Kos Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents


Kos

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Transcript


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This programme contains strong language.

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The freedom of your first ever holiday with your mates,

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where everyone's up for it... and anything goes.

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Cheap booze...

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I am really drunk.

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Leave me alone.

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..dirty dancing...

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..and that all-important independence...

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Argh!

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..away from Mum and Dad.

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-I hope my mum never watches this.

-Sorry, Dad!

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But what the teenagers don't know is that the parents are coming, too.

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That's disgusting!

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Secretly watching...

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Can we have just five minutes?

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He's an absolute bloody disgrace, he is.

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..sneakily spying...

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..and outrageously hiding...

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Tricky. Tricky.

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..all to see if their kids can stand on their own two feet.

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It's the one thing we didn't want to see.

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I'm starting to wonder if I even know Ashley.

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I'm shocked.

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-He's dead.

-SHE SCREAMS

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Will the parents like what they see...

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You've turned from a girl to a woman.

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..as the teenagers get the shock of their lives?

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-What?!

-Oh!

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Oh, my God!

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Why are you on my holiday?

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Coming up...

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Can two very different teens survive a week

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away from Mum and Dad?

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18-year-old mummy's girl, Chani...

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Thanks, Mummy. Love you.

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..waves goodbye to her worrier mum...

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I don't want to know about that.

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..and lets rip!

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Cheeky Kent boy Max...

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-That is known as a tactical.

-A tactical chunder.

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..leaves behind his young-at-heart dad...

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-Chicks will dig him.

-Oh, God.

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..and his inhibitions...

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Have my shorts fallen down?

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..but when the parents go undercover,

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will they cope with what they see?

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Oh, my God!

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Or will it all prove too much?

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I think you should have "right tit" put across your chest.

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In Reading, 18-year-old Chani is preparing for a girly week

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away with her mates.

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I'm not too worried about embarrassing myself, really.

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I kind of just go out there and do whatever I feel like doing.

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Erm... We're quite heavy drinkers.

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Almost certain one of us will be sick on a night out.

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Yeah, I'd say we're badly behaved. I can't really think of a way

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to make it sound good.

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Chani, do you want one of butter and one of Marmite?

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Yeah, please.

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This is Chani's first ever holiday away from her parents,

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and mum Kim is worried about how she'll cope without anyone

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to wait on her hand and foot.

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I do most things for Chani.

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She can't do anything on her own, really.

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-Half and half.

-Thanks, Mummy. Love you.

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-Love you.

-She'll bring me breakfast and a cup of tea,

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and then she'll make my bed and I'll sit there and do my make-up.

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Think you could do a little bit more to help Mummy,

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especially the loading of the dishwasher.

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No, we don't want that.

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She just doesn't lift a finger.

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She...she'll get up in enough time because she'll want to make

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sure that she looks nice for the day, but that's about it, really.

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I'd probably put it into a little pot to take.

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-No.

-Well, Mummy'll put it in a little pot for you.

-OK.

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Kim spends her life fussing over mummy's girl Chani.

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And up till now, she's been happy to keep her head firmly in the sand

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when it comes to her daughter's wild social life.

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I know Chani's whereabouts,

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but not what she would get up to, necessarily,

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because I wouldn't want to know all the time what Chani's doing.

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So, unbeknown to Chani, mum Kim's decided to go on the trip

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because she thinks it's time to face the truth,

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and she also wants to see how Chani copes with independence.

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It's me cutting the apron strings this holiday.

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That's why I don't like Facebook, because you just find out things.

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-But it's good to find out.

-No.

-It is. It is good.

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Helping Kim confront her fears about her daughter is sister Shelly,

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who'll be coming, too.

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The less that she knows, the happier she is about it,

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but obviously being there and seeing what the girls get up to, she's not

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going to be able to get away from it, she'll have to face up to it.

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I need shoes, I need accessories.

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And Chani's first test of independence is to start

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budgeting her own money and stop borrowing from Mum.

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Very seldom does she ever pay me back, no.

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Chani gets to keep most of her money that she earns.

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You can fold my dungarees.

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I had to take her bank card away from her

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because she couldn't keep within going overdrawn.

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A great night out would definitely be minimum cost and maximum fun.

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Chani's dream was to go to dance college,

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but pressure on the family finances means that now,

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having left school, she's got to find herself a job.

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I thought that Chani would still be in education or dance college

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for another three years, and now she has to go and get a job.

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That's what I do!

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I definitely think that time away from my mum will help me

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sort of like find where I need to be.

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People working abroad and I'll just be like, "I could do that,

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"I really want to do that."

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So it's going to change my mind about a lot of things.

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-To Kos. ALL:

-Cheers!

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Joining Chani on her first ever holiday without Mum will be

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her three closest mates...

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I don't really think there's anything that I don't want to do.

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..up-for-it Poppy...

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Issy, I think you're going to be like the mother of the holiday,

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looking after us.

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I'll make sure we get home OK.

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..mother of the group Issy...

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And Natalie, you're just the lightweight, aren't you?

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I'll just be on the floor after a drink.

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..and lightweight Natalie.

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What am I, though? What's my nickname?

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It's The Show-off.

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With no idea that her mum will be spying on her while she's away,

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there's one thing that Chani and all the girls are looking forward to.

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If we go back and we haven't got with a guy,

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then it kind of like tells us we haven't had a very good night,

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and if you come back and you've got with, like, I don't know,

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ten guys, then you've had a good night.

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Oh no, I don't need to know about that.

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I don't WANT to know about that.

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It makes me come over all peculiar.

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No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, they can't possibly be doing that.

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We're so excited about going on our holiday.

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We'll count it down. We'll get on our little Facebook chat

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and be like, "Ten days left! Nine days left!"

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Down in Kent, 18-year-old Max

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is looking forward to the ultimate lads' holiday.

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A great night out for us is like all of us going out,

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having a laugh, getting drunk, having fun.

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Cheers, lads.

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I've pulled while we've been out and my mates have told me the next day,

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I'm like, "Oh, you're joking. I don't remember that at all."

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Max lives at home with his parents and it will be down to dad Geoff

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to find out whether he's a chip off the old block.

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He'll have a very good time out there.

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In fact, he'll love it out there. Chicks will dig him.

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Oh, my God!

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He's stuck in the '70s, ain't he?

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And you don't say "Chicks will dig him" any more.

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He's a laugh, my dad's a laugh, I get on really well with him,

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but sometimes he says... He thinks he's one of us.

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He still thinks he's our age.

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I'm working tonight.

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Oh, are ya?

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Dad Geoff is looking forward to the chance to relive his youth

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on this trip because back in the day, he worked as a holiday rep.

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I've had my day. My day was 25 years ago,

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but I'm quite looking forward to seeing their day as it is now.

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I can't see it changing that much, but I might be wrong.

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But there's one thing Dad definitely doesn't want to see.

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As long as he doesn't do anything stupid out there,

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like come back with unwanted tattoos or...

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..that he may regret for the next 50 years.

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I don't have a tattoo yet. Promised the boys I'm going to get one.

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Hopefully, I can man up a little bit and get it done.

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Lovely!

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There's always a little bit of concern

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when your youngest is away on his own, but the beauty is that

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I'm going to be out there

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and be able to watch exactly what he's doing.

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They say that they'd bang anything with a pulse.

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For Max, the holiday will mark a major turning point in his life,

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because while he's away, he'll receive his A level results.

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I'm shitting myself about my results, if I'm honest.

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I'm getting one of my mates to pick 'em up for me

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and then he'll give me a ring.

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If Max gets the right grades, he'll get the chance to go to university.

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I've got to get three Bs to get in,

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well, 300 points to get into Brighton, which is my first choice.

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So then, um, if I don't get into that, then I'm thinking about doing

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maybe a season abroad.

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But Geoff isn't keen on Max's plans to work the resorts.

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He'd rather see his son become the very first

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member of the family to get a degree.

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-Well, at the end of day, it is down to you, but I...

-Yeah.

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..but I think you should go straight into uni.

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It's just depending on if I get my results.

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I just want to get rid of ya.

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If you don't find out on results day,

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then you know they're not very good.

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Joining Max on the holiday are three lifelong mates...

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When I get a drink in me I think I'm a bit of a ladies' man.

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..wannabe Casanova Joe...

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I think I'm the sensible one. Well, I try to be.

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..the grown-up of the group, Tom...

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I'm the dopey one that comes out with weird, weird comments.

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..and James, the fall guy.

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-If you spill a drink...

-You gotta lick it.

-..then spillage is lickage.

