Scotland Judging Great British Menu

It's D-day on Great British Menu for the Scottish chefs!

You don't find it nerve-racking?

No.

This week saw a re-match between old rivals,

former regional champion Michael Smith and joker Tony Singh...

Agh!

..with ambitious past contender Mark Greenaway returning to the fray.

If I were you, I would score this dish a nine.

Their goal is to cook at a special banquet,

celebrating 25 years of Red Nose Day at the Royal Albert Hall.

Yesterday's dessert course was a fight to the end

between technical chef Mark...

I don't know why I do it to myself, I really don't.

..and risk-taker Tony.

You are mad as a box of frogs, Tony, you really are.

But Tony's luck ran out.

-BLEEP.

-Oh!

-BLEEP.

It wasn't a hugely finessed dessert.

Commiserations, Tony. And, Mark, you're through to tomorrow to

cook for the judges. Congratulations.

Today, Mark and Michael will cook all four of their courses again,

as they go head to head for the final showdown.

Are you going to the final, are you?

Well, I certainly hope so, I'm not here for a good time.

Backstage, the judges are expecting a performance on a plate.

I hope the gastronomy is better than the jokes, though.

But to make sure the food has humour as well as flavour, there'll

be a fourth comedy judge.

-Aaaagh!

-Ha-ha.

This week it's impressionist

and Comic Relief supporter, Debra Stephenson.

It could be sophisticated if you used this as a fan.

The chefs are under pressure and

must deliver culinary works of art...

Really, really assured piece of cooking.

..with a witty punch line.

Thank you, Prue.

It's brilliant, it's a car crash.

It's roadkill.

Only one chef can represent Scotland at the national finals.

The winner is...

It's returning contender Mark's first time

in front of the judges... but after scoring the top mark

for his dessert yesterday, he's riding high.

One more stage to go and then hopefully finals week.

If you think working with Angela was tough, wait until you get

in front of those judges, mate. That's hard-core.

Ah, doesn't scare me one little bit. Good luck!

-You smile when you're nervous, don't you?

-Not really.

Former regional champion Michael has faced the judges twice before

and twice failed to get a dish to the banquet.

Failing a third time is not an option.

I'm fully aware that there hasn't been a Scottish chef at the

banquet for a long, long time - I need to change that.

But technical chef Mark is feeling confident

and won't go down without a fight.

I'm here to win, that's what I'm ultimately here for,

not to go home a loser.

Both chefs have endeavoured to create witty, gastronomic menus

that will also raise a smile.

He's worked really hard on being funny,

so I hope he's worked as hard on being delicious.

And judges Prue Leith, Oliver Peyton

and Matthew Fort are getting a preview of their menus this year.

Michael's is absolutely full of jokes,

and Mark has a humour-free menu.

There's a lot of humour in Mark's menu.

I hope the gastronomy's better than the jokes, though.

Both chefs are hard at work on their starters.

It was Mark's lowest-scoring dish of the week, so he has to nail it today.

It'd be good for the judges to disagree with Angela and give me

a better score.

But it could go the other way.

The chefs can't afford any weak points in their menus,

as the judges will be scoring every dish to determine the winner.

But something is about to throw them.

Hello, chefs.

-Hello, good morning.

-Good morning.

Good morning! Michael, it's good to see you again.

Very lovely to see you, as well, welcome to the kitchen!

And, Mark, you made it through to us this time?

Yes, second time lucky, so...should be a good day.

I hope you're managing to cope with this brief of being both funny

and gastronomic?

This year is a tough brief, it really is.

All I can say is very good luck to you!

-Thank you.

-Thank you very much.

Third time I've been to the judging chamber

and they've never, ever, ever come into the kitchen before.

Nice to see them, though.

You don't find it nerve-racking?

No.

I thought Michael looked focused. Obviously, he's been to the final

but never made it to the banquet, he'll want to win.

Young Mark looked really raring to go and dead keen,

but I did think he was nervous.

Rookie Mark's determined to hold his own against former Scottish champion, Michael.

But after scoring a disappointing five for his starter of...

earlier in the week, he has to get it right today.

-Was that not your lowest score, your starter?

-Yeah.

He's working on the terrine element of his dish, which veteran

Angela Hartnett criticised for lack of texture.

I've made it a lot chunkier this time. Hopefully it will just edge me

a few more points that I'm going to need to get me to the final.

Are you going to the final, are you?

Well, I'm not here for a good time.

This year, there's added pressure as the chefs have to impress

a fourth judge.

Today, it's comedienne and impressionist Debra Stephenson.

Nice to see you all.

Do you know what lies ahead of you today?

Hopefully, lots of eating!

-Lots and lots...

-Is it!

-..and lots.

-Oh!

We've got a bit of boil-in-the-bag.

I think you need to save your humour till later in the day.

No, no, no, she has to be funny all the time!

-No pressure, then.

-No.

Mark's rabbit terrine is the first dish under scrutiny today.

He places his mini gingerbread muffins

and strips of tomato jelly on top of the terrine,

followed by roasted hazelnuts and dots of parsley mayonnaise.

How many times has there been a cold starter at the banquet?

Erm, I can't remember. Do you know?

-Possibly never!

-Really?!

I'm only pulling your leg!

Remaining focused, Mark adds his unusual carrot meringues

and places his rabbit starter into his comedy cookbooks.

Right, guys.

PRUE CHUCKLES

LAUGHTER FROM BOXES

-MATTHEW:

-Thank you, Prue. Now turn it off!

I don't know how to stop it!

Your presentation, I loved that box, but it still...

didn't get the mark you were hoping for.

Last thing I want is for them to open it and be disappointed.

It's just window-dressing.

Matthew, cheer up, will you, it's the theme!

Pfft!

How do you think he pressed the rabbit?

Well, I think he sat on it, very hard!

Do you think the tweaks will be enough just to elevate it?

I hope so.

I know what this tastes like, it tastes like under-seasoned rabbit.

I don't think this is under-seasoned, I think it's delicious.

The rabbit's OK, I don't think it's been pressed properly. It's not dense enough.

that green sludge, is, I presume, parsley?

It's parsley and it's very nice. Parsley mayonnaise or something.

Anne Robinson would have been kinder than you...

-AS ANNE ROBINSON:

-There's more flavour in a pair of my old leather trousers, or so I'm told.

Former regional champion Michael is up next with his starter.

A visually playful warm chicken salad,

his culinary take on a well-known joke...

Hopefully we'll be laughing and joking later on, Mark.

-A few pints in the pub afterwards, do you think?

-I don't think, I know.

-I know!

But for now, Michael has to concentrate on getting

his first course to the pass on time.

He adds his cream cheese road markings to warm slates,

with a spattering of carrot and beetroot puree,

followed by the chicken thigh and chanterelle mushrooms.

He finishes with sauteed kale, shredded pickled carrot,

and a feather for dramatic effect.

Keep your eye on those feathers for me, please, gentlemen.

And to complete the joke, Michael's added comedy sound effects.

CHICKEN CLUCKS

AMBULANCE SIREN

What's going on now?

TYRES SCREECH

GLASS SHATTERS

That's the first time I've really laughed at a first course.

I like the way the emergency services are called for the chicken!

That is carnage.

Just so funny! Boosh!

Do you think the judges are going to love this dish?

I hope they're going to love it, it's got comedy, it captures

your imagination...

It's brilliant, it's a car crash!

No, it's not, it's roadkill!

It's roadkill!

This chicken is still warm.

Aww. Ha-ha.

It is!

The funniness of it - how do you think you'll fare with that?

I've got to be honest, I think it could work either way.

There's no accounting for taste, Mark!

That's true, that's certainly true.

I think he's got a rather twisted sense of humour.

I think it's comic genius on a plate.

I really love the way it's hit the brief so firmly on the head.

The chicken itself is lovely, the stuffing is nice,

I think it's just a really, really assured piece of cooking.

Mark's looking to let his flavours

and ingredients shine through with his fish course.

It's a take on a clam chowder, using razor clams

and served with roasted halibut.

He's hoping to improve on the six he scored for it earlier in the week.

-MICHAEL:

-What's the matter, Mark?

But the pressure is starting to show.

BLEEP.

Mark, what happened? You've just had a little mishap with the oven?

Yeah, my tuiles were in, they ran over time, so..

All Mark can do is make a new batch from scratch.

With time against him, Mark gets his new tuiles into the oven.

You're still on track.

It's tight, but it should be.

He pan-fries his halibut and leeks, then glazes his razor clams in

stock, before adding to his serving bowls with diced carrot and potato.

He pours his chowder into milk bottles

and finally places the delicate savoury tuiles on top.

-Got it out.

-Just!

I'm trying to work out the relationship

between bubble-wrap and halibut here!

-It should be bubble-and-squeak!

-Ah-ha!

-Yes, it should be!

-The tuiles are on the plate.

-And they're not burnt!

-Happy days!

-Just.

Come on!

This is a savoury tuile.

Is it savoury?

Greasy and flavour free.

Do you know what I've just realised, though? I haven't put in my pancetta.

I wonder if they'll notice.

Under-seasoned.

He's right, that is under-seasoned.

-PRUE:

-You will be surprised to hear I agree with you.

I mean, bubble-wrapped plastic, under-seasoned chowder...

Can I remind you that you said that this was one of your favourite

things, to have razor clam...

I can't taste the razor clams, I can just taste cream sauce!

Well, if you want a layman's...point of view...

Blissfully!

I think it's absolutely delicious, I'm loving it.

The brief with this is not just to be funny, which it isn't,

but also to be sophisticated.

It could be sophisticated, though, if you used this as a fan.

For his fish course, Michael's also serving a soup,

his take on a traditional Scottish Cullen skink,

with quirky presentation inspired by the black-and-white comedy greats -

a dish that came joint last with Mark's in the week.

So you and I got the same score on this dish?

-I'm going to simplify the presentation...

-Right.

..and hopefully that will make the difference I'm looking for.

But Michael still has a lot of elements to bring

together at the last minute.

First, he deep-fries his halibut croutons

and places the smoked-fish soup into glass serving bowls.

He then adds the black pudding wafers which

he quickly blow-torches,

before serving the delicate, confited, red nose egg yolks.

But there's a problem.

One of his yolks has broken.

Quite tough for a hundred, don't you think?

Erm, when I practised it, it worked fine.

With no back-ups, all he can do is serve the broken egg

and hope it doesn't cost him too dearly.

He finishes with a flourish of whisky, and for his homage to comedy legend Charlie Chaplin,

he tops his dish with a bowler hat cloche.

Cracking. Phew!

Well, hats off to him for presentation!

That wasn't quite right for me, there. I thought I had spare egg.

I think mine looks rather revolting.

Why do you think it's revolting?

Well, I think yours looks fine because your egg yolk is sort of...

proud, and mine is bust and it's leaking all over the show.

It's a red nose. Where's your sense of humour, Prue?

We had a tough fish course, there...

It's not been easy, has it?

The flavours are there, hopefully that will be funny enough,

with the hat, and we'll just have to wait and see.

You know what, it's got loads of flavour, I really like it,

I think it looks great, tastes great...

Go on, Prue, what are you thinking here?

You say it for me!

"It's over-seasoned, it's too salty."

That's it!

It tastes to me like you've got a tumbler of whisky

and you've got a fish finger and stirred it around, which is weird.

There's quite a lot of whisky!

Well, I guess I must have had a sense of humour bypass,

because I don't find a cold egg yolk

painted with food dye,

and a bowler hat, hilarious.

Halfway there. That step closer to the banquet, one of us.

I'd like to think I'd done enough this week to get through.

With two courses down, the judges are reflecting on the food so far

and discussing their scores.

I've given very high scores and pretty low ones.

-I've given a poor.

-Oliver, you are such a meanie.

Some of it hasn't quite come up to the mark, has it?

Some of it has, frankly, limbo-ed well underneath the bar.

Time for the main course.

A dish Angela Hartnett gave Mark an eight for,

and Michael nine, earlier in the week.

Mark's up first with his witty take on boil-in-the-bag cooking,

combining duck and watermelon with humorous interactive presentation,

which went down a storm in the kitchen earlier in the week.

Hello, I think that's very good...

And it's this aspect of the brief fourth judge Debra is keeping

a close eye on.

-Hello, gentlemen.

-Hello!

Hi, how's it going?

Erm, it's going. We're having our ups and downs but we're trying

to maintain a good sense of humour.

It's pretty pressurised out there because they can't agree on anything!

Don't tell us that!

Are you feeling up against it?

You've not got much more time, have you?

-BOTH:

-No!

Sorry to remind you of that fact!

That's all right!

Mark doesn't need any more distractions as he gets ready

to serve his complex boil-in-the-bag duck dish.

He pipes toast puree onto the plates,

followed by wilted spinach, honey-glazed salsify,

caramelised watermelon, the duck breast and the crispy skin

and confit leg croquette.

Finally, Mark pours his jus into teapots

and places the finished plates into specially made bags

before filling with helium, with Michael's help.

Right, thank you very much.

"I've got to be honest, I'm quite happy with that, Michael."

Here's a chef who thinks he's got it in the bag!

Mark's comic trick needs just one short breath of helium to work,

which was carefully supervised in the Great British Menu judging chamber.

Quack, quack, quack!

Quack, quack, quack!

It's a gas, gas, gas!

Uh-huh, eat my shorts.

By far, that is my favourite of all your dishes.

That nails the brief for me, it's fantastic.

Good, I'm happy with how it went out. It went out exactly how I wanted it.

It's got rather serious now, hasn't it?

-Yes, I think we've moved from the hilarious to the serious.

-Hmmm.

The skin was crispier, I think they'll enjoy the fun of the dish.

This skin, because it's in the bag, it goes slightly soggy.

The watermelon is really good.

It's a very accomplished piece of cooking. I like the duck,

I think the balance of flavours is really strong in the dish,

I love the humour of the bag.

At last he's shown his skill as a chef.

After a couple of slightly dodgy notes, I think this has delivered.

-WITH HELIUM:

-At a very high level, indeed!

I'd really love my main course to get to the banquet,

I think the whole room would erupt.

But they're not going to be doing that. They're going to experience an African banquet.

Fighting talk!

Michael has gone for a less obvious interpretation of the brief

with his main course -

a spicy goat dish, inspired by Comic Relief's work in Africa.

I would love for my main course to have the best chance of getting

to the banquet, just because of what it stands for.

After scoring a nine, the top mark of the week,

Michael is confident it's his dish that will get the judges' vote.

He fries his plantain fritters, mixes his spicy-tomato couscous

and dusts his filo parcels with icing sugar,

before revealing his whisky-glazed goat.

He serves, along with the plantain fritters, lentil salad

and yogurt dressing.

But Michael's North African goat isn't totally humour free -

he adds a fez for comic effect.

It's Tommy Cooper, mate, innit? Ha-ha-ha.

Da-da-da-da!

It's come a long way from the Isle of Skye.

Tommy Cooper.

Look at that! That genuinely is melt in the mouth.

Both really strong dishes.

It's going to be tough, I think.

It is quite homely, isn't it, serving food in this way,

like you would at home.

And it's like a party, isn't it?

I love the title, "I like kids but I couldn't eat a whole one."

Well, I jolly well could!

That goat is delicious. It is so beautifully cooked.

And I think all of the accompaniments are absolutely delicious.

They're just spot on.

The use of spicing, the textures, the flavours, even the temperatures

-which vary, they all work off each other.

-I agree.

-They make you smile, don't they, Prue?

-They do.

We've both definitely got different interpretations to the main course.

For me, it's not about the funny side of Comic Relief, that's about

the real serious message for me.

You don't expect a chef to pick a predominantly North African dish, do you?

Especially when he comes from the Isle of Skye.

I think it's because of Africa.

-You mean, because Comic Relief works in Africa?

-Absolutely right.

This, for me, is the best thing we've had so far.

But the fact that it's not served up as individual dishes...

I thought that you guys might raise an eyebrow, a sort of Fiona Bruce

eyebrow, and say, "Well, this is rather unusual, but the good news

"is, of course, that it tastes very nice indeed."

Back in the kitchen,

Mark is under pressure to deliver his technically challenging finale.

He's capitalising on his pastry chef experience for his twist

on a chocolate tart, and juggling eight different textures

and temperatures to create a performance on a plate.

We've done the opposite when it comes to the dessert, haven't we?

What you young 'uns get up to down in Edinburgh!

Highlanders, I tell you!

Mark pipes kumquat puree and salted caramel onto his plates,

followed by caramelised chocolate puffed rice and popping candy.

He adds the intricate, witty chocolate jelly knots

and white chocolate snow, then finishes with his frozen

cookies and a cylinder of creme fraiche parfait.

Can't change it now.

Thank you.

There's snow, there's chocolate, there's...looks like parfait, or

some sort, there's...

There's a bit everything. It's a bit of a sugar rush.

I think the judges will like the witty presentation,

I think they're really going to enjoy it.

Hang on now, that's warm, that was warm.

Hmmm, the snow is warm.

Hot snow, I love the idea of hot snow.

Hot snow is one of my most favourite things ever.

Well, I got an eight for it...

That's your best score...

I got two eights.

Mmm, there's lots of popping candy in there, my mouth is ablaze.

It's like a firework display going off in your mouth.

Mmm. Oh, it's weird!

Every kind of sensation.

It is...

Hot and cold and sweet and popping!

I think it's a wonderful dessert!

It's a performance on a plate!

-AS DAVINA MCCALL:

-It's exciting, and I feel Davina coming on...

as I'm eating it, I love it, and I've eaten so much.

Michael's final showstopper - dooking for doughnuts -

is a Scottish party-game-inspired dessert, featuring tropical

flavoured doughnuts and a frozen pina colada cocktail,

a dish which scored a seven in the week for its interactive humour,

although doubts were cast over its gastronomic credentials.

My dessert might not seem as technical,

but with an interactive, fun element, I think it's got that wow factor.

-Mark, can you give me a hand with something, please?

-Yeah.

Do a wee Highland fling, eh?

Michael's gone for broke with his comedy presentation.

Down it goes, there we are.

-And to you.

-And to me.

-To you.

-It's all about fun...

-Until it falls off the end!

He ties his chilli and lime doughnuts onto his kilt frame

with candy laces.

You OK there, Michael?

Did you leave that banana skin for me there?

There's no banana skin there, Michael.

OK, waiters. Diners must retrieve the doughnuts

with their mouths only.

Finally, he adds the passion fruit doughnuts, passion fruit and

pineapple jellies and pina colada cocktails and he's ready to serve.

BAGPIPES PLAY

And to really get his Scottish party started, Michael's

given his dessert a traditional bagpipes entrance.

"Dooking for doughnuts!"

Wow!

I think that must mean something like bobbing for apples.

Stressful?

Erm, not too stressful, no, it's enjoyable. Try and remember the fun of it all, the party fun.

What do you say in Scotland?

-IN SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-Let's get swallied.

-That's nice...

Mmm, that is gorgeous.

Urggh, ow!

Can it be done, can it be done?

I've never worked so hard for a pudding in my life!

You have to go upside down.

This is rounding it all off, like a good party should, with a bang.

Bit of excitement, bit of drama!

And then swing it back.

Oliver did it!

MUFFLED CRY

Oh, stop cheating! Come on!

Oh, I couldn't.

Mmmm.

-How is it?

-Oh, it's really good.

It's not high gastronomy, but, blimey, it's a load of fun.

I love it.

I think if I was actually Scottish, I'd be emotional right now.

We've never had anything like this.

If you took away the presentation, and you just had

doughnuts and jelly and pina colada...

what would you think about it as a pudding?

Not a lot, but we don't have that situation.

There was actually much more skill, technical skill,

in the other pudding.

Cooking complete, all the chefs can do is wait

while the judges consider their final scores.

There have been some really good highlights, haven't there? The helium and the kilts.

Well, there's been a good deal of hilarity.

Obviously, when the judges are in there, deciding our fate,

it's very unnerving.

Mark's tried to impress the judges with technical skill

and interactive presentation, and thought hard about raising

a laugh at the Red Nose Day banquet this year.

You get to this stage, you definitely don't want to go home.

I really want to get to that banquet.

Michael's tried to reflect the humorous

and serious side of Comic Relief, in his eclectic menu showcasing

both traditional Scottish and global flavours.

I have...look...a ten!

I think it was a good joke and good food.

We're all agreed, I think, aren't we?

Well, welcome, chefs.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Tough week?

It's been a real mix of emotions, to be honest.

It doesn't get any easier.

Right, well, I think we're all agreed that we have seen some really

great cooking today...

and some laugh-out-loud moments.

We've also given you tremendously good marks for gastronomy,

I mean it's not often that we do tens,

but there were a couple of low scores, too, it has to be said.

And I'm sure you want to know the result, so, here we go...

The winner is...

..Michael.

Well done. Congratulations. Well deserved.

You look very surprised there?

But delighted, absolutely delighted.

Well, Michael, for me, the two standout dishes,

and I think, actually, for all of us,

were the "chicken crossing the road",

which was a brilliant joke,

and the other dish was your "kid, I couldn't eat a whole one".

I just loved the kid, it was just really beautiful, really high quality, lots of gastronomy.

It was still not a perfect menu...

I need to reconsider the fish course...

Well, commiserations, Mark. You know, you really cooked like a dream,

but...he pipped you.

The duck dish was what can only be described as a gas.

And the pudding was a technical tour de force.

I ate the whole thing!

She did!

So you should have.

Listen, guys, we've had a wonderful day

-and, Michael, congratulations.

-Thank you.

And, of course, we'll see you in the final. And, Mark, commiserations,

-but you're a great cook.

-Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Oh, what a result, absolutely delighted.

I've been working my socks off, today, literally,

maybe my trousers as well.

So, so happy for Michael, though, that main course of his is sensational.

I tell you what...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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