Rosie & David Don't Tell the Bride

-Every girl...

-Oh, my God!

-I do.

-..likes to take control of her wedding.

So what happens when she has no say on her big day?

Oh, they are awful!

We're not doing it.

Don't Tell the Bride is back.

This is ridiculous.

As ever, the grooms are in charge.

I want there to be a donkey at the wedding.

I'm going to look lovely on my big day.

But with £12,000 to spend

and just three weeks to throw the wedding of their dreams...

Oh, my God, I love it!

..have the boys pushed themselves too far?

Oh, my God!

You're fired!

With more shocking,

more outrageous

and more daredevil weddings than ever before,

will there be a happy ever after?

This is not what you get wrong the day before your wedding.

Will true love save the day?

Mum, what is that? What is that?!

Or is it a countdown to disaster?

Three, two, one...

Tonight, self-confessed risk taker Dave pushes the boat out...

Are you with me or are against me?

What could possibly go wrong?

..as he plans a wedding on a remote island

for his sea-fearing bride, Rosie.

This is real now, isn't it?

As her close-knit family watch his every move...

He can't always put you after surfing, then golf...

..can Dave finally prove he's put Rosie first?

We just stitched Rosie right up.

Oh, my God!

Will this groom's wedding plans stay afloat?

-Is she good with boats, is she, Dave?

-No.

Or will her family make him walk the plank?

Why would he do this?

Regrets? Yeah, maybe.

Maybe I've done something really stupid.

This programme contains some strong language

28-year-old Rosie and 33-year-old Dave

have been together for five and a half years.

Before I met Rosie I was working in the surf shop

and just living for holidays, really.

And then I met Rosie and shit got real.

First date I wooed you with a pickled egg.

You did turn up with a pickled egg on my...our first date,

-which was weird.

-Yeah.

But the pickled egg and the surf shop career

failed to impress Rosie's huge, close-knit family.

I definitely always cared far too much what my parents think.

Rosie's mum, she obviously wants the best for her daughter

and I think, until recently,

she was a bit worried that I wasn't the right man.

They probably thought his job was just a short-term thing

and then as time went on, they realised,

"Oh, he's been working there for years.

"And what's he going to do now?

"Oh, and he lives with his mum?"

"Where is this guy going with his life?"

I felt a lot of pressure of...

To prove he was the man that was Rosie's family wanted,

Dave found a proper job, fixing electricity cables.

And three years later, he set her world alight

when he got down on one knee in front of her whole family.

The proposal was quite scary.

He had Milk Tray, so cheesy. He was like the Milk Tray man,

with some champagne and a ring!

And it was just amazing

and I just cried and cried and cried.

Dave and social worker Rosie share a one-bed apartment in Barnstaple.

The trouble is, that's about all they share.

My love is going in the sea, swimming and just being around the sea.

Rosie really doesn't.

She definitely likes her feet firmly on the ground.

He really wants me to surf and it's not going to happen.

I'm just not that keen on sand and water!

Rosie's passion is for her extended family.

'Family is number one.'

Like, it's so important to me.

'At the weekends, everybody kind of congregates at my parents' house.'

I just love it. There's nowhere else I'd rather be, really.

But rather than spend time impressing his in-laws,

Dave would rather be with his mates.

Rosie's family have family meals and get-togethers and stuff

and they are always on a Sunday.

And Sunday is always a really good day for either, maybe,

a bit of golf or a surf.

He will ditch me at the drop of a hat

if there's something more exciting going on.

You're going to have to teach him that Sunday is family day.

He can't always put you after... Surfing, then golf, then Rosie.

No, I don't think I'd put up with a man if I had one like Dave,

-to be honest!

-It's not men, it's 33-year-old boys.

A 33-year-old boy with a penchant for risk-taking.

Dave will come up with big ideas

but won't really think things through.

So, yeah, like the smaller details

and how that's actually going to be put into practice.

And one of his big ideas involving open water

almost landed him in hot water.

Two years ago, Dave took Rosie and friends

on a trip to a remote, rugged island off the coast of Devon.

I've got two friends with speedboats

and we thought, "Let's get on the speedboats and head out to Lundy."

But on their journey home, it all went horribly wrong.

One of the boats started losing power.

And the sea was just so rough.

A wave kind of came over the back of the boat.

Overloaded with people. We had too many people.

Rosie was panicking like crazy.

All the girls were in floods of tears.

I particularly freaked out compared to anyone else

cos I was getting slapped in the face by waves.

And I was just crying!

Luckily, tragedy was averted

when a local dive boat came to the rescue.

Rosie said that she never wants to set foot on a boat again.

It was horrible.

It was absolutely hideous!

Hoping to redeem himself,

Dave has taken on planning the wedding.

But it's not just Rosie he needs to impress.

There's older sister Lucy and mum Lesley.

Mum's a bit scary and Lucy is a bit scary.

I really want to showcase to them,

with this wedding,

that Rosie is number one

and that I completely put her first, before anything else.

So Dave has a whole sea of women to impress.

But no-one more than bride-to-be Rosie.

Marriage has always been important to me

and I've known from a young age that I wanted to get married.

I'd like my wedding to be traditional, elegant and classic.

I want my wedding to be untraditional,

completely unforgettable.

I want to blow Rosie's socks off.

there's always that feeling of, like,

"Will he mess it up?"

But he can be really, really thoughtful and very selfless.

I'm going to have my wedding on Lundy island.

Yep, Lundy island,

the very place where they nearly all drowned.