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Despite thinking he's one of the lads,

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dad Geoff doesn't know everything,

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and he hopes this trip will teach him a thing or two about his son.

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I'm looking forward to seeing what he's like without him

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knowing that I'm there, to be honest with you.

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And top priority is finding out how much booze

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his son really packs away on a night out.

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I'd like to think he knows his limits, but what is his limit?

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Is his limit when he falls over or when, "I've had enough"?

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99% of the time I don't remember a single thing of the night before.

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Things are getting desperate.

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I don't know that much about his love life, to be honest.

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He plays his cards close to his chest with his little ladies.

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I'm not looking for a relationship, never have done.

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I've never had a serious girlfriend, anything like that.

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Just don't really see any benefit in it, really.

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I am very proud of Max.

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Come the end of next week, it may be a different story,

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but on the whole, in general,

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he's grown up into a nice young gentleman.

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Just dump your cases and go straight out, that's the best thing to do.

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After a last word of advice from Dad...

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Look after yourself.

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..Max says his goodbyes.

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-See you when I'm back.

-Yeah.

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See ya later, boys.

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Keep an eye on each other while you're out there,

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because I'll be keeping an eye on you.

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We'll just chuck our stuff down, put a T-shirt on, get out on the strip.

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Have it!

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I'm coming.

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Oh, why do we have steps?

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And it's time for the mummy's girl to go it alone.

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-Don't forget be good.

-I will.

-All of you be good.

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-I love you.

-Love you, too.

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Bye.

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Oh, dear, she's going to kill me.

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Well, I don't think she'll believe it.

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We definitely need to get drinks as soon as we get to the airport.

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-Is it too early to have a drink?

-No.

-No.

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Love you.

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Little do the teens know that their parents will be joining them.

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Both groups are heading to the sparkling Greek island of Kos,

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considered to be the jewel of the Aegean Sea.

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It's also one of the hottest party islands.

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Right now!

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And every year, one million hedonists descend,

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looking for cheap booze and cheap thrills.

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For Max and his mates...

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their week of freedom starts here.

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-Going to get absolutely smashed.

-Rat-arsed.

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-Proper lagging.

-It's the first night, it's what you gotta do.

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No, it's the other way.

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Independence challenge number one for Max

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and roommate dopey James - how to open a door.

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It's a double lock.

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Do it, then.

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Oh, wow, it's massive. We've got, like, a kitchen and everything.

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These rooms are tonk.

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This is sick.

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In the next room, ladies' man Joe is shacking up with sensible Tom.

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We've got a kitchen. Have you got one?

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-Yeah.

-Got a kitchen, table, three beds.

-Oh, this is unbelievable.

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Domestics sorted, boozing begins.

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-HE BURPS LOUDLY

-Ugh, you dirty bastard.

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Is it not good?

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Tastes like old shit.

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-Did we wash it from when I chucked up in it?

-Urgh! No!

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-What way do we reckon the strip is?

-Don't know. Just ask everyone.

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If we go either there or there, then chuck a left or a right...

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Independence challenge two - finding the strip.

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Let's go this way. Let's give it a go.

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Ah, OK.

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As the boys go in search of the bars,

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the girls touch down, and they've already got a game plan.

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-Can't we buy a Greek dictionary?

-No.

-No.

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We just need to know how to say, "Can you buy me a drink?"

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And drink, yeah.

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Oh, it looks amazing.

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Oh, dear. If only there was a ramp.

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Yay!

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Is there a mirror in the bathroom as well?

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Oh, God. No, there's not. Oh, yeah, there is.

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That's fine, we've got two mirrors.

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Chani is settling in with her surrogate mother, Issy.

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Is it bad that I'm opening these,

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expecting to find, like, a dead rat or something?

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This isn't the best accommodation that I've stayed in.

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It seems Chani is already missing the comforts of home.

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It could be worse...

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..but I don't think it's...

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I don't think it's that likely it could be worse.

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-Oh, where's my suitcase?

-Outside, where you left it.

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-Come on!

->

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Tequila, you lick. You drink and you bite the lemon.

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Max and the boys have managed to find their bar,

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a full 20 yards from the hotel.

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Yeah, free shots.

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Within half an hour,

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Max has had a taste of several holiday attractions.

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Give them two a kiss an' all.

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I got molested by a girl, that's the only way I can put it, molested,

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but no, it's good in there.

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We...we enjoy the attention, so it's fun.

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We're getting free shots, free drinks, everything, so it's good.

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Let's hit Kos, girls.

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After two hours getting ready,

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Chani and the girls are finally ready to party.

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Ready - three, two, one.

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Chani immediately puts her money management plan into action,

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with several free shots.

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What's the Portugal word for "thank you"?

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It's... We're not in Portugal honey, we're in Greece.

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Her mission of maximum fun, minimum spend begins.

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Whee!

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People down there said they would give us free drinks,

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so I would like to go down there.

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Further down the strip,

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Max and the boys are also on a mission to drink to excess.

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CHEERING

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I can't say I've done an upside-down shot before.

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That one was strong.

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It was fun, though.

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But the results are predictable.

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He's...he's thrown up everywhere. He has thrown up. Don't lie, Max.

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I came out for a piss, and you're like that - urgh!

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-That is known as a tactical.

-That is a tactical chunder.

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-Definite. Look at that in the sink.

-No, that's not mine. That...

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-That is yours.

-That's not mine. My...

-That is yours, Max.

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Oh, you're disgusting. My chunder was orange, not red.

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She might be tipsy,

0:16:200:16:22

but the budget-savvy Chani has sniffed out yet more free booze.

0:16:220:16:25

Free drink! They're buying us a drink.

0:16:250:16:28

Thank you.

0:16:280:16:30

Did you...did you put your tongue on it?

0:16:310:16:35

No.

0:16:350:16:36

I'm here! Free drinks!

0:16:360:16:39

Issy tries to keep up with the boys at the bar.

0:16:390:16:41

-Do you need to be sick?

-Yeah, let's go.

0:16:440:16:45

A bad idea.

0:16:450:16:47

Issy's going to be sick.

0:16:470:16:48

I think I'm ready to go home.

0:16:500:16:52

I'm tired...

0:16:530:16:55

and I miss my mum.

0:16:550:16:57

Oh...

0:16:590:17:00

But what Chani doesn't know is Mummy's a lot closer

0:17:020:17:06

than she thinks.

0:17:060:17:08

The parents have landed in Kos.

0:17:080:17:12

Hello, evening. Hi, I'm Andrew.

0:17:120:17:13

-Andrew, I'm Shelly.

-Shelly, nice to meet you.

0:17:130:17:16

Because Max's mum couldn't make the trip,

0:17:160:17:17

his uncle Andrew has come along instead.

0:17:170:17:19

-Hello, Geoff.

-Hello, Kim, nice to meet you.

-We're sisters.

0:17:190:17:22

-Right, and we're brothers.

-Oh, OK.

0:17:220:17:25

So it'll be nice to see what they've actually been up to.

0:17:250:17:27

I'd like to think I know what he does.

0:17:290:17:31

They go out purely to get pissed.

0:17:310:17:33

Chani's never come home really, really drunk, she can't have done.

0:17:330:17:38

Well, I don't... I mean, I'm there when she comes home,

0:17:380:17:40

and she doesn't make a sound.

0:17:400:17:42

I think the next couple of days are going to open your eyes.

0:17:420:17:45

How would you feel if you saw Max running down the high street naked?

0:17:450:17:49

If they go skinny-dipping, they wouldn't bother me.

0:17:490:17:51

Oh, no, I just think it's dangerous.

0:17:510:17:53

-Kim wouldn't like that.

-It's dark. If they've been having alcohol...

0:17:530:17:57

See, that wouldn't do, really. Honestly.

0:17:570:18:00

I have a fear of water, you see - that's where that comes from.

0:18:000:18:03

-I'm...I'm... I can't...

-Not the fear of nakedness.

-Yeah.

0:18:030:18:06

If you show me anything about Chani in the water,

0:18:060:18:09

I need to see something after,

0:18:090:18:11

to make sure that she's actually out and she's OK, cos I get...

0:18:110:18:14

So, Chani can run into the sea naked

0:18:140:18:16

as long as she's wearing armbands?

0:18:160:18:18

No, no. She can't go naked anywhere!

0:18:180:18:20

With Chani's mum Kim already worried about pretty much everything,

0:18:200:18:25

the parents head off to the hotel.

0:18:250:18:28

Which is exactly what Chani is attempting to do.

