Scotland Starter Great British Menu

This year on Great British Menu, the nation's most talented chefs

have been challenged to bring out their funny side.

-Just like that!

-Hee-hee!

-Yeah, I'm laughing!

And create witty, playful food that's also a gastronomic masterpiece.

HE IMITATES A TURKEY

For a special banquet, celebrating 25 years of Red Nose Day,

at the prestigious Royal Albert Hall.

That looks pretty amazing.

Their quest? To raise a smile, raise money,

-and support Comic Relief, has brought highs...

-Ugh!

..and serious lows.

That's youthful stupidity.

And the veteran chefs are as straight-talking as ever.

It was by far your worst dish.

It just wasn't very nice.

This week, three former Scottish competitors return to the fray.

Past regional champion Michael Smith's twice failed

to get to the banquet, and can't afford to lose again.

-I'm expecting great things from you.

-No pressure, then.

His old opponent Tony Singh is looking to turn the tables.

Michael's knocked me out twice before.

I want to get through this time.

And ambitious returning competitor Mark Greenaway is desperate

to improve on last year's performance.

If I were you I'd score this dish a nine.

Today it's the starter

and self-proclaimed joker Tony is straight in with the gags.

Mark's bling!

-There's nothing bling about me!

-Aye, bling!

-But when the pressure rises in the kitchen...

-BLEEP!

..his dish starts to unravel.

Feels a bit disorganised to me, Tony. It's a serious competition.

Over the past three decades, Comic Relief has used comedy and laughter

to change the lives of millions, both at home and around the world.

It's fantastic. It's magic.

For this year's competition, the chefs have been challenged

to entertain and delight with fun, witty dishes that are culinary works of art.

They've thrown themselves into hair-raising challenges

and pounded the UK's streets with some well-known faces,

to raise some much-needed funds.

For a shot at the banquet, the Scottish chefs

must first impress a demanding veteran of the competition.

This week, it's a Michelin-starred chef who earned her stripes

in some of Britain's top kitchens - Angela Hartnett, MBE.

I'm expecting the food to amuse me.

I want to smile as soon as I see a dish, because food is pleasurable.

But I want it to be serious, gastronomic food.

It's got to taste good.

And no-one wants to be sent home first.

So yous are old friends of the Great British Menu?

Who said we were friends? This is for charity -

that's the only reason I'm back in the kitchen with him!

So who's going to be third time lucky?

Michael's knocked me out twice before. I want to get through this time.

Your second time in the competition.

You're going to be champing at the bit, with your starter, definitely.

Well, it was my lowest-scoring dish last time

so this time I really want to start the week well, get a high score.

One cheese salad, one beef, one beetroot, one hake.

First up is Michael Smith, Chef Director at The Three Chimneys, on the Isle of Skye.

OK, Hamish.

This former regional champion has so far failed to deliver a dish

to the banquet, but this year he's determined to take centre stage.

This is my third bite of the cherry. I want to get all the way this time.

I want to get Scotland to that final banquet, third time round.

So tell me the name of your dish.

-My dish is called, Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?.

-No idea. Why did it?

Well, hopefully that's about to be revealed to you.

There is a road where there is evidence of a chicken crossing.

So the chicken going across the road - splat! Right?

-Possibly.

-OK, interesting. It's not style over substance?

-I don't think so.

The dish is based around a lovely Scottish chicken,

which, I'm going to be using thigh, a bit of breast.

I'm going to stuff the thigh with some skirlie.

Scowlie? Scarley?

The skirlie, roll your Rs.

Skir-r-lie! And what is that?

Skirlie is a traditional Scottish, like, sage and onion stuffing

but Scottish, with oatmeal, onions, a bit of lovely back bacon

mixed in with a little bit of chicken mousse.

And what about the carrots and beetroot?

These are going to be pickled, to add some texture and colour.

-So you're quite experienced? Twice you've been in already, yeah?

-Correct.