Brilliant(!)

It could be a disaster and could be a bloody nightmare to organise

but if it all pulls off,

it could be stunning.

I think it's so worth the risk.

I just hope he doesn't prove all the doubters right

and mess it up!

It's time for the couple to say goodbye.

OK, this is it.

Next time I see you, you're going to be my wife.

-Look after yourself.

-And you.

-I love you.

Rosie and Dave won't be able

to see or speak to each other for the next three weeks.

I thought I'd be fine but...

Yeah, I'm just not going to see him. It's really horrible.

Just a few miles on the road,

Rosie's moving back in with her doting parents.

-Hello!

-Oh, nice to have you home again!

Equally doting older sister, and bridesmaid, Lucy

has also popped by to lend her support.

-Shall we have a glass of wine?

-Sounds like a good idea to me.

Do you think I'm mad?

I don't know if I'd do it. ROSIE LAUGHS

I think it's the little things he won't think about

that are actually quite big, like bridesmaid dresses.

-Yeah.

-Bridesmaids' hair!

-Yeah!

All about you!

Well, we won't have a choice, will we?

That's the bit I'll struggle with.

If he wants us to do something ridiculous

or look ridiculous,

I will struggle to...

not tell him off.

Luckily for Dave, he's chosen not one but two best men for backup.

First through the door is childhood pal Lewis,

reassuringly known as Spew.

-Cheers, mate.

-Have you said goodbye to her?

Yeah, I was actually really gutted.

You know a couple of years ago when we went to Lundy,

-I was thinking...

-How much Rosie would love to do that again?!

-..about getting married on Lundy.

-Right...

Lundy is a beautiful island

about 15 miles off the coast of North Devon.

All of mine and Rosie's friends and family on a boat

out to a beautiful island, get married,

then have an amazing booze cruise back

and it's just all going to be a big party.

If you could pull it off and the weather was all right...

-What's the weather like in three weeks?

-Well...

What's the weather like in mid April?

Well, it's gale force winds later this week.

The worst thing that could happen is the weather. And...

..the boat doesn't sail, it can't get to Lundy

and there's no wedding.

Lundy is an isolated three-mile long rock

battered constantly by high winds and rough seas.

It's more famous for its shipwrecks than its wedding facilities.

And if that's not enough, to get married there,

Dave needs to become a resident,

which means living on the island with the 28 locals

for at least eight days.

With just three weeks until the wedding,

there's no time to lose.

If I don't get out there and have a stay on the island

then I can't get a licence to marry on Lundy

and then I can't get married on Lundy

and then that's kind of the end of the plan.

Before it's even started!

So I have to get out to the island.

So, yeah, thermals.

I think they're definitely going to be needed.

Unfortunately, but not unexpectedly,

the wind has picked up,

meaning there will be no boats sailing to Lundy today

and the only other route to the island is by helicopter.

Dave is excited now

but with tickets costing upwards of £100,

flying all his guests over for the wedding

will be out of the question.

And if the ferry can't set sail on the big day,

Dave's wedding plans will sink without trace.

So here we are on Lundy.

Yeah, blue sky. Looks nice.

Home for a week...or eight days.

Dave's first port of call

is to register with the manager of Lundy, Derek,

who's been expecting him.

-Hi.

-Hi, you must be Dave. How can I help you?

The dream is to get married on the island.

I'm quite sure we can accommodate you.

I have brought a tent.

I can probably find somewhere in the beer garden for you

but of course Lundy is a working farm

-so we might need a bit of help from you, as well.

-OK, yeah.

Obviously I've got to stay on the island for eight days, now,

and he's said he's going to get me to work

and that the weather might not be that great

so camping might be a bit cold and windy.

But, you know, I don't care what the weather is like

until the wedding day.

I'd give 15 days of rain

as long as I can get one day of nice weather for the wedding.

Basically love will conquer all!

On the mainland...

Oh, that's a gorgeous picture.

..Rosie and her sister Lucy

are looking at photos of Lucy's wedding day.

Oh, my God, it was the best day.

-It was the best day, wasn't it?

-It was. It was amazing.

-I had everybody there...

-Would you have changed anything now?

No.

How nice is that? And do you know why?

-Because you chose every single bit!

-I know!

But, Rosie, the effort and the hours

-that I spent organising this wedding...

-Yeah.

Would you say it was all worth it?

-Yes!

-Yes! Exactly.

-It should be the best day of your life.

-It will be.

What if it's not?

But I'll be marrying Dave either way, won't I?

-Will you?!

-You won't let me!

What if it was in some stupid location...?

Wouldn't you just want to say, "Actually, Dave, scrap this.

"I'll organise it myself"?

Dave, bless him,

has had to constantly battle for your approval,

for like five and a half years.

And this is going to make or break it!

It'll be back to square one

-and he's going to have to start...

-Big-time, big-time.

I will struggle to hold back

if he makes a cock up of your wedding day.

-I can't help it! I'm your big sister.

-I know!

I want the best for you.

-Oh, Rosie!

-No, it'll be fine.

It'll be fine.

Do you honestly believe that?

Back on the island,

the locals have taken pity on Dave roughing it in the bad weather

and given him a bed to sleep in.

Not that he's had much time to rest.

I've been planting trees,

I've been lugging wood for about six hours to make a fire break.

Building a stone wall.

I've unloaded cargo.

I've loaded cargo.

I've spent hours of my life peeling potatoes

and I've planned absolutely nothing.

