fell for.

As Steve was falling for Kayleigh, she was freaking out.

"I really don't want to go on it."

As we were getting closer, I really freaked out.

"I really don't want to go on this ride."

We got in the seat and I was like, "I can't do it.

"I'm really sorry - I need to get off the ride."

So Kayleigh didn't like the ride, but she fell for the man.

Six months later, the couple moved into a small two-bedroom flat

in Addlestone, Surrey, where they live with their two boys, Gray and Dexter.

When I watch him with the boys

he's just... I just fall in love with him all over again.

He's just amazing.

He might be a Championship Dad,

but his marriage proposal was bottom of the league.

He was three years into overtime when he finally popped the question.

If I do it when she expects it then it's not going to be a surprise.

-So Steve...

-I wanted it to be a surprise. I'm quite a surprisey guy.

-You're a surprisey guy?!

-Surprisey guy.

But our soccer stud's attempt at a surprise romance

was, frankly, a bit of a balls-up.

I was disappointed, because I thought it would be somewhere special,

and somewhere really romantic, and somewhere that meant something,

and our couch isn't one of them, really.

I'm sorry!

Leaving Steve in charge of anything

is a big step for control-freak Kayleigh.

Whenever I ask to dress the kids, I always pick out their clothes

and get them dressed and as soon as Kayleigh sees them, "They're not wearing that."

And she gets them changed.

I do things and I like the way that I do things

and I do things productively and proactively and it gets done.

If Steve was to wear the trousers, the house would be burnt down

within about 30 minutes.

Maybe not that extreme.

All right then, an hour.

Running a tight ship at home and watching over Steve's every move means

Kayleigh doesn't live the jetset lifestyle.

-But she doesn't have to compromise her standards.

-Uh-oh.

-It's not on the carpet, is it?

-It is.

-Do it now, babe.

-I'll do it after.

-Do it now.

She wants everything done perfectly and straightaway.

She's got very high standards,

very high expectations.

Because I'm so lazy, it's just...

It's just too much work to try to do it.

Unfortunately for Kayleigh, she also has to control the family finances,

-as Steve is a reckless spender.

-I don't let him go to Tesco's,

because he comes back with really stupid, unnecessary things

that we just don't need.

And never actually comes back with what I asked him to get!

Yeah, that's true.

With mounting debts and his football career on the sideline,

Steve took up a job in IT to pay the bills.

The price you pay for having a beautiful woman.

While Steve can't afford to give Kayleigh the life

of a footballer's wife, it doesn't mean he can't give her a WAG wedding to remember.

It's very important to Kayleigh to have a massive wedding.

If we weren't doing it this way, there's no way

we'd be able to afford to do it

as big as Kayleigh would want it.

And, boy, it's got to be big,

as Kayleigh's got a list of demands as long as Victoria Beckham's arm.

I love designer labels - what girl doesn't?

I like my hair extensions, my tan, my nails, my lashes.

Lots of make-up, nice pretty outfits, got to have a new dress, shoes, bags.

This girl has high standards and controls everything,

and she's under no illusion how big she wants her wedding.

You said you fancied feeling like royalty for the day.

That would be it.

I've got something to prove to Kayleigh and everyone,

that I can actually bring out the romantic side of me,

to show her just how much I care.

But is a romantic wedding going to be big and bling enough?

And how will Kayleigh cope giving up control

for the first time in her life?

I do trust him.

I really, really do trust him.

-A bit.

-Uh-oh.

It's time for the couple to say goodbye,

so Steve can make arrangements for the big WAG wedding.

As it's their first time apart in four years,

-it could get emotional.

-Don't bugger it up!

-Or maybe not.

Before you make a decision, just think, "Would she really hate this?"

And if the answer's yes, don't do it!

Bye-bye.

-Why are you going?

-I'm going, mate.

-Why?

-Because I have to go and make Mummy really happy.

-How?

I'm going to give her the best wedding, that she deserves.

-That's it now.

-I can't believe you're really going.

-I love you.

-I love you so much.

-Don't forget it.

Don't mess it up.

-OK, I'll try.

-What, to mess it up?

-No!

For the first time in their relationship,

Steve will be making all the decisions.

Kayleigh will have to keep her fingers crossed,

as the next time they see each other will be at the altar.

Steve is off to meet best man and best mate Nick,

who he will be staying with for the next three weeks.

Are you parking there? Park there.

Squaddie Nick is fresh back from serving in Afghanistan,

and straight into the front line of planning a wedding.

Come back from Afghan, you've obviously been out in a war zone

for six months and coming back is weird.

It took me a while to feel safe and to realise

you're home safe now, sort of thing.

Until Operation WAG Wedding's complete, Private Nick,

you're not quite in the clear.

Nick is incredibly unpredictable. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.

They're going to be terrible, terrible boys

and just drink and drink and drink.

And I just really hope one of them wakes up one morning and goes,

"Oh, we really should do some wedding planning today."

So not going to happen, but I really hope it does.

Used to operating in demanding circumstances,

serving with Steve should be a breeze for soldier Nick.

He's a lovely guy and that. He's a bit, um...

useless. He is absolutely useless.

Kayleigh basically runs his life.

We've got to start planning and that, haven't we?

