Scotland Fish Great British Menu

The competition continues on Great British Menu.

-You're up first?

-Yeah.

Three of Scotland's most talented chefs,

Michael Smith, Tony Singh

and Mark Greenaway,

are striving to create culinary masterpieces with a sense of humour.

DONALD DUCK IMPRESSION

LAUGHTER

For the chance to cook at a special banquet

celebrating 25 years of Red Nose Day.

They've all tried and failed before...

There hasn't been a Scotsman at the banquet for a long time.

...and can't afford to lose this time.

Who said we were friends? I want to get through this time.

Yesterday was the starter and joker Tony was quick with the gags.

-Mark's bling!

-There's nothing bling about me.

-No, you're bling.

..but came unstuck with his dish.

I'm worried about my brioche. It's not rising.

-No, it's

-BLEEP,

-man, it's

-BLEEP.

There was disappointment for technically ambitious Mark...

Too many ingredients on the plate.

..leaving former regional champion Michael nudging ahead.

It was a delicious tasting dish.

Today, it's the fish course and Mark is feeling the pressure.

Is there an oven I can use that's not at 300 degrees?

Joker Tony's true to form.

-Where is Tony?

-I think he's the one on the right.

Hello, lads, do youse need a hand?

But is his DIY fish dish...

It's not me who's cooking.

..a joke too far?

I think it's dangerous.

You are mad as a box of frogs, Tony, you really are.

This year, the chefs' challenge is to raise money, raise a smile

and support Comic Relief.

CHEERING

And to entertain and delight

-with fun, witty dishes that are gastronomic works of art.

-Wow.

They all want to get to the banquet,

but first they have to impress a veteran of the competition,

Michelin-starred chef Angela Hartnett MBE,

who feels they're yet to give their best.

All three have to really take it up a level or two,

make sure that what you have

is brilliant cooking and fantastic flavours.

And no-one can afford to slip up.

Great to have a two-point lead, I'm not going to kid around here,

but you can't take your eye off the ball.

It's a new day. Anything can happen.

Michael, we're chasing you, mate.

We've all been here before. We all know how quickly it can turn around.

First up is current leader Michael Smith,

whose strategy of giving Scottish classics a comedic twist

paid off yesterday.

It's a really good place to be,

Two-point lead against Mark and Tony going into the fish course.

This is my year to get all the way to the banquet.

What are you cooking? What's the name of your dish today?

The name of the dish, Angela, is smoky slap skink.

-Yep.

-So the Cullen skink, which is a traditional Highland soup,

with a few tweaks, with a little bit of quirky presentation,

just tipping a nod to the black-and-white comedy greats

of the kind of 1920s, etc.

-Oh, so Charlie Chaplin, Laurel and Hardy, that sort of thing?

-Exactly.

Which fishes are you going to use?

So, I'm going to use some wonderful Arbroath smokies,

straight from the West Coast.

Farmed halibut, which is a wonderful new product.

This is straight, undyed, smoked haddock.

And what are you using oats again for?

A little bit of oatmeal this time

-in a black pudding kind of wafer that I'm making.

-Right, OK.

And what are you doing with the eggs there?

I'm going to have a poached egg yolk, lightly poached

in a little oil that has some dye in it that hopefully

will turn the egg yolk red to be reminiscent of the red nose.

And when you say hopefully, have you done it before?

I have practised it. Shouldn't be a problem.

You're ahead at the moment, you think you can maintain that?

There is no complacency, Angela.

Because I could just as easily slip back. You know, I'll give it my all.

Michael's looking to maintain his lead with his homage

to the black-and-white comedy greats.

A twist on a classic Cullen skink, complete with an egg yolk red nose.

Traditionally, Cullen skink is quite a humble dish.

He's obviously taking it to another level.

But it's a very delicate procedure with the egg yolk Michael's got -

he's dying it so that it's bright, bright red.

But if it bursts, if it's overcooked...