Luckily, help is on its way

in the form of best man number one, Spew,

and best man number two, Tom, also known as Tonky.

Aw-w! Spew and Tonky!

They'll be staying for the weekend.

But with the ferry still not sailing,

Dave has had to splash out on another helicopter.

'This is your safety briefing for today's flight into Lundy...'

I mean, you've got three weeks,

why make it the most difficult wedding to organise?

He's pushing his luck, isn't he? Let's face it.

Rosie's not a risk taker like Dave

so I don't think this would be something

she would have entered into at all.

Definitely it'd be on dry land.

No idea of water or boats...

-Not at all!

-..helicopters or anything like that!

She doesn't like boats.

Definitely doesn't like boats, definitely doesn't like rough seas.

And definitely doesn't really like Lundy, I don't think.

Stranded on the island with no internet or phone reception,

the best men's arrival can't come soon enough.

Bloody freezing!

As the helicopter touches down,

Dave demonstrates how his lonely week on the island

has left him climbing the walls... literally.

So the boys are blown away to be back together.

Back on the mainland, Rosie is visiting her dream venue

with her mum, sister Lucy and bridesmaid Suse.

-Hello. Welcome to Castle Hill. Nice to see you.

-Thank you.

It is a 16th century manor house

overlooking 50 acres of landscaped gardens.

In the dream wedding, this is where it would be.

We used to drive past it on the school bus everyday

and I always used to look and think,

"That's where I want to get married!"

-Wow.

-Wow!

-It's amazing.

-It's amazing, isn't it? Stunning.

So this is where you would arrive, as a bride,

and this is the staircase where you can have photographs taken.

-It's huge!

-It is absolutely perfect, isn't it?

-Your dream venue?

-Yes.

-Literally.

-More and more so as you show us round!

This is the Red Room, where we do our ceremonies.

I think this is the nicest place you could ever wish to get married.

I know!

Lundy has one church where Dave can hold his ceremony

but very little in the way of reception venues.

But where there's a will, there's a way.

Right, so this is the lambing shed.

This is where they've had weddings...

-They've had weddings in here?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Not in here.

-Yeah.

-In here?!

-Yeah.

-And this is all going to have to be cleared out.

-Shut up!

Don't be ridiculous. Dave, that is not going to happen.

-It's not even an option.

-Look at it!

-It stinks, Dave.

There's holes in it everywhere.

All I'm saying is that if worst comes to the worst

and we had to use this, we could do, though, couldn't we?

I don't know, Dave. I don't know. It stinks.

This is the reception room, the West Wing...

Back in Rosie's ideal venue,

she's realising just what she's given up.

Every time we have a wedding here,

it looks completely different.

Each bride has her own style

and her own things that she wants to do.

Yeah.

Now you're here in a venue as amazing as this,

-doesn't it make you just want to get married here?

-Yeah.

Completely, it really does.

I'm pretty certain you wouldn't find a better venue than this.

-Not round here.

-No.

It definitely ticks all the boxes.

Over on Lundy, the lambing shed has left everyone feeling sheepish.

Time Dave showed the boys his other venue idea.

-Marquee, really, isn't it?

-Is this what you imagined?

If I was perfectly honest, I imagined the lambing shed.

But it's full of lambs and it's full of crap.

Yeah, this is perfect.

The church where we got married is there,

-we've got the food coming from there.

-Yeah.

-Logistically...

Logistically,

everything apart from everyone who's coming...

All the guests and the marquee.

-But once it's here, it's here.

-But it's not here, Dave.

It's over there somewhere on the mainland, not paid for!

I want it to be amazing for her.

Like, she's going to have a few shocks on the way.

But that will just make it all the better

and I think this could be her perfect day.

But Rosie has a very different idea for her perfect day.

Coming here, it makes me think,

"Oh, God, I could have had these decisions!"

I mean, I'd like to think I'd see the best

in whatever Dave's chosen

but it's going to be hard to paint a happy face on

if I'm not happy with it.

I'm quite worried, really.

I just want Rosie to remember the day

as being the best day she's ever had.

I'm sure he'll do something amazing in his eyes,

but whether it will be amazing

in the eyes of the mother of the bride

-and sister and bride...

-Oh, crikey!

I dread it.

The boys might have their venue sorted but the real question is

will the Oldenburg, the only ferry to the island,

be able to sail?

What do you reckon the actual percentage chance that

that Oldenburg is going to be able to make it out here?

-I've been here since Tuesday, right? So that's four days.

-Yeah.

How many days would it have sailed?

Once.

THEY LAUGH

One time a boat could have arrived.

So that's a 25% chance that you're going to...?

Or that's a 75% chance that it won't sail

and there won't be a wedding.

-Cheers, mate.

-Have a good one.

-See you later.

It's time for the best men to head home

but Dave has still got another two nights alone

before he completes his residency.

Yeah, eight days on the island has been tough.

When I found out that this is what I had to do, I was a bit...

I thought it'd be a laugh.

But, you know, it wasn't.

It isn't.

But with no ferry running and the helicopter beyond his budget,

Dave's hoping some of the locals can offer help.

All right, boys.

I don't suppose you know of anyone who's got a boat?

Cos I've got to get off the island on Wednesday.

What's the crossing like at the moment?

It's a bit choppy out there but hopefully it'll flatten down.

But you think that might be doable?

Hopefully!

I think it's a bit crazy, really,

coming over without booking, like, the escape to get off.