0:18:280:18:32

We are going home.

0:18:320:18:34

Because Chani is too drunk, and Natalie...

0:18:340:18:36

-Natalie is too drunk.

-Natalie is too drunk.

0:18:360:18:39

I am perfectly fine.

0:18:390:18:41

OK, do a roly poly, then. Ready?

0:18:410:18:43

Yay! Well done, Nats!

0:18:430:18:45

The free booze has blinded Chani to danger.

0:18:470:18:51

Let's get on. Where are you going?

0:18:510:18:53

Chani!

0:18:530:18:54

With no helmets,

0:18:540:18:55

she and Natalie hitch a lift with a complete stranger.

0:18:550:18:58

So, do you promise it's safe?

0:18:580:19:00

-Yes, I promise it's safe.

-Nats? Two people.

0:19:000:19:03

It's her mum's worst nightmare.

0:19:030:19:05

SHE SCREAMS

0:19:050:19:07

Just keep going down this road, just keep going.

0:19:070:19:10

-Chani and Natalie are being taken...

-On a motorcycle and...

0:19:100:19:13

And they've gone off into the distance.

0:19:130:19:15

They've gone that way, and we don't know where they've gone.

0:19:150:19:18

I'm sure they're safe.

0:19:180:19:20

That was insane, that was so good.

0:19:220:19:24

That was fun.

0:19:240:19:25

That was so good, thank you.

0:19:250:19:27

Thank you very much.

0:19:270:19:28

I don't think that was the most sensible thing.

0:19:280:19:31

Who was that person?

0:19:310:19:33

I think Poppy's a little bit ill in the bathroom right now, which...

0:19:380:19:41

Yeah.

0:19:420:19:44

Pops?

0:19:440:19:46

-Yeah?

-Um, just make sure you're on your side as well.

0:19:460:19:49

Recovery position.

0:19:490:19:51

Yeah.

0:19:510:19:53

Poppy?

0:19:530:19:54

# Let's go fucking mental! Na na na nah! Hey! #

0:19:570:20:00

Back on the strip, Max and the boys are still going strong.

0:20:000:20:04

CHANTING

0:20:040:20:06

But it looks like wannabe Casanova Joe's tactics

0:20:060:20:09

need a little finessing.

0:20:090:20:11

At least he hasn't fallen victim

0:20:130:20:15

to the lads' strict drinking rule, though - spillage is lickage.

0:20:150:20:19

Oh, for fuck's sake.

0:20:190:20:21

Spillage is fucking lickage.

0:20:210:20:23

Spillage is lickage, mate.

0:20:230:20:24

From there to there, that's...that's the deal.

0:20:240:20:27

-Wahey!

-That is absolutely vile.

0:20:270:20:30

It tastes like dog shit.

0:20:300:20:32

Well, cos probably a dog has shit there.

0:20:320:20:34

And it's soon all too much for sensible Tom.

0:20:350:20:39

-I'll take you home.

-He's going home!

0:20:390:20:43

-Keep going, keep going, keep going.

-Just chill.

0:20:430:20:46

The first night is always a sprint, and Tom couldn't last the sprint.

0:20:460:20:50

We'll always look after each other.

0:20:500:20:52

If one of us has to go home, we'll take him home.

0:20:520:20:55

With the parents settled into their hotel, they're now desperate

0:20:550:20:59

to see what their offspring have been getting up to.

0:20:590:21:02

They've got to be out doing something,

0:21:020:21:05

-but I hope it's not too outrageous.

-Mm.

0:21:050:21:07

I hope they'll be the really good group, and the quiet group,

0:21:070:21:11

-and then perhaps the boys will be the loud, rowdy ones.

-Yeah, I think.

0:21:110:21:15

-One of them's bound to have been carried home so far.

-Yeah.

0:21:150:21:18

You know what, they're young kids,

0:21:180:21:19

they just do not know limits,

0:21:190:21:22

so either carried home or just left in a crumpled heap somewhere.

0:21:220:21:27

The moment of truth, I guess.

0:21:270:21:30

Yeah...

0:21:300:21:31

First up, the boys.

0:21:310:21:33

-There we go.

-That ain't tequila.

0:21:330:21:34

All right, who's going to drink it?

0:21:340:21:36

Ooh, no.

0:21:360:21:37

-Lemon.

-Tequila.

0:21:370:21:39

Licking her tummy button! Oh, no, you can't do that!

0:21:390:21:43

Go on, Max, straight in!

0:21:430:21:45

That's taking... Oh...

0:21:460:21:49

Ooh, that's another one.

0:21:500:21:52

-Two of 'em!

-Two!

0:21:520:21:54

So have you ever seen licking of the tummy button?

0:21:580:22:01

Yes. Yeah, that was being done 25 years ago.

0:22:010:22:04

-Oh, not in places I go to.

-We went to the wrong places!

0:22:040:22:06

We never saw that.

0:22:060:22:08

-No.

-Don't know where the belly button's been, really, do you?

0:22:080:22:11

Next instalment. Please still be standing.

0:22:110:22:15

Oh, Max!

0:22:150:22:17

Keep going, son!

0:22:180:22:20

-What would that do for ya?

-No idea.

0:22:200:22:22

Will it get them drunk quicker?

0:22:220:22:24

He's the party boy, isn't he?

0:22:240:22:26

He's not looking good.

0:22:260:22:28

I came in for a piss, and you're like that - urgh!

0:22:280:22:31

Oh, he's been sick.

0:22:310:22:32

-Has he been sick?

-Max has been sick.

0:22:320:22:35

-That is known as a tactical.

-That is a tactical chunder.

0:22:350:22:37

Does it bother you?

0:22:370:22:39

At the end of the day, he's out with the lads, and they are...

0:22:390:22:42

they're getting shots chucked down them, they're not doing any harm.

0:22:420:22:45

-No.

-They're not upsetting anybody.

0:22:450:22:48

-Yeah.

-When they were sick, they did clean up after him.

-Yeah.

0:22:480:22:52

-They went to the bathroom.

-Yeah.

0:22:520:22:54

Overall, I was quite pleased with Max.

0:22:540:22:57

They got fairly drunk, which is normal for the lads

0:22:570:23:00

when they're out.

0:23:000:23:01

Their drinking games... I see quite often at home...

0:23:010:23:04

-That's what boys do, isn't it?

-..when they go out.

0:23:040:23:06

He's not got into trouble,

0:23:060:23:07

he's not made an absolute arse of himself.

0:23:070:23:10

He's an 18-year-old lad

0:23:100:23:11

on a lads' holiday, where there's alcohol involved.

0:23:110:23:13

Time for mum Kim and aunt Shelly to check up on Chani.

0:23:130:23:17

Ready - three, two, one.

0:23:170:23:19

Ooh, that's Chani.

0:23:190:23:20

That's Chani. Well, she doesn't hang about, does she?

0:23:200:23:23

I know!

0:23:230:23:24

Blimey!

0:23:240:23:25

There's three drinks there lined up.

0:23:250:23:27

SHE GASPS

0:23:270:23:28

-It's what they can get for 5 euro, isn't it?

-Yeah.

0:23:280:23:31

Why do they have to drink 'em so quick like that, though?

0:23:310:23:33

Three - bang, gone!

0:23:350:23:37

I'm going to try and stay sensible, but I'm not feeling too sensible now.

0:23:370:23:41

Is this the first time you've seen Chani in this state?

0:23:410:23:44

Really, drinking like that, yes, yeah.

0:23:440:23:46

-So you weren't expecting it?

-I've never seen her a bit slurry

0:23:460:23:49

-with her voice at all, no.

-Right.

0:23:490:23:51

I think the worry is, is they're drinking them so quickly.

0:23:510:23:54

Yeah, too quickly, much too quickly.

0:23:540:23:55

That it's...it's not having chance to take effect

0:23:550:23:58

-before they take the next one.

-Yeah.

0:23:580:24:00

Is it safe to hop on?

0:24:020:24:04

Oh, she's not gone on a motorbike!

0:24:040:24:06

Don't get on the bike. Don't get on the bike.

0:24:060:24:08

-Ah, no, there's two.

-Two of 'em on the bike.

0:24:080:24:10

Chani, get off!

0:24:100:24:11

SHE SCREAMS

0:24:110:24:13

Ooh, my God!

0:24:130:24:14

Oh, dear.

0:24:140:24:16

Keep going. That was insane!

0:24:160:24:18

-Oh, my God.

-Oh, dear!

0:24:180:24:20

I wouldn't have even thought she would have done anything like that.

0:24:200:24:23

Makes me feel quite sick.

0:24:230:24:24

Is that something that you'll have a word with Chani about?

0:24:240:24:28

-Oh, definitely.

-The fact she went on a motorbike without a helmet?

-Mmm.

0:24:280:24:31

Yeah, cos I can't even think what to say about it, really.

0:24:310:24:34

-I'm surprised about the motorbike.

-Yeah.

0:24:340:24:37

I'm surprised about that. I didn't think that she'd go...

0:24:370:24:40

-Yeah, I think Chani'll have a ticking-off.

-..on a motorbike.

0:24:400:24:43

Yeah, that'll be a big telling-off.

0:24:430:24:45

I just feel so ill. Think I need to throw up.

0:24:490:24:53

11am, and after getting in at 3 o'clock in the morning,

0:24:530:24:56

Max is nursing the mother of all hangovers,

0:24:560:24:59

and today he'll be getting his A level results.

0:24:590:25:02

I'll be all right in a bit.

0:25:020:25:05

We hope.

0:25:050:25:06

And for dad Geoff, who desperately wants his son

0:25:080:25:12

to get into university, it's going to be a long, nervous wait.

0:25:120:25:17

If he gets into Brighton then it'll be happy days. It's his future.

0:25:170:25:21

Finally, at 3.00 in the afternoon, Max rings a mate back home.

0:25:220:25:27

'Hello.'

0:25:290:25:30

Hello, mate. You all right?

0:25:300:25:32

He thinks he needs three Bs to secure a place at university.

0:25:320:25:35

'Um, yeah, you got a B in business,

0:25:350:25:38

'B in geography and a C in drama.'

0:25:380:25:41

Mm, that's going to be a close one.

0:25:410:25:44

I think it might be all right, hopefully.

0:25:440:25:46

'I don't know, I've seen

0:25:460:25:47

'a lot of people who've got kind of one grade off...'

0:25:470:25:50

Oh, really? Fingers crossed I got into Brighton.

0:25:500:25:52

Max's probably a bit nervous not knowing

0:25:520:25:54

whether he's got into uni yet. I reckon he can do it.

0:25:540:25:57

With no idea his dad has been waiting just down the road...

0:25:570:26:01

Hello.

0:26:010:26:03

..he finally makes contact.

0:26:030:26:05

Have you got your results?

0:26:050:26:06

I got B, B, C.

0:26:060:26:08

You sound a little disappointed, or are you just hungover?

0:26:080:26:11

Er, I'm a little bit surprised I didn't get the A in business,

0:26:110:26:14

but I don't know if I got into Brighton yet.

0:26:140:26:16

I need to go on the internet to find out.

0:26:160:26:19

So you'll find out today or tomorrow, will you?

0:26:190:26:21

I'll find out today, yeah.

0:26:210:26:23

Text me as soon as you can,

0:26:230:26:25

so then I can give Mum the good or the bad news.

0:26:250:26:28

All right. See ya later.

0:26:280:26:30

'See you later.'

0:26:310:26:33

Slightly disappointed for him, really,

0:26:340:26:37

cos he wanted Brighton, so he'll know this afternoon

0:26:370:26:40

once he gets online and checks on the internet with UCAS

0:26:400:26:44

whether he's...whether he's got the place guaranteed or not.

0:26:440:26:48

So the ball's in his court now, at the end of the day.

0:26:480:26:51

Later that afternoon,

0:26:570:26:58

Max heads off to the internet cafe to discover his fate.

0:26:580:27:02

Yes! Get in there!

0:27:040:27:06

"Congratulations! Your place at the University of Brighton

0:27:060:27:09

"to study geography has been confirmed."

0:27:090:27:12

-Is that Brighton?

-Yeah.

0:27:120:27:14

He's in!

0:27:140:27:15

Well happy. So happy I got in, thank God!

0:27:150:27:18

Time to celebrate...

0:27:180:27:19

with a testosterone-fuelled holiday classic.

0:27:190:27:23

-This looks like the place to me.

-Yeah, this is it.

0:27:270:27:30

But Max hasn't texted his dad with the news.

0:27:300:27:32

So, desperate to find out more,

0:27:320:27:34

Geoff has raced to the track to spy on his son.

0:27:340:27:38

Max has no idea his dad's just yards away.

0:27:410:27:45

-Max is now third.

-Go on, then, son.

0:27:450:27:47

Just finished driving and they're straight on the beer.

0:27:510:27:54

-I don't know, at this stage, whether he's got Brighton...

-Or not.

0:27:560:28:01

Or not got Brighton, and that not knowing is...

0:28:010:28:04

is killing me at the moment.

0:28:040:28:06

I would like to hear whether he's actually got it.

0:28:060:28:09

As soon as I went on the website, I logged in

0:28:110:28:13

and I was trying to find out.

0:28:130:28:14

Here we go.

0:28:140:28:15

I'm just glad I got in.

0:28:150:28:17

He's in! He's in!

0:28:170:28:20

I did it, thank God.

0:28:200:28:22

He'll probably be so happy, he'll be like,

0:28:280:28:30

"Yes! No Max for three years."

0:28:300:28:33

Well done. Well done.

0:28:330:28:35

What are you texting him?

0:28:350:28:36

Went to the internet cafe earlier, got the place at Brighton.

0:28:360:28:40

Happy days.

0:28:400:28:42

It's everything Geoff had hoped for.

0:28:420:28:45

His son will now be the first person in the family to go to uni.

0:28:450:28:49

I am over the moon, absolutely over the moon.

0:28:490:28:53

This is what he wanted.

0:28:530:28:55

So he's not taking a year out.

0:28:550:28:56

HE CRIES

0:28:560:28:59

CURSES UNDER HIS BREATH

0:28:590:29:02

-I am so happy.

-Just get the shots in.

0:29:020:29:04

They're all talking about getting the shots in.

0:29:040:29:06

Oh, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it.

0:29:060:29:09

Magic. Absolutely magic.

0:29:090:29:11

And then to get a text,

0:29:110:29:12

cos he obviously doesn't know that I'm only 20 yards away, he

0:29:120:29:15

probably could have heard me bawling my eyes out if he'd been listening.

0:29:150:29:20

I might get pissed tonight as well, actually.

0:29:200:29:22

As the sun goes down, the girls glam up for another night on the town.

0:29:240:29:28

And as ever, they're watching their money.

0:29:280:29:31

I might take some alcohol in my clutch bag.

0:29:310:29:34

We've got our pre-drink. Shall we start like having a drink now?

0:29:340:29:37

Yeah.

0:29:370:29:38

We're going to make ourselves some pre-drinks here and then

0:29:380:29:41

I think tonight, we're going to try and find the cheapest deals we can.

0:29:410:29:44

Just so we can drink as much as possible, really.

0:29:440:29:47

Tonight might be about free drinks but Chani's learning a valuable

0:29:470:29:50

lesson on budgeting, which is key to her future independence.

0:29:500:29:54

If I move house, I need to look at bills and things like that,

0:29:540:29:58

so I definitely need to budget my money

0:29:580:30:00

and make sure I'm not spending on pointless things.

0:30:000:30:03

The girls set the mood for the night with a drinking game.

0:30:050:30:09

I have never had sex in a public place.

0:30:090:30:11

Anyone who has ever...sips a drink.

0:30:110:30:14

I have never had sex in my parents' bed.

0:30:170:30:19

THEY LAUGH

0:30:220:30:23

Why is everyone looking at me?

0:30:230:30:25

-Are you sure, Cha?

-No, I've like canoodled!

0:30:250:30:28

Three, two, one.

0:30:280:30:30

After their warm-up in the hotel,

0:30:300:30:32

the girls get into the swing of things on the strip.

0:30:320:30:35

Do it one more time.

0:30:380:30:40

But tonight, they won't be alone.

0:30:410:30:44

Chani's mum and her aunt are heading their way.

0:30:440:30:48

I like the first mini one, it's safer.

0:30:480:30:51

Kim wants to see first hand how her little girl

0:30:510:30:53

really behaves on a night out.

0:30:530:30:56

CHANTING Chani! Chani! Chani!

0:30:560:30:59

With Chani poised to put on a performance, she has no idea

0:30:590:31:03

her audience includes her mum, who's watching from across the street.

0:31:030:31:07

Can you hear them? I can hear them.

0:31:110:31:13

CROWD CHEER

0:31:170:31:19

I could get where you might want to do it in a fitness club,

0:31:190:31:21

but not in front, where everybody can see you though.