I'm hoping he's not going to fall flat on his face.

Next up is natural born joker Tony Singh.

His sense of humour didn't quite hit the mark yesterday,

but he's confident he can turn things around today.

If I don't get a high score for the fish course,

I'll be done up like a kipper,

because it's funny, it's well thought through,

it tastes great, but we'll see what Angela thinks.

Right, tell me what your dish is going to be called, Tony.

-It's called Maw and the mackerel.

-Maw and the mackerel. What's "maw"?

-Do you know The Broons?

-No, no idea what you're talking about.

Something from my childhood. Every Christmas, it was in my stocking.

It's a comic strip I still read now in the Sunday Post.

It will be all revealed in the presentation and everything.

OK, all right, good. What's the dish involved, then? Obviously, mackerel.

Yep. Line-caught, fantastic.

We've got my mother-in-law's garam masala mix.

-So you're really sort of pulling on your heritage in this one?

-Yes.

-Just going to spice the fish.

-Yeah.

It's going to be served with a small cucumber salad.

So, what, you pan frying the mackerel or roasting them?

This is the wow factor, it's a bit different.

I'll use Himalayan rock salt. I don't know if you've come across it.

You heat it up, the guests will have to cook it themselves.

It's a stone, you heat up the stone?

You heat up the stone, it's a block of salt,

so it adds a bit of minerality to it as well.

So, hold on, you said the guests are going to cook their own?

So you're not cooking it?

No, I'm preparing it for the guest to finish.

I'm quite curious to see what you're going to do in two hours

-with a bit of cucumber and mint.

-I'm going to be sitting there!

A wee little dance - excellent!

Tony is hoping that less is more,

with his risky DIY fish course of spiced mackerel and cucumber salad,

inspired by his favourite Scottish comic strip character, Maw Broon.

Tony's dish - I love all the different spices,

I love the fact he's got his mother-in-law's mix of spices,

he's using his heritage, but I think he's missing the brief.

He's got to be pushing himself as a chef,

and I don't think he is there.

Last into the kitchen is Mark Greenaway.

The first to leave last year's competition,

Mark's desperate to avoid a repeat performance,

but after a disappointing starter, he's got some ground to make up.

I've come down to win, to get in front of the judges.

Today is an important day, I need a good score on my fish.

Right, so tell me the name of your dish.

I'm doing pan-roasted halibut with clam chowder.

A little bit of a different take on a traditional chowder.

Right, in what sense? How is that different?

-Well, I'm using razor clams.

-What are you going to do with these?

Freeze them down raw and then cook them from frozen.

-Why do you do that?

-That will tenderise them.

The problem with razor clams is they can be so chewy,

almost like rubber bands.

I always think it's cos the chef's just overcooked it.

-Traditionally, you would serve a chowder with crackers.

-Right.

So I'm actually going to be doing a savoury tuile.

-Where's the comic element?

-It's in the serving, as was the last one.

-So you'll have to wait.

-OK. And how are you feeling after yesterday?

Confident. I'm only two behind Michael.

I'm on an even peg with Tony.

-Well, good luck, looking forward to it.

-Thank you very much.

Mark's looking to let his flavours

and ingredients shine through with his take on clam chowder.

His soup, I think it's quite simple, quite classical.

But razor clams frozen?

If you cook them correctly, it shouldn't make a difference,

but he says it tenderises them, they're not as rubbery,

so we wait and see.

It's the battle of the soups,

with Mark making his take on a chowder and Michael's Cullen skink.

Mark is confident that cooking his razor clams from frozen

will give his dish the edge.

But current leader Michael's keen to find out if it's true.

What are you worried about? Making sure you don't overcook them?

Yeah, I froze them first, and that way it totally changes

the texture, because otherwise they can be rubbery.

-And this is the base for your chowder?

-Yeah.

-OK.

Is chowder a Scottish name?

'Mark and I have got very similar ingredients,

'we're both using halibut. He's calling his chowder,'

Obviously, that's not a Scottish term.