But obviously his wife and all his family

really like boats and stuff, otherwise he wouldn't have done it.

Is she good with boats, is she, Dave?

No.

The last time she was on a boat she was spewing.

Yeah, it could be interesting then!

Finally, it's time for Dave to leave the island

and he has managed to find a boat that's prepared to sail.

Eight nights I had to spend on that island!

Eight nights!

Back at home, and with his new-found residency,

Dave can finally register his intent to marry

with the local registry office in Barnstaple.

Hi, there.

I've just spent the last eight days on Lundy Island,

apparently that allows me to then get married on Lundy?

It does...but there's a problem.

So what you're saying is in order for my partner to give notice,

she needs to know that I've been on Lundy for the last eight days?

INAUDIBLE RESPONSE

OK.

Well, what just happened is

I'm not going to be able to marry Rosie

without Rosie knowing

that I'm going to be getting married on Lundy island...

that we're going to be getting out of Lundy island. So...

The whole reason for me doing this is surprising her

but she's not going to have that element any more.

So the second option is to have the wedding ceremony on Lundy

and to get legally married in, like, the registry office at a later date.

It means that my eight days in Lundy

is just completely for absolutely nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Determined to keep his Lundy wedding a surprise for his bride,

Dave is left with no choice

but to book Barnstable Civic Centre to legalise their marriage.

-Here he is!

-All right?

Back at home it's time to break the news to the boys.

-Basically I can't get legally married on Lundy...

-What?!

-Oh!

..which means it was completely pointless me going out there.

-TONKY BURSTS OUT LAUGHING

-Shut up! What the hell?

Literally you spent eight days on Lundy

and it's a complete waste of time?

-Mate, I...

-So you could have arranged it all from here?

-Yeah.

How much does that make you happy?!

Don't laugh, mate. It's BLEEP...

I've been almost close to tears.

You were close to tears when we left you out there on that island!

I didn't need to spend one day on that island!

You're kidding me!

So basically the last eight days have been a massive waste of time,

a massive waste of time and a massive waste of money.

With a third of his wedding planning time now wasted,

Dave needs to knuckle down and fast.

First, he needs to book transport.

And with 120 guests, there's really only one choice,

the Oldenburg Ferry.

This is the boat.

He also wants to use it for his evening venue

and £3,700 later, it is a done deal.

Thank you very much.

For the bride's transport,

what's better than the dive boat that saved her from certain death

on the most terrifying day of her life?

Aw-w, happy memories(!)

For Rosie, it will be a bit of a shock to the system

in the morning, coming here. But oh, well.

Obviously, depending on weather conditions...

But it depends where the wind's coming from on the island,

-on the jetty, as well.

-Yeah, if it is easterly, it's bad.

And if it's easterly, I won't be able to get you on the island.

-I guess keep fingers crossed.

-Just keep fingers crossed.

After booking the church, marquee and catering

for a further four grand,

Dave has just £3,000 left in his budget.

And it's time for the most important purchase yet.

Tonight is probably going to be

one of the hardest parts of this whole process,

getting the wedding dress.

I don't have a clue what I'm looking for, really.

I guess we'll fumble through it and hopefully she'll like it.

-Hi.

-Hi, gents, welcome to the shop.

What kind of thing are we thinking for the lucky lady?

-All I know is that she wants a wedding dress!

-OK.

-And that it probably needs to be white.

-OK.

-No worries! That's fine.

-She's a busty maid, so make her look good.

OK!

Here it is!

Across town, Rosie has brought her mum and two bridesmaids

to look at her dream dress.

Hello! I'm Rosie.

And this bride knows exactly what suits her shape.

-That fishtail shape...I don't like.

-It doesn't suit your shape.

I don't think it'll suit my shape.

-No, you want to accentuate your...

-Bum.

Men seem to like clingy and...

Yeah, he'll probably want something tight on my bum.

-Yeah.

-Cos he likes my bum and I hate my bum!

Don't worry, Rosie, it's not the bum they're focusing on.

-SPEW:

-That's going to be really booby, isn't it?

I like that.

Well, how big are Rosie's boobs? Like, what are they? DD?

-DDs, mate.

-DD.

OK, well, they are going to be right...

Do you think that'll be a bit too much?

It might shock the vicar a little bit!

Far from shocking the vicar,

Rosie's fallen for a much more demure style.

-THEY OOH AND AH

-Oh, it's beautiful!

-Oh, and the back!

-It looks beautiful, Rosie.

That is stunning.

Your arse looks great! Sorry, your bottom looks lovely.

It's very flattering on your bottom half.

Oh, I'm going to get married! I can't believe it.

I bet having sleeves makes it really comfortable, as well,

-cos they don't let anything out.

-I love it.

-It's quite elegant, isn't it?

-Yeah.

I would happily get married in this. Yeah.

So to match Rosie's dream dress,

Dave just needs to find an elegant lace gown with long sleeves.

I think Rose'd look amazing in that.

The way it all pulls in to that one side looks really nice.

I love the way that it pulls out from her back and her arse, like...

the kind of...

The lines, that just makes it look, kind of,

really rounded and peachy.

-I know it's risky but...

-I think Rosie would look amazing in that.

-So, would you wear a veil, do you think, Rosie?

-Yeah.

-THEY GIGGLE

-Yes, if I had the choice, I would!

So shall we go for something full length,

-to the end of the train?

-Yeah, why not.

-Yeah?

Let's go real Kate Middleton.

-Wow, that just adds another dimension, doesn't it?

