Alex & Mark Don't Tell the Bride

-Has anybody got any confetti?

-Yes.

-Every girl...

-Oh, wow.

-I do.

-..likes to take control of her wedding.

So, what happens when she has no say on her big day?

-Oh, they are awful.

-We're not doing it.

-Don't Tell The Bride is back.

-This is ridiculous.

-As ever, the grooms are in charge.

I want there to be a donkey at the wedding.

I'm going to look lovely on our big day.

But with £12,000 to spend and just three weeks

to throw the wedding of their dreams...

Tell my mum I love her!

-..have the boys pushed themselves too far?

-Oh, my God!

You're fired!

With more shocking,

more outrageous...

-Argh...

-..and more daredevil weddings than ever before,

will there be a happy-ever-after?

This is not the thing you get wrong the day before your wedding.

-Will true love save the day?

-Mum, what is that? Mum, what is that?

-Or is it a countdown to disaster?

-Three, two, one...

Tonight, wedding obsessed, bossy bride-to-be Alex...

Anybody that knows me knows me as crazy wedding girl.

..wants a romantic, Downton Abbey-style wedding.

I've always wanted something that's going to be grand and beautiful

and big and, kind of, wow everybody.

But her childhood sweetheart, Mark...

She'll be in tears. I know she will.

..is planning to take her down t'on farm.

Keep it traditional. That's what I wanted.

-So, will pig racing...

-Whoo.

-..excite this hard-to-please bride?

-Stinks.

I thought he would actually get it right.

-Or will this West Country lad...

-I feel physically sick.

-..be too local?

-I was wondering the availability of The Wurzels.

This programme contains some strong language.

Childhood sweethearts Mark and Alex met a long time ago.

He was my first boyfriend. I was 13.

The other girls in my year at school couldn't believe

I had a boyfriend who was two years older.

It was the talk of the town, wasn't it, really?

And young love blossomed for this West Country couple.

My 14th birthday party was the first time you'd come over

and, kind of, met my family.

He rode over on his bike and you had your little backpack on

and inside, he had some Ferrero Rochers, but what happened,

when he'd cycled over, they'd all split, hadn't they,

and were all sat at the bottom of the bag?

Nowadays, I think it's rare to meet The One so young

and have that, kind of, first romance and for it not to end.

It's just something that, kind of, happened.

It didn't really fizzle out.

Their relationship was really put to the test when Alex accepted

a place at Winchester University.

I'm the one that wanted to go off to university and get a degree and get,

kind of, a further education and he was the one that wanted to stay here.

But despite staying put, home-loving Mark was determined

not to lose Alex completely.

I think it did test us.

We definitely owe a lot of our relationship to Mark.

He was the one that had to do a lot of travelling up to Winchester.

I did come back a lot, but it was still

a big thing for him to have to finish work on a Friday

and have to travel over to Winchester to meet me, for the four years.

When you're away for quite a while and then you see each other

after that period of time, it gets you more connected, really.

So, yeah, in a way, it made us stronger.

So, put your hand up

if you think on this zebra the stripes are black stripes.

Uni over, Alex returned and got a job as a teacher near their

home town of Westbury.

It's about 50/50.

And whilst living with Mark's dad, the couple are renovating

their first house together.

-I've painted a bit of this room.

-It's a lot darker than I thought.

It's something we're doing together and we're building together

and, hopefully, we'll have for ever.

-Yes.

-They may be doing this together, but there's only one boss.

Still got this wall to do. Door frames to put in.

I like to know what we're doing and when we're doing it.

I like to know details, down to a T, even, kind of, where the light switch

is going to go or where that particular plug socket's going to go.

And it's not just DIY decisions Alex likes control of. It's Mark, too.

I, kind of, make sure everything's in order, everything's done as it's

meant to be and he needs to just kind of turn up and play his part, really.

-I get told where to go.

-Mm-hm, and what time to be there.

-Yep.

If she likes doing it, then I let her do it.

So, in an all-time first, Alex is hanging up her bossy boots

and giving Mark complete control of their wedding.

He's planned some stuff before, though, right?

We've not really had the opportunity to let Mark plan anything.

Oh, dear.

Really haven't planned anything, ever.

With me having to plan the whole wedding, it's going to be a strain.

It'll be hard, I expect.

I've never done anything... I don't even know the first steps

of planning a wedding. It's going to be a challenge.

Oh, it will, cos when it comes to weddings,

-there's nothing Alex doesn't know.

-Anybody that knows me

would probably know me as crazy wedding girl

and know how much I love weddings and how incredible I think

they are and how incredible I want my own to be.

I helped my mum plan her wedding, my sister-in-law plan hers

and my sister is in the process of planning hers.

Yep, she's the go-to-girl for wedding planning,

so why is she handing over control of her big day

to a man who's never made a decision in his life?

We've been together ten years.

You know, we've talked about, kind of, the things we like.

We have similar styles, I think. I hope he knows me

well enough to know my likes and my dislikes, to know my taste.

Reasons for me doing this is to show that I can do it

and to show that she hasn't have to do everything herself and then,

yeah, and then try and make her happy at the end of it.

I think the biggest privilege I could give him is to

plan my wedding and I think he's incredibly lucky that I trust him

enough and love him enough that I've given him the opportunity to do it.

No pressure, then(!)

I would not know what sort of wedding Alex would want

or what ideas she has.

Will just be me just winging it.

It's time for Alex to get packing.

-All sorted?

-Yeah.

-All right.

-You excited?

-Eh?

-You excited?

-No, nervous.

-And I'll see you on the other side.

-Yeah.

-See you when we're married.