I hope Angela appeals to the fact that I've given the dish

an identity, a strong identity, of where we're representing.

And Mark's isn't the only dish under scrutiny.

What's this, you been retiling the floor?

No, no, it's Himalayan rock salt. The fish is getting cooked on this.

The fish is getting cooked directly on there?

-And you've done this before?

-No, first time.

-This is the first time?

-First time. I need to get in.

-How long does it have to be in there?

-As long as possible.

-How long have you got?

-Not enough time.

'Asking the guests to cook it themselves, anything can happen.'

And you've not got that control over how it's cooked.

So it could be undercooked, it could be overcooked.

It's a massive risk I wouldn't take.

As well competing to cook at the banquet, all of the chefs

are doing their bit to raise some much-needed cash for Comic Relief.

I had a fantastic time fundraising. I learnt how to Highland dance.

Scottish country dance.

I reckon I would pay money to see you Scottish dance.

-I think that would be hilarious.

-A tenner.

-Done.

-OK.

I'd pay 20 quid to make sure you stopped pretty quickly.

LAUGHTER

Risk-taker Tony is putting his neck on the line

with his DIY fish course,

and swapping his apron for dancing shoes was just another gamble

he was willing to take.

I've done lots of fundraising in the past for charities.

But for Comic Relief, it's really close to my heart.

It's very worthwhile, because they do help a lot of people

at home and abroad.

Tony wanted to make sure his fund-raising challenge

brought in the laughs as well as some cash,

so roped in fellow Scot and stand-up comedian Fred MacAulay.

We speak English, it's an old Scottish habit of ours.

LAUGHTER

We always speak the language of our most recent oppressor.

A big supporter of Comic Relief,

Fred was happy to help, so Tony tracked him down at Radio Scotland

in Glasgow, where he presents a daily show.

..Tuesday, half past eleven...

-How's it going?

-All right, how are you?

-A bit nervous.

I'm guessing from the door and the noise, it's not cookery.

We're going to have to work for our supper,

-be taught how to do some country dancing.

-Scottish country dancing?

-Scottish country dancing.

-The feet are away already!

I'm guessing it's in my blood, but I've never done it before,

apart from schooldays.

But what it was more than anything else at school was an early lesson

in rejection. Maybe we should strike a deal.

-Right.

-If I can get you getting laughs out of the public,

you can teach me or, no, just feed me.

-I'll feed you.

-Feed me.

-Done.

-All right.

-OK, we'll put a smile on some faces and raise some cash.

-Definitely.

But first, the torture.

SCOTTISH DANCING MUSIC

-Today, we're going to dance good hearty Glasgow.

-OK.

-Something like that, is it?

-Similar. We have three beats.

Right, left, right, left.

And step mark time. Step mark time.

Step mark time. And let's go with the music.

Tony? Tony, you don't need me for laughs, you're going to get plenty.

-But they're laughing at me.

-Plenty!

They say the world's a stage, and I'm a player.

I cannot wait to go and start dancing, shuffling my feet,

a bit of the razzmatazz. Let's get out there.

But before they unleash their dance moves on the people of Glasgow,

Tony wanted to see if his fish course hit the spot with Fred.

So we've got some mackerel there.

Lightly spiced with a cucumber salad, with mint and coriander.

-Have a taste.

-OK.

Mmm.

Genius. Good work, Tony.

I would eat more, but I've got some dancing to do.

We need to be light on our feet. Let's go, twinkly toes away.

-PA:

-Good afternoon, shoppers. Come along and see Tony Singh

and Fred MacAulay's Scottish country dancing for Comic Relief.

APPLAUSE

-Thank you very much.

-Oh, man!

-Good man. They've taught me how to dance.

If I can do this, I can do anything. Michael and Mark better watch out.

-I'm going to win.

-See you.

Kilt off and chef whites firmly back on,

Tony is now making the marinade for his mackerel.