-Yeah.

Oh, my God!

-You look like a grown-up!

-You do, my little baby!

-Oh, I love it!

Oh, my God. I can't wait. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited!

Should we try a veil and see how you...?

It's a bit weird, I've thought always - a veil.

Yeah, it is bit... It's what you wear at a funeral,

-isn't it?

-Unless you buy her something...

-How much is that one?

-So the price of this one is 875.

OK...

How much was your budget?

I've got £1,000 to get the wedding dress

and the bridesmaids' dresses.

Is there anything you can do on the price of it, at all?

750?

I've got to get eight bridesmaid dresses!

Please!

775?

OK.

I don't know if I can afford it!

OK...sold. Thank you.

Money talks.

And Rosie's dream of a demure, lacy dress with a veil

has been replaced with a Grecian style dress and no veil.

With a huge chunk of the budget gone on Rosie's dress,

it's time to switch focus to the eight bridesmaids.

-That is cool.

-It is quite cool.

I would hold all vertical stripes, though.

That makes people look taller.

-Doesn't it make people look fat?

-No, it's...

I think they would be able to pull it off.

I think they'd all look better in that one on the right.

It's risky, though.

It's pretty risky!

Eight risky dresses in the bag,

Dave turns his attention to his biggest risk of all.

Do you want to see what the weather's doing?

I need Tuesday to be good, I need Thursday to be good

and I need Friday to be good.

-I need all those three together to be good...

-I know...

..and not easterly winds.

If either one of those doesn't work

then the wedding doesn't happen on Lundy, basically.

-What's Tuesday?

-Tuesday is...north-westerly.

-Tuesday looks really good.

-What's Thursday?

-Thursday is...

-Easterly?

-..easterly.

Basically you want to get married on Tuesday, basically.

I wouldn't trust that that far ahead at the moment,

-it's still over a week.

-I know, things can change.

North-easterly wind probably is the worst direction...

-You couldn't have picked a worst wind.

-..for that jetty.

-You know what needs factoring, here?

-What's this?

-Seasickness pills?

-Yeah.

-Oh, my God.

I'm going to have to get, I don't know,

a wholesale lot of those.

With a week to go until the wedding,

the girls are off on the pub crawl hen party

Dave's organised for them.

And there's a surprise waiting for them in each bar.

Trouble is, it's pants.

No, really, it's pants.

Dave's pants are in there!

LAUGHTER

The Tour de Pants.

-ALL: O-o-oh!

-Oh, the Tour de Pants!

Oh, this is fun.

With the pubs miles apart,

Dave's been thoughtful enough to take care of the girls' transport.

They each have a day bus pass and a local timetable.

Run! Run! Run!

Meanwhile, Dave's got his priorities straight

and has splashed £1,200 for his gentlemen to go to Paris.

-Ooh-la-la!

-It's raining at home.

They've got a limited budget on the hen do. They're going to end

up in the Boutique, and we're going to end up in Moulin Rouge in Paris!

To be fair, I've had a hell of a lot stress.

The last few weeks have been nasty.

-And us...

-Yeah, and you two...

We've got some more pants!

Unaware of the stag's whereabouts, Rosie's making the best of it.

Sexy! Sexy!

So best she doesn't find out about Paris.

I just got a message.

'All right, Rosie, girls, I hope you're having a good hen.'

THEY LAUGH

'We're on the stag do and it's pretty cool. Where are we again?'

'Uh, dunno!'

'Blackpool?'

THEY CHEER

GIRLS EXCLAIM

Oh, my effing God!

We just stitched Rosie right up.

But rubbing Rosie's face in it might have backfired on Dave.

Who needs Paris?!

Ah, you've got your big sis!

To be honest, it has thrown me a little bit,

knowing they're in Paris. I think that video was quite mean.

"Ooh, we're at the Eiffel Tower, look how good this is."

This wedding better be bloody good. Seriously!

-Better be amazing.

-He's got some making up to do.

CAN-CAN MUSIC PLAYS

Cheers, boys. Here's to high-rollers.

And while the boys are getting an eyeful at Moulin Rouge,

the girls are left with the karaoke version.

# Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir... #

-ROSIE:

-'As long as the wedding's amazing, all will be forgiven.'

Yeah, I'm a little bit worried after tonight,

if I'm totally honest.

# We don't have to worry 'bout nothing

# Cos we got the fire

# And we're burning one hell of a something... #

Back from Paris, with less than £500 left in his budget

and a whole shopping list to get through,

it's time for Dave to pull in some favours.

-All right, Mother?

-Yeah, you all right?

Yeah. Got some washing. SHE CHUCKLES

Why am I not surprised?

-How's it going?

-Not too bad.

Oh, you need a shave.

You need a shave as well!

So what are you going to tell me about this wedding?

-You know what I've planned, ship everyone out to Lundy?

-Yeah.

What do you think of her going out on a boat she got rescued by?

She did say it was the worst day of her life.

What do you think?

-Oh!

-Yeah, but...

She won't be very happy if she's got a wedding dress on.

A fast boat...

Can we go slower?

I'm thinking from Rosie's point of view -

she doesn't want to arrive at her wedding all blown to bits, does she?

Yeah! That's a good point.

Do you anyone that's got any bunting?

Any bunting? Oh, yes.

Auntie Mary brought some bunting.

-Did she?

-I don't know what it's like.

It's material, most of it.

-Is that what you want to put on the ship?

-That's loads.

It's not very weddingy, is it?

