London and South East Judging Great British Menu

It's been a closely fought week on Great British Menu.

I've never been so nervous.

It's do or die today.

With two award-winning newcomers, Matt Gillan and Adam Simmonds...

-Critical. Critical time.

-There's nothing I can't handle.

..Snapping at the heels of returning contender, Tom Aitkens...

No chance.

..for the opportunity to cook at a special banquet,

celebrating 25 years of Red Nose Day.

Yesterday's dessert course was a hectic fight for survival

between technical Adam and risk taker Matt...

Can I get another tray, please, really quickly?

..that saw Matt leave the competition...

..and Tom score a perfect 10.

I loved every single element of that dessert.

Today, Tom and Adam will go head-to-head,

cooking all four dishes for the Last Laugh.

-Do you seriously think you're going to beat me, do you?

-Absolutely.

Backstage, the judges are expecting a performance on a plate.

It's very exciting. It's the London region, it's very competitive.

And making sure the food has wit as well as flavour,

there will be a fourth comedy judge this year.

BALLOONS POP, WOMAN SHRIEKS

This week it's Comic Relief supporter Arabella Weir.

A glace cherry wouldn't have gone amiss. Would it hurt? No.

The food must deliver gastronomic excellence...

I think it's a really beautiful bit of cooking.

..and make the judges laugh.

-One, two, three... ALL:

-Oh!

Today will be the final curtain for one of Britain's finest chefs.

I'm sure you're both anxious to know

-who's going through to the final.

-BOTH: Yes.

New boy Adam made it to the final by the skin of his teeth yesterday

after a low score for his dessert.

How do you think you got on yesterday?

Obviously, I had a bit of a howler.

Hopefully, the judges will understand the concept of the dishes.

-Hopefully, they will.

-If not, I'm in trouble.

-Well, let's see, shall we?

-All the best.

-Yeah.

Returning contender Tom Aitkens has led the way all week,

with playful, cutting-edge cooking,

but crashed and burned the last time he faced the judges.

It's super important for me to win the day.

Last time I was on the competition I really messed up badly,

so I really want to get through today

and, you know, put the ghosts of the past to rest.

But rival Adam is no pushover, and is just as determined

to go all the way with his highly technical menu.

It would be a tremendous achievement to get to the banquet,

and that's why I'm doing this, is to get a dish to the final banquet.

Both chefs have tried to design fun, gastronomic menus to make people smile.

What do you reckon?

This year's judges - Prue Leith, Oliver Peyton,

and Matthew Fort - are getting a heads up on the competition

with a preview of the menus.

Is it going to make us smile? Cos it's not just got to be fantastic,

it's also got to fulfil the brief of being witty or amusing.

Oliver, he has an almost impossible task to put a smile on your face.

-That's true.

-MATTHEW CHUCKLES

Tom and Adam are hard at work on their starters.

-How are you feeling, Tom? Confident?

-Very confident.

-Are you?

Very confident.

This year, the judges are scoring every dish to determine the winner.

So, for the first time,

they're venturing into the kitchen to meet the chefs.

-We're looking for witty, amusing, clever - have you done it?

-I have.

Have you? How?

I haven't seen any sense of humour from you in the last few days, that's for sure.

We still want the most delicious food we've ever tasted.

You've got to impress us, not Richard Corrigan.

-Good luck.

-Thank you.

-So, Tom, that was a bit intimidating, no?

-Are you feeling nervous, are you?

Yeah. Cos, I'm the new boy, aren't I?

You're a bit more used to it.

That was quite interesting. Tom Aitkens seemed very happy to me.

Maybe it is the benign influence of Comic Relief.

They're at the top of their game, these chefs,

and it's desperately important that they do well.

Returning competitor Tom is taking the competition very seriously,

determined to reverse his fortune with his chicken and egg starter.

An extremely complex dish, with chicken breast, stuffed eggshells,

langoustine tails and slow-cooked egg yolks

that scored 9 in the week.

He's preparing three stuffed eggshells to go

with his egg and chicken, and still has a lot to do.

So, Tom, how's it going? Happy?

HE EXHALES

How determined are you to get through today?

It's like I've got a bone in my mouth and I'm not going to let go.

-Like a little Jack Russell?

-Exactly.

-Around my ankles?

-Yeah.

I ain't going to let go.

This week the guest judge is actress, writer

and the fast show comedienne, Arabella Weir.

Hello!

Hello, I'm Arabella. Right, I'm ready.

You know what this is all about?

-Yes. Performance on a plate.

-So, what are you looking forward to?

I'm looking forward to being surprised, I suppose.

You will be surprised, maybe not always delighted.

But always surprised.

For his starter, Tom's hoping to dazzle the judges with

cutting-edge cookery, and playful bird's nest props,

and can't afford to lose focus.

Are you trying to put me off from counting? You are, aren't you?

Are you sure you've got four there? Don't you need five, Tom?

Shut up!

Ignoring Adam, he plates up his langoustine tails,

adds his slow-cooked egg yolks...

So, you know my hands were steady as a rock before?

-Yeah?

-They ain't now.

..finishes his eggshells off with langoustine sabayon...

and slices his chicken breast,

ready to be doused in chicken consomme at the table.

Finally, he scatters on some langoustine powder

and delivers his chicken and egg starter to the pass.

OK, go please.

BIRDS CHIRPING

BIRDS CONTINUE CHIRPING, WOMAN LAUGHS

That is very funny.

-Are you relieved that course is over for you?

-Yes.

It's nice to get one out the way.

I'm not sure whether this is

a display for the window in a department store,

or actually a dish.

I think he's having a laugh if he thinks this is a starter size.

This is a main course size, really.

Oh, Oliver, that's nonsense!

Surely this is an opportunity to say, "What the cluck is that?"

THEY LAUGH Hey!

See what I've done there?

There's humour, there's wit, there's fun, there's laughter.

There's a chicken and an egg. It tells a story.

What more do you want?

You've got the first course, the fish course, the meat course,

all in one dish.

It is absolutely delicious, though.

That was perfectly cooked langoustine.

The technique is terrific.

I have no quarrel with it at all.

I think there is a lot of very serious technical cooking going on.

-There is.

-And I think a lot of it

is very, very good and very, very nice.

There's love missing there, for me. There's love and humour missing.

-Oh!

-I think he may have had a humour bypass.

That guy doesn't look like he'd have enough sense of humour to do that, so he wins for me on that.

And it's always nice to have a little live representation of what you're eating.

OLIVER LAUGHS I think it was funny.

New boy Adam is up next,

and setting the scene with a technical smoked pigeon starter,

with freeze-dried sweetcorn and pine oil granola -

a dish that nearly choked veteran Richard earlier in the week.

Are you serving any, er, bones in your pigeon today?

I thought it might be a good idea that I didn't try and do that.

A bit of a schoolboy error, that, no?

-Pressure, that's what I put it down to.

-Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, do you think you've got any humour on it?

I think the thing is

-we've both interpreted the brief differently, haven't we?

-Yes.

It's about what the pigeon eats.

I see.

You kind of remind me exactly of the first time that I came on -

not having a clue.

Losing's not an option.

I don't do things to lose, I do things to win.

Determined to make his mark with his starter,

Adam dots his plate with sweetcorn.

Just make sure there's no bones.

Then slices his smoked pigeon breast

and places it on his pine oil granola...

..with smoked sweetcorn and freeze-dried pigeon liver parfait,

before delivering his simple smoked pigeon dish to the judges.

-Do you think that's going to put a smile on their faces?

-I think so.

Do you?

Do you know, I feel really sorry for Adam.

Because if this had come first, we wouldn't feel,

"Oh, that's rather disappointing."

I haven't tasted it, I'm sure it's delicious,

but it is hard to see where he thought the laughs were going to be.

Unless pigeon is inherently funny.

What you think the judges might be thinking?

Hopefully, they'll love both dishes,

but there's only going to be one winner.

I think this is absolutely delicious.

The humour is that we are both eating the pigeon

and the things that the pigeon actually lives off.

I like the granola.

That makes a lovely bit of eating.

It is absolutely delicious.

The pigeon is fantastic pigeon, it's perfectly cooked.

But there are no laughs.

-It's short on laughs.

-Yeah.

Wit isn't always, you know, chuckle, chuckle, you know,

thigh slapping, rib tickling - all of that.

It can be that still, small, quiet, of intelligent pleasure, can it not?

No. It's either funny or it's not.

I mean, I think this is absolutely delicious,

but it's as if he's forgotten that there was a sort of comedy element.

RATTLING

Can you keep the noise down, please?

I'm trying to concentrate.

Well, I'm sorry about that, you know, but some of us are busy.

Just carry on peeling your langoustine.

Make sure you don't leave any shell in there, yeah?

You don't want another schoolboy error, yeah?

Tom's pulling out all the stops with his fish course,

serving cold marinated scallops, with jasmine, vanilla and apple.

Another complex dish with more witty props.

-See this guy here?

-Yes.

-He's going to sink you.

He's the hand diver. He's diving for my scallops.

-He brought your scallops, did he?

-Yeah, he did.

He's serving his scallops with tapioca and burnt apple -

usual textures and flavours, with an unusual plate to match.

Do you like my little seaside picture?

Where's it based on, Bognor? Skegness?

But it's the food Tom hopes will really delight the judges

with its tapioca pearls, blanched cucumber

and fragrant apple and jasmine juice.

-Very nice, Chef. Happy?

-Very.

-Nothing you'd change?

-No.

-Nothing at all?

-No.

-That's what I like, a man with confidence.

-Exactly.

-That's funny. That's proper funny.

-It is fun.

Er... And it's just great.

You know, I love this dish already.

I see the humour in it, there's a lot of very, very,

VERY clever things happening.

Well, I have to tell you that I think this is all very funny,

but I really don't like the look of the scallops.

That's quite funny, too, cos that's one of those bottles

you wee into in a hospital - I mean, depending on your size.

So, what do you think the judges will think of that?

I hope they'll like it.

I think there's definitely wit and humour in there.

And it says what is in the bowl, hand dived scallops.

Mmm!

This is not just good, I think this is really, really good.

This is one of the most original dishes

we have had in any competition.

I've never had anything like this before.

This is truly an original piece of cooking.

And it's funny, I really like it.

And it's quite restrained.

There's not too many flavours, and it's not too complicated,

it's just delicious.

But it's also got that lovely contrast.

It's got the sweetness of really good scallops,

cut quite thickly enough to give you that sweetness,

and the tartness of the juice.

I thought the first joke was very good and this is an even better joke.

So, so far, his cooking, he's doing well, he's building it up.

-I feel I'm laughing, I'm there.

-The Lord be praised!

The Lord be praised! Oliver has found a joke!

I love that. "I feel I'm laughing."

I'm not actually laughing, but I feel I'm laughing. That's good.

Do you think your dish is worthy of Comic Relief?

-I've changed the plate I'm putting it on.

-I can see.

-It's a pebble.

-A pebble.

For his fish course, Adam's serving feta cheese balls

with langoustine and oysters.

A gastronomic dish that tied with Tom's in the week.

Make sure you don't overcook them, Chef.

Look, you're more of a hindrance than a help. Now go over there.

With Tom watching on, Adam plates up his langoustine,

poached oysters, and unusual feta balls,

on his new entertaining plates.

Just be careful, it's heavy, yeah?

So, do you think your dishes fitted the criteria - wit, humour?

It's a curling stone! OLIVER LAUGHS

They're going to get all that from when they lift the top off the pebble.

If they can. They're quite heavy.

This is not made for people with weak wrists.

It's meant to look like a little rock pool or seaside.

It does do that.

What have we got here?

We've got some borage flowers, some langoustine, the oyster,

a bit of cucumber in there.

What is the white...spumy bit?

Probably oyster. Maybe oyster of some sort.

It's about what's inside the pebble that's witty, funny, you know,

as in, when they eat it, it's the explosion of flavour in their mouth.

-Served with a burst of what?

-Feta.

Feta - not a burst of laughter.

But in that burst of feta will be a burst of laughter.

-Oh, really?

-Yes.

-Oh!

I do love a little oyster, you know.

And I think the vegetables are nice, don't you think?

-No.

-Don't you?!

The samphire's nice and crunchy, but not funny.

PRUE: The langoustine and oysters are perfect.

But, somehow, that cucumber juice is overpoweringly bitter

and it makes the whole thing much duller than it should be.

-It's flat.

-It's flat.

-Instead of zingy.

It is a performance on a plate, it did look wonderful.

The stone - that's flamboyant and, you know, exciting.

-No laughter?

-No.

-Tears, possibly?

-If you drop it on your foot, most certainly.

So, Adam, how are you feeling?

Er, yeah, not too bad.

A bit apprehensive as to what the judges think about the food.

But I think that's normal, no?

With two courses down, the judges are reflecting on the food so far,

and discussing their scores.

So, it tasted better than it looked.

So often true.

LAUGHTER

I think that was a 10.

I think it was a brilliant dish, brilliantly conceived.

Time for the main course, a dish Richard Corrigan gave Tom a nine for

and Adam eight earlier in the week.

-I did get a higher score than you.

-But this is four judges,

-and not just Richard.

-That is true.

Adam's up first, serving rose veal

with tongue, artichokes and hay curd,

a restaurant dish marked down by Richard in the week

for its lack of humour -

something the judges are also scoring them on this year.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Hello, Arabella.

Now, we've been having some very, very exciting food in there,

really, really nice. Were not all on the same page, all four of us,

-about how much we're enjoying it.

-Oh, really?

I'm just going to say somebody has got 10.

Obviously, I'm not going to say who. Very, very nice food, though.

-Can you not give us a clue, though?

-It's one of you. All right?

-That's really helpful(!)

-That narrows it down a bit, doesn't it?

-Yeah, so, good luck.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-See you later.

What do you think she's going to be looking for?

-Humour and wit.

-So, where does that leave you?

Up a drainpipe right now.

Well, you know, there's always next time.

But there's no time for Adam to rethink his veal main course now,

ao he quickly fries his accompanying artichokes

and gets his artichoke puree on to the plate,

with his rose veal, strips of tongue and delicate hay curd.

That smells delicious.

Do you think the judges will be happy with that?

-Yeah, I think the judges will be happy with that.

-Arabella?

-We'll see what happens.

-See what happens.

-Mmm.

-I must say, hay curds, that's a novel one to me.

ARABELLA: Looking like blancmange.

-I think the hay curd is absolutely delicious.

-Do you?

That dehydrated artichoke is a revelation to me.

-It's delicious, isn't it? Like a crisp.

-A revelation?!

Are you struggling with your biblical references?

It's the revelation of St Oliver the Divine.

I think it's a really beautiful bit of cooking, you know.

Every single ingredient here with this

is working very beautifully together, and that's very hard.

I think this is a really harmonious dish, isn't it?

There's not one element there that doesn't actually fit

beautifully with the next.

I'm sorry to rain on your parade,

but as the expert panellist in this genre,

how is it in any way a performance?

Could that be the joke?

Maybe this is just so straight-faced,

that that is indeed itself humour?

-Are you here as the representative of style over content?

-No!

Content over content.

Tom's pulling a rabbit out of a hat for his main course,

with home-made black pudding and caramelised carrots

and has a lot of last-minute cooking to do.

-This is the hardest course to get out, though.

-It is, yeah.

I struggle with this.

I agree with you, sir.

With no time to lose, he fries his black pudding,

caramelises his carrots and starts his plate

with carrot puree and chervil sauce.

He then slices his stuffed rabbit, glazes it with carrot dressing

and pops it onto a plate underneath a playful top hat.

-Thank you.

-Will the joke be on Tom and his rabbit in a hat?

-Happy?

-Yes.

It's cabaret!

Wow!

Oh, it fits. I'm happy!

So, is there any element of your dish that you think the judges won't like?

No.

Blimey!

That is, um, black pudding.

-Not very good black pudding, at that.

-No.

Lots of flavour in the rabbit, though, right?

I think the caramelised veg could be better, actually.

I think it looks good,

but I think the flavour's been slightly lost on the carrots.

-This is not his best dish.

-Everything's sticky.

The rabbit's sticky, the carrots are sticky, the gravy's sticky.

Sticky, sticky, sticky, sticky, sticky!

I'm fractionally disappointed.

I like that stickiness.

The only thing I don't like is the black pudding,

which is not very good.

But I love the caramelised veg,

it's slightly dehydrated, isn't it, the veg?

Once you've actually stripped away the top hat...

Or, in your case, the Fat Controller's hat.

..or indeed the Fat Controller's that,

is there any humour on the plate?

-A hat does not a rabbit make.

-Indeed.

The hat's the best part of this dish.

MATTHEW LAUGHS

The hat is the best part of the dish.

I would agree with you on that!

But, unfortunately, I've tried eating the hat, Prue,

and it's pretty indigestible, to be perfectly honest.

Back in the kitchen,

Adam's under pressure to steal a march on Tom with his dessert.

He's serving frozen white chocolate mousse

with lemon granita and dehydrated fennel,

a dish Richard awarded just six points yesterday,

something Tom remembers all too well.

I mean, it's hard, isn't it? I understand. I feel for you, man.

Adam's using lots of different temperatures and textures

to surprise and delight,

including soft lemon mousse and a frozen white chocolate counterpart.

It looks like something out of Harry Potter.

He's kept his presentation incredibly simple,

and with a final scattering of lemon granita,

delivers his last course to the pass.

Thank you. Woo!

-Finito.

-Done.

-Well done.

-Thank you.

-Arabella?

-Yes.

Do you think she's going to be impressed with your dessert?

I'm happy with the flavours that have gone out on the plate.

You know, so, for me, I've done all I can in that respect.

-Looks good, it looks good.

-ARABELLA: Mmm!

And it tastes good.

It's really delicious - limey.

-PRUE: Is it?

-Limey?

Well that was like "blimey" without a B.

That's very, very good.

And, also, there's a lovely contrast of textures.

You've got the creaminess of the white chocolate,

there's that crunchy of the granita, isn't it?

And the sharpness of the lemon, and a little bit of aniseed,

a little trace of aniseed from the fennel.

Is this a granita moment?

I think it's a "granita and bear it" moment, don't you?

I'm going to go back on to the humour element again pretty fast on this one.

I was expecting some sort of redness.

He hasn't even paid a bit of lip service to the red thing here.

Smiles, laughter, humour, comedy... Arabella, do you see it?

A glace cherry wouldn't have gone amiss, you just pop it on top.

It's asking no questions, you don't have to eat it,

but it's saying, "Look, I'm here for comedy purposes,

"and I represent a red nose."

Would it hurt? No.

THEY LAUGH

Tom's final showdown is a hugely ambitious

strawberry and coconut dish with comedy in the name

"A nose too far" - and in the props, that Richard awarded 10 out of 10.

What dish do you think would take you through to the banquet?

-Definitely this one.

-Like the "perfect" 10.

Tom's throwing everything at this last course to make sure

history doesn't repeat itself, serving panna cotta,

jelly and two types of sorbet.

-Thank you, Adam.

-Oh, no, you're welcome.

He then finishes his dessert with some vibrant green mint oil,

adds a quenelle of coconut sorbet, and delivers it to the pass,

where his comedy props are waiting.

Away you go.

Oo-oo-oh!

There you go.

Well, he's read the brief.

"Pull me."

One, two, three...

Ooooh!

-OK.

-Time to get our noses in the trough.

-Oh, my God, this looks awful!

-It looks weird.

-What's that?

-Don't know yet.

It looks like lobster.

Good sorbet.

I think the oil is unpleasant. I think...

It's a great colour.

It's a great colour, but I can't...

Can you make out what the flavour is, though?

-Strawberries and mint is such a classic.

-Hmm.

-But can you pick up any flavour of mint off of it?

-Yeah.

You know what?

There's a tremendous amount of things happening here,

-and I quite like that.

-Great flavour.

There's tons of flavour.

You've got your strawberries and very wet panna cotta, which is delicious.

This is a very unusual pudding.

Love all this.

I think that's all very funny and like the "pull me".

There should have been a "push me".

Um, good pud.

Very good pudding.

I like the fact that the panna cotta is room temperature.

He's got that absolutely right.

I think it's a bit effortful, to be honest.

Yeah, but that's lovely!

No, I don't want to work... I'm working too hard.

-That is a pudding for pudding lovers, isn't it?

-Yeah.

There's a lot of oohs and aahs to be had there, isn't there?

MATTHEW HUMS A MELODY

It's like bell ringing. # Doing, doing, doing, doing. #

Come on, come on.

Can we have a little bit of, you know, a little teamwork here?

No, my bells are...

Ah! LAUGHTER

Oliver!

Cooking complete, all the chefs can do is wait

while the judges consider their final scores.

I have given that dish...

-nine.

-So have I!

I would love to get to the final banquet.

It would be absolutely amazing. I'd love to do it.

Tom's tried to impress the judges with gastronomy and spectacle

and thought hard about raising a laugh

at the Red Nose Day banquet this year.

I cannot think of a single fault, and I'm going to give it a 10.

Obviously, I'd like to go through,

but I'm not sure if I've done enough.

Adam's opted for a less obvious approach to the brief

and relied on textures and flavours to make the judges smile.

That tongue was perfect.

That was a stroke of genius, adding the tongue.

-Good luck.

-Good luck.

Welcome, Chefs. How are you feeling?

-Shattered.

-Exactly the same.

-A long week?

-Yeah, a very long week.

But a fun week, a very fun week.

We've had some amazing eating today.

The quality of the cooking is absolutely fantastic.

So, I'm sure you are both anxious to know who's going through to the final?

BOTH: Yes.

So, I can now announce that the winner is...

..Tom.

Well done.

Congratulations. Well done.

Come on, Tom, how does it feel after that "no"?

It feels great. It feels fantastic.

I've kind of, um, laid some ghosts down.

The fish dish that really impressed me,

was not only visually funny and amusing and witty and clever,

but when I came to eat it, it was an absolute stormer.

"Scallop with a wallop", I would call it,

rather than just "Hand dived".

Great, thank you.

Adam, commiserations. How are you feeling?

Yeah, of course I'm gutted.

But I have to say, that rose veal,

I thought that was the best dish of the day.

ADAM: Thank you.

The next time, if they make you cook and dance, concentrate on the dancing.

Because the cooking's nailed.

Tom, well done. We look forward to seeing you in the national finals.

Adam, commiserations. I know we're going to see more of you again.

Great cooking. Thank you both very much.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Gosh, I feel they were looking right through me there.

I was feeling... I was sweating inside there.

Brilliant. Yeah, I'm very, very happy.

It was the result that I wanted.

Mr Aitkens! Well done.

-Congratulations.

-Thank you very much.

-You deserved that.

-Well, you put up a very good fight, I have to say.

-But I will whoop your

-BLEEP

-next time.

-Oh, really?

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