And your mother-in-law's spice mix went in there?

-Well, my mum's chilly mix.

-Your mum's chilly mix.

-My mother-in-law's garam masala.

-Oh, competing! That's cheeky.

-Very good, very good.

-Can I try a bit? Is it very hot?

It's got a bit of bite to it.

But the fish is only going to be in there for an hour, hour and a bit.

Well, all right, wait and see then.

With such a simple dish, Tony can't afford any mistakes.

Current leader Michael's looking to stay ahead

with his take on Cullen skink.

He's hoping to take this traditional Scottish soup to the next level,

with a delicate egg yolk confited in oil and red food colouring.

A tricky process he has to get right.

What's the idea behind the red oil?

To give the egg yolk the appearance of, like, the Comic Relief red nose.

-Oh, right, OK, cool.

-And the "yolk's on you" kind of thing!

LAUGHTER

But veteran Angela's not convinced.

You'll be able to do that for 80 people?

-Yeah, I've been practising, I can do it for 200.

-Rubbish!

Tony, on the other hand, is gambling on a less-is-more approach -

he's preparing the cucumber for his salad accompaniment.

Are you freezing them first, or are you just going to...?

-Freezing them? What does that do?

-It draws out all the water.

It will make them really super crunchy and bright green.

-I might give it a try. It'll work, you're not

-BLEEP

-me?

I'm helping you, we've got the same score.

Either that, Tony, or I'm trying to stitch you up. One of the two.

I'll find out. I've got a very big sharp knife, if you stitch me up.

With only two elements to prepare,

Tony has plenty of time to put Mark's suggestion to the test.

Will you get the blast chiller on freeze, for me, please?

Mark, however, has taken his eye off the ball with his own dish.

Bacon has gone too far due to the fact the oven

was at 300 for Tony's salt blocks. I didn't realise, so...

Is there an oven I can use that's not at 300 degrees?

But with plate up fast approaching,

Mark's not the only one who needs the oven.

Are you doing your egg yolks in the oven?

-I need to use it, yes.

-What temperature you needing it at?

-50.

-Well, I'm up first, so...

-You're up first?

-Yeah.

With Mark and Michael making similar dishes,

the tension is beginning to show.

Tony, however, is taking a more relaxed approach.

-You all right, Tony?

-Yes.

So what else have you got to do?

-You're done?

-Yeah. It's not me that's cooking.

If I put you through and you get 10 out of 10,

effectively I've got 10 out of 10, because I'm cooking it.

I mean, really!

Tony standing over there eating biscuits

and I'm running about mental.

There's something wrong with this. Where is Tony?

-I think he's the one on the right.

-Hello, lads, do you need a hand?

I think he's doing a wee Highland fling with himself

-over in the corner.

-Oh, nice.

Tony might have time to lark around,

but Mark's up first, so he needs to do some serious cooking

to get his razor clam chowder to the pass.

He pipes out his savoury tuiles before baking,

and glazes his razor clams in stock.

He then pan fries his halibut and leeks,

before adding to his serving bowls with diced carrot and potato,

and placing the delicate savoury tuiles on top.

Be up in 30 seconds.

Just waiting on my soup.

Can I grab the bowls?

So, this is roasted halibut, clam chowder...

-..fit for a banquet.

-And this is to represent?

-It's fun.

Everyone likes... You've already done it. Everyone likes popping.

See? You're doing it again. Everyone loves popping bubble wrap.

-Right, let's see what it tastes like.

-Let's go. I'll bring the soup.

Perfect.

So, definitely an interesting presentation.

The comedy value is,

-everybody is going to be sat at the banquet...

-Doing this.

..playing with their food.

Which, as a child, you're always told not to do.

So I pour the soup here, yes?

I don't think the bubble wrap does the dish justice.

It's not adding anything to it.

Maybe possibly slightly detracting from the main event.

-It's a bit...

-A bit of an afterthought.

And with the razor clams,

you finished the soup with a razor clam stock.