Everyone uses flags nowadays.

Right.

-Mum, you're a legend.

-Yeah, I know I am.

-Yeah. Thanks.

-Yeah.

It's three days until the wedding

and Dave's marquee has arrived in the harbour ready to be shipped.

But with high winds again, Dave might have a problem on his hands.

This is the first day that I've got to rely on the weather,

and it's really windy.

I'm not an expert, but I'd say this

is probably about the limit of what the boat can run in.

I'm a little bit worried that it might not sail.

Hiya.

He desperately needs some good news from the marquee people.

Cos it is so windy, he said he won't take that weight,

so I think they're going Thursday.

It'll all happen on Thursday, then?

-Yes.

-Yes.

This isn't the news that Dave was hoping for.

He's lost his gamble on the weather today,

and even if the boat does sail on Thursday,

it leaves little time to get

the marquee ready for his Friday wedding.

The implications are that the

marquee's just not going to be up in time.

Means either one of my best men or two of my best men are going

to have to stay over on Thursday now and build it on Thursday night

and make sure everything's good to go, really.

There's always the lambing shed, Dave.

While in the harbour,

Dave's reminded of another one of his big gambles.

That's the boat that Rosie's going to be going out with her bridesmaids.

When she sees it she might have a bit of a shock.

Oh, well...it's booked now.

Regrets? Yeah, maybe.

Maybe I've done something really stupid.

That's another thing I can't worry about.

Bloody weather.

With no time to dwell and a whole wedding yet to decorate,

Dave sets off on a bargain hunting spree.

He buys bargain flowers from the garden centre,

bargain bubbly from his mate, bargain favours for the guests...

You know those out-of-date chocolates?

-Yeah.

-Have you still got those knocking about?

..bargain table-decoration thingies...

Polystyrene love hearts.

White theme, anyway.

..and his biggest bargain of all, the wedding rings.

The two rings that I've bought are literally the cheapest

rings in the whole shop.

So bad.

With two days to go till the big day,

the eight bridesmaids have come to see what Dave has in store for them.

OK. You ready, girls?

-GIRLS:

-No.

Might not be what you expect.

Here we go, Dave - we didn't get any cries.

-We thought...

-We look like liquorice allsorts.

And it's black!

Do you want to try them on?

I think we need to try them on.

I thought that reaction was better...

It was better than I expected.

I think that was all right.

They'll be fine.

I've got to be honest, these are awful.

FEMALE: They're not horrendous. It could have been worse.

Why are they stripy?

-It's giving me a headache.

-LAUGHTER

This isn't wedding colours, is it?

No!

They're laughing.

They're like, not whingeing, are they?

LAUGHTER FROM GIRLS

-Girls!

-That is positive... I would say.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-OK.

What are we going to do?

Can we go and shout at them?

They're going back. We hate them.

They're amazing!

They're awful.

-We look...

-Are we supposed to look like a barcode?

We all look really fat. We actually hate them.

We're really sorry.

Really?

Where's the tits and arse?!

I think you all look really nice.

Look at us. Does it make your eyes go funny?

It does make you a little dizzy!

LAUGHTER

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Now bring out the real ones.

Really? Do you hate them?

-Yes.

-Yes.

We had a very limited time span and a very limited budget.

How much money did you have?

You had 12 grand. You have to sort this out.

We're not going to wear these dresses.

Really?

Really, really!

He's tried to go a bit wild I think and a bit different, maybe,

and got stray away from the norm. But the norm is good.

What if the wedding is going to be completely crazy and...?

It's going to be, isn't it?

Yeah.

Basically, a catastrophic failure.

I feel pretty gutted about it.

I'm absolutely gutted.

We fell flat on our face.

Let's hope that all the other risks that we've taken,

or you've take, aren't going to be the same.

With the girls refusing to wear the dresses

and the wedding only two days away,

there's no option but to shop online and return their first choice later.

Let's get that one, then. It's not perfect, but...

Right, let's go. They've got a choice.

Order received, thank you very much. You have just been spanked.

It's done now, boys. They've got a choice.

I think we've gone for something massively different

than that one.

Um...and they hated that one, so...

Hopefully, they'll like...

Thank you very much.

It's the day before the wedding

and the weather is finally on Dave's side.

The Oldenburg is ready to set sail with his marquee

and a few mates he's roped in

to help with some last-minute preparations.

Cheers for this, boys.

You are all legends.

We've got a lot of work to do out there today.

It's going to be all hands on deck.

I'm feeling a bit sea sick already.

In Barnstaple, it's time for Rosie to see her wedding dress.

But not before getting last night's update from her bridesmaids.

Shall we sit? Let's sit down.

How were the bridesmaids' dresses?

Bloody awful.

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Oh, don't. Just don't start being negative.

It's fine, it's all sorted.

We sorted it.

I can't feel like this!

It's fine now, Rose...

Don't worry, I'm sure he's done a cracking job on your dress.

I'm just more worried about Dave. I feel really sorry for him

cos he probably thought he'd done really well.

It was so bad it was funny.

We were laughing.

God, I really have to like this wedding dress.

I want you to think about you and not Dave today,

cos you're the one that's got to wear this dress.

She's right - you have to think of yourself.

I really want it to fit. I don't want a really plain dress.

I'd like lace. I really want a veil.

Rosie's desperate to like Dave's choice,

but how will a plain Grecian-style dress with no veil

compare to her elegant lace dream?

FEMALE: Morning, ladies.