We've got three weeks to do a whole wedding,

and we're useless.

HE LAUGHS

-She's going to love it. She's going to love it.

-I hope so.

It's the first day of wedding planning

and the boys are off to find the perfect venue

to satisfy a wannabe WAG bride.

It's got to be classy. It's got to be flash.

And it's got to be posh.

Isn't that right, Steve?

For a wedding thing,

I think a stately home is just a bit too boring, too normal.

-Don't you think, Nick?

-Well... Yeah.

Actually, a stately home is exactly

what this bride wants for her wedding.

-Shut up!

-Oh, my God!

Kayleigh and bridesmaid Abi are visiting Botleys Mansion,

an 18th-century manor house.

Oh, my God!

It's big, it's impressive, and it's very posh.

In fact, it's very Posh and Becks.

Oh, wow! Look, the chandelier in the background.

Standing there, me and Steve, and both the boys.

-Oooohhh! I can see that in a frame!

-I know, I know.

So what exactly does Steve think is better than a stately home?

That's it - it's all about fun.

Seriously?

Just as soon as you're here, it puts a massive smile on your face.

The heart of Steve's romantic plan is to marry Kayleigh

on the very rollercoaster they spent their first date. Ahh.

Or maybe it's...

SCREAMING

As soon as we say "I do,"

or Kayleigh might say, "No."

I've done it now, yeah.

But as soon as we say "I do," then it does the countdown

and then, boom!

"Steve!"

NICK LAUGHS

-It's the first place where I knew she was the one for me.

-Does she know that as well, though?

I don't think she knew that that's when I fell for her.

She's going to now, isn't she?

There's just a teeny, tiny, 210m problem.

-She doesn't really like rides.

-Does she like heights?

-No.

Basically, all her worst fears into one, Steve, on her wedding day.

Our first wedding photo will be us at the start of the thing, going like that.

Different. No-one else will have a wedding photo like that.

Let's get on it now.

If I throw up I'm going to kill you.

KAYLEIGH SINGS "Here Comes The Bride"

That is amazing.

With a roll call including the Beckhams,

Clancys, Coles and Rooneys,

the classical country mansion is THE WAG dream venue.

-Oh, look at the ceiling.

-The ceiling's amazing.

Real elegance, real charm, real beauty. It's gorgeous.

To our wedding!

I want people to remember the day, and for it to be talked about.

When people plan their wedding, to think, "Kayleigh had this..."

-You want everyone to walk in to your wedding and be like...

-SHE GASPS

I think we can guarantee that.

STEVE AND NICK SCREAM

Woo!

Whoah!

With a white wedding dress going round, she's going to...

I can't wait now.

You've got to get married here.

This is going to be the best wedding ever.

And they will have the photo to prove it.

With Steve's heart set on a rollercoaster ceremony,

it just leaves him to find the reception venue.

With a vast conference centre slap bang in the middle of Thorpe Park,

what would be easier - I mean, a BETTER choice for a WAG wedding ?

So this is the reception area...

But can the park accommodate Steve's romantic vision?

I'm hoping to get married on the Stealth ride.

Right, unfortunately, we don't have a marriage licence...

-No!

-..for the park.

-So Steve's plans to get married on the roller-coaster

have been derailed, but there might be a solution.

You will be able to be married off-site and then come into the park

to have your reception.

Having the reception in the park

has a special "attraction" for Steve. Actually, several of them.

Did you say that in the prices we have admission to the park?

-Yes, from noon.

-So anyone can go in the park and go on anything?

-That's correct, yeah.

-That's still quite good.

Yeah. Because this place is quite plain and white,

is it possible to dress it up a bit?

Yeah. What sort of things did you have in mind?

My theme, really, is more...

Steve, you have thought this through, haven't you?

It's not anything particular. It's just...fun.

Fun?

Something tells me the bride might not be laughing.

-You know your Thorpe Park characters?

-Yes.

Would they be able to come?

Back in WAG paradise,

and the girls have discovered the grand west wing.

Shut up!

-Shut up!

-Oh, my God!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Dripping in bling, this crystal conservatory is proper perfect.

Proper, proper. Shut up.

And there's plenty of space for the Gucci handbags.

-Oh, my God! Look at the dancefloor!

-Ah!

Ooohhhh!

There's no doubt the girls are in WAG wedding heaven. Ahh.

-Oh, wow. Wow.

-I know.

-Would you like a buffet?

-Oh, no!

-Or sit down? No buffet?

-No buffet.

I'm not queuing up for food in my wedding dress! You're having a laugh.

Three-course meal, really nice starter.

-Beautiful, sumptuous...

-When they come out and they're like...

this big and they've just got a little bit of juice

-and a crispy thing sticking up.

-What's that word?

A la carte? No, not a la carte.

SHE LAUGHS

-I don't know!

-What's it called? Oh!

-Like, um...

-Cuisine something. Oh, cuisine.

-Yeah.

Did you think, when you were a little girl,

dreaming of your wedding venue...?

-Yeah, this is pretty much it.

-This is it.

No, THIS is it.

Steve isn't used to making big decisions, so he makes a really big, expensive one,

and spends a whopping five and a half grand on the reception,

otherwise known as a day at the fun fair.

Not a bad price, really. I thought it'd be more.

She'd love it. She'd love it. It'll be more fun.

So as soon as people come in, it's just like...wow.

-Massive smiles on their faces.

-It's done.

-It'll be unique.

-And to make the whole day even more unique,

Steve has arranged for Kayleigh

to have a solo ride on the Stealth rollercoaster

before she gets married. One last single fling, maybe?

I think this is the right decision.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, definitely.

With Thorpe Park booked for the reception,

it's now time to find a venue for the ceremony.

With Nick back at the barracks, Steve and mate Chris

have found a local hotel that might just fit the bill.

Hello. I'm Steve, the groom.

The traditional decor of the Oakland Park Hotel may not be

brimming with bling, but it's a stone's throw from the park,

and it's available.

Yeah, I do like it.

However, it comes at a price.

At £1,200 for an hour, is his spending spinning out of control?

Yeah, I do normally go for the most expensive.

I don't like going cheap.

It's probably the reason why I'm in so much debt at the moment.

Is he finally seeing sense?

Ah, sod it - it's my wedding. I'll do it.

No, of course not.

So, two days in and cash-happy Steve has blown seven grand

on a day his controlling bride will have absolutely no control over.

It will start with her in her wedding dress

on an 80mph rollercoaster that she hates,

before being shuttled to a local hotel to get married,

only to return to Thorpe Park for a reception

in a titanic business conference centre.

Oh, and an afternoon of free rides.

Sentimental Steve has given romance a whole new meaning.

Now he has his venue,

Steve is off to a prop house in London to find a theme.

-Hiya, all right?

-Hi, I'm Becky.

-I'm Steve.

-What have you got in mind?

-So far...it's like a theme parky theme.

-Yep.

-At Thorpe Park.

She likes the whole, like, princessy theme and...

-big and bling, and... Yep.

-Quite WAG-y, she is.

-Yeah, quite WAG-y.

She's very glamorous, more than anything, I'd say.

So, obviously, it's a couple of turrets...

Either side of an entrance, or if you've got a stage area...

..a slightly fluorescent pony...

Kneel.

-..and a crown, which seems to have gone to his head.

-Bow.

-What?

-Bow.

It might be a random collection

but at least Steve has a theme. Sort of.

Well, the theme now is...

glamorous WAG. Princessy.

She'll like it. Definitely.

You have to admire his confidence.

With the venues sorted,

Steve decides he deserves an afternoon of fishing,

but it's not long till his dad starts "angling" for information.

How's it going, Steve?

-What, the wedding planning?

-Of course.

All right, so far.

-Should be good.

-Should be good.

-Should be very good.

-But it's us, so it won't.

-Something's bound to go wrong, isn't it?

-Probably a minor thing, but...you know.

-But it won't be to Kayleigh.

It's her wedding day. Anything minor will be massive.

But Kayleigh's not the only woman he needs to fear.

-Hiya!

-Hello, Mama.

# The female of the species is more deadly than the male... #

I am yet to meet the perfect man,

but for Kayleigh, he will do for Kayleigh.

I will turn into the mother-in-law from hell if he messes up,

and if you think Kayleigh's going to be Bridezilla, I could be worse.

You've still got flowers.

What's the difference between wedding flowers and normal ones?

-You're asking me?

-You've had a wedding!

-What else is there?

-Wedding dress.

-Oh, wedding dress. Oh, God, yes.

-I cannot believe I have no say in your dress.

-You can't?

I can't believe I don't!

I'm going to get it the day before and just have to hope for the best.

It's a killer.

It's the beginning of week two,

and Kayleigh is taking her mum and bridesmaids

to see her dream wedding dress.

Hiya!

Kayleigh is in a WAG wonderland,

and she knows exactly what she's looking for.

-Has to have sweetheart neck.

-So no straps at all?

No, no, no straps, and not straight across either,

because it's not very flattering.

-Just like this?

-Sweetheart neck, yes.

-Over the boobs?

-Over the boobs.

Tight, tight, tight, and then ruffles.

-OK. I'm on a mission.

-Go.

-I'm going.

And it doesn't take long for magpie Kayleigh to spot the bling.

Oh, shut up!

She's like a kid in a sweet shop.

-Oh, my God.

-Just have them!

But it's Steve who must pick the dress that will make Kayleigh

feel like a true WAG at her wedding.

Posh had a 20-foot train, and Abbey Clancy spent ten grand on hers.

But Steve isn't a footballer, he's an IT analyst,

and he's blown most of the budget on a theme park.

It's very critical I get this right.

It's going to be the first thing she sees at the wedding.

-Don't worry.

-So it has to be good.

Steve knows that for a wannabe WAG, looking good is everything.

He's been super-confident with his decisions until now,

but dress shopping is a whole different ball game.

Paralysed with the fear of getting it wrong,

Steve cannot make a decision.

It's hard because I don't really know what Kayleigh wants.

THEY GASP

-Wow!

-Oh, mate!

-Oh, wow, that is gorgeous.

-Stunning!

-I'm so scared.

What the hell is he going to pick?

I don't know.

Struggling to decide, the boys persuade

the shop staff to try on dresses until they see something they like.

We've got the bride-off.

-Left one?

-No.

-Right one?

-No.

Next! Go, go, go!

-Left.

-No.

-Nah.

-Next.

-Next.

-So we'll keep this one in and will take this one out.

-Yeah.

-Traumatic.

But whilst Steve's in wedding dress hell...

-Oh, my gosh!

-..Kayleigh is in wedding dress heaven.

With its sweetheart neckline, tight-fitting dropped waist

and bags of bling, she's found her perfect dress.

Perfect.

-What one do you prefer?

-Shit!

I'm officially shitting myself cos it's not going to look like this

and this is the dress.

With no idea of what they're looking for,

the boys have narrowed it down to three completely different dresses.

While Steve descends into confusion, Nick takes command.

OK, could you put that one on and then you put that one on?

Or maybe actually just make... Sorry!

Could you wear the second one, you wear that one and you wear that one?

You be quiet, OK?

Which dress can you imagine her when you turn round to be in?

Which one do you think she would pick?

I know whatever I pick is going to be wrong.

You're supposed to marry the perfect man to spend your lives together.

So if you're not comfortable and you're not happy in what you're wearing,

it's just going to show.

It's too much for Mum to bear.

I'm just a bit worried that Kayleigh's expectations

of the perfect day are doable,

and I hope that she hasn't blown it out of all proportion

and whatever Steven does

isn't going to be the right thing on the day.

She looks so happy,

and I just really hope Steven doesn't let her down.

Oh, shit!

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the one.

You've won.

Exhausted from the pressure, Steve plays it safe.

It's a simple A-line dress with plain design and no bling.

It's in stark contrast to Kayleigh's extravagant meringue mountain

dripping in crystals.

Oh, mate, I'm not being funny, if he is not spending

between at least £1,000 and £2,000 on my dress, I want to know why.

-So what is the damage?

-She's 650.

-Sold.

-Sold. Job done.

Suffering wedding fatigue,

Steve takes a break to catch up with his sons.

-I miss you.

-Missed you too.

It's a chance for him to spend quality time with his boys.

-Dup!

-Daddy!

Being with Dexter and Gray has been a painful reminder

of just how much he misses his family.

Yeah, I've missed them immensely. Every day.

Missed them waking me up in the night, really.

Sometimes I wake up thinking I'm at home,

and expecting one of them to jump on me.

But then they never come. I just feel proud, really.

To have two stunning boys like this, just like mini-mes, really.

Just want to have fun all the time.

Just getting married is... It will probably cement us a bit more.

I think Kayleigh feels a bit like an outsider,

she doesn't have the same name as us three.

Oh, they're going to love Thorpe Park. Absolutely love Thorpe Park.

It's the end of the second week, and time for the hen and stag parties.

The girls are warming up for a night out,

but with £9,000 of the budget spent,

Steve cuts costs by sending over shady-looking Nick.

Steve has given me the task of going round to strip for Kayleigh

and pass on her note about her hen do.

And as you can see, I'm so thrilled about the whole thing.

-Delivery for Kayleigh Doyle!

-It's Nick!

-Guess who's stripping for you tonight?

-No, you're not.

-Oh, yeah?

-Steve wouldn't allow you to strip.

-Cue the music.

No, Nick, you're not stripping for me!

You're my husband-to-be's best man, don't be such a sicko!

# Young man

# There's no need to feel down

# I said young man

# Pick yourself off the ground

# I said young man

# Cos you're in a new town

# There's no need to be unhappy

# YMCA

# It's fun to stay at the YMCA

# Young man... #

You're shaking, put some clothes on.

-I know, cos I'm still hungover from yesterday.

-Oh, you twit!

-Put some clothes on? I've just taken them off!

-I know!

Oh, my God. Sometimes you're so selfish.

My work here is done.

-Steve owes you for this, big-time.

-Oh, darling, thank you.

Anyone else need a stripper, just give us a call, yeah?

-Fair play to him for stripping, though.

-I know, love him.

He was sat on my lap, he was proper shaking.

And the surprises keep on coming.

-I've been sent by Steve to do you a vajazzle.

-Vajazzle, yes!

What a ledge!

I've got to take all this shit off now! Fucking hell!

# Cos you're filthy... #

We can have I'm Yours, I Love You, Eat Me, Enter...

-OK, can I have I Heart You, please?

-Yeah.

# Cos you're filthy

# Ooh, and I'm gorgeous... #

-There we go, done.

-Is that it? Perfect.

Let's have a look!

Let me see!

# Ooh, and I'm gorgeous... #

CHEERING AND LAUGHTER

That looks great!

Meanwhile, Steve's out on his own hen do.

Despite cutting back on the hen,

he's decided to spend £250 on his champagne limo ride.

It's not cheap, but there's no point flapping!

Oh, yeah, baby.

Grrr!

Back in Surrey, Steve's organised Kayleigh's hen do

in a local club where they first met.

Steve is sending us to a nightclub that I can go to any day

or night of the week,

and probably get free entry, cos I used to work there.

And I'm not blagging it like I'm all that,

but he's basically paid for us to go somewhere where he didn't have to,

which is a little bit silly.

She's so not bovvered by Steve's romantic gesture.

THEY SCREAM DRUNKENLY

He's even organised for his princess to have the VIP treatment.

But despite his efforts,

this particular chicken is still getting a roasting.

But can I just say, let's not forget, this wasn't Steve.

This was because I used to work here.

-ALL:

-Aaah!

Oh, don't "aaah" him!

Talk about henpecked.

The boys have arrived in London,

and our big spender is getting his feathers ruffled.

# Hey, big spender

# Spend a little time with me. #

The last couple of weeks have been really hard

and really stressful, and it's just good to go out

and just completely forget about the whole wedding thing,

organising it and everything, and just have fun, really.

Just have so much fun.

Oh, fucking hell. I've got a beer.

# Yeah, yeah

# Oh, yeah. #

Aaah!

It's early the next day, and big chicken Steve is totally plucked.

I'm a little bit hungover today.

But no time for feeling fowl.

There's a mother-in-law at the door.

Being left in the dark is hard for the bride,

but it's proving even harder for her mum.

How was it last night?

-It was pretty good last night.

-Good.

-Definitely.

-Won't be happening again for a while.

-I know.

Now to the nitty-gritty.

I need you to keep me up to speed.

How far are you into the preparations?

Pretty much all of it is done.

You are aware that he's terrified of me, aren't you?

I am a bit scared of you.

Just cos you can turn sometimes.

You're just like Kayleigh, really.

You are aware of the consequences

if you let Kayleigh down, aren't you?

This is where you reassure me that you're not going to let us down.

-She'll absolutely love it.

-Really?

-The proof will be in the pudding, young man.

-We'll see.

-Exactly.

The dressing-down by his mother-in-law

has made Steve question all of his decisions.

Suddenly the idea of putting his bride on a rollercoaster

the morning of her wedding doesn't seem like such a good plan.

-She won't marry me.

-Of course she will, get a grip.

-Stop flapping.

-She won't do it, she won't get on the ride.

-You honestly think so?

-Yeah.

-The first time,

-she loved it at the end of it, didn't she?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, exactly.

-No.

-OK, don't worry about that.

Everything else, sorted, mate.

Go and get her hair done, over to the park, bish, bash, bosh,

married, back to Thorpe Park, happy days.

You actually have nothing to worry about.

Just if she turns up! That's all I'm worried about!

She's going to see them two thrones, she'll absolutely love that.

The white carpet, the archway, the turrets, the chaise longue,

everything, mate.

-Mate, sold.

-Yeah, she's going to love it, isn't she?

-Exactly!

Look at you! You know she's going to love it. So, sorted.

What's that?

Over at Kayleigh's, the postman has delivered a surprise.

Oh, it's Disney, love him.

"To my beautiful princess, you will be getting up at 8.30am?!"

What? That is well early!

"You will be taken for a surprise before the wedding.

"Your hair will be done at 10am."

So what the hell are you doing at 8.30?

-I don't even know.

-Breakfast?

Maybe he's taking me for a nice breakfast or something.

-Yeah, like a champagne breakfast.

-Yeah.

-That's probably it.

Hang on, if my hair is getting done afterwards, then I'm doing something.

-It's just baffling.

-You said you like surprises!

With three days till the wedding,

Steve is off to tackle his least favourite task - dress shopping.

And he's meeting the bridesmaids at a local shopping centre.

-Hello, you all right?

-All right?

-Looking forward to this?

-No.

Like a hole in the head?

Has Steve been brushing up on the latest ladies' fashions?

They can wear anything, can't they?

I think the more ridiculous, the better.

He wasn't joking about ridiculous!

-This doesn't look too bad.

-Oh, Steve, this is gross. I'm sorry, I just...

-Steve, I'm sorry, but no.

-OK.

Yeah, we'll try them both on.

Do you think Kayleigh is going to like it

when we walk into the room on her wedding day in a black dress?

What do you honestly think?

Think? Who knows what's going on in there?!

So that's £173 on two black dresses.

Add to that outfits for the boys and a suit for the best man.

Yep, he's going for a black and white theme.

Sorry, Kayleigh.

Next up are diamond rings,

but at £800, can he afford them?

-Worry about it later.

-Yeah.

-THEY LAUGH

Steve's been spending like a soccer star,

and with just days to the wedding,

the boys decide now is the time to check the budget.

I'm over by £26.35.

But I've got to get best men's shoes, bridesmaids' shoes,

oh, and I need to get like drinks and stuff.

It'll have to be tap water, cos I've run out of money.

-Bugger.

-Shite.

It's because I just get stuff and not even think about the money.

HE LAUGHS

It's not funny! I'm screwed.

THEY LAUGH

But it's no laughing matter.

Steve knows he shouldn't cut corners when it comes to Kayleigh.

So with his tail between his legs,

Steve has to plead with the bank of Mum and Dad.

-Hello.

-How's it going?

-I've run slightly over budget.

-Would you be able to lend me some money, please?

-Depends how much.

-400?

-What!?

-I can give it back to you after the wedding.

I'm like a walking bank with you, aren't I?

-Yeah, get you out of blooming debt again.

-Thank you.

I feel a bit bad, but then I can always rely on my mum.

She'd never let me go without type thing.

I want it to be the best day Kayleigh's ever had

and for her to be really proud of me, and now I've just got to crack on

and get all the stuff I need and all the jobs done.

It's the day before the wedding,

and Kayleigh has come to see the dress

Steve struggled so long to pick for her.

Her dream dress was a £1,400 sparkling extravaganza.

If Steve got it catastrophically wrong, I wouldn't wear it.

If it's OK, then, you know, maybe I'll deal with it,

but obviously everyone wants perfection.

Kayleigh always wanted the WAG lifestyle,

but as a hard-working mum of two with no money to spare,

the high life has always been out of reach.

Do you girls want to take a seat?

And I'll take Kayleigh into the changing room.

But if Steve's picked the right dress,

Kayleigh could live her dream for one perfect day.

-OK, you ready?

-Yeah.

Oh!

My heart's doing this! I'm just praying that he hasn't got it wrong.

The one I tried on, there was less detail,

it was pretty plain up there, and it just had a bit of detail there,

and it went out a bit more, but we'll see.

More used to being in control,

Kayleigh's put all her trust in her fiance.

Will she live to regret it?

Are you ready to see your wedding dress?

-Please, now.

-Are you excited?

-Yes!

OK. Hands down.

Oh, wow.

-Do you like it?

-Oh, yeah, I love it, I love it, I love it.

I just can't believe it.

-Oh, my God.

-Marks out of ten, now.

-Ten.

-I can't believe it.

-That's so stunning!

-It is beautiful.

-Do you like it?

-Yeah. It's lovely.

-Look at the train on that. Oh, my God.

-Oh, it's just stunning.

I cannot believe that a man has chosen that, honestly!

Honestly, I'm gobsmacked, I wasn't expecting that at all.

The boy done real good.

And it's time for the shoes.

I want to see, shoes, shoes, shoes.

Close your eyes.

-Oh, wow!

-Shut up!

Wow.

Oh, my God.

-He knows you far too well.

-They're just so fucking sexy. Oh, my God.

Kayleigh loves the dress

and the proper sparkly shoes Steve's picked for her.

Against all odds, her confidence in her fiance couldn't be higher,

much like a rollercoaster just before its 80mph freefall.

Finally the wedding day has come.

Will Steve's romantic plan to take Kayleigh back

to the rollercoaster where they fell in love sweep her off her feet?

Or will it crash and burn?

It's 7.30 in the morning

and Steve's neglected to arrange a make-up artist,

and Kayleigh will have to wait

until after her surprise trip to Thorpe Park to have her hair done.

It might be early, but the bride's itching to get started.

I want to go now. I want to see him now.

I want to go and get married now.

I keep looking at my watch thinking "Right, it's 8.30am.

"How much longer?" Do you know what I mean?

I've been doing that for the last three weeks!

First up it's the gothic bridesmaids.

I would never pick black for a bridesmaids' dress.

I just think you can wear black on a day-to-day basis,

on a night out, to a funeral.

Hoping to avoid his own funeral,

Steve is putting the finishing touches to his romantic surprise.

I'm writing Kayleigh a love letter as a surprise

for when she gets to the Stealth ride this morning.

Hopefully she'll like this.

With her hair the only thing left to do,

Kayleigh is nearly ready for her big day.

-How do I look?

-Absolutely beautiful.

-She looks lovely.

-You look like a princess.

-Cheers, darling. And the shoes!

THEY GIGGLE

# Oh so pretty Oh so pretty! #

She might be happy, but Steve senses there's a storm brewing.

It's going to rain.

At last the princess bride is ready to make her elegant exit.

For fuck's sake.

But what will the bride make of Steve's spooky choice of transport?

Oh well, at least it matches the bridesmaids.

Oh my God! Oh my God!

She likes her car but she might not be so happy

when she finds out where it's taking her.

-I've an important thing to do.

-OK.

Request from Steve. I have to put a blindfold on you.

Mind my make-up, please.

Please. I spent so long doing my eyes.

Kayleigh's in the dark about her destination,

which might be a good thing!

Is it like a fun fair?

I can hear music and I swear I just heard something to do with a clown.

HONKING

Is he taking me to a fun fair before the bloody wedding?

Do I look in the mood for a fun fair?!

The reality of giving up control of the most important day of her life

is becoming all too real for Kayleigh as it dawns on her where she is.

I know where we are. I know where we are.

Shut the fuck up! Why are we here? Oh, my God!

I'm not going on a ride, I'm not going on a ride.

-Where d'you think we are?

-Thorpe Park, we're at Thorpe Park.

-We're actually at Thorpe Park.

-Why would we be at Thorpe Park?

-Cos Steve's a prick. Mum!

Why haven't you controlled this?

Why am I at Thorpe Park on my WEDDING DAY?

-OK, let's just go. Come on, it's fine.

-Where?

Keep walking straight, we've got you. Hold my hand.

Mate, I can hear rides and people screaming.

If we're at fucking Thorpe Park I'm going to go mental.

Maybe just keep the blindfold on, then.

Why the hell are we at Thorpe Park on my WEDDING day?!

-Listen to me.

-I don't care. My wedding isn't a fucking joke!

With no idea why she was brought here,

Kayleigh's hopes for her perfect wedding day are fading fast.

Steve's banking on Kayleigh reading the letter

and understanding why he's brought her to the Stealth ride.

I'm scared.

Don't want to open my eyes.

OK, Kayleigh.

Stealth?! I'm not even in the mood.

"To my beautiful baby."

Please don't. Oh my God.

"To my gorgeous wife to be.

"These last three weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life

"and it has really made me realise that I do not want to spend another night without you.

"You're my princess, you're my soulmate and my best friend and I love you so much it hurts."

"I wanted to bring you back to the place that I knew..."

I can't speak!

"..that I knew you was the one." Beautiful grammar, babe.

"The last time we were here, the Stealth ride broke down

"and there was nowhere to run so we had to stand and talk

"which I am not good at but I know you really well because of it

"and I fell for you right there and then.

"I knew from then that I had to have kids with you and marry you.

"The last two weeks have been a rollercoaster for me

"so please experience a little bit of what I've been through

"and go on what is now my favourite ride of all time

"because this is the ride that I found the real you who I adore.

"All my loves and kisses for the rest of my life, your soon-to-be husband."

SHE GIGGLES AND SNIFFS

No.

Shall we just go and have a look for a laugh?

I'm not going to laugh if I get my dress dirty.

My pretty shoes!

Finally, the girls manage to convince her to at least try.

Why has he done this?!

For fuck, fucking, raping,

cock, rape, fucking, ugh!

-I don't like scary rides.

-Can you sit?

No. Why has he told me to do this in my wedding dress?

For fuck's sake!

I just don't understand.

I just really don't fucking get it.

No, I don't want to do this, I'm sorry. No, not doing it.

No. I just want TO GO!

So, we've done all this for no reason whatsoever?

What a fucking prick.

Why has he done this to me?

I just want to go. Let's roll.

As a furious Kayleigh storms off,

the guests are beginning to arrive at Oatlands Park,

and Steve is on tenterhooks.

I don't think I've ever felt this nervous in my life.

I am starting to feel sick.

Fuming with rage, the bride still needs to get her hair done.

I've got to get my hair done in my wedding dress.

Hello, for some reason,

-like a

-BLEEP

-I've got to get my hair done with my dress on.

-Are you getting married today?

-Yeah, in a matter of hours.

Really big and volumised and sort of loose curls. Cheryl Cole-esque.

Even if she makes it to the ceremony,

will she be in any mood to get married?

Kayleigh's now running 40 minutes late,

and clueless Steve is beginning to fear the worst.

Unless she didn't like surprises and not turned up.

Could be that.

Back at the salon and Kayleigh has made a transformation.

Yeah.

Love it. I look like Wonder Woman.

She has her fashionable hair-do,

and she's now running fashionably late.

I've had a few guests on the phone asking me where we are.

Asking how long we're going to be cos everybody's waiting.

But it's every bride's prerogative to be late on her big day, so they'll have to wait.

-What's the time?!

-12.

-12 o'clock?!

-Quarter to.

He shouldn't have sent me to fucking Thorpe Park, should he?

No, he shouldn't have. Should have sent you to get your hair done.

An hour late and a smiling bride can finally make her way to see her man.

And on seeing the ceremony venue,

Thorpe Park is a distant memory.

Mate, you're getting married!

Oh, my God!

Shut up.

The nightmare has turned into a dream,

and she can't take her eyes off Steve.

Please take your seats.

From strops to smiles,

the morning has been a rollercoaster of emotions for Kayleigh

and just to make sure she's happy, Steve sends in the clowns.

What are you wearing?!

LAUGHTER

What are you wearing?!

What's wrong with it?

LAUGHTER

Steven, do you take Kayleigh to be your wife?

I do.

Kayleigh, do you take Steven to be your husband?

I do.

Kayleigh, I give you this ring. It's an everlasting symbol of our marriage

and is a token of my love.

Steven, I give you this ring as an everlasting symbol of our marriage.

I promise to care for you...

SHE SOBS

..to remain true to you and above all to respect and love you always.

Thank you, Kayleigh.

So, I am very happy to tell you

you are now husband and wife. Congratulations to you both.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Finally, Kayleigh has scored her man.

He might not be a footballer, he may not be loaded,

but she feels like the richest girl in the world.

After three weeks apart...

I've missed you so fucking much.

..the happy couple can't keep their hands off each other.

Oh, so much better now.

Don't ever, ever leave me again.

-You sent me away!

-Ever! No, I didn't! Don't say that!

Three weeks. Three weeks of hell.

It was worth it.

But Steve has to find out about the Stealth ride.

How did the surprise go?

I did throw a massive strop. I did go into one.

I was just like, "Why the hell has he sent us here? In our finery?"

I tried to get on, but I couldn't fit the dress on.

But the sentiment behind it was just amazing.

But just as Kayleigh begins to relax, there's an announcement.

Ladies and gentlemen, Steve and Kayleigh are going to make a move.

-Where to?

-You'll find out.

-Does everyone else know where they're going?

-They will do. OK.

We're going to the next venue which is...Thorpe Park.

Thope Park again!

Erm...

It can't be any worse than it was this morning.

You want a bet?

-Are we going back to Thorpe Park?

-Why?

Are we going back to Thorpe Park?

We're going back to Thorpe Park! Why?!

So here we go again!

Oh! Fuck off!

Babe, this is such a stupid idea.

It looks like Steve has finally realised he's made a mistake,

but the rollercoaster wedding day isn't over.

So you don't want to go round the park?

No.

Everyone's got, like, queue jumps and everything.

Are you joking?

Oh my god.

We have a few hours before the meal. Everyone can go and have fun.

It's special.

I know it's a special place, babe, but we can come here any time.

So while the wedding guests are assuming the brace position,

Kayleigh and Steve head towards the conference centre half a mile away.

Could they not have provided us with fucking transport?

This stupid thing is fucking falling down!

Oh my god!

How was transport not fucking arranged?

Look, I'm so sorry.

And just when things couldn't possibly get any worse...

My heel's broken!

SHE SOBS

We'll get it fixed.

I just want to go home!

I just want to go home!

We'll get it fixed, OK?

I don't want them to see me crying.

I've proper fucked up.

No, you haven't.

I just don't understand.

I can't believe my fucking heel's broken.

With Kayleigh in tears once again,

her wedding day has been a total disaster.

-Sorry.

-Don't be.

Steve leaves Kayleigh to calm down with the guests,

and runs off to get some glue to fix her shoes,

but he knows the damage is already done.

I probably made the wrong choice coming here.

I didn't think about Kayleigh's big dress.

I didn't think her shoes were going to break that easily.

So I'm a bit annoyed that I've upset my wife on her wedding day.

With a little champagne and sympathy,

Cinderella has finally regained her composure.

After the rollercoaster day from hell,

one more disappointment will surely tip her over the edge.

And Steve is yet to show her his WAG reception room.

But would Wayne give Colleen a chaise longue, fake castle turrets

and a pink pony?

Oh my god!

Oh my god, what is that?

Chaise longue.

Oh, babe.

Oh my god, why's there a unicorn?

-It's a pony.

-Is it a pony?

It doesn't have a horn.

Oh, look at the centrepieces.

-Oh, darling.

-We did them.

Oh my god, the cake! The cake's perfect!

Oh my god! Oh my god!

Oh, baby.

Oh, it's perfect.

Gold crown, silver crown.

Oh, you're kidding me?

Against all the odds, Steve has managed to give her a tiny bit

of the WAG wedding she was wishing for.

Baby, it's perfect. I love it.

Good, isn't it?

It's just amazing.

I love it, I love it, I love it. I love you.

Perfect. Thank you so much.

The WAGgy decor might be plastic fantastic,

but after a day of ruined shoes, rain and rollercoasters,

Kayleigh is relieved.

And let's face it, it could have been much worse.

Oh, but wait a minute.

The only thing I probably would have done differently...

Yeah.

I'd never have thought to put the, what are they called?

Turrets.

-Tourette's?

-Turrets.

-Turrets.

I'd have never put the turrets in cos I would have never thought to.

But I love them. I think they're wicked. It proper sets off the theme.

You have a theme. You thought of a theme.

Yeah.

So proud of you.

'I've absolutely no idea how I got away with this.'

I thought I'd stuffed the whole day up

after getting married in this really gorgeous place

and then taking her to Thorpe Park

and completely messing it up really

because she didn't want to do anything.

I didn't know what to do. I was absolutely crapping myself.

Fresh off the rides, the guests are in for another shock.

I just... I just... I'm a little... I'm...

Um, I don't really know what to say.

It's quite flamboyant, isn't it?

I'm not sure about the crowns.

Well, Kayleigh, you did want a wedding people would talk about!

I feel like I've accomplished something.

I've been to war, I've got a medal for Afghanistan,

but this is much more of an accomplishment than what I've done.

And now apparently she's amazed.

So hopefully she'll come out and give me a big fat kiss.

These three weeks have been the hardest of my life not seeing you,

and it made me realise I never want to spend another day without you.

Don't cry.

I'm very much looking forward to Kayleigh making all the decisions

because I can't stand making decisions

and these three weeks have just proved that.

See, exactly.

It's not like I'm a diva that says this has to be so and so.

It's just easier because you don't like it.

Definitely. You make the decisions. I don't mind at all.

See, so nothing will change.

No, that's fine by me.

-Job's a good 'un.

-Definitely.

They're a very striking couple. Kayleigh looks amazing in her dress.

Steven's suit is really stunning.

Not sure about the best men, but you know...

I was peeved this morning with the whole thing

because I didn't understand why we'd gone in our finery.

So, minus her finery, will this bride finally get on the ride

she's so stealthily been avoiding all day?

MUSIC: "Life Is A Rollercoaster" by Ronan Keating

I wanted to get married there.

Shut up!

And so he finally gets his wannabe WAG on the ride.

No, it'll be over.

He's not a footballer and she's not a WAG

and he didn't pull off the fairytale wedding.

But at least they got a trophy they can have forever.

Next time, Essex boy Andrew is a groom torn between two worlds.

You're not listening. My fucking wedding!

On one side, his bride-to-be Amanda Demander.

I will go mad. I probably won't speak to him for a year.

The other side, best man Neil...

Andrew!

..who wants him to lighten up and relive the old Essex days.

His friends won't stay much longer.

-Trapped between his laddy past...

-You're stressing me out!

-..and his future wife...

-I'm not happy with that.

..which Andrew will shine through?

You may kiss the bride.

What's he done?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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