Do you think that's come through enough, or would you add more?

I don't think you want it too fishy.

You don't want it tasting too clammy, if that makes any sense.

Shall we try this food? Lovely. Tender.

It's not held its temperature at all, though.

Serve your granny warm soup in Scotland,

you get a right spanking for that.

Anything you would change if you could?

No. I think I've done enough.

You're both on five points.

Is this worrying you, Tony?

No, I think my dish for the fish is better.

I've got to get more than five for that. I really do.

Just, going into the main course tomorrow,

more than a five would be good.

In the kitchen, Michael is tackling his tricky red nose egg yolks,

a risky technique he can't afford to get wrong.

I have to say, one of the things I can't stand in cooking is

-these 24-hour poached eggs.

-No, it's nothing like that.

No, I just like a good poached egg, you know?

With Michael on the back foot, his rivals are quick to jump in.

I don't think there's anything wrong...

One of the things you learn to make right, do it right.

It's amazing how many cooks can't get it right. No pressure, Michael.

To poach it, to get the heat, you've got to take it to a certain

temperature, so I don't know if he'll be able to do that in the oil.

I'm not particularly looking forward to eating a raw poached egg,

if I'm honest. Let's hope it's not.

Next to the pass is Tony, with his DIY mackerel.

He removes his salt slabs from the oven and gives them

a last blast of heat on the hob.

He tosses his cucumber with coriander, mint and lime,

places the raw marinated mackerel in bowls,

and serves chargrilled limes to squeeze over the fish.

He places the red hot salt rocks onto their stands...

and finally reveals his humorous comic strip cooking instructions.

-Broons!

-The Broons.

So we get to read this as we eat, it's our little story.

Have a read of it, it explains how to cook the fish.

So it's all part of it, carrying it all the way through.

-Tony, let's take our comic with us.

-I'll get the door.

-Thank you.

-Do we pour the oil on?

-Oil in the middle, not too much.

-Wow.

-Skin side down?

-Yeah, skin side down.

SCOTTISH ACCENT: "Cookin' the fish on a hot salt slab."

This is very good, I have to say.

-It's actually got Tony in it.

-That's the best ever.

Tony's managed to get himself in the Broons. That's...

-The things he'll do.

-Pure magic.

The Broons might not be known all over the UK,

-but they're definitely legends in Scotland.

-Of course they are, yeah.

-Listen, have you read the instructions?

-10 seconds.

I think we know what to do.

-ANGELA: You happy with the cooking?

-Spot on.

Marinade not too strong, not too weak?

Actually, I think it could do with a little bit more spice.

-A little bit more spice.

-A little bit more spice.

What about the cucumber salad?

Cucumber salad, it's nice, it's the first time I've done it frozen,

it's got the same crunch.

It's greener than it normally is, which is a good thing.

-It's cooked perfectly on the stone.

-It has, yeah.

I've never done that before. I think it's made a difference.

Do you think other people are going to be - like the diners,

the 80 diners - they're going to be intimidated?

I don't think they'll be intimidated.

There's always somebody that likes to cook.

-There's always someone that wants to be...

-Like at a barbeque.

There's got to be a showman in there.

What do you think about letting people cook their own food?

You'd need roughly 20 of those all going out at the same time.

-I think it's dangerous.

-Feeling like it's a winning dish?

Yeah, I think it's a funny dish, it's funny for me,

I like it, I'm very happy with it, and it tastes good.

One negative comment - not enough spice in there,

I was holding back. but next time a little bit more chilli -

it's a winner.

Time for Michael to serve his take on Cullen skink,

and he has a lot of elements to bring together at the last minute.

First, he deep fries his halibut croutons

and cuts out the black pudding wafers.

Next, he places the smoked fish soup into glass serving bowls.

He then adds the black pudding hat and moustache,

which he quickly blow torches.

With time against him,

he carefully removes the delicate egg yolks from the oil,

and places on top of the soup, before adding a flourish of smoke.

