Episode 9 Family Finders

Families can be driven apart for all manner of reasons.

I had no information at all about where my mum went.

And when you do lose touch with your loved ones...

You don't know who you are, where have you come from.

..finding them can take a lifetime.

I might have a brother still living here.

Especially when they could be anywhere, at home or abroad.

And that's where the family finders come in.

From international organisations...

Hi, it's the Salvation Army Family Tracing Service...

-..to genealogy detective agencies...

-For someone to say that it's

changed their life, it makes coming to work, you know, really,

really special.

..and dedicated one-man bands.

It's a matter of how much effort you really want to put into it,

how badly you want to solve the problem.

They hunt through history to bring families back together again.

Finding new family is wonderful.

In this series, we follow the work of the family finders...

Suddenly you get one spark of breakthrough, and there they are!

..learning the tricks they use to track

missing relatives through time.

I didn't think I'd ever find sisters, but I have.

And meeting the people whose lives they changed along the way.

I've been waiting to meet John my whole life.

Since we've met, I feel part of a family again.

You've just completed my life for me.

Tracing long-lost family members is never an easy task.

But some searches are more complicated than others.

It can take years of hard work to unravel a family mystery.

Some may never be solved successfully.

And some may need the help of a professional family finding company.

Today, we follow twins Michael and Janet

and their story of a family secret kept hidden for over 60 years.

And looking for these bills to pay,

I came across a birth certificate and opened it up

and read it a few times and fell to my knees, really.

Just took me by surprise.

And we meet Basharat, whose search for his mother's missing

family uncovers a web of connections stretching across two continents.

This became another shock for myself, as I felt the searches

that we had done were completed, and there wasn't any of the siblings.

Twins Janet and Michael were born in 1944 in Merseyside.

Mum became pregnant in early 1944.

Mum went into Clatterbridge Hospital, and I was born,

and then she said, "Hang on, Mrs Bedrock,

"there's another one here." And that's the first she knew.

It was a good childhood.

We didn't have an awful lot, but Mum worked all her life.

-We had happy times.

-Yeah.

-Good times.

There was always something on the table.

Always something. She looked after us.

Family life continued.

The twins grew up, left home and started their own families.

In fact, it wasn't until decades later that Michael and Janet

had any idea their parents had been hiding a startling family secret.

Mum had died in August 1999,

and we looked after Dad for a year,

and exactly a year later, August 2000,

Dad took ill with pneumonia, and he was in hospital six weeks.

As he was sort of getting better,

he asked me to pay a couple of bills for him.

And looking for these bills to pay, I came across a birth certificate

and opened it up, read it a few times

and fell to my knees, really.

Just took me by surprise.

It was the last thing I expected to find.

Janet had discovered the birth certificate

of a baby girl born to her mother

in November 1943, a year before Janet and Michael were born.

The certificate revealed they had an older sister called Linda.

I rang Mike up straight away and I said, "Are you sitting down?"

He said, "Yeah."

And explained it to him and we just couldn't believe it, really.

After their father died,

Janet started talking to other family members.

Janet and Michael knew that during the Second World War,

their father, Leslie, had been sent to fight in North Africa,

and their mum, Nellie, had joined the Wrens.

But what now emerged was that while their parents were separated

by the war, their mother, Nellie, met another man and became pregnant.

Dad was away in the war and had been away for a year.

My mum had just come home with the baby.

All her brothers and sisters came to the house.

My dad came home and thought they were having a party for him

coming home from the war, and it was this baby.

So you can imagine his feelings at being told there and then

that this wasn't his baby.

So he gave Mum the ultimatum that it was either him or the baby.

Janet discovered it was a family

aunt from Birmingham called Mrs Frost who came up with

a solution. She knew a couple who had recently lost their own baby.

Mrs Frost arranged for that couple to adopt baby Linda.

Mum and Dad got back together within, well, three months.

And exactly 9 months later, we were born.

Then, over 60 years after that,

Janet found her older half-sister's birth certificate.

And while looking for more clues in her parents' photos

in the hope of tracing her sister,

Janet made an astonishing discovery.

The one that stood out most was this one.

On the reverse of it, it said, "To Mr and Mrs Frost from Brenda."

And Mr and Mrs Frost were my great-aunt and uncle in Birmingham,

so that really meant more to me than all the others.

Janet believed the girl in the photo could be her missing sister,

but despite this early breakthrough, Janet's search for Linda stalled.

At that time, there was no way for her to trace

an adopted sibling through official channels.

Little did she know a change in the law was about to pave the way

for an emotional reunion.

Some family trees are so complex, tracing them can be daunting.

In the case of Yasmin Najeeb, the story is so tangled,

it took nearly a decade to unravel.

Yasmin lives in Birmingham. She has eight children including her

son Basharat. Yasmin was born in Norwich,

but grew up in rural Pakistan.

She went to Pakistan with her adopted father at the age of two.

She spent about 14 years growing up in a village.

Yasmin was brought up in Pakistan

by her adoptive father, called Faisal Din.

It seems he had married Yasmin's birth mother in England, returned to

Pakistan with Yasmin, and brought her up as one of his own children.

Yasmin never knew her English birth parents.

My mother has no memories of her biological mother and father.

She grew up and was seen like anybody else that was living there.

She has no regrets about it at all.

And for herself, it was a very happy time.

Yasmin spent the next 14 years in Pakistan,

before she married and returned to the UK with her new husband.

And as her own family grew,

so did her curiosity about her English mother.

Mum has always wanted, just for one moment in her life,

to be able to see...

..her natural mother.

SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

And what she looked like, for her to embrace her,

for her to talk to her, um,

and for her mum's mum to acknowledge her.

So in 2008, Basharat began the daunting task of trying to unravel

the mystery of his mum's parentage and his own English heritage.

It was a combination of passion and a combination of getting some

kind of closure on where Mum has come from, her initial roots.

And it was very, very important for all of us.

Basharat's father had attempted his own searches in the '80s,

but didn't get far.

Basharat picked up the search with the paperwork his father had

found relating to Yasmin's birth parents.

I was given this marriage certificate which has

my mum's parents' details on it.

And the marriage certificate gave me Bertram John Crisp,

my mum's father. And my mum's name

on the marriage certificate is Ellen Amalie Bloss.

Basharat began his search in the last known area

his grandmother, Ellen, had lived in the east of England.

I decided that I would travel to Norwich,

to go to the Norfolk archives.

Buried in the archives,

Basharat discovered something completely unexpected.

Baptism records of more children born to Yasmin's birth parents,

Ellen and Bertram Crisp.

They revealed Yasmin had older siblings.

Looking at that documentation, my jaw dropped, thinking,

"These are my mum's siblings." I had no knowledge of them.

My mum had no knowledge of them. Nobody had any knowledge of them.

And I decided, right, my search has expanded now.

Not only was I looking for my mum's mum,

I was also looking for my mum's siblings.

With a new focus for his search,

Basharat trawled through the records.

His detective work paid off.

He tracked down two of Yasmin's older siblings,

including her sister, Marguerita.

Here I am with contact numbers of my mum's sister

and my mum's brother.

And I decided to phone my mum's sister, Marguerita.

Really surprised. I had to sit down. I mean, you stand up and do the...

Not me. I had to sit down.

He said, "You don't know who I am.

"I think my mum is your sister."

I couldn't believe that I'd got another sibling.

We exchanged photographs, stories,

so we got to know each other.

Marguerita's story began with a childhood spent in care.

When I was two, I was put in a home.

My sister and my younger brother,

they also went in the home well after me.

Eventually, Marguerita and her siblings

were all fostered by the same family.

Marguerita went on to have a family of her own

and had no idea she had a younger sister

until Basharat called out of the blue.

I couldn't wait to meet her. I was ecstatic.

The two new-found sisters arranged to meet.

When she walked through that door, honestly,

I thought I was looking in the mirror.

We are identical. Absolutely.

Mum never really thought that she

-had another family within the UK.

-No.

And there, Basharat thought he

had solved his mother's mystery story.

But unbeknownst to them all, there was

another incredible twist in their family tale to come.

-Marguerita?

-Sure is.

-I'm Silva.

-Hello, Silva.

100 miles away, in Merseyside,

Janet's long search for her older half-sister,

who'd been adopted during the war, seemed to have hit a dead end.

Then, a change in adoption law gave her new hope.

From 2005, families could now try and contact relatives

who had been given up for adoption through official agencies.

The agency, they were willing to take it on.

And my husband and I went over with all my bits and pieces

that I'd got, and she wrote it all down.

Four months later, the agency called with news.

I'd been line dancing on the Monday afternoon.

Came home and the phone went,

and she said then, "We've found her."

The agency arranged a first phone call.

And she said,

"Oh, could you ring her after ten because she's going line dancing?"

Of course, I was really pleased.

I said, "Oh, there's an interest, we both like line dancing."

And rang her at ten that night and we talked for a good hour

and it was lovely.

Really enjoyed it.

When I phoned her up the first time, it was an hour and 20 minutes.

And that was good.

-SHE LAUGHS

-That was good.

You were more pleased at having another bigger sister,

-weren't you?

-Yeah.

-Another older girl.

-Yes.

-SHE LAUGHS

-To boss you.

So I was still the youngest in the family.

I was really surprised, and I thought, "Oh, I like this,"

the fact that I have now got a sister.

Janet's sister Linda was now called Brenda.

She had grown up 100 miles away in Birmingham

with her adoptive parents.

I had a really good childhood.

Especially my father, I idolised him.

I thought he was so lovely.

You know, I never imagined he wasn't my father.

Brenda's parents told her she was adopted when she was 16.

They also revealed that she was related to family friend Mrs Frost.

I often used to wonder why she took so much interest in me,

asking me how I was getting on at school and what I was doing

and everything.

And even then, it didn't register.

I just thought, "Oh, why does she take so much interest in me?"

And then when I was 16 and my mum and dad eventually told me

that I was adopted, they told me that Mrs Frost was my real aunt.

Brenda went to visit Mrs Frost.

She explained how she had erased her adoption

when her birth mother had to give up baby Brenda

in order to preserve her marriage.

She showed me this photograph of my mother, and I went,

"Oh, that's definitely my mother,"

because I was the image of her.

She wore glasses like me, she was a similar build to me.

And everything, you know, I sort of just thought, "Oh, yeah.

"That's definitely my mother."

Brenda decided not to contact her birth mother.

I didn't want to upset my adoptive parents,

because they'd been so good and I'd had a good life.

And secondly, because of the story of my mother,

I didn't really want to upset her husband,

because obviously that must've been a big shock for him as well.

And I just thought, after 16 years,

did I want to bring all that upheaval?

16 years turned to 60 years, but little did she know,

someone was searching for her.

It was her half-sister Janet.

This letter came through the post from the After Adoption agency,

and I just thought it was asking for charity, you know.

And I very nearly threw it away,

but then I thought, "Oh, hang on a moment.

"This is actually addressed to me in person.

"I better read this letter."

And then when I read the letter, I went, "Oh, yes!"

A few months later, Janet and Michael

prepared to meet their sister Brenda for the first time.

When I first met Michael and Janet, immediately I felt that connection,

especially with Janet because Janet and I had got so much in common

with each other.

I just felt so happy to see her when we did hug.

I'm sure my mum is looking down on us,

and I just think she'd be really pleased

that we've all found each other,

because I'm sure it was the last thing

she ever wanted to do, was to give a baby away.

Today, Janet, Michael and Brenda

are meeting up again to exchange more memories

and to see if they can fill any more of the gaps

about their family and the early years of their lives.

-Hello. Hi.

-All right?

-Nice to see you.

-Good.

Janet thinks she's found a clue

to the identity of Brenda's unknown father.

I wanted to show you this.

-I found it in Mum's things.

-Mm.

"My dear Bedrock, I have today heard that he is remitting the sum

"of £15.17 and sixpence to me with the request

"that I hand it over to you.

"The money has not yet arrived, but when it does I'll write again.

"When you heard from me, I think

"it will be the best if you come into Liverpool

"so that I can hand the money over direct."

And it's from the senior chaplain at the welfare department.

The letter, found amongst Nelly's possessions,

details money being given to the family

by a Stoker on a Royal Navy ship.

I wonder if Stoker was...

-Your father.

-..my father.

-I don't know.

There are many more mentions of the same man

in their mother's effects.

You see, that's in Mum's autograph book.

"Leaves may fall, flowers may..."

-"Die."

-"..die. Friends may..."

-"Forget you."

-"..forget you, but..."

Something... "Will I," is it?

"Neither will I. Neither will I."

-Ah!

-That's what I think.

-Actually, I didn't know you'd got this.

-Didn't you?

-No.

That's something that

I would really like to know, out of interest,

Where he came from and what sort of a person he was.

He could be there.

-Amazing, isn't it?

-Mm.

-Oh, yeah.

-That would be interesting if that's what it was.

-Mm.

-Mm.

We found you, and that's the main thing, isn't it?

That's true. Yeah.

Love you.

Can't describe it. It's just...

-It's magical.

-Magical. Yeah. Obviously magical.

Having siblings to me is really good

because it gives me a feeling of belonging somewhere

which at times I've not always felt like that,

and that just puts a nice sort of final polish on the whole affair.

When Mum was alive, if anything happened, exciting

or something nice happened,

-I'd ring her up and tell her, and now I ring you up.

-Yeah.

-THEY LAUGH

-That's right, yeah. And I ring you.

-We've got a few more years together, haven't we?

-Yeah.

That's the joy of the whole finding the birth certificate and...

-Finding the person.

-Yeah.

Finding out what she's like.

-It's like having a new friend...

-Yeah.

..as well as a new sister, so...

-To Mum.

-To Mum, yeah.

In Birmingham, Yasmin and her son Basharat were unravelling

their complicated family history.

Yasmin was born in England but brought up by her adoptive father

in Pakistan before returning to the UK in the '60s.

Basharat's detective work had revealed that his mother

had other siblings in the UK she hadn't known existed,

including her sister, Marguerita,

and that, he thought, was the end of the search.

In 2014 I received a letter in the post

and it was quite a surprise for myself.

The letter came from a couple called John and Silva Scott.

It threw Basharat's carefully constructed family history

into confusion once again.

John mentioned in the letter that Silva was a sibling to my mum

and that she had the same mother.

This became another shock for myself

as I felt the searches that we had done

were completed and there wasn't any other siblings.

Basharat immediately got in touch with John and Silva.

Silva's story left no room for doubt

that she was in fact Yasmin's and Marguerita's half-sister.

I was adopted when I was 4.5 years old.

From when I could understand, I knew that my parents,

one was Asian and one was white, but nothing else.

I don't even know why I was put up for adoption,

and that's always been a question that has never been answered.

My childhood was really, really happy.

I had wonderful parents and a brother and a sister

and we all got on really well and it was just wonderful.

When I was a teenager, I did wonder about my birth parents,

but then when I became 18, I thought,

"No, because I've had such a wonderful life,

"and there must've been a reason,

"so we'll just let sleeping dogs lie."

But in 2013, Silva became ill.

We went to a specialist.

They confirmed she had ovarian cancer.

They kept asking, "Is there any cancer in the family?"

And we had to say, "We don't know

"because we don't know the biological family."

It was then that Silva's husband John

started his search for her birth family.

Silva's adoption records gave her birth mother's name Ellen Din.

Next, John traced Ellen's other children,

including Yasmin - Silva's half-sister.

The biggest shock was finding out

that I had other siblings within this country,

so that was something that I had to get used to.

After making contact,

first by letter and then on the phone,

the two sisters and their families decided to meet.

They were so lovely.

It was so easy to get on with them,

and we welcomed them into our home and we had a lovely visit.

We met. We went to their house, and it was fantastic meeting her.

It was a surprise for everybody.

We got on really well, and may our relationship blossom.

It was like meeting a stranger for the first time,

but we did have a warmth afterwards because we do share the same mother.

Now Silva and Yasmin have been reunited,

today marks a new chapter

in the complicated story of Basharat's family.

This afternoon, Yasmin and Basharat

are bringing together the two sisters

who have still never met - Marguerita and Silva.

I do feel excited.

I also feel a bit of apprehension because it's another stranger,

but looking forward to it also.

Family is important to me, very important,

so to find that I've now got extra ones, it's even more so.

Real excitement.

Yasmin.

-How are you?

-Very well, very well.

And you? How are you?

Are you excited?

-Yes, I am.

-SHE LAUGHS

With Yasmin and Silva in place,

it's time for Marguerita to meet the second sister

she never knew she had - Silva.

-Marguerita?

-Sure is.

-I'm Silva.

Hello, Silva.

Are you looking forward to this?

This is wonderful, to meet you.

-Yes.

-Nice.

-This is real.

-I know it is.

-This is real.

-I think this every time things happen.

-Yeah.

I mean, I've been through this before.

-Well, that's right.

-Haven't I?

-Yeah.

-Just so much alike.

-Absolutely. I know.

-I still can't get over it.

-No.

-No.

It took ten years to unravel the complicated family web

that has brought these three sisters together here today.

And even now, there are new twists to their story.

The family believe that Yasmin's adoptive father,

who took her to Pakistan, was also Silva's birth father.

So, your father brought...

My biological father brought Yasmin up, yes.

-Yep.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Yes.

Such a strange situation... for all of us.

-But great.

-Absolutely.

What happened to us at birth

and the way we were all brought up differently

but yet in all the years, we've found each other.

Doing this today has just been the start of something

that can carry on.

Thank you.

'We've had an amazing time meeting each other today.

'It was what it was all about when we set off on this road'

of searching for people and your mum.

-Yeah, very nice.

-Searching for your mum.

We went looking for your mum and found two sisters.

-OK.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Good to see you again.

'To see them both has been out of this world.'

I'm...I'm just gobsmacked.

-It's been really lovely.

-This has been really wonderful.

-Uh-huh. I'm taller than you.

-Oh.

-THEY LAUGH

This is the start of something,

and we need to make sure we progress with it and carry on.