-Now it's to get the final dish on the menu, yeah?

-Correct.

There hasn't been a Scotsman at the banquet for a long time.

-Here's to the first one. Hope it's going to make me laugh.

-So do I!

Michael is kicking off his menu

with a visually playful warm chicken salad,

with oat stuffing and carrot and beetroot puree.

I don't know where Michael's coming with his presentation.

There's a pun on the chicken crossing the road.

Think about the execution. It's got to taste good.

Service!

Next up is Mark Greenaway, who's known for taking

a molecular approach to cooking at his self-named Edinburgh restaurant.

-Lamb heart?

-OK...

But after crashing out first in last year's competition...

Just a little short of the mark.

..he's got a point to prove.

This year I'm not the new boy any more.

I'm more confident than I was last year

because I obviously know what to expect.

So I'm going down there to win, just as much as the other two are.

So, first off, what's your dish called?

It's a pressing of rabbit with a gingerbread muffin.

We're doing tomato jelly and a carrot meringue.

So, a little bit different.

How are you making your carrot meringue?

Juicing the carrots, then I'm going to whip it up

with some xanthan gum and high foamer that I've got.

So you're not making it like a classic meringue?

-There's no egg white in it at all.

-OK. Interesting.

-And how you serving it?

-I don't want to tell you. It's a secret!

-OK!

If that's what's going to make me smile and laugh.

And you obviously want to get through

because you got knocked out last year, didn't you?

It's important for me to get a good start this week.

Last year it was my lowest-scoring dish

so this year I'm hoping for a higher score.

Mark's starter is a complex dish of rabbit terrine,

with gingerbread, tomato jelly and unusual carrot meringues.

Mark's pushing the boat out

with so many different flavours and ingredients.

I just hope it's not going to be over-complicated.

I've yet to be convinced, really.

How long for a pigeon and a plaice?

Completing the line-up is Tony Singh.

A self-proclaimed joker, he thinks his quirky style of cooking

perfectly fits this year's brief.

Ruby Murray and a beef stroganoff!

But having lost out to Michael twice before...

Tony, commiserations.

Michael, we look forward to seeing you in the final.

..he's determined to have the last laugh this time round.

This year, hope it's going to be me that gets passed on the Friday.

The dishes are perfect. The judges are going to laugh their socks off.

And I'm getting through to the final.

-Right, tell me the name of your dish.

-Ham It Up.

Well, it's already making me smile. Tell me about it.

Well, I'm using very humble, austere produce.

-A brined pig's head.

-Right.

This one?

Lovely smoked ham hock. Pig's trotter for the gelatine.

And what's with the flour?

Bit technical there, to make brioche, to go with the whole thing.

So you're making like a pig terrine, or a ham terrine?

It's my take on spiced ham.

You know, one of these things you either loved or hated.

Tony, you're talking about that very famous processed meat in a square can, right?

Yes, that stuff.

And Mark's doing a terrine as well.

He's gone a bit more luxury though, he's gone rabbit and stuff.

Mark's bling, you know what I mean? Unbelievable!

There's nothing bling about me!

Well, obviously a little bit of challenge there!

Inspired by a childhood packed lunch,

Tony's hoping to raise a smile with a witty take

on a Spam sandwich, with apple sauce.

So, I think flavour-wise, Tony's gone quite classical, pork, apples etc,

it's all going to work.

You know, he might have gone too simple.

So he's really got to push the boat out with his presentation

and making sure it is a funny dish.

Whilst all three chefs are seasoned competitors,

the first day in the kitchen can still breed uncertainty,

as the chefs size up their rivals.

Gentlemen we have a different brief this year. Comic Relief.

Quite a tricky one, no?

-It's a hard one. It's for a charity.

-Wide open. Definitely wide open.

My biggest advantage this year is that I've been to the final,

I've stood in front of the judges twice before.

Michael may think his experience will help him beat his competitors,

but Mark is just as determined to win.

I think Michael and Tony should be nervous of me.

I've definitely come down here to win this.

What is it that you're doing, Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Erm, it's a chicken dish.

Keeping his competition guessing, Michael prepares

his traditional Scottish oat stuffing for his warm chicken salad.

-Hi.

-This is your skirr-lie! There's no herbs in there?

Yes, there's some thyme in here.

So this is the oatmeal, the onions, cooked very slowly,

a little bit of chicken and cream to bind it.

I've eaten your food before, Michael, I'm expecting great things.

-No pressure, then!

-No pressure!

Michael knows he can't afford to lose this year,

so is pushing every boundary

and combining his love of Scottish produce

with a side order of dark humour.

You know, the best comedy has you on the edge of your seat,

and that's what I want my food to do.

But to make sure his punchlines hit the spot, he's road-testing

his starter on his toughest critics, his daughter Margot and son Oscar.

Going for a walk. Come on.

Living and working on Skye,

we have get to have access to the wilderness all the time.

This looks like a good spot for a picnic.

Shall we light a fire and try some of the chicken

I'm going to cook for this competition as a starter?

-Why did the chicken cross the road?

-To get to the other side?

No, it was going to the banquet!

What does the chicken say?

Bwaark, bwaark, bwaark!

HE IMITATES A CHICKEN

Is this dish good enough for the banquet?

(BOTH): Yeah!

-Well, what you laughing for, then?

-It's Comic Relief!

-Oh, OK!

Risk-taker Tony's controversially attempting to reinvent

the processed meat, Spam, for his take on a packed lunch.

A choice of meat his competitors find surprising.

So your spiced ham, Tony. What's that?

Spiced and flavoured ham, yes. Horrible for loads of folk.

But this is going to be a bit nicer, a bit funny.

Takes you back, that happy memories. Fun, wittiness,

always goes back to family memories when you were younger.

So this is one of mine.

I remember as a child, eating processed ham or processed meat,

and it was never a great memory, I've got to be honest with you.

After over a decade rising high in the Edinburgh restaurant scene,

Tony has recently made a big decision about his future.

So we've closed Oloroso after 11 years. Time to move on.

And I think now's the time to try something new.

He's planning a new pop-up restaurant concept

with fellow chef Kenny Coltman, at his deli and restaurant in Peebles.

-We'll go for the beef for the main course.

-Yeah.

And he's gained valuable time with his family,

who are a constant inspiration for his cooking.

So the menu this year,

a lot of help from my kids, my biggest critics and supporters.

I've had a lot more time to come up with ideas,

so I really want to get to the banquet with these dishes

because it's a family effort this time.

If the judges don't get my sense of humour, shame on them!

Back in the kitchen, Tony's making the brioche dough

for his take on a packed lunch,

but it's his family-made packaging

that has caught veteran Angela's eye.

Ah, these look nifty! Very good, who made those for you?

My kiddies.

It was a lot of things that the kids got involved in.

What you mean, your kids? YOUR kids?

My children, I know, I look so young, yes?!

You could start your own company, with your family producing.

There seems to be a lot of gimmicks going on, a lot of presentation.

I just hope what he's presenting is as good as all the packaging.

So Angela's worried Tony's in danger of delivering style over substance.

Technical chef Mark is taking a different tack.

Mark, are you the straight man today, then?

What's funny about my dish is the whole presentation of it.

The food is still a very serious plate of food

but it's been surrounded by laughter.

Mark's relying on molecular techniques to gain vital points.

So this is the meringue, Mark, yeah?

-This is the carrot meringue.

-How did you make that?

It's carrot juice, then it's whipped with a product called high foamer.

It's pure carrot juice. There's no egg white in it.

-Can I try it?

-Of course you can, yeah.

It surprisingly does taste of carrot. I didn't think it would.

Yeah, it's just pure, you know, juiced carrots.

Having lost early on last year, Mark has had to think very hard about the challenges of this year's brief.

I'm not about gimmicks, I'm not about deliberately making

people laugh, so it's been a very tough challenge.

Instead, Mark's focused on making his flavours and ingredients sparkle.

I think for this year's challenge I've made the food fun, interactive,

but it was the pure food that I was looking at first

and then trying to put a twist on it.

So being produce-led is quite important to me.

For his starter, he knew local farmer Jamie Hope had just what he was looking for.

So what I'm after, Jamie,

is some fantastic, really tender, really juicy carrots.

Yeah, mate, you certainly came to the right place.

These look great.

Yeah, fantastic. You can't get any fresher than that!

So what will Jamie make of Mark's unconventional carrot meringues?

Try, dig in and let me know what you think.

It's a carrot meringue.

Mmm, yeah, very tasty.

So this year's challenge is all about making the food witty, fun,

I think for this year's competition brief, I think I'm there with it.

Back in the kitchen,

Michael has spotted a potential chink in his competitors' armour.

You know it's always tricky

when one of your opponents is doing a similar dish to you.

My dish is rabbit terrine, Tony's doing his brawn,

very similar, that might work in one's favour and not in the other,

but hopefully it should maybe work in my favour.

Mark's confited his carrots and shallots in butter,

and shredded the cooked rabbit meat,

before starting to layer his terrine.

So what's that, that's all the leg and stuff?

This is the leg, the belly.

I've got the loin, roasted the loin,

and then I'm going to press it into the terrine mould

but with no Parma ham, or...

Quite risky, that it's going to set in time.

And how is it going to set, more importantly?

Just with a little bit of jus.

OK.

Fingers crossed it sets lovely - that's all I'm saying.

Tony's packing his controversial Spam-inspired spiced ham into tins,

but there's a problem.

-Ah,

-BLEEP!

-That's

-BLEEP-ed,

-man!

-BLEEP!

-Oh!

He needs the cooking stock from his meat to set the ham,

but it's been accidentally thrown away.

BLEEP!

I've lost my spiced, clarified stock for the dish

which is a big setback.

His only option is to make another one from scratch.

Tony? What's happened, brother?

Your stock's gone into the big, black bin, has it?

Well, the big plughole, you know what I mean? Stage left!

Keep a sense of humour about things.

That's it. # Always look on the bright side of life! #

Joker Tony's sense of humour is still intact,

but veteran Angela is less amused.

All right, Tony? It's a serious competition.

I know we're sort of joking around and stuff, but, you know...

-I know it is....

-You're on top of it? OK. All right.

With Angela's warning hanging in the air,

Tony can only hope he can pull his dish back. Fortunately for him,

it's Michael who's first to the pass with his warm chicken salad.

What's the time?

We're going now, yeah?

He's made a set soft cheese cream,

which he cuts it into blocks to form road markings on his serving slate.

Before adding sauteed kale,

a splattering of carrot and beetroot puree

the stuffed chicken thigh, confit wing and Chanterelle mushrooms.

He finishes with shredded pickled carrot,

a feather for dramatic effect,

and to complete the joke, Michael's even added sound effects.

CHICKEN NOISES

CAR BRAKING AND CRASHING, SIRENS

So it was "splat!"

The chicken didn't quite make it all the way across.

Is this supposed to be the insides of the chicken?

-It can be whatever you want it to be.

-OK.

It's up to your own imagination.

Let's see if we get a bellyful of laughs with this one. Ready?

Let's go.

Bon appetit. Do you think this dish has fulfilled your brief

of bringing amusement to the eye and making people laugh?

I think so. I think, it's visually... It captures your imagination.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

One of life's great mysteries.

Do you think it fills the brief?

Oh, definitely. Puts a smile on your face, mate.

Do you think it's got enough texture? Different textures and components?

I hope so.

The pickle has obviously got a crunch.

There's the softness of the chicken,

the confit has got a nice crispness to it.

The cream, hopefully that's warmed through, that kind of melts.

Has the agar set the cream to the right consistency for you?