And to complete his homage to the black-and-white comedy greats -

-a bowler hat.

-OK, right. Happy?

Yeah. A little bit... Get it together at the end there,

but the hat's quite a new addition, so... The dish is then revealed.

-OK.

-And when it's at the table... Whether it's your taste or you want

to refuse, just a tiny bit of whisky like that. To finish the dish.

Right, let's go. You bring the hat.

-Now I get it. So, the bowler hat, the nose...

-The little Chaplin moustache.

-Chaplin moustache. Cool!

-And, for me, it's Scotland in a bowl,

-presented in hopefully a quirky way.

-So breaking the yolk in.

So the egg yolks like that -

you don't think they'll be off-putting to some diners?

Possibly, but I don't think it's too challenging.

The wee moustache, Charlie's hat.

Don't know about the red, it's coming right through.

-I find that quite off-putting.

-Is it that bad? Has it put you off?

I'll try it.

-Oh, no.

-No chance.

-What about the crumb? The hat?

-Delicious.

The black pudding works so well with it. It really does.

Levels of salt OK for you, with all the different smoked fish?

There's no salt added to it,

all the salinity comes from the smoked fish and black pudding.

Personally, for me, it's a little bit salty.

Practical for 80 people?

I know there was one of you, but if I'm honest,

that looked like a struggle, to get those two out.

Yeah, it was possibly a little finickity.

But this one is almost a work in progress.

Put it this way, now that I've tried this,

I'm not worried about my dish as much.

She was loving it, she was going mental.

-The nicest thing she's ever tried.

-Did you like your egg?

No, I'm only kidding. I don't know what she thinks.

LAUGHTER

-I've no idea. You can't tell.

-Poker face.

So, Mark, for your roasted halibut and razor clam chowder...

I thought the soup was delicious, it was a lovely, velvety texture to it.

I thought it was really good.

I thought you understood about the clams,

I liked that process of freezing them. I'd never seen that before,

but it obviously worked very well for you.

My hesitation - was it witty enough?

Tony. For your mackerel...

Essentially, you are mad as a box of frogs, you really are.

For a couple of hours, you did nothing, I did your cooking,

I cooked your mackerel, I did the seasoning.

I do on a serious note think that is a dangerous dish.

You're taking something that's 200 degrees plus

to a banquet of 80 people - you know, accidents happen.

However...

I thought it was absolutely delicious. I really did.

And I think the comic element really took on the brief.

So, Michael. For your smoky slap skink.

I thought the consistency you got it, it was smooth, velvety.

I personally wasn't looking forward to this egg, but it was great.

You mixed it in, it added richness, more depth of flavour.

When I first looked at it, I didn't quite get the Charlie Chaplin thing.

I think you could make that a bit more definitive,

make sure it's quite obvious what it is. And I think that was enough.

You eat any more, it's quite rich.

So, Mark. For your roasted halibut and razor clam chowder...

..I'm giving you a six.

Tony, for your mackerel...

..I'm giving you an eight.

And for Michael, for your smoky slap skink...

..I'm giving you six points.

Summary, guys, I think there was some very good cooking today.

But we want nines and tens,

and we want someone from Scotland in that final banquet.

-Have a good evening. Thank you.

-Thank you.

Well done, Tony.

-Well done.

-That was tough.

-Very tough.

So, halfway through, and Tony and Michael are joint leaders

with 13 points each. And Mark's trailing behind them on 11.

I'm more determined than ever now to get a great score for my main course.

Getting an eight, it's a great pat on the back.

It's given me confidence, pushing me a bit closer to the judge's chamber.

Tony's never been ahead of me before.

We might have tied in the previous competitions,

but I'm determined to make sure I get back that lead.

Tomorrow, the competition continues with the main course.

Risk-taker Tony's back to his old tricks...

-Is this not something you've practised before?

-No.

-..but has his luck run out?

-BLEEP!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd