Andrew and Amanda Don't Tell the Bride

This programme contains some strong language.

Five years of Don't Tell The Bride. 48 brave brides...

48 game-on grooms,

dozens of dress disasters...

Don't panic.

..and one near miss.

Please just get on the plane.

I'm not coming. Game over.

Now, we're back for a whole new rollercoaster ride,

as 12 more blushing brides leave the biggest day of their lives...

Oh, my God.

..in the hands of the men they love.

The grooms get three weeks...

No way!

..and £12,000...

12Gs, man!

Oh, my God!

-Are you ready?

-Born ready, mate!

..and the brides get no say in how it's spent.

-I don't want to do this any more.

-So, saddle up for tears...

-SHE SOBS

-..tantrums...

Why the hell are we at Thorpe Park on my wedding day?!

..and total meltdowns.

I can't... I can't do anything.

Tonight, 27-year-old Essex boy Andrew is a groom torn between two worlds.

-You're not listening.

-I am.

-It's my

-BLEEP

-wedding.

On one side, his former boss and bride-to-be Amanda...

I will go mad. I probably won't speak to him for a year.

..who wants him to man up and take control of the wedding.

Let's hope he finds that inner tiger!

But in desperation to please her, will he make the wrong decisions?

I don't know. I just don't know, that's the feeling, I don't know.

And on the other side, best man Neil.

-HE MIMICS BRIDE AND GROOM:

-"Andrew?" "Yes, darling?"

..who wants him to lighten up and relive the good old Essex days.

His friends won't stick around much longer.

Trapped between his laddy past...

You're stressing me out, everything's a joke!

..and his future wife...

I'm not happy with that.

..which Andrew will shine through?

I'm giving him this decision... and I hope he doesn't let me down.

Can this man...

You may kiss the bride.

..give this woman the wedding of her dreams?

Where am I going? What's he done?

What's he done?

27-year-old Andrew has spent the last six years defending his country in the Royal Navy.

He met his fiancee, 23-year-old Amanda, at sea,

where she outranked him.

-I was in charge of you in the Navy.

-Boss!

-Yep, little me.

Although Amanda left the Navy three years ago, she still gives the orders in their relationship.

Left, right, left... Something like that!

Amanda is a second dan Taekwondo expert

and this demanding bride has earned herself a catchy nickname.

I am Amanda Demanda,

I think that's maybe why I'm always in charge and just take control.

She's one of these girls, she's very headstrong.

One of these...

No, I'm sorry, I don't mean that in that way.

So when it comes to planning the wedding,

can Andrew pander to Amanda Demanda?

If he doesn't step up and do it right,

I'll go mad.

Andrew grew up in Essex, where he spent his younger days

drinking and partying with his laddish mates. But since meeting Amanda,

Andrew's abandoned his wild ways for a more domestic life.

He now splits his time between serving in the military and serving his bride to be.

-Hiya.

-Hello!

So every Friday, he makes the 500-mile round trip

between Portsmouth naval base and his new home with Amanda in St Helens.

She's my rock. She's the love of my life.

You owe me a cuddle!

Amanda's madly in love with Andrew too.

In fact, since she met her doting sailor boy,

she's been in a complete spin.

When I first set eyes on Andrew,

the first thing that came to mind

was how handsome he is. I think he's gorgeous!

I had this thing I've never had in my whole life,

it was just like...I'm happy,

I don't ever want to be without Amanda again.

They're made for each other.

I love how affectionate and considerate he is.

I just know I want to be with him for the rest of my life.

Back in Andrew's home town of Essex,

there's a third person in this relationship,

27-year-old engineer Neil.

Since their sweet bromance began 12 years ago,

they've shared many nights out together in down town Essex.

Yeah, me and Andrew clicked when we were at college.

And, er...

I was sanding down my guitar and this random guy came up to me,

and he was... a bit annoying at first,

cos I was like... "What are you doing?!",

acting all cool,

and just kind of had a little talk about guitars

and he said how good he was...

Yeah, he was good!

Then we kind of clicked.

Neil wants Andrew to remember where he came from and doesn't want to be forgotten.

As I know he's going to be moving up there,

it's... You're losing a mate

and he's got someone else now

that's his...well, pride and joy! I'm not his pride and joy any more.

I'll start crying soon!

I'm not going to!

Neil's on a mission to get the old party boy back

before he becomes a soppy family man forever.

I knew he was soppy, but, come on, now...

-IN SOPPY VOICE:

-"I miss her,

"Oh, Amanda, I miss her"!

Man up, mate, man up.

But for Andrew, manning up means being a responsible adult.

As well as becoming a husband,

he'll become step-dad to Amanda's daughter, three-year-old Scarlet.

For any man to take on someone else's child

is a major thing.

-What's your favourite ducky?

-That one.

-What's his name?

-Cheese.

-Cheese?! THEY LAUGH

'They've got a good relationship.'

Really good bond.

I would never, ever let her down.

Coming from divorced parents,

Andrew's determined that his relationship stays the course.

I never want

my children to feel the way I did when they split up, because it's heart-wrenching.

I've always said I'll get married once,

and that's it.

I would never marry again after that,

I'll pick the one I'm going to be with

and do whatever I have to do to be a family.

RADIO ALERT

For the last six years, the Navy has told Andrew when to eat,

when to sleep, and everything in between.

Gumbo, clear.

So now he's taken command of mission Amanda,

will he be able to make the tough choices all by himself?

I think that it's going to be hard for him, that he's got to stand on his own two feet

and make that decision. No-one else can do it for him.

I think I'd rather go to war than plan Amanda's big day.

Desperate to impress,

can this groom give Amanda Demanda the day she wants?

Let's hope he finds that inner tiger! Come on!

The moment has come to say goodbye.

Can you put my stuff in the car, Scarlet?

The next time they see each other will be on their wedding day.

Bye-bye, Andrew.

# I'll sail this ship alone... #

SHE SOBS: I didn't think it would be this hard!

Phew...three weeks.

Give everyone my love, all right?

Just go!

-I love you.

-See you soon.

I didn't think it would affect me this much.

I knew I'd miss him, and...

I just didn't expect it, to, like...

..hit me like a ton of bricks.

Andrew's heading 200 miles south to his old stomping ground in Essex,

where he'll spend the next three weeks living with best man Neil.

He's like a brother, you know what I mean? We're that close.

They used to do everything together,

then, all of a sudden, it was, "Oh, I'm going with Amanda,

"Oh, I'm going with Amanda,

"Oh, me and Amanda are going here", and he'd be like, "Tsk".

Neil probably thinks I've robbed his best mate off him.

SHE GIGGLES

Neil's treating this as an Essex reunion,

and he wants to makes sure Andrew enjoys himself.

I know, at the back of his mind, he wants to make it perfect,

but sometimes, when you try to make it too perfect, it ends up a disaster.

I know that he'll bend over backwards for her,

but it's his wedding as well, and that's MY biggest thing -

I want HIM to enjoy it as much as her.

Right from the off, Neil's firing on all cylinders.

-IN CHILD'S VOICE:

-'My mum said I'm not allowed to open the door!'

HE LAUGHS

Open up!

-That seriously hurt me!

-Hello!

How you doing? You all right?

It's been three years since the Essex boys lived together.

For Neil, the next few weeks are a chance to wake Andrew

and unleash the Essex tiger.

Welcome home!

But has this tiger been turned into a domestic pussycat?

-Am I actually going to see you again?

-Of course you are.

Are you going to move up north?

I have to.

-Really?

-Not HAVE TO, but that's what I'm going to do.

Under the thumb!

Back in St Helens, Amanda and her friends are wondering

if Andrew will be able to resist returning to his laddy ways.

What do you feel about Neil having so much input in what you're going to wear on the day?

-Your most important day in the world.

-Hopefully,

Andrew will take a step back and go, "Neil, stay out of this one"!

Once this wedding's done, he's going to come home to his wife,

and if she's not happy with it...

THEY LAUGH

..let's see how he handles THAT one!

Never mind three weeks without me!

200 miles south, Neil's preparing a full-scale assault

to break Andrew's laugh-proof defences.

I've got egg stuck behind my ear. Such an idiot.

Andy, I've got something for you to wear.

THEY LAUGH

Neil thinks getting Andrew into a baby suit will stop him being a dull grown-up.

You're not getting me in that.

-Stay away from me.

-Come on!

Then we can do a little dance together!

I'm not putting it on.

It's disgusting.

It actually makes me physically sick to see you in that.

These days,

Andrew's way too mature to waste his time on things like fun,

and tensions start to show.

I can't wait to be a married man,

be a husband.

You don't trust women, do you?

Yeah, I do.

The right person.

-Yeah, and Amanda's the right person for me.

-Fair enough.

-There you go.

Our grown-up groom is barely recognisable from the party boy he once was.

No, I'm not jealous! No, I AM jealous. Don't do it.

Me and Amanda...are both in love with each other.

I can't change that, I'll never change that,

it's the way it is.

I'm just...I'm just super happy.

Looks like Neil's got his work cut out.

After a bumpy start,

the boys have put their differences aside to plan the big day.

Andrew's taken command of the mission to satisfy his demanding bride.

Employing his naval training, he's turned Neil's living room into matrimonial HQ.

With Amanda up north,

the navy down south, and Essex stuck in between, his first challenge

is deciding where this wedding will happen.

Portsmouth, maybe,

Essex, maybe.

-I don't think it will happen up north, do you?

-No.

I think Amanda would like something different.

I'm thinking...

it should be a naval sort of theme,

rather than just a wedding.

I was thinking like an old wooden ship,

like an old, sort of, famous warship?

What do you reckon?

-NEIL MIMICS THE BRIDE AND GROOM:

-"Andrew?" "Yes, darling?"

"Where do you want to get married?"

You're stressing me out! Everything's a joke!

I'm really, really getting to the point where I just think, "Shall I do it all myself?"

-"Andrew?!"

-'You'd think smiling would kill him.'

I'm going to have a heart attack, I swear.

You're a dick.

Hmmm!

"My ideal wedding..."

I know he's trying to...

..make me laugh and keep me happy,

but it's not at the minute, because this is so important.

He's not taking it seriously enough at the minute.

It's only day one and the bromance is on the rocks,

but Neil's not ready to give up yet.

It's time to hit the road.

Andrew's decided it would be romantic to get married on a ship in Portsmouth,

near where they first met.

It would mean dragging his bride halfway across the country for her big day.

But it'll be worth it IF he finds a ship that was

the first in the navy to have an iron hull.

-'HMS Warrior was the first ship in the Royal Navy to have an iron hull.'

-What are the odds?!

The 150-year-old HMS Warrior was the most advanced warship of its kind.

For Andrew, it's the perfect place to tie the knot.

Do you reckon we'll be allowed up there?

-No, Neil, your place is below decks.

-Watch your head.

The two of you - not the two of you - yourself and Amanda will be here, facing that way.

Do you want to do a trial?

-I'm not going to marry you. Get off my hand!

-Yes, I will.

But in Liverpool, theology student Amanda

has brought her Auntie Lynette and mum Jo to see her ideal wedding venue.

-I'm your dad.

-SHE HUMS WEDDING MARCH

Amanda's local church is a million miles away from Andrew's boat idea.

If he's not careful, he could be walking the plank instead of the aisle.

Back on board HMS Warrior, Neil's still playing the bride.

-You disgust me. You're sick.

-Kiss the bride.

Amanda Demada's mind is made up. Nothing but a church will do.

-You got your heart set on a church.

-Yeah. God's house. Yeah.

Wouldn't you feel married if you didn't get married in a church and didn't have a ceremony?

It wouldn't feel like a real wedding if it wasn't in a church.

The penny's dropped and Andrew's realised his premium blonde might not want a deck full of tourists.

My biggest fear here is that you turn up and there's tourists walking around. It's not right.

Andrew may have avoided the holy wrath of his fiancee.

A close call.

Back in Liverpool, the girls are concerned how kick-ass Amanda Demanda will react

if Andrew doesn't give her what she wants.

You can't go through life getting your own way all the time.

Who doesn't like getting what they want? If you can have it, why not?

What are you going to do when you're not going to be able to get what you want?

Maybe I'll learn Amanda's way is the right way.

-Good, good!

-Maybe! Maybe. THEY LAUGH

-So you're not saying?

-Ask me then, on the day of my wedding.

With Neil at work, Andrew's gone it alone.

He's headed to his mum's house in Essex

to scour through the phone book for the perfect wedding venue...

At least I know their taste in music is bad.

..and his luck hasn't improved.

-'I'm sorry, no-one is available to take your call.'

-But I need someone!

-'Bye.'

-Oh!

-'You are now being transferred.'

'You are now being transferred. You are now being transferred.'

Mum Jo is not convinced our grown-up groom can arrange the wedding

without Amanda's guidance.

-What are you going to do if he gets it totally wrong?

-I don't know.

-Have you thought about that?

-No. I don't know.

Now he's got to stand on his feet now

and do everything for this wedding. He's got to take control.

I mean, even in the Navy, even in his job, he's now a leading hand.

You know, it's not about just taking orders.

He's actually capable of giving them himself, and hopefully

he'll learn how to take control of situations by doing this.

Nothing.

-It seems going it alone isn't so easy for Andrew.

-PHONE DIALS

-'Hello.'

-Hello, Mum. Sorry to keep calling you,

but the internet, does it keep going down?

So much for standing on his own two feet!

-My training does not train me for the internet being down.

-HE SIGHS

Having failed miserably on his own, Neil is back by Andrew's side.

In East London, perched on the banks of the River Thames

for nearly two centuries, sits Greenwich Naval College.

Once the nerve centre of the British Empire.

Andrew's so gobsmacked he's struggling to find the right words.

This is mental. This is amazing. This is...wow!

I want to make her go "Wow", you know?

Getting married here will cost Andrew just two grand.

But it means not giving Amanda the church ceremony she wants.

And he'll be dragging the bridal party 250 miles down south.

This naval landmark seems to be pushing the right buttons for Andrew's naval theme.

Spectacular. The floor's beautiful. Very nautical.

It's all looking pretty grand, isn't it?

If only Andrew could make his own mind up.

You tell me we can pull it off... I'll trust ya.

-We could be here for some time.

-I don't know!

I just don't know, that's the feeling. I don't know. Ahh!

I love it. I...

Used to taking orders from his naval bosses and Amanda, our groom's all at sea without them.

I think I'm going to pick this room here. I'm going to do it.

-He's done it!

-Let's go and do it!

Well done, Andrew!

You're a real grown-up!

With two grand spent on the wedding venue,

Andrew now needs to find a place to hold his reception.

Back up north, Amanda's found the venue she wants -

Thornton Manor in Cheshire.

The Elizabethan manor house

specialises in high class wedding receptions.

-Ah! This is very me!

-Oh, it is.

SHE GASPS Oh, my God!

-Look at those ceilings.

-This is just...

I love it. It's perfect.

Oh, I want it. I want it.

Don't worry, Amanda, Andrew knows exactly what you want.

It's a very classy sort of place. It's not... It's exclusive.

It feels exclusive.

It doesn't look like any old riffraff can turn up and ruin my day.

The local golf club in Chingford, Essex.

I mean, look - it's just been well maintained.

It's not been left...

If he cuts corners and I get a stupid venue, I will go mad.

I probably won't speak to him for a year.

Well, what's a year, Andrew? It'll fly by.

-I love it!

-But Andrew seems happy.

Well, as happy as Andrew ever seems.

I think the price is ridiculously low.

Really?! This origami clubhouse is nearly four grand!

Oh, I love it.

You can imagine someone playing the piano here, couldn't you?

I've got this in my head. I want big and wow and grand.

He's got to do something that can top this now.

I think, for once, it feels like something's gone right. This is perfect.

This is a blank canvas. It's a good opportunity.

Put my touch on it, it'll be special.

A mock front of a ship with a place where people can get their pictures,

like the Titanic or something like that.

Titanic - that was a happy ending(!)

Ropes, anchors.

A giant iceberg?

-Yeah, I think we should do it.

-At the end of the first week,

Andrew's chosen Greenwich Naval College for the ceremony

and the local golf club for the reception.

Andrew's spent a whopping six grand on his venues

and he's getting it wrong at every turn.

There are just two weeks to go and things are looking far from bright.

Despite Amanda Demanda hoping for a church wedding in Liverpool,

Andrew's chosen two venues down south.

But can he turn things around with his ambitious naval theme?

The lads have headed to North London in search of props

for the golf club reception.

But with money tight,

Neil's concerned that they've bitten off more than he can chew.

-A massive room.

-You keep saying it's a massive room.

It's not going to get smaller at the end of the day.

You saying that is not creating confidence

and that's what we need to do, be positive about it.

It's driving me mad, being negative. I'm nervous now.

I am, yeah. Of course I am.

I'm really worried now that this is not going to be wow.

But at least Andrew's started making decisions.

Whether they're right is anyone's guess.

He's just splashed out £1,200 on nautical props for the reception.

With Neil back at work, Andrew's turned to his mum Kim to help

with a feminine touch - flowers.

Oh! Oh! Oooh!

Ah, that looks nice.

Amanda does like bling-bling.

-I think that's the one.

-That is lovely.

OK, bouquet! Bonjour mangetout!

Oh, it's lovely.

But Andrew still feels caught between his new life with Amanda Demanda,

and his old Essex boy life with Neil.

When I first turned up he was, like, "Oh, I'm not going to see you no more."

I was like, I didn't come here, mate, to talk to you about, like, "I ain't going to see you."

"I'm losing my mate." This is just pathetic.

You sound like a 15-year-old saying, "You can't hang around with me no more."

-Yeah, but at least he said how he felt.

-I know, I know. Neil can't hide that.

-All grown up now. I'm grown up, ain't I?

-Yeah, you're a man now.

Mummy's little boy is grown up. Mummy's little sailor, eh?

-I know, no.

-Mummy's big sailor.

Big sailor, little sailor - are they official Navy ranks?

Would that have been your first choice of best man, Neil?

Or are you worried that you may have made the wrong choice?

Let's put it this way, if this was me,

I would be seriously very worried.

Seriously worried.

Halfway through and Andrew has less than five grand left in his budget.

The time has come to buy Amanda's wedding dress

and Neil has a cunning money-saving strategy.

Seriously, see what they have got and you might be surprised.

Cos at the end of the day it's going to save a helluva lot of money.

For the most important dress in Amanda's life, he's brought Andrew

-to the local charity shop.

-Seriously, mate. Trust me.

Back in Liverpool, the girls have come to look for Amanda's

fantasy wedding dress at a high-end boutique.

-I think that is beautiful.

-That's got enough fittedness to go...

Yeah, nice. And then, "whoo".

-Want to feel glam.

-Yeah. Forget princess, I'm a queen! SHE LAUGHS

-Can we try it on?

-Course you can.

As Amanda slips into her dress, mum Jo and Auntie Lynette

are well aware of the implications if Andrew gets it wrong.

-It'll be the most important dress she ever wears.

-Without a doubt.

-He's got to get it right.

-I think she'll have them scissors out, cutting it up.

-If it's not right?

-Yeah. Yeah.

In the charity shop, Neil's already spotted a bargain.

£195 for a dress.

A horrible dress that doesn't fit. It's horrible.

That's that dress. We've got a budget, that's what I'm thinking. That's the problem.

If I can cut the budget on this for a dress for the sake of 300 quid, what does that say?

It's not saying nothing.

With the lads squabbling over a £195 frock,

Amanda's found her fantasy dress at ten times the price.

Oh, Amanda! That is gorgeous.

Amanda's set her heart on a silk fishtail design

with an encrusted diamante cleavage. And with the gamble she's taken on the biggest day of her life,

it's all too much.

I'm just scared he's not going to get the right one!

-Oh, God.

-I'm sure he'll get you a nice dress.

Back at the charity shop, Neil's resorting to anything to try and get a laugh out of Andrew.

-Do you love me?

-Why have you got to be like that?

-You may kiss the bride.

-Yeah.

-Andrew?

Neil's attempt to get Andrew to crack a smile is failing miserably.

It's just I'm giving him this decision

and I hope he doesn't let me down.

Having convinced Neil the charity shop wasn't for him,

the lads hit Lakeside Shopping Centre.

After two long hours of indecision, and titting around from Neil,

something finally grabs his eye.

I love that. I've just seen that.

Yeah, just out the corner of my eye I caught that.

Andrew's zeroed in on an ivory coloured ballgown at the back of the shop where he can barely see it.

-It's nothing like the one Amanda's hoping for.

-That's the one, yeah.

That's perfect. I love it.

Any normal groom would ask to see a model try it on.

But Andrew wants Amanda to be the only woman to wear it.

Let's hope it fits her better than this headless mannequin!

On the plus side, when his bride-to-be sees it,

the choice between his new life with Amanda

and his old life with Neil could be made up for him.

-I mean, it is the top of my budget.

-OK.

And getting underneath it would be better. But I think that's the perfect dress. For me.

At £1,000, the dress leaves just four grand in his war chest.

With the wrong venue, the wrong dress and sailor boy Andrew at the helm,

this wedding is heading for the rocks.

There's only a week-and-a-half to go

before Andrew ties the ultimate sailor's knot, and today it's his birthday.

Here, Andrew, as it's your birthday, I bought you a balloon.

Cheers, mate.

Is that actually from you, is it?

No!

Who's it from?

Who's it from?

Amanda.

Oi! Lighten up, mate, lighten up.

Crying, tears... These are man-tears.

Yeah, all right(!)

Oh, that's amazing.

That's beautiful.

I can't even say thank you to her, can I?

-Pretend I gave it you.

-Yeah!

I can't stick my tongue down your throat, can I?

That's amazing.

Amanda has given him some words of advice.

"Look deep inside your heart

"and you'll find strength...

"that you never knew you had."

You got a balloon!

-It's just like, when you miss someone so much.

-Yeah, definitely.

It's cool.

You're touching my leg too nice there!

Cheers, mate.

It's all too much for Andrew,

but after twelve years of friendship,

Neil knows how to cheer up his old pal.

-MUSIC: Cotton-Eyed Joe

-It's that time.

Come on, Andrew!

It's that time.

Come on!

It's your birthday!

-You're right it's my birthday, I'm 28 years old!

-Come on!

This isn't the same party boy that Neil used to know

and Andrew's determined to be Mr Sensible.

You're no fun no more. A little bit.

Come on, get up!

Back in St Helens,

Amanda's received her very own surprise package from Andrew.

How will she take the news of her big day down south?

It's here! Just been delivered.

AMANDA GASPS. Oh, let me have a look.

Is this mine? Can I open it.

-Go on.

-OK, that's good.

I'm actually scared.

Oh, come on, open it.

"To my future wife,

"you need to be ready to travel any time Thursday afternoon

"to a secret location down south."

Do you know what? It's a long way that, isn't it?

I think if it's down south, you know,

it's not as easy to go down the road,

or out your door to a wedding, is it?

You're going down south.

Amanda is faced with a 250 mile journey

on the eve of her wedding.

Still, she's delighted to have received her invitation.

Aw, like my prince has sent me an invitation to the ball!

Aw...

Unfortunately, her prince has sent her ALL the invitations to the ball.

AMANDA GASPS

-You've got the job of giving these out.

-I have to go round and say,

"Come to me wedding."

So it's Don't Tell The Bride, it's left to Andy to arrange,

but I have to give them out.

I have to deal with it.

I mean, I know the easiest option is for me to do this,

but the easiest option for me is to go and pick my own dress as well

and pick my own wedding.

It's not about making it easy.

And you know, I'm not happy with that.

He could've arranged with someone else,

like Michelle being a bridesmaid.

I shouldn't have to, he should be doing them.

Early morning in the peaceful backwaters of Essex...

With just one week to go,

Neil's been given the job of arranging Andrew's stag do...

and the best man finally got his way with that babygro.

Finally, Neil's made Andrew laugh,

and it's the first time our groom's relaxed since Day One.

While the cocks bash balls...

the hens have spent the last four hours

gluing, painting...

and spraying.

I hope we're going somewhere glam

where we can drink cocktails and all have fun.

A proper girly night, I want.

Yep, and nothing says "a proper girly night"

like a treasure hunt

-in the boggy woods around the corner.

-What's that say?

There's no bar, or no music,

or nightclub along that way.

So girls, who brought their wellies?

Back in Essex, the stags are locking horns.

It's just like the old days -

a bunch of lads heading to the great outdoors

for a bit of a wrestle.

Aw! Isn't it nice to see men who can show their affection!

Back up north, the girls may look like a bunch of pirates,

but this treasure hunt

is stretching the nautical theme a tad far, Andrew.

Amanda's dad has left treats chosen by Andrew around the woods...

Sweets - it's like he wants to get karate-kicked into next week.

Did Andrew leave that as well?

Yay!

From the beginning,

Neil's mission has been to get Andrew to enjoy the wedding.

After two weeks of Andrew playing the grown-up,

he's finally lightened up.

At last, the girls have found Andrew's booty...

..a trunk of booze.

THEY CHEER

Ah! Ooh!

Sorry, Scarlet, it's warm milk for you.

With the boys washed and groomed before their night out on the town,

Andrew wants to let Neil know there'll always be a place for him.

I know you're scared...

-Scared!

-And I know it's a rocky road ahead,

but that amazing life -

although it's amazing with Amanda and Scarlet,

and I wouldn't change it -

it wouldn't be the same without, like, you.

You need to know that after next Saturday,

I'm Amanda's, and not yours.

And you need to know

you've got mates as well.

You've got me for the night.

I'm yours.

In Liverpool,

the girls have hit the town.

And Amanda's making the most of it.

# And the love kick-starts again

# Starts again... #

It's Andrew's last night of freedom,

and he's decided to go crazy...

with a curry.

Let the good times roll(!)

It's probably a drink I don't even like.

The new, mature Andrew is once again refusing to let his hair down.

I've got a full stomach.

It's a bit of a stupid idea

getting someone a drink to down after a full meal.

He's clearly worried it will be bad for his "korma"!

They're so soppy, sailors nowadays, ain't they?

In my opinion I reckon Amanda is just, like, on it.

So you need to get on it to match it.

I've just told everyone I'm going to get in a round of cocktails.

Whooo! THEY CHEER

With Andrew refusing the first cocktail,

Neil's splashed out on another.

It's only a nice...

You don't have to down it, it's just a nice drink that I bought.

No.

You're off your head.

I just bought Andy a drink

and it says it all, really, his reaction.

It's pretty much him all the way through.

-I've made you a drink.

-Right, I don't like sambuca.

It's not sambuca.

That will instantly make me throw up.

-That's all right!

-Well, I don't like it.

This will be a night to remember.

I think he needs to chill out.

All right, yeah, he doesn't want to embarrass himself...

'Be boring for the rest of your life.'

To be fair, Andrew just wants to be grown-up,

like his bride... who, as we speak, is dancing on a table

with her skirt hitched up around her knickers.

Whoo!

Why am I even wasting my time trying to do something for him

when it's just thrown back in my face?

This isn't the Essex boy Neil remembers.

Stop being a fucking girl about it.

His friends aren't going to stick around for much longer.

With just days to go until the wedding,

Andrew snuck off to Manchester to meet the other girl in his life.

Andreeeeew!

He's taking Scarlet shopping for her flower girl dress.

Scarlet, who's dress is going to be better, Mummy's or Scarlet's?

Andrew's suit.

Andrew's suit? That's a good answer, give me ten!

Meanwhile, two weeks apart have driven Amanda to the photo album.

One of the times he spent with Scarlet, and...

He said that was the day he felt like her dad.

And he's definitely lived up to it since.

Finally back with little Scarlet, Andrew's a happy sailor.

There you go. Do a twirl.

Whoo!

Beautiful. I want it for my wedding.

Give us a cuddle!

'He's just always been there for her.

'He's always looked after her.'

He just completely dotes on her.

And like Mum Amanda,

it seems that Scarlet likes her bling-bling.

-If you get this one, Aunt Lynette and Michelle have to have a cheaper dress. Is that all right?

-Yes.

Are you sure you don't want the cheaper one?

-No!

-Why not?

Why did you pick it, why did you pick it?

With Scarlet's flower girl dress passing inspection,

attention turns to Andrew's wedding outfit

at his naval base in Portsmouth.

-LET Wardell reporting for number one's inspection, sir.

-Very good, young man.

Desperate to impress Amanda, Andrew's chosen to wear his ceremonial uniform,

usually only dusted off when the queen turns up.

Overall, badges seem to be OK.

But it's Warrant Officer Barker's job

to check it's fit for Andrew's future wife.

Lean forward, your lanyard needs cleaning.

That beard needs to be slightly thicker.

Patchy - it looks scruffy.

Look down at your trousers, you've got tramlines.

This trouser looks dirty as well.

Come back to attention and show me your salute. To the front, salute.

Should be looking at the palm of your hand. Down.

With just two and half grand left of his budget,

Andrew faces his biggest challenge yet

- transform this '70s-style golf club

into a naval spectacular fit for a diva.

But he's soon caught in the crossfire

between his divorced parents.

-We're going to pick the flowers up on the Friday morning.

-You're not picking my flowers up.

-Yeah, we are.

And Andrew's not getting a word in.

-So...

-Listen, I'm talking.

He's so used to taking orders from Amanda and the navy

-that he still can't take charge of his own wedding.

-Cos I said...

-No, no...

And now Mum's got big plans

for an embarrassing slide show of Andrew as a nipper.

A little boy, in the swimming pool and how athletic you still are.

Just silly photos where you're pulling a face...

But finally, Andrew seems to have found his inner tiger.

I think he thinks we're going to have him in Speedos, or...

No! I don't give a fuck about Speedos, all right?

PARENTS: Don't have to swear!

It's starting to wind me up, so stop fucking talking about it.

Simple. I'm starting to get right livid about it.

-You're not listening to me...

-I am...

-It's my fuckin' wedding.

And I've asked you do something and instead of you just going,

"Fair enough", you've not. My lip's going.

I've got to go because I'll proper flip in a minute.

'And I just thought,'

"Who's wedding is this?" You know what I mean?

The whole job, is it for me to do it?

You're trying to control my wedding and it's up to me what goes on in my wedding.

And that's that.

With this venue to kit out

and just 72 hours to go until the big day,

a newly invigorated Andrew

is finally ready to take command of his wedding.

Its action stations aboard Mission Amanda.

Wow, did their budget extend to the Angel Of The North?

I might not get it through the door, mate.

For the first time in nearly three weeks,

Andrew and Neil are working together as team.

That's the one.

With his new-found confidence, Andrew's taking charge.

He even manages to make a definitive call on the rings.

Perfect.

Andrew's gone from needy navy boy to GI Joe.

Give me five.

But with just pennies left in his wedding kitty,

can he find the bridesmaids, Auntie Lynette and Michelle, their dresses?

-Maybe that blue.

-£22.50.

It's horrible. HE MUMBLES

-How's it looking?

-I don't like it.

-Too big.

-Is it a ten?

-Yeah.

That's perfect, definitely.

BOTH: Wheee!

Happy now. Happy, I could get married.

That's what you think.

It's two days until D-Day

and Amanda's preparing to head to Essex.

But Andrew needs to break some bad news.

It's a job for a sensitive grown-up.

Failing that, Neil will have to do.

How am I getting there?

Um, well, however you want, really.

Wrong answer, Neil.

It's my wedding! You haven't even arranged for me to get down there.

-We haven't really thought about it.

-Thank you, Neil(!)

-Oops.

He won't be smiling when she breaks him in half later.

Having already handed out her own wedding invites...

-Andrew should've dealt with this.

-..Amanda's now has to get herself 250 miles down south.

It's all right for him, he's there. All his guests, they're there.

But mine aren't, and I'm not.

Well, I'll drive, but you'll have to direct me.

This dress better be fabulous.

After a gruelling four-hour slog on the motorway,

Amanda arrives at her budget hotel in Essex,

where Andrew's left her a charming surprise.

They're as big as me!

I can't walk in the house of God...

I'll feel like a porn star walking down the aisle.

But a glass of fizz later...

Hello, boys!

There's just 24 hours to go before Amanda gets married.

Today she's about to try on the most important dress of her life.

This could be a potential disaster,

because Andrew refused to let anyone try on the dress he's chosen.

The success of Andrew's wedding day now hangs in the balance.

The dress Amanda fell for was a cream silk fishtail design

with a diamante-encrusted cleavage.

What Andrew stumped for is an ivory-coloured ballgown,

with no fishtail and no bling on the cleavage.

Straight away, Amanda spots her idea of hell.

Me dress nightmare would have to be that one at the back.

The very dress Andrew's chosen for her.

It's too, like,

too many layers.

It looks too thick.

How are you feeling?

I don't know whether to laugh, I don't know whether to cry.

Shouldn't be too long before we find out.

Blissfully unaware of the pending drama,

it's all hands on deck to get the golf club

shipshape and Bristol fashion.

# My heart beats like a drum... #

It's jam-packed with nautical finery.

Bit of sparkle.

Getting a bit stressed.

Good to see they haven't skimped on the entertainment.

At last, everything seems to be going great for the boys.

But for Amanda Demanda, it's time to unleash the dress.

I can't believe this.

It's like, it's in there, what I'm going to get married in.

What he's chosen.

Oh, God.

Me heart's going. Need to calm down.

My God, no!

It's not what I pictured at all!

It's just a dress.

You'll feel differently... Once you put it on,

you'll feel differently.

God.

What's he done?!

OK?

Before she sees herself in the mirror,

she shows her mum and aunt.

I think it's stunning.

-Oh, don't cry.

-I think it is absolutely stunning.

It's not what I pictured for myself.

-You look perfect.

-I wanted him to go, "Wow!"

And I don't feel wow.

So how can I look wow?

-I can't even give off wow.

-I can't, I just...

-Not as thick and chunky...

-Give yourself a chance to, like,

-think about it.

-I know! I'm going to have to, I'm stuck with it now!

And now, it's the moment of truth.

It's not as bad as I thought.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

MUSIC SWELLS

Aww, I feel terrible!

I like it!

Thank God for that!

I want it, I want it.

I'm so happy now. I had a wave of anger a few minutes ago.

-So did I!

-I mean, raging.

Can't wait to wear it now!

It's early morning on the biggest day of Andrew and Amanda's lives.

But right from the off, there's a bridal emergency.

I've got a bit of a drama. I need the veil and tiara

out of my room, to come to the salon.

No tiara, no veil, means no hairdo.

Oblivious to the hair situation unfolding across town,

the boys are enjoying their final moments together.

Bridesmaid Michelle

is getting her boyfriend Paul to bring the veil.

But it's been over an hour and there's no sign of him.

Hello, how long?

Somehow Paul's got lost between the hotel and salon.

There's like a row of shops, like loads of shops.

With just two hours to go before Amanda should be getting hitched,

her wedding day is turning into a fiasco.

Michelle, what are we going to do if he's going the other way?

Unfortunately, he is.

But hairdresser Kelly has a plan to get them out of the fix they're in.

If you can get back to the hotel, I can come with you.

It's literally down the road, it's not far.

With no time to waste, the girls give up on Paul

and leg it back to base camp.

With the Liverpool contingent anxiously waiting,

Paul, who previously struggled to find the salon,

now struggles to find his own hotel.

He's just not here on time, is he?

And he's still got the veil.

Oh, where's Paul, where is he?

Oh, here he is, here he is!

Yeah.

The mystery man with no sense of direction finally arrives!

Oh my God, thanks, P!

On the other side of London, in Greenwich,

Neil and his girlfriend Hayley wait for Amanda to arrive.

Inside, the groom's party are seated and the nerves are starting to show.

My heart's going, I'm shaking, I'm just...

-Do you need to go now? Do you want to go and Jimmy Riddle?

-No.

We're running a bit late. Amanda's just getting her dress on now.

-'We've not left yet.'

-She hasn't had second thoughts?

No, no, no! Tell him to wait. She's coming, she's on her way.

Suck it in.

With the ceremony already scheduled to have begun,

-Amanda's just squeezing into her dress.

-Oh!

I need it tighter.

It's now a race to get to the ceremony's secret location.

Finally on the road, they're already 30 minutes late and counting.

-It's a long drive.

-Too far.

I can't believe he's took us so far away.

When choosing her ultimate wedding venue,

Amanda wanted a country church.

It don't look rural where we're going, does it?

This is a far cry from what she was dreaming of.

Lewisham.

Where am I going? What's he done?

Amanda's finally arrived, an hour late,

and so far her day has been a disaster.

Despite the earlier setbacks, she's made it,

but the big question is,

what does she think to Andrew's naval college idea?

-I love it. The setting is just perfect.

-Isn't it?

After spending three weeks apart,

this is the first time Amanda and Andrew will set eyes on one another.

And sure enough, it's not long before there are tears at the altar.

We are here today to witness the joining in marriage

of Andrew and Amanda.

# Hey, baby

# I think I wanna marry you. #

-I...

-I...

-Andrew Paul Wardell...

-Andrew Paul Wardell...

-Do take thee...

-Do take thee...

-To be my lawful wedded wife.

-To be my lawful wedded wife.

I, Amanda Lauren Smith...

I, Amanda Lauren Smith...

-Do take thee...

-Do take thee...

-To be my lawful wedded husband.

-To be my lawful wedded husband.

I do declare that you are now husband and wife.

Congratulations to you both! You may kiss the bride.

APPLAUSE

Perfection.

Perfection, and there's perfection with it,

and she's perfection. You know? Everything's been perfect so far.

CHEERING

The grown-up groom who struggled to stand on his own two feet

has managed to impress his bride.

With the help of his best man, he's found his inner tiger.

It was perfect. Everything went to plan.

Nice to see him smile for once!

I mean, for this whole thing, he's been stressing out.

Top of the world. I'm so happy for her.

-They're so perfect together, and I think they've shown it today.

-Yeah.

The dress was really nice.

You are the most beautiful, the most gorgeous woman I ever met.

I love you.

I love you!

My little sailor.

Well done, little sailor, so far so good.

But what will Amanda make of her reception at an Essex golf club?

And the sad reality's starting to dawn on the bride.

This wasn't the venue Amanda Demanda exactly had in mind.

OK.

I just hope it's nice inside.

I don't want to walk into just a function room.

But are we talking a hole in one, or a bogey?

AMANDA GASPS

Oh, my God!

Keep going.

Oh, my God!

I love it!

Oh, my God! It's amazing.

-Is that me cake?

-Yeah.

-Let me see.

Aww, isn't that lovely?!

I want to just go...munch.

And a cannon, I've got a cannon at me wedding!

In just three weeks, Andrew's pulled off the impossible

and given Amanda a five star naval setting.

It symbolises everything about us.

Like the Navy, and...

With his lifestyle being in the Navy

and having all that structure and routine,

and even with me he's used to just handing things over to me to...

To take charge, shall we say?

And I think he's done brilliant. You know me better than me, I think.

-Really?

-After this, yeah.

I see a gentleman with a big heart.

It makes me proud to call you my son-in-law.

Apparently, it's Amanda, Andrew and Neil's wedding.

You know this means a lot to me.

I wouldn't want him with anyone else,

cos I can see that he's so happy, and he's so in love.

I haven't quite told Amanda yet that you want to come on the honeymoon.

You'd better do it soon.

-I'm not sure how she's going to take it.

-Really?

Neil's got something special to give to Andrew

that cements their friendship.

Me and Andrew met over a guitar.

You mean everything to me, so I just thought I'd give you this gift.

CHATTER

Thanks for that, it's amazing.

The day's gone perfectly for Andrew and Amanda

and this new family are starting a new life together

on a good footing.

NEIL SINGS

But sure enough,

Neil can't help turning the first dance into a threesome.

NEIL: 'You know what I've learned?'

-You've grown up!

-I have grown up, yeah.

And I've kind of got to accept that.

At last, Neil's realised that letting go

doesn't mean the end of their friendship.

You're there for me if I need you, and I'm there for you.

You're my best man, and that's as close as you get, you know?

# I know it sounds funny but I just can't stand the pain... #

CHEERING

For me to say Amanda's my wife, you know...

-it's actually like...

-It's like, amazing!

# Seems to me, girl I did all I can... #

Do we want to kiss each other?

Oh, God, you actually put your tongue in my mouth! That was wrong.

CHEERING

Finally it's just Andrew and Amanda.

All right, that's enough!

And Neil.

Next time...

Boom!

Sci-fi Charlie...

LAUGHTER

..wants a wedding that is out of this world.

We've just found our spaceship.

Will he boldly go where no groom has gone before?

LAUGHTER

Or will his obsession with sci-fi take his bride to the dark side?

I'm not wearing it. I'm sorry.

I completely messed up the whole damn thing.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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