Flushed Away


Flushed Away

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TAXI HORN

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-Car's here.

-It's nine already! We'll miss our flight!

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-Travellers' cheques...

-Do you have the tickets?

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-Tabitha, did you feed Roddy?

-Oops!

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I know we've forgotten something.

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Roddy, where are you?

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We'll be back in a few days. Here's enough food. Here's a little more.

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Tabitha! I hope you're not overfeeding him.

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-Of course not, Mum.

-Come on, Tabitha!

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-Bye, Roddy.

-We don't want to miss our holiday.

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I'm coming!

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SNIFFS

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When the cat's away... the mice will play!

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The holiday starts now, everyone!

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Music, maestro!

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MUSIC: "Dancing With Myself" by Billy Idol

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Hey, what are you all standing around for? I've got a big day planned!

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Let's go! Chop-chop!

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Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

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Nope. Nope.

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HUMS AND HAWS

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Ah!

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HE GIGGLES Buckle up, everyone.

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CRASH!

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# Dancing with myself, oh-h Dancing with myself, oh-h

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# Dancing with myself When there's nothing to lose... #

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Fore!

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Oops! Sorry.

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HE WHISTLES

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Game point. Service! We win! We win, team! We win!

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HE GROWLS

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Perfect!

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MOCK JAMES BOND MUSIC

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Having a good time, darling?

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HE CHOKES

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Thank you.

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See you tomorrow.

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TOOTHBRUSH VIBRATES

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HE SIGHS

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Good night! ECHOES

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Yeah, well.

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Good night, then, Roddy.

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BIRDS CHIRP

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CLANGING

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HE GASPS What was that?

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Who's there?

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(Wake up. I think there's someone in the house.

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(Sarge, wake up!)

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'Approaching enemy lines.'

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-'I'm armed and ready.'

-At ease, soldier.

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-'Give up your weapons of mass destruction.'

-Shush!

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-'Come and get me, enemy of freedom!'

-(Stop!)

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'Tell Mom I...love...her.'

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RUMBLING

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CLATTERING

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-Yee-haw!

-RODDY GASPS

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Ugh!

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Ah! BREATHES A SIGH OF RELIEF

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SQUELCHING

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HE SCREAMS

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IT BELCHES

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Whoa!

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They do not, repeat, not, have food like this in the sewer.

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A sewer rat?!

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W-W-Who...? What...? How did you get here?

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I don't know. One minute I'm in the pub,

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next thing you know, whoosh! It's a burst water main!

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Off I go, shooting up the pipes. And, well, here I am.

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I have a plunger. We can shoot you right back.

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-HE SLURPS

-Do you like seafood?

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-C-Can I call you a cab?

-Bleurgh! See-food! Get it?!

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Ha-ha! Have you got a TV?

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-Well, yes, but...

-Say no more!

-No, no, no!

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-Leave that.

-Geronimo!

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No, don't...touch anything.

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Would you look at the size of that monster?!

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RODDY HYPERVENTILATES...

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AND SNIFFS

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Careful, mate.

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Those aren't chocolate buttons(!) Wahey!

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'It's the match of the century! The FIFA World Cup Final!

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-'England.'

-Yes!

-'Germany.'

-Boo!

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-'Live this Sunday.'

-This place is great! I'm staying here forever!

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What?!

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Game point! Service!

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We win, we win! Ha! You lose!

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In your face!

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Ooh-h!

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Right, my friend. You don't belong here.

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I'm afraid it's time for you to leave. Eugh!

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I would not do that if I was you, pal. Let me lay this out for you.

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This place is mine now.

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Sid says, "Jump," you say, "How high?" Comprende?

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Fetch us some Pop-Tarts from the kitchen, Jeeves. Be snappy about it.

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-Erm, yes, sir. Right away, sir.

-That's more like it.

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But before breakfast is served...

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perhaps sir would care to take a whirl in the Jacuzzi.

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-A Jacuzzi?

-Hmm.

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Know what you are? You're a real gent.

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After a hard day of navigating sewer pipes,

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there's nothing better than relaxing in a Jacuzzi whirlpool bath.

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That looks so inviting.

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Yes, yes. The water looks perfect!

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Now you hop in, and I'll press this lever to get the bubbles going.

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Right. In we go!

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Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

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I know we got off on the wrong foot before,

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-but I think we're going to get along, don't you?

-Swimmingly.

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-Be seeing you, my friend.

-Oh!

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SPLASH!

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You plonker! You think I don't know a toilet when I see one?

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-You were gonna flush me down the loo.

-No!

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It's a big Jacuzzi! Deluxe model!

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-Then you won't mind if I get the bubbles going.

-No! Not the lever!

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-Have mercy! No, I can't swim!

-Bon voyage, me old cream cracker!

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-Hold your nose!

-You can't do this!

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You were going to try to flush me. Let's see how YOU like it.

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BANGS AND GROANS

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HE SCREAMS

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SPLASH!

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Have you seen my dad?

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HE SCREAMS

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Ah!

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HE GASPS FOR AIR

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HE SCREAMS

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HE SCREAMS

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Oh, no, I can't swim! I can't swim! I can't...swim.

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I'm...in...the sewer!

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No-o-o!

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Aah! SQUEAL

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Ahh! LOUDER SQUEAL

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WHIMPERS

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BANGING

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Hello?

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ECHOES

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Help?

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ECHOES

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I'm going to open my eyes and I'm going to be home.

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This is all a bad dream.

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I'm not home! I want to go home! Shush! Stop it. Roddy!

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I want to go home! Pull yourself together!

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I can't. I'm frightened. Stop it, stop it, stop it!

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All right, Roddy, old man,

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you can get yourself out of here, and you will. Never forget -

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the blood of the courageous James clan flows through your veins.

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HE SCREAMS

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THEY ALL SCREAM

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HE SCREAMS

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THEY ALL SCREAM

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HE SCREAMS

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CAR HORN

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HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING

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VOICES

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A way out! Yes! Ha-ha!

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HE SCREAMS

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THUD!

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-That took me three years to draw!

-I'm terribly sorry.

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-Three years?!

-I just finished it this morning!

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Three years?!

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HE GASPS

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Good grief!

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-What is this place?

-< Hold the bus!

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Feed the flies Tuppence a bag...

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It's a real city! Ah!

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Whoa!

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HE SCREAMS

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My smalls!

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-Is it a bird?

-Is it a plane?

-Is that guy wearing my underpants?

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-Make him move, honey.

-You got a face like a frying pan!

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-Come on, honey!

-I don't think he speaks English.

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-Hey! He moved! Did you get it?

-Got it!

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-Good!

-Sorry, sorry.

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-It's coming!

-What? Where? Who?

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The Great Flood! Those floodgates won't hold forever, you know!

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We're doomed! You think you can back away from the truth!

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'Ello, 'ello, 'ello. What's all this then?

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Thank heavens! A policeman! This wacko has been chasing after me!

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-Morning, Harold.

-Morning, Colin. How are you?

-Can't complain.

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-(Keep an eye on this one. He's a bit of a loony.)

-What?!

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-We're doomed!

-Me?! Are you kidding me?!

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-Let's give you a police escort home.

-Great!

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I live in Kensington. Up there. The surface.

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Up Top? Oh, no. No, no, no.

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-The humans don't like our sort.

-Speak for yourself!

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-They like me very much up there.

-I don't like your attitude.

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I've got my eye on you, sunshine.

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Whoa-ho-ho-ha!

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SIZZLING

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So...you're trying to get Up Top, me hearty?

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Yes.

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SIZZLING

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There's one person round here might be able to help you. Might.

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-Really?

-Shady customer.

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The captain of the Jammy Dodger. If you can find it.

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I know where it is!

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And remember, the name of the boat's the Jammy Dodger.

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-Thanks for bringing me this far.

-You're welcome.

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See ya!

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EERIE WHISTLING

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WHISTLES EERIE TUNE

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Beware! Beware!

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Hello? Permission to come aboard?

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Ahoy there? Er...

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CREAKS

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HE SCREAMS

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Sorry. I didn't mean to intrude, Mr Captain, Skipper, Thingy.

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-Hey! That's MISS Captain Skipper Thingy to you.

-Oops.

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-What are you doing on my boat?

-I've had a bad day and I need your help.

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I've been thrown out of my own home, flushed down my own toilet...

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Thank you, too much information. I've got my own problems.

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-'She's around here somewhere!'

-(Stay down. And keep quiet.)

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-Why? Who are we hiding from?

-(I said quiet!)

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There's rats after me who'd like to kill me.

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Well, I'll contain my amazement.

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SHE GROANS

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All right, all right. Quiet as a mouse.

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HORN BLARES

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Over there!

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ENGINE ROARS

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-You idiot!

-Sorry about that. I'll be off, then.

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CRASH!

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Sorry.

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HORN BLARES

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Ah! Sorry. Sorry.

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-Sorry!

-'We can't let her get away!'

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HE GASPS

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HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING Shh!

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Come on, Jammy, me old mate, don't do this to me! Ugh!

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Let me go, you pink-eyed freak!

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I'm upset now.

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Agh! Whatever's going on, I assure you, I'm not involved.

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I'm an innocent bystander!

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Rita, Rita, Rita!

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EVIL LAUGHTER

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You thought you could give us the slip...

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HE SCREAMS

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THUD!

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What are you looking at? Keep still! Come on, then! Right!

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Who have we got here?

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I believe he said his name was Millicent Bystander.

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-LAUGHS

-Millicent!

-Actually, no...

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Now, then, where's the ruby, Rita?

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-The boss wants it back.

-I don't have your stupid ruby.

0:15:550:15:59

OK, are we going to do it the easy way...or the hard way?

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-I think we should do it the easy way, don't you, Spike?

-Oh!

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All right. Check the tin.

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Good girl. See, Whitey, this is how to do it.

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Watch and learn. Watch and... Ah!

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Was it in there?

0:16:230:16:25

Right! Rip it up, lads!

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Hey, you get your filthy paws off my stuff!

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-THEY SNIGGER

-It's in here somewhere.

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-I can feel it in me guts!

-That'll be last night's curry.

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I'm the same. I've got a bum like a Japanese flag.

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-Will you please tell these people I'm not involved in this?

-Fine.

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All right, listen up. This gentleman's not from around here.

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-Just look how nicely he's dressed.

-Thank you.

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-Why? Because he's an international jewel thief!

-Precisely. What?! No!

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-He stole the ruby from me!

-No, she's lying!

0:16:590:17:02

All right, all right! It's time to bring out...the Persuader.

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ALL GASP

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Your choice, mate.

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You can talk now or you can talk later. Ain't that right, Persuader?

0:17:110:17:15

'Yeah, in a much higher voice!'

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The Persuader's alive, Spike!

0:17:180:17:20

'You'll be singing like a tea kettle.' Good one, Persuader.

0:17:200:17:24

I don't even know her! I don't know anything!

0:17:240:17:28

Careful, miss. You'll injure yourself.

0:17:280:17:30

I know where it is!

0:17:300:17:33

-Come on, then. Spit it out!

-Don't you dare!

0:17:330:17:36

Look at her bottom. Is it me, or is it oddly shaped?

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You little snitch!

0:17:390:17:42

-The booty's in the booty.

-Hey! Ugh, ugh, ugh!

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ALL GASP

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Whoa-ho-ho! Thanks, mate! The boss is going to be so happy with us.

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You're toast.

0:17:570:18:00

So you're from Up Top, eh?

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I used to work in a laboratory Up Top. Yeah.

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Big shampoo job. I was dark grey when we started.

0:18:100:18:15

Still, it cleared up me dandruff.

0:18:150:18:17

HE LAUGHS

0:18:170:18:19

'The World Cup has become the most popular sporting event...'

0:18:190:18:23

Boss? Boss? We're back.

0:18:230:18:26

I've got it, boss.

0:18:260:18:29

The ruby. I found it.

0:18:290:18:32

Technically, Spike, it was Millicent that found it.

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Actually, the name's Roddy.

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And in exchange for my assistance, I was hoping you might...

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Er, you might help me out of the p-pickle I'm in.

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Aagh!

0:18:480:18:49

-Hello, Rita.

-Hello, handsome.

0:18:490:18:54

And who is this? Is your new boyfriend a waiter?

0:18:540:18:57

-Boyfriend?!

-Waiter?!

0:18:570:18:59

HE LAUGHS

0:18:590:19:01

The prize returns to me.

0:19:010:19:04

HE BLOWS ON IT

0:19:040:19:06

-Did you imagine that I'd let you steal it from me?

-You what?!

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That jewel belongs to my father, and you know it!

0:19:100:19:14

Your father?! A good-for-nothing scavenger, just like his daughter!

0:19:140:19:18

Er, excuse me. Actually, I'm the one who found your ruby.

0:19:180:19:22

So...you...erm... Perhaps you'd be generous enough

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to repay the favour and help me get home.

0:19:260:19:29

-Ah!

-Help me!

-CRUNCH!

0:19:290:19:32

Dispose of them.

0:19:320:19:34

No, no, no, please! I just want to get home to Kensington!

0:19:340:19:37

HE GASPS

0:19:370:19:39

Kensington? The Royal Borough? Up Top?

0:19:390:19:43

Yes. Up Top.

0:19:430:19:46

Huzzah! A man of quality!

0:19:460:19:50

Finally, somebody gets it.

0:19:500:19:52

Come, let me show you my private collection.

0:19:520:19:54

I know you'll find it diverting.

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RODDY LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

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TOAD LAUGHS

0:19:590:20:01

My shrine to beauty.

0:20:010:20:03

Works of high art crafted in tribute to our beloved Royal Family.

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-Victoria's bust, wrought in porcelain.

-Classy!

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-Quite lifelike, wouldn't you say?

-It's as if she were here.

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Mmm. Smooth to the touch.

0:20:160:20:19

Easy, tiger.

0:20:190:20:20

HE GIGGLES

0:20:200:20:21

But come! Let us restore the heart and highlight of my collection,

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this ruby, fallen from the very brow of ancient kings.

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A true crown jewel!

0:20:320:20:35

FEEBLE MUSIC PLAYS: "Rule, Britannia"

0:20:350:20:38

Well, what do you think?

0:20:380:20:40

He's a madman! Run away! Argh!

0:20:400:20:43

Pardon me. My fly's undone.

0:20:430:20:46

Er, well, your ruby certainly is a biggie.

0:20:460:20:50

Indeed.

0:20:500:20:52

How did it ever find me, here in the underbelly of the world?

0:20:520:20:56

In this dark, low place.

0:20:560:21:00

Yes. Speaking of which, I'd love to see more of your collection.

0:21:000:21:04

-It's very amusing, but I...

-"Amusing"?

0:21:040:21:06

Didn't you say I'd find it amusing?

0:21:060:21:09

I said you'd find it diverting, not amusing!

0:21:090:21:13

Ah! When I said "amusing", I really meant it

0:21:130:21:15

in the sense of the ancient Greek muse, the goddess of inspiration.

0:21:150:21:19

HE GASPS Muse.

0:21:190:21:21

BOING!

0:21:210:21:23

Smashing.

0:21:320:21:35

TOAD GROWLS

0:21:350:21:36

Oh, heaven help me!

0:21:360:21:38

Ice him! Ice them both!

0:21:380:21:40

Let's see if there's anything good in the fridge.

0:21:400:21:44

Former enemies, one and all.

0:21:460:21:48

A catalogue of thieves, double-crossers and do-gooders.

0:21:480:21:54

HE LAUGHS

0:21:540:21:55

Prepare to meet your maker - your ice-maker.

0:21:550:22:00

-LAUGHS

-Makes me laugh every time, that one.

0:22:000:22:03

Shut that door!

0:22:030:22:04

Liquid nitrogen?! That will freeze us instantly!

0:22:070:22:10

There's a paper clip in my pocket. See if you can get it. Ah! Pocket!

0:22:100:22:15

TOAD LAUGHS EVILLY

0:22:160:22:19

-Blimey, it's cold.

-That's why I wore me mittens.

0:22:200:22:23

Hit men don't wear mittens! Take them off! You're embarrassing me.

0:22:230:22:27

It's all right for you. You've got little hands.

0:22:270:22:30

-(Got it!)

-They don't get as cold.

0:22:300:22:32

-I ain't got little hands!

-You have. You've got lady's hands.

0:22:320:22:37

-They're lethal weapons.

-You've got your mother's hands.

0:22:370:22:41

Right. Put your hands together.

0:22:410:22:45

-You could have wiped your feet!

-Stop squirming!

0:22:460:22:51

-BEEPING

-Goodbye, vermin.

0:22:550:22:58

Now, let me see the latest addition to my Cubist collection.

0:23:020:23:08

What?! Impossible!

0:23:110:23:13

Oi! Kermit!

0:23:130:23:15

The prize returns...to me! Mwah! You big, fat, slimy airbag!

0:23:150:23:22

After them!

0:23:220:23:24

CRASH!

0:23:240:23:26

-Why are you stopping? Don't we have a plan?

-"We"? Who's "we"?

0:23:260:23:30

-Wait! You can't just leave me here!

-Faster, idiots! They're escaping!

0:23:300:23:35

Whoaaaa!

0:23:380:23:41

-No! Not the master cable!

-We have a plan?

0:23:490:23:53

-Put that back!

-Wait, wait!

0:23:530:23:56

-That will never hold both of us.

-You're right. Toodle-oo.

0:23:560:23:59

-Wait!

-F-f-f-freeze!

0:23:590:24:02

No! Don't break! There are things I want to do, sights I want to see!

0:24:070:24:11

-That wasn't on the list.

-Hey!

0:24:110:24:15

RODDY SCREAMS

0:24:150:24:17

CLANG!

0:24:170:24:18

-Do something!

-ICE CRACKS

0:24:180:24:22

BOTH: Whoa!

0:24:260:24:27

Keep your legs straight when you hit the water!

0:24:270:24:31

THUD!

0:24:330:24:35

-I kept me legs straight, Spike.

-GROANS

0:24:350:24:38

-THUD!

-Ow!

0:24:380:24:39

Good grief, that's high. Quite high. Rather high. So very, very high.

0:24:390:24:44

Hmmm.

0:24:440:24:45

Huh?!

0:24:460:24:48

Yeah, cool! See ya!

0:24:490:24:53

Oh, if she can do it... Here goes.

0:25:100:25:16

Ah!

0:25:170:25:18

Hee-hee!

0:25:180:25:20

Ah!

0:25:200:25:21

HE GASPS

0:25:210:25:23

Ow!

0:25:230:25:24

Oh-h!

0:25:250:25:26

Ah-ha-ha!

0:25:270:25:29

THUD! And gently down.

0:25:290:25:33

-Ugh!

-My ball! It's my ball! It's mine!

0:25:350:25:39

(Rita?) Rita!

0:25:390:25:41

Oh, where is she? Rita!

0:25:440:25:48

-Ah!

-Target at 12 o'clock! Oh, come on!

0:25:480:25:52

Careful, Whitey. That's a banana skin.

0:25:540:25:58

-Rita!

-Phew! Over there!

0:26:030:26:06

THEY SQUEAL

0:26:060:26:08

HORN BLARES

0:26:130:26:15

Ah! Oh!

0:26:180:26:21

LAUGHTER

0:26:210:26:23

You look pretty ridiculous now, Millicent.

0:26:230:26:26

-RODDY SCREAMS

-Keep your legs straight!

0:26:300:26:33

-THUD!

-Ah!

0:26:330:26:34

HE GROANS

0:26:370:26:40

What are you, some kind of rat boomerang?! Give me back my ruby!

0:26:440:26:48

I haven't got your ruby!

0:26:480:26:50

OK. Well, NOW I've got your ruby.

0:26:510:26:56

Ah-ah-ah!

0:26:580:27:01

Please be careful. That ruby means a lot to me. It's priceless!

0:27:020:27:06

Hold on. It's a fake.

0:27:060:27:09

-SHE GIGGLES

-No, it's bloomin' not. It's real!

0:27:090:27:12

-No, no, no, look, it's just glass.

-It's real!

-Fake.

0:27:120:27:15

-Real!

-Fake.

-Real!

-Fake.

0:27:150:27:17

-Real!

-Fake.

-Real!

-Fake.

-Real!

-Fake.

-Real!

0:27:170:27:20

Look, look, look. You can tell. Watch this.

0:27:200:27:23

-GLASS BREAKS

-Ah!

0:27:230:27:24

There, you see? You can't break a real ruby.

0:27:260:27:29

Ah, right. I probably shouldn't have done that.

0:27:300:27:34

But look on the bright side, I've saved your neck.

0:27:340:27:36

Once the Toad knows it's worthless, he'll stop chasing you for it.

0:27:360:27:40

Roddy St James saves the day.

0:27:400:27:42

Whoa! CRASH!

0:27:420:27:44

Good grief! You try to do somebody a favour, and they... Ow!

0:27:450:27:50

-A favour?! That ruby was...

-Ow!

0:27:500:27:53

..from Queen Elizabeth's crown! Fell down the Buckingham Palace drains!

0:27:530:27:57

-Maybe the Queen wears fake jewellery.

-Keep still!

0:27:570:28:02

-Can we just talk about this?

-Real or not,

0:28:020:28:05

that ruby was going to change...my...life!

0:28:050:28:08

-PHONE RINGS

-'Han Chin Chinese takeout.'

0:28:080:28:10

A madwoman's attacking me with crayons!

0:28:100:28:13

-'One chicken chow mein. With wonton?'

-No, crayons!

0:28:130:28:15

-'No wonton! You want rice? Fried or white?'

-Fried. No, wait!

0:28:150:28:19

-'You want wonton or what?'

-Cancel that order.

0:28:190:28:22

-Rita?

-Just go away, please.

0:28:230:28:27

I'm...I'm sorry.

0:28:270:28:31

-SHE TUTS

-Sorry?!

0:28:310:28:34

Me and my dad worked these drains for years.

0:28:340:28:37

He broke every bone in his body trying to get that ruby.

0:28:370:28:41

It was going to be the answer to all our prayers.

0:28:410:28:45

Now it turns out it was a stupid fake.

0:28:450:28:48

Well, maybe I can make it up to you.

0:28:490:28:53

-Get stuffed.

-No, no, no. I mean it.

0:28:530:28:56

Back at my place, we've got a jewellery box crammed with rubies.

0:28:560:29:00

Real ones! All you have to do is get me home to Kensington...

0:29:000:29:04

and I'll make you rich beyond your wildest dreams.

0:29:040:29:08

SHE SIGHS

0:29:080:29:10

How do I know this ain't just a load of old rubbish?

0:29:100:29:14

Well, I suppose you'll just have to trust me.

0:29:140:29:18

I must be out of my mind.

0:29:180:29:22

All right. You've got yourself a deal.

0:29:220:29:24

-SHE SPITS

-Go on.

0:29:240:29:28

-You too.

-HE SPITS

0:29:280:29:32

Your own hand!

0:29:320:29:34

SQUELCHES

0:29:370:29:38

Where are those idiots?

0:29:440:29:47

It's so hard to get good help these days, my boys. Yes, that's right.

0:29:470:29:51

Come on out, my lovelies. Cheer your old dad up.

0:29:510:29:55

-SOFTLY:

-Poor Daddy...

0:29:550:29:57

-HARSHLY:

-..surrounded by filthy rats in this joyless, sunless void!

0:29:570:30:02

-SOFTLY:

-But don't worry, little men.

0:30:020:30:04

-HARSHLY:

-Daddy will get rid of them all!

0:30:040:30:07

-SOFTLY:

-He will. They'll all be deady-weady. Mwah!

0:30:070:30:12

THEY SNIGGER

0:30:120:30:14

-SOFTLY:

-Did you find it?

-Huh?!

0:30:140:30:18

Ach! Did you find it?

0:30:180:30:19

Er, well, we got most of it, boss.

0:30:190:30:24

Forget the ruby! It's the master cable that I want...

0:30:240:30:27

CRACKLES

0:30:270:30:28

..the one that grubby creature Rita took.

0:30:280:30:31

BOTH: Oh!

0:30:310:30:32

-Without it, my plan is ruined!

-OK, chief. Forget the ruby.

0:30:320:30:37

Ruby's gone. See? See? Moving on. We are now your cable guys.

0:30:370:30:42

Focused. Cable-centric, boss.

0:30:420:30:45

You need to be back in time for the World Cup Final.

0:30:450:30:48

Great! Are we watching the game together?

0:30:480:30:51

-TOAD SHOUTS:

-Just get the cable!

0:30:520:30:54

-Ah!

-Keep your legs straight!

0:30:540:30:56

Are you sure we should be stopping with those goons on our tail?

0:30:560:31:00

We aren't gonna get far without a map, are we?

0:31:000:31:02

CREAKS

0:31:020:31:03

-Is that a house?

-Yes, and it's very dangerous.

0:31:030:31:08

-So...

-Aagh!

-..why don't you wait here?

0:31:080:31:11

Waiting here. Excellent idea.

0:31:110:31:13

-Watch out for the piranha.

-Oh!

0:31:130:31:15

-VOICES

-'Rita!'

-Ah!

0:31:150:31:18

Here you go, Annie, Seamus. Mimi, get your finger out of your nose.

0:31:240:31:28

-Fergus. Jojo, no biting.

-That is well good!

0:31:280:31:32

ALL: Rita!

0:31:320:31:34

-SCREAMS

-Ugh!

0:31:340:31:37

-Ta-dah! Rita's back!

-Oh, Rita!

0:31:370:31:40

-Mum! Oh, Mum.

-Thank goodness you're safe.

0:31:400:31:43

Rita!

0:31:460:31:49

-Hello, Dad.

-Give us a hug, girl! Whoa!

0:31:490:31:53

-Ugh!

-Ugh!

-Ugh!

0:31:530:31:57

Mum, there's a Peeping Tom outside!

0:31:570:32:00

Tom?! Ohh, it's Tom Jones!

0:32:000:32:04

-Mother, it's not Tom Jones.

-That's just my passenger.

0:32:040:32:09

-He's very good-looking.

-He is not coming in.

0:32:090:32:13

-Soup's on!

-ANNOYED SIGH

0:32:130:32:16

It's lovely. Thanks, Mum.

0:32:160:32:20

How long have you been Rita's boyfriend?

0:32:250:32:28

-He's not my boyfriend!

-BLOWS RASPBERRY

0:32:280:32:31

-Are you going to make an honest woman of my daughter?

-Dad!

0:32:310:32:34

We were thinking of a spring wedding, weren't we, cream puff?

0:32:340:32:37

I want all of you to know he's...

0:32:370:32:40

-Tom Jones!

-Ugh.

0:32:400:32:43

So your name is Roddy, is that right?

0:32:430:32:45

-Yes, that's right. Roddy St James.

-What a beautiful name.

0:32:450:32:49

-Hi, Roddy.

-And who might you be?

-They call me Shocky.

0:32:490:32:52

Why do they call you that? Ow!

0:32:520:32:56

Rita, where are you taking this handsome young man?

0:32:560:33:00

That's why I need your maps, Dad. Because he's from, er...

0:33:000:33:04

-SHE COUGHS

-..Up Top.

0:33:040:33:06

HE COUGHS

0:33:060:33:07

Kitchen. Now.

0:33:090:33:12

Sing us a song, Tom!

0:33:120:33:16

-I'm not saying it isn't risky.

-But it's impossible!

0:33:160:33:18

No-one's ever got past the rapids at Hyde Park.

0:33:180:33:22

Dad! Dad! He's gonna pay us.

0:33:220:33:25

For the last time, we don't need the money!

0:33:250:33:29

SPLASH!

0:33:310:33:32

A new stove might be nice(!)

0:33:320:33:34

# Talkin' about the little lady... #

0:33:340:33:38

Go, Tom! Go!

0:33:380:33:39

Sing to my heart! You hot, young thing, you.

0:33:390:33:43

# ..about that old lady... # Oh!

0:33:430:33:45

# ..And the lady wears big undies... #

0:33:450:33:48

Huge undies.

0:33:480:33:49

Psst! Rita!

0:33:490:33:51

It's OK. It's me, Liam. Quick, in the kitchen.

0:33:510:33:56

I love you, Tom!

0:33:560:33:59

This bloke isn't who he says he is.

0:33:590:34:00

His real name's Millicent Bystander. He's an international jewel thief,

0:34:000:34:04

-a super-criminal.

-SHE GROANS

0:34:040:34:06

Looks like he crossed the Toad and got away with it.

0:34:060:34:09

He's a dangerous man, but I'm a thinker. I've got a plan.

0:34:090:34:11

-# She ba-ba-ba-do-bop... #

-More! More!

0:34:110:34:15

-That was brilliant!

-Oh, it was nothing.

0:34:150:34:19

-So you're from Up Top?

-Yes.

0:34:190:34:22

-I've met one of your lot before.

-Oh?

-Used to be some old lady's pet.

0:34:220:34:26

-That's nice.

-Terribly lonely for him, though.

0:34:260:34:29

-He had no-one to talk to.

-No-one to cuddle with!

0:34:290:34:33

-No-one to shocky.

-That's no life, is it?

0:34:330:34:37

I'd better get these dishes started.

0:34:370:34:41

-Please, permit me.

-Oh!

0:34:410:34:44

You're such a gentleman!

0:34:440:34:47

Great! So I hand Roddy over to the Toad and claim the reward.

0:34:470:34:51

Then we're all sitting pretty for the rest of our lives.

0:34:510:34:55

-Is that the idea?

-The Toad will pay a fortune for him.

0:34:550:34:58

He's a bad one anyway, so that's all right, isn't it?

0:34:580:35:01

You cheeky little monkey! I won't have no son of mine acting the rat.

0:35:010:35:05

We never go back on our word.

0:35:050:35:07

-He's gonna steal your boat.

-He won't.

0:35:070:35:10

-He's stealing it.

-He isn't...

0:35:100:35:12

-ENGINE REVS

-He stole your boat.

-What?!

0:35:120:35:14

He's like Robin Hood in reverse.

0:35:140:35:18

Oi!

0:35:180:35:19

-I thought we had a deal!

-So did I!

0:35:190:35:22

Ah!

0:35:240:35:26

This is an emergency! Get out of the way! Emergency!

0:35:260:35:30

Keep clear! I'm coming, Mr Jones, I'm coming!

0:35:300:35:33

-Marry me, Mr Jones!

-Roddy!

0:35:330:35:36

That double-crossing little schemer.

0:35:400:35:42

I don't need her. I mean, anyone can get out and sail. Look at me!

0:35:420:35:46

CRASH!

0:35:460:35:47

Sid, you're in for a big surprise.

0:35:470:35:50

-Look out!

-HE SCREAMS

0:35:500:35:52

CRASH! Sorry!

0:35:520:35:54

PHONE RINGS

0:35:540:35:56

Sid's Tattoo and Hot Dog Parlour.

0:35:560:35:58

'It's Roddy. Remember me? The butler?!'

0:35:580:36:02

Roddy!

0:36:020:36:03

Listen, you! If you're still there when I get back...

0:36:030:36:06

-SID BELCHES

-'Back?!'

0:36:060:36:07

And how are you going to do that?

0:36:070:36:10

CRASH! What was that?

0:36:100:36:11

'Gotta go, Rodders.'

0:36:110:36:13

If I find one thing out of place... Ah!

0:36:130:36:16

SPLASH!

0:36:160:36:18

SINGING

0:36:300:36:31

# Here's a little song I wrote

0:36:350:36:38

# You might want to sing it note for note

0:36:380:36:41

# Don't worry

0:36:410:36:43

# Be happy

0:36:440:36:45

-# Don't worry, be happy now... #

-HE GROANS

0:36:450:36:50

Where are they hiding?

0:36:530:36:55

Think. Think.

0:36:550:36:58

To find a rat, you've got to think like a rat. Tsk-tsk...

0:36:580:37:03

Hey, guys. I've had a tip-off. They're heading west to Kensington.

0:37:050:37:10

-Bingo!

-Scrabble! Ha-ha-ha.

0:37:100:37:14

-Enough games! To the ratmobiles!

-BATMAN ACTION MUSIC

0:37:140:37:18

OK, OK. We can fix it.

0:37:180:37:21

Yes, we can. Obviously...

0:37:210:37:23

Ah! Fairly major burn to the hand. Smell of burning flesh.

0:37:230:37:28

Maybe I should just...

0:37:280:37:29

ELECTRICITY CRACKLES Ow!

0:37:290:37:31

ELECTRICITY CRACKLES Ow!

0:37:310:37:34

Grr! Ah! Ow! That really hurt!

0:37:340:37:38

Just start, you worthless old pile of rubbish!

0:37:380:37:41

You useless, unreliable...

0:37:410:37:44

..untrustworthy, double-crossing, two-faced, conniving little toerag!

0:37:440:37:50

Ha! Ha! Oh! So I'M the double-crosser?

0:37:500:37:55

Oh, yes, that's rich! I overheard everything.

0:37:550:37:59

Yes, you and your family were going to sell me to the Toad!

0:37:590:38:02

What? You dipstick! That was my stupid little brother's plan.

0:38:020:38:08

-And no-one listens to him.

-Ah, must have missed that part.

0:38:080:38:13

How could you think I'd sell you out?

0:38:130:38:15

When I make a deal, I make a deal. Your hair's on fire.

0:38:150:38:20

What? Oh!

0:38:200:38:22

Rita, look... I'm sorry. I was wrong.

0:38:240:38:28

I think we should just put it behind us.

0:38:280:38:31

OK. I suppose I can put it behind me.

0:38:320:38:36

This is such an overreaction!

0:38:360:38:40

Rita, you can't just leave me here on a...duck!

0:38:400:38:44

Up the creek without a...

0:38:440:38:47

You're getting everything you deserve.

0:38:470:38:49

Sneaking around, eavesdropping on other people's conversations.

0:38:490:38:53

-I was not sneaking around.

-Right.

0:38:530:38:56

I say, you can't really intend to just strand me like this.

0:38:560:39:01

ENGINE CHUGS You're not that heartless.

0:39:010:39:03

OK, maybe you are.

0:39:030:39:06

If you're trying to teach me a lesson, consider it taught!

0:39:060:39:09

I'm on a duck, begging!

0:39:090:39:11

MUSIC PLAYS

0:39:200:39:23

# Ice-cold Rita

0:39:230:39:25

# Never did I meet a Girl who's half so cruel

0:39:250:39:30

# I offered her a jewel

0:39:300:39:32

# But she left me stuck Stranded on a duck

0:39:320:39:34

# What a shoddy thing to do to Roddy Me!

0:39:340:39:38

# That's Roddy St James of Kensington

0:39:380:39:41

# Poor, poor Roddy

0:39:410:39:43

# Flushed down his own potty

0:39:430:39:46

# Rita, can't you find it in your heart

0:39:460:39:49

-DEEP VOICE:

-# To help him?

0:39:490:39:52

# How mean can one rat be?

0:39:520:39:54

# Ice-cold Rita

0:39:540:39:56

ALL: # Won't you be sweeter to me? #

0:39:560:40:01

Oh! Ah!

0:40:020:40:04

-Am I forgiven?

-No.

0:40:050:40:08

I was afraid you'd sing another verse.

0:40:080:40:10

I wasn't eavesdropping, I swear.

0:40:100:40:13

-Oh, really?

-Ah! Whoa!

0:40:130:40:16

What were you doing, then, Roddy?

0:40:160:40:19

Well, I was actually just watching you with your family...

0:40:190:40:24

and...thinking how lucky you were.

0:40:240:40:28

-SHE SIGHS

-Lucky? Stuck with you?

0:40:350:40:39

-So our deal's still on?

-Sure it is.

0:40:390:40:43

HE SPITS

0:40:430:40:44

SHE SPITS

0:40:460:40:48

Look, I really want to help out more around here. Just give me a job.

0:40:480:40:52

Anything. Engineer, navigator. I could drive for a bit, if you like.

0:40:520:40:56

Hmph.

0:40:560:40:58

-Pick on someone your own size!

-You heard the captain.

-Get lost!

0:40:580:41:02

There's no room for passengers on this boat.

0:41:020:41:05

GROWLS

0:41:050:41:06

Let go, you sticky little... Ah!

0:41:060:41:10

-I'm the captain, and I say go left.

-Would that be port or starboard?

0:41:120:41:16

There they are! Go get them, lads!

0:41:160:41:20

WHISKS WHIRR

0:41:200:41:23

-Hee-hee!

-ELECTRICITY CRACKLES

0:41:240:41:27

-Rita!

-Hmm.

0:41:270:41:30

CACKLES

0:41:300:41:32

Wait for it. Wait for it. Now!

0:41:320:41:35

Ugh!

0:41:360:41:37

Come and have a go if you think you're fast enough!

0:41:370:41:41

HE SCREAMS

0:41:410:41:43

-Hold on, Roddy!

-Get that cable, lads!

0:41:430:41:48

WARBLES LIKE TARZAN

0:41:480:41:51

MUSIC: "Bohemian Like You" by The Dandy Warhols

0:41:510:41:55

You may now kiss the bride.

0:41:550:41:58

SPLASH! Er, congratulations, by the way!

0:42:000:42:03

SHE GASPS

0:42:030:42:04

HORNS HONK

0:42:040:42:05

-Watch your starboard!

-Rita!

0:42:050:42:08

BLOWS RASPBERRY Rita!

0:42:110:42:14

-Can we go a little faster, please?

-We don't have to!

0:42:140:42:17

-Go, go, purple custard!

-Oh!

0:42:190:42:23

-Whoa!

-Ah!

0:42:280:42:30

Whoa!

0:42:320:42:35

End of the line, Millicent.

0:42:350:42:36

-Rita, try and go right!

-What?

-Just trust me!

0:42:420:42:46

-I hope you know what you're doing!

-Whoa!

0:42:460:42:50

-Now head for the rope!

-OK.

0:42:500:42:52

GASPS

0:43:000:43:01

Oh, no!

0:43:030:43:06

-Well done, Roddy!

-Hooray! We did it! We did it!

0:43:060:43:09

-We didn't do it.

-Hee-hee-hee!

0:43:110:43:13

Whoa! Get me back on the boat!

0:43:130:43:16

Whoa!

0:43:170:43:19

-HE GROANS Thank you.

-You're welcome.

0:43:190:43:23

Are you sure about this? These things are supposed to be dangerous.

0:43:230:43:28

Danger is my middle name.

0:43:280:43:30

-I thought it was Leslie.

-Grrr!

0:43:300:43:33

-Just thought I'd drop in.

-Rita, do something quick! Anything!

0:43:390:43:44

Hang on tight!

0:43:450:43:47

ENGINE ROARS

0:43:500:43:51

Whoa! HE CACKLES

0:43:510:43:54

-STRING GROANS

-Uh-oh!

0:43:560:43:58

Any last requests?

0:43:590:44:01

Yes. Could you fly quite suddenly off the boat, screaming like a girl?

0:44:010:44:05

-What...?

-SCREAMS LIKE A GIRL

0:44:050:44:07

RITA LAUGHS

0:44:070:44:08

Oh, dear.

0:44:190:44:21

Whoa-ho!

0:44:220:44:25

Yes!

0:44:250:44:28

# Sailing

0:44:280:44:30

# Takes me away to where I always... #

0:44:300:44:35

Look-k-k...out-t-t!

0:44:350:44:39

THEY SCREAM

0:44:410:44:43

You darn foreigners!

0:44:440:44:46

SPIKE GROANS

0:44:500:44:52

Do you think the boss will be annoyed with us?

0:44:520:44:55

-TOAD:

-You incompetent cheese-eaters!

0:44:550:44:58

-You let them escape?!

-Ah!

0:44:580:45:02

I should never have sent rodents to do an amphibian's job.

0:45:020:45:06

Where is he? Why is he always late?

0:45:060:45:09

-Oh.

-SLURPS

0:45:090:45:12

En garde! Parry! Thrust!

0:45:120:45:16

-Le Frog?!

-CHUCKLES

0:45:160:45:20

-HUSKY FRENCH ACCENT:

-Bonjour.

0:45:230:45:26

You're late, Le Frog.

0:45:260:45:28

Fashionably late, my annoying English cousin. I know no other way.

0:45:280:45:32

Listen. Rita and her new accomplice have stolen something irreplaceable.

0:45:320:45:37

It's all right, boss! We've got another one! Ah!

0:45:370:45:41

A master cable of unique design and purpose.

0:45:410:45:45

THUD!

0:45:450:45:46

-I want it back.

-Don't worry. I'll get it back.

0:45:460:45:49

Once it is returned, my plan will be complete.

0:45:490:45:52

HE GROANS

0:45:520:45:53

To wash away, once and for all, the curse, the scourge of...

0:45:530:45:58

-WHISPERS:

-(..rats.)

0:45:590:46:02

Forgive me, my warty English cousin,

0:46:020:46:05

but this bizarre obsession with the rats, it is not good for you.

0:46:050:46:10

You are becoming what we French call le fruitcake.

0:46:100:46:14

Perhaps you forget that it was a rat who cast me from paradise!

0:46:140:46:20

Oh, please! Not the scrapbook again!

0:46:200:46:23

My memoirs.

0:46:230:46:26

Volume one details the dire and tragic story of my youth.

0:46:260:46:30

Oh, mon Dieu!

0:46:300:46:32

Of all the pets in Buckingham Palace,

0:46:320:46:36

young Prince Charles fancied me the best.

0:46:360:46:39

LE FROG GROANS

0:46:390:46:41

We would frolic day after sunny day in royal abandon,

0:46:410:46:45

sharing that sweet and ever magical bond between boy and toad.

0:46:450:46:49

-You're going to make me throw up.

-We were inseparable until...

0:46:490:46:54

-..it arrived.

-SQUEAKS

0:46:540:46:56

That rat! While the poor boy's head was turned,

0:46:570:47:01

I was cruelly plunged into a whirlpool of despair.

0:47:010:47:07

HE SOBS

0:47:070:47:08

I know, I know. You were flushed away down the loo, right? Bleurgh!

0:47:080:47:13

Oi. Boo-hoo-hoo.

0:47:130:47:16

-It is so dark, so cold, so terrible!

-HE LAUGHS

0:47:160:47:22

-You find my pain funny?

-I find everyone's pain funny but my own.

0:47:220:47:26

I'm French.

0:47:260:47:29

-Just get the cable!

-Henchfrogs!

0:47:290:47:32

We have a mission. Let nothing stand in our way.

0:47:320:47:37

We leave immediately.

0:47:370:47:40

What about dinner?

0:47:400:47:43

We leave...in five hours.

0:47:450:47:48

# Love, love, love, love... #

0:47:520:47:57

-SLURPS

-Mmm!

0:47:570:48:00

-This is quite tasty.

-Thanks.

0:48:010:48:04

Not too bad, considering I only had an apple, six raisins and rice.

0:48:040:48:08

Rice?!

0:48:080:48:09

# What's that urge from deep inside?

0:48:090:48:13

BOTH: # The need to hurl won't be denied

0:48:130:48:16

# That isn't rice That's maggots you're eating

0:48:160:48:21

# Larvae, larvae, larvae... # Whee!

0:48:210:48:24

SPLASH!

0:48:240:48:25

That explains why it all ran to one side when I put the salt in.

0:48:250:48:28

HE COUGHS

0:48:280:48:30

You know... I think we did pretty well today.

0:48:300:48:35

I suppose maybe I misjudged you a bit. I mean, you're not...

0:48:350:48:39

Do I hear an actual compliment coming?

0:48:390:48:41

Never mind.

0:48:410:48:43

No, no, no, say it.

0:48:430:48:45

You're not entirely the useless, whiney,

0:48:450:48:48

stuck-up, pompous big girl's blouse I thought you were.

0:48:480:48:51

There. Was that so hard?

0:48:510:48:53

We'd better get some rest if we're going to get you home tomorrow.

0:48:530:48:57

Catch!

0:48:570:49:00

-Huh.

-Tell me about yourself, Roddy.

0:49:010:49:05

Well, there's not much to tell.

0:49:050:49:08

You know everything about me, warts and all. I don't know what you do.

0:49:080:49:13

I'm... I'm in a boy band.

0:49:130:49:16

-What?!

-Yeah. Yeah, I'm the posh one.

0:49:160:49:19

SHE LAUGHS

0:49:190:49:20

I'm serious. Tell me about your life Up Top. Friends, family.

0:49:200:49:25

Er...

0:49:250:49:26

-You do have a family, don't you?

-Of course I do.

0:49:260:49:30

Brothers, sisters, cousins. We're quite a clan.

0:49:300:49:34

You wouldn't believe the fun we have.

0:49:340:49:35

Hanging out at the movies, playing golf, going skiing.

0:49:350:49:40

It's just so great!

0:49:400:49:42

No wonder you want to get home.

0:49:420:49:45

Yeah.

0:49:450:49:47

Well, I guess tomorrow we'll both get what we want.

0:49:470:49:52

-Good night.

-Good night, Roddy.

0:49:530:49:56

Good night.

0:49:580:50:00

Good night.

0:50:000:50:03

HIGH-PITCHED: Good night.

0:50:030:50:04

Good night.

0:50:040:50:06

DEEP VOICE: Good night.

0:50:060:50:07

Good night, Roddy.

0:50:070:50:10

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

0:50:100:50:12

CRUNCH! Ah!

0:50:120:50:13

-GIGGLES

-Whee!

0:50:140:50:17

-HORN BELLOWS Wah!

-Wakey-wakey!

0:50:310:50:35

We're getting close to Kensington. Tie down anything loose.

0:50:350:50:38

It's going to be a bumpy ride.

0:50:380:50:40

HE YAWNS Aye-aye, captain.

0:50:400:50:42

ACCORDION PLAYS

0:50:430:50:45

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

0:50:530:50:55

HE SCREAMS

0:50:550:50:56

-Bonjour!

-Bonjour!

-Bonjour!

-Bonjour!

-Bonjour!

0:50:560:51:00

Who invited you onboard? Hop it! Hop it!

0:51:000:51:04

The English little girly, she's so aggressive.

0:51:040:51:09

-SHE SIGHS

-Le Frog.

0:51:090:51:11

I like a woman with a little fire.

0:51:110:51:15

-Mwah!

-SLAP!

0:51:150:51:17

You're going to pay for that, my little chocolate croissant!

0:51:170:51:21

But first, a word from our sponsor.

0:51:210:51:23

-CLICKS FINGERS

-Marcel?

0:51:230:51:25

ACCORDION PLAYS

0:51:250:51:28

-PHONE RINGS

-'Ah-ha.'

0:51:350:51:40

I should have known.

0:51:400:51:42

'Well done, Le Frog! I salute you, sir.'

0:51:420:51:45

Oof!

0:51:450:51:46

'Now then, Rita, hand it over.'

0:51:460:51:49

Hand what over?

0:51:490:51:50

HE GROANS

0:51:500:51:51

'This dance of deception must end.

0:51:510:51:54

'Return what you have stolen from me.

0:51:540:51:57

-'Enough dancing!'

-I don't have it any more.

0:51:570:52:01

-It was a fake anyway.

-'What?!

0:52:010:52:04

'Oh, the ruby!'

0:52:040:52:06

ROARS WITH LAUGHTER

0:52:060:52:09

He's cuckoo, but family.

0:52:110:52:14

-'Oh, this is rich.'

-SPLASH!

0:52:140:52:17

'The ruby was a pretty thing.'

0:52:170:52:19

'Stop that. But nothing when compared to the master cable.'

0:52:210:52:26

The master what?

0:52:260:52:28

'The cab... Turn.'

0:52:280:52:31

'The cable! The one you're now wearing as a belt.'

0:52:330:52:37

-If that's all he wants...

-Hang on.

0:52:370:52:40

What do you want it for anyway?

0:52:400:52:42

'Oh, you'll see, come the World Cup Final this afternoon.'

0:52:420:52:46

HE LAUGHS

0:52:460:52:47

The World Cup Final? HE CHOKES

0:52:470:52:50

Take a breath. Leave it to me. We'll get your cable, kill the rodents,

0:52:500:52:54

then me and my team can settle down to a decent breakfast.

0:52:540:52:57

-OK, men, to action!

-We surrender!

0:52:570:53:02

No, not that one, you idiots! The kung fu thing!

0:53:020:53:06

ALL: Oh!

0:53:060:53:07

MARTIAL ARTS CRIES

0:53:070:53:10

(I've got a plan.)

0:53:100:53:12

-Go for it.

-Fly at twelve o'clock!

0:53:150:53:19

Oh, bother!

0:53:190:53:21

'Fools! Grab them!'

0:53:240:53:26

'Le Frog! No! Get that cable!'

0:53:300:53:34

-Mon Dieu!

-'You rats, this is not over yet!'

0:53:340:53:37

-Roddy! The rapids!

-HE GASPS

0:53:390:53:42

THEY GASP

0:53:420:53:43

Oh, no!

0:53:430:53:46

En garde! Hee-hee.

0:53:530:53:56

-Ha!

-Rita? We're going over!

0:53:560:54:00

-Do something!

-THEY SOUND THE ALARM

0:54:000:54:05

Whoa!

0:54:120:54:15

Whoa!

0:54:190:54:21

Gotcha!

0:54:220:54:24

HE LAUGHS

0:54:260:54:28

Au revoir, ma cherie!

0:54:280:54:32

-Take your flippers off me!

-HE LAUGHS

0:54:320:54:35

I have triumphed!

0:54:360:54:39

You stupid English, with your Yorkshire puddings

0:54:390:54:43

and your chips and fish, you thought you could defeat Le Frog? Un...

0:54:430:54:47

SHE GASPS

0:54:470:54:49

THEY SCREAM

0:54:490:54:51

-..deux...

-Ah!

0:54:510:54:54

..trois!

0:54:540:54:55

ALL SCREAM

0:54:550:54:59

Nibble for your life!

0:54:590:55:01

HE LAUGHS

0:55:060:55:08

My belt, I think.

0:55:090:55:11

-You rodents!

-THEY BLOW RASPBERRY

0:55:110:55:15

WATER GURGLES

0:55:150:55:16

Goodbye, Jammy, me old mate.

0:55:160:55:18

Whoa!

0:55:230:55:25

-We're OK, we're OK.

-Try opening your eyes!

0:55:320:55:36

HE SCREAMS

0:55:360:55:38

We're over Kensington!

0:55:390:55:41

Only a terrifying 900ft drop between you and a comfortable bed.

0:55:410:55:46

-Where's your house, then?

-Right, now, let me see...

0:55:460:55:50

Er, Inverness Gardens, Vicarage Gate, Kensington High Street. Go left!

0:55:500:55:54

That's it! Now go right. Yeah. This is gonna be tricky.

0:55:540:55:59

-Yeah, and everything else has been a piece of cake.

-OK, here we go.

0:55:590:56:03

Er, 45...

0:56:030:56:06

47...49...now!

0:56:060:56:10

BOTH SCREAM

0:56:110:56:12

THUD! Ow!

0:56:120:56:14

-Ow!

-Well, I've had softer landings.

0:56:170:56:22

HE CHUCKLES We did it.

0:56:250:56:28

I'm home. The crew of the Jammy Dodger survives!

0:56:280:56:34

Yep.

0:56:340:56:36

Rita?

0:56:360:56:38

Oh, of course. I'm such an idiot. The Dodger.

0:56:390:56:44

Wasn't your fault, Rod. Quite an adventure, though, wasn't it?

0:56:440:56:49

Rita, I am so sorry.

0:56:490:56:53

But I think I might be able to cheer you up.

0:56:530:56:56

Ta-dah! As promised, the Kensington jewels.

0:56:570:57:02

A genuine star-cut ruby.

0:57:020:57:05

It's just beautiful!

0:57:050:57:08

And the best part? Unbreakable.

0:57:080:57:11

I don't know what to say.

0:57:150:57:17

You think it will be enough? I mean, to take care of your family?

0:57:170:57:20

And maybe this could be the Jammy Dodger Mark II.

0:57:230:57:26

Well...I suppose this is it.

0:57:330:57:38

Thank you...f-for the lift.

0:57:380:57:42

You're welcome.

0:57:420:57:44

-Roddy?

-Yes?

0:57:460:57:48

-I don't suppose you'd have time to give me a quick tour?

-Of course.

0:57:480:57:53

-I'd love to meet your family.

-HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

0:57:530:57:58

Hello? TYRES SCREECH

0:57:580:58:01

Hello, hello, hello? Anybody home?

0:58:010:58:03

Wouldn't you know it? All out, every one of them.

0:58:030:58:06

Wait! Wait, wait, wait.

0:58:060:58:08

CRASH!

0:58:090:58:10

-SPLAT!

-What is that?

0:58:120:58:15

Oh, that. That's my master bedroom.

0:58:150:58:19

-It's a cage.

-No! It's not, actually.

0:58:190:58:22

-Then why the lock and bars?

-That's my, erm...

0:58:220:58:26

home security system.

0:58:260:58:28

So much to see, so little time to see it in. Shall we?

0:58:300:58:33

Roddy. You're all alone up here, aren't you?

0:58:330:58:39

'Goal!'

0:58:420:58:44

-Who's that?

-Erm...

0:58:440:58:46

that would be... my brother!

0:58:460:58:48

-SID LAUGHS

-What a game! I can't believe it!

0:58:480:58:51

He shoots! He scores! Back of the net! Group hug.

0:58:510:58:55

HE GASPS

0:58:550:58:56

-Oh, hello.

-Rita, this is...Rupert!

-What?!

0:58:560:59:01

This is Rita. She's been so looking forward to meeting my brother.

0:59:010:59:06

-Oh...

-Obviously, there's not a huge family resemblance.

0:59:060:59:10

I rather got the brains and, er...

0:59:100:59:12

well, actually, I got the looks too, but we're very close, aren't we?

0:59:120:59:16

How time flies when you're having fun! Still, on with the tour.

0:59:160:59:21

-Hello, Sid.

-Hello, Rita.

0:59:210:59:24

-How's your dad?

-Better, yeah. Thanks for asking.

0:59:240:59:27

-Rupert?!

-HE LAUGHS

0:59:270:59:30

What was that all about? Come here, you poor little thing.

0:59:300:59:33

Look at his little face. Have you ever seen anything so pathetic?

0:59:330:59:37

-Brothers?!

-HE LAUGHS

0:59:370:59:39

All Mr Lonely has got is a couple of dolls

0:59:390:59:42

and a little wheel to run around in his cage.

0:59:420:59:46

Oh, this is too sweet!

0:59:460:59:49

What a lo-ser!

0:59:490:59:52

Oh, it's OK, Roddy.

0:59:540:59:58

OK?! Look at this place, Rita.

1:00:001:00:03

Look at my home. It's a palace!

1:00:031:00:06

I can do whatever I want, whenever I want to.

1:00:061:00:09

I'd say that's a little more than OK, wouldn't you?

1:00:091:00:13

What do I need a family for? What do I need friends for?

1:00:131:00:16

I'm sorry, but if you have everything you need, then...

1:00:161:00:20

I really have to get going.

1:00:201:00:22

I have a serious infestation to deal with.

1:00:221:00:25

I'll say goodbye, then...

1:00:261:00:30

Roddy St James...of Kensington.

1:00:301:00:34

TOILET FLUSHES

1:00:491:00:51

HE SIGHS

1:00:561:00:59

SINGING

1:01:001:01:03

# Lonely

1:01:061:01:08

# I'm Mr Lonely

1:01:081:01:11

# I have nobody

1:01:111:01:14

# For my own... #

1:01:141:01:17

SINGING STOPS

1:01:171:01:19

'Only ten minutes left till half-time. What an amazing match...'

1:01:211:01:25

Come on, England! Fantastic!

1:01:251:01:27

'A rare attack here by Germany, but it comes to very little.'

1:01:271:01:32

Come here, bro! Rupert's missing his Rodsy-Wodsy. Ha-ha-ha!

1:01:321:01:37

Here, have a cheese puff.

1:01:371:01:40

Have another. Here you go. No?!

1:01:421:01:45

D'uh. You're supposed to eat them.

1:01:451:01:47

-Move...over.

-What?

1:01:471:01:50

HE SHOUTS Move over!

1:01:501:01:52

I'll take some of that.

1:01:531:01:55

HE GLUGS

1:01:551:01:56

Word of advice, mate. Take it easy with the drink, seriously,

1:01:561:02:01

or you'll never make it to half-time.

1:02:011:02:04

HE COUGHS

1:02:041:02:05

-What did you say?

-The bathroom. I'm waiting till half-time.

1:02:051:02:09

I don't want to miss any of the game.

1:02:091:02:12

Half-time. He's waiting till half-time!

1:02:121:02:15

Those floodgates won't hold forever!

1:02:151:02:18

-SHE GROANS

-No! Not the master cable!

1:02:181:02:21

What do you want it for, anyway?

1:02:211:02:24

Oh, you'll see, come the World Cup Final this afternoon.

1:02:241:02:28

LAUGHS EVILLY

1:02:281:02:30

Half...time.

1:02:301:02:33

Half...time.

1:02:331:02:37

Of course! That's the Toad's plan! That's why he needs the cable!

1:02:371:02:41

When everyone goes to the toilet, the city will be flushed away! Come on!

1:02:411:02:46

What about the game?!

1:02:461:02:48

'And what a game it is! Oh, a nasty fall there for Ray Bowers.'

1:02:481:02:52

-Can you see all right, Fergus?

-Yes, thanks, Mum.

1:02:521:02:56

Where's your helmets? Which one's the quarterback? Pick up the ball!

1:02:561:03:00

These Brits don't know the first thing about football!

1:03:001:03:04

Enjoy your last moments, you egregious vermin.

1:03:041:03:09

I've got Rita, boss! I've got Rita!

1:03:091:03:11

-Get off me, you lab reject!

-Ha! You missed!

1:03:111:03:16

-CRASH!

-Ow.

1:03:171:03:20

Ah, Rita. It's so good of you to return the cable.

1:03:201:03:24

-Bonjour.

-Hey!

1:03:241:03:28

At last! It's mine!

1:03:291:03:33

HE LAUGHS EVILLY

1:03:331:03:36

-Just take it.

-HE GROWLS

1:03:381:03:42

-Let there be light!

-ELECTRICITY CRACKLES

1:03:441:03:47

HE LAUGHS EVILLY

1:03:471:03:49

Please don't flush me, Roddy! I can't survive down there!

1:03:531:03:57

-I've gone soft!

-SLAP!

1:03:571:03:59

Sid, I want you to flush me. I'm going back.

1:03:591:04:02

-Back?!

-Rita's in terrible danger. Everyone's in terrible danger!

1:04:021:04:07

-You like it here, don't you?

-Oh, yes, Roddy. I like it here very much.

1:04:071:04:12

And if I leave you, will you be good to Tabitha, the little girl?

1:04:121:04:15

I'll be as good as gold to her. And I will be the best pet ever!

1:04:151:04:19

-Then the place is all yours.

-Sweet!

1:04:191:04:22

Let's get the bubbles going. I've got a big job to do down there.

1:04:221:04:26

-Right away, sir!

-So long, Sid.

1:04:261:04:29

So long, Rodnick St Something of Someplace.

1:04:291:04:34

Geronimo!

1:04:341:04:36

And, lo, a chosen one shall come down from above,

1:04:381:04:42

and he shall be our saviour from the Great Flood!

1:04:421:04:45

SPLASH! I'm terribly sorry.

1:04:451:04:49

-'Just two minutes left till half-time! Incredible!'

-Rita!

1:04:491:04:52

-'It's a fantasy start for England.'

-Rita!

1:04:521:04:55

-'England leads Germany by three goals to one.'

-Rita!

1:04:551:05:00

-The grand opening.

-HE LAUGHS

1:05:001:05:04

'And the referee again brings play to a halt.'

1:05:111:05:13

HE GASPS

1:05:131:05:14

Rita!

1:05:141:05:16

Fans for the fans!

1:05:161:05:17

Pied Piper lures thousands to their death! Read all about it!

1:05:171:05:21

Balloons! Balloons!

1:05:211:05:23

Rita!

1:05:301:05:32

SHE GASPS

1:05:321:05:35

-Rita!

-Roddy!

1:05:351:05:37

I'm sorry. I've been such a fool. You were right about me and everything.

1:05:371:05:41

I should have admitted it, but I was afraid you wouldn't like me any more.

1:05:411:05:45

-Do you think we can talk about this after you've rescued me?

-Of course.

1:05:451:05:50

When everyone Up Top goes to the toilet, it'll flush away the city.

1:05:501:05:54

-I know. And my family are all down there.

-We've got to warn everyone.

1:05:541:05:57

Stop them!

1:05:571:05:59

SPLASH!

1:06:001:06:03

LAUGHS EVILLY

1:06:031:06:06

HISSING Oh, dear!

1:06:061:06:08

BOTH: Whoa! Ugh!

1:06:081:06:13

Phwoar! Whitey!

1:06:131:06:16

I saw an opportunity and I seized it.

1:06:161:06:19

So you thought you could make a fool of the Toad, eh?

1:06:201:06:25

HE WHIMPERS

1:06:251:06:27

You don't need us for that.

1:06:271:06:29

You think you're so clever, don't you?

1:06:291:06:32

Well, I'll be the one laughing

1:06:321:06:34

when every last revolting rat is flushed away!

1:06:341:06:38

For I shall repopulate the city...

1:06:381:06:42

-with these!

-HE LAUGHS

1:06:421:06:46

-Eugh!

-Nasty.

1:06:471:06:49

-Is this the Glorious Amphibian Dawn, Dad?

-Anything for you.

1:06:491:06:53

-Can I have a pony?

-No.

-A puppy?

-We'll talk about it.

1:06:531:06:56

-Can we talk about it now?

-No.

1:06:561:06:58

ALL: Can I have a puppy?

1:06:581:07:00

You can't all have puppies! Please! Daddy's working!

1:07:001:07:03

-We need to get downstairs and pull out that cable.

-How? It's impossible.

1:07:031:07:09

England is winning. Anything's possible.

1:07:091:07:12

Help!

1:07:121:07:14

Waah! Turn it off, Whitey!

1:07:141:07:17

Huh?!

1:07:171:07:18

-Come on!

-They're getting away!

1:07:181:07:21

Ah! Oh. Hi, boss.

1:07:221:07:24

Whitey! They're biting my bottom! Help!

1:07:241:07:28

-I'm coming, Spike!

-FEET SQUEAK

1:07:281:07:31

You fools! Grab them!

1:07:311:07:33

Top floor - lingerie, housewares and certain doom!

1:07:331:07:38

LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

1:07:481:07:49

Do I have to do everything myself?!

1:07:491:07:54

WHISTLE BLOWS

1:07:581:08:01

'There goes the half-time whistle. We'll be back in a few minutes.'

1:08:011:08:05

You're too late to do anything! You and your kind are finished!

1:08:051:08:09

Oh, yeah? Well, come and get us then, you warty windbag.

1:08:091:08:14

HE SCREAMS

1:08:151:08:18

-TOILET FLUSHES

-Oh, no!

1:08:181:08:21

ALL SCREAM

1:08:271:08:31

TOAD GROWLS

1:08:321:08:34

The gate! Back this way! Come on!

1:08:351:08:38

-Rita!

-If I'm going, you're both coming with me!

1:08:391:08:43

Just go!

1:08:431:08:44

That's it!

1:08:501:08:51

-Roddy!

-Stop moving!

1:08:521:08:55

Come and get me, you big, slimy airbag!

1:08:551:08:58

-Roddy, look out!

-Yes!

1:08:591:09:03

-MUFFLED:

-Le Frog!

1:09:141:09:16

Oh-h!

1:09:161:09:17

-Let's finish this.

-Let me go!

1:09:201:09:23

Goodbye, rat!

1:09:231:09:25

SHE SCREAMS Rita!

1:09:251:09:27

Hmm?!

1:09:271:09:30

-Feeling a little tongue-tied?

-Impossible!

1:09:341:09:37

-Toodle-oo.

-No-o-o-o!

1:09:371:09:41

THEY SCREAM

1:09:411:09:43

Wave! Wave!

1:09:481:09:50

CROWD: Eng-er-land!

1:09:501:09:52

No, giant wave!

1:09:521:09:53

ALL SCREAM

1:09:531:09:54

BLOWS WHISTLE

1:09:541:09:57

Please work! Please work! Please work!

1:09:571:10:00

THEY SCREAM

1:10:031:10:06

ICE CREAKS

1:10:071:10:10

CHEERING

1:10:171:10:21

-EXCITED:

-High-five!

1:10:211:10:23

-DISAPPOINTED:

-Oh, yeah.

1:10:231:10:25

FRUSTRATED GROAN

1:10:251:10:27

-Look! It's Roddy and Rita!

-Good on you, girl!

1:10:271:10:32

-Hooray for Millicent Bystander!

-Millicent! Millicent!

1:10:321:10:37

CROWD CHANTS: Millicent!

1:10:371:10:40

You're a hero, Roddy.

1:10:401:10:42

Hmph. Big deal.

1:10:421:10:45

BOING!

1:10:451:10:47

You wretched vermin! I'll make you pay for this!

1:10:471:10:51

Give it a rest, cousin. And get your kids a puppy.

1:10:511:10:56

THEY GIGGLE

1:10:561:10:58

Rita...

1:10:581:11:00

I was wondering, if you do build a Jammy Dodger Mark II, you...

1:11:001:11:07

you wouldn't happen to need a first mate, would you?

1:11:071:11:10

# Left a good job in the city

1:11:151:11:17

# Down in the city

1:11:171:11:19

# Working for the man every night and day, yeah

1:11:201:11:25

# Rolling

1:11:251:11:26

# Rolling on the river

1:11:261:11:29

# Rolling on the river

1:11:291:11:31

ALL: # ..the river... #

1:11:311:11:33

OK!

1:11:341:11:35

Hello, Tom! Give us a squeeze!

1:11:401:11:45

CROWD CHEERS All right, chaps.

1:11:461:11:49

# Big wheel keep on turning

1:11:491:11:52

# Proud Mary keep on burning

1:11:521:11:56

# Rolling, rolling

1:11:561:11:58

# Rolling on the river

1:11:581:12:00

# The river, do-do-do-do

1:12:001:12:03

# Do-do-do-do-do-do

1:12:031:12:06

# Do-do-do-do-do-do All right... #

1:12:061:12:09

Mwah!

1:12:131:12:14

I love a happy ending.

1:12:141:12:16

You've gone soft! I like unhappy endings, with violence. Wa-ah!

1:12:161:12:21

GROANS AND SCREAMS

1:12:211:12:23

Are you happy now, Spike?

1:12:231:12:27

-Shall we?

-Go for it.

1:12:321:12:35

# Big wheel keep on turning

1:12:351:12:37

# Proud Mary keep on burning

1:12:371:12:40

# And we're rolling, rolling

1:12:401:12:43

# Rolling on the river... #

1:12:431:12:45

Wah-hoo!

1:12:451:12:47

# River Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do... #

1:12:501:12:55

-Where are we going?

-I have no idea.

1:12:551:12:58

But we're gonna get there really fast!

1:12:581:13:01

I'm coming, Mr Jones! I'm coming!

1:13:011:13:03

# Rolling on the river

1:13:031:13:05

# Yeah!

1:13:071:13:09

# All right

1:13:091:13:10

# Uh-huh! #

1:13:101:13:12

-HE SIGHS

-This is the life, eh?

1:13:161:13:19

-Roddy, I'm home!

-HE GASPS

1:13:191:13:21

-And I've brought you a new friend!

-MIAOWS

1:13:211:13:24

HE SCREAMS

1:13:241:13:24

-TOM JONES SINGS:

-# What's new, pussycat? Whoa, whoa

1:13:241:13:28

# What's new, pussycat? Whoa, whoa-a

1:13:281:13:33

# Pussycat, pussycat I've got flowers

1:13:351:13:39

# And lots of hours to spend with you

1:13:391:13:43

# So go and powder your cute little pussycat nose...

1:13:431:13:46

# Pussycat, pussycat, I love you

1:13:481:13:52

# Yes, I do

1:13:521:13:55

# You and your pussycat nose

1:13:551:13:58

# What's new, pussycat?

1:13:591:14:01

# Whoa, whoa

1:14:011:14:03

# What's new, pussycat?

1:14:031:14:05

# Whoa, whoa...

1:14:051:14:07

# Pussycat, pussycat You're so thrilling

1:14:101:14:14

# And I'm so willing to care for you

1:14:141:14:18

# So go and make up your big little pussycat eyes

1:14:181:14:23

# Pussycat, pussycat, I love you

1:14:241:14:27

# Yes, I do... #

1:14:271:14:30

SCREAMS

1:14:301:14:31

# ..You and your pussycat eyes

1:14:311:14:34

# What's new, pussycat?

1:14:351:14:37

# Whoa, whoa

1:14:371:14:39

# What's new, pussycat?

1:14:391:14:40

# Whoa, whoa

1:14:401:14:44

# Pussycat, pussycat You're delicious

1:14:461:14:50

# And if my wishes can all come true

1:14:501:14:53

# I'll soon be kissing your sweet little pussycat lips

1:14:531:14:58

# Pussycat, pussycat, I love you

1:14:591:15:03

# Yes, I do

1:15:031:15:05

# You and your pussycat lips

1:15:061:15:09

# You and your pussycat eyes

1:15:101:15:13

# You and your pussycat nose... #

1:15:141:15:21

# Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

1:15:231:15:25

# Mmm-hmm-hmm-hmm

1:15:261:15:27

# It's a wonderful night You gotta take it from me

1:15:271:15:30

# It's a wonderful night

1:15:301:15:32

# Come on and break it on down

1:15:321:15:33

# It's a wonderful night You gotta shake it for me

1:15:331:15:36

# It's a wonderful night

1:15:361:15:38

# Come on and break it on down

1:15:381:15:39

# It's a wonderful night Everybody can see

1:15:391:15:42

# It's a wonderful night

1:15:421:15:43

# Come on and break it on down

1:15:431:15:45

# It's a wonderful night Go ahead and release

1:15:451:15:48

# It's a wonderful night

1:15:481:15:49

# Come on and break it on down

1:15:491:15:51

# You know the music search engine need a tune-up

1:15:511:15:53

# Soon as they at the gate they all wanna hear the corner, uh-huh

1:15:531:15:56

# Feel the connectedness Energy disprojected

1:15:561:15:59

# The way the whole collected consciousness arises like helium up!

1:15:591:16:02

# Groovin' outta the question Won't disrespect 'em but...

1:16:021:16:05

# But style's... pouch like Dave Beckham, c'mon!

1:16:051:16:08

# It's a wonderful night You gotta take it from me

1:16:081:16:11

# It's a wonderful night... #

1:16:111:16:12

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