-GIRLS:

-Hi!

OK, Rosie, come and I'll show you your dress.

Scared...

Oh, my God, it's really pretty.

I really like it.

I hope it fits me.

I'm so relieved...

Can I put it on, please?

Of course.

I just hope it fits me.

She's so conscious of her bottom, if it sits on her bottom

and makes it look big, she's not going to be happy.

-No...

-And we're going to have big tears.

But if that is the case and she had a big veil,

it could kind of detract.

Yeah. It's how you feel.

Yeah.

-My bum is not going to go through this.

-You're fine.

-It's not.

Wriggle it through. Go on.

It's really tight.

Really tight.

I knew this would happen with my bum.

I knew it would.

Can I hear tears upstairs?

-I don't know.

-My heart is racing.

I just want to pull you really tight to get the hook in eye.

THEY EXCLAIM

Oh, it's beautiful.

It's gorgeous!

So lovely.

Oh!

Rosie, it's beautiful.

What a good choice.

-It's not what I was expecting.

-No!

THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

It's gorgeous.

I can't wait to wear it...

Look at her face now. She's happy!

I can't stop crying. It's so small though.

-Absolutely tiny.

-You look tiny.

Does it come with a veil?

Is there anything to go with it, like a veil, or not?

Have they chosen anything?

Did they buy her a veil?

-I hope I've got a veil.

-This is what he chose for you.

No, it's going to give me a headache.

-It will.

-It's beautiful.

Why did he not get me a veil, silly boy?

Such a relief.

I was really worried and I'm really surprise how emotional I was.

Thank God it was a classy wedding dress after the bridesmaids'

dresses last night.

It's a shame about the veil.

I would have really liked a veil, but he didn't choose one

so I've got to go with it.

She really does put him first, doesn't she?

I'm just so...

I don't know, I'm just praying everything goes well.

For his sake more than anything!

No need for prayers. Dave and his mates are all over it.

What we doing?

First of all, stick the top bit...

Sort of.

So we're going down here, yeah?

See? Transformed it.

Total transformation.

Is anyone good at decorating chairs?

Go like that then tie it.

Aren't you supposed to put them in the big holes up there?

All you can see is a pot!

At least it looks like we've made an effort.

Effort made and decorations done. Kind of.

All Dave can hope for now is for the weather to be on his side.

It's looking a bit fronty, isn't it?

About to pile in.

Mate, if we get battered by a storm tonight...

If the boat didn't sail tomorrow,

you and me are stuck out here, everyone else is on the mainland,

there won't be any wedding.

The marquee's up, you've already paid for it.

What would happen?

I would be crucified by Rosie's parents,

crucified by Rosie.

Probably...thought of as a complete idiot by all of the bridesmaids

and all of my mates.

The most useless groom ever known to man.

Lesley thinks I'm a stupid little boy.

I just want it to be perfect for those guys as well.

I'd really love Lesley to come up to me tomorrow and give me a hug

and say, "You've done really well," cos she's never done that.

It's the morning of the wedding and, against all the odds,

Dave's biggest gamble, the weather has paid off.

After three weeks of anticipation and being surrounded by her

bridesmaids, Rosie gets her first surprise of the day...

Oh, my God.

..her hairdresser.

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

If everyone could just make their way down onto the boat.

Down at the harbour,

all the guests have just discovered Dave's secret wedding location.

But Rosie's mum thinks it might spell trouble.

I just didn't think it was going to be this.

She has said she would never go there again,

and certainly never go on a boat again.

I don't know what her reaction's going to be.

ANNOUNCEMENT ON PA

As the Oldenburg sets off,

it's time for Rosie to see Dave's last-minute online purchases.

Look how many of you there are.

They're really flattering on all of you.

Oh, you look amazing. He's done well this time.

Thank God. Ah!

This is real now, isn't it?

CORK POPS

With everything in place, it's time for Rosie to take centre stage...

-You look gorgeous.

-You do look gorgeous.

..and for the bridesmaids to deliver their own surprise to Rosie.

-Something borrowed.

-Oh, God, I'm crying...

I'm going to be so useless today.

You can have the veil that you always wanted.

It makes such a difference.

One, two, three... ALL: Cheese!

There aren't many vehicles big enough for a bride,

her dad and eight bridesmaids, but Dave found one.

I must admit, I would have expected

something a little bit more glamorous than this.

On the island, the Oldenburg finally arrives,

and no-one's even needed rescuing.

THEY CHEER

It's not over yet!

Rosie's got to get here first.

Oh, God, where are we going?

-Where are we going?

-I'm thinking Lundy.

It won't be. He won't have done that.

Imagine the risk that would have been.

Haven't been on a boat since I got rescued.

I was going to cry then thinking about it. God!

He would not do that to you, surely.

DAD: Left? Right? Left? Right?

Oh, my God, we're going to Lundy, aren't we?

Sugar, sugar, sugar.

As Rosie arrives in Ilfracombe Harbour,

the surprises keep coming.

Oh, my God! This is the boat that rescued us.

Oh, my God, it was you guys!

That's so funny!

He's planned your wedding around the worst day of your life.

But as Rosie tries to see the romance in a wedding day

planned round the worst day of her life,

it turns out she's not the only one with fears of a choppy boat ride.

I don't know if I can do it.

I don't want to spend my day feeling sick or being sick.

Luce, come on, let's be happy.

Rosie, it's fine for you to say that.

What? Can't you do it?

Is it cos you hate boats?

Oh, dear.