I think so, yes.

It's so good.

And the kale, again, lovely.

I don't know if the kale adds anything to it.

Unless the chicken was with the kale, it was going to a dance.

You know what I mean? A kale-eidh!

Skirlie's the right texture and seasoning for you?

It could've been slightly moister.

It's a little bit, not as moist as I would've liked.

-That's too much oats in it?

-Possibly, yeah.

-OK.

So there's a lot going on with your plate. Do you think

that's going to be difficult to replicate at the banquet?

It's pushing it, but that's what you have to do

with the Great British Menu.

Scaling that up AND keeping it warm AND serving it

at the correct temperature, it's not going to be easy.

I don't know if it's do-able.

Phew, that was a tough one.

Starter's always pretty hardcore

but to be first up is really putting the pressure on.

Tony still has a lot to do on his Spam-inspired packed lunch.

He leaves his brioche dough to rise,

whilst he tops his tins of terrine with toasted hazelnuts,

pickled girolles and his new batch of spiced stock.

How long do you think they're going to set?

Shouldn't take long. About ten minutes.

I'm worried about my brioche. It's not rising.

It's a ten-hour process overnight.

Just in the second prove, and it's a bit...

Tony can only hope he pulls his dish together in time.

Mark unrolls his rabbit terrine and he's ready to serve.

Perfect.

He slices it lengthways

and adds some gingerbread muffin,

cubes of tomato jelly,

roasted hazelnuts and parsley mayonnaise.

He finishes with a confit carrot

and his unusual eggless carrot meringues,

before revealing his witty presentation.

Squeeze my nose, would you?

CANNED LAUGHTER

ANGELA LAUGHS

So, this is about what it tastes like!

-Ready, boys?

-All right, Mark?

Explain where the link is between the cookery book and the dish.

Making people laugh and walking into a banquet hall

with an armful of over-sized cookbooks, that laugh.

And then putting the dish in the cookbook - that's the connection.

Very contemporary presentation, isn't it?

that's Marks' style, definitely.

Once you take away the book, once it's out of there,

it's a restaurant dish.

Consistency of terrine you're happy with? Not too dry?

Not too soft or anything?

No, I think it's great because it's not too cold

and it's moist enough, it's held,

because obviously if it was too dry, it would just collapse and crumble.

Yeah.

The tomato jelly, you're happy with? Got enough flavour in there,

seasoning, intensity?

I think the acidity cuts through the fattiness of the terrine.

I think it works well.

What d'you think of the terrine?

I think the terrine's good.

Definitely, there's a lot of work in it. Maybe slightly under-seasoned.

It needs some acidity.

I think the tomato jelly's meant to give it acidity, but it's not there.

So, the meringue, did the flavour and texture

turn out as you wanted it?

you had the full carrot flavour and the crispiness of the meringue?

Carrot, well, it marries well with it, there's carrots through it,

it's a nice texture.

That's a new one on me.

Coats your tongue, eh? Whatever it is that's in it.

-It's a little bit...

-Chemically.

Yeah, it's a little bit chemically.

Feel it'll put you in front of the other two?

Oh, I'm biased, so, yeah!

Erm, first course down, obviously massively important.

Scored the lowest last year in the starter.

Need to get a really good starter this week.

In the kitchen, Tony's finishing off his Spam-inspired packed lunch

and the presentation is starting to take shape.

He adds the lids to his tins of spiced pork

and transfers his apple sauce into tubes before sealing.

What's this thing you're putting it in?

Oh, it's tubes?! Oh, right, like toothpaste?

He checks his brioche rolls.

-How's the brioches going, Tony? They look cracking.

-Yeah, lovely.

And packs his brown paper lunch bags before turning on

his musical homage to the masters of comedy, Monty Python.

MUSIC: "SPAM SONG" MONTY PYTHON

# Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! #

Spam!?

-So this is our little...

-Packed lunch?

Our little packed lunch. Oh, Hamming It Up! So people get to have that.

I'm guessing our apple sauce is in our Apple-icious.

-Let's hope it's not all packaging. Come on you, let's go.

-OK.

People can lift it up, have a look at it, have a giggle.

And do you think the presentation, with the paper bag,

-is really fit for a banquet?

-Spot-on!

Right, well, proof is, though, what it tastes like.

What does it say on it?

"Hamming it up." Clever. Very, very clever.

-Taste-wise, everything's there?

-A little bit more pepper.

-You'd get more pepper in there?

-A little bit more pepper.

And consistency-wise, you don't think it's too soft?

That was what you were looking for?

That's what I'm looking for, because you've got the hazelnuts in there.

This is all interactive, isn't it?

It's good fun.

This is quite tart, isn't it? It's got a little bit of acidity.

It needs the apple around it.

Yeah, I think it's too acidic, without the apple sauce, but...

I love the idea, it's a great idea.

And what about the puree, obviously, out of a tube like that?

Sweet enough, sour enough for you?

Because it's got the girolles in, it sweetens that as well.

I didn't want it too sharp.

Thing is, can it give you the edge over the other two?

Er...

What would you give it out of ten?

I would say, seven?

Interesting.

Six!

Well, that was a relief, getting it out the way.

Felt it went well, got Angela laughing.

This is the hardest part, waiting for the scores.

I think if you get off to a good start for the week

it helps with the confidence. I had a terrible start last year

and that's why this year, hopefully, I don't want to repeat that, so...

It's one of these things.

If you get a low score it does knock your mind down.

Don't second-guess it. Just concentrate on the job in hand.

-Do what you do.

-Take it on the chin, move on to the next course.

So Michael, for you, Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

It was a delicious-tasting dish.

Take away all the amusement, it was a great chicken salad dish.

I liked the beetroot and the carrot,

and the way you crossed the flavours there.

They worked very well.

I'd never tasted skirlie before.

And although I enjoyed it, I thought it was a little bit dry.

And realistically, are you going to pull it off?

A lot going on for that plate,

to keep it all warm and to get it out there.

Mark, your pressed rabbit. I'm sure you'll end up with that noise,

wanting to throw that book at someone, but it was fun.

I wasn't sure about your carrot meringue at first,

thought you'd gone a gimmick too far,

but actually it tasted of carrot and it was nice.

Personally though, I think, the terrine, you needed more chunkiness.

You'd ripped the rabbit apart too much.

I thought too many ingredients on the plate.

I don't think you need the tomato.

So Tony, your Hamming It Up.

You've thoughtfully presented it.

It really did make me laugh.

I mean, you make me laugh, you're very funny.

And your apple puree I liked, it had a great sharpness

and a touch of sweetness at the end.

And I think the meat, generally,

could have all had a little bit more spice.

You know, it was a good dish, but it wasn't excellent.

I don't think it was dazzling,

I don't think it was, gastronomically, a big feat.

So.

Michael. For your "Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?"

I'm going to give you...

A seven.

For Mark, for your pressed terrine, I'm going to give you a five.

Tony, for your Hamming It Up...

I'm going to give you a five.

Thank you.

Well, that's tough, eh?

Yeah.

Really didn't think the dish deserved five.

I would have scored it higher.

But, you just don't know.

I got the same score as Mark.

I'd have been really annoyed if it was less.

I've got a two-point lead after the starter.

is that one step nearer to Friday?

I can't afford to think about that just now

because I need to stay super-focused for the fish course

just to maintain that lead.

All the chefs taking part in the series

are doing their bit for Comic Relief,

by taking part in Menu Relief,

along with hundreds of other restaurants all over the country.

Go to:

to find out more or to learn how to get involved.

Tomorrow, the competition continues with the fish course.

Joker Tony is back on form...

Hello, lads, do yous need a hand?!

But has he gone too far?

I think it's dangerous.

You are mad as a box of frogs, Tony, Tony, you really are.

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