-Yeah.

Having no contact for the next three weeks will be hard for both of them.

We've been together for so long and we rarely spend time apart.

It'll be horrible, I think, leaving him behind, not being able

to speak to him, not knowing what he's doing,

not knowing what he's thinking.

It won't be very nice.

A mile across town, Alex is moving back home to her mum's house

until her wedding day...

Hello! Welcome home!

..and big sister, Amy, has come over to welcome her.

That's it, won't speak to him for three weeks,

won't see him for three weeks.

I think I'll probably hit him now that this is the beginning.

It hasn't sunk in yet, to be fair,

that I'm about to spend three weeks planning a wedding.

It's going to be hard, so hopefully, it don't turn into a nightmare.

It's the first day of wedding planning and Mark's called in

the cavalry, in the form of best men, Natty and Matty.

-Hello?

-Hi. Ready for this then, lads?

-Yeah, should be.

I grew up with Matthew, played football together,

went to school together.

-Where's the beers, then?

-In the fridge, go help yourself.

We got to the age where I started going out in pubs, that's where

I met Nat and we formed a group and it went from there, really.

Bit early for this.

It's never too early for a beer.

We've never been round a wedding, we've never really known how to

plan a wedding, so it could be the blind leading the blind.

So, what we doing?

-You got to plan a wedding in three weeks.

-Three weeks?

Plan it in one day, innit?

Spend the rest of the time drinking, playing FIFA and watching football.

All three of them together are such a good laugh,

but having a good laugh doesn't necessarily plan a good wedding.

You'd be surprised, Alex. The boys are hard at work.

Mark's full of ideas and he's sticking to what he knows best.

-Where you looking, venue-wise, then?

-I want a farm in a field,

marquee with a few cider barrels about.

Me and the boys like having a cider, so maybe having,

sort of, like a West Country-ish, like, ooh-are-ee, sort of, shindig.

Just people having an all-in-all good time.

Cos it's going to be an ooh-are-ee thing,

get 'em a pair of wellies each.

Would it not be good something to do with

some of the wellies like on the table or something?

-Could put a welly on the table.

-Centrepieces, with the flowers in.

-Be ideal, wouldn't it?

-Yeah, that's a good shout.

He's really nervous,

cos he's not the best at doing all these sort of things.

Alex normally takes control of a lot of stuff.

So it's going to have to be a little bit of us trying to push him,

but then we're not the best people at pushing him.

We can scrimp and save with the likes of bridesmaid dresses,

hen do's. We could just send the girls glass-blowing

or something like that. Why not?

Nat chucked a few of the old crappy ideas in there,

with the old wild ideas.

There's nothing to this planning a wedding thing.

We'll have it done in no time.

Brimming with confidence, the boys are off to view a possible

local reception venue.

Oh, my God. What would we look like here?

It is, literally, a field with cows.

Will you shut up, man? You're getting on my tits now.

He's not wrong, Mark.

It is, literally, a field, but that cow's definitely a fake.

Annette, the land owner, is showing them around.

Have you had a look at, like, style of marquees and..?

No, I haven't. I saw the one on the picture on your website.

Oh, right, OK.

And, obviously, I looked... I just thought that came in with

-the actual...

-No.

-..wood itself.

It is, literally, just a field,

which means we'd have to do a bit

more planning and prepping, which wasn't really what I 'ad in mind.

Yeah, it's just...

..visualising.

Trying to visualise it, get it in my head.

It just doesn't seem to be ooh-are-ee enough.

I was hoping there was a marquee up.

I was hoping there was tables in it and I was seeing it.

Yeah, but you're not, here, are ya?

It's just a field, innit?

-It's your wedding, mate.

-Yeah, yeah.

You got to be able to see it yourself, ain't you.

I think it's too much, man. Too much for me.

So, it's back to the drawing board.

One person who has no problem

visualising her perfect reception venue is Alex.

She's planned this for years.

Along with her mum and sister Amy,

they're visiting the Longleat Estate.

Everything just looks so...

so beautiful, doesn't it?

Does this take you back to when you were younger

and used to play here all the time.

'I just think it's Alex's dream, you know, to be here again.'

She's loved Longleat since she was a little girl.

Set in 900 acres of landscaped gardens,

Longleat House was once at the heart of Edwardian high society,

something Alex very much appreciates.

I love the glitz, I love the glamour, I love how kind of romantic it feels

and the kind of Downton Abbey style, kind of, feel to it.

Wow.

This is exactly the look you wanted, isn't it?

Yeah. So, I like how grand it is, the artwork.

I think it'd be amazing, like, all your guests sat here

and then you in the top table.

Speeches.

I would hate something, kind of, novelty.

I would hate just something that's being really silly.

For me, a wedding isn't about being silly or funny,

it's a real serious thing.

No problem.

Mark's next potential venue IS serious...

seriously ridiculous.

He's taken his best men to see a children's farm...

..and this isn't just a field -

it's a field with a bouncy castle in it and so much more.

It's got big boys' toys, too.

Mark's in farmyard heaven, but has he forgotten his bride?

Does she like animals?

-Not really.

-Oh!

It's just an idea that came into my head

because I'm from Wiltshire, Somerset

and...keep it traditional. That's what I wanted.

With tractor rides, pig racing,

kids' play areas and animals everywhere,

Mark likes it so much, he's willing to put a marquee up here.

We put a marquee in it and then have a tractor ride up to here.

Meanwhile, in Longleat, bride-to-be Alex

is living her period drama dream... for now, at least.

I think it just sets the whole, kind of, feel for the wedding.

I think being as he's known Alex for such a very long time, he knows

how much she loves Downton Abbey, Pride And Prejudice -

he knows how much she loves all that era.

so I'd like to hope that he would take that on board.

Mark IS on board..

the tractor, that is - and plans for his fun-filled farm day

are coming together.

-What I'm thinking is having, like, our main area...

-That field.

That field, right, and if we're having our food in that field

-over there...

-Then wanting to do the disco bits and that up in here,

so we could decorate that barn or keep it down there all night.

-Keep it down there.

-So, with the farm offering everything he needs

-for a West Country shindig...

-Brilliant.

..Mark snaps up the field, tractor and animals for a bargain £400.

-PEACOCK CRIES

-Exactly.

Oblivious she's about to have an ooh-are-ee wedding, Alex's faith

in Mark is unwavering.

Is there anything that you hate that he night do?

-I don't see why he would do it, cos he would know I hate...

-That's true.

Alex, because he is a man!

Any groom wouldn't mean to upset you on your wedding day,

but I think it just happens cos they think it's a good idea.

I think he also knows that you see the positives...

But that would be really sad that he thought it was really good

and it wasn't, cos then I would think, he doesn't know me at all.

I hope for his sake that it isn't awful.

Could this be last orders for Mark?

With his reception booked, Mark set his heart on a local church

for the ceremony, but with his telephone messages left

unanswered, he decides to visit in person.

I know deep down that she would love to get married in a church,

and I would like to do that for her.

-Hello?

-And it appears someone's on his side.

-It's a yes.

-It's a call back from the vicar.

-OK. Brilliant.

That's where we'll be getting married. Alex will be...

She'll be in tears, I know she will, because this is

the number one venue for her, I reckon, deep down...

and I've just got it.

Ceremony confirmed,

Mark's turning his attention back to the children's farm reception.

'Have you got any specific theme that you're going for, for your wedding?'

Yeah, I'm sort of doing, like, a cider sort of farmy, like,

shindig sort of thing...

'OK. Um... Well, you're looking for, you know, the marquee itself.

'That's going to be around the £4,000 mark.'

£4,000, OK.

'Right, and then the price for the actual catering...'

Maybe do two, like, sort of meat dishes and then maybe having

availability for, like a...

What's it called?

-Non-meat eaters, if you know what I mean.

-'Oh, vegetarian.'

Vegetarian. That's the one!

-Non-meat eaters catered for.

-Hello?

-The best men turn up to see how Mark's doing without them.

-Hello.

-All right, mate? How you getting on?

-Yeah.

Made a few phone calls this morning. Marquee,

day food, evening food is come to about six grand.

Is there no leeway then, with money? Have you spoke to her about that?

-Yeah.

-She said phone up some other companies and they said,

-they'll do it for this, this, and...

-That's the other thing.

-Have you tried any other companies?

-No.

So, in one phone call, Mark's spent almost half his budget

on a marquee and some food.

Time for best man Natty to step in.

I'm just phoning on behalf of my friend, Mark,

he spoke to you earlier about his wedding.

Just £100 off anything would just be a real help to us, to be honest.

'It was 5,920, so if I do 5,900,

-'then obviously that's a round figure.'

-Yeah. That's fine.

Yeah, so 5,900. That's superb. You're a star, Carol.

-Thanks ever so much.

-'All right.'

-Cheer, love...

-'Speak to you soon.'

-Got 20 quid off.

-He's got 20 quid off, mate.

-Boom.

-Get in there.

-Come on.

-Come on, Natty's saved the day.

Well, he's saved 20 quid.

We've spent a lot on venue and marquee and that,

so we've used a big slice of our budget, so it's now just

-trying to see...

-If we can wangle other bits to get it right down.

We have so much more to get.

Wedding dresses, bridesmaids dresses,

suits, wedding rings, cakes.

This... Oh, the list keeps going on and on.

Nobody knows better about planning a wedding than bride-to-be

Alex and sister Amy.

They've been planning Amy's wedding for over a year, but Alex is

about to pip her to the post.

I'll be getting married before she gets married,

so I think, although we are so supportive of each other, I think

there's always a little bit of kind of competitiveness in it.

I'm the younger sister. She doesn't like me kind of beating her to it.

With my wedding, we've had good fun

-going to different wedding venues.

-Yeah, we've had loads of fun.

-All the different wedding fairs and...

-Yeah...

-You being my cake

tester... That's what I feel sad - that you're not going to be able to

choose the one best thing that you've loved doing the most is

-tasting all the cakes for me!

-I know.

You've almost been, you know, like,

kind of, your head on my shoulders,

if you like, and when I've had a problem with one thing or another,

you're always the one that's been - "Oh, no, don't worry about this",

or "this is what we can do", or "this is what she should do", or...

Whereas obviously with yours,

we're almost just turning up as guests, really,

apart from actually you're the bride and I'm the maid of honour.

Yeah, I never thought of it that way before.

-A guest to my own wedding.

-Yeah.

In Westbury, the boys are off to find Alex a wedding dress

and sticking with their local theme, they know just the place - the shop

directly opposite the local pub.

But for Mark, the location is the only straightforward thing

about this.

They're not white, though, are they? Are they white?

Well, it's some white and cream in there.

They all look the same to me.

Time for our loyal best men to step in - again.

What sort of style do you want? Do you want without lace? Lace?

And the other question is, do you want it... Do you want it long?

-Um... I have no idea.

-Or do you want ruffles, like that?

Um... I don't know.

Could you see Alex wearing something like that?

They all look the same.

I feel physically sick. I just want to throw up.

Keen to show off HER perfect dress, Alex has brought her mum and

bridesmaids to a boutique in nearby Bradford-on-Avon.

She knows it well.

The shop that I'm going to see today is a beautiful designer shop.

I went there with my sister for her wedding dress and the dresses

there are out of this world.

As I think you know,

we've got the best British designers in the country.

-Mm-hm. Yeah.

-Suzanne Neville, over there.

-Mm-hm.

-Claire Pettibone.

Jenny Packham.

They are really, really expensive,

probably between about 5,000 and £7,000.

I don't want any kind of...too much fuss, I don't want anything too big.

I like buttons, I like a little bit of lace,

-but, kind of, something without too much fuss on it, I think.

-OK.

And for Alex, much like her perfect venue, she wants her dress

to reflect the sophistication of 1920s high society.

I would love a silky, satin, sleek dress,

sculpted all the way down, it would have a small train, kind of,

pooling at the bottom, possibly backless, some really kind of dainty

straps and dainty, kind of, beading and bit of glitz and glamour.

-Kind of Downton Abbey-style.

-Very simple at the front...

-Yeah, it is.

-It is.

-All the detail on the back.

-Yeah, I like that.

I would hate A-line dresses that just don't give you any shape.

I would hate dresses that, kind of, wrap to one side.

I would hate a dress with a motif.

I hate embellishments, like flowers stuck on the side of the hip.

I hate lace-up dresses, I hate zip-up dresses.

I hate it all.

Plain and simple is the best way to go on a dress.

And breathe.

-That's nice.

-That is nice and it's got little things like that on.

-Yeah.

-Phew... That's a good start.

Back in Westbury, the boys are in a dress minefield.

-Just remember, plain and simple.

-That is quite nice, actually.

That is nice, yeah. Put it in the maybe pile.

-I think that's quite nice.

-I think it's nice, but it's up to you.

Put it in the "maybe" pile, then.

-They finally whittle it down to two dresses.

-That's decent.

That looks decent.

The first is an A-line dress with flower embellishment.

-Hmm... What you thinking now?

-It's on a par with that one.

The next dress wraps to one side and is anything but plain and simple.

I'm trying to think, like... Been with her ten years.

Mark doesn't seem sure what Alex would like.

Come on, think, man.

-Tell us your thoughts.

-Two seconds.

Let me just have three minutes of silence.

-And right now...

-..so I can try and picture Alex.

He doesn't even seem sure what she looks like(!)

More wine please...

The bottle, please.

Fuck it!

While Mark struggles to picture his own fiancee, the bridal party

are about to see her in the dress of her dreams.

-Oh, my God.

-100%.

-Ahh...

It is incredible, isn't it?

That is stunning. Absolutely stunning.

I'm shaking!

Alex's dream dress is a satin, figure-skimming, floor-length gown

with delicately-draped straps and lace back detail.

Worn with a glamorous headpiece, the elegant number is just what

you'd expect for a £3,000 price tag.

This is the dream dress. This is everything I thought it would be.

It is simple and plain and satin and silky.

The material is beyond incredible. It just feels like me.

It just feels like it's the dress I was meant to have and should have.

You look even better than Mary off Downton Abbey,

as she walked down the staircase!

-Ooh. I don't want to take it off!

-I was going to say.

-You're not going to want to...

-I don't want to take it off.

Back in Westbury, it looks like Mark is about to make a huge mistake,

whichever dress he chooses.

What... So, what do you prefer?

Which one would you want to tear more?

That's the way I see it. Which one would you want to tear more?

-I know which one I would.

-Yeah, I'm going to go that one.

-The left one?

-Yeah. Definitely.

-Yeah. I think that's a good choice.

-Yeah.

-Yep. Yep. Take them away, quick.

-Quick choice.

-Take them away.

So, he's gone for a side-wrapped ruffled dress.

It isn't plain or simple,

but is it expensive?

-What sort of price are we looking at?

-535.

-535.

-That's within our budget, innit?

-Yeah.

-Happy with that.

-Way within our budget.

-Sweet. Brilliant.

-Fingers crossed she likes it.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. Me, too.

-Yeah.

I know what I like seeing Alex in, whether she likes being in it...

but I know what I like, so I had to wing it and hopefully,

fingers crossed, she likes it.

Alex still has her dream dress on, but there's still one thought

she just can't shake off.

See, I just don't think in a million years this would even

be his vision at all.

She's not the only one.

I can't believe you've allowed him to choose your dress, Alex,

because you know exactly what you want.

I know she's had her heart set on her particular dress for such

a long time and I really, really worry that her wedding day

will be ruined for her because it's not the one she really wanted.

I just dread to think what I'm going to be trying on.

Does it not make you feel sick to your tummy that you could turn up

the day before your wedding and try a dress and not have one you want?

Don't know. I don't think that far ahead.

It's coming quite quickly, Alex.

At least Alex is putting on a brave face, the same can't be said

for her sister.

Oh, gosh.

'I feel sad that I'm not involved because...'

Like...

she's been involved in mine SO much, that...

I can't help her with anything.

But I almost feel like it's a shame for him

that he'll never see me in this.

-Oh, Alex, don't.

-Yeah, he won't find a dress at all like this.

He never will.

A week to the wedding and Mark's finally decided to send out

invites and, for his bride to be, he's thought of something special.

-Easy.

-The best men have been sent on a chicken run. Literally.

To hint at the farmyard wedding, they're sneaking into Alex's

mum's garden. All they have to do is get the invite round

one of her chicken's necks.

-Oh, my goodness.

-Unfortunately, these lads aren't great with the chicks.

It's all red.

With the invite cracked and Alex due back, the boys

leave the chicken to the fate of the local foxes and scarper.

Come on, then, let's go.

Someone's let the chickens out.

I hope it wasn't me.

I wonder if he's just escaped.

What a silly, silly chicken. He won't let me catch him.

Hold on.

-Where's the invite?

-I don't know how you got out.

Oh, no, look what he's done to the borders.

Luckily, Alex spots it down in the dirt...which is appropriate.

Oh, how random.

Yeah, I don't know why he put it on the bloomin' chicken.

What's that?

This is what I just came back and found one of the chickens escaped.

-This had come off from around his neck.

-Round his neck? Thursday.

-Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Over the next few days, Mark sets about making his Ooh Arh theme

a reality.

First, what all weddings need - footwear.

Anything we can do for you?

-I was just looking at some wellies.

-Righteo.

-Do you know what size foot she is?

-Yeah, six.

-What's that?

-Size six.

It was meant to be then, isn't it? That's pretty good, isn't it?

The only thing is, pink don't match our colour scheme.

-It looks...

-What is our colour scheme?

Then, keeping it local, scrumpy cider.

Oh my... Warh, they're heavy.

Transport. What? No tractor?

These are your options, are they?

We've come across with another option, as well.

We're just giving it a bit of a dust off for you.

That is amazing. I love that.

And for entertainment, Mark's aiming high.

He's trying to book one of the West Country's biggest names.

I was wondering the availability The Wurzels.

# I am a cider drinker

# I drinks it all of the day. #

Wow.

2,500 for an hour's set. They... Plus VAT, that is. The Wurzels,

out of the question.

No Wurzels. It's an ooh arh disast-arh.

It's the last weekend before the weekend and Mark's sent

instructions for the hen night.

You've got mail.

-Oh, you've got a party.

-Yeah, but I'm wondering what

because this says, a taxi will be picking you and your bridesmaids up.

I hope your hen do blows you away.

So I don't know what he means by blow.

While the girls get ready, Mark's been doing some blowing himself.

Well, these balls must've take a bit of blowing up.

As a warm-up to the stag night, him and the boys

are playing bubble football.

And Mark's on a roll.

Back at Alex's and the hens are off. And there's high hopes for the day.

'If today goes really well, then I think it will set him

'in good stead for the rest of the wedding.'

For him to have written on there and say, I hope it blows you away,

-I'm thinking, well...

-It's got to be something good.

-Mmm.

-Yeah.

Or he's set himself up for a fall.

Mark has decided to send the hens on a glass-blowing course.

-Does this mean we're going in?

-But has he smashed it?

As if we want to fucking do glass blowing. I fucking hate it.

That'll be a no, then.

-Hello.

-Hiya.

-So, you're going to be having a go at glass-blowing.

-Can't wait.

# Glass

# Glass

# Glass. #

I don't know why he would even pick this. I don't know.

The most fun I've had all week.

Don't particularly care about glass, or the way glass is made,

or the way glass looks.

Don't particularly care about glass.

It's like a childhood dream.

Cracks are beginning to show

and not in the glass baubles they're making.

But I thought he would think it'll be something that she wants to do

or she's mentioned or she's...

You know, dreamed about doing.

Glass blowing.

I thought he would really pull it out of the bag and do something

that would blow me away, whereas this just annoyed me.

I think she's beginning to worry.

I think she's beginning to think, "What have I let myself in for?"

"If this was his idea of a hen night,

"what's the wedding going to be like?"

Back in Westbury, the lads are hitting the town and, like his

wedding plans, Mark's staying local.

We had high hopes it was going to Las Vegas.

Then it got whittled down.

-Well done, mate.

-Whey.

-Whey.

And with no budget left, we're coming out in Westbury.

It's pretty much a dump, to be honest!

For your stag do, mate, you have to wear the chicken.

Whilst Mark's dressed as a chicken, the girls are dressing up,

but it seems the glass-blowing hen do has ruffled their feathers.

I think earlier's given me a bit of a downer, if I'm honest.

I'm not really sure what to expect.

I'm not really expecting anything too good, now that I've had part one.

Well, part two is simply a table at the local Indian restaurant.

Mark's spiced things up, secretly inviting all of Alex's friends.

CHEERING

Ah, I'm shaking.

Well, we are at our local Indian and I thought, "Oh, great,

"is this what it's going to be?" But he obviously hasn't really

thought too much about it.

And then, when I just stepped out of the car and I saw all

the girls there, this is a good one, this is a good part two.

I can't believe he got everybody here.

So, he's pulled it out of the bag tonight

and he's really showed me what I kind of want for a hen -

just all of the girls there having fun, dressed up together.

Back down the local, the boys have now been drinking all day, but this

chicken isn't stuffed.

-He's battered.

-Oi.

THEY CHANT: Drink!

# Alex would do better! Alex would do better.

# La, la, la, la, la... Hey... La, la, la, la, la.

-Looks like local-loving Mark is absolutely basted.

-Yeah.

-Are you feeling good, chick?

-Yeah. Yeah, I feel good.

-Liar.

The next day, nursing a hangover, Mark's hoping his headache

isn't about to get a whole lot worse.

The bridesmaids are on their way round.

Shit, I'm getting a bit nervous now.

And with no best men for backup, Mark's about to reveal the dresses

he's chosen for them all on his own.

Four girls to impress, so it's going to be a bit challenging, I think.

Wish I had my best men here. They won't stand for anything.

If they come in not liking them, I'm not going to change them at all,

so they've got to like it or lump it, really.

-How is everyone, all right?

-Good.

-Good.

-Excited?

-No. No. Nervous.

-No?

We don't understand how you can choose our dresses

when the height difference is so different.

-Yeah. I didn't even think about that.

-Have you got them here?

You didn't even think about it. Mark!

-Yeah, go on, then, if you want to go up and get them.

-OK.

They said something about the height.

-Didn't even think about the height.

-Bet that headache's kicking in now.

-What do you think?

-We like them.

-Love them.

-You do? Did good?

-Yeah.

-I done good, didn't I?

-Yes. Yeah, you did really good.

You've done really well.

-Length and all that will be fine, won't it?

-Yeah.

You done really well.

You've done really well, they do look stunning.

Now it's just about Alex liking her dress.

-Well, four out of five ain't bad, is it?

-No. Yeah, you tell her that.

-It's all right, we like ours.

-Yeah, massive result today.

-Sort of cured my hangover a little bit I think.

-Thank you. Good luck.

-All right, I'll see you Thursday.

-See you later, mate.

£35 each , so... We won't tell them that, though.

-We'll let them find that out another way.

-See you later, Mark. Bye.

-See ya later, girls.

-Bye, mate.

-Bye.

-See you later.

It's really surprised me that he

could choose one dress for four girls by himself.

Um, I hope that makes Alex realise that he actually can make good

decision, because that was spot on.

He did well with that one.

Four girls down, just one now to impress, so fingers crossed.

It's the day before the wedding and Alex is on her way to see the dress

Mark has chosen for her - and she doesn't have to drive far.

Hardest bit is just the not knowing. Do you know what I mean?

Like, I can't even prepare myself

because I don't know what I'm up against.

-Where do you think you're going?

-I don't know.

So, this means we're going to the one in Westbury.

How do you feel about that?

Well, it's quite fitting that it's opposite the Ludlow, isn't it?

-I can imagine him leaving the pub after a pint...

-Thinking, "Oh,

"shall I go and grab a dress?

"Shall I go and get one now?"

Hope he's put a bit more effort in than that.

He's currently putting in a lot of effort over at the venue.

With his marquee going up on the farm, Mark couldn't be happier.

Oh, look at that. That's exactly what I need.

Wow, that is happy.

Some hay bales have arrived for seating and Mark's not

scrimping on accommodation, either.

Yep, that's a caravan for the bride and groom to stay in

on their wedding night.

Special.

Over in Westbury, Alex is about to see the dress Mark has chosen

for her.

-You must be nervous now. Waiting for this moment.

-Hmm...

She wanted a simple, elegant,

1920s style dress.

Is that anything like you imagined?

Nope. Look at the back.

It's nothing that I would choose, at all.

I hate any of this. I hate this. I hate this.

-It's nothing that I'd pick, at all.

-Try it on, though. Try it on.

Oh, yeah, I'll try it on, but I know exactly what it's going to look like.

That dress is everything that I hate put into one dress. It is horrible.

It is awful. I, literally, am shocked.

Like, I thought he would actually get it right.

You look amazing in it. You look absolutely amazing.

Right, let's have a look.

-I hate it even more.

-Do you?

-It's, literally, not me, whatsoever.

Not one bit.

I had such good faith in him.

It is, literally, ironic that this is everything I said I didn't want.

You would upset Mark. How do you think Mark would feel?

You gave Mark the opportunity to plan your wedding.

Could you compromise with this dress?

No.

-There is one other option...

-OK.

-Because it was between two very different dresses...

-Oh, good.

-That gives me hope.

-OK...

-Get me the other dress.

-OK.

-Quickly.

Will Mark's second choice be good enough for Alex?

I think that's even worse.

He's got it so wrong twice.

'I know exactly what I wanted

'and I just...'

I really did think that he would get it right.

I really had faith that he would.

I though, "It's been almost ten years, he knows my style,

"he knows how, kind of, elegant and plain I wanted it."

So...

I don't like either of them. Whatsoever.

Better phone him, then.

The question is, will Mark stick to his guns and insist she wears

the dress he so painstakingly chose?

-Hello?

-All right, mate.

-Yeah, you all right?

She doesn't like any of the dresses.

We've tried the second one on that you liked

and she doesn't like either of them.

-Don't she?

-No.

-Honest?

One's too busy, one's too plain.

-She hates them both.

-Alex said that?

-Yeah. Are we OK to pick another dress?

-OK.

I've got a busy day today, so that has just... That is a phone call

that I've just got to put up with.

I had to do my best and I've done what I could and, yeah,

obviously, she don't like it, so...

Back in charge, Alex is hunting for the perfect replacement.

Yeah, I do like the back.

And it's the one in the window that's caught her eye.

I'll try that one, cos that one's just so plain.

True to form, Alex has chosen a sleek and simple dress.

Ah, that is beautiful.

Now, she cries - it must be good!

That is stunning.

Why didn't he see this one in the window? How could he miss this one?

I think when he sees me tomorrow and he sees me in the dress,

'he'll realise how good it looks and, actually, that, yeah,'

I did make the right decision, like I always do.

I think Mark's going to be absolutely gutted.

Disappointed he didn't get the idea of what he wanted.

I'd given him all the power

and then I'd, kind of, realised that he wasn't doing what I wanted him

to do with it and I had to try and, you know, get some of it back.

Trouble is, this is just one of Mark's decisions.

Tomorrow, it'll be too late to change anything.

It's the morning of the wedding and, at Alex's mum's house,

the photographer has arrived.

-Hello.

-Sorry, I'm early. I'm the photographer.

-Oh, come on in.

-Right, Alex.

-Work your magic with us.

You might need Photoshop.

A week ago, I definitely thought that he would get it right,

cos he knows exactly what I'm like

and then the hen came along and I thought, "Oh, OK."

And then the dress came along and I thought,

"Hm, I don't think we are on the same wavelength."

With the realisation that things might not go entirely her way

and having hated her own dress,

it's a tense moment, as the bridesmaids reveal theirs.

-What do you think?

-Whoa.

-Do you like them?

-Yeah, I love them.

Do you think you could've chose this good?

Yeah, I think he's done really well.

-We were really shocked.

-We were really shocked.

It's a miracle.

And it, literally, does suit you all.

Mark's managed to please everyone.

Suited and booted,

the groomsmen have time to make one important stop before the church.

-Cheers for everything, lads.

-Nah, that's all right, mate.

-It's been...not a pleasure.

-I know.

-I know.

-We'll see you later. See you in a bit.

-See ya later.

Now, before you go, have you got everything?

No, I ain't. Fuck me.

Rings. Rings.

With Mark, the best men and the wedding rings now on their way,

Alex is about to show the bridesmaids the dress

she's chosen for her wedding.

Oh, wow. You look beautiful.

-Do you like it?

-I love it. Oh, my God.

-Wow.

-Wow, that's lush.

-That's beautiful.

-Oh.

They may have no idea where they're heading,

but this bridal party is raring to go

when Mark's next surprise of the day trots up.

Oh, my God! Agh!

It's traditional and how most people travelled in the 1920s,

so she must be pleased.

-Wow.

-Are you shocked?

-Yeah, I am.

I didn't think he would do this, at all.

I didn't think he'd do this.

I think I was still going to go more classic, with a car.

I can't imagine a horse and cart are going to go anywhere

outside of Westbury, because it'd be too long of a journey so, yeah,

I'm thinking it's in Westbury somewhere.

Bye.

Ah, you'd think that.

But Mark's big surprise is that this local boy

has chosen a church five miles away.

Bloody hell, Alex.

-We're off to Trowbridge.

-Where?

We're off to Trowbridge.

It's only ten minutes by car,

but by cart, including a little rest for the horses,

it's over an hour and on a busy main road.

-What an absolute...

-I know.

-..idiot.

I now have got no clue,

because I didn't even dream that it would be outside of Westbury.

I really thought he would choose Westbury

and he would stay really local, so now I haven't got a clue.

This is a longer journey than Auntie Alex thought,

Oli, isn't it?

Where could it be? Where could it be?

After all that time on the road...

-Was that the longest journey of your life?

-Yeah.

..will Alex appreciate Mark's choice of ceremony venue?

This is the church that my mum got married at.

This is the church that my grandparents got married at.

So, yeah, it's a very special place.

For once, Alex is struggling to keep her composure.

I, literally, did not even think it would be here, at all. Not at all.

Like...

Yeah, I'm speechless.

Looks like Mark is on Alex's wavelength, after all.

Let's hope so, because after ten years together,

these childhood sweethearts are about to tie the knot.

# I was scared of dentists and the dark

# I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations

# Oh, all my friends are turning green

# You're the magician's assistant in their dreams

# Uh, ooh ooh oooh

# Uh, ooh ooh

# And they come unstuck

# Lady, running down to the riptide

# Taken away to the dark side

# I wanna be your left-hand man

# I love you when you're singing that song

# And I got a lump in my throat cos

# You're gonna sing the words wrong... #

Mark, will you take Alice, erm,

-Alex, as your wife in Christian marriage...

-Who's she?

It had to happen, didn't it, really?

THEY LAUGH

It's only been three weeks.

I, Mark Gordon Young, take thee, Alexandra Mary Kennett,

to be my wedded wife.

I, Alexandra Mary Kennett, take thee, Mark Gordon Young,

to be my wedded husband and this is my solemn vow.

# I love you when you're singing that song and

# I got a lump in my throat cos

# You're gonna sing the words... #

I, therefore, pronounce them husband and wife.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The wedding was amazing.

Literally, this is the last place I feel I would ever have ended up.

And this has got, you know, way more meaning for me than it has for him.

So, yeah, really, really pleased.

Nuptials over,

our blushing bride starts married life as she means to go on -

by taking control of things.

-Has anybody got any confetti?

-Yeah.

-Yes.

-Come on, then.

Right, you need to come into a V-shape here.

CHEERING

But before the confetti has even settled

and without a word to his new wife,

it seems this groom can't get away fast enough.

Is he doing a runner?

Ay, he's going!

SHE LAUGHS

He's left you.

Such an idiot.

Why would he leave you?

Well, that's an anti-climax.

Just wander around on our own. It looks like I'm walking home.

Mark has laid on some transport. It's just a matter of finding it.

Are you here to pick up the bride?

Well, if he's not, she'll probably just tell him he is.

Mark is certainly keeping this bride on her toes.

This is really strange.

Like, I don't know why he...

Like, I feel like we've been sent on a wild goose chase.

I've been travelling for, like, over an hour,

we don't know where we're going.

I've spent more of my married life with my sister

than I have with my husband, so far. Where are we?

At the farmyard wedding reception, the boys are waiting,

And Mark's hasty exit was so he could get changed

into something a little less formal.

But what will elegant Alex make of this West Country hoedown?

Oh, my God.

THEY LAUGH

Your carriage awaits, my lady.

They may be married already,

but Mark's still hoping to attract her with a tractor.

Surely Alex must be getting the theme by now.

-What is this?

-It's the theme.

So, what are you boys meant to actually be, then? Scarecrows?

-Farmers.

-Farmers.

-Farmers.

I'm thinking this is like a child's dream right now.

She doesn't get it, does she?

Well, this is far from my ideas that I thought he was going to have

but I literally thought he was going to go down the traditional route,

whereas, clearly, not at all.

With still no clue what's in store,

maybe a tour around the marquee will help.

Somerset cider anyone?

I bet this stuff stinks.

These remind me of Wellingtons when I was about five.

What even is this?

Is it edible?

To me, it doesn't even look like a wedding cake.

It's just so random. The whole thing it just...

It's not anything I would have thought at all he would do.

At all. Literally, I though the tables were all going to be round.

Top table, all the other little round tables underneath.

I never thought he would go for anything like this.

-I do think he's made himself his own little farmyard.

-Correct.

And here comes Old Mark Donald now.

E-I-E-I-O.

-I think it's crazy.

-Good, innit?

-It's not anything that I thought you'd do at all.

-Why?

-I don't know. I just...

-What did you think I'd do?

Like, this morning, I, literally, thought it was going to be

something really classic, just because you done, like the horse

-and carriage and...

-What is a horse and carriage like?

The back of it?

-Well, it was more like a cart, I guess.

-Exactly.

Oh! That's so good.

-It all mixes in together.

-Yeah.

Finally, the penny's dropped.

I didn't even think of the cart.

Well, for Amy, at least.

-I didn't even think.

-No.

Which is why I'm guessing my invite arrived via chicken.

Correct.

I think his theme probably sums him up, really.

He, literally, is the hometown born-and-bred kinda guy,

with the Somerset cider and the hay bales

and the Wellingtons. It just about sums Mark up, really.

Stinks.

Oh, it's making me shiver already.

At the minute, it's not what I wanted.

I did want sophistication and a bit of glamour.

Literally, it is a farmyard here, so it's crazy but, yeah,

I'm definitely willing to, kind of, give him the benefit of the doubt

and, kind of, see where his vision take us, I guess.

# Ridin' along on the tractor, honey

# When I noticed you... #

As the first tractorload of guests arrive,

this West Country shindig can begin.

Once they get over the shock.

Oh, my God.

-I just didn't expect it, I don't think.

-I didn't expect a farm.

-No.

-Not at all. I wouldn't want my wedding on a farm.

-We weren't expecting to be this far out in the sticks.

-No.

With pigs and sheep, a petting zoo.

It's very Mark, this theme, I think. Very country.

All right? Hey, welcome to the old West Country shindig.

Much appreciated.

It suits us, because everybody that comes from everywhere,

you know, farther than 20 miles away think that we're all, you know...

-Country bumpkins.

-Country bumpkins.

But we have got brains and we appreciate...

-Well, some of us have.

-Yeah, well, you have, I haven't.

Oh, thanks.

And with a traditional West Country dinner served up,

it's time for the speeches.

First, the groom.

TAPS GLASS

I think you all like the theme I went for.

It's a bit...bit country bumpkin, but hope everyone has a good night,

drinks a lot of cider.

Alex, from the first time I set eyes on you,

I...I knew that we would be together for years.

You are my rock that holds me together,

you are the intelligent one of us.

You tell me what to do and, to be fair,

I couldn't have it any other way because I need to be told what to do

otherwise I'd just get lost, but I love you with all my heart, Alex.

-To Alex and Mark.

-Thank you.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But such beautiful words from the groom, now it's the bride's turn.

I had the most incredible hen night.

From start to finish, I was blown away.

-In respect of that, boys...

-Oh, no.

-..may these gifts blow you away for ever more.

-Wey.

"An afternoon session at Bath Aqua glass making,

"your very own, very special, very personalised bauble.

"I hope this gift blows you away."

With the boys baubles handed back in boxes, it's time to cut the cake.

Open wide.

There's been one surprise after another for this bride,

but here's one that tops them all -

that old wedding favourite, pig racing.

CHEERING

ALEX YELLS

Cheeky.

As the evening rolls on and The Wurzels tribute act kicks off,

the bride and groom take to the floor.

Sometimes, Alex takes life too seriously.

She is very controlling of Mark

because she wants everything just right.

But this just goes to prove

that, with Mark's not-quite-so-sure nature,

he can bring a bit of fun and just break up the whole idea of it's not

going to be perfect. This is life. It's just fun and haywire and crazy.

BAND PLAYS

Did well to even take up the challenge.

Like, I wouldn't want to go against me.

I think it's incredible that you even tried to even plan my wedding

or even choose my dress, and yet you did it all.

Er, I didn't choose your dress,

you're wearing a different dress than what I chose.

You can't be gutted for ever, come on.

So, after three weeks in control, is Mark happy wearing the trousers?

Or should that be dungarees?

I won't let her let me do any planning in the future.

I think this planning for the last three weeks has done me. It has.

For a lifetime.

For a lifetime, but I'm absolutely... I've had a good night.

Everyone's loving it and this is what you get stressed for,

for this sort of thing.

And even Alex has learnt something, too.

I would never have dreamed, ever,

that I would be pig racing at my wedding. Ever.

Ever. Or that my groom would be dressed in dungarees.

For me, I've probably realised

that I need to, maybe, let my hair down a bit more.

Stop. What, now? I'm just getting warmed up.

Next time, car fanatic Wesley has fast and furious ideas

for his big day

but with Beyonce Reena dreaming of an intimate wedding...

This is going to completely screw this up.

..what happens when a convoy of cars

become the star attraction on her big day?

With the bridesmaids speeding towards a rampage...

Oh, my God.

It ain't happening. It ain't happening.

..do the best men become the driving force?

Or is this wedding heading for a breakdown?

-BUS BEEPS HORN Just give us a minute.

-Stupid man.