Is it cos you're worried about going on the boat?

Yeah, I just...

-Haven't been feeling well for the last few weeks as well.

-I know.

I don't want to be that idiot that cries...

You can't help it.

I didn't want to be like this.

Don't worry. No, don't be silly.

He's taken such a gamble.

He's very lucky.

He's very, very lucky.

Right, let's get on the boat.

-Sorry, Rose...

-No, please, don't apologise.

So Dave just got away with his boat gamble,

and the girls are impressed with their glamorous ride.

Well, nearly all of them.

-# Oh, please, don't you rock my boat

-Don't rock my boat

# Cos I don't want my boat to be rockin... #

Having survived the rocky boat journey,

there's one more bumpy ride for Rosie to get to the church.

Oh, my God, this is a bit hairy!

Dave spent eight days working on the island for no reason,

booked boats he didn't know would sail, risking it all for a dream.

But finally, his bride is at the church door.

Oh, my God...

SHE SOBS

SHE SOBS

I've missed you so much.

God, I love you so much.

-FEMALE:

-Would you like to, please, sit down?

It is God's purpose that as husband

and wife give themselves to each other in love

throughout their lives and through the joy of their bodily union,

they may strength the union of their hearts and lives.

David, will you resolve to be faithful to Rosie,

forsaking all others, as long as you both shall live?

That is my resolve, with the help of God.

Rosie, will you resolve to be faithful to David,

as long as you both shall live?

That is my resolve, with the help of God.

Who has the rings?

I hope it fits.

It does.

I hope this fits. You chose it.

-(You can kiss her now!)

-Oh...

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

As Rosie's blown away by Dave's perfect Lundy wedding,

he has one minor detail to reveal.

-We're not actually legally married.

-Oh.

But we're booked into the registry office tomorrow at four o'clock,

so this is a ceremony...

I thought it didn't seem like a legal...

It's a wedding blessing,

-but we just have to do the legal bit tomorrow.

-That's fine.

It's just signing a bit of paper.

I'm a bit speechless about the whole day.

You couldn't top it, could you?

I've never known someone as lucky as Dave.

Absolutely amazing. It's probably the best wedding I've ever been to.

Literally out of this world.

And the setting is just...winner.

Winner, winner.

But will Dave's bargain marquee decor prove a winner with Rosie,

her mum and her sister Lucy?

-It's simple.

-It's minimal.

Oh, bless his heart.

What are these?

Are these tables...?

-Polystyrene hearts!

-This is all I need.

Can't believe I've got polystyrene hearts on my wedding table.

The bunting looks lovely, where's that from?

I haven't seen that bunting before.

Do you know what, if this was in the middle of a town,

I'd be like, "Oh, God!"

-Look at that view.

-Look at the view.

What do you think? Has he done good?

He has. I'm really amazed he took the risk, but it's totally paid off.

We do, we approve.

He's been so worried about you two approving, he's really chuffed.

With a thumbs up from Mum and Sister,

everyone gets a chance to enjoy the decor.

And the best men show they were even prepared

for the worst-case scenario.

LAUGHTER AND WHOOPING

Just in case all things failed today...

So I turned it up wearing it already for you, mate.

Just in case.

Luckily for Dave, he didn't need their backup plan.

Firstly, thank you all for being here.

You're all amazing. There's been so many ups and downs

and ebbs and flows and it almost didn't happen,

but one thing that's remained constant

and has even increased is my love for Rosie.

It's just like...

It's made me realise how...

LAUGHTER

..how I couldn't live without her and she is amazingly beautiful

and the coolest person that I've ever met.

And she is just like...my love.

THEY TOAST

MUSIC: "Rather Be" by Clean Bandit (Feat. Jess Glynne)

With Lundy having proved a success,

it's back to the Oldenburg to party the night away.

You did it.

-Did I do it?

-You did it.

-Did I pull it off?

You did the perfect wedding.

Perfect wedding.

MUSIC: "I Got U" by Duke Dumont

CHEERING

It's been the most wonderful day of her life, and mine

and all the family's.

It's been absolutely brilliant.

He's more romantic than I thought he ever was.

He's done us proud.

My opinion of Dave has definitely changed.

I've seen today how much Dave clearly loves Rosie to bits.

It was brilliant. Amazing.

You know I'm scared of you both?

Quite right!

I'm not scary!

You're lovely, but you are scary.

I'm your sister now.

Hey, Ma!

Next time, Harry Potter fan Sean...

That's cool that.

..plans a wizardly wedding...

We look like the three wicked witches of the west.

..for his down-to-earth bride-to-be Nicole.

I'm not having a good time.

Will he put her under his spell?

They just want to like, make a fool of us.

Or will his best man ruin the illusion?

I just think, "No, no." This venue, "No, no." Everything, "No."

There'll be wands, there'll be witches,

but will there be a wedding?

I can't go to the wedding, simple as.

He'll have to change it.

I, David Lane...

Take you Rosie Beatrice Holder...

..take you, Rosie Beatrice Holder...

..to be my lawful wedded wife...

..to be my lawful wedded wife...

..to love and to be together...

..to love and to be together..

..for the rest of our lives.

-..for the rest of our lives.

-I, Rosie Beatrice Holder...

-Take you, David Lane...

-..take you, David Lane...

..to be my lawful wedded husband...

..to be my lawful wedded husband.

I'm extremely pleased to announce that you're now joined together as

-husband and wife.

-Yay!

-You may kiss your wife!