0:31:210:31:24

-She's not uncovered.

-It's not bad, is it, no?

-No.

-No.

-No, no.

0:31:240:31:27

At least she's no skirt on.

0:31:270:31:29

Ooh, no! Ooh, dear.

0:31:310:31:33

Oh, no, she'll have burns between her legs tomorrow.

0:31:330:31:36

-No, they get bruises.

-Huh!

0:31:360:31:38

-They get bruises.

-Pinches your skin.

0:31:380:31:40

SHE SQUEALS

0:31:400:31:43

What do you think, Kim?

0:31:430:31:45

Don't understand why you'd want to do that round a pole,

0:31:450:31:48

when it just pinches and pulls your skin.

0:31:480:31:51

That's not proper dancing, though, is it?

0:31:510:31:54

It's...it's really hard.

0:31:540:31:56

What are you doing?

0:31:560:31:58

I still can't believe they're only just there.

0:31:580:32:01

Do you think we ought to get going before they see us

0:32:040:32:07

-or leave the club?

-Let's get going before they...

-Yeah. Yeah.

0:32:070:32:10

It's 2.30am and Max is continuing to celebrate

0:32:130:32:16

his exam results on the strip.

0:32:160:32:18

Uni!

0:32:180:32:20

Chani and the girls head for their next bar,

0:32:200:32:23

and by chance run into the boys.

0:32:230:32:26

Char-ne! Char-ne!

0:32:260:32:28

Chani?

0:32:280:32:29

And it seems Natalie has caught Max's eye.

0:32:290:32:33

Man, that brunette is so fit.

0:32:330:32:36

They're all right, they're a laugh, them.

0:32:360:32:38

My mission is to get Natalie and Max together.

0:32:380:32:41

If Max was like up for it, she would, like, do anything,

0:32:410:32:45

like, literally anything.

0:32:450:32:46

After a few drinks, and a bit of flirting, Max moves things on.

0:32:460:32:51

We're going to the beach with the girls.

0:32:510:32:54

I don't know where the boys are. Are the boys coming?

0:32:540:32:57

Ugh, shit! Careful. Argh! Nats, careful, you're scaring me.

0:32:570:33:03

Yes! I did it!

0:33:030:33:05

We are getting in the sea. It is going to be so cold.

0:33:070:33:11

Max in his shorts.

0:33:110:33:13

And it's not even that cold.

0:33:140:33:16

Oh, what, are you going... are you going in fully clothed?

0:33:160:33:19

Watch my beers! Watch my beers!

0:33:190:33:22

Oi, what's Tom doing? Thomas.

0:33:220:33:24

Hello, Tom.

0:33:240:33:25

Signed a contract to be boring.

0:33:250:33:27

Since when, if someone didn't want to go in the sea, are they boring?

0:33:270:33:31

If you were in the sea with some hot girls, I'd jump in.

0:33:310:33:34

INDISTINCT CHATTER

0:33:340:33:37

GIGGLING

0:33:370:33:40

It looks like Poppy's wish for Max and Natalie to get together

0:33:400:33:43

might be coming true.

0:33:430:33:45

-Are you having fu...?

-Oh, my God!

0:33:450:33:48

Oh, my God! He's holding her hand.

0:33:480:33:51

He's holding her hand! He's holding her hand!

0:33:510:33:54

How was that for you, honey?

0:33:540:33:56

Me and Natalie had a little kiss.

0:33:570:34:00

-We've just gone swimming.

-Nats finally got on it.

0:34:000:34:02

-Max got...

-Whoa!

-No wait, Nats got with Max.

0:34:020:34:05

THEY LAUGH

0:34:050:34:06

-Are you going to knob her?

-Are you going to secret seal it?

0:34:080:34:10

-Fucking hell, man.

-Seal the deal.

-You lot make me cringe.

0:34:100:34:13

Signed, sealed and delivered. The old in out, in out.

0:34:130:34:16

After a quick change, both the boys and the girls hit the all-night bar.

0:34:180:34:22

While Natalie dances, Max gets cosy with a different brunette.

0:34:270:34:31

A girl has jumped at me, can't complain. Good news!

0:34:330:34:38

With Natalie side-lined, Max now goes for broke - with a blonde.

0:34:380:34:43

And by 7am, things are getting steamy.

0:34:460:34:50

-Is that Max?

-Yeah.

-That's so funny!

0:34:500:34:53

-Are you jel?

-No, I don't want to.

0:34:530:34:56

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

0:34:560:34:58

I don't know what's going on.

0:34:580:35:00

we're just getting some food at the minute and maybe drop her back off...

0:35:000:35:03

Her room's above Downtown, drop her back there, go back to mine.

0:35:030:35:08

HE CHUCKLES

0:35:080:35:09

Natalie and Max didn't really go anywhere.

0:35:110:35:17

They were on it before he walked off with someone else.

0:35:170:35:20

THEY LAUGH

0:35:200:35:21

-Such a gent!

-Yeah.

-True gent!

0:35:210:35:23

Ooh, there's a girl I like, I'm going to get with her.

0:35:230:35:26

Ooh, wait a minute, there's another one, let's line them up.

0:35:260:35:28

What's your friend's name?

0:35:280:35:31

HE LAUGHS

0:35:310:35:33

No! Nah. Babe.

0:35:330:35:36

After going walkabout for a couple of hours, Max has rejoined

0:35:420:35:46

the lads back at the hotel and they want a full debrief.

0:35:460:35:50

Deal wasn't sealed. Yet.

0:35:500:35:54

I think the foundations were laid.

0:35:540:35:57

Max had a good night.

0:35:570:35:59

Well, he went the furthest, got a little blowy.

0:35:590:36:02

Are you a gentleman?

0:36:020:36:04

I like to see myself as a bit of gentleman, not a prick.

0:36:040:36:08

Whether dad Geoff thinks the same remains to be seen, as the parents

0:36:100:36:14

are gathering together for the next instalment of their kids' antics.

0:36:140:36:19

I just hope they don't get too drunk

0:36:190:36:22

and come home with a tattoo that they regret.

0:36:220:36:25

Worse thing? a 75-year-old granny at the back of a bar, I guess.

0:36:250:36:30

Oh, mate, Ads, you can't say that.

0:36:300:36:32

But first, it's the girls' confessional.

0:36:320:36:35

I have never had sex in my parents' bed.

0:36:350:36:37

-So they have to drink if they have.

-Huh! If they have.

0:36:370:36:39

-Ooh, no!

-Ooh, dear.

0:36:390:36:41

I'm not looking.

0:36:410:36:43

THEY LAUGH

0:36:430:36:44

Do you know, I've, like, canoodled.

0:36:440:36:47

The news hasn't yet sunk in for Kim

0:36:470:36:49

that her daughter's been getting down and dirty in her bed.

0:36:490:36:52

Cos if you're thinking of the same thing as me,

0:36:520:36:55

it was barely sex at all!

0:36:550:36:56

GEOFF LAUGHS

0:36:560:36:58

And you didn't know that Chani had barely had sex,

0:36:580:37:01

but canoodled, in your bed?

0:37:010:37:03

Ooh, ooh, I didn't know it was in my bed, no.

0:37:030:37:06

I do know that Chani has had sex, but not in my bed.

0:37:060:37:10

What...what's the difference between doing it as a 18-year-old

0:37:100:37:14

with contraception in a hotel bed behind your back,

0:37:140:37:18

or doing it in your house?

0:37:180:37:19

I think it's because that's my own personal space,

0:37:190:37:22

if Chani was in my bed.

0:37:220:37:24

-It's a respect issue.

-Yes!

0:37:240:37:25

-Having sex in your own...in...

-Parents' bed.

-..Your parents' bed.

0:37:250:37:28

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-That would disappoint me.

0:37:280:37:30

-Yeah.

-Wow!

-Yeah.

0:37:300:37:32

Right, shall we carry on?

0:37:320:37:34

At home, obviously, I would have help with budgeting my money.

0:37:360:37:39

Yes, you would, Chani. I took your bank card away from you.

0:37:390:37:43

At home, I pay for, like, my phone bill.

0:37:430:37:45

Being here, it's made me realise that

0:37:450:37:47

when I get a job I will need to step back

0:37:470:37:50

and look at the things like that and sort of, like, budget my money.

0:37:500:37:53

Yeah. If she wants something, she buys it,

0:37:530:37:55

even if she hasn't got the money for it.

0:37:550:37:58

-So who picks up the tab?

-Me.

0:37:580:38:00

With the phone, you see, she got behind with her phone bill,

0:38:000:38:03

so that's why I had to take her bank card away from her

0:38:030:38:06

-and keep it for four weeks.

-This could now be a turning point.

0:38:060:38:09

Now it's Geoff's turn to discover how Max treats the opposite sex.

0:38:100:38:15

-Hello! Taking them skinny-dipping.

-They're going skinny-dipping.

0:38:150:38:19

Who's that with Max there?

0:38:190:38:21

I think it's Natalie.

0:38:210:38:23

Me and Natalie had a little kiss.

0:38:230:38:24

Was that them just passing by?

0:38:240:38:26

-Yeah, so the girls and the boys together.

-Yeah.

0:38:260:38:29

She's happy.

0:38:290:38:30

I don't think that's Natalie, cos the girls are sat outside.

0:38:300:38:33

Who was that? And the girls are clearly here, being filmed, look.

0:38:330:38:36

-Yeah, the girls are outside.

-Ah, yeah.

0:38:360:38:39

Oh, another snog.

0:38:390:38:40

That's not a very flattering look, is it, honey?

0:38:400:38:42

< That's not a good look, is it, that one?

0:38:420:38:45

No, that's definitely too much alcohol on a night out.

0:38:450:38:47

-See, I'm pleased that that's not...

-Natalie.

0:38:470:38:50

Yeah, any of them.

0:38:500:38:51

So, Geoff, what do you think that says about Max

0:38:530:38:56

and his attitude to the opposite sex?

0:38:560:38:59

I think it's a...it's a holiday thing, more than anything else.

0:38:590:39:02

I don't believe Max would be like that at home.

0:39:020:39:06

Um, he's in the holiday mood, he's had a few drinks, he's got girls

0:39:060:39:10

throwing themselves at him, almost, and I suppose an 18-year-old,

0:39:100:39:13

he's fairly good looking, it's going to be difficult to say no, isn't it?

0:39:130:39:17

Cos you felt a bit protective against Natalie, didn't you?

0:39:170:39:20

Oh, the girl, yeah.

0:39:200:39:21

I kind of assumed that they were together.

0:39:210:39:24

I think they'd gone to the bar together,

0:39:240:39:26

and to then see Max in the bar tickling someone else's tonsils

0:39:260:39:30

was a bit of a shock, really, and I...

0:39:300:39:32

There is that element of hypocrisy of what the girls want to do,

0:39:320:39:35

but it's kind of swung round the other way.

0:39:350:39:38

The girls will quite happily go out, fleece the boys for money,

0:39:380:39:40

get them to buy drinks and then just disappear into the night

0:39:400:39:43

once they've got their drinks out of 'em.

0:39:430:39:45

You admitted the other night that the girls will snog somebody

0:39:450:39:48

just to get a drink out of them and then disappear.

0:39:480:39:50

They do, but they don't do it in front of the others' faces.

0:39:500:39:53

But they don't see that.

0:39:530:39:54

When they take a drink off of people, it's at the bar.

0:39:540:39:57

They're buying a whole round of drinks and they'll say,

0:39:570:39:59

"Here, love, do you want a drink?"

0:39:590:40:01

And they'll say, "Yeah, um, but we're over here with our friends."

0:40:010:40:04

-"That's all right, have a drink."

-I don't think it's as clean as that.

0:40:040:40:07

-You'd love to think it is.

-Most of the time it is.

-I don't think so.

0:40:070:40:10

To be fair, Max has had a snog without buying a girl a drink.

0:40:100:40:13

Max seemed to have a connection with Natalie.

0:40:130:40:15

He'd met a nice girl, but then all of a sudden, he's kissing one girl

0:40:150:40:20

and then we see him with another girl

0:40:200:40:22

and she's got her bottom cheek out and then he walks off with her.

0:40:220:40:26

Ex-holiday rep Geoff is still yet to be shocked by anything his son does.

0:40:260:40:32

Max is 18, Max has condoms on him.

0:40:320:40:35

He is a consenting adult, you know, when it comes to sex.

0:40:350:40:39

-Yeah.

-And it looks as though Max is quite liberal.

0:40:390:40:42

-Yeah, blondes, brunettes. So yeah.

-Yeah.

0:40:420:40:45

GEOFF LAUGHS

0:40:450:40:47

Interesting one today. Right.

0:40:470:40:49

Andrew made me feel a bit uncomfortable

0:40:490:40:52

when he was talking about the girls going out purely just to get

0:40:520:40:55

the lads to buy them drinks.

0:40:550:40:57

He seemed to think that they went out just to get lads to

0:40:570:41:00

buy them drinks, without being friends with them,

0:41:000:41:02

and, in my eyes, that's not what they do.

0:41:020:41:05

Chani and the girls have decided on an afternoon of watersports.

0:41:080:41:13

But what they don't know is that Chani's mum Kim

0:41:140:41:17

and aunt Shelly have come along too.

0:41:170:41:19

Kim's fear of any water-based activity means

0:41:190:41:24

this is going to be a very trying spy mission.

0:41:240:41:26

Oh, I can see them, I can see Chani. She looks ever so tanned.

0:41:260:41:30

I don't want to, like, run out of money for my last...

0:41:300:41:33

-Big night.

-Yeah.

0:41:330:41:34

While Chani continues to watch her pennies,

0:41:340:41:37

Mum and Shelly take up position in a restaurant overlooking the beach.

0:41:370:41:42

I don't want her to do it now.

0:41:420:41:43

Yeah, but she's all right, Kim, she can swim.

0:41:430:41:45

-They'll have life jackets on.

-I'm looking for the life jacket.

0:41:450:41:48

They will put life jackets on, course they will.

0:41:480:41:51

There you go.

0:41:510:41:52

See! Now you're happy, they're putting the life jacket on. Or not.

0:41:520:41:55

Yeah.

0:41:550:41:56

Oh, they're away! Look!

0:41:580:42:00

Oh, look at them bouncing. Duh-duh-duh!

0:42:010:42:05

Oh, my God!

0:42:050:42:06

But it's all too much for water phobe Kim.

0:42:090:42:12

See them, they just went past again and they're all still on it.

0:42:120:42:15

I'll be all right in a minute.

0:42:150:42:17

Ooh, my God.

0:42:170:42:19

Ah, you've made me cry, Kimmy. You're so funny. You're so funny.

0:42:190:42:22

You need to go in the water some time, I think.

0:42:220:42:26

INDISTINCT

0:42:260:42:27

That is really bad.

0:42:290:42:31

That's really bad.

0:42:310:42:34

-They're coming in now.

-I don't care.

-They're coming in.

0:42:340:42:37

I just want to know that they're... Can't see them, though.

0:42:370:42:40

Oh, look, here's the girls coming to the left.

0:42:400:42:43

-Ah, yeah.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-There she is. That's good.

0:42:430:42:46

That's all right. It's good.

0:42:460:42:48

-Kim, we better go. Come on.

-At least they're OK.

0:42:480:42:51

-Come on.

-Ooh.

0:42:510:42:53

Kim and Shelly make a quick getaway before they're spotted by the girls.

0:42:530:42:57

As night falls...

0:42:590:43:02

it's the end of the road for Max's uncle Andrew.

0:43:020:43:06

He's been called back to the UK.

0:43:060:43:09

-Thanks for doing this.

-No, it's a pleasure. Pleasure.

0:43:090:43:11

From here on in, dad Geoff must go it alone.

0:43:110:43:15

It's the teenagers' last night of freedom,

0:43:160:43:19

and Max is about to do the one thing Dad told him not to do.

0:43:190:43:23

I've come to get a camel on my big toe.

0:43:230:43:25

Max has no idea that dad Geoff has come to secretly spy on him.

0:43:280:43:33

-You've come to get a camel?

-It's a camel toe.

0:43:330:43:36

All right.

0:43:360:43:37

He's watching just metres away across the street

0:43:370:43:41

and for the very first time on the holiday, he's not happy.

0:43:410:43:45

You stupid boy!

0:43:450:43:47

It'll be funny when it's done,

0:43:470:43:49

but I think while it's getting done it won't be so funny.

0:43:490:43:52

Agh, making me sweat, the thought of it.

0:43:520:43:55

Want a lolly?

0:43:550:43:57

I'll have a lolly, yes, I'd love a lolly.

0:43:570:43:59

THEY LAUGH

0:43:590:44:00

This has made it so much more worth it.

0:44:000:44:03

Max, don't do it!

0:44:030:44:06

How much is it, by the way?

0:44:060:44:07

-50 euros.

-50.

0:44:070:44:10

Don't have it done. 50 euros. It's a waste of 50 euros.

0:44:100:44:13

That's a full day's work for you.

0:44:130:44:15

Think when they see the tattoo, my dad'd laugh, my mum'd try...

0:44:150:44:18

try to hold back her laughter, but I think she'd be wetting herself.

0:44:180:44:23

Dad's not laughing.

0:44:230:44:25

MACHINE BUZZES

0:44:250:44:26

Wait until you show your mum that you've had a camel toe put on.

0:44:260:44:29

What's she's going to say? What...how is she going to react?

0:44:290:44:33

I think he's just being so bloody stupid, really.

0:44:330:44:36

I think he's just trying to prove a point to the lads.

0:44:360:44:39

Just ridiculous, really. Hilarious, but ridiculous.

0:44:400:44:44

I think Max is finding this more funny than his mates are.

0:44:440:44:48

Is this going to be your new chat-up line, then,

0:44:480:44:50

"Hello, ladies, would you like to see my camel toe?

0:44:500:44:53

"You show me yours and I'll show you mine."

0:44:530:44:55

You show me your camel toe, I'll show you my camel toe.

0:44:550:44:58

That is a good line!

0:44:580:44:59

I can't believe he just said that. Can he hear me?

0:44:590:45:02

I think you should have "right tit" put across your chest as well.

0:45:020:45:06

-Done, mate.

-We done?

-Yeah.

0:45:060:45:09

Sick! Love it!

0:45:090:45:10

-Let's see.

-I love me little camel.

0:45:100:45:13

-Is that it?

-Not a bad little camel.

0:45:130:45:15

The girls, too, are making the most of their last night on the strip.

0:45:200:45:23

He said, "You're not having free shots."

0:45:230:45:25

I said, "We got free shots down there."

0:45:250:45:27

He was like, "OK, I'll give you a free shot."

0:45:270:45:29

I can't get my mouth round it!

0:45:310:45:34

Knowing she's got to start searching for a job as soon as she gets home,

0:45:340:45:38

Chani has talked the bartender into letting her get

0:45:380:45:41

some work experience.

0:45:410:45:43

This is a "sex on the beach".

0:45:430:45:44

I've seen a couple of places here that have been like "staff wanted",

0:45:440:45:48

so I think I could be very good at this job,

0:45:480:45:51

because this is the best drink I've ever tasted and I made it.

0:45:510:45:54

I'm improvising.

0:45:540:45:56

Barmaid for maybe just a couple of months, that could work,

0:45:560:45:59

just for a bit of money.

0:45:590:46:01

My mum would be quite pleased to get rid of me for a little bit.

0:46:010:46:04

Teach me how this works.

0:46:040:46:06

This trip has been a lot more than just partying for Chani.

0:46:060:46:10

Time away from her mum has taught her a big lesson about independence.

0:46:100:46:15

I would absolutely love to start earning my own money,

0:46:150:46:18

so I can pay for my drinks, everything by myself.

0:46:180:46:20

There you go.

0:46:200:46:22

It'd be nice for me to actually make my own money,

0:46:220:46:25

rather than just, like, asking my mum for money.

0:46:250:46:27

Now it's time to get drunk.

0:46:290:46:31

It's 3.30am and the boys are celebrating Max's tattoo

0:46:310:46:35

with a "suicide slammer".

0:46:350:46:36

Not a clever idea.

0:46:380:46:40

My eye is quite red and I'm not surprised because

0:46:400:46:44

I just did a "suicide slammer"

0:46:440:46:46

and I practically squeezed a whole slice of lemon in it.

0:46:460:46:49

Have another one!

0:46:490:46:51

Don't know about those pricks, but, er, I went for it.

0:46:510:46:55

It's called a "head fucker". Is it seven spirits?

0:46:550:46:59

-Eight.

-Eight spirits.

0:46:590:47:01

Going to fuck with my head.

0:47:010:47:03

It's worked out well to me cos the boys were like,

0:47:030:47:05

"Oh, yeah, get it done and we'll buy you a free drink."

0:47:050:47:07

So they're getting me a free drink,

0:47:070:47:09

but they're getting the worst drinks they can find.

0:47:090:47:11

Good night, Max.

0:47:110:47:13

You having a piss, James?

0:47:130:47:16

-Fucking loving this.

-Yeah?

-Don't fu...

0:47:160:47:19

MAX LAUGHS

0:47:190:47:20

Max is certainly enjoying himself.

0:47:200:47:22

You lot are being boring, that's all.

0:47:220:47:24

We're not. I'm not boring, OK?

0:47:240:47:25

That's the most unattractive vagina I have ever seen in my life.

0:47:250:47:29

Have my shorts fallen down?

0:47:290:47:31

We're getting a little clit going on there.

0:47:310:47:33

It's the final day of the holiday and the last chance for the parents

0:47:380:47:42

to see what their offspring have been getting up to without them.

0:47:420:47:46

The last day instalment, I guess.

0:47:460:47:48

This isn't a normal "sex on the beach".

0:47:480:47:50

-What's she doing?

-Oh, she's behind the bar.

0:47:500:47:53

Oh, she's a barmaid. Do you think Chani's got a job, then?

0:47:530:47:57

I don't think so. She's not doing it very well, is she?

0:47:570:48:00

Look, one's got a lot in and one's got not much.

0:48:000:48:02

I've seen a couple of places here that have been like "staff wanted",

0:48:020:48:06

so I think I could be very good at this job.

0:48:060:48:08

Do you think she'd come over here?

0:48:080:48:10

I wouldn't...I wouldn't have a problem if she wanted to go

0:48:100:48:13

somewhere like that and get a job. And a bar job would be fine.

0:48:130:48:16

-For a couple of months.

-For a couple of months.

0:48:160:48:18

-I think it would do her good to be somewhere on her own.

-Yeah.

0:48:180:48:21

I think it'll be nice for me to actually make my own money,

0:48:210:48:24

rather than just, like, asking my mum for money.

0:48:240:48:27

Seeing her daughter taking responsibility

0:48:270:48:30

is the wake-up call Kim's needed.

0:48:300:48:32

I've got to try and let Chani go.

0:48:320:48:34

It will be hard, but it's something that I've got to try.

0:48:340:48:38

She can't stay with me, like we are, for the next ten years.

0:48:380:48:43

Then when does it stop?

0:48:430:48:45

Now it's Geoff's turn to catch up with his son.

0:48:450:48:48

It's called a "head fucker".

0:48:480:48:50

Is it seven spirits?

0:48:500:48:52

-Eight.

-Eight spirits.

0:48:520:48:54

-Eight spirits in one drink!

-Eight spirits in one drink.

0:48:540:48:56

Oh, no!

0:48:560:48:58

-Oh. It's how quick they drink it.

-That is just disgusting.

-Look!

0:48:580:49:02

Saw Max having a cocktail called a "head fuck",

0:49:020:49:05

which in all my years in the travel industry, I've not heard of.

0:49:050:49:09

And then he then went off and done some weird dance on his own,

0:49:090:49:13

so maybe it was quite a head fuck for him.

0:49:130:49:15

Is it a mangina or...or is it just looking like a cock?

0:49:150:49:18

Oh, my dear! Ooh!

0:49:180:49:20

-Oh, my God!

-He's given himself a fufu.

0:49:200:49:24

We're getting a little clit going on there.

0:49:240:49:26

-I can't look at that.

-No. Geoff, tell us when it's gone.

0:49:260:49:28

That could well be offensive, in the middle of the road.

0:49:280:49:31

-In the middle of the road!

-To the passers-by.

0:49:310:49:33

If he'd done something like that when they were in their rooms...

0:49:330:49:36

-Perhaps that's a prank, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-But out on the street...

0:49:360:49:39

Tha...that shows his slight immaturity, doesn't it?

0:49:390:49:42

Yeah, I think so.

0:49:420:49:44

He's not fully grown up yet, he's just left school,

0:49:440:49:48

-just going to university...

-That's going to be his party trick now.

0:49:480:49:52

That's his party trick.

0:49:520:49:53

Max and Chani's time on Kos is drawing to an end.

0:49:560:50:00

The teenagers have no idea that their parents have been

0:50:000:50:03

watching their every move, but now the truth is about to be revealed.

0:50:030:50:08

I'm excited, nervous. There's a few bad things that they've done,

0:50:080:50:12

but also a few positive things.

0:50:120:50:13

Can't wait to see them, absolutely can't wait to see them.

0:50:130:50:16

Whilst Chani and the girls top up their tans, Kim and Shelly close in.

0:50:160:50:23

Like before we go out and we get out and we stay out till...

0:50:230:50:25

-Yeah.

-..whatever time.

0:50:250:50:27

Are we going to have a meal, do you think?

0:50:270:50:29

We should definitely get dinner tonight.

0:50:290:50:31

Hello, girls.

0:50:310:50:33

What the hell?!

0:50:330:50:35

-Been on any motorbikes recently?

-LAUGHTER

0:50:350:50:38

I didn't go on a motorbike.

0:50:380:50:40

-We've been watching you all week.

-I bet you've loved it.

0:50:400:50:45

No helmet, Chani, on the motorbike!

0:50:450:50:47

You don't have to wear a helmet here, it's not the law.

0:50:470:50:49

Anyway, have you had a good time, all of you?

0:50:490:50:51

It's been very good.

0:50:510:50:53

It's so weird to know that she's literally been

0:50:530:50:55

watching my every move.

0:50:550:50:56

I still can't believe it.

0:50:580:51:01

I think, yeah, she's got a few things she needs to have out with me,

0:51:010:51:04

but I think it'll be all right.

0:51:040:51:07

And the first thing Mum wants to have out with Chani

0:51:080:51:11

is her drunken motorbike ride.

0:51:110:51:12

See, with a smile on your face,

0:51:120:51:14

I'm not convinced that you think it's a bad thing, yourself, to do

0:51:140:51:17

and that you're not going to go and do it again on a holiday.

0:51:170:51:20

I don't think it's a bad thing to do.

0:51:200:51:22

If you come off of that, it would just scrape your body completely.

0:51:220:51:25

Did you see how slow we were going? 20, tops, miles per hour.

0:51:250:51:28

Yeah, but you'll promise not to do it again, then?

0:51:280:51:31

Yeah, I promise, I promise I won't do it again, yeah.

0:51:310:51:33

Now it's time to talk about Chani's independence.

0:51:330:51:36

Her experience this week has given mum Kim the strength

0:51:360:51:39

to start changes now.

0:51:390:51:41

For me, this is the big thing from the holiday,

0:51:420:51:45

I would like you to be more independent.

0:51:450:51:47

Yeah, I think I need to be more independent.

0:51:470:51:50

This holiday is the cut-off point for me doing everything for you.

0:51:500:51:54

You say that you're going to change

0:51:540:51:56

and you do realise how much I do for you.

0:51:560:51:58

I said I would like to start being more independent,

0:51:580:52:01

but that doesn't mean I'm going to go home

0:52:010:52:03

and change into a new person. We need to do it, like, progressively.

0:52:030:52:06

No, it's a whole new start.

0:52:060:52:08

It's a good thing, it's a cut-off point.

0:52:080:52:11

I'm relieved now to see Chani and think that it's finally over.

0:52:110:52:15

Um, still very cross about the motorbike incident,

0:52:150:52:18

that's never going to go away, er, but very proud that she says

0:52:180:52:22

she's going to change, and she will change because I'll be stronger now.

0:52:220:52:26

I wa...have been proud of you this week, very proud.

0:52:260:52:29

That makes me happy, Mummy.

0:52:290:52:31

And I do love you very much, but you've got to grow up, Chani.

0:52:310:52:35

But I think it's things I need to learn myself

0:52:350:52:37

and there's not much my mum can do. It's like I've got to take

0:52:370:52:40

responsibility on myself and grow up.

0:52:400:52:43

On the strip, blissfully unaware of his dad's imminent arrival,

0:52:470:52:51

Max decides to take on the stupor-inducing dentist chair.

0:52:510:52:56

99% sure it's going to regurgitate!

0:52:560:53:00

I'm a little bit nervous, but I'm quite excited as well.

0:53:000:53:03

But I'm looking forward to his reaction.

0:53:030:53:05

-OK. One, two, three, go.

-ALL: Ten, nine, eight...

0:53:050:53:09

But Dad's about to call time on Max's fun.

0:53:090:53:12

..Four, three, two, one.

0:53:120:53:15

0.5 >

0:53:150:53:17

Me eyes.

0:53:170:53:20

Fuck off!

0:53:200:53:21

LAUGHTER

0:53:210:53:24

I cannot believe how much you have been drinking all week.

0:53:240:53:30

I can't even laugh.

0:53:300:53:32

Oh, my life! Are you sure?

0:53:320:53:36

LAUGHTER

0:53:360:53:37

What are you doing?

0:53:370:53:39

I have had my eye on you all week, every single thing you've done.

0:53:410:53:47

-The lot! What is it...?

-Do you want to untie me, then?

0:53:470:53:50

No, I'm going to leave you there.

0:53:500:53:52

I still can't get over him walking up. I'm tied down to this chair,

0:53:520:53:57

getting spirits forced down me and he walks up.

0:53:570:53:59

I've been in the back of a van watching you go-karting,

0:53:590:54:02

I've watched you tattooing. What is it with the mangina thing?

0:54:020:54:06

LAUGHTER

0:54:060:54:08

-I've got to have a few words with you.

-All right.

0:54:080:54:10

Cos some of the stuff I do need to talk to you about.

0:54:100:54:13

It's not that bad.

0:54:130:54:15

-Come on, then, give us a hug. I'm nice and wet and sticky.

-No.

0:54:150:54:18

I am going to have a couple of words with him

0:54:180:54:20

with regards to his drinking and, er, he has been a little sod

0:54:200:54:23

while he's been out there.

0:54:230:54:24

He's certainly made the most of the female attention

0:54:240:54:27

he's had while he's been out here.

0:54:270:54:29

Geoff finally gets the chance to tell Max

0:54:290:54:31

how he feels about two things in particular.

0:54:310:54:34

We spoke about the tattoo before you came away, didn't we?

0:54:340:54:37

It will make me laugh every time I look at it, anyway.

0:54:370:54:40

But I...I was slightly disappointed that you had it done,

0:54:400:54:44

but it did make me chuckle.

0:54:440:54:46

You have drunk excessively... amount this week, er,

0:54:460:54:49

and I know it was a boys' holiday

0:54:490:54:51

and some of those nights, you drunk an unbelievable amount.

0:54:510:54:55

You were doing three, four, five, six shots in minute.

0:54:560:55:01

And then when you had that "head fuck" the other night,

0:55:010:55:04

when you walked away you, you didn't know where you was, did ya?

0:55:040:55:07

20 minutes later, I didn't know where I was.

0:55:070:55:10

I can probably forgive you for this week, but I wouldn't like to think

0:55:100:55:13

you'd do that on a Saturday night when you're at home.

0:55:130:55:15

Well, no, I wouldn't. You know I don't drink this much at home.

0:55:150:55:18

-No.

-Do I come in every night, hammered?

-No.

0:55:180:55:21

Come September, you go to Brighton, just curb the alcohol,

0:55:210:55:27

drinking as much as you can.

0:55:270:55:29

-Just don't waste...

-Yeah, I know, I won't.

0:55:290:55:31

..this opportunity at Brighton.

0:55:310:55:32

Exactly, I've got into the place I want to be,

0:55:320:55:34

-I've got halls right next to the sea.

-Have you really?

0:55:340:55:37

-Yeah.

-You lucky bugger.

0:55:370:55:38

It's been a wicked week. We've had a right laugh, all of us.

0:55:380:55:41

It will definitely be a week to remember.

0:55:410:55:43

I mean, I'm not going to forget where I got my camel toe done.

0:55:430:55:46

I still love the boy to death and he's not let me down

0:55:460:55:49

at all this week, to be honest with ya.

0:55:490:55:50

-You haven't done bad.

-Good.

-Come on, son.

0:55:500:55:53

Love ya. Well done.

0:55:530:55:54

I'm just glad I didn't embarrass myself too much.

0:55:540:55:57

-Let's go and have a beer, it's all...

-Let's go and get smashed.

0:55:570:56:00

Maybe things haven't changed that much in 25 years after all.

0:56:000:56:04

-Like father, like son.

-I hope not!

0:56:040:56:07

THEY LAUGH

0:56:070:56:09

Next time...

0:56:110:56:12

SHE YELLS

0:56:120:56:14

..two very different 18-year-olds.

0:56:140:56:17

I fingered that bird's gash. Smell?

0:56:170:56:19

..escape their parents...

0:56:190:56:21

HE SHOUTS

0:56:210:56:22

..for an explosive holiday in Zante.

0:56:220:56:24

Can we have just five minutes? Just so I can go outside and scream.

0:56:240:56:28

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