Hollie & James Don't Tell the Bride

-Every girl...

-I do.

-..likes to take control of her wedding.

So what happens when she has no say on her big day?

-They are awful.

-We're not doing it.

Don't Tell The Bride is back.

This is ridiculous.

As ever, the grooms are in charge.

I want there to be a donkey, at the wedding.

I'm going to look lovely on my big day.

But with £12,000 to spend...

and just three weeks to throw the wedding of their dreams...

I love it!

..have the boys pushed themselves too far?

Oh, my God! You're fired.

With more shocking,

more outrageous,

and more daredevil weddings than ever before,

will there be a happy ever after?

This is not the thing you get wrong the day before your wedding.

Will true love save the day?

Mum, what is that? Mum, what is that?

Or is it a countdown to disaster?

Three, two, one.

Tonight, the groom who doesn't actually want a wedding...

It is essentially a piece of theatre for the crowd.

..plans the biggest day of his bride-to-be's life.

This is the one.

But will the steps he's taking to avoid the traditional...

I don't know many people who've had a wedding on top of a car park.

..have her sprinting for the exit?

-God, I'm going to kill him.

-They're plimsolls, aren't they?

Can his unconventional dress save the day?

This is hideous.

Or has he completely forgotten it's a wedding?

-In here?

-You've got to remember that it's not a party.

-Yes.

It is a wedding.

East London lovebirds Hollie and James met eight years ago

when they worked in a Chinese noodle bar.

I taught Hollie how to serve noodles.

It was a weird situation to get to know someone

cos he was, like, my boss.

But there was no canoodling in the noodle bar for these two.

I wasn't really blown away. Like, he had really bad trainers on,

and obviously you always look at a guy's shoes.

It took two whole years for James to sort out his shoes

and send Hollie head over heels.

Cue the romantic "I love him so much" speech.

-Gradually became good friends...

-Yeah.

-..and, that was it, really, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

Oh.

Doors were closing for us both and...

SHE LAUGHS

-For you, perhaps.

-Very good.

Yeah, we went for drinks and I suppose it went from there.

They love each other, really.

But they have an even greater love in common.

I just love there's so much to do in London.

-It's like the world on your doorstep.

-Yeah, it is.

With so much on offer, you'd think London-loving James

would have plenty of ways to woo Hollie.

I like romance, I think it's a good thing.

I'm sure Hollie wishes I would be a lot more romantic,

I'm just not very good at it.

So romance isn't his strong point.

But then again, neither is his memory.

He's not good with dates, either.

-I said, "What day is it?"

-"It's Tuesday."

-That wasn't the right answer.

-"It's my birthday, James."

-Yeah.

I've only ever seen her cry six times,

and those six times have always been her birthday.

James may have been the boss when they met, but there's no doubting

who's in charge now.

I think everyone gets that I'm in charge.

Not in charge, I'm like a friendly boss.

-It's true, you are the boss.

-I'm not the boss.

-Hollie's in charge.

She's even got her own emergency service to keep James in order.

I didn't know about the bed police

until Hollie made it very clear that if I left the house having not

made the bed properly, the bed police would be round

and they would inform Hollie on me, and then Hollie would tell me off.

You might get a fine or a warning.

-But you won't get put in jail yet, don't worry.

-Thanks.

And it's not just the house she's got in order.

She knows exactly what kind of wedding she wants, too.

The wedding day itself is really important. I like old things.

I love vintage things.

So, something kind of traditional, somewhere in the countryside

with loads of twee little table dressings and flowers.

Kind of going back to my roots, like, in Lincolnshire.

Sounds lovely.

But for unromantic James, there's just one problem with weddings -

he hates them.

I don't like the stupid clothes. I don't like the silly outfits.

I hate the speeches, they're never funny and everyone hates doing them.

The first dance is ridiculous. The music's always awful.

The food is pretty average. And the vows are cringeworthy.

Told you.

So he's planning a wedding for a bride who loves weddings,

even though he really hates weddings.

Shouldn't be a problem at all.

We talk about it, don't we, quite a lot?

About our points of view on weddings and it ends up with Hollie going,

"Well, you'd have to do this." And I go, "Why do you have to do that?"

-And get all grumpy about it.

-We stopped talking about it.

With weddings so far off the agenda, this couple aren't even engaged.

-Why are we not engaged?

-Well, there'd be no point in getting engaged

because we just couldn't decide on a wedding.

I think it got to a place where we knew one of us

would have to make a compromise.

I just kind of thought it was going to be James making a compromise.

It's fine, he'll eventually do what I want. But that didn't happen.

So, I guess this is me compromising.

Well, considering James doesn't want a wedding,

surely he's compromised enough?

This is shocking, that we're here.

Yeah. It is surprising. I don't know why I'm here.

I feel strong-armed into this, to say the least.

Aw, how romantic.

The question now is, will Hollie get what she wants

when it comes to her big day?

Whether you admit it or not, you are putting me slightly to the test.

Would you agree with that?

Yeah, I guess so.

And, you're kind of going, "You should do it to prove it to me."

That you actually... I'm as committed to this relationship

-and love you as much as...

-Yeah, I guess so.

I am petrified about the next three weeks,

just because I have six years of experience in knowing that

when you get something really wrong...

she'll be really upset. And this is as big as it gets.

It's time for Hollie and James to say goodbye.

-Straighteners.

-Yep.

-Don't make it bad.

-I'll try my hardest.

The next time they see each other will be in three weeks,

at their wedding.

-Bye-bye.

-Good luck.

-I'll see you in three weeks.

-Yeah, I know.

But before I do, I have a very important question for you.

It's about time wedding-phobic James finally made things official.

Hollie Belton, in three weeks' time,

will you do me the honour of being my wife?

SHE GIGGLES

Yes. If it fits.

It doesn't fit, it's enormous. But, you know. There we go.

Yep, nothing says official like a cheap novelty ring.

And for Hollie, reality is setting in.

I'm a little bit worried, but I'm excited more than anything.

At the moment.

RING CLINKS

SHE LAUGHS

The ring's slightly on the big side.

I'm just going to have to grip it.

While Hollie makes her way to her parents in rural Lincolnshire,

London-loving James, along with his best man, Tom,

head to one of the city's most stunning views.

And speaking of views, James has got some pretty unusual ones

when it comes to his wedding plans.

I'm wondering whether the wedding should just be a really

brilliant and beautiful celebration of London and where we live.

A lot of London, let's be honest, is a bit dingy, and gritty

and I love the idea of just taking something which is not particularly

attractive, like a disused car park or disused warehouse space.

Just something which feels really dark and dingy and horrible,

but turn it into, like, this amazing kind of beautiful,

spectacular environment.

Something that if you wrote it on paper, and gave it to Hollie,

she would freak out. But I think once she was actually involved in it,

-she'd be like, "Oh, actually, this is kind of amazing."

-Sounds foolproof.

HE LAUGHS

So, a wedding which bears absolutely no resemblance to a wedding.

Brilliant. Completely unaware of what James is planning,

Hollie's made the three-hour journey back to her family home.

There'll always be, like, part of my heart in Horncastle.

It's kind of where I grew up and made me who I am.

I really love it there.

First to meet her are sisters Gem and Sof,

and they've already heard the big news.

-Let's see the ring then. Oh, wow.

-What is that?

Looks expensive. Good quality.

And Mum's clearly impressed, too.

Oh, my God, Hollie.

THEY LAUGH

You better put it in a safe.

With a ring that'll go down in family history

for all the wrong reasons,

the girls hope the wedding will be remembered for all the right ones.

-How are you feeling, then, about it all?

-I'm petrified.

-Are you actually really worried?

-Yes!

You're dreading it, aren't you? You are.

What do you think he will do?

Ooof, I just don't know.

-He doesn't like half of the things that a wedding involves.

-Oh, no.

-That's the point.

-Oh.

-That's why we're here.

-But I wanted to celebrate a marriage.

-Yeah.

And James would rather have just kind of ran away and hidden it.

But James isn't running away. He's busy planning.

The problem is what he's planning, which is less of a wedding

and more of a party.

Worse still, he wants it in this car park.

This place at night actually is genuinely quite scary.

-Where?

-I think it's that black door up there.

-That door over there?

Literally, that is a complete opposite to an entrance to a church.

A pee-smelling doorway.

A bit of pee won't put James off.

With its rooftop bar in summer,

this is literally James' number one venue.

-Here we go.

-Yeah. Car park.

-It's a car park.

Right.

Back in Horncastle, home-loving Hollie has more traditional thoughts

on where she'd like to get married.

The church I'd like to get married in is a small,

kind of local church where my sisters and parents got married.

It's very traditional. Kind of stained glass windows.

A really nice old church.

Along with her sisters and mum,

she's taking a trip down memory lane.

That's my favourite part, the window at the end.

-Yeah, it looks really pretty doesn't it? It's lovely.

-Yeah.

I don't think it's even about the church, how it even looks.

It's just that it has lots of memories.

You getting married here... You getting married here.

-You getting married here.

-Yeah. We all got married here.

Nan. Nan and Grampy got married here.

Shall we just walk down the aisle just in case I don't get to?

-Not on this one.

-There is a Belton. H Belton.

-Ah, it's a sign.

-The Belton family name is dying a death after you get married.

-Yeah.

So that's why I need to get married here, so it's like the final one.

Full circle.

But while Hollie wants to celebrate her family, James' Peckham venue

calls to mind another family altogether - the Trotters.

Here we are. That's an amazing view.

If the idea was to try and do something completely different

where you actually captured London, I think this is kind of perfect.

I don't know many people who've had a wedding on top of a car park.

There's a good reason for that, James, you plonker.

History defines where you come from, doesn't it?

-I think you are who you are...

-And is that important to you?

-Yeah.

Just because I moved away doesn't mean, like,

-my home town isn't important to me. Of course it is.

-That surprises me,

because I didn't think you were as sentimental as that.

I think there's something quite quaint and cute about this location.

Is that the only thing, if James has something in London,

are there many, like, quaint and cute locations?

-I'm sure there are, but not that mean as much to me.

-Yeah.

But James' venue means a lot to him.

It has breathtaking views of London,

and litter, and abandoned cars. But still.

He's discussing price with Freddy, who works for the art collective

who host the trendy summer bar here.

-Really excited to be helping you out.

-Awesome.

How much would it cost to hire for an evening?

Normally we charge about £5,000 for a complete dry hire.

We're willing to negotiate on the price, maybe take it down to £4,000.

Thank you. Great to meet you, too.

With the bar still closed for the next few weeks, they can only dream

of how it will look.

I mean, a view in itself is enough,

but I think with a bit of imagination, and a few,

you know, a bit of thought, I think it could look quite nice up there.

It could look quite nice. Just not necessarily for Hollie's wedding.

And so, with his heart set on a rooftop party, James heads home.

Back in Lincolnshire, Hollie's parents are wondering why you would

let a man who hates weddings plan your wedding.

When did you decide that you were both going to get married?

Well, we always talked about it.

He asked me to get married a couple of times. I said no because

we couldn't come to an agreement and so we just didn't bother.

Didn't bother until I thought,

"Well, what if I let James organise it all?

"What will he do?" And then somehow, he agreed to do it.

We'd like to just see you happily married.

Divorce rate's high enough, Hollie, without...

Well, let's worry about getting married first.

The Peckham rooftop isn't a registered wedding venue.

Thankfully, and fairly unexpectedly, James has realised that.

I would like to get married.

So he's booking a registry office for the day after his party -

erm, ceremony.

That is wonderful news, thank you.

Legal wedding booked, James and his mate Matt are about to confirm

the car park for his party.

So it'll be Saturday May 3rd.

-WOMAN:

-'The bar is booked in

'between the 20th April and the 15th May.'

But there's a problem. The rooftop bar will be under construction

the day James plans on getting married.

'Let me find out about these things and I'll get back to you tomorrow.'

OK. Bye-bye.

BLEEP

The venue that I kind of had my heart set on

and had been planning around, suddenly might not be available.

Lots of nice roof terraces around, but that was a bit more special.

So, yeah.

James' car park dream has stalled.

Still, he won't let that spoil his party.

Time to find some entertainment.

Keen to keep his wedding local, he's had the perfect idea.

He's going to hire Mike, their friendly neighbourhood busker.

Hey. Beautiful.

I'm getting married, which is kind of great news.

And me and my girlfriend have been walking past you, like,

practically every week for the last three years, and I'd love it if you

could come down for an hour and play some of your music for my guests.

-Oh, I would love to. I would love to do it.

-That's great.

I think I really like it. She loves the little touches when you

do something which is really thoughtful and relevant to her life.

I think it's a nice little touch that she'll really appreciate.

So that's the entertainment, booked. But James has had some bad news.

We've just heard from the car park that they're pulling out.

Which means the wedding cannot be held there.

So we need to find a new venue. And quickly.

Which is a bit of a kick in the teeth,

because it was a great venue and it was perfect.

So, yeah, it's a bit of a start-again job I think.

Could James' car park calamity be the saviour of Hollie's big day?

Hi, yes. I'm looking for a venue for my wedding.

A country house? A posh hotel? Maybe a stately home.

Ideally, a multistorey car park with great views.

I desperately need something.

I'm just wondering if your car park has any availability?

James' car park plan has hit the skids.

Still, London's got plenty of other rooftops.

That's an amazing view.

He's not willing to give up on his dream of a gritty building.

That place isn't grimy or nasty, it's beautiful.

I don't think it shows Hollie

quite the effort that I want to demonstrate.

So it's back to Del Boy's stomping ground in Peckham. Cushty.

And a former cricket bat factory.

-The first time you see that, you're just like...

-Wedding venue?

-Exactly!

It's a pretty spectacular site.

But will this bowl Hollie over? Or just leave her stumped?

-I like the idea of people being uncertain as they walk in.

-Yeah.

-"Is he for real?"

-Yeah, kind of!

-It's nice.

-We can have a game of five-a-side on here.

-It's a better view than I thought. There's the car park.

-Yeah.

You can't complain at that.

-It's pretty noisy.

-It is.

-I think noise adds charm.

-Yeah.

It adds a kind of realism to the whole thing. I think it's nice.

It is not quite as dramatic but this is a good space.

The best views in London.

James is meeting Gerry, who runs the rooftop.

How much do you charge?

I normally ask for around, about a grand and half.

So James stumps up £1,500 on a former factory.

The perfect place for his urban rooftop party.

In Lincolnshire, Hollie's brought her mum, sisters and friend Becky

to choose her ideal dress for her dream wedding.

I want to wear something with lace.

Something quite vintage.

Maybe a little bit quirky. Not the norm.

Oh, my gosh. Not sure.

It's got too many bits going on.

They're a bit sparkly. Bit frilly.

Bit scary. I'm not sure about the sleeves.

I think maybe they're a bit too sparkly.

I don't like any of this.

I don't know what I'm looking for.

I'm really not sure, something that's maybe not in this room.

If it's not there, hopefully it's in this east London clothes shop.

James has decided to buy vintage, which to him means one thing.

Vintage clothing essentially is mostly second-hand clothes.

In short, I suppose, I'm looking for a second-hand wedding dress.

-Wow. That's for you, Tom, that is.

-How about this?

It's not a terrible dress.

-Shall we put it on the...?

-The pile worthy of further consideration.

So not a terrible dress is the kind of criteria for the dress

Hollie's going to get married in?

-'60s vision of the future.

-Mm. Yellow as well.

That might just be because it's old. Or coated in someone's urine.

-It's a stain. Could be blood.

-It could be blood.

We'll find something.

Whilst the boys' gauge for a good dress

is whether or not it's blood stained,

Hollie's standards are a tad higher.

And she's struggling to find one she likes.

-Ah, that's very sparkly.

-It does look pretty.

I'm not keen on the front because my boobs are way too small.

I don't think it's the one for you.

I feel so silly.

For once, James seems to be on the right track.

Starting to get somewhere.

He's looking at a vintage dress with short lacy sleeves.

I mean, with all these you've got the problem that they've been used.

I think Hollie will see the charm in that.

No, OK, well, let's go with that.

Amazingly, back in Lincolnshire,

Hollie's trying on a lacy cap-sleeve dress.

Could the boys be onto a winner?

Feel like an old lady.

Uh-oh.

So this is what I thought it would look like in my mind,

but now I've tried it on, I feel really stiff.

You've now tried on what you think you want,

but you don't like it at all.

So how's James going to be able to choose anything,

if you don't know what you want?

-Lots of hope!

-Poor man.

-I'm Hollie.

-I think the one on my right is too discoloured.

It's gone. That leaves us with one not hideously offensive dress.

It's only really scraping the definition

-of not hideously offensive.

-Yeah.

And not very... It's not very nice.

Luckily, even James knows that not very nice isn't good enough.

He wants Hollie to look stunning when she's standing on the roof

of that cricket bat factory.

So he turns to a fashion website on the internet.

-It's got lace, important. And it's definitely wedding-y.

-Mm.

-It's not bad.

-I think it's really nice.

-It's got a pocket, look.

-That's quite cool.

Yeah, pockets are cool.

But Hollie might have found her dream dress.

-Oh, yeah, I like that.

-Yeah.

And it doesn't have pockets.

Where on earth will she put her spare change?

Quite vintage those shoulders.

Oh, turn around, let's have a look at the back.

-Yeah, that looks really pretty.

-I like that it's got straps.

And I like the detail around the neck and on the shoulders.

And I love the back.

Cos my back's way better than my boobs, so...

Luckily, James is looking at an elegant backless number, too.

This is totally not a wedding dress.

-Does she like her back?

-I don't think it's a part of her body

she feels particularly comfortable revealing to the world.

Oh, so near, James, and yet so far.

-This is the one.

-Is it the one?

-This is the one.

Hollie's finally found her one.

An elegant long vintage-style dress

with diamante straps and exposed back.

But James has plumped for the complete opposite -

a short cotton dress with covered back.

-I really like this one.

-It's cool.

It's a knee-length skirt, but the way it's folded, creates, I think,

quite a little hint of surprise, which makes it feel a little

different from the straight, you know, sleeveless, knee-length dress.

I think it's really nice and I can see Hollie in it.

-You're pleased with yourself, aren't you?

-A little bit.

It's not a wedding dress, but James thinks he's cracked it

with this statement Vivienne Westwood number.

With the venue and dress sorted, James heads to Maidenhead

to tell his older brother Doug all about the plans.

Trouble is, they're not sure who else from the family will come.

It'll be nice to have some Fraser representation there.

-It's a shame that certainly if Claire and Ann can't come.

-Yeah.

It'd be great if Claire could come, she would love to come, as well.

Robert's travelling, which is a shame.

Emma said maybe, but the kids and family stuff.

-It's family, isn't it? It's difficult.

-Yeah. That's fine.

James may not mind who turns up

but for Hollie, this wedding's all about family.

I didn't want to just run away.

I wanted to make sure everyone was there,

-so it's a celebration with everyone.

-Mm-hm. You see that surprises me,

because I would have said that you and James would have...

I can't believe you're surprised by that.

Why do you find that so surprising? I like big parties and...

I think probably also because James' brothers

-and sisters have all done that.

-Yeah. That's why he wanted to do it.

But I didn't want to just run away.

It's a Fraser family thing, I suppose,

-not doing weddings the traditional way.

-We ran away to Thailand.

We did actually have a plan and did think about doing it in the UK,

-but so many other people then bring in their expectations...

-Yes!

And you start thinking, "Well, actually, no, I had a vision

"for this and I was going to do it.

-"I don't want to buy bridesmaids' dresses."

-No. I'm exactly the same.

Exactly that same place.

-I feel guilty that I've given him this stress.

-Why?

Cos there's actually quite a lot to do.

Do you not think that he'll just do a wedding how he wants it, though?

I've said to him, "I understand you don't like everything

"I want to do, so do it your way."

So I'm hoping that he's not going to take that as,

-"I'm going to do it exactly as I know she will hate."

-Mm. Yeah.

Because that's not really who I want to marry.

Oh, gosh.

But will she want to marry a man who won't buy her bridesmaids' dresses?

I'll get it wrong and they won't like them,

and it just seems like a waste.

He's telling the girls to buy their own dresses,

and he's insisting on a colour theme.

A little black bridesmaid's dress.

-I don't know why I'm tempted by black.

-Three girls, black dresses.

-BOTH:

-Wow.

Well, at least black should hide the dirt from that roof.

Even though James isn't buying the dresses,

he will be accessorising them with name badges.

He's just spoiling those girls now.

In a weird kind of way I almost see it as the equivalent

-of having a big birthday badge on.

-Yeah.

It's "I'm the bridesmaid".

-We've got to decide what they actually say, I assume?

-Yeah.

Do any of your bridesmaids have any kind of nickname

or anything like that?

Two of the bridesmaids are Holly's sisters, Gem and Sof.

Nicky, the main bridesmaid, is called Stinks,

which is vaguely charming.

How much is that?

They're 47.50 each.

We've got Gem, and we've got a Stinks, and we've got a Sof.

-Oh, they're well good.

-They're amazing.

I hope she doesn't mind being called Stinks.

I think she'll find it affectionate.

Let's hope Nicky doesn't kick up a STINK when she sees her necklace.

We're about to find out,

because James has asked Hollie's friends

to deliver the bridesmaids a package.

It contains a note

explaining that they'll have to buy their own dresses.

Where's the love, James? Where is the love?

And their nickname necklaces.

Ahh.

They're big and quite bold.

But they're not as hideous as I thought.

Turns out they like them.

Back in London, Nicky's receiving hers from Hollie's friend, Nora.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

That's our nickname for each other.

-Stinks?

-Stinks.

Every text message, every e-mail, "Hi, Stinks, love you, Stinks."

Well, it's not very...subtle.

No. It's not.

A black dress...

and Stinks...

plastered round my neck.

It's quite fun. Would I pick it for my wedding?

James has stitched me up good and proper!

It shocked me, and I know James and I know Hollie.

And...

I never expected that.

Thanks, James!

Don't thank him yet, he's not finished.

Nicky shouldn't worry about people staring at her name badge...

not when they'll be staring at her head.

They can have a pineapple in their hair.

I'm sold. I love the idea of giving the bridesmaids a pineapple.

While Hollie's wearing a simple summer outfit,

James buys himself a sharp formal suit.

And instead of traditional shoes for the bride,

he buys a pair of trainers.

I'm quite excited now. This is great.

This is like one of those car-crash ideas

that actually turns out, could be amazing.

LAUGHTER

They're customised trainers, though...

so that's all right, then.

It's two weeks since Hollie last saw James,

and with no idea when her wedding is even happening,

she's back in London, staying with Nicky on her houseboat.

How does it feel not knowing anything?

It's driving me insane!

It's actually driving me insane.

So I thought this would be really fun

and like, "Oh, it'll be a nice surprise."

-Actually it's the

-BLEEP

-surprise I've ever experienced in my life.

Little does she know, she's about to receive her invite...

via Mike the busker.

Have you got any idea?

I have just said now, I genuinely don't know.

You're going to find out when you find out.

I don't know when that will be.

Hello?

-Hello?

-Hello?

HE STRUMS GUITAR

# Hello, Hollie... #

Oh, my God!

# James would like to invite you to your wedding. #

Oh, my God.

-DOG BARKS

-Hanson, it's OK.

Come on.

It's OK. It's OK, it's OK.

He sings at the supermarket in the car park.

THEY LAUGH

# On Sunday, 4th May... #

Yes, it's on a Sunday! Thank God.

Oh, dear.

Yes, I'm coming.

LAUGHTER

-Happy!

-Excellent!

It's time for the stag, and what's James got planned?

Clubbing?

Strippers?

Waking up naked in Belgium?

Darjeeling?

Come on, this is James.

Ooh...

You made me peppermint tea with milk.

It's like drinking a cup of toothpaste.

Mm.

He may not want a traditional stag, or a traditional wedding,

but it seems James does want a traditional wife.

He's surprising the girls

with a lesson at a 1950s' style school for housewives.

Are we in the wrong era?

How to be the perfect housewife.

He's trying to teach you how to be a real wife!

BLEEP

You're going to have to train that potty mouth of yours

if you're going to please James.

To being a lady.

To being a lady.

ALL: Woo!

It's good champagne.

And what does a sensible groom with a love of London do on his stag?

He climbs over the O2 Arena, obviously.

All right. Here goes.

What is it with him and rooftops?

I think, actually, the wind adds to the atmosphere

and improves the overall experience of people!

The wind is picking up. The rain is coming down.

And James is quickly realising that not every cloud has a silver lining.

-It's cold.

-Yeah.

-It's wet. We're on a roof.

-Yes.

Is this ringing any alarm bells?

I mean, it would be BLEEP if it was like this, wouldn't it?

I mean, let's not mess about here. It would be BLEEP.

I mean, it's unpleasant.

I'm wearing a boiler suit

-and I'm just a little bit chilly.

-The wedding's next week?

-Next week.

But the view's amazing.

It is also very cold and windy.

If I was 20 minutes into a wedding on a rooftop in a party frock,

then I'd be pissed.

Across town, the girls are already pi...erm, merry.

And here's an alarmingly posh lady.

Good afternoon, ladies.

-Good afternoon.

-Hello.

I am Diana, and I am your finishing school teacher for the day.

I am here to give you advice

on how to make your marriage a total success.

Right, Hollie, may I see you cut the cake, please?

Er, no!

I say, Hollie's even more battered than that cake.

Goodness me, I think she needs a course on her own.

And gently...

Not like that, for heaven's sake.

Napkin, please, not fingers, thank you.

Elbows off the table!

LAUGHTER

Very nice indeed.

Aaaaah!

Rather much of a slam.

I'm the man, I'll do what I bloody like!

I am not much of a lady.

I'm probably not going to change in the next week.

So he still won't be marrying the lady he desires.

But for bridesmaid Nicky and close friend Nora,

it's not Hollie being a lady that concerns them.

It's how quiet she's become recently.

-She's not very good at being vulnerable, is she?

-No.

And she will never come to you and say,

"I've got a problem."

I can tell when she's thinking, the way when something's on her mind.

-Yeah.

-Cos she goes really quiet, and I'm like, "Are you OK?"

And she's like, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

But if something is not right, you're going to know about it.

-Like...

-Yeah.

Finally, James' night begins to resemble a stag do.

Cheers.

You took me on, Tom.

Maybe a bit low key...

but you can't have everything.

And as the drinks flow...

Very nice.

..James' thoughts turn to his bride to be.

She makes every second of my life better.

And I think that's kind of amazing to be with someone

who makes your life a better life.

Hollie will tell me if she's not happy.

She might wait until a quiet moment,

and then she'll look at me in the eyes

and go, "This is totally not what I wanted."

And that's something I'm dreading, because if that happens...

it'll make this whole thing just pointless.

Wanting anything but a traditional wedding,

James has planned a rooftop party

followed by a legal signing the next day.

He's meeting up with his master of ceremonies,

to discuss what her role will be.

And, more importantly, what it won't be.

One thing I really don't like about weddings are speeches.

-Most speeches aren't great.

-Are you having a best man?

-I have three best men.

-Do you want them to say anything?

-No.

-OK.

-Wedding vows make me nauseous.

As far as I can understand, it's as simple as,

-"Do you take her, do you take him..."

-Yeah.

-"Stop crying, you look OK."

-Yeah.

"You're now husband and wife, although that's not technically true

-"cos I can't actually legally do it - but, hey, you are."

-Right.

It is not a licensed venue, you are not officially marrying us.

-Yeah.

-It is essentially a piece of theatre for the crowd.

I totally get that you don't want to do a lot of things

that you get at normal weddings,

but you've got to remember that it's not a party.

-Yeah.

-It is a wedding, right?

-Yes.

-And, I mean, will Hollie want a wedding?

Hollie will want a wedding.

In trying to not be like normal weddings,

I don't want then to reach a point where it is no longer a wedding.

And that will be a disaster, so, yeah, that's good to know.

Could the groom who didn't want a wedding,

finally be planning...a wedding?

The pressure gets greater the more I start to think about

how important this day is for so many people.

I don't want to be the enemy.

I've got a horrible feeling I might come out of this

as this kind of...this idiot.

Which would be bad.

Having had a change of heart, James calls Hollie's dad

to ask him to play a role in the wedding.

I would love it, if during the ceremony,

be able just to share a few words.

-Yeah, that's all right.

-Perfect.

Better than having to stand up and do a long speech.

Well, exactly. I'm glad you said that.

Also, it'd be great if you could walk Hollie down the aisle as well.

-Yeah, I'll do that with pleasure, no problem.

-Perfect.

-Thanks, Rob.

-OK, thanks, James.

-Much appreciated.

At last a compromise - there will be speeches.

And just to make sure people know this isn't a standard wedding,

he sorts out some unconventional decorations...

Rather than confetti, I think party poppers is kind of funny.

..an unconventional wedding breakfast...

Is this Mother Flipper's Burgers?

..and some unconventional music for the bride to walk down the aisle to.

# We found love in a hopeless place

# We found love in a hopeless place. #

Well, hopeless place, factory roof, call it what you like.

It's the day before the wedding,

and Hollie's about to receive the dress James bought online.

Her friends and family have gathered at Nicky's boat.

She doesn't have a clue what he's got planned,

and it's really getting to her.

He might have gone very casual, when in actual fact

all she wants, maybe, now is an actual wedding dress to look nice.

If James gets it wrong, he's got to live with it.

Well, he's got to live with her.

Yeah - for the rest of his life.

James has asked his brother Doug to deliver the dress.

Are you nervous?

Yeah, I'm nervous! I don't know what I'm going to be wearing.

Hello.

-Hello!

-You all right, Hollie?

-This is your outfit.

-Oh! Oh, God, it looks tiny.

It's quite small.

It's designer, that's a good thing, right?

No, that's a bad thing. I don't want designer.

I'm going to go open it.

-You'll have a moment.

-On your own.

We'll wait in anticipation.

Guess all the best things come in small packages.

I knew it was going to be lingerie!

Wear some granny pants?

They're massive.

Bridget Jones!

-Plenty of time.

-Sh.

While Holly wanted a long backless vintage gown,

James has gone for a short, cotton summer dress.

But will she like it?

This is hideous.

That is a tablecloth.

SHE LAUGHS

-She's laughing.

-No, she's not, she's crying.

Even I have no idea what he was thinking here.

Oh, no. Oh, God.

Holy crap.

I don't mind it not being a wedding dress,

it's just that it's like a really underwhelming dress.

God, now I'm worried about the wedding.

If he thinks this is a nice dress, what is it...

What's he going to think is a nice wedding?

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, my God! I don't think it fits properly.

I'm not sure that's how it's supposed to look!

Oh, God, I'm not sure.

What are they going to say in there?

Are you going to be honest and say, "I don't like it,"

-or, "I do like it."

-I don't think I'd be any good at hiding the truth!

I was going to say, that's probably the worst thing we can do is lie,

because we'll look obvious, won't we?

If it's really bad, we can talk it up.

So we've got to find the silver lining.

Aaaaaw!

You look like a little girl.

Exactly.

It is sweet.

Yes, it's sweet, but I'm not going to a christening.

I can't even encourage you to like it, cos I think it's awful.

-Slight issue - doesn't fit.

-It fits at the front, though.

-What is the back...

-You could wear...

-Have you seen my ass?

I told everyone the back of me was the best side,

not the front.

If this is what is the best side, it's not very good.

I thought he was going to go really beautiful and really vintage.

I think it's just random.

Can I have a look, Holly, at it?

If all this was cut away, it's got to be cut all out of here

cos that's where it's...

Yeah, the lining.

Luckily, James has set aside some money for dress alterations.

And what about the top? Do you want the top leaving?

-Can't we take this all out?

-Yeah, that's what I think.

But the girls each have their own ideas about what needs to be done.

What do you reckon, Sof?

I think you're trying to make too many alterations before tomorrow.

-Yeah, but I have to wear this tomorrow, Sof.

-Yeah.

Yeah, it's either alterations

or she's going to look like a sack of spuds on her wedding day.

-But it fits you here...

-But if I can get it altered,

why am I going to wear it like this?

If he's put money aside to get it altered...

-I'm just saying, is there time?

-Why are you being a bitch?

-I'm not! I'm just saying...

-It sounds a bit harsh, Sof!

You like it, do you? You like this?

-I don't think that looks that bad.

-OK.

I don't think it looks that bad.

But James has chosen this for you to wear, hasn't he?

He obviously liked it.

It's her wedding day, she's the bride.

Yeah, but he hasn't seen me in it.

Well, the seamstress is going to have to stay up all night, I think -

that's the point.

James' seamstress arrives. Can she prevent a dress disaster?

It is a signature Westwood. I recognised it!

It's a signature Westwood, guys.

I'm going to be in so much trouble at work

when I don't know my statement Vivienne necks.

And will she even have the dress ready for the wedding tomorrow?

I think this process has made me realise how much I...

kind of want it to be the perfect wedding,

but I can see from the dress,

like, people's reactions make me think,

"Oh, God, they're not even happy."

They're thinking negative things,

and I don't want people to think that.

I just want it to be a good day where everyone's happy.

If you've got bad memories,

it's not a very good way to start, is it?

It's the morning of the wedding and Hollie's hardly slept.

I hope that there's a bit of a party happening today.

Bit of a marriage.

-Do you feel like a bride?

-Do I look like a bride?

-HOLLIE LAUGHS

-Yeah, you look stressed,

you look like you haven't eaten for a couple of days.

-How do brides feel? Do they feel like they're going to vomit?

-Yep.

Oh, right, I feel like one, then.

I'm going to start with some fruit.

How are you feeling about the dress?

What's the word I'm looking for?

Feeling...resigned.

-LAUGHING:

-Resigned.

-Well, resigned to the fact that I have to wear it.

-Yeah.

And hopefully, once it fits, it'll feel better, so we'll see.

While Hollie waits for the altered dress,

James is making final preparations at the venue.

Let's get them here.

Look what I've got!

With the wedding dress back from the seamstress,

it's too late for an alternative.

That looks, it does look, I don't know, it looks more full.

Yeah, that looks better. It's kind of cute.

Fingers crossed it'll look good on.

-That's better.

-Better. So much better.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-I like it.

It looks like a completely different dress, Holl.

-Aw, you happier?

-Yeah.

Oh, thank God.

THEY LAUGH

Thank you, seamstress lady.

At last, Hollie's happy with the alterations to her dress.

And at the venue, James is even happier with his pineapples.

Check this out, this will blow your mind.

Well, why wouldn't he be?

-Tell me that's not the best you've ever seen.

-It's pretty cool.

-Hi, are you Hollie?

-Hello.

-Hi. We're here to do your hair and make-up.

-Oh, my God.

-Just Hollie?

-Just Hollie.

He did say just Hollie.

Thanks, James.

-THEY LAUGH

-Sort myself out.

Unaware he's already upset the bridesmaids,

James is making last-minute changes to his gritty, urban rooftop.

The busier I am, the better.

The florists are decorating industrial ducting with flowers

and he's even building a stage from pallets he found dumped in the yard.

Bridesmaid Sof has arrived at the boat to get ready with Nicky.

But there's a last-minute panic about James' colour scheme.

Now, I'm worried

because we're in black, essentially evening wear.

And Holly's in a pure white summer dress.

Yeah. So are we going to look overdressed?

Well, I think we're going to look stupid, yeah.

It'll look lovely with your necklace, though.

SHE LAUGHS

Yeah...

What will Hollie make of James' choice of black dresses?

Oh.

-Black's an interesting colour.

-Yeah.

Compared to your pure white summer dress.

I like what you're both wearing.

Thanks, I went out and bought it.

-With your own money?

-Course I did.

-Ah.

I didn't have anything else that was black

that I hadn't either worn to a job interview or a funeral, so...

And then, suddenly, she notices the necklaces.

SHE LAUGHS

That is the best necklace I've ever seen.

-He knows what I call you.

-I know. It's really sweet

-that he knows what...

-That is so cool!

THEY LAUGH

In Peckham, the rooftop's set.

But something's occurred to James...

maybe a teeny bit too late.

I've suddenly realised that I'm making Hollie get married

on a rooftop of a factory on, like, the most special day of her...

It might be the worst idea in the world.

And she might hate me for ever.

Ah, come on - having your wedding on a rooftop

isn't the worst idea in the world.

But buying your bride trainers might be.

Looks like a school bag.

Oh, God, I'm going to kill him.

-They're plimsolls, aren't they?

-They're trainers.

SHE LAUGHS

Well, they'll be comfortable.

-Mm.

-At least they'll match your dress.

And if she fancies a quick game of squash during the vows,

she's sorted.

-They've been made by hand. You can't buy these.

-No.

It's amazing.

-Yeah, it looks cute.

-It looks really lovely.

-At least they're comfy.

-Yeah.

-I can dance.

We look so opposite!

-I know.

-Yeah. Yeah.

James has gone to Matt's house to get changed.

And there's a surprise in store from Hollie.

Ah, mate!

It's not from me. From Hollie.

How do you know that?

Oh, it's a pocket watch. And Hollie gave it to me six years ago.

It doesn't work, but it's very beautiful. And I loved it.

HE LAUGHS

"It's there to remind you of the time we've had together,

"but also of the time we'll have in the future.

"And let's never spend three weeks apart again. Hollie."

-Oh, mate.

-That is very nice.

Let's do this.

As James sets off for the venue, Hollie's transport arrives,

giving a clue to her destination.

I think we're going to London.

-SHE LAUGHS

-Yay!

Oh, this is nice.

# ..Lead you through the streets of London

# Show you something to make you change your mind

# Let me take you by the hand... #

-Hey! How are you?

-Congratulations, my man.

As James makes some last-minute preparations,

the guests start to arrive.

I don't really know what I was expecting today,

but I can safely say this is different to Lincolnshire today.

It may not be Lincolnshire,

but what will the Londoners make of it?

-Bit...shabby. For a wedding.

-Shabby chic.

Well, we're not going to Hackney. Clapham Common?

I would say we're heading towards Peckham.

This is definitely a big risk.

Most brides would want a church, or like, a big stately home.

You know, let's hope she's into it, for his sake.

Oh, we're in Peckham.

SHE LAUGHS

I would never in a million years

have thought it would be in this area.

It's kind of exciting. A little bit concerning as well.

I've just put my scarf down on the floor

and I can pretty much guarantee it'll be a bit dirty when I pick it back up.

In here?

Where in God's name are we?

Thank you.

Hollie dreamed of getting married

in the family church in Lincolnshire.

James may have transformed a dusty rooftop in Peckham

to the perfect summer party venue...

..but will it match up to Hollie's traditional standards?

I can't help but feel we're a little overdressed for the location.

Now I can smell fish.

Not sure if it's rubbish or if it's what James has set up for us.

It's not exactly what I was picturing.

Six floors up, the guests are waiting for Hollie to arrive.

The bridesmaids and Mum lead the procession.

It's very trendy.

In here? Oh...

Oh, a wedding.

I never thought you could get married in a place like this.

And Hollie and dad Rob follow them down the aisle.

Or should that be alleyway?

-Hello again.

-How are you doing?

Hollie's sister Gem is waiting with best man Tom

to present the bridesmaids with their pineapples.

It looks like a fruit basket on my head.

Have we done anything that bad to offend him?

-I didn't know you had...

-He's called me Stinks

and put a fruit basket on my head.

What did I ever do wrong?

And it's not just the bridesmaids who are stunned.

You never cease to amaze me.

What, me or James?

Both of you, really.

-Oh, there's flowers.

-You look lovely.

-At last.

-Thank you.

You...!

What is this?

Sorry.

That's a bad start, isn't it?

Unusual decoration.

-It's a piece of more air ducting.

-Slightly odd.

# If you like it then you should have put a ring on it

# Don't be mad when you see that he wanted

# If you like it then you should have put a ring on it

-# All the single ladies

-All the single ladies... #

-CHEERING # All the single ladies

-All the single ladies

-# All the single ladies

-All the single ladies

# If you like it then you should have put a ring on it

-# All the single ladies

-All the single ladies

-# All the single ladies

-All the single ladies

-# All the single ladies

-All the single ladies

# All the single ladies Now put your hands up. #

-How are you?

-I feel a little sick, I'm not going to lie.

LAUGHTER

-A little bit sick.

-Just a tad.

-That's OK.

-How are you?

-Fine!

GUESTS: Aw...!

-So, if the freight train goes past, we've got to stop.

-That's fine.

But everyone's here today, so let's have a wedding.

WHOOPING AND CHEERING

Unconventional as ever,

James has chosen to have the speeches before the vows.

CHEERING

Really, what I want to say, James, is love and best wishes to you both

for a very long, long and happy future.

Thank you.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Do I get a kiss?

Our once wedding-phobic groom

has decided to make a speech of his own.

I didn't...hadn't prepared a speech

because I assumed I'd be in tears at this point, and in fact, I'm not.

I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not.

Before we were going out, we went ice skating together

and I was rubbish at ice skating, obviously.

And I remember I'd fallen over, again,

and I found myself sitting in a large, kind of, icy puddle.

I remember you skated up to me, and without really saying anything,

you just sort of sat down next to me in the puddle.

And I was baffled by this and looked at you,

and went, "OK, what are you doing?"

And you went, "Well, I didn't think that it was fair

"that you were the only one with a cold, wet bum."

LAUGHTER

And I remember at the time thinking, "That's probably the sweetest thing anyone's ever done ever."

And six years later, it reminds me

of just what an incredible, selfless human being you are.

-GUESTS: Aw...

-Aw!

James, will you take Holly to be your wife?

I do.

And Holly, will you take James to be your lawful wedded husband?

To be loving, faithful and loyal to him,

for the rest of your married life together?

I do.

Can we have the rings?

Does that replace this one? Do I have to put them both on?

Put that on the other hand.

Can we just put it in your pocket?

I love it to pieces, but it's ridiculous.

-Sorry.

-OK.

James and Hollie,

witnessed by your friends and family,

I am honoured to pronounce you man and wife.

You may snog!

WHOOPING AND CHEERING

Ladies and gentlemen, Nana, I present to you, Hollie and James.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hollie dreamed of a wedding

celebrating her family home in Lincolnshire.

But James has given her a day

centred round their life together in London.

Do you like this?

It's very cute, yeah, I love it.

You sound so underwhelmed. Do you actually like it, be honest?

-Yeah, I love it. I love it.

-I don't feel like you do.

I did hate the dress, I'm so sorry.

-I said it looked like a bed sheet.

-Oh, no.

And that I was very underwhelmed.

I said very rude things about the dress.

I messed up, didn't I?

And the dress, the most important part, I messed up.

GUESTS: Hollie and James!

-Sorry.

-You did it.

-I am so sorry.

-Do you feel happy?

-No...

-Like you've achieved something?

-I feel like I've ruined your big day.

I just didn't like the dress, that was all.

-That's the only thing.

-Sorry.

-All your effort. I love it.

-Oh...

# Yellow diamonds in the night

# As we're standing side by side... #

I didn't like the dress, but, yeah, it suits the venue.

The dress and her shoes, yeah. It looks all right.

Look at the view! Oh, my God, you can see the London Eye.

And the Shard.

-And a car park.

-Yay!

-You can see a car park.

And a warehouse.

Well, it's definitely not what I said I wanted,

-but I think it's better.

-Yeah?

# We found love in a hopeless place. #

What he's pulled off, it's really come from the heart,

he's done really well.

-Cheers, guys.

-Job well done.

Did it feel like a wedding?

I think, actually, cos I'm not very serious,

-it was quite a good tone.

-Mm.

I liked that it was different

and I liked that he wrote the nice stuff.

-It was special.

-It's really special.

-I cried all the way through.

-Did you?

-Yeah, I couldn't stop.

Oh, thank you - that looks hot.

Congratulations.

Shove it in there.

I was all right until I got handed this pineapple on my head,

which is now actually digging into my head.

I did actually want to pull one out and throw one at him.

Is there a specific theme?

Like, is it, like...Caribbean?

SHE LAUGHS

The idea was to be a wedding about our life in London,

a celebration of our life in London.

It definitely feels like a wedding.

I think it feels like a wedding that not everyone would have,

but a wedding that Hollie and James would have,

and I think that's what he set out to do.

The guests are having a great time,

but James is still not convinced Hollie's happy.

-Do you know what I was saying the whole time?

-What?

How guilty I felt that I made you do this.

-I felt guilty, the whole time...

-How did you feel guilty? I made you do this!

No, but I feel guilty cos I realise, this whole process,

that I've actually taken away your chance to make your perfect day.

-And that's...

-This is my perfect day.

-It's not, though.

-It's amazing.

-It's not.

-It's in a dress you don't love...

-I like the dress now.

I feel like me. I like the shoes.

Everyone's having an amazing time, everybody's here.

That's all I wanted, to share it with everyone.

Everyone was here.

And as the sun sets

and the real party starts downstairs,

this bride's on top of the world.

I have no idea where James got his ideas from.

I think they're amazing.

I don't think I actually could have done it as well as this.

And I think it was actually perfect for me.

I hope after this, there are times,

when I feel strongly or stubborn about something,

I will be more able to look at things through Hollie's perspective

and actually to do something solely for her.

-If this was a test, you've passed. With flying colours.

-Really?

Yeah.

I'll give you your prize when you get home.

SHE LAUGHS

CHEERING

Next time, wedding-obsessed bossy bride-to-be Alex...

Everybody knows me as crazy wedding girl.

..wants a romantic, Downton Abbey-style wedding.

I've always wanted something that wows everybody.

But her childhood sweetheart Mark...

She'll be in tears, I know she will.

..is planning to take her Downton farm.

Keep it traditional.

So will pig racing...

Oh!

..excite this hard-to-please bride?

It stinks.

Or will this West-Country lad...

I feel physically sick.

..be too local?

I was wondering the availability of